


Still Waters Run Deep

by Forever_Without_Him



Category: PLL - Fandom, Pretty Little Liars, emison
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emison - Freeform, F/F, Friendship, PTSD, Suspense, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-04-07 12:04:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 433,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14080539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Without_Him/pseuds/Forever_Without_Him
Summary: There are moments in life that alter the very essence of a person's soul. For the DiLaurentis-Fields family, one moment changes everything. One moment tests Alison and Emily and their family in ways they never could have imagined. Will the waves drag them below the surface, or will they survive the rough current and make it through the storm together?





	1. All in The Family

**Author's Note:**

> _Hey, what’s up fellow PLL people? I am also a PLL people. I apologize in advance for this lengthy author’s note. I swear I don’t ramble this much in my regular author’s notes (when I even post author’s notes, that is). But there are a few things you’re gonna need to know about this fic before reading._
> 
> _First and foremost, **this story is going to deal with some deep material** later on (I'm not kidding here, guys. This shit gets really dark). I struggled with whether or not to post it (though, if you know me from my other PLL Emison fic you know that’s pretty much always the case with me). My friends who convinced me to write and share “Matters of the Heart” also convinced me to go ahead and post this one, too. But I wanted to give everyone fair warning that this story will get much angstier. It is a journey. And like most journeys, there are going to be some unexpected stops in Feel-a-delphia._
> 
> _Now that you know that, I’d be honored if you decide to join me for this trip. I will be a most gracious roadtrip buddy. I’m great at looking out for the 5-0. We’ll have an unforgettable time. There will be some silly antics, some real philosophical conversations, some carpool karaoke, and yeah, some speedbumps…but we’ll get through them together._
> 
> _If you’re coming along there are a few key points that I want to touch on. First of all, this story is fairly canon to how the series ended (this means plots and couples, whether you like them or not, are canon). But I did make a *few* tweaks. The first being that I played with the timeline a bit, making it so that the events that happened in the series finale happened prior to Ali giving birth instead of after (meaning the Alex Drake reveal went down before Lily and Grace were born). Because honestly, it’s just easier to keep things less convoluted that way. One thing that I did keep the same is that Ali/Emily got engaged after the twins birth, and had a year long engagement._
> 
> _The second tweak I made was that Mary Drake is ***not*** Spencer/Alex’s mom, meaning that Spencer and Ali are in no way related, because I didn’t feel like trying to chart out family histories that take more effort than a college dissertation._
> 
> _Other than that, everything else is canon. All couples are canon from the last episode. All of the other events happened (with the exception of Spaleb, because that’s another messy plot I didn’t feel like dealing with)._
> 
> _And finally,_
> 
> _Me (in my movie voiceover tone): “This story has been rated M for mature audiences.” I apologize in advance if the sexytimes aren’t great. I’m certainly no Danielle Steele…or…whoever writes romance these days. That’s part of my problem. I don’t read romance. I’m working on the romance aspect. So, yeah, be cool in the reviews about it because I beat the shit out of myself enough when it comes to criticizing my writing. I found that the sweet reviews in my last story really boosted my mood and gave my inner-critic a good swift kick in the lady-nuts. It means a lot when I hear people are reading my writing. Even when they are threatening to beat me with a sharp stick for abusing their feelings, which you will most definitely threaten to do at some point during this story._
> 
> _Okay, I'm done rambling. On to the story..._

* * *

Control. Everyone wants it. But no one truly has it. People try to fight fate all the time, but some things in life are predestined. It’s only after those big events occur that people look back and deliberate on how things could have been drastically different “if only”. “If only” they knew it was going to happen. “If only” something had been done before it happened. “If only” the world wasn’t just a random series of events that inevitably put people in an exact place at an exact time to present them with circumstances that would alter the course of their lives.

Unpredictability is the only thing in life that _is_ predictable, and it’s the one thing that everyone in the world shares. The human spirit learns to take in every moment in life and grow from it, though how a person changes depends completely on them.

There are moments in life that change the very essence of a person’s soul. Falling in love for the first time. First heartbreak. The death of a parent. Marriage. But nothing quite compares to the birth of a child, or in Alison and Emily DiLaurentis-Fields’ case, _children._ Their two girls. Their two beautiful unexpected girls brought to them through misery and manipulation in a twisted scheme originally plotted out by a cyberbully that played out like something from a _Lifetime_ soap opera.

But despite how it had happened, it had happened. And it had turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to them. They had both forgotten the circumstances that had led to Emily’s eggs being fertilized and implanted in Alison the moment their girls were born. Emily had been in love many times in her life, but she had only felt the depth of real and powerful love twice in her life. The first time she saw Alison, and the day her daughters were born. She fell in love with her twin girls, Lily and Grace the second she met them. Alison did, too. They instantly loved them with everything they had. It was almost as if they couldn’t remember life without them. Imagining a world where they didn’t exist was impossible.

Grace had been born first, four minutes before Lily. She’d come out with gusto. Very much an “I’m here, world!” attitude. The kid knew how to make an entrance. Lily had been a little more reluctant to come in to the world. Lily was that kid who did not want the spotlight on her.

Emily had never been happier than the day her girls had been born. She’d never forget the sight of Alison cuddling Lily in her hospital bed, her body glistening with sweat. Emily had Grace in her arms and her attention was torn between the perfect child in her arms and the perfect woman with their other perfect daughter smiling at her, happy, yet exhausted. Emily was convinced Alison had never looked as beautiful as she did that day. Their family felt so whole. So complete.

Grace and Lily had a charm to them that made everyone fall in love with them the instant they met them. Emily’s mother and their best friends were certainly under their spell the moment they held them for the first time. Getting Pam Fields to put her grandbabies down was an impossible feat. She loved kissing their tiny fingers. Their perfect little hands looked exactly like Emily’s had when she’d been a baby. She nuzzled their cheeks and tickled their chins and kissed their heads. Then she went back to kissing their fingers.

“Was she this obsessed with trying to eat your fingers?” Ali asked quietly as Pam paced across the room with Lily in her arms.

“Well, I mean, I still have all of my fingers, so I think we’re okay.” Emily teased. “Besides, the only one in this room who enjoys having my fingers in their mouth at this point is you.” She kept her voice quiet.

“Touché.” Ali snorted out a laugh.

They watched in adoration as Pam doted over her granddaughters. She was the only grandparent the girls would ever have since Emily’s dad and Ali’s mother had passed away and Ali’s dad wanted nothing to do with his son and daughter. But Pam Fields was bound to be the only grandparent the girls would ever need, because she had enough love to fill the girls’ lives for more than four people.

There had been no shortage of visitors after Ali had given birth. Her brother Jason had come by to meet his little nieces. He loved them. As did their best friends Hanna, Aria, and Spencer. Spencer had made it in first. She was the only one of their friends who had been in Rosewood at the time. She had just recently moved back. She’d been in D.C. up until a month before Ali gave birth. Up until then she’d been commuting from her job in D.C. to Rosewood so she could spend all the time she could with the man she loved, Toby Cavanaugh. She’d finally decided to move from D.C. back home a month before the twins were born. There was a job opening in the Harrisburg State Senate. It was the perfect opportunity to be closer to Toby, who patrolled the town every day in one of Rosewood’s finest’s uniforms. It made Emily and Ali feel good to know that Toby would keep their town safe for their girls.

Aria had also relocated back to Rosewood from Boston after her boyfriend Ezra asked her to marry him. Her answer had been a resounding yes. And moving back had been a no-brainer, because her parents and brother were still in Rosewood. She’d been on the last stop of a book tour with Ezra when Ali went in to labor with the twins. They’d flown in from Florida, their flight getting in around the same time as Hanna’s and her husband Caleb’s flight from New York. The four of them had met Spencer and Toby at the hospital. The guys had sauntered off to grab a bite to eat. They didn’t want to overwhelm the babies with _too_ many visitors. Three was a crowd, but six most definitely would have been a fire code violation.

The girls had all piled into Ali’s room. It had been just like old times, with two new additions. The girls had come bearing gifts. Spencer and Aria had gone with sensible and practical things, but of course Hanna had gone full Hanna Marin, basically bringing an entire fashion line of infant clothing for the twins. They were the most stylish baby clothes that Emily and Ali had ever seen. Hanna had been hyped up to dress them up the second she walked through the door. She’d practically pried Lily out of Emily’s arms.

“Lemme see that baby.” Hanna squealed as she reached out to take Lily.

“It’s good to see you, too, Han.” Emily rolled her eyes, gently placing the infant in Hanna’s arms.

Hanna looked down at the baby and cooed.

“Uncle Caleb and I are going to make you a little baby cousin as soon as we can. Yes we are. Yes we are.” She smiled at Lily.

“Well, that’s appropriate,” Spencer uttered with a snort.

Hanna ignored Spencer. She looked up at Emily and they smiled and shared an awkward hug, so as not to crush the baby.

“How are you feeling, Ali?” Aria asked, walking over to her bed.

“Tired.” Ali smiled, gently lifting Grace up to kiss her forehead. “But a good kind of tired.” She glanced up at Aria. “You want to hold her?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Aria laughed.

Ali handed Grace to Aria. She squirmed at first, but then settled down in Aria’s arms. Aria reached down and traced her index finger along Grace’s open palm. Grace curled her fingers and latched on to Aria’s finger.

“They’re so tiny.” Aria smiled, marveling at the baby in her arms. She couldn’t wait to have children.

“They didn’t feel tiny coming out.” Ali scoffed. “It was like shoving a watermelon through something the size of a grape.” She grimaced. “ _Twice_.”

“I’m going to assume there was a lot of swearing.” Spencer teased.

Ali glared at Spencer. Emily nodded discreetly with a suppressed grin on her face.

“Did she break your hand?” Spencer asked, motioning to Emily’s battered hand.

“Almost.” Emily replied with a soft laugh.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Ali reached out to take Emily’s hand so she could observe the bruises she’d left when she dug her fingernails into the back of Emily’s hand.

“I already told you, it’s fine.” Emily shrugged. She sandwiched Ali’s hand in between her palms, bringing it up to kiss her knuckles.

“Get a room.” Hanna teased.

“We have one.” Ali retorted. “You’re in it.”

“Your mommy is cranky.” Hanna rocked Lily.

“Perpetually so.” Emily snorted out a laugh.

Ali shot her a glare, but the undertone of the look was based in love.

“I bet I know what will cheer her up.” Hanna drifted towards the bag she’d brought. “Baby fashion show!”

“Hanna, they’re thirteen hours old.” Emily furrowed her brow with a smile.

“They’re never too young to learn about fashion.”

“You do realize that like five minutes from now they’re probably both going to cover their clothes in spit up, right?”

“Oh, please. You think I didn’t think that through?” Hanna dug around in her bag with one hand. “Check it. Matching bibs.”

“You didn’t.” Emily rolled her eyes.

“I think you know me well enough to know that I did.” She looked down at Lily. “What do you think, Lily? Now, be completely honest.”

Emily and Ali couldn’t help but smile. Their friends made them insanely happy. They knew that their girls were going to grow up surrounded by so much love.

“You are ridiculous.” Spencer shook her head at Hanna.

Lily squeaked out a noise that was verging on becoming a cry.

“Hmm, not a fan?” Hanna asked.

The next noise out of Lily’s mouth was definitely a cry. She started to give her lungs a complete workout.

“You’re being critiqued by an infant.” Spencer teased her. “This is the best day ever.”

“That’s just one baby’s opinion.” Hanna brushed it off, not fazed at all by a crying Lily. She sauntered over next to where Aria was holding a content Grace, bouncing Lily lightly to curb her crying. “What do you think, Grace?”

Grace sucked on her lips and looked up at Hanna. After a second she yawned and then scrunched her brows like she was confused.

“Did she just roll her eyes at me?” Hanna chuckled.

“She has her mother’s eyes.” Aria glanced at Emily in a teasing manner.

“No, I don’t think so.” Spencer shook her head. “Her mother’s eyes are much more cutting and totally done with our BS.”

“Which one?” Aria looked from Ali to Emily, both of whom were shaking their heads at their dorky friends.

“I don’t remember inviting the three stooges to this party.” Emily ribbed them.

“Don’t you listen to them, girls.” Hanna cooed. “Just remember, _I’m_ the fun one. Your Auntie Hanna is going to teach you so many cool things.”

“And Auntie Spencer will correct everything she got wrong and teach you things the _right_ way.” Spencer teased, smiling down at Lily.

“Bite me.” Hanna scowled.

“Hey, not in front of the little ears.” Aria scolded Hanna.

“You bite me, too.” Hanna grinned at Aria.

Emily and Ali shared a loving look, smiling as they watched their friends fawning over their girls. They visited for what seemed like hours, catching up, passing the babies around, and talking about what they all wanted for the future. After a while, Hanna made the comment about how the guys were probably drunk at the bar down the street and that they needed to go collect their adult children. They said their goodbyes. Hanna got in one last cuddle with Grace, who was the more relaxed of the two newborns.

“Ladies, shall we go pick our men up off of the bar floor and listen to them talk about whatever sports event they are eternally pissed at?” Hanna asked.

“Ezra says they’re still sober.” Aria replied to a text she had.

“Sober, my ass. Caleb was shitfaced on the plane.”

“Hanna, language.” Spencer scolded her, pointing to the baby in her arms.

“What? It’s not like they’re at the stage where they repeat everything we say.” She shrugged, handing Grace over to Emily. “All they know at this point are boobs and burping.”

“Hmm, same as the guys.” Aria nodded.

“Yeah, luckily these precious peaches,” Spencer rubbed Lily’s cheek, “will grow out of that. Sadly, the guys will not.” She added with a laugh.

“We’ll see you girls tomorrow.” Aria waved.

“Thank you so much for being here,” Emily said.

“Are you kidding? We wouldn’t be anywhere else in the world.” Hanna smiled. “Congrats, you two. They’re beautiful.”

The girls left Emily and Ali alone to bask in new motherhood. Both babies were sound asleep, exhausted from the all of the stimulation.

“Sooo, we’re never going to let Hanna babysit.” Ali glanced down at Lily.

“Why not? They’ll end up fashion icons.” Emily laughed.

“I’m fine with the clothes.” Ali actually loved the one-of-a-kind designer outfits. “But that mouth of hers…if she babysits, our children are going to be talking like they’re in a Quentin Tarantino movie before they’re out of diapers.”

“Sweetheart, the first words Grace heard when she came out were ‘I should have had a fucking epidural.’”

“I had a child’s head sticking out of my vagina, Emily.” Ali smarted back.

Emily laughed softly. Looks like their daughters weren’t the only ones who needed a nap. She leaned over and kissed Ali’s forehead. She pulled back and looked down at Grace.

“God, they’re perfect.” Emily played with Grace’s fingers.

“Of course they’re perfect. You’re their mom.” Ali gazed lovingly at her wife.

“ _We’re_ their moms.” Emily corrected her. She grinned. “Oh my God, we’re moms.”

“I know.” Ali smiled and then scrunched her face up. “They’re so screwed.”

“Nah, they’re gonna be just fine.” Emily rocked Grace. “Isn’t that right, Gracie?”

Ali smiled as she watched Emily place a delicate kiss on Grace’s forehead. Emily’s eyes were so pure and filled with such genuine love that it made Ali fall in love with her all over again. She was a beautiful mother.

Emily spent every second in the hospital making sure that Ali and her girls were tended to and taken care of to the highest degree. She had waited her entire life for her family. She would spend the rest of her life taking care of them.

The trip home from the hospital had been interesting. They had barely gotten out of the parking lot when a man texting on his cell phone had nearly T-boned the car Emily was driving. Emily had hesitated at a green light. She had a gut feeling telling her to keep her foot on the brake for a few seconds after the light had turned. She took her foot off of the brake and was getting ready to roll out into the intersection when she saw the truck speeding towards them. She’d hit the brakes just as the man ran a red light, his truck narrowly missing their front bumper. The sudden jolt had startled both girls and they started to whimper. Ali heard her babies crying and she went into a fit of rage. She reached over the center console and laid on the horn.

“Hey! Get off of your phone and pay attention, jackass!” Ali yelled from the passenger’s seat.

Emily had to stop her from ripping open her door and chasing after the guy behind the wheel. She would have pulled him out of his truck through his window for endangering her kids if Emily had let her. Ali rolled down her window and yelled at the disappearing vehicle.

“Your stupid penis envy truck and your midlife crisis affair with your child bride is not more important than my daughters’ lives!”

“God, Ali.” Emily half gasped, half laughed. “How long have you been holding _that_ rage in?” Emily rubbed her arm. “Calm down.”

Ali scowled at the truck as it disappeared down the road, then she turned to check on Grace and Lily. Grace’s crying had let up, but Lily’s was still going strong. In an instant she went from angry road-rage Ali to mommy Ali.

“Oh, it’s okay, sweetie.” Ali twisted over and leaned back, trying to soothe her whimpering daughter. She glanced at Emily. “Sorry. Must be my hormones.”

But Emily knew it wasn’t just hormones. It was the beginning of Ali’s protective motherly instincts kicking in. She knew this, because she felt the same instincts. She’d felt that same anger, but she knew that the girls only needed one overprotective mother. And there was no stopping Ali when she was in mother-bear mode. She’d seen how far Ali would go to care for her kids at school. She treated them like family, even the bratty ones. Because Ali knew from experience that sometimes the bratty ones needed the most love.

Emily always knew Ali would make a great mother. It had been convincing Ali of that that had been the tricky part. Emily could see that Ali was comfortably falling into the defensive mother mode, so she knew their children were going to need her cool nature to balance that out. She wanted to blend the perfect combination of her mother’s vigilance and her father’s hands-off approach. Her mother had always kept a watchful eye on her, but her father had always let her learn by doing.

The first few weeks at home had been hectic. Trying to sort out feeding schedules and sleeping schedules and learning each girl’s routine had been exhausting. But Alison and Emily eventually got it down to a science.

Lily was the one who wanted her mommies, all the time. She clung to them like she was terrified of letting go. Grace was always more independent. She slept through the night when she was two weeks old, even through Lily’s cries.

Alison shot up out of her deep sleep when she heard Lily crying that night. Emily was already up and out of the bed getting ready to head towards the door that connected their room to the nursery. She’d been trying to let Alison get some rest, because Alison had been running herself ragged trying to make sure their babies’ needs were met to the fullest of her ability.

“I’ve got her,” Emily said softly.

“You sure?” Alison questioned. “You got her last time.”

“Go back to sleep.” Emily reached over the bed and brushed Alison’s face with her fingers. Emily could see how tired she was.

“She might need to nurse.”

“That’s not her hungry cry.” Emily smiled and kissed Alison’s forehead. “That’s her ‘pick me up or I’ll wake the whole neighborhood’ cry.”

Alison smiled at Emily. It still astonished her that Emily had already distinguished the different cries their daughters had. Alison got their cries right most of the time, but she was so sleep deprived that she wasn’t as on her game as Emily. Emily amazed her. Alison knew she was tired, too, but she still somehow managed to sense exactly what their girls needed. She’d always had a knack for that.

She fell back against her pillow and yawned as Emily walked out of their room. Emily quietly paced into the girls’ room, walking softly like her footsteps might wake Grace up, too. Then she couldn’t help but laugh when she realized that the child was sleeping through Lily’s cries. Her footsteps were not going to wake her.

Before she picked up Lily, Emily checked on Grace, thinking she’d find her awake and staring at the ceiling like she did when she nursed. But she was sound asleep. How the child had been able to sleep through her sister’s squawking was a mystery to Emily. She ran her hand over Grace’s soft head and leaned into the crib and kissed her forehead, watching as her little lips twitched as she dreamed.

She looked down at Lily and found that she’d kicked her way out of her swaddle. Her arms and legs were flailing around wildly. Her chubby cheeks were red and hot and her face was scrunched up, her brow tight as loud broken cries rang out in the air. She settled down almost immediately after Emily picked her up.

She rocked Lily gently. Her daughter was quiet in her arms. Lily peered up at Emily, her tiny brow furrowed like she was deep in thought, little squeaks coming out of her mouth. She had her hand wrapped around Emily’s finger, and more importantly…her heart. She eventually fell back asleep. Emily had been so exhausted that she fell asleep in the rocking chair with her. Alison had come to check on her girls shortly after that and her heart melted at the sight of her girl holding their daughter. Even in her sleep, Emily had her arms wrapped protectively around Lily, cuddling her close as if she was going to keep her safe from the entire world. And Alison knew she would. Because Emily went to the ends of the Earth for the people she loved. She knew their daughters would always be safe with her.

Alison stood in the doorway of her daughters’ room that night watching her girls sleep with a tremendous amount of love in her heart. If she could have frozen that moment in time and stared at it forever she would have.

Both of them were fascinated by motherhood and they fell into their roles perfectly. And there was no lack of love when it came to the girls’ family. Hanna, Aria, and Spencer were frequent visitors. The guys came, too. Ezra’s favorite thing to do was quote passages from his favorite books. Both girls tended to yawn and frown when he was talking. Aria teased him about it. Ezra took it in stride.

“Your children are mocking me again,” he glanced at Ali and Emily.

“That’s because they have good taste in literature.” Ali teased him. “They get that from their moms.”

“Hey, I’ve been on the bestsellers list for months.” Ezra laughed.

“Yeah, because you’re sleeping with your public relations specialist.” Ali motioned to Aria, a sly smirk on her face.

Toby and Caleb both howled in laughter. The girls snickered. It took a minute for the laughter in the room to die down.

“Dude.” Caleb was still chuckling. He clapped his hand on Ezra’s shoulder. “Would you like some ointment for that burn?”

“Actually, I think I’m gonna need a skin graft, because that was some intense scalding heat.” Ezra chuckled.

“Hormones.” Ali shrugged innocently.

“That’s your go-to excuse for everything.” Spencer teased her.

“Just wait until you’ve had a baby. I can’t wait to see you crying at cat litter commercials and being melodramatic over not being able to have your gallons of caffeine every day.” Ali quipped back.

“Ugh, the horror.” Spencer shuddered at the thought of no caffeine.

“Did you really cry at cat litter commercials?” Hanna questioned with a laugh.

“Of course not.” Ali scoffed.

Hanna looked at Emily to verify the authenticity of her statement. Emily couldn’t hold back her laughter.

“She’s lying through her teeth.” Emily grinned. “She also lost it watching a beer ad.”

“You are so sleeping on the couch tonight.” Ali glared at her. But then she let up and started laughing.

“To be completely fair, the markups on certain alcohol brands makes me cry sometimes, too.” Toby shrugged.

Lily started fussing and Toby reached out to tickle her cheek. She stopped her grumping immediately. The girls were too young to play favorites with literature and authors, but they certainly played favorites with people, specifically the guys. Lily really liked Toby. She always settled when she was in his arms. Grace was fondest of Caleb. She liked to grab his fingers and coo. It was hard not to love them. The girls spawned baby fever for all of their friends. Hanna and Caleb had been talking about having kids of their own for quite some time, but their time with the twins reaffirmed their plans. Spencer and Toby followed suit shortly after. Aria and Ezra had trouble conceiving, and it came to light that Aria couldn’t have kids. But that hadn’t fazed them. They were filling out adoption paperwork soon after they found out.

Things settled down after a little while. Then chaos started again when Ali and Emily went back to work. But they got pretty good at their daily routines. They adjusted very well. Lily and Grace were their whole world. They cherished every moment with them. From giggles to cuddles to blowing raspberries on their bellies and listening to them howl in laughter, and even to those sleepless nights where one or both of the girls decided to put on operatic musicals with their tiny lungs. They knew their cries just by the tone, and by the times of day they heard them.

Lily was the night owl. She was the one who could never relax. It’s like her mind was constantly running. There was so much going on behind her eyes that it mesmerized her mothers. And Grace, their Gracie had a spark behind her eyes that told them she was going to be trouble when she got older. She was an active little bugger during the day. But she was an angel when she slept. It had taken them quite some time to get their sleeping routines down. The first night that both girls slept through the night Emily and Alison had both nearly panicked, thinking something was wrong. They’d listened intently to make sure they were breathing almost all night long. And when the girls woke up the next morning, feisty and full of energy, their mothers were dragging their asses because they were so tired.

Their daughters kept them on their toes. They loved watching them learn and grow. Despite Grace being the first born, Lily was the one who hit most of her milestones first. She said her first word a week before Grace. Emily and Ali had been feeding them and Lily was being finicky and she shoved the spoon away and uttered,

“No!” Then she’d tacked a “Mommy” on the end of it.

Grace’s first words had been “More Cheese.” Ali had stared in surprise while Emily had howled in laughter.

Lily was also the first to start crawling. Both girls had been pushing up on their bellies for weeks before they actually started crawling. Ali loved nothing more than watching the determined looks on their faces as they tried to hold themselves up on their chubby little arms. Lily always lasted longer than Grace. In fact, Grace liked to roll over on to her back and try to knock Lily over with her feet. One day Ali had put them down on a blanket for some tummy time and had walked across the living room to get a toy Grace had dropped earlier. Emily had walked in from the kitchen and glanced down at the blanket and saw that Grace was on her back playing with her foot, which had fascinated her since she’d discovered it. But Lily was nowhere to be seen.

“Uh, where’s Lily?” Emily asked.

Ali had spun around and had almost gone into a full blown panic. Seconds later they heard something rustling behind the couch. They walked around the furniture and saw that Lily was crawling right for the stairs. After that day they weren’t able to keep her in one place. She was constantly moving.

Grace wasn’t far behind. Four days later she was trailing after her sister and pulling her socks off. Not long after that, Lily was walking to try and get her sister off of her tail. Not to be outdone, Grace was up on her feet just a day and a half later, chasing her and giggling.

When the two of them started walking all bets were off. Ali and Emily were constantly chasing them down. They loved going in opposite directions, too, so if it was just one of their moms by themselves they’d have to do laps to catch them both. Lily liked to run solely just to run. Grace liked to run because she thought it was funny to see her mothers running around after her.

One day, Emily was in the middle of changing Grace’s diaper when Lily grabbed a marker and started toddling towards their new wallpaper in the dining room. Emily had quickly slapped Grace’s diaper on and then made a beeline for Lily. She found her sitting in front of the wall, coloring on a fashion magazine.

“Well at least you stayed away from the wallpaper.” Emily leaned down and gently took the weapon of creative destruction away from her daughter. She looked at the marks Lily had made on the cover of Ali’s favorite fashion magazine.

“Mommy like? I make girl pretty.” Lily pointed to the reality show star fashion mogul of the week.

“Yes. Mommy loves that make-over. You made the ice queen bearable.” Emily smiled at her artsy daughter.

“I color more?” Lily reached for the marker.

“Maybe not with this marker. It’s more or less permanent.”

Ali would freak out if she walked in to find her child covered in permanent ink. Tattoos were not something they thought they had to worry about for another sixteen years. And though a permanent marker wasn’t exactly the same thing, it was still something Ali would frown upon.

They heard a crash from the kitchen and Emily felt her stomach clench. What was Grace up to now? She grabbed Lily’s hand and they walked back towards the kitchen. They saw that she had peeled out of her clothes. She was in the midst of stripping out of her diaper and running towards the back door.

“Grace!” Emily called out, dropping Lily’s hand so she could go after her sister. “Grace Estella DiLaurentis-Fields, you better not!”

Grace didn’t acknowledge the warning tone in her mother’s voice. Before Emily could reach her Grace pressed her little palms against the sliding glass door and then quickly squeezed through the small opening she’d created.

“Get back here, you little…” Emily nearly tripped over one of Grace’s shoes and uttered a profanity under her breath, hoping Lily hadn’t heard her.

She had.

“Ohhhh, Grace in trouble.” Lily laughed, toddling after her.

Emily grabbed Lily before she could get outside, too. She quickly put Lily in her playpen and ran outside after Grace. In the midst of chasing her toddler daughter Emily realized what this must look like to the neighbors. Here she was in a flimsy bathrobe on a rainy day trying to catch a child less predictable than a natural disaster. The absurdity of trying to lecture a two year old on the ramifications of disobeying mommy while said two year old skipped around, not listening, not a care in the world, was both hilarious and frustrating. She chased a laughing squealing Grace around the yard, slipping in the mud several times, her bathrobe nearly flying open at every turn.

_Please let her stay in this backyard, because if I have to chase her past the bus stop I will never hear the end of this._ She thought to herself.

It was only when Grace had been distracted by a dandelion that Emily had been able to get her hands on her. Grace had stopped to lean down and poke the flower. She’d stopped so suddenly that Emily had to really dig her heels into the ground to keep from toppling over her. She’d slid in the wet grass and hit the ground right next to her. She reached out and wrapped her arm around her daughter.

“Gotcha.” Emily smiled triumphantly, though really, the toddler had won this round, because they were both filthy.

Grace was laughing and squirming around. Trying to hold on to her was a feat, because she was slick with rain and mud. It was like trying to wrangle a greased pig. Toddler herding should have been an Olympic sport.

She heard laughter from behind her and then seconds later, a hose fell next to her. She looked up and saw Ali holding Lily, both of them giggling at the sight of Emily and Grace looking like a couple of dirty drowned cats.

“You might as well hose yourselves off here. You are _not_ coming back in the house like that.” Ali tried to calm her fit of laughter. “I _just_ cleaned the floors.”

“Very funny.” Emily stood up, Grace in her arms.

“Oh, I’m not kidding.” Ali backed up through the sliding glass door and slowly started closing it.

“Ali, don’t you dare…”

“Love you.” She grinned. “Say ‘bye-bye, Mommy’.” She made Lily wave, making her giggle. She shut the door, locking it behind her, smirking at Emily’s annoyed face.

“Ali!” Emily shuffled Grace around in her arms. Grace yelled in a fit of laughter. She thought it was hilarious. Emily shook her head, unable to contain her own laughter as she looked at her smiling wife through the door. “Come on, Alison. Would you give me a hand here?”

After a few seconds of teasing, Ali opened the door. Just as they were getting ready to walk inside, Grace reached out and tugged on the tie of Emily’s robe. It started to fall open, Emily catching it with one of her hands while trying to balance holding her daughter with the other.

“Imagine that. Both my girls playing naked in the rain.” Ali smiled.

“God, no wonder this child is so wild.” Emily shook her head as she walked inside. “ _You’re_ her mother.”

“Come on.” Ali motioned with a laugh. “We need to get her cleaned up. Spencer is on her way over with Eli and Harper for their playdate. And Aria is bringing the twins, too.”

Spencer and Toby’s first born, Eli, was eleven months younger than the girls. Harper was three months old. And Aria’s kids, Kai and Fiona were fraternal twins that she and Ezra had adopted. They’d only been planning on one child, but when they saw Kai and Fiona, they knew those babies were meant to be theirs. They were the same age as Lily and Grace. When the four of them got together they were like a little herd of mini-dinosaurs destroying everything in sight.

Up until four months ago Hanna and Caleb had lived in New York with their children, a little girl, Iris, who was around Eli’s age and their son, Levi, who was Harper’s age. They visited quite often, and Hanna dropped the bomb several months back that they were planning on moving closer to Rosewood to open a Boutique that Hanna had been dreaming of since she was basically in diapers. Hanna’s mother was thrilled, because she would be closer to her grandbabies. And Ali, Emily, Spencer, and Aria were thrilled because they loved the idea of their kids growing up together.

“This house is going to be party central when our kids get older.” Emily walked towards the bathroom with her muddy child.

“Sweetie, it’s party central now.” Ali pointed to the dirt caked in Grace’s hair.

“Fair point.” Emily nodded. She put Grace down and shook her index finger at her as she addressed her. “No more running today, Gracie.”

Grace huffed out a laugh and then plopped down on the bathmat. Ali put her sister down next to her. Lily was fascinated by the mud in Grace’s hair. She poked a clump of dirt with her finger and both of them burst into a giggling fit.

Emily knelt down next to the tub and turned the water on and played with the nozzles until she got the temperature right. Ali walked past her to get the baby shampoo and some towels. In hindsight, both Emily and Ali knew that it was a mistake the second they’d taken their eyes off of their children. They heard Grace laugh boisterously and then they heard Lily sneeze. When they turned around they saw Grace holding a bottle of baby powder. She’d somehow broken the cap and she’d dumped the contents all over her and her sister.

“All clean.” Grace dropped the bottle.

Ali and Emily shared a look, and then they burst into laughter. There was never a dull moment in their house. They loved watching their childrens’ hijinks unfold. They’d even talked about having more kids, but the timing never quite worked out.

Throughout the years the girls grew more and more into their personalities. Grace was the kind of child who could fall and smack her head on a brick fireplace and then get up and keep going like nothing had ever happened. She loved climbing trees and hanging upside down from the monkey bars on the playground. She’d gotten that from Emily. The girl was completely fearless and very resilient. She had a sharp quick wit that served as both entertainment _and_ trouble. But like Emily, she learned very early on how to use her best traits to her advantage. Her laugh was contagious. No one could be angry at her when her face lit up and she laughed.

Lily was a shy kid. The polar opposite of her ham of a sister. She was more careful than Grace. She was introspective – an observer. She was insanely intelligent and had the most thoughtful eyes that Emily and Ali had ever seen. She liked puzzles and figuring out how things worked. While Grace was off getting in to trouble, Lily was the one figuring out how to get her _out_ of trouble. Grace was the entertainer. Lily was the PR person in charge of damage control.

Both of their girls marched to the beat of their own drum. Their conflicting personalities sometimes put them at odds, but as much as they fought, they loved one another. Grace adored her sister. She was very protective of her. She was the first one to bristle up and put herself in front of Lily to protect her if someone was threatening her. And Lily was sensible and had kept Grace from getting hurt many times by calling attention to certain details that Grace couldn’t always see. They balanced each other quite nicely. They didn’t like to admit it, lest they admit vulnerabilities, but they needed one another. Grace more-so than Lily. Because despite Grace being four minutes older, Lily is the one who kept everything together. She was the glue when it came to her family.

The DiLaurentis-Fields family was full of strong women. And it was a good thing, too, because without that resiliency, they might not have been able to survive otherwise. Because thirteen years after Emily and Ali said “I do” life threw them a curveball that none of them expected. Thirteen years later reality crashed into their lives in a most unexpected way, setting things into motion that would change their lives forever.


	2. All You Need is Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _We're not at the point where I'm going to be a sucker-punching ninja hitting you right in the feels yet. But I want to remind anyone reading, this story is labeled angst/pain for a reason. I didn't archive warnings, but there is something that happens that's going to hurt. I want everyone to have fair warning. But until then, enjoy our little domestic Emison fam._

* * *

 

The night before Emily and Alison’s anniversary, their girls made them dinner. And they fought the entire time. First Grace used too much seasoning on the main course that Lily was preparing. Then Lily ate some of the key ingredients that Grace was using to make dessert.

“Lily!” Grace grumbled when she opened the bag of chocolate chips to find that it was almost empty. “How am I supposed to make a chocolate soufflé without the chocolate?”

Lily wiped some chocolate away from the corner of her mouth and then looked at Grace with an innocent expression.

“In my defense, you left the chocolate unattended.” Lily grinned. Grace scowled at her. “Come on, it’s not that big of a deal.” She chuckled. “Besides, you can’t even reheat soup. You really expect me to believe you were going to be able to whip up a five-star dessert?”

“I’ve been working on it!” Grace dragged a chair across the floor and pushed it up to the kitchen counter. “Grandma has been helping me.” She shrugged. “Who even eats semi-sweet chocolate anyway? It tastes like ass.”

“Grace! Language!” Emily yelled from the living room.

“Sorry!” Grace called back. She lowered her voice and looked at her sister, a sheepish expression on her face. “I did not realize she was in there. Did you?”

Lily nodded with a smarmy smile.

“You are a terrible sister,” Grace said flatly. She climbed up on the chair.

“What are you doing?” Lily questioned curiously.

Grace put her foot up on the counter and opened the top cabinet.

“Mom has a secret stash of chocolate around here somewhere.” Grace felt around behind some dishes for Ali’s hidden candy stash.

Her foot was closer to the edge than Lily cared to see. She stood behind her, worried she was about to fall, wondering if Grace’s ass was about to topple on to her face.

“Get down before you break your neck.” Lily complained.

“Oh, relax.” Grace shook her head. Her fingers grazed something solid. “Ah ha.” She pulled out a half-eaten bar of dark chocolate. “This will do.”

“Great.” Lily shrugged. “Now how about you finish up your high-flying act and get your feet back on the ground? You’re not in _Cirque Du Soleil._ ”

“Circular _what_?” Grace glanced down in confusion.

“God, I can’t believe we’re related.” Lily rolled her eyes.

Much to Lily’s relief, Grace hopped down without incident and they went back to their dinner preparation. Five minutes later they were arguing about something again. Grace threw a handful of flour at Lily’s head and then Lily turned the nozzle over the sink on Grace.

In the living room, Emily was shaking her head and laughing at her children as she tidied the living area. Over the years, Lily and Grace had their fair share of fights. Ali and Emily usually let them sort it out themselves. They mediated when they needed to, but when it came to little spats the girls usually worked it out before their moms needed to intervene.

She heard the front door open and then close and seconds later she was almost bowled over by a very happy bouncy mutt. Their Rottweiler-Husky mix, Jett, bounded into the room next to her. They had rescued him when he was a puppy. Now he was a two-year-old shedding ball of energy that never quit. He danced around her feet until she leaned down to say hello to him.

“Hey, buddy.” Emily smiled.

Ali walked into the room and put their dog’s leash in the basket next to the television and then walked over next to Emily. Emily stood up to greet her. Jett wandered off.

“How’s it been going here?” Ali asked.

“Well…”

Before Emily could give Ali the rundown, there was a crash in the kitchen.

“Grace!” Lily shouted in irritation.

“Oops.” Grace uttered.

“That’s how it’s been going.” Emily motioned towards the noisy kitchen.

“They’re at it again?” Ali questioned.

“It’s like _Hell’s Kitchen_ in there.” Emily laughed.

“Has it gotten bad enough where we should say something?”

“I’m not going in there.” Emily scoffed. “I’m liable to get hit in the face with a potato.”

There was another scuffle in the kitchen.

“Girls, is everything okay?” Ali called out to them in uncertainty.

There was a lengthy period of silence. It did not bode well. Ali and Emily walked towards the kitchen.

“Um, everything is fine.” Lily peeked her head out of the kitchen, a nervous smile on her face.

“Yeah.” Grace popped her head out next to her sister’s. “Hypothetical question. Where is the fire extinguisher?”

“What?” Ali’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head in alarm.

“I’m just kidding, mom.” Grace smiled. “You two just…relax. We got this.”

They disappeared back into the kitchen.

“One of these days I’m going to strangle that child.” Ali muttered. She faced Emily. “You really think they have this?” She asked skeptically.

“Either they do or they’re really skilled liars.” Emily replied. They glanced at one another. Grace and Lily _were_ their daughters and Ali and Emily had spent their entire childhood lying. “You know, a little peek wouldn’t hurt.”

Ali and Emily waited a few seconds and then walked over to the doorway to spy on their children. Surprisingly, they found them leaning over the counter working on something intently together without fighting. Ali put her palm against Emily’s arm and ran her fingers down her soft skin until she had Emily’s hand in hers.

“They’re something else, aren’t they?” Ali smiled.

Emily pulled Ali closer as they watched their girls.

“I love them.” Emily smiled at her daughters, then looked at her wife. “I mean, they drive me crazy, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”

She took Ali’s other hand and brought their intertwined hands up between them. Ali smiled at Emily, who hadn’t aged a day since she’d met her. She planted a kiss on her lips.

“I love you,” Ali said as she pulled back.

“I love you, too.”

Seconds later, Ali was distracted by something she saw out of the corner of her eye.

“Uh…Grace has a cleaver. We should probably…”

“Yeah.” Emily agreed quickly.

But before they could pace into the kitchen and tell Grace to put the cleaver down Lily was already on it, scolding her for not getting the paring knife she needed.

“Nobody in this family lets me have any fun.” Grace muttered. She put the cleaver away.

“From squabbling infants to dinner wars.” Emily shook her head with a laugh. “I’d put money down on one of them throwing a roll at the other’s head tonight.”

“I’ll take that bet.” Ali nodded. She glanced at their girls through the doorway. Grace wiped her hands on Lily’s shirt and Lily swatted her fingers. “Double or nothing that one of them whacks the other with a spoon.”

“You’re on.”

Despite their bickering, the girls gave their mothers an amazing dinner with some surprises they weren’t expecting. The girls went all out, putting up balloons and fresh flowers and presenting them with gifts. They had gotten them certificates to a spa, matching necklaces, and a snowglobe with a picture of all four of them in it.

“Girls, you really outdid yourselves.” Emily glanced at their thoughtful gifts in amazement.

“Yeah, you’re making your mother and I look like amateurs.” Ali reached for Emily’s hand. Ali hated looking like an amateur. “We’re going to have to step up our game. We can’t get shown up by two fourteen year olds.”

“Well, I mean, it’s not a hot-air balloon ride or a week in Paris, but we’re glad you like it.” Lily smiled.

“Don’t sell us short, yet, Lil. They haven’t tried dessert.” Grace leaped to her feet, her excitement palpable. She was clearly proud of her creation.

Lily grabbed their dirty dishes and stood up and walked towards the sink. Ali and Emily looked at their gifts.

“Remind me to thank your mother for taking them shopping.” Ali traced her fingers over her new necklace.

Lily saw her mother admiring the jewelry in her hands.

“We’ve got one more thing for you, but it’s not finished yet.” Lily sat back down.

“Honey, you don’t have to get us anything else.” Emily rubbed Lily’s hand. “You two are a gift enough.”

She realized it was a very Pam Fields thing to say the second it came out of her mouth. Her daughters didn’t miss her sentimental statement.

“God, mom. You’re a total sap.” Grace rolled her eyes as she sat the dessert down on the table.

“Yeah, be quiet. I want more presents.” Ali couldn’t help but tease her.

Their laughter filled the air. They spent the rest of their evening rehashing old stories and enjoying each other’s company. It was a night that they would one day look back on and remember as their last meal as a normal happy family.

When the night came to a close, Alison and Emily were still riding high from their daughters’ generous gesture. They couldn’t believe that Grace and Lily had gone to such great lengths for their anniversary.

“We’ve got a couple of great kids.” Alison smiled as she climbed into bed next to Emily.

“We really do.” Emily wrapped her arm around Alison and pulled her into her body, kissing the top of her head.

“How did we get so lucky?” She looked up at Emily.

Emily could still see the same spark in Alison’s eyes she’d had since they were kids. There had always been an undertone of sensitivity that only Emily had been able to see hiding beneath the surface. She could get lost in the whirlpool of the shades of blue staring back at her for days.

“I guess we did something right with them.” Emily tilted her chin down to press her lips against Alison’s.

“Not just them.” Alison reached up and traced her fingers along Emily’s jaw. “This. Us.”

“And they called _me_ the sap?” Emily chuckled.

“God, you are the _worst_ at sweet talk.” Alison rolled her eyes.

“You know you don’t have to sweet talk me to get into my panties, right?” Emily’s fingers drifted below the covers and slid in between Alison’s legs. Her heated fingers warmed up Alison’s already sizzling thighs.

Alison slipped her hands underneath Emily’s shirt. Just as Emily was leaning down to kiss her their mattress shook. Jett had his front paws up on the foot of the bed.

“Don’t make me sorry we rescued you.” Ali scowled at the dog.

Seconds later, he was on the bed nosing Emily’s leg, something he usually only did when he had to go outside.

“I’ll take him out.” Emily pushed the covers aside.

“No. Let the girls do it. He’s their dog.” Ali suggested, her voice nearly a whine, because _God_ , she needed her wife. She needed to touch her. To feel her.

“It’s almost midnight.” Emily shook her head. “Besides, we’ll have plenty of time for this tomorrow night.” She gave Ali an innocent kiss on the lips.

Ali felt her inner-brat working her way to the surface literally screaming, _BUT I DON’T WANT TO WAIT! I WANT IT NOW! I WANT SEX NOW!_

Emily saw the look on her face and she chuckled.

“You’re cute when you’re sexually frustrated.” She stood up.

“I hate you.” Ali frowned at Emily’s teasing.

“No, you don’t.” Emily smiled.

“No.” She couldn’t help but smile back. “I don’t.”

Ali watched Emily walk out of the room. She sulked silently to herself. Touching Emily was one of her favorite things in the world. Tracing the curves of Emily’s body and feeling the way she clenched around her fingers when she peaked was something she would never get tired of. Feeling Emily all around her and inside of her while Emily nipped at her neck and ran her fingers through her hair was something she couldn’t get enough of. As much as she loved their dog, she was annoyed with him at the moment.

“Frickin’ dog and his damn clitorference.” Ali mumbled.

She yawned and fell back against her pillow. She looked at the clock. It was 11:54. Their anniversary was in six minutes. It was hard to believe they’d been together for so long. Ali closed her eyes and ran through her memories with Emily and her family. She’d asked Emily to marry her when the girls were five months old. She’d been trying to plan something elaborate and romantic like a Paris-destination proposal, but with two babies she knew that she needed to seize the opportunity whenever she could. So she asked Pam to babysit one evening and took Emily out to dinner.

She’d surprised her with a carriage ride around the city and then took her to the kissing rock, where she’d set up a picnic basket with desserts. She had knelt down, pretending she was just picking the basket up and ended up on one knee in front of Emily. Emily had been completely stunned, especially considering she couldn’t figure out how Ali had planned the whole thing given they were both constantly taking care of the girls.

Ali’s hormones had kicked in halfway through the proposal and she lost her words because she got herself so emotionally worked up. So Emily had knelt down in front of her and taken Ali’s face in her hands and kissed her and simply just said, “Yes, Alison. A thousand times yes.”

A little over a year later they had walked down the aisle. Grace and Lily had been the flower girls. Pam had both girls, holding their hands as they walked into the chapel. Lily had gotten one foot inside the door when she saw the crowd staring at her and she’d shied away from everyone watching and buried her face in her Grandmother’s leg and started whimpering. Pam had to pick her up and carry her down the aisle. Grace had giggled and tried to eat the flower petals as she danced down the aisle.

Thirteen years had passed since then. And Ali thought about every moment of those thirteen years. Her children had given her more joy than she ever thought possible, and her wife had been everything to her. Ali had spent her entire childhood certain that happiness was unobtainable for her. Certain that she didn’t deserve anything good in her life. Certain she would be miserable forever. Then she fell in love with Emily. The woman had been more than her lover. She’d been her best friend. Her family. Her rock.

Ten minutes later when Emily got back from walking the dog Ali was sleeping soundly, a relaxed look on her face. Emily shook her head with a quiet laugh and slid back into bed without waking her. She carefully leaned over, placing a delicate kiss on her temple.

“Happy Anniversary, Ali,” she whispered.

She watched Ali’s face twitch as she dreamed. After a few minutes, she turned the lamp off and went to bed.

Everyone in the house slept soundly that night. Ali was the first to wake up in the morning. The house was quiet. Unusually quiet. She rolled over and looked at the clock and the first thing she thought about was whether or not she’d remembered to pack Grace’s swimming gear up for her practice tonight. And she thought about how Lily had a physical after school today to get her check up for the school track team.

Then her mind went to her wife. Her beautiful wife of thirteen years, today. She fell more in love with her every day. She smiled to herself. She felt Emily stir next to her and she rolled over and slipped her hand over Emily’s waist, her fingers trailing underneath her night shirt and on to her bare stomach.

“Em, you awake?” Alison asked quietly.

She heard Emily mutter back a half-awake response. Emily wasn’t always easy to rouse in the mornings. The only time she was ever up before sunrise was when she went on her bi-weekly jogs. Otherwise, she loved to hug the covers for as long as she could. Alison pressed her body against Emily’s back and her lips grazed her ear.

“How about now?” Alison moved her dark locks of hair aside and started planting kisses along the back of her neck.

She watched as the hairs on the back of Emily’s neck stood up. Her arms started breaking out in goosebumps. Emily rolled over to face Alison.

“Good morning to you, too.” Emily pulled Alison’s face closer to hers until their lips were touching. “You look beautiful this morning.”

After a few seconds Emily pulled back slightly and smiled at her.

“Not as beautiful as you.” Alison followed Emily’s motions. “Mmm, Happy Anniversary.” She pushed forward and placed a soft chaste kiss on Emily’s lips.

“Oh, is that today?” Emily grinned, teasing her.

Alison rolled her eyes. She leaned in for another kiss, this one less innocent – more demanding. Emily’s hands slid down Alison’s side and slipped up underneath her nightgown, her fingers laying flat against her taut skin as she traced the outlines of her ribs. Alison pushed forward until Emily was on her back. She pressed her chest against Emily’s, her palms moving to Emily’s face as their lips danced for dominance. Emily bit down on Alison’s bottom lip and tugged it gently. Alison slid one hand to the side of Emily’s neck and the other trailed down towards her hip. She smiled when she realized that Emily had kicked her pajama bottoms off in the middle of the night. Emily did that in her sleep a lot because she got hot. Alison ran her hands over Emily’s underwear and groaned.

“You’re wearing lace,” Alison whispered against Emily’s lips, feeling herself getting hotter by the minute.

“Lace is the traditional gift for the thirteenth anniversary.” Emily pushed up and pecked Alison’s lips with a sly smirk on her face.

“I can’t wait to unwrap you.” Alison lifted her brows mischievously.

All she wanted to do was get the lace off of her. Her fingers slid down until she was cupping Emily’s center, feeling the damp heat radiating there.

“Ali, wait…wait,” Emily said, her voice shaking as she tried to control her libido. “We should…”

Alison quickly shut her up with a kiss, not listening to a word she was saying, because she’d been dreaming about this all night long. Her fingers tickled the sensitive flesh between Emily’s legs and Emily moaned at the contact. Emily reached down and gently gripped Alison’s forearm to try and slow her down, her eyes burning through Alison’s.

“We’ll wake the girls,” Emily said, her breathing already heavy because of Alison’s motions.

“Like anything could drag those two out of bed this early in the morning?” Alison pulled her hand free from Emily’s grasp.

She brushed the brim of Emily’s underwear with her fingertips before slowly rolling them down her thighs. Emily instinctively and unconsciously lifted her hips up off of the bed, making it easier for Alison to pull the garment down the length of her legs.

“Grace has been…” Emily’s breathing faltered when Alison’s warm hands caressed her sides, slowly working her way up Emily’s shirt. “…on a weird sleeping schedule this week. She’s been up at five watching some show she’s obsessed with.” Alison tugged at Emily’s shirt and seconds later it was off, Emily not trying to stop her, because her touch felt so good. “And Lily has been…mmm…” she lost her train of thought when Alison lightly raked her fingers across her chest, her palms cupping her breasts. She threw her head back into her pillow, closing her eyes. “…Lily has been getting up early to jog because of track tryouts.”

Alison pulled away from Emily just long enough to yank her nightgown off over her head, completely exposing herself, and rendering Emily speechless.

“Try and say ‘no’ to me now, sweetie.” Alison smirked.

Alison was still as beautiful as the first time Emily had laid eyes on her. And she still had the same fire in her eyes. It was the sexiest thing Emily had ever seen.

“You have no idea what you’re doing to me,” Emily said with a groan.

“I think I have some idea.” Alison drew sensual patterns along Emily’s inner thigh, her fingers trailing up until they landed on her center again. She could feel how aroused she was by running her fingers across her swollen wet lips.

Emily jumped and hissed, holding back a grunt. Unable to resist her wife, she reached up with one hand and palmed Alison’s left breast. She slid her other hand in between their bodies, her fingers rubbing Alison between her legs. She hadn’t worn underwear to bed and that just revved Emily up. Alison smiled and bit her lip, making Emily shudder. Alison pulled her hand away from Emily’s core and went to tickle her inner thigh again, teasing her. Alison could feel Emily’s thighs twitching as she massaged the sensitive skin on her upper leg. To add to the sensation, she lightly traced her thumb over Emily’s sensitive bundle of nerves. Emily bucked underneath her with want, biting her tongue to keep from crying out.

“We…we should…wait until they leave for school.” Emily’s words were contradicting her body’s actions. “The last thing we need is for them to come running in here when they hear me making a whole hell of a lot of noise.”

“Then you’ll just have to be quiet, won’t you?” Alison slid her palm up Emily’s thigh, and without warning plunged two fingers deep inside of her.

Emily threw her head back and let out an uninhibited moan. Her body tightened and her fingers tensed between Alison’s legs, putting pressure against Alison’s core, sending a shooting wave of pleasure through Alison’s body. Alison’s other hand quickly slid over Emily’s mouth. She withdrew her fingers, then added a third before sinking back into her again. Emily’s eyes rolled back into her head and she slapped her hand over Alison’s, pressing hard to help muffle her groans, her fingernails digging in to Alison’s skin. Emily felt a pang of pleasure coursing through her body and she pulled her other hand out from in between their joined bodies and grabbed the back of her pillow, her fingers clutching the soft downy feathers.

Alison heard Emily utter her name against her hand and she smiled. Emily had always been wildly loud in bed. Alison loved to push her until she was screaming. And she loved to challenge her to be quiet at the worst possible times. Bathroom stalls. The library stacks. Boathouses. Locker rooms. Birthday parties. Once at a funeral for one of Alison’s distant relatives. Emily could never say no to Alison, and Alison knew that.

Alison leaned down, placing open-mouthed kisses down her collarbone, her hot tongue flicking against Emily’s skin. She kissed her way down to Emily’s bust, lightly sucking on the skin around her breasts, slowly and agonizingly working her way up to her sensitive nipples as she pumped her fingers in and out of her. She heard Emily moan, the noise reverberating against her hand. She could tell that Emily was biting back a scream, which made her grunts and cries much more powerful than normal. Her wife’s moaning was music to her ears. Alison glanced up at Emily as her tongue grazed her nipple and her fingers curled inside of her. Emily’s eyes fluttered shut at the dual sensations.

Emily ground against Alison’s fingers, wanting to feel more. She pulled her hand away from her pillow and gripped the back of Alison’s thigh, pulling her closer…deepening Alison’s motions with her hips’ movements. Alison complied, thrusting forward with her hand and her hips with such force that Emily’s whole body jerked towards the head of the bed. Emily threw her palm backwards against the headboard, still trying to concentrate on not being too loud. Alison curled her fingers again and pressed her thumb against Emily’s clit and Emily bucked in to her.

Emily pulled her free hand away from Alison’s hand and raked her fingernails across Alison’s back, slowly working her way down her spine. Alison’s body quaked beneath Emily’s touch, but she managed to stay focused. Alison felt Emily’s hot breaths coming out in pants against her palm. She leaned forward, pressing her chest against Emily’s, her hair falling over Emily’s face as she leaned down to kiss her. In one swift motion, her hand was off of Emily’s mouth and her lips were pressed firmly against Emily’s. She swallowed her wife’s cries, tasting every delicious breath.

Emily’s fingers curled against the back of Alison’s neck, both her palm and the nape of Alison’s neck slick with sweat. She ran her hand through Alison’s hair several times and then stroked her cheek. Alison could feel Emily’s moans pulsing in her mouth. She rolled her tongue over Emily’s, her mouth’s motions keeping in time with her thrusts, her tongue in perfect sync with the movements of her fingers pumping in and out at a calculated pace.

She pulled out completely and then circled her entrance before roughly thrusting her fingers forward again. Feeling Emily’s cries vibrating against her lips made Alison’s entire body tingle in pleasure. Emily firmly placed her palm on the back of Alison’s neck again to deepen their kiss, and to try and keep herself from screaming. Alison could see a thin layer of sweat forming on Emily’s forehead. Alison felt her own perspiration building up as their heated bodies writhed together.

Emily tried to encourage her to go faster, but Alison kept her movements slow, driving Emily crazy. Alison stopped moving, just long enough to tease her, and when she felt Emily squirm and whimper beneath her she slowly started moving again. She smirked against Emily’s mouth, a laugh puffing out between her breaths.

Emily quickly wiped the smirk off of her face by gliding her hand over Ali’s ass and slipping her fingers down and in between her folds. Alison threw her head back in surprise when she felt Emily’s fingers easily sliding into her. Alison gasped and slowed her movements just long enough to feel Emily. She slammed her lips against Emily’s again and trailed her fingers along Emily’s inner walls as she got lost in the sensation of Emily’s fingers moving inside of her. Emily had always been so insanely good at knowing exactly where her sweet spots were. It’s like she didn’t even have to try. Her skilled fingers were like a magical work of art that took Alison to a place outside of herself. She felt herself moving with Emily’s motions, and suddenly, she was the one whimpering into Emily’s mouth. Once she got her own rhythm going she started pumping Emily with vigor again.

Emily used the motions of her hips and the movement of her fingers to guide Alison closer to the brink. She could feel her own climax approaching and she tried to hold out so she could bring Alison with her, but Alison hit a spot inside of her that made her see stars and she knew she wasn’t going to last much longer. Her body arched off of the bed into Alison. The motion caused Emily to sink her fingers further into her wife, and Alison let out a quiet moan as she rode Emily’s fingers.

Alison felt Emily’s body tighten. She pulled back and she could see how close Emily was. Alison watched her jaw go slack. Her brows furrowed and her eyelids flickered, a sight that never got old to her. Alison ran her free hand delicately across Emily’s cheek.

“I’ve got you, baby,” Alison whispered, placing a soft kiss on the side of her jaw, her lips grazing Emily’s ear.

Alison leaned down and gently nibbled her neck, slowly working her way down her body, feeling Emily’s chest rising and falling rapidly against her lips. Her tongue teased one of her hardened nipples.

“I love you, Ali. I lo…” Emily grunted, unable to finish her thought. All that came out was an unintelligible pant.

Alison took Emily’s nipple in between her teeth and bit down gently. She heard Emily choke back a cry and seconds later Emily shuddered beneath her, clenching Alison’s fingers, pulling them deeper. Alison pulled her mouth away from her chest and pushed her lips against Emily’s so she could taste her pleasure as she peaked. A slick wetness ran down Alison’s hand and on to her knuckles. Alison brushed her fingers inside of Emily, keeping them in place as Emily pulsated and contracted against her hand.

Emily faltered, unable breathe, unable to move. Alison concentrated on Emily’s digits inside her, thrusting against them to regain the friction that had been lost while Emily came down from her high. The second Emily felt Alison grinding against her hand she started moving in Alison again, her fingers hitting all the right spots. Alison’s lips parted and a satisfied purr slipped out. Emily watched as the pleasure washed over her face. Her cheeks were red. Her lips were swollen and wet.

Emily could feel Alison tightening around her fingers and she followed Alison’s motions as Alison bounced on top of her, the fingers of her free hand gripping Emily’s left breast, the fingers of her other hand still engulfed inside Emily’s warmth. Emily reached up with one hand and cupped her breast while she curled her fingers roughly with her other, her palm hitting that spot in between Alison’s legs that never failed to send waves of ecstasy rolling through her body. Alison sucked in a gasp.

“Em…” Her eyes snapped shut and she threw her head back. “Emily.” She tried to keep her voice quiet, the little Emily voice in the back of her head telling her not to wake their children.

“Right here, honey.” Emily pulled her hand away from Alison’s chest and slid her palm up Alison’s neck, her fingers grazing her cheek. She brushed her hair aside so she could see her face. Alison looked down at Emily and saw her kind dark eyes locked on hers, and that was the last push she needed.

Seconds later Emily watched her wife come undone on top of her. She could feel Alison’s legs trembling. Alison squeezed her thighs together tightly, keeping Emily’s fingers in place, a warm liquid dripping into Emily’s palm. Alison bit her lip to keep quiet and Emily had to smile. All that crap Alison had given her about being quiet, and she was just as likely to give them away.

She ran her free hand up Emily’s chest before collapsing on top of her, breathing heavily, feeling Emily’s own ragged breaths against her flushed body. Alison leaned forward to capture Emily’s lips, her fingers still resting inside of her, Emily still pulsing and twitching. She gave her a few gentle pecks on the mouth and then slid down, kissing Emily’s body along the way, her lips lingering on Emily’s bellybutton as she withdrew her hand from in between Emily’s legs.

“Happy Anniversary,” Alison said quietly, sliding up her body, placing more feathery kisses against Emily’s skin.

“God, I love you.” Emily pushed Ali’s hair behind her ear, slowly pulling her fingers out of her wife.

“You love me or you love my magical fingers?” Alison smirked.

“All of you.” Emily pulled her face towards her until Alison’s lips were on hers.

After she pulled away, Alison smiled sweetly at her.

“I love you, too.” She pushed her forehead against Emily’s.

They exchanged several delicate pecks on the lips while their fingers traced nonsensical patterns all over each other’s bodies. Seconds later they heard a knock at their door.

“Uh…moms?”

They both froze, feeling like two teenagers who had been caught in the act. They stared at the door, both of them trying like hell to remember if they’d locked it.

“Told you,” Emily mouthed to Ali.

Ali smiled, a slight giggle escaping her lips as she brought her index finger up to her puckered mouth and shushed her.

“What is it, Lily?” Ali asked.

“I can’t find Jett’s leash.”

“It’s in the basket next to the TV,” Emily answered.

“Okay, thanks.”

“Hey, Lil, if you’re going jogging take your pocketknife, okay?” Emily called out to her.

“Okay, mom.”

“And stay close.” Emily added.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And maybe ask Grace to go with you?” Ali suggested, glancing at Emily, her brows dancing in excitement at the thought of the two of them having the house to themselves. “She could use some cardio minutes to keep up her times in swimming.”

And they could use more uninterrupted mind-blowing sex.

“Um…okay?” They could tell their daughter was basically mortified.

They heard her pace down the hallway. Both of them burst into laughter. Emily’s face was bright red. Ali thought it was hilarious.

“We probably just scarred her for life.” Emily turned her cheek against the pillow and laughed.

“She’s our kid. She was bound to be scarred anyway.” Ali kissed Emily’s neck, nuzzling against her, her breath tickling Emily’s ear.

“You’re terrible.” Emily grinned.

“You married me.” Ali shrugged.

“I did.” Emily sighed with a content smile.

“Are we bad parents for trying to trick our kids into leaving the house so we can have sex in every room in it?” Ali asked, rolling off of Emily.

“No, I think that’s called adulthood.” Emily smiled. “Besides, they’ll be fifteen in a few months. They can handle themselves.”

“They came out handling themselves.” Ali snorted out a laugh. “You remember when Lily went through that phase when she was three and she refused to let me help her get dressed?”

“Oh, yeah.” Emily chuckled. “She went to the park wearing a bathing suit, bright pink tights, a toboggan, and two mismatched shoes. Hanna almost had a heart attack. She asked us if we dressed her in the dark.”

“God, and Grace was terrible when it came to letting us do anything for her. She threw a tantrum when I tried to help her ride her bike for the first time.”

“To Grace’s credit, you were holding her back going at that snail’s pace.” Emily teased her.

“I used to drive myself crazy worrying about her falling and busting her head.”

“Sweetheart, you still do that. Every day.” Emily ran her fingers through Ali’s hair.

“How have you stayed _this_ calm despite all the scrapes and bumps and bruises they come home with?”

“Because they come home.” Emily shrugged. “And because they’re our kids. I know that they can take care of themselves.”

“I still can’t believe you got them weapons when they turned eleven.” Ali rolled her eyes.

“It’s not like I bought them an arsenal. They’re just pocketknives. My dad taught me how to protect myself.” Emily yawned. “I always want them to feel safe.”

Ali smirked.

“What?” Emily asked, confused as to why Ali was smiling at her.

“You’re a good mom.” Ali leaned over, planting a delicate kiss on Emily’s cheek.

“You are, too.” Emily smiled back. Ali had spent every waking moment making sure Grace and Lily had everything they needed and more.

“Yeah, but you just emit that ‘mom’ glow. I find that incredibly sexy.” Her fingers drifted down to Emily’s inner thigh again.

“Ali, I don’t know if I can handle another round. I’ll be lucky if I can walk straight at this point.”

“We don’t do anything straight, dear.” She grinned seductively, throwing her hips over Emily’s, climbing on top of her again.

“What is with you this morning?” Emily asked. Her eyes widened when she felt Alison’s fingers against her already sensitive bundle of nerves, slowly drawing circles. She bit her lip to fight back a moan when Alison dipped a single finger inside of her again. “Jesus, Alison,” she closed her eyes, sighing deeply, feeling lost in Alison’s touch, “you’re going to be the death of me.”

But her hands were already moving for Alison’s ass. She grabbed one cheek with each hand, digging her fingers in firmly. She rolled to her side so she could flip their positions, gasping when the motion caused Alison to drive her finger in deeper. Alison saw Emily’s mouth fall open and she heard the groan building up in her chest. She reached up with her free hand and put her palm over Emily’s mouth again. This time, Emily pulled her hand away and leaned down to kiss her. She adjusted her legs and put her hand in between Alison’s thighs.

“It’s your turn to hold your tongue.” Emily pulled back and looked down at her hot mess of a wife.

Alison smiled, a seductive look in her eyes.

“I’d rather you hold it for me.”

Emily didn’t have to be told twice. Their lips met again in a hard kiss, their tongues clashing, Alison moaning as Emily’s fingers did things to her that made her want to scream. They did their best to be quiet, but they weren’t as diligent about it as their first time, because Lily had already caught them. Their daughter wasn’t an idiot. Besides, it was their anniversary.

Lily tried to shake off the idea of her parents rolling around in the sack. Unfortunately, she had a very vivid imagination, so once an idea was in her head she was hard-pressed to get it out. She walked towards the kitchen, Jett trailing behind her, excited. He knew she was going out and he knew he was going with her.

Lily walked into the kitchen to grab her water bottle, surprised to find Grace sitting at the table tapping a pen against an open book.

“What are you doing?” Lily asked.

“Earth Science homework.”

“You’re _willingly_ doing homework?” Lily questioned in astonishment. “Who are you and what have you done with my sister?”

“I’m not completely helpless.” Grace cut her eyes at Lily.

“A week ago you asked me if geology and geometry were the same thing.”

“It was a rhetorical question.”

“I don’t think that word means what you think it means.” Lily looked at Grace skeptically.

“Bitch, don’t quote _The Princess Bride_ at me this early in the morning.”

“You know, if you put half as much effort into learning your Spanish vocab as you do memorizing movie quotes you wouldn’t be sitting on a C in that class right now.” Lily grabbed her water bottle from the cabinet.

“Spanish is the least of my concerns. This Earth Science is really kicking my ass.” She frowned at the book in front of her. Her eyes lit up and she looked up at her sister. “Hey, let’s pull a switcheroo. You can take my midterm for me.”

“That would be cheating.” Lily filled her water bottle up.

“You’re no fun.” Grace went back to her homework.

“I can help you if you want.” Lily offered.

“No, thanks, Professor Snoozefest. I don’t need a nap right now.” Grace teased her.

“Suit yourself.” Lily shrugged.

Lily ate a granola bar and drank a glass of orange juice as she watched Grace scribble down some notes. Grace read something that caught her interest. Lily could see that she was fascinated by whatever it was.

“Cool.” Grace grinned. She looked at Lily. “Did you know that we are constantly in motion? Even when we’re still.” She held her hand up, keeping it still, staring at it. “The planet is constantly moving. That means we are always moving, and there are elements that are moving on the moving planet…like trees in the wind…we’re move-ception.”

“Are you drunk?” Lily cocked an eyebrow at her sister.

“At five in the morning?” Grace snorted. “Who am I? Aunt Hanna?”

Hanna, Aria, and Spencer had been a huge presence in their lives when they were growing up. Each one of their mothers’ best friends provided such amazing insight into their parents’ lives.

Hanna told the _best_ stories about their youth. She loved regaling them with crazy tales. She had no filter either, so they got to hear all the nitty gritty stuff. Hanna would always make them promise not to tell their mothers she had told them, and the girls always complied. Hanna also had the best advice when it came to fashion. She hooked them up with some of her best designs for free.

Spencer was the one they went to when they had problems they couldn’t talk to their mothers about. She was always very diplomatic and she told them the truth when they needed to hear it. It was nice knowing someone so high up in the government, too. Because they knew if they ever needed someone in their corner, they could count on her.

And Aria was the one they sought comfort in when they just needed a friendly face. She somehow knew exactly what to say to cheer them up. She had a perfect balance of docility and bravado. Lily especially liked Aria, because she was artsy and cool. She liked learning from her.

And the girls’ husbands were great, too. Between their busy work schedules and raising their own kids, Caleb, Toby, and Ezra always had time for the girls if they needed them. They looked out for them and thought about them a lot. Caleb taught them tons of cool stuff about both technology and nature. He was very balanced between the two. Toby was always taking care of them. If he saw them around town he’d always stop to offer them a ride so they didn’t have to walk if they didn’t want to. And Ezra was thoughtful and gave the best gifts. When he was on the road, he always made sure to bring something back for all of the kids. In a way, the girls felt like they had eight parents. They had bonded with all of their kids, too. They were happy to have so much love in their lives.

Lily and Grace heard a loud thumping noise at the end of the hallway, followed by laughter wafting through the air.

“You know what they’re doing in there, don’t you?” Grace lifted her brows and grinned.

Lily shrugged. So their parents were happy. There were worse things in the world.

“I’m going for a run. You wanna come?” Lily asked.

“That’s what she said.”

“Grow up, Grace.” Lily said, but she couldn’t help but chuckle.

They heard their moms laughing from their bedroom again. Both of them smiled. They were glad their moms were happy. They had so many friends at school that came from broken homes and unhappy families that it was such a breath of fresh air that their parents were happy and in love, even if the mushy stuff got overwhelming sometimes.

“Did you get the binding for the scrapbook?” Grace asked.

Their final gift for their mothers’ anniversary was a scrapbook the two of them had been working on for months. They’d gotten pictures and collected stories and quotes and a whole bunch of other various things from their moms’ friends and their grandmother.

“Yep. It’s in my room, top shelf of my closet. I’m going to finish it before I head to school. We can give it to them before their dinner tonight.”

“Thirteen years. It’s crazy, right?” Grace asked. She thought about something and then laughed. “I can’t believe we’re technically bastards.”

“Yeah, and you live up to that name every day.” Lily gave her sister a sarcastic smile.

“Love you, too, sis.”

“Hey, are you coming to the Strauss’ house tonight for Scarlett’s party?” Lily asked.

“Can’t. I’ve got practice.”

“You should just change your address to that pool.” Lily teased her. “I don’t know how you can stand it. Why do you want to be wet all the time?” Lily realized what she’d said the second it came out of her mouth. “If you say ‘that’s what she said’ again I’m going to hit you.”

Grace just grinned.

“You’re just going to have to get your party on without me.” Grace smiled.

“Oh, but however will I survive without you there to protect me?” Lily rolled her eyes.

“You’re so codependent.” Grace smarted back.

“Wow, big word, Doctor Scholarly.” Lily teased. “I can’t believe you’re blowing off a chance to party tonight. You know, Sam might be there.” She nudged Grace. She knew that Grace had a crush on Scarlett’s brother, Sam.

“Nah, he’s away for his lacrosse tournament.”

“You are a total stalker.” Lily snorted.

She grabbed her water bottle. She flicked her wrist and waved to Grace as she walked into the living room to get Jett’s leash. She grabbed the leash and attached it to the dog’s collar. She did a quick search around the house for her pocketknife, but couldn’t find it. When she walked back into the living room Grace was getting ready to sit down on the couch to watch some show she’d been binging for days.

“Well, that was a quick run, _Flash._ ” Grace teased her.

“Have you seen my pocketknife?” Lily asked.

“No.” Grace shook her head. “But you can take mine. It’s in the desk drawer.”

“Nah, that’s okay. Who needs a blade when I’ve got Jett?”

“What’s Jett going to do?” Grace leaned down and ruffled Jett’s fur. His tail smacked hard against the couch. “Lick someone to death?”

The dog was built like a steamroller, but the only thing he destroyed was desk lamps with his tail. Though if Grace or Lily were being threatened Emily and Ali were certain the dog would go ape-shit. He’d already proven that he’d protect his family one night when a drunk man had tried to get into their house, thinking it was his girlfriend’s place by mistake. He’d broken a window in the middle of the night. He hadn’t gotten one foot inside the house before Jett lunged at him and latched on to his leg. Emily was right behind the dog swinging a baseball bat while Ali was rounding up the girls and calling 911.

“Whatever.” Grace shrugged. “Just be careful. You never know what kinda weirdos are up around the neighborhood at this hour.”

“Yeah…” Lily glanced through their window, seeing a light on a few houses down. “Or right next door.”

Grace heard the troubling nerves in her sister’s tone. She looked out the window.

“Lil, is that Zane creep still hassling you?” Grace asked, her expression softer now, her joking manner falling to the wayside.

“No.” Lily lied, a skill she had not perfected at all.

“Liar.” Grace rolled her eyes.

“I’m not lying!” But her voice betrayed her.

“I can read you like a book.” Grace argued.

“You? Reading a book? Don’t make me laugh.”

“Seriously, sis. I can take care of him for you.”

“I don’t need you to be my enforcer.” Lily frowned.

“Yeah, you do.” Grace laughed. Her sister was far too passive. “That dude is a total sleaze. If he’s still hitting on you I can…”

“I can handle it, Grace,” Lily uttered in frustration. She hated it when Grace treated her like a baby. “You’re overreacting. He’s not some big scary dragon you need to slay. He’s just a caveman who likes to try and look cool in front of his stupid cavemen buddies. Besides, he’s not even in town. He has some traveling basketball tournament or something this weekend. It’s all he’s been talking about in gym this week.”

“Fine. Be stubborn.” Grace walked over to the desk next to the front door. She pulled the drawer open and grabbed her pocketknife. “But you’re taking this.” She put the weapon in Lily’s palm and closed her fingers around it. “Or I’ll tell our moms he hasn’t stopped bothering you.”

“Okay.” Lily didn’t argue. “But you won’t tell them anything, or else I’ll tell them that instead of doing your homework you’re rotting your brain with that little after school soap opera you’ve been binging.”

“Technically, I’ve been watching it before school.” Grace retorted.

“Grace, that’s not what that…” She shook her head. “Never mind.” She rolled her eyes and put her earbuds in. Jett was bouncing at her feet, ready to go.

“Do you have your phone?” Grace asked.

“No, I’m just sticking my earphones in my ears because we’re out of q-tips.” Lily scoffed as she opened the door.

Grace shook her head with a laugh as she watched Lily and Jett jog down the driveway. Lily ran through the neighborhood, her music setting her pace. Her mother had shared her work-out playlist with her and Lily had found it to be really helpful when she jogged. She kept the volume at a medium setting so she could still hear everything around her, something else Emily had taught her. She could hear Jett’s nails clacking against the pavement. She could hear a couple of dogs barking in the distance. And she could hear a plane buzzing by overhead.

Lily got lost in the world around her. She was very much like Emily in that respect. She loved nature. She jogged until the sun came up, then she stopped to admire the swirls of the pink and orange hues in the sky. She’d never get over how breathtaking nature could be. It’s like the sky was presenting a gift to the world. It looked like it was going to be a gorgeous day. But despite the beauty of the world around her, something felt off. Something about today felt different. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she couldn’t shake away a weird nagging feeling she had in the pit of her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Soak in this chapter guys. Because the next one is a game-changer. I’ll be straight with you. The pain is coming up really soon and it's probably going to hit pretty hard, and I struggled with whether or not I wanted to put up a trigger warning. But it’s not really a typical trigger, so I’ll just tell you to tread carefully the next few chapters. And, you know, get your pitchforks ready. I’m not kidding about the pain/drama. Sorry in advance. If it makes you feel any better, my best friend has offered to punch me in the head for free if I make you angry or make you cry. I should probably invest in a helmet._


	3. Stormy Weather

When Lily finished her run she walked the block one final time to cool down. She had gotten about halfway home when she heard someone skating up behind her. She glanced back and tightened her grip on Jett’s leash. She kept walking forward, hoping he’d just skate by her and keep going. No such luck. She heard him call her name. She kept walking, acting like her music was on full blast.

She thought he was out of town, but he apparently hadn’t gone anywhere. It grated her nerves.

Zane Jacobs was a senior in high school, a good looking basketball star, and his family was loaded. On paper he was every girl’s dream. But in real life girls didn’t want anything to do with him because he was pushy, manipulative, and had a bad attitude. Guys didn’t like him because he was a showboat who flaunted his money, and girls didn’t like him because he acted like a greaser from the 1950s. He was a womanizing jerk, and for some reason he’d set his sights on Lily the last few weeks.

A few weeks back, Alison had caught him bothering Lily in the hallway at school and she’d nearly flipped out. She’d talked to Emily and they spoke to his parents about his chauvinistic behavior. Actually, Alison hadn’t spoken so much as she swore, and she wasn’t talking so much as she was yelling. Because no one made her kid feel uncomfortable. Emily basically had to haul her to the car and tell her to stay put while she defused the situation.

As nice as it had been that she’d stepped up for Lily, Lily wished she hadn’t done it because it was flat out embarrassing that her mother felt like she couldn’t fight her own battles. Emily had explained to Lily that Ali was acting in her best interest. She told her daughter that’s just what parents did and that she’d understand when she was older.

Zane called out her name, but Lily pretended she couldn’t hear him. She picked up her pace, but Zane caught up to her. In a matter of seconds he was in front of her, grinning like a tool. Lily moved so that Jett was in front of her. The dog looked from Lily to Zane, then his gaze fell back on the boy in front of them. He simply stared at him. No tail wag. No greeting. Nothing. Zane glanced at the dog and then looked at Lily. Lily sighed and pulled her earbuds out of her ears.

“You’re in a rush this morning,” he said.

“Track tryouts.” She shrugged.

“Yeah, I heard you were going out for the team.” He smiled. “You definitely got the bod for it.”

Lily didn’t respond.

“Oh, come on. That was a compliment.” He laughed and rolled his eyes.

Lily glanced away uncomfortably.

“You really work that strong silent type, don’t you?” he asked.

Lily shuffled her feet, trying to decide if she wanted to reply or just ignore him and hope he’d go away. Fortunately she didn’t have to decide. Seconds later she heard a familiar voice.

“Lily!”

She turned around and saw Toby waving to her. Eli was with him. They were walking their two dogs, Rutger, a Lab, and Remy, a Golden Retriever. Jett’s tail started wagging when he saw his buddies approaching. They played together all the time at the dog park.

“I’ve gotta run.” She was silently thanking the fact that luck was on her side this morning.

“I’ll see you around.” Zane shrugged. He threw his board on the ground and started skating away.

Lily breathed a sigh of relief as she walked towards Toby and Eli. She saw Toby watching Zane. He had a very dad-like look on his face. He’d had problems with Zane, too, because Zane had been in trouble with the law a few times when he was younger. Toby didn’t like the kid.

“Hey, Lil.” Eli waved, trying not to trip over Remy’s leash as the dogs bounced around one another.

“Hey.” She replied with a smile, trying to appear as casual as possible so she wouldn’t worry Toby.

Toby saw right through her act. She was her mother’s daughter. Her eyes told him everything. He’d always been able to tell when Emily was holding something in. Lily did the same thing. But instead of bowling her over with questions he played it cool.

“Are you heading home?” Toby asked.

“Yeah.” Lily nodded. “Just finished my run.”

“Eli, why don’t you and Remy go with Lily?” Toby glanced at his son, who had his eyes and build, but Spencer’s soft facial features and skin tone.

“Sure.” Eli agreed.

They slowly started walking towards Lily’s house. Eli waited until his dad was out of earshot and then he faced Lily.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. That guy just gives me the heebie jeebies.” Lily nodded.

“He’s a jerk.” Eli agreed. “Someone ought to take him down a peg or two.”

“Easy there, _Iron Fist_.” Lily chuckled.

“Ugh, he’s the worst. Come on, Lil, couldn’t you have at least called me _Hulk_ or _Iron Man_?”

“Only you would be upset about being compared to a superhero, Eli.” Lily shook her head.

“ _Iron Fist_ isn’t a hero. He’s a tantruming baby in a man’s body.”

“Still more mature than Zane.” Lily retorted. “I thought I was going to get a reprieve from him this weekend. Did the basketball tournament get canceled or something?”

“I heard he got benched for back-talking the coach.”

“Of course he did.”

“I don’t know what he said, but apparently money can’t fix it this time.”

“Why is it that all the supervillains are rich bitches?” Lily sighed.

Eli laughed. They spent the next few minutes talking about their favorite and least favorite superheroes. By the time Lily got home, her stress level was back to non-existent.

“Thanks for the company.” Lily smiled as she walked towards the driveway.

“No problem,” Eli replied. “Guess I’ll see you at Scarlett’s tonight.”

“You and your dad aren’t hanging with Kai and Levi and their dads and bro-ing out with them?”

“Nah, my dad has to work tonight.” Eli shrugged. “Being a cop’s kid is rough.”

“You think that’s bad? You should try having one parent teaching you about romantic themes in literature and another who knows when you’re faking an injury to get out of her class. I can literally never play hooky.”

“Like you would ever play hooky, Miss. Perfect Attendance?” He scoffed.

“Hey, I have a dark side.” Lily faked a scowl.

“Let me see your dark side face then, Vader.”

She tried to look mean, and failed miserably. Eli chuckled and pat her on the head, patronizing her while calling her adorable.

“Shut up.” Lily frowned.

“Catch you later.” Eli waved.

Lily walked up the driveway, Jett tugging her towards the door so he could get inside and obsessively check to see if his food bowl had been filled up. She walked inside and unhooked Jett’s leash. Grace walked into the living room with a piece of toast hanging out of her mouth. She had her backpack in one hand and her swimming gear in the other. She tossed both bags down next to the front door and pulled the toast out of her mouth.

“50 Shades of Moms have made it out of the bedroom.” Grace jutted her thumb towards the kitchen.

“I’ll alert the media.” Lily laughed, walking towards the kitchen so she could put her water bottle in the sink and make sure Jett had water in his bowl.

She found her mothers lounging in the kitchen. They kept looking at one another and smiling. They both had bedhead and looked like they’d just run a marathon.

“How was your run?” Emily took a sip of her coffee.

“It was fine.” Lily replied as she tossed her bottle into the sink. She peered into Jett’s water bowl and saw that it was full. “I’m going to take a quick shower.”

“Hurry up. Your grandmother is on her way over. She’s taking you girls to school today,” Ali said.

“Okay.” Lily walked out of the room.

“Our daughter. A child of many words.” Ali laughed, closing the distance between the two of them.

“Well, she certainly didn’t get that from you, motor-mouth…”

“I didn’t hear you complaining about my mouth twenty minutes ago.” Ali smirked. “In fact, you seemed to like it quite a bit.” She lifted her brows.

“God, Ali, you’re worse than a horny teenager.”

“Oh, come on. Admit it. This is the most fun we’ve had in a long time.” Ali rubbed her arms. She always loved letting loose on their anniversary. They both did.

“Yeah, but it’s like riding a rollercoaster. We need a break before one of us passes out or we throw out our necks out or something.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss on Ali’s lips. “Slow down. We have the whole day to enjoy the ride.”

“Not the _whole_ day.” Ali frowned at her. “Seeing as how _someone_ decided to work on our anniversary.”

“Ali, it’s just for swim practice. The assistant coach is out sick. I don’t want the girls to fall behind. It’s only for a few hours tonight. You won’t even miss me.”

“I always miss you, Em.” Ali reached for her hand.

“Okay, seriously, what the hell have you been eating? Because you’re more hormonal now than you were when you were pregnant.”

“I don’t know. I just can’t help myself when you’re standing there all sexy like that.” Ali playfully walked her fingers up Emily’s arm. “With your crossword puzzle and your messy updo. You’ve got this hot librarian thing going on.”

“Librarians are quiet.” Which Emily most definitely was not.

“Shy in the stacks. Sexy in the sack.” Ali’s lips twisted into a grin.

Emily burst out laughing.

“I think we’ve established that I am not shy in the stacks. I’m pretty sure I woke up Shakespeare and Hemingway the last time we were there.” Emily smiled, leaning forward, their lips gently brushing against each other.

“Ahem.” Grace announced herself loudly. They glanced over at the doorway. “You two do realize that we’re still here, right? You want to at least try to keep it in your pants until we leave?”

“Grace!” Ali scolded her.

“What? Tell me I’m wrong.” She laughed as she walked over next to them to grab an orange from the basket next to the fridge.

“That’s not the point.” Ali rolled her eyes, gently nudging the back of her daughter’s head. “Why don’t you go bother your sister?”

“You’re giving me permission to hound Lily?” Grace’s eyes lit up in excitement.

“I’m _ordering_ you to hound her.” Ali corrected her.

“Awesome.” She skipped out of the kitchen. They heard her bound up the stairs.

“Where were we?” Emily asked, leaning in towards Ali again.

“Hello?” They heard the front door open, Emily’s mother’s voice ringing out in the air.

“We have got to work on our timing.” Emily muttered. “In here!” She called.

Seconds later Pam walked into the kitchen. She was bright-eyed and bushytailed, and she had come bearing gifts. She hugged them both and then handed them the gift bags she was carrying.

“Happy Anniversary, girls.”

“Aw, mom, you didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to.” Pam shrugged.

“But you already did so much, helping the girls with their presents and all…”

“Emily, just take the gifts and say thank you,” Pam said sternly.

“Thank you, mom.” She laughed.

“Thank you, Pam.” Ali rooted through the assorted things in the bag. “This was so thoughtful of you.”

“Well, you deserve it.” Pam smiled. “You have both come so far. Thirteen years and two beautiful girls. I’m proud of you.”

Emily and Ali were both more than thankful to have Pam in their lives. Over the years she had stepped up to support them in every way possible. She was always quick to tell them ‘yes’ if they ever needed anything. A friendly ear, a sounding board for problems that arose, a babysitter, a professional chef.

Emily cherished her mother. After losing her father she had come to realize how much her mother truly meant to her. Oftentimes when she was younger she had taken her parents for granted. It had taken losing her dad for her to understand how fragile life was and how suddenly it could change.

And Ali had come to love Pam as her own mother. Pam treated her better than her own mother ever had. They had a unique bond that Ali wouldn’t trade for anything. Pam was the only family aside from her brother and Emily and the girls that Ali needed.

“You want some coffee?” Emily reached for the coffee pot.

“No, I’m good.” Pam shook her head. “I’m supposed to be watching my caffeine intake. Doctors are finicky creatures.”

“Oh, that reminds me.” Ali glanced at Emily. “Do you have the new insurance card for Lily’s appointment this afternoon?”

“It’s in my purse.” Emily nodded.

“You sure you don’t want me to pick her up and take her?”

“Just makes more sense for me to pick them up. I’ve got to talk to a few staff members about the meet next weekend. And I need to make sure maintenance fixed the clogged pool drain. I’ll drop Lily off here after her appointment before taking Grace to practice.”

“Look at you go, Supermom.” Ali smiled teasingly.

Grace wandered back into the kitchen to throw away a paper towel. She saw her grandmother.

“Hey, Grams.” Grace waved.

“Hey, Gracie-Loo.” Pam smiled. “Where’s your sister?”

“Off being a nerd somewhere.” Grace shrugged.

“Go tell her to hurry up or you two are going to be late for school,” Emily said.

“She’s already out of the shower. She’s getting dressed,” Grace replied. “But I can go supervise her while she glares at me if you’d like.”

“Why don’t you go grab your things and put them in the car?” Pam suggested, handing Grace her car keys.

“Okay.” Grace nodded with a smile. She walked out of the room.

“I can’t even get her to brush her teeth regularly. How do you get her to obey you like that?” Ali looked at Pam in wonder.

“Decades of practice.” Pam played it off modestly.

“Can I patent that and bottle it? Because I think we could make a fortune selling it to every over-tired parent in the world.”

“It’s a secret family recipe.” Pam winked.

“Are you sure you don’t mind taking them to school?” Emily asked.

“Are you kidding? I’ll take all the time I can get with my girls before they turn into moody sullen teens.”

“You’re about two years too late for that.” Ali snorted.

Both Lily and Grace had mood swings that rivaled the ones she’d had when she was a teenager. They had inherited her flair for the dramatic.

“Yeah, I should have known they’d hit that milestone early.” Pam chortled. “I seem to recall this one here dramatically rolling her eyes at me every chance she got.” Pam poked Emily in the ribs.

Emily shook her head with a laugh, then proving Pam’s point…she rolled her eyes.

“The more things change the more they stay the same.” Ali smiled.

“I would ask you what you girls have planned today, but…” Pam took in their appearance, “…well, I was married once, too.” Her lips curved up into a smile.

Emily and Ali both glanced away, smiling in embarrassment as blood rushed to their cheeks. It was one thing for their daughters to call them out. But for Emily’s mom to call them out, it made them feel like two high schoolers again. Pam teased them a little more. A few minutes later Lily walked into the kitchen, dressed and ready for school. Her hair was still damp from her shower. She was juggling her school stuff and a box wrapped up in pink and white wrapping paper. She almost dropped the box, but Pam took it off of her hands.

“Thanks, Grandma,” she said with a smile.

“Any time, sweetie.” She handed the box to Emily.

“What’s this?” Emily asked, gently setting the present down on the table.

“It’s a surprise.” Lily smiled, sharing a covert look with her Grandmother, because Pam had helped the girls put the scrapbook for their mothers together. “Where’s Grace?”

“Who knows with that child?” Emily muttered with a laugh.

They walked into the living room. Lily walked to the front door and opened it. She saw Grace sitting in the front seat of Pam’s car on her phone.

“Grace!” Lily called out to her.

Grace looked up and leaned out the window.

“You’re too late! I already called shotgun!” Grace yelled back.

“I’ll go grab her so you can open it.” Lily faced her parents and her grandmother.

“Why don’t we just open it later when you’re not late for school?” Ali suggested.

Lily shrugged and then conceded with a nod. She waved to her mothers and walked out the door.

“Love you!” Ali called out after her.

“You too.”

Pam followed her.

“Thanks again, mom.” Emily waved.

“You two have fun.” Pam smiled.

Ali and Emily said goodbye to Pam and then closed the door.

“God, I thought they’d never leave.” Emily grinned at Ali.

“Oh, is somebody getting her second wind?” Ali chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

Emily cupped Ali’s face and leaned in for a slow sensual kiss. She pulled back and smiled at her.

“Is that a yes or…” Ali teased her.

Emily laughed and pulled her towards the couch.

“I have been waiting weeks for this.” Emily sat down, pulling Ali down next to her.

“Really? What did you have in mind?” Ali questioned.

“I’m thinking…something we can’t ever do without one of the girls or the dog butting in to interrupt us…”

“Movie day and cuddling?” Ali asked curiously.

“Movie day and cuddling.” Emily nodded with a smile, reaching for the remote.

Emily put her feet up and wrapped her arm around Ali’s shoulder. Ali curled her legs up on the couch and snuggled next to her, smelling the aroma of her lotion and her shampoo. They spent the better part of their morning huddled under a blanket sharing their favorite snacks and just enjoying each other’s company. They got about three movies in before Ali fell asleep in Emily’s arms. Emily fell asleep soon after. They only woke up when Emily’s alarm went off to remind her to get the girls at school. In the midst of their cuddling they had ended up lying down, Ali resting in between the back of the couch and Emily’s body, her hands curled against Emily’s chest and her legs intertwined with Emily’s.

“Is it that time already?” Ali yawned, pushing up off of Emily and reaching for her phone.

Emily stretched, having enjoyed the best sleep she’d had in a long time.

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“Bummer. We didn’t even get one make out session in.” Ali shook her head. “We’re pathetic.”

“We still have tonight.” Emily sat up.

“I’ve been thinking about tonight…”

“I’m sure you have.” Emily lifted her brows.

“No.” Ali laughed. “I mean, yeah, obviously.” She nodded. “But that’s not where I was going with that,” she said. “Are we sure that letting Lily go to this party is such a good idea? Scarlett is two years older…”

“Ali, relax. Lily is responsible. And Scarlett is a good kid.”

“Well, of course I trust Scarlett.” They had known Scarlett’s dad, Holden, since high school. “But what about the other kids? Who else is supposed to be there?”

“I know Fiona and Harper are going. But Hanna has a girl’s night with her mother and Iris planned tonight for Ashley’s birthday. And from what I understand, the boys have something planned with their dads. From what Holden says, it’s just a few kids from Scarlett’s Tai Kwon Do class.”

“Great, a bunch of tiny little hormonal ninjas kicking the crap out of each other.”

“Honey, you’ve got to loosen the reins sometime.” Emily kissed her. That always calmed Ali down.

“I’m getting neurotic in my old age.” Ali sighed.

“Okay, first of all, the thirties are the prime of our lives. And second of all, what do you mean _getting_?”

“Hey!” Ali frowned.

Emily snorted out a laugh at her wife’s irritation and then stood up.

“You married me.” Emily mirrored Ali’s words from earlier in the morning as she walked out of the living room.

“I regret nothing!” Ali called back.

“Well, that’s a good thing. Because you’re stuck with me.” Emily chuckled.

Emily gathered her things and then went to the school to get the girls. She got there a little early so she could sort through a few things before she grabbed Grace and Lily. Once she finished up she walked the hallways looking for her kids. She saw them by Fiona’s locker talking to her. Aria’s daughter was a really good kid. Probably the most well behaved outside of Lily. Harper, Grace, and Iris were all troublemakers, for different reasons. Grace was the child that pressed buttons that said “do not push”. Iris was usually right there next to her encouraging her to press the button. And Harper had Spencer’s mouth, which definitely got her into some trouble. The boys all pretty much just let them do their thing.

“Ah, they grow up so fast, don’t they?” Toby walked up beside her.

“Hey, Toby.” Emily waved. “What are you doing here?”

“Harper has a dental appointment this afternoon,” he said. “I asked Spencer if it was going to fix her smart mouth. She was not amused. She threw a pancake at my head.”

“What a waste of a pancake.” Emily laughed.

“Oh, no. I still ate it.” Toby grinned. “Cops have to keep up appearances.” He patted his nonexistent belly fat, making Emily snort out a laugh. “What are you doing here? Isn’t today your anniversary?”

“I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but sometimes children put a hindrance on married life,” Emily replied dryly. She glanced at her girls. “Wouldn’t trade them for the world, though.”

“I know what you mean.” Toby smiled.

The happiest days of his life had been the days his children were born. Spencer had sprained his wrist when she was in labor with Eli and she’d thrown a bedpan at her doctor in frustration when she was in labor with Harper. But all either of them remembered from those days was holding their children for the first time.

“I’m glad they have each other,” Emily said.

“Hey, has Lily mentioned anything to you about Zane Jacobs bothering her?” Toby glanced at the girls down the hallway.

“Not lately. Why?” Emily asked, her brow furrowing in concern.

“I saw him talking to her this morning and she seemed a little uncomfortable,” Toby said. “I had Eli walk her home just to be on the safe side.”

Emily’s face tightened, her lips thinned and her mouth turned down in a frown.

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“Yeah, no problem. That kid used to bother Harper until she hauled off and punched him in the nose. Totally laid him out.”

“Of course she did.” Emily chuckled.

Spencer and Toby’s daughter was not a child to be messed with. She had her mother’s temper and her father’s instincts. Emily glanced down the hallway again, thinking about Zane bothering her daughter. She felt herself puffing up in defense. Toby noticed it, too.

“Look, I know for a fact that he’s just a few weeks shy of turning 18. He’s already got a few misdemeanors on his record. You just say the word and I’ll show up on his doorstep with my badge and a pair of cuffs. Scare some sense into him.”

“No, I’ll talk to his parents.” She frowned. “ _Again._ ” She chewed on her bottom lip. “But I’ll put you on speed-dial.”

“You mean I’m not already?” Toby faked a gasp. “I’ll try not to let that be a blow to my ego.”

Harper and Lily walked over towards them. Grace and Fiona were still talking by Fiona’s locker. Iris and Levi had joined them. Hanna’s daughter had her mother’s fashion sense and her father’s sly attitude. Her little brother was the opposite. Levi was a feisty little thing who hated conforming to the cultural norms. He was the youngest of all the kids, but he was by far the most outlandish. He was Hanna’s son through and through. He had no filter whatsoever. And he was as smart as a whip. He hadn’t just inherited Caleb’s looks. He had gotten his brainy tendencies. He’d already skipped a grade. If he would sit down and focus he’d probably skip another. He loved getting in debates with Harper, who had actually skipped two grades, something she reminded him about all the time.

“Hey, dad.” Harper walked up to him.

“Hey, where’s your brother?” Toby asked.

“Oh, right. I meant to text you. He’s going to that new pizza joint with a bunch of other kids. Kai and Levi are going, too. Mom said it was okay.”

“Okay.” Toby shrugged. “You ready?”

Harper nodded.

“I’ll see you tonight, Lil,” Harper said goodbye.

“Bye, Em.” Toby waved.

Grace raced up to Emily and Lily.

“Hey, mom. Can I go get pizza with the boys?” She asked, a puppy dog look on her face.

“I had a feeling that was coming.” Emily laughed. Grace never passed up an opportunity for pizza. She reached into her pocket and gave Grace a twenty dollar bill. “Don’t overdo it.”

“I’ll just carb load. I promise.” Her eyes sparkled in excitement. She bounded back down the hallway towards her friends.

Emily and Lily started walking towards the car. Emily tried to make small talk with her, trying to figure out how she wanted to bring up the topic of Zane to her. Lily just replied in short one word answers. She was extremely good at being elusive when she wanted to be.

“You’re awfully quiet this afternoon.” Emily pointed out.

“I’m just tired.” Lily opened the car door.

“You sure?” Emily pressed.

Lily stopped and stared at her mother. Then she let out a sigh.

“Uncle Toby told you about Zane, didn’t he?” Lily frowned.

“Why didn’t you?” Emily questioned curiously.

“I don’t know.” Lily frowned and shied away as she climbed in the front seat. “Because it’s not a big deal. Eventually he’ll get bored and go away.”

“But it _is_ a big deal.” Emily climbed in the driver’s seat. “Guys like Zane can be dangerous. Your mother and I…”

“Please don’t tell mom!” Lily interrupted her, embarrassment already flooding her face at the thought. “She’ll storm over there like last time to yell again.”

“Hey, calm down.” Emily rubbed her daughter’s cheek. “I’m just going to talk to his parents. See if they’ll set some boundaries.”

“No. You can’t go over there either. If you do he’ll tell everyone I’m a baby and people will make fun of me.”

“Lily, the way he acts is not okay.”

“Mom, please…”

“This is not up for debate.” Emily quickly shut the argument down.

Lily glanced at the floorboard and huffed. She knew that arguing with her mom was no use. When Emily put her foot down, that was that. Lily sulked for a few minutes, but then she got over it. She eventually started talking to her mom again. By the time her doctor’s appointment was over they were joking and laughing with one another again. Emily called Ali to let her know they were almost home. Ali’s first question was how the appointment went.

“It’s a healthy baby girl.” Emily teased.

“Well I know _that_. I shoved her out of my…”

“Uh, mom, you’re on speaker.” Lily cleared her throat.

“Oh, hi sweetie.” Ali’s voice went up an octave as she laughed. “So your appointment went well?”

“Yeah.”

A few minutes later, they were pulling in the driveway. Lily waved to Emily and then climbed out of the car.

“She’s headed your way.” Emily glanced in the rearview mirror and started backing out of the driveway. “And heads up, she’s a little moody this afternoon.”

“Why?” Ali asked, her voice oozing with concern.

Emily thought about her conversation with Lily. Her plan had been to talk to Zane’s parents and then talk to Ali. She didn’t want Ali going with her any more than Lily did. Ali had a tendency to get heated when it came to protecting their children. And sometimes that led to simple conversations escalating into confrontations, leaving Emily to deal with the aftermath.

“What do you mean _why_? She’s a teenager. And she’s her mothers’ daughter.”

Lily walked into her house and waved to her mother, then disappeared up the stairs. Ali sighed.

“What happened to my sweet little girl who needed me all the time?”

“She learned to walk and feed herself and…wipe her ass by herself.” Emily replied.

“Hey, you know the rules about that. Never talk about the dreaded potty training days.”

“Oh, come on. We’re not at the point where we can joke about it yet?” Emily asked.

“Grace peed on my African Violet.” The child had actually peed on it several times.

“To her credit, it _was_ a pot of some kind.”

“It was thirty years old and she killed it!”

“Don’t be so dramatic. It did fine after we salvaged the roots and moved it.” Emily laughed.

She glanced at the Jacobs’ driveway as she drove by it. The lights were out and there were no cars in the driveway. She made a mental note to stop by after Grace’s practice. She wanted the issue resolved as soon as possible.

Ali talked to Emily for a few more minutes. After she hung up she paused at the bottom of the stairs, considering whether or not she wanted to talk to her daughter. After mulling it over she realized it couldn’t hurt to see what she was up to.

To her surprise, Lily’s door was open. She was lying on her stomach with her head towards the foot of the bed. She had her feet up against the headboard. She was propped up on her elbows sorting through an open textbook. She saw her mom and smiled nervously. Lily bit her tongue, worried that she’d found out about her run-in with Zane. She knew if that was the case, she might be banned from going to Scarlett’s party. She’d probably be banned from ever doing anything outside again.

“Got a minute?” Ali scooched next to her on the bed.

Lily nodded, making room. She looked up at her mom, expecting her to start talking. When Ali didn’t say anything, Lily got nervous.

“Did I do something wrong?” Lily asked timidly.

“No, of course not.” Ali shook her head. “I just wanted to see how you’ve been doing.”

“You just saw me like five minutes ago. I was just downstairs.”

“I don’t mean just now. I’m talking about in general. Is everything okay with you?” Ali ran her fingers through Lily’s hair.

“I’m fine.” Lily shrugged and looked at her like she’d lost her mind.

She was trying to work on perfecting her stoic face. It wasn’t great yet. Ali saw something in her eyes that she didn’t like. Lily had Emily’s signature “I’m saying I’m okay, but I’m really not” look. Her motherly instincts went into overdrive. She furrowed her brow.

“Are you sure?” Ali pushed. “You know you can talk to your mother and me about anything.”

“God, why does everybody suddenly assume I need family therapy? Do I have a giant tattoo on my forehead in invisible ink or something?” She muttered.

Ali’s eyes widened in surprise. Emily hadn’t been kidding about Lily’s mood. Lily saw the look on her mom’s face and she immediately regretted her outburst.

“Sorry. I’m not trying to be snippy.” She kept her gaze focused on her book, because she knew her mother would see right through her. “I’m just…I’m trying to do my homework. I want to get it done before tonight and I really need to concentrate if I want to get these formulas right.”

“Do you want some help?”

“No, thanks.”

Ali thought about Emily telling her how she needed to loosen the reins and she realized she was smothering her a bit. So she took her wife’s advice and backed off.

“Alright.” Ali pushed up off of the bed, eyes still on her child.

Ali hated that she couldn’t hug her and squeeze her and cover her in kisses anymore, but neither of the girls had been receptive of their mothers’ affection after they’d turned ten.

She left Lily alone to do her homework and bask in the not-so-wonderful sullenness that was being a teenager. Ali remembered it well. She was just thankful that neither of her girls acted out the way she had when she’d been a teenager. Compared to Ali’s attitude back then, the girls and their mood swings were nothing. If giving her space was all she needed to do to let Lily cool down then Ali was willing to do it.

Though when Lily was getting ready to leave a few hours later she couldn’t resist giving her a quick safety lecture that Lily had heard a hundred times. She’d basically memorized the speech. She barely heard the actual words Ali was saying anymore. There was always something about the dangers of drinking and drugs and not being alone with anyone who made her feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. Then there was a bunch of stuff about sticking with her friends.

“I want you and Fi to look after Harper tonight.” Ali added to the end of her lecture.

“Mom, Harper can take care of herself,” Lily replied. Harper could take care of herself better than most adults could.

“I realize that, but despite the fact that she walks around with her mother’s brazen attitude, she’s still two years younger than you. You girls need to set an example for her.”

“Technically, she’s twenty and a half months younger than us. She corrects us all the time.” Lily rolled her eyes.

Ali laughed. Yep, that was definitely Spencer’s kid.

“You girls just be careful.”

“We will.” Lily nodded.

She rushed off to meet her friends before her mother could give her a sex education lecture. She quickly made her way to Harper’s house. Harper and Fiona were outside snapping pictures of each other’s outfits, which were a lot less casual than what Lily was wearing. Lily walked over to them.

“I didn’t realize there was a fancy dress code for the party.” Lily smiled at her friends.

“Aunt Hanna and Iris brought them by. Iris says she wants to be there with us in spirit. There’s an outfit for you up in my room.” Harper waved her towards the house.

“No, I think I’m good.” Lily shrugged.

“Uh huh…” Fiona typed something into her phone.

A few seconds went by and then Lily got a text. She glanced down and saw a message from Iris.

_“LILY, YOU GET YOUR STUBBORN ASS INTO THOSE CLOTHES OR I WILL COME OVER THERE MYSELF AND DRAG YOU IN BY YOUR HAIR TO CHANGE!”_

“Seriously, Fi?” Lily glared at her friend.

“What?” Fiona laughed. “I’m only looking out for you. If Iris sees any pictures from tonight and sees that you’re _not_ in her mother’s best designs she will chew you out for weeks.”

Lily rolled her eyes. But she relented, changing into the clothes that Iris had picked out. The outfit was surprisingly comfortable _and_ it was her style. Iris had inherited good taste from Hanna. They left for the party, getting another speech about safety from Spencer before they went. Lily felt around in her pocket for Grace’s knife. She’d grabbed it again before she left the house.

She’d all but forgotten about it until they saw Zane when they walked by his house. He walked down his driveway like he was going to approach them. He had a weird gait. He was limping on his left leg. He glanced at them and the girls muttered in surprise because he had cuts and bruises all over his face. He walked by them, not even looking their way. There had been a sudden change in his attitude from this morning.

“Whoa, what happened to him?” Fiona whispered. She looked at Harper. “Did you beat him up again?”

“No. But he probably ran his mouth off to the wrong person again.” Harper shrugged. “Whatever he did, he probably deserved it. And whoever did it deserves a celebratory ice cream party.”

“Hey, didn’t you say your mom was going to talk to his parents?” Fiona asked Lily.

“You think my _mom_ did that?” Lily laughed at the absurdity of the thought.

“Depends on which one showed up at his front door.” Harper quipped.

“He was skating this morning. He probably just wiped out.” Lily shrugged.

She listened to her friends speculate over what could have happened as she watched clouds roll over the sunset. It started to sprinkle, the sky indicating that there was a storm coming. That weird feeling she’d had all day was just getting stronger. She felt a little nauseated. Still, she did her best to have a good time at Scarlett’s party. There were more kids there than she’d expected. She hadn’t realized that Scarlett’s Tai Kwon Do class had so many kids.

She socialized for a little bit. Fiona and Harper were much more outgoing than Lily was. She saw Eli and talked to him for a few minutes, but then he went off to play foosball. After a while, she needed a break from all the noise, so she walked out on to the back porch. It was foggy out, but the rain had let up some. It was just drizzling. She heard loud laughter from inside the house and a loud whooping yell. She flinched a bit at the noise for some reason. She couldn’t figure out why she felt so weird. She walked a little ways away from the house to clear her head, not realizing that someone was watching her leave. She thought about texting her sister to see what she was up to, but she knew she was probably still at the pool.

Her assumption was right. At that very moment Grace was using the wall of the pool as a springboard, kicking her feet into it to gain momentum in the water. The water surged around her and she relished in the feeling. She had always felt so free in the water, like she was part of it. And she was good at swimming, too. She was one of the fastest girls on the team. Her teammates called her ‘the bullet’ because she shot through the water like a bullet tearing through the air. When she made it to the other side of the pool she pulled herself out and walked over to her mother. They were the last ones there, which was fairly typical.

“How was that?” Grace glanced at the stopwatch.

“You crushed it, kid.” Emily smiled. “Your form could use a little work though.”

“Like what?”

Emily’s phone jingled from beside her. She glanced down and saw that Ali was calling.

“For starters, maybe you shouldn’t cannonball into the pool at the actual meet.” She grabbed her phone.

“Whatever you say, coach,” she said sarcastically, walking towards the pool again.

“Hey, it’s about time to pack it in.” Emily glanced at her daughter. “Last run, okay?” She picked up her phone. “Hey…”

“You want to tell me why I’m spending our anniversary with your mother instead of you?” Ali gave her a hard time.

“Sorry, babe. Practice ran late tonight.” Emily watched Grace playfully do a backflip into the pool and laughed at just how silly the girl was. “Your daughter is killing it by the way. Her times rival mine.”

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, she is her mother after all.”

“Wait, why _are_ you spending our anniversary with my mom?” Emily questioned suddenly.

“It’s a surprise. So yank Grace out of the pool and hurry up and get home.” Ali ordered. “After your mother leaves I want to do things to you…”

“Oh my God, is she there right now? Please don’t tell me that you said that within earshot of her. You know she hears like a bat!”

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“I’m going to kill you.” Emily rolled her eyes.

“Save it for the bedroom.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

They said their goodbyes and then Emily ended the call. She watched Grace glide through the water for a few more minutes, occasionally checking her watch. Because she most definitely wanted an evening filled with more antics like this morning’s sex.

“Grace, let’s roll!”

“Five more minutes, mom? Please?” She called from the other side of the pool.

Grace had been in love with the water since she was a baby. Emily remembered taking her and Lily to swim class when they were toddlers. Lily had been apprehensive. She’d cried when her toes were dipped into the pool. Ali and Emily had practically had to stop Grace from bouncing into the water head first. She’d been mesmerized by it. She squalled when they left the pool. It used to be a fight to get her to go home. It had come as no surprise to them when Grace, at four years old, had told them she wanted to be a professional swimmer. Now, here she was, well on her way to a scholarship if she kept it up. Swimming was the one thing that Grace was diligent about in life.

“Fine…” Emily shook her head with a laugh.

Grace did a few more laps and then finally climbed out of the pool. She grabbed a towel and patted herself off. Seeing her soaking wet and dripping water all over the floor reminded Emily of the time she’d had to chase her through the rain. Twelve years later and the girl was still a watery mess.

“You want to shower here or at home before I drop you off at the movies with your friends?” Emily asked.

“Oh, yeah. That fell through.” Grace ran her fingers through her wet hair. “But don’t worry.” She added with a grin. “You and mom will still have the house to yourselves tonight to do… _whatever_. I made plans with some of the girls from the team to hang out.”

“You’re a mess, you know that?” Emily laughed. She stood up, grabbing their stuff.

When they got outside they realized it was raining.

“Guess I dried off for nothing.” Grace shrugged. She immediately surged forward in the rain.

Emily followed her. They climbed into the car and were on their way. Grace kept looking at her phone. Emily could tell she was thinking about texting someone. She could also tell that the ‘someone’ in question was someone she liked more than a friend. Emily couldn’t believe the girls were getting to the dating age. She’d overheard Lily teasing Grace about some boy she liked. She hadn’t pressed her on it at first, but now she was curious.

“So, I hear you have a crush on someone.” Emily started the car.

“God, can no one in this family keep a secret?” Grace rolled her eyes, but her cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

Emily had to keep her laughter at bay. Her daughter had no idea. Ali and Emily had basically grown up doing nothing but keeping secrets. Grace sent an “I’m gonna kill you” text to her sister for turning their mom on to the scent of her crush.

“So who is it?” Emily nudged Grace. When she didn’t answer, Emily continued teasing her. “Fine. I’ll just follow you around and see who you’re pining after myself.”

“Okay, I’ll tell you. But you have to promise you won’t tell mom, because it’s someone in her class and I don’t want her harping on him or like…giving him a sex-ed talk or something.”

Emily had to stifle a laugh.

“You do realize your mother teaches English, right?”

“Like that would stop her from giving a boy I like the third-degree?” Grace looked at her out of the corner of her eyes. “She’d probably threaten to cut his dick off or something.”

“Grace! Language…”

“Sorry.” Grace smiled. She didn’t look the least bit sorry. “But you have to admit, she would probably corner him somewhere and threaten to bury him if he even talked to me.”

Emily couldn’t argue. The kid had a fair point. Alison was fiercely overprotective of their daughters. Emily had always taken the more laid-back approach. She protected them when they needed it, but she also let them make their own mistakes. She wanted a different technique than the way she was raised. Her parents had been so strict with her that she’d become insecure. She wanted her daughters to feel open and comfortable in their own skin. Plus, letting Ali be the mama bear to their children was a huge turn on for Emily. There was nothing sexier than a good mom.

“Fair enough.” Emily nodded.

Grace told her mother about Sam Strauss. Emily approved. Holden and his wife had great kids. Sam was a nice boy. It was a comfort to her to know that if something did happen down the line as far as dating went, Sam would be a gentleman. Grace kept glancing at her phone and grumbling about the fact that Lily hadn’t responded to her message.

“What’s with all the grumping?” Emily heard her muttering.

“I sent Lily an epic burn and she’s ignoring me. That irritates me.”

“Leave your sister alone.” Emily laughed.

“I’m a little worried about her. She’s been really weird lately.” Grace frowned. “Makes me want to run that Zane guy over with a lawnmower.”

“Grace, I’m handling that,” Emily said with a warning tone in her voice. She knew that Grace would absolutely throat-punch the kid for making Lily feel uneasy if she didn’t keep her in line.

“I know. It’s just…sometimes she’s too stubborn for her own good. She thinks she can handle things by herself.”

Emily sighed. Grace and Lily had inherited the best and the worst of her and Alison. When she and Ali had been kids they’d learned the hard way not to try and deal with the hard stuff alone. She didn’t want her daughters repeating the same mistakes.

“She’s a total pain in my…”

“Grace…” Emily warned her to watch her mouth.

“…neck.” Grace smiled innocently, turning the dial on the radio up. She started scanning the stations.

Emily kept her eyes on the road. The rain was starting to pick up. She watched as the windshield wipers cleared the monsoon forming on the glass. It didn’t do much to hamper the fog though. While she was focused on her driving, her thoughts were a million miles away, hoping that Lily was making good choices at her party.

The rain wasn’t coming down as heavy in the woods behind the Strauss house. Lily was sitting on a fallen tree stump letting the drizzle cool her down. She closed her eyes. The cool air felt good on her face. She heard a noise behind her and her eyes shot open. She looked around, but didn’t see anything. She heard the noise again and she instinctively reached for Grace’s pocketknife. She could see the glow of the letter ‘G’ embroidered in gold on the handle from the dim light of the house in the distance. Seconds later, a shadow appeared. Her fingers tightened around the weapon as she got ready to flip the blade up.

“I come in peace,” the shadow said in a familiar voice. Eli walked through the mist.

“God, Eli. You scared the shit out of me.” Lily relaxed.

“Sorry.” He shrugged, walking over to her. “You know, you really shouldn’t be out here alone, Lil.”

“You sound like Grace and my mothers.” Lily snorted. “I’m like ten feet from the house.”

“Yeah, in the woods.” Eli sat down next to her. “Haven’t you ever seen any horror movies?”

“Your dad told you to look out for me tonight, didn’t he?”

“Whaaaat?” Eli laughed, a fake surprised look on his face, “Of course not!”

“You do realize you’re younger than me, right? I’m supposed to be the one looking out for you.”

“Well, you’re doing a crappy job.” Eli smiled. “You had me out here all by myself looking for you. I have been totally defenseless. What if I had needed rescuing, huh?”

Lily shook her head and shoved him with a laugh. She glanced at her phone and saw she had a message from her sister. She started to respond, but they heard something rustling in the brush.

“Hey, did you hear that?” Eli stood up, keeping his voice quiet.

They glanced towards where the noise was coming from. Leaves swirled towards them, the wind lightly blowing in the trees. For some reason Lily flashed back to Grace talking about how the world was constantly in motion, how they were always moving. At that moment she could feel it. There was a strange buzzing feeling in her veins. She looked up through the trees. A soft flicker of light flashed in the sky. Seconds later they heard thunder in the distance. Lily stood up next to Eli just as another flash of lightning lit up the sky, this time the thunder cracking loudly above them. They both jumped at the noise, Lily automatically reaching for Eli’s arm.

Miles away, Grace and Emily saw the same flash of lightning. It only briefly distracted Grace from singing along to the music. Emily laughed listening at how into it she was.

“This is my jam!” Grace nodded along during an instrumental break. “It’s that ‘you can’t help but dance when it comes on at the club’ jam.”

“The only club you better be involved in is Key Club at school.” Emily rounded a corner, slowing down, knowing the roads were bound to be slick with this much water on them.

Another flash lit up the car. But this time it wasn’t lightning. The glare of another car’s headlights blinded Emily.

“Mom!” Grace cried out, her hand shooting out to grab Emily’s arm.

Emily instinctively threw her arm out in front of Grace to keep her from flying forward as she hit the brakes.

She didn’t even have a chance to react to the car being directly in her lane. It happened in seconds. The other car tried to swerve, but the driver over-corrected, slamming into the passenger’s side of their car, the deafening sound of crunching metal echoing in the air. The impact sent them sailing into the guardrail, knocking Emily’s hands away from the wheel. Emily’s window shattered. She reached up and jerked the wheel, trying to hold them steady, but the car tipped against the buckling metal of the guardrail. The barrier didn’t stop them. They felt the agonizing weightlessness as the car flew over the embankment, sending them careening towards the river below.


	4. Wrecked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Warning: this chapter may cause intense feelings, heart palpitations, and desire to kill writer horribly. Seriously. This one is intense. This is the chapter that made me doubt publishing this story in the first place. It’s gonna hurt. Read it with caution. It’s going to get worse before it gets better. I apologize in advance._

* * *

 

The car flipped several times. Emily lost count after the third time, but each time it rolled they felt the jolt of the impact in their bones, in every cell of their bodies. It felt like hours were passing with each second they were suspended in air. There was a strange ethereal numbness that overcame them both, as the reality of what was happening didn’t feel real to them. But they were knocked back into lucidity every time the car slammed against the ground. The sound of metal being crushed and glass shattering was all they could hear. Neither one of them screamed, or at least neither one of them remembered screaming, on the way down. Even if they had, no one was around to hear it.

Emily remembered being thrust against the door and then against the steering wheel. Grace was jolted to the side into the center console and then up against her mangled door, which by some miracle of a chance hadn’t completely caved in. Both of their seat belts jerked and held them in place. The passenger’s side airbag didn’t deploy, but the driver’s side did, nearly knocking Emily completely out. She fought to stay conscious. Her head was throbbing. She blacked out for a few seconds, only forcing herself back into consciousness when she heard her daughter calling out for her. She could feel Grace’s small fingers digging in to her arm. She reached back in the midst of the chaos and put her hand over Grace’s, trying to let her know she was there, that she wasn’t alone.

The car stopped rolling and tilted on its folding wheels before it flipped one last time and landed upright in the river. The car teetered back and forth, a strange buoyancy moving them up and down as it settled against the water. There was a sucking noise and then a loud whoosh. Moments later, the frigid water came pouring in through the fractured glass. Emily sucked in a surprised gasp when she felt the icy sensation. Though the temperatures had been in the high 50s during the day, they’d dropped into the 30s and 40s at night, leaving the water feeling like knives against their skin. Emily’s first instinct was to make sure her daughter wasn’t hurt.

“Grace? Are you okay?” She reached over and put her palm on Grace’s face. Grace nearly jumped out of her skin, but she didn’t answer. At the very least she was conscious.

Emily tried to let her eyes adjust to the dim light. Grace was staring straight ahead in shock. She blinked several times. Emily could feel her shaking. She instinctively stroked Grace’s face to try and calm her down with one hand and hit the emergency button on her Bluetooth with her other. It connected to 911 instantly.

“911, what’s your emergency?” A voice over the loudspeaker asked.

“My daughter and I were just in a wreck. Another driver swerved into our lane and we were hit and run off the road…” She glanced up, trying to see if the driver of the other car was on their way to help. All she could see was a dark night sky occasionally lighting up from the passing storm, the noise of the thunder rolling and the rushing water now sounding identical. Above all that noise, she could still hear raindrops pelting the roof. She could feel the icy river water swishing up against her feet. It was so cold that it felt like it was slowing the blood in her veins. “We went over the Rock Canal Bridge and we’re in the river…”

“Okay, ma’am, can you tell me where exactly…”

Static filled the air and the phone disconnected, the electricity shorting out. Emily pressed the emergency button again, but nothing happened.

“Damn it!” Emily smacked the car stereo with her palm. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Grace jump. She tried to calm herself down so she could calm her daughter down. “Hey, it’s okay.” She tried to reassure her.

She felt around for her phone. She found it submerged in water in between her seat and the floor. She did her best not to panic. She glanced down, and for the first time she realized that her legs were trapped between the crushed steering column and the seat.

“Mom, I’m scared.” Grace finally spoke, her voice quiet and strange. She sounded so small. So fragile. Her fearless child, paralyzed by fear. It made Emily’s heart ache in her chest.

“It’s okay. We’re going to be okay.” She repeated, reaching over, her palm landing on Grace’s cheek again.

She could feel Grace shivering underneath her touch. She felt a droplet of water on her face and she wasn’t sure if it was a tear or backsplash from the river water. She could barely see anything with clarity, but she could feel the water hitting her like shards of ice crystals, taking her breath away. Her stomach felt like it was twisted in knots, a burning sensation building up underneath her ribs.

She tried to push back away from the steering column, but her bottom half was wedged in between the crushed metal and her seat. The water was creeping up her calves. They were sinking, and fast. Emily unlatched her seat belt and reached down to try and pull her legs free. Her right leg was more freely movable than her left one. She felt a sharp stabbing pain when she tried to pull her left leg out of the wreckage. She sucked in a quiet gasp. She blinked, thinking she could see blood in the surrounding water, but she wasn’t sure. Emily pushed her hands against the roof and pulled in a deep breath, trying to move her leg again. She felt something jagged digging into her flesh and immediately stopped.

“Shit,” she uttered quietly. She took in another breath, feeling a tight sensation in her stomach when she pulled it in.

Her focus changed from getting herself free to getting her daughter free. Even if she couldn’t get out, she could get Grace out. Grace would be able to swim to the shore. She could still make it. She looked over to see what she needed to do to get Grace out of the car. It was hard to see if she had any visible injuries because the only light she had was the glare of the streetlamps above and the occasional flare from the lightning. From what she could tell, Grace wasn’t pinned down anywhere.

“Honey, are you hurt?” Emily asked.

“I…I…don’t…I…” Grace stuttered. “I’m scared,” she said again, hitting Emily just as painfully hard as it had the first time she’d heard it.

“Hey, can you move your arms and legs for me?”

Grace nodded. She saw Grace lift her legs. She put her feet back down, water splashing around her shoes, and then reached her hands out, palms up, like she was getting ready to take a heavy coat into her arms.

“Good.” Emily nodded. “Good girl.” She glanced at the rising water and swallowed a lump in her throat.

“It’s getting deeper.” Grace choked out. “What…what are we going to do?”

“Everything is going to be just fine as long as you do exactly what I say, alright?”

Grace didn’t answer.

“Grace…” Emily tried to get her daughter’s attention.

Grace was staring forward in fear.

“Gracie, honey, I need you to listen to me.” Emily watched as her daughter slowly turned to face her. “You’re going to have to climb up through the window and swim to the shore.”

“Wh – what about you?” Grace’s voice was trembling, though Emily couldn’t tell if it was from fear or the hypothermia setting in.

“I’ll be right behind you.” Emily nearly bit through her tongue trying not to let Grace see the depth of her lie.

Grace shook her head, tears in her eyes.

“I – I can’t,” she whimpered.

“Yes, you can,” Emily said. She gently placed her hands on Grace’s face, both of them nearly numb. “Hey, look at me. You can do this. I know you can.”

“No.” Grace cried. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“You’re not. It’s just going to take me a little longer to get out. But I will. Okay? I will.”

“You’re lying.” Grace’s body shook as she cried, her bottom lip quivering. She reached over and pressed her hands against Emily’s leg and gently pushed against it. “You can’t move. You…you can’t get out. Mom, I don’t want you to die.” She wailed.

“I’m not. Gracie, I’m not.”

“You can’t get out.” Grace repeated through her sobbing. “You can’t…”

Emily felt a frantic panic surfacing at the thought of Grace drowning just because she couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her behind. Her daughter was as stubborn as she was. She didn’t know what else to do, so she lied her ass off.

“Hey, I promise you I am going to be fine.” She gripped Grace’s cheeks tightly, trying to get her to believe her. “ _We’re_ going to be fine. You just get out and get somewhere safe. I am going to be right behind you. I will be right there behind you, Gracie. I swear. But you have to go, honey. _Now_.”

Grace took in a shuddering whimpering breath and nodded. She reached down into the water to unfasten her safety belt, but it was jammed. She pulled against it, a strangled cry coming out as she fought to free herself. She looked up at Emily, her eyes frozen, wide and afraid.

“Mom, I’m stuck.” She gasped, frantically pulling at her seat belt now.

Emily felt that tension in her stomach again. That fear that her child was trapped with her in this sinking car. That fear that neither one of them was going to make it out alive.

“Hold on.”

Emily plunged her hands into the icy water to unhook Grace’s seat belt for her, but after a few seconds she realized it wasn’t going to come loose. Grace looked at her, her breaths coming out so rapidly that she was hyperventilating. Emily felt her own panic rising to the surface, but she suppressed it for Grace’s sake.

“Sweetie. Sweetie, don’t panic. You’re going to be okay. I’ll get you out. I’m – I’m going to get you out of here.” Emily’s entire body was trembling, but she tried to keep it together.

“Oh my God, we’re gonna die.” Grace cried, her breathing becoming more erratic. “Mom, we’re gonna die. I don’t want to…” She sucked in a gasp.

“Grace, I need you to calm down, baby.” Emily pushed her hand against Grace’s face again, trying to get Grace to face her.

“I can’t. I c-can’t…” She cried out through her ragged breathing. She grunted and then shivered, curling her arms tight against her body, her hands shaking against her chest. She took in a strange sharp breath. “Mom, I…I’m cold. I feel…” Her body tensed and she looked over at Emily. “I feel weird.” She groaned.

The pain in Emily’s stomach radiated up into her chest, her pulse racing. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Grace didn’t just feel weird. Emily could see that she _looked_ weird. She didn’t look good at all.

“Honey, what’s wrong? What is it?” Emily’s voice came out strained.

“My…my chest hurts.”

Emily’s heart lurched against her ribs. She saw Grace’s eyes flickering and fluttering. Emily could see a dazed expression in her eyes, one different than the look of panic that had initially been on her face.

“I’m…dizzy.” Her head started to droop forward. “Mom, I…I think…” She groaned again.

Emily grabbed her face tightly, fighting back tears.

“Hey, no…Grace, Gracie…listen to me. You have to stay awake.”

She could see her daughter shaking, but she now knew that it wasn’t just because of the water spilling into the car. In the dim light overhead Emily could see that Grace’s skin was pale, her normally vibrant eyes were dull and colorless, and her breathing pattern was becoming irregular and worrisome. She _was_ hurt. They just couldn’t see her injuries. Emily knew she needed to get her out somehow.

“Baby, you can’t…you can’t fall asleep.” Emily begged.

Grace peered at Emily, a pitiful look in her eyes, a look that ripped into Emily’s soul, a look that every mother feared.

“Mom…Mommy…” She glanced at Emily, her words waning and sluggish, her eyes drooping.

Her head fell forward against Emily’s palms, her eyes closed. She slumped down in her seat, her seat belt the only thing keeping her from falling into the rising water.

“Grace!” Emily yelled. “Grace, wake up!” She struggled to get her leg free again.

The water was up to her chest and almost up to Grace’s chin. Emily looked around the car in a panic. She positioned Grace’s head gently against the headrest. Then she submerged her hands into the water underneath her trapped leg. She wiggled her fingers up in between the steering column and her leg and pressed down against her skin, hoping she’d be able jostle her limb free despite whatever was holding it in place. She positioned her other hand underneath her thigh and pushed her free foot against the front of the crushed metal underneath the steering column for leverage.

She took a deep breath and clenched her jaw together tightly, knowing it was going to hurt like hell. Then she pushed with her free leg and pulled on her injured one, feeling a jagged piece of metal cutting in to it as she did. She screamed as she moved her leg up. Despite the cool temperature of the water around her she could feel her face heating up, burning in pain, as she tugged on her leg. She could feel it slowly wiggling free. She glanced over at Grace, and that fueled her determination. She heaved out a pained grunt and then yanked her leg free, slicing it open in the process. She didn’t feel it. She didn’t care. All she could see at that moment was her child.

“I’m going to get you out, Grace. Just hold on, sweetie.” Emily leaned over the console, using one hand to tilt Grace’s chin up to keep her head above water and the other to reach down and fight against Grace’s seat belt. She was losing feeling in her hands, but that didn’t stop her from gripping Grace’s seat belt with a steel grasp and yanking against it until her fingers and palm were burning from the frayed edges of the belt. After a minute of struggling with it, her mind slowed down long enough to remember that she had a tool just for instances like this.

There was a creaking noise and then a loud bubbling sound and Emily realized they were almost completely submerged. Grace’s head disappeared under the water. Emily took in a deep breath right as the water went over her head, shooting pains jolting her temples as the cold water washed over her entire body. She felt around for the latch to the storage compartment on the passenger side of the car. She pulled against the weight of the water when she found it. She ran her fingers around until she found what she was looking for. The emergency vehicle escape tool had a seat belt cutter. She quickly sliced through Grace’s seat belt and had her daughter free seconds later.

She wrapped one of her arms around Grace, pulling her close to her body, and then she pushed up through her broken window, fighting against the undertow from the sinking car. She swam for the surface. The car swirled down, nearly taking Emily and Grace with it. But Emily threw her free arm forward and kicked her legs with all of her might, feeling them burning despite the drop in her body temperature. Every muscle in her tired body ached as she swam for their lives, holding Grace firmly as she pushed her way to the surface.

She sucked in a breath of air when they emerged, gasping and choking out water she didn’t even realize she’d swallowed. She managed to scream for help as she swam to the shore, hoping that the other driver was conscious, hoping they’d given the police details on where they were. No one answered. She squinted to get a better look at where they’d tumbled over the embankment. She could see the twisted metal of the guardrail. There was no trace of the other car behind it. Where the hell was the other driver? Had no one else come upon the accident? Why weren’t people rushing to help? She yelled for help again. Still no answer.

Her entire body was numb by the time she reached the shore. She could feel herself shuddering violently. She knew that some of it was adrenaline, but she also knew that part of it was because she was hypothermic. Still, she managed to get them on dry land. Grace was limp in her arms. She felt weightless, like a feather drifting through the wind. She was pale and lifeless. Emily gently laid her against the ground and put her ear up to Grace’s mouth, checking to see if she was breathing. She didn’t see any movement in her chest. She felt for her pulse, but didn’t feel one. She felt her stomach drop and she fought back a sob. She knew she couldn’t fall apart. Grace needed her. She immediately started CPR, pumping her chest and blowing air into her lungs. In all of her years of medical training the school required for emergency response, she never once thought she’d be performing CPR on her own child. No parent ever did. No parent ever wanted to even _think_ about it.

She tasted the river water in Grace’s mouth and the liquid spilled into Emily’s mouth. She pulled back to spit the water out of her mouth. She waited for Grace to cough up more water, but she didn’t.

“Grace, baby – breathe.” Emily begged. “Gracie, come on.”

She trailed her fingers over Grace’s face. Her soft cheeks still had traces of her baby fat. She felt for her pulse again, but still found nothing. Emily heaved out a cry, but continued chest compressions, her own breath heavy and ragged.

“Come on, sweetie.”

Grace had always been a stubborn little shit. Emily silently begged for that stubborn streak to be the very thing that brought her back.

“Don’t.” Emily felt the cold air beginning to burn her lungs. “Don’t do this to me. Don’t you give up here, Grace. Don’t you dare…”

Several intense minutes went by. She got a weak pulse back for a few seconds, but then lost it again. Emily kept pushing. She kept fighting for her daughter. She screamed out for help as she tried to save her, but she felt like she was alone in the world. She felt like she was in a black hole being sucked further into space, like she was outside of herself. Her brain had completely shut down. The only thing keeping her going was pure instinct.

She thought she heard sirens in the distance, but she couldn’t tell for sure. Her ears felt like they had water in them. She finished a round of chest compressions and leaned in to give Grace two more breaths. She felt breathless herself. When she pulled back she saw her tears falling against Grace’s face. Somehow, she knew them apart from the falling rain and river water on her cheeks. She could tell the difference. She could feel it. Her tears were warm, while the other droplets on Grace’s skin were cool.

“Wake up, Grace. Mommy is right here. I’m right…”

Suddenly, Emily couldn’t catch her own breath anymore. Her vision flashed white and she nearly fell over. The shock was finally hitting her. Or at least, that’s what she thought. It wasn’t until she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen that she realized it was something more. Her hand automatically went to push up against the pain. When she pulled her fingers away she realized that she was soaked in something other than water. Her hand was coated in something red and sticky.

When she looked down she saw that her stomach was covered in blood. She could see something jagged protruding through her shirt. Her adrenaline and the chilly water temperatures had kept her from feeling the brunt of the injury up until now, but her body was going in to shock. Her hands started trembling. She felt a cold sensation shoot down her spine and throughout the rest of her body. She lost feeling in her limbs, a terrifying horror overtaking her thoughts, because if she couldn’t move her hands…she couldn’t save her child.

“N – no, no.” She tried to turn her focus back towards her daughter. She went to lift her hands to try and continue CPR, but suddenly they were fading from her sight. “No…please…” She couldn’t die here. She couldn’t let her daughter die here.

The overpowering dizziness knocked her for a loop. She wavered and then collapsed on her side next to Grace. Her body was almost completely numb again, and this time it had nothing to do with the hypothermia. The only thing she could feel was the rain dripping against her face. Her vision blurred and for a second all she heard was the sound of the rainfall padding the ground next to her. Her vision came into focus again and she stared at Grace. She tried like hell to move her upper body, her hands weakly reaching for Grace, her fingers grazing her chest, trying to push down…to get her heart started again.

“Gr – Gracie…” She groaned.

She could hear the sirens in the distance as she faded from consciousness. Her last thought before she completely blacked out was a silent prayer that the paramedics would reach Grace in time.

The EMTs and police sped through the streets, filling the town with their wailing alarms. Lily and Eli heard them wafting through the air as they were walking back to Holden’s house from the woods. What they’d assumed to be some killer from a horror movie out to get them was nothing more than Harper and Fiona coming to scold them for leaving the party. The four of them were halfway to the house, Lily and Eli trailing behind Harper and Fiona.

“Eli, what were you thinking?” Harper ragged on Eli. “If mom and dad find out about this we’re never going to be able to leave our rooms again. They’ll ground us until we’re thirty.”

“I don’t need my little sister to babysit me.” Eli rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me,” Harper snapped.

Lily looked at Eli in surprise. Harper was still facing forward, yet she knew her brother was mocking her behind her back. Though, Lily wasn’t sure why she was so surprised. Grace did the same thing to her. They just read each other that well.

“And yes, you _do_ need me to babysit you, because your dumb ass would be dead by now if I didn’t tell you what an idiot you were being half the time.” Harper added.

“Lay off of him, Harper. It was my fault,” Lily said. “He just came out here looking for me.”

“Oh, I’ll get to you in a minute.” Harper glanced over her shoulder, glaring daggers at her.

“Fi, a little help?” Lily looked at Fiona.

“I’m with Harper on this one.” Fiona shook her head. “You’ve heard all the horror stories about our moms and what happened to them when they ran off into the woods when they were our age. My mom’s right eye still twitches when we drive to our cabin through the national park forest,” she muttered.

Though Aria and the rest of her friends had had years to overcome the turmoil they’d been through when they were teenagers, there were still certain triggers that they would never completely get over. Being manipulated, stalked, and nearly killed wasn’t just something people forgot about.

Admittedly, their parents hadn’t told them everything, but what they hadn’t learned from them they learned from old news stories and tabloids. Lily’s moms had always told her to read those stories with caution, but she had gotten pretty good at determining fiction from reality. She was pretty much able to pinpoint what was true and what wasn’t. Lily didn’t even think much about it anymore. She was just glad the drama was over. Or, at least…her mothers’ drama was over. Harper had moved on from Eli and now she was laying into Lily for wandering off by herself. She kept spouting out murder statistics and a whole bunch of other things Lily wasn’t paying attention to.

“What if it had been Jackass Jacobs?” Harper asked. “What would you have done if Zane had crept up on you out there?”

Lily didn’t respond.

“Lily, are you even listening to me?”

“Huh?” Lily questioned.

“Don’t worry. I tune her out, too,” Eli whispered.

“Hey, I’m serious.” Harper spun around. “Just this morning you were all wigged out by Zane in the _daylight_. Now you’re out here running around with a giant ‘come at me, bro’ sign on your back? You’re lucky Fi and I showed up when we did. Otherwise you might have been the next _Dateline_ special.”

“Zane’s no murderer. He’s a douchebag, but he’s not a killer.” Lily shrugged.

“That’s exactly what serial killers’ neighbors say about them when they are being interviewed by the media after their murderous neighbor snaps and kills people!”

“Jesus, Harper, calm down.” Eli mumbled. “You have got to stop watching the news.”

Harper frowned at her brother and her best friend. She took a breath, realizing that everyone was staring at her like she was a powder keg getting ready to ignite. Even Fiona looked a little surprised by her sudden outburst.

“Look, I’m sorry for snapping,” Harper said with a sigh. “But you guys know why I harp on you, right?”

“Because your name is Harper.” Eli smarted back. He glanced at Lily. “I’m convinced my parents knew what they were doing when they named her. She probably harped on my mom in-utero.”

“Hey, I may be younger than you, but I can still take your ass in a fight.” Harper threatened.

Only because Eli refused to hit back. He didn’t dare say that out loud, because he knew Harper would throw a punch at him for being a smartass. And he wouldn’t fight back, further proving her point.

“Look, Lil…” Harper’s tone was calmer now, “…you, Fi, Iris, and Grace are my best friends. If something ever happened to any of you I’d lose my mind.” She glanced at her brother, a half-irritated sneer on her face, “And if something ever happened to _you_ , mom and dad would kill me.”

“Thanks, love you, too, sis.” Eli snorted.

“I’m sorry we scared you, Harper,” Lily said sincerely, putting her palm against Harper’s arm.

She could feel Harper shaking. Sometimes she forgot that Harper was younger than everyone else, despite her mother’s earlier reminder. Harper carried herself in such a mature manner that it was easy to forget that she was the baby of their group.

“It’s okay.” Harper sighed. “Sorry I yelled.”

“You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t.” Lily smiled.

“Why’d you sneak off in the first place?” Fiona asked curiously.

Lily shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to answer, or unsure of how to put her answer into words. She still didn’t feel right about tonight. She felt like she was walking through a weird daydream. The world felt off to her. She couldn’t explain it.

“I just…” She felt that burning sensation in her stomach again, her inner voice crying out for reasons she didn’t understand. “I needed some air.”

“Well, do me a favor…next time you need some air take us with you.” Harper suggested. “We should stick together. No matter what.”

Lily nodded. Harper opened the back door to Holden’s house and walked inside. Just as the other three were getting ready to follow, another siren cut through the air. They listened for a second, none of them saying a word. The air around them felt thicker for some reason. Eli was the first to break the silence.

“Guess my dad and his posse are busy tonight.” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah…” Lily glanced off into the distance. Her thoughts were a million miles away.

Eli followed his sister into the house. Lily glanced down at her phone, suddenly remembering that she hadn’t replied to Grace yet. She looked at the message her sister had sent her:

_“Do track tryouts include running your mouth? Cuz if so you’d take home the gold. Mom’s grilling me about Sam, so either she’s psychic or your mouth is more open than a hooker’s legs. You’re dead the next time I see you.”_

She’d ended it with a winky emoji followed by a knife and another emoji of someone running away.

Lily blinked, trying to think up a reply to Grace. Her normally quick-fire wit was in a fog. Her brain felt muddled. She didn’t like it.

“Hey, are you okay?” Fiona asked, putting her hand against Lily’s shoulder. “You really haven’t been yourself tonight.”

Lily squinted and looked off into the darkness. Then she faced Fiona again.

“Have you ever felt like something is just not right? Like you know something, but you don’t know what it is? But it’s there and it feels real and you don’t know how to stop yourself from falling into this dark hole in your mind?”

“Sometimes.” Fiona nodded.

“I just have this weird feeling, and I can’t shake it.” Lily’s brow tightened in thought.

“What kind of feeling?” Fiona questioned.

Lily suddenly felt very self-conscious, like Fiona would think she was nuts for being upset for no reason…or a reason she couldn’t explain. Fiona could see her withdrawing into herself.

“I dunno.” Lily shook her head. “Maybe I’m just crazy. Maybe…maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

“Nah, you’re not crazy, Lil. There’s nothing wrong with you,” she replied.

“How do you know?” Lily didn’t sound convinced. She thought Fiona was trying to coddle her.

Fiona took a thoughtful pause before she responded.

“Because you and I are a lot alike.” Fiona shrugged. She leaned against the railing on the back porch, looking up at the sky. “I think we’re both way more connected to the world than we care to be.” She sighed. “I remember this one time in kindergarten, my class was in the middle of story time and I started crying. No reason. I just burst into tears. I was so upset that the teacher’s aide had to take me out of the room. She took me to the nurse because she thought something was wrong with me. Kai was there, too. He had fallen on the playground. Turns out, he broke his arm.”

“Wait, are you saying you knew Kai was hurt?” Lily blinked in surprise, a weird sick feeling in her stomach.

“I still don’t know the answer to that.” Fiona admitted. “Because when I was crying I wasn’t thinking about him. I wasn’t thinking about anything. It’s just…at that moment I didn’t feel right. And I was scared and overwhelmed and I didn’t understand why I felt that way. Sometimes that feeling still sneaks up on me, but there’s not always a reason for it. It’s like my mind plays tricks on me because it knows I’ll listen.”

“How do you know when it’s real and when it’s not?”

“You don’t,” Fiona said. “It’s just something that’s kind of always there. Sometimes you get it right. Other times you’re just driving yourself crazy. Things happen, Lil, whether we want them to or not. We can’t stop them. We’re not in charge of the world. We just see it. Some people believe in coincidences. Some people think there’s more to it. I don’t know what I believe, but what I _know_ is that it’s something I can’t explain. Instincts, intuition, brains firing neurons…whatever people call it, we _feel_ it. And maybe it’s just because we know what our parents went through, and we know that the world is so much bigger and scarier than what we see…but there are instances in life that we’re just in tune with.”

“God, write a book.” Lily was impressed with Fiona’s insight.

“I’m just saying, you’re not alone in the way you feel. People like us…we kinda just know things sometimes without really understanding how or why. We’re sensitive to everything around us, you know?”

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to make me feel better or worse.” Lily cocked an eyebrow at her friend. “Are you saying like…a meteor is about to land on our heads or something? Should…should we get an umbrella?”

Fiona rolled her eyes and shoved Lily playfully.

“An umbrella wouldn’t do much against a meteor.”

“It would if it was made of vibranium.” She grinned. “Works for _Black Panther_.”

“Be more of a nerd, Lily.” Fiona teased her.

“Says the girl who has every issue of Marvel comics in her basement.”

“They’re my brother’s.”

“Liar.” Lily nudged her. They both laughed. “Bet you didn’t think tonight was going to turn into a philosophical debate, did you?”

“You’ve been to my house. You’ve met my parents. My entire life is a philosophical debate.” Fiona scoffed.

“Thanks for understanding, Fi.”

“Hey, I get it. I do. Just try not to let days like this eat at you too much. Because taking on the world’s problems…that will swallow you whole.”

“Yeah. I get what you mean.” Lily nodded in agreement.

“Look, there’s a lot happening these days. It’s really easy to get overwhelmed and pick up on bad vibes. I mean, Zane shook you up this morning, right? Maybe what you’re feeling is just a delayed reaction from that.”

“I don’t know.” It felt bigger than that. But she wanted to believe Fiona’s thought process. It was _easier_ to believe Fiona’s thought process, so she went with it. “Maybe.” She shrugged. “God, being in tune with your surroundings can be so emo.” Lily huffed in exhaustion. “Can’t I just dream up the winning lottery numbers instead? It would be so much easier.”

“If you do, you better get me a ticket, too.”

“You got it.”

Seconds later, the door swung open and Harper popped her head out.

“Hey, are you two coming or what? They’re setting up karaoke. I dared Eli to do a Beyoncé song. He’s gonna do it.”

“This I’ve gotta see.” Lily’s eyes lit up in excitement, reaching for her phone to get the video camera ready.

Fiona quickly shuffled inside. Lily glanced at the message from her sister and typed a quick reply:

_“Bring it on, ho. You’ll have to catch me first, and we both know I’m faster than you on land. Make sure you bring toilet paper, cuz you’re gonna get your ass wiped.”_

She heard the fading sirens in the distance, not realizing that at that very moment, her mother and her sister were being surrounded by emergency medical personnel. Fire and Rescue and the EMTs had beat the cops there by a few minutes. When they arrived all they found was bits and pieces of wreckage, but neither car was anywhere to be found. They knew from the brief 911 call what general vicinity to look in and they found the broken railing almost instantly. When they followed the debris and the tracks leading down to the river they saw two bodies on the ground on the shore just inches from the water. They quickly slid down to help them. The paramedics split up to assess Emily and Grace.

“I’ve got a pulse! Weak and thready, but there.” An older paramedic stabilized Emily’s neck and gently turned her over to take note of her injuries.

Their driver came down, lugging more supplies. The paramedic attending to Emily looked up at the driver when she was about halfway down the hill.

“Cops here yet?” The paramedic asked.

“ETA two minutes.” The driver replied.

“We can’t wait. We need to move her now.” He was working on the wound in her abdomen.

She groaned and uttered something under her breath. The paramedic thought he saw her open her eyes.

“Hey, what’s your name, honey?” The paramedic asked. “Can you tell me your name?”

“M – my daughter.” Emily huffed out, her words slurring, her eyes still closed. “Please help my daughter.”

The driver’s eyes flashed in recognition when she reached them.

“I know her. She works at my kid’s school.”

“You got a name?” The paramedic asked.

“DiLaurentis-Fields.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” She glanced at Emily to make sure it was who she thought it was. She glanced at the other paramedic assessing Grace and then looked back at Emily. “Her name is Emily.”

“Call it in to the station. See if they have an officer available to contact the family so they can meet us at the hospital.”

The driver nodded.

“Emily?” The paramedic asked.

Emily was unresponsive this time. She was starting to crash. The paramedic looked at his partner.

“How’s the kid?” His partner didn’t answer. “Hobbs?” Still no response. “Trav? What have you got? Talk to me.”

The young man finally looked up, a bleak look on his face. The older paramedic sighed. But before he could reply, he felt Emily’s pulse fade.

“Damn it. I’m losing her.” He started working on Emily again. “Come on. We’ve gotta move.”

They could see flashing blue lights on the road above them. The driver radioed the police station to give them Emily’s name. She had just gotten back to the rig when the first police cruiser pulled on to the scene. Toby and his partner Lorenzo Calderon stepped out of their cruiser. The scene wasn’t as chaotic as they expected. There was some debris on the road around the firetrucks and the ambulance. They knew that one car had ended up in the river, but they had expected to see the other.

“All units be advised dispatch has sent a unit to…” Dispatch rattled off an address as Toby and Lorenzo were climbing out of the car. They didn’t hear the rest of the address because another ambulance whizzed by them.

The EMTs hopped out of the second ambulance and rushed down the hill to help.

“This the MVC?” Lorenzo asked one of the firefighters.

The fireman responded with a nod.

“Both cars in the river?” Lorenzo asked, still searching for the second car.

“Tracks indicate just one went down.” The fireman responded.

“So the other driver fled the scene.” Toby looked around with a frown.

“Yeah.” Lorenzo agreed.

“Any witnesses?” Toby asked.

“Can’t say for sure. Traffic has been light tonight.” The fireman replied. “As far as I know, we were first on the scene.”

“I’ll call it into the station and set up a perimeter.” Toby walked in the opposite direction of the ambulance, radio in hand.

“I’ll get an update on the vics.” Lorenzo replied, walking over towards the ambulance driver. He waved to her. “What have we got?”

“Two females. One adult. One juvenile. Adult has significant internal injuries. She’s already crashed once. They’re bringing her up now.”

“And the kid?”

The paramedic shook her head. Lorenzo swallowed a knot in his throat. His job came with some difficult things, but losing kids still topped his list as one of the hardest, if not _the_ hardest.

“Dispatch is en route to the family already. I recognized them. I know them,” she sighed.

Lorenzo put his hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

He saw two EMTs appear over a hill with someone on a stretcher. There was a gurney waiting for them. Once they got her on the gurney they rushed towards the ambulance. When they stopped to load her into the truck Lorenzo immediately recognized her.

“Emily?” He exclaimed in surprise.

The driver looked at Lorenzo.

“A friend of yours?” She asked, sympathy on her face.

“One of my partner’s best friends.” He looked around for Toby. “Jesus Christ.” He huffed as they were loading her into the rig. “Cavanaugh!” He called into his radio.

“One sec…” Toby replied almost immediately.

Lorenzo suddenly remembered,

_Two females. One adult. One juvenile._

“Oh fuck.” He ran his hand over his head. “Her daughter was with her?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.” He repeated. “Toby, you need to get back here, man.” He called into his radio.

The driver ran to the front of the rig while her partners climbed in the back.

“Hey, is she gonna make it?” Lorenzo put his hand on the edge of the rig.

“Don’t know yet.” The older paramedic replied. “Already lost her pulse once. Got her back, but she’s hypothermic and she’s lost a lot of blood. Penetrating wound to the abdomen. Probably has massive internal injuries. But she’s holding on. Fighting like hell.”

“Yeah, she does that.” Lorenzo nodded. “You can’t lose her. Whatever you have to do to keep her alive, do it.”

“That’s our main goal.” The paramedic nodded.

“Do what you do.” Lorenzo said, swallowing a knot in his throat as the doors of the ambulance closed. “Cavanaugh, where the hell are you?” He growled into his radio, watching the ambulance speed away with Emily in it.

He jogged to the cruiser and flung the door open, leaning in to look at the computer. He scrolled until he found the address dispatch had been talking about sending a unit to. It was Ali and Emily’s house.

“Cavanaugh! Get your ass back to the car!” Lorenzo radioed, pulling back and standing up outside of the car to look for his partner.

“Jeeze, Lorenzo, are you that helpless without me?” Toby teased, walking up behind him. “Got a perimeter set twenty miles out in all directions. Since we don’t have a make or model, I just put out an APB for damaged vehicles of any kind. Didn’t see anything within walking distance that would point us in the way of…”

“Toby, stop talking and listen.” Lorenzo interrupted him.

For the first time, Toby saw the flustered look on his face. The two of them had been partners for almost ten years, and he’d only ever seen Lorenzo look this anxious a handful of times.

“What’s up, man?” Toby asked, suddenly getting a tense feeling in his gut.

“It’s Emily.” He glanced towards the fading siren.

“What?” Toby’s eyes widened. It took a minute for the shock to hit him. “What do you mean it’s…I don’t…”

“The collision sent her car over the bridge. She’s on her way to the hospital right now.”

Toby blinked in surprise. He’d been on the force for over fifteen years, and he’d never been hit with news like this before.

“How bad are her injuries?”

Lorenzo grimaced, hating to be the one to give his partner the news.

“Pretty severe. She lost a lot of blood. But she was alive when they hauled her away.”

“Jesus.” He huffed. Suddenly, he remembered that tonight was her anniversary. “Was she alone?”

Lorenzo shook his head.

“Shit.” Toby gulped. “Ali and the girls?”

“Ali wasn’t with her.” His throat bobbed and he had to take a moment to clear it. “But…uh…one of the girls was.”

“Is she okay?” Toby felt his heart seize in his chest.

Lorenzo opened his mouth to respond, but all that came out was a heavy sigh. The look on his face and his silence answered the question. The air was thick with grief. Toby felt like he’d been sucker-punched. It suddenly dawned on him that Lily was with Harper and Eli tonight. That meant…

“Grace…” He said under his breath as he glanced towards the emergency response units walking up and down the hill. He took a step towards the activity, but Lorenzo grabbed his arm to stop him. “Let me go.” He snapped. Lorenzo just shook his head. “She’s…” He swallowed hard. “Lorenzo, she’s by herself. Ali and Emily wouldn’t want her to be by herself.”

“She’s not.” Lorenzo motioned to the team of people working the scene.

“I have to at least…”

“No. You’re too close to this, Toby.” Lorenzo sighed. “You don’t want to go down there.”

He knew Lorenzo was right. He’d watched Grace and Lily grow up alongside his children. He loved them as much as he loved Eli and Harper. He’d loved those babies the instant that he held them. Emily, Ali, and the girls were a part of his and Spencer’s family. The girls were like daughters to him. To think that he was never going to watch Grace and Harper racing their bikes down the street again or that he was never going to see Grace shooting hoops with Eli again was incomprehensible.

He knew he was in the middle of an accident scene, but all he could think about was the fact that he was never going to see Grace come through his front door with her toothy grin ever again. He felt a pit in his stomach. His insides churned, and for a second he thought he might throw up. Then his instincts took over. He reached into his pocket and yanked out his phone, dialing Ali’s number. He knew he needed to get in touch with her before the cops showed up at her door. He wasn’t quite sure what he was going to tell her yet. But he knew he needed to talk to her. The line rang several times.

“Come on, Ali, pick up,” he uttered at the phone.

It went to voicemail. He hung up and tried again and got the same result.

“Shit. Fuck!” He exclaimed in frustration, kicking the bumper of the car, slamming his fists on the trunk. “I’ve got to go.” Toby faced Lorenzo. “She can’t hear this from a stranger.”

“Yeah, no. Go. I got this.” Lorenzo nodded.

Toby took the cruiser, calling for another unit to come to assist Lorenzo so he didn’t have to handle the scene by himself. Then his shaky fingers dialed Spencer’s number. She picked up after two rings.

“Well, hello officer,” she said in a sultry voice.

“Spence, are you at home?” Toby’s words came out rushed and almost garbled.

“So much for foreplay,” Spencer muttered. “If you’re calling to check on the kids, they’re fine…” Toby’s muscles tensed at Spencer’s words. He had thousands of thoughts running through his mind. All he wanted to do right now was hug his children. “I just talked to Harper,” Spencer continued. “They’re going to stay the night at Aria’s after the party.”

“Yeah, I know all this.” Toby cut her off, still trying to find the words to say what he needed to say. “Where are _you_?”

“I had to swing by the office. I’m just now leaving. Why?”

“Damn it. I was hoping you were close by. I was going to ask you to meet me at Ali and Emily’s house.”

He heard her force out a hard laugh.

“Okay, if you interrupt their anniversary night, someone better be dead or dying…”

“Spence…” This time, his words came out choked, because Spencer had no idea. She had no idea, and he was about to crush her. And that killed him.

“Toby, what is it? What’s wrong?” She picked up on his strained voice immediately.

The gravity of what had happened to Emily and Grace finally hit him full force. He couldn’t fight back his anguished shaky breaths.

“You’re scaring me.” Spencer snapped. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Toby fought back tears.

“Spencer…Emily and Grace were in a car wreck. It’s really bad. Emily is on the way to the hospital, and Grace…” He clenched his jaw.

“Grace _what_ , Toby? Is she hurt?” He could hear the cracks in her voice as she tried to keep it together. He could actually feel her emotions through the phone.

“She…she um…” His voice was shaky. He didn’t have to say it for her to know.

“Oh, God,” Spencer uttered breathlessly. “Oh my God…”

“Look, I don’t…I don’t know all the details. I don’t even know if Emily is going to make it. Just…I need you to meet me at the hospital. Ali is going to need you.”

“I’ll call Aria and Hanna,” Spencer said softly, the news sinking in.

“Don’t tell the kids.” Toby spouted out almost immediately.

“Okay,” was all Spencer could think to say back.

“Are you okay to drive?” Toby asked.

“Are _you_?” Spencer didn’t like the sound of his voice. She didn’t like it when he was emotional behind the wheel of a car.

“Yeah,” Toby said, almost a whisper. “We can fall apart tomorrow. We have to get through tonight first.”

They exchanged very somber ‘I love yous’ before they hung up. Toby sat in the cruiser, staring at a light that had turned green. There was a car sitting behind him, but they didn’t dare honk at the police cruiser. Toby realized he was holding up traffic, so he pulled off on to a side street and put the car in park to gather his emotions before he got back out on the road. His hands were tight against the wheel. He pulled back and slammed his palms against the wheel, cursing loudly, giving the steering wheel a good beating. He was overwhelmed and upset and angry. The police side of his brain wanted to find the driver of the car that had hit them and haul their ass in to the station. The father side of him wanted to find the driver and strangle them. But for right now, he knew his focus needed to be on Emily, Alison, and Lily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You may proceed with the death threats now. I know, I know. I totally beat the shit out of Emily in my fics. But it’s only because she’s the character I view as the strongest. The test of strength is only evident when you put your characters through hell. As always, I’m going somewhere with this plot. It’s just going to be a painful process getting there._


	5. Shattered

Ali tried to shake herself out of her daze. Water was cascading down her face. She blinked to clear her vision and then reached up and wiped her eyes. She ran her damp fingers across her cheeks and sighed, staring at the wall. It still hadn’t fully hit her yet.

Thirteen years.

They’d been married for thirteen years. Thirteen years of waking up next to the woman she loved. Thirteen years of meaningful kisses, sensual touches, ‘I love yous’, making love. Thirteen years of knowing that no matter how scary things were in life, they had each other and their beautiful children. Her perfect family. She loved them.

After she’d gotten off the phone with Emily she’d hopped in the shower to get ready. Now her eyes were fixed on the tiles of her shower wall, her mind drifting to the way Emily had made her feel that morning. Hell, not just that morning. Every morning since she’d met her. She closed her eyes and sighed in satisfaction as she thought about Emily’s soft touch.

She could practically still feel Emily’s warm hands on her body, her fingers working out every ounce of tension that existed within her. She could still feel the way those fingers had taken her breath away more than once, how the fingers of one hand delicately caressed her cheek while the fingers of the other were working between her legs, building her up until she felt like she was flying. Those fingers were the perfect fit. Emily was the perfect fit. And she couldn’t wait to wrap her arms around her and taste her lips again. Thirteen years of marriage, and they were still going strong. She smiled to herself.

She reached forward and twisted the handles to turn the water off and then reached out of the shower to grab a towel. She wrapped the towel around herself and stepped into the steamy bathroom, wiping the fog from the mirror. She smiled. Her wife was going to be home soon.

_Wife._

She still loved saying it. She loved thinking it. She looked at the large dopey grin on her face, her reflection staring back at her. Her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks were flushed. She felt like a sixteen year old in love.

She quickly dried her hair and got dressed. She’d had her outfit picked out for weeks. She knew it was one of Emily’s favorites. She also knew it would drive her mad while they sat at dinner making small-talk while all Emily would be doing would be picturing ripping the outfit off and getting to the gift of her body below. She got ready in record time, mostly because she thought the quicker she finished, the faster time would go, and they would be back in their bedroom in no time. She had just finished putting on her lipstick when she heard the doorbell ring.

Jett woofed at the noise, but he didn’t full on bark. His body was rigid and his tail was sticking straight out. Ali looked at the dog and laughed. He was always so alert when the bell rang, and then he always got distracted by something else two seconds later.

She walked by him and towards the door. He grabbed his toy monkey off of the ground and trailed next to her wagging his tail, squeezing the toy, eliciting a very annoying noise out of it. She knew Grace bought it to annoy her, because she saw how much she hated it the store. She had to remember to ground that child for getting the damn squeaky toy, or to stop giving her an allowance.

Of course, Grace would probably still find a way to make annoying purchases. She loved to buy Jett the loudest toys she could find. It was just like Emily buying the girls a stupid Singing Puppy toy when they were little. Sometimes she’d hear that annoying stuffed animal go off in the middle of the night and scowl at her grinning wife. She’d tried to throw it away one time, but it started singing in the garbage can and Grace dumped trash all over the place to get it out. Lately, just to screw with Ali, Emily and Grace had been joking about buying a drum set. Ali threatened Emily under the penalty of complete abstinence if she actually went through with it. Emily did not like the idea of no sex.

Jett squeezed the toy again and growled playfully.

“You are a complete dork, you know that?” Ali glanced down and laughed as she reached for the doorknob.

She looked up, pulling the door open. She was surprised to see Pam standing in front of her juggling a large box. Jett started wagging his tail. He dropped his toy at his feet and walked towards Pam. Ali grabbed his collar to keep him from tripping her.

“Sorry, I somehow locked myself out. And I couldn’t exactly get to my key…” Pam shifted her weight, toggling the box as she walked into the living room.

“Oh, Pam, I told you I’d get that.” Ali quickly took the box away from her, walking towards the kitchen with it.

“I don’t mind.” Pam smiled, stopping to pet the attention whore of a dog. “I knew you wanted to get ready.”

Pam had been helping her put together an anniversary dinner for Emily, complete with her favorite meal and romantic decorations and candles. Emily had told Ali she didn’t want anything fancy. All she wanted was Ali in her lingerie, or in nothing at all. She’d always been the more practical of the two of them. To her, love was an action. She showed her love for Ali every single day with little gestures. Thoughtful little gifts. Trinkets that made her think of Ali. Flowers and sweets to brighten her day. Emily was thoughtful every single day.

Ali did the same for her, but not to the extent that Emily did. So Ali always felt like she owed her a huge grand gesture on their anniversary. Emily told her she didn’t have to do anything big for her. But as always, Ali didn’t listen. Initially she planned on surprising her with a picnic by the kissing rock to commemorate their first anniversary after they’d done _more_ than just kiss at the rock, but then the weather had spoiled that idea. She’d decided on a dinner for two at the last moment after being inspired by a movie that morning.

The two of them had been in the midst of one of Ali’s favorite romance movies, Ali nuzzled against Emily, their hands intertwined. Her attention had been split between watching the movie and playing with Emily’s fingers. She loved her fingers. When she’d looked up at the screen she saw one character trying to pour her heart out to the other with a romantic dinner while her partner just shook her head and laughed at how cute she was as she fumbled over her words. Ali felt herself tearing up.

 _“Look, it’s you.”_   Emily had teased.

 _“Shut up.”_   Ali had nudged her with her shoulder, trying not to let Emily see the tears glistening in her eyes.

 _“Are you crying?”_   Emily had looked down and laughed. _“Ali, you’ve seen this movie hundreds of times.”_

 _“Oh, please. You still cry when you watch ‘Toy Story 3’.”_   She’d rolled her eyes.

 _“They held each other because they thought they were going to die, Alison!”_   She’d playfully tried to defend herself.

_“Whatever. At least my movie has real people. You cry over animated cartoons.”_

_“Because I am done crying over real people. Done enough of that in my life, thank you very much.”_   Emily had laid her free hand on top of their intertwined fingers.

They’d then turned their attention back to the movie, Ali tracing the outlines of Emily’s knuckles while Emily played with Ali’s hair. It was little moments like that they both savored. Sometimes in the chaos of married life with two children, romance fell by the wayside. So when they got an opportunity to spend even just a few minutes together and appreciate each other’s company…they took it. That’s why Ali had decided on the dinner for Emily. Because she loved her company.

Ali almost dropped the box in surprise when she crossed the threshold into the kitchen. Pam had already thrown a few decorations together and she’d organized the food that Ali had made into beautiful decorative dishes.

“Oh, my God.” Ali put the box down and faced Pam. “It’s official. You’re the best mother-in-law in existence.”

“You like it? I just threw it together while you were in the shower.”

“You just ‘threw it together’?” Ali laughed.

“There may have been a _little_ planning involved,” she admitted with a sheepish smile. Emily had her mother’s smile.

“You really didn’t have to do all this.” Ali marveled at her hard work.

“Well, it’s your anniversary, too, dear. You should reap some of the benefits without all of the work. I know Emily likes to keep it low-key and you like to go all out, so I figured I’d help you reach a compromise.”

“How do you do it, Pam?” Ali laughed, staring at the picture perfect dinner she’d been working on for Emily all afternoon. Pam had taken it and made it better. “Wow, _and_ you brought wine, too?” She glanced in the box.

“Oh, um, oops, you weren’t supposed to see that.” Pam looked at the box with a guilty expression on her face. “Emily asked me to bring it over.”

“Emily asked you to bring this over?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” Pam grimaced, bummed that she’d ruined the surprise.

“You see, she’s always doing this to me.” Ali shook her head. “Telling me not to go all out and then doing something like this. She’s such a sentimental sap. I think she does it to make me look bad.”

Pam chuckled.

“Wayne did the same thing to me.” She smiled. She picked up the wine bottle and admired it. “In fact, this is the same brand he surprised me with on our fifteenth anniversary. ‘Aged fifteen years because it gets better with age…like you’ he told me.”

Ali could still see how much Pam missed her husband. Ali missed him, too, and she barely knew him. But she knew he was a great father, and he would have been an amazing Grandfather. Pam put the bottle of wine down and pulled out two crystal glasses that were wrapped in bubble wrap and tissue paper.

“I’m glad to see these in use again.” Pam put the glasses gently against the table.

“These are beautiful.” Ali admired them.

“Wayne’s mother got them for us on our first anniversary. The woman usually had very poor taste. But she got this one right.”

“Thank you so much for helping me with this.” Ali walked over and popped the oven open to check on the rolls.

“Is there anything else I can do?” Pam asked.

“Yeah.” Ali nodded, setting the timer for another few minutes. She turned around to face Pam. “Take a load off. Have a drink with me.”

“That’s sweet, but I should probably head out.” Pam laughed. “I think I’ve more than overstayed my welcome.”

“There’s no such thing.” Ali disagreed, pulling a bottle of open chardonnay out of the fridge. “You took the girls off of our hands this morning. As far as I’m concerned you can live here.”

“Where are the girls, anyway? It’s so quiet without them here.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘peaceful’.” Ali chuckled as she poured Pam a glass of wine. “Lily is at this party that Emily had to convince me to let her go to.” She grimaced. “Apparently I have a tendency to smother our children.”

“You? Nooo…” Pam faked a gasp, taking the glass from Ali.

“I see where Emily gets her attitude from.” Ali replied dryly.

Pam smiled.

“It’s hard to let them go.” Pam rubbed her arm. “Believe me, I know. Kids grow up so fast. And your kids? They cornered the market on turning from toddlers to adults overnight.”

“I’m convinced Lily was born sixty years old. She beat me at chess when she was like two.”

“That’s because her Grandma taught her how to play.” Pam grinned boastfully. She paused in thought and then chuckled. “Grace just threw a knight at my head and then shoved a rook up her nose.”

“Yep, I learned a long time ago there’s no taming that wild beast.” Ali snickered.

“What’s the wild child up to tonight?”

“She’s with Emily. She had swim practice.”

“I remember those days. I couldn’t pry Emily away from the water.” Pam nodded as she reminisced.

“Yeah, Grace loved it from day one. She saw pictures of Emily swimming and she told me she wanted to be a mermaid, too.” Ali smiled. “Most little girls want ponies and fancy dresses for their fifth birthday. Not Gracie. No, she wanted a pool and a swim cap.” She snorted. “You remember the year the girls wanted separate birthday themes and we tried to combine their parties?”

“Oh, yeah.” Pam laughed. “The pool party petting zoo fiasco. That did not end well. Didn’t a llama end up in the pool?”

“Lily was worried that the llama would drown.” Ali felt her stomach rolling with laughter. “Grace thought it was hilarious. She tried to ride it through the shallow end.”

The timer on the oven went off and Ali went and turned it off, pulling the rolls out and putting them on a warmer on the stove. She sat down to kill some time with Pam. They chatted for nearly half an hour. Ali glanced at the clock occasionally, something feeling slightly wrong with each passing minute. Pam told Ali that she needed to get going, but asked her if she needed anything before she left.

“No, thanks. I really appreciate you keeping me company.” Ali looked at the clock and sighed. “Grace probably duped Emily into staying longer at the pool.” She shrugged.

“The child knows how to work her mother.” Pam chuckled.

“Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

“I just have to use the restroom first.” Pam walked towards the bathroom.

Ali glanced at her phone. She didn’t have any calls from Emily. She’d seen that she had two missed calls from Toby, but she’d been too busy to call him back. Ali tried Emily’s cell phone for the third time. It went straight to voicemail.

Jett meandered into the kitchen and lapped up some of his water. He walked over towards Ali.

“Jett, don’t…” But before she could finish he was putting his big heavy head in her lap and getting slobber all over her clothes, “…okay. There it is.” She rolled her eyes and scratched his head. “Are you going to mind your manners…and more specifically, mind your own business…tonight?” She asked.

He swung his body parallel to hers and then leaned against her legs, picking his back legs up. He shuffled backwards and then upwards.

“I see you heard none of my ‘personal space’ speech.” She stared at him as he contemplated pushing his way up into her lap. “We’ve talked about this, buddy. You are too big to be a lap dog.” She stood up, rubbing his chin. “I thought you might be your annoying clingy self tonight, so I’ve got something for you to keep you out of our hair…or more importantly, our bedroom.”

She walked over to a bag on the kitchen counter. She reached in and pulled out one of Jett’s favorite chew bones. He froze when he saw it, almost like he was afraid it wasn’t real. When he realized he was getting the bone his entire body trembled in excitement.

“This is only if you promise to behave yourself.” Ali smiled at the dog, waving it in front of him for a second before smiling and giving it to him.

Jett wandered off to chew on it somewhere. Ali had thought of everything. She wanted tonight to go as smoothly as possible. She knew the bone would keep him busy while she and Emily…well, boned.

She heard the doorbell and walked into the living room. The dog was so into his new bone that he didn’t even acknowledge that someone was at the door. At this point, the world could be ending and there Jett would sit, happy as a lamb, gnawing his meat stick.

“Em? Is that you? Did you forget your key?”

She went to open the door, expecting to see a sexy brunette looking back at her and smiling at her while they did a subtle dance of who got to be in control. It was usually fairly matched. She suddenly got excited thinking that this might be some random spur of the moment foreplay. She turned the knob hoping to see a beautiful specimen of a woman.

Instead she saw Toby. His hair and uniform were damp, like he’d been out in the rain. His face was hard and rigid, yet soft and vulnerable at the same time.

“Toby?” She was startled, and disappointed, at his presence. “What are you doing here?” She glanced over his shoulder, noticing that his cruiser was empty, which was weird, because he usually ran with Lorenzo. She had a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Is it the kids? Did something happen at the party?” Her eyes widened in fear. “Is Lily okay?”

“Lily is fine,” Toby said. But his voice sounded weird. She didn’t like it. “Spencer talked to Harper a little while ago and they were fine.”

“Then why are you standing on my doorstep looking like a drowned ewok?” She motioned for him to come inside, her nerves still very much in control.

Toby hesitated, because he didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to tell her this. But he knew he owed it to Ali and Emily. Ali couldn’t hear this from anyone else. He loved his brothers in blue, but they didn’t have the same sensitivity chip that he did. They weren’t as close to this as he was. He hadn’t hesitated for a second when he’d called the unit that had been dispatched to her house, asking them to stand down so he could handle it. He just had to follow his heart’s actions. He sighed and stepped into the living room.

“What’s going on?” Ali could feel a ball of nerves curdling inside her stomach.

Once he got inside in the light she could see that there was no color in his face. He looked like he was in shock, and if he was afraid of something, that terrified the hell out of her, because he was a _cop_. He was fairly unshakable.

“Toby, what is it?”

“Ali, maybe you should sit down.” He reached out to guide her to the couch, but Ali jerked away.

“No!” She exclaimed.

She peered into his crystal blue eyes and she could see pain looking back at her. She felt what he was about to tell her in her soul. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew.

“Ali…” He tried again.

“No!” She jerked away again, this time in a panic. “Not until you tell me what the hell is going on!”

“Alison?” They heard Pam’s voice. She walked into the living room, her face teeming with concern after hearing Ali’s frightened tone. “Honey, are you okay?”

Toby felt a pit in his stomach. The news had just gotten much harder to share.

“Toby?” she asked in surprise, her eyes slowly going between the panicked look on Ali’s face and Toby’s disheveled appearance.

“Hey, Pam.” Suddenly, he felt like a child about to cross a busy intersection without his mother’s hand to hold. He had no one to guide him through the oncoming traffic. He knew this was going to destroy both of them.

“Is everything okay?” Pam asked, knowing in her gut that it wasn’t. She could see it on Toby’s face.

Toby shook his head. He saw Pam and Ali both tense up.

“I tried to call you. I…” He stuttered. He’d known this was going to be hard. He just didn’t realize that he wouldn’t be able to keep it together. Emily was like a sister to him. This was his family. “Look, um…” His voice broke. He tried to stay calm, “…there was an accident.” His nose twitched as he fought back tears. “We got the call, and then when we got to the scene, it – it was…I…” He took a breath trying to center himself, “I found out Emily and Grace were involved…”

Ali’s hands shot out in front of her, going in no particular direction, just looking for something to hold on to. Pam sucked in cry. She recognized the look on his face. She’d seen it the day she’d been informed of her husband’s death. She reached for the back of the sofa to steady herself, her eyes locked on Toby, her mind miles away. Ali wobbled on her feet, shuffling her unsteady weight from one foot to the other. She wasn’t ready to hear the news. She stared at him, stunned.

“But…they’re okay, right? They’re going to be okay?” Ali’s eyes begged for the best outcome.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You were there!” Ali yelled.

“Yeah, but I…I wasn’t…I mean I…I didn’t see them,” he said. “I didn’t know it was them until Lorenzo updated me after he talked to the EMTs.”

“What, you didn’t recognize her car? You didn’t think to go and check on them?” Ali snapped.

Toby didn’t take her anger personally. He knew she wasn’t angry at him. She had a rage she couldn’t contain. And Toby didn’t blame her. He was pissed, too. He was pissed that someone just left Emily and Grace to die.

“The car wasn’t…”

Before he could finish, Ali cut in,

“Oh, God. Oh my God. You didn’t recognize the car. The car wasn’t even recognizable?”

Hot tears sprang to her eyes. She’d seen images of really bad auto collisions where all that was left of cars was twisted heaps of metal. At that moment, that’s all she could see in her head.

“Ali,” he said softly. “The car wasn’t even there. When the other driver hit them, it went over Rock Canal Bridge into the river.”

“What?” she’d intended to shout it, but all that came out was a hushed whimper.

“They…they got out, but…” He realized he needed to choose his words carefully. He didn’t want her to panic, but he also didn’t want to give her false hope.

“How bad is it?” Pam’s voice quivered, her fingers digging into the back of the couch so tightly that her knuckles were white. Her face had blanched.

Toby’s attention was torn between Pam and Ali. They both looked like they were on the verge of collapsing. He felt helpless.

“We should get to the hospital,” he said, his eyes darting towards the door.

“No. You…you tell me that my wife and my daughter are okay. Toby, you tell me they are okay right now.” Ali growled under her breath.

“Ali, I can’t. I haven’t gotten the official word…” He stopped himself, but not soon enough. Ali knew exactly where he was going with his statement.

“What, that they’re _dead_?” Tears spilled down her angry red cheeks.

“No. No. Lorenzo said Emily was alive when they were taking her to the hospital. I mean, it was bad, but…”

“And Grace?” Ali interrupted him again.

He was still waiting on the official word on Grace’s death, but he knew she hadn’t made it. It’s why Lorenzo wouldn’t let him go near the river bank. He’d been on enough calls to know that accidents this severe didn’t come without casualties. He’d been on enough calls to notice the grim faces of the first responders. Being on the force for so long had given him a sixth sense he wished he didn’t have at the moment. The scene of the hit and run had _that_ air around it. The vibes of everyone working there, the way they carried themselves…the kid didn’t survive.

“Toby, please don’t tell me my baby is dead.” Ali’s voice had gone from hostile to fearful. “Please, please don’t…”

“We should get to the hospital.” Toby repeated. “They’ll have more information.”

Something inside of Ali snapped. A strange mixture of shock and resolve clashed inside of her mind. She moved her head slowly, looking from Toby to Pam. She could see Pam heaving out tearless sobs. But she couldn’t hear her. The world around her was loud, but all she heard was complete silence. Everything around her felt like it was at a standstill, but she felt like she was being thrust through time and space watching the world fly by her. Her limbs felt weightless.

She saw Toby mouthing her name, but she couldn’t answer. All she could do was nod as the tears streamed down her face. She reached for her purse, which was on the table by the door. But she didn’t grab the strap. Instead, she absentmindedly reached in and dug out her keys, because even though her mind told her that she couldn’t drive…her body wasn’t listening. Toby softly put his hands on hers, lowering them. Her eyes followed the motion of the keys. She curled her fingers around them and squeezed until they were digging in to her palm. She saw her hands moving down, but she couldn’t feel them. She stared at the veins in the back of her hands and then she looked beyond them. She saw the floor beneath them. It felt like it was getting closer, ready to smack her in the face. She didn’t remember slumping to the ground, but she ended up there nonetheless. She saw Toby in front of her, talking to her. She couldn’t hear him.

Toby and Pam lifted her off of the ground. She could feel Pam’s hands trembling and she had enough presence of mind to ask her if she was okay, but she was too distraught to hear her response. They helped her into the cruiser. It felt cold even though the heat was on full blast. Ali felt like her veins had been laced with ice water. The drive to the hospital had been a blur. She barely even registered that the siren and the lights were going.

Nothing felt real. It felt like a nightmare she couldn’t climb out of. She kept begging herself to wake up. By the time they got to the hospital she was shaking so hard that she couldn’t stop her teeth from chattering. It’s like no matter how much heat she was getting, she was losing it twice as fast. Pam and Toby climbed out of the car, but Ali sat there, still as a statue. Pam leaned down in front of her in the doorway.

“Ali, we’re here,” Toby said gently, trying to coax her out of the car with a timid nature that resembled that of someone trying to rehabilitate an abused and scared animal.

She didn’t react to his voice. He looked at Pam, worried.

“Alison, sweetheart?” Pam tenderly put her palm against Ali’s cheek. Ali’s face felt like ice underneath her touch. “She might need to see a doctor,” she whispered.

That snapped Ali out of her daze almost instantly.

“No,” Ali replied hoarsely. “No. I want to see Emily and Grace.”

She forced her legs to move, even though she didn’t want to, even though all she wanted to do was go back in time…go back to this morning with Emily…go back to last night with her girls, all of them smiling and laughing. It felt like that life was fading from her sight and she’d never see it again.

They looked for someone who could give them an update, but all they found was a grumpy orderly and an intern with zero patience and zero tact who sent them back to the waiting room. Toby puffed up immediately, throwing his authority around to put the young pompous doctor in his place. After Toby snapped at him, the kid ran away with his tail between his legs to get an update. Toby texted Spencer to let her know they were there. She immediately called him to tell him she was ten minutes away, Aria and Hanna in tow.

A few minutes later the pompous doctor returned with the news that Emily was in surgery, but that’s all that he knew. So they went back to the waiting room to do just that. Wait. Wonder. Worry. It was silent for several minutes. Then Ali turned to face Toby.

“Is the other driver here?” Ali asked, her voice coming out fractured.

“What?” Toby was thrown by her question.

“The person that hit them. Are they here?”

“No.”

Not that he knew of, at least. He’d put in a call to the surrounding hospitals to be on the look out for individuals seeking treatment on their own. If a car crash victim came in not via ambulance, he’d know.

“Of course they walked away from this.” Ali spit angrily.

Not exactly _walked_ so much as _fled._ Toby tightened his fists just thinking about it.

“Was it some fucking drunk?” Ali looked around like whoever was responsible was about to find a beatdown.

There was a pause before Toby responded. Ali stared at him, waiting for his answer.

“Toby, did some goddamn asshole alcoholic do this to them?” She asked again.

“We don’t know.” Toby scratched his head. “They fled the scene.”

“ _What_?” Her tone came out venomous. “They just left them there? They left my wife and daughter there to drown, to…to _die_?”

“There’ll be an investigation. We’ll find them.”

“Not if I find them first.” Ali was seething. Anger was better than the despair she was feeling, so she gladly let the fire inside fuel her.

Pam leaned down in her seat, placing her face into her palms. She rubbed her temples and sighed heavily. Her hands were shaking. They hadn’t stopped shaking since she’d gotten the news.

“Pam, are you okay?” Toby asked in concern.

She nodded.

“I just feel a bit lightheaded.”

“Let’s see if we can find somewhere for you to lie down.”

“I’m fine.” Pam insisted.

But Toby insisted more firmly and he found a nurse to check her blood pressure, which was almost through the roof. They suggested getting her hooked up to a monitor just to be on the safe side so they could monitor her blood pressure and the rest of her vital signs. Ali barked orders at Toby to go with her, but Toby didn’t want to leave Ali by herself.

“I don’t want her to go back there alone.” Ali pleaded with him. “And I’m not leaving here until I know something about Emily and Grace.”

Toby felt his body seize at Ali’s pleas that Pam not be left alone. He was suddenly standing back in the moment at the scene of the crash when he’d made the same plea to Lorenzo about Grace. He swallowed his emotions and nodded without a single argumentative word, following Pam back into an area with a bed waiting for her. They hooked her up to a monitor and told her to try and relax. Toby sat with her.

This left Ali alone when the doctor came out with an update on her family. She had been pacing the waiting room when she looked up and saw the doctor’s eyes scanning the room. She knew he was looking for her. She quickly rushed over to him.

“Are you Alison DiLaurentis-Fields?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m Doctor Roberts,” he said, introducing himself. “My attending and I are the ones who assessed your wife when she got here. She’s in surgery right now.”

“I know that.” Ali snapped in frustration. “But no one will tell me how she is or…or if she’s going to be okay or what’s going on.”

“I’m sorry that you’re going through this.” And he did seem genuinely sympathetic. Didn’t make her feel any better. “Your wife suffered major trauma to her abdomen in the accident. She had a penetrating injury that was impaling…”

“ _Impaling_?” Ali felt woozy. God, Emily had been impaled?

“We’ve removed the scrap metal that was in her stomach.” He nodded. “At this point we’re still assessing the damage. She has multiple contusions, internal bruising and bleeding, not to mention that being submerged in the river puts her at high risk for an infection and sepsis…”

“God, can you please just speak English?” Ali asked in exhaustion. “Is she going to survive?”

“We’re going to do everything we can,” he said.

“That’s not an answer.”

“I’m afraid we don’t have a solid answer.”

Ali wanted to scream at him, _WELL THEN YOU’RE USELESS!_ But all that came out was a pitiful cry. She sucked in a breath through her nose.

“What are her odds?”

“We don’t know that either.”

“What _do_ you know?” she questioned in irritation.

“I’m sorry. I know this is frustrating. But I can’t comment on much right now, because the truth is that simple. We just don’t know. With the amount of blood loss and the extent of the damage we’ll very likely be in surgery for quite some time.”

“Do – do you know anything about my daughter? Is she…is she here?”

She saw his throat bob. A look of confusion washed across his face. Then a look of sympathy. He followed it up with an uncomfortable squeak. Ali felt blood rushing to her head.

“No one followed up with you after the accident?” he stuttered in confusion.

Ali slowly shook her head. She felt it coming. She knew it was coming. Still, she wasn’t prepared. She knew in her heart already, because she could feel it, but hearing the words wasn’t something any mother was ever prepared for.

“I am sorry to be the one to have to tell you this…”

“No.” Ali whimpered. She wanted to yell at him to stop talking. She wanted to pretend none of this was happening.

“…your daughter sustained internal injuries from the blunt force trauma. Despite every effort, the attempts to revive her failed,” he said softly.

Ali felt like the ground was disappearing below her feet.

“…I’m so sorry, but your daughter has died.”

Ali’s mouth dropped open and she heaved out a pained moan. She felt a crushing blow in her chest. It was a raw primal pain like she’d never felt before, a visceral ripping sensation in her heart.

“We won’t know the official cause until after the autopsy…”

Another piercing pain. Another anguished scream.

“Oh, God,” she heard a familiar voice behind her. Hanna rushed to her side. “Ali…” Her arm automatically wrapping around Ali’s waist, worried she might collapse.

Ali blinked and then Aria and Spencer were there, too. They’d overheard. And even though they’d known, they still looked shell-shocked.

“I want…I want to see her.” She wanted to touch her, to hold her face in her hands, to kiss her.

“Ali, are you sure…”

“I want to see my daughter!” She cut Aria off mid-sentence.

“I’ll see what I can do.” The doctor replied. “But right now I need to get back to surgery. I’ll keep you posted.”

Before Ali could say anything else, he was gone, disappearing into the mass chaos that was the emergency room.

“Do – do you want me to go pick up Lily?” Spencer asked, completely unsure of how to handle the situation. The thought of losing Harper or Eli terrified her. She couldn’t imagine what was going through Ali’s mind. “Aria’s place isn’t that far. I could go get her. Or…or maybe Ezra can bring her?” She glanced at Aria, who immediately nodded in agreement.

Ali blinked, still somewhat in a daze.

“No.” Ali shook her head. “It’s late. She should – I…I want her to have one more night of normalcy b-before…” She choked up, tears trickling down her face. She heaved out two short sobs and shook her head again, unable to finish her sentence. “Besides, he said Em won’t be out of surgery for hours. We won’t know anything…we don’t…we don’t know anything.”

Spencer embraced her in a hug. Aria rubbed her arm.

“Do they know how bad it is?” Hanna asked, her voice trembling.

Ali shook her head yet again, suddenly registering that all three of them were crying, too.

“He said she has internal injuries, but they don’t know the extent of the damage.” Ali had a pained expression in her eyes. “I…I could lose her, too.”

“God, Ali. I’m so sorry.” Spencer pulled her in for another hug and cradled the back of her head as she held her.

At some point, though Ali didn’t remember moving, they had gotten her to sit down. She had cried for nearly an hour straight, zoning in and out of consciousness. Her friends watched helplessly, none of them knowing the right thing to say or do. At one point she’d exhausted herself so much that her eyelids drifted shut and she cried herself to sleep against Spencer’s shoulder. She didn’t want to be awake. She didn’t want to feel this amount of pain. It was easier to give in to her exhaustion. So she didn’t fight it.

“You think Emily will pull through?” Aria asked quietly.

“She has to,” Spencer said with a sad sigh, running her fingers through Ali’s hair. “It will break her if she doesn’t.”

“She’s already broken.” Hanna sniffled.

“Aren’t we all?” Aria’s voice cracked.

Aria thought of the first time she’d held Grace. The way she’d latched on to her finger…it’s like she was latching on to her soul. She had reached in and touched Aria’s heart. Hanna saw her tearing up and she reached over and took Aria’s hand.

They sat together in silence, the shock and the devastation clashing and colliding in their heads. They kept their eyes on Ali, who didn’t stay asleep for long. She shot up, pulling out of Spencer’s grasp and sucked in a strange cry. It’s like she’d suddenly remembered that her daughter was gone. Like the idea of dreaming it away had been ripped away from her – out from under her.

“Ali?” Spencer asked, her voice heavy with worry.

She was staring blankly out the window, non-responsive. She suddenly inhaled a sharp gasp.

“I didn’t tell her I loved her,” Ali said, her voice a whisper.

“What?” Aria asked, moving her hand to Ali’s knee.

“Grace. This morning, before she left for school…” Her face scrunched up in anguish. “She was already in Pam’s car and I…oh God, I didn’t tell her I loved her.”

She’d told Lily she loved her. She remembered, because Lily had just kind of casually and flippantly replied like she always did. But Grace had already been out the door, because Grace was constantly on the move.

“I didn’t…I didn’t think it was going to be the last time I saw her.” Because who woke up in the morning thinking that they might never see their child again? Who thought that the last goodbye was going to be the _last_ goodbye? “She…I didn’t…I…I…” She started to lose her breath in her sorrow again.

“Ali, breathe…” Hanna tried to calm her down.

Suddenly, the only thing that was flashing through Ali’s mind was the first time she’d held her firstborn – the way Grace had wiggled around in her arms and then looked up at her and immediately settled, because babies knew…they just knew who they were safe with. Her eyes had been so innocent and full of curiosity. Ali had never felt as connected to anything else in the world. It’s like she was holding a piece of her heart, of Emily’s heart. And now that piece of them was gone. That baby was gone. She felt another wave of grief, stronger than the first one.

“My daughter is dead.” Her face fell. “My daughter…” She heaved out through her sobs. “She’s dead and I didn’t tell her I loved her.”

“Hey, Grace knew she was loved.” Aria assured her. “She loved you, Ali. So much. And she knew you loved her, too.”

But Ali couldn’t stop crying and shaking.

“She was supposed to come home.” Ali sobbed. “She wasn’t supposed to…” She buried her face in her hands. “This isn’t fair. This is so unfair.”

Why her? Why her child? Why now? How could the world be cruel enough to do this to them? She couldn’t stop flashes of the wreck from running in her mind. All she could picture was Grace in her last moments. Had she been unconscious? Conscious? Had she been scared? Had Emily held her? Did Emily know?

“This isn’t fair,” she cried again.

“I know,” Hanna replied sadly.

“No,” Ali said. “No, you can’t understand. You don’t…”

“Ali, I _do_ understand.” Hanna said, her voice soft.

“No, you don’t get it. You don’t…you can’t possibly…”

“I had a miscarriage.” Hanna blurted out.

“What?” Ali blinked in surprise.

“Hanna!” Spencer exclaimed in surprise at her blunt delivery and imperfect timing.

“No. It’s…it’s okay.” Ali took a heavy breath and glanced at Hanna. There was a strange look of understanding on her face. “When was this?”

“A little over three years ago.” Hanna sighed, looking at the ground. “I was only about four and a half months along, but we knew it was a girl. We’d already picked out a name. Olivia Rose. When I lost her, it felt like…” she paused. “I don’t know. I can’t describe it. I still think about it every day.”

“Han, I’m so sorry. We had no idea,” Aria said solemnly.

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell you guys. At least, not until Emily called me out on the weird way I’d been acting. She could tell that something was wrong with me. I finally broke down and told her.”

“Em knew?” Spencer questioned.

“I asked her not to say anything. I didn’t want everyone to know. I just couldn’t handle it.” She glanced at Ali. “I thought she’d tell you.”

Ali shook her head. She knew her wife well enough to know that if someone trusted her with a personal secret, she’d hold on to it. Because Emily knew what it felt like to have personal secrets exposed.

“I loved that little girl. I had only known her for four and a half months, but I loved her. I don’t have to tell you all that the love between a mother and her child starts the instant you feel them. It’s just this instantaneous connection. And when I lost her I thought of all the things she lost. The life she wasn’t going to get to have. I cried more than I ever have. And I thought I’d done all my crying, but the day that I told Emily I cried for hours. She just held me and let me cry. Because…because that’s what you do when someone is hurting. You’re just there for them.” She took Ali’s hand. “I know it’s not the same thing. I know you are in a tremendous amount of pain right now. And I know that nothing we say or do is going to make that pain go away. So just know that we’re here for you. For whatever you need, however long you need it.”

Ali nodded and put her other hand on top of Hanna’s. In a strange way, it had helped. To know she wasn’t alone.

“Olivia would have had a wonderful mother,” Ali said with tears in her eyes. “And an even better friend.”

Hanna smiled back, a sad watery smile.

“Mrs. DiLaurentis-Fields?” An older woman in scrubs approached the girls.

Ali stood up and eagerly shuffled over to her. The girls quickly followed, though they tried to give her space so as not to crowd her.

“Is…is my wife okay?” Ali’s heart leaped into her throat, because it hadn’t been that long ago that Doctor Roberts had told her they were going to be in surgery for a long time, and if they were coming for an update so soon, she was terrified that it was because Emily hadn’t survived.

“I can’t speak to that,” she said. “I’m Laura Daniels. I’m the hospital’s forensic pathologist. I’m here about your daughter.” She looked at her with a sad expression in her eyes. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Ali’s stomach clenched and she felt like she was going to fall to the floor and start sobbing all over again. She felt Spencer rub her forearm. Hanna gently took her hand and squeezed it. Aria’s hand was on her back. Her friends were doing the best they could to hold her steady.

“I was told you’d like to see her.”

Ali couldn’t speak, so she just nodded. She slowly faced her friends.

“Do you want us to go with you?” Spencer asked, her voice sounded almost afraid of the answer.

Ali shook her head.

“I need you to wait here in case someone comes to give an update on Emily,” she said, a weary blank look on her face.

“Ali, are you sure about this?” Spencer questioned. “Maybe it’s better you don’t see her like this.”

“She’s my baby, Spencer.” Her bottom lip trembled. “She’s my baby, and I’m never going to see her again. I…I have to.”

The girls didn’t say anything else. The pathologist led Ali away. They walked down a long narrow hallway that felt never-ending. When they stopped at a closed door Ali felt a tightness in her throat. It was painful and prominent and she felt like it was never going to go away, like she’d never be able to swallow it. The pathologist was saying something to her about what to expect, but Ali wasn’t listening. She couldn’t hear her. All she could do was stare at the door, knowing that her daughter was just on the other side of it.

Once they were inside the room, once she was actually with Grace, she realized that nothing anyone could have said to her would have prepared her for this moment. Someone had dressed her in a hospital gown and covered her up to her midsection with a blanket. Ali mindlessly walked up next to her, automatically reaching for her hand. She felt her stomach drop when she felt her. Her skin felt like ice.

“She’s…she’s so cold.” Ali stuttered out a cry, glancing at the pathologist.

The woman opened her mouth to respond, but Ali had already turned away from her and was focused on her daughter again. She ran her fingers across Grace’s face and leaned over her to kiss her forehead, her heart breaking at how motionless she was. The only movement she saw was from her own trembling hands.

“Oh, baby…” she squeaked, rubbing her cheek against Grace’s, trying to memorize the feel of her, her scent.

Her hair was damp. She still smelled like chlorine from the pool. Through all the chemicals in the hospital, she could still smell the chlorine. She tried to think about all the nuzzling and cuddling she’d done with her when she was a baby, trying to picture her vibrant energy, trying not to let that fade. She took in a shaky breath.

“You find your Grandpa Wayne. He’ll take care of you, okay?” She tucked her chin tightly against Grace’s head, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I love you, Gracie. Mama loves you.” She shut her eyes tightly, her tears squeezing through them. She looked up towards the ceiling, unable to see anything because her eyes were so wet.

She stayed with Grace until she’d exhausted herself from crying again. Leaving her there was the hardest thing Ali had ever had to do. On her way back to the waiting room she ran in to Toby. He’d just come from talking to Spencer and was on his way back to Pam. Her blood pressure was still elevated, and she’d heard the news about Grace, which wasn’t helping. But Toby said she was doing okay. Ali felt the urge to go be with her. Toby walked with her. He could feel her pain radiating off of her.

“Ali, I’m sorry,” Toby said.

She didn’t acknowledge his recognition of her pain. Instead she faced him calmly.

“Did they find the person who did this yet?” Ali asked.

“There are no leads so far. Right now we don’t have any witnesses and we don’t know what the other car looked like. There’s some debris at the scene and they’ve got tire tracks that will help us determine the kind of tires on the vehicle that hit them, and that can eventually lead us to the make and model. But that can take some time. Maybe when Emily comes out of surgery she’ll remember something that will point us in the right direction.”

Ali choked back a cry thinking about the fact that Emily might remember the wreck, that she might have watched their daughter die and that she would remember it. Emily had gone through a lot of trauma in her life and she’d come through it. But this was different. This was the loss of their child. This was bound to destroy her. Ali knew this, because it had destroyed her.

“Who would do this? Who would just hit them and leave them there? What kind of person does something like that?” Her face was flushed in anger, in grief, in pain, in too many emotions to name.

“The world is full of criminals,” he said with a sigh.

They stopped walking when they got to where Pam was resting. The area had several beds with curtains around them, but most of them were empty.

“You should go tell Spencer and the girls where I am.” She faced him. “They’ll worry otherwise.”

Toby nodded and then he walked off. Ali looked at Pam and managed a weak “hey”.

“Sweetie, I’m so sorry.” Pam immediately reached out and took her hand. It was evident by her face that she’d been crying as well.

“Are you okay?” Ali’s voice came out a tired whimper. It was gruff from crying so much.

“I’m fine.” Pam glanced at the automatic blood pressure cuff on her arm. “My pressure is coming down.”

“I can’t lose you and Emily, too,” she said with a quiet sob.

“Oh Alison, honey…” Pam was at a loss for words.

Ali pulled up a chair next to Pam and sat with her, though neither of them said much. There wasn’t much _to_ say. There were no words that would bring Grace back. So they sat together, and they waited. They waited until Emily’s doctor found them to give them an update. When Ali saw him coming she almost leaped up out of the chair. She looked at him and waited with bated breath.

“She made it through the surgery,” Doctor Roberts said.

Ali heard Pam breathe a sigh of relief from beside her. First there was relief. Then there was sorrow, because Ali knew that the news about Grace was going to hurt Emily more than any physical injury she had, because it was absolutely without a doubt the worst pain Ali herself had ever experienced.

“She had some significant internal injuries. The shrapnel from the car lacerated her liver and punctured her spleen. But we were able to stop the bleeding and repair the damage. She’s lucky. If it had been a few inches higher it would have punctured her aorta and killed her.” He glanced at the chart in his hands. “She also has two fractures in her left ankle and she had a pretty nasty cut on her leg. We’ve started her on a course of heavy-duty antibiotics that will hopefully quell any type of infection that might occur. Her prognosis is guarded, but we’re hopeful.”

“Is she awake?” Ali asked.

“Not yet. She probably won’t be for a while. But I can take you to see her if you’d like.”

She glanced at Pam. Pam didn’t even hesitate before she replied,

“She’s going to need you,” she said, rubbing her arm. “You’re going to need each other.”

So Ali went with the doctor, walking down the same hallway she’d been in with the forensic pathologist earlier. When she passed the door of the room where she’d said goodbye to Grace she huffed out a quiet sob. Nothing was ever going to be the same again, because a piece of their family...a piece of their heart was gone. Their family was fractured. Shattered and broken in ways that could never be mended. The best thing they could do was to try to help one another heal. They were going to have to rely on each other to put things back together, piece by piece, all the while knowing that when they got to the end of the puzzle, there was going to be a substantially large piece missing.


	6. Darkness Falls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Quick note, there’s a lot that goes down in this chapter and a lot of OC characters, so to help minimize the confusion about which kid belongs to who, I’ve provided a ‘who’s that baby daddy?’ PLL edition:_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Eli/Harper are the Cavanaugh kids._  
>  _Fiona/Kai are the Fitz kids._  
>  _Iris/Levi are the Rivers kids._  
>  _And Scarlett is Holden Strauss's daughter, but she's not a major player._

* * *

 

Lily felt sick to her stomach all night. Not even Eli singing Beyoncé or Fiona, Harper, and Scarlett getting down to an old Spice Girls song made her feel better. While all of her friends were enjoying pizza, Lily was staring at her water thinking about her sister’s upcoming swim meet. It was an odd and random thing to think about, but for some reason she couldn’t get it out of her head.

She couldn’t bring herself to eat. She could hear her friends laughing and having a good time, but she just couldn’t focus. She’d smile and nod occasionally so no one would ask her any questions, but the reality was that after her talk with Fiona about being in tune with the world around them she couldn’t help but wonder why the world had been screaming at her all day. It was starting to make her body ache.

When the party wound down, Holden drove the girls and Eli to Aria and Ezra’s place. By the time they got there, Lily’s head was throbbing. Eli joined the boys in the living room. Ezra and Caleb had been watching action movies with their boys all night. Kai and Levi had been so into the movies that they hadn’t noticed that every so often their dads would look at their phones and then glance at one another with hard expressions on their faces. Their wives had been keeping them updated. Eli plopped down next to Kai while the girls walked through the living room.

“Hey, dad.” Fiona waved.

“Hey, girls. Did you have a good time at the party?” Ezra tried his best to maintain a normal tone of voice.

“Yeah.” They all answered almost simultaneously.

Harper and Fiona glanced at one another nervously, trying not to let on that they’d had a little excursion away from the party. Lily looked over at Eli, who was as cool as a cucumber. She was a little envious of how easy it was for him to relax. Then again, she was completely on edge tonight. Every little thing was bothering her. She felt like she was reading in to things that weren’t really there, only she knew that not all of it was in her imagination. Both the adults and the kids in the room were hiding something from one another. She knew what they were hiding from Caleb and Ezra. But she had no idea what they could possibly be hiding from them.

“Are you guys getting ready to start another movie?” Lily asked curiously, trying to get them to talk a little more to see if maybe her paranoia was all in her head.

“Uh, no. We just finished the last one.” Ezra glanced at his watch and stood up. “The TV is yours if you want it.”

Ezra looked at Caleb. Lily thought she caught a slight nod of his head motioning for Caleb to follow him into the kitchen.

“I’m TV-ed out.” Levi shook his head.

“A sentence I never thought I’d hear you say, short stuff.” Kai teased him.

“I may be short in stature.” Levi shrugged it off. “But I’m big where it matters.”

“Did you seriously just make a joke about your…”

“Brain.” Levi interrupted Eli and pointed to his head. “My brain. Duh.”

“Levi, what did we talk about earlier today?” Caleb frowned at him.

“Don’t make my friends feel inferior to me. I know.” Levi responded sheepishly. “But they make it so easy.”

“You know I have a higher IQ than you do, right?” Harper teased him.

“Harper, don’t encourage him.” Eli scolded her.

“Oh, okay _dad_ ,” she scoffed.

Lily usually enjoyed seeing their playful banter, but for some reason it was upsetting tonight. Her brows furrowed and she put her hand on her aching stomach.

“Lily, is everything okay?” Caleb noticed the strange look on her face.

“Huh?” Lily asked. She faced Caleb. “Oh. Yeah.” She lied. “I just…ate too much at the party, I guess.”

Her lie was not at all convincing. Her sister was the convincing one. But she wasn’t here right now, so Lily put on her best fake smile.

“Oh, yeah. That _one_ bite of breadstick you had must be wreaking havoc in your stomach.” Harper muttered, rolling her eyes.

Fiona nudged Harper to warn her to be quiet. Caleb and Ezra looked at the kids, scrutinizing them. Eli saw that they were about to launch into ‘dad’ mode and ask a bunch of questions, so he came in for the save.

“Hey, you guys wanna go hang in the pool house?” Eli asked.

“Can we, dad?” Levi asked enthusiastically.

“Ezra?” Caleb looked over at him.

Ezra’s eyes were on his daughter. He was waiting for her to break. He could tell something had happened at the party tonight that she was trying to avoid talking about. After a few seconds, he let it go. Because they were all home safe. Safe counted for a lot. He knew that right now there were bigger things to worry about.

“It’s fine with me,” Ezra said. “But it’s too late for swimming. Stick to the game room.”

“Dibs on pool!” Levi exclaimed. He was young, but he was already a little pool shark.

“Hey…no using the pool cues as light sabers, okay?” Caleb warned his son. “And listen out for your sister. She’ll be here in ten minutes or so.”

“Iris is coming over?” Lily asked curiously. What had happened to her girls night with her mother and grandmother? “Why?” Not that she wasn’t happy to have her joining them, but she was starting to worry. Aria clearly wasn’t home, and if Iris and Hanna’s girls night was over it was starting to look like something was going on. “Did something happen?”

Caleb and Ezra froze for a moment. They hadn’t been expecting Lily to be so perceptive, and they certainly hadn’t been expecting her to ask questions. Hanna and Aria had told them about Grace, and they knew Emily was in bad shape. But Ali had asked them not to say anything to Lily yet. They knew it was equal parts Ali trying to protect her daughter and needing a little bit of time to process this herself. For a second, neither man knew how to answer. Neither of them wanted to lie to her. Thankfully, they didn’t have to, because Levi butted in.

“Iris was hounding my mom all day about not being able to hang out with you guys,” he said. “She probably bothered them so much about it that they gave in. She’s like that kid a kidnapper would pay the parents to take back because she’s _that_ annoying.” He laughed. “Besides, without her they can get drunk.”

“Levi…” Caleb’s voice had a warning tone in it, but he was more than grateful for his blabbermouth of a child at that moment.

“Sorry.” But he didn’t sound sorry at all. He smiled. Caleb was regretting teaching him how to smile to get out of trouble.

“You kids behave yourself.” Ezra walked towards the kitchen.

“We’ll check in on you in a little bit.” Caleb followed him out of the room.

“Is it just me or are they being really weird?” Lily frowned.

“The two of them spent half the night arguing over fictional sports teams. They’re beyond weird.” Levi smiled, trying to put Lily’s mind at ease.

Everyone shrugged off Caleb’s and Ezra’s strange behavior. Everyone but Lily and Fiona. Fiona had noticed that her dad was carrying himself in a strange way. The conversation she’d had with Lily earlier was weighing heavily upon her. She was starting to sense that something was amiss, too. As the rest of her friends walked out towards the pool house, Fiona grabbed her brother and pulled him aside.

“Where’s mom?” Fiona asked.

“She left a little while ago. Why?” Kai frowned at his sister.

“Did she say where she was going?”

“No…”

“How was she when she left? Did she seem off or anything?”

“I don’t know. There was something exploding on the screen and it was really rad. I wasn’t paying attention to her.”

For some reason, that annoyed Fiona. She huffed in irritation.

“Did she say when she was coming back?”

“No. She probably just took off to let us have our guys night in peace, a courtesy you clearly didn’t get the memo on.” He looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “What’s with the third degree?”

Fiona sighed and looked at Lily walking next to Harper and Eli.

“Nothing.” She lied. “Just forget it.”

“Jesus, Fiona, what that hell happened at that party tonight? You’re acting like a total spaz.”

“The party was fine.” Fiona shrugged. “The party isn’t what I’m thinking about right now.”

“Care to enlighten me?”

“It’s probably nothing.”

“Fi…” He looked at her, his tone had gone from annoyed to concerned. “I know that look. What’s up?”

“I had this talk with Lily earlier and she seemed really out of it, like she was on a different plane. She said she had this weird feeling that wouldn’t go away. And at first I thought maybe it was just because Zane has been messing with her…”

“Zane’s been harassing her?” He asked angrily. “That son of a…”

“Easy, mad dawg.” Fiona chuckled at her brother’s overprotection. “That’s not what’s up.” Her eyes darted towards the kitchen. “Tell me you didn’t notice how cagey dad and Uncle Caleb were just now? I know you’re not that blind.”

“Well, what exactly do you think is going on?”

“I don’t know. But when I was talking to Lily she had that look in her eye. She was talking about knowing something was wrong. It’s like she’s sensing something the rest of us can’t. I’m telling you, Kai, something is off with her. Something real.”

“You’re thinking like the time I broke my arm?” He knew exactly what she was getting at.

“Exactly.”

“Has she talked to Grace?” He asked.

“They were texting earlier tonight, but I think it’s been a couple of hours.”

“Think she’s okay?”

“I don’t know,” Fiona sighed. “I mean, she was swimming. How much trouble could she possibly get in to with her mother supervising her?”

“Mom was supervising you when you fell off the couch and hit your head on the coffee table.” Kai pointed out.

“I was three. She was picking up _your_ toys so dad wouldn’t trip over them.” Fiona defended their mom. “And you pushed me.”

“Well, you stole my racecar.” He shrugged.

“Hey, what are you guys waiting for?” Levi called out across the yard to them. “Afraid I’ll whip you in pool, Kai?”

“God, he’s like a freaking little energizer bunny.” Kai shook his head.

Levi turned and said something to Lily. She smiled weakly at the younger boy. Kai could see what his sister meant about Lily not being all there.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Kai asked.

“Just keep an eye on her tonight.” Fiona suggested.

“Okay.”

“But don’t be obvious about it. That’ll just freak her out more.”

“Man, you’re bossy.” Kai rolled his eyes.

“I’m your big sister. It’s my job.”

“You’re twenty-two minutes older. Don’t get crazy, _big sister_.” He mocked her.

They joined their friends. Eli and Levi teamed up with Fiona and Harper to play doubles at pool. Kai offered to play Lily in ping pong, but she said she didn’t feel well and she was content just to watch everyone else play. Her aches and pains were getting worse. It got so bad at one point that she thought she might actually be coming down with the flu or something. She barely even registered when Iris came by to join them. Iris texted Levi to let him know she was there and he went out to meet her and his grandmother. They were bickering by the time they got back to the pool house.

“Grandma looked upset.” Levi frowned. “What did you and mom do to her? Did you guys bail on her?”

He was a protective little spitfire. He got that from his dad. He was especially protective of his grandmother, which Lily thought was adorable. But she was too wrapped up in the fact that Hanna hadn’t been the one to drop Iris off to appreciate Levi defending his grandmother’s honor. Aria clearly wasn’t home. And now Hanna had bailed on her mother and her daughter. It wasn’t like Hanna to bail, especially on her mother’s birthday.

“Where is your mom?” Lily questioned.

“She said she had something she needed to take care of. Didn’t say what.” Iris replied.

“Is your grandmother okay?” Lily asked apprehensively.

“She’s fine.”

“Then why did she look like she had been crying? Did you smart off to her again?” Levi asked.

“She wasn’t crying. God. Testosterone fit, much? She’s fine.” Iris repeated, shaking her head and frowning at her brother. “And why do you always assume everything is my fault?”

“Because it usually is.” Levi spit back with a grin. “I’m the _good_ child.”

“You’re the one who ruined mom’s new vacuum by sucking the water out of the toilet with it.”

“Hey, this is a ‘no fight’ zone. Curb your sibling shenanigans at the door.” Eli tried to mediate.

“ _Sibling shenanigans_?” Harper snorted in laughter. “You are _such_ a dork, Eli.”

“You’re breaking the ‘no fighting’ rule.” Eli feigned a mature authoritative voice.

“I’m a rebel.” Harper smirked at him, reaching over and grabbing a chunk of his skin, pinching him. “Anarchy, baby.”

“Ow, you little shit. You used your fingernails.” Eli frowned. “That’s going to bruise.”

Harper grinned at him. Lily couldn’t help but feel weird about being here with all of her friends and their brothers and sisters without Grace. She looked at her phone. Grace had never texted her back.

There had been times where there were lulls in their conversations before, but this felt different for some reason. She sent another text to her:

_“Hey, you okay, sis?”_

After another twenty minutes went by and she didn’t hear from her, she texted her mother. The message left her phone and pinged around the radio waves until it bounced off of a cell tower somewhere and ended up in the inbox on her mother’s phone.

Ali was sitting in a hospital chair in a daze when she heard her phone chirp from inside her purse across the room. She didn’t look at it. In fact, she barely even registered the noise. Her eyes were fixed on Emily in her hospital bed, surrounded by machines monitoring everything they could possibly monitor. She was still out cold. Her midsection was wrapped in gauze, but it was covered by her hospital gown and her blanket. The only reason Ali knew about it is because she had caught a glimpse of one of the nurses checking the dressing and could see that blood had seeped through, though they told her that a little bleeding was normal. Emily’s skin was pale from all the blood loss, but she was starting to get a little color back in her cheeks. She had cuts, scrapes, and bruises all over her body, including her face. She had a cut on her forehead that had been closed with butterfly bandages. Her face was red and her lip was split from where the airbag had hit her. Her broken ankle was propped up, wrapped in a cast.

“Oh, Em…” She was at a loss for words.

She’d never seen her like this. Emily hadn’t been in a hospital bed since high school. She’d suffered a head injury and ended up with a concussion. Ali had been in hiding at the time, but she had slipped in to town and snuck into the hospital just to make sure she was going to be okay. Emily never knew she’d been there. No one did. It was a risk, because Ali all but had a bounty on her head back then. But when she heard Emily was hurt she couldn’t stay away.

Ali reached out to touch Emily’s hand and Emily’s fingers caught her eyes. They were so soft. And they looked like Grace’s fingers. She stared at them for the longest time. Occasionally she saw them twitch and she’d reach out to touch her hand, waiting for her to open her eyes. She heard her grunt in pain and she squeezed Emily’s hand gently.

“Emily?” she whispered.

Ali felt pressure on her fingers and she saw Emily’s face scrunch in discomfort. Emily uttered something under her breath. It took Ali a few seconds to realize Emily had muttered Grace’s name. Ali pressed her lips together, fighting back a sob. She buried her face in Emily’s neck, her forehead tight underneath the side of her jaw. She huffed out a cry.

“God, I’m so sorry, baby.” There was no doubt in her mind that Emily had done everything in her power to try and save Grace. There was no doubt in her mind that Emily had nearly killed herself to get Grace out of the car and help her. “I’m so sorry.”

No one should have to watch their child die. The loss of Grace was hard enough, but knowing what Emily must have gone through during the wreck – the amount of fear she must have felt for their daughter, it was unbearable. She couldn’t imagine what Emily had felt like knowing that Grace needed her and not being able to do anything about it. She hated the person who did this. She hated them with every fiber in her soul.

Ali sat with Emily for hours. She felt every agonizing second of it. She watched nurses and doctors float in and out of the room every so often, but she didn’t really register that they were there. Her brain was muddled. She was riddled with heartache. She knew that as soon as Emily woke up the first thing she was going to do was ask about Grace. So it was no surprise to her that when Emily’s eyes opened they darted around the room in a panic looking for their little girl.

Ali only had to take one look at her to realize that Emily remembered the wreck. She could see it in her eyes. There was a haunted expression burned in her soul. She gently put her palm against Emily’s arm, the words caught in her throat. Emily’s eyes locked on Ali’s. Her wife didn’t have to say a word. Emily could see it written all over her face.

“No…” Emily shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “N-no no _no_.”

Emily’s entire body was throbbing in pain, but the anguish in her soul was worse. Though her stomach was what had been ripped open, it was her heart that ached. Ali’s lip trembled as she took Emily’s hand in one hand and cradled her cheek with her other. Tears, which Ali didn’t even realize she had left, welled up in her eyes. Emily blinked and tears poured down her face, wetting Ali’s fingers against her cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Ali.” Emily’s body shuddered as she sobbed. “I’m sorry. I had her. I tried to…” She sucked in a pained cry. “I thought if I could just…” she cried, her mind replaying the nightmare in her head over and over again. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sor…”

“It’s not your fault, baby.” Ali squeezed her eyes shut, tears spilling over on to her own cheeks. “It’s not…” She pushed her forehead against Emily’s temple, her tears mixing with Emily’s.

“She was supposed to be safe with me. I was supposed to protect her. I…I…”

“Emily…” Ali shook her head, trying to stop Emily from blaming herself. She knew the guilt was going to haunt her until the day she died, even though she had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Even though Ali knew she spent every waking moment trying to save her.

“I couldn’t…I couldn’t protect her. I should have…” Her chest was heaving with sobs, each breath painful for her. She cringed in discomfort. She could feel everything. Every pain, physical and emotional. “I should have…I should…I…”

Ali could feel Emily’s entire body trembling. Emily could barely catch her breath. Ali heard her choke out a strangled sob and she tilted her chin forward to place a comforting kiss on Emily’s jaw, trying to calm her down. She pulled her forehead away from Emily’s temple, her fingers still delicately brushing Emily’s cheek.

“Emily, honey, listen to me…”

“She was relying on me. She…I…”

She was too choked up to even talk anymore. She reached up and curled her fingers against the side of Ali’s neck, pulling her head down until their cheeks met. Then she moved her hand across the back of Ali’s neck, her fingers tangling into Ali’s perfectly curled blonde locks of hair. She held her there as she cried, gripping her like she was afraid to let go.

Ali could practically feel Emily’s pain as it coursed through her body. She could feel what Emily felt during and after the crash. She could feel the loss of their daughter actively breaking Emily’s heart. She could feel Emily thinking that if she could have traded places with Grace, she would. Ali was thinking the same thing about herself. They both would have given their lives for Grace.

They held one another as their bodies shuddered. After a few minutes she could feel Emily’s breathing fast and rough against her neck. She didn’t realize that Emily not being able to catch her breath was something more than just her sobs until she heard the machines around her start beeping.

Ali jerked back, her eyes immediately scanning Emily’s face. Her face was scrunched up in agony, and it was more than just her emotional pain.

“Em?” Ali put her hand on Emily’s cheek. “Emily? What’s wrong?”

Emily’s eyelids flickered shut as she hyperventilated, her chest heaving up and down rapidly.

“Help!” Ali called loudly, her voice breaking, but strong enough to garner attention. “Someone help!”

The room immediately flooded with hospital staff. They all but shoved Ali out of the way. Ali watched the chaotic scene.

“What’s happening? What’s going on?” She begged for answers.

“Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to step out…” A male orderly reached out and took her arm to guide her out of the room.

“Get your fucking hands off me!” Ali snarled, throwing him off of her. “Someone tell me what the hell is going on!”

“You need to step out and let us handle it. Your wife is still in critical condition. You have to let us help her.” The doctor glanced up from treating Emily.

“I lost my daughter.” Ali nearly crumpled to the floor, but the orderly grabbed her again, this time to keep her from falling over. “Please. I can’t lose her, too.”

While Ali was living her worst nightmare, Lily was across town dealing with her own set of unstable emotions. As her friends played their favorite games, she fell deeper and deeper into a strange darkness in her mind. Her memory was stuck on something that had happened when she and Grace were in sixth grade. One of the girls in Grace’s drama class had been picking on Lily, solely because she was an easy target and wasn’t one to fight back. The girl was convinced that Lily was interested in her boyfriend because Lily was tutoring him. The girl confronted Lily about it one day and Grace saw it all happening.

Grace didn’t jump in until the girl knocked Lily’s books out of her hands and pushed her. That’s all it took for her to become a tornado of destruction. She’d whipped in and thrown a punch. When the girl hit Grace back, Lily shoved her and kicked her shins. It had gotten heated and two adults had to pry the girls apart. Emily had been one of them. The principal had been the other. Emily had seen part of it from across the school lawn. By the time she got to them all three girls were bruised and bloody.

Emily had been quiet as she sat in the principal’s office with them and listened to their side of the story. While they were recounting the story for the principal both of them kept looking at each other nervously and then glancing at Emily. They almost would have preferred their other mother be the one who caught them. Emily was the one they really worried about making angry. Because when Emily was mad, they knew they’d screwed up. She had a quiet rage. But they couldn’t get a read on her that day.

They had both clammed up and barely spoken a word to her that afternoon. It was only when they were walking out to the car in complete uncomfortable silence that they really thought they were in for it. But Emily had surprised them.

 _“Girls, you can relax. I’m not mad.”_   She had turned around to face them, her voice calm.

 _“Really?”_   Grace had looked at her in uncertainty, sensing some kind of trap.

 _“Yes, really,”_ Emily had replied. _“Listen, I don’t condone your actions, but I know you were just trying to protect each other. I’ll never be angry with you for looking out for each other.”_

 _“So…we’re not in trouble?”_   Lily had asked.

 _“Oh, no.”_   Emily had laughed at the idea that they thought they weren’t going to receive punishment. _“You’re still grounded. You can’t go walking around like you’re Rizzoli and Isles on steroids. No cell phones or laptops for a week.”_

 _“I knew it was too good to be true,”_   Grace had muttered.

Lily pinched her to warn her to shut up. Emily continued walking towards the car. Grace and Lily shared a look.

 _“Thanks,”_   Lily had said, smiling at her sister. _“For jumping in. I mean…it was stupid to get yourself in trouble for me, but I appreciate it.”_

 _“I’ll always have your back, Lil.”_   Grace had smiled back.

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yeah, ya big dummy. No one picks on you but me.”_   Grace shoved her, laughing and then went running after their mom.

Emily and Grace kept pacing forward, but Lily stood still, watching the clouds rolling over them.

 _No, this isn’t right._ Lily thought to herself. It had been sunny that day.

But all she was seeing was the sky darkening before her very eyes. She heard a rumble of thunder and she shuddered. A bolt of lightning broke through the sky and struck the ground right next to her sister. Lily watched in horror as a huge gaping hole was ripped open in the ground, sucking in trees and plants. It pulled Grace in as well.

 _“Lily!”_   Grace cried. _“Lily, help me!”_

Lily sprang forward and fell on to her belly, grabbing Grace’s hand just as it slipped from the edge of the opening. She looked around for her mother, but didn’t see her anywhere. She looked down and saw Grace tangled in a bunch of vines. A large tree root was pulling her into the earth.

 _“Don’t let me go, Lil. Please.”_   Grace cried. _“Please don’t let me go.”_

Suddenly, Lily had Grace’s pocketknife in her hand. She reached down, furiously trying to cut away the vines that were wrapped around her sister. She felt Grace’s hand slipping.

 _“Hold on, Grace.”_   Lily frantically tried to free her. _“Just hang on. I’ve got you.”_

She lost her grip on Grace, and suddenly she wasn’t there anymore.

 _“Grace?”_   Lily yelled. _“GRACE!”_

She heard another loud crash of thunder, and everything went dark. Seconds later Lily started screaming.

“Is she afraid of thunderstorms?” A voice sounding an awful lot like Eli asked.

“I don’t know.” Another familiar voice, Kai, replied.

“Get the lights,” Eli said.

“They’re busted,” Kai said.

There was another crack of thunder. Lily yelped and screamed again. She heard someone shout her name.

“Lily!”

But Lily couldn’t stop crying.

“Lily, wake up!” This time she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Wait, I don’t think you’re supposed to wake someone that’s having night terrors…”

But before Levi could finish his statement, Lily’s eyes shot open. She was staring at Eli’s face. He was kneeling in front of her. Her vision came into focus and she could see Kai and Levi hunched over beside him. She looked around the darkened room and recognized it. They were in the loft above the pool house. The Fitz’s used it mostly for storage. She was squeezed in between two stacks of boxes. She was visibly shaking.

“Give her some space, guys.” Eli glanced at the other two boys.

They pulled back a little bit.

“How…how did I get in here?” Lily stuttered in confusion.

“You fell asleep on the couch a few hours ago. You were out cold, so we didn’t want to wake you. After we got done playing pool the girls wanted to go back inside. We hung out here to play a little longer and then fell asleep watching a movie in the guest room. Then we heard you screaming,” Eli explained, his eyes wide with concern. “Are you okay? I um…I didn’t know you had nightmares.”

“I…” Lily blinked in a daze. “I don’t. Not normally.”

Not that she could remember, anyway. She’d always had trouble sleeping, but that’s just because she was a light sleeper. And her brain was constantly firing neurons, so she could never get it to shut up long enough to get a decent night’s rest. She usually used her time awake to sketch or write. Her art was soothing to her. Sometimes she’d go see if Grace was awake and bother her. Grace usually threw a pillow at her head and muttered something about smothering her.

She’d had bad dreams from time to time, but this nightmare had shaken her to her core like nothing else ever had. She’d never felt anything so real in her entire life. And apparently her fear had manifested itself to where the boys could see, because they looked scared, too. Even Levi looked upset, and he was fairly unflappable. He was basically that child that would take a dare to jump off of the roof on to a trampoline. And he wouldn’t just take the dare. He’d do a damn backflip. It’s why he got along with Grace so well. They both just dove right in to life.

“You were screaming like something was hurting you. You sounded really scared. We thought maybe the storm freaked you out.” Levi glanced outside.

There were occasional flashes of lightning and thunder in the distance. Lily flinched. She saw images of her nightmare in her mind. The lightning hitting the ground. Grace slipping away. The black hole in her mind was expanding. Her hands started shaking.

“Maybe I should go get my dad.” Kai frowned. Lily looked pale and sick and it worried him.

“No.” Lily shook her head. “I just want my moms. I want to call my moms.”

She stood up, but she felt dizzy and almost fell to the floor again. Eli grabbed her before she could hit the ground. He eased her down to the floor and slid in front of her again. She let out a heavy sigh.

“Levi, go get her some water.” Eli glanced at his friend. “And wake up the girls.”

“I’m not going in to that war zone. Harper is mean as hell when she’s tired.” Levi snorted. “The last time I woke her up she threw a lamp at my head. Plus, Iris is like a gremlin when I interrupt her beauty sleep. She actually _bit_ me once when I woke her up for school.”

“Fine.” Eli grumbled in frustration. “Kai, you go get the girls.” He looked at his friend. “But don’t scare them.”

Kai nodded.

“What about me?” Levi frowned.

“What do you mean ‘what about me’? You’re the water boy.” Kai smirked.

“You’re squelching my potential.” Levi scoffed.

“Bro,” Kai smacked him on the back of the head. “Now is not the time.”

“Whatever.” Levi shrugged as they walked out of the loft. “The girls are gonna kill you. Wear a helmet. You’re already brain damaged enough as it is…”

They heard another smack and then Levi grumble “ow!”

Eli barely heard his bickering friends. His attention was on Lily, who was staring off into the distance. The lightning lit up the loft for a brief second and he thought he could see tears in her eyes.

“Everything is going to be okay, Lily.” Eli tried to comfort her. She didn’t respond to his voice. “Lil?” he asked softly.

His warm fingers brushed her cheek as he pushed some of her hair away from her face. He could see that her cheeks were wet, but he couldn’t tell if it was from tears or sweat. She felt hot.

“Hey…” He said nervously.

Lily finally acknowledged him. She swallowed a lump in her throat, unable to stop herself from crying.

“I think something is really wrong,” she whimpered.

Eli didn’t know what else to do, so he hugged her. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and buried her face into his shoulder. He could feel her trembling.

“Hey, you’re okay,” he assured her.

She was still too shaken up to respond. After a few minutes she pulled back and looked at him. She could barely see him in the dark, but she could see his worried eyes peering back her.

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” she said quietly, so quietly that he almost didn’t hear it.

“What do you mean?” Eli asked in confusion.

But Lily had zoned out again. Levi walked in with a glass of water. He walked over to them.

“Feeling any better, Lily?” he asked as he reached down to hand her the water.

She took the glass. Another flash outside lit up the room long enough for her to see the condensation on the glass from the chilled drink. She slowly took a sip.

“This helps a little,” she said. “Thanks.” She put the glass down next to her.

“Wanna try getting up again?” Eli asked.

Lily nodded. Eli and Levi helped her up and they got her out of the dark and into the dimly lit game area. Lily was thankful that they hadn’t turned all the lights on, because her head was still hurting and she had a strange residual feeling still looming from her nightmare. Levi looked at her curiously.

“What was it about?” he asked. “The nightmare?”

“I…”

Before she could finish they heard a commotion outside. Seconds later, Iris flung the door open and barged in, Harper and Fiona right behind her. She was the first one over to them. She pretty much slung her little brother out of the way to get to Lily.

“Are you okay?” Iris asked, the normal spark in her eyes completely overrun with a soft look of worry. She put her palm on Lily’s arm and then squeezed it gently.

Harper was right behind Iris, her face tight and scared. Fiona came in with her brother last, closing the door as they walked in. She looked frazzled, too. All of them were damp from the rain.

“God, Kai, what did you tell them?” Eli glanced at Kai. So much for not freaking them out.

“He didn’t have to tell us anything.” Fiona walked over to them. “He has a horrible poker face.” She looked at Lily. “What happened?”

Lily looked at all the anxious eyes peering back at her and she felt bad for causing such a panic. She glanced at the ground.

“I’m sorry,” Lily said quietly. “I didn’t mean to freak you guys out.”

She sat down on the couch and sighed. She buried her face in her hands, unaware that at that very moment her mother was doing the same thing in the hospital, waiting on Emily’s condition to improve.

It had been a long couple of hours for Ali. She’d lost track of the time. The doctors had let her back in to be with Emily after they stabilized her. Ali had been going through crying in stages. She teetered between being completely numb to complete devastation.

Her pain had been overwhelming. But Emily’s was excruciating. For as long as she’d known her, Emily had always been in complete control of her emotions. Very rarely did she lose it. She had an inner strength like no one Ali had ever met. But that inner strength was also one of her greatest weaknesses, because she held all of her pain inside in a tight little ball until she became paralyzed with so much pain that she could suffocate. And when she broke down, she fell hard. Ali had been able to sense her pain with an intensity she’d never felt before.

Ali rubbed her face with her hands, suddenly remembering that she had make-up on…if she hadn’t cried it all off. She dropped her hands to her side and sighed, looking at Emily for what felt like the millionth time. She heard someone walk into the room and when she looked up she saw Aria walking towards her with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Hey,” Aria said, handing Ali the coffee.

“Hey.” Ali glanced at Aria in surprise. “How’d you get past the front desk?”

The security in the critical care unit was like a hopped up military base. They didn’t let many people through.

“There are benefits to being tiny.” Aria smiled softly. “And I also bribed the receptionist with a French Vanilla latte and a scone.”

“That’ll do it.” Ali nodded.

“Though I think she thinks I’m into her now. I might have to go on a date or two with her to really sell it.” Aria added with a quiet chuckle.

“Just tell her you’re my side piece. I think she’s afraid of me.” Ali smiled at Aria, almost alarmed that she even remembered how to smile.

They shared a quiet laugh. It felt weird to laugh. Almost wrong. But Ali needed it. Ali stared at the coffee in her hand. Aria took in Emily’s injuries and tried not to get choked up thinking about what she…what _they_ were going through.

“How is she?” Aria asked.

“The doctor said the reason she couldn’t breathe was because she threw a blood clot to her lungs. It’s apparently a complication that sometimes happens after a major surgery.”

“That sounds serious.” Aria tried not to panic.

“It could have been a lot worse. It wasn’t very big, but the doctor says it was big enough to block the blood flow and impede oxygen. They took care of the clot. He said she’ll recover from it. They’re monitoring her closely.” She sighed heavily. “They don’t know when she’ll wake up again.”

“But she is going to wake up?” Aria asked hopefully.

“I think she wishes she wasn’t going to.” Ali’s eyes were glistening, but she fought back the tears. She didn’t have the energy to cry anymore. “She thinks it’s her fault.”

“But it’s not.”

“It doesn’t matter. This…it’s going to destroy her.” Ali cringed and looked up at Aria. “She watched Grace die, Aria.” She swallowed hard, the fact that her daughter was gone still hadn’t sunk in. “She didn’t say it. But I could see it…in her eyes.”

Aria had no idea how to respond, so she just put her hand on top of Ali’s free hand and curled her fingers into Ali’s palm.

“We’ve been through some really awful shit in our lives. But this…” She shook her head. “I don’t know how we’re going to survive this.”

“A step at a time.” Aria suggested. “And the girls and I and our families, all of us…we’ll be with you the whole way.”

Ali squeezed Aria’s fingers and smiled in appreciation.

“Thank you all. For being here.”

“Of course.” Aria nodded. “Like Hanna said, anything you need.”

“Are Hanna and Spencer still here, too?” Ali asked.

“Hanna went to the cafeteria to get something for us to eat. And Toby and Spencer took Pam home. They were worried about her stress levels here.”

“They didn’t tell her about Emily crashing after surgery did they?” Ali asked, worried. Pam didn’t need anything else to stress her out right now.

Aria shook her head.

“I told her that we’d keep her posted. Toby is going to stay with her, just to be on the safe side since her blood pressure was unstable earlier. And Spencer is going to go to your place to get a few things for you and take care of Jett.”

“Oh, my God. I forgot about the dog.” Ali lowered her head and let out an exasperated noise. She felt guilty. “I’m losing my mind here.” She moaned.

“Ali, it’s okay. That’s why we’re here. You’ve got bigger things on your plate. We’ve got the small things. In fact, Spencer is going to take Jett to her place, so you don’t have to worry about him at all. He’ll be so busy playing with Rutger and Remy that he won’t even miss you guys.”

“I didn’t even realize that it was almost morning until a few minutes ago.” Ali admitted. “It doesn’t feel real. Nothing feels real.”

She grabbed her phone to look at the time. When she turned the screen on the first thing that popped up was a message from Lily from last night.

_“Happy anniversary. I love you. If you talk to Grace can you tell her to call me?”_

The message gutted her. She stared at her phone and took in a shaky breath.

“Lily will be up soon. She’s an early riser.” She sighed and put her phone down. “I have to tell her. She can’t go home to that empty house.” She looked up at Aria. “Have you talked to Ezra?”

“On and off all night. He and Caleb have been keeping an eye on the kids.”

Ali nodded mindlessly, staring at Lily’s message again.

“God, how am I supposed to tell Lily that her sister…” She got choked up and lost her battle with fighting back her tears. “They’ve been together their whole lives. She doesn’t know how to live without her.” She ran her fingers underneath her eyes to catch her tears. “None of us do.”

She sniffled and took a quiet thoughtful breath. She looked at Aria with a lost expression in her eyes.

“I don’t know how to handle this. Emily and I didn’t just lose Grace. Lily lost her other half. And her childhood.” She reached over to grab a tissue to blow her nose. “I was forced to grow up at a young age and I always swore that I would let my kids be kids as long as possible. To let them believe in the good in the world like their mother.” She glanced at Emily. “But now…” She glanced at the ceiling and bit her lip. “Now Lily is going to be dealing with the same heavy shit that comes with growing up before you’re ready.”

“Not the exact same.” Aria interjected. “Her parents are a little different. You and Emily are phenomenal moms. She’s going to know that she’s not alone in this. She’s got a hell of a support system.”

Ali nodded slowly, only halfway taking in Aria’s words. Her sleep deprivation and shock were taking its toll on her. She watched Emily take a breath.

“After everything we went through. After all the heartache and pain and torture. And all the near death experiences. All the trauma. We end up here. It just doesn’t seem right.” She saw Emily’s fingers move and she reached out and took her hand. “We deserve better than this.” She traced her thumb along the side of Emily’s hand.

“Don’t let this erase all the good things you’ve had in life,” Aria said. “The road ahead probably looks pretty dark and scary, but don’t forget the road that up until last night, gave you an unforgettable life with your family. Those memories…that’s how Grace lives on.”

“You’re a very wise soul, Aria Fitz.” Ali smiled weakly at her friend.

“I read a lot.” Aria quipped.

Ali glanced at her phone again, realizing that the minutes were ticking by. She knew that she needed to go get her daughter, but she was torn because she didn’t want to leave her wife’s side.

“Ali?” Aria noticed her sudden withdrawal.

“I can’t leave her,” Ali said quietly. “I know I need to get Lily, but I can’t leave Emily. I have to be here in case she wakes up. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. This is going to be all over the news soon. I don’t – I don’t want Lily to find out that way. I can’t…” She felt herself starting to panic.

“Hey, calm down,” Aria said. “I’ll go get her.”

“She’s going to have questions. I can’t put that on you. That’s too much.”

“Alison, you lost your daughter, but your family is still very much here for you. You don’t have to do all the heavy lifting,” Aria assured her. “I’ll just tell her I’m bringing her here and that you’ll explain what’s going on when we get here.”

“Aria, are you sure?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, having made up her mind. “I’ll be back soon.” She looked at her phone. “Hang in there.” She squeezed her arm.

As soon as Aria left the hospital she called her husband to let him know what was going on. Ezra told her that he’d checked on the kids an hour ago and they were asleep. The boys had ended up crashing in the living room and the girls slept in Fiona’s room. Lily hadn’t really slept so much as she’d just laid there with her eyes closed all night.

She tried to be as quiet as possible, because she didn’t want to disturb her friends anymore. After she told the others about her nightmare they’d been attentive and considerate, staying up with her to talk things through. She expected her friends to sleep until early afternoon considering how late they’d stayed up, but Iris woke up just a few minutes after Ezra had gotten off the phone with Aria. And she woke up hungry. Not long after Iris woke up, Harper and Fiona were up. And in their attempt to sneak into the kitchen for an early morning snack, they woke up the boys, too. They raided the pantry. Lily yawned and sat down at the table. All she had in front of her was a glass of orange juice.

“Here.” Harper shoved a banana at her. “Eat.”

“I’m not…”

“Don’t tell me you’re not hungry. You haven’t had anything to eat since like yesterday morning. You need to eat.” Harper frowned at her. “That’s probably part of your problem. Vitamin deficiencies can cause…”

“It’s too early for a medical lecture, Harper. Can we just eat our food in peace, please?” Eli yawned.

“You want to eat in peace? Then convince her she needs sustenance.” She motioned to Lily. She sighed. “Look, I know you’re still freaked out about last night, but it was just a dream, Lil,” Her voice softened.

“Then why did Aunt Aria never come home last night?” Lily asked.

“She probably came in when we were asleep.” Fiona took a bite of her cereal.

“I was up all night.” Lily admitted. “She never came in.”

“She probably just had one too many margaritas and she’s sleeping it off somewhere.” Levi dumped a bunch of sugar on top of his cereal.

“That’s _your_ mom.” Harper teased Levi. She thumped his ear.

“Ow, why are you all so violent?” He mumbled. “You darn kids and your video games.”

“I got this one.” Iris nodded at Harper. “Dork.” She smacked Levi’s arm.

“Hit me _one_ more time.” Levi dared her with a scowl.

“What are you, Britney Spears now?” Iris rolled her eyes.

There was a collective rumble of laughter. Even Lily chuckled. Levi scooped a spoonful of milky sugar into his mouth and shrugged it off. He got over things impeccably fast.

“Look, if it’ll make you feel any better I can go wake up my dad and ask him where my mom is.” Fiona looked at Lily.

“No, that’s okay.” Lily didn’t want to cause any trouble, so she silently relented.

She took the banana sitting in front of her and peeled it open and forced herself to take a bite. She didn’t know that she was closer to getting answers than she would ever care to be. Because twenty minutes later Aria walked through the front door carrying a burden of news that would change Lily’s life forever. When Aria walked into her house she found the kids spread out eating breakfast. She was surprised they were up so early. The boys were in the living room with their headsets on playing a video game. The girls were finishing up in the kitchen.

“Hey, mom.” Fiona waved. She looked relieved to see her mother. “Where’ve you been?”

Aria had mentally prepared herself for that question, so she had an answer ready.

“Actually, I’ve been out with your moms, girls.” She glanced at Iris and Harper.

“See, everything is fine.” Iris looked at Lily.

Aria felt her gut clench at Iris’s assumption.

“How was the sleepover?” Aria asked, trying not to sound too emotional.

The girls shared a quick look that she didn’t quite get, but she knew something was going on between them. She’d shared that same look with her friends many times when they were kids. She caught their eyes lingering on Lily and her stomach clenched again. She knew Lily was a sensitive kid and she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d had a bad night last night. The poor girl certainly looked like she was sleep deprived. In fact, all of them did.

“It was fine.” Lily answered.

“We’re gonna go for a walk.” Fiona looked at her mother to make sure that was okay.

Aria nodded in approval. They started filing out of the kitchen, Lily lingering behind her friends. Aria called out to her before she could lose her nerve.

“Lily, can I talk to you for a second, sweetie?”

She turned around to face Aria, her entire body tense. Aria closed the distance between them. Lily stared at her, wide-eyed. She felt frozen in place. She saw a strange look on Aria’s face. Both of their stomachs fluttered intensely with nerves.

“Listen, I didn’t want to say anything in front of the other girls…”

“It’s my sister, isn’t it?” Lily blurted out.

Aria nearly fell over in shock at her observation. She hadn’t expected Lily to know that, though it shouldn’t have surprised her that Lily sensed something was wrong. She saw her kids do it all the time. Kids picked up on things, even things they didn’t know about yet. And Lily was especially adept at knowing her surroundings.

“There was an accident.” She’d planned on telling her that much. It’s not like she could get her out the door and all the way to the hospital without questions.

Lily wanted to scream. She knew it.

“Is Grace hurt?” Lily’s bottom lip quivered as she fought back tears.

Aria opened her mouth, unsure of what to say at first. She’d forgotten the entire speech she had prepared. All she saw in front of her was Alison and Emily’s vulnerable little girl. The same little girl, who, over fourteen years ago, had squalled her little lungs out when Hanna suggested dressing her up in something pink and frilly. Aria cleared her throat.

“Your mom is at the hospital. She’s going to explain everything there,” Aria said calmly.

Lily felt tears filling her eyes. Aria instinctively reached out and embraced her in a hug. She wrapped her arms around Lily and held her tight. Now more than ever she knew Lily needed to realize she wasn’t alone.

The ride to the hospital was quiet. Lily knew better than to ask more questions, because deep inside she knew what was going on. She’d known all along. That shift in the universe had been glaringly obvious. It was only when her mother met her in the waiting room that Lily’s worst fears were confirmed. All she had to do was take one look at her mom’s face and she knew Grace was dead. She didn’t say a word. She just wrapped her arms around Alison and cried.


	7. A Mother's Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Every time I re-read a chapter for an edit I’m like “God, I’m a bastard. What the hell was I thinking when I wrote this?” I know the content is difficult to read, so to the people sticking with me, thanks. And I’m sorry for, you know, destroying your emotions. If it helps, I’m suffering just as much because when I’m writing/editing the intense emotional/heartbreaking scenes I can’t help but picture the actresses crying, and Sasha’s cry-face is like the saddest damn thing I’ve ever seen (it’s insanely authentic and it hits me in the feels every time, someone give the damn girl an Emmy already). And Shay does that “tortured inner anguish” so well. It’s like “I don’t always picture the PLL actresses when I’m writing, but when I do, it’s in the effing gut-wrenching scenes.” Guess it’s the emotional stuff that sticks with you the most?_

* * *

 

Not long after Aria got Lily to the hospital Spencer walked through the doors with a change of clothes for Ali. Ali was surprised to see Pam walking in with her. Pam hadn’t been able to settle at home and Toby had to respond to a domestic disturbance call, so Pam made the decision to come back to the hospital.

When Lily saw her grandmother she pulled away from her mom and raced over to hug her, because despite how much Lily loved her moms, Pam was the one Lily sought comfort in. Her grandmother meant everything to her. She’d always felt a kindred connection to her. Pam hugged her and kissed the top of her head. Pam rested her chin against the top of Lily’s head and murmured that she loved her.

“How is she holding up?” Spencer asked quietly, looking at Ali.

“I don’t know.” Ali sighed. “She won’t talk to me.” She looked at her daughter. “She got that from Emily.”

“She’s probably still in shock,” Spencer said.

They watched as Lily pulled out of her grandmother’s embrace and sniffled, her eyes red-rimmed and her face flushed. Pam rubbed her thumbs underneath Lily’s eyes and said something to her. Then the two of them walked around the corner.

Hanna walked over to Ali, Spencer, and Aria, phone in her hand.

“Okay, so Caleb and Ezra bought us a little time with the kids.” She looked at Aria. “They told them that you brought Lily to be with Ali because she didn’t feel well, which didn’t seem to surprise them.” She glanced at Ali. “I think she may have been sick last night. Caleb said she looked like she didn’t feel well, but when they pressed her on it she said she was fine.”

Yep. Emily’s daughter, through and through. Ali shook her head and heaved out a sigh.

“Caleb mentioned that Iris and Levi keep asking him where I am. And apparently Fiona was asking Ezra questions, too.” Hanna added, glancing at Aria again. “I think she suspects something more is up. I think they all do. We’re going to have to tell them soon.”

“Yeah.” Spencer agreed. “Eli apparently texted Toby wanting to know what’s going on. He’s worried about Lily.”

“Why are our children so smart? Did we not drop them on their heads enough when they were babies?” Hanna frowned. Her friends stared at her. “Oh, was that…was that just me?” Hanna smiled nervously. “I mean, clearly it didn’t hurt them. Levi is top of his class.”

Aria was the first one to huff out an unexpected laugh. After a few seconds, all of them couldn’t help but join in the laughter. Leave it to Hanna to say the most outrageous shit at the most outrageous time.

Pam and Lily walked back into the waiting area, both of them carrying paper cups of what Ali assumed to be water.

“I thought she was at home resting.” Hanna was confused to see Pam there.

“You know the Fields women. Can’t tell them what to do,” Spencer said.

“I thought _my_ family was bullheaded until I married into the Fields family.” Ali nodded in agreement.

She glanced into the bag that Spencer had brought and then looked up at her.

“I just kinda grabbed the first thing I saw,” Spencer admitted. “Didn’t think you would care what it was.”

“It’s fine. Thanks,” Ali said. “How’s my dog?”

“Actually, about Jett…” Spencer frowned with a weird look on her face.

“God, he ate the food I left out and ripped up the couch cushions, didn’t he?” Ali rolled her eyes.

“No, he didn’t get in to any trouble, which is troubling in its own right. Because I know your mutt. And I know that given the opportunity he would have figured out a way to open the fridge and lick it clean on any normal day. But when I got there he met me at the door just as calm as ever. I took him for a walk and he was fine. Took him back in to let him get some water while I grabbed your stuff and his food. And then when I went to get him and tried to get him out the front door he pumped the brakes. Refused to budge. And his big moose ass is strong. He didn’t want to leave. I thought maybe I could bribe him with food, but when I got back with the treats he’d bolted from the living room.” Her face tensed. “I found him on Grace’s bed.”

Spencer purposefully left out how pitiful Jett had looked, like he knew. But Ali could see what Spencer was holding back. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. How could the dog possibly know? Was it a coincidence? Had he sensed it when Toby came by? Where had he been when Ali crumpled to the living room floor? Had he been there? She couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember anything but the way she’d felt.

“Don’t worry about him though.” Spencer quickly added, sensing she was upset. “I’m going to swing back by in a couple of hours. If he wants to come with me I’ll take him home. If not, Toby and I will work something out with our schedules.”

“Caleb and I can help.” Hanna added. “He loves dogs. Keeps pestering me to get one. He’s worse than the kids.”

“Thank you guys.” Ali said, realizing that the words weren’t enough. In fact, ‘thank you’ seemed to have lost all of its meaning to her.

“How’s Emily?” Hanna asked quietly, trying to keep her voice down so Lily wouldn’t hear.

“Uh,” Ali rubbed her eyes in exhaustion. “The doctor says she should be waking up at any time. They’re weaning her off of the sedation.” She looked at her daughter and her mother-in-law across the room. Pam had somehow gotten Lily to sit down, something Ali had failed to do when Lily got there. “Lily wants to see her, but I’m afraid it’s just going to upset her more.” She sighed. “She’s never seen her mother hurt before, not like this. Emily has always been the strongest person in her life.” She paused and realized that Emily was the strongest person in all of their lives. “I don’t want Lily to see her broken like this.”

“Ali, you can’t protect her from this,” Spencer said softly.

“I know.” Ali’s voice wavered. “But I can try to lessen the impact of the blow.” She swallowed a lump in her throat as she watched Lily lean her head against Pam’s shoulder. “I know my kid. She’s crumbling. She holds it in and hides it well, but I know it’s only a matter of time before she falls to pieces. Seeing Emily is just going to push her over that edge faster.”

A phone jingled. They all looked at their devices.

“It’s mine.” Aria glanced at the message on her phone. “It’s from Fiona. She wants to know if Lily is okay.” She sighed. Her face tightened. “Guys, I think she might know.”

“How?” Hanna asked in astonishment.

“Lily did.”

“What?” Ali glanced at Aria in shock. Aria hadn’t mentioned that to Ali. She hadn’t had a chance to talk to her since she’d brought Lily in.

“Ali, I didn’t tell her. She knew before I said anything. She knew right away that something had happened to Grace. I don’t know how she knew. She just did.”

Ali stared at Aria in surprise. She felt a wave of grief roll over her as she thought about her daughter’s anguish. She’d been trying to protect her, to give her one last night of normalcy before shattering her world. She hadn’t considered the possibility that Lily might have needed her last night. It hadn’t crossed her mind that she might have actually felt the loss of her sister.

“Mom?” Lily called to Ali from across the room.

Her voice was so quiet that it would have been drowned out by the ambient noise of the hospital if Ali hadn’t been so in tune to it. She would hear it anywhere, anytime. And it was even more apparent to her, because Lily hadn’t said a word to her since she’d asked to see Emily.

Ali walked over to where Pam and Lily were seated. The look on her face broke Ali’s heart. She looked so young, yet at the same time her eyes looked aged beyond her years. Lily had always carried herself with such a maturity that sometimes her mothers forgot how young she truly was. She was just a kid. And right now, Ali could see that. Ali didn’t see an old soul looking back at her. She saw the same five-year-old who had been afraid to let go of her hand on the first day of kindergarten. It had been Emily who had given her the strength to let go. She’d kneeled down in front of her and told her about all the really cool things she was going to get to do. When Lily found out there was finger-painting involved her entire face lit up. Lily was never afraid to let go of Ali’s hand at school again after that.

“What is it, sweetie?” Ali leaned over her, placing her hands on Lily’s rosy hot cheeks.

“When can we see mom?” Lily’s voice was shaking. Her eyes were watery. “I want to see her.”

“I know.” Ali nodded. “I know you do, Lil. But right now, your mother needs a little time…”

“Does – does she not want to see me?” Lily’s eyes found Ali’s, and she looked at her with the saddest expression Ali had ever seen. She sounded like a broken child.

“No. Oh, baby – no. No. It’s not that.” Ali quickly assured her. She took Lily’s hands. For a split second she had a flash of Grace’s motionless hand in hers. She quickly changed her focus to Lily. She cleared her throat and tried to shake the image of Grace’s body out of her mind. “Never think that, okay? Your mother and I love you more than anything. I don’t ever want you to doubt that.”

Lily nodded, tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes.

“There’s just a lot going on right now,” Ali tried to explain it in a way that Lily could comprehend. “Once things settle down a little bit I’ll take you back to see her.”

“I don’t understand why I can’t go with you now.” Lily argued.

Ali wasn’t sure how to respond. How could she tell her child that she couldn’t see her mother because she had almost died? Fortunately, Pam came in with the save.

“Well, someone needs to stay and keep your old grandma here company.” Pam rubbed Lily’s arm.

“Why can’t we all go?”

Ali hated that Lily was so smart. She hated that deep down, her daughter knew the reason she couldn’t see her mom. She hated that she couldn’t give her the answers she wanted.

“Because we need to let the doctors do their job. They’re taking care of your mom right now. Just stay here with me, sweetie. Just until she wakes up.” Pam glanced at Ali.

Ali smiled weakly and looked at Pam in appreciation. The two of them were apparently on the same wavelength. Ali mouthed a silent ‘thank you’ to Pam when Lily looked away from her and over at her grandmother. Once they’d calmed Lily down Ali went to change into the clothes Spencer had brought and then she went back to sit with Emily again.

Emily drifted in and out of consciousness, never staying awake for more than a few seconds at a time. And when her eyes were open it’s like she wasn’t fully there anyway. At one point she started talking in her sleep. She mumbled something about helping Grace and needing to get Grace out of the car. It killed Ali to know that Emily was dreaming about the wreck.

“Grace!” Emily suddenly shouted sharply. “Grace, wake up!”

Ali was frozen by her side, not sure what to say to comfort her. Suddenly, she was envisioning the wreck much more clearly than she ever could have possibly imagined. She felt cold, her body suspended in a perpetual state of immobility. As she watched Emily struggle she realized that she’d made the right call not bringing Lily in yet.

“Em…”

“Gracie!” Emily cried out.

Ali felt her stomach drop. She could see Emily’s eyes rapidly fluttering beneath her eyelids as she relived her nightmare.

“Emily…” Ali managed to squeak out. She was finally able to move. She put her hand against Emily’s arm. “It…it’s not – “ She almost said ‘it’s not real’, but it _was_ real. This wasn’t something they could run away from in real life, “…it’s okay.”

But it wasn’t okay. How would their lives ever be okay again? She opened her mouth to speak again, but no words came out. The doctor found her staring at Emily in shock a few minutes later. He explained that it was common for trauma patients coming out of sedation to talk and cry a lot. He encouraged Ali to talk to her to help her through it. So Ali took his advice. She talked. She talked about meaningless things like the weather and clothes shopping and television shows. She talked about mundane things, because she couldn’t think of anything else to talk about that wouldn’t make Emily’s stress worse.

She split her time between talking to her and texting Pam to check on Lily. After a little while, Emily stopped muttering and settled down. She was quiet again. Ali sat with her in silence for almost half an hour. Then she heard a tiny voice call out to her from the doorway.

“Mom?”

When she looked up she saw Lily staring at them, shuffling her weight against her feet while trying to decide whether she should step into the room or not. Lily was still reeling from the loss of her sister, and seeing her mother just amplified that pain. It suddenly made her loss seem so much more real and terrifying. She had been so upset by her sister’s death that she hadn’t thought about the possibility that she might lose her mother, too. She felt like she was being sucked into the black hole from her nightmare.

“Lily, honey, you shouldn’t be in here. How did you…”

“I waited until the girl at the front desk took a break and then told grandma I wanted something to eat. When she went to get me something I came looking for you.” She walked into the room.

The child had always been too damn smart for her own good. Lily glanced at her mom and walked towards her bed. Ali had explained to Lily that Emily had been hurt, but Lily hadn’t realized how bad it was. She was still trying to process everything. But suddenly, all at once…it hit her. Her mom was seriously hurt. Her lips parted and a quivering cry came out of her mouth.

“Is she going to die, too?” Lily looked at Ali in fear.

“What? No.” Ali shook her head. “No, of course not.”

Lily reached out to touch Emily’s hand, but pulled back at the last second, afraid she might hurt her. Ali stood up, preparing herself to usher her daughter out of the room.

“Lily, you should get back to your grandmother before…”

“Mom?” Lily reached out again, touching Emily’s fingers. “M-mommy?”

Emily inhaled a sharp gasp. Those had been the last words Grace had spoken to her. But even in her unconsciousness, she knew it wasn’t Grace speaking this time. Her chest tensed and then she muttered Lily’s name. That was all it took for Lily to completely fall apart. Ali had her in her embrace seconds after the tears started falling down her cheeks. She gently pulled her towards the cot next to Emily’s bed, seating them both against the edge.

The staff hadn’t been able to fit a full-sized cot in the room, but they’d brought in a small cot and squeezed it lengthwise against the wall, because Ali informed the nurses and doctors that she was not leaving Emily’s side. When they tried to tell her that she couldn’t stay in the ICU overnight, Ali flipped her shit. There were mentions of suing literally everyone, and when she threw Spencer’s mother’s name at them they relented. Veronica Hastings was not someone they wanted to piss off.

The cot shook beneath them as Lily cried.

“Hey, she’s going to be okay, Lily,” Ali said softly.

“Grace isn’t.” Lily whimpered. “What if…” she tried to catch her breath, “…what if mom dies, too?”

Ali bit down hard, her teeth hurting because she was clenching her jaw so tight. She held Lily as she sobbed. She tried her best to comfort her, but she had no idea what to say. She quickly texted Pam, because she knew that Pam would worry if she got back to the waiting room and found Lily gone. After she got a message back from Pam, she put her phone away and pulled Lily closer to her.

“What are we going to do? I don’t want mom to die.” Lily sobbed. “I don’t…I don’t…I…” She was starting to get hysterical.

Ali felt tears wetting her own cheeks. Because her entire family was in pain, and she didn’t know what to do. She felt completely helpless. She _hated_ feeling helpless. She hated that she couldn’t fix this.

“Shhh…I’ve got you, baby.” Ali cradled her head.

She pushed back until her back was against the corner of the wall, her legs still dangling over the edge, pulling Lily with her. Lily curled her fingers and held Ali’s shirt in her fists, gripping the thin fabric with a tight hold, like a toddler clutching her mother and refusing to let go.

Lily crawled up on the cot next to her and cried herself to sleep in her mother’s arms. Once Ali heard the sniffling stop and she felt Lily’s hands loosen and slip down her shirt she carefully laid her down on the cot, placing her head in her lap. Then she tried to get herself comfortable, propping her feet up against the small end table next to the head of the cot. Then she waited. Because that’s all she could do. She heard Lily whimper in her sleep and call out for her and she delicately ran her fingers against her cheek, trying to calm her down.

“I’m here, Lily,” Ali whispered. “It’s okay.”

She kept her focus on her daughter for a while, staring at her face. Lily was the only piece of Grace they had left. Looking at Lily made her feel like she was looking at Grace, too. When the girls had been babies, they had only been able to tell them apart by their little quirks. Grace loved when it was time to nurse. Lily was more finicky about latching on. Grace liked to giggle all the time. Lily cooed a lot. Grace liked lights and bright colors. Lily liked shapes and letters. Grace was the hitter. Lily was the biter. Grace was the heavy sleeper. Lily was the one who could hear a dog barking twenty miles away and it would wake her up. But as she stared at Lily now, she saw that she was in such a deep trance that not even a dog barking in the same room as her would wake her right now. She had a feeling she was dreaming about her sister. She had a feeling all three of them were going to be dreaming about Grace a lot.

Ali was so lost in thought looking at her daughter that she didn’t notice when Emily woke up. Emily took in a deep breath, feeling a tight tension in her stomach when she did. She blinked a few times and then turned her head and saw Ali sitting on the cot with Lily’s head in her lap. She was gently brushing Lily’s hair with her fingertips. Ali heard Emily stir and she looked up and saw that her eyes were open.

“Hey.” Ali moved and started to reach out to her, but Emily shook her head and glanced at their sleeping daughter.

“Don’t wake her,” Emily said quietly, a soft look springing to her eyes as she watched Lily take a breath.

Ali frowned. Emily looked so exhausted. All she wanted to do was reach out and touch her, just to let her know she was there.

“I’m surprised they let her in here,” Emily said as she raised the top portion of her bed slightly so she could sit up and face her family.

“They didn’t.” Ali tried to keep her voice low so she wouldn’t disturb Lily. “She gave your mom the slip and snuck in.”

Emily couldn’t help but smile. She wasn’t surprised.

“Of course she did.” Emily nodded. “She’s your daughter.”

“I should have known better than to turn my back on her.” Ali admitted, her fingers still lightly brushing Lily’s hair. “She was determined to see her mother.”

Emily looked at Lily sadly, knowing that she was never again going to be the same little girl she’d once been.

“How is she?” Emily asked.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” Ali replied honestly. “I don’t know if there are words to describe it.”

Emily nodded in understanding. She moved and went to take a breath, feeling a stinging sensation in her stomach. She winced.

“How are you feeling?” Ali asked.

“Uh…” Emily took another breath and then cringed. “Sore. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. At least it distracts me from…from thinking about her. About what happened…” She saw Ali’s face tighten at the thought of Grace and she sighed. “How are you?” Emily asked, her eyes teeming with sympathy.

Ali took in a deep breath and then let out a heavy sigh.

“I feel like I’m going to wake up and find out this was all a nightmare at any minute.”

“The actual nightmares are just as bad, trust me.” Emily muttered as she looked away in thought.

“Emily, I can’t even imagine…” Ali choked up. Putting herself in Emily’s place for even just a fraction of a second was causing her actual physical pain. “I don’t know how to…”

Lily whined out a quiet cry, interrupting them. Ali rubbed her cheek. Emily closed her eyes to starve off her tears. She fought back a cry, jolting her stomach and sending a wave of pain through her body. Ali noticed her clenching her jaw.

“Hey, are you in pain?” Ali questioned quietly.

Emily opened her eyes slowly and shook her head.

“No.”

“You’re a shitty liar, Em.” Ali glared at her. “We’ve been married for thirteen years, you know. I know when you’re being less than honest with me.”

She knew her wife like the back of her hand. She knew her tells. She’d observed her habits over the years and she knew exactly how to read her. Emily sighed, ignoring her remark, refusing to address her pain.

“Is the other driver okay?”

“Huh?” Ali was thrown by the question.

“The other driver. Did the other driver live?” Emily asked, moving her hand up to her stomach.

Ali furrowed her brow, suddenly remembering that Emily didn’t know that the other driver had taken off and left them. Ali didn’t say anything at first. She felt her face getting heated in anger again. Because her child was dead and Emily was in a hospital bed, and some asshole was riding around without a care in the world.

“I assumed the worst when no one came to help.” Emily admitted.

“The other driver isn’t dead.” At least, not yet. If Ali ever found out who it was she was going to murder them.

Emily noticed that her tone had shifted. Ali’s voice was flat.

“Ali?” She scrunched her brow in confusion.

“They left you there,” Ali grumbled under her breath, trying not to scream in a rage. “They hit you and they ran.”

“What?” Emily stared in shock. “How…how could…why would someone do that? Wh – why wouldn’t they help us?”

“I don’t know.” Ali looked down.

She saw Lily’s innocent face and she had no words to describe how angry she was that someone had taken their daughter, Lily’s _sister,_ away from them. She started to wonder what could have happened if someone had helped Emily and Grace. Would Grace still be alive? She heard Emily suck in a gasp and her head snapped up again. She saw a look of shocked desperation wash across Emily’s face.

“Ali…” Emily’s voice trembled. “I don’t remember anything about the other car,” she said tearfully. “I didn’t see…I didn’t…” She furrowed her brows, thinking intently, trying to remember anything other than the crash itself, but the only thing running through her mind was her terrified child. “All I remember…” Her throat was clogged with emotion. “All I can remember…” she got too emotional to finish. “What if they get away? What if they get away with this because I can’t remember…”

“They’ll find them. Toby is on it.” And knowing Toby, he’d beat the hell out of the other driver. “They have ways of finding these things out. Tire tracks, debris, traffic cams. They’ll get the person who did this.”

“God, I can’t believe I didn’t look.” Emily shook her head, angry at herself. “I should have looked. The lights were in my eyes and I just didn’t…”

Lily heard Emily’s voice and she opened her sleepy eyes.

“Mom?” she said quietly. She sat up when she saw that Emily was awake.

“Hey…sweetie.” Emily forced a weak smile on to her face.

Lily stared at her for a minute, but then she pushed herself off of the cot, springing up before Ali could catch her. She was next to her mother’s bed seconds later. She wrapped her arms around Emily, sending a wave of pain through her stomach, but Emily ignored it and returned her daughter’s embrace, stroking the back of her head. She could feel her shaking, and she was suddenly back in the car, feeling Grace’s face as she trembled underneath her touch. Emily took in a shaky breath and tried to focus on Lily.

“It’s alright, Lil,” she said softly.

“Are you okay?” Lily pulled back.

Emily brushed her hair behind her ear.

“I’m okay.” Emily nodded.

Lily’s face scrunched up like she was about to start crying again. Emily used her thumb to wipe away a tear on Lily’s cheek. Lily leaned forward again and embraced her in another hug. Ali saw Emily shut her eyes and mash her lips together in pain, their daughter completely unaware of how bad Emily was hurting. Because Emily was too damn good at hiding her pain.

“Lily, honey, why don’t you go and let your grandmother know that your mom is awake?” Ali suggested, putting her hand against Lily’s back, rubbing it gently.

“You promise you’re okay?” Lily loosened her grip on Emily.

“I promise,” Emily replied softly, trying not to think about the last promise she’d made. The one she’d made to Grace. “Now do what your mom says. You know Grandma will be worried.”

Lily nodded, wiping the tears from her face. She slowly walked out of the room, her eyes lingering on Emily like she was afraid she might never see her again. As soon as Lily was out of the room, Emily let out a grunt of pain. She moved her hand to her stomach and heaved out a deep breath.

“Kid’s got an iron death grip. She’d make a hell of a wrestler.” Emily took several slow breaths.

“Do you want me to get the doctor?” Ali put her palm on Emily’s arm, afraid to touch her anywhere else and cause her more discomfort.

“No. It’s passing.” Emily took a relaxing breath. She looked down at her hand against her belly. “What’d they say about my injuries?”

“It’s going to take some time for you to heal.” Ali traced her thumb over the cut on Emily’s forehead. “You had a piece of shrapnel in your stomach. Your liver and spleen bore the brunt of it. And they’re worried about a possible infection since your open wounds were exposed to the river water.” She felt her voice catch in her throat as she pictured her family in the sinking car. “They need to make sure you don’t develop any complications from the internal injuries. They said they are going to keep you for at least a week. I’ve already arranged it so that I can stay with you and…”

“No.” Emily interrupted her.

“What?” Ali was taken aback. “What the hell do you mean ‘no’?”

“If you stay, that means Lily is going to want to stay.”

“The hospital staff won’t allow that. They don’t even want to let me stay. I had to strong-arm them into it. So I’ll just explain that to her and send her home with your mom. You know she’ll take care of her…”

“Ali, she doesn’t need my mom. She needs _you_.” Emily tried not to get choked up thinking about how Grace had needed her and how she had failed her.

“I realize that, but Em, so do you.” Ali couldn’t believe that they were having this fight.

“No. Lily comes first.” Emily shook her head.

“I know, but I can’t just leave you here alone,” Ali stuttered out in confusion.

Of course, it wasn’t just about leaving Emily alone. It was about being with her. It was about needing to make sure she was going to be okay. And the truth was, Ali wasn’t sure if she was ready to go home. Because going home meant seeing reminders of Grace everywhere. Photos. Messy laundry. School books. Dirty dishes. Her favorite magazines. The little doodles she drew on post-its while she was waiting for something to cook in the microwave. Her little jabs at Lily she wrote on their family white-board.

“I can’t leave you,” Ali repeated, softer this time.

“You can and you will.” Emily insisted.

“Have you lost your goddamn mind?” Ali glared at her. “Do you have any idea how close we came to losing you, too? You are _not_ going through this alone.”

“Go home, Alison.” Emily stood firm in her decision. “Just – take Lily home,” she said with a sigh. “You can’t take care of her if you’re trying to take care of me. You need to take care of yourselves.”

“ _Us_?” Ali exclaimed. “What about you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You are not fine, Emily,” Ali said argumentatively. “You almost died!”

“I’m aware of that.” Emily’s voice broke. “Believe me.”

Her eyes filled with tears. A part of her wished she had died. A part of her _had_ died with Grace. All she could think about was the look on Grace’s face before she died. She’d looked so little and helpless. Emily turned away, trying to keep Ali from seeing what was going on in her mind. She closed her eyes, silently wishing she could trade places with her daughter.

“Sweetie, don’t.” Ali could see what she was thinking. She could _feel_ it.

Ali put her hand against Emily’s cheek. Emily pulled away, opening her eyes to peer at her wife.

“Take her home, Ali. It’s too overwhelming for her here.”

“There’s not a place in this world that’s not going to be overwhelming for her right now.” Ali reminded her.

“Except for with you.” Emily countered. “She’ll be okay if she’s with you. So _please_ , take her home. Take care of her.” Her eyes were watery. “She’s all we have left.”

Ali was silent for a few seconds, unsure of what to say. Because she was pretty sure she knew what Emily was doing.

“Please don’t push me away, Em.” She reached out to touch her face again. Emily didn’t pull away this time, but she didn’t react either. Instead, she just closed her eyes and sighed.

“That’s not what this is about.” Emily opened her eyes back up and glanced at her. “This is about Lily. She’s going to have a hard enough time dealing with this. And the last thing she needs right now is to sit in a hospital room and worry about me.”

“I think that ship has sailed, hon. She’s going to worry no matter where she is.” Ali glanced away to try and gather her emotions and quietly added, “We both are.”

“I can’t watch her fall apart over me…” Emily’s voice shuddered, “… _because_ of me.”

Ali didn’t miss Emily’s choice of words. She could see the conflict in Emily’s eyes and it crushed her.

All Emily could think about was Grace refusing to leave her in the car. All she could think about was her stubborn children and their unyielding drive. She knew both of the girls had gotten their propensity to worry about everyone else but themselves from her, but she hadn’t realized just how damaging it would one day prove to be to them. She thought about Grace begging her not to die, and she thought about how she promised her that they were both going to be fine. Her breathing picked up as she fought back her cries.

“She’s suffering enough as it is. I’m not going to add to that. Not after…” Not after she’d watched Grace suffer. She refused to subject Lily to her pain. She’d failed Grace. She couldn’t fail Lily, too. “I won’t. I ca…I can’t. I can’t be the reason…I can’t be the reason she’s hurting.”

The machines monitoring her started picking up speed and Ali felt herself start to panic. She reached out and took Emily’s hand.

“Hey, okay.” Ali nodded, tears in her eyes. “Okay.” Watching Emily stress herself into another medical emergency was not something Ali wanted to see. Despite her heart and her head both telling her to stay with Emily, she knew this wasn’t a battle she was going to win, especially not if it was going to upset Emily this much. “I’ll take her home.” She squeezed her hand. “I’ll take care of her. She’ll…she’ll be alright. I’ll take care of Lily.” She repeated.

That’s all Emily needed to hear to calm down. After a few minutes her breathing returned to normal. The machines were at a steady pace again. Emily could see Ali’s panic written all over her face. She sighed, reaching up to brush her fingers underneath the rims of her wet eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“Stop apologizing.” Ali frowned. She ran the tips of her fingers along the side of Emily’s hairline. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Grace is dead, Ali.” Saying the words out loud stung her. They tasted like poison rolling off of her tongue.

“And it’s not your fault, okay? It’s not.”

But Emily wasn’t listening to her. She knew Ali was talking to her, trying to reach her. But she couldn’t hear it. She didn’t want to hear it. Because she knew that Ali was just trying to tell her what she thought she needed to hear. But Emily knew the truth of the matter. She was the one driving the car. She was the one who didn’t get Grace out in time. She was the one who hadn’t been able to save her.

Ali could see her shutting down. She could see the Emily she’d known since they were kids completely disappearing. She could see the guilt and the pain drowning her.

“You went through something no one should ever have to go through.” Ali was in a tremendous amount of pain, but she knew that it had to be worse for Emily, because Emily had been there. Emily had seen it happen. And she’d been helpless to stop it. “You can’t blame yourself. What you went through out there…that’s hard enough. You watched our daughter…”

“Stop.” Emily shook her head, begging her to stop talking. “Please just stop.” She turned away from Ali.

“No, Emily, you need to hear this. You have to listen to me.” Ali pushed Emily’s cheek to force her to face her. “Look at me.” When Emily didn’t respond to her request, she pushed a little harder. “Hey, _look at me_.” She repeated gruffly, waiting for Emily’s eyes to meet hers, which they slowly did. “This is not on you. Someone ran you off the road into a fucking river, Em. And they left you. And I know you did _everything_ you could to save her.” Tears sprang to her eyes. “I know you pulled her out. You pulled her out with a broken ankle and your guts practically spilling out. I know there is nothing you wouldn’t have done to save her.”

“It wasn’t enough,” Emily said tearfully. “A good mother never would have let this happen.” She sounded angry, but not at Ali. At herself. “A good mother would have been able to save her child. Grace is dead because _I_ couldn’t save her. So don’t tell me I’m not to blame. Don’t tell me it’s not my fault. Because it is.”

“Emily,” Ali’s voice quivered. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

But she knew Emily wasn’t listening to her. And she didn’t know what to say to her to snap her out of it. Emily rarely fell apart. Ali wasn’t used to it. She didn’t know how to handle it. The silence between the two of them was the most painfully deafening noise Ali had ever experienced. Emily took in a long slow inhalation and then faced Ali, her expression calmer now.

“Just take care of our daughter,” Emily’s voice came out collected, almost detached.

“At least let me talk to one of the girls about being here for you,” Ali pleaded.

“They should be with their families, not with me.” Emily disagreed.

“You _are_ part of their family.”

“I know. But Ali, you know as well as I do that this is going to hit the kids really hard. They’re going to need all the support they can get.”

She knew her friends’ kids as well as she knew her own. And she knew exactly how much this was going to hurt them. She knew that Iris was going to be so beside herself with grief that she would lock her door and refuse to come out and talk to anyone for days. She took after Hanna when it came to how she handled her depression. She knew that Eli was going to internalize everything until one day he lost his temper over something small and insignificant, because he was his father’s son. She knew Fiona would run herself ragged trying to be there for her friends and forget to take care of herself. She and Lily were a lot alike in that respect. She knew that Kai was going to pretend he was okay, but that he would cry into his pillow at night.

She knew that Levi and Harper were going to fall apart. Harper depended on Grace to rein her in when she was spiraling, because Grace always knew what to say to make her smile. And Levi adored Grace. The two of them were two trouble-making peas in a pod. They were constantly doing things like creating rocket-propelled chairs with rolly chairs and fire extinguishers and swinging off of cliffs from a rope swing into the lake below. Grace had once joked about taking him sky-diving on his eighteenth birthday, but Levi had taken it seriously and had gotten so excited about it.

Grace’s death was going to destroy them all. And they were kids. They were babies. They needed their parents. Ali knew she couldn’t argue with Emily’s logic, so she tried one last quick Hail Mary pass.

“What about your mom?”

“There’s no point in anyone staying. The pain meds are just going to knock me out. The last time I was on painkillers I slept for almost three days straight.”

Ali remembered that quite well. They had been at a vintage cottage for a wedding. The girls had been four months old. Emily had been on her way down a rickety staircase when one of the stairs had given out under her feet. She’d had Lily in her arms, so she literally used her body as a human shield to keep Lily from being hurt. She’d bruised her collar bone and thrown out her shoulder taking the full force of the fall. But Lily had been completely fine, which was all Emily cared about. Her children meant everything to her. She had always done everything in her power to protect them.

Ali knew that their argument was over. She knew there was nothing she could say that would change Emily’s mind. She still hated it though. The last thing she wanted to do was leave Emily alone. She felt Emily put her hand on her arm and she snapped out of her daze.

“I know you’re hurting, too, Ali.” Her hand was shaking against Ali’s arm, and Ali knew instantly that Emily was in pain, but trying to hide it. “I’m not blind to that. And I know you’re scared and worried about me and just…broken. And believe me, I want nothing more than to curl up with you in bed and cry. But Lily needs us. And I’m down for the count right now, so I need you to forget about me and focus on her.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Ali asked with a quiet sad sigh.

“What you always do. Be her amazing mother.” Emily smiled weakly.

Ali closed her eyes, taking in a heavy breath, trying to keep herself from breaking down for the millionth time.

“Okay.” Ali nodded.

“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.” Emily rubbed her arm, moving her fingers down until she had Ali’s hand in hers.

“So are you,” Ali replied quietly, glancing at their intertwined hands. “I love you, Emily.”

There was a long pause. Ali saw a look on Emily’s face she’d never seen before. It was a look that expressed she wasn’t worthy of love, that she was the reason their child was dead. It felt like a direct hit to Ali’s chest. Emily quickly buried that look and replied with a shaky voice,

“I love you, too.”

A little while later, Ali was walking down the hallway alone again. Her thoughts were swirling in her head. She’d never felt so emotionally exhausted in her life. When she got to the waiting area she saw Pam with Lily. The girls were all around on their phones. Ali couldn’t believe she was listening to Emily. She couldn’t believe she was about to send everyone away. She knew all of them would push back, just as she had. To her surprise, it was Pam who fought back the hardest when she explained that Emily said she was going to stay in the ICU alone.

“Oh, the hell she is.” Pam huffed.

Ali’s eyes widened in surprise. Pam pretty much never swore. For the wife of a military man she didn’t have much of a mouth on her. Pam cussing was more of a rarity than a total solar eclipse. So it always shocked Ali to hear vulgar things coming out of her mouth, even the more lenient swears. And the more aggressive ones _always_ shocked her. She’d once heard her say ‘fuck’ when she burned herself and she almost fell out of the chair she was sitting in.

“Don’t worry. She’s not going to be alone. I’ll see to that myself.” Pam assured Ali. “I’ll park myself right next to her stubborn ass for the next three weeks if I have to.”

Wow, two swears in one day. And back to back. That was a new record. Emily might be in for an earful from her mom. Ali was glad not to be on the receiving end of it. Ali was relieved to hear that Pam wouldn’t be pushed away so easily, especially because she knew that Pam might be the only person who could reach Emily at the moment.

“You just take care of Lily.” Pam glanced at Lily, who was sitting in a chair facing out the window. She was watching two kids playing in the parking lot. “I’ll take care of Emily.” She rubbed Ali’s shoulder, then took her hand and squeezed it.

“Thanks, Pam.” Ali squeezed Pam’s fingers back, holding it for a moment before she dropped it and walked over to where Lily was sitting. They watched Pam walk down the hallway. Ali turned to her daughter. “Hey, what do you say we head home to check on Jett?”

“I don’t want to.” Lily frowned. “I want to stay here.”

“I know you do, but we need to go home. So come on, let’s go.” She reached for Lily’s hand to try and pull her to her feet.

“No. I’m not leaving her.” Lily said, jerking away from her mother.

“Lily, your mom needs her rest.”

“I’m not talking about mom!” Lily cried. “I’m not leaving Grace. She’s here, right? I’m not leaving her.”

Ali felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

“Honey…” Her voice wavered with emotion as she kneeled down and took Lily’s face in her hands, “Grace is gone.”

“I don’t care!” Lily raised her voice. “I’m not leaving! I’m not leaving her!” Her voice broke and she started sobbing again. Her shoulders slumped and she lowered her head. “Don’t make me leave her. Please don’t make me go. Mom, I don’t want to leave her.”

Ali pushed her forehead against Lily’s and did her best not to fall apart.

“I know, baby.” She knew, because she didn’t want to leave her either. “But we have to say goodbye.” She choked out.

While Ali tried to calm her daughter’s aching heart, Pam was on a mission to do the same. When the nurse escorted Pam into Emily’s room, Emily peered at her in surprise. She should have known there was no way her mother would leave her. In truth, she’d half expected her to be right next to Ali when she woke up, but the way Ali told it, the staff rarely let one person into the critical care unit, much less two. At first she stared at her, trying to figure out if she was seeing things, because she’d just gotten a dose of narcotics and was starting to feel drowsy.

Pam choked back her emotions at the sight of her injured daughter. It didn’t matter how old Emily got, she would always be her baby. And her baby was hurt, and not just physically. She knew she was hurt in ways she would never fully heal from. Emily saw her mom’s eyes watering and she felt her stomach twist into knots. Or maybe it was her internal injuries flaring up. Either way, she felt sick seeing her mother so upset.

“Look, I already explained this to Ali…”

“I know what you told Ali.” Despite Pam’s grief, her voice came out strong and authoritative. “But if you think for one second that I’m going to leave you alone in pain you have lost your mind.”

“Mom, this isn’t necessary…”

“I’ll decide what’s necessary, Emily. You may be an adult, but I’m still your mother. You are _still_ my child.”

And that’s when Emily knew she wasn’t going anywhere. She sighed and glanced down at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact with her mother. Because she knew that if she kept looking at her she was going to break down. She kept her eyes trained on the glossy floor, only looking up when she felt her mom’s hand on hers. Pam put her other hand on Emily’s face, gently maneuvering it to observe her injuries. She shook her head with a sigh.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Emily muttered. Though the truth was, she wasn’t sure how bad she actually looked. She hadn’t seen the extent of her injuries. She just felt them.

“It’s not the cuts and bruises I’m concerned about.” Pam pushed a stray strand of Emily’s hair out of her face, knowing her emotional pain was far worse.

Emily looked away again, unable to face her emotions. Unable to say what she was truly feeling. She tightened her jaw to keep from crying.

“You can’t push this pain away, sweetheart. You can’t bury this.”

She hated that her mother knew her so well. Emily remained silent, her stoic face only breaking for a brief second, but it was enough of a glimpse for Pam to realize that there were cracks in the foundation of her emotional walls.

“You know, Emmy, you’re a lot like your father,” she said, desperately trying to reach her before she closed down again. “I remember when he came home from being deployed he pushed things away for my sake. He was dealing with stuff I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. But I knew it was there. Deep down, hidden beneath my loving caring smiling man, it was there. I could feel it. But when I pressed him on it I could see something in his eyes shutting down. He was there, but he wasn’t there. And I know it was because he was trying to protect me. But what I was trying to get him to realize is that it didn’t have to be a one way street. He didn’t have to go through it alone.” Her warm palm was against the side of Emily’s neck now. “I understand you trying to protect Lily. I do. But don’t shut your wife out. You and Ali are going to need each other now more than ever.”

“I can’t put her through this, mom,” Emily’s voice came out as a whisper. “I can’t talk to her about this. She can’t know what I know. It would kill her. She’s hurting enough as it is. I won’t put her through what I went through – what I watched Grace go through…”

Her hands were shaking. The walls were crumbling. Pam took her daughter’s trembling hands and Emily finally faced her, her emotions pouring out of her, emitting more pain than Pam was prepared for.

“My daughter died.” Emily cried. “She died right next to me, because I couldn’t save her…”

“Emily, you did everything you could.” Pam’s nose started to burn as her eyes filled with tears.

“My baby is gone. She was right in front of me and then I lost her.” She started sobbing. “She was so scared, mom. And I couldn’t…I couldn’t help her.”

She reached out and wrapped her aching arms around her mother. Pam gently embraced her daughter in a light hold so as not to put pressure on her injuries. It hurt Emily to cry. But it hurt her much worse not to cry. Emily leaned her face against her mother’s shoulder as she wept. And like Lily before her, Emily exhausted herself from crying so much that she fell asleep in her mother’s arms. Pam and a nurse got Emily situated into her bed and then Pam pulled up a chair next to her, so that in case Emily woke up she wouldn’t wake up alone.

Of course, since she’d been dosed with pain meds, Pam knew it was going to be quite a while before Emily woke up. She stayed with her for several hours, only leaving for water, restroom, and snack breaks and to answer phone calls from her sister and Ali, who were both checking in on Emily.

Fortunately, one very stubborn friend had stuck around the hospital after Emily told everyone to beat it. So when Pam stepped out, someone else was around to step in. When Emily woke up, she didn’t find her mother staring back at her, nor Alison. Instead it was another blonde she knew and loved. She scrunched her brows in confusion, wondering if she was still drugged up and seeing things.

“You look like hell.”

That was all Hanna had to say for Emily to realize that she was very much in the room with her in real life, because not even in her wildest dreams could she come up with the shit that came out of Hanna’s mouth.

“Well, hello there, _Devil Wears Prada_ , here to give me an internship?” Emily drunkenly quipped.

“You wouldn’t last a day.” Hanna teased her, reaching up and putting her hand on top of Emily’s.

“What are you doing here, Han? Didn’t you hear? I sent everyone home,” Emily said.

“Didn’t you hear? I don’t listen.” Hanna retorted. “Just because you sent Ali home doesn’t mean I was about to follow like some obedient little puppy. She’s just your wife. _I’m_ your best friend. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“They have got to beef up security around here,” Emily mumbled. “Where’s my mom?”

“She stepped out to grab a bite to eat and to take a call from your aunt. She asked me to make sure you didn’t…like…bleed out or anything while she was gone,” Hanna said.

“Has anyone ever told you that sensitivity is not your strong suit?”

“Yeah. You. Constantly,” Hanna replied.

“Huh, yeah. That does sound like me.” Emily nodded. She shifted around in her bed, still trying to get used to the aches in her body. “So, how’d you get back here, anyway?”

“I’m pretty sure they think I’m Ali. All of us blondes look the same, apparently.” Hanna shrugged. “Racist sons of bitches.”

“Christ, Hanna.” Emily felt an unexpected laugh jolt her stomach. She cringed. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“You can’t tell me not to make you laugh. It’s like telling a bird not to fly or telling a politician not to be a douchenozzle.”

Emily smiled weakly, still a little loopy from the meds.

“Seriously, why aren’t you with Caleb and the kids? They’re going to need you way more than I do.”

“Caleb took them to Harper’s soccer game. We’re not going to tell them until afterwards.” Her smile faded. She knew this news was going to break her kids, and she hated it. “I think to an extent they already know something bad is going on. They’ve all apparently been extra cranky today.”

“How can you even tell with Iris and Harper?”

“Well, Iris threw a high heel at her brother’s head after he smarted off to her. And Harper fouled a kid like thirty seconds into her game. God help the children on that field today.”

“God, that girl is like a tiny Spencer.” Emily laughed again, but it sent a wave of pain through her body. She sucked in a pained gasp and her hand landed softly on her stomach. Hanna saw her wince. It bothered her to see Emily in pain.

“How are you feeling?” Hanna asked.

“I don’t know.” Emily sighed, looking down sadly. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.”

“Emily, I’m so sorry about Grace…”

“Hanna, don’t. I can’t…” Emily bit her lip, feeling it stinging from the cut on it.

“I know,” Hanna said softly, rubbing her hand. “I remember how it feels.”

“Olivia?” Emily asked sadly.

“I told the girls.” Hanna nodded, tears in her eyes.

“Oh, Han,” she said, squeezing her fingers gently.

“I told Ali I know it’s not the same…”

“You lost your daughter, too.” Emily quickly disagreed.

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “And you were there for me. You were there for me in a way that only my best friend could have been. And I’ll be damned if I’m not going to be here for you now.” Hanna sandwiched Emily’s hand in between hers. “I mean it, Em. Anything you need, you better call me. Day or night. I don’t care where you are or what you need. I’ll be there.”

Emily felt tears burning her eyes. She couldn’t find the words to express what she was feeling, so she just nodded. Hanna stayed with her for a little while longer. Pam was on her way back when Hanna got a text from Caleb.

“Harper’s game is over.” Hanna stared at her phone, biting her lip.

While she’d meant everything she’d said about staying at the hospital for Emily, a part of her had also stayed because she wanted to put off telling her kids for as long as possible. Both of her children acted like they couldn’t be hurt, but the truth was they took things to heart more than they let on.

“You’d better go.” Emily rubbed her fingers against Hanna’s arm. “They need you, Han.”

“I know,” she sighed.

Emily watched her best friend leave, and without her chatterbox to keep her awake she started to feel drowsy again. Part of her wanted to fight it, but the other part just wanted to give in. She was torn. She didn’t want to stay awake because she couldn’t deal with the living nightmare of real life, but she didn’t want to go to sleep either because all she saw when she closed her eyes was Grace. So she sat in her hospital bed in a weird state of twilight between asleep and awake, caught between two worlds, neither of which she wanted to be in.


	8. Fall to Pieces

When Lily didn’t answer any of her texts or calls, her friends started to worry. They’d suspected something was wrong, but they never could have imagined how bad it truly was. Telling Lily had been hard enough, but breaking the news of Grace’s death to the rest of the kids had nearly shattered all of their parents. They all reacted vastly differently.

Eli had been the first one to find out. Initially, Spencer and Toby had planned on telling their kids together, but it hadn’t exactly worked out that way.

Harper’s soccer team won their game, thanks in large part to her scaring the players on the opposing team into submission. To celebrate, the team was going out for Fro-yo. Eli didn’t want to go, so Toby took him home while Spencer went with Harper.

On the way home Eli asked to stop by Grace and Lily’s house. When Toby told him he didn’t think it was a good idea, Eli pressed him on why. He saw his dad’s mood shift drastically. He knew something was up and he was tired of sitting on pins and needles waiting to find out what it was.

“Dad, what’s going on?” Eli faced him with a frown.

Toby hadn’t responded right away. All he could think about was the site of the crash and the look of pure heartbreak on Ali’s face when he’d showed up on her doorstep with the news.

_“Please don’t tell me my baby is dead.”_ Those words would haunt him forever.

“Dad?” Eli asked again, shaking Toby out of his trance. “Are Lily and Grace okay?”

Fortunately, Toby’s phone rang, interrupting what would have been a very emotionally taxing conversation in the middle of rush hour traffic. It was a robo-call, but Toby faked a phone call the entire ride home, pretending it was work. But when they pulled in the driveway, Eli had wised up to his act.

“Why are you going out of your way to ignore me?” Eli questioned.

Toby sighed.

“I’m not ignoring you, Eli.” Toby turned the car’s ignition off.

“You and mom are being weird. I know something is wrong. Please just tell me what it is.”

“Your mother and I wanted to talk to you and your sister about this together…”

“Talk to us about what?”

He looked over at his son, and when he saw his large pleading eyes staring back at him he knew he couldn’t put the news off any longer. So he told Eli about the wreck, and about Grace. Eli had always been a pretty easy-going kid, so Toby wasn’t entirely sure how he would react. He tried to prepare himself for anything. He was startled, but not surprised when Eli ripped his seat belt off and nearly flung the car door off of its hinges to get out of the car. Toby had to stop him from bolting out of the car and sprinting to the DiLaurentis-Fields’ house to be with Lily. He explained that Lily needed to be with her mother for now.

Eli nodded absentmindedly, the news still not fully sinking in. He hadn’t even realized he was crying until they got into the house and he caught a glimpse of his face in a wall mirror. He didn’t say much to his father. He withdrew into himself, completely heartbroken. All he could think about were Lily’s haunting words after her nightmare,

_“It’s not me I’m worried about_.”

He had never seen Lily so upset before. He was kicking himself for not doing more for her, especially after that night terror she’d had. Then he started thinking about how they should have done something differently, or that maybe he should have figured out that the way she had been feeling all day was related to her sister. He ran over every scenario in his mind about how Grace would still be alive if maybe they had convinced her to skip swim practice and hang out with them instead. He was upset that he hadn’t been able to protect either one of them. There were so many ‘what-ifs’ he couldn’t shake.

He’d only had about an hour to process it before his little sister got home and they told her. Harper totally fell apart. She heaved out the loudest cry that Eli had ever heard and started wailing in their living room. Watching her fall apart brought him to tears again. He had never seen her so devastated. He was used to her spitting fire, not drowning in tears. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, but she shoved him away. Toby and Spencer tried to comfort her, but she pushed them away, too.

She stormed off to her room, Rutger quickly following her. The dog had been the only one who made it into her bedroom with her before she locked the door and slid down against the wall. She curled up into a ball next to her closet and started sobbing uncontrollably. Rutger whined and shoved his head in her face. She automatically curled one of her hands into his fur. Seconds later she heard the doorknob rattle.

“Harper? Harper, honey, open the door.” Toby rapped on the door.

“No!” Harper cried back through her sobs.

“We know how much you’re hurting right now, but you can’t lock us out,” Spencer added.

She was concerned about Harper’s state of mind, because she was very much an anxiety-ridden child and she was unpredictable when she was upset. Spencer blamed herself for that, because despite the fact that her children were raised differently than she was, anxiety was in her genes.

“Just leave me alone!” Harper cried weakly.

“Harper, open this door right now!” Spencer ordered, her voice shrill and nervous.

“No!”

She could hear Remy whimpering outside the door, scratching at the floor and trying to get inside. Spencer and Toby fruitlessly tried to get her to let them in. Eli watched curiously as his parents tried to coax his sister to open the door. She refused to answer her parents’ knocks. She even refused to listen to Spencer’s threats to take the door off of its hinges. When she finally stopped responding altogether, Eli took it upon himself to go outside and climb up the trellis and crawl through her window to check on her. He found her sitting against the wall with her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs. Rutger was sitting in front of her, licking her tears away and whining.

Harper saw her brother, but didn’t even blink. Tears were running down her cheeks. He sat down next to her and gently took her hand. She didn’t push him away this time. Instead, she turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed. He held her so she wouldn’t feel so alone. She tried to talk to him, but she was blubbering so hard he could barely make out the words. But he was able to understand one distinct sentence,

“Why did this happen?”

Eli didn’t have an answer, so he just hugged her tighter, feeling her tears drenching his shirt. After Harper was cried out, he helped her off of the floor. She pulled away from him and walked towards her bed. He opened the door to his very surprised parents.

“Eli?” Spencer furrowed her brow in confusion.

He blinked, noticing that his dad had a hammer and a wedge. They’d been serious about taking the door off its hinges. Toby rushed in to check on his little girl.

“She’s okay,” Eli said softly, his own emotions caught in his throat. He was overwhelmed. He looked at his mom, tears gleaming in his eyes. “But I…I don’t know if I am.”

“Come here…” Spencer quickly pulled him in for a hug. She could feel him shaking.

Toby wiped away Harper’s tears and then glanced at Spencer, who was looking at him with a strained look on her face. Both of them wanted to fall apart, but they couldn’t, because their kids needed them.

The Rivers kids hadn’t handled the news well at all. When Caleb and Hanna sat Levi and Iris down to talk to them they both kept looking at one another nervously. It scared Iris to see her fearless daredevil little brother look so vulnerable. When Hanna broke the news, Levi completely broke down. He started hyperventilating and he swept his hands across the end table in frustration and knocked everything to the floor, refusing to believe it was true, because his best friend who taught him to pop a wheelie on his bike and went sledding with him when the roads iced over couldn’t be gone.

Iris had stared at her mother in shock, her eyes filling up with tears as she tried to process the news. She snapped out of it when she heard Levi kick the table, knocking a bowl to the floor. He completely lost control and started throwing things until Caleb embraced him in a hug from behind to try and settle him down.

“Easy, son,” Caleb said quietly into his ear, knowing he’d react this way. He glanced at Hanna. They’d known he was going to react like this, so they’d been prepared for his outburst.

“No! It’s not fair!” Levi screamed.

Levi fought against him at first, trying to wiggle out of his embrace, but then he stopped struggling and just lowered his head and cried. Iris watched as her brother started sinking to the floor with their dad holding him and that’s when she fell into her mother’s arms and started bawling. She watched as her unshakable brother was shaken to his core, and she felt completely numb.

After a few minutes of watching her dad try to soothe Levi, she couldn’t take it anymore and she broke out of her mother’s embrace and ran to her room, slamming the door behind her. Hanna followed her and sat down on the edge of her bed and rubbed her back as she cried, but Iris just told her to leave her alone. When Hanna refused to leave her, Iris turned away from her and refused to talk to her.

Hanna spent nearly an hour trying to comfort her, only to be pushed away at every turn. She finally broke away from her to let her have her space, telling her that if she needed anything she would be there.

She found Caleb in the living room cleaning up Levi’s path of destruction. He tossed a pillow on to the couch and turned around to face Hanna.

“How is he?” Hanna sniffled, wiping away her tears.

“I’m worried he might put his fist through a wall.” He picked up a wooden bowl that Levi had knocked to the ground. “I got him settled, but he’s still pretty torn up.” He sighed. “How is she?”

“Completely shut down.”

“This really sucks.” Caleb ran his hand through his hair.

Hanna nodded in agreement, leaning in to hug him for comfort. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

“I hate this,” Hanna said quietly. “They are so hurt.”

“They’re hurt. But at least they’re alive.” Caleb reminded her. “That counts for a lot right now.”

They heard a loud thud come from Levi’s room. Caleb dropped his arms to his sides and shook his head. He was getting ready to go check on him, but Hanna grabbed his arm.

“I’ve got this one.”

“You want me to check in on Iris?” he asked.

“Not unless you feel like cleaning up after another natural disaster. She’s a heartbeat away from going full blown _Hot Sauce_ Beyoncé on us, too.” Hanna disagreed.

“She…doesn’t actually own a bat, right?” Caleb frowned.

Hanna shook her head, smiling weakly at the fact that he was intimidated by their priss of a daughter, especially given that nothing in the world really scared him. But he was a total softie when it came to his little princess.

“Like I’d be dumb enough to let her have a weapon? The most dangerous thing she has is that smart mouth,” Hanna said.

“I wonder where she got that from.” Caleb lifted a single eyebrow with a slight smile.

Hanna rolled her eyes and pulled away from him to go check on their son.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to talk to Iris?” he questioned.

“Give her some space. She’ll come around on her own.”

Hanna went to Levi’s room, expecting it to look like a war zone. Instead, she found him pulling stuff out from under his bed. They’d boxed a few things up and stored them underneath his bed. He’d dragged out one of the boxes and pulled out some of the contents until he’d found the roller skates Lily and Grace had given him for his eighth birthday, as well as a framed picture of him, Grace, Lily, and Iris at the roller rink.

He was staring at the picture, his back against the side of his bed. He looked up at his mom when she walked into the room, his lower lip trembling like he was about to start crying again. Hanna silently sat down next to him and draped an arm around him. He turned to her and wrapped his arms around her neck and hugged her.

“I’m sorry I wrecked the living room,” he said, his voice soft.

“I know you are.” Hanna hugged him back.

“I can clean it up.”

“Your dad is taking care of it.” Hanna ran her hand across the back of his head.

“Is Iris okay?” he asked, pulling back, wiping his eyes. He peered at Hanna. He had Caleb’s sweet sensitive eyes.

“She will be. In time.”

Though Hanna knew it wasn’t entirely true. None of the kids were ever going to be the same again. Levi took the picture in his hands and looked at it. Grace had the biggest smile out of all of them.

“I’m really going to miss her,” he said tearfully.

“Me, too.” Hanna sighed, thinking about the day she’d met Grace for the first time.

She’d had such a calm nature for a baby. Hanna would never forget the way Grace looked up at her from Aria’s arms in Ali’s hospital room. Watching her grow up had been so much fun, because she was always in to something.

Hanna had been babysitting the girls once and she’d just put Iris down for a nap and was getting ready to get Lily and Grace a snack. She’d been shocked to find that Grace had gotten through the baby gate and was already in the kitchen, sitting in the middle of the floor and eating a bag of Cheetos. She’d been covered in orange dust. And when Hanna jokingly started scolding her, Grace had pointed to her sister, who was still behind the baby gate and said,

_“Lily did it.”_

Both girls had doted on Iris and Levi when they were little. And her kids loved the twins. Levi had toddled after Grace the second he could walk. So she knew how much her son was going to miss her. She knew how much he was hurting. Caleb peeked in on them and saw them chatting about the day Grace had taught Levi to skate backwards. He left them alone and went to see how his daughter was doing, ignoring Hanna’s suggestion to leave Iris be. He found her sitting up against her headboard, pillow in her arms. Her chin was resting against the pillow. She looked up at him.

“Go away,” she said meekly.

He ignored her. He walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

After a few minutes she dropped the pillow and crawled over into his arms.

“Daddy…” she cried into his shoulder. Caleb hadn’t heard her call him that since she was five, and right now that’s exactly what she looked like: a little child. It broke his heart. “She can’t…she can’t be gone.”

He tried to comfort Iris while Hanna tried to mend Levi’s broken heart. Hanna and Caleb finally got their kids settled, leaving Hanna finally able to let go of the emotions she was holding on to. Iris and Levi weren’t the only ones who cried in Caleb’s arms that night. Hanna tried not to sob too loudly, but Levi heard her. He climbed out of his bed and then snuck into Iris’s bedroom in tears and crawled next to her and they both cried until they fell asleep.

Fiona and Kai had been the most reserved. They had delayed reactions. When Aria and Ezra told them about Grace they shared a look that told Aria what she’d suspected all along…they knew. They might not have known the extent of what was going on, but they knew it was serious. Still, actually hearing the words had knocked them both for a loop. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds. They both teared up. The first thing Fiona asked was if Lily was okay.

“Can we see her?” Fiona asked quietly. “I want to make sure she doesn’t need anything.” And she wanted to hug her and tell her she loved her.

“Fi, that’s really sweet,” Aria rubbed her daughter’s cheek. “But right now I think Lily is going to need a little space to process this.”

“But she’s alone.” Fiona looked at the ground sadly.

“She has her moms and her grandmother.”

“It’s not the same.” She looked at her mom with watery eyes, tears threatening to spill out. “It’s different, because Grace is her sister. She…she lost her sister.”

“I know, but…”

“She needs someone who can be there for her on that level.” She looked at her brother and then back at her mom. “If something happened to Uncle Mike, wouldn’t you want your friends to be there for you?”

She knew Fiona had a point. In fact, the first thing she’d do if she lost her brother would be call her friends, because in truth, they were her sisters. She knew Fiona felt the same way about Lily and Grace. And she knew it was particularly hard for Fiona and Kai to accept her suggestion to give Lily her space, because they were twins, too. So they understood the bond that Grace and Lily had. Her kids didn’t want to leave Lily to deal with the loss of her sister on her own. Aria felt what she wanted to say getting lost in translation. She looked at Ezra for help.

“It’s not that simple, sweetie,” Ezra said softly.

“She had a nightmare last night. It was about Grace. She was really upset.”

Ezra and Aria shared a quick look, both of them pained to hear that revelation.

“And now…” Fiona sighed. “I’m just worried about her. She needs us. She needs someone who understands her on the level that Grace does and someone who knows Grace like we do…” she paused, conflicted because she suddenly realized she was still talking about Grace in the present tense. That’s when reality set in, “…who…who _knew_ Grace.” She lowered her head.

She blinked away some of her tears, but she wasn’t able to starve off her emotions for much longer. She started quietly weeping. When Ezra reached out to comfort her she tightly wrapped her arms around him and cried into his chest.

Kai was extremely quiet, which worried Aria, because she knew her son and she knew that when it came to his emotions he compartmentalized and then tried to deal with everything on his own. She didn’t want him trying to sort this out on his own. Usually she let her kids feel what they needed to feel. But they’d never dealt with anything on this level before. She knew from past experience that death changed people, and she knew what internalizing could do to someone.

“Kai?” Aria reached out to touch his knee.

He was in a weird sort of daze, but when his mother reached out to him he looked back at her. She could see the tears in his eyes, but he didn’t cry. Instead he bit his lower lip and then cleared his throat and responded,

“I’m fine.” He swallowed hard, trying not to cry, because he could see how upset his sister was and he didn’t want to upset her anymore.

“Your dad and I are here for you and Fi. You know that, right?”

He nodded. Fiona pulled away from Ezra and wiped her eyes. She shared a sad look with her brother. Kai felt his emotions bubbling to the surface again. All he could think about was what he’d feel like if something happened to his sister. Instead of dealing with his own emotions, he quickly jumped on the bandwagon of wanting to see Lily and helping her deal with her pain. He had been shaken after her nightmare last night, especially knowing what he knew about how she’d been feeling all day. He mirrored Fiona’s sentiments on wanting to reach out and be there for Lily. Naturally, all they wanted to do was help. Aria and Ezra couldn’t fault them for it, because that’s how they had been raised. Not to mention, that’s all Ali and Emily’s friends wanted to do for them.

After another twenty minutes of conversation, both Kai and Fiona asked if they could go to their rooms. Kai said he was tired and that he wanted to go to bed. Fiona said she wanted to call and check on Iris and Harper. Aria told her to hold off on the phone calls for the night, citing that it was too late to call them. But the truth was she wasn’t entirely sure when and how her friends would break the news to their own kids, not knowing that hers were actually the last to find out. They said goodnight and watched them shuffle up the stairs.

“They’re holding it in.” Aria sighed. She stared at the table in front of them, not really sure what to do to help her kids.

“I know.” Ezra glanced up the stairs.

“So, what do we do?”

“We give them the night and see how they are in the morning. We’ll go from there.”

Aria leaned down, pushing her fingers against her brow.

“God damn it.”

“Hey, you okay?” Ezra asked softly, his palm landing on her arm.

“No.” Aria admitted as she looked up at him. “Not even remotely.”

Not only were her best friends hurting, but her children were, too. And she couldn’t get the fact that she drove that same route Emily had taken off of her mind. She’d just driven it a few days ago around the same time of night after picking up Kai from his friend’s house. She couldn’t imagine what she would have done if she’d been in the position that Emily was in.

Ezra and Aria didn’t have to wait until morning for their kids to admit they needed them. When Ezra went in to say goodnight to his son, he found him swiping through photos of his friends on his phone. Ezra asked him if he needed anything and Kai shook his head. Ezra reassured him that if he needed anything to let him know. At first, Kai had smiled weakly and muttered a quiet ‘night’, but as Ezra was leaving, Kai called out to him.

“Dad?” Kai asked, his voice shaky.

“Yeah?” Ezra walked towards the bed, knowing that tone of voice.

“Will you sit with me?”

“Of course.” Ezra sat down next to him and put his arm around him.

“Is…is it okay if I cry?” His jaw was shaking.

“Anytime. Anywhere.” Ezra nudged his chin up.

That’s all it took for Kai to break down. Soon after that, Aria found Fiona mid-panic attack in the kitchen. She’d held her and helped her through it.

As all of the girls struggled to help their own children through Grace’s death, Ali had her work cut out for her with Lily. While all of her friends spent their evening worrying about Lily, Ali was doing the same. After Lily’s breakdown about not wanting to leave the hospital she had gone into a state of catatonia. She was completely unresponsive to Ali. She’d refused to talk to her since they left the hospital. She hadn’t said a word when Aria drove them home.

When they got home Lily broke away from her. Ali watched her slowly climb the stairs, Jett trailing behind her. Ali stood stunned in her living room, not sure if she was supposed to follow her and smother her or give her the space she needed. She suddenly found herself wishing Emily was with her. For a split second, she forgot the horror of the situation and found herself reaching for her phone to call her for advice, because Emily always seemed to sense what to do when it came to their children

_Children._ She teared up. It wasn’t _children_ anymore. Her overbearing mothering instincts were telling her to go wrap Lily up in a hug and never let her go, but when she got halfway up the stairs she remembered the dinner she’d prepared for Emily for their anniversary and then found herself mindlessly walking towards the kitchen to clean it up.

Much to her surprise, the kitchen had already been cleaned.

“Spencer.” Ali nodded to herself, realizing her friend must have taken care of it when she came by to take care of Jett, though Spencer hadn’t mentioned it to her.

Ali opened the cabinet above the kitchen counter and found that all of the clean dishes from the dishwasher had been put away, organized neatly.

Definitely Spencer.

She was getting ready to close the door when an oversized coffee mug caught her eye. It was Grace’s favorite dish to use as a cereal bowl. It had a worn logo from one of their vacation destinations years ago. Ali gently picked the cup up by its handle, staring at it, running her finger over a small chip around the rim. She remembered the day they bought it. Grace had been horsing around in the gift shop and she’d bumped a shelf with breakable items on it with a drone she was using to chase her sister through the store. The drone had knocked a heavy candlestick base into the glass cups, chipping one of them. She’d look around and then slyly tried to move the damaged cup behind a bunch of the others, but Ali caught her.

_“Uh no.”_ Ali grabbed the cup from her. _“You break it, you bought it.”_

_“Come on, mom. It’s just a little chip. Be cool. No one saw.”_

_“Grace Estella DiLaurentis-Fields, I know your mother and I are raising you better than that.”_ She’d popped her upside the head and put the mug in her hands. _“Now you take this to the counter and you buy it.”_

_“With what money? My millions of dollars I keep hidden in my jacket pockets?”_ she’d smarted off.

_“You get an allowance, don’t you?”_

_“Isn’t that technically just your money?”_

Ali had scowled at her while Grace grinned at her.

_“Grace, go.”_ Ali had ordered.

So Grace did what she was told. And she had done more than just simply buying the ugly mug. She had haggled the price down because of the “damage”, pretending she was completely innocent and had no idea how that chip had appeared, but noted that it shouldn’t be full price, _obviously_.

_“She’s definitely your kid.”_ Emily had walked up behind her, snickering. She’d slid her arm around Ali’s waist, her hand coming to rest against Ali’s hip.

_“She’s using her charm, and we both know I have none of that.”_ Ali had scoffed.

_“That’s true. You did once go off on a Gymboree Associate over an expired coupon.”_

_“Hey, the threats worked, didn’t they?”_ She’d laughed and then looked at Grace as she bargained with the shop owner. _“Look at that smile. That’s all you.”_

_“So this is my fault now?”_

_“Yep.”_

_“Oh, good. I’m so glad I came over here.”_ Emily had replied dryly. The store owner glanced over at them. _“He’s looking at us. Quick. Smile and nod and pretend everything is fine.”_ Emily dug her fingers into Ali’s hip, knowing she was ticklish there.

She’d squirmed and then glared at Emily, who was laughing at her annoyed face. Then she turned to look back at the sales counter.

_“Think she’ll pull it off?”_ Ali had asked.

_“With my charm and your attitude? She’s going to convince him to pay her for the damn thing.”_

Ali had watched the whole transaction while thinking to herself _‘that little shit’._ Grace had turned around and grinned at them several times. She had been so smug about the whole thing. Ali couldn’t help being a little impressed. As they were walking out, Grace had made a face at the mug and called it ‘hideous’.

_“I’ll never use it.”_ Grace had scoffed.

She’d ended up using it for convenience the next morning. And she’d loved it. She’d used it almost every morning since then.

Ali stared at the mug in her hand, her daughter’s mug. She turned around and slowly slid to the floor. Her back was pressed up against the dishwasher. She sat there for what felt like hours, staring blankly at the inanimate object in her hands. Finally, she crumbled. She leaned her head back against the dishwasher and just sobbed until she couldn’t breathe.

By the time she finally pulled herself together it was close to two in the morning. Ali wanted nothing more than to go to bed and then wake up the next morning and find everything back the way it was before all of this happened. But she didn’t go to bed. She wandered around the house nervously.

She checked on Lily and found her in her bed, Jett laid out beside her, softly snoring. She was clutching him tightly, her face buried in his fur. She stayed in Lily’s doorway for a while, watching her sleep, truly appreciating the fact that she still had her – that she was still alive and she was healthy. Because Lily could have just as easily been with them. And she could have lost lost her, too. She could have lost all three of them.

Ali walked past Grace’s empty room. She paused at the door and then walked inside. She found one of Grace’s shirts and held it up to her face, desperately trying to sense her. Seconds later the shirt was wet with her tears. She crawled into Grace’s bed and she stayed there until Lily found her about an hour later.

When Ali heard someone meekly call out for her, she thought it was Grace at first, thinking maybe everything had just been a nightmare. But then Lily walked into the room, her face red and tear-stricken. She walked over to where her mother was lying on her sister’s bed. She crawled in next to her without saying another word. Ali reached up and stroked her cheek. Lily nuzzled close to her, burying her face underneath Ali’s chin.

Ali felt the bed move and she glanced down and realized that Jett had plopped down at the foot of the bed. None of them moved again until morning.

At the hospital, Emily was having a rough time. She kept waking up in a cold sweat, vivid details about the crash still coursing through her mind. The sounds. The motions. The weightlessness of being in the air. The way Grace had reached for her. She could still feel her little fingers digging in to her arm. She could still hear the sound of the water rushing into the car. The chill from it was so realistic in her nightmare that goosebumps popped up all over her skin. Then everything slowed down, and she was losing Grace all over again. Every memory was hauntingly clear. The last look Grace gave her. Her last words. The way she felt in her arms.

Emily lost her daughter over a dozen times in her nightmares that night, the dream on a constant loop. She kept hoping that the dream would change, that Grace would wake up and look at her with the same fierce determined look she’d had since she was born. But she never did. Instead, Emily woke up time after time, wet from sweat, her stomach aching as she panted like she’d been underwater and couldn’t catch her breath. And every time she cried out, her mother was there. Pam would talk her down from her panic and eventually Emily would fall asleep again. Then the cycle would repeat, going on all night long.

That night was hell for everyone. While Emily was having nightmares about Grace, Ali was having her own nightmares about both Grace and Emily. First she dreamed about the wreck, then she dreamed about Emily thrashing around in her hospital bed, screaming for Grace. Ali desperately tried to wake her, but she couldn’t. It was only when she heard a loud ringing noise that she was jolted out of the dream. When she opened her eyes she found Lily staring back at her. It took her a minute to realize they were in Grace’s room. Ali’s phone was ringing from down the hall.

“Hey, I’ll be right back, okay?” she said quietly as she shifted out of the bed.

She was worried that it might be the hospital or Pam calling and she didn’t want to miss it. She fished her phone out of her purse and glanced at the caller ID, seeing that it was Toby. She felt a ball of nerves in her stomach, but she answered. She had missed Toby’s calls the night of the wreck. She wasn’t about to miss this one.

“Hey,” Ali answered, her voice hoarse and shaky.

“Hey. Sorry to bother you…”

“Did they get them? Did they get the jackass responsible?” Ali asked hopefully.

“No,” Toby said with a sigh. “None of the traffic cams near the site picked up any damaged vehicles the night of the wreck. We’ve expanded our search to look further out, but so far we haven’t found anything. And no witnesses have come forward with any information about the crash. We’re going to release a statement to the press and ask for the public’s help, but right now all they have to go on is the tire tracks. They’re still sorting through the debris, but Lorenzo says something isn’t adding up about the debris field.”

“What does that mean?” Ali’s brow scrunched in confusion.

“Well, they pulled Emily’s car out of the river and it looks like a majority of the debris is from her car.”

“They…they got the car out?” Ali squeaked, suddenly picturing the nightmares she’d just been having.

“They did. It’s at the station. They’ve got a team trying to pinpoint where exactly the other driver hit her car, but it’s severely damaged, so they’re having a hard time.”

“Toby, are you telling me you guys aren’t going to be able to figure out who hit them?” Her face flashed in anger.

“No. I’m telling you that whoever did this went to a lot of trouble to make sure we didn’t find a trace of the other car. Lorenzo thinks someone swept the scene right after it happened.”

“I don’t understand. Are you saying this was done intentionally?” Ali felt her stomach drop.

“Not necessarily. No. I mean, they haven’t ruled it out yet, but it’s highly unlikely. Personally, I don’t know of anyone who would ever want to hurt Emily or Grace.” Everyone who knew them loved them.

“You do remember that we spent all of high school being tormented by people who tried to kill us on a weekly basis, right?”

“Yeah, but this isn’t high school.”

“No, but it _is_ Rosewood.”

Emily had the right idea when she’d bailed on the town years before they were married. Ali should have just packed up and followed her to California. Maybe they would have ended up happy on the beach without this kind of heartache and pain.

“It’s much more likely that the other driver is on the wrong side of the law. If this person already has a record they might have panicked. That could be why they fled. But whatever the situation, someone definitely cleaned up the scene before we got there.”

“How is that possible?” Ali rubbed her face, wiping sleep out of her eyes.

“It could be that whoever hit her was in a significantly larger vehicle and there wasn’t as much damage. But there’s also a possibility that the other driver wasn’t alone and the occupants grabbed what they could that might connect their car to the scene.”

“So…you guys have no traffic footage, no witnesses, and no evidence. You’re telling me you basically have jackshit?”

“Well, we have Emily…”

“No,” Ali said adamantly. “Hell no. She already told me she doesn’t remember.”

“Sometimes people repress…”

“She’s not repressing. If she was she wouldn’t be screaming for Grace in her sleep. She remembers the wreck, but she doesn’t remember anything about the other car. And I do not want the fucking cops probing her the day after she almost died…the day after our daughter died. No. I’m not letting any asshole with a badge anywhere near her until she’s ready. No offense.” She paused and then added. “Well, no offense to you, at least.”

“I hear you,” he said. “I do. But my boss already gave the order to send two officers to the hospital to talk to her…”

“Are you kidding me?” Ali was fuming. “Why didn’t you do anything to stop them?”

“Ali, I can’t override my boss. They have to talk to her. They have to get her statement.”

“Tell your boss to suck my nonexistent dick. How’s that for a statement?”

“Believe me, I don’t like this any more than you do, but it’s standard procedure,” he explained. “The sooner Emily gives a statement, the sooner we can try and find the person who did this. And it’s better we talk to her before too much time has passed, because it’s…” he stopped himself.

Ali knew exactly what he was going to say.

“Because it’s still fresh in her mind?” she asked in irritation. “Our daughter fucking died in front of her, Toby. I don’t think she’s ever going to forget that.”

“Listen, I want to protect Emily, too, but I can’t really do much to impede the law. The best I could do was talking my boss into letting me switch off with one of the guys he assigned to talk to her. I thought it might lessen the strain a little. He said it was fine, but that I had to let his lead man do all the talking. He knows how invested I am in finding the person responsible for this, and he’s a stickler for procedure and not letting emotions cloud our judgment and all that other stupid bureaucratic bullshit.” Ali could basically hear Toby rolling his eyes. “I’m going to head to the hospital in a few minutes, but I wanted to let you know what was up. Because I know Em’s having a really rough time with this…”

“I want to be there,” Ali said.

“What?”

“At the hospital. I feel like I should be there when you guys talk to her about it. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let her go through this by herself.”

“Didn’t she send you home?”

“She didn’t _send_ me anywhere.” Ali snorted, quickly correcting Toby’s assumption that she was some whipped little puppy. She made the choice on her own. “I came home so I could take care of our daughter.” She suddenly realized that Lily shouldn’t go back to the hospital so soon. “Oh, Lily,” she said out loud, glancing down the hallway. “Do you think Spencer or one of the other girls would watch her for a few hours? Just until your coworkers are done interrogating my wife?” She grumbled angrily.

“Uh…yeah.” Toby nodded. “I think we can work that out. Spencer is going to stay with the kids today. I can see if she’ll pack them up and bring them to your place…if that’s okay.”

“I think it would do Lily some good to see Eli and Harper,” Ali said.

“Okay, I’ll talk to Spencer and then get back to you.”

Ali said goodbye to Toby and then quickly called Pam to let her know she was going to be swinging by in a little bit and that the police were coming to talk to Emily. Pam sounded apprehensive about it, but when Ali pushed her about why Pam just said it had been a long night. She didn’t say anything else, but she sounded exhausted. It made Ali nervous. When she got off the phone with Pam she went to do the hardest part: telling Lily she had to leave for a few hours. Ali assumed Lily would fight her and beg to go with her, but she just mumbled something under her breath and shuffled out of the room.

Thirty minutes later, Spencer, Harper, and Eli were walking into Ali’s house. Both kids looked worn down and overcome with emotions.

“Hey, guys,” Ali said softly.

At first, neither of them responded. Harper looked up at her mom and then over at Ali. After a few seconds Harper closed the distance between her and Ali and she wrapped her arms around her and gave her a tight hug.

“I’m sorry about Grace,” she sniffled. She looked at Ali. “She was one of my best friends.”

“I know, sweetie.” She traced her fingers along Harper’s cheek.

Ali was touched by Harper’s outpouring of emotion, especially considering she was usually the least touchy-feely of the kids. She saved all of her full contact for her days on the soccer field. Out of all the kids, Levi and Lily were by far the most affectionate.

“Where’s Lily?” Eli asked curiously.

“She’s upstairs. I told her you were coming,” Ali said, leaving out the part that Lily hadn’t really responded to that. She hadn’t responded to much of anything Ali had said to her since last night.

“We brought her favorite.” Eli held up a bag of food from _The Brew._

“That’s really sweet.” Ali smiled. “Why don’t you head up and let her know you’re here?”

Eli and Harper walked towards the stairs.

“Don’t crowd her, guys.” Spencer warned.

They both nodded, acknowledging their mother.

“ _The Brew_ , huh?” Ali glanced at the extra-large coffee cup in Spencer’s hand.

“We brought _your_ favorite.” Spencer held the coffee cup out to her.

“You mean this isn’t yours?” Ali took the cup from her.

“Oh, please. That’s child’s play. I smashed two of these in like five seconds on the way over.” Spencer shrugged. “This one’s all you.”

“Irish Coffee?” Ali asked hopefully.

“Okay, so it’s your _second_ favorite.” Spencer corrected herself. “The kid at the counter got super-snotty when I asked her to add whiskey. Had to buy an extra muffin just to keep her from narcing me out.”

“You guys didn’t have to bring breakfast.”

“It was Eli’s idea. He wanted to do something for you and Lily,” Spencer said. “We didn’t want to tell him no.”

“What do you guys give him for an allowance?” Ali took a sip of the coffee, not realizing just how much she needed the caffeine until that very moment. “Because whatever it is, it’s not enough.”

Spencer smiled at her. Ali took another sip of the smooth warm beverage, reveling in the flavor that Spencer had somehow managed to order to perfection.

She sipped on the coffee absentmindedly for a little while, trying to make it last. But she’d managed to polish off the whole thing by the time she got to the hospital. She ran into Pam in the hallway, who looked like she needed her own dose…or twelve…of caffeine. She knew instantly that the bags under Pam’s eyes weren’t just from not getting a good night’s rest because she was in an uncomfortable hospital cot. It was the kind of exhaustion that only came with being up all night.

“She had nightmares, didn’t she?” Ali sighed.

“Yeah.” Pam nodded with a sigh.

“How bad?”

Pam didn’t answer. Instead she mashed her lips together and grimaced. As someone who had a suffering child of her own, Ali recognized the look on her face. Yet, when Ali walked into Emily’s room her wife was perfectly calm. She looked tired, but she hid it well.

“Long time, no see.” Emily smiled weakly at her when she walked over next to her bed. “Couldn’t stay away for long, could you?”

“Yeah, well, I kinda had to fold. You played the ‘I’m going to stress myself into a heart attack’ card on me.” Ali took her hand. “How are you doing?”

“I’m okay.”

“Liar.”

“I’ve been better,” she admitted. “How are you and Lily holding up?”

“Same as you, I’m guessing.”

There was a light knock on the doorframe and both girls looked over at the source of the noise. Toby and a uniformed officer waved to them. Emily waved them into the room. Pam had told her the police needed to take her statement, so Emily had been expecting the company. Emily wasn’t the least bit surprised that Ali had dropped everything to be with her. In fact, she was surprised Ali hadn’t caved and come back to the hospital sooner. Emily was trying incredibly hard to keep Ali and Lily from having to deal with her pain, but it wasn’t easy considering she knew how well her wife and daughter knew her.

“You doing okay, Em?” Toby asked.

“I’m fine.”

“And you’re sure you’re up for this?” Toby questioned.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Emily nodded.

She knew she was going to have to talk about this sooner or later, and if any shred of information she had could help them catch the person who did this she was willing to do it.

“We just need to ask you a few questions and then we’ll let you get your rest,” the other cop stepped forward. “Let’s just start from the beginning. What do you remember?”

Emily curled her fingers into her palm and squeezed until her fingernails were digging into her skin.

“I remember the fog. And the rain. And Grace was listening to one of her favorite songs on the radio.” Her voice started shaking. Her head was starting to hurt. She reached up and rubbed her left eye. “Then there was this flash and I saw the other driver in my lane. I tried to avoid it, but I wasn’t quick enough.” Her voice cracked. Ali felt like crying hearing the details for the first time. “We hit the rail and went over the barrier. The car flipped four or five times and then we ended up in the water.”

Ali could see her flinching as she recounted the crash in her mind. She squeezed her hand and Emily squeezed back and gave her an appreciative smile.

“At any point do you remember looking back towards the road?” The cop questioned.

“No.” That was something she was going to regret for the rest of her life.

“Did you see or hear _anything_?” The officer asked.

Emily wanted to smart back in anger, _you mean besides my daughter dying in front of me? Sure, I got the license plate and the entire profile of the driver._

But she bit her tongue. She realized the cops were just trying to help. Snapping at them wasn’t going to do any good. Instead, she just shook her head.

“Did you see any identifying aspects of the other car?” he asked.

“I don’t…” Emily rubbed her brow in concentration, “I-I don’t remember.” She wished she did, because the thought of someone getting away with killing her child made her feel sick with rage. “All I remember is the headlights.”

“Okay, that’s a start,” he scribbled on a pad. “Were they halogen? Fog lights? Regular headlights?”

_They were lights. They were fucking bright._

She bit her tongue again.

“I don’t know.” Emily swallowed hard. “I just remember not being able to see right before the car hit us and then…the crash and…” Her voice became strained, “…and trying to get my daughter out of the car.”

Why couldn’t she just forget the details of the crash instead of the events leading up to it? Why couldn’t she remember anything that would help the police find out who did this? Why was she doomed to remember the worst moment of her life?

“Was it a car? A truck? Did you see the color? The make?”

“Why do you keep asking her the same damn questions over and over again? She said she doesn’t remember,” Ali snapped. She could see it was stressing Emily out.

“Ali, it’s fine.” Emily rubbed Ali’s hand. “He’s just trying to do his job.” She faced the officer. “I’m sorry. The only thing I remember…” she took a heavy breath to keep from crying, “…is my daughter. She was my first and only priority.”

The cop asked a few more questions. He talked to Emily for another fifteen minutes, Toby cringing every time his fellow officer tried to jog Emily’s memory. He interjected several times when he thought it was too much for her. But Emily brushed off his concerns. She carefully maneuvered around talking about what had happened to Grace because she didn’t want to talk about it in front of Ali. Toby could see how hard it was on Emily to pick out the small details of the wreck. But she did it. And he knew she did it because she wanted to see whoever was responsible to pay. She did it for Grace.

He could see that it was just as hard for Ali to hear the details of the wreck as it was for Emily to tell it. In fact, as the conversation was winding down Ali started to feel overwhelmed. She felt like the walls of the hospital were closing in on her. She said she needed to step out and use the restroom, but Emily could see that it was more than that. Emily glanced at Toby as Ali walked out. She knew that her wife was not okay. She motioned for Toby to follow her. Toby nodded and went after her. He found her outside on a bench near the ambulance bay.

“Wow, the women’s bathroom is so much spacier…and surprisingly more outdoorsy than the men’s.” Toby looked around.

By some miracle, that had gotten a laugh out of her. But then she got eerily silent again.

“I knew she remembered it,” Ali said quietly. “But I didn’t realize she remembered it down to every last detail.” She stared forward, barely moving, unblinking. “How the hell is she supposed to move forward from this?”

“She’ll find a way.” Toby assured her. “She’s Emily.”

“She’s already shutting down. She’s holding back. I can see it in her eyes,” she sighed.

“It _just_ happened. Give her some time.”

Ali nodded and looked up at Toby.

“I’m sorry I’ve been snapping at you,” Ali said.

“It’s totally warranted.” Toby blew it off.

“I know you want to find the asshole responsible as much as I do. You’re just trying to do your job.”

“Yeah, but I know how hurt you are.” He sat down next to her. “You bite when you’re pissed.” Like an angry little Chihuahua. “I know that. I’ve always known that.”

“I know. But Em calls me on the way I lash out all the time, and without her to keep me in check sometimes I revert. I’m trying to be better about it,” she admitted. “I don’t know if I ever apologized for the way I treated you…or anyone, in high school. I was _such_ a bitch.”

“ _Was_?” Toby teased.

Ali glared at him, but she had a hint of a smile on her face.

“It’s ancient history.” Toby shrugged.

He’d let go of his resentment years ago. He wasn’t entirely sure why she was suddenly bringing up their distant past, but he didn’t want her dwelling on it, especially not now. She had enough on her plate.

“I appreciate everything you and the girls and Ezra and Caleb are doing for us.”

“We’re family.” He shrugged. “Which explains why I can forgive you for treating me like shit.” He smiled jokingly.

She looked at him with an annoyed sarcastic smirk on her face. The ambulance doors slid open and Toby’s officer friend walked out. Toby stood up to greet him.

“Ready to head back to the station?” Toby asked.

“Yep.”

Toby and Ali said goodbye. She watched them walk off, overhearing their conversation as they went,

“Chief says the car is a no-go. Even knowing the point of impact won’t tell us much,” the cop said. “There’s too much damage. They’re still scouring the area for possible debris, but so far…nada.”

_Zip. Nilch. Nothing._

Ali sighed. So it all fell back on Emily, which was only going to make her guilt worse. She knew Emily took on way more than she needed to, and she knew it ate away at her when she did. Her plan was to not say anything to her about the difficulty the cops were having finding the other driver, but she hadn’t even been back in Emily’s room for five minutes before Emily brought it up.

“They don’t have any leads, do they?” Emily asked.

Ali’s silence answered for her. But instead of breaking down over the revelation, a strange sort of calmness overtook Emily. Because even if the cops couldn’t figure out what heartless bastard had left them to die, she wouldn’t rest until the person was found. Emily had a strange fire burning in her eyes, an ember that Ali had never seen before. It was very much a look that told Ali she’d been pushed into overdrive, and she was only going to use her pain as a source of fuel. The problem was…Emily wouldn’t burn out. She would push herself until it killed her.


	9. Pain Management

Shortly after the police left, the doctor came into the room. He had a tense look on his face. It was a look that made Ali’s heart speed up in her chest. But Emily didn’t panic, because she had a feeling she knew exactly what it was about.

“I already told the nurse I don’t want any more pain meds.” Emily blurted out before he could scold her.

“Emily.” Ali stared at her in surprise.

The fact that Emily was refusing pain meds was a revelation to her. Emily had sustained major injuries and had been in surgery for…she couldn’t even remember how long. She had barely been able to hug Lily yesterday _with_ pain meds on board. There was no way Emily wasn’t in severe pain without them.

And Ali was right in her assumption. Emily was feeling every last bit of her injuries without the narcotics. But after the night she’d had she’d told the nurse that she didn’t want another dose of the medications when the nurse came in at five that morning. Not only did they make her feel loopy and sick, she was convinced they were making her nightmares worse.

The nurse had tried to talk her out of her decision. Pam had tried, too. Both of them kept explaining that her body needed the medications to expedite her healing. But Emily still refused them. The nurse had then warned her how bad it was going to hurt without the pain medications. But Emily didn’t care. Pam had finally told the nurse there was no use in arguing with her, because her daughter was a “stubborn idiot”. She’d glared at Emily, clearly unhappy with her decision. Emily half expected her to take the meds from the nurse on the down-low and slip them to her when she was least expecting it, like she was a five-year-old refusing to take her vitamins.

Emily had felt it the second the medications started to wear off. Her bones, especially her broken ankle, ached so deeply and so painfully that she felt like her entire body was just one giant throbbing mess. She could feel her pulse pounding in her head. It felt like her brain was on fire. And the pressure and intensity of the pain in her stomach was the most agonizing thing she’d ever experienced.

But even the aches and pains weren’t enough to convince her to take medications that would make her drift in and out of consciousness, not after the nightmares she’d had. Not after hours of being unable to wake up from her dreams because of the sedative effects of the narcotics. Not after she’d watched what happened the night of the crash over and over until she felt like scratching her eyes out. Not after waking up so disoriented and covered in sweat that she felt like she was right back at the scene of the accident. Not after she cried so hard it made her physically sick.

Her only saving grace had been her mother, but even Pam’s presence hadn’t been enough to ward off her grief. So when she felt the meds starting to wear off she made the choice…no more. She wouldn’t go through another night like that. She couldn’t be paralyzed like that in her nightmares. She had to know that she could wake up if she needed to.

She was slowly starting to get used to the pain. She knew it wouldn’t last forever. Physical pain wasn’t bad. It was emotional pain that could wreck someone. She was great at hiding both.

She saw the wheels turning in Ali’s head. She could see the instant when Ali mentally started kicking herself for not realizing she was in pain the second she’d walked in. Emily saw a brief look of anger in her deep blue eyes, because how could her wife be so stupid?

Emily knew exactly what Ali was thinking: that she had argued yesterday that the reason she didn’t care if anyone stayed was because she’d be on pain meds and she’d just be sleeping the entire time. Emily could see that Ali was fuming. But seconds later that anger washed away and was replaced with sympathy, because she suddenly realized that Emily was in pain. And she couldn’t stand that. Emily could feel the concern radiating off of Ali. Before Ali could say anything, Emily offered an explanation,

“The antibiotics make me nauseous.” She’d puked twice last night, but she didn’t tell Ali because she didn’t feel like giving her something else to worry about. “I don’t want more meds on top of that.”

“I’m sure they could give you something to counteract that nausea.” Ali’s voice was calm, but Emily could tell she was pissed, just like her nurse and her mother had been.

“No.” Emily argued. “It’s not just the nausea, Ali.” In fact, the nausea wasn’t as bad since they’d started her on an antiemetic. “The pain meds make the nightmares worse.”

Ali shrank hearing Emily’s words. Because how could she argue with that? How could she force Emily to take something that was basically going to put her in more hell than she was already in?

“If I could interject,” the doctor said, raising his hand to try and gain their attention.

 _“Good.”_ Ali thought to herself. _“You yell at her. Because I can’t right now. Not without looking like a total jackass.”_

“This isn’t about the pain meds,” the doctor said, checking Emily’s bag of IV fluids, tapping it gently and taking note of the volume of fluids Emily had received since he’d last checked. “But while we’re on the topic, how bad is your pain?” He gently laid his hand against her abdomen, trying to gauge her reaction.

Emily felt like leaping out of the bed and screaming, but she fought back the urge to react. She felt her entire body tense underneath his touch. She hoped that the gauze hugging her stomach was enough to keep him from feeling her skin twitching.

“I’m fine.” Emily bit through her teeth.

“Emily, I swear to God,” Ali finally lost control of her anger, “don’t you fucking lie to us.”

“I’m not taking the meds, so drop it.” Emily snapped back.

Ali felt her face heat up in anger, but she didn’t say anything. She would have let Emily have it if she wasn’t lying in a hospital bed after nearly dying. Emily could see the frustration in Ali’s bright red cheeks and her fiery eyes.

“It’s your right to refuse them.” The doctor didn’t argue. “But your wife is right. It is imperative to your recovery that you’re honest with us about your pain levels. Injuries this severe are not without their complications. We need to know at the first sign of trouble. Pain levels can indicate a number of things we need to know about.”

Ali had a giant _‘I told you so’_ glare on her face. It didn’t faze Emily in the least. She’d gotten used to Ali’s angry glares over the years. In fact, sometimes she poked at her just to see her get angry and then drag her back to the bedroom, because Ali was sexy as hell when she was annoyed.

“Yeah, it hurts.” Emily nodded. “Hurts worse when you shove your hand up against it.” She breathed a sigh of relief when the doctor stopped palpating her. “I’ll let you know if it gets to a point where I can’t handle it. Satisfied?”

“I’m not.” Ali grumbled.

Emily ignored her and faced the doctor.

“You said this wasn’t about the pain medications, so what exactly is it about?”

The doctor’s expression changed. His face tightened.

“I have something rather difficult to discuss with you.”

And just like that, Ali’s anger subsided, because everything that could be going wrong was surging through her head at once. What if the antibiotics weren’t working? What if Emily was going in to septic shock? What if her injuries were worse than Ali knew? What if after everything Emily had been through she was going to die anyway?

Out of pure instinct, Ali reached out and grabbed Emily’s hand, wrapping her fingers tightly around it, squeezing it hard, completely forgetting the amount of pain she’d just seen her in, forgetting her anger. Because the thought of losing Emily was a hell of a lot more pressing than her anger.

As expected, the doctor hit them with something that they were unprepared for. But it wasn’t about Emily.

“We have the results of your daughter’s autopsy.” Words they thought they’d never hear.

Suddenly, Ali felt pressure on her hand where Emily was squeezing her fingers back. Emily heard an audible squeak slip out of Ali’s mouth. Suddenly, Ali didn’t care how Grace had died. She didn’t want to hear it. It didn’t matter. Because regardless of how she died, she was gone. She didn’t want the details. But she couldn’t vocalize that thought fast enough.

“She sustained injuries to her chest and abdomen from blunt force trauma that resulted in an aortic dissection and a ruptured spleen.”

Emily found herself wondering when exactly those injuries had happened. Had Grace hit her arm after she flung it out in front of her when she slammed on the brakes? She couldn’t remember if she’d stopped Grace from flying forward or if the seat belt had. She found herself glancing at her right arm, wondering if any of the bruises were from Grace’s body hitting it. _Had_ she hit it? Or had her arm just been in front of her right before the other car hit them? Had it happened when the other car hit them? Did the impact cause it? Or did it happen when the car flipped? Did the seat belt cause it? Was she hit by something else in the car that Emily didn’t know about?

“The hemorrhaging in her chest and abdomen was catastrophic. There’s not much else you could have done to save her. There’s very little possibility she would have survived regardless of any medical intervention.”

All Emily heard was, _“I’m telling you this so you don’t blame yourself.”_

Ali recognized the look on Emily’s face, and she wanted to tell her to stop placing the blame on herself, but she was too stunned by the news. All she could picture was Emily desperately trying to save Grace. Emily hadn’t told her the details of what had happened, and she might never tell her. But Ali knew in her heart that the instant Emily had been able to, she had tried to revive her. She could see Emily begging Grace not to die. She could see Emily pushing herself to the brink of death just to give their child the slightest chance at life. She could see Emily using her last breath, giving it to Grace. The doctor was still talking, but Ali didn’t hear it. It was only when he asked if they’d discussed aftercare arrangements that she snapped back to reality.

“Wh – what?” Ali heard herself asking.

“Now that the autopsy is complete, we need to know what you’ve got arranged.”

Ali suddenly felt dizzy. She stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Her blood ran cold. It hadn’t crossed her mind to start funeral arrangements. She’d never really thought about what went into planning a funeral. The only two people she’d ever buried in her life were her mother and her sister.

She’d been a teenager when her mother was murdered, so she didn’t have a hand in planning that funeral. And as far as her sister, Charlotte, she’d been too devastated to handle those funeral arrangements. Charlotte’s doctor, Elliott Rollins handled her burial. That actually made Ali feel sick to think about now, because he had turned out to be a fraud and total psychopath who tortured Ali in a mental institution.

Ali felt her body shudder thinking about that time in her life. Usually when the flashbacks happened she just told herself that in the end, she’d gotten her girl and two beautiful daughters out of those terrible circumstances. But that felt like a jolt to her heart right now, because her girl was hurt and one of her daughters was gone forever.

“All you have to do is have your mortician contact the morgue. They can arrange the transport.”

Ali blinked in confusion. Everything was happening so fast.

“We don’t…we don’t have a mortician.” Ali squeaked, feeling like an idiot, but how was she supposed to know?

“We can contact one for you. We have one we use that comes highly recommended. He’s very compassionate.”

Ali’s tongue felt frozen in her mouth. She couldn’t talk. It was Emily who immediately took the lead. It was Emily who told the doctor they’d take care of it. It was Emily who took it on headfirst despite the amount of emotional and physical pain she was in.

The doctor gave Emily a quick once-over since he was already there. Then he gave her a dose of antibiotics and left them alone to discuss the news. When he walked out Ali looked at Emily, still in shock. Somehow, her wife was completely collected. How the hell was she holding it together? Ali sighed and shook her head.

“What do we do?” she asked quietly. “This…this is…” She started breathing heavily, completely overwhelmed.

“I know.” Emily rubbed her arm.

“This is all happening so fast. I didn’t realize we needed to start planning this already. I should have been on the phone last night. I should have been working on the arrangements. I have so much I’ve already screwed up and I…”

“Ali, you need to slow down.” Emily could see her getting way too worked up. “Take a breath.”

“I…” There was a lump in her throat that she had to stop and swallow, “I don’t want her lying on some cold slab in the morgue…” Her face twisted into an anguished grimace.

Emily wanted to tell her that it would be no different than her lying in a coffin in the ground, but that’s not what Ali needed to hear. Their daughter was gone. And Emily knew the importance of being able to have closure. She’d learned about it after she lost her dad. She had always hated funerals. She believed they were for the living. But the older she got the more she realized that it was the living that had to learn to survive without the person who had died. It was the living who were in pain. It was the living who needed it.

“I…I can’t bear it, Em,” her voice was soft and broken. “I can’t…we have to get her out of there…that place. She doesn’t…she doesn’t belong there.”

Emily could see how difficult this was for Ali. She cupped Ali’s hand in between hers and looked at her with a calm serene expression.

“Hey, I’ll take care of it.”

“How?” Ali asked in a strained tone. She tried not to blink to keep the tears from falling down her face. “You can barely even move.”

“That’s the point. All I can do is sit here. Why not sit here and use a phone?”

“You can’t. What about the…” Ali felt her voice catching in her throat again, “…the casket? And…and the cemetery plot? Someone has to look at those in person.” The thought of planning a funeral for her child was making her feel physically sick.

“Ali, I don’t want you to deal with those things by yourself.”

“So, we’ll do it together. S-somehow.” She felt like she was going to throw up, because marital activities should be things like hiking and baking. Not planning a funeral for a kid.

“I don’t want you to have to worry about this while you’re looking after Lily,” Emily said with a frown. “Between taking care of her and the trips I know you’re going to be making here…” Even if she told Ali to stay away under the threat and penalty of burning all of her favorite clothes, Ali wouldn’t listen, “…you’re gonna run yourself into the ground, dear. Just let me handle it. I’ve been through it before…with my dad. Most things can be handled online or on the phone now.”

She’d helped her mother plan the visitation and the funeral for her father years ago, and though a lot of time had passed…the details of everything they’d had to do were still fresh in her mind.

“Are you sure?”

“You have your hands full. I don’t want you having to juggle this, too.” Emily nodded.

Ali felt her panic subsiding, but then another thought occurred to her. Her eyes widened and she let out a choked cry.

“What about the service? I can’t go to the service without you.” She squeezed Emily’s hand.

“We don’t know how long I’m going to be stuck here.” Emily sighed. “We can’t put this off because of me. That’s not fair to everyone else. Lily needs closure. The longer we wait the harder it is going to be on her…on everyone.” She peered at Ali. “You…you need this. Everyone…the kids…they all need this.”

It was extremely difficult for her to take herself out of the equation. But she knew it would be selfish of her to draw out everyone else’s pain just because she was stuck in a hospital bed. Still, she felt herself choking up, because she wasn’t going to get to go to the funeral. She wouldn’t get the same closure as everyone else. Then again, she hadn’t had the same experience as everyone else. It didn’t matter what she did for closure now. Because the last moment she’d ever had with Grace was in the pouring rain when they were both dying. Nothing would ever be able to wipe that memory from her mind.

As if Ali could sense what she was thinking, she reached out and brushed her fingers against Emily’s cheek, her thumb tracing Emily’s jaw.

“What about you? What about what you need?”

“Don’t worry about me.” Emily started to prop herself further up on the bed, a motion that proceeded to prove she had the worst timing in the world. The movement jostled her stomach more than she meant for it to and she suddenly felt a sharp stabbing pain up underneath her ribs. She sucked in a pained gasp and then hissed several profanities under her breath. She locked her jaw and sweat immediately began to pour out of her pores, her neck arching back against her pillow. She took a couple short quick breaths.

“That’s it.” Ali shook her head, pulling her hand away from Emily’s cheek so she could turn and chase the doctor down. “I’m calling that doctor back in here. You are going to take those pain meds. I’m not going to sit here and watch you writhe around in agony when they can help you.”

“No.” Emily grabbed her hand before she could go anywhere. Instead of defiance, there was an undertone of desperation in her voice. Ali could see the tears in her eyes. “Please, I can’t. I can’t deal with another disaster like last night. You don’t understand, Ali. It was…” She shuddered. Her voice broke. Ali reached up, her hand grazing Emily’s cheek again to soothe her. “I just can’t. I’d rather deal with the pain.”

“Honey, just let me stay with you.” Ali pushed Emily’s hair away from her face. “Take them and I’ll stay with you. I’ll be right here with you to bring you out of it if you start to have a rough time.”

Ali was convinced that Emily would have an easier time with her around. What she didn’t realize is that Emily was _less_ comfortable with Ali around, because when she looked at Ali she could feel her pain, and she didn’t want to add to it. So she hid her own emotions. It was bad enough that she was adding to her mother’s pain. She didn’t want to add to Ali’s, too.

“Please, Em. The last thing you need is more pain.” Ali sighed. “I don’t want you to suffer.”

Emily wanted to laugh at the irony of the fact that they were both trying to minimalize the other’s pain. But even more ironically, if she laughed…it would be painful for her.

“Let me help you. Lily will be fine with your mother for one day. Let me…just let me be here for you.”

“My head needs to be clear right now,” Emily said, unapologetically. “There’s too much going on for me to be gorked out of my mind on pain meds.”

The funeral was just one of those things. But there were more pressing matters on her mind. Like finding out who the fuck left her and Grace for dead. She’d seen the way Toby had shuffled around uncomfortably while the other cop was questioning her. She hadn’t missed the fact that they were up shit creek without a paddle. It had been two days and they had nothing. Whoever hit them had covered their tracks incredibly well.

She knew that the more time that passed the less likely it was that they would find the person responsible. If they hadn’t slipped up by now, they probably never would. And if the cops hadn’t found a trace of them yet, the case would go cold before it even got out of the gate. She wasn’t going to let that happen. She already had a plan in motion if the cops couldn’t find them. It wasn’t a good plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. Of course, the plan couldn’t be put into action until she got out of the hospital, but she had already started to plot out the details. She already knew the first phone call she was going to make.

“You are so goddamn stubborn.” Ali huffed in irritation, bringing Emily back to the brink of reality.

“You married me,” Emily said with a sad smile. “You knew what you were getting in to.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I wrote ‘I promise to love, cherish, and honor your stupid-ass wishes to deny pain medications when you clearly need them’ into my vows.” She rolled her eyes.

“I’m sure it was in the fine print somewhere. Right next to the portion where I promised to rein you in when you’re being neurotic.” Emily retorted.

“I’m not being neurotic, Emily!” Ali argued. “You are lying in a hospital bed with a hole in your stomach.”

“They sewed it up.”

But Ali didn’t smile. She was in no mood for their witty banter. It bothered her to know that no matter what Emily did, she was hurting. If she took the drugs she’d probably have more nightmares. If she didn’t take them, she was in pain.

Ali looked at Emily, really _looked_ at her, and she could see something beneath the surface that Emily was trying very hard to keep buried. For some reason, Ali suddenly thought about something Emily had said to her yesterday about her pain.

_“It distracts me from thinking about her, about what happened…”_

And it dawned on Ali – Emily was just falling further into herself, into her pain. Most people went in the opposite direction when they saw pain coming, but Emily fell in to it. She used it to her advantage. Because fighting her pain was what she did to try and feel like she was still in control, even when she wasn’t. She was trying to cope with her sense of helplessness by trying to maintain control over anything she possibly could. And the pain meds made her feel out of control, and that had to be terrifying for her after what she’d just gone through. No wonder her nightmares had been so horrifying. No wonder Pam had looked so exhausted from being up with her. Emily took things to heart _without_ pain meds. She had to be in utter turmoil with her senses heightened because of the medications. She was using her physical pain to mask her emotional pain.

“This isn’t just about the dreams, is it?” Ali frowned.

Her question caught Emily off-guard. No matter how hard she tried to hide something, Ali was always able to unearth it. Emily looked away, not saying a word. When Emily didn’t answer, Ali let out a frustrated groan.

“Talk to me, Emily. You can’t deal with this by yourself.”

Emily sighed, but still didn’t respond. She could see that Ali was just trying to help. And part of her wanted to talk to her. She really did. But the other part of her couldn’t. The other part of her didn’t even know how to begin to tell Ali how she felt…what she was going through. She couldn’t put it in to words, nor did she really want to try. Because what was the point? All it would do was create more grief for Ali. Why should she hurt her more? What good would that do? It wouldn’t bring Grace back. It wouldn’t make either of them feel any better.

“Emily!” Ali begged.

“I don’t…” Emily sighed again, “…what do you want me to say?”

That Grace was gone because of her? That she was too stupid to try and see what the other car looked like? That she couldn’t even tell if the lights in her eyes were halogen or regular? Or if it had been a car or a truck? That their daughter might still be alive if she’d been able to stay conscious until the paramedics got there? That everything, _everything_ could have gone differently if just one little detail had been different that day?

If she’d just stayed home with Ali like they’d planned then Grace wouldn’t have stayed late at swim practice. She wouldn’t have been in the car with her at that exact moment in time. She would have gone off with her friends and they would have probably eaten pizza and giggled while watching movies that were not appropriate for them, because that’s what teenagers did. That’s what Grace was supposed to be doing. She wasn’t supposed to die.

Ali was staring at her, still waiting for her to talk.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Ali,” Emily repeated softly.

“Everything,” Ali said, gently wrapping her fingers around Emily’s right wrist. “ _Anything_. Just…please talk to me.”

The room was silent except for the noise of the machines steadily beeping. Emily could see Ali’s eyes imploring her, begging her. It stayed that way for a good solid five minutes. But just when Ali thought she was going to go crazy from the quiet tension, Emily glanced away and sighed.

“She didn’t want to leave me.”

“What?” Ali frowned in confusion.

“I was stuck…in the car.” She looked back at Ali, her eyes glistening. “I was pinned. And she knew it. I tried to talk her into getting out and swimming to safety. But she didn’t want to. Because she didn’t want to leave me.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “She was more upset about the idea of losing me than she was concerned with getting away. So I had to lie to her. I told her that we were both going to get out…” She looked at the ceiling and drew in a deep breath, trying extremely hard to keep her tears from falling, “…I told her we…we were going to be fine. I was _convinced_ that if I could talk her into getting out of the car that she would be okay. And that was…it was enough for me. I gave her hope. She believed she was going to be okay.” A single tear fell down her cheek. Ali immediately wiped it away with her thumb. “Alison, one of the last things our daughter heard me say was a lie.”

“Hey, no. Baby, you didn’t…you didn’t lie to her. You were in an impossible situation. You couldn’t have known it wasn’t true. You gave her hope, because you believed it, too.”

“I didn’t, though.” Emily admitted. “I really didn’t believe I could get out. I just needed her to believe it. Because I knew that if she was safe…if she was okay…you and Lily and Grace would be okay. I knew you would have found a way to move forward without me. I knew that if it had to be one of us, she was the one who deserved to live.”

“Jesus, Em. God…no, it’s not like that. It’s not like that at all. Don’t think that for one second. Neither one of you deserved to die.”

“Maybe not…”

“No, there’s no fucking _maybe_.” Ali cut her off. “You need to believe that. You were _not_ the only driver on that road.”

“I know that. But I was the only adult in that car.” Emily sighed. “I had a responsibility to her. And I couldn’t follow through. I wanted to save her life, but she saved mine.” Her voice trembled as she tried to keep her emotions in check. “She is literally the only reason I survived. I never would have gotten myself out otherwise. She’s the reason I pushed so hard. And maybe if I had pushed a little harder…maybe she would have made it.”

“You heard the doctor. She was too far gone.”

Emily nodded to acknowledge what Ali said, but she didn’t agree with her. She didn’t argue, because she knew what she wanted to say was not something she could put into words. Emily wanted to tell Ali that she’d gotten Grace back. For a split second she’d gotten her pulse back. There had been one fleeting moment that Emily truly believed she’d be able to save her. But that moment was over the second her own injuries came to light. She felt like if her body hadn’t failed her she wouldn’t have failed Grace. Despite what the doctor told them about Grace’s injuries, Emily would never stop believing that there was a possibility that if she’d kept pushing, there was a chance…no matter how slim, that Grace could have survived.

A hard wave of nausea suddenly overtook her, bringing her thoughts to a screeching halt. All she could think about was the queasy feeling in her stomach slowly creeping up her esophagus. It wasn’t as strong as it had been last night, but it was still enough to make her feel unsteady.

“You okay?” Ali asked, noticing the strange look on her face. “You look a little pale.”

“I told you…the antibiotics…” She fought back a gag, “It’s the antibiotics.”

Secretly, Ali was worried that seeing Emily get sick might make her sick. She didn’t handle throw up well. It made her gag. Emily had only been sick a handful of times since she’d known her, and she always basically quarantined herself so Ali didn’t have to deal with it. Any time the girls were sick, Emily usually had to be the one to take care of them. The first time Lily had spit up on her when she was an infant Ali had practically tossed her to Emily so she could go throw up in the sink. She’d heaved and gagged, but didn’t end up throwing up that day.

She thought she’d get used to snot and vomit with two babies, but she never did. She always felt bad that she left Emily to take care of it, but Emily usually just brushed if off with a “don’t worry about it, babe. You get to handle the potty training and the ‘where do babies come from?’ question.” Over the years, Emily had been puked on many times by their children and it never fazed her. But if Ali just _heard_ a heave or a gag it sent her running the other way. But Ali knew she didn’t have the option of running away this time. She knew she couldn’t just bail on her.

“What can I do to help?” Ali questioned.

“Nothing. It’s just…” Emily swallowed again, “Give me a few seconds.”

After a few seconds the nausea died down. Emily closed her eyes, trying very hard not to move her body, waiting on confirmation that it had passed. After a minute she finally opened her eyes back up. She started to tell Ali that she was okay, but a loud buzzing noise interrupted her. Emily felt her body seize, because it sounded like things clacking around in the car during the wreck. She flinched, but then immediately realized it was just Ali’s phone vibrating inside of her purse, probably hitting her compact mirror or something else, exacerbating the rattling noise. She took a breath, but Ali hadn’t missed the brief moment of panic she’d had.

“God, I’m sorry. I forgot to turn that off.” Ali rushed over and started fumbling through her purse.

“No. No, you shouldn’t.” Emily shook it off. “Turn it off, I mean. It…uh…it could be about Lily. My mom said Spencer is with her?”

“Yeah, but I told her to call the hospital and have me paged if she needed anything, because you know how they are about cell phones here.” She pulled her phone out. She glanced at the screen and furrowed her brow when she read the message.

“Is everything okay?” Emily asked, pulling herself to sit up further.

“It’s Toby,” Ali said, still staring at the screen. “They released a statement to the press about the accident. It’s on the news right now.”

She stood frozen for a moment and then she sucked in a gasp that echoed throughout the whole room.

“What? What is it? What’s wrong?” It killed Emily that she couldn’t just leap up out of the bed and run across the room to comfort her.

“I have to call Jason. I forgot to call him.” She was suddenly in a panic. Who else didn’t know? Who else needed to know? “God, what else have I forgotten to do?” Ali was angry at herself for letting things fall through the cracks already.

“Hey, it’s okay. Calm down. Spencer called him. Hanna told me Spencer has been taking care of letting everyone know.”

“She has?” Ali questioned in surprise.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded.

“Wait. When did you see Hanna?” Ali asked.

Emily laughed. Of course that’s where Ali’s mind immediately went to.

“She snuck in here after you left yesterday. And she came by first thing this morning to check on me. She told me that Spencer woke up in the middle of the night last night thinking about the people they needed to talk to. Hanna was up, too, and they started texting about it.” Emily cringed thinking about how devastated their friends and their kids were. “She knows how much you have on your plate. So she took that on so you didn’t have to.”

So Eli hadn’t just gotten his giving nature from his dad. Clearly, he’d picked up some of it from Spencer, too. Eli wasn’t the only one who needed a raise in his allowance for being such a caring little soul. Spencer herself deserved more than money, more than love, more than anything Ali could ever imagine giving her that would show her how much her support meant.

“Hanna says Jason’s phone kept cutting out on Spencer.” Because he was out in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country. “But she said as soon as she told him the news he was already looking up flights to book the first one back. I’m sure he’ll be calling you soon. You know your brother. The only reason he didn’t call as soon as he found out is because he didn’t want to risk waking you or Lily in the middle of the night.”

Ali nodded, a little more at ease. Because she didn’t care who else she forgot to tell. As long as her brother knew. She trusted that Spencer would reach everyone who needed to be reached.

And she did. Because she was Spencer, and that’s what she did. The news spread fast. Once the reports got out about what had happened everyone started coming out of the woodworks to check on Ali, Emily, and Lily. The students and staff where they worked and where Lily went to school held a candlelight vigil for Grace. Parents and staff quickly organized, donating what they could: time, money, support.

The hunt for the other car involved was at a standstill. The evidence was inconclusive, because what had been gathered from the scene was nothing more than scrap metal and glass that could belong to almost any make and model of a car or truck. No witnesses came forward, at least in the twenty-four hours after the police had asked for the public’s help in trying to find the other driver. Everything was a dead end, which frustrated Toby to no end. He was bound and determined to try and solve the case, but his boss told him that unless someone stepped forward, they were basically fucked.

Reporters had been all over the place, which would have been all good and well if they had actually cared about trying to help find the person responsible. But all the news seemed to care about was who could get the juiciest and the most emotional scoop. They had hounded Ali at home and at the hospital. They tried to get in to see Emily, which brought out an uncontrollable rage in Ali. She had threatened every reporter who had the balls to try and come in the hospital with extreme violence and a promise to bury them alive. And the calmness of her threats and the willingness to carry them out without fear of repercussions basically sent the reporters running away with their tails tucked between their legs.

The reporters that she couldn’t deter were sent away by the hospital staff. Ali had thanked Doctor Roberts, who had taken the lead on Emily’s recovery, for telling the media that any reporter caught within a mile of the hospital sniffing for a story would be slapped with a lawsuit like nothing they had ever seen before. Doctor Roberts had become a swift ally that Ali appreciated. She liked the guy, because all he seemed to care about was Emily’s recovery. In fact, that’s all his entire team cared about. They did a thankless job, and Ali appreciated it.

Unfortunately, the reporters hadn’t stopped with trying to get to Ali and Emily. Some over-zealous little snots had even gone as far as trying to follow Lily when she went out with her friends to lunch the day after the news broke. She had just wanted to get out of the house to forget about her grief, but reporters had found out where she was and rushed to try and get photos and videos of her. Iris had gotten irate. She took her drink and threw it in a reporter’s face. She started berating the guy, a fresh out of high-school wannabe news anchor who couldn’t have been older than nineteen. Levi and Harper had quickly backed her up. Ever the pacifist, Kai had turned to his equally calm sister and whispered,

“Should we do something?”

“Yeah.” Fiona nodded, walking up to the counter. “I’m ordering Iris a steaming hot coffee and three more sodas. Extra ice. So it really hurts.” She glared at the reporter.

Another reporter had stumbled upon the scene, and within seconds Eli piped in,

“Hey, get me a couple, too.” He puffed up in irritation.

Lily’s friends had been more than just protective. They had been downright threatening. The way they quickly unionized to protect her was something to behold. Fortunately, when their parents found out about the incident, in which every single one of the children had threatened the media, they weren’t punished for it. Instead, Hanna got pissed that Iris had even had to take on supposed adults the way she had. She called up the news station and let the reporters’ bosses have it. She told everyone who would listen that if someone even thought about hassling the kids again she would feed them their own entrails, a threat that Ali basically mirrored to everyone who tried to come at her wife with questions about the wreck.

The media been relentless vultures, and it pissed Ali off to no end. She’d taken her anger out on everyone around her. Everyone but her family. She’d even gone as far as going off on the police for not doing their jobs. She’d screamed at Toby’s boss the morning of Grace’s funeral after he told her that they hadn’t made any headway.

“We are doing everything we can,” the Chief assured her.

“It’s not enough!” Ali yelled angrily. “My daughter is dead! My wife is in the hospital, and I almost lost her, too!” She was getting ready to lunge at the detective, but Toby grabbed her.

“Ali, hey, take it easy.” Toby held her back. “I promise you we are working on this. I swear we will find who did this and bring them to justice.”

She could hear a hint of rage in his voice. He’d loved Grace, too. He was probably planning vigilante justice. She glanced at Toby and then nodded, letting him know she was calm enough for him to let her go.

She spent all morning stewing in her rage. She was livid that no progress had been made and that the reporters were being insufferable cockroaches just searching for any bit of trash they could find. She was pissed that Emily was hurt and that Lily was suffering. All in all she was just pissed that she had to bury her daughter. So when she heard the doorbell an hour before the funeral, she tore the door open, expecting to have to rip into some jackass reporter.

“If I have to tell you weaseling little assholes _one more time…_ ” She stopped mid-sentence, stunned to find her big brother standing on her stoop. He looked worn. His eyes were tired and it looked like he hadn’t shaved in days. “Jason!” Ali fell in to him in tears. She hadn’t realized how much she needed her brother until that very moment.

“Hey, sis.” He hugged her tightly.

“I thought your flight was delayed.” That was another thing she was eternally pissed about. She’d heard almost sixteen hours ago that Jason’s flight in to town had been pushed due to major storms. Initially his flight was supposed to arrive in Atlanta and then he was supposed to grab a connecting flight to Philly, but the flights had been grounded because of inclement weather.

“I rented a car.” He kissed the top of her head.

“You drove from Atlanta?” She pulled back in surprise. That was at least a thirteen hour drive, without stops. He had to have pushed the pedal to the metal. Knowing him he’d probably pissed in a jar to avoid bathroom breaks.

“My sister needed me.” He shrugged. “How are Emily and Lily?”

“Em’s still stable. She’s hanging in there. She’s…well, she’s Emily. You know her,” Ali replied. “And Lily…she’s…”

“Uncle Jason?” Lily asked quietly as she sauntered down the stairs, interrupting Ali.

Ali stiffened. Those were the first words Lily had spoken all day. She hadn’t been talking much at all. Ali couldn’t get her to open up about anything. She wouldn’t even talk to her friends.

“Hey, Lil-monster.” He waved Lily towards where he and Ali were still embraced in their hug. “Get over here.”

Lily slipped in next to her mother, her uncle embracing her, her little arms slipping between her mother as she wrapped them around Jason, squeezing him tight. She loved her Uncle Jason. She missed him when he traveled, but he always kept in touch.

“I missed you,” Lily said, pulling away.

“I missed you, too, kid.” He leaned down, nudging Lily’s chin. “Have you been taking care of your moms for me?”

Lily nodded tearfully. She was overwhelmed. It was bittersweet to see her mother’s brother. On one hand, she was happy to see him. On the other hand, she knew why he was in town. After a few minutes, she shuffled out of the room. Ali watched her go.

“She’s really struggling.” Ali sighed, shutting the door behind her brother.

Jett came bounding into the room. He sniffed at Jason, who reached down and scratched his head. When Jett determined he wasn’t a threat he walked away and plopped down on his dog bed.

“She has always been a hard kid to read. With Grace, I always knew what was going on inside of her head. When she was upset she didn’t hold back. She turned into a little mini-me. That girl could slice sheet metal with her tongue. But Lily…she’s different. I don’t know how to read her.” She looked away shamefully. What kind of mother couldn’t read the emotions of her own daughter?

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up. This is uncharted territory.” Jason wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “What does Pam say?” He asked, knowing that the one and only grandparent in Lily’s life knew her the best.

“Pam has her hands full with Emily,” Ali said. “But she’s been by a few times to check in on us. She gets Lily to talk. Not much. But she does. I don’t know how she does it,” she sighed. “Lily cries when she leaves. But I can’t get her to talk to me.” She shook her head, wiping away tears. “My daughter won’t talk to me. My wife won’t talk to me. Neither one of them wants me, Jason.”

“Hey, you know that’s not true, Al,” he said. “They’re grieving. Same as you.” He glanced at a photo of his nieces and sighed. “Same as all of us.”

Ali looked at the same picture, thinking back to the day Jason had met the girls. His face had lit up when he saw Grace and Lily. And they had loved him from the instant they met him. Jason had actually been the first person to get Lily to laugh when she was a baby. He was video chatting with Ali and Emily and he’d made a goofy face at the babies and Lily had just found it absolutely hysterical.

“I’m glad you’re here, Jason,” Ali said quietly.

“I’m always here for you, Ali,” he replied.

Ali hugged him again. She only had a very short window to update her brother on everything, including how incompetent the cops had been about the whole thing, save for Toby and Lorenzo, who seemed to be the only two people with badges who seemed to really give a shit about finding out what had happened the night of the wreck. By the time she had finished telling Jason everything, it was time for Grace’s funeral. Ali had a really hard time going to the church without Emily, but Jason’s presence had eased some of her grief.

The sky was clear and blue. Not a cloud in sight. It was the kind of day that Grace would have loved. She’d ride her bike with Levi or play basketball with Eli. She’d lay out in the sun with Fiona, Iris, Harper, and Lily. Because it was a beautiful day. And Ali resented it. It’s like the weather was mocking her, mocking her pain. Screaming at her, ‘your daughter would love this! But she doesn’t love anything anymore. Because she’s gone.’

Ali tried to stay close to Lily when they got to the church, but Lily just wanted to be left alone. She was very much Emily’s child when it came to her emotions. But Ali knew that if Lily was safe with anyone, it was with her friends. She knew the strength of their bond. So she went off to mingle with the adults while Lily found a quiet corner to stay out of the flurry of activity. She didn’t want to see anyone. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. And her friends did everything they could to keep other kids from school and random adults from hovering over her. The girls intercepted the cheerleaders and chess club while Kai and Levi did their best to steer leering guys away from her. Eli stayed close for moral support. But then he saw someone walk through the back doors that made his blood boil. Instead of making a huge scene, he quietly pulled Kai aside and told him to stay with Lily and then went to meet the interloper before he could get very far.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here, Zane?” Eli hissed, cornering him out of sight of the adults.

Zane threw his hands up in submission.

“Hey, whoa, easy Rambo. I come in peace.”

“First you practically assault Lily with your creepy come-ons and then you have the nerve to show up at her sister’s funeral? What the fuck, man?” His fists were shaking in rage.

“Big words, little dude.”

“Don’t test me, jackass.” Eli grabbed him by the collar, shoving him against the wall, eager to throw a punch.

“Such a mouth.” Zane rolled his eyes. “Swearing in front of your Lord and Savior? That’s not very Christian of you.”

“It’s not my church.” Eli shrugged. “Besides, ever hear of the Crusades?”

“Look, I’m not here to cause problems.” Zane jerked free from Eli’s grasp. “I think what happened to Grace sucks. I only came to pay my respects.”

“Yeah, because you’re such a respectful guy.” Eli spit hatefully.

“You may not believe me, Cavanaugh, but I actually liked Grace. I thought she was pretty rad.”

Eli laughed darkly.

“You have been harassing her sister for weeks. If she was here right now she’d punch you in the throat.”

“Would you just back off? I have every right to be here to say goodbye.”

“No, actually you don’t.” Eli argued. “No one wants you here. And if her mother finds you here you’ll have to deal with a whole hell of a lot more than my wrath.” He glanced at a crowd of adults walking through the doors and then looked back at Zane. “I suggest you leave before I give you another black eye to match the one you’ve already got.”

“Why? You gonna sic your little sister on me?” Zane smarted back.

Eli clenched his fists, but maintained his composure. He wanted to hit him, but he knew it wasn’t the time or place. Not here. Not at Grace’s funeral. So instead, he just took a breath.

“Just go. Or I’ll drag you out myself.”

Neither boy moved for a few seconds. Zane sized Eli up and then he looked around the church. After a few seconds, he relented. He begrudgingly took Eli’s warning and left. Eli stood next to the wall, trembling in anger and grief…and he couldn’t really tell what else. He had about a million emotions coursing through his veins. He finally composed himself and walked back over to his friends, who were totally oblivious to what had just happened, except for Kai.

“You good?” Kai whispered.

Eli nodded, slipping into the pew next to where Lily had taken her seat. Everyone else was already sitting down. Lily was sitting next to Fiona, resting her head on Fiona’s shoulder. Eli accidentally bumped Lily’s leg when he sat down next to her, but when he turned to tell her he was sorry, Lily just reached out and took his hand.

Ali watched as Lily’s friends comforted her the same way their mothers had once comforted each other after she’d faked her death and ran away when they were teenagers. She looked around the church, hating how familiar with it she’d become due to all the deaths that had happened over the years. She saw Pam and Jason near the front of the church talking to one another. Ashley Marin was directing people on where to go with floral arrangements. Ella Montgomery was talking to Veronica Hastings. Toby and Ezra were talking to Byron Montgomery and Aria’s brother Mike, who had come in from out of town.

All the girls from Grace’s swim team were sitting together. She saw several fellow teachers and faculty members among the kids that had come. Toby’s step-sister, Jenna was sitting with the students, ready to keep them in line if they got out of control. Ali didn’t really care for Jenna, but she couldn’t deny that the woman had a way with kids, namely scaring the shit out of them until they became submissive little puppies.

Ali looked around and she saw all her friends and her family, but she felt completely alone. She felt a hand on her shoulder and when she turned around she saw Hanna and Caleb huddled next to one another. Hanna pulled away from Caleb and took Ali’s hands in hers.

“How are you holding up?” Hanna asked.

“I wish Emily was here.” Ali blurted out before she knew she was talking.

“I know, sweetie.” Hanna replied, giving her a hug.

Aria walked over to Hanna and Ali. Spencer was right behind her. The girls stood in silence for a few minutes, their eyes lingering on their kids. Hanna watched Levi fiddle with his tie. The boy didn’t like to sit still. Iris swatted him and warned him to stop moving so much. Levi shoved her and then Harper told them both to knock it off. They both listened, because neither one of them wanted to cross Harper Cavanaugh.

Fiona said something to Lily, and Lily nodded in response. Kai reached across Eli and put his hand on Lily’s arm and she gave him a teary-eyed smile. Kai and Fiona then glanced at one another, having a quiet conversation with just their eyes. They did that a lot. It took all of Aria’s strength not to go over and wrap them both up in her arms and squeeze them and smother them with kisses. She had always made it a point to tell her children how much she loved them, and they were at the age where they made fun of her for it. But she wasn’t about to stop. Especially not now. And in fact, when Aria had told Fiona and Kai that morning how much she loved them they’d reiterated it right back to her and Ezra, complete with hugs.

Lily turned to Eli and said something to him and Eli squeezed her hand.

“I’m glad she has them,” Ali said softly, her voice catching in her throat.

The girls saw the priest getting ready to head to the podium and they went to take their seats in front of the kids. Pam and Jason were already seated. Ali sat down, but not before turning around to Lily and reaching out to take her hand. Lily took it and said four simple words that made Ali feel both better and worse.

“I love you, mom.” Then she let her hand slip away and she slunk back against the bench.

The funeral had been hard enough for Ali, but without Emily it had been nearly unbearable. At one point she reached out to try and find her wife’s hand only to remember that she wasn’t there. Ali had settled for Spencer’s hand instead, squeezing hard enough to leave indents from her fingernails. Aria rubbed her back to comfort her when she leaned forward, her entire body wracked with sobs.

The entire church was filled with people who loved Grace. And every single one of them was crying. Every single person except for her sister. Lily wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. It felt strange to her that she wasn’t crying, because all she seemed to do since Grace died was cry. But all she could do at her funeral was stare at the collage of pictures of her sister, seeing herself and her mothers in several of the photos. She didn’t hear anything that was said, except for something churchy about a “comforting rod and staff,” and the only thing that popped into her mind was Grace giggling and going,

_“That’s what she said.”_

Lily blinked and then looked at the largest photo in the memorial of Grace. She looked at Grace’s mischievous grinning face staring back at her the entire service. She wanted to cry. She willed herself to cry, but she couldn’t feel her emotions. So she just sat there. She wasn’t thinking anything. She felt completely numb, like her mind and her body had just detached from one another.

She stayed that way for the rest of the day, silent, unmoving, nonresponsive. It was only after they got home and Ali asked her if she wanted to visit her mother that Lily finally broke out of her trance, nodding with tears in her eyes. But she still didn’t cry.

Ali called Emily to let her know they were on their way to see her. In true Emily fashion, she quipped about not bringing anymore flowers, teddy bears, or ‘get well soon’ balloons, as they were multiplying like bunnies and taking over her room. She wasn’t joking either. Once she got off the phone with Ali she took a moment to look at the room, which was completely flooded with gifts.

Her eyes stopped on a floral arrangement next to her bed. She hadn’t seen it before. It was a bouquet of flowers with a teddy bear that had a little sling around its arm and a cast on its leg. She looked around, assuming one of the nurses had brought it in when she dozed off at some point. She reached over, her stomach tensing as she did. She still didn’t feel great, but the pain was slowly starting lessen. Or she was just used to it. She pulled the little card away from the vase. It just had two simple words written on it:

_I’m sorry._

It was strange. Just _‘I’m sorry’._ Not _‘I’m sorry for your loss’._ Not _‘I’m sorry. My condolences’._ Only _‘I’m sorry’._ And it wasn’t signed. Emily stared at the arrangement. Something about it felt really weird. She mindlessly flipped the card around in her hand, a nagging feeling plaguing her.

And while Emily fretted about the random arrangement that had been sent to her hospital room, the very same person who had sent it was two hours away staring at a wrecked vehicle as it went up in flames. It was out in the middle of nowhere. People had bonfires and burned leaves there all the time. By the time the police found it, any shred of evidence would be gone. The registration would trace back to someone else. There would be no trace of who had been behind the wheel the night of the wreck. The cops wouldn’t have anything left to investigate.

As the flames licked at the surrounding air, the person responsible for ruining the DiLaurentis-Fields’ lives contemplated just how dead in the water the cops would be after this revelation, not realizing that it wasn’t the cops they needed to be concerned about. It was the mother of the child who had been killed that would hunt down the person responsible, and when she found them…she would shoot to kill.


	10. Beneath the Surface

The hollow burned out SUV was found by two teenagers roaming the woods two days after Grace’s funeral. They’d poked at it for a day before they decided to tell someone about it. The vehicle had been stripped down to its bare essentials and the fire had gutted the remains. It wasn’t in Rosewood’s jurisdiction, but because Toby had a friend on the neighboring town’s force, they were contacted when it was found. The local PD there knew that Rosewood was trying to find a vehicle that was involved in a hit and run.

Toby had a hunch about it, so he and Lorenzo rode out to take a look at it. Despite the vehicle being nothing but bare bones, they could tell that it had recently been in an accident. Toby looked at it and got a twisted feeling in his stomach. He knew it was the SUV they’d been looking for. He’d stared at the wreckage of Emily’s car long enough to get a picture in his head of the size and build of the vehicle that had hit her. With the permission of the state police, they took the car back to Rosewood to comb it for evidence related to the hit and run. He didn’t say anything to Ali and Emily. He didn’t want to tell them anything until they knew something for sure. They had their hands full.

Lily was not handling the death of her sister well. When she wasn’t with her friends, Pam, or Jason she was in her room. At night she’d crawl out of her bed and go sleep in Ali’s bed, or she’d wake up and call for Ali to come to her room. She didn’t say anything once she was next to her mother. She just curled up and went to sleep. Like Emily and Ali, she had bad dreams. They weren’t as twisted as Ali’s or as aggressive as Emily’s, but she would thrash around just enough to wake Ali. When she woke up and saw that her mom was there she was fine. She didn’t talk about her dreams. She didn’t talk much at all.

Every time Lily went to see Emily she just hugged her and sat with her, rarely ever saying anything. Emily tried to get her to talk, but Lily just answered in short quiet responses, something she’d done since she was little when she internalized something. Emily could see the pain written all over her face. Heartbreak didn’t even begin to cover it. Devastated didn’t touch the feelings she knew Lily was facing. And knowing that she was a part of why her daughter was in so much pain burrowed into a part of Emily’s heart that couldn’t be soothed in any way. After one soberingly quiet visit Ali faced Emily after Pam took Lily to get something to eat. Ali was completely at a loss.

“What are we going to do?” She took Emily’s hand. “Should we be forcing her to go to grief counseling?”

“She doesn’t want to go.” Emily sighed. “It’s only been six days. She’s not going to talk to anyone at this point, much less someone she doesn’t know.”

She knew her child, and she knew that Lily had inherited her stubborn nature. When Lily made up her mind about something there was no talking her out of it.

“I’m worried she’s going to backslide when the kids go back to school tomorrow. She’s had them around for support every day since they found out,” Ali said.

None of the kids had been back to school yet. Emily and Ali had decided to keep Lily home for a while, knowing she needed to process in her own way. She would be overwhelmed if every single student in the hallway kept looking at her like she was a wounded puppy. Both girls remembered how it felt to be the center of attention in high school when they were just trying to move forward with their lives. Emily had hated it. Ali was more uncomfortable than she let on, but she had been able to deal with the stares and whispers with the fierceness of a prideful lioness. They didn’t want Lily having to deal with the student body again until she was ready.

Their friends’ kids had also missed a couple of days of school to deal with their own grief, as well as be there for Lily. The kids had all come to that decision on their own, and it was a decision that their parents quickly got behind. Spencer had been wary about it at first, but Hanna had convinced her with the classic argument,

_“They’ll all just sneak out and skip anyway.”_

Aria had quickly interjected,

_“They’re not going to be able to focus in class, Spence, and you know it.”_

Spencer knew they were right. She knew the kids were going to need some time to work through their emotions. Her only concern was that without structure and normalcy Harper would spiral into an anxiety-induced depression. Eli quickly picked up on that concern and he promised to look out for her. Iris made the same promise to her parents about her little brother, because Levi was having a really hard time coping. Both Levi and Harper had a tendency to self-destruct when their emotions reached an all-time high. Both of them were incredibly smart, but they were also several years younger than their friends and siblings. Fortunately, they had those very siblings and friends to lean on, which they both readily did.

Levi clung to Kai, because he really looked up to him. Harper just wanted to be with the girls. And every single one of them wanted to be with Lily, to be there for her, to let her know that they loved her and that it was okay if she needed to cry, because they’d loved Grace, too, and they missed her, too. They’d hung out with one another while all of the other kids in town were at school. Lily would talk to her friends, but not about her sister. She would talk to them about anything but Grace. She was fine when they wanted to talk about her and their favorite memories of her. But she didn’t ever say anything. She just listened.

She smiled when Iris talked about the time she and Grace had been busted sneaking into a movie theater and got chased by an overweight security guard. They’d hidden in the projection room while the clueless guard had wandered the theater breaking apart scores of teenagers making out and getting his shoes stuck to the gooey floor. At one point Grace had tossed a few kernels of popcorn on him and giggled when he looked around in confusion.

Lily nodded with a grin when Kai talked about how Grace had kicked all of their asses in Mortal Kombat and did a victory lap around the game room with a vintage knight’s helmet on her head yelling about how she was the queen and that the peasants needed to bow to her. It was only after she’d anointed herself queen and made them kneel before her greatness that they’d learned she’d used a cheat code to win. But by that time, none of them could give her a hard time about it, because in the end…she had _still_ beat all of their asses, just in her own Grace way.

Lily actually snorted in laughter when Levi brought up the time a few months ago when Grace had dared him to climb into the giant claw-machine at the arcade to get a large stuffed puppy she wanted. He’d immediately taken on the challenge, partly because he really admired Grace and he wanted to impress her, and partly because he never turned down a dare. He’d gotten stuck and when Grace realized it, instead of going for help she’d laughed and taken a picture…which he’d happily posed for. Then she crawled in after him to get him out, only to get stuck herself.

The only thing their siblings and friends had been able to do was shake their heads at the stupidity of the situation, because only Grace DiLaurentis-Fields could have turned a simple day at the arcade into complete chaos. Iris had done a literal facepalm when she saw her brother and Grace trapped in the machine.

 _“You two are the reason we have warning labels on everything.”_ Iris had rolled her eyes. Levi had just grinned and stuck his tongue out at her. _“God, Levi, you’re such an idiot.”_

 _“Him?”_ Lily had laughed, pointing at her sister, _“What about her? She saw him get stuck and she still crawled in after him.”_

 _“Hey, this is a dangerous rescue operation and I will not have you undermining my authority.”_ Grace had thrown a small stuffed animal at the glass wall, though Lily knew it was directed at her.

_“Shut up, Grace. Our moms are going to kill you.”_

_“They can’t kill what they can’t catch.”_ Grace had smacked the giant life-sized claw above her and Levi.

Levi and Grace had spent the entire time grinning like morons. And the entire time they had been stuck Harper was reprimanding them. She yelled at them so much that when Grace and Levi got out, none of the adults in the arcade said a single mean word, and in fact two of the staff members were laughing hysterically at Spencer’s tiny child telling Grace and Levi that she was going to walk them straight to the police station and have her dad arrest them for deviant misconduct. Eli had made some offhand comment about throwing Harper in the machine and leaving her there for some poor child who would be sorely disappointed to get her as a prize. Harper had socked him in the shoulder so hard it left a bruise, but Eli had just laughed.

Sharing their memories helped most of the kids. Just being together helped. They spent four schools days reminiscing before their parents told them it was time to go back to class. None of the kids argued. All of them had reached a point where they realized that they couldn’t hide from their emotions. Their feelings were going to follow them no matter where they were.

Knowing that Lily’s friends were going back to school when she wasn’t was a stressing strain on her mothers. They weren’t going to make her go back just yet, because they knew she wasn’t emotionally ready. Though, that was an oxymoron, because how would she ever be emotionally ready to go back to a normal life? How could she go back to a life without having her sister by her side? It was something Emily and Ali were struggling with, too. Because they weren’t entirely sure they were doing everything they could for their daughter.

It wasn’t school they were concerned about. They knew she wouldn’t fall behind. In fact, Lily had asked Ali to get her homework for her so she could keep up with it at home. The fact that she even had the mindset to do homework was astonishing to Ali. But Emily wasn’t surprised, because she knew Lily was just doing it because it was something to take her mind off of Grace. Still, knowing that Lily wasn’t going to be with her friends at school was troubling for Emily to think about. She had gone through some really rough times in high school, and she never would have made it through had it not been for Aria, Hanna, and Spencer.

Emily blinked, considering Ali’s words about her concerns about their daughter. She knew Ali had a point. Without her friends around it was likely that Lily might regress. Of course, she wouldn’t stay home forever, and she’d still see them after school, but it was the time between sunrise and late afternoon that was most concerning to Emily.

“She’s going to hate us if we try to make her talk to a shrink. But I don’t know what else to do,” Ali said, bringing Emily out of her deep train of thought.

“She’s still spending time with my mom and Jason, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And she talks to them?”

“Not about the things she really needs to talk about.”

“It’s going to take time,” Emily said. “Right now let’s just make sure she’s with my mom or your brother for the next few days. We’ll make sure she’s not alone.”

“That might work for a short period of time, but she needs help, Em.”

“That’s what she has us for,” Emily said. “She’ll talk when she’s ready, Alison.”

Something about her tone of voice unnerved Ali. She got the feeling that Emily wasn’t just talking about Lily when she said that. Because not only was Ali dealing with a daughter who wouldn’t talk to her. She was dealing with a very stubborn woman who was painting a picture of her strength on the outside, but who was falling apart on the inside. Emily hadn’t been talking much either. She’d buried herself in a million other things, and Ali could see that she was exhausted. She looked beyond a little peaked.

“And what about you?” Ali slid her palm up against the side of Emily’s neck.

“What about me?”

“I can tell you haven’t been sleeping.”

“Have _you_?” Emily asked.

“Not really.” That was a fair point. The house felt empty without Grace. And the bed was so lonely without Emily in it. She missed her. She needed her back at home. “But we’re not talking about me. Stop deflecting.” Ali pressed her lips together in a tight frown. “I know you, Emily. After all these years of us being together, you really think I haven’t figured out when you’re suffering…when you’re holding everything in because you think it might hurt someone other than yourself?”

Ali squeezed her fingers with one hand and slid her other hand to the side of Emily’s head, her fingers slipping into her hair. Emily swallowed hard, fighting back her emotions.

“I’m working through it,” Emily said, barely believing it herself. She knew Ali wouldn’t buy it.

“You can’t lie to me. Not anymore. I know you’re being buried alive. I know you can’t breathe, honey. I can feel it every time I look at you. I can see that you’re slipping away,” Ali said sadly.

She’d made very little headway with her since Emily talked to her about being stuck in the car. In fact, something had changed in Emily since that day. She’d been acting increasingly strange since the day of Grace’s funeral.

“I’m not. I’m right here.” Emily argued.

“No, you’re not. I mean, physically you are. But…you are hiding in yourself, and it’s not good for you. You are barely holding on…”

“Ali, it’s not like that. I’ve just…I’ve had a few rough nights. I’m doing the best I can here. But it’s not like…I mean…it’s getting better. I’m not…” She struggled to find the words she wanted to say, “…we’re okay, you and I. We’re…I’m…I’m okay.”

“Please stop lying to me, Em. I’ve at least earned that much.” Ali sighed. “You have to let me in. You have to let me in before you get so lost that even I can’t find you. There is nothing that could make me love you any less, so whatever it is that you think you can’t talk to me about, whatever you’re holding back, I am here for you. Whatever it is that happened…whatever you saw that night…I don’t want you facing it alone.”

This wasn’t a revelation to Emily. She knew how much Ali loved her. The fact that she wasn’t talking to her was more about protecting Ali than it was protecting herself. But it was also hard for her to think about what had happened that night. It was hard, because it was constantly on repeat in her mind. She couldn’t escape it. And the last thing she wanted to do was paint that exact same picture for Ali to torture herself with.

“You’ve been there for me my whole life. Why is it so hard for you to let me do the same for you?” Ali questioned.

Emily blinked, tears lining her eyes. All she could think about was the look on Grace’s face. That pleading look in her eyes. Looking back, it was a look that told Emily that Grace knew she was going to die. And in her last moments she’d begged for her mother’s help, and Emily hadn’t been able to do a damn thing to help her. That looming last look was something she knew she couldn’t subject Ali to. She would tell Ali anything else she wanted to know, but not that. Not Grace’s death.

“Emily…”

“Ali,” Emily said, her voice a quiet whisper, “please don’t make me talk about this…” _Not to you._ She added silently to herself. She couldn’t do that to her.

All at once, Ali could see a silent panic in Emily’s eyes. It was a devastating fear that she’d never seen in her before. In fact, she’d only seen that look once in her life. It was the same expression her mother had on her face the night she’d watched Alison get attacked in their yard. The tone of voice Emily had was the same desperate distress she’d heard that night when her mother thought she was dead.

Ali could see Emily visibly shaking. She could hear the hospital bed rattling underneath her. And she realized that she was asking too much of her…pushing her too hard.

“Hey, I’m not…I’m not saying you have to talk about it.” Not until she was ready to face it. “I’m just saying that if you need to, don’t be afraid to talk to me.” She felt her voice quiver. “She was my daughter, too. You’re not alone here, Em.”

Emily nodded and then glanced across the room. She was starting to feel sick to her stomach and she couldn’t tell if it was from her emotions or if she was going to throw up because of the medications she was on. After a few seconds, she quickly realized which one it was. She grabbed the plastic basin on the tray next to her bed. She lurched forward and threw up. She felt Ali’s hand rubbing up and down against her upper spine. She sat still for a moment, trying to let the pain and tightness in her abdomen dissipate. Once the nausea had passed Emily sat the tub down and looked at Ali.

“Sorry.” She knew that puke made Ali queasy. She wiped her mouth. “The anti-nausea meds aren’t really helping much anymore.”

She was pretty much sick to her stomach all the time now. It was something she’d been warned about. She was basically on the strongest antibiotics that existed because the doctors were being extra cautious about her internal injuries. She’d had a low-grade fever a few days ago, but it passed when they put her on another antibiotic. She’d been told it wouldn’t be uncommon for her to suffer occasional nausea on the antibiotics. The antiemetics helped to an extent, but the nausea coupled with the dull ache in her stomach got to her sometimes.

“Hey, you got me through nine months of morning sickness. The least I can do is get you through this.” Ali didn’t bat an eye, which impressed Emily, because she knew how easily Ali got woozy when it came to vomit.

Emily couldn’t help but push her buttons.

“How about a kiss?” Emily teased her. “Fresh hospital breath and all.”

“This is a marriage, Emily, not a charity.” Ali rolled her eyes with a smile, because that’s what Emily did…she made her smile, even in the most dire circumstances, her wife knew how to make her smile. Ali leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “There, I’ve donated to your cause. Now stop giving me such a hard time.”

“Smartass.” Emily murmured with a smirk.

She shifted in her bed and grimaced when she accidentally pulled a muscle in her stomach. The pain had gotten significantly better, but it was still there. She felt another wave of nausea. She took in a breath through her nose and closed her eyes. She felt Ali’s hands on her sweaty cheeks.

“Do you need me to get someone? Are you going to be sick again?”

Emily slowly opened her eyes and shook her head.

“No.” She turned her head, her eyes landing on that suspicious teddy bear bouquet. “I’m good now.”

Out of all the things in the entire room she had to distract her, why did it always come back to that damn corny bear? She thought about the note that had come with it.

_I’m sorry._

Shortly after she’d discovered it she’d contacted the florist on the card, asking who had made the purchase. She’d played the role of a thankful customer who just wanted to send her gratitude to the person who had sent her well-wishes. The florist said that it had been bought anonymously by someone online who had used an untraceable money-exchange account. Emily had thanked the florist and then slammed the phone down in frustration and fought back tears of anger.

 _“I just want a fucking break. Can’t I just have one fucking break?”_ She’d grumbled, eyes towards the ceiling. Then she’d stared at the bear for nearly an hour.

That day had only been the beginning of her search for answers. While she was limited on what she could do physically, that didn’t stop her from digging online. She was careful about when she did her research, because someone was usually with her. But she found a way to do it without involving her family and friends. She was determined to keep them out of it.

Her gaze was still on the bear, her eyes narrowed in thought.

“Did that bear do something to offend you?” Ali asked, noticing that Emily’s eyes were fixed on it.

“Huh?” Emily looked at Ali in confusion. Her mind was no longer on the bear, but on finding out who sent it.

“The bear.” Ali glanced at it. She’d caught Emily staring at it more than once. “You know you pay more attention to that thing than you do me. I’m starting to get jealous.” She teased. “Who’s it from anyway? You got a secret girlfriend or something?”

Emily chuckled lightly.

“I mean, it’s okay if you do, because Aria and I have our own thing going on on the side. I had to make it perfectly clear the other day to the receptionist at the desk that Aria is my territory and that she needed to keep her eyes off of her.”

“Jesus, what else happens when I’m unconscious?” Emily shook her head. “Are Spencer and Hanna secret Crime Lords now?”

“That would be the most efficiently organized and well-dressed mob to ever exist.” Ali thought about it. She mindlessly ran her fingers across the rim of a vase with a bouquet of flowers in it. “You know, I never realized how many friends we have in Rosewood.”

“Yeah, I can’t keep up with who sends what.” Emily agreed. She looked around the room. “Well, except for Hanna, because her shit is always the brightest and most outlandish stuff.”

They heard footsteps approaching. A few seconds later Pam was walking into the room, sans Lily.

“Hey, girls, sorry to interrupt…”

“Is Lily okay?” Ali was worried about her absence.

“Yeah, she’s fine. She’s in the cafeteria with Hanna and Iris.”

“Huh, her ears must have been burning.” Ali glanced at Emily with a smirk. Hanna did always have a knack for showing up when people were talking about her. It’s like she knew she was the topic of conversation and she had to make some sort of grand entrance.

“The kids are going to the movies. Some superhero flick,” Pam explained. “Lily wants to go. But I wanted to check with you first.”

“Yeah.” Emily and Ali agreed at the same time.

Today was the last day that Lily had to be with her friends during the day since they were going back to school tomorrow. If Lily wanted to be with them, they weren’t going to stop her.

“Let me just grab some cash for the tickets and snacks.” Ali walked towards her purse.

“Hanna said she’d take care of it,” Pam said.

“That’s not necessar…”

 _“Alison Lauren DiLaurentis-Fields!”_ They heard Hanna’s voice.

Ali stopped dead in her tracks. Emily looked at her mother. Pam held up her phone.

“She had me put her on speaker.” Pam mouthed a silent “sorry” at them.

_“Don’t you undermine my generous gift!”_

They could hear the girls giggling on the other end. Hearing Lily laugh made Emily and Ali smile.

_“Just say ‘thank you’ and let me buy your daughter the biggest damn tub of popcorn she wants.”_

“Thank you, Hanna.” Emily laughed. “Have fun, Lil!”

_“Thanks, mom. Feel better.”_

Pam pressed a button to end the call.

“I can’t believe you let her talk you in to that.” Emily stared at her mom.

“It’s Hanna.” Ali offered the simplest explanation.

“Bright and outlandish.” Emily nodded in agreement.

 _“You two do realize that I can still hear you, right?”_ Hanna’s voice startled them all again.

Pam glanced at her phone in confusion.

“Oh, dear.” She hadn’t ended the call like she thought she had. She started pushing all the buttons on her phone to try and actually end the call this time.

On the other end of the phone Hanna, Iris, and Lily heard Emily telling her mother which button she needed to push and Pam muttering something about it being a new phone and to give her old mom some credit because she was still keeping up with technology instead of becoming a shut in old grandma who baked all day and tended to eighteen cats.

Hanna and the girls thought it was hilarious. Lily liked seeing the adults act like children. There was something wickedly adorable about it. Like the older someone got, the more they acted like big goofy kids. It made growing older seem less scary.

Hanna took Iris and Grace to the theater just down the road from the hospital. They met up with Fiona, Eli, and Harper, who were waiting for them at the ticket counter. Caleb was already inside with Levi and Kai. Eli went to help Kai get the snacks. Caleb walked by the kids and over to Hanna, who was lingering by the door, playing with her phone. When Levi saw Lily walk in he ran over to her, unable to contain his excitement.

“You came.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around her.

He’d been overly-affectionate following Grace’s death. It was just his way of showing that he cared. Lily didn’t mind. It was mutual support. They both needed it.

“Of course she came.” Iris shrugged. Her gaze drifted towards the large display showcasing the blockbuster they were getting ready to see. She sized up the predominately male cast. “Who could miss this beef fest?”

Her parents hadn’t missed her comment.

“I worry about our child sometimes.” Caleb shook his head. She was entering the dating age and he hated it. He was ready to fend off all the boys who dared to even look at his little girl.

“Eh.” Hanna shrugged nonchalantly. “We both turned out alright. They’ll be fine.”

“I’m glad you decided to come hang out with us.” Fiona smiled.

“I wasn’t about to miss this movie.” Lily smiled back timidly. It felt weird to be here without Grace. She still wasn’t used to not having her around. She knew it was a feeling she’d never get used to.

“Well, _I_ wasn’t about to miss this _ABS_ -olutely perfect masterpiece.” Iris’s fingers lingered over a particularly well-built cardboard cutout superhero.

“And they say that romance is dead.” Eli quipped as he walked towards them.

He had several snacks in his hands. Kai had a cupholder with all of their drinks. Lily and Fiona quickly went to help them. They walked towards the theater together.

“So, the movie is a little over two hours.” Caleb glanced at his watch. “Gives me enough time to run to the office and grab that portfolio for my meeting tomorrow. You sure you can handle this circus alone?”

“Oh, please.” Hanna scoffed. “Aria’s kids are practically tiny little adults and Harper will keep Eli in line, like we have to worry about him anyway.” She glanced at Spencer’s son, who was holding the door open for the girls with his free hand. “Lily is a good kid. The only two we have to worry about are our own.”

“Yeah, that’s a good point.” Caleb leaned in for a quick kiss. “Keep Levi out of the popcorn machine and don’t let Iris anywhere near the projection room.”

Hanna joined the kids in the theater. She sat away from them, so they could do their own thing. She was actually planning on trying to nap during the movie, because she really had no interest in it. And she hadn’t slept well since Grace died. She kept a mindful eye on Lily. The girl seemed insanely composed. Hanna could see Lily holding herself with the same posture that Emily carried when she was hurting. She’d always been able to call Emily on her bullshit. It was the same for Lily’s friends. Fiona and Eli were especially observant. Iris was good at seeing through Lily’s walls, too. But they also knew her well enough to know when to press her and when to leave her alone.

Lily sat in her seat, completely aware of the fact that Hanna was watching her from across the theater. Everyone was watching her these days. They were all afraid she was a glass doll that was going to break at any minute. Maybe part of it was because she hadn’t cried since before Grace’s funeral. She thought about her sister a lot. She felt around the outside of her pocket and her fingers ran over the outline of Grace’s pocketknife. She carried it with her at all times now. It made her feel closer to her. She wasn’t sure why she’d picked the pocketknife to hold on to at first. But then she realized it was because it meant something to Grace.

Grace had joked about the weapon being her good luck charm after she used it to valiantly save herself after getting tangled in a volleyball net in the midst of trying to set up a prank in the neighborhood recreational center. When Lily called her a superstitious weirdo Grace had frowned and shook her head,

_“Are you telling me you don’t believe in the magic of my tiny heroic sword?”_

_“I believe in science and facts.”_

_“Well, it’s a scientific fact that people who believe in good luck charms are statistically happier than those who don’t.”_ Grace had wiggled free from the net.

_“You just made that up. That’s not a fact.”_

_“Your face isn’t a fact!”_

She was starting to wonder if Grace had been on to something about good luck charms that day. Ever since the wreck she’d wondered if maybe there was something to it. She didn’t tell her moms, but she wondered if Grace had her pocketknife that night if maybe she would have lived. Or maybe they wouldn’t have been in a wreck at all. If it truly was a good luck charm, had it kept her safe that night instead of Grace? Would it have made a difference if Grace had it?

She felt someone tapping her knee. She looked up and saw Levi facing her from the row in front of her. The girls had settled in the row behind the boys.

“You want my sour patch kids, Lily?” he asked. “I know they’re your favorite.”

“You’re willingly giving away sugar?” Kai snorted. “Are you sick?”

Levi rolled his eyes.

“No thanks, Levi.” Lily wasn’t really that hungry. Lately she’d mostly just been playing with her food, rather than eating it.

“Okay. Let me know if you change your mind.” He shrugged and turned back around.

Seconds later the movie started. Lily tried to pay attention, but all she could think about was what Grace would be thinking and what ridiculous side-commentary she’d have throughout the movie. She’d never realized how quiet the theater was without her in it.

When the movie was over, Hanna was the first one out of the theater because she’d had two cups of coffee before the movie and an iced tea during the movie and her bladder was pissed at her. She went to let the kids know, because she knew they wanted to stay through the credits. She told them to meet her outside.

By the time the credits were over Caleb had made it back to the theater. He and Hanna had driven separate cars so they could haul all the kids back to their place. Harper and Eli were the only ones who couldn’t stay. Harper had soccer practice, so Eli walked her home. Soccer was the one thing Harper had been consistent about since Grace’s death. The energy she burned on the field helped her work out some of her aggression.

The other kids decided to take a walk around the block. Some of their schoolmates were getting off the bus and others were driving home.

“You want to head back to the house, Lil?” Iris asked, knowing that crowds made her anxious.

“No, it’s okay.” She shook her head. “I’m going to have to get used to people gawking.”

“Hey, if someone bothers you, just let us know,” Kai said. “We’ll take care of it.”

“I’m fine, guys. The only person I was worried about was Zane, but he drove by me the other day when I was walking Jett and he just waved and kept going. Guess he finally decided to leave me alone.”

“Yeah, Eli saw to that,” Levi muttered under his breath.

“Dude.” Kai smacked Levi in the back of the head and stared at him.

“What do you mean?” Lily’s brow crinkled in confusion.

“What? Was she not supposed to know?” Levi asked.

“Know what?” Lily asked.

“You didn’t say it was a secret.” Levi continued.

“Stop talking now.” Kai warned him.

“Uh, no, _keep_ talking.” Iris ordered.

“What did you guys do?” Fiona asked suspiciously.

“Nothing.” Levi and Kai responded in the most innocent tone they could muster. It might have flown if it was just Kai trying to sell it, but they knew good and well that Levi was the opposite of innocent.

Lily refused to let up, so Kai told them about Zane showing up at the funeral, and then he told them about Eli kicking him out. Lily was surprised, but not totally shocked to find out that Eli had gone to bat for her. He had inherited Toby’s protective streak. It was in Eli’s nature to look out for her the same way it was in Toby’s nature to protect Ali and Emily. Toby had always taught his kids to look out for their loved ones.

Toby, unfortunately, at that very moment felt like he was failing his friends in the search to find out who killed their daughter. While Lily was silently thanking Eli for speaking out for her, Toby was trying not to lose his wits over the fact that they’d hit yet another dead end in the investigation.

After they’d done some digging on the scorched vehicle they were able to confirm it was in fact the vehicle they were looking for because of a single piece of glass debris from the headlight that was intact at the hit and run scene. They’d quickly determined it was a souped up old Bronco that belonged to a retired veteran who had reported it missing three days before the accident. It was one of many vintage cars the man had restored and owned. He’d slowly been selling his vehicle collection off to support his ailing wife. He hadn’t even known it was missing for almost a week, because he was out of town visiting a specialist for his wife.

And just like that, the police were right back where they started from. There was no traffic footage of the Bronco anywhere on CCTV and no witnesses had stepped forward. Toby threw his desk lamp into the wall in his office and cursed so loudly that his voice carried outside to where Lorenzo was grabbing a file from his cruiser.

But as hard as it had been for Toby to hear, it was even harder telling Ali about it twenty-four hours later. She sat across the desk from Toby’s boss, who explained the situation to her. Toby stood silently beside her, waiting for her to go off on him, because he knew she would. He only regretted that he didn’t have popcorn to watch the scene unfold.

“It was stolen?” Ali repeated what the Chief had just told her.

“Grand theft auto,” he replied with a nod. “Explains why the other driver ran.”

“And you’re sure it’s the car that hit them?”

“We’re still waiting on positive confirmation, but yeah, we’re pretty sure.”

“ _Pretty sure_ isn’t exactly instilling confidence in my trust in your department.” Ali scowled at him.

“It’s the car that hit them, Ali,” Toby said.

For some reason, hearing it from Toby, she suddenly believed it. She silently wondered to herself why Toby wasn’t in charge. He was the smartest cop on the force by far. He deserved a position higher than his Chief.

“Unfortunately, it’s an older model, so it doesn’t have an anti-theft system or any electronics that can track any time or coordinates. But we were able to match a piece of debris that we found at the scene. It was from a busted headlight. Not to mention, the damage to the frame is consistent with the point of impact that Emily described. The bumper was stripped, but the frame was bent. They’re looking for paint residue and other identifying aspects, but this is it. It’s a match, at least as far as I’m concerned.”

“What’s being done to find the driver?” Ali tried to remain calm, but her fists were shaking. She wanted to flip the desk in front of her and scream.

The Chief looked at Toby. The room was silent for a few seconds.

“The damage caused by the fire was extremely extensive. It is highly unlikely that there is any evidence linking the Bronco to the driver.”

“Well, it didn’t drive itself out there. Someone had to see something. Or…like…footprints, what about footprints?”

“We’ve been communicating with the department that found it, but it was dumped in a remote area. Add that to the fact that there is heavy wildlife traffic combined with the fact that the two youths who found it trampled around the site…there’s nothing for us to go on there. But I assure you, we are doing everything we can…”

“Except for actually _solving_ the crime.” Ali glared angrily.

She’d read better procedural cop dramas with more efficient fictional cops written by teenagers in her class. She was very quickly beginning to tire of the ineptitude of the law enforcement in this town.

“I am aware that this is a very difficult time for you, ma’am…”

“Don’t _ma’am_ me, you condescending piece of male machismo.”

Toby’s eyes widened in surprise, because she was _really_ going for it. And he sure as hell wasn’t about to stop her. She had been on a total warpath lately, hiding her grief beneath her anger. He didn’t feel like getting bitten today.

“I’m going to get you some erectile dysfunction meds since you clearly can’t rise to this challenge,” Ali snarled.

Toby snorted out an inappropriate laugh, because _goddamn_ , that was sharp and ruthless and very much an Ali thing to say. His boss glared at him, but he didn’t care, because Ali was right. The leadership on this investigation was a total shit-show.

“I understand your frustration, and I know you must be feeling very upset that the investigation is taking so much time…”

Now he was using psychology as a way to try and curb her anger and push her into submission. Ali was totally not there for that.

“Would you like a buttplug for all that shit coming out of your ass, too?” Ali added with a heated gaze as she stormed towards the door.

Seconds after she was out of the room the Chief sighed and shook his head.

“This investigation is hard enough as it is without that woman bullying us at every turn.”

“ _That woman_ has a name.” Toby finally snapped. “Alison DiLaurentis-Fields. And she lost her daughter, so how about you stop thinking about your pension plan and start actually showing some goddamn compassion?”

“I get that this is rough for you, too, Cavanaugh. I know you were close to the kid, too…”

“Those girls are family to me.” Toby corrected him angrily. “They’re family, and you won’t even let me take the lead on the case.”

“You’re lucky you’re on the case at all considering how close you are to this. I pulled some strings to keep you on it. Don’t blow it. You need to keep a cool head about this. Don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. You know as well as I do that without solid evidence and witnesses we’re basically just fiddling with our dicks at this point.”

“I became a cop to actually solve crimes. Not file them away in a storage locker somewhere and forget about them.”

“I’m not saying that,” he held up his hand in an effort to try and keep Toby calm. “I’m just simply stating the facts. There’s only so much we can do. I know it. You know it. She knows it, too. But she needs to _understand_ it. You’re going to have to keep a tighter leash on her.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” Toby scoffed. He walked towards the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going to check on her before she turns this place on its head,” he said simply as he walked out of the office.

He found her on the phone talking to the car insurance company. After a few minutes she hung up and frowned.

“I need to see the cars.”

“Why?” he questioned in confusion.

“The insurance company needs photos of them.”

“I can do that for you. You don’t have to…”

“Toby, I can handle it,” she said in irritation.

He wanted to tell her that she probably couldn’t handle it, because he could barely handle it. But after that tongue lashing she’d just given his boss he knew there was basically no arguing with her. So he took her to the police impound lot.

“How’s Emily?” Toby asked as they walked towards the lot.

“She’s been sick to her stomach for the past few days. She says it’s the antibiotics, but I think part of it is the pain.” Ali grimaced. She hated that Emily was trying to just power through the pain.

“She’s still refusing the pain meds?”

“I can’t force her to take them. I’ve tried everything short of crushing them up and hiding them in orange juice.” Ali frowned. A sudden memory occurred to her and her frown slowly turned upwards in a smile, “I used to have to do that with pills and vitamins when Grace and Lily were little. Lily always tasted it and spit it all over me. Grace would swallow it down and ask for more and was never the wiser.”

“How is Lily?”

“Quiet.” Ali sighed. “Too quiet.” Lily hadn’t been able to pull herself out of bed without her friends around this morning. “She’s got something building inside. I can see it. But she won’t let me in. She’s talking a little more since Jason is here, and she asks to see her mom and grandma all the time. But she won’t talk about Grace at all.” She sucked on the inner part of her lower lip. “How are Eli and Harper?”

“It’s worse at night. Harper spends a lot of time moping in her room. The other day something happened and she needed advice and she had this revelation that Grace wasn’t there for her to bounce her ideas off of anymore and she just…she lost it.” He cringed. “And Eli…I don’t know. I can’t get a feel for him. Usually, he talks to me or Spencer. We let both our kids know when they were little that we have an open door policy. Anything they need to talk about, we’ll listen. He has always been a pretty open kid, but he’s been really reserved about this. I asked Ezra if he knew if the boys were talking to one another and he said Kai and Levi are, but Eli just kind of sits back and listens. I’m worried he’s bottling everything up.”

He scratched his brow, suddenly feeling guilty about telling Ali about this considering the loss of her daughter was still looming over her.

“So both of our kids have developed our fantastic coping mechanisms,” Ali said sarcastically.

Toby couldn’t help but laugh. He typed in the code for the impound lot door and then turned to face Ali.

“Hey, are you sure about this?” Toby paused at the door.

“Yeah.” Ali nodded, her eyes distant.

Deep down, something inside of her needed to see it, though she really didn’t _want_ to. It was a strange pull, that same desire that pushed people to turn and look at car crashes on the side of the road. It was a need to try to understand what had happened…how it had happened.

A few minutes later Ali was looking at the wrecked vehicles. She saw an ironic sort of symbolism in the fact that one car had been destroyed by land and water and the other had been destroyed by air and fire. Even looking at totaled cars she couldn’t get her teacher brain to shut up. It was kind of annoying to her.

She took several pictures of the SUV that had caused the wreck first, stopping to look to see if there was any piece of evidence that could be considered a clue that maybe the cops had missed. But when she saw the charred black remains she now understood why Toby’s boss was basically telling her they were screwed.

Ali moved to Emily’s car next. When she saw the shape that it was in she almost threw up. She never would have recognized it if she didn’t know for a fact that the police had pulled it from the river. It was all but falling apart. The top portion of the metal was so damaged that it looked like a sheet had been ripped off, exposing the extremely damaged underbelly. There was a mess of metal and twisted plastic and steel and fractured and broken glass everywhere. The inside of the car had been stripped of all loose items. Toby would never tell her about finding one of Grace’s shoes or about the shred of Emily’s bloody clothing they had found clinging to a piece of metal on the driver’s side.

There was still some blood against the steering column that the water hadn’t washed away, the dark crimson stain was practically screaming at Ali. She looked in the driver’s side window. She’d leaned in the very same window hundreds of times to kiss her wife. Now the window was nothing more than a hole in an unrecognizable cluster of junk and scrap metal. She looked down and saw the crushed steering column. There were several jagged pieces of metal sticking out. How Emily had survived was beyond her. She looked down where the gas pedal and brakes were supposed to be, but all she could see was a shadow of darkness surrounding the small opening where Emily’s legs were during the crash.

 _“I was pinned,”_ she’d told Ali. _“I was pinned. And she knew it.”_

She stared at the passenger seat, the seat where her daughter had spent her last moments. She had to have been terrified. She could picture Emily telling Grace to crawl through the broken window to save herself, and she pictured Grace defiantly telling her that she wasn’t leaving her. She shuddered. She felt Toby’s hand on her shoulder.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine.” She shook his hand away. She put her phone up. She’d seen enough. “What happens now?”

“We keep digging,” Toby said.

“In other words, your coworkers are basically going to keep chasing their tails?”

“I won’t give up. I promise.”

Ali knew he was as good as his word, but she also knew that there was a grain of truth to what his boss had said to her. She knew the reality of the situation. It pissed her off, but she knew it. Ali spent the rest of the afternoon with Jason, ranting about the police. She always tried to keep her emotions in check when her daughter was around, but Lily had taken Jett to meet her friends at the bus stop, so Ali was free to scream, cry, and curse all she wanted.

For the first time since the accident, Ali purposefully avoided talking to Emily, because she wasn’t sure what she wanted to tell her yet. She wasn’t sure if she should tell her about the other car being burned to a crisp. She knew that even though Emily said she was coping, she wasn’t. She’d been distant and a bit hazy. And the way that she’d stared at that “Get Well” teddy bear in her room, as if it held the secrets to the universe or something, it’s like she was completely out of her head.

She would have chalked everything up to Emily being high on medications, but since she was only on antibiotics and anti-nausea meds, Ali knew that wasn’t the case. But every time she tried to ask Emily about it, Emily just brushed it off, telling her she didn’t really have much to do in the hospital aside from screwing around on the internet and staring at her gifts. She’d even quipped about which bears were going to be dog toys for Jett when she got home. She assured Ali everything was fine, but her eyes kept wandering to the teddy bear with the sling on its arm and the cast on its leg.

Ali didn’t know about the strange message that came with the bear. It was something that Emily had been obsessively thinking about since the day of Grace’s funeral. She was convinced it had been sent by the other driver, or by someone who knew the truth about what had happened that night. And though she’d hit a snag in her search for who sent it, she was far from giving up.

When her mother and Ali weren’t hovering over her, she spent her time following up on news stories. She’d read the comments scouring for clues. Some of the stories made her blood boil, especially the ones in which reporters had gone after her daughter and the rest of the kids to try and get a quote or a picture. It made her irate to think about her child trying to deal with her grief and being hounded about it by the media. But she knew that Ali and her friends had handled that situation, with all the grace of a group of drunk chimpanzees. But the important thing was they’d handled it.

Instead of focusing on what the news was doing wrong, she tried to focus on what she could pick up from the stories. She searched through other similar hit and run cases to see how those cases were solved. She felt a pit in the bottom of her stomach when she read about how many went unsolved. Her research served as a distraction from her grief. She became so hyper-focused on her research that she completely missed the shift in her pain sensations. She’d gotten so used to the burning feeling in her stomach that it was just second nature to brush it off. She didn’t realize that her body temperature was slowly starting to rise. By that night she was exhausted. She knew she’d over-exerted herself. Ali knew it, too. She could hear it in her voice over the phone.

“You sound kind of out of it,” Ali said. “Wait, did you finally take the pain meds?”

“No, I’m beyond them at this point. The worst is over. As soon as I can eat something solid and keep it down they’ll let me go home.”

“Did you throw up again?” Ali asked in concern.

“No, not since yesterday. They just don’t want me taking on too much too fast.”

Ali snorted.

“Have they _met_ you?”

“Thanks, I love you, too, babe,” Emily replied sarcastically.

“Just make sure you’re listening to your doctors, okay? You need to let them take care of you. You really do sound drained.”

“I’m just tired, Ali.” There was a pause in the conversation, and Ali sighed. “Don’t worry. I’ll be home soon.”

“I know.”

Ali left it at that. She wasn’t particularly in a chatty mood because she still hadn’t told Emily about the other car yet. She knew it would upset her. What she didn’t realize was that Emily already knew about the other car. A tabloid site Emily had been keeping an eye on had broken with the story. Someone had managed to get a very grainy picture of the police taking it to the impound lot. And even though the picture quality wasn’t great, Emily knew it was the car that had hit them that night. Like Toby, she felt it instantly.

While Emily was researching what she could about the car, Ali was at home checking in on Lily. Lily was in bed pretending to be asleep, because she didn’t feel like talking. Ali knew she was faking, but she left her alone. She knew that in a couple of hours Lily would be crawling into bed with her. Ali picked up a few of Jett’s stray dog toys in the living room. She found one of his tennis balls wedged between the closet door and the floor. She could see where he’d scratched at the floor’s surface to try and get it out.

“How did he even get that in there?”

She pried the door open, freeing the tennis ball. She leaned down to pick it up and came face to face with a small box wrapped in pink and white wrapping paper. She immediately recognized it. It was the present the girls had gotten them for their anniversary. They’d never had the opportunity to open it. Ali picked up the box, staring at it, trying to decide if she should dare peek inside. After several minutes of internally debating herself, she gently sat the box down on the table in the living room. She sank into the couch and reached out with shaky hands, delicately pulling the tape from the paper. When she got the top layer of tape off she pulled the top open and looked inside.

“Oh, girls,” she gasped to herself, tears in her eyes.

Inside the box there was a handmade scrapbook. There was a beautiful woven cloth cover surrounding an open square with a pastel pink and yellow border. Inside the square was a picture of the four of them on the beach. It had been taken just a few months ago. They’d all been lying out on the beach, Ali and Emily in beach chairs with the girls in between them lounging on towels. Lily and Grace were both on their stomachs, propped up on their elbows staring at the ocean.

Pam had told them they needed to get a picture, so Ali and Emily had propped themselves up and leaned over Grace and Lily until their faces were touching. Just as Pam had snapped the picture Grace had turned and grabbed Lily’s face and planted a kiss on her cheek, making all four of them laugh.

Ali ran her hands over the cover of the book, unable to open it. She couldn’t…not without Emily. Instead, she just stared at the picture of the four of them. She desperately wanted to go back to that day. She sighed, thinking to herself that things couldn’t possibly get any worse.

Eight hours later, fate basically gave Ali a middle finger. Early the next morning she’d gotten a call she’d been dreading might happen. When her phone rang at 5 AM she knew something was wrong. When she answered she’d found Pam on the other end, a calm, yet urgent tone in her voice. Emily had spiked a fever of nearly 105 in the middle of the night. It had started out mild, but she was getting worse. The doctors were starting to get concerned that she wouldn’t pull through. There was a localized infection in her abdomen, something the doctors had been concerned about since day one. Ali wanted to kick herself, because she had seen how worn down Emily was. The weakness, the nausea, and the weariness had been more than just her normal recovery.

She tried to keep it together. She quickly threw on some clothes and stopped long enough only to rouse her brother where he’d fallen asleep on the couch. She put her palm against his shoulder and shook him.

“Jason!” Her voice was quiet, but sharp. “Hey, Jason…”

“Hmm?” He sleepily opened his eyes. “What’s wrong, Ali?”

“Can you watch Lily for me today?”

“Yeah, of course.” He sat up, rubbing his palm through his hair. “What’s up?”

“It’s Emily.”

“Is she okay?” His eyes widened.

“No.” Ali grabbed her purse. “I have to go. I’ll call you when I know more.”

“Hey, drive safe.” He called after her.

Ali did the opposite. She sped, she ran every red light she hit, she flew through town and practically slid into the parking lot at full speed. By the time Ali got there Emily was unconscious and unresponsive. They had given her antibiotics to combat the infection, but she wasn’t fighting back. They were worried her body was going to shut down and that she’d go into multiple organ failure. Ali sat with her all day, and there was no change. It was only later in the evening that Emily stirred in her bed. But she still wasn’t awake. She squirmed around uncomfortably, the fever making her delusional.

“Em, can you hear me?” Ali asked, taking her hand. It was sticky with sweat.

“Ali?” Emily muttered. “Ali, where are my keys? Have you seen my keys?”

“You’re in the hospital, honey. You…”

“She’s going to be late.” Emily’s brow twitched, but her eyes remained closed. “She fell asleep on the couch. We need to wake her up or she’s going to be late for swim practice.”

Ali’s hand automatically tightened around Emily’s, her mind suddenly flashing back to a time years ago when she’d been in a mental institution and had been out of her mind, but she remembered Emily’s calm voice comforting her, playing along when her mind needed it. She remembered Emily taking her hand and assuring her that everything was okay. She remembered Emily being there for her. She remembered every word she’d said. And she knew Emily could hear her.

“Let…let her rest, sweetie.”

“She’s such an angel when she’s sleeping, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. Yeah, she is.” Ali choked back tears. She ran her palm over Emily’s forehead and her soft fingertips brushed through her dark damp hair.

Minutes later Emily mumbled,

“Ali, I think I might have the flu. I’m really hot,” she whined. “I think I have a fever. I should go sleep on the couch. I don’t want you to catch what I have.”

“No, you’re okay. I’ll stay with you.” It was an automatic response. It was a reaction that was ingrained in her soul, because her natural inclination was to be near Emily no matter what. She traced her fingers against Emily’s cheek, which was sweltering. “I’ll stay with you as long as you need.”

Emily didn’t reply, which made Ali’s stomach turn. She felt like she was losing her. But how could she be losing her when just yesterday Emily was teasing her and giving her a hard time for being over-protective?

“I can’t…” Emily muttered.

“You can’t what, Em?”

“I can’t…do it. I thought…I thought I could figure it out before…” She grunted, “I…I’m sorry. It said… _I’m sorry._ I tried. I can’t…” She stopped talking again.

Ali knew what she was doing. She wasn’t fighting back because she didn’t think she deserved to live. She rubbed Emily’s face tenderly.

“Em, I know you’re hurting,” she said, her throat clogged with fear and desperation, because she couldn’t lose Emily, too. She couldn’t get through the loss of Grace without the woman she loved by her side. She couldn’t lose her wife, too. “And I know you’re exhausted and you’re struggling. But the antibiotics alone can’t beat this. You have to fight, sweetie. I can’t…I can’t do this without you. You have to push back. If anyone can come back from this, it’s you. You’ve made it this far. The infection is bad, but don’t let this beat you. Don’t give up, okay?”

Emily sighed quietly, but then simply responded,

“Okay.” She paused, but then sighed again, “I love you, Alison.”

“I love you, too, Emily.”

There was another break in the conversation. Emily turned her head and scrunched her face up.

“Don’t let Grace sleep much longer or she’ll be up all night watching that ridiculous show…”

“I’ll wake her in a little bit.” Ali fought back her sobs, suddenly realizing that Grace was never going to get to finish the show she’d been watching. She’d never know the end. It was a strange thing to be upset about, but she was upset nonetheless.

That night tested Ali’s resolve in ways she didn’t even realize were possible. She was terrified she was going to watch Emily die. But twenty-four hours later Emily was awake and alert again. She’d survived the infection and was starting to bounce back.

After that, things started to look up for Emily, at least from a medical standpoint. Six days after she regained consciousness the doctors were discharging her. They were confident that she would make a full recovery. Ali was relieved that Emily was through the worst of it. What she didn’t realize is that Emily had more on her mind than just surviving the storm. Emily was ready to become the storm.


	11. Mixed Feelings

The phone call went to voicemail again. Emily contemplated leaving a voice message, but then decided to hang up at the last minute. This wasn’t exactly something she could leave in a message. What would she say?

_“Hey, how’ve you been these days? Wanna help me commit a few felonies? It’ll be just like the good old days. Hit me back as soon as you get this.”_

So instead, Emily hung up in frustration. She considered the possibility that she had the wrong number. After all, she’d been trying to reach her for days with no luck. It was starting to make her antsy. After she’d nearly been wiped out by a damn infection she’d decided she needed to kick things in to high gear.

The first two days after the fever broke were a blur. She remembered Ali being there at the hospital. She’d stayed overnight with her several nights. She remembered puking so often and so violently that she saw blood in the vomit. She remembered being so hot that she felt like her flesh was melting and her insides were liquefying. She remembered feeling like she was boiling inside, but feeling her body shivering outwardly because she was freezing. She remembered everyone trying to bring the fever down with cold compresses and ice water. She remembered how heavy the blankets felt against her skin, how much a tiny amount of pressure seemed to hurt. She remembered screaming so loud that it felt like her head was going to split in two. Only her cries weren’t out loud. They were all in her mind.

She remembered thinking she was going to die, she _wanted_ to die. She remembered the doctors and nurses murmuring about her condition and about her odds of survival. She remembered her mom holding her hand. She remembered Ali talking to her, caressing her face, touching her cheeks, and cleaning her sweat off of her skin. She remembered flashes of her doing the same for Ali when she was in labor with the girls. She remembered bits and pieces of the wreck…the worst parts. She remembered seeing things that weren’t really there. She remembered Ali telling her she had to beat the infection. But mostly she remembered thinking to herself that if she didn’t make it she could never get justice for Grace.

She had almost died _twice_ now. Because of the same person responsible for her daughter’s death. When she finally got her bearings she decided that she wasn’t going to waste any more time. She made it her priority to get the ball rolling in her own investigation into what had happened the night of the wreck. Unfortunately, she was having trouble contacting the one person she knew could help her. She’d called her several times in the hospital, including the day of her discharge, but she hadn’t been able to reach her.

She hadn’t had as many opportunities to make secret phone calls since she’d gotten home, as Ali, Lily, Jason, and Pam were always around. Not always at the same time, but the house was particularly full. All of the girls and their husbands and children had been by to visit, too. Normally, she would have been fine with the company, but since she was trying to get in touch with someone that would absolutely raise suspicions, it was a bit inconvenient.

So the first opportunity she had to be by herself she took it. Lily had gone with Fiona and Harper to an art gallery she’d been wanting to go to for months. Aria and Ezra had scored tickets and they bought one for Lily, too. Harper had made a comment about wanting to go, too, so Kai told his parents he wanted to give her his ticket. He thought Lily would have more fun with the girls than with him. Plus, he wanted to stay home and play video games with Eli.

Pam was at a church fundraiser with Ashley Marin and Ashley’s boyfriend, Ted Wilson, who was a pastor at the church. Iris, Levi, Hanna, and Caleb were helping out, too. Spencer and Toby were both working late. Jason was getting ready to leave for the airport. He had to catch a flight for work. He was trying to get an Uber, because he didn’t have the rental car anymore. Emily suggested that Ali take him so he could save a few bucks.

“But then you’d be by yourself.” Ali frowned, pulling her feet down off of the ottoman in front of the couch where she was seated next to Emily.

 _That’s the point._ Emily thought to herself.

She needed room to breathe. And she needed the privacy to make a phone call. But convincing Ali to leave was going to be the trick. Ali was apprehensive about leaving her alone, because it wasn’t exactly easy for her to move around with the cast on her foot and the healing injuries on her stomach. Emily refused to get a wheelchair, and the doctors had suggested that she limit using crutches because of the pressure it put on her abdominal muscles.

“Yeah, I don’t know, Em.” Jason sided with his sister. “You’re pretty banged up. Don’t you need help to get around?”

“Seriously, Jason?” Emily glared at him. “You’re going to give me a hard time about injuries? You bolted from the hospital after you fell down an elevator shaft.” She reminded him. “You were able to take care of yourself after that.”

“Well, yeah, but…” He stopped when he realized he didn’t have a retort.

“You don’t have an argument, do you?” Emily’s lips curled into a cocky smirk.

“I’m tagging out.” Jason shrugged, looking at Ali. “Girl’s got a point.”

“Thank you, you’ve been so very helpful,” Ali said sarcastically, glaring at him.

“Happy to be of service.” He wasn’t fazed by her attitude. He glanced at both of them and then faced his sister again before pushing himself out of the chair he was sitting in. “Let me know who wins this fight so I know where I stand with that ride.”

He went to go pack his things.

“Take your brother to the airport.” Emily ordered. “He literally drove all day and night to be here for us when we needed him. The least you can do is give him a ride.”

“What if you need something?” Ali questioned.

“Then I’ll order a pizza and then ask the delivery person to get it for me when they get here.”

“You’d let a complete stranger take care of you over me?”

“If that complete stranger had garlic bread with marinara, then yes.”

“You are an infuriating woman.” Ali rolled her eyes.

“Ali, go.” She laughed. “I’ll be fine. It’s just for a few hours. You can’t sit here and stare at me forever.”

“Shows how well you know me.” Ali smirked. “I happen to _like_ staring at you.”

“I know. It’s a little creepy.” Emily teased her.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay? It’s only been a day since you got out and…”

“Alison,” she gently grabbed Ali’s cheeks, because she knew if she had her face, she’d have her attention, “I’m not going to break. I’m okay. The doctors wouldn’t have let me come home if I wasn’t fully ready.”

“I’m hovering.” Ali nodded in realization.

She found herself melting into Emily’s touch. She felt like it had been so long since the two of them had shared a moment of intimacy that wasn’t laced with underlying fear, pain, or distress.

“Very much so.” Emily leaned forward and gently kissed her lips, holding the embrace for just a few short seconds before dropping her palms down to the sides of Ali’s neck. She smiled softly at Ali, trying to calm her anxiety.

“Well now I want to do the opposite of leave.” Ali smiled back. After a second, her smile faded. “I’m sorry if I’m driving you crazy…”

“You’re not.”

“You are such a liar.” Ali glanced at her out of the corner of her eyes.

“Okay, maybe you’re driving me a _little_ crazy.” Emily nodded.

“I’m just worried about you.” Ali ran her hand up Emily’s arm. “You’ve been through so much.”

“We all have,” Emily responded quietly, knowing exactly where this conversation was going.

“Yeah, but nothing compared to…” She stopped herself, knowing that Emily didn’t want to talk about Grace’s death.

It was so hard for Ali to keep herself from reaching out to her wife. Because she knew Emily was suffering. She could see so much pain in her eyes. Emily’s grief was her grief. She knew the pain was different for Emily. Emily could hide a lot from her, but she couldn’t hide the turmoil of that night. When Ali looked at her she could see her holding Grace as she died. Losing their daughter was one thing. It was another thing entirely that Emily had watched it happen. Ali was afraid it was going to eat away at her until there was nothing left. Emily had survived, but a part of her was gone.

“I just wish you’d let me help you,” Ali said with a heavy sigh.

“I don’t need it.” Emily shrugged, trying to remain composed, trying not to think about everything boiling inside of her.

“Emily, I heard you crying in your sleep last night.” Ali frowned.

“Okay, well I can’t help what I do when I’m asleep.”

The truth was that she wasn’t asleep. She had been overwhelmed being back at her house, back under the same roof where Grace was no longer sleeping. She’d almost had a panic attack, but instead she’d just closed her eyes and pushed back her feelings. At some point she’d ended up quietly sobbing. She thought she’d been careful to not be too loud. She hadn’t realized she’d woken Ali.

“I dream about her, too,” Ali said, her face clenched in thought. She felt Emily stiffen beside her and she knew it was because the dreams she had about Grace were about the night of the wreck. “I’m pretty sure Lily does, too.”

Emily gently pulled Ali towards her and Ali leaned into her embrace until her face was resting against her collar bone.

“I miss her,” Ali looked up at Emily, doing her best to hold back her tears. Emily delicately caressed her cheek, brushing her hair aside. “I miss her so much.”

“I know. I do, too.”

Ali managed to keep from falling into her despair. She cleared her throat.

“You know, I’ve been thinking…” Ali looked down and nervously started playing with Emily’s fingers, “…maybe we should talk to someone.”

Emily pulled back slightly, a reaction that Ali had expected, because they’d discussed this before and Emily was skeptical about it. She met Emily’s gaze.

“ _We_?” Emily asked.

“You, me, and Lily.” Her throat felt tense. “I want her to know that it’s okay to feel what she needs to feel.”

“She knows that. We’ve raised her that way.”

“I realize that. But she’s never had to deal with something of this magnitude. I think she needs to see that we’re grieving and processing and that it’s okay for her to be upset and to cry if she needs to. I don’t want her repressing something this huge.” Ali frowned. “She’s not dealing, Emily.” Ali wanted to add _and neither are you_ , but she held her tongue. “You know she internalizes. And it’s only going to get worse for her as time goes on. I mean, as it stands she’s barely functioning. She may spend time with her friends and with us, but she’s not there. She’s not present. She’s not eating. She’s not talking. She – she hasn’t even cried since before Grace’s funeral.”

“That you know about.” Emily quickly interjected.

Lily had always been very reserved about her emotions. There was much more to her than what people could see on the surface. She wasn’t completely comfortable letting things out unless she was by herself. Most of the time she poured her feelings into her art.

“I _need_ to talk about this,” Ali admitted. “I think…I think we all do.”

Emily sighed. She knew the dangers of pushing people to open up before they were ready, but she knew there was some truth to what Ali was saying. It was one thing for her to hold everything inside. But Lily was still a child. Ali was right. There had to be some kind of balance. Lily was smart and she was very mature, but she was every bit Emily’s child as Emily had been at that age. And Emily had wound up in the hospital with an ulcer because of the stress she was holding inside, and that wasn’t anything compared to what Lily was dealing with.

“Look, if you want to go, I will one hundred percent support you. I am here for you. I want you to do whatever it is that you need for yourself, and for us. And we’ll talk to Lily about it together. We can work something out.”

“And you?”

Emily didn’t answer.

“She’s not going to go if you don’t.” Ali squeezed her hand. “I…I really think it would help all of us.”

“Ali, you know how I feel about therapy.”

“It’s helped you in the past.”

“Because I needed it at the time,” Emily explained. “This is different. Nothing can bring her back. Talking about it is not going to change anything for me.”

The only thing she could do now was focus on catching the person responsible. She’d deal with whatever she needed to deal with after the other driver had paid for what they did to her daughter.

“Emily, I just…”

“Alison, don’t.” She knew Ali meant well, but she’d told her more than once that she didn’t want to talk about it. “Just don’t.” Her voice was flat and even, but still very calm despite the emotions she felt building up inside. “You can’t fix this. You…you can’t fix me.”

She couldn’t fix her, because Emily wasn’t just broken. She was shattered to pieces – those tiny little shards that were nothing but mere dust that couldn’t be mended, only swept up and thrown away.

“I’m not trying to fix you, Em. I’m just trying to hold what’s left of you together.”

Emily tried not to let Ali see how much that hurt her to hear. Because she didn’t want to be the mess that needed attention. Ali had enough to worry about without having to take care of her.

There was a pause before Emily answered,

“If that’s what you’re worried about, don’t.” She pulled Ali in for another hug, kissing the top of her head, the breath from her nose moving several strands of her hair. “I’ll just invest in some duct tape and super glue. Maybe some bubble gum for air freshener to get that new Emily car smell.”

She felt Ali jolt in her arms as she tried to not laugh. But she failed. She shook her head and looked up at Emily.

“I hate you sometimes.”

“No, you don’t.” Emily loosened her hold on her.

“No,” Ali sighed. “I don’t.” She pulled back and her eyes locked on Emily’s. Ali peered at her for a second, like she was trying to read what was behind her eyes. Emily tried to remain stoic. “You always know what to say.”

“I try.”

They heard footsteps coming back towards the living room. Jason plopped a bag down at his feet.

“Ah, excellent. Neither one of you killed one another.” He smiled.

“What kind of fights do you think we have, Jason?” Ali asked.

“I dunno. You used to come at my head with hockey sticks and shove me out of second story windows.”

“You shoved your brother out a window?” Emily drew back in surprise.

It was no secret that Jason and Ali had a tumultuous relationship when they were younger, but she didn’t realize how much they truly beat on one another.

“He deserved it.” Ali rolled her eyes.

“It’s actually kinda true.” Jason nodded. “I was stealing her secret stash of hidden cash so I could go on a booze bender.”

“And I sent him on a bender alright. Bent the hell out of mom’s rose garden below,” Ali said, no shame, no regret.

“Mom was more upset about the flowers,” Jason said.

“You have a very strange family dynamic.” Emily nodded.

“Aren’t you so glad you became a part of it?” Jason teased. “You’re one of us now. You’re stuck.” He added with a laugh. “Speaking of stuck, what did you ladies decide about my ride? Am I hitchhiking my way out of this city?”

“Ali is going to drive you.” Emily quickly volunteered.

“ _Or_ …and hear me out…or we all _three_ take a fun roadtrip to the airport.” Ali suggested, still not big on the idea of leaving Emily behind.

“Can’t. Got too much awesome stuff to do around the house.” Emily disagreed. “In my first demonstration in which I plan to convince my overly-neurotic wife that I am not a vegetable that needs to be taken care of I will create my own source of travel within the house. All I need is my buddy Jett and the computer chair with wheels in your writing office. I will simply hook Jett up to that chair, dangle a dog treat out in front of him to give him incentive, and presto, I’ve got myself a chauffeur in the form of a sled dog.”

“Sounds like she’s got this under control.” Jason glanced at Ali.

“Yeah, put your things in my car.” Ali didn’t argue. At this point she had nothing left to argue about.

“I promise that Jett and I will be on our best behavior,” Emily said.

“Well, for God’s sake, wear a helmet if you decide to be an idiot and go sledding around the house with him as your guide. With your luck he’d drag you up and down the stairs and then run you into a wall.” Ali quipped.

Half an hour later Jason and Ali were getting ready to walk out the door. Ali stopped where Emily was sitting on the couch and leaned in to kiss her.

“You call me if you need _anything_ and I will drop Jason off on whatever corner we happen to be on and I’ll come home immediately.”

“I see where I stand in this family,” Jason said dryly as he threw his bag over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. I won’t call unless I know you’re in an upscale area.” Emily assured him.

“Take care, Em.”

“Have a safe trip. We’ll see you when you get back.”

She waved goodbye, a serene smile on her face. Once they walked out the door Emily immediately dropped the act. She lowered her head and looked at her trembling hands. She had been holding so much in around her family, trying to act like she was okay. It was starting to take its toll on her. After a few minutes she had gotten herself together. She grabbed her cell phone and used her crutches to hobble out of the living room, the cast on her left ankle bumping against it as she shuffled uneasily on her good leg. The cast was annoying as hell, but she only had to wear it for another month or so. The worst part about it was how awkward and clunky it was. Getting up and down the stairs with it was a complete pain in the ass, but she managed.

She felt her abdominal muscles tensing up as she tried to keep her body weight off of her ankle. The incision on her stomach was almost completely healed, but it still oozed when she overdid it. And she still had deep pain sensations. She glanced down at the bump underneath her shirt where a chunk of square gauze was taped over the injury. She didn’t see any blood, so she kept going.

Once she got out to the back porch she sat down, trying to let her anxiety go. Instead, she focused on the phone in her hand. She stared at it, feeling like a creepy obsessive stalker. She shook her head.

“You have lost your mind, Emily,” she muttered to herself. She looked up at her backyard and ran her hand through her hair and then slowly traced her fingers down her face. “What the hell am I doing?”

She dialed the number again, willing there to be an answer on the other end. She got her hopes up when it didn’t go straight to voicemail, only to be disappointed when it rang for several minutes with no answer. It eventually kicked over to the same voicemail she’d been listening to for days. She hung up.

She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the birds in the trees. It was a sound that she used to love, but now it just put her on edge. Mostly because if she listened long enough there was an eerie pause of silence between the birds singing. And that silence just reminded her of the strange dead quiet air surrounding her and Grace when the car had been suspended in the air. And then the noise of the birds’ singing was a jarring leap back into reality. She kept being jerked between two worlds. The world in which her daughter was alive and terrified in the car, and the world in which she had lost her forever. She couldn’t stay in either world without pain. It made her heart race unsteadily.

Sitting idly by was killing her. She wanted more than anything to do something. She was wired for action. The days of lounging on the back porch and enjoying the flowers and the singing birds were over. The difference a few weeks made in someone’s life was astounding. One minute she was watching her girls bicker in the kitchen with her wife by her side. The next she was sitting outside an empty house wondering if she would ever feel that amount of love and joy again. She’d settle for at least feeling _normal_ again.

She sat on the porch, contemplating her next move. She had only been home for one day and she already felt a strange sense of confinement here. Not just in her mind, but her actual surroundings felt constricting. A place that had once been a familiar comfort to her was closing in on her and she was suffocating. It’s like her world was suddenly smaller and she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t help but wonder if Ali and Lily felt the same way. Were they all walking around in a different world now?

Of course, she knew the answer. Everyone who knew Grace was now walking in their own world of topsy-turvy unease. There were a lot of people thinking about Grace at that moment. Iris was sorting through some donated clothes and she stopped when she got to a coat that looked exactly like one Grace wore all the time. The only difference was the coat she was looking at was slightly less worn. Because Grace wore the hell out of her clothing. Iris could pinpoint every exact stain and blemish on Grace’s clothes, and she knew where those stains and blemishes had come from because she’d been with her for most of them. She had Hanna’s eye for fashion. She’d once had a conniption fit over the fact that Grace spilled a slushie on her designer top.

She glanced over at Levi, who at that very second was staring at the playground across the street where he and Grace would challenge one another to swing the highest and then jump as far as they could go. Since he was smaller than Grace he usually won. But she was always a very gracious loser. Iris saw him tearing up and she put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him. He didn’t say anything to her. He just turned around and hugged her.

Eli was in the middle of a game with Kai when he suddenly had a flash to a time six years ago in which Grace had totally hustled him and Kai out of their candy by pretending she was completely clueless in how to play one of their video games. Kai noticed that he wasn’t paying attention to their game and he immediately knew why. He lowered his controller and tossed Eli a soda. They sat on the couch and drank in silence.

Not far down the road, Harper and Fiona were stealing glances at one another in the backseat of Ezra and Aria’s car. After the art show, they had stopped to grab some take-out. Lily hadn’t been able to get out of the car, because the take-out was from one of Grace’s favorite restaurants. They had watched Lily sink low into her seat and stare out the window in silence. She hadn’t said anything since they left the restaurant. Aria could sense the unease.

“What did you guys think of the gallery?” she asked the girls.

“I liked the Alma Thomas exhibit,” Harper said, trying to drum up conversation.

“Yeah, I like the use of color in her abstract work.” Fiona nodded. “She’s really underrated. Don’t you think, Lil?”

“Mmhmm.” Lily nodded, her eyes still on the road outside.

She suddenly realized that they were taking the scenic route back to the Fitz house. It dawned on her that Ezra was purposely avoiding Rock Canal Bridge so she wouldn’t be subjected to seeing the hole in the barrier left by her mother’s car when it went over the bridge. It’s not like she hadn’t been that route since Grace died, but seeing all the keepsakes, photos, and stuffed animals that people were leaving on the side of the road made her anxious. She saw Aria looking at her in the rearview mirror.

“Thank you,” Lily said quietly, “for not…” _For not making me see where my sister died._

She didn’t have to finish her thought for Aria to know what she was thanking them for. Her expression said it all. Aria smiled sweetly at her and gently reached back and pat her knee. Not long after that they were all gathering in the Fitz kitchen for dinner.

“Why don’t you set the table, Fi?” Ezra asked.

“Okay.”

“I wonder if we can pry my brother and Kai away from their precious screen long enough to make sure they don’t starve to death.” Harper glanced out towards the game room.

“They’ve probably been eating Doritos all day.” Fiona rolled her eyes.

“That’s not real food.” Harper scoffed. “They can’t survive on stale chip dust and packaged air.”

“I think you are underestimating how the teenage male anatomy works.” Fiona gave her a hard time.

“I’ll get them.” Lily volunteered.

She needed to clear her head anyway. She had so much going through her mind that she was having trouble sorting through it all. She was glad to have her mom home, but her family did not feel the same without her sister. And despite how much her mothers tried to put on a brave front for her, Lily knew how badly they were hurting. Yet, all Lily could feel was a numbness she couldn’t escape from. She missed her sister terribly. She spent every waking moment thinking about her.

When she got out to the game room she found Eli alone on the couch.

“Hey,” she said.

He seemed startled by her voice.

“Hey.” He put the controller down. She’d clearly interrupted his train of thought.

“Where’s Kai?” She looked around.

“Oh, uh, he’s out back talking to Scarlett on the phone. He has got it so bad for her,” Eli said with a laugh. “Did you guys have fun?”

“Yeah. It was nice. They had a really neat Van Gogh exhibit with the ceiling painted like a replica of _Starry Night._ ”

“That’s the one with the stars in the night, right?” Eli smiled in a teasing manner.

“Uh huh.” Lily chuckled. “It’s my favorite.”

“I like _The Old Tower and the Fields._ That one doesn’t get as much appreciation as it should.”

“ _You_ like art?”

“I am more than just my video games, Lilian.” He scoffed.

“Call me that again and I’ll choke you with your controller.”

“It’s wireless.”

“Shut up.” Lily rolled her eyes.

She walked a few paces and then stopped when she got to a shelf of framed photographs. There were several of her moms and their friends when they were younger. There were also several of her and her friends, including one with all eight of them at an amusement park a few years ago. They were all in their summer clothes and their hair was wet from a water ride they’d just gotten off of.

They were all basically piled on top of one another. Levi was on Kai’s back, both of them mid-laugh. Lily was on Eli’s back, both of them sticking their tongues out at the camera. Grace and Fiona had both jokingly flung their legs up and wrapped their arms around Iris while Harper clung to Iris’s back, messing up her hair. Lily ran her finger across the frame. She could remember that day with perfect clarity. Grace and Levi had eaten too much funnel cake and Grace puked in a garbage can and then shrugged it off to go ride her favorite rollercoaster for like the fiftieth time that day.

Eli walked up behind her and glanced at the photo.

“You were thinking about her before I came in, weren’t you?” Lily asked as she turned around and faced Eli.

“I’m always kinda thinking about her.” He admitted.

“Yeah.” Lily nodded absentmindedly. She knew what he meant. “You okay?”

Eli had been the only one of her friends who had been as quiet about Grace’s death as she had. She hadn’t stopped to ask how her friends were doing. She really hadn’t had to, because she could tell how they were doing. All of them except for him.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” he asked.

“I’m not the only one who lost her.” Lily looked back at the picture. “I keep thinking about the night she died…”

Eli froze, unsure of how to respond, because Lily hadn’t talked about Grace at all, much less her death.

“…about what it must have been like for her,” she said. “And my mom.” She shook her head. She’d seen the look in Emily’s eyes when she didn’t think Lily was paying attention. “It makes me _so_ angry,” Lily said with tears in her eyes, “That someone could do that to them. That someone could just drive off and get away with it.”

“Hey, they’re going to find who did it. You know my dad won’t let up until they do.” Eli assured her.

Lily faced the shelf of pictures again, her eyes landing on Grace’s smiling face

“Sometimes I still wake up in the morning and think she’s going to be there.” She glanced at Eli again. She could tell he wasn’t sure what to say, because he couldn’t tell if she needed reassurance or just someone who would listen to her. “I know I don’t talk about her,” Lily added quietly, almost a whisper. “But that’s because I’m so busy thinking about her… _all the time_. Because I’m afraid if I stop I’ll really lose her, that I’ll…” She shuddered thinking about the nightmare she’d had the night Grace died, “…that I’ll start to forget her.”

“That’s never going to happen.” Eli put his hand on Lily’s arm.

“How can you be so sure?” she asked.

“Because she’s a part of you, and you’re still here,” he said. He paused and then added, “Plus, you’ve still got that tiny little scar above your left eye where she threw a Barbie at you when you were five.” He pointed to the small scar on Lily’s head, smiling slightly.

“Oh, yeah. I remember that.” Lily rubbed the tiny blemish. “I bit her and she kicked me.”

“Yep. Then you both knocked over Harper’s building blocks.”

“Oh my God. She was _so_ pissed.” Lily laughed. “Grace and I ended up running away in terror. We hid in the bathroom for like half an hour.”

“See? She’ll always be with us. Her crazy ass is unforgettable.” Eli nodded. “You guys may have been twins, but you’re both one of a kind.”

“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugged, picking up the group picture of her friends. After a few minutes she put it back down. “I don’t think I ever thanked you.” She looked at Eli.

“For what?” His brow crinkled in confusion.

“I know what you did for me at Grace’s funeral,” Lily said. “I know about Zane showing up. And I know that you chased him away.”

He hadn’t breathed a word to her about what had happened at the funeral. But thanks to him, Zane had left her alone. In fact, she’d seen him leaning against his car chatting with some older girl this morning.

“You know about that?” Eli asked, eliciting a nod from Lily. “God, Kai is a bigger gossip monger than a retirement home full of motor-mouthed grandmas.” He rolled his eyes.

“Actually, it was Levi.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t nearly as surprising. “Well, I still blame Kai, because if he hadn’t run his mouth to the worst secret-keeper this side of Rosewood it wouldn’t be a whole thing.”

“Why did it have to be a secret?” Lily asked.

“It wasn’t a secret. I just didn’t want to bug you with it. You have enough to worry about without that creep wigging you out at every turn. I just told him to lay off.” Eli looked away. “By maybe threatening him with violence…”

“You should be careful. My mom says he’s dangerous.”

“Nah, guys like that are all talk.” Eli shrugged. “He’s got a big mouth because something else is lacking in his life.”

“Yeah, impulse control and parental supervision,” Lily muttered. “Anyway, I appreciate it. Whatever you said to him worked.”

“Good.”

The room was silent for a few minutes. Lily chewed on her bottom lip, her brow creased in thought.

“Why did you do it?”

Eli considered his response before he replied,

“For Grace,” he said simply. “And for you. It wasn’t right...him showing up the way he did, especially not after how he’s been treating you. Grace hated him. And I know you don’t like him. He shouldn’t have been there. So I just had a civil conversation with him politely coercing him to get the hell out of dodge.”

“ _Politely_?” Lily looked at him skeptically.

“With fists.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” he said. “It was no biggie. I’ll never let anyone screw with you, Lil. You know that.”

“Grace used to say the same thing,” Lily said. “I mean, then she’d turn around and stick a ‘kick me’ sign on my back, but the sentiment was there.”

“Harper used to do that shit to me all the time.” Eli nodded in agreement. “She still does.” He pressed his lips together in thought. “My dad thinks it’s hilarious.”

“Your little sister can kick your ass. It’s pretty hilarious.” Lily teased him.

They heard a door slamming and seconds later Kai called out to Eli,

“You ready for a virtual asswhooping, Cavanaugh?” He stopped when he saw Lily. “Oh, hey. You guys are back already?”

“Yeah, your parents got dinner.” Lily waved.

“Cool.”

The three of them walked out of the game room together, Lily stopping one last time to admire the pictures on the shelf. She flipped the light off and closed the door and followed the boys. She glanced at the sky. The sun was disappearing over the horizon. She stared at the disappearing ray of light, thinking about how strange it was that everyone in the entire world was underneath the same sky. Millions of people were probably looking at it. Countless people were looking at it right now. Countless people could see the exact same thing that she saw.

Her mother was one of those people. Emily was still sitting on the porch, trying to clear her mind. She watched as the sky melted into a cascade of colors. It had been so hard for her to maintain her composure since she’d been home. She had been trying not to fall apart, but she was having a hard time adjusting. She’d been cooped up for so long that her mind still felt like it was at a standstill. All that time just sitting and thinking had done nothing for her except leave her stewing over the fact that the other driver was out there somewhere. She felt like she wasn’t doing enough. It was frustrating.

She glanced at her phone again, deciding that she’d try one last time. If she couldn’t get through then she’d take it as a sign. She dialed the number, one she was embarrassed to admit she knew by heart now because she’d called it so much the past few days. It rang for way too long. And just when she thought it was going to kick over to voicemail, she heard a click and an answer.

“Hello?”

Emily froze. She recognized her voice immediately. She’d had the right number after-all. But now what was she supposed to say? How did she even begin to start this conversation? She just went extremely basic,

“Hello, Mona.”

“Emily DiLaurentis-Fields, is that you? It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.”

Emily suddenly felt nervous, though she wasn’t sure why. Though Mona had put her and her friends through hell in high school, she’d really turned around and become someone they could count on. They’d had their ups and downs, but they’d come through it. They didn’t talk much, but Emily still considered her a friend…or friend- _ish_ , at least. But Mona did her own thing. She traveled a lot. She still talked to Hanna, and on a rarer occasion, Aria, as Mona had reconnected with Aria’s brother and they were dating again. But to Emily’s knowledge, Aria hadn’t seen Mona in over a year.

“You’d think Rosewood would forever be on my mind considering everything that happened there, but you’d be surprised how much traveling keeps your mind occupado on other things.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Emily swallowed a knot in her throat, still trying to figure out what the hell she was doing and trying to figure out how exactly she wanted to go about doing it.

“That’s right. You were in Cali all those years ago,” Mona said. “God, we were such babies then.” She sounded lost in thought. “Hanna keeps in touch. I hear all you girls have a couple of little rugrats running around. Your girls are, what…fifteen now?”

“How long has it been since you and Hanna talked?” Emily asked, a little surprised that Mona was in the dark about Grace.

“A couple of weeks. Why?” Mona asked.

“Did – did Mike not tell you?”

“Oh, honey, I’ve been off the radar for almost two weeks now. Work beckoned in Madrid,” Mona explained. “What has my ape of a boyfriend failed to keep me updated on, exactly?”

The line went dead silent. Emily got lost in her own head. She hadn’t told anyone the news about Grace. She’d been sedated the first two days, so everyone else around her had handled that. She had never stopped to consider how hard it was to inform someone about something like this.

“About two weeks ago my daughter Grace and I were in a wreck,” Emily said. It felt like ripping off the most painful bandaid in history. “She was killed.”

The line was silent again. There was no surprised gasp. No talking. Not even a single breath. Just shocked silence. After a few seconds Mona huffed out a breath.

“What?” She fumbled over her words. “Emily, that’s so…” She stuttered for a few seconds. Mona Vanderwaal, ever the wordsmith…completely speechless, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. What happened?”

“Head on collision.” Her insides felt like they were squirming. Talking about it was a lot harder than she thought it would be, especially considering she’d told the cops the same story over and over again. “The car flipped and we went into the river.”

“Oh my God.” Mona uttered. “I wish…I wish I would have known. Is everyone else okay? Ali and your other little girl?”

“It was just me and Grace.” She felt something burning in her throat and it took her a second to realize she was choking back tears.

“God, hon. I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”

 _No one does._ Emily thought to herself.

“I’m…I just…” Mona was still trying to process.

She’d seen some crazy shit. Hell, she’d _caused_ some crazy shit. She’d even locked up Spencer’s estranged twin sister, Alex after Alex tried to kill Spencer and take her place. Alex had been the one responsible behind the torture that left Ali pregnant with Emily’s babies. She’d tortured all of the girls, including physically torturing Hanna, which pissed Mona off to no end. Alex had recruited a woman named Mary who was just as batshit crazy as she was to help her. She’d found the woman, a retired psychiatric nurse, through a mutual friend, Elliott Rollins, also batshit crazy.

Elliott was now dead, but Alex and Mary were very much alive. After they had kidnapped Spencer and tried to kill her, Mona had created an elaborate plan to smuggle them as far away from her friends as she possibly could. She forged a bunch of documents and took them to France where she basically imprisoned them. The girls had no idea she’d done it at first.

Mona’s little prison game for Alex and Mary had lasted for a few weeks, just until Mona got bored with them. She’d then let her boyfriend at the time, who was a police officer, haul them in to prison. They had been extradited and were sitting in a maximum security cell to this day. When Emily and her friends had heard about it their first reaction was, “huh, only a few weeks?” because shit like that was just normal for them. They looked back on it with a foggy ‘what drunk God plotted out our lives?’ haze. Their world had been one giant soap operatic joke.

But Grace’s death was by far the most realistic primal thing they’d ever go through. And hearing about what happened to Grace had rendered Mona stunned beyond words. She had no idea what to say. Because she knew that losing a child was beyond torture, especially for someone like Emily. In all her years of studying the girls, she’d learned a lot about them. And she knew that Emily put an incredible amount of pressure on herself. The intensity of her emotions could jump to scary heights sometimes. And something like this was bound to push her into reckless abandon.

“Are you…how bad are you…I mean, are you…okay?” Mona asked.

“I’m a little busted up, but I’m healing. A few more weeks and I’ll be back up to speed.” Those few weeks couldn’t go by fast enough. “That’s um…that’s actually one of the reasons I’m calling you. I need your help with something.”

“I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I do retail therapy, not physical therapy,” Mona said.

“No.” Emily couldn’t help but laugh. “No, that’s not it.”

Though maybe she could use some sleek new threads so she could skulk around in the dark while she was staking places out.

“I’m calling because you are the only person I know who seems to know _everything_ about everything, no matter where you go or what you’re doing. You just have this way of figuring things out.”

“What is it that you need me to do?”

“For starters I’d like to find the other driver. The car that hit us bolted and left us to die,” Emily explained.

“Holy shit, Em…”

“Yeah, I know,” Emily said. “They found the other car, but it’s been torched. It was stolen and they don’t have any witnesses or evidence. The cops are at a dead end. So I figured, who better to call than someone who pretty much has wrapped the entire town around her little finger without even so much as breaking a sweat? You’re the only competent adult I know capable of dealing with this. I didn’t know who else to turn to. I know you still have contacts here. I just need to know where to start.”

“Look, if I had even the slightest idea of who could have done something like that I’d be all over it,” she said. “I am _so_ sorry about your daughter…”

“Yeah.” Emily was getting sick of hearing that. “Everyone is. But no one seems to want to do anything about it.”

“I would if I could. But this doesn’t sound like a ‘me’ thing. I mean, it’s not like in high school when every little thing that happened was someone just screwing with you for a game. It sounds like the person who did this screwed up, they know they screwed up, and they are basically a ghost at this point. I may be a miracle worker, but I’m not God. There are some things that are even untouchable to me.”

“Please, Mona. There has to be something.”

“I mean…without anything to go on…”

“There was a bear!” Emily blurted out, suddenly remembered the strange gift she’d gotten in the hospital. She hadn’t gotten anything else like it since that day. But she couldn’t let it go.

“Like…in the woods or…” She couldn’t figure out where Emily was going with this.

“No. I woke up in the hospital and it was there.”

There was a pause and then a confused noise on the other end of the line.

“Um…did you hit your head in the crash?” Mona asked.

“I’m not losing my mind.” Emily rolled her eyes. “It was a _stuffed_ bear.” She explained. “It came with a bouquet of flowers and a note that said ‘I’m sorry’.”

“So?”

“Isn’t that a little weird?”

“You were hurt in a wreck that killed your daughter. I’m sure people have come from all over to offer their condolences.”

“No, it didn’t say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ or ‘Get Well Soon’. It just said ‘I’m sorry’. And when I called to find out who sent it I was told someone used a money-marketing account that couldn’t be tracked.”

“Did you ask Caleb about it?” Mona asked.

“God, no. If he found out what I was doing he’d go straight to Hanna. And she’d rip me a new one.”

“What exactly _are_ you doing, Emily? Because I’m not so sure I like where this is going. And that’s coming from someone who knows a little something about this shit you’re getting yourself in to.”

“Mona, the person who killed my daughter is out there. I haven’t been able to sleep. My wife is devastated. My child is in pain. My family is a mess…” She sighed, “…I can’t just sit around and watch the cops chase their tails. It’s clear that whoever did this isn’t going to be found through the ‘proper legal channels’, whatever the hell that is…”

“Look, I know you want answers…”

“No, I don’t want answers.” Emily cut her off. “I want fucking justice. I want to look the person who killed my daughter in the eyes and I want them to feel the same pain that I felt that I night. I want them to know what they’ve done…the lives that they’ve ruined.”

“Okay, slow down, Wonder Woman,” Mona said. “Before you grab your Lasso of Truth and hop your little Amazonian ass into Revenge Town, you need to pump the brakes and take a beat to think about this.”

“That is _all_ I’ve been doing. It is the only thing I’ve been thinking about the past two weeks.” Emily rubbed the healed cut on her head. “I just…I need a break. _One_ break.”

Mona could hear the pain in her voice. She’d never heard her sound so fractured. And she felt broken _for_ her. There was so much torture hidden in her voice.

“Okay,” Mona said softly. “Let me make some calls. I can come into town, maybe break out some of the old research equipment and we can check out some haunts in skeevesville where all the outlaws like to hang. All we have to do is get the right people talking, and then we can go on the hunt…”

“I can’t ask you to do all that.”

“You called me for help,” Mona said in confusion. “You’re giving me whiplash with this back and forth here.”

“I didn’t mean that I wanted you to do this with me. I just need you to give me the starting point and I can take it from there.”

“You can’t seriously be considering doing this by yourself.”

“I don’t want you getting into this too deep. The last time we asked you for help you wound up back in a mental institution.”

“This is different.”

“It’s not. And you know it.” Emily argued. “You are finally at a place in your life where things are working out for you. Your career is going great. You and Mike are going strong. You’re doing so well for yourself. And I am not about to drag you…or anyone else I care about into this with me.”

She’d already ruined her family and the lives of all of her friends and their families. She didn’t need to ruin the good things that Mike and Mona had going for them.

“Aw, you care about me, Em?” Mona asked in a teasing manner.

“I know. I’m as surprised as you are.” Emily shook her head with a smile.

“I really don’t like the idea of you going at this alone.”

“Look at that. You care about me, too.”

“My motives are purely selfish. If you do something to get yourself killed I’m sure I’ll be the one getting blamed for it.”

“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself,” Emily assured her.

“Yeah, until your wife finds out. Then she’s going to kill us both.”

“Alison is not going to find out about this. I don’t want you breathing a word of this to _anyone_. Not Hanna. Not even Mike. Because he’ll tell Aria and she’ll go straight to Ali. And I don’t want Ali caught up in this.”

“You know, keeping secrets has never worked out well for you two in the past.” Mona pointed out.

“I already lost my daughter. I’m not going to risk anything happening to what’s left of my family. You can understand that, right?”

Mona paused to consider the question. She sighed.

“God, I’m going to regret this. I just know it.”

“So, you’ll keep this between us?” Emily asked.

“Yes, Emily,” Mona replied. “I’m going to help you. But I want you to promise me something,” she said. “Take care of yourself,” she took a thoughtful breath and then continued, clarifying, “and I don’t mean that in just a physical sense. I mean take care of _you_. Don’t forget who you are. Don’t lose yourself in this. Because I know what the chase can be like. I know how easy it is to become so absorbed in it that you become something you’re not.”

She wanted to tell Mona that the Emily she knew was long gone. That there was nothing left for her to lose at this point, nothing except for Ali and Lily. And as long as she kept them far away from what she was doing they would be fine. She would protect them the way she hadn’t been able to protect Grace. Emily wanted to tell Mona all this and more, but instead she just told her what she wanted to hear,

“If I get in over my head you’ll be my first call. I promise.”

Mona fretted. Emily could tell she was twisting her hair into knots with her fingers. She could just feel it. But Mona relented, giving her a name and an address. She added for her not to go in without some form of protection. She reiterated that Emily needed to be careful. Emily thanked her for her help and then they said goodbye.

As soon as she hung up her phone, her eyes drifted towards the garage. Ali and Emily had decided years ago that’s where the gun safe should go. The gun debate had been one of the very few things she fought with Ali about when they got together. Ali hated guns. She said she’d seen enough for her lifetime. Emily had seen equally as many, but she’d grown up a lot differently than Ali had. She had a healthy respect for guns. Her dad taught her to shoot when she was a teenager. With her father’s military background she was pretty much roped into learning all about guns, because he had his service weapons in the house. Her parents had been huge sticklers for learning the proper way to handle and shoot guns. Learning about gun safety was an inescapable lesson for a military brat.

When Ali and Emily were moving in together they’d argued about whether or not Emily could bring her father’s guns, especially considering they were expecting twins. Ali was afraid something would happen and the girls would one day get into the gun safe. They’d fought about it for weeks, neither one of them wanting to back down. Finally, they’d compromised, with Ali telling Emily that the guns were never allowed in the house, but that the gun safe could stay locked up in the garage. She made it perfectly clear that their children’s safety came first, which is something that Emily wholeheartedly agreed with her on. Neither of their girls had expressed any interest in guns, something that Emily was fine with. The girls knew the weapons were there, but they’d been taught at a very early age they were off-limits.

Emily knew she was a little rusty with the weapons. She hadn’t been shooting in a while. After she moved back to town she’d gone to the gun range with her mother once or twice a month, but that tapered off after the girls were born. She still found time to go, but not very often. She hadn’t felt the need to go.

Until now.

Once she got the cast off her foot she was planning to start shooting again. If she was going to go through with her plan to track down the car that had run her into the river she knew she shouldn’t go into it unprotected. And now that she’d talked to Mona, she knew there was definitely going to be quite a bit of risk involved. Criminals didn’t abide by the laws. If she was going to go into the lion’s den she sure as hell wasn’t going to wait to be torn to shreds. Not again.

The car had already shred her physically. And Grace’s death had shredded her emotionally. She looked down at her watch. She knew Ali and Lily would be home soon. She needed to get back inside and go back to pretending that everything was fine. She hopped up on her good foot and grabbed her crutches. She was starting to feel that strain on her stomach the doctors were warning her about. Her muscles were still healing.

She had just crossed the threshold into the kitchen when her crutch got caught on something. She was suddenly unsteady on her feet. She could see herself slipping in slow motion. She could see her legs sliding out from under her. She hit the back of her head against the edge of the counter on the way down. She fell flat on her back against the hard floor, feeling the full force of the fall. A sharp numbness shot through her abdomen.

“Son of a bitch!” Emily growled, her hand landing on her stomach. She glared at the ceiling, wondering if there was some higher power watching her life and eating popcorn while watching her right now. “Really?” She snapped. “REALLY?” She let her free hand fall and it landed directly in Jett’s water bowl, sending water flying everywhere. “You have got to be kidding me.”

One day. She hadn’t even been home for _one_ day and she had already managed to bust her ass and make a mess at the same time. Ali was never going to leave her unattended again. She stared at the ceiling for a second and then started laughing, because fuck her life…seriously.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She heard the familiar thumping of large feet smacking against the ground and then she heard the unmistakable clacking sound of Jett’s nails against the floor. When she opened her eyes her dog was standing over her, staring at her.

“The floor has accepted me as one of its own. I’m a floor person now,” she said dryly.

Jett cocked his head, a confused whine slipping out of his mouth.

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. Go get help, Lassie.”

Jett looked around the kitchen, for a split second looking like a dog on a mission. He trotted around a counter and rustled around for a minute. A few seconds later he brought her back a squeaky toy, dropping it next to her.

“That’s not help, Jett.” She rolled her eyes.

Jett plopped down next to her as if it was completely normal for her to be on the floor. He didn’t mind, because she was on his level.

“You’re useless.” She teased him.

Jett whimpered, pushing his cold wet nose against her arm. The normally rambunctious mutt had been extremely docile with Emily since she’d been home. He could tell she was hurt. She flipped her hand over and scratched his ear.

“Good boy,” she said with a sigh.

She laid there with him for a little while, not really having the energy to do much of anything. Once she realized she hadn’t reinjured herself she pulled herself up. She managed to get herself upright and was halfway into the living room when she heard the front door open.

“Em?” Ali called.

“Shit.” Emily uttered under her breath.

She knew Ali was going to freak out. She looked down at the blood seeping through her shirt. She pretty much had nowhere to run, so she kept moving towards the living room. Ali met her there. Before she could yell at Emily for being up on her crutches she saw the blood on her shirt. Her face blanched.

“It’s nothing.” Emily quickly assured her as she propped herself up on the couch.

“Nothing, my ass.” Ali was next to her in a heartbeat. She looked from the blood on Emily’s shirt to her wet hair that was covered in slimy dog water. “What the hell happened?”

“Jett and I went on that sledding trip. He will not be winning any awards for directions.” She tried to joke her way out of it.

Ali ignored her. Instead, she lifted Emily’s shirt to look at her soiled bandage.

“That’s not just a little drainage.” She peeled the tape back to look at Emily’s incision. The scab was red and angry. “What were you doing?” She gently put the tape back for the time being until she could replace the bandage. “And why is your hair wet?” Ali ran her hand through Emily’s long locks and then curled her lips down, “…and slobbery?” She plucked a stray piece of kibble out of her hair. “Did you fall?”

“Of course not.” Emily shook her head. “The floor and I just happened to have a minor disagreement.” Emily frowned. “And it attacked me out of nowhere.” She rubbed the back of her head, surprised she didn’t have a bump where she’d hit the counter.

“I knew this was going to happen.” Ali complained. “I knew you’d take on too much.” She shook her head, looking at her exhausted wife. She brushed her messy hair out of her face. “You are pushing yourself too hard, Emily.”

“I just got my crutch caught on something. It’s no big deal.” Emily shook her head. “I should go clean up before Lily gets home. I don’t want to upset her.” She sucked in a breath and pushed herself to her feet, momentarily forgetting about the obnoxious cast on her foot. She swayed and reached for the end table to steady herself.

“Jesus, slow down,” Ali said, standing beside her.

She grabbed Emily’s arm, not roughly, but firm enough that Emily felt her fingers digging in to her skin. It was the exact same spot and the exact same amount of pressure she’d felt when Grace had reached for her in the car. Suddenly, Emily’s vision went dark. She could hear Grace calling for her. She could hear the sounds of the car crunching against the ground. In her mind, she was trapped again. She was watching Grace die. She was frozen and couldn’t move. She could hear Ali talking to her, but she couldn’t hear what she was saying. Emily sucked in a breath.

“I have…I have to…” _get out of here._ She tried to finish her statement out loud, but her mouth wouldn’t form the words. Emily put weight on her injured foot again to try and walk forward.

“Hey, take it easy. You’re not supposed to be walking on your ankle yet.”

Emily threw her arms up, knocking Ali’s hands away.

“Ali, just back off.” She took a step back, breathing heavily. She almost fell backwards, but Ali grabbed her again.

“No.” Ali snapped back, not realizing that Emily was on the verge of a panic attack. “You can’t keep pushing…”

“Seriously, Alison,” Emily interrupted her, her breath quickening, “I need…I…need…give me some space. I can’t breathe here. I can’t…”

Ali immediately let go of Emily’s arm and looked at her. She had a look in her eyes like she was watching the walls closing in on her. Ali wasn’t sure what to do at first. Since when was Emily claustrophobic? Then it hit her. Of course Emily was panicking. She’d been stuck in a fucking sinking car two weeks ago.

“Em, I’m sorry,” she said, slowly reaching her hand out to her, careful not to crowd her. She just wanted to be close enough to her to make sure she didn’t fall and hit the ground. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s not your fault.” Emily took a breath to try and qualm her anxiety. She took a few minutes to breathe through it. “It’s fine.” Emily shook it off. “I just…sometimes I get flashes and I…it’s…” She licked her lips nervously. “It’s fine.” She repeated. “It’s going to happen from time to time.” She already sounded calmer. She glanced towards the stairs. “Can you help me get upstairs? I need to take a shower to get myself cleaned up.”

“Yeah. Of course.”

Once they got upstairs Ali gave Emily a little space. Emily covered her cast and hobbled into the shower. Her mother had gotten her a shower chair, but she didn’t want to use it. Instead, she leaned forward against the shower wall and let the water rush down her back. She had all of her weight on her good leg. The hot water felt good against her bones, but it stung the healing scab on her stomach and the cut on her leg. She took deep heaving breaths until she started to feel lightheaded.

Ali had been in the middle of changing for bed and had slipped into the bathroom to brush her teeth and she heard Emily fumbling around in the shower.

“Emily?” She timidly stepped forward. “Are you…are you okay in there?”

Emily didn’t answer, so Ali opened the shower door to check on her. She was still leaning forward against the wall, lost in thought, lost in her world that she’d been trying so hard to keep from crumbling.

“Hey, are you okay?” Ali repeated, thinking maybe she hadn’t heard her.

Emily glanced over her shoulder, her jaw clenched. She shook her head. Ali stood still for a moment, unsure of what to do. She wanted to climb in the shower next to her to be there for her, but she didn’t want to crowd her. She waited on Emily to prompt her. After a few seconds, Emily reached her hand out to her. Ali slipped her nightgown off and stepped in front of her. Emily carefully turned around, Ali helping her steady herself. Ali’s hands slid down to her waist and Emily placed her palms against the side of Ali’s neck. Their foreheads met and they both closed their eyes and sighed, letting the water drizzle over their bodies, their tears falling freely with the shower stream.

“We’ll get through this, baby,” Ali said quietly.

Emily nodded silently. They stayed there together holding one another until the hot water turned tepid. Both of them had gathered their emotions by the time Lily got home.

By that time, Emily was more concerned about her daughter than she was herself. Ali’s concerns about Lily hadn’t gone unnoticed. Emily knew Lily was suffering. She also knew that Lily didn’t like being cornered when it came to her emotions. So when she went to check on Lily she made sure to stop and knock on her door frame before she walked in on her.

“Hey, can I come in?” Emily asked.

Lily nodded.

Emily limped into the room on her crutches, setting them aside to sit down next to Lily on her bed.

“How are you doing, sweetie?”

“I’m fine,” Lily mumbled. She glanced at her and then looked at her crutches. “Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” she asked curiously. “Mom’s going to be mad.”

“Yeah, well, she’ll get over it.” Emily smiled. She wrapped her arm around Lily’s shoulder. “You know she only gets upset because she cares.”

“I know.” Lily glanced down at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact with her mother, because she was afraid she might cry if she looked at her.

“Did you have fun with your friends?”

“Yeah,” she replied quietly, still keeping her gaze fixed on the floor.

“Lily,” Emily said, her fingers hooking underneath her daughter’s chin. “You never have to hide what you’re feeling from me, honey.”

Lily still wouldn’t look at her. Emily sighed. She thought about what Ali had said about how Lily was burying everything inside.

“So, your mom and I were talking. And we think it might be a good idea if we went to see someone to talk about…” She couldn’t bring herself to say ‘Grace’s death’, so instead she just stuttered out, “…everything.”

Emily expected a fight, but Lily easily relented,

“Okay.”

There was a lag of silence in the room. Emily heard something in the hallway, and she was certain Ali was eavesdropping. She was right. She looked up and saw Ali around the corner of Lily’s door. She locked eyes with Emily for a split second, her fingers resting against the trim of the door. Emily sighed softly and then turned back to her daughter. She brushed her fingers against Lily’s cheek.

“You know we love you, right?”

Lily finally looked up at her, her eyes as expressive and bright as the day she was born. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Emily could read her like a book. The kid was every bit as exhausted as she was.

“I know, mom.”

“Your mother tells me you two have been bed-buddies lately.”

Lily just nodded in response.

“Just because I’m home doesn’t mean you have to sleep alone again. There’s plenty of room in our bed if you need to…”

“No, I’m okay.” Lily shook her head, interrupting her. For the first time, she showed a hint of emotion. “I just…I didn’t want mom sleeping alone. I…I knew she missed you.” Of course, she had needed her mother, but not as much as Ali needed her. She knew how hard it was for her moms to be apart.

Ali’s fingers tightened on the door frame and she swallowed a knot in her throat. She looked up, fighting back her tears. Her sweet little child. Her sweet thoughtful little girl.

Emily pulled her daughter in for a hug. Lily reached up and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her back.

“Well, if you change your mind our door is always open.”

“Except for when it’s closed. Then I’ll be sure to knock first.” Lily had a hint of a smile on her face.

Emily laughed, unable to stop the blood from rushing to her cheeks. She still couldn’t believe Lily had nearly caught her and Ali having sex. It was bound to happen eventually, but she was still flustered. She chuckled at Lily’s sass. Her stomach tensed, still sore from her fall earlier. Lily noticed. She sighed.

“I’m sorry you’re hurt, mom,” Lily said.

“I’ll get better.” Emily assured her.

“Grace won’t.” Lily muttered. Emily felt her emotions catch in her throat, but before she could respond Lily looked up at her sadly and added, “I wish the person who did this was the one who died.”

Emily wanted to tell Lily she felt the exact same way. She wanted to tell her that the person who hurt her sister would get what was coming to them. But instead she just hugged her.

“I know, baby.” She kissed the top of her head. “I know.”

Her eyes drifted out Lily’s window to the garage. She had a lot going through her mind, but one particularly dominating thought she couldn’t shake was the fact that it was probably a good thing that she wasn’t planning on pulling the guns out for a few weeks. She knew she needed to get her head on straight. But until then she was planning on lots of research and a bunch of phone calls. She was giving herself one month. Thirty days time. The cast wasn’t the only thing that would be coming off in a month. In thirty days, all bets were off.

She heard a motorcycle engine revving somewhere outside, completely unaware that the person on the bike was the very same person she was looking for. And that person was right outside their house, staring at it. The teddy bear had been a mistake. A huge mistake. Slip ups like that couldn’t happen anymore. Extra precautions had to be taken now. Emily and her family were being watched. The lurking intruder scratched at an old neck tattoo. A cigarette flickered in the dark night, burning down to its last embers. Once the fire had died out and the nicotine was gone, the person keeping an eye on the DiLaurentis-Fields women flicked the cigarette butt to the ground and then kicked the starter on the motorcycle, speeding off into the night without a care in the world.

The biker was unaware of the rage that Emily had building up inside. No one knew what she was truly capable of, and because she was being grossly underestimated, the tables would turn a mere month later. Their worlds were getting ready to clash, and only one of them was going to survive.


	12. The Darkest Night

Thirty days. It doesn’t sound like a long time, but it can be an eternity for people watching the clock impatiently waiting for something. Time only goes by in the blink of an eye if you remember to blink. Emily got into a staring contest with time and she was unyielding in her desire to win. So for her, that month felt like a century.

Everything around her seemed to move forward in rapid succession, but to her it was like hardly any time had gone by. Ali went back to work and Lily went back to school, though Emily could tell Lily wasn’t entirely mentally there. She did fine keeping up in her classes, but she’d lost the spark that made her Lily. She had no interest in the track team anymore. She dropped out of her writing club. She wasn’t interested in any of the after-school activities she had been jazzed about before Grace’s death. In fact, she was barely mentally present when she was in class, but she never said a word about it to either of her mothers. Ali and the rest of her teachers didn’t fail to notice how withdrawn she was. She refused to participate in class discussions anymore. When Ali tried to talk to her about it Lily just dismissed her, saying she was just tired or that she didn’t have anything to add to the lesson.

Emily and Ali suspected that their friends’ children were helping her to the best of their abilities. They did not know that they were going above and beyond for her. Levi punched a boy in his gym class in the head when the boy made a snide comment about Grace and the wreck. Levi warned him that if he ever opened his mouth again, especially around Lily that he’d do a lot more than just punch him in the head. When the boy came back at Levi, Kai intervened, backing the younger boy up. Aria and Ezra’s son was not known for fighting and violence, but he was very much an intimidating presence, so the other boy backed off immediately. Kai practically had to pull Levi away from the spat.

Harper volunteered herself to be Lily’s partner for a class assignment without Lily’s knowledge and then did all of the work and turned it in, earning them both very high marks in the class. Iris had followed Lily into the bathroom one day, sensing that something was amiss and found that she’d locked herself in a stall and was having a panic attack. Iris, prissy as she was, didn’t care about her designer threads as she crawled on the disgusting floor underneath the stall door to get to her. She had been able to talk Lily down within a matter of minutes.

When Lily would disappear and her friends couldn’t find her, Eli always knew where to look. He also knew when she needed to be left alone versus when she needed her friends, so he would gauge how she was feeling before he went looking. Sometimes he’d bring her a snack and leave her alone and other times he’d go sit with her. All in all, they were doing their best to look out for her.

Their parents were doing the same for Ali and Emily. Hanna and Aria stayed on top of all of the buzz surrounding their friends. Aria made sure to check in with her writing contacts every day to see if there was anything they needed to cut off before it got to the press. And Hanna was the driving force, seeing to it that any reporter who even dared to try and exploit her friends got a tongue lashing and the threat to never cover any of her big fashion events.

Still, the news loved a tragic story, and they loved spinning it in every possible way that they could. Rumors, of course, were abound. One particularly ugly rumor was that Emily had made up the fact that there even was another car, even though there was concrete proof that there was. The theory was that Emily was lying about it because she’d been distracted while driving and didn’t want to take responsibility for her daughter’s death. Aria had caught wind of it and immediately got Spencer involved. The two of them had gone in heated, like Thelma and Louise. Spencer had burst into the tabloid headquarters responsible and reamed the shit out of the entire building full of people. She slapped them with a lawsuit for slander and they quickly backed off of their sensationalist stories. The cease and desist surprisingly shut up the tabloids.

Emily toyed with the idea of going back to work, but after she sat through her first swim practice and jumped every time she heard a splash she realized it wasn’t a good idea. Everyone, even Emily, knew it was too soon. Ali told her to take her time. She knew Emily was pushing herself in all kinds of ways. She didn’t want her pushing herself in work, too.

Ali fell back into her routine at work, but on the side she was very much still fighting with the Rosewood Police Department about the fact that they weren’t doing enough to find the other driver. She asked Toby to see everything they had on the investigation. She made the comment that if the cops weren’t going to keep looking, then she certainly would. Toby assured her they were still looking, but that when a case ran cold there was only so much they could do. Ali spent nights obsessively looking through notes she’d been taking and the copies of police reports she was allowed to see. Then she would end up being irrationally angry about the fact that the police were right and they had nothing to go on.

Emily looked at the reports, too. But they didn’t help in her own search. She’d been talking to people under the radar and was on a totally different track than the cops. The authorities were on the wrong track, and Emily knew it. The only way to catch a criminal was to become one. And the more time that went by the more Emily realized she wanted the criminal responsible for wrecking her family all to herself.

So she watched everything unfold at an agonizingly slow pace. She watched it all, unblinking…biding her time. She waited. She planned. She let time go by, because that’s all she could do.

Then one night everything changed. That one blink of an eye, that one second where she closed her eyes, that one moment of being completely in the dark – and time flew. When she opened her eyes again everything was completely different. Not long after she was back on her feet she found herself knocked into oblivion. Time had gone by. Things had changed. But how had they changed this much? What had become of her? How had it come to this? How had she gotten here?

Emily looked down. She was covered in blood. _Again._ She was back on the ground. She blinked slowly, knowing that before she could even begin to understand how her life had come to this…she had to reflect on the circumstances that had led up to this moment. She held her hands up, staring at the blood coating her fingers and her palms and she found herself getting dizzy. She started to think about all the lost memories and all the tomorrows that she’d never get with her family.

“I’m sorry.” She choked out a sob.

At first she wasn’t sure who she was apologizing to, because she felt so jumbled up and so alone that she couldn’t remember who she was talking to. She couldn’t see anything. Everything was fading. Her world was fading. But then she remembered why she was apologizing. She was sorry because she’d caused this. She was sorry because she’d put her loved ones in danger. She was sorry because her family would never be the same again. And it was her fault.

“Please…” she heard herself mutter. She felt warm hands clasp hers. “I’m sorry…”

There was a loud crack and Emily felt something that felt like a bolt shoot through her body. She opened her eyes, but her world was completely dark. She was unable to hold back the scream she felt building up in her chest.

All she wanted to do was wake up from this nightmare. All she wanted was to be back with her wife and her girls. She tried to think about her life with Alison, Grace, and Lily. She tried to hold on to everything she loved. She pulled in another heavy breath and she screamed.

Then she closed her eyes.

And suddenly she was back at home. She jerked in bed, yelling Grace’s name. The noise scared the hell out of Ali, who had been asleep for the first time in a long time. Ali immediately knew what was happening. She rolled over and sat up, leaning over her wife. She quickly slipped her hand over Emily’s mouth to muffle her screams, afraid her cries might wake Lily. Emily didn’t usually scream this loud when she had her nightmares. She thrashed around and mumbled sometimes, but the piercing noises coming out of her sounded like she was being tortured. Her legs were stiff and her fingers were frantically scratching at the sheets like she was trying to pull something free. Ali got a sick feeling in her stomach. It was Grace. She was trying to pull Grace out of the water. Emily screamed against Ali’s hand again.

“Shhh, Em, hey, it’s okay.” Ali tried to wake her.

She could still hear Emily yelling Grace’s name against her palm. She could feel Emily’s tears rolling over her fingers. She was shaking so hard that the bed was creaking. She was drowning in sweat. Her shirt and the blankets were completely soaked with it. It was running down her cheeks and forehead into her hair. Her pillow was drenched, too.

“Wake up, honey.” Ali gently shook her shoulder with her free hand. “Wake up.”

Emily thrashed and yelped again, her screams being muffled by Ali’s palm. Ali felt a wave of emotions overtaking her, because she felt totally helpless. Emily had been suppressing everything. She had been extremely closed off the past several weeks. The only time Ali saw her letting her guard down was when she was asleep. And because she was holding everything in, her nightmares were horribly violent. Emily screamed against her hand again, jerking around underneath her.

“Emily…” Tears filled her eyes. She moved her free hand up from Emily’s shoulder to her neck. She could feel Emily’s pulse racing. “You’re having a nightmare. Come on, baby. Wake up.”

 _Please_. She begged in thought. The nightmares were just as hard on her as they were on Emily. Because she couldn’t help her. All she could do was watch her suffer, and when Emily suffered Ali felt it in her soul.

“Em, wake up.”

Emily finally stopped screaming, but her breathing was quick and ragged. Ali could see her chest moving up and down rapidly. She felt Emily blowing out heavy breaths through her nose, the air rushing up against Ali’s fingers of the hand that was still laid over her mouth. She felt Emily’s lips move underneath her palm and she cautiously moved her hand away, ready to cover her mouth if she started screaming again. But Emily’s voice was quiet and meek.

“I’m sorry, Grace,” Emily cried.

Ali felt her heart catch in her chest. She didn’t respond at first. She didn’t know how. But when Emily cried out again she quietly tried to shush her.

“It’s okay.” Ali put her palm on Emily’s cheek. She was burning up. She rubbed her thumb against Emily’s cheekbone. “It’s okay.”

“Ali…” Her eyes were still closed. Ali could tell she was still lost in the depths of her mind.

“I’m right here.” Ali rolled her thumb underneath Emily’s eye, wiping away a tear.

“I’m sorry, Alison,” she muttered. “It’s my fault.”

“No. No, it’s not…”

Emily sucked in a loud gasp. For a second Ali thought she might start screaming again. She gently pressed her palm over Emily’s lips, waiting for the cries to start again. Instead, Emily’s eyes popped open and she shot up in bed, nearly knocking Ali over. Her forehead almost smacked into Ali’s nose, but Ali quickly pulled back. She turned the lamp on, soft light flooding the room.

Emily brought her shaky hands up to her face and dragged her fingers down her sweaty skin. She panted heavily into the heels of her hands while she tried to get her bearings. Her gaze shot over to Ali as she lowered her hands. She could tell purely by the look on Ali’s face that whatever she’d been doing in her sleep had really shaken her up.

“What happened?” Emily leaned forward, swallowing hard. Her stomach felt tense and her throat and her chest hurt. “Was it bad?”

“You were screaming.” Ali put her hand on Emily’s arm. Both of them were trembling.

“Oh, God. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t wake Lily, did I?” She looked over at Ali.

“I don’t think so.” Ali shook her head. “I tried to keep you quiet.”

“Next time you have my permission to shove a pillow over my face, okay?” Emily sighed. Anything that would protect their daughter from her nightmares. It was enough that she was scaring the shit out of her wife with her night terrors.

Ali cringed thinking about the fact that there would probably actually be a ‘next time’, and it would probably be worse. Because Emily was still refusing to talk about anything. She was burying everything deep inside of herself. It worried Ali, because she knew her wife. She knew that Emily would rather die than let anyone know she was in pain. She knew that Emily would push herself past the point of exhaustion. And she was way past that at this point.

Emily sat up, her breaths still coming out quick and uneven. She hooked her hands behind her head at the bottom of her neck, feeling the heat and the sweat that had gathered at the base of her skull. She could feel her heart hammering against her chest. But she wasn’t worried about herself. This was typical for her. She knew how to handle her nightmares. She was more concerned about Ali. She could still hear Ali’s increased breathing pattern. She could see the fear in her wife’s eyes. Emily took Ali’s hands and gently pulled her towards her. She could feel the blonde shivering. Ali seemed to be the one out of it now.

“Hey,” Emily pulled her knees up and then rolled slightly to face her, bringing Ali closer to her body. “I…” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, don’t worry about it.” Ali quickly spit out, feeling herself suddenly jerked right back into reality with a vengeance. “All that matters is that you’re alright.” Ali realized for the first time that her heart was racing, too. She took a breath. “Are you?”

Emily didn’t respond. She ran her tongue over her chapped lips, tasting her own sweat. She could feel her pulse thumping wildly. It felt like her heart was in overdrive.

“Em?” Ali carefully put her palm against Emily’s neck. She moved slowly, so as not to startle her.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded, still a bit out of it. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She tried to shake her nerves off.

“You haven’t had one that bad in a while.” Ali grimaced, her fingers gently curling against the side of Emily’s neck. “Not since the hospital…”

Emily had pretty wicked nightmares, but usually she woke up before it escalated. She thought it was getting better, but she had setbacks from time to time. She’d been working through her feelings as best as she possibly could. They all had.

Emily had agreed to go to the family therapy sessions, as well as support groups with Ali and Lily. But she never participated. She had made it perfectly clear to the therapist that she wasn’t interested. She’d told the doctor she was there solely to support Ali and to encourage her daughter to go. Sadly, that age old saying ‘you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink’ had been molded into ‘you can lead a stubborn child to therapy, but you can’t make them talk’ to which had been brought to life by Lily.

Lily kept to herself during the therapy sessions and she didn’t care to participate in the support group chats either. Emily would catch her mindlessly sketching things or jotting down little notes in a secret language that only she and Grace knew the code to. Still, she wasn’t totally unresponsive. If someone addressed her directly she would stare at the ground and answer. But she spoke in short and concise sentences in the most emotionless and coldest tone of voice that her mothers had ever heard. They were really worried about her. Their thriving little girl was gone and they were afraid they were watching her wilt away.

Emily and Ali weren’t faring much better. Once the initial shock of everything wore off and Ali slowed down long enough to stop spending her every waking moment taking care of her wife and her daughter she started getting hit with bursts of intense feelings she couldn’t escape from. She cried in Emily’s arms all the time.

Some days she just wanted to fall to pieces and couldn’t pull herself out of bed. There were times that she would dig through Grace’s stuff until she found her perfume and she’d close her eyes and pretend she was still there, anything she could do to feel closer to her daughter. She thought a lot about the full feeling she had in her heart when she realized that Emily wanted to have a family with her and about how incredible it was near the end of her pregnancy when she could feel the girls’ every movement. She’d never forget the look on Emily’s face the first time Emily put her palm against Ali’s belly and felt the twins moving.

Ali reminisced about all of the moments she had with Grace and about all the moments she’d seen Lily and Emily share with Grace. The love she’d seen in Emily’s eyes the day their babies were born was a look that she could have frozen in time and stared at forever. But it was a look that haunted her now, because she knew how bad it hurt to love someone so much only to lose them. Emily had suffered through so many of those moments in her life, and Ali knew it broke off a piece of her heart every time.

The past month had tested all of them in ways they never thought they’d be tested. It had been a grueling couple of weeks. But Ali had taken it particularly harder than she ever thought she would. Because every time she saw Emily upset, it upset her. And right now, Emily was beyond upset. She was right back in that car with their daughter. She was awake, but her mind was still stuck in that night. Ali could see it in her eyes. Emily wasn’t just shaking on the outside. She was rattled to her core on the inside. She heard Emily shiver.

“You’re still shaking.” Ali ran her palm up and down Emily’s arm and delicately wrapped her fingers around her forearm.

Emily felt a stinging sensation in her left palm and when she looked down she realized she was pushing her fingernails into the soft flesh of her palm so aggressively that her hand was starting to bruise and ooze blood. Ali glanced down at the same time that Emily tried to wipe her sweaty bloody palm against her shirt. Ali took her hand.

“Em, honey, you need to take a minute to breathe.” Ali gently pried her hand open to take a look at the damage.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt.” Emily assured her. Sometimes she got so lost in thought she didn’t realize she was cutting into her own skin.

Ali furrowed her brow. The cuts were superficial, but she knew at the very least her hand needed to be cleaned and bandaged, at least for the night. She sighed.

“I’ll get the first aid kit.”

“No.” Emily pulled her hand away from Ali and glanced around the room. At least it was no longer spinning. “It’s fine. I’ve had deeper grazes and they were fine.” She closed her fingers around her palm. “I’ll just run my hand under some cold water.”

“Oh, sure. You’ll just run your bloody cut up hand under some cold water?” Ali scoffed. “Genius move, Doctor DiLaurentis-Fields.” She snapped. “You do realize that you almost died from an infection five weeks ago, right? You are _still_ on antibiotics.”

“I finished up the last round yesterday.” She glanced at her hand.

Ali was making a much bigger deal about this than normal, and she knew it was because she’d shaken her up with all of her emotional night terrors. She’d put Ali on edge, and she hated herself for it.

“Great, so you thought you’d see how long it would take to get the infection party started in your body the second the antibiotics wore off?”

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not a ‘party’.” Emily teased weakly, her hands still trembling. “I’d classify it as more of a low-key shindig. It’s very much BYOB-C.” She massaged the dents in her palm left by her nails. “Bring your own blood cells.”

“I know you think I’m overreacting…”

“I _know_ you are.”

“Am I?” Ali glared at her. “You basically spent two days in a coma and two days puking up everything you’d ever eaten in your entire life…which by the way, I didn’t know you liked kale and carrots so much.” She flippantly flicked her wrist. “You were in and out of consciousness. And when you _were_ conscious you were trying to strip out of your hospital gown and flash the staff…”

“I did not.” Emily rolled her eyes.

“Oohh, you did.” Ali argued. “Numerous times. And as endearing as it was to watch you popping your tits out for everyone to see, I don’t particularly want to see you back in the hospital.”

“But showing my boobs to everybody is okay?” Emily lifted her brow curiously.

“I’m not kidding, Em.” Ali frowned at her. “You have got to start taking better care of yourself. I’m worried about you.”

What else was new? Love, marriage, and motherhood had turned Ali so soft. But at her core, she was still as controlling, watchful, and demanding as she’d always been. Emily loved her. Her beautiful enigma. Emily took in a deep breath, forcing a smile on her face. She put her hand on top of Ali’s hand.

“I’m fine,” she said. She sat up. “I just need to get some air.”

Emily pushed the covers aside. They were heavy with her sweat. She swung her legs out against the side of the bed, a motion she’d taken for granted for so long. Now that her cast had come off, she had a whole new appreciation for all the little things she’d never really paid attention to before. That phrase ‘time heals all wounds’ had started to piss her off though, because while it was accurate when it came to physical ailments, it didn’t mean shit for what she was dealing with emotionally. Her physical injuries were healed. Her emotional injuries still throbbed and ached.

“Are you sure?” Ali asked. “And don’t bullshit me.”

“Ali, I’m good. I promise.”

She squeezed Ali’s hand softly to try and assure her that she was okay. She pushed her feet against the floor. She leaned over and raked her fingers over the top of her forehead into her tangled hair. She felt Ali place a hand on her back, her delicate fingers slowly sliding up to her left shoulder. After a few seconds Emily dropped her hands to her side and glanced over her shoulder to look at her wife.

“What about you?” Emily asked. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? I can…I can make you some tea or…”

“No. You’re sweet for offering.” Just the fact that Emily was thinking about her when she should be focusing on her own mental health was enough for Ali. “I’m alright. Just take care of yourself. Let me know if I can help.”

“You already have.” Emily reached around, putting her hand on top of Ali’s again. Her fingers felt like fire against Ali’s skin. She was radiating heat. “I’m going to check on Lily and then take a walk to cool down.”

She pushed herself to her feet. It felt so freeing for her not to be tied down with the cast on her ankle anymore.

“Hey, be careful,” Ali said.

Emily had been taking late night and early morning walks for as long as Ali could remember, but this was different, because Emily wasn’t at full capacity. She wasn’t herself, and she had _just_ gotten the okay from her physician to resume all of her normal activities, but what the doctor didn’t know about her was that ‘normal’ for Emily was basically hyper-speed Supergirl on steroids. Because Emily was a huge fitness buff. She’d push herself to extreme limits without so much as a second thought about her well-being. And she’d been especially active since Grace had died.

“I will,” Emily replied, leaning over to kiss her before she left. “Try to get some rest.”

She knew Ali had to be up in a few hours for work. She felt guilty that Ali was already back on the clock, but that she could barely even look at her coach uniform without cringing. Ali could see what was going on her mind.

“Don’t stress about it,” Ali said softly. “Everyone knows you’ll come back when you’re ready.”

Emily gave her an appreciative smile. She walked over to her dresser, grabbing a pair of pants, her phone, and her ankle brace. She leaned down to grab her running shoes and then walked out of the room. She stopped the second she got outside their door. She leaned against the wall and sucked in several deep breaths. Her entire body was shaking. She rubbed her face, her palms mixing tears with sweat. She grunted and bit into the heel of her hand, and for some reason that shook her back into reality. She felt a stinging sensation where her teeth had nearly broken skin throbbing uncomfortably for a few seconds. She rubbed her other hand against the bite marks and then walked down the hallway to check on her daughter.

Lily’s door was cracked, barely open, but Emily was able to see inside. She quietly moved the door forward an inch to get a better look. Lily was asleep in her bed. Jett was snuggled up next to her, his head resting on her stomach. He heard Emily, but didn’t move. His ears perked up and his eyes slowly found Emily’s. After a few seconds, he looked back at Lily, not budging an inch. It’s like he knew he might wake the sleeping child next to him if he moved.

Emily smiled. Adopting that dog was the best damn thing they had ever done. Jett closed his eyes and his nose twitched. Lily’s arm curled around him subconsciously and she scratched the back of his neck. Emily stayed completely still, not wanting to wake her. After a few seconds Lily stopped moving her arm. Emily watched her daughter breathing quietly as she slept. She found herself wondering if Lily was dreaming about her sister.

She felt a flash of heat course through her body as the night of the wreck played in her brain. She was burning up. She walked down the hallway, only stopping long enough to grab her keys. Seconds later she was outside. The frigid air shocked her senses back to reality. She closed her eyes and sucked in the cold air. It burned her throat and constricted her lungs, but she needed it. She needed it to get her out of her own headspace. She watched her heated breaths rise into the cold crisp evening air. It was somewhat hypnotizing to her.

She walked out to the garage, occasionally glancing back to make sure Ali hadn’t followed her or that someone else wasn’t watching her. She’d gotten increasingly paranoid since she’d gotten home. Part of it was residual from the wreck. It had been extremely difficult for her to adjust to being home and coming to terms with everything that had happened. Some nights she would wake up, semi-conscious, thinking that Grace was just out with her friends and that she’d be home in the morning. It would rattle her when she remembered the reality of the situation. She’d slip out of bed and sneak into the bathroom and cry.

She had several instances where her emotions got the better of her. She got anxious during thunderstorms because the lightning took her right back to the night of the wreck. Unexpected loud noises made her jump. Strange little things would give her flashbacks. It had been difficult for her to deal with at first, but after a while she didn’t cry anymore. Because it didn’t help. All it did was make her feel irritable and exhausted. So instead she found relief in working her feelings out physically.

She was beyond relieved when her cast came off three days earlier than she’d been expecting. Her first stop once she was finished at the hospital was the gym. She’d worked the heavy bag until her knuckles were throbbing. Her next stop had been the shooting range, though she didn’t go to her typical shooting range. She didn’t want to risk being seen by anyone who knew her. She ended up at some backwoods outdoor shooting range that wasn’t even remotely up to code, but it served its purpose. She found out she wasn’t as rusty with her dad’s guns as she thought.

She’d been planning on visiting Mona’s contact tomorrow when Ali was at work and Lily was at school, but she had energy to burn and she knew that the people she needed to talk to never slept. And she was tired of sitting around, tired of feeling helpless. She was tired of waiting on the police to do their jobs. She was tired of suffering while the person who had killed Grace was running free somewhere. So she grabbed a handgun from the safe, securing it in a holster. She stared at her dad’s military garb. All of the jackets were in pristine condition, except one that was missing his name badge. It was worn from all the times she’d slept in it after he died, because it still smelled like him. She grabbed it and slipped it on.

The jacket was a little oversized for her, but it was a perfect fit in terms of comfort. Her father had always made her feel brave. Wearing his jacket made her feel closer to him. She locked the safe and then made her way out of the neighborhood. She walked almost a mile and a half. She felt the tension in her ankle, but it didn’t slow her down. She continued walking until she got to the property of the man who owned the Bronco before it was stolen. It was dark and quiet. She stood atop a hill looking around at the vast land, trying to get in the mindset of the criminal who had boosted the SUV.

She shook her head and sighed. Who in their right mind would want to rip off a war vet with a sick wife? Was it someone who knew he was out of town? Did they just do it because he was an easy target? Was it just some idiot who was looking for a cheap thrill? Or was it more than that? Emily watched the property for nearly twenty minutes, looking for anything out of the ordinary. There was no movement, no light, and no sound…not even a dog barking. What kind of car enthusiast didn’t have a junkyard dog?

She walked away from the property, running her fingers along the holster and gun hidden beneath her dad’s jacket. She searched her pockets and pulled out her cell phone, calling herself a cab. Because despite how much she loved fresh air, she certainly couldn’t walk to her next destination.

Thirty-five minutes later she was staring at a little hole in the wall that looked like nothing more than a cheap dive-bar. But she knew it was more than that. And she knew it would still be open. She ran her fingers over the gun against her hip, mentally telling herself she could use it if she needed to. She just needed to know that it was there.

She knew that once she did this, there was no going back. She played with her wedding ring for a few seconds before she pulled it off and slid it into her pocket. She was going to be playing a dangerous game, and she didn’t need the other players going after her wife and child. Putting herself in harm’s way was one thing. But she refused to let something happen to her family. She’d lost Grace. She wasn’t about to lose Ali and Lily, too.

 _“Go to Lost Woods Pub and ask for Marco,”_ Mona had said. _“And Emily, be careful. Every single person in that place will be packing some serious heat. Don’t let your guard down for one second.”_

The cab driver had looked at her warily when he dropped her off. He’d asked her twice if she was at the right address. Emily paid him and then told him to have a good night. She glanced at her watch. It was nearly 3 AM. Any other business establishment would be closed, but she knew from its reputation and from talking to Mona that the people inside this front of a bar never slept. She stood outside for a few minutes, trying to work up the courage to walk in. She felt like the beginning of a bad joke:

_A school teacher and mother walks into a bar…_

Of course, the punchline was that it wasn’t a typical bar, and she was probably going to get her dumb ass killed. Rimshot, _Ba dum-tss._ Hell of a punchline.

She made sure the holster of her gun was unsnapped where her gun was safely concealed beneath her father’s jacket. Then she put her hand against the door. She could hear noise, the constant pounding of a loud beat. She didn’t hear much talking over the noise, which was probably the point of it. People couldn’t eavesdrop if they couldn’t hear the conversation.

Emily kept one hand close to her side piece as she slowly walked through the door. She took a moment to size up the room. There were several people strewn about, more than she thought she’d see at 3 AM. Were all these people here to commit crimes or were some of them just regular drunks?

There were two men on opposite ends of the bar. One was completely zonked out on the bar itself. She could smell the alcohol and the vomit and all the other not-so-sweet aromas wafting through the air. The guy at the other end of the bar was sipping a beer and chatting with the bartender. She noticed that the bartender, a gruff older looking man who managed to look both dirty and pristine, had his eyes on her, but not in a sense that a proprietor would have their eye on a customer. He was looking at her like she was a stray that didn’t belong.

She had planned to just sit around and listen tonight. See if she overheard anything interesting. She was looking for someone specific, but she had no clue who it was. Mona had only given her a name. She didn’t have a description of the man, because she’d never actually seen him. She’d kept most of her illegal transactions digital. No face time required.

Emily carefully surveyed her surroundings. A few of the booths had people in them. There was a drunk couple who had clearly been having sex somewhere like the back of a car or an alley…or both. Her clothes were all astray and her make-up was a complete wreck. The man with her had messy hair and his pants were bunched up and unzipped, something the girl was taking full advantage of. There was a crowd of men playing poker not far from where she was standing. They all peered at her in curiosity.

“You lost, mamasita?” A short guy at the poker table with a buzzcut and false teeth leered at her.

“No,” Emily replied curtly. “And I’m not your _mamasita_.”

She started to dig her fingernails into her palm again, but abruptly stopped herself. Now was not the time to panic. She kept her eye on the group of guys as she walked towards the rear of the establishment. She slipped into a booth and picked up a menu just to try and blend in. It was only when she glanced up from the menu that she realized it was making her stick out like a sore thumb. She tossed the menu aside and looked around the room, noticing that a middle-aged woman was working her way towards the table. She was wearing a ratty old apron and had a small pad with a pencil in her hand.

“Never seen you here before,” she looked at Emily suspiciously.

She had never been to such a seedy place and been the one that was the suspicious party. It was almost downright hysterical to her.

“What brings you in?” The woman, whose name tag said ‘Gina’ asked.

“A friend of mine says her buddy Marco runs the place.” She figured she would go right for it.

The name garnered the attention of almost everyone in the bar. Everyone except the drunk couple who were too busy sucking face to pay attention to everything that was going on. Even the wasted man at the end of the bar perked his head up. Two of the men playing poker stood up, trying to look like they were stretching, but Emily knew they were monitoring her.

“What do you know about Marco?” Gina dropped the writing pad to her side, sliding her pencil into her apron.

Emily was fairly certain the woman was brandishing a knife in her overgrown apron pockets, maybe even a small pistol. Mona wasn’t kidding about the violence in this place.

 _Don’t be a little bitch. Don’t be a little bitch._ She begged herself in thought.

“Just that he runs this place well,” Emily said with a nonchalant shrug. She cleared her throat. “What’s good on the menu?”

She picked up the menu, like absolutely nothing out of the ordinary was happening. The reality of the situation is that her heart was skipping so fast she thought she might pass out. Seconds later she could hear her pulse pounding in her head, because someone had turned the music volume way down.

“You didn’t come here for food.” One of the poker players walked up behind Gina. He was young and had a baby face, but his eyes were much older. The kid had seen some shit. The second man walked up behind the kid. He was bigger. Burlier.

“People like you don’t come around unless they’re looking for a lil somethin’-somethin’. What is it that you’re in to?” The second man, who was tall, brawny, and thick-necked questioned. He had a creepy seductive grin on his face.

“Excuse me?” Emily pushed herself to her feet. It was a power move. She didn’t like having so many people standing over her.

“You into military stuff?” The bigger guy asked, staring at her coat. “You like to be in control?”

 _Jesus Christ, Mona, did you send me into a male brothel?_ Emily thought to herself. Who the hell were these people?

“Back off,” Emily said calmly, not saying what she was really thinking in her head, _“Even if I was straight and we were the last two people on Earth I wouldn’t touch your nasty germ-riddled hooker dick with a ten foot pole, assuming I could even find the minuscule thing…”_

She shook her head. What a DiLaurentis thing to think. Ali had really rubbed off on her over the years.

“I got a pistol for you.” The man didn’t take no for an answer, and his friends didn’t try to stop him. “I’ll always stand at attention for you, General. Bang, bang baby.” He ran his hand up against her arm, feeling the fabric of the jacket with his fingers.

She wasn’t sure what made her snap. It could have been his insistent come-ons. It could have been the rage she was holding inside about losing Grace. It could have been the fact that she despised _anyone_ , especially sleazy people, touching her father’s things. It could have been that she couldn’t sleep without seeing Grace’s face, or at all, for that matter. It could have been because her wife was falling apart in front of her very eyes or that she was making her family’s life a hell they couldn’t escape from. It could have been the fact that she was just tired of dealing with people who thought it was okay to do whatever they wanted regardless of the consequences. Whatever the reason, she just snapped. She didn’t remember thinking about doing it. She just acted.

“Hey, don’t fucking touch me.” She pulled back and slammed her fist against the man’s jaw, the impact creating a loud cracking sound in the room.

He came back at her angrily. She saw him reaching for something under his shirt and she quickly pulled her gun out to meet his threat. She heard a bunch of motion around the bar and when she caught what was going on in her peripheral vision she felt a heavy weight in the pit of her stomach. The short guy with the buzzcut and the guy with the baby face were aiming their own handguns at her. And behind them Gina the waitress and the fourth poker player, who was now on his feet, were also pointing their weapons at her.

_Well, this was really fucking stupid, Emily. Shit! FUCK! SHIT!_

What had she been thinking?

“Fuck,” she muttered. So much for playing it cool. She was already in a goddamn bar brawl.

The tension in the air was extremely thick. The bar was totally quiet. A noise startled them all. There was a rustling sound, followed by a thud. The drunk couple was trying to get to their feet. All eyes were on them as they stumbled out of their booth and weaved out the door, laughing, as if this was a completely normal night out for them. The drunk at the end of the bar laid his head back down, unbothered.

Emily turned her attention back to the guns pointed at her. She waited for someone to move, but everyone was perfectly poised. Her eyes darted between the five guns aimed at her. For some reason, she wasn’t afraid. She held her own gun with a calm conviction, letting everyone who was aiming at her know that they could try to take her out if they wanted, but if they did she’d be taking at least one, probably two of them with her. She looked at the men and Gina, trying to size them up.

“I tried asking nicely.” Emily’s finger was firmly on the trigger, because God help her, if they fired at her she was going out guns ablazing. “Now which one of you motherfuckers is Marco?”

“Oh, you…you here for Marco?” Buzzcut asked, a smarmy smile on his face. “Hold up, lemme get him for you. Yo…” He turned around to the entire bar, “Marco!”

“Polo!” Everyone cheered back enthusiastically with jeering laughter.

“Sorry.” Buzzcut shrugged with a laugh. “Just us pollos loco here.”

“Cute.” Emily rolled her eyes.

“I think she likes me.” Buzzcut elbowed the bulky muscled guy.

“I get first dibs at her.” Bulky guy rubbed his chin where Emily’s hit was starting to leave a bruise. She wouldn’t dare show it, but her knuckles were throbbing in pain. It had been like punching a brick of cement.

“Touch me again and I’ll do a whole hell of a lot more than take a swing at you.” Emily aimed steadily at him.

“You’re not gonna shoot me, sweetheart.” Bulky guy snorted. She cringed hearing him call her that.

“Let’s find out.” Emily flipped the safety off.

She heard two other pistols make the same noise. Still, she wasn’t afraid. She should have been. But she wasn’t. After everything she’d been through, having an arsenal aimed at her was nothing. She’d already decided she would stop at nothing to find the person who killed Grace. She had a million thoughts running through her head, not a single one of them remotely helpful.

She was having a plethora of random thoughts, like whether or not she remembered to do the dishes and take the trash out after dinner. Then she thought about whether or not Ali was going to remarry after she got herself killed. She thought about what kind of funeral would be the most cost-effective for her family. Had she upped her life insurance lately? Then she started to try and predict what her daughter was going to do in the future. Since she was so artsy she’d probably end up in a creative field. Then she thought about why she was here, how she had ended up at this place. At what point had she decided to let it come to this? All this and more crossed through her mind in a mere matter of seconds. Before anyone could pull a trigger, an authoritative voice cut through the air. For a split second, it sounded like an officer of the law.

“Enough!” The bartender yelled, slamming down a plastic mug against the bar.

Everyone jerked to face him. Emily half expected him to have a gun, too. Instead, all he had was a stern look in his eyes, like he’d seen one too many of these petty violent acts. He walked out from behind the bar, making a beeline straight for Emily. She didn’t budge. She kept her gun aimed at the man who had been touching her.

“Manny, Bobby, ease up.” He stood beside Emily.

His gaze went from the baby face to the man still standing next to the poker table across the room. All the guns aside from Emily’s were immediately lowered.

“Gina, take this fucking moron to the back to get his lip cleaned up.” He motioned to the brawny handsy guy’s cut up face from where Emily had decked him. “And wash his goddamn mouth out with soap while you’re at it.” He smacked the brawny guy on the back of the head. “What the hell were you thinking, Frank? Your mother taught you better. You deserved more than just a fat lip for the way you were acting.”

Frank muttered like a scolded child as he walked away with Gina. The bartender turned to the baby face,

“Manny, go with Frank to make sure he doesn’t give Gina any shit.”

“Oh, he won’t.” Gina smirked. She looked like she could handle herself.

Manny followed them out of the room. The man by the poker table, Bobby, sat back down and calmly pulled out a newspaper and started thumbing through the pages.

“What the hell just happened?” Emily asked, lowering her gun.

The bartender didn’t say anything in response. He just motioned for Emily to follow him back to the bar. She kept one hand firmly on the handle of her gun, ready to use it again if she needed to.

“Carlo, get the lady a chair.” The bartender ordered the guy with the buzzcut.

“I’m fine,” Emily said.

“With all due respect, sweetheart, no one who finds themselves here in my bar at this time of night is fine.”

“Don’t call me sweetheart.” Emily grit through her teeth. Pet names were reserved for Alison and Alison only. She sized the man up. He was clearly in charge. “You must be Marco.”

“Call me Maurice.” He held his hand out to shake hers. “Maurice DeLancey. Pleasure.”

Emily shifted the gun to her less dominant hand and shook Maurice’s hand. When Emily didn’t introduce herself, he pushed for her to talk.

“And who might you be?” he asked.

“A friend of a friend.” Emily replied, shifting her gun back to her dominant hand.

“Why don’t you put that thing away before you hurt yourself?” He glanced at her gun.

“No, I think I’m good.” Emily shook her head.

Maurice didn’t seem the least bit intimidated. He looked at the rest of his guys, nodding his head. Carlo grabbed the drunk man sleeping at the end of the bar and hauled him to his feet and then they staggered out the door. Bobby, the newspaper-reading poker player folded his paper up and followed, leaving Emily and Maurice alone. It was silent for several minutes. Emily noticed that the music had been completely shut off. All she could hear was the buzzing of the neon signs scattered around the bar. Maurice grabbed a clean rag and scooped some ice from his ice machine into it and handed it to Emily for her to put it on her bruised knuckles.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, slowly lowering the gun on to the bar. She put the packed ice on her hand.

“So, what’s your story?” Maurice asked.

Emily felt her adrenaline coursing through her body and she felt her hands starting to shake. She tried to keep her nerves hidden from Maurice.

“I don’t have a story. I’ve got a goddamn Shakespearean novel. How long have you got?” Emily asked.

“Let’s start with who you are and why you’re looking for me.” He suggested. He glanced at the army jacket. “You military?”

“My dad was.”

“Me, too. Infantry. 48th.” Maurice pulled his shirt aside and showed her part of a tattoo with the insignia from his unit on it. “Thank him for his service.”

“I will the next time I visit his grave.” It came out a lot more uncaring and harsher than she’d meant for it to. She was still riding high on adrenaline. She flinched when she realized she had yet another grave in the cemetery to visit now.

“Sorry for your loss.” Maurice nodded in understanding.

Those words hit her harder than normal. She’d heard them so much in her life that they didn’t feel like real words anymore. However, it struck a very raw nerve in her because of Grace’s recent death. Maurice could see that she was going through something. He didn’t say anything. He just glanced at the bottles of liquor behind the bar.

“What’s your poison?” He motioned to his selection.

Emily glanced at the gun and shook her head.

“My life,” she muttered.

“What was that?” He asked as he turned back around.

“I’m not here for happy hour,” Emily said.

“Clearly,” he replied dryly. “It’s not the hour for that, nor would I call you _happy_.”

“You’re a real smartass.” Emily furrowed her brow.

“I know. It’s a real problem,” he replied caustically. “But you gotta have stones when you run a bar like mine. Gotta keep the boys in line.” He saw Emily grimace and then frown. “Sorry about them, by the way. They were just doing their job. Someone comes in here looking for me and they go on the offensive. It’s what they do.”

“They’re assholes.” Emily lifted the cold rag away from her knuckles and rubbed them. She could see bruises starting to form where she’d cold-cocked Frank.

“Not all of them. Frank and Carlo are little shits, but they do a hell of a job. Gina usually keeps them in line. And the rest of them are good boys.”

Emily looked up at him and started laughing, because she knew that she was dealing with people who were constantly skirting the law, and for someone to call criminal masterminds ‘good boys’ was just hilarious to her. Or she was delusional from her lack of sleep. Or maybe she had died in the crash and this was her hell.

“I was not aware that so many ‘good boys’ carried side pieces.” Emily smiled at Maurice.

He grinned back and then looked down at the gun.

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black, don’t you think?” He asked. “In fact, you pulled your piece out first.”

“Someone had to put your ‘good boy’ in his place.” Emily shrugged, picking up her gun again.

Maurice howled out a laugh.

“And what makes you think you have the right to come in here and start mouthing off to my guys?” Maurice lifted a single brow. “Who exactly sent you?”

Emily thought back to her conversation with Mona.

 _“Tell him you’re a friend of Ramona Waveland,”_ Mona had told Emily.

 _“Ramona Waveland? Seriously, Mona? What, did you just pop that in a ‘what’s my stripper name?’ generator and get that spit back at you?”_ Emily had sniggered.

_“It’s an anagram. I don’t like using my real name when I deal with them.”_

_“The name Ramona LITERALLY has the name ‘Mona’ in it. You could have gone a little more incognito, like…”_ Emily played with the letters in her head, _“…Amanda Worneval or Norma Lavedwana.”_

 _“I did not realize you were so well-versed in anagrams.”_ Mona had grumbled.

_“Been watching ‘Wheel of Fortune’ with my mom since I was three. I could have cooked you up a bunch of better names.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“You could have just used a fake name.”_

_“But that would have been less fun.”_ Mona had been able to hear Emily laughing on the other end of the line. _“Shut up, Emily!”_ She’d warned her again.

 _“Just call me Dilly Meefis.”_ Emily had snorted.

_“Would that be short for Dillhole?”_

_“You’re right, this is fun.”_ Emily had only half been teasing, because it wasn’t a _bad_ idea, and it was very classic Vanderwaal. _“I think I’m gonna be…Edie M. Fillsy.”_

 _“You are having way too much fun with this and that irritates me.”_ Mona had muttered.

_“You don’t like it when someone is smarter than you, do you?”_

_“I’ll let you know when I meet someone smarter than I am.”_

Mona always made her laugh, in her own twisted Mona way. Emily couldn’t help but smile when she said the name out loud to Maurice.

“I’m a friend of Ramona Waveland.”

“Ah, yes, how is Miss Vanderwaal?” Of course Maurice knew her real name. Emily pondered in thought whether or not Mona knew that Maurice knew.

“She’s out of the game,” Emily said firmly in a tone that said, _“drag her in to this and I will end you.”_

“Easy, killer.” Maurice frowned. “It was just a question.” He poured two shots. “Fuck, you’re wound tight.”

“Well, I did just have five guns pointed at me, so…”

“Six.” He corrected her.

“Excuse me?” Emily’s eyes lit up in surprise.

“My man Donnie in the booth by the bathroom.” He pointed to a man sitting in a secluded booth eating a large burger and reading a book on animal behavior. “You missed him.”

Holy shit. She had. She could have easily been killed before she even got her weapon out. Maurice could see her thinking about it. He shrugged it off.

“He’s easy to miss. We call him _Heart Attack_.”

“Why? Because of all that grease he’s eating?”

“Christ, you got a mouth.” Maurice snorted. “Nah, he sneaks up on you like a massive coronary.” He waved to Donnie. Donnie acknowledged him with a slight nod of the head. “Little tip, there’s always one more gat pointed at you than you can see.”

“Duly noted,” Emily said, not realizing that one day soon she’d be hearing his warning in her head.

“You’re not my normal clientele. Why are you in my bar?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I came for the top notch customer service,” Emily replied dryly.

“Listen, sweetheart, we can do this all night…”

“ _Don’t_ call me sweetheart.” Emily warned him again. She tightened her uninjured hand into a fist.

“Alright, a woman of business. I can respect that.” Maurice nodded. He pushed a shot glass over to Emily. “Did Mona tell you how this works?”

“She did.”

“Then you know my fees aren’t typical. We don’t run a contract for cash thing. You know what this means if you take this on?”

“I’m aware,” Emily replied, putting her gun down on the bar once more.

Maurice nodded in approval.

“What can I do for you?” he asked.

“Who runs your grand theft auto game?”

“Wow, getting right into it, aren’t you?” Maurice chuckled. “I like you.” He rubbed his goatee. “That’s not my division, but I could find out for you. What do you need to know?”

“Six weeks ago someone stole an SUV that was involved in a wreck…”

“Hold up, hold up.” Maurice put his hands up. “ _Hold up_. I _knew_ I recognized you.”

Emily sighed. So much for anonymity.

“Fuck, the shit you went through with your kid? I’d be out for vengeance, too.”

“It’s not about vengeance.” Emily quickly cut in. “It’s about justice.”

“Call it what you want. You want the fucker to pay.” Maurice shrugged.

“The cops aren’t going to find whoever did it.” Emily sighed. She loved Toby with all of her heart, but she also knew that he couldn’t do anything to solve this case, not with his boss tying his hands at every turn.

“You don’t want the 5-0 to find them, do you?” Maurice asked. “A part of you wants to be the person who catches them. That’s why you’re here.”

Emily didn’t answer, which was an answer in and of itself.

“You sure about this?” he questioned.

“Do you have kids, Maurice?” Emily asked.

He eyed her, suspicious of the question. After a few seconds he read her eyes, realizing there wasn’t anything malicious behind the tone. She was a hurting mother. Nothing more.

“Two.”

“How old?”

“My boy just graduated college. And my daughter just started law school, of all things.” He snickered.

“What would you do for them?” How far would any parent go for their child?

Maurice nodded. He understood exactly where she was coming from.

“I just want you to understand that if you do this, there’s no going back,” he explained.

“I won’t have anything to go back to if this doesn’t pan out.” Emily unconsciously sucked in her bottom lip.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re dark. Lighten up, sweetheart.”

“Call me sweetheart one more time.” Emily threatened.

For some reason the threat made him laugh. Both of their eyes slowly drifted towards the weapon on the bar. Maurice stared at it for a second and then he looked back at Emily.

“You know, this could very well get you killed.” Maurice warned her.

Emily glanced at the shot glass that had been placed in front of her. She ran her fingers over the rim of the glass and then picked it up.

“Been there.” She downed the alcohol in one fell swoop. “Done that.”

“It’s not going to be easy.”

“My life rarely is.” Emily shrugged. She sniffed, the alcohol still burning her throat. “The only thing I ask is that you keep my wife and daughter out of it.”

“I won’t breathe a word of this to my crew.” Maurice assured her. “And it’s not like they go looking anyway.”

Emily stared at the empty glass.

“And if something happens to me?” she questioned, eyes on the clear crystal glass in front of her.

“We take care of our own,” Maurice said. “Nothing will happen to your family. I assure you of that myself.”

“Then I guess we have a deal.” Emily slowly looked up, feeling slightly tipsy from the alcohol. She reached out to shake the man’s hand.

“I guess we do.” He took it after a few seconds.

 _Holy shit, what the fuck did I just do?_ Emily screamed at herself in thought.

Instead of vocalizing her fears out loud she calmly faced Maurice and asked,

“What do I owe you?” Emily glanced at the empty glass on the bar.

“It’s on the house,” Maurice replied. He slipped his hand underneath the bar and pulled out something and slapped it down on the bar. It was a prepaid burner phone. “I’ll text you as soon as I know something.” He slid the phone over to her. He glanced at the door. “I’ll call you a cab. Wouldn’t want your family waking up without you.”

Ten minutes later, a cab was parked on the curb and waiting to take her home. The ride home was a blur. Part of it was the alcohol.

 _You goddamn lightweight._ She scolded herself in thought.

She had the cabbie drop her off half a mile from her place. She didn’t want to risk anyone seeing her. She slunk into her garage when she got home, putting the gun and cell phone in the gun safe and hanging her father’s jacket up. She sat inside the garage for almost an hour. Everything was so surreal. She knew this was going to end badly for her, but she just didn’t care.

She finally slipped out of the garage as the morning sun started its ascent. She peered up at her bedroom window. The shades were closed. Ali was probably still asleep. She closed and locked the garage door behind her, walking towards the house. She was so preoccupied with making sure that she didn’t see movement coming from her bedroom window that she didn’t see the movement coming from Lily’s room. Ali may not have seen her come out of the garage. But Lily had.

By the time Emily walked by Lily’s bedroom, her daughter was back in her bed, her back to the door. She was pretending…very convincingly…that she was asleep. Emily paused in Lily’s doorway and sighed. Then she walked to her bathroom to brush her teeth to get the taste of alcohol out of her mouth. She wrapped her hand with the cuts from her fingernails in gauze so she could cover her bruised knuckles. When she finished she went to her bedroom and quietly slid into bed.

No sooner had she closed her eyes when she heard Ali softly weeping in her sleep. Most of her dreams consisted of losing both Grace and Emily. Her worst fear as a mother had been realized with the loss of her child. But her worst fear as a wife still haunted her dreams. She reached out for Emily in her unconsciousness.

“Emily…”

“You’re dreaming, Ali,” she replied, stroking Ali’s face, hating herself, because if it wasn’t for her Ali wouldn’t be having bad dreams.

“I need you, Emily,” she whispered, clinging to Emily. “Please don’t go.”

“I’m right here, Alison,” Emily said quietly, pulling her wife into her arms.

After a few minutes of laying in her embrace, Ali sleepily opened her eyes.

“Em?” She looked up at her and yawned. She saw the light of dawn breaking through the shades. “Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere.” Emily smiled, kissing the top of her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Though she knew that wasn’t exactly a promise she could keep. She swallowed hard. She hated lying to her. But she was not willing to risk Alison’s life. She had an idea of how things were going to play out. She knew that if something happened to her Ali would take care of Lily. And her friends would take care of Ali. But until then she was going to do everything she could to make sure her family was taken care of.


	13. Mounting Tensions

The first text came thirteen hours later. Emily had forwarded alerts from the burner phone to alert her cell phone to any new incoming messages. Before she'd left the bar Maurice had showed her how to make the forwarded messages look like a junk text message on her regular phone, so it couldn't be traced or tracked. It was just a way for her to know he'd texted without her having to risk carrying the burner phone around. Emily was impressed she'd remembered how to do it considering she was high on adrenaline and alcohol fumes when he told her what to do.

The alert popped up just as Ali and Emily were finishing up dinner. She tried not to appear too distracted, because she'd had such a good day with Ali that she didn't want to ruin it. Lily was with Hanna's family for the night, leaving the two of them alone for the first time since before Grace had died.

Emily had made Ali dinner and then they had curled up on the couch to catch up on their TV shows. Emily hadn't paid any attention whatsoever to the shows. She was vaguely aware of Ali laying her head against her chest. She had mindlessly rubbed Ali's back and played with her hair. It was a reflex, an automatic reaction. Holding and touching Ali was second nature to her. It was just part of her instincts. She didn't think that her mindlessness would come back to bite her in the ass, but when she was climbing next to Ali in bed later that night she was hit with a pop quiz.

"I can't believe we have to wait a whole week to find out what happens. I feel like the writers are trying to kill us with the anticipation. Stupid cliffhangers." Ali ranted.

"Definitely." Emily nodded, not really having anything at all to add to the conversation, because she had no clue what they had even watched tonight, much less what had happened.

Ali looked at Emily, her brow cocked. Something told her she wasn't paying attention. She tried to hide the growing smirk on her face, because she was about to give Emily hell. But in a fun way, of course.

"It kind of dragged at first, but you know, the dialogue is really sharp and the cast is all so good. And oh my God, that lead actress. There's just something about her."

"You think she's hot." Emily laughed, poking at her.

"Well, duh. Clearly. She's definitely alluring." Ali nodded. "But she's not as hot as you." She walked her fingers up Emily's arm.

"Oh, yeah?" Emily felt goosebumps popping up on her arm underneath Ali's touch.

"Mmhmm." Alison nodded. "I really like watching it with you because her relationship reminds me a lot of us. Don't you think?"

"Uh huh." Emily reached out, brushing Alison's face with her fingers.

"They're just so magnetic. The way they look at each other and smile at each other – their passion just radiates off the screen. The dance they've been doing since the first season is so… _erotic_." She moved closer to Emily, her lips ghosting over hers, teasing her. She couldn't wait to see if Emily caved and kissed her first.

She did. Emily felt Alison smile against her mouth. They held the kiss for a few seconds and then Alison pulled away.

"You are such a tease." Emily grinned, rolling her eyes, her hand landing on Alison's side.

"How about…for every answer you give me about the show tonight, I take off an article of clothing?"

"That should be easy enough. You're only wearing a gown and panties." Emily smiled eagerly.

Alison leaned close to her ear and whispered,

"I'm just wearing the gown, dear." She reached up and moved Emily's hand down to her exposed thigh.

Emily felt like jumping her right there. But she was also curious to see where Alison was going with this.

"Then let's get to it," Emily said, the anticipation nearly killing her.

"What was your favorite part of the episode?" Alison questioned, smirking, because she knew that Emily had no answer whatsoever, and it was going to drive her crazy that she couldn't just rip her gown off.

"Oh…uh…" Emily tried to think back to a scene, _any_ scene. But she'd been so wrapped up in thinking about that stupid text from Maurice that nothing she saw on TV registered in her brain.

"Would you like to phone a friend?" Alison asked.

"Please." Emily nodded with a seductive grin.

"And who might you want to play with?" Alison's lips were so close to Emily's that she could practically taste her.

"My very hot, very annoying wife."

" _Annoying_? You have another wife?" Alison drew in a fake surprised gasp. She laughed and leaned forward, placing a kiss against Emily's jaw. "You're lucky to have me. I'm about to give you all the answers you need to get to your grand prize." She lifted her brows.

"So what was your favorite part?" Emily questioned.

"I really liked the scene with all of them at the pool party where those drunk sorority girls puked in the urn with the cat's ashes. And then that heavy make out scene at the end with our girls. That got pretty steamy."

"Yeah, those were definitely the best. Final answer." Emily nodded.

And there it was. Alison slapped Emily's arm playfully and let out a boisterous laugh.

"You are so fucking busted. That didn't happen. I just made it up." She snorted. "You weren't paying any attention to it, were you?"

"Well, I was…too busy…um…looking at you?" Emily hadn't meant for it to come out as a question, but she hadn't been prepared to walk into Alison's trap.

"You are so full of shit." Alison chuckled. "If you didn't want to watch it we could have watched something else."

"No. It wasn't that at all." Emily shook her head, not wanting to crush Alison's adorable little fangirl dreams, because she really had become attached to the show. It was very cute and endearing. "I've just got a lot on my mind."

"What else is new?" Alison asked. "My active little over-thinker," she said with a sigh.

"Why you still love me, I'll never know." Emily lightly ran her fingers gently down Alison's jawline.

"Because you are the love of my life." Alison smiled sweetly at her. "For better or worse. Remember?"

Emily smiled. They leaned in to kiss one another. Emily pushed into it, one of her hands landing on Alison's jaw and the other softly sweeping the nape of her neck. Her nose brushed the side of Alison's nose. She felt Alison's elegant fingers tracing the outline of her hip bones, trying to pull her closer. They could both feel the burning heat pooling between their legs. Emily's thigh grazed Alison firmly between her legs. Both of them moaned, because neither were wearing undergarments, and feeling the effect they still had on one another was staggering. Emily rolled forward until Alison was on her back.

Alison slipped her hands underneath Emily's shirt, her fingers skimming Emily's sides, her thumbs stopping to massage the underside of her breasts. She pushed further up, lifting Emily's shirt and Emily sat up long enough to pull it off over her head. Alison smiled at her and pulled her own silk garment off. Emily leaned forward to kiss Alison's chest and then pushed her body down on top of her, their heated flesh connecting again. She used her left arm to hold herself above her wife as she kissed her way up and down Alison's body. Her lips and tongue felt like heaven to Alison. Silky and intoxicating. Soft and skilled. It was everything Alison loved about Emily. Alison's breaths started coming out quicker and heavier as Emily hit all the right spots. After fifteen years of being together they both knew exactly what the other liked. Emily nipped at Alison's neck and kissed her way up her jawline. Her lips landed on Alison's again and their bodies moved together in perfect rhythm.

Alison's fingers slipped along Emily's sides, her thumbs rolling against her abs. In her exploration of Emily's body her thumb hit the edge of the scar on the right side of Emily's abdomen where she'd been impaled in the car crash. The scar ran almost the entire length of her stomach in a slight diagonal fashion where the doctors had opened her up at the hospital to save her life. Alison gently traced her index finger along the length of the scar. Emily grunted and moved her free hand between them, putting her palm on top of Alison's hand, trying to push her fingers away from the marred skin.

"Don't." Alison whispered breathlessly, kissing the side of Emily's jaw. She knew Emily was self-conscious about it. She wanted to let her know that she loved every inch of her. "I love you," she breathed against her cheek. " _All_ of you." Scars and all.

She slipped her tongue against Emily's ear and Emily hissed in surprise and muttered her name. Alison smiled when she heard her name on Emily's lips. Emily reached down in between their joined bodies, her fingers rolling against Alison's breasts. Her hand danced along Alison's skin, slowly drifting lower. Alison gripped the back of Emily's neck to pull her closer. She exhaled a sharp hot breath against Emily's ear and pushed her hips up, connecting their cores, both throbbing with want. Emily grunted against her cheek and let out a shivering breath, trying to concentrate on not losing her balance as she kept her arm firmly in place next to Alison's body. Alison wrapped her thighs around Emily's legs, her feet pushing against Emily's calves, holding her there.

Emily nuzzled her nose against Alison's neck and gently nipped at the sensitive spot behind Alison's ear. She lowered her lips and sucked against Alison's pulse point. Alison lifted her head, moving her cheek against the pillow, giving Emily easier access. Emily's lips felt like magic against her skin. Her fingers felt like a professional pianist playing all the right notes. Emily dipped down to kiss her collar bone and then lightly nibbled her neck as her fingers massaged Alison between her thighs.

Alison moaned. She had needed Emily for weeks, so even though Emily took her time Alison wasn't able to hold out for very long. It was only six minutes later that Alison was chanting Emily's name while clenching around her fingers. She arched her back into Emily. She pushed her hips forward and squeezed her thighs together. Emily knew she was just seconds away from her release.

"I love you, Alison," she said, her lips brushing Alison's ear. She pulled back to look at her face.

The words, coupled with the look in Emily's eyes pushed Alison over the edge. She cried out as her body shuddered, pulsating and contracting like a giant fist opening and closing. Her jaw fell open and her eyes fluttered shut. She forced herself to open them back up, needing to see Emily's eyes on hers. Alison reached down between their bodies, grabbing Emily's wrist, holding it and her fingers in place as she pushed her upper body against Emily's, hungrily ravishing her mouth. The kiss was sloppy and uncoordinated, but neither one of them cared. They panted against one another. Alison pulled back just long enough to look into Emily's eyes and quietly huff out,

"I love you, too."

Then she pushed forward and kissed her again. She felt another wave of pleasure rocking her body and her jaw dropped as she let out a soft moan against Emily's mouth. She fell back against her pillow and groaned as she started to ride out the intense pleasure rolling over her. Emily's hand was moving again, Alison's fingers still wrapped around her wrist moving with her. Alison's body seized. Her breath caught in her throat. She jerked her hands up to grab Emily's shoulders, her right hand slick from the wetness from her dripping core.

"God, I've missed this," Alison panted, throwing her head back, her fingers gripping Emily's shoulders firmly. "I've missed _you_." She squeezed hard, unable to contain her ecstasy. She groaned again, biting the inside of her lip as Emily curled her fingers inside of her. "Em," she huffed, "Oh my God."

Her body jolted. She slid one of her hands up against the back of Emily's neck and tangled her fingers in her hair as she peaked again. Emily kissed her hard, letting her ride it out, swallowing her moans and cries of pleasure. When Emily pulled her lips away, Alison's mouth parted and she let out a satisfied sigh.

"Jesus, Em." The things that her wife did to her. No one had ever made her feel the way Emily made her feel. She dropped one of her hands next to her head as she tried to catch her breath. "Fuck."

"You need a break?" Emily teased with a laugh.

"Fuck you. We're just getting started." Her palm landed firmly against the nape of Emily's neck as she pulled her in for another kiss.

Alison felt Emily's fingers circling her already sensitive entrance again and she bucked against her. She buried her face against Emily's neck and bit down, making Emily jump in surprise. Alison sucked at the bite mark, gently nursing at it. After a few seconds she felt Emily's lips sliding down her body. She nipped at one of Alison's breasts in retaliation and Alison moaned out in surprise.

Emily grinned against Alison's bosom, licking, sucking, just driving her wild in general. Alison let Emily take the lead for a while, perfectly content to just have her body against Emily's. Once she finally regained control of her senses she started tracing her fingers along Emily's body again. She slid her hand down across Emily's hip, then her pelvis, her fingers slipping against the wet skin in between Emily's legs. Alison ran her hand through Emily's center, her fingers grazing Emily's tight bundle of nerves. Emily pushed against her harder, deepening their kiss, rubbing against her. She felt Alison's chest against hers, their breasts gently grazing against one another. She felt Alison's hardened nipples tickling her body and she shivered.

They got lost in their bodies motions. Their pants and moans and grunts echoed off of the walls. Emily pushed herself up slightly so she could get a better look at Alison beneath her. She felt the arm holding her up starting to burn from muscle fatigue, but she managed to stay upright as they moved together. Emily smiled down at Alison and Alison leaned up and grabbed Emily's face, capturing her lips. Their mouths danced together in sync, their tongues rolling against each other. Alison started drawing circles between Emily's legs with her thumb.

For the briefest moment Emily forgot about everything weighing her down. But her short-lived bliss ended the second a car drove by their house. The blast of the lights flickered behind the curtains. They barely registered to Alison, but Emily saw them and she completely froze. The flash of the headlights jerked her back into the car. She could hear the roaring water. She could see the flashes of lightning lighting up Grace's terrified face. She could hear Grace calling out for her. Her breathing picked up.

Emily's body seized. She couldn't move. She couldn't feel Alison's fingers dancing between her legs anymore. She couldn't feel the warmth and the moisture of Alison against her own fingers anymore. She felt like someone had reached into her chest and was squeezing her heart in a vise and it was getting ready to burst. A bolt of pain ripped through her head and down her spine. She held her breath so she wouldn't cry out.

"Em?" Alison noticed that Emily's motions had stopped.

Emily felt the arm holding her up starting to tighten. The hand next to Alison's head curled against the pillow tightly. She dug her fingernails into the feathery fabric. Her arm was shaking so much that Alison could feel the vibration it was creating against the bed. Emily couldn't move or breathe. Alison noticed immediately that the look on her face was not one of pleasure.

"What's wrong?" She pulled her hand out from in between Emily's legs and quickly put her palms against Emily's hips, steadying her, because she looked like she was about to collapse. "Were you not…did you not want me to…"

Emily managed to shake her head, though her tongue felt frozen in her mouth and she couldn't answer verbally. It was taking all of her strength to hold herself up on her arm. Her entire body started trembling. Alison reached up and cradled Emily's face, trying to get her to look at her.

"What is it?" Alison asked between breaths, trying to slow her own breathing.

When Emily made eye contact with her Alison knew exactly what was on her mind. But Emily did what she always did…she pushed it away for Alison's sake.

"Nothing…" Emily's voice caught in her throat, so her tone came out strained and husky. Alison caught on to it immediately. "It's nothing. It's okay. I'm good."

She slid her palm against Alison's inner thigh. Her fingers landed on Alison's center again as she leaned down to place a kiss between Alison's breasts. Alison could feel her pushing out a heavy breath through her nose, like she was trying to fight back a cry, her breath tickling Alison's skin. Emily slid further up Alison's body until her mouth landed on Alison's again. Alison could feel the difference in her kisses. She could feel Emily's shaky breath and trembling fingers. Her body was quivering, but it wasn't in a good way. She knew her wife's shivering had nothing to do with sexual tension. And as hard as it was to silence her libido, Alison suppressed her desire. Alison pulled her lips away from Emily's.

"Hey, stop." She reached down and gently locked her fingers around Emily's wrist and pulled her hand up towards her torso. She curled her fingers around Emily's hand and squeezed.

She wanted to keep going more than anything. They hadn't had time to themselves in months. But she also knew that right now, Emily needed _her_ more than she needed anything else, though Emily would never admit it out loud. Alison just knew. Emily did her best to hide her pain, but Alison could feel it. She'd learned to read her emotions over the years. She knew Emily. She moved some of Emily's messy sweat-covered hair out of her face with her other hand.

"You had a flash to the wreck, didn't you?" She could see that the color had drained from Emily's cheeks. She looked like she was about to pass out. "You know you don't have to hide them from me."

When Emily didn't answer Alison delicately pulled her hand away from Emily's and put her palm against Emily's neck. Her pulse was so fast that it felt like a hummingbird fluttering its wings underneath her touch. It was from more than just the sex.

"Jesus Christ, Em. Your heart is going a mile a minute." Alison's eyes widened. "How bad was it?"

Emily finally unfroze. She could see the concern in her wife's eyes. Her first instinct was to downplay it so Alison wouldn't worry.

"It's no big deal," Emily lied. "It was…it was just the lights. It's fine." But her heart was thumping so hard in her chest she thought it might explode.

"I saw your face, Emily." Alison called her bluff. She could see the tears in Emily's eyes. She knew that Emily's flashback was more than just headlights. She knew the look of pain and loss that was on her face. "You're not okay."

Emily glanced away from her. Her body was still tense. Her breathing was still uneven. Alison delicately pushed Emily's cheek to force her to face her.

"You don't…you don't have to tell me everything that happened, but at least tell me when you're hurting." She rubbed her palm against Emily's face. Emily leaned into her touch. "It's what I'm here for."

Emily sighed. She didn't deserve this woman. She slid her free hand away from Alison's stomach and up her arm and laced their fingers together. She leaned down, pressing a soft kiss against Alison's forehead, then she tilted her chin down until their foreheads met. Emily closed her eyes, taking a breath. She stayed there, unmoving for a few seconds, trying to catch her breath, trying to breathe in time with Alison beneath her. She could feel Alison's heated breath against her face. She could feel her warm moist body against hers. The warmth that she felt from Alison was more than just her body heat.

She opened her eyes to find Alison's sparkling sapphire orbs peering back into hers. Something about her gaze calmed her. Just like Alison herself, her eyes had once been an enigma to everyone around her. Everyone except Emily. Her eyes, believed at one time by everyone to be as bone-chillingly frigid as the blue ice found in the coldest of glaciers, had always been much warmer to Emily. Because while everyone else saw the tinge of an arctic chill, Emily saw a flame. And Emily knew that the hottest flames burned blue. And right now, those embers of flame were flickering with worry. She felt Alison's free hand stroking her face and it took everything inside of her to keep from completely losing it.

"I'm fucked up, Ali," she said quietly, kissing her forehead again before rolling off of her. "I'm just…I'm so fucked up." She fell against the bed, her head hitting her pillow.

"You're not." Alison leaned up against her elbow so she could look Emily in the eyes. "You're in pain." She swept some of Emily's hair behind her ear. "It's understandable."

Emily wanted to tell her that she was wrong. That she was more fucked up than she'd ever know, that she was working with criminals in an underground world that hadn't been part of their lives in over fifteen years. She wanted to tell her she was hauling her gun around in hopes of finding the person who had caused the wreck, and that she had gotten herself into some deep shit. She wanted to tell her that she very likely would be hurt or killed, because that world didn't come without a price.

But she couldn't say anything. Emily refused to pull her back into that world. Ali had lived that life for way too long when they were kids. When Ali was on the run back in high school she had gone through things that no one, let alone a kid, should have gone through. It had left her with scars, both emotional and physical, that had been healing for years. Emily refused to reopen those wounds.

All Emily had wanted to do since the wreck was talk to her. She had so much she needed to say. She had so much she needed to tell her. But she couldn't. Or wouldn't. Or both. She wanted to tell her that the reason she couldn't talk to her was because she was trying to protect her – to spare her from the constant loop of the wreck that went through her mind every second of every day.

She couldn't tell Ali what she'd witnessed that night. She couldn't tell her about watching the life drain out of Grace's eyes. She couldn't tell her about the water nearly sucking them down with the car or about how Grace's seat belt jammed or how they almost hadn't made it to the shore. She couldn't tell her that she was prepared to drown with Grace if she couldn't get her out or about how it felt to know her child was dying. She couldn't tell her that by the time they got out of the water Grace was already gone or that her body was limp and her lips were blue. She couldn't tell her the CPR could have worked if she could have stayed conscious just a little longer or about how she got Grace's pulse back for a fleeting moment. She couldn't tell her about how their child's mouth was filled with river water or about how cold her little cheeks had been and how helpless and tiny she had looked.

She couldn't tell her any of it. She knew it would break her. To an extent, it already had. She regretted telling Ali that she'd been stuck in the car that night, because ever since she'd told her, Ali looked at her like she might lose her at any moment, too. She didn't know how close to reality that was. She knew Ali would flip out if she got wind of what she was doing.

"I can see what this is doing to you," Alison said sadly, her fingers brushing against Emily's ear. "I just want to help you."

"You can't help me, Alison," Emily said, her voice stiff. She put her arm against her forehead. After a few seconds she pulled her arm away and pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. She hated herself. She wanted to let Alison help her. But she couldn't. "No one can help me."

"You don't know that unless you let someone try." Alison laid her palm against Emily's face. Both her hand and Emily's cheek were slick with sweat.

Emily could feel everything Alison was feeling solely from that one touch. She took in a shuddering breath. It was so hard to keep everything from her. They had shared everything since they'd had the girls. Since _before_ they'd had the girls. They had gotten to a point where they'd promised that they were done with secrets and lies. They were done with the obstacles that had kept them apart for so long. But this wasn't an obstacle. This was the damn Wall of China.

"You keep shutting down." Ali's voice was shaking. "You promised me you wouldn't push me away and that is _exactly_ what you're doing."

Emily wanted to scream, _"it's for your own good!"_ but all she could do was heave out a trembling breath.

"I'm trying here, Em." Ali sighed. She put her hand up in a gesture of surrender. "I really am. But you can't keep doing this. I can't sit back and watch you torture yourself over this."

Emily bit her lip. She clamped down so hard she almost drew blood.

"I'm working through it." By basically joining the Pennsylvania chapter of _The Sopranos_. But hey, some people grieved by crying. Others grieved by getting involved in criminal activity.

"You're not." Ali argued. "You keep saying that you are, but you're not. Don't bullshit me. I know you better than you know yourself. I won't watch you self-destruct."

"Can we just…not talk about this right now?" Emily asked.

"Not talking is _not_ working." Ali snapped, though it was more out of fear than it was out of anger. "You are holding on by a thread. Your nightmares are getting worse. I could barely get you out of the one you had last night. I thought you were going to have a heart attack." She sounded so afraid. It upset Emily to know what she was doing to her wife. "Your panic attacks are more frequent. You're so stressed that you're barely eating. You're constantly zoning out. You're beating the shit out of yourself at the gym." She motioned to the purple splotches decorating her knuckles.

Emily had told Ali her bruised knuckles were from working out the heavy bag at the gym. Technically Frank's face could be considered a heavy bag, so it wasn't a total lie. Ali grabbed Emily's hand, prying her fingers open to expose the crescent shaped bruises on her palm that had been left by her fingernails.

"You are hurting yourself and you don't even realize it." Ali frowned. "This is killing you. I know you don't want to talk to me, but you need to talk to someone."

Just the thought of bringing up what she'd witnessed that night made Emily sick to her stomach.

"What I need is for everyone to stop pushing me." Emily pulled her hand away from Ali. "Including you."

"I _have_ to push you." Ali sounded exasperated. "Because you can't see what this is doing to you. I _can_." She huffed in irritation. "I love you, Emily. But you are ridiculously idiotic sometimes."

Emily wanted to argue with her, but in light of recent events she basically had no argument. She'd gone off the deep end, and she knew it. The thing was…she just didn't care. The only thing she could think about was finding the other driver. It was the only thing that kept her from crawling into the pit of despair in her mind.

"What good is talking going to do?" Emily frowned. "It won't bring her back. Nothing can bring her back."

"It's not about going back. It's about moving forward. You can't do that unless you let it out, honey."

"I can't," Emily sighed.

"You can't or you won't?" Ali's tone was harsh and angry. She really was at her wit's end.

"It's not that simple and you know it," Emily said, locking her jaw for a few seconds, because she was on the verge of letting tears of anger spill down her cheeks. "I don't _want_ to talk about it. I don't _want_ to relive it…" She was already reliving it on a daily basis. Hell, she was reliving it on an _hourly_ basis.

"Emily…"

"I don't want a pep talk either. I'm not one of your students with some pissy little high school problem that you can just _advise_ me on. Just leave it alone." Emily cut her off.

Before Ali could argue anymore, Emily climbed out of bed. She grabbed her night shirt off of the floor in a huff. Ali sat up in bed as Emily walked towards their bedroom door.

"Hey, wha – where are you going?"

"I need to pee. Is that okay with you, or do we need to talk about it?" Emily hated herself for snapping at her. But she kept walking. She knew she was being unreasonable, but she couldn't stop herself.

Ali glared at her and then fell back against the bed, her head hitting the pillow with a firm 'plop'. She growled in aggravation. All she wanted to do was help her. Their marriage was becoming something she didn't recognize. _Emily_ was becoming someone she didn't recognize. And it scared her…and it pissed her off. She grabbed a pillow and put it over her face, biting down and grumbling out a low scream, a muffled 'god damn it' slipping out. She pulled the pillow away and muttered in irritation,

"I should have just kept my mouth shut and let her keep fucking me." She threw the pillow across the room in frustration.

Emily wasn't going to the bathroom. Instead, she stopped long enough to grab a pair of pants from the laundry room and then walked towards the front door. Jett was trailing along behind her, so she found his leash and slipped outside with him. She walked him for a few minutes, waiting for him to do his doggy business. Once he was finished she walked towards the garage.

She was almost at the door when Jett stopped suddenly after he heard a noise. The hackles on his back popped up. He lowered his head, his ears perked up, and he let out a rumbling growl. Emily spun around to survey the surroundings. She heard a rustling sound, but she didn't see anything at first glance. She fumbled with her keys, trying to keep her hand steady as she reached for the lock, constantly looking back and forth between the yard and the garage. She just needed to get inside and get to her weapons. Once she got the door open she practically had to pick Jett up and haul him inside. He was ready to fight the mysterious noise in the darkness.

Emily grabbed a gun from the safe and then cracked the door, ready to chase down whatever monster was waiting for her. She glanced at the house. She could see a dull light in her bedroom where Ali was probably sitting in bed and cursing the shit out of her, but she didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Everything looked like it was fine. Jett was still growling. Emily tried to shush him so she could try to track where the noise was coming from. It sounded like it was getting closer. Emily crouched down and took aim. Seconds later, a cat hopped out of the bushes. Jett snarled when he saw the movement.

"Really, Jett?" Emily breathed a sigh of relief. She lowered her gun. "Don't worry, buddy. I'll protect you from Garfield." She shut the door with a laugh.

If she had only listened for another two minutes she would have heard the soft footsteps of someone walking away. Emily didn't see the shadow slinking into the night. She was too busy securing her gun back in the safe and grabbing the burner phone she'd gotten from Maurice. She held the phone in her hand, her fingers hovering over the buttons. The phone was ancient compared to today's technology, though most burner phones were.

She stared at the message.

_"7 PM. Tomorrow. A car will pick you up at Fifth and West."_

Emily frowned at the phone. She'd made an obligation to go to a school play to see her friends' kids tomorrow at 8:30. She wondered if she'd have enough time to do both. She glanced at her dog.

"Being a suburban housewife _and_ a seedy criminal is almost impossible with this kind of scheduling. How did the _Mob Wives_ do it?" She looked at Jett for an answer.

Jett simply wagged his tail in response.

"Really? That's all you've got for me? No wise sage advice you can like…emit to me through your storytelling eyes? According to every sappy dog flick I've ever seen you're supposed to teach me the ways of life."

His tail started moving faster.

"As always, thank you for your contribution to this conversation." She smiled sarcastically, reaching down to pet him.

She texted Maurice back, asking if they could possibly do it an hour earlier. To her surprise, she got an immediate response.

"God, does he have a guy working a call center?" Emily muttered in surprise. He really did have a guy for everything.

_"6:00 it is."_

_"I'll be there."_ Emily replied.

She put the phone up and locked the safe. She took Jett back into the house. He shook his head and body like he was trying to shake off the outdoors and then sauntered into the kitchen. Emily heard him lapping up some water. She glanced towards the stairs and then sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. She hated it when she fought with Ali. She knew she was in the wrong on this one. She knew that Ali's fears and frustrations were valid. But she didn't know how to fix it. She stretched out on the couch, putting her arm behind her head. She stared at the ceiling.

She heard Jett walking into the room and seconds later she felt his wet slobbery mouth against her leg as he sniffed at her.

"You do that on purpose, don't you?" Emily glanced down at him.

He started to climb up on the couch with her, but she stopped him. She scratched his neck and looked upstairs. She knew at this point Ali was tossing and turning in frustration and hating the fact that she was in bed alone.

"Go to bed, Jett." Emily nodded her head towards the stairs.

He pulled away from Emily and trotted towards the stairs. It was one of the very few commands the dog actually knew and listened to. Ironically, they'd taught it to him completely by accident because they were constantly saying "I'm going to bed" when nighttime rolled around. She watched him disappear up the stairs. She knew he'd find Ali and climb next to her, so the bed wouldn't be so cold without her in it. Maybe at least one of them could get a good night's sleep. She curled up on the couch and tried to get some rest, though she was unsettled most of the night.

When Ali woke up the next morning she found her dog staring at her. He was more accurate than an alarm when it came to getting up. He knew when breakfast was. She sat up, realizing that Emily hadn't come back to bed last night. It didn't surprise her. When they argued Emily liked to take some time to reflect. Ali just hoped that Emily truly heard her concerns last night. It's not like she was pressuring her to get help solely because _she_ wanted her to. She just didn't like seeing Emily hurting herself. And she was worried that Lily was picking up on Emily's emotions, though she was damn good at hiding them. That was another one of her concerns. Ali could see how much pain Emily was in, but if that was just a fraction of what she was feeling…how bad was it?

Ali climbed out of bed and Jett started dancing around the room happily, because he knew he was going to get food. She followed him into the kitchen, looking for Emily along the way. She saw a blanket on the couch, where Emily had presumably slept, but she didn't see Emily anywhere. When she walked into the kitchen she found a fresh pot of coffee with a note attached to it.

_"Went for a jog. Be back soon. Sorry about last night. We'll figure it out. We always do. Love you. PS: Jett has already eaten. Don't fall for his dumb puppy act."_

She glanced at Jett.

"You almost had me fooled." Ali smiled at the dog. He looked at his bowl eagerly. "No, sir. No second breakfasts for you. You may have big furry feet, but you are not a hobbit." She reached into his treat bowl and offered him a few dog biscuits instead.

She poured herself a cup of coffee and was getting ready to take a sip when the doorbell rang. Jett made a beeline for the door and Ali followed. She was reaching for the doorknob when she saw the latch turn and the door crack. She opened the door the rest of the way and saw Pam pulling her key out of the lock.

"Remembered my key this time." Pam smiled.

It took a minute for her to register why Pam was there. But when Ali looked down and saw a covered dish in Pam's hand she remembered that a few days ago she'd made plans for Pam to come over and have brunch with her and Emily. She glanced in the kitchen, where they basically had nothing but cereal, stale bread, and leftover Chicken Parmesan. Then she remembered she looked a mess, she was covered in dog hair, and she probably smelled like sex and frustration. Pam saw the look on her face and realized something was wrong.

"Oh my God, Pam. I'm so sorry. I totally forgot." She immediately spit out an apology, glancing towards the kitchen, completely frazzled. "Just give me a few minutes. I'll call Emily and see if she'll grab a few things from the store."

"Oh, don't go to all that trouble." Pam shifted the dish in her hand. "It's okay. These things happen. Don't worry about it."

They walked into the kitchen and Pam put the dish down on the counter. Jett lifted his nose and sniffed it.

"Don't you even think about it." Pam glared at him.

He immediately lowered his head with a guilty look plastered on his face. Ali couldn't help but laugh. Pam's mothering even got to the dog.

"So, Emily is out?" Pam looked around the house. She hadn't missed the blanket on the couch or the note next to the coffee maker.

"Yeah."

"Is everything okay?"

Ali saw her glancing at the note and she sighed.

"Yeah. Yeah, we're fine," Ali said, tracing her fingers across the note. "We just both miss her."

"We all do." Pam sighed. "How are you doing, dear?"

"It's tough. You know. Lily and Emily are both still struggling. I don't think either of them are doing very well."

"I didn't ask about them." Pam put her palm against Ali's arm. "I asked about _you_."

Pam knew Emily was distraught. She knew Lily was beside herself. But she also knew that Ali was struggling, too. And while she knew that Emily was taking care of her, she also knew that Ali was a lot like her when it came to dealing with her emotions. They both felt the need to focus on the people closest to them so they could have a sense of control over their own feelings.

"Honestly? I'm more concerned with Emily than I am myself. I do have my bad days." Ali didn't lie. "Sometimes it's hard for me to get out of bed. But Emily doesn't just have bad days. It's ongoing for her. Last night I tried to talk to her about getting help for her anxiety." Ali picked up the note. "It did not end well. She…I don't know. She just…"

"Shuts down." Pam nodded in understanding. She knew her daughter well.

"I can't reach her." Ali sighed, turning around to face Pam. "I don't know what to do. I feel like I lost them both that night." Ali bit back tears.

Pam's eyes were watering, feeling the loss just as deeply. She could see the struggle behind Ali's eyes. She knew what it was like to watch a spouse suffer and be unable to do anything about it. She knew this was hard on Ali. It was hard on her, too. Because her daughter was in pain and she couldn't take it away. She put her hand on Ali's face, gently cupping her cheek. After a few seconds she pulled Ali in for a hug.

"You both just need time." Pam pulled back.

"That's what Emily says." Ali wiped away a tear that had spilled down her cheek.

"And she means that." Pam tried to assure her.

"She won't talk to me. Why won't she talk to me?"

"Sweetheart, she probably doesn't want to put you through any more pain," Pam said, remembering Emily's words in the hospital about not wanting Ali to know what she watched Grace go through. Emily hadn't told her the details of the crash either. To her knowledge she hadn't told anyone. She only knew that Emily did watch her daughter die in front of her, and she felt responsible. She probably always would. "You know how Emily is…"

"She's going to internalize until this kills her. I have to do _something_. I can't watch that happen."

"I don't think you have much of a choice." There was no instruction manual on how to deal with the loss of a child. "You know as well as I do that when she sets her mind to something that there is nothing that can be said or done to make her change her mind." She frowned. "She is _just_ like her father." She shook her head. "You have to let her come to terms with what happened to Grace in her own way. Because as much as we are grieving for her, we have no idea what Emily went through that night. And she doesn't process the way that you or I or anyone else does."

"This is just so hard." Ali grimaced.

"I know." Pam nodded. "But she loves you. Just remember that."

Ali nodded. She smiled. She was so glad she had Pam to talk to. When it came to Emily, she could just converse with her on a level that they both understood. Because Pam understood her daughter in a way that no one else did, not even their friends. Pam had come so far from who she had once been. They all had.

That was something that Emily was considering at that very moment. She felt like an entirely different person than she'd been six weeks ago. But she couldn't go back even if she wanted to. She didn't know how. She was lost within herself. The only thing she could sense clearly was her desire to get answers about the night of the crash. She thought if she was able to do that then she could put her feelings to rest.

She tried to let herself get lost in nature around her. She listened to the sound of her feet hitting the ground. She was pacing herself to the beat of the music coming from her earbuds. She could hear her breaths coming out at a steady pace. It was something she didn't even have to think about. It was so strange how people didn't have to remember to breathe…or blink. The brain just did it and people didn't have to even give it a second thought.

Exercise was one of the few things that cleared her mind completely. It was one of the only things that made her feel focused. Exercising and target practice with her guns put her mind into a calm state of tranquility.

She slowed her pace to catch her breath. She could feel the muscles in her ankle both tightening and loosening. A new bruise on her shin that she'd gotten after she fell off of the couch last night after she'd had a nightmare was pulsing below her skin. She checked her heart rate and then took off jogging again. She didn't see the shifty pair of eyes watching her as she ran.

She spent the rest of her day waiting for the clock to strike six. The day was a bit of a blur, because she hadn't slept much. Of course, that wasn't anything new. Sleepwalking through her days was second nature to her. The time went by quickly once she stopped watching the clock. It was only later that evening that she realized the day had gone by without her realizing it.

"You don't have to do this." A voice startled her out of her trance.

When she didn't respond, she felt someone poking at her.

"Did you hear me?" Hanna asked, sitting down on the couch next to her. "No one would blame you if you skipped out. I mean, it's a high school production of _Peter Pan_."

Emily had swung by Hanna's house to drop off some clothes that Iris had left at their house a few weeks ago.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss Levi's and Fiona's big debut." Emily smiled.

Levi was playing Michael Darling and Fiona was playing Mrs. Darling. Fiona got a kick out of it, because she loved bossing Levi around on stage. And he had to listen. Harper was stage managing, which meant she got to boss them _both_ around. It was really hilarious to see. All the kids were already at the school for pre-production.

"Damn, I was hoping you'd give me an excuse to skip it." Hanna muttered. "Spencer and I were hoping you'd have like…a mental break or something and we could bail."

"Nice, Han." Emily rolled her eyes.

"I didn't mean anything by it." Hanna responded. "I just meant that…" She drifted off. "I just meant that I'd rather be taking care of mental patients than sit through this." She groaned. "Can you just fake a psychotic break? For us?"

"You'd bail on your own kid's theater performance?" Emily snorted out a laugh.

"I've heard him sing 'I'm Flying' three thousand times. Trust me, I've seen it."

"Didn't you help with costuming?" Emily asked. "Don't you want to see your handiwork on stage?"

"Again, seen it. I came, I saw, I dressed." She shrugged. "I've got to give you props. You're a true friend for coming out to see this."

"Hey, you came out to see Grace as a singing puppy in _One Hundred and One Dalmatians_."

"Oh, yeah." Hanna laughed. "God, we were so wasted. Spencer was so pissed at us for sneaking in that flask until fifteen minutes into the first act and then she was begging for it."

"Didn't Harper go off-script and upstage the kid playing Cruella De Vil?" Emily asked.

"She pushed that poor girl into the pit." Hanna was laughing so hard she was starting to get tears in her eyes. "Then Fiona tried to pull her back to her mark and they both got caught in the curtains and knocked over half the set. And then some kid's tail got ripped off and two of the puppies started crying. That whole thing was just a disaster."

"It was cute though." Emily smiled. "A cute disaster."

None of the mishaps had fazed her outgoing child in the least. Grace had stood in the middle of the disaster just singing her little heart out. She had actually been cast in _Peter Pan_ before the wreck. It made Emily sad to know that she wouldn't ever get to see her on stage again.

"Yeah." Hanna's smile faded. She looked like she had something important to say. "You know they're planning on doing a dedication to Grace at the end, right?"

"I know. The drama department talked to me and Alison about it. They needed a couple of pictures for the memorial."

"Look, I know you've said a million times that you don't want to talk about it, but I'd feel like a shit friend if I didn't ask…how are you?"

"Nights are hard." Emily sighed, absentmindedly rubbing at the bruise on her shin. Fortunately she'd woken herself up before it got too bad, but she'd still rolled off of the couch and slammed her leg into the coffee table.

"You still having bad dreams?"

Emily looked at Hanna with her brow cocked, knowing she already knew the answer.

"Come on, I know you and Ali talk. I'm not an idiot."

"She says the nightmares are really bad, Em. And I know she's not being dramatic, because I practically had to pull it out of her. Besides, I know _you_. You do more than just run away. You disappear completely. And I know what it does to you. I remember what it did to you after Ali disappeared and after Maya died."

Emily cringed. She kept that part of her life buried so deep that it took an industrial sized drill and a backhoe to get to those memories. She didn't particularly like thinking about it. Those instances had made her who she was, and that was that. She didn't feel the need to revisit them. Her friends usually didn't either. They'd all had their own similar tragic experiences that they just accepted as part of who they were. It was a little surprising to her that Hanna was bringing their past up, but at the same time it wasn't shocking. Hanna had never shied away from the hard-hitting stuff.

"Look, you know I love you, but you are a total mule," Hanna said.

Emily looked at Hanna in confusion.

"What?"

"You are so stubborn that you make donkeys and oxen look like well-trained dancing poodles."

"Wait. Did you just call me a jackass?" Emily couldn't help but smirk.

"No, I called you a stubborn jackass." Hanna corrected her, making no apologies. "You bottle everything up. You always have. Things happen, and instead of dealing with them you distract yourself by any means necessary. I mean, hell, after the dollhouse you took on the responsibility for Sara, someone you didn't even know, so you didn't have to deal with what _you_ were feeling. You exhausted yourself looking after that girl while you were basically letting your own pain eat away at you."

Emily hadn't thought about her time in captivity when they had been taken hostage in quite some time. She shuddered thinking about the days and nights they'd spent underground, thinking they might never see their families again. She swallowed a knot in her throat.

"That was different." Emily frowned.

"How?" Hanna challenged.

"Because this isn't high school, Hanna."

"I know." Hanna put her hand on top of Emily's. "And that's exactly what worries me. The shit that we went through in high school is nothing compared to what you're dealing with now. You almost killed yourself _then_. I don't even want to consider what you're dealing with now. I mean, I know you 'do you' when these things happen. I understand that. Believe me, I do. After I lost Olivia I didn't want to face it, much less deal with it. But if there's one thing I learned from that it's that things like this…you can't hold them inside. Especially not you, Em. Because you, being _you,_ you're going to let things build to a point where it basically destroys you. And I'm afraid you won't come back from it this time. I don't want to see that happen."

She sounded exactly like Ali. Everyone she knew was saying the same thing. And she heard them. She knew they were right. But she didn't know how to accept it.

"Okay." Emily nodded. "I hear you."

"Don't do anything stupid, okay?" Hanna smiled half-heartedly.

Emily's phone went off, her alarm bleating at her to remind her about her six o'clock meeting.

 _Too late._ Emily thought to herself as she pulled her phone out.

"I've got to go, Han." Emily glanced at the screen and stood up. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"I'll bring the flask." Hanna nodded.

Emily chuckled as she walked out of Hanna's house. She drove herself home, knowing that Ali was still at the police station giving the cops their daily reminder that they were doing a piss-poor job of handling the case. Ali had hitched a ride with Toby and Lorenzo to the station, something that was becoming somewhat of a common occurrence. She spent a lot of her time going over evidence with Toby, something his boss frowned upon because he didn't like civilians becoming too involved. Ali once overheard him call her a civilian and she lit his ass up like a Christmas tree, going on and on about how she'd spent more time in high school doing detective work than the entire police force had done in decades.

Emily may have been the one throwing herself into a dangerous situation with Maurice and his crew, but Ali was playing with fire threatening the cops. Pissing off cops was way more risky than anything Emily could ever even dream of doing. The Police Chief knew she was just taking her rage out on the department because she couldn't take her rage out on anyone else. He had actually been pretty graceful about the whole thing. Emily was just glad that Toby was there to defuse the situation. Though sometimes Toby just let her rant for the hell of it.

Emily pulled in the driveway and quickly slipped into the garage to grab her gun. She made sure it was loaded and then she locked the garage back up. She looked around to make sure none of the neighbors were out. What she should have done was checked the shadows. Because looming in the woods behind her house, the same lurker who had been in her yard last night was back. Watching. Waiting.

Emily walked half a mile and then turned down a street going in the opposite direction of her house. She called a cab and ten minutes later she was on her way. She had the cab drop her off on the corner where she was supposed to be picked up, feeling particularly like a hooker because of the part of town she was in. She kept thinking that a cop car was going to drive by and mistake her for a dime store ho and haul her into the station. But when six rolled around, a nondescript car pulled up to the curb. She waited for a second before she walked up to it. When she finally got the courage to move forward she saw the passenger's side window coming down. Carlo's grinning face was staring back at her.

"Hey _mama_." He waved.

She glanced past Carlo and saw Frank in the driver's seat.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me._

Great. The two morons she had the biggest issue with.

_Seriously, Maurice? What did I do to piss you off?_

She stared at the two men for a few seconds.

"Hey, we're losing daylight here. Get your ass in the car, _Million Dollar Baby_." Frank rubbed his jaw, which was bruised, and frowned at her.

Emily rolled her eyes and climbed in the back seat. She silently cursed Maurice's name as they drove down the road. Surprisingly, Frank and Carlo kept the inappropriate comments to a minimum. Unlike the night at the bar, they were all business now. Frank slowed the car to a crawl, pulling up outside a small broken down establishment. Frank put the car in park and turned around.

"You're up." He reached in between the seats and pulled out a manila envelope and handed it to her. "You know how this goes?"

"Maurice explained it." Emily nodded.

"Good," Frank said. "Once you get in ask for John."

"If that's code for him being some kind of pimp, I swear…"

"Nah. We don't play that game. He's just a dude." Frank interrupted her.

"Fine. Does he have a last name? John is a fairly common name."

"Yeah. Smith." Carlo snorted.

Emily glared at him. God, he was such an asshole. He made Frank look much better by comparison.

"Just give them the name. He'll give you a package. Then we'll head back to Maurice and you'll get the info you're looking for," Frank replied.

" _Package_ better not be code for some male phallus bullshit."

"Just get in and get out. The longer you're in there the more you're at risk."

"Like you care?" Emily scoffed.

"Listen, we got off on the wrong foot…" Frank frowned.

"You tried to feel me up and then pulled a gun on me." Emily scowled at him.

"You punched me." Frank shrugged.

"I don't regret it."

"Really? How is your hand?" He nodded towards the bruises on her knuckles.

"I don't know. How's your face?"

"You got anger issues." Frank shook his head with a laugh.

"And you're a dick."

"Glad we're on the same page." Frank rolled his eyes. "Just make sure you get your ass out alive, capiche? Anything goes wrong, just get back here and we'll handle it."

Emily was more than happy to get out of the car, but her tune suddenly changed when she walked into the washed out old pub and had all eyes on her. Her hand was centimeters away from her concealed weapon every step of the way. Fortunately, John was a lot less aggressive than she expected. In fact, he was downright pleasant compared to the douchebags sitting out in the car waiting on her. When she finished talking to John she scurried out of the bar, barely registering the faces looking back at her.

But there was one person in the crowd who was keeping a watchful eye on her. It was the same person who had been watching her since the day of the wreck. It was the same person who had been hiding in the shadows, following every news story, curtailing every possible lead the police had. It was the same person who had been kicking up motorcycle dust outside her home and had been snarled at by Jett just last night. And when Emily left, that person followed her, slinking in the shadows, following her all the way back to Maurice's place.

Emily felt more at home than she cared to admit when she walked into the bar. Gina nodded at her from across the room. She was tending to a group of rambunctious frat boys. Emily was certain Gina would get the better of them. She saw Manny sipping a beer at the end of the bar and Donnie in his regular booth reading a book on finances. They both glanced at her when she walked in. Emily paced over to the bar, eager to finish tonight's business so she could go watch a bunch of innocent kids trounce around a mediocre stage and happily sing along to a motion picture soundtrack. Then she realized how far away those two things were from one another on the scale of life and she shook her head. God, her life was so fucked.

She slapped the package down on the bar.

"Nice job." Maurice nodded, tossing a dirty glass into a bucket. He reached for the envelope, but Emily slapped her hand against it. "What, you don't trust me?"

"I don't even know you." Emily held his gaze.

"You know enough or else you wouldn't be here." Maurice challenged. "My word is good."

"Tell me the two words I want to hear. I want a name." Emily kept her hand against the package.

"Listen, I know you're on edge here, but you gotta relax and let me do what I do. We'll get the son of a bitch who killed your daughter. But there's a particular way this scene is run. We gotta play the game. That's how this works. Quid Pro Quo."

After a few seconds, Emily moved her hand away from what he was reaching for. She glanced back at Frank and Carlo. They were clinking glasses and toasting to something. Maurice's gaze drifted over to them.

"They behave themselves?" He asked.

"Depends. Do monkeys toss their own shit?" Emily glanced at them.

"Monkeys have more intelligence than those two morons combined." Maurice chuckled.

After a few seconds a smile broke out on Emily's face.

"Seriously, out of all of your people, you sent those two to babysit me?" She shook her head. "If I wanted to deal with assholes all day I'd become a proctologist."

He bellowed out a laugh.

"I told you, they're my best guys when it comes to this." Maurice shrugged. "Something would have gone wrong and they would have gotten you out alive."

"You couldn't have sent the kid or your sharpshooter over there?" Emily motioned to Manny and Donnie.

"They've got their own roles to play." Maurice wiped a glass and filled it up with whatever he had in his tap. "Take a load off. Let's talk."

"I've got a prior engagement." Emily pushed the beer away. She couldn't very well show up to Rosewood High School drunk. That honor was reserved for her time sitting in the audience sharing Hanna's flask. "Just give me what I came for. I've got to run."

Maurice picked up the package she'd brought off of the bar, opening it up and glancing inside. He nodded in approval. Emily didn't want to know what it was. She didn't care. She only cared about one thing.

"The guy who runs the carjacking game goes by the name Ben-ito Del Toro," he said.

Emily couldn't help but laugh.

"Seriously? What the fuck kind of alias is that? Is machoism _that_ much of a theme with this crowd?"

"What can I say? Most of these guys think with one head and one head only. They only got enough blood to pump to their dicks. Hence the pissing contests." Maurice took a sip of beer. "Anyway, the dude is apparently real elusive. We're still working on trying to pin his location down for you, but in the meantime, you've got the name and we're going to…"

A loud clatter from outside interrupted Maurice. Everyone in the bar, including Emily, jerked towards the noise. Seconds later one of the front windows shattered. Shots rang out in the air, one of the first bullets to enter the area whizzing by Emily's ear. Emily pulled her gun out at the same moment as everyone else. Every single person packing heat aimed towards the attacker. Emily looked around the bar, realizing that for the second night this week she was in a gun battle. But at least this time the weapons weren't aimed at her. She shook her head. It was almost scary how quickly she'd fallen in time with them.

There was another noise from outside. A canister came sailing in, hitting the floor.

"Down!" Maurice yelled.

The canister exploded, sending smoke all around the bar. No one fired their weapons. Emily felt someone jerk her arm and she realized it was Maurice trying to pull her behind the bar. But she saw movement behind the smoke. A shadowy figure was looming outside the busted out window. She knew a gun was being aimed at her, but she also knew that whoever was standing there had something to do with the wreck. She could just feel it. So instead of taking cover behind Maurice's bar she lunged forward. The shadow quickly disappeared. Emily jumped through the window, rubbing the tears from her eyes that had built up from the smoke. Her heart was pounding.

"Fields! Get your ass back here!" She heard Maurice shouting.

After a few minutes she couldn't even hear the chaos from inside the bar anymore. All she could hear was her pulse pounding in her head. She was trying to follow the footsteps of the person who had attacked the bar. There was a familiar presence in the air as she chased the perpetrator.

She rounded a corner, knowing she almost had whoever it was. She slowed her pursuit, sweeping the area, her gun aimed at nothing in particular. She blinked quickly, still trying to clear the tears from her eyes.

By the time she heard the shuffling noise behind her it was too late. A hand shot out of the darkness, roughly slapping over her mouth. She felt a crack against her forearm and her gun fell to the ground. She pushed back, her elbow jabbing something hard. She heard an 'oof' and then felt something sharp against the side of her neck. A burning sensation shot down her spine.

She felt a stabbing pain in her temples as she pulled away. She fell to the ground, frantically feeling around for her gun. She found it, but by the time she got to her feet she was starting to feel woozy. A tingling sensation ripped through her body. Her hands went numb. Then her arms. The gun slipped out of her fingers. Her head felt like it was on fire. Suddenly she couldn't see anything. She heard the echo of a gunshot and felt something slamming against her body. She hit the ground hard, her thoughts immediately shifting to her family and her friends…and to the rendition of _Peter Pan_ she definitely wouldn't get to see tonight.

As she laid there on the pavement, unable to move, a million thoughts ran through her mind, most of them telling her what an idiot she was. But she also heard Ali telling her she was not okay,

_"This is killing you."_

Then she heard Hanna's voice telling her not to do anything stupid.

_"I'm afraid you won't come back from it this time."_

And she heard her own inner voice telling her that she should have listened to them. She heard another loud pop and her body jerked in response. All she wanted to do was get up and fight, but she couldn't move. Just like the night of the crash, she was completely paralyzed and at the mercy of her body. She felt her body trembling, tightening and burning. Then she couldn't feel anything anymore. And suddenly, she couldn't remember how to breathe...or blink. Her vision started to fade to black.


	14. In the Dark

The scene was absolute chaos, like something straight out of a grisly unedited crime scene documentary. The splatter had gotten everywhere. There were red splotches all over the place. The air smelled like sweat and adrenaline. Quick feet padded against the ground, everyone rushing to do something to help. They moved quickly. Everything happened so fast. Seconds turned into minutes. And every minute that went by was crucial. What happened later depended solely on everything they did now.

“What have you got?” An enthusiastic, yet controlled, voice asked.

“Head shot.” The reply came as they rounded the corner.

A pair of crimson soaked hands were shaking under a faucet of warm water, scrubbing frantically, trying to wash away the stains, but all it did was coat the sink. The thick dark substance was painting the white porcelain red, the water splashing and sending flowery patches of the hue spreading out like a field of bright blooming poppies.

“She’s dying!” A frantic voice could be heard around the corner.

_God, not this again_ , was all that went through her mind.

“What do we do?” Another voice asked, cracking under pressure.

There were a bunch of whispers and murmurs and then for a few seconds there was nothing but total silence. Then there was the sound of the drain sucking up the dirty dyed water, leaving traces of thick red streaks behind.

“She can’t die! We can’t let her die!” Someone ordered.

“Damn it.” Dripping wet fingers gripped the sink.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” A warm hand clasped down on Ali’s shoulder.

Ali spun around and found Spencer standing behind her with a scrub brush and soap to try and help her get the paint off of her hands. The drama department had some malfunctions with the set, and the parents and teachers had jumped in to help them work overtime to scrounge together a few last minute set decorations for the play. They had a little over an hour before curtain time. Ali had been in the middle of doing some touch up painting on some props with Aria when she accidentally kicked the can of paint over, leaving the surrounding area looking like a complete bloodbath.

“It’s everywhere, Spence,” Ali complained. “It even drenched a bunch of the kids’ glamour shots.” She motioned to a few head shots that had been salvaged from the great paint disaster of opening night.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Aria said, walking in with more cleaning supplies. “They have extra copies. And as far as the floor goes, it’s just paint.”

“Clap your hands if you believe in fairies!” Someone shouted from the stage.

There was a bunch of enthusiastic clapping from off-stage, a bunch of kids who were filling in for the audience participation to get the actors and actresses ready for the real thing.

“Look, it’s working!” The voice replying was Levi’s.

More clapping.

“She’s not dying!” Another kid exclaimed. There was a pause and then, “Tink, you’re okay!”

“Okay, let’s try that again. Remember to project and enunciate.” The drama instructor walked out on stage to give a few pointers to her kids. “From the top, guys.”

“Ugh, _again_?” Ali grumbled. They’d been through the scene like twenty times already. If the kids weren’t ready for the play an hour before curtains up, they would never be ready.

“I know. Now you feel _my_ pain.” Hanna peered up from behind a large wooden plank that was part of the pirate ship set. “If Levi spent half as much time memorizing quantum physics or some other brainy thing instead of lines from this play he’d probably be like…running NASA or in Mensa by now.” She stood up.

“Harper is in Mensa.” Spencer smiled.

“It’s not a competition, Spencer.” Hanna rolled her eyes.

“I’m just saying, my child is already managing. Yours got his tongue stuck to the freezer door the other day.”

“He won a bet. He took money home. I’m happy.” Hanna smirked. “Plus, he wasn’t singing any songs on repeat that night because his big mouth had frostbite.”

“My house has been ‘repeat’ central, too. Fiona was running lines with her brother the other night and Kai got bored so he just started dropping in beats from his favorite raps to throw her off. She didn’t even flinch.”

“ _Peter Pan_ meets _Hamilton._ ” Spencer nodded, considering the outcome, and then nodded. “Peter Pamilton.”

“How does a bastard orphan boy pirates abhor, no yachtsman, drop into the middle of a forgotten neighborhood in suburbia by providence all poverished and not blue collar never grow up to be a real boy and a baller?” Aria did one of the worst impressions of rapping that they had ever heard. They stared at her. She looked at them with a really sheepish smile. “Kai…Kai does it better.”

There was a moment of silence, followed by all four of them bursting into laughter, including Ali, who very much needed the laugh at the moment.

“It has a nice _hook_.” Hanna smirked.

“I see what you did there.” Spencer grinned. “I’d go see it. Start writing it.”

Ali couldn’t help but laugh at her friends’ antics. They made her feel better about the fact that she’d made a mess of things. The past twenty-four hours had been rough on her. The only break in the non-stop emotional rollercoaster her life had become had been the time she’d had with Emily before they got into it. She had felt like they were settling into a new normal. The dinner Emily prepared had been perfect. And the sex had been so sorely needed, and insanely great. With Emily it always was. Because Emily knew how to take care of her in every way. She tried to hold on to the image of what Emily had looked like watching her as her fingers and body drove her to the brink instead of the pure terror she’d seen in Emily’s eyes when she’d flashed back to the night Grace died. Ali wanted to remember the pleasure from last night. Not the pain.

“What are you blushing about?” Hanna asked in curiosity.

“Huh?” Ali blinked and faced her friends.

Ali didn’t realize she’d been thinking about their sex so intently. Then again, it had been a while. She could actually feel herself getting wet just thinking about it.

_Don’t orgasm in the middle of this stupid fucking pirate set._ She snapped at herself.

If she lost control of her sex drive in the middle of a high school production of _Peter Pan_ in front of her friends and all of the kids in her school she’d never hear the end of it.

“I’m not blushing.” The child in her wanted to stick her tongue out at Hanna and add, _Shut up, YOU’RE blushing._ “I’m just hot. It’s hot back here.”

“Yeah, it really is.” Hanna agreed. “I’m sweating balls here.”

Ali turned away, relieved that there were no follow up questions. She had to get better control of her thoughts. Her emotions had been all over the place lately.

She went back to scrubbing her hands. She hated the color red. It used to be one of her favorites, especially when it came to her favorite lipsticks. But now all the color reminded her of was blood. It made her sick to her stomach, because all she could see in her mind was the blood stain she’d seen on the steering column of the car. Her wife’s blood. All she could see was Emily bleeding to death while trying to save Grace. She grumbled to herself, wanting to go back to thinking about sex. She looked at the paint coating her hands and they started to tremble. She was starting to feel anxious, so she started scrubbing harder.

“Jeeze, take it easy, Ali. You trying to scrub away your fingerprints there?” Spencer glanced up from cleaning up some paint that had pooled on the floor. “I played _Lady Macbeth_ in high school and even _I_ didn’t scrub my hands that hard.”

“They’re just skin cells. I’ve got plenty of those.” Ali quipped back. “You just work on getting that damned spot out, okay, Lady Macbeth?”

“Are you okay?” Aria noticed that she seemed jumpy, and she was starting to wonder if it was more than just the stress of the play and the spilled paint.

“Yeah. I’m just pissed that my manicure is ruined.” Ali shrugged.

She rubbed her hands until they were raw, but she got the paint off. After she finished she dried her hands and slipped her jewelry back on. She glanced at her watch and frowned.

“Hey, what time is it?” Ali questioned. “I think my watch is broken.”

“I’ve got…uh…” Aria looked at the watch on her wrist, “7:24.”

Ali grimaced. Emily was almost half an hour late. And she hadn’t called or texted.

“Where the hell is Emily?” Ali muttered.

She tried not to panic over every little moment she wasn’t with her, but ever since the night of the wreck it made her really antsy when Emily was out of touch. All she could think about was Emily trapped in her car in a ditch somewhere.

“Has she called any of you?” Ali asked.

“You’re the one that’s married to her. Why would she call us?” Hanna questioned.

“Did something happen between you two?” Spencer asked, noticing the pensive look on Ali’s face.

“No.” She lied. “We just…we haven’t talked much today.” Ali pushed her lips together. “We’ve both been busy and I haven’t really seen or talked to her. But she’s supposed to be here.”

They’d basically only seen each other in passing. Neither one of them had been in a talking mood since their argument. Not to mention they’d both been busy doing other things, both of them trying to chase leads on the other driver…in very different ways. It had put them on very different paths in the investigation, too. The police were on the wrong track. Emily wasn’t. Ali had no clue how close Emily was to Grace’s killer.

“I saw her around 5:30 when she came by to bring me some of Iris’s things. She said she’d be here.” Hanna shrugged. “I’m actually surprised you two didn’t come out together.”

“I hitched a ride with Toby after we left the station. I texted Em and told her to meet me here and she said she would.” She looked at her watch and frowned again. “She should be here by now.”

“Relax. Isn’t she usually at the gym around this time of day? She probably just lost track of time,” Spencer said.

_Of course Spencer knows Emily’s schedule._ Ali laughed to herself.

“I bet she’s running on the treadmill as we speak.” Aria tried to ease Ali’s mind.

“Or running as far away from this musical as she possibly can,” Hanna muttered under her breath.

She was perturbed her drinking buddy wasn’t there yet. She’d already been partaking in the alcohol she’d snuck in. She loved her son more than anything in the world, but she was so sick of hearing him sing and recite lines. It’s like he was two years old again and repeating everything he heard.

“Hey! Can we get the pirate set out here to check our final blocking?” Harper called to her mother and her mother’s friends.

“Did she just give _us_ stage directions?” Ali asked in surprise.

“Heellllo? It’s an hour until show time! We need to step it up!”

“I am not drunk enough for this shit.” Hanna muttered. “Spencer, control your spawn.”

“Yeah, like I know how?” Spencer snorted. “I caught her lecturing Eli on the proper way to give her a bottle when she was like thirteen months old. She’s been in control of everything since she decided she wanted to come out of me almost three weeks late.”

“You can’t blame her for that. I know that if someone was feeding me spicy food every day for three weeks I’d just want to curl up and go to sleep, too.” Aria teased. “You should have tried to entice her with coffee instead. She would have walked right out and demanded her caffeine.”

The girls laughed. Harper had always lived by her own set of rules.

“God, I was so desperate I even tried bribing her in utero.” Spencer shook her head with a laugh.

“What would one bribe an unborn child with?” Aria asked curiously.

“A promise not to strangle them for coming out almost a month late.”

“Mooom!” Harper called out. It was very much a ‘you’re making me look bad in front of the theater nerds’ whine.

“What about now? Can we strangle her now?” Hanna asked.

“You have my blessing.” Spencer nodded.

“I’m about to go _Mensa_ on her ass, Rivers style,” Hanna muttered.

Of course, before Hanna could catch the child she had already run off and started bossing others around. Her brother and her friends watched from the opposite side of the stage. She turned around to face them. They thought she was going to wave. Instead she called out to them.

“Guys, you’re in the light! Step back!”

“She’s really in her element.” Iris watched Harper flutter around, gathering people, making sure props were where they needed to be.

“What, bossing people around?” Eli smirked. “Yeah. She’s really good at it. I practically got her the job. I gave her a glowing reference. Gets her off my case.”

“Sometimes I think you’re smarter than she is.” Lily laughed.

“I’m older and wiser.” Eli dramatically put his hands against his sides and tried to look poised and dignified, but he just ended up looking like a dorky superhero.

“Is that so, _Sensei_?” Iris eyed him suspiciously. “Wasn’t it just last week that you got stuck in a storm drain?” She shuddered. She’d never been the same since a demented clown invaded storm drains in Stephen King’s _It_. “Who would willingly offer themselves up for hungry evil clowns like that?”

“I am an adult. I’m not afraid of clowns.” He kept his stance, which was starting to look more and more ridiculous. “Besides, there was a kitten stuck in there. What would you have done?”

“Coaxed it out with food. Dangled a string to get it close enough to grab. Used a laser pointer for it to follow out. Called your dad to protect and serve the kitten,” Iris replied.

Eli paused in thought. Those were all actually very good ideas.

“Shut up.” He frowned, his hands dropping back to his sides.

“Not so _adult_ now, are you, Cavanaugh?” Iris smirked.

“I’m still older than you, _Rivers_.” He smarted back.

“A whole whopping six weeks.” Iris rolled her eyes. “Besides, Lily is older than you, so since Fiona is on stage and Kai isn’t here, she’s the acting adult here.”

Iris paused, because she suddenly realized that Grace had been older than Lily. Even if they were only four minutes apart, Grace had always been older. She had always been her big sister. She always would be, because even though she was gone she would always be a part of Lily’s and her friends’ lives. Iris’s eyes darted to Lily, afraid she may have hit a sore spot. It was exactly what Lily was thinking, but she didn’t want them to know that, so she just smiled at her friends and teasingly pushed Eli.

“Yeah, respect your elders.” Lily nodded.

Eli wasn’t going to argue with Iris’s assessment, because Lily had always been one of the most mature ones in their group of friends.

“So, what do you guys think?” Fiona walked over to her friends. Levi was right behind her.

“You’re great, Fi.” Lily smiled.

She was still trying to adjust to the fact that tonight would be the first night she’d sit in an auditorium and not see her sister on stage. It was hard for her to be there, but she wanted to support Levi and Fiona.

“Yeah, a total natural.” Iris agreed. “You’re going to rock the stage tonight.”

“What about me?” Levi nudged his sister.

“Eh,” Iris said, waving her hand in a so-so manner with a smirk on her face, teasing him.

Levi rolled his eyes and let her insult roll off of his back, like he always did. He knew she was just screwing with him. And even if he got mad he couldn’t do anything about it, because his dad taught him that it was never okay to hit a girl, even if that girl was his bratty older sister. Instead he just did passive aggressive things like changing the password on her phone so she couldn’t get in her lock screen and licking all the cream out of oreos and then replacing it with toothpaste.

“It means a lot that you guys came out,” Fiona said. “Especially since Kai can’t make it.”

“Wait, he’s bailing on you? I will go over there and destroy his video console myself.” Iris scowled.

“No, he’s not bailing.” Fiona laughed. “He’s sick. He has the flu.”

“Lucky him,” Iris muttered under her breath, a little annoyed that even though she was being forced to sit through this for her brother, Kai didn’t have to suffer the same fate for his sister. “Man, I wish I would have thought of that. I could have _flu_ the coop, too.”

The only person who caught her quip was Lily. She gave her a look warning her to knock it off. Iris looked back at her with an innocent ‘who me?’ expression, which just made Lily roll her eyes. Iris had the same cheeky grin as Grace.

“Oh, I’ve gotta run.” Levi glanced to someone waving for him on the other side of the stage. “They need to fit me for the harness for when I fly.”

“I can’t believe they’re letting you fly through the air like an unrestrained drunk goose.” Iris shook her head. She had a feeling that the flying was the only reason he’d tried out for the play in the first place.

“Aw, are you worried about your widdle brother?” Eli teased Iris. “You afraid he might get a boo-boo?”

“Oh, please. He’s jumped off of cliffs and roofs higher than this. I’m more worried about the crowd of unsuspecting people he’ll be soaring over.”

“You loooove me.” Levi poked Iris with a laugh.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Iris rolled her eyes. As he was walking away, she called out after him. “Hey, dumbass!” He turned around to face her. “Be careful, okay?”

Lily watched them with an ache in her chest. Because she missed her sister so much. Iris and Levi were a lot like her and Grace. Every time she looked at her friends and their siblings she was reminded that they all still had one another, but she didn’t have her sister anymore. Her nose started to burn, but she managed to fight back her tears.

“I should head back, too.” Fiona turned back towards the stage and took a few steps.

Iris saw a thread she didn’t like sticking out of her costume and she went chasing after her to fix it. Eli saw Lily rub her eye.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lily smiled weakly. “It’s just weird being here without her.”

“If she was here right now she’d be switching the score of the musical with Pink Floyd classics, switching the signs for ‘stage right’ and ‘stage left’ to confuse everyone, and then passing out the loudest theater snacks in existence.” Eli smiled.

“Pretzels, cracker jacks, and hard candies.” Lily nodded in agreement. “And knowing Grace, probably cabbage or something even louder.” She laughed softly.

She drew her bottom lip in in thought. It was a habit she’d picked up from Emily. Sometimes she bit her hair like Ali, too. She’d picked up several tics from both of them over the years. Eli threw his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in for a side hug.

“We could honor her memory,” he offered. “The corner store down the street is still open and they have slushies. We could get a bunch of them and grab the loudest straws we can find and pass them out to the younger kids in the audience and watch the chaos unfold. Sugar and noisy kids are always fun. Levi is proof of that.”

She knew he was joking, but a part of her wanted to do it. It would be funny to see. Then she realized she couldn’t do that to her friends. They’d worked really hard on the play. Lily laughed softly.

“Next time.” Lily nodded. “Definitely next time.”

They walked off stage together and walked past photos of kids in the drama department. They walked out of the theater and to one of the less populated hallways. There were single shots on one wall and group shots on another. Lily caught a glimpse of Grace in one of the group shots. Her smile was obnoxious, but sweet. Her smile was one of her most defining characteristics. There was a spark hidden behind her eyes that gave her her signature mischievous look.

Lily walked forward a few paces, knowing what the next photo was. It was one of the last head shots Grace had ever taken. It was from about six months ago, from the last theater production she’d been in. The area around her picture was littered with letters of love and kind quotes and memories of her. Lily stared at it, her eyes watering. Eli stopped to look at it, too, waiting patiently, giving Lily all the time she needed. She reached up and traced her fingers over a sweet tribute written by Sam Strauss, which Grace would have absolutely gushed over. Then she looked at another one from another one of their friends. There were so many people who knew her and loved her and it was overwhelming for Lily.

“I haven’t read these yet,” Lily admitted. “I pass them in the hallway all the time and I try not to look.” But now she couldn’t look away.

“If you want some privacy I can wait in the theater.” He offered.

“No.” Lily shook her head and faced Eli. “I want you to stay.”

So he stayed with her as she started reading through the notes. She got to a point where she couldn’t do it anymore, because it was getting really hard for her to focus on the words. She asked Eli if he would mind reading them to her. He had no problem helping her out.

They had just finished up and were moving on when they saw someone turn the corner. It was Ali. She had just finished hanging one of the photos that hadn’t been damaged by the paint debacle.

“Hey, guys.” Ali waved. “What are you up to?”

“Just killing time before the show starts.” Lily shrugged, hoping her mother couldn’t see her red-rimmed eyes.

Ali saw her puffy eyes immediately, but she didn’t call attention to it because she didn’t want to upset or embarrass her for being emotional. It was emotional for Ali to be there, too. She knew how Lily felt. She wanted to pull her in for a hug and kiss the top of her head, but she resisted. Because Lily had been so closed off about her emotions. And if she was finding solace in her friends and they were helping her work through it, that was a huge step.

“Well, we’re getting close. The crowds are starting to arrive.” Ali looked at her watch. It was almost 7:55. Curtains up was in 35 minutes. And she still hadn’t heard from Emily. “Eli, your mom is looking for you,” Ali said. “She’s got your seats and wants to show you where you’ll be.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Eli smiled. “See ya inside.” He waved to Lily.

Lily looked up at Ali, not really knowing what to say. She never knew what to say anymore.

“Is mom here yet?” Lily asked.

“No, sweetie. Not yet.”

_Emily, I’m going to kill you. Our daughter is upset and asking for you and you’re not here to help me comfort her. Where the hell are you?_

Ali tried to keep her internal panic to herself. Lily saw right past it. No one in their family had been the same since before the crash.

“But I bet she’s on her way,” Ali said with a forced smile.

_Why do they always think they can lie to me and I’ll believe it?_ Lily thought to herself.

But instead of saying anything or calling her mom out, she just nodded and smiled back.

“I’m going to use the restroom before we go in.”

“You want me to wait on you?” Ali asked.

“No. I’ll find you.” Lily walked towards the bathroom.

Ali waited until Lily was inside, then she walked around the corner towards the theater. She pulled her phone out to call her wife. Something felt wrong. She knew Emily wouldn’t miss this, because it was important to their friends. Emily’s phone rang until it went to voicemail.

“Em, hey, um, it’s almost 8:00. Where are you?” Her tone was a mixture of concern and irritation. “You said you’d be here, and I…I swear to God if you’re dead again I’m going to kill you.” She sighed and shook her head. “Just…call me when you get this. I thought you’d be here by now. And I’m…I’m just worried.”

She hung up and stared at her phone for a minute, hoping maybe she’d see an incoming call from Emily calling her back. When that didn’t happen she sighed and walked away.

Nearly thirty miles away Emily’s phone bleated from inside her back pocket. How it hadn’t been shattered in the scuffle was a mystery. Emily couldn’t see who had called or left the message, but she knew…even being only semi-conscious, she knew.

It was Alison.

But she couldn’t answer. She couldn’t move. So she stayed on the pavement twisted on her side, one arm stretched out with her palm facing up and her other hand draped over her stomach. The top portion of her body was twisted slightly backwards so that she was almost turned on to her back, but her legs were curled against the ground in the opposite direction. She could see her arm twitching and her body jerking. She could see a drop of sweat rolling down her nose, but she didn’t feel hot. She didn’t feel anything. Her thoughts were running in circles. She heard movement beside her and she was able to glance over just in time to see Maurice crawling off of the ground. He pushed himself to his feet. He had a pistol in his hand and there was a bright red gash in his side.

“Hey, snap out of it.” Maurice ordered, not realizing that it wasn’t shock keeping Emily from moving. In fact, if she was able to get to her feet she’d be chasing the perpetrator on foot.

They heard rapid footsteps approaching. Seconds later Frank, poker player Bobby, and baby-faced Manny rounded the corner.

“Everyone solid?” Maurice asked Bobby.

“Everyone’s good. Carlo and Gina have got it covered.” Bobby nodded. “What about you guys?” He glanced at Emily on the ground and the gash in Maurice’s side.

“Jackass took a couple of potshots and then took off down the alley.” He shoved his gun in its holster. “We need to get a move on.”

“Did you see whose guy it was?” Manny questioned.

“It was too dark in the bar. And when I saw him in the light he was wearing a ski mask.”

It was finally registering to Emily what had happened. Maurice had followed her when she went storming out of the bar. He’d gotten to her just before the attacker fired at her. He’d knocked her out of the way.

“You need medical?” Frank asked.

“Nah, it just grazed me. I’m five-by-five.” Maurice lifted his shirt and looked at the oozing slit in his side.

“You…you took a bullet for me?” Emily murmured, her breaths coming out sluggish and slow. “Why would…why’d you do that?”

“A simple ‘thank you’ would suffice.” Maurice didn’t seem at all fazed by the fact that he’d been shot.

“You don’t even know me. You could have died.” Her speech was starting to slur. She felt like she was about to pass out.

“Part of the job.” Maurice offered her his hand to help her stand.

Emily didn’t react. She couldn’t. Her chest felt weird. There was a burning sensation in her stomach.

“You okay there, sweetheart? Did you get hit?” His brow furrowed, looking at the hand lying across her stomach.

“I ca – I can’t move.”

“Clearly it’s serious if you aren’t even going to yell at me for calling you sweetheart.” He laughed, but when Emily didn’t react his smile faded.

Emily’s vision started to get blurry again. She struggled to take a breath. Her body felt like it was made of cement, and she was sinking into the deepest darkest depths of the ocean. She felt like she was drowning.

“Emily?” Maurice skipped the pleasantries as he knelt down next to her. “What’s up?”

“He stabbed me with something. A needle, I think. It was…it…it burned.” She closed her eyes slowly, not sure if she’d ever be able to open them back up. Her mouth was starting to get numb. “I can’t move.” She repeated.

Maurice moved her hair aside, and sure enough there was a small puncture wound in the side of her neck, the little red dot standing out against her skin. The area was already starting to turn several different shades of purple.

“Shit.” Maurice reached down for her hand. “Can you feel this?” He squeezed the tip of her index finger, then continued by squeezing the rest of her fingers.

Emily didn’t feel a thing.

“N-no.” Emily muttered. “Everything feels numb.”

“They snaked her.” Maurice glanced up at his guys.

“Wh-what?” It was getting harder and harder for her to talk.

“You got a nasty drug in your system that’s shutting down your nervous system. It works fast, like snake venom. It’s working its way into your circulatory system right now. The more energy you exert the faster it travels. So don’t talk. You’re gonna need to lie real still and keep real quiet.”

“Sounds like something you might say to your wife.” Frank ragged on Manny, a huge dumb grin on his face.

“Fuck you.” Manny bit back.

“Hey, focus, you idiots,” Maurice snapped.

“Shit, she’s passing out,” Bobby said.

“No. I’m…” But she felt fuzzy-headed.

“You better tighten those lips if you wanna live.” Frank warned her.

“Bobby, you’re with me. Manny, Frank, get her to Donnie.” Maurice ordered, standing up.

“What if it reaches her lungs and she stops breathing?” Frank asked.

“Then you breathe for her you fucking moron.” Maurice snapped. “Bobby, let’s roll.”

“Maurice, wait.” Emily stuttered. “Promise me you won’t let anything happen to my family…”

“You ain’t dying kid, so just quit your blubbering.” He pulled his weapon out of its holster and looked down the alley. Bobby did the same. “Hang in there.”

Then in a flash he was gone. Frank looked down at her and then back at Manny.

“You want heads or tails?” He asked Manny.

“You’re an asshole, Frank,” she muttered.

“You’re not supposed to talk.” Frank retorted.

“Worth it.”

The paralytic had rendered her unable to move, but she was still able to feel the sensation of them picking her up. They were very careful with her, tender even, which completely surprised her. Maurice wasn’t lying when he said his guys did their thing when they needed to. Emily’s eyes kept fluttering open and closed. She forced herself to take a breath. It was requiring more effort than she currently had.

“She’s not going to make it if we don’t pick up the pace.” Frank glanced at Manny.

“If I pass out you’re in charge of the mouth to mouth.” She looked at Manny.

“I’m flattered. But I’m married.” Manny quipped.

“Looks like you’re stuck with me.” Frank gave her a hard time.

Emily wanted to tell him to shut up, but she didn’t have any air left in her lungs. And she couldn’t take any more in. She didn’t get the chance to tell them that if Frank came anywhere near her with his bourbon breath and his ashy cigarette mouth she would bite his tongue off. But she didn’t get the chance to insult him. She felt herself completely slipping from consciousness.

She closed her eyes, thinking of her family. She tried to focus on Ali and Lily. She held on to them tight in her mind. She knew that Ali was probably getting snappy with everyone around her because she was worried. She thought about Lily, too, and what she was doing…how she was dealing being back in the theater for the first time without her sister. She wanted to be there with them, _for_ them. She had planned on it. She couldn’t have known how this night was going to turn out.

As Emily thought about her little girl, that little girl was wandering the school completely lost in thought. The second her mother had left her to go to the bathroom Lily had slipped away to have a few minutes to reflect. She ended up at the indoor basketball arena. Only a few of the lights were on. She looked around the gym. It seemed so huge, especially without the crowds of loud kids screaming in the stands. She glanced at the backboards and she thought about the time she and Grace had taken turns trying to leap up and grab the net. Of course, they didn’t get anywhere close to it, but that didn’t stop Grace’s determination.

She walked over and sat down on the edge of the bleachers, her feet against the ground. She leaned forward, resting her elbows and arms against her legs. She played with her fingers and stared at the ground. She sat there in silence for five minutes before she realized she was not alone. She heard something shuffling underneath the bleachers on the other side of the gym. Her heart started pounding in her chest. She heard shoes squeaking against the ground and she glanced towards the exit, wondering if she could make it out the door in time. Just as she was getting ready to bolt she looked up and saw Zane walking out of the shadows. He had something reflective in one of his hands. He walked towards her with a weird gait.

“Stay away from me, Zane.” Lily’s hands tightened into fists. She wished like hell she had Grace’s pocketknife, but weapons weren’t allowed on school premises.

“I was here first.” He shrugged as he stumbled over his feet.

It was then that Lily realized that he was drunk. The item in his hand was a flask. He saw her staring at the flask in his hand. He plopped down next to her and she automatically flinched away from him.

“Want some?” Zane asked, holding the flask out to her.

She could smell the alcohol wafting out of it. A part of her just wanted to say ‘screw it’ and go for it, because at least maybe it would take the edge off. But she didn’t really like alcohol. She’d only tried it a few times and she didn’t like the weird sinking feeling she got when it hit her. She wasn’t really a partier.

The only reason she’d tried it in the first place was because she and Grace were curious about it. She’d barely had two sips before she was stumbling over her words. They had gotten busted and had suffered the consequences of Emily lecturing them and then Ali waking them with as much noise as possible when they were hungover. She’d slammed doors and bashed pots together and then offered them the most disgusting foods she could find, making both of them nauseous as hell, convincing them never to drink again.

Zane waved the flask in front of her face, jostling her back into reality. Lily shook her head. He shrugged and took another swig.

“So, how’ve ya been?” Zane asked.

“Go away,” Lily muttered.

“You’re the one on _my_ court.” He puffed back in defense.

“You don’t _own_ it.”

“Neither do you. Free country. Free court.” He looked out at the gym. “You know those fuckers kicked me off the team?”

Lily had heard rumors about him fighting with his teammates and smack-talking the coach. He’d been in so much trouble that they’d had no choice but to let him go.

“I’m better than all of those assholes combined, but _I’m_ apparently problematic.” He took another drink. “I told ‘em to suck my problematic cock.” He laughed drunkenly.

Lily had finally had enough. She was really uncomfortable being alone with him without any way to defend herself. She stood up.

“Leaving so soon?” Zane pouted.

“I have somewhere to be.” Translation: _I’m here with friends and family, so don’t even try anything._

“What’s your deal? Why are you always so mean to me?”

“Maybe if you weren’t such a jerk I wouldn’t treat you like one.” She felt her face getting hot, but she wasn’t sure if it was nerves or anger.

“You sound like my old man.” He snorted out sarcastically and stared at the flask in his hand. “I swiped this from him. Figured he was already pissed about me getting cut from the team. Can’t get any more angry than he already is over the fact that his stupid perfect seed isn’t just like daddy.” He sneered.

He ran his fingers over the faded lettering on the shiny surface. The first letter was completely worn, so Lily couldn’t tell what it was. But she thought she could make out an _O_ or maybe a _C_ as the second letter. She took a step down off of the bleachers and she heard Zane standing up behind her.

“Hey, hold up a second.” He nearly tripped and fell flat on his face. “I was…I wasn’t spying on you or anything. I just dipped in here to enjoy my booze. I was trying to leave.” He stumbled around in front of her.

“Zane, get out of my way.” Lily tried to stay calm.

She could hear her mother’s words in her head telling her not to panic. Emily had always taught her to know her surroundings and to try and keep a level head if she ever felt like she was in danger. But before she could react to anything she heard a loud bang.

“Hey!” An angry voice shouted across the gym.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Iris, Harper, and Fiona walking towards them. Iris was the first one to reach Lily’s side.

“She told you to move, asshole.” Iris was irate. She reached up and shoved his shoulder.

“I wasn’t doin’ anything.” Zane rolled his eyes and stumbled back.

“You were clearly bothering her. Which means you’re bothering _us_.” Harper interjected quickly. “Get lost, mouthbreather…before I make you my punching bag again.”

“God, you bitches are crazy.” Zane shook his head in disbelief.

“You haven’t seen crazy yet.” Fiona threatened. “You think Harper was bad? Try crossing all of us.”

Her friends all blinked in surprise and stared at her. She never threatened anyone. Her calm nature was usually what balanced the girls out. She was normally very composed and almost never acted out. The look on her face was one of pure rage. It scared Zane enough that he backed away from them. She looked like she was getting ready to wail on his ass, which is something they all wanted to see happen. Because she was in costume and it would be hilarious to see this big bad basketball superhero getting beat up by a girl in a flowing pink dress with puffy white sleeves and a pretty pink bow on the back.

“Whatever.” Zane snorted. He turned away from them and started walking away. The girls watched him until he disappeared.

“God _damn_ , Fiona.” Iris was the first one to break the tension with a loud laugh. She turned to Aria’s normally docile child. “You even scared _me_ a little. Were you really going to hit him?”

“I swear by my pretty pink bow I was.” Fiona laughed.

“Remind me never to piss you off.” Lily smiled.

“I’m so proud.” Harper grinned with a fake sniffle. “My little pacifist is all grown up.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Fiona rolled her eyes. “You okay, Lily?”

“I’m fine,” she replied. “I was going to kick him in the crotch and make a run for it.”

“I’ve taught you well.” Iris smirked.

“Don’t you have a play you’re supposed to be getting ready for?” Lily looked at Harper and then Fiona.

“You’re more important than any stupid play.” Fiona shrugged.

“But…we should probably get back. The cast and crew are probably lost without me.” Harper grinned from ear to ear.

“Or they’re enjoying the peace and quiet.” Iris muttered.

“What was that?” Harper asked.

“Nothing.” Iris smiled innocently.

They made it back to the theater just as the lights were going down. Lily found her mom in the audience. She didn’t miss the empty chair next to her. She looked around for Emily as she sat down next to her mom.

“Is mom not coming?” Lily whispered.

“She’s…” Ali felt like pulling her hair out in frustration, “…she’s not feeling well, honey.”

She didn’t realize how close to the truth that was. The lights continued to dim until the entire theater was pitch black. Ali started grating her jaw together. She felt like she was in the dark in more ways than one. And she was tired of it.

Across town, her wife was in the dark, too. She was trying to climb into a light at the end of the tunnel. She could hear a familiar voice. The muddled noise started to come through more clearly. It was Grace.

_“Mom.”_

Emily didn’t even think twice about it as she ran towards the noise. And then seconds later she found herself sitting in the driver’s seat of her car, peering in her rearview mirror and looking at her two beautiful babies in the back seat. Grace was pointing at her, a Cheerio stuck to her finger.

_“Mom.”_

_“That’s right, Gracie.”_ Emily nodded, her eyes back on the road again.

To pass the time in the car she’d started playing games with the girls. They were less fussy that way. The game was to point at things and name what they were. Lily loved it. She was good at it, too.

_“Doggy!”_

Out of the corner of her eye Emily saw a dog sitting in the backseat of the car next to her.

_“Yep…that’s a doggy, Lil. Good job.”_

_“Mmm.”_ Lily’s little lips popped as she looked for something else. _“Tree!”_ She put her palm against the window and glanced at a large tree.

_“You’re doing so good, honey.”_ Emily encouraged her.

_“Duck.”_ She pointed to a billboard with a huge duck on it. It was hard to miss.

_“That was a good one, Lily.”_

_“Dan-di-lion.”_

That one surprised Emily. When and where had she learned that word?

_“Awesome, sweetie. I’m so proud of you.”_

Grace started to get jealous of all the attention Lily was getting, so she decided to try her hand at it again. She pointed out the window to a plane flying overhead and blurted out,

_“Firetruck!”_

_“Uh…”_ Emily laughed softly, _“Good try, Grace. But not quite.”_

_“Plane.”_ Lily smiled.

_“Very good. Yes, that’s a plane.”_

Grace glared at Lily in disapproval. If she knew the words at the time she would have called her a smug little show off. Instead, she reached across the back seat and smacked Lily’s arm.

_“Ow!”_ Lily cried. _“Mommy, Grace hit me!”_

_“You tattled!”_ Grace reached out to smack her again, her little cheeks red and angry.

_“Hey, behave girls.”_ Emily glanced in the rearview mirror.

When she looked back at the road everything changed. It went from a beautiful sunny day to a dark rainy night. Lights flashed in Emily’s eyes and everything went dark again.

She heard a noise and her eyes shot open. She was lying on a cot in a cold bright room filled with medical equipment. On the opposite side of the room she saw Maurice sitting in a chair with Donnie hunched over him. Donnie had on a pair of latex surgical gloves and was suturing the gash in Maurice’s side.

“What exactly happened out there?” Donnie lifted an eyebrow as he finished the last stitch.

“After little Laila Ali over there decided she’d go rogue it really hit the fan.” Maurice motioned to Emily and realized she was up. “Hey, look who decided to rejoin the land of the living.”

Donnie pulled his gloves off and walked over to Emily.

“How are you feeling?” Donnie pulled a small penlight out of his pocket.

“You’re a doctor?” Emily looked at Donnie.

“Veterinarian.” He nodded and then waved the light in front of her eyes.

_I guess that’s appropriate since I’m a total bitch._ She thought to herself.

“You have your own medical staff?” Emily looked over at Maurice in shock.

“Well, we can’t very well go to the hospital every time we get little bumps or bruises…or ya know, bullet wounds.” Maurice shrugged as he slapped a piece of square gauze over the laceration the bullet had left in his side.

“Hey, go easy on that.” Donnie frowned. “I don’t want you ruining my handiwork.”

“Yes, sir,” Maurice replied sarcastically.

Donnie rolled his eyes and turned back to Emily, pushing her hair aside to glance at the bruise on her neck. He reached down and squeezed her fingers, pressing a nail into her skin.

“Hey! Ow! That hurt!” A split second after she yelped she realized that she had been able to _feel_ it. She slowly pushed herself into a sitting position. She lifted her arms and flipped them over, rolling her hands around.

“Is she gonna live, doc?” Maurice asked jokingly.

“She looks brain damaged to me.” Frank’s voice came from the doorway.

“Oh, God, if you tell me I stopped breathing and _you_ had to save me I’m going to give _myself_ brain damage to forget it.” Emily sneered at him.

“Nah, relax _princess_. We got you here in time.”

“Cut it pretty close, though,” Donnie said. “Gave you the reversal for it. You’ll probably be sore, but you should be fine otherwise.”

“Actually, you know, I’ve got this pain and it’s starting to get worse…” Emily looked at Donnie.

“Let me guess. It’s a pain in your ass.” He motioned to Frank, stealing Emily’s punchline.

“Wow, you’re good.” Emily nodded.

“You are agitating my patient.” Donnie frowned at Frank.

“Your patient was already agitated.” Frank quipped back.

“How much would I have to pay you to sew his mouth closed?” Emily questioned curiously.

“Believe me, you’re not the first person who has asked me that.” Donnie rolled his eyes. He glanced at Maurice. “We good here? I’ve got a splenectomy, two spays, and a liver biopsy on my schedule tomorrow. I need some shut eye.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Maurice nodded. “Frank will clean up.”

“I will?” Frank seemed surprised.

“Make your dumb ass useful for once.” Maurice motioned towards the bloody gauze and surgical instruments next to the chair he’d been sitting in.

Emily swung her legs off to the side of the cot. She rubbed her forehead. She had a major headache.

“What time is it?” Emily asked.

“8:45,” Maurice replied.

“Damn it.” Emily ran her fingers through her hair. “I have to go. I’m supposed to see _Peter Pan._ ”

“The fuck is she muttering about?” Frank asked. “Peter fuckin’ Pan?” He tossed a pair of hemostats and tweezers into the sink and turned the water on. “We sure she didn’t suffer a blow to the head?”

“I was supposed to be at my friends’ kids play,” she explained.

“Damn, sweetheart. If I were you, I’d take the paralytic and call it a night. It’s less painful.” Maurice snorted.

“God. My wife is probably freaking the hell out right now…”

“We got you covered.” Maurice walked over to the counter to pick something up. He walked back over to the cot and held up her phone. “Texting is a beautiful thing. You never know who is really on the other end.”

“Tell me you told her anything but car trouble.” Emily couldn’t tell if the knot in her throat was the numbness wearing off or if it was her emotions breaking to the surface.

“One of the boys wanted to go with ‘explosive diarrhea’.”

“Maurice, I will kill you…” Emily threatened.

“You wouldn’t be the first to try tonight.” He shrugged. He laughed. “Don’t worry. We kept it short and simple. Just told her something came up, that you were okay, and you’d talk to her at home.”

“Great, so you’ve left it all up to me.”

“Hey, I can’t think of everything.” He shrugged.

Frank finished scrubbing the instruments clean and then gathered up the garbage and walked towards the door. He muttered something to himself about being a glorified janitor as he walked out of the room.

Emily rubbed her eyes, still trying to process everything she’d been through in the past few days. Strangely, tonight’s fiasco didn’t even rank top five of shitty things to happen to her in her life.

“Straight up, how ya really feeling?” Maurice asked.

“Raging migraine. But I’ve had much worse.”

“That’s the residual from the drug. It should wear off soon.” Maurice rubbed the back of his neck. “You got lucky out there, kid.”

“ _Kid_?” Emily rolled her eyes. “I think I prefer _sweetheart_.”

“Whatever you prefer, _I_ prefer that you fuckin’ listen to what I tell you. You can’t just run off and go rogue like that. That may be how you’re used to doing things, but on this side of town it’ll get you dead real quick. You came to me for help for a reason. Just remember that. This is heavy shit, Emily. I don’t know who you’re after, but you’ve really pissed ‘em off. Whoever it is doesn’t like you asking questions…”

“Does that mean you didn’t catch who did this?” That grated Emily’s nerves. Because just like the night of the crash, she had absolutely no details about the attacker. Her eyes had been blurry from the smoke bomb and she’d been blindsided before she could get a good look.

“No. But it wasn’t a completely clean getaway. We found a blade in the alley. Belongs to a crew called the Pit Vipers.”

Hence the “snake venom”.

_Clever_. Emily thought bitterly to herself.

“So that’s why they tried to shoot me up with poison.” Emily nodded.

“That. And it makes for an easier kill. When you’ve got a clean body you can virtually make it disappear, no muss, no fuss. They can Jimmy Hoffa your ass. Cement. Ocean. Wood chipper…”

“Yeah, okay, I get the picture.”

“Not the whole picture, unfortunately.” Maurice shook his head. “Listen, they don’t use that shit randomly. They’re planners. What happened at the bar was just a distraction. Someone knows you, knows how you would react in that situation. Someone’s been keeping an eye on you, probably long before you came to me.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that someone’s got a hit out on you,” Maurice said.

“A _hit_?” She laughed, because, seriously? This shit again? She’d spent all of high school running from this kind of thing. “Great.” She muttered.

“Eh, don’t worry too much about it. I can’t tell you how many times my guys and I have had hits out on us and we’re all still here.” He tried to keep her from overthinking it. “I’m gonna keep one of my guys on you at all times.”

“That’s not exactly low-key.” Emily frowned.

“You’ll never know we’re there. Trust me.”

“Are my wife and daughter in danger?” Emily swallowed hard. She’d never forgive herself if something happened to Ali and Lily.

“Nah. Hits like these have a focused target. As long as they’re in the dark, they’re okay. If they ain’t digging, they ain’t a priority. But we’ll keep an eye on your family, too.” He licked his lips. “Especially the kid.” There was a heaviness in his tone and Emily could hear the sympathy in his voice. “You been through enough heartache for one lifetime.”

“Thanks.” Emily pushed herself to her feet.

“We’ll figure out who’s behind it. We always do. And once we know who ordered it, we’ll have your kid’s killer by the balls…” He said. “But in the meantime, you gotta keep your mouth shut. You tell anyone about what you’re doing and what’s going on, you put them at the same risk.”

“Believe me, I don’t have a problem keeping things to myself.” She was an expert in that field.

“Alright,” he said. “Hang tight, I’ll get a car to get you back to town.”

“You’re the boss.” Emily nodded.

“That’s the spirit.” Maurice laughed as he walked out of the room.

Emily glanced at her phone, silently sending an apology to Ali for making her worry, because she knew she was worried. Clearly, she had a right to be. She rubbed at her neck, already trying to think up excuses of what she was going to tell Ali when she asked about the bruise. Thankfully it didn’t look anything like a hickey, so at least Ali wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she was cheating on her, though that would probably be a less bitter pill to swallow than the truth. But Emily would never stray, and Ali knew that. She was still in love with Ali after all these years, and Ali was still in love with her. The one constant they’d had in life was their love for one another.

The problem with that was neither one of them knew how to live without each other. And the game Emily was playing wasn’t exactly conducive to love and marriage. She wasn’t putting Ali in any physical danger, but that didn’t mean Ali was immune to the emotional danger. Emily shuddered to think about how Ali would react if she lost her. She’d almost died tonight. For the third time in less than two months. And she’d probably be racking up more near death experiences before this was all over. Emily knew what she’d signed up for. But Ali didn’t. If she did, she would kill her before Emily had the chance to be killed by anything else.

She couldn’t get her brain to shut up the entire way home. She had the car drop her off a mile from her house, knowing that Manny was going to be tailing her the entire way to make sure she got home okay. Her headache had fortunately worn off. She kept her pace slow, looking for anything out of the ordinary. The street seemed so peaceful. Then again, all the kids and parents in town were at the high school.

By the time Emily got home, got the gun locked up, took care of Jett, and then cleaned herself up it was almost 10:30. Ali and Lily walked through the door at 10:32. She brushed her hair across her neck and glanced at her reflection in the kitchen window to make sure her bruise was covered. Then she took a deep breath and walked into the living room to meet them.

“Hey, how was the play?” Emily asked as she walked over to them, planting a kiss on Ali’s lips. She could see a plethora of different emotions flashing across Ali’s face. Relief. Irritation. Worry. Anger.

“It was good. Levi did a flip in the air, which got a big laugh. And Fiona got a ton of applause,” Lily replied.

Emily was listening to her daughter, but her eyes were on her wife. She could see the tension in Ali’s stance.

“I’m so sorry I missed it.” Emily glanced at Lily. “Something came up.”

“Yeah. Mom told me.” Lily nodded. “Are you feeling better? I can make you some soup or something…”

That caught Emily off-guard, though it shouldn’t have. She should have known that Ali would come up with something to cover her ass.

“No, that’s okay. I know you’ve had a long day,” Emily said.

Lily looked at Emily and then at Ali, trying not to laugh at the statement, because her mothers had _no_ idea. If Ali found out about Zane, she would blow his house up with him in it. And if Emily found out, she’d buy the explosives for Ali to do it.

“Are you sure? You know Grandma taught me her chicken noodle recipe.” Lily offered one last time.

“Sweetie, she’s fine. Why don’t you just take some time to unwind and relax?” Ali butt in.

“Okay.” Lily shrugged.

She walked up the stairs.

“Why is she offering to make me soup?” Emily smiled through her teeth.

“I had to tell her something. You left us hanging.” Ali smiled back through her own gritted mouth.

Once Lily had disappeared, Ali’s fake smile faded. She looked at her wife.

“Where have you been? You scared the hell out of me.” Ali kept her voice quiet. “When you didn’t show up I thought…” She drifted off, unable to finish.

Seeing Ali’s emotions emitting through her eyes rendered Emily completely frozen again.

“I…uh…I had a…”

_You had a what? A goddamn mobster trying to kill you? A drug in your nervous system rendering you unable to move or breathe? You have had the entire night to come up with something and you’ve got nothing?_

“…a panic attack.” It was the first thing that came to mind, though she regretted it the second she said it. That was going to make Ali just as frantic as her nearly being killed.

“What? And you _didn’t_ call me?” Ali’s eyes widened, half in anger, half in concern.

“It was no big deal. I just…” Emily stuttered. “…it was just a little…numbing.”

Like ‘she couldn’t feel anything below her neck’ numbing.

_Don’t you laugh right now, you idiot._ Emily warned herself. Her wife would not find it nearly as funny as she did. In fact, Ali would blow her top.

“God damn it, Emily,” Ali snapped. “I’m not going to live like this, constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, constantly worrying that you’re working yourself up into a heart attack or that you’ve blacked out while driving and wrapped the car around a tree. I’m not going to let _you_ live like this. I don’t give a shit if you think you’re okay. You are _going_ to talk to someone. I’d prefer it be me, but if you won’t talk to me…then you’re going to talk to a professional.”

“Fine.”

“And if you argue with…” She paused when she realized that Emily wasn’t fighting it. “Wait a second, did you just say ‘fine’?”

Emily had thought about a lot on her way home, especially about how her behavior lately was affecting Ali. She wasn’t blind to how much pain Ali was in. She knew she was struggling, too. She knew that Ali was exhausting herself trying to be there for her. And if her opening up about Grace’s death would help put Ali’s mind at ease, then she’d go to a fucking shrink for her. Because she loved her.

God, she loved her so much.

Emily couldn’t take it any longer, so she reached up, her palms grabbing Alison’s cheeks. She firmly pressed her lips against Alison’s. Because all she had been able to think about after she’d been drugged was her family. She loved Alison more than words could express. Alison melted into her touch, kissing back with a heated passion. Her hand swept the side of Emily’s cheek as their lips moved together. After a few minutes they both pulled away to take a breath. Alison’s eyes were locked on Emily’s. She had a dazed look on her face.

“What was that for?” Alison’s lips were still puckered in surprise.

“Because I love you,” Emily said. _I really need you to hear me when I say that. Please hear that, Alison._ She added to herself in thought. She needed Alison to know what she meant to her...how far she would go to protect her and Lily. She needed Alison to know that no matter what, she loved her. The importance of the words and the importance of saying them as often as possible had really come to a head for her tonight, because tomorrows weren’t guaranteed.

“That’s…uh…” Alison had totally forgotten what her point was. She’d totally forgotten how pissed she was at Emily. “That was very nice and all, but I…” She got completely lost in Emily’s soft brown eyes. “Wh-what was I saying?”

“I overreacted last night,” Emily said, gently stroking Alison’s cheeks with her thumbs. “I’m sorry. I heard what you were saying, Ali. I want you to know that. And I’m…I’m sorry.”

“You’re…” Alison looked at her like it was a trap of some kind, still trying to gather her thoughts. “What?”

She was breathless from the kiss. All she wanted to do right now was rip Emily’s clothes off of her and taste her, taste every inch of her body. She found herself leaning forward, getting lost in the aroma of Emily’s scent. She placed a light peck on her lips and then nuzzled her nose against Emily’s neck, immediately finding the bruise. She pulled back and dropped her hand to Emily’s neck, a shocked look on her face. She gently ran her fingers over it and then looked at Emily and sighed.

“What happened to you tonight, sweetie?”

“It’s just from sparring at the gym earlier. I got a little distracted and got caught off-guard.” Well, it was only half a lie.

“Did someone clock you with a barbell? This looks really bad, Emily.”

“Then kiss it and make it better.” Emily grinned, lifting her brows.

Despite her worry and her irritation, Alison smiled. Because despite what Emily was going through, she’d managed to reach her. _Finally_. She had a shot of getting her wife back. It didn’t cross her mind that the reason Emily was giving in was because she was on the brink of death. Ali held Emily in her arms that night, unaware of how close she truly was to losing her.


	15. Personal Demons

When Emily had started the search for the other driver she had never dreamed it would turn into a life or death situation for her. But she had unfortunately gotten herself in too deep to get out of it now, nor was she ready to give up, because she could taste how close she was to ending it. She knew she had whoever it was running scared. Otherwise, why would they try to silence her? According to Maurice, whoever this person was had been keeping tabs on her since the wreck. Maybe even before. Somehow it had gone from a simple investigation to a cat and mouse game. This had become about more than just finding the other driver. Now it was about survival.

There was an odd sort of tranquility Emily felt knowing she could die at any moment. It took her out of the reality of pain she was trying to push through and gave her something else to think about. It woke her up. It gave her something to fight other than her own demons. In some weird screwed up way, knowing about the threat to her life made her feel more alive. Because it meant she was close to getting answers for herself and for her family. She was close to putting her grief to rest. And she felt like if she could do that she could move forward.

But until then, she knew she needed her focus to be on Alison and Lily and what they needed. Because she’d gotten so wrapped up in chasing a ghost that she’d nearly pushed away the people she loved the most in her life. She wanted to make sure that Ali and Lily didn’t take on any more of her pain. All three of them dealt with their emotions in very different ways, and Emily wanted to make sure she wasn’t making it harder on her wife and her daughter.

She knew Ali was worried about her, and Emily was determined to find a way to ease her concerns and to help Ali and Lily through their grief without tearing open the wounds she was trying to let heal. She’d talked to both of them at length about how she was there for them and about how their feelings were important, but she had completely shut herself off from her own emotions, with good reason. Because if she let that unspeakable amount of pain in she wasn’t sure she’d be able to come back from it. She’d come back from a lot in her life, but having Grace’s life slip through her fingers was more than just a blow to her heart. It was an atomic bomb engulfing her soul. The last thing she wanted to do was detonate that bomb.

But she knew she had to find a balance between her pain and her family’s pain. Because she wasn’t the only one hurting. She wasn’t the only one who had flashbacks to the night Grace died. All three of them had bad dreams, and just like in their waking state, the way they dealt in their nightmares differed. Lily whined, Ali cried, and Emily screamed.

Emily and Ali had both seen Lily squirm around and whimper in her sleep enough to recognize that she was holding a lot in and it only came out when she dreamed about her sister. They took turns climbing in to bed with her when she had bad nights. Even when she was asleep, Lily could feel her mothers’ presence and she’d settle immediately. When Ali held her she would wrap her arms around her in her unconsciousness. When Emily held her she’d curl into her body and nuzzle against her, knowing she would be safe from harm. Lily didn’t talk to Ali or Emily about her dreams, but Emily could see the sadness in her eyes.

Emily knew that Ali’s nightmares not only consisted of losing Grace, but nearly losing her, too. Sometimes Ali dreamed about seeing Grace’s body in the hospital and sometimes she dreamed about Emily dying, too. Emily could always tell the difference by the tones of her cries. She’d had to pull Ali into her arms more than once when she was asleep and talk her down from her crying. Ali would usually wake up as soon as she felt Emily’s touch and heard her voice.

She knew that her own nightmares had taken their toll on Ali. She knew it was hard for Ali to see her thrash around and hear her crying while kicking and scratching at the sheets. The nights when she yelled were the hardest. Because Ali couldn’t do anything to wake her, so all she could do was muffle her screams and stroke her face and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Ali had a propensity to be obsessed with Emily’s mental and emotional state. She’d been in hyper-drive about it since the wreck, which was completely understandable, especially given the things she didn’t know Emily was dealing with on the side. She had valid fears. Emily wanted her to know that she understood that. She needed Ali to know she was being heard.

She knew how much her wife worried. She could see the look on Ali’s face every time she left the house. Ali tried her best to mask it, but Emily could tell that every time Ali looked at her that she was afraid it was the last time she’d ever see her. She’d seen the panic in Ali’s eyes after she’d dropped off the radar when she was supposed to be at the school play. If Ali only knew the half of what had happened that night she’d probably lock her in the basement and never let her out again.

Ali had a fear of abandonment, given that almost everyone in her life had given up on her. And the last thing Emily wanted was for Ali to feel like she was alone in this. She didn’t want Ali to think she would ever give up on her. She wanted to remind Ali that no matter what, their love was transcendent. She wanted to help Ali get back to the place where she was mentally sound and self-assured again. She needed to make sure Ali would be able to survive without her on the very slim off-chance that the situation with the person she was after went south, so for the next two weeks Emily did a very careful dance between her family and her new side job.

She didn’t have any more run-ins with killers in the dark, at least not the ones she _wasn’t_ working with. Maurice was working on shaking people down about the hit. He was also trying to get the location of one of Benito Del Toro’s men, so they could get the answers they needed about the stolen SUV. In the meantime, his guys took turns patrolling and keeping an eye on Emily since they knew she was a target. So far, the Pit Vipers hadn’t been stupid enough to try anything.

When she was home Emily focused all of her energy on her family. She cooked for Ali and took care of her. She helped Lily with her homework, though the child was bright enough to not actually need help. She spent time socializing with her friends and trying to be normal. She even went to a few swim practices to dip her toes back into the pool of teaching and coaching. She still had a hard time being near the water, because every splash reminded her of the car being in the river. But she put on a brave face for Ali and Lily.

She went to therapy sessions, both family-oriented and individual sessions. In the family sessions she never talked about the wreck or anything Grace had gone through that night. She refused to talk about anything from that night in front of Lily and Ali. She didn’t want to put the pictures that were in her mind in theirs. But she did talk. She did her best to be more involved than she’d been in the past.

She’d talked about some of her favorite memories of Grace and the things she missed about her. She saw Lily perk up during their first session when she talked about one of her memories of the girls waking them up one Christmas morning because they’d wanted to open their presents.

They’d been three and a half at the time. Grace had dive-bombed the bed, her hands and knees slamming against Emily’s thighs and ribs. Emily had barely even had the chance to utter out an _“oof!”_ before Grace had put her little palms against Emily’s face and excitedly shouted, _“Wake up, mommy!”_

Then she’d crawled over and done the exact same thing to Alison, accidentally slipping a few of her fingers up Ali’s nose and poking her in the eye. Ali had snorted and then laughed, which made Grace giggle.

Lily remembered that morning. For once, Grace had woken her up instead of the other way around. She’d watched Grace kamikaze into their mothers’ bed. Then she’d climbed up and crawled on top of Emily and then grinned and started bouncing on her to get her up. Emily had grabbed her and started tickling her and she’d squealed in laughter. Ali did the same to Grace, and before they knew it all four of them were dying in hysterics. Talking about that Christmas morning brought back some great memories for all three of them. It opened up a door for them to talk about their favorite memories with Grace.

The individual sessions were a lot more difficult for Emily. She didn’t really want to do them, but she’d promised Ali she’d at least try to work through some of her emotions. In the first session she’d spent a lot of time sitting in awkward silence just wishing the clock would go faster. The therapist looked at her in curiosity and tried to prompt her to talk a few times before she finally got her talking. But even after Emily started talking she’d danced around her feelings, focusing mainly on her last memories of Grace before they’d been in the crash. She’d talked about their time at the pool, and talking about a boy Grace liked, and about Grace’s favorite song being on the radio. Emily even went as far as recounting the wreck itself, but didn’t touch on Grace’s death. She couldn’t. No matter what she’d promised Ali, that was something that she wasn’t…and might not ever be ready to talk about.

The second session had been a bit harder on her. She’d run out of things to bullshit about, so she didn’t really say much when the therapist, Ruby Harris, tried to get her to open up. She felt herself shutting down, falling back on old habits of closing herself off to protect herself. She managed to mutter a few responses here and there, but for the most part she wasn’t even listening to anything Ruby was saying. She found it easiest to drift out when it was just the two of them.

She did what she could to separate her emotions from the logical part of her brain. Talking had never been her thing. Her own form of therapy was physical therapy. The kind at the gym in which she could just wail on a heavy bag for an hour pretending it was the face of the person who had hit them that night. All of her problems were gone when she boxed or sparred, or lately, when she was working a job for Maurice.

“…and that’s why you feel the need to keep your pain to yourself?” Ruby asked.

Emily shook her herself out of the trance she was in. She hadn’t been paying attention.

“Probably.” Emily answered, having no clue what Ruby had been saying to her.

Ruby pinched her brow together and pushed her lips into a thin line. She could see that Emily wasn’t fully mentally there.

“You know, this doesn’t work unless you meet me half way.” She leaned forward, tapping her pencil against her notebook.

_It’s not going to work, period._ Because she wasn’t exactly doing it for herself. She was doing it for Ali, for her peace of mind.

“You have to be honest with me,” Ruby said.

“I’m doing my best.” Emily sighed.

“I don’t think you are.” She looked at her incredulously. “Emily, do you _want_ to be here?”

She shouldn’t have been surprised by Ruby’s perception given that it was her job, but she was.

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be otherwise,” Emily replied. “But this isn’t easy…” She trailed off, nearly biting through her tongue thinking about the reason she was there.

“What’s not easy?”

“Talking about my daughter…about the wreck.” Emily’s fingers curled into her palm. She stopped herself from digging her nails into her flesh, opening her hands back up.

_“Mom, we’re gonna die. I don’t want to…”_ She could still hear her cries.

Emily’s breathing picked up.

“Are you not ready to talk about it?” Ruby asked.

Emily opened her mouth to answer, but then closed it and sighed.

“How much of it do you remember?” Ruby watched her carefully.

_“Mom…Mommy.”_ Emily could hear Grace’s plea in her head.

“Every second.” Emily bit down hard, so hard that her teeth started to hurt.

“Have you talked to anyone about what happened to her that night?”

Emily stayed quiet. Ruby’s lips puffed out in thought. Emily saw her run her tongue against the back of her bottom teeth.

“Do you remember when you first came to me with your family and you told me you wanted to remain passive in the sessions and that you were simply here to support Ali and Lily?”

“Yeah.”

“What changed?” she asked curiously.

“I…” Emily thought about it. “Ali is worried about me. She’s been through a lot already and the last thing she needs right now is to work herself up over me. And my daughter needs to know that it’s okay to talk about her sister to us. I just…needed a little time to warm up to the idea of being here.”

“Do you do that a lot?” Ruby asked.

“What?”

“Think of yourself last.”

The well-being of her family had always come first. It had never been a question for Emily. When it came to choosing between protecting herself and protecting her family, her choice would always be to protect her family. It’s just who she was. She’d failed to protect Grace, but she would not fail Ali and Lily. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for them.

“It’s just instinct.” Emily shrugged it off.

“Is it?”

“Are you a parent?” Emily asked, tired of being the one answering the questions.

“I never had kids, no. Why do you ask?”

“Have you ever looked at someone and fallen in love the instant you met them, you look at them…and they become a part of you and you can’t remember a life before you met them, nor do you want to? And you love them so much that you would literally sacrifice your life for theirs?”

“Of course.”

“Multiply that by a million, and you still don’t even come close to how much love a mother has for her children. And when one of those beautiful little souls is ripped away, that love is _still_ there, but it doesn’t have anywhere to go. So instead of letting it out you use it, channel it into something else.” In her case it was rage. She was fueled by it, because if she let the grief take over she wouldn’t come back from it. It would swallow her whole.

“You’re talking about an outlet?” Ruby asked.

“Sure.” If she wanted to call it that. Emily was beyond tired of talking for the day.

“What kind of outlet?”

Emily could tell the psychologist was worried about drugs, alcohol abuse, or self-harm. Not criminal activity.

“I exercise.” _I exercise my right to be a total dumbass caught up in a world way bigger than I should be in_. She added with a shrug, “I run. I go to the gym.” _I run packages to and from someone NAMED Jim._

“And that helps?”

“I guess.” _No._ Nothing _helped_ per se. “It gets me out of my head.” _Like I want to be right now._

As if Ruby was reading her mind, she interjected,

“Unlike what we’re doing right now?”

_Ah! Devil woman! She’s in my head!_

“You’re not used to letting people in, are you?” she questioned.

_Do YOU open the door for complete strangers?_

“I work through things in my own way,” Emily replied coolly. _You’re being an asshole, Emily. Cool it._

“Mmhmm.” Ruby nodded. “And that’s working out for you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” She didn’t sound like she believed her.

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

The rest of their session went exactly like that. Emily breathed a sigh of relief when her time was up. Ruby put her notes down and peered at Emily.

“Listen, Emily, I’m going to be completely honest with you,” Ruby said. “I’m not sure you’re ready for this. I’d be happy to help you. You clearly have a lot going on inside, which is perfectly normal after what you’ve been through. But I only want you to be here if _you_ want to be here. It’s important to me that my patients go at their own pace. So if you’re not ready for this step…”

“I’ll see you next week.” Emily interrupted her.

“Okay.” Ruby nodded in uncertainty. “Okay. But I want you to remember something. Your self-worth is equally as important as those around you…”

_What kinda psychoanalytic hippie dippy bullshit…_

“…so be sure to take care of yourself, too. Practice self care.”

“Got it.”

Emily left Ruby’s office feeling antsy. She had known going into it that it wasn’t going to be easy. But she knew she owed it to her family to at least try. She called Ali when she got into the car. As the Bluetooth connected the call a beep echoed in the car. The noise jolted her out of reality and took her back to the night of the wreck when the Bluetooth had connected to 911. Emily’s jaw tightened and she gripped the steering wheel to try and let the feeling pass. The second she heard Ali’s voice coming through the speaker she started to relax.

“Hey, babe. Everything go okay?” Ali asked.

She didn’t press Emily on anything specific of what she talked about in therapy, because she knew Emily wouldn’t tell her. Just the fact that she was going was a relief to Ali. Emily had already noticed Ali’s demeanor was starting to relax a bit more. She still fretted, but not nearly as much.

“Yeah, I’m just now leaving.” Emily’s breath came out controlled even though she’d just had a bout of anxiety wash over her. “I’ve got some errands to run and then I’m going to go to the gym later, so I’m going to be running a little late tonight.”

She had an involved run to go on for Maurice. He said he had some information for her on the guy who Carlo had so aptly nicknamed Ben-ito Fri-to. They’d apparently been able to get in touch with Benito Del Toro’s guys. Of course, at this point Emily knew that ‘get in touch with’ was code for ‘beat the shit out of for information’. The old her would have had a problem with that, but after she’d been drugged and shot at she decided she didn’t care what Maurice and his posse did to get answers. Maurice was right. This game was on a whole different level. And nobody played fair. She’d found that out the night the bar was attacked.

“That actually works out, because I’ve got to stay late for a parent-teacher conference tonight,” Ali replied. “Lily gets to have the house all to herself this afternoon.”

“She’ll love that.” Emily laughed.

She knew that Lily cherished her time by herself. It helped her creativity flow to be alone. She used the peace and quiet to call upon her muse to write and draw. She got lost in herself when she was working on her art. Art did for Lily what exercise did for Emily.

“She said she wants to have dinner with your mom tonight. She’ll probably end up staying with her,” Ali added.

Ever since Grace had died Lily had really latched on to Pam. Being with her grandmother seemed to help her in ways that her mothers couldn’t. There was no replacement for a grandma’s love, especially not the love that Pam Fields gave. There had been times when the girls were little that they’d wake up and cry for their grandma over their moms.

“Oh, so _we’ll_ have the house to _ourselves_?” Emily asked suggestively. “I love that as much as Lily loves her alone time.”

“Okay, I’ve got to go before you get me all hot and bothered. Because I already almost climaxed in front of our friends and the entirety of the drama department the other day thinking about you.”

“Wait, what?” Emily perked up.

“I’ll see you at home.”

“Alison, you better not leave me hanging with that…”

“Looove you.”

Emily could hear the little impish smile she had on her face. She knew she was grinning from ear to ear, her cheeks rosy, her eyes sparkling, and her dimples standing out.

“Alison Lauren DiLaurentis-Fields!”

The call disconnected. Emily growled and laughed at the same time.

“I am going to kill her.” She shook her head with a chuckle.

She drove to the gym, where Maurice had a car waiting for her. She figured leaving her car at the gym was the best route to go. It was a rental, but she still didn’t want to risk anyone tracking her. She looked around to make sure she didn’t see anyone she knew before she climbed into the second car. Bobby was behind the wheel. She didn’t mind Bobby. He was pretty tight-lipped, almost reserved. He made for an excellent poker player. He was the polar opposite of Frank. Normally, she appreciated the peace and quiet, but today that just left her alone with her thoughts. And her mind was swirling. The therapy session had rattled her emotions and she didn’t like it.

Usually, when Emily was on a run for Maurice her mind was completely focused on the task at hand, but she felt foggy when the car pulled up to the place where she was meeting Frank and Carlo. The three of them were taking a ride out to pick up some supplies. While Emily and Frank dealt with picking up a package, Carlo was picking up a truck which he would be driving back to Maurice’s place. Emily knew better than to ask questions.

She was quiet on the ride out to their destination. She listened to Frank and Carlo rag on each other. It was typical boy behavior. Carlo made fun of Frank’s hair and Frank made fun of Carlo’s dick. Carlo got in a jab about Frank looking like the love child of Danny DeVito and Steve Buscemi, which Emily chuckled at. She listened to them bicker for almost an hour before they got to where they were going. They split up, Carlo going to pick up a truck from a shipyard and Frank and Emily going to pick up something down the road.

They only had one gun pulled on them, which didn’t really faze Emily anymore. She’d gotten used to it rather quickly. In fact, all that went through her head when she saw the barrel in her face was, _“Hmm, just the one?”_ Fortunately, the kid holding the gun was called off pretty fast. Everything went smoothly from there, and before Emily knew it they were on their way back to Maurice’s bar.

Emily was watching the sunset, thinking about the way Grace used to marvel at the colors in the sky when they watched sunsets together. She’d once referred to sunsets as “the sky’s hangover”, which Emily thought was hilariously creative. She sighed.

“You okay?” Frank asked.

“Huh?” Emily faced him.

“You seem off.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for starters you have yet to call me an asshole or a jerk all night. You pissed at me or something?” He questioned.

“I’m always pissed at you.” She shrugged.

“See, you’re sayin’ it, but I’m not buyin’ it.”

“What, do you want me to punch you to sell it or something?” She sniped.

“I’d rather you sell me something else, sweetheart.” He winked at her and lifted his brows suggestively.

“You’re an asshole.” She rolled her eyes.

“Hey, there she is.” He smiled.

By the time they got back to Maurice’s place Emily was ready to punch Frank in the face again. He seemed pleased with her irritation. She waved to Gina, Manny, and Donnie and then walked over to the end of the bar. Maurice met her with two shot glasses. She tossed the package up on the bar.

“You know, you’ve yet to ask me what’s in these.” He glanced at the package.

“The less I know, the better. Can’t be a witness for the prosecution if you don’t know anything.” Emily replied.

“You’re smart. I like you.” Maurice picked up his glass to toast her.

She usually turned the drinks he offered down, but she felt shaky so she thought she’d go for it. She’d have the ride back to town to let it wear off. She picked up the glass in front of her and tapped it against Maurice’s and they both downed the alcohol. Emily closed her eyes and made a face. The liquor had a kick to it. Emily felt her eyes watering.

“Some of my best stuff.” Maurice couldn’t help but chuckle. “You should see your face right now.” He reached for the bottle. “Want another hit?”

“No, I’ve got to be sober by the time I get home or else my wife will know something is up.”

“Yeah, I hear that.” Maurice put the bottle down. “I get too wasted and Gina kicks my ass.”

“Wait, you and Gina are…”

“Thirty glorious years.” Maurice nodded.

“I wouldn’t say they’ve _all_ been glorious.” Gina walked by them to grab a few bottles of beer from behind the bar. “Don’t let the charm fool you. He’s a real fuckin’ piece of work sometimes.”

“Love you, too, darling,” he said as she walked off.

She motioned back to him, waving it off, and rolled her eyes.

“Isn’t she lovely?” he asked sarcastically, but he was smiling when he said it.

“Let me guess, she wears the pants in the relationship?”

“Oh, without a doubt.” He didn’t deny it.

“I always knew this set-up was run too smoothly to be operated by men. There’s always a powerful woman in charge behind it all.” Emily laughed. She looked around the bar. It was slowly starting to become a familiar refuge for her. “Bar looks good.”

“We get shit fixed fast around here.” Maurice nodded.

“Did you find out who did it?”

“It was definitely the Pit Vipers. Caught one of their weasely little informants and he sang like a canary.”

“That is the most cliché thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.” Emily snorted. “You sound like a bad mobster movie from the 1930s.”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Maurice shrugged.

“You’re no _Godfather_ , Maurice.” Emily shook her head with a smile. “You’re just a big old pussy-whipped teddy bear.”

“Say that to me again, Fields.” He scowled at her, but she could see that he wasn’t serious.

“If she won’t, I will.” Gina walked by and smiled crookedly at Maurice. “I like this one. Be nice to her.” She warned him.

Emily snickered.

“So, what do these pissy reptiles want with me?” She asked.

“We’re still trying to find that out. What we did get from the little turncoat is that they’ve been working with a new boss. Didn’t give me a name, but I’m fairly certain our very own Mr. Del Toro has taken over the snake pit.”

“So, we’re thinking that one of Benito’s guys is the other driver?” Emily asked.

“There’s other possibilities, too, but that one seems to be the most likely. If it was one of his guys he would have ordered the hit to protect his crew and their fuck up as soon as he found out you were breathing down his neck.” Maurice nodded. “We get him, and we get your answers.”

“And how exactly do we get him?” She could feel herself chomping at the bit, ready to go in for the jugular.

“We’re working on it.” Maurice assured her.

“What about the note I got in the hospital? The ‘I’m sorry’ bouquet with the teddy bear I told you about? If it was just some random person that hit me why would they send that to me?”

“Still working on that, too. That’s the only thing that doesn’t make sense here. The florist was telling the truth about the purchase not being able to be tracked.” He scratched the back of his head. “You still have the bear?”

“As much as it was creeping me out and as much as I wanted to let my dog rip it to shreds, I thought it could be important. So it’s shoved in a box at my place.”

“Bring it by. Maybe there’s something we’re missing.”

Emily almost burst into laughter at the thought of walking into a place like this holding a teddy bear.

“Yo, Maurice!” Carlo popped his head out through the swinging door that led to the back room. “Your flock awaits. Smith, party of six.”

Emily saw a crowd of people behind him. There were two adults and several children huddled together. They were basically dressed in rags. They were dirty and looked malnourished. The mother had a baby in her arms and a toddler sitting on her lap. The father and two older kids were talking in a different language, but they were too far away, so Emily couldn’t hear them clearly. Carlo turned around and said something to them in Spanish and the father replied with a nod and a soft smile.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some business to attend to,” he said, grabbing the package off the bar.

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing?” Emily asked, glancing at the family. They were clearly refugees.

“No questions, no witness for the prosecution, remember? It’s the American way.” He winked as he walked towards the back room. “I’ll text you when I know more about your situation. Have Manny take you back home. Tell him he’s your eyes and ears for the night.”

“Better than Frank.” Emily didn’t argue.

“I heard that!” Frank sneered at her from the other end of the bar.

“Good.” Emily replied.

The liquor had relaxed her, but it started to wear off on the ride home. By the time she was being dropped off to get her car at the gym she was painfully sober. Being behind the wheel of a car was hard for her. Being behind the wheel of a car when it was dark out brought out the worst of her anxiety. Every headlight she saw flickering and every corner she went around was a nightmare within a nightmare for her. So by the time she got home she was beyond worked up.

She didn’t see Ali’s car in the driveway, so she quickly slipped into the garage to put her gun away. When she walked into her house something felt off to her. She paused as she quietly started to close the door. She heard something clank in the kitchen and she glanced towards the garage where she’d just locked up her gun. Before she had a chance to make a run for it someone walked into the living room.

“Mom.” Emily breathed a sigh of relief. “You scared me. I didn’t see your car out front.”

“I walked. It was a nice enough night for it.” Pam smiled.

“Is everything okay with Lily?” Emily looked around for her daughter.

“Yeah, she’s fine. Did you not get my message?”

“I left my phone in the glove box while I was at the gym.” Emily shook her head.

The long and short of it was the truth. She had left it in the glove box. And she’d been so preoccupied on her way home that she completely forgot to take it out.

“My oven is on the fritz.” Pam frowned with a disappointed sigh.

“Well, that’s a tragedy.” Emily faked a terrified gasp.

Pam rolled her eyes and chuckled.

“I didn’t want to disappoint Lily, so I talked to Alison about making dinner with her here.”

So much for a wild sex night with Ali. Then again, she was so out of it that she was certain Ali would be able to tell. And that would just lead to talking. And Emily had done enough talking for the day.

“She’s grabbing some fresh basil from your vegetable garden.” Pam waved her towards the kitchen.

Pam had talked them into a vegetable garden about six months ago. Sometimes Emily forgot they had it. Lily was the one who liked to take care of it. Plants seemed to love her. She was very gentle with them. She was very much like Pam in that respect.

“The tomato plant is starting to grow.” Pam smiled.

_God, we are so damn domestic._ Emily laughed to herself in thought. _If only my mother and all the other soccer moms in town knew the shit I was up to…_

“Mom, hey.” Lily walked in the back door holding fresh basil leaves in her hand. “You’re just in time.” She smiled.

Emily smiled back. The air around Lily was always so much lighter when she’d spent time with Pam.

“Alison called and said she’ll be home in about fifteen minutes.” Pam glanced at the timer on the oven.

The timer was counting down from seven minutes and forty-six seconds.

“We made pot roast and potatoes.” Lily turned the sink on and started washing the basil.

“That sounds delicious, sweetie.” Emily glanced at her mom. “One of dad’s favorites, if I remember correctly.”

“You remember correctly.” Pam nodded with a faint smile.

Emily reached out and took her hand and Pam gently squeezed it and smiled at her in appreciation. They both missed Wayne terribly. The years had helped dull the ache, but it was still there.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. I’m sure I smell like a sweat sock,” Emily said.

“I don’t smell anything. You don’t even look that sweaty.” Lily shrugged.

_Stop being so perceptive, child._

“That’s because you’ve still got that fresh basil smell in your nose.” Emily playfully nudged the back of her head.

Lily shook her head with a laugh. Emily left her mother and daughter to finish up dinner while she showered off the events of the day. She still felt jittery. She managed to smile and laugh her way through dinner with her family. Occasionally, Emily caught Alison glancing at Grace’s empty seat and she’d quietly reach for her hand under the table.

They all missed Grace. They missed their normal family dinners. They missed the boring routines they had. All Emily and Ali could think about when they sat down at the table was the night before their anniversary when the girls made them dinner. They’d all been so happy that night.

When Emily thought about that night she thought about how eager the girls had been when they watched them try their food. She thought about how Grace had “covertly” slipped Jett table scraps in a way that was not at all covert, because they all saw it. She thought about how Grace’s eyes had twinkled in delight before she served her “five-star” dessert. She thought about Lily humoring Grace and telling her it was the best soufflé she’d ever had. She thought about how they had been so excited to give them their presents. If Emily recalled, there was one Lily was particularly excited about that they were supposed to open on their anniversary. Had they ever opened that? She had to remember to ask Ali about it.

When they finished dinner they cleaned up and they chatted for a while. Lily always liked the fact that her parents and grandmother didn’t mind that she hung out with them while they had their adult conversations. She could remember being really little and wanting to sit at the adult table and having Emily or Ali pull her into their laps and letting her stay with them. She remembered that Ali would lightly bounce her knee to try to keep her entertained, but that Emily always sat perfectly still with her arm around her stomach to keep her in place until she was ready to get down.

Pam polished off her wine and glanced at the clock.

“I should probably get home.” She yawned.

“I’ll drive you.” Emily offered.

“Oh, no, that’s okay. I walked over here. I think I can handle walking home.” Pam rebuffed her offer.

“Let me rephrase that. I’m driving you.” It wasn’t an offer this time. “It’s late and you’ve had three glasses. You don’t always make good choices after this much wine.”

“Oh, please. When have I ever not made good choices…”

“The basement.” Emily interrupted her.

Color filled Pam’s cheeks and Emily and Ali snickered.

“I thought we agreed we’d never speak of that again.” Pam looked at them in surprise.

“What happened in the basement?” Lily asked curiously.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Emily smirked at Pam, knowing that would push her buttons.

“I better be dead and gone when that day comes.” Pam scoffed.

“Sorry, Lil. Grandma’s rules. And as much as a health nut as she is, she’s going to outlive all of us. So you’ll never get to know about the time she and her friends got locked in the basement and had to…”

“Emily Catherine DiLaurentis-Fields.” Pam cut her off. “You may be grown, but I will ground you.”

Ali was giggling. Emily was smiling at her mother. And Lily was just watching them in confusion.

“You guys are weird.” Lily shook her head. She stood up and walked over to say goodbye to her grandmother. “Thanks for hanging with me tonight.”

“Anytime, sweetheart.” She hugged her.

After everyone said their goodbyes Emily and Pam climbed in her rental car and Emily drove her home. She wasn’t as antsy behind the wheel with Pam with her. It wasn’t a long drive, but Emily didn’t want her mom walking this late at night, especially while she was tipsy. She even walked her to the door for good measure. Before Pam walked inside she stopped and turned and looked at her daughter. She’d been waiting to talk to her all night. Because she’d seen the look on Emily's face when she had walked through the door when she got home. Pam had been able to sense something was off the second Emily opened her mouth. She had been reading her daughter’s cues all night.

“I know the bad days are tough.” She put her palm on Emily’s face. “But time really does help. Just hang in there, okay?”

“Okay.” Emily nodded with tears in her eyes. “Thanks for dinner, mom. And thanks for being there for Lily. I’m glad she has you.”

“You all have me, Emmy. You always have.” She reached out with her free hand and clasped Emily’s hand while gently pulling her hand away from Emily’s cheek. Her daughter looked so tired. “Have the nightmares gotten any better?”

“Mine, Ali’s, or Lily’s?” Emily puffed out a sigh.

“Judging by how exhausted you and Ali look I’m going to venture a guess that neither one of you has been getting much sleep.”

“Sometimes I wake her up with mine and sometimes she wakes me up with hers,” Emily said.

“Are yours still as bad as they were in the hospital?” Pam asked in concern.

Emily cringed. She’d almost forgotten that her mother had watched her writhing around and screaming in her sleep at the hospital. She had been so out of it. But every time she’d cried for her mom, Pam was there. She remembered her holding her and telling her she was okay. She remembered crying into her chest about Grace. She remembered Pam constantly talking her out of her panic.

“They’re not as long, I don’t think. And I don’t have them as often as I had them in the hospital. I’m not as disoriented, either.” Emily grimaced thinking about how loopy she’d been the days and nights after the wreck.

“When you were little and you had bad dreams your father and I would sing you back to sleep.”

“We did the same for the girls.” Emily smiled softly.

Grace had always been easy to lull back to sleep. Lily took a lot more than a nursery rhyme and a few bedtime kisses.

“It’s too bad that doesn’t work for adults.” Emily chuckled.

“Anything is worth a try.” Pam shrugged. “I know you and Ali both have lovely voices. Maybe you need to start a little insomniac comfort band or something.”

“Ali, definitely. But in what reality do _I_ have a good voice?” Emily laughed. “Besides, I don’t know if _Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star_ is going to cut it for this.”

She couldn’t put into words how she felt before, during, and after a nightmare. She’d had bad dreams before, but her nightmares weren’t just grounded in reality anymore. They _were_ reality.

“Well I’m about to sing myself a lullaby and put me to bed. I’m exhausted.” Pam yawned.

“Hush little wine-o, don’t say a word, that alcohol is gonna make your vision blurred. And when your swimming brain starts to sing, you’re gonna end up doing basement things.” Emily sang with a smarmy smile on her face.

“That’s it. You’re grounded til you’re fifty.” Pam glared at her, but she was smiling.

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you, too, Em. You take care of yourself.” Pam brushed a strand of hair behind Emily’s ear. “You have a family who needs you. A wife and a little girl who is very wise, but also very lost right now.”

“Yeah.” Emily sighed. “I know.”

The thing that bothered her the most about having someone after her wasn’t her own well-being. She wasn’t afraid to die. She already had. But she was afraid of what it would do to her family. They had already been hurt enough. She wasn’t totally blind to how all of this affected Lily and Ali. She’d had no idea it was going to turn into something that would put her in this much danger. She’d assumed it would be risky, not life or death. The only thing she had wanted was answers. Answers about why her daughter was dead. Answers about why the other driver had just left them to die. It wouldn’t bring her back. But at the very least she thought it might bring her family the closure they needed.

When she got home she found Lily asleep on the couch. Jett had squeezed up next to her. Ali was covering her with a blanket. Emily quietly closed the door and just took a moment to appreciate the beauty of her family. Ali leaned in to kiss Lily’s forehead and Lily’s nose scrunched up, just like the way it did when she was a baby.

“Hey,” Ali said as she quietly walked over to Emily. “She wanted to watch something on TV, but conked out five minutes into it.”

Emily didn’t say anything. She just wrapped her arm around Ali and turned to face her, pushing her lips against the top of Ali’s head. Ali pressed her lips together and smiled at her.

“Your mom get home okay?” she whispered.

“I managed to keep her out of trouble.” Emily nodded.

“And out of basements?” Ali lifted her eyebrows with a grin.

“God, I still can’t believe she ended up stuck inside that air duct in her underwear.” Emily chuckled.

“I can’t believe she used her bra to catapult golf balls to try and get people’s attention and hit that jogger in the head.”

“She’s a damn good shot.” Emily laughed softly.

“It kinda makes me wonder what she was like in college.” Ali admitted.

Emily had never really given that much thought. Her mother had always been a straight-laced stick in the mud, but _had_ she had her wild-child years? That was an interesting thing to picture. The thought of her mother running barefoot and wild around Burning Man as a free spirit made her laugh. It gave her something else to think about other than the racing thoughts she’d been having about Grace and the wreck.

The way she was feeling had her anticipating a nightmare. She usually felt heightened and hyper-aware the nights before she had her really bad nightmares. She’d felt her emotions coming to a head all day. She knew that talking about the wreck was going to open up the wormhole of never ending turmoil she’d buried. She was prepared for it. So that night, when she started dreaming about being back in the car with water pouring in and Grace crying and reaching out for her she was able to shake herself out of it.

It still took her breath away. She shot up in bed, somehow managing not to wake her sleeping wife. The feeling of dread didn’t dissipate like it usually did. She held her trembling hands against her face and sighed. She felt the bed and the covers move and when she dropped her hands she saw Ali rolling over in her sleep. Her lips parted and she sighed quietly. She looked so peaceful. Emily watched her for a few seconds.

The buzzing feeling of her heart pounding in her chest was overwhelming. She slipped out from under the covers and quietly walked out of their room. She took a minute to catch her breath and then she went to check on her daughter. She quietly crept down the stairs and saw that Lily was still asleep on the couch. Jett had moved to the floor. He lifted his head when he saw her. Emily watched the steady rise and fall of Lily’s chest.

_Thank God she wasn’t in the car, too._ She thought to herself.

Had it not been for that party she might have been with them at Grace’s swim practice, sitting in the stands and reading a book like she normally did while she was waiting for Grace to stop goofing around in the pool.

She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her daughter’s forehead before walking off. She went to the bathroom to splash her face with some cool water. She thought it might shake off her nerves, but all it did was make her shiver, because it was cold in the house and she wasn’t wearing anything except a sports bra and her exercise shorts. She stood over the sink, letting the water drip all around her, trying to regain her footing...trying to regain control.

She glanced at her reflection, staring at the scar on her abdomen. Sometimes she could still feel phantom pains from that night. She could feel the way it felt when the numbness wore off and she realized she was dying. She could feel the way the jagged metal had sliced into her leg when she was desperately trying to get out. She could feel the burning pain in her stomach as the shrapnel was shredding her insides. She could feel her hands going numb and Grace’s life slipping away.

She felt her throat tightening. She ran her fingers along the scar, watching her reflection in the mirror. She saw her eyes starting to water and she growled in frustration. She didn’t want to cry. If she started she might never stop. She shook her head with a sigh.

“It should have been me,” she muttered. If one of them had to die that night, it should not have been Grace. She’d had her full life ahead of her. “You should have taken me instead. You messed up.” She glanced towards the ceiling, not sure who she was talking to, because she wasn’t sure what to believe in. “She should be here.” She whimpered. “She should…” Her nose started to burn. “I want her back. I want my daughter back.” She would give anything to have her back.

When she looked back at her reflection she realized she’d been unsuccessful in holding her tears back. They were flowing freely down her cheeks, mixing with the tap water on her face. She leaned forward and let out a choked sob, gripping the edge of the sink so hard her knuckles started to turn white.

The next few minutes were a blur, but she ended up in Grace’s room. She slid down against the wall next to her closet, her knees coming up to her chest. She folded her hands across her kneecaps and pressed her forehead into the backs of her knuckles and quietly wept.

A few minutes later she heard movement and when she opened her eyes she saw Jett walking into the room. His eyes met hers and he walked over to her. He nudged his muzzle against her leg. Emily didn’t hesitate as she pulled him in for a hug. She curled her fingers into his fur and leaned forward until her face was buried against his neck. The dog didn’t move. He just let her cry into his fur.

She took in a shivering breath between her sobs, silently telling herself she had to pull it together. She had to be strong for Ali and Lily. Falling apart wasn’t going to accomplish anything. So she forced herself up off of the ground and took several deep breaths to try and calm herself down. Once she was settled she went back to her room. She was getting ready to climb back into bed when she stubbed her toe on the edge of the nightstand. She hissed.

“Son of bitch,” she muttered. _Just fucking perfect_. Pièce de résistance, a masterpiece of fuckery to top off the _perfect_ night.

“What happened?” Alison blinked sleepily, reaching to turn on the lamp beside the bed. Soft light flooded the room.

“Nothing. I just stubbed my toe.” Emily replied, climbing back into bed with her, settling on her side, facing away from Alison so she couldn’t see her puffy cheeks and swollen eyes.

“What were you doing out of bed?” Alison scooted closer to her.

“I just needed some water.” She tried to keep her voice quiet so Alison couldn’t hear how rough it was from crying.

Alison knew she was lying. She sighed and pressed her lips against Emily’s shoulder and wrapped her arm around her midsection. She rubbed Emily’s shoulder with her free hand.

“Em, you’re shivering.”

“I’m cold.” Emily lied. “I just need a few minutes under the blankets and I’ll be fine.”

But Alison didn’t buy it, because Emily wasn’t someone who got cold easily. If anything, she ran hot. Alison froze half to death in the summer because Emily kept the air conditioning set so low.

“I can _feel_ you trembling, Emily.” Her arm slowly moved up Emily’s side and up her body until her soft knuckles found Emily’s cheek. “You’re not just cold.”

Emily pushed forward, pulling away from her fingers, trying not to let Alison feel her hot damp face, but it was too late. Alison could tell she’d been crying.

“Hey, look at me.” Alison reached down and rubbed her palm against Emily’s arm. “I’ve told you a million times, you don’t have to hide it from me.”

Emily felt a lump rising in her throat. She’d said the same thing to Lily not that long ago. Why was it so hard for her to practice what she preached? Why was she such a damn brick wall when it came to her emotions? Why couldn’t she just tell Alison how badly she was hurting? What the hell was wrong with her?

“Just go back to sleep, Alison,” she said, her voice coming out quiet and sad.

“No.” Alison replied softly. “Not when I know you’re in this much pain.”

Emily sighed heavily, but didn’t move or respond. Alison pushed her front flush against Emily’s back, resting her chin against Emily’s shoulder. She slid her hand underneath Emily’s arm, her arm draping against Emily’s side. Her palm grazed Emily’s bare stomach. She felt the ridge of Emily’s scar and she swallowed a lump in her throat. God, she’d nearly lost her. It was hard enough sitting at the dinner table with Grace’s empty chair. She couldn’t bear the thought of Emily’s chair being vacant, too.

Emily could feel Alison’s fingertips shaking against her skin and she moved her arm, automatically reaching down to slide her arm against Alison’s and put her hand on top of Alison’s, linking their fingers together. Alison stopped trembling almost immediately. She was always calm underneath Emily’s touch.

_I almost lost her, too._ Alison thought to herself.

A few minutes passed and then Emily felt Alison’s heated breath coming out shaky and uneven against her neck. She could tell she was crying. Emily rolled over to face her, her fingers reaching for Alison’s face to wipe away her tears. She knew exactly what was on Alison’s mind. She could just feel it. She knew how often Alison thought about how close she’d come to losing her that night.

“It’s okay, Ali. I’m here. Everything is going to be okay.” She cupped her cheek with her hand. “You’re not alone, honey.”

“Neither are you.” Alison took a quivering breath. “You’re hurting.” She sniffled, clenching her jaw to try and stop her tears from falling. “I know you’re hurting.”

Emily sighed, glancing away at first. But then she looked back at Alison and nodded.

“It comes in waves.” Emily admitted.

“You should have woken me up.” She put her palm on the side of Emily’s neck, her fingers stroking her hair.

“I couldn’t bring myself to do that. It’s the first night you’ve slept soundly all week.”

“It doesn’t matter. You are my _wife_ , Em. I’m supposed to be there for you. You’re always there for me. Let me be there for you.”

They both pushed closer until their faces were just inches apart. Emily rubbed her thumb underneath Alison’s eye to catch a tear before it fell. Alison reached up with one hand to hold Emily’s palm against her face while putting her other against Emily’s cheek.

“Your pain is my pain, Emily.” Alison huffed out sadly.

That’s when Emily remembered that this was why she hid her pain. Because Alison felt it, too. When Emily was hurting Alison could actually feel her anguish. It radiated off of her like a bolt of heated lightning that would strike Alison directly in her chest. All she could do when she saw Emily in pain was cry.

“I know.” Emily gently curled her fingers against Alison’s cheek. “I know, baby.”

This is why she tried not to let her see it. It’s why she held back when it came to her pain, because if Alison could feel the full force of what Emily felt it would tear her apart, and it would kill Emily to see what it did to her. She knew Alison was already in pain. She didn’t want to add to it with hers. Emily stroked the side of Alison’s face, running her fingertips behind her ear, tucking some of Alison’s hair behind it.

“God, is it ever going to stop hurting?” Alison’s voice cracked as she fought back a sob.

Emily exhaled a shaky breath, trying not to start crying again.

“I don’t know,” Emily said, nearly a whisper. She wished she could say something more comforting, but despite her mother telling her that time helped, she was starting to have her doubts that the pain would ever get better.

“I miss our family,” Alison’s voice came out as a trembling whine. She missed her child. She missed their family dinners. She missed being happy with her wife. “I miss what we had.”

The words brought tears to Emily’s eyes. Because she missed it, too. She missed her daughters yelling and talking and laughing. She missed their family trips and their movie nights when she and Alison would snuggle on the couch and get made fun of by their children. She missed not jumping every time she heard a loud noise and not being afraid every time she was behind the wheel of a car. She missed the days where Alison was worry-free...as worry-free as she could be, anyway. She missed the life they’d had.

“I do, too. I miss it, too.”

“You and Lily are all I have. You are my life.” Her voice broke.

Emily slid her hand to the side of Alison’s head and ran her fingers through her hair. She lifted her chin and kissed Alison’s forehead, letting her lips linger there for a minute. She lowered her head, her eyes meeting Alison’s. Her piercing crystal blue eyes were still as striking as the day Emily had met her. When her eyes were wet it made them sparkle, the color standing out against everything. The glistening tears darkened her irises and it looked like she held the entire ocean in them. It was tragically beautiful.

Alison could get lost in Emily’s eyes, too. They were so warm and inviting, like a much needed warm cup of cocoa on a freezing cold day. They both held so much in their eyes. They both spoke so expressively with one simple look.

Neither one of them spoke. They just looked at one another and let their eyes do the talking. Emily delicately brushed her fingers through Alison’s hair while Alison rubbed her thumb behind Emily’s ear. It was Alison who moved forward first to capture Emily’s lips in her own. She could taste Emily’s pain and Emily could taste her sorrow.

Alison pushed forward, her upper body draping over Emily. She needed to feel her body heat against hers. She needed to feel Emily’s heart beating against her chest. She felt Emily wrap her arm around the small of her back to pull her closer, deepening their kiss. Emily reached up with her other hand and ran her fingers through Alison’s hair until her palm landed on the side of her neck. She could feel Alison’s pulse thrumming against the heel of her hand. She gently stroked the soft patch of skin behind her ear with her thumb.

Alison pushed her fingers against Emily’s cheek, wiping away any remnants of tears that she could find. Her fingers parted into a thin V-shape, her index finger landing against the top of Emily’s jaw bone and her other three fingers sliding behind her ear. Her thumb mindlessly swiped her cheek from side to side. Her other hand slowly slid up Emily’s side, across her chest and up to her other cheek.

Their lips moved together, each trying to take the other’s pain away. Alison pulled away so they could both breathe and then kissed the side of her mouth. Emily leaned up to push her lips against Alison’s neck, her mouth delicately working against Alison’s pulse point. Alison turned her head to the side and let out a quiet groan of approval, her breath coming out hot against Emily’s shoulder. Emily nuzzled her nose against Alison’s neck, taking in her intoxicating aroma.

Alison turned back to face her, gently pushing until Emily’s head was back against her pillow. Their lips met again. After a few seconds Alison pulled away to look down at her. She couldn’t believe that nearly two months ago she was on the cusp of losing her. There had been times in their past, especially in high school, where losing one another was a very scary possibility, but the wreck had brought those phantom fears to life for Alison.

Losing Grace had almost destroyed them both. It still very well possibly could. They were both torn to pieces and struggling to put one another back together. It was a slow and agonizing process. Looking into Emily’s eyes, Alison saw nothing but pure love, but she knew that buried beneath that love was an unspeakable amount of pain and heartbreak ready to crack her open and bleed her dry at any minute. And it scared her.

“Do you know how much you mean to me?” Alison stroked Emily’s cheek with her fingers. “I love you, Emily. More than anything. I just…I love you.” She was on the verge of crying again.

Emily could see Alison’s eyes glistening with tears. She could see her grief and her anxiety and all of the emotional turmoil plaguing her. Emily felt it. She felt it deeply. She hated to see her in distress. All she wanted to do was make Alison’s pain disappear. All she wanted was for Alison’s heart to stop hurting. She reached up, cradling her face gently.

“I love you, too, Alison.” _No matter what happens, I love you. Always. You know that. You’ve always known that._

“I know I’m being ridiculous about all of this...”

“No, Ali. You’re not.” Emily interrupted her before she could start berating herself. In all honesty, she had more reason than ever to worry. “There’s no right or wrong way to deal with this. You feel what you feel, honey.” She wiped a tear away from her cheek.

Alison nodded, taking a moment to appreciate Emily’s words. Then she moved down so she could lay her head against Emily’s chest. She reached across Emily’s body and stretched her arm out to reach Emily’s hand. She curled their fingers together and laid her cheek against Emily’s chest, her hot tears falling against Emily’s skin. Emily wrapped her arm around Alison’s back and pulled her closer, hugging her tightly. She tipped her head down to kiss the top of Alison’s head.

Alison played with Emily’s knuckles for a while. Her fingers had always been one of Alison’s favorite things about her. She stayed in Emily’s embrace, nuzzling close to her chest, feeling the steady rhythm of her heart against her cheek. Neither one of them moved for a while. She could feel Emily’s soft breathing moving her hair.

“Em?” she asked quietly. “You still awake?”

“Yeah, I’m here, babe.” Emily ran her fingers through Alison’s long locks.

“What are you thinking about?” Alison asked curiously.

“You.”

“What about me?”

“How lucky I am to have you.” Emily sighed. How had she gotten so lucky to fall in love with her best friend and for her best friend to love her back?

“Emily DiLaurentis-Fields, you soft little sap.”

“I’ll show you soft.” Emily uttered, digging her fingers into Alison’s side where she was ticklish.

“Hey!” Alison laughed with a jerk.

“So, tell me about this whole ‘orgasming at school’ thing,” Emily said.

She felt Alison jostle in her arms with another laugh.

“You know you’re always on my mind, Em,” she said with a seductive tone.

“So, was I naked in these fantasies, or…”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Ali teased.

“Are you just going to leave me to my imagination then?” Emily asked.

“No.” Her face moved against Emily’s chest. “I’d much rather you experience the real thing.”

She dipped down and pressed her lips against Emily’s stomach. Her tongue swirled against Emily’s skin. She slid down further and repeated the motion. She felt Emily shudder, but this time she knew she was shaking in pleasure. For a few fleeting moments, neither one of them was in pain. For a few fleeting moments the rest of the world dropped away and it was just the two of them, together.

After they fell asleep neither one of them woke again until morning. The night was peaceful. But that peace was loudly interrupted early the next morning with one simple phone call. Emily rolled over, saw that it was Toby calling and she answered. Before she could ask him why he was calling, he breathed heavily into the receiver, completely out of breath,

“They got him, Em,” he said. “They got the son of a bitch. They found the other driver.”

At the time, none of them knew how deadly wrong they were. None of them except for Emily.


	16. Criminal Justice

Emily didn’t say a word during the drive to the station. Ali said plenty. And every other word was basically an expletive. She varied between complete shock and total rage. The police had continuously painted a pessimistic picture about not being able to find the other driver, which is exactly how Emily knew it was some kind of set up.

She knew at this point that there was no way the same person who had put a hit out on her had screwed up. And she was even more doubtful when Toby told her it was some random sixteen-year-old that had been arrested last night after an anonymous tip. She knew damn well where that anonymous tip had come from. She knew that the people really responsible would do anything to keep the heat off of them. If the cops had a suspect they would stop looking altogether, though they practically already had. Maurice had warned her that this might happen. The real culprit had found their fall guy.

As soon as Emily had gotten off of the phone with Toby, they had taken Lily to Aria’s house so Aria could give her a ride to school with Fiona and Kai. Ali had nearly exploded in anger the second they pulled out of Aria’s driveway. She ranted about how she was going to strangle the other driver. She didn’t care that it was a kid. She spouted out angry nonsense about not only ripping him to shreds, but his parents, too, for not having better control of their son. By the time they got to the station Ali was more fired up than she’d ever been in her entire life. She was so blinded by rage that she barely even waited for Emily to park the car before she charged out the door and made a beeline for the station. Emily raced after her.

They saw Toby and the Police Chief talking in the hall. Ali barely even registered that Spencer was a few feet behind them or that Eli was in a chair eating a bagel down the hallway. Spencer saw the look in Ali’s eyes and told Eli to go wait in his dad’s office with his sister. Spencer hadn’t known that all of this was going on until she’d arrived at the station with the kids to have breakfast with Toby before Harper and Eli went to school.

Eli grabbed his things to do what his mom said, but then accidentally knocked his drink over, so he put everything down to start cleaning it up. Out of his peripheral vision he saw Ali racing towards his dad and the Chief of Police. Spencer was pacing towards Ali to try and calm her down. She saw Emily right behind her, getting ready to do the same. But neither one of them reached her before she reached the Chief and Toby.

“Where is he?” Ali snapped. “Where is the little jackass who did this to my family?” She glanced around frantically.

“Ali…”

She heard Emily’s voice and was getting ready to turn around and face her wife, but then she saw a uniformed officer leading a teenager into a room with three adults, most presumably his lawyer and his parents. Ali stared at him. He looked over and met Emily’s eyes for a brief second.

When Emily looked at him, she knew it wasn’t the right person. There was no way that gangly teenager was the same person who had gotten the better of her in the alley. The night that the bar had been shot up she’d felt something when the attacker outside had stopped to stare at her. There was an odd connection they had to one another. She’d felt the other driver’s hands against her throat and a strange familiar sensation had come over her. It felt personal, like whoever was after her was doing more than just cleaning up now. They wanted her to submit her control.

“That’s him, isn’t it?” Ali asked, glancing at the Chief.

“Alison…”

“Why the hell is he not in handcuffs?” Ali interrupted Emily. She’d been handcuffed for much less when she was that boy’s age. It pissed her off. Why should that stupid affluent boy who killed her child not be paraded around like the criminal that he was? “Are you really that fucking inept!?”

“Ali!” Spencer exclaimed in surprise.

“Watch your tone.” The Chief snapped.

Eli glanced up when he heard the Chief’s tone of voice. He didn’t even see that someone was bending over next to him.

“Eli, I got this.” Lorenzo leaned down to pick up his cup. “Go and check on your sister.” He knew Ali, and he knew she was getting ready to explode.

“This is about the driver that killed Grace, isn’t it?” Eli blinked in surprise. He glanced at the teenager down the hall.

“Go make sure Harper doesn’t hear this,” Lorenzo said, more firmly this time. “Just hang tight for a few minutes. Your dad asked me to take you guys to school, so I’ll come get you in a bit.”

Eli nodded and started to walk away, but he caught the tail end of the conversation.

“Why don’t you stop trying to control what I’m doing and do your damn job?” Ali was livid.

“That’s quite enough.” The Chief scowled at her. “You need to calm down.”

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down!” Ali yelled. “Your whole force needs to be bitch-slapped back to the goddamn stone ages, because that’s where your Neanderthal minds belong!”

“Alison, don’t threaten an officer of the law,” Emily said, putting her palm against Ali’s arm.

Ali started to relax under Emily’s touch, but then the boy turned and looked her way and her eyes met his gaze and she saw red.

“Alison…” Emily again. She felt Emily’s hand slide down and gently grab her wrist.

Emily knew her. And she knew she was about to go nuclear.

“I’ll kill him.” Ali hissed, glaring at the boy. “Do you hear me? I will kill you! I will fucking kill you for what you did to my daughter!” She lunged forward, pulling out of Emily’s grasp.

“Ali, hey, whoa, whoa. Stop.” Spencer’s eyebrows raised in alarm.

Toby and Spencer grabbed her, holding her back. She managed to throw Spencer off of one arm, but Toby pushed in front of her and held her firmly, blocking her from going anywhere. She tried to push him away, but she couldn’t. Instead she had to settle for yelling over his shoulder.

“You killed her!” Ali screamed angrily. “I will destroy you for this!”

“Get her under control, _now_.” The Chief hissed at Toby.

“Ali, you have to calm down.” Spencer stood next to Toby.

The rage had been building up for so long, and her emotions were at full force. There was no talking her down from it. Emily was the only one who knew how to reach her. She slipped between Toby and Spencer and planted herself in Ali’s line of sight, blocking the boy completely. Ali struggled against Toby’s hold, growling like a rabid animal and digging her fingernails into his arm and scratching him to try and get him to let her go. He just held her tighter. Emily reached up and firmly gripped Ali’s cheeks with her palms.

“Alison, look at me,” Emily tried to get Ali’s eyes to focus on hers.

“He killed Grace, Emily.” She continued to struggle. “He almost killed you.”

“I know.” Emily nodded, completely calm, barely any hint of emotion in her voice. “I know. But it’s over.”

Her voice was beyond soothing. It was cool and collected. Spencer eyed Emily suspiciously. Something was off with her lately. Spencer and the other girls had sensed it. Emily had been more than withdrawn. There was something hidden beneath her eyes that Spencer didn’t like. They’d been at lunch the other day and when Emily got up to go grab some napkins Spencer had called attention to it.

_“I think something is up with Emily. I’ve never seen her like this. She’s…I don’t know…she’s just so…”_

_“Broken.”_ Hanna had interrupted her.

 _“She lost a child.”_ Aria had sighed. _“They both did.”_ She’d gotten choked up, watching Ali across the room getting a drink refill. _“God, I can’t imagine.”_

 _“I mean, it’s no secret that Ali is struggling. She comes by that honestly.”_ It was ironic, since all Ali had done in high school was lie. All she did now was spout the truth, no matter how difficult it was to say or hear. _“But Emily isn’t just struggling. She’s straight up battling against herself. I’m afraid she’s spinning out.”_ Spencer tugged at a loose thread on her blouse. _“As someone who has hit rock bottom plenty in my life, I know when someone else is in trouble. And I think she might be in trouble.”_

 _“I’ve talked to her about it,”_ Hanna had said. _“There’s something there. I’m worried, too. I feel like she’s just given up.”_

 _“You guys don’t think she’d do anything suicidal, do you?”_ Aria flinched at the thought.

Sometimes the strongest people fell the hardest. Little did they know she’d done the opposite of giving up. She was fighting with everything she had to avenge her daughter, and to stay alive.

 _“No, I don’t think it’s anything like that. She would never purposefully do anything to hurt Lily and Ali.”_ Spencer was sure of that. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t push herself into a mental breakdown.

 _“Should we say something to Ali?”_ Aria had questioned.

_“Ali already knows. It’s why she pushed so hard to get her into therapy.”_

_“So, then, what do we do?”_ Hanna bit her lip. _“Do we ask Em about it?”_

 _“Why? She’ll just lie and say she’s fine.”_ Spencer had grown up hearing Emily say that. Very rarely did she ever mean it.

 _“Well, we all know what FINE stands for. Fucked up. Insecure. Neurotic. And Emotional. Aerosmith taught me that.”_ Hanna took a sip of her drink.

 _“I wouldn’t have pegged you for an Aerosmith fan.”_ Aria looked at her curiously.

 _“Levi went through a phase.”_ She’d shrugged.

There had been a lag of silence. They glanced at Emily and then Hanna sighed heavily.

 _“Maybe we’re blowing this out of proportion. She did watch her daughter die. I know if something like that happened to Iris or Levi I’d never be able to leave my bed again.”_ As it was, after her miscarriage, she’d been a wreck and couldn’t leave the house for weeks. She’d lied to her friends and said she was traveling for work. _“Maybe it’s just taking her a bit of time to pull herself out of it. It’s only been a few months. I mean, are any of us back to normal yet?”_

 _“No.”_ Spencer shook her head. _“I guess not.”_

But her instincts were telling her that Emily was killing herself mentally and emotionally. Their conversation had been cut short when Ali got back to the table. They’d been trying to keep an eye on Emily when they could, making sure she wasn’t slipping into a depression that they couldn’t see. She’d seemed perfectly poised, which bothered Spencer, because she was _too_ calm.

As Spencer watched Emily try to talk Ali down from her fit, she realized that Emily hadn’t reacted at all to seeing her daughter’s killer. It didn’t sit right with her.

“Ali, just look at me,” Emily said in a soothing voice. Alison’s gaze was still fixed away from her. “Hey, don’t look at him. Look at me. Look right here. Look right in front of you. Eyes on mine, baby.” She kept her grasp on Ali’s face, waiting for her to calm down and look at her.

Ali clenched her jaw, tears of rage in her eyes. She finally looked into Emily’s eyes and found her calm and patient wife focusing on her, and her alone.

“Just take a breath,” Emily said. “Take a breath and calm down.”

Ali blinked and then nodded. She kept her gaze fixed on Emily’s as she tried to let go of her anger. She finally stopped struggling against Toby, but Emily could still see the fire burning bright in her eyes.

“He…he…”

“Don’t think about him.” Emily interrupted her. “Don’t think about any of it. Just keep looking at me, okay? It’s out of our hands.”

At least, it was out of Ali’s hands. Emily knew her fight was unfortunately just beginning. She didn’t know what kind of game this person was playing with her, but she didn’t like the way it was going.

If the kid was in on it that meant Del Toro’s men were sending her some kind of message that they were controlling this, and if he wasn’t in on it that meant that an innocent kid could take the rap for something he didn’t do. Emily knew how that felt. Either way, the outcome sucked. She felt like whoever was doing this was playing chess and she was off in the corner playing Candyland with Monopoly pieces.

“It’s not out of my hands until I’m wringing his little neck with them.” Her words were still angry, but she was losing a bit of her fire.

“That’s it. Throw her in a cell to cool down.” The Chief was tired of her threats.

“No.” Emily snapped her gaze away from Ali long enough to look at him. She knew that was just going to piss Ali off more. “Just give me another minute.” She looked back at her wife. “Don’t get lost in this, Ali. It will destroy you.” Because it was destroying Emily. “Don’t let it destroy you.”

Spencer didn’t miss her strange tone. Something about the way Emily said it struck a chord in her.

“You need to get ahold of yourself. I know you’re angry.” The whole precinct knew she was angry. The whole town knew she was angry. Everyone in the western hemisphere knew she was angry. “I get it. I do.” She understood more than Ali would ever know. “But Grace is gone. There’s nothing we can do to change that. But we still have another little girl we need to think about.”

She felt like a hypocrite because she was doing the same thing Ali was doing, but on a much larger scale. She had a wife and a child who depended on her, but she was risking her life chasing down the answers to questions she didn’t even know anymore. Someone wanted her dead because she was getting too close. Someone who knew her…knew she would ask questions.

Someone had been watching her since she’d survived the wreck, waiting to see if she would pose a threat to them. That person made up their mind the second she survived. That person knew what kind of drive Emily had. They knew that even when the cops gave up, Emily wouldn’t. That had put a target on her back. Had it not been for Maurice, she’d probably be dead. It was actually brilliant on Del Toro’s part, because if she disappeared everyone around her would have assumed she’d just cracked up and run off. They already thought she’d lost her mind. It wouldn’t be that big of a leap for people to assume the worst if she just up and disappeared.

“Don’t go down this road. Lily depends on us. She needs us,” Emily said.

 _She needs YOU, because some pissy jackass has a fascination with wanting to see me dead. And if he gets to me before I get to him, you and Lily are going to need each other. Come on, honey. Hold it together._ She begged in thought.

Ali’s stance immediately changed. She looked at Emily with a soft expression on her face. The anger immediately dissipated. Her children had always been a soft spot for her. Lily and Grace had always been a pillar of strength for her. She knew Emily was right. After a few seconds she sighed. She looked at Toby.

“You can let me go now,” she assured him.

Toby looked at Emily for approval. Emily took a second to peer into Ali’s eyes, trying to read her.

“She’s alright,” Emily said.

He nodded, but was very slow in his release, ready to pounce on her if she took off down the hallway. She didn’t. Instead she cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking at the scratches on his arms.

“It’s okay.” Toby understood her anger and her pain. After he found out about the arrest when he’d come in this morning he’d wanted to do the same thing. “It’s not that bad. I’ve had worse.”

“Yeah,” Spencer snorted out a laugh, “I’ve done way worse when we…uh…” She realized she was getting ready to overshare and she just chuckled nervously, “…never mind.”

“Come on, let’s go somewhere we can talk privately.” Toby motioned for Emily and Ali to follow him.

“Why? We don’t need to hear the details of your sexploits.” Ali frowned in confusion. “Just go find a broom closet and get your jollies out that way.”

“About the case.” Toby rolled his eyes. “We need to get you up to speed.”

“Keep it by the book, Cavanaugh.” The Chief warned him before he turned to walk away.

“Kiss my ass,” Toby muttered.

“What was that?”

“Yes, sir.” Toby nodded, trying to keep his expression professional. He was as done with the bureaucratic bullshit as Ali was.

They walked in the opposite direction of where they’d seen the kid disappear. Ali was holding Emily’s hand tightly, trying to keep from going off the deep end again. Emily was the only person in the entire world who knew how to center her. No one else knew how to bring her back from the brink of her anger-induced insanity, except for maybe her kid.

Emily had been an unwavering port in Hurricane Alison force winds for years. No matter what, Emily stood strong through all of the beatings from the debris. What they didn’t know was that her foundation had been weakened and she was quietly collapsing from the inside.

Ali gripped Emily’s fingers. She wasn’t sorry that she’d blown up. But she was sorry that she’d put Emily, Spencer, and Toby through it. She looked at her with an apologetic expression on her face.

“Em, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone off like that. I didn’t mean to lose it.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay, Ali.” Emily glanced at her as they walked down the long corridor. “I honestly would have been worried had you _not_ reacted that way.”

“Am I that predictable?” Ali knitted her brows together.

“As the morning sunrise.” Emily nodded with a quiet smile. “You’re as fiery as one, too.”

“Now you’re just trying to calm me down by doubling-down on the sweet talk.” She knew exactly the way Emily’s mind worked.

“Is it working?”

“Maybe.” She rubbed her thumb against Emily’s thumb knuckle.

They walked into a meeting room. Toby quickly went to gather some paperwork and then he came back in to the room to tell them what they knew so far, which unfortunately wasn’t much. Because the boy was a minor, they were being very stingy about sharing information.

“I’m not going to lie to you. This isn’t going to be easy. We don’t have a ton of information yet. His parents got him lawyered up pretty quickly. But we’ve got the basics. The anonymous tip led the arresting officer to a party with underage drinking. The tipster said that the boy in question was drunk and talking about a car crash he was involved in a few months ago. The timing matches. And the witness who called said the boy mentioned fleeing the scene, though now he’s claiming he doesn’t remember saying any of it.”

“So, we’ve basically just got hearsay. How is a case this flimsy supposed to hold up in court?” Spencer frowned.

“Simmer down, Erin Brockovich. I’m getting to that.” Toby glanced at Spencer, a slight smile on his lips.

It was almost amusing to see Spencer and Toby in this setting squabbling back and forth. Ali and Emily had their very own _Law and Order_ show brought to life with these two, Toby being the _Law_ and Spencer being the _Order_.

“They brought him in because of the underage drinking and when they searched his belongings they found a set of keys in his things. One of those keys is to the Bronco.”

“What?” Emily asked in surprise.

That sealed any doubt in Emily’s mind that this was not orchestrated by outside forces. As careful as the other driver had been about not leaving any evidence for the cops to find, there was no way this slip up could have happened. There was no way the same person who had swept the site of the wreck and burned the other car to a crisp would be dumb enough to keep a literal key piece of evidence. She was a bit surprised that the cops were falling for it. Then again, they didn’t know what she knew. And she couldn’t exactly tell them without incriminating herself and everyone at the bar. She’d probably endanger everyone she knew by talking.

“He is telling his lawyer that he found the keys at a party a few weeks ago and mistakenly grabbed them by an accident thinking that they were his,” Toby said.

“Toby, right now all you’ve got is a witness that can’t be called to testify and circumstantial evidence that could easily be thrown out.” Spencer didn’t like the way this was going.

“Like I said, it’s not going to be easy. But we do have some compelling evidence stacking up against him. He has a connection to the lot where the car was stolen from. He used to do yard work for the old man and his wife. His whereabouts for the night of the wreck are unaccounted for _and_ he had a head injury consistent with a crash the day after the wreck. His mother took him to a doctor to get it looked at after he told her he fell down the stairs. They also found out this morning that his brother owns a garage out of town and he could have very easily stored the car there until it was stripped and burned to ashes. They’re going out to talk to the brother and they’re working on getting a warrant to check the garage.”

It all seemed too perfect. It was basically being presented to the cops in a neat little package with a nice red ribbon tying it all together. It was definitely a set up. Only, the police wouldn’t know that, because they didn’t know that someone in the underground _wanted_ to close the case their way. Whoever this was knew that Emily wouldn’t knowingly let someone innocent go to jail.

“Look, we’re just getting started. It’s going to be a long row to hoe. We definitely have him for the underage drinking and having the keys to the vehicle involved, but it’s going to take a little time to get more evidence that links back to the hit and run. But my friends in the legal department are certain it has to be him. There’s too much that links up for it to be a coincidence.”

“So, how do we nail his ass to the wall?” Ali asked.

Emily cringed. The kid didn’t do it. She knew he didn’t do it. Spencer noticed Emily flinching and she took a mental note of it. Emily was too busy gauging Ali’s reactions to notice that Spencer was watching her. Emily couldn’t help but be surprised that Ali was buying into this, too. But she was blinded by grief. She just wanted justice for their daughter. There was a painful irony in the juxtaposition of their common goals.

“Since he’s a minor and he doesn’t have any priors on his record he’s going to be released into the custody of his parents after bail is paid. He’ll be under their supervision and the supervision of the juvenile court while we wait on his arraignment. That’s when the formal charges will be filed and he’ll enter his plea, which we’re expecting to be not guilty. He’ll be under house arrest until the trial…”

“What? No. No, you can’t let him go,” Ali snapped angrily. “He _killed_ my daughter! He almost killed Emily!” Her fingers tightened around Emily’s hand. “He belongs behind bars.”

“It’s the way this works.” Toby shrugged sadly. “The kid has a hell of a lawyer.”

“Well, so do they.” Spencer retorted.

Spencer hadn’t officially taken the case, but she assumed they knew she wouldn’t sit idly by while they needed her. She didn’t usually handle cases outside the state government, but she wanted her friends to get the best of the best, and that was her. At least until someone on the other side got her thrown off the case for conflict of interest. But she had plenty of friends on speed dial that owed her favors that would gladly take on a case that would put away someone who killed her best friends’ child.

Toby went over everything he was legally allowed to go over with them from the arrest. Ali and Spencer paid much more attention than Emily. She felt uneasy about the whole thing. She wasn’t really sure what she was supposed to do. She listened as Ali and Spencer chatted about strategy for a good forty-five minutes. She didn’t really weigh in much.

“What if Emily says she remembers seeing him behind the wheel? Would that be enough to at least hold him?” Ali questioned.

Emily glanced at Ali, a little surprised that she, of all people, wanted to create false evidence to send someone to jail considering someone had done the exact same thing to her when she was in high school.

“As your friend, I support you. But as your lawyer I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” Spencer frowned.

“We haven’t paid you. You’re not our lawyer yet.” Ali pointed out.

“Like I’m going to make you pay?” Spencer asked.

“You get this kid put away for what he did and I’ll write a check for any amount you want.” Though she knew Spencer would never cash it. She’d never take money from them. “I don’t care what it takes…”

“I’m not going to lie under oath, Ali.” Emily glared at her. She pulled her hand away from Ali’s and nervously massaged her knuckles.

“No. Right. Of course not.” Ali quickly came to her senses. She was just desperate to make sure someone paid for Grace’s death. “Sorry. That was…that was dumb. I’m just…” She was so pissed that her entire face was bright red.

“I know.” Emily nodded in understanding. She rubbed Ali’s arm with her palm, trying to comfort her.

“I just don’t want him to get away with this.” Ali sighed.

“We’re doing everything we can to assure that doesn’t happen,” Toby said. He grimaced and then looked at Emily and cleared his throat. “If this…if it does go to trial you’re probably going to be called to testify about the wreck.”

Emily felt a shuddering sensation go up her spine. She instinctively reached for Ali’s hand and squeezed it firmly. Ali put her free hand against Emily’s wrist and tried to stop her from shaking.

“You…you think you can do that?” Toby asked softly.

“It’s nothing I haven’t talked to the cops about a million times already.”

Emily managed to stay composed, but she was mentally squirming at the thought of this actually going to trial, for numerous reasons. Ali could feel her starting to tense up.

“Yeah, but it won’t be _just_ about the wreck, Em,” Spencer said. “What happened to Grace is going to come up. You were the only one there when it happened. They can talk to the first responders and doctors about her injuries, but you’re the only one who _knows_ what she went through.”

Ali glanced at Emily. Her face was pale and she looked like she was about to throw up. Ali could see the images of that night haunting Emily. Her expression said it all.

“Are those details really relevant for this?” Ali immediately jumped in to defend her wife.

She looked at Emily with worried eyes. Emily panicked when _she_ asked her questions. Ali was afraid that talking to a room full of strangers about Grace’s death would break her in ways that even she couldn’t fix. Emily could barely open up to Ali without falling apart.

“Every detail is relevant.” Spencer nodded. “The defense team will be all over that night, looking to pick apart anything and everything that may absolve the kid from the crime. They will literally go through it piece by piece and pick it apart. They’ll be analyzing every word that’s said, so those words have to be chosen very carefully. It’s not enough for the jury to know Grace was killed. They need to understand the gravity of the situation. They need to see what Emily and Grace saw, feel what they felt…anything and everything that you can remember, anything that hurts. Those moments are going to be what the jury remembers…”

Emily’s hand starting shaking uncontrollably. Her palm was sweating against Ali’s hand. Ali heard a very subtle whimper underneath her breath. It wasn’t loud, but she picked up on it.

“Stop.” Ali interrupted Spencer. She knew when Emily was being pushed too hard. She’d been guilty of doing it herself. “Can we just…stop…and slow down for a minute?”

Just like Emily had done for her when she was getting lost in her rage, Ali knew she needed to keep Emily centered so Emily didn’t get lost in the darkest part of her mind.

“Sorry.” Toby frowned in sympathy. “We know you’ve both been through hell.” They’d been on that same nightmare of a carnival ride through the pits of Hades with them the last two months. He glanced at Emily. “The last thing we want to do is make this worse for you, but…” He drifted off.

“But without my testimony the case basically falls apart.” Emily nodded in understanding. “I get it.” She sighed and glanced at the floor.

That was both the question and the answer to her conundrum. If she didn’t talk about it, the kid might get off. Whoever had planned this must have known she’d never be able to talk about what happened. If she had to talk about the details of the crash in front of a jury she’d send herself into a mental breakdown, not to mention that she would get an innocent kid get throw in jail. If she didn’t talk the kid would go free. But either way the other driver won. Because everyone in town would talk, and everyone would believe that the kid did it…no matter what the verdict was. The case would be closed to everyone but her. It was an aggressive move that could only be executed by a control freak who liked to see her submit to their will.

They talked for a little bit longer and once Emily and Ali were completely up to speed they left the meeting room. Ali’s eyes darted around the station. Emily knew that she was looking for the boy. But there was no trace of him.

If the cops were smart they would have put him in witness protection to keep Ali from getting to him. Because she was distraught over Grace’s death and she really was out for blood. It’s a good thing they didn’t have his name. Ali would probably hire a hit man. And with Emily’s luck, she’d end up _being_ the damn hit man.

“I should probably go apologize to the idiot in Chief.” Ali glanced down the hall.

“Maybe don’t call him that in your apology.” Emily suggested.

“But then how will he know I’m referring to him?” Ali asked with a weak smirk.

“You know he has a first name, right?” Toby asked.

“Chief.” Ali nodded.

“You think his name is Chief Chief?” Toby snorted.

“Detective Chief?”

“No.” Toby shook his head.

“Dick Van Wrinkle?” Ali guessed.

“Try again.”

“Deputy Dumbass?”

“Ali, please don’t get yourself arrested.” Emily sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Come on, I’ll run to his office with you. I’ve got to drop off this paperwork.” Toby motioned for Ali to follow him.

“You just want to make sure I don’t jump down his throat again.” Ali forced out a hard laugh.

“Keeping you out of jail is just an added bonus to my day thus far.” Toby didn’t argue.

They walked off, Spencer not far behind. She had mentioned something about running to the break room to grab some coffee.

Emily sat down to wait for them. It was unusually quiet in the building. Emily expected there to be more activity and more people bustling around the station, but it was just…still. The silence unnerved her. It’s like she was the last person left in the universe.

She leaned forward, putting her elbows against her knees and buried her face in her hands. She rubbed her eyes and huffed in exhaustion. She stared at the ground, zoning out and thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

A few minutes later she heard footsteps approaching. She didn’t even have to look up to figure out it was Spencer. She knew by her hurried gait. Spencer sat down next to her, holding out a cup of coffee. Emily took it.

“Thanks.”

“Hell of a way to start your morning.” Spencer took a sip out of her own cup.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded.

“You okay?”

“I don’t know.”

Her wife wanted retribution for Grace’s death and Emily knew exactly how that felt. But she also knew that Ali was sending rays of hatred and threatening to kill someone who had nothing to do with their daughter’s death. But she didn’t know how to tell her that without explaining everything else and putting her and Lily in the line of fire.

“This is a good thing, Emily.” Spencer assured her. “They got him.”

“Yeah.” Emily replied, sighing. “I guess.” She drew circles with her fingers on her right temple.

The alarm bells in Spencer’s head were going off at full blast screaming at her, _Something is wrong. She’s in trouble._

“Okay, what’s up with you?” Spencer asked.

There had never been a time in Emily’s life where Spencer didn’t see passion in her eyes. There was a spark that was missing. Everyone who knew her could see it. It wasn’t like they were surprised, given everything she’d gone through. But there was something running deeper inside of her. Spencer hadn’t seen her bury herself this deep since her girlfriend in high school had been murdered.

“What do you mean?” Emily asked.

“I saw your face when you and Ali got here. I know you’re not one to immediately jump to conclusions, but you didn’t even flinch when you saw that kid.” Spencer pointed out.

The Emily she knew would have cleared a path for Ali and joined her in her fight.

“I was a little busy trying to keep Ali from pouncing on him and ripping his head off. Would you rather I be cussing out your husband’s boss like my wife?” Emily glanced at her curiously.

“No, of course not,” Spencer said. “It’s just…” She studied Emily’s face carefully. She looked more than tired, more than depressed. She looked done. Just done with everything.

“It’s what?” Emily asked.

“You’re unusually calm and I don’t like it.”

Emily had to laugh. Leave it to Spencer Hastings to have a problem with serene attitudes.

“Well, you know, between me and Ali, only one of us can fall apart at a time.”

“No. That’s not it.” Spencer shook her head. “In all the time that I’ve known you I’ve never known you to not put up a fight. Even after the dollhouse when things were really bad you were still you at your core. You pushed to live. You may not have been fully mentally present, but we could always still _see_ you. You forget how well we know you, Em. Even when you fell before, you always managed to pull through. But with this…there’s something more to it. I know something else is going on with you.”

 _Oh, shit. Does she know?_ Emily’s eyes widened. _How does she know? Of course she knows. She’s Spencer._

Emily tried to play it cool.

“I’ve been through a lot. I’m just trying to find the balance in my life again.” Emily swallowed hard.

“And it’s ripping you to shreds. I don’t know what you’re going through. I can’t even pretend to understand what you and Ali are going through, but I know that you’re sinking faster than any of us can pull you out of it. It’s clear to all of us that you’re struggling. And I just want to know that…that if it comes down to it you’ll ask us for help if you’re in trouble. Because I don’t think any of us can take any more tragedies.”

Emily immediately picked up what Spencer was trying to say. Did her friends really think she was that far gone? Her expression softened.

“Oh, Spence, no, it’s nothing like that.” Emily reached up, putting her hand on Spencer’s arm. “I’m so sorry if I’ve worried you guys. I know I’ve been distracted lately, but it’s nothing you need to be concerned about. I haven’t lost focus of the love that I have in my life.”

It was honestly the love of her friends and family that kept her going. If she didn’t have them she’d gladly stand in the middle of a clearing with a giant target painted on her body and yell for whatever hit-men were watching to come and find her. Her family was one of the only reasons she was still fighting.

“I know what I have,” she said. ... _what I stand to lose if I don’t fix this. What my FAMILY stands to lose._

She wasn’t going down without a fight.

“I know you do. And I know you’ve got some pretty damn impenetrable armor. It’s actually kind of annoying…” She digressed. “But it can’t be easy trying to move forward when every step you take reminds you of that night. Looking into the eyes of the person responsible for wrecking your family can’t be easy on you.”

Emily sighed. The only person responsible for wrecking her family was her. Emily bit down on her inner lip.

“You don’t think he did it,” Spencer said.

“I don’t know what I think anymore.” Emily shrugged. “I didn’t see the other car or the other driver. If the kid didn’t do it,” _He didn’t_ , “I don’t want him going down for it. I remember how that feels, to have everyone think that you’re guilty of something when you’re not.”

“What makes you so sure he’s not guilty?” Spencer lifted a single brow in curiosity. “Do you know something we don’t know?”

“All I know is that there were plenty of times in our lives when we looked like we were guilty of something when we were totally innocent. You know as well as I do that evidence lies.”

“Only when someone is manipulating the situation,” Spencer said. “Em, what’s going on?”

 _Stop talking._ Emily warned herself.

“I’m just overthinking it.” Emily sighed. She shook her head and took a sip of coffee. “I think it’s just nerves. I’m over-tired.”

She’d probably said too much, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. If something happened to her before she got answers it was important for someone like Spencer to have that little grain of doubt to go on. Because if anything suspicious happened, Spencer would pull that tiny nugget of information out of her mind and somehow make an entire landscape out of it. If it wasn’t so dangerous, Emily would have asked for Spencer’s help with the underground world. Spencer had a knack for seeing things in a way that the other girls didn’t. She was beyond brilliant.

They heard footsteps and when they looked up they saw Ali walking towards them. Emily stood up to greet her.

“Hey,” Ali said.

“Hey. You’re not in handcuffs, so I assume all went well.” Emily smiled.

“Oh, please, the only person who I ever let see me in handcuffs is you.” Ali rolled her eyes.

Emily huffed out an unexpected laugh.

“Overshare.” Spencer shook her head.

“Hey, you were the one talking about your vanilla heterosexual sex life earlier.” Ali retorted.

“I’ll have you know it’s anything but vanilla. I wasn’t kidding about those scratches.”

“What _are_ you like in bed, Spencer? I bet you just read books and look at your watch while you wait on Toby to finish.” Ali teased her.

“As opposed to you two knocking over the shelf in the janitor’s closet at school on parent-teacher night last year? How romantic.” Spencer pushed back jokingly.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that,” Ali said with a smile on her face, facing Emily. “That was a good night.”

“This is so not an appropriate time or place for this.” Emily couldn’t help but snicker.

“Come on. Let’s go home,” Ali tugged on her hand.

“To continue this conversation?” Emily asked.

“If you want.” Ali nodded with a laugh.

“God, only in our lives can we go from deadly threats to meltdowns to panic attacks to sex.” Spencer laughed. “Go, take a mental health day. Toby and I will call you if something comes up.”

“Thanks, Spence,” Emily said sincerely, a deeper look on her face than just one friend saying thanks to another. She was all but looking at her sister letting her know that she more than just appreciated her. She loved her.

“Let me know if you need anything.” Spencer replied.

Ali glanced at the both of them, quickly picking up on some subtext she knew she was missing. They said goodbye to Spencer and then walked out of the police station, both relatively calmer than when they’d walked in.

“What was that?” Ali asked, glancing at Emily curiously.

“What?” Emily pulled the car keys out of her pocket.

“Whatever that was between you and Spencer. Don’t think I didn’t see that.”

“Hey, you have your side piece in Aria. Spencer’s mine.” Emily joked.

“Okay, first of all, never tell Hanna you chose Spencer over her…”

“There’s no rule that says I can’t have them both.”

“Don’t get greedy.” Ali rolled her eyes. “And don’t interrupt me when I’m lecturing you.”

“Sorry, teacher.”

“…second of all, you know that’s not what I meant.” Ali reached for the car door. “What were you two talking about while I was feeding the Police Chief’s stupid ego?”

“She was just checking up on me.” Emily walked around to the driver’s side.

“Oh.” Ali paused to think about it. “What did you say?”

“Same thing I always say.”

“That you’re fine?” Ali scoffed.

“No.” Emily paused and looked at her over the roof. “That I have a hell of a family and a support system. And that I’m lucky to have them.”

“Stop being sweet when I’m trying to guilt you in to telling me things.” Ali grumbled, climbing in the passenger’s seat of the car.

Her foot landed against the teddy bear Emily had thrown in the floorboard. Ali had seen it on the way to the police station, but didn’t say anything to Emily about it, partly because she was so amped up about the news of the arrest and partly because she thought maybe it was just some strange kind of security blanket Emily had taken on to help with her nerves when she was driving. She’d had a fascination with it since she’d gotten it. Ali had asked her a couple of times who sent it to her in the hospital, but Emily told her she didn’t know. And that was actually the truth.

Emily hadn’t brought it with her for security. She’d tossed it in the car because she had a job for Maurice later and she was going to give it to him to let his Bloodhounds or whoever he had running the tracking department sniff it and get the scent of whoever sent it. The job had actually come at the perfect time, because Jason was back in town and Ali had been planning on leaving school early to go pick him up at the airport. Emily could run out, do her thing, and then go grab Lily from school. She was getting the hang of balancing the two lives she had.

“Em, if this goes to trial, are you going to be able to handle it?” Ali asked.

“I was going to ask you the same thing.” Emily sighed.

“I’m not the one who is going to be the key witness.”

“I don’t know how much of a key witness I’ll be. I don’t remember shit about that night that doesn’t have to do with Grace. For all we know they’ve got the wrong person.”

There was a period of shocked silence before Ali answered,

“With all that evidence? You really think that’s possible?”

“Anything is possible,” Emily replied. “We know that from experience. We went through it, Alison.”

“Yeah, but that was different. That was _A_ trying to hurt us.”

Who said this kid didn’t have his own _A_? Though it was probably just the luck of the draw. Someone had vetted him. They had done their research about him. They’d probably jizzed their pants when they found all the things that could link him to the scene of the crime.

“I’m just saying I don’t know if we should be so quick to throw the book at him. Not without a confession,” Emily said.

“Wait, so you think I might have threatened to strangle a kid whose only crime is being a little dumbass?” Ali asked in surprise. No wonder Emily had pushed her so hard to calm down.

“Nothing you haven’t threatened to do to your students before.” Emily cracked a smile.

“God, I love them, but they drive me crazy.” Ali admitted with a hard laugh. Her expression slowly wavered. “Emily, do you really think the cops are wrong? You think Toby…” She paused and a sudden realization hit her, “…and _Spencer_ are wrong?” She wasn’t entirely shocked that Emily thought Toby could be wrong, but saying that Spencer was wrong was like the first sign of the apocalypse.

“I think it’s too early to be making any snap judgments.”

“But snap judgments are what I do.” Ali pushed her lips out in a pout.

“Yes, I know.” Emily laughed. “The entire police force knows.”

“They don’t take it lightly, you know,” Ali said.

“Take what lightly?”

“What they do. I know I give them a lot of shit, but I also know what they do behind the scenes.” She’d spent a lot of time at the police station with Toby trying to find out who had left Emily and Grace to die. “They wouldn’t have hauled that kid in and slapped him with those charges randomly. He talked about fleeing a car wreck. How many hit and runs actually happen here? This is a small town.”

She was right about that, though Emily had recently found out there was so much more to their town than people could see. There was so much beneath the surface. The outskirts of their town were so much deeper than anyone could possibly imagine.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded, turning the car on. “There’s just a lot to think about.”

“I know.”

“Thanks for speaking up for me back there,” Emily said softly. “When I froze.”

“Thanks for keeping me out of jail.” Ali laughed.

“We have an odd marriage.” Emily faced her with a smile.

“Wouldn’t trade it for anything.” Ali leaned across the console and pressed a kiss to Emily’s lips.

Emily took Ali home and made her breakfast before Ali left for school. Thankfully, her boss had been able to find a substitute for her first period class without a problem. After Ali left, Emily grabbed Jett’s leash to take him out. She walked him to let him go to the bathroom and then she popped into the garage to text Maurice to let him know about the new developments and then told him she’d elaborate when she got to the bar later. She grabbed her gun and the holster she used to conceal and carry when she was running. She slid her shirt up and put the holster on and pushed the gun snugly underneath it and then pulled her shirt back down.

“What do you say, Jett? Want to go for a jog to help us clear our heads?” Emily glanced down at her mutt.

Jett heard the word ‘jog’ and went nuts. He always got so excited when he went for runs with Lily and Emily and walks with Ali.

“Come on.” She grabbed his leash, tossing the burner phone back into the safe and locking it behind her.

She walked out of the garage. She closed the door just as a text from Maurice came through warning her that she didn’t have a tail on her this morning because they saw a suspicious car follow Alison when she left for school and they thought it was worth tracking.

 _“Don’t go anywhere until I say you’re all clear.”_ The message warned.

She didn’t hear her phone go off. Emily heard something behind her as she was locking the door and when she spun around she found a curious pair of eyes peering back at her.

“Lily?” Emily asked in surprise.

Lily pursed her lips in thought. She’d picked that up from Ali.

“What do you do in there?” Lily questioned.

“What are you doing home?” Emily frowned.

“I don’t feel well, so I bailed on second period and walked home.”

“Why didn’t you go talk to your mother?” Emily asked.

“I couldn’t find her. There were some kids saying she was late or something. I didn’t feel like wandering the halls and trying to find her, so I came home.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“It’s no big deal. I can take care of myself.”

God, Lily had inherited her stubborn streak.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked.

“I dunno.” Lily shrugged. “I’ve got a fever and I feel achy.”

She was certainly playing the part, looking pitiful, sounding sad. But Emily knew better than to take any child of hers at her word. Emily pushed her hand against Lily’s forehead. She’d been able to tell when Lily had a fever since she was baby. Her skin was as cool as a cucumber. Emily frowned at her.

“Try again. Why are you home when you should be at school?”

“I’ll answer your question if you answer mine. What do you do in the garage?” Lily glanced behind Emily. “I saw you out here a few weeks ago. And you’ve been out here a lot since then. Why?”

“I’m just rearranging some things.”

“At three in the morning? I’ve seen you out here at all kinds of weird hours.”

_Shit. She can’t stop asking questions. Why is she so damn smart?_

Emily was a little thrown that Lily was being so aggressive and pushy. She seemed agitated.

“Sometimes your dog wakes me to go out and then I’m up for the day.” Emily glanced at Jett, shooting him a silent telepathic apology for throwing him under the bus.

_Sorry for blaming you, man. We’ll go for a super-special jog today. I promise._

Jett didn’t seem to care at all. He was still hyped up and excited about his run.

“Well, sometimes at school I have days when I want to get up and leave for the day,” Lily said with a shrug.

“Listen, I know what you’re going through. I do. But you can’t just skip school, Lily.” Emily glared at her.

“Why not? Mom missed like two whole years when she was my age.”

“That’s not…that’s apples and oranges.” That was the only retort she could think of because she was surprised that Lily was back-talking her _and_ she was surprised she was throwing Ali’s past in her face. “Look, everything your mother did back then was for a very good reason. And you’re a lot like her. I know you didn’t leave without a good reason. What is it?”

Lily looked away and sighed and Emily could see tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. She’d broken through her wall of anger. Lily faced her mom again.

“There was this kid in my social science class celebrating his birthday today. And I started feeling anxious and wasn’t sure why. But then I remembered that mine is coming up in a few weeks. Mine and Grace’s…” Her bottom lip started trembling. “I don’t want to celebrate it, mom…not without her.” Her voice quivered. “I don’t ever want to have a birthday without my sister.”

She and Grace had relentlessly teased each other about sharing their birthdays since they could talk. Their combo theme parties never seemed to work. The pool party petting zoo combo hadn’t worked and neither had the fireworks show artwork extravaganza combo.

“Oh, Lil…” No wonder she’d bailed. Emily probably would have bailed, too. She’d bailed for less.

Emily reached out to touch her face. She started to pull her in for a hug, but then she remembered the gun. Lily would definitely feel it. Thankfully, Lily wasn’t in a hugging mood. It concerned Emily a little bit, because Lily felt distant.

“Tell you what, there’s some leftover pancakes in the kitchen. Why don’t you go grab a bite to eat? I’m going to call your mother.”

“Do we have to tell her?” she grimaced.

“She’s going to notice you’re not there. Trust me.” Emily rubbed the back of Lily’s head, running her fingers through her hair. “She won’t be mad, honey. She’ll understand.”

“I’m not worried about her being mad. I’m worried about upsetting her. She’s been really panicky lately.”

Of course Lily had noticed their increased anxiety. Of course she was worried about how her actions would affect her mothers. She was the best and the worst of her and Ali.

“It’ll be fine. She’s fine.” _Other than cussing out a hungover teenage boy in front of the entire police force and Eli this morning._

“Okay.” Lily shrugged. But she didn’t believe her. She knew both of her mothers lied to her to protect her.

Emily watched her go inside and she called Ali, hoping to catch her before she went into class. Fortunately, she did.

“Hey, what’s up, stranger?” Ali picked up.

“Hey. Just couldn’t stop thinking about you,” Emily said with a laugh. She heard Ali chuckle softly. “I just thought I’d let you know that Lily left school and is at home…”

“Crap. She’s skipping school now?”

“It’s one day, Ali. I don’t think we need to panic just yet. She just had a bad morning,” Emily replied. They’d all had a bad morning. “She told me she got upset because her birthday is coming up. And she doesn’t want to celebrate without Grace.”

The line went silent. Ali didn’t say anything for several seconds. Emily heard a heavy sigh on the phone.

“Em…I completely forgot. With everything that’s happened it just didn’t even register. Oh my God, am I terrible mother?”

“Of course not.” Emily quickly interjected. “We’ve been through a lot. The days and weeks have just really run together. Don’t worry about it. We’ll catch back up to life.”

“I know. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way.”

“We’ll get through it,” Emily said.

“What would I do without you?” Ali sighed.

Emily swallowed hard. She hated being in this position. She hated lying to Ali about her well-being.

“Probably manhandle teenagers and threaten to rip cops’ balls off.”

“I mean, I do that anyway.” Ali shrugged. “I love you. I’ve got to run. Let me know if I need to come home.”

“I’m going to try and talk Lily into going back to school. She’s missed enough class already.”

“Good luck. You know she becomes belligerent and withdrawn just like us when she doesn’t want to do something.”

They said their goodbyes and then Emily walked towards the house. Jett stopped when they got to the door, confused as to why they were going back into the house and not going on his coveted jog. He looked perturbed. Emily quickly promised she’d take him after she got Lily situated. She even threw in the words “car ride”, which got his tail moving really quickly.

She joined Lily at the breakfast table. She was already seated and eating two pancakes. Lily glanced up at Emily with a timid look on her face, all anger she’d been feeling washed out by her regret.

“Am I in trouble?” Lily asked.

“No. But you can’t just leave school without telling us.” Emily sat down next to her.

“I know.” Lily’s eyes darted towards the floor. “You’re going to make me go back, aren’t you?”

“I know you’re struggling, sweetie, but we’ve got to get back into the swing of things as best we can.”

“I don’t like it when you’re not there.” Lily admitted.

“I’m going to be back really soon.” She pulled Lily’s head towards her lips and kissed the top of it.

She’d already been pushing herself to get back to work. She didn’t like being away from Ali and Lily during the day when she had a hit on her head. Lily’s pitiful little face was just another reason for her to push towards it. She’d been planning on talking to Ali about going back anyway.

“You are?” Lily perked up slightly.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded.

The promise that she’d be back was a driving force to get a little pep back in Lily’s step. After they finished breakfast Emily drove her back to school. Jett hung his head out the window the whole way, slobber dripping down the side of the car. None of them noticed the car in the lane next to them three car-lengths back trailing them the whole way.

Once Emily dropped Lily off she made good on her promise to her dog. She took him to one of her favorite jogging trails. The car that had been following her parked on the opposite side of the park, the driver watching her through a pair of dark sunglasses. It had been over two weeks since Emily’s guard detail had left her side, but she’d been alone for a few hours now thanks to a decoy car following Ali raising suspicion. Now was the perfect opportunity to get to Emily.

Emily’s stalker glanced over at the passenger’s seat and grabbed the mask and gloves wrapped neatly around a sharp blade. It was originally going to be a gun, quick and fast. But this had turned into something more. It needed to be up close and personal. The control of the blade, the proximity of the kill…watching the light go out in Emily’s eyes was something that needed to happen where it could be seen face to face.

Emily had decided she’d just do one loop on the trail. A mile was enough for the dog. Though he could go much further, she didn’t want him to overheat or overexert himself. She loved the rambunctious pup with all of her life. They ran the trail, Emily breathing in nature while Jett’s pads hit the ground next to her. His tongue was lolling out of his mouth and he looked like he was grinning.

Emily chuckled to herself wondering which unlucky guy from Maurice’s group was having to keep up with her. She got a certain sense of satisfaction out of picturing Frank wheezing while following her and cussing her out. Bobby and Manny could probably keep up. They were both pretty fit. Carlo would probably trip and fall into a ditch.

She slowed down when she reached the end of her loop. When she got to the car she checked the back seat, a habit she’d developed after many years of unexpected surprised guests popping up out of nowhere to try and kill her.

She leaned into the car and cranked the ignition and rolled the windows down to let the car cool off for Jett. She walked to the passenger’s side where she’d put a cooler. She reached in and grabbed a bottle of water and the collapsible travel bowl she brought along for Jett. She wiped some sweat from her brow and then poured half her bottle of water into Jett’s bowl and put it on the ground for him. He quickly lapped it up.

She looked around, an eerie feeling creeping up her spine. She didn’t see any cars strewn about anywhere. It made her feel a bit more at ease knowing that someone in the shadows had her back, though she couldn’t help but wonder where the car tailing her was parked. Maurice hadn’t been kidding when he said she’d never know his guys were there. Of course, she didn’t realize that in this instance they _weren’t_ there.

She had just gotten Jett into the car when she heard the unmistakable snap of a twig. Jett stuck his head out the window and let out a low growl. She reached for her concealed weapon, but something whizzed through the trees, blindsiding her before she could unsnap the holster. She felt the full force of a heavy body slam her against the side of the car. She let out a shocked gasp, but she was able to throw her head back and headbutt the attacker, sending them stumbling backwards, both of them falling to the ground.

Jett started barking and snarling. He tried to put his paws up against the car window, but the window wasn’t all the way down and the car was small compared to his big frame. He tried to squeeze through the center console to get through the slightly ajar passenger’s side door.

Emily elbowed the person and tried to scramble to her feet. She grabbed the inside of the door to pull herself up, her fingers landing against the teddy bear in the floor. She reached for her gun again, but a pair of rough gloved hands grabbed her by her hair and yanked her until she hit the pavement.

That’s when she saw the glint of the weapon in the sunlight. The knife was aimed at her throat, but she hauled off and punched the attacker, teddy bear still in hand. The steel blade of the knife ripped into the fabric. She took a split second to realize the absurdity of the fact that she had just defended herself with a teddy bear. God, she was on the level of Hanna attacking Caleb with a fuzzy pink lamp when they were in high school. She finally came to her senses and started to yell.

“Help!”

But that’s all she was able to get out before the attacker’s free hand pressed firmly against her lips to silence her. She could hear Jett going nuts a few feet away, scratching to try and get out of the car.

She saw the knife coming towards her again. She pushed forward and grabbed his wrist with one hand to try and stop the knife and tried to grab her gun with her other, but a strong gloved hand wrapped tightly around the wrist going for the weapon and jerked it roughly. He tried to drive the knife into her chest, but she yanked her hand free and put both of her hands against the wrist of the hand holding the knife.

She struggled against him, watching as the knife’s blade slowly got closer to her body. He changed directions, aiming it towards her abdomen. She kicked and threw her hand forward and the knife slipped, cutting into her side instead. She felt the sharp steel slice through her shirt and into her skin.

“Shit.” She hissed in surprise.

She threw her head back and saw Jett crawling out the window, his large body wiggling as he squirmed to fit through it like a comically giant-sized dog trying to get through a tiny doggy door.

The attacker flipped the knife and tried to push it forward again. She felt the blade slowly sliding into her skin a few inches to the left of her bellybutton. Her eyes widened when she felt the tip of the knife breaking through her skin. Before it could get much deeper Jett sprang free and bulldozed the attacker. His teeth tore into the arm of the hand holding the weapon. The attacker reacted quickly, grabbing the knife with their free hand.

“Jett!” Emily exclaimed, pushing herself to her feet, trying to get his attention so she could stop what was about to happen.

But it was too late. The knife made contact with his side near his rib cage. Jett yelped, but he didn’t stop in his attack.

“Jett!” She screamed again. She ripped the gun out of its holster and took aim just as the attacker was kicking Jett and getting to his feet. “Get the fuck away from my dog!”

The attacker stumbled back and grabbed a large rock on the ground and hurled it at her. She ducked out of the way and by the time she got her bearings again he was heading towards the woods, running in a zig-zag pattern, leaving her no clear shot. Without thinking, Emily followed. She ran after him for several minutes, but he somehow alluded her. She lost his trail. She spun around the woods, her gun slowly leading her movements. She listened for any trace of noise. Where the hell had he gone?

“God damn it!” She screamed in irritation.

She heard her voice echoing in the distance. Her brain slowed down and she suddenly remembered Jett. She raced back towards the parking lot. Jett was curled up against the ground frantically licking at the wound on his side. Emily glanced back to make sure she wasn’t being followed and then leaned down next to him.

“Easy,” she said, her voice coming out much calmer than she was expecting. “Hey, you’re okay.”

He looked up at her and she glanced at the stab wound in his side. It was hard to see how bad it was through all of his wet matted fur. She gently ran her fingers across the injury. She couldn’t tell for sure, but she didn’t think that the knife had gone all the way in.

“You are one tough son of a bitch, you know that?” Emily ran her hand across his head. He licked her fingers.

She glanced at her own wounds. Both of them were superficial. The one on her side was a graze. The one in her stomach had just broken through her skin a little.

“Let’s get you taken care of, buddy.”

His injury was worse than hers. The dog needed to come first. She put her gun up and opened the back door to the car. Then she reached down with her arms, placing one arm behind his hindquarters and the other up near his breastbone and front legs and lifted his heavy ass into the car.

She glanced at the ground where the ripped up teddy bear was. She grabbed it and started to toss it in the car, but then something caught her eye. Where the bear had been damaged she saw a stripped black wire. She pulled the wire out, finding a listening device.

“I fucking knew it.” She squeezed the bear in anger.

There had been a reason she hated the thing. This whole time someone had been listening to her. She stuffed the wire back into the bear and then took one last look at the empty surroundings before she leaped into the car and sped to the vet.


	17. Skin Deep

As Emily flew down the road hoping there were no cops around to pull her over she fumbled around for her cell phone. She usually didn’t call the bar on her phone, but she wanted to find out if Donnie was working, because the animal hospital where he worked wasn’t that far from the jogging trail. When she got ahold of Maurice she rattled through the explanation, trying not to panic. She explained that her dog had been hurt protecting her from an attacker.

“He’s there. I’ll call it in,” Maurice said. “What about you? Are you hurt?”

“No. Not really. He got away though.” Emily glanced at the blood on her shirt. She wasn’t sure how much of it was Jett’s and how much of it was hers.

“I told you not to go anywhere.” Maurice huffed.

“When?” She asked in confusion.

“Right after you told me you had something you needed to talk to me about.”

“Jesus. I wasn’t paying attention and I must have…sorry, I-I got distracted.” And by “distracted” she meant that her daughter almost caught her hauling a weapon out of the garage. “I didn’t…”

She tried to calm herself down. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her adrenaline was wearing off and the severity of the situation was hitting her. Her hands were trembling against the wheel. Her breathing was unsteady.

“Hey, take a breath, Fields. You’re fine. I’ve got Manny on the way and you’re not far from Donnie’s place. We’ve got you covered.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Did you see any distinguishing marks?”

“No. Just a knife plummeting towards my face.”

“A knife?” He sounded surprised. “That’s new.” He mulled it over in thought. “They’re getting really personal with this. Hits are usually clean and precise. Whoever this is isn’t playing by any rules I’m used to. It’s really starting to piss me off.”

She could tell that despite his advice to calm down he was unnerved that she was still by herself. So she pushed the gas pedal closer to the floorboard, constantly checking in her rearview mirror, worried about Jett’s blood loss. He’d stopped licking at the injury and was just lying on his side panting. He was going in to shock.

She wasn’t sure what to expect when she pulled into the parking lot of the animal hospital during daylight hours. The last time she’d been out here it had been night and she’d been fuzzy from being unconscious.

As soon as she pulled up and got out of the car she lifted him out of the back seat. Before she could get two steps away from the car, Donnie and a tall man dressed in light green scrubs met her, which was a good thing because she was close to collapsing underneath Jett’s weight. She was sure it wasn’t helping her own injuries, but she wasn’t thinking about herself in that moment. Jett was a part of her family, and because of her he was hurt. She’d been so worried about Ali and Lily getting hurt. She never dreamed their steamroller of a dog would be in danger.

“We got him,” the man with Donnie assured her. She handed her dog off to him and then followed them into the building. They walked into a room that had a large metal table, two chairs, and a stool next to a computer. The man carrying Jett put him down against the table, which was hooked up to a scale. He quickly jotted his weight down while Donnie opened the cabinets and started pulling supplies out. The man helping him started getting everything ready to put an IV catheter in. Donnie gave Jett some kind of injection and then tossed the needle and syringe into the medical waste bucket. He glanced at the blood covering Emily’s shirt and something dawned on him.

“It’s not all his, is it?” Donnie noticed the tears in her clothing. Emily glanced at the technician in the room. “It’s cool. Michael is with us.”

Of course he was. How deep did this operation go? Were there school crossing guards that were secret bodyguards?

“Let me take a look.” He motioned to her wounds.

“I’m fine. Take care of my dog first.” Emily waved him off.

“And let Maurice have my ass if something happens to you? Michael’s got him. I’ve got another tech setting up X-Ray for him. Let’s see what you got.” Donnie motioned for her to lift her shirt.

“They’re superficial.” Emily pulled her shirt up, pushing the holster with the gun up.

“Well, at least you were carrying,” Donnie said. He eyeballed the cut in her side and the small puncture in her stomach and then nodded in approval. “They’re not deep enough to need stitches.”

“Yeah, like I said…” She motioned to Jett, “…focus on him.”

She stepped back and let them do their job. Michael got the IV catheter in and then took Jett to get X-Rays to make sure the knife hadn’t perforated anything important. Donnie grabbed some things to clean Emily’s injuries. She pulled her shirt up and he went to work. Her stomach tensed up when he ran the cold wet gauze over the wounds. She sucked in a surprised breath through her teeth.

“Sorry,” he said, carefully assessing each spot. “What happened to your detail?”

“They thought my wife was being followed.”

“They’re really pulling out all the stops for you.” Donnie shook his head. “Never seen Maurice this frazzled before.”

“Why does he care so much? I thought you guys did this kind of shit all the time?”

“He’s taken a real shine to you.” Donnie shrugged, gently putting some salve over her injuries. “You remind him of his daughter.”

_Is she pig-headed and idiotic, too?_ Emily wondered to herself.

“Plus, despite what you think you might know about us, we tend to care about one another. When you go through the same messed up crap together it bonds you in a certain way. It’s like this club that no one asked to be a part of, but in a weird way…you’re glad to be a part of it together instead of alone.”

Emily nodded, understanding exactly where he was coming from. She had the same attachment to Aria, Hanna, Spencer, and Alison. The things they’d been through when they were teenagers connected them in ways no one else on Earth could understand.

She glanced down and watched as he finished cleaning up and doctoring her cuts. It was funny, she’d been to countless doctors over the years, and a veterinarian had given her the best medical care she’d ever had in her life. His gloved fingers brushed against her scar as he finished putting the salve on the abdominal injury.

“I’m surprised you haven’t asked me about it,” she said.

“I’m not in the business of asking my patients things. They can’t answer me with anything other than barks or meows. I’m used to putting things together myself. My job is a puzzle I have to piece together.”

“What do the pieces say about me?” Emily asked.

“You were hurt…”

_No shit, Sherlock._

“…in more ways than one.” He glanced up at her. “Your injuries healed, but you’re still in a lot of pain. That’s why you came to us. Because it’s easier for you to punch than talk.”

How was he a better psychologist than her actual psychologist? She didn’t respond and Donnie couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Not talking. Thus proving my point.” The smile on his face slowly dissipated. “You won’t find any judgement here. Trust me. We all get it.”

She gave him an appreciative smile.

“I can’t believe you had a gun on me the night I came to the bar looking for Marco.” She shook her head in disbelief. He seemed so normal.

“Almost hated to do it. Frank gets guns pulled on his stupid ass all the time, but never quite like the night you pulled your piece on him.” He laughed.

“I would have shot him, you know.”

“I know. But I’m glad you didn’t. Because then I would have had to shoot you.”

Neither one of them said anything for a few seconds. She could hear soft music playing over a speaker in the room. She recognized the song.

“Sammy Davis Jr, huh?”

“Nothing calms the nerves like the Rat Pack, especially during a stressful surgery.” Donnie nodded, gently taping some gauze over her wounds. “I like to think ole Frank, Sammy, and Dean-o relax my patients, too.”

“My dad loved them,” Emily said.

“A man of good taste.” Donnie approved.

“Yeah.” She couldn’t help but smile softly.

She thought about her dad walking around singing _That’s Life_ when she was little. It always made her mother smile, which made her smile. Ali liked the Rat Pack classics, too. She had loved playing them for the girls when they were toddlers. It had always made Emily feel like her dad was there with them. Ali never told Emily, but that’s exactly why she did it.

Michael popped his head in.

“X-Rays are up.”

“Hang tight.” Donnie pushed himself up off of the stool he was sitting on and walked towards the door.

Emily sat in the room listening to Sammy Davis Jr. sing about how he had to “dare to try, to do it or die” and thought about her own life. In a way she had her own rat pack in her friends. They had their resident “den mother” in Spencer, though Emily had definitely filled in that role when Spencer needed a break. And the rest of them were the mischievous inseparable friends that just worked best as a whole.

One song later Donnie walked back into the room. Michael was with him. Emily swallowed hard. Where was Jett? Before she could go into a full blown panic, Donnie quickly calmed her down.

“He’s okay. He lost some blood, but other than that I think he’s going to be fine. We’re getting surgery prepped for him. I’m going to have to sedate him to clean and repair the laceration. It’ll take a few hours,” Donnie said.

Emily breathed a sigh of relief and then nodded.

“I’ve got a job to do for Maurice anyway, so I can just swing back by after that.” Emily glanced at the clock.

“He delegated that to Bobby. But he still wants you to go by the pub. He wants to take a look at that nanny-cam you were saddled with and to check your rental to make sure it hasn’t been tampered with. Manny is out front. He’s gonna follow you to the bar. You okay to drive?”

“Yeah. Take care of my mutt.”

“Will do. See you in a few hours.”

As she was walking out to the car she glanced at her phone and saw she had a missed call from Ali. She rubbed her eyes and groaned. How the hell was she going to explain this to Ali and Lily? If she came clean the same person who had tried to make mincemeat out of her today would be after them. If she told Ali she was attacked it would send her on the defensive. There were too many red flags that would be raised with that story.

The problem with lying to Ali is that she was the master when it came to lies. And while Emily had gotten fairly better at fibbing to her over the years, outright lying was still hard for her. The reason being not because she wasn’t good at it, but because when the two of them had decided to create a life together they had made a brand new start together. They had become an “us” instead of the individual “I’s” they’d been before their family.

She didn’t call Ali, but she texted her to let her know she’d give her a shout when she got a chance. She drove to the bar, trying not to obsess about the lies that were building in her life. It didn’t help matters one bit when Maurice met her outside with a frown on his face. Carlo was right behind him, glancing around at the surroundings, making sure no one was watching them.

“Donnie told me the dog wasn’t the only one who found himself at the end of the blade.” Maurice scowled, glancing at her bloody shirt. “You fucking lied to me.”

“I do that sometimes.” Emily shrugged. “Besides, I’m not _that_ hurt.”

“You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that?”

“I’ve been told.” Emily nodded. “More than once. By more than one person.”

“And yet you still don’t listen. How the hell does your wife deal with your bullshit?” He grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“I guess she loves me.” Emily cracked a smile. “Besides, all I have to do is go down on her and she forgets her own name.”

Holy hell, had she said that out loud? She hadn’t meant for that to slip out of her thoughts. Blood immediately rushed to her cheeks. Carlo was howling with laughter. Maurice was staring at her in surprise, his lips twisted in a slight smirk. She could keep up with the big boys, alright. She actually surpassed some of them. He was downright impressed.

“Christ. I was about to say you had a mouth on you, but now that just doesn’t sound right anymore.” Maurice huffed out a laugh.

“I’m gonna call you motor-mouth mamí.” Carlo snorted.

“Do it and die.” Emily threatened.

“You’re awful ballsy today. Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” Carlo raised his chin, a cheeky smile on it.

“You do realize that I rearranged Frank’s face for less than what you’re suggesting?”

“Yeah, once.” He scoffed. “You ain’t done shit since then. You’re softer than a baby bunny.”

“Don’t challenge her.” Maurice sighed and shook his head. “Unless you want to lose those cheap veneers.” He knew Emily would follow through on her threat.

Emily smirked at Carlo, but Maurice immediately started scolding her.

“Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face and show me what you’ve got.” Maurice ordered, motioning to the car.

Emily reached in the car and pulled out the ripped up teddy bear. A piece of stuffing fell to the ground. Carlo kicked at it. Maurice glanced at the stripped wire, which was now useless to whatever other party might have been listening to it.

“Hmm, cheap. But well-placed. Kind of out of date for wiring though.” Maurice nodded. “I know a couple of places that still sell it.” He glanced at Emily. “What sweet nothings have been whispered to this thing recently?” Maurice rolled the electronic device around in his hand.

“It’s been shoved in a box in my garage since I got home. And I don’t do any talking out there. Just texting.”

“Yeah, when you bother to actually check your messages.” Maurice rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t see it, okay?” Emily grumbled. “God, you’re such a nag. How does _your_ wife live with _you_?” She gave him a hard time.

Carlo snickered.

“You use your mouth to get out of trouble, too, boss?” Carlo asked.

“Watch it.” He warned them both. “When did you pull Winnie the Pooh here out of storage?” Maurice questioned.

“Uh, last night. I tossed it in the car because I knew I had a job for you today and you said you wanted to see it.”

“Was anything sensitive said in the car?”

Emily thought about what she and Ali had talked about to and from the police station. On the way to the station Ali had just been cursing violently for the most part. But on the way home Emily had expressed her doubts about the kid in custody being responsible for the wreck. She recapped the conversation with Maurice.

“So you basically told your hit man that you aren’t buying the fertilizer he’s selling.” Maurice nodded.

“I didn’t fucking know it had a wire in it!” Emily exclaimed defensively.

“Rule numero uno, always act like you’ve got a wire on you. You’ve gotta be careful about what you say and do. God, no wonder you almost got yourself killed again. Once you spilled your guts about the kid’s innocence whoever was watching must have put a decoy car in the mix to throw Manny off.” He shook his head. “Kid should have known better.”

“He thought my wife was in danger.” Emily stepped up to defend Manny. “I’m glad he chose her over me. At least I know to watch my back. I’ve basically made her defenseless against this maniac.”

“First of all, don’t be a moron. Blaming yourself is idiotic. I know you’re not an idiot. And second off, as long as she doesn’t know what you’re up to or who you’re after they’re not gonna mess with her. They’re professionals.”

Emily couldn’t help but laugh.

_Professional_ gangsters. She was picturing men and women covered in tattoos and wearing business attire carrying around briefcases and watching the stock market.

“I don’t know how much longer she’ll stay off their radar. When I come home with an injured dog she’s going to have questions,” Emily replied.

Maurice rubbed his chin in thought. He glanced at the car. He ran his fingers along the rear passenger’s side window, which was partially down.

“You got renter’s insurance on this?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Maurice nodded at Carlo and Carlo pulled his gun out and slammed the butt of it against the glass, shattering it. The noise made Emily jump inadvertently.

“What the hell, Maurice?” Emily snapped.

“You may be able to hide your injuries, but like you said…dogs don’t wear clothes,” Maurice replied, his voice calm and collected. “When she asks, all you gotta say is that the dog saw something that excited him and tried to break out of the car.” He pointed to the scratch marks Jett had left against the door from when he was trying to get out to defend Emily. “He cut himself trying to get out.”

“She’s not going to buy that.” Emily scoffed.

“She will if you sell it well enough.”

“You don’t know my wife.”

“No. But at this point I know you. You’ve got it in you.” He shrugged. “Now stop overthinking it and come give me the rundown on this kid they have in custody so we can figure out what the hell is going on.” He started walking towards the bar, waving for them to follow him.

“Age before beauty.” Carlo smirked jokingly, waving for Emily to go first.

“You first, Carlo Pants-are-low.”

“Nice try.” Carlo wasn’t all that impressed with her jab. “But Carlo is my last name.”

“What’s your first name?” Emily asked curiously.

“Monte.”

“Your name is Monte Carlo?” Emily snorted a laugh. “Did your parents hate you or something?”

“Shut up before I stab you.” Carlo frowned. He’d obviously been given heat for his name his whole life.

“Go ahead and try. You can add to the growing collection of measly little papercuts I have or I could shoot you in the face.” She pat her concealed weapon. “Or we could do both. Your choice.”

He shrugged, then walked off. Emily followed with a satisfied smirk on her face. She caught Maurice up to speed about everything that had been laid on her at the police station that morning. He listened with a tense look on his face. She’d barely gotten a quarter of the way in to it when he realized that her hands were still shaking from being attacked.

“Slow down, sweetheart.” Maurice stopped her mid-sentence.

“What? Am I going too fast for you?” Emily asked in a snarky manner.

“No. You’re going too fast for _you_.” He motioned to her trembling fingers. “It’s cool if you need a few minutes to breathe. It’s not every day you get a knife put to your throat.”

“It’s more common in my life than you think,” she uttered. She’d lost count of how many times a psychopath had pulled a weapon on her.

“Yeah, but this ain’t your typical textin’ high school tormentor.”

Emily didn’t say anything at first. She shouldn’t have been shocked he knew her past given she’d gotten his contact info from Mona, but for some reason hearing him bring it up surprised her.

“So you did your research on me…”

“Didn’t have to. Everyone this side of Philly knows all about you and your friends. What was it they called you? _The_ _Pretty Little Liars_?” Maurice asked. Emily grumbled. She’d hated reading that headline in the paper back then. She hated it just as much now. “As soon as I realized that you were the survivor of that hit and run everything else came rushing back to me. I remember seeing those stories about you and your friends plastered all over the news back then. Plus, your girl Mona was kind of a dead giveaway. Mona doesn’t keep many people in her inner circle. I figured you had to be someone close to her for her to give up my name.”

“I twisted her arm.” Emily admitted.

“Please, Mona Vanderwaal doesn’t do _anything_ Mona Vanderwaal doesn’t want to do.” Maurice snorted. “Or should I say _Ramona Waveland_?”

“Yeah, I told her that was ridiculous.” Emily laughed. “But she likes to stay under the radar.”

“She’s lucky to have people like you who make that easier for her. I thought you were going to bite my head off when I called her out. Didn’t know she had people who cared that much in her life.”

“She’s been through a lot.” And had come out the other end of it.

“I’m actually kind of surprised you two are friends given everything she put you through,” Maurice said, his voice curious, but not prying.

“It’s more complicated than the news made it out to be,” Emily said. “The thing about Mona is…she’s Mona.”

“Thanks, that clears it up,” Maurice spouted sarcastically.

“She’s not a bad person. She was a confused person who did bad things.”

Mona had put them through hell, but then she’d suffered at Charlotte’s hands for months in the dollhouse. She had risked everything for them more than once. After everything they had gone through together it was hard not to consider Mona family. Sure, they were like a warped version of estranged cousins who only ran into one another at family reunions and shared awkward hugs, but they were family nonetheless. And despite what Mona had put them through, Emily wouldn’t put up with anyone screwing with her life. Not when Mona was finally stable and happy.

“How much does she know about what’s going on with you?” he asked.

“Honestly? With her, I never know.” Emily shrugged. “What I’ve told her and what she knows are two completely different things.”

Because despite what Emily had told her on the phone when she asked for help, she knew that if Mona got curious enough she’d dig until she found out what she wanted to know. She wouldn’t be able to stop herself from intervening if she thought Emily was in trouble. It’s why Emily had been very careful not to draw attention to everything she was doing.

“Well at least there’s one person in your life who can see through your bullshit.” Maurice laughed.

“I don’t know.” Emily thought back to her conversation with Spencer about how all the girls knew something was off with her. “You’d be surprised how resourceful my friends and family are.”

“All the more reason to figure this shit out.”

“God, what have I dragged them in to?” Emily sighed, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “This is such a mess. The kid they have in custody is probably going to go down for this.”

“Let’s walk through it again from the beginning.” Maurice poured himself a shot of bourbon.

This time, Emily went through it slowly, her nerves a bit more relaxed. Her hands had stopped trembling. She went over everything Toby went through with her, Ali, and Spencer. Then she talked about the attack, trying to pick out any small details she could remember. They strategized for about an hour and a half.

Maurice put a plan in motion to follow up on the nanny-cam teddy bear and he was also going to look into the kid in custody. He had Frank sweep Emily’s rental car for more bugs and tracking devices and it came up clean. Frank cleaned up the glass and the blood and then Emily went back to the animal hospital to check on Jett.

She walked into the lobby. Michael saw her coming and he opened a door and waved her back. She followed him down a hallway. Donnie was sitting in his office with his surgical cap still on. He was typing something into a chart on the computer. He reached down and picked up a half-eaten hamburger sitting in a Styrofoam container and took a bite. Then he very delicately patted his mouth with a napkin. He motioned for Emily to come into the room.

“Those gashes stop oozing?” He asked, turning his chair to face her.

“I’m right as rain.” Emily gave him a half-hearted thumbs up. “How did my dog do?”

“We got him stitched up.” Donnie took another bite of his late lunch and then took a sip of his drink. “He’ll heal.” He reached for a clear plastic bag sitting to the side of his desk. “We found something interesting after we sedated him.” He pushed the baggie over to her. Inside the plastic bag was a ripped piece of black fabric. “Looks like he took a bite out of crime.” He looked rather proud of himself for the pun. “It was wedged in between his teeth.”

“Holy shit.” Emily picked the bag up, glancing at the material. It looked damp, but whether it was from Jett’s drool or the attacker’s bloody arm, she wasn’t sure. “Are you serious?” _Jett, you magnificent bastard._

“Don’t get too excited. Not sure anything will come of it.” Donnie glanced at the bag. “Maurice is gonna take a look at it. We may be able to track something. Cops have their databases. We have ours.” He shrugged. “If we get a feel for who was wearing it then all we’ve gotta do is look for a dog bite and you’ve got your assassin.”

“It’s about damn time we had a stroke of good luck.” Emily pressed her fingers against the piece of fabric in the plastic bag.

“If this is who Maurice thinks it is the fact that you’re still alive is pretty lucky.” He pushed himself to his feet. “Good thing your dog was there.”

“Yeah.” Emily nodded. “He’s a good partner in crime.”

“Come on. I’ll take you to your partner in crime’s cell.” He swallowed another bite of his lunch.

“You can finish eating first if you want.” Emily motioned to his food.

“Nah, it’s cool. You learn to eat when you can in this line of work. My body is used to it.”

He led her back to the treatment ward. She saw several different dogs and cats being treated for various things. She saw a little spotted dog trying to scratch himself with a bandage on his back leg. She could tell he was getting frustrated. Next to that dog there was another dog scratching at her ears. A few cages down there was a cat on IV fluids curled up on a pile of blankets, completely oblivious to everything. She stepped over an IV line.

All the medical equipment made her think about her own time in the hospital. A chill shot up her spine as she thought back to being laid up in her hospital bed fighting with every emotion in her head. She had been angry that she’d lived and Grace had died. She had been depressed knowing how close she came to saving her only to lose her. She had felt hopeless and helpless and guilty and everything else under the sun.

She had been content to die, because how could she live without her daughter? How could she live with seeing the wreck on constant replay in her head? She’d been out of her mind with grief. If it hadn’t been for her family she very well might have just given up. She thought she could remember Ali begging her to fight – to live. She could vaguely recall Ali telling her not to give up and that made her want to fight. Her wife admitting how much her family needed her was the only thing that could bring her out of the dangerous part of her mind.

Those days in the hospital had been hell for her. It made her antsy to think about. But her overwhelming feelings of pain turned into relief, and a bit of humor when she got to a large clear plexiglass cage and saw Jett staring back at her. He had a large Elizabethan collar on his head and he was glaring at her, still somewhat doped up. The e-collar looked like a giant satellite dish. Someone had put yellow stretch tape around the edge of the funnel, most presumably because he was probably using it as a weapon.

Donnie grabbed a slip leash hanging up next to the run and then opened the kennel door, effortlessly slipping the lead over the e-collar and around his neck. Jett walked out of the run, moving a little like a drunk housewife, partly because of the e-collar and partly because of the sedation.

“He looks like a pissed off daisy.” Emily couldn’t help but laugh.

Jett smacked into her leg, the edge of the cone hitting her shin bone at an angle.

“Ow!” She exclaimed. That was going to bruise. She scowled at him. “You did that on purpose.”

Jett looked up at her. If he could talk his response would have been, “damn straight, I did.”

“Imagine how bad that would have felt without that little extra padding.” Donnie handed the leash to her.

He leaned down next to the clean and neatly stitched incision, double-checking his work. Emily looked at the sutured laceration. It didn’t look that bad now that the hair around it had been clipped and the cut had been sutured. She never would have been able to tell it was a knife wound. The thin red line was a little puffy and red, but otherwise she could tell that it would heal without a problem.

“The swelling will go down in 12-24 hours. I’ve got him some antibiotics and pain meds up front. Sutures come out in 10-14 days. In the meantime, just keep him from licking at it and pulling his stitches out and you’re good to go.”

“Does the weapon of mass destruction have to stay on him at all times?” Emily questioned.

“Yep. I hope you’ve got insurance, because he’s going to knock over everything you own.”

“Great.” Emily sighed. She looked at her doped up dog. “Well, he’s worth it.” She shrugged.

“Make sure you take care of your scrapes, too. The bandages can come off tonight. You might have a little oozing, but they’ll heal up fine. I’ve got some antibiotics for you, too. And I can get you some pain meds if you’d like.”

“I’m good. I have a feeling the bill is going to numb me so I won’t be able to feel anything anyway.”

“No charge. It’s part of what we do.”

“My dog didn’t sign up with you guys. I did.” She was surprised at his generosity.

“Part of the package.” He stood up.

“Can I add two weeks of sedatives to said package to keep this nutball asleep the entire time he’s healing?” Emily asked curiously.

“I can do that.” He nodded.

“I’m kidding.”

“Well, if you change your mind…” Donnie shrugged.

The technician, Michael walked over to them.

“Maurice sent a package your way. Room two,” Michael said. “Kid is sick and the ER wouldn’t treat them without insurance. Fuckin’ hospitals.” He grumbled. “Their “Beagle” weighs about the same as their two year old.” He accentuated the air quotes around the word Beagle.

It took Emily a minute to realize that Maurice and his crew were not the only humans Donnie treated. She was starting to put together bits and pieces of their operation. Perhaps they skirted the laws and did things that weren’t quite on the up and up, and they did their fair share of dirty criminal activities. But they did some good, too.

“Be right there.” Donnie nodded. He glanced at Emily. “Make sure to grab the meds from the front desk before you leave.”

Emily made her way out of the maze of the hospital, stopping at the front desk to get Jett’s goody bag. Jett kept smacking into her and the walls with the cone. Getting him into the car was like trying to teach a stubborn toddler how to do something as simple as feed themselves. There was a lot of stubbornness and a lot of tantruming. He kept throwing his head around and getting the collar caught on the door. She was exhausted by the time she finally got into the driver’s seat.

She pulled her phone out and saw that she had another missed call from Ali. Minutes after she’d called she’d sent a follow up text. She was checking in. Emily knew Ali worried, so she finally decided to bite the bullet and call her up to tell her about Jett. She was going to leave out her injuries. It was going to be tricky to keep them under wraps, but she was going to try. At least until they healed up a little bit. It would be easier for her to make up something about minor cuts and scrapes than it would be the knife wounds.

The phone hadn’t even gotten through one full ring before Ali picked up.

“Finally.” Ali huffed, partly out of irritation and partly out of concern.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out,” Emily replied.

“I wasn’t freaked out. I just missed you.” Ali tried to play it off.

“You are such a liar.” Emily laughed.

“Okay. Fine.” Ali admitted it. “I love you too much. Is that a crime?”

“Only if you start to go _Single White Female_ on me.”

Ali chuckled.

“So, how was therapy?” Ali asked.

_Shit._ Emily thought to herself.

She’d totally forgotten about it. She made a mental note to call and reschedule her appointment with Ruby.

“Uh, therapy…” She thought about the very brief conversation she’d had with Donnie. That could be considered therapy, right? “…therapy was therapy. I talked about some stuff and did some musical meditation.” The Rat Pack in particular.

Thank God Ali couldn’t see her face right now, because she would know she was lying.

“I know you have a hard time with the individual sessions, but I’m really proud of you for going through with them. I really do think in the long run they’re going to help you.”

And there was the guilt. She wasn’t progressing in therapy nearly as much as Ali thought she was. In fact, she was having a harder and harder time opening up. It seemed to agitate her emotions more than it helped her. Oftentimes after her sessions she had flashes about the wreck and Grace that were violent and hard as hell to ride out.

The pause in the line made Ali nervous, so she started babbling.

“It’s helped us both in the past. I remember before therapy I was waking up almost every night panicking and unable to breathe after being buried alive.”

Sometimes Ali still had the rare nightmare about the turmoil she’d been through in high school. But nowadays her nightmares mostly consisted of much darker moments in her life, which was pretty twisted considering she’d basically been dumped in a shallow grave and left for dead when she was fifteen.

“And after the dollhouse you used to wake up drenched in sweat and hyperventilating so much that your lips would start to turn blue.” Ali added.

“I don’t remember ever mentioning that. How did you know that?” Emily asked, a little surprised that Ali knew the details of her nightmares after her captivity in the dollhouse.

“Just because we weren’t together then doesn’t mean I didn’t care enough to keep tabs on you. I talked to your mom.” She admitted. “I talked to all of your mothers. I was worried about all four of you. I knew you went through hell in that bunker.”

That was nothing compared to what they were currently going through. In fact, losing Grace made Emily long for the days when Charlotte was torturing her. The torment she’d endured in high school seemed so much more bearable. She felt fucked up for having that train of thought.

“We’ve been through a lot and I know it can start to take its toll. I just want to make sure we don’t forget to take care of ourselves,” Ali said with a quiet sigh. “Because we have to be there for Lily. We can’t be there for her if we’re not taking care of us.”

“We’re all going to be okay, Alison,” Emily assured her. “We’ll get through it together. And don’t worry about Lily. She’s got one of the strongest people I know patrolling the hallowed halls of Rosewood High protecting her.”

“Oh, did you hire a bodyguard?” Ali quipped.

Emily knew she was joking, but it still made her tense up. Not so much _a_ bodyguard as a _team_ of bodyguards.

_Oh, Ali, if you only knew…_ She tried not to laugh.

“It’s a secret.” Emily bantered back quickly.

“You’ll never be able to keep it from me,” Ali said.

Again, Emily had to hold in her laughter.

“You got me.” Emily surrendered playfully with a quiet chuckle. “Our child has her own Secret Service on her at all times.”

_Do. Not. Laugh._ She kept warning herself.

“I knew it.” Ali joked.

“Nothing gets by you, does it?” Emily teased. “See? The Secret Service has got nothing on you. Hence why you’re the best person I know to look out for our daughter. I mean, who better to shadow her than the school teacher turned overprotective mom who dragged Zane Jacobs to the principal’s office by his ear like the damn _Terminator_?”

She remembered when they initially found out that Zane was making Lily uncomfortable. Ali had transformed from a mild-mannered teacher into a “Hulk-smash” version of herself. She’d basically pulled the kid down the hallway while the rest of the student body gawked and stared.

“I enjoyed every minute of that.” Ali didn’t regret it. “I wish you wouldn’t have stopped me from grabbing his hair and yanking it out by the follicles.”

If Emily hadn’t come around that day Zane would probably be spotting a bald patch and Ali would probably be out of a job, though Zane’s parents weren’t really involved unless they needed to write a check to get their kid out of trouble, so there likely wouldn’t have been a lawsuit or anything. They probably wouldn’t have even known…or cared…what their son was up to had Ali not marched over to his house to give his parents a piece of her mind, too. Grace had cheered her on. Lily had been mortified. Emily had to talk Ali down. Ali couldn’t help but get tunnel-vision when it came to her children. Her instincts went into overdrive when her babies were upset, even when they weren’t babies anymore.

“Someone had to stop you from turning him into your own personal piñata,” Emily said.

“I suppose that’s true,” Ali muttered. “That’s what makes us such a good team. I go over the cliff. You pull me back. I over-do it sometimes. I was supposed to protect her…”

As soon as Ali said it, it triggered something inside of Emily. Suddenly, the memories of the moment she’d woken up in the hospital and found out about Grace came flooding back to her.

_“I was supposed to protect her.”_ She remembered the crushing blow she’d felt when she realized that she’d survived, but her child hadn’t.

“…instead, I just mucked things up,” Ali continued. “I know sometimes I go overboard when it comes to her safety…”

_“She was supposed to be safe with me.”_

Emily’s face felt hot. The car felt like it was closing in on her. Her throat felt like it was closing shut. She took in a breath through her nose to try and calm herself down.

“…which is exactly why it’s important that we face these things together. I may look out for us, but _you’re_ the one who protects us.”

Emily’s entire body was shaking. She tried to settle herself down.

“Em? You still there?” Ali asked.

Emily heard Jett whimper from the back seat and for some reason, it drew her back into reality. She shook off her nerves.

“Emily?”

Jett jostled around behind her. The plastic cone smacked her in the back of the head, a not-so-subtle reminder that she’d nearly forgotten one of the main reasons she’d called Ali.

“Yeah,” Emily replied. “Just got a little distracted.”

“By what? It better not have been another woman.” Ali gave her a hard time.

“No, dear, you’re all the woman I can handle.” Emily laughed. She glanced in her rearview mirror. Jett was unsuccessfully trying to stick his head, e-collar and all, out the window. “I was trying to figure out the best way to bring this up…” She mulled over her thoughts for a second while Ali waited in anticipation. “I’ve got something I need to tell you. But I don’t want you to panic.”

“Okay…” Ali sounded nervous already. “I’m not liking where this is going.”

“Jett hurt himself today…”

“Oh my God, is he okay?” Ali couldn’t imagine her life without the big dumb lug.

“He’s fine. He just cut himself trying to bust out of the car after he saw a squirrel. He had to get stitches. I’m on my way home from the vet now. That’s part of the reason I didn’t answer the phone earlier.” That part wasn’t a lie.

There was a pause on the other end of the line, followed by a mumble of confusion.

“How did he manage to do that?” Ali asked.

Of course she would have follow up questions. She wouldn’t be Ali if she didn’t.

_Sell it!_ She heard Maurice yelling at her in her head.

She could see a giant price-tag in her head flashing _“All bullshit, 75% off!”_

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Emily said. She really _didn’t_ know what to tell her. If she said too much Ali might call her on her BS. She thought back to Maurice telling her not to overthink it. “He’s Jett.”

There was another pause on the other end of the line. Then Ali huffed out an irritated noise.

“That big dumbass.” Though, she sounded worried. She loved the stupid mutt. “I’ll tell Lily.”

“Make sure to stress the ‘he’s okay’ part. She’s having a hard day,” Emily said.

“They’re all hard,” Ali muttered.

That hit Emily in her soft spot, because she knew how difficult it had been for Ali and Lily after the wreck. They could try to return to normal all they wanted, but that didn’t make the fact that there was a piece missing from their lives any less painful.

“Sorry.” Ali tried to back-track. “It’s just hard for me to sit by and do nothing when I know Lily is upset. God, she’s been in such a mood today.”

“Yeah. She was very snarky at home this morning. I thought I was going to get burned from the heated sass she was giving me.”

“She gets that from me,” Ali said. When Emily didn’t argue, Ali cleared her throat, “Ahem! This is when you’re supposed to butt in and tell me that I’m being ridiculous and that I wasn’t that bad when I was her age.”

“Now you _want_ me to lie to you?” Emily questioned with a smirk.

“Bite me.” Ali couldn’t help but laugh.

“With pleasure. I’ll nibble on you anytime.”

“Stop that. I’m still at school. You know I can’t control myself when you say shit like that.”

“Well you’re going to have to get used to it again. Because I’m coming back to work.”

That rendered Ali speechless for a few seconds. Emily hadn’t mentioned coming back to school to her. They had talked about her taking her time, because she still had a hard time with certain triggers.

“You’re…” She stuttered in confusion. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

She’d seen Emily jump the other day when a car door slammed outside. Of course, Ali had no idea that her reaction had less to do with the wreck and more to do with the fact that someone was out to kill her. Emily glanced in the back seat at Jett. No matter how hard she tried to assure herself that her family was safe, she knew they were in danger without her protection.

It didn’t matter if she was ready to go back to school or not. Because she had to be around Ali and Lily to make sure no harm came to them. She knew that whoever Maurice sent would watch her back. It was her responsibility to keep her family safe.

“Yeah.” Emily replied. “We can talk more about it at home.”

“Okay.” She sounded extremely unsure about the idea, because she knew Emily wasn’t really ready.

Before she could start arguing with her Emily quickly hurried off the phone. She glanced back at Jett.

“That wasn’t suspicious, right?” she asked. “I played that off pretty well?”

Jett moved forward an inch and the e-collar hit the back of Emily’s headrest.

“This is going to be a fun fourteen days,” she sarcastically muttered under her breath.

He smacked into everything in the entire car the whole way home. Donnie had told Emily he’d get used to the e-collar, but that she probably wouldn’t.

The first thing she did when she got home was disposed of her bloody shirt and then changed into some clean clothes. Then she went to work puppy-proofing the house. It reminded her of when she had baby-proofed the house in preparation for when Lily and Grace were mobile. She knew that the instant they started moving they would be into everything. And they were.

One of Grace’s favorite things to do was to throw things in the toilet. She was also fond of putting anything and everything in her mouth and licking the walls for some odd reason. She was the child who dumped pots of dirt over and played around in the soil. She was big on making messes, which she did on purpose most of the time. She also had several mishaps of mayhem that were accidental, because she was notorious for spinning around with a blanket on her head and running in to things, knocking everything over.

Lily was the mastermind who could figure out any toddler lock. But she never really made a mess of things. She just liked opening and closing everything that she could. She loved to turn the TV on and off. She was big on anything with buttons. She was a smart little thing. She learned very quickly how to trap her sister in a laundry basket.

Emily remembered hearing Grace squalling bloody murder one day and she’d run towards the cries convinced that her child had fallen and cracked her head open, but when she got to her she found her trying to get out from underneath the plastic laundry basket that Lily had knocked on top of her. Lily had been sitting on top of the basket, grinning, so proud of herself. Grace’s little fingers were furiously pulling at the holes in the basket and her cheeks had been bright red in anger. Emily had fallen into the floor laughing.

Emily was still in the middle of trying to puppy-proof things so Jett wouldn’t destroy their house when Ali and Lily got home. After Ali had gotten Jason settled at his hotel she’d gone to pick up Lily from Hanna’s house. They were all so used to their plans changing that when Ali had told Lily that she was spending the afternoon with Iris and Levi instead of having Emily pick her up, Lily hadn’t even reacted. The first thing Lily did when she got home was check on her dog. Emily opened her mouth to warn her to be careful around the cone, but Jett was perfectly still when Lily reached into the cone to scratch his head.

“Now he’s gentle with it.” Emily uttered.

“He looks like a satellite dish.” Ali walked over to Emily and planted a quick peck on her lips.

She looked into Emily’s eyes for any signs of distress. She knew sometimes Emily got worked up after therapy. Emily smiled weakly at her, trying to hide the stress of the day. Fortunately, she knew that even if she looked a little jittery Ali would assume it was from therapy.

“I bet he picks up the space station with it.” Emily nodded in agreement.

Jett plopped down on the floor on his uninjured side and threw his belly up for sympathy tummy scratches. He let out a grunt that sounded like an old man groaning.

“How long does he have to wear this thing?” Lily knelt down to his level and rubbed his stomach.

He seemed content and calm. Lily had that effect on him. The girl was like a natural calming influence over the rambunctious mutt.

“Two weeks. That’s when his stitches come out,” Emily replied.

“Do we have natural disaster insurance?” Ali asked.

“Why do you think I’m trying to puppy-proof the house?” Emily laughed.

“I’m going to go do my homework.” Lily stood up. She looked at her moms. “What time is dinner?”

“Oh, will you be gracing us with your presence tonight?” Emily teased her.

Lily rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath about how parents were “so lame” but then she nodded.

“Of course. It’s spaghetti night.” Lily replied like it was ridiculous that she’d miss it. Then she bounded up the stairs. Jett got up and followed her, his e-collar hitting things along the way.

“Well, she may be sassing us, but Thank God she’s not sassing spaghetti night,” Emily said sarcastically.

“Right?” Ali was thinking the same thing. “She might not love us right now, but at least she still loves our food.”

“She loves us. She’s just trying to assert her dominance like she’s seen other teenagers do in the wild.” Emily rolled her eyes.

She grabbed a crystal glass decoration from a table that was close to Jett’s level and walked into the kitchen with it to put it further up where he couldn’t knock it over. Ali followed her, setting her things down on the counter. She watched Emily walk through the kitchen looking for things that Jett could destroy with his new accessory.

“Hey, so…about you coming back to work…”

“Wow. You’re just going to jump right into it, huh? No foreplay whatsoever.” Emily smiled, unable to resist giving her a hard time.

Ali rolled her eyes with a slight smirk, because she couldn’t help but smile back when she saw Emily smiling at her. She walked over to her.

“Don’t think you can distract me by trying to be cute.” Ali scolded her. “Not this time.”

“It’s not like it came completely out of the blue. You know I’ve been thinking about it.” Emily tried to be as nonchalant as possible.

“Yeah, but we were talking baby steps. You still jump every time you hear a loud noise and I see you flinch when you hear the water hitting the tiles in the shower. How are you going to handle slamming lockers and poolside activities?”

“I’ll never get used to it again if I don’t desensitize myself to it.” Emily shrugged.

“And you’re sure you’re ready?”

_Not even in the slightest._ Emily thought to herself.

“I wouldn’t come back if I wasn’t.” Emily nodded. “It’s going to be fine, Ali.”

“I just want to make sure you’re not doing it because you feel obligated to.” Ali still didn’t seem convinced.

“It has to happen sometime. This is a good thing. Getting back into a routine…it can only help me.”

Ali stared at her for a few seconds and then slowly nodded.

“Okay.” She closed the distance between them and put her hands on Emily’s sides right above her hips, pulling her towards her. Her fingers were mere centimeters away from the thin gauze covering the slit in her side.

Thinking quickly, Emily leaned in to kiss her and then pulled away from her embrace.

“I’m going to start the sauce.” She started grabbing ingredients for her mother’s spaghetti sauce from the cabinets.

Trying to keep Ali from touching her and finding her injuries was going to prove to be problematic. She breathed a sigh of relief when Ali went to change out of her work clothes. She busied herself for the rest of the evening until they sat down to eat dinner together.

Emily watched as Ali and Lily chatted about the day. Sometimes she felt like she took the little moments with her family for granted. She never knew how much she would miss Grace sitting at the table flicking little pieces of her dinner roll at her sister when she thought her mothers weren’t watching. She missed the little things the most.

They were just finishing up when a loud bang startled them all. Emily felt her heart racing, but when she turned around she saw that the noise had come from Jett. He was in the living room and had somehow gotten his cone caught in between the sofa and the wall.

“I got him.” Emily chuckled. She hopped to her feet and walked over to the annoyed dog. She wrestled with him for a minute to help him get free and then walked back into the kitchen. “He’ll get the hang of it.”

As she was sitting back down she saw Ali’s eyes widen. She saw Ali cutting her eyes and nudging her chin down, trying to non-verbally communicate something. Emily’s brow furrowed in confusion at first, but when she looked down she saw what had caught Ali’s attention. A spot of blood was seeping through her shirt. It must have oozed through the gauze when she was struggling with Jett.

She saw Lily getting up to take her dish to the sink. She was getting ready to turn and face her. Emily quickly slid her elbow against her bowl, knocking what was left of her dinner all over her lap.

“Oops.” Emily nervously laughed, wiping the marinara off of her shirt, purposefully mixing it with the blood so Lily wouldn’t see it.

She cleaned her mess up and then excused herself to get changed, hoping that Alison wouldn’t follow her.

Of course, she knew better. Seconds after she walked into her room Alison walked in behind her and shut the door. Without saying a word she walked over to Emily and lifted her shirt. Emily didn’t even try to stop her. She knew she wouldn’t be able to. The gauze that had blood oozing through it had slipped down because the tape holding it wasn’t sticking to her skin anymore. Alison rolled it down, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head. She peeled the gauze off of the other injury to get a look at it.

“Emily, what the fuck?” Alison stared at her injuries. “These are stab wounds.”

“No, they’re not.” Emily shook her head. She was silently cursing herself for believing that she could hide this from Alison.

“I know what a goddamn knife wound looks like.” Alison put her fingers against Emily’s tender skin. She traced her thumb along the outline of the cut on her side. “Why the hell do you look like you had lunch with Julius Caesar’s gang?”

“They’re just scratches, Alison.”

“From _what_?” Alison’s eyes were soft, but they were demanding answers. “I don’t care what they are. I want to know how you got them.”

When Emily didn’t answer, Alison sighed. An unfathomable thought crossed her mind, but she had to ask. Because she was sensing a pattern. She slid her fingers up until her palm was flat against Emily’s stomach. Her other palm landed softly on her waist. She glanced up at Emily with tears in her eyes.

“Em, did you do this to yourself?”

“What?” Emily questioned in surprise. “No. No, of course not. I…” She hadn’t really thought about what she’d tell Alison about her injuries because she thought she could hide them. She was getting too cocky. “I…just caught a few shards when I was getting Jett loose.” The lie was flawless. She reached up to touch Alison’s cheek to comfort her. She hadn’t meant to upset her, especially not like that. “Why would you even think that?”

“Well, I don’t know what to think,” Alison admitted. “You refuse to talk to me about what you’re going through,” she said, half concerned, half irritated. “It’s kind of hard to figure you out.”

After all these years Alison knew her wife in most respects, but there were still some things that remained a mystery to her. It both excited and exasperated her. Because while a little mystery added an alluring intensity to their marriage, too much of a mystery was worrisome.

“It’s not that far of a leap.” Alison gently took her hand and pointed out the healing indentations on Emily’s palm where she dug her nails into her skin when she got overwhelmed. “You’re hurting…” Alison glanced at Emily’s neck. “You’re coming home with all these unexplained injuries…”

“You know I spar at the gym.” Emily interrupted her.

“That doesn’t explain everything, Emily.” She snapped. “I don’t know what’s going on with you. I can’t reach you anymore.”

Emily tightened her fingers around Alison’s grip on her hand.

“I’m sorry,” Emily replied, and it was sincere. “I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just hard for me to talk about certain things. There are some things I just…I can’t…” _Like watching that light go out in Grace’s eyes. Like telling you how fucking messed up in the head I am from all of this. Like knowing I’m the root of the pain in this family._ She started to get choked up.

“I understand that,” Alison sighed. “I’m the one who told Spencer and Toby to back off today, remember? That’s not what I’m worried about. I just feel like lately there’s been something else up with you. I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

“I am using a new shampoo.” Emily quipped, hoping to lighten to mood. When Alison didn’t crack a smile, Emily sighed, her eyes darting nervously away before finally making contact with Alison’s solid gaze. “I didn’t mean to upset you, babe. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to live with since the wreck…”

“That’s not it. Not at all.” Alison shook her head. “I get what you’re going through.” It wasn’t easy, but she understood. “I’m just…I’m afraid…”

“Why? What is it that you’re so afraid of?”

Alison sighed and looked at the ground. She had the strangest look of timidity on her face. It’s almost like she was ashamed. Emily gently pushed her chin up, forcing Alison to meet her gaze.

“I know I’m not the only one struggling with the memories from that night,” Emily said softly. “I know how much you hurt, too.”

“I’m slowly learning to deal with it,” Alison admitted. “That’s not what keeps me up at night. I miss Grace more than anything,” Her voice cracked when she said her name. Her face scrunched in pain, “but that’s not it.” She carefully lifted Emily’s shirt to look at her injuries again. “Em, what scares me is what’s going on with you. I’m afraid for _you_. I’m terrified that you’ll get so lost that you’ll lose yourself. And I’m afraid when that happens you…” She paused and flinched, her hand moving away from Emily’s stomach, “…that…you’ll stop loving me.”

Emily was stunned at her admission.

“Oh, honey, that’s not it. That will never happen.” Emily didn’t skip a beat. “How could you possibly think I…” She was completely caught off-guard. “Look, I don’t…I don’t shut you out because I don’t love you, Alison.” She shut her out to protect her. She shut her out so Alison didn’t have to endure the same gut-wrenching pain she endured on a daily basis. “I never want you to think that.”

“I just feel like I’m losing you.” Alison sighed, resting her head underneath Emily’s chin. “I can’t handle that, Emily. Not after everything we’ve been through. Not after Grace. I can’t lose you.”

“Hey, you’re not going to lose me.” Emily kissed the top of her head, reassuring her, though there were tears stinging her eyes because she was completely overwhelmed.

“I’m so scared,” Alison sighed against her chest. “I’m scared all the time. Every time my phone rings I jump. Every time I look over and don’t see you next to me I think about where you are and if you’re okay. I don’t think I could go on without you. I don’t think that I’d be okay. Because I don’t know how to live without you. And the fear of that loss is _constantly_ on my mind. I think about how it felt when Toby came to our door the night of the wreck. And I think about every time I’ve almost ever lost you. Not just the wreck. I think about _every_ time I nearly watched _A_ destroy you in high school.”

Emily shuddered thinking about all the near brushes with death she’d had when she was younger. The carbon monoxide poisoning when _A_ had locked her in a garage with a running car. _A_ choking and nearly stabbing her in a greenhouse. Nate nearly killing her in a lighthouse. Nearly being killed in an elevator shaft with Jason. Almost being cut in half by an industrial sized buzzsaw. All but electrocuting herself slamming a metal railing into an electrical board to save Aria and Spencer from being frozen to death.

Then there were all the times in the dollhouse she never talked about. Being waterboarded until she passed out from the lack of oxygen. Having stimulants pumped into her veins until she felt like her heart was going to explode. Being blindfolded and having a rope around her neck tightening as the unsteady beam she was on was lowered until the rope was choking her.

Somehow she survived all that and much worse. Her nine lives were probably up at this point. But just because she was caught up in her own whirlwind of emotions didn’t mean she couldn’t try to soothe Ali’s fears and worries.

“I know.” Emily slid her palm down to Ali’s neck.

She knew exactly how Ali felt. She remembered how it felt when she thought Ali was dead. She remembered feeling lost and aimless. She remembered thinking she would never be able to survive it. Because that’s what love did to someone. Love took up so much of a person’s soul that when there was a loss it felt like that love had been ripped out and shred to pieces, leaving a confused psyche and a huge empty hole where the love should be. The pressure made it nearly impossible to come up for air. It was like disappearing into a void. For Emily, she had been treading water for a long time. And she wasn’t sure how much longer she could exhaust herself before just giving in and sinking below the surface.

“Ali, all we can do is live a day at a time,” she sighed.

“Are we going to be okay?” Alison questioned, looking up at her.

“We’re going to come out the other side of this.” Emily nodded.

“Promise?”

“I will always fight for us,” Emily said, trying to keep her tone even, trying to keep from breaking down. “As long as I’m alive I will always fight for us. I promise.”

If she could just figure out _who_ she was fighting then she’d have a better grasp on the whole situation. She couldn’t figure out who would care enough to go this far to hurt her. It had gone beyond the wreck.

Maurice had been on to something when he mentioned that it had become more than just a simple hit. The person who was after her had made it into something personal. Whoever it was knew her. It wasn’t a game so much as it was a manipulation. And the rules kept changing. There were more pieces on the board.

For instance, the boy who had been accused of the hit and run, who at that very moment was unattended and receiving an incoming call on a burner phone. When he saw who was calling he picked it up. Someone said something to him and he simply replied,

“It went exactly like you said it would.” He paused and listened to the response and then said, “I understand. But after that we’re done. I’ve held up my end.”

The conversation only lasted a few more seconds and then the kid hung up. He stared out the window. It was starting to drizzle outside. He didn’t exactly feel great about what he was supposed to do, but some people who were pretty high up in the crime scene had some chilling dirt on him. So he didn’t have a choice. He knew that eventually Emily would start snooping in his life. From what he’d been told, she wouldn’t be able to help herself. And when she popped in on him he had a job to do. The game was changing, yet again, and things were going to turn into a bloody mess before it was all over.


	18. Lessons

Two days later Emily was back at school. Things in the underground had been dormant ever since she had been attacked. It made her antsy, because she knew that there was someone lying in the shadows waiting for another opportunity to strike. A snake waiting to catch its prey off-guard.

Despite the evidence they had stacking up they were at a standstill. Maurice had narrowed down where the wire in the teddy bear had been purchased from to two different places. He was trying to shake people down to see who knew what.

They were still waiting on the word about the shredded piece of clothing that had been stuck in Jett’s teeth, but there had definitely been traces of blood on it. They were looking through suspects with records to see if any DNA matches popped up, but since they didn’t have a police laboratory at their disposal the process took a little bit longer.

They were also keeping an eye on the kid who was under house arrest for the car wreck. They’d found that his parents came and went, leaving him unattended quite a bit. The ankle bracelet that he had to wear kept him in pretty close proximity to his house though. He didn’t do much aside from watch TV and play video games and sling drugs to other teens that came by.

The waiting was the hardest part. All it did was wind up Emily’s anxiety. She knew that going back to school wasn’t the best idea. In fact, Maurice didn’t seem too keen on the idea, because it was harder to keep a low profile while keeping an eye on her at school. He understood her need to protect her family though, so he left the choice up to her. He assured her that they would figure out a way to make sure she and her family stayed safe.

The school was always eerily quiet in the early hours of the morning. Ali and Emily had dragged Lily to Rosewood High before the rest of the world seemed to be awake. Most teenagers would complain about having to go to school in the wee hours of the day, but Lily didn’t mind. She was usually already up anyway.

When Lily came to school early she liked to take the time to enjoy the peace and quiet in the library. She felt at home surrounded by books. One of her favorite things to do was find a good classic novel and then go to a little hidden nook and read her favorite passages over and over. The morning her mom came back to school was no different. She muttered a sleepy ‘bye’ to her moms and then made a beeline for her sanctuary.

All the lights were off in the library. The librarian wasn’t there yet. But that didn’t matter because Lily had spent enough time volunteering at the library before and after school that she basically had free rein. She turned on a few lights and then drifted through the stacks, picking up a few books to get lost in. She found her favorite little corner tucked away where no one could see her, but where she could see everything.

The spot had a window overlooking the courtyard and a view of the library through a row of books in which a few titles were missing. She plopped down on a beanbag chair, which had actually been Grace’s suggestion, and then buried her nose in some of her favorite fictional worlds.

She was so lost in her fantasy world that she completely let go of the real world. It was easier for her to pretend that her fantasies were real than for her to face the real world without her sister. So she shut her body down and let her mind wander. She got so lost in fiction that she didn’t hear the library door creep open, nor did she hear the approaching footsteps. It was only when she saw a shadow looming over her that she realized she wasn’t alone.

“Jesus!” She almost jumped out of her skin. “Harper, you scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” Harper laughed.

“What is it with you and your family sleuthing in the shadows?” She thought back to the night of the wreck and how Eli had found her all alone in the woods. The Cavanaughs always seemed to find her when she was hiding.

“I wasn’t sleuthing. I was just looking for my best friend. I knew I’d find you hiding in here.” Harper sat down next to her.

“Warn a girl next time.” Lily breathed a sigh of relief. “Text. Or call. Or…” She looked up around the library, “…stand on the top of the stacks and use the acoustics in here to yell at me or something.”

“That was more Grace’s thing.” Harper’s face tightened when she realized she was talking about Grace.

It was a sensitive subject for all of them. She looked at Lily, worried she might have upset her. Instead, Lily was smiling.

“Remember when Iris dared her to climb to the top of the shelf and then Levi took the ladder away and Grace threw books at them from the top shelf until they put it back?” Lily asked.

“And then she tricked Iris into thinking she needed help getting down and when Iris went up to get her Levi took the ladder away again.” Harper nodded. “We would have saved ourselves a lot of headaches if we had just handcuffed those three to their desks to keep them out of trouble.”

“Grace would have just picked the lock, had a mutiny in the classroom, taken the teacher hostage, and then led a rebellion.” Lily shrugged. “She actually tried that when we were in second grade. The teacher ended up with mashed potatoes in her hair and Grace ended up sitting in the corner and mumbling about how unfair the justice system is.”

There was a beat of silence and then Harper sighed.

“I miss her.” There were tears in her eyes.

“I do, too.” Lily looked away, unable to hold Harper’s emotional gaze.

Seconds later she felt Harper’s hand on hers. Lily shot her an appreciative smile. Sometimes she forgot that even though she’d lost Grace, she hadn’t lost her family. They were there for her every day.

“What are you reading?” Harper questioned.

“ _Great Expectations._ It’s one of my mom’s favorites.” She could remember Ali reading it to her when she was a little girl. Ali had also told her that she’d been reading it the first time she kissed Emily. Ali had explained to her girls that that’s when she knew she loved their mom.

“I like Dickens.” Harper approved.

“So, what are you doing here before sunrise? You usually hiss at daylight.” Lily smiled at her friend.

Harper laughed.

“Yeah, well, lately I’ve got nothing on Eli. He’s been insanely moody for the past few days. I think he’s man-strating. I thought I’d leave him to his ice cream and binge-crying this morning.” She rolled her eyes.

“What’s wrong with him?” Lily asked in concern.

She’d seen him yesterday and he’d seemed like his normal self. Maybe a little more withdrawn, but that wasn’t out of the norm for him. Or he could have just been pretending for her sake. She’d never realized how annoying that habit was. Everyone in her life seemed to do it. She did it, too. What was it about humans that made them so angsty and mysterious with their inner turmoil?

“I dunno. He just gets in these moods sometimes. He’s been pissy since we had breakfast with my dad at the station two days ago. All that macho testosterone probably just rubbed off on him while we were there,” Harper said.

“I think my moms went to the station two days ago. They didn’t outright tell me they were going, but I could tell something was up.” Lily’s brow crinkled in thought. “My mom wasn’t in her first period class that day.” She glanced at Harper. “Did you see them there?”

“No. And if Eli did he didn’t say anything. For the most part we were hanging out in my dad’s office though.” Harper paused when she noticed a strange look on Lily’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“What if it has to do with the driver of the car that hit my mom and Grace that night? Do you think they found out who did it?”

“You don’t think your parents would tell you that?” Harper questioned.

Lily laughed a hard laugh.

“They don’t tell me anything. They don’t even tell each other anything. And they’ve been extra weird since the wreck. After my mom got out of the hospital she started acting really strange. I’ve seen her sneaking out. Sometimes she’ll disappear for hours at a time. At first I thought she was just out jogging or at the gym. But I went by her gym one day when she was supposedly there, but she wasn’t there. Her car was, but she wasn’t.”

“Have you asked her about it?” Harper asked.

“She gets really squirrelly when I ask her questions. She’s hiding something.” Lily frowned.

“Maybe she just needs space to breathe. I mean, I have nightmares and panic attacks about that night and I wasn’t even there. Your mom saw…” She stopped herself and stuttered over her words, “…she…she’s got to be dealing with some really hard-hitting stuff.”

“Yeah, definitely.” Lily didn’t disagree. “But the problem is that she doesn’t have an ‘off’ switch in this kind of situation.” She bit her lip. “I’m scared something is going to happen to her, like she’s going to work herself into a heart attack or something.”

Like Ali, Lily was really worried about Emily. Her mothers didn’t realize just how close she paid attention. And she knew that something was amiss with them. She knew how much they were struggling. They pretended to be strong for her sake, but Lily could see so much emotion hiding behind their eyes, Emily’s especially.

Lily had a strange unspoken understanding with Ali, because after the wreck they’d been through the same thing. They’d gone through the pain of losing Grace and the fear of losing Emily together. They hadn’t talked about their emotions, but they hadn’t had to. They could feel it through their hugs, their shared nights of crying, and their time together. Lily knew it wasn’t the same for Emily, because she had gone through something different than they had.

“Hey, she’ll be okay, Lil.” Harper promised. “She’s strong. You all are.”

“I hope you’re right.” Lily didn’t sound so sure.

“Of course I’m right. I’m Harper Cavanaugh.” She quipped. “I’m more accurate than a binary number system in a computer database.”

“And humble to a fault,” Lily said jokingly as she bumped her shoulder with a laugh.

“Aw, gee, thanks.” Harper chuckled. “This is exactly why I’ll be thanking you in my Nobel Peace Prize speech. I shan’t forget all the little people who lifted me up to my greatest heights.”

“I was being sarcastic, Madame Genius.”

“Duh.” Harper rolled her eyes.

“Careful, you’re verging on Iris-like attitude there.” Lily warned her.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t had breakfast yet. Cafeteria doesn’t open for another forty-five minutes.”

“We could always order something from _The Brew_.” Lily offered.

“Yeah, but then we’d have to like…walk to go get it.” Harper sighed hopelessly.

“Or we could dupe one of our friends into picking it up for us.” Lily smiled.

Harper’s face lit up in excitement.

“That’s really smart.”

“Don’t sound so surprised.” Lily laughed.

“We should join forces. Together we could take over the world.” Harper smiled.

“I’m a little bit concerned that you’re on the path to becoming a supervillain.”

“Nonsense. That’s just the hunger pangs talking. Now, what minion should we use to do our bidding?” Harper grabbed her phone.

“Let’s call Iris and wake her up.”

“Do you have a death wish? She’s worse than I am in the mornings.” Harper scoffed.

“Yeah. You’re probably right.” Lily agreed.

They glanced at one another and then at the same time nodded and said,

“Fiona.”

They called up Fiona, who was more than willing to do something nice for her friends. She’d picked up that trait from Aria. She was also in a really good mood lately because she and Kai had both just gotten their learner’s permits. Lily knew she wasn’t far behind in that boat, not that she was overly-eager to drive. All she could think about in cars was her sister.

Before Grace had died, they’d often had conversations about which one of their mothers they wanted to teach them to drive. They had both unanimously agreed on Emily, because she was the less strained of the two and she was more patient and less neurotic. Ali had insane road rage. After she’d picked them up from pre-school one day she’d cussed out another driver who cut her off. Grace had said swear words for almost three weeks after that. Ali had been embarrassed in front of the other high-end moms, but Emily had thought it was hilarious.

Harper and Lily settled in their little nook, waiting on Fiona to bring them breakfast. They didn’t know it, but Emily looked in on them. She’d seen Lily and Harper through one of the windows and watched as they talked and laughed. Her heart melted any time she saw her daughter smile. There was something about Lily’s smile that was still so young and innocent. Despite the depth and wisdom in her soul, she was still Emily’s little girl.

Seeing Lily smile, especially now, meant everything to Emily. She was glad that Lily had the same support system that she’d had in her own friends when she was Lily's age. Emily was beyond grateful that her friends and their children were in hers and Ali’s lives. They never would have made it without the support of their loved ones.

She watched the girls for a few minutes and when she was sure they were safe she crept down the hallways until she ended up at Alison’s classroom. She peered around the corner through the door. Alison was holding a book and glancing from it to the board as she wrote the day’s lesson in her beautiful handwriting.

Emily leaned against the door frame, watching her. How was it possible to love someone so much? She’d often thought that her parents set the standard for love. They’d set the bar pretty high. Before she fell in love with Alison she’d often wondered if she’d ever be as lucky as her mom and dad. She didn’t know if she’d ever come close to what they had. She knew that fairytale endings were hard to come by, but she never stopped believing in them. Sometimes she still couldn’t believe that she’d landed the girl of her dreams.

Alison put the book down and without facing her addressed her,

“Are you just going to stand there like a creeper or are you going to come in here and kiss me?”

She always knew when Emily was around. She could just feel it.

“Sorry. I didn’t want to disturb you.” Emily stepped in the classroom.

Alison turned to face her with a smile,

“You just like looking at the view from the back.” Alison teased her.

“I’m not going to deny that.” Emily shrugged.

She walked in, stopping at the bulletin board by the door. There were several little drawings and mosaic artwork patterns of some of Alison’s kids’ favorite books. One of the projects in her class was to have the kids either write a short paper on their favorite book in the lesson plans or do their own artistic version of the cover of their favorite novel.

A surprising amount of kids chose to draw instead of write. It was something Ali did every semester. Some of the work was impeccable. Alison clearly had a lot of talented little artists in her class. Emily stopped to fix a crooked picture hanging off of the board. It was missing something to hold up one of the top edges.

“You have an extra pin?” Emily questioned.

Alison rooted around in her drawer and pulled out a push pin. She walked over to where Emily was straightening the photo. Alison set the picture straight. Emily couldn’t help but feel nostalgic when she looked at the title and the cover image.

“You still teach _Great Expectations._ ” Emily smiled at her.

“The classics never get old.” Alison smiled back. “I’m a total sucker for star-crossed lovers getting their happy endings. I blame you for that.” She planted a soft kiss on Emily’s lips.

She felt Emily’s anxiety immediately melt away when their lips touched. When she pulled away she smiled sweetly at her.

“I’m glad you’re back, Em.”

She’d been nervous about Emily coming back too soon, but at the same time she was happy to see her trying to regain control of her life. Plus, the selfish part of her wanted to be able to keep an eye on her because Emily had been acting so erratic lately. At least at school she could keep tabs on her.

“Me, too.” Emily replied.

“How are you feeling?” Alison asked.

“A little nervous.” Emily admitted.

Though she’d been doing her job for almost fifteen years, coming back felt foreign to her. At first she thought maybe the school was different. But then she realized that she was what was different.

“I can tell.” Alison nodded. “You look tense.” Her palm delicately cupped Emily’s cheek and she could see her visibly relaxing.

It brought an idea to Alison’s mind. Emily had spent years being her rock. Alison rarely saw her in a vulnerable light. Emily wasn’t usually one to let Alison take care of her, but Alison knew that there was one way she could help Emily ease her nerves.

She took a few steps back towards her door and peered down the hallway. After a few seconds she closed the door. She faced Emily as she reached down and double checked the locking mechanism. She had a mischievous smile on her face.

“Let’s see if we can get rid of some of that tension.” She closed the distance between them, reaching up to stroke a strand of Emily’s hair behind her ear.

“Alison, are you serious? _Here_?” Emily glanced around the classroom.

“It’s not like we haven’t done it before.” Alison grinned.

“In the middle of summer in the middle of the night after we went for a swim. Not while school was actively in session.” Emily laughed, not realizing how serious Alison was being.

“We have an hour before the kids start dragging their asses in. Let’s utilize that.” Alison shrugged, her face a perfect mask of desire.

“There are kids already here.”

“There were kids here on PTA night, too.” Alison moved closer. Emily didn’t stop her.

“Yeah, and you nearly got caught with your pants down when the janitor came into the closet to get his mop.”

“This classroom is going to need a mop when I’m through with you,” Alison said seductively.

“God, Ali.” Emily felt herself throbbing at her wife’s words. “You are too much sometimes.” She leaned forward and pushed her lips against Alison’s.

“Mmm, don’t tell me you don’t fantasize about it.” Alison pulled her lips away from Emily’s and breathed a heated gust of air against Emily’s face. “Hot teacher in her classroom, just waiting for her hot wife to come in so they can fuck one another senseless.” She laid one of her hands against Emily’s chest and the other slowly made its way to the waistband of her tracksuit.

“We shouldn’t…” Emily’s palms landed on Alison’s neck as she pecked Alison’s lips.

“Shouldn’t doesn’t mean we can’t.” Alison’s delicate fingers slid beneath the trim of Emily’s underwear, her fingertips hovering as she waited for Emily to make the next move.

Emily thought about the fact that there were a few kids, including her own, scattered throughout the school, though the halls had looked empty on the way to the classroom. Then she thought about the fact that someone in Maurice’s crew was watching her back and she wondered how closely they were watching right now. Then her sexual desire overrode all of her thoughts with two simple words,

_Fuck it._

She didn’t care who was watching. She wanted Alison. She needed her. Emily leaned forward and pressed her lips to Alison’s in a firm kiss. Alison felt Emily’s body pushing against hers and they both moved towards the front of the classroom, kissing and huffing quietly as they went. They moved with no particular direction or destination. They just moved together, following each other’s motions.

Their mouths met in a crashing kiss. Alison’s lips parted, granting Emily’s tongue access. She could taste the faint flavor of mint on Emily’s breath. Their bodies pushed together, their heated flesh radiating heavily through their clothes. Emily slipped one of her hands underneath Alison’s blouse and cupped her right breast, the lacy material of her bra soft against her fingers. Alison finally moved her fingers further down into Emily’s pants. Emily was already so sensitive from their encounter that the feeling of Alison’s fingers sliding down to her core made her jump.

“Relax, baby,” Alison whispered huskily. “Just let me take care of you.” She reached up and brushed Emily’s chin with her free hand. “I want your first day back to be as stress-free as possible.” She placed a wet kiss against the side of Emily’s lips. “Let’s work out some of that tension, shall we?” Two of her fingers slowly moved back and forth between her folds.

Emily inhaled a shuddering breath and tightened her fingers against Alison’s breast, instinctively kneading it.

“How’s that? You feeling a bit less tense?” Alison breathed against her ear.

“Mmhmm.” Emily grabbed Alison’s face with her free hand and captured her lips again.

“And now?” Alison pulled back to take a breath and started drawing circles at her center with her fingers.

This time Emily answered with a forceful kiss, her lips colliding against Alison’s, their tongues rolling together. Alison felt her blowing out quickened breaths through her nose. Emily felt a different kind of tension overtaking her body. She couldn’t believe how fast she was coming to her climax. She loved how well Alison knew her body. Alison slowed her motions and softly bit down on Emily’s bottom lip, pulling on it gently with her teeth. Emily groaned against her mouth, her vocalizations gaining volume.

“I’m almost there, Ali,” she said between pants.

“I know.” Alison smirked as she continued her painfully slow ministrations, wanting to make this last for as long as possible.

“God, you’re such a tease.” Emily grinned against her mouth.

Alison’s lips brushed Emily’s cheek and slowly slipped towards her jaw bone. She stopped when she got to Emily’s ear.

“Teach me, Coach Fields.” Her lips brushed against Emily’s earlobe.

Emily felt herself shudder.

“Just shut up and fuck me, Mrs. DiLaurentis.” Emily couldn’t take Alison’s game anymore.

Alison lifted her brows and smiled. Before she pushed her fingers forward she made sure her lips were firmly pressed to Emily’s, because she knew how loud Emily could get. The sensation of Alison’s fingers moving in her and the heightened excitement of having sex in such a public place sent an invigorating feeling through Emily’s body. She moaned into Alison’s mouth.

Emily felt her knees starting to buckle. Alison pushed into her and Emily moved backwards, taking Alison with her. Her legs hit the back of Alison’s desk. She felt Alison pushing against her, trying to get her to lie down, but instead Emily threw her free hand backwards against the desk, knocking a bunch of items to the ground. She held herself up as she climaxed. Her head fell back, her neck curving backwards.

Alison watched her come undone with a satisfied smile on her face, the fingers of her free hand tracing the contours of Emily’s cheeks, memorizing her ecstasy. She curled her fingers inside of her and Emily’s entire body jerked, then shuddered. Emily gripped the side of the desk and bit back a scream. She managed to keep her voice quiet as she moaned Alison’s name. Alison leaned forward and kissed her as she rode it out.

When Emily finally settled her eyes locked on Alison’s. She stared at the deep blue orbs peering back at her. Alison’s gaze was heated. Her pupils were large and dark. Her cheeks were flushed. She looked beautiful.

“Jesus, that was…” Emily’s heart was racing. “Wow.” She pushed forward, placing a soft kiss against her wife’s lips, her body still twitching in pleasure.

“I kind of like you like this.” Alison leaned against Emily’s body, pushing her weight against her. “Tongue-tied against my desk.”

“I’ll show you tongue-tied.” Emily pushed up against Alison’s body.

Alison gasped in surprise as Emily twirled her around and effortlessly hoisted her off of her feet and up on to the desk in one swift motion. She had definitely jump-started Emily’s energy, because Emily was moving with perfect precision and a carnal desire that stimulated every cell in Alison’s body.

Emily started off slow, kissing her deeply, slowly moving down from her mouth to the side of her neck. She worked her lips against Alison’s neck, gently sucking at her skin.

“Careful not to leave a mark.” Alison huffed. “I have class. If my students see…”

Emily bit down on her tender flesh and Alison jumped in surprise. She wanted to growl out, “you little shit” but when Emily started nursing where she’d nipped her all Alison could do was throw her head back and moan. Emily’s hands slowly worked their way down, stopping at her hips where her skirt met her blouse. She slid her fingers underneath Alison’s blouse and up her side, stopping when her fingertips hit the bottom of her ribcage.

She let her hands linger there for a few moments just to appreciate the feel of Alison’s body against her palms. Then she slid her hands out from underneath the clothing and moved her palms down over Alison’s pelvis and over her hips. She kissed her and then grabbed Alison’s thighs and pulled her closer to the edge of the desk, Alison moving with her, eager to comply. Emily ran her palms down the sides of Alison’s skirt and then slowly moved them back up, pushing her skirt up while simultaneously rubbing her palms against Alison’s silky smooth thighs. Her hands moved inward until her thumbs aligned between Alison’s legs.

Her fingers rolled over the scar on Alison’s inner thigh where a thug had cut her years ago when she was on the run. Emily dipped down, stopping to kiss her exposed stomach and then she slid down between her legs and placed a kiss against the raised blemish. She saw Alison’s thighs quivering underneath her lips.

She felt Alison’s fingers reaching for her face, a desire to have Emily’s lips on hers. Emily stood up, her hips pressed firmly between Alison’s thighs and she kissed her, her tongue gently massaging Alison’s. As she pushed her pelvis against Alison’s core she could feel a dampness pooling in Alison’s underwear. She pulled back slightly and Alison’s legs drifted further open. Emily’s palms slid up, one hand pushing aside her panties and the other rolling over Alison’s center.

Alison pushed against her hand and moaned into Emily’s mouth, encouraging her to go forward. She was beyond ready. Just like Alison had done with her, Emily took her time. She started slow, working her up for several minutes before finally pushing one finger in. Then she worked in another. Alison bit down on Emily’s lip, hard, nearly drawing blood.

“Emily,” Alison tried to keep her voice quiet. It was proving to be very difficult. She concentrated on Emily’s fingers inside of her. Her eyes slowly started to roll back into her skull, “please…”

“Please _what_ , Alison?” Emily slowly trailed her tongue along the underside of Alison’s right ear, knowing exactly what it was that Alison wanted. But she wanted to hear her say it.

“I need more. _Please._ ” Alison reached down and gripped Emily’s forearm, trying to control her motions, but Emily was stronger than she was and she was controlling things.

“All you had to do was ask, honey.”

Emily withdrew her fingers and drew circles at Alison’s entrance before she added a third finger and moved forward into her. Alison’s hips jerked and she moaned, making Emily smile against her cheek. She kissed her way down Alison’s body, stopping to pay special attention to the small divot above her bellybutton that was always tender to her touch. Alison started taking heaving breaths and Emily could feel her tightening around her fingers.

“Em, I’m so…I’m so close,” she whispered.

Emily leaned down between Alison’s legs, nipping at her inner thighs. Emily pulled her fingers out long enough to run her tongue along the length of her center, her lips working against Alison's clit, delicately sucking against her sensitive bundle of nerves. Alison’s eyes widened, her pupils darkened. All she could hear was the sounds of the wet smacks of Emily’s lips moving against her, all over her. Alison’s pants and moans started getting louder. She quickly brought her hand up to her mouth and bit down against the heel of her palm to keep from yelling out in ecstasy.

She felt Emily slip her fingers back in and Alison reached down and grabbed the edge of the desk for leverage with one hand. Her ass slid against the finished wood. Her hips lurched forward, pushing further against Emily’s mouth. She reached down with her other hand and ran her palm through Emily’s hair, her fingers tangling in the dark locks.

Emily worked her fingers feverishly inside of Alison, parting her engorged lips so she could slip her tongue inside of her. She felt Alison grip her hair in between her fingers and gasp. She pushed Emily’s head further between her legs. Alison threw her head back and grunted, trying not to let her cries of pleasure get too loud. She groaned when she felt Emily’s warm tongue slipping deeper inside of her than she’d ever felt before. She felt Emily’s fingers spread her further apart as she worked her tongue inside of her. She pulled back and then rolled her tongue over Alison’s throbbing core before she pushed it inside of her again.

Alison pulled her hand away from the edge of the desk and slipped her palm up and over her face and against her head. She tangled her fingers in her own hair and twisted the fingers of her other hand in Emily’s hair. Her body seized and she let out a shaky breath and then her entire body lurched off of the desk, her back arching as she peaked. Emily felt her pulsating against her mouth and she moaned, which only added to the sensation of Alison’s orgasm. Emily curled her fingers and hit Alison’s sweet spot, and that was it.

Alison’s thighs quivered and her body trembled. She shuddered and a hot liquid spilled out of her on to Emily’s fingers and into her mouth, which Emily was quick to lap up. Emily’s mouth continued to push Alison deeper into a state of bliss until she thought she might scream.

“Oh…fuck, Em.” Alison dug her fingers against Emily’s skull and pushed her further against her core, unable to control her hips’ jerking motions.

After the jerking stopped, Emily pulled her mouth away, but kept her fingers in place while Alison came down from her high. Emily slid her free hand around Alison’s waist and held her to keep her from falling backwards.

“Holy shit.” Alison slid back against one of her hands on the desk, trying to keep from collapsing. Her head was swimming. “God, you’re perfect, babe.” She pushed herself to fully sit up, though her legs still felt like jelly.

Alison reached out and softly touched Emily’s face with her palms, pulling her towards her. She wanted to taste what Emily tasted. She wanted to feel what Emily felt. Emily pulled her fingers out of her wife, and Alison’s underwear slipped back into place, albeit much wetter than they were before.

Emily stood up, pushing her pelvis in between Alison’s legs as she leaned over her to deepen the kiss. Alison pushed her fingertips tightly against Emily’s cheeks as their mouths moved together. The kiss slowed down and Emily pulled back a few inches to look at Alison. Neither one of them said anything at first. They just peered at one another lovingly. Alison gently swiped Emily’s cheek with her palm.

“How’s that tension?” Alison asked.

“Better.” Emily smiled, sliding her hands on to the desk on either side of Alison. “I really needed that.”

“Me, too.” Alison admitted, still trying to catch her breath. She put her fingers against the edge of the desk. She hadn’t expected her morning to work out quite like it had. She closed her eyes and hummed out a happy purr. When she opened them back up Emily was smiling at her.

“Should we call for that mop now?” Emily lifted her brows and drew in her bottom lip and bit down.

Alison couldn’t help but turn her head to the side and laugh. She faced Emily again. Alison loved how hot Emily looked after sex. She leaned up to kiss her again, their lips molding together. Alison lifted her hands off of the desk and slid her palms over Emily’s hips and up her shirt on to her bare stomach. Her fingers grazed one of Emily’s healing scabs. She felt Emily jump. Alison pulled her lips away from Emily’s.

“I’m sorry, baby. How bad do they hurt?” She flattened her palm against Emily’s abs.

“They’re fine,” Emily said. “You just caught me a little off-guard.”

Somehow they’d managed to avoid her injuries in the midst of their throes of passion. She’d totally forgotten about them because of the endorphins. But now that the good feelings were wearing off she could feel the scab on her side pulling taut against her skin. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she felt something oozing out of it. Thankfully, Alison hadn’t touched that scab.

They heard a noise behind them and they both looked towards the sound. They watched in surprise as the door slowly crept open. Emily pushed herself off of Alison and Alison quickly tried to straighten her clothing. But it was too late. The door swung open and there stood their friends. Aria was the first one to walk into the room. She had two paper cups in her hands. Hanna and Spencer were right beside her.

“We brought coffee…” Aria stopped in the middle of her sentence.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what Emily and Alison had been in the middle of doing. They were both messy and covered in sweat and they had knocked a bunch of stuff on to the floor. Alison quickly stood up.

“Oh, wow.” Spencer laughed.

“Seriously, guys?” Hanna snorted.

“Shit, I thought that was locked.” Emily gaped at their friends and then glanced at her wife. “Ali…”

“I must not have latched it.” Ali looked at her apologetically. “The mechanism jams sometimes.”

“Well, at least it was us and not your kids.” Hanna wasn’t the least bit fazed.

It’s not like she hadn’t walked in on them before. Emily and Alison had been very passionate since they’d gotten married. Their stamina really never ran out. After Emily recovered from the wreck they’d both found that the intensity of their love-making was something that took them away from their grief. It was equal parts comfort and a coping mechanism.

Hanna held out a cup of coffee to Emily. When Emily took it, Hanna couldn’t help but give her a hard time.

“Emily Fields, I can’t believe you. Our children come here to learn.” She teased, sipping on her own java.

“Didn’t you and Caleb hook up down the hall like three weeks ago?” Emily retorted.

“I retract my statement.” Hanna nodded.

“What are you guys doing here?” Emily asked, tasting the drink Hanna had gotten for her. It was delicious.

“Fiona needed a licensed driver over the age of 21 in her immediate family so she could drive to _The Brew_ to pick up a breakfast order and since we knew it was Em’s first day back I was headed there anyway. We came to be your moral support,” Aria explained.

“Yeah, but, uh…clearly you’re getting all the support you need.” Spencer smiled suggestively. “Nice to know that all those fundraisers we participate in raise money for this kind of thing.”

“What has become of our schools these days?” Aria jumped in with a laugh.

“Oh, shut it.” Ali rolled her eyes. “Every single one of you has desecrated this “sacred” learning institution with your naughty bits. Supply closet during Harper’s debate last semester.” She pointed to Spencer. “Art room during the bake sale last month.” She pointed to Hanna. “And don’t even get me started on you.” Ali smirked at Aria. “You were hooking up in classrooms long before any of us.”

“Whoa.” Spencer snickered.

“Damn.” Hanna snorted.

Aria’s cheeks reddened immensely.

“We’re just screwing with you.” Aria laughed, handing Ali the extra coffee in her hand.

“No. They were doing that with each other before we came in.” Spencer nudged Aria with a chuckle.

They were not going to let Emily and Ali live this down. The girls doubled over in laughter. Ali and Emily looked at one another with smiles on their faces and shook their heads at their ridiculous friends.

“Well, at this point we might as well just put our sex life on display for everyone seeing as how most of the time someone shows up at the door and almost catches us anyway,” Emily said sarcastically.

“There’s a market for that somewhere.” Hanna sat down on the edge of a student’s desk. “There are a lot of pervs in this world.”

“There are a lot of pervs in this room.” Emily laughed at her friends. “I mean, who doesn’t knock when there’s a closed door? Even my child knows to knock before entering a room with a closed door…”

“Only because you two are constantly boinking.” Spencer snorted. “It’s just a good thing that pregnancy isn’t something that comes out of your encounters. Because with as often as the two of you get laid you’d be running around with more kids than the entire state of California.”

“How do you two do it?” Aria shook her head in disbelief.

Emily and Ali looked at one another, their faces crinkled in amusement. Well, she was asking for a play by play…

“No, wait, that came out wrong.” Aria suddenly realized what her question sounded like. “Not like _how_ you actually do it. I’m not that ignorant. I mean, I went to college. I have…stories.”

Emily laughed, because she knew what Aria was referring to. They’d talked about Aria’s extremely brief experimental phase in college years ago. She’d ended up calling Emily stoned out of her mind mumbling about her love experimentations she’d had that weekend and a bunch of other random nonsense.

At one point Aria had whispered that the TV was staring at her and that the wall was mocking her. Emily hadn’t been able to do anything but laugh hysterically.

 _“How much did you take, Aria?”_ She’d asked between laughs.

 _“It was a buffet! Buff…buff…aay…buffet is a weird word. Why is it not spelled like it sounds? What is wrong with the English language? Words are hard. Why the hell did I choose to be an English Major?”_ There’d been a pause and then Aria had said, _“Do you guys have drugs in California, too?”_

Hanna and Ali were looking at Aria in surprise. But neither one of them were as surprised as Spencer.

“Wait, what?” Spencer’s head snapped to face Aria. Her jaw dropped in shock. “What do you mean you have stories?”

“It’s nothing.” Aria brushed it off with a laugh. She faced Ali and Emily again. “What I meant was…how do you two have the stamina to keep your sex life so spicy? You’ve got us all jealous here.”

“True story.” Hanna nodded. “Is there like some female equivalent of Viagra that you’re taking to keep up with one another or…what?”

“Yeah, Hanna, we’re popping sex pills all day every day,” Ali said caustically.

“So, we’re just going to ignore Aria’s college glory days comment?” Spencer peered at her friend in curiosity. “Who was she? Do we know her?”

“Aw, someone’s jealous.” Ali teased.

“We’re supposed to be Team Sparia. How could you not tell me?” Spencer scolded her, though it wasn’t out of anger. She was just giving her a hard time.

“It was seventeen years ago, Spencer.” Aria rolled her eyes. “And I may or may not have ingested a brownie with something _special_ in it.”

“Did she take advantage of you while you were high? I will kill her.” Spencer scowled.

“Easy. Down girl. It was nothing like that.” Aria chuckled. “You stick anyone in a free-loving hippie party with attractive people and mind altering drugs and they’re going to come out with a story.”

“Clearly.” Spencer nodded. “I’m asking you to _tell_ said story.” She pushed.

“Now isn’t really a good time for ‘once upon a time in college land’.” Aria glanced at her watch. “We told the kids we were going to join them in the courtyard for breakfast, remember?”

“Bacon can wait!” Spencer argued.

“Maybe for you. My children will devour an entire pig in minutes. If we’re not back soon there’s not going to be anything left. And I, for one, would like to enjoy some of the meal I paid for.” Hanna disagreed.

“I’m not really in the mood for bacon. There’s apparently enough porking going on behind my back as it is,” Spencer muttered.

Hanna stood up. She glanced at Ali and Emily and shook her head.

“Clean yourselves up, you two. At least _try_ to look like you didn’t just get each other off.”

Ali and Emily looked at one another, both their cheeks flushed. Hanna had a point. Both of them did look like they’d just participated in a sexual marathon.

“Just take a few minutes to get presentable.” Aria fluffed some of Ali’s hair over her newly developing hickey. “We’ll try and save you some table scraps.”

“Emily, you’d better be careful. I think Aria is flirting with your wife,” Spencer said dryly.

“Oh, my God, Spence, I was stoned!” Aria rolled her eyes. “Get over it.”

They walked out of the room.

“Seriously, who was she?” Spencer questioned.

“Was she hot?” Hanna asked.

As soon as they were out of earshot Ali and Emily both burst into laughter.

“You knew about Aria’s little college tryst, didn’t you?” Ali pushed Emily playfully.

“How could you tell?” Emily asked.

“You bit your tongue to keep from laughing.” Ali fixed her blouse. She ran her palms over it to smooth it down. “So, what do you know about it? I want to hear all the sordid details.”

“It’s not my story to tell.” Emily straightened a crinkle in her skirt.

“Oh, come on!” Ali whined. “We’re married! We share everything!”

Emily shook her head and planted an innocent kiss on Ali’s lips.

“Ask Aria.” Emily shrugged, redirecting her once again.

Ali frowned at her and huffed, distinctly telling Emily, _“you’re no fun.”_

“It’s hardly breakfast table material.” Ali sighed with a pout. She glanced at her watch. “Let’s get over there. Hanna is probably right about her kids eating everything. I don’t know where Levi puts it all, but he could eat a feast fit for a kingdom. And Iris doesn’t play around when it comes to her breakfast.”

“You go on ahead.” Emily glanced at the clock. She wanted to get one last patrol of the school in before classes started just to make sure everything was safe for her family.

“You’re not going to eat with us?” Ali asked in surprise.

“I already ate.” Emily lifted her brows suggestively with a smirk.

“Jesus, Em. What the hell has gotten in to you?” Ali laughed. Emily had been assertive before, but never this assertive.

“You.” She ran her fingers down Ali’s arm and over her hand. The truth was, when it was just the two of them lost in each other’s bodies Emily forgot about everything weighing her down. “Go ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” She assured her. “I’ve just got to drop some paperwork off at the office. It’ll be good for me to walk off some of my excess energy.” She squeezed Ali’s hand.

“How do you even _have_ any energy after that? I’m ready for a nap.” Ali chuckled.

Emily smiled. Ali did sometimes go into a dreamy groggy state after sex. Emily was certain it was because Ali usually fell asleep in her arms after they made love. Ali’s body was conditioned to be completely relaxed after she’d been pleasured. It’s something Emily hadn’t thought about for a while. She was rediscovering so much about her marriage lately.

Ali left her classroom. Emily waited for a few minutes, giving her ample enough time to get down the hall. Then she did a quick sweep of the room to make sure she didn’t find anything dangerous or out of the ordinary. She quickly cleaned up the mess they had made.

When she was satisfied that the room was safe she did a brisk patrol of the halls, ready to punch anyone who might be lingering in the darkness. She didn’t find anyone lurking. After she did her rounds she went to join her friends and the kids in the courtyard.

She paused and looked out the window at most of her extended family. Kai and Eli weren’t there yet. Their dads were bringing them. The girls were chatting and laughing while the kids did the same. Lily handed Levi the ketchup. Iris made a face at him and he threw a piece of his hash brown at her. She picked it up and ate it. Hanna scolded them and then turned to say something to Ali.

Harper and Fiona traded off something from their breakfast bags. Aria offered Fiona some of her grilled tomatoes and Fiona shook her head with a grimace on her face. Harper reached across the table when her mother wasn’t looking and swiped a piece of her bacon. By the time Spencer turned around to face her, she’d shoved the whole strip of bacon in her mouth. She grinned at her mom. Everyone laughed.

They all looked so happy. Emily knew that she couldn’t let the darkness in her world seep into theirs. She would destroy anyone who threatened her family’s happiness. What she didn’t realize was that she might destroy herself in the process of protecting their lives. She was so blind to the danger she was putting herself in that she was starting to lose sight of the safe place she had in her family.

Ali looked up and saw her watching them. She smiled and waved for Emily to come out. She walked around the corner and sauntered out to join them. She sat down, keeping a vigilant watch over them. The courtyard was mostly empty, and so was the school. Occasionally a stray student would walk by, but there was nothing out of the ordinary that Emily could see.

She didn’t see Zane Jacobs peering out a second story window watching them. He had a cut on his lip oozing fresh blood and a new batch of bruises hidden underneath his clothes. He’d had a shit morning and when he looked outside and saw Lily and her family smiling and laughing he felt a ball of anger rising to the surface. He kicked a locker and then walked off.

Emily and her friends watched the sun come over the horizon and the students started to pour into the school. Emily’s gaze drifted to the pupils in the school and she thought about how far they still had to go in life. She thought about how Grace had been robbed of that. All she heard as her friends were chatting was a quiet buzzing sound. She felt like she was going crazy. It was only when Lily reached out and gently shook her arm that she snapped back to reality.

“Mom, are you going to eat that?” She pointed to what was left of Emily’s toasted croissant.

“Have at it, kid.” She pushed the napkin with the food over to her daughter.

“Lil, come on!” Iris called from across the courtyard impatiently.

The kids were going off to gossip before classes started and they were waiting on Lily.

“Thanks.” Lily smiled, grabbing the croissant.

She hopped to her feet and turned around and nearly ran smack dab into Toby. He was in his uniform.

“Easy, you’re almost over the speed limit there, Lil.” He chuckled.

“Sorry,” she said with a shy smile.

“Were you able to pry our vampire child out of his room?” Spencer stood up and placed a peck on Toby’s lips.

“He’s in the gym shooting hoops with Kai.” Toby nodded.

Lily left her parents with their friends and went to join her own friends. They were headed to the gym, so she’d get a chance to make sure Eli was okay. She was hoping that Harper was exaggerating about his mood.

When they got to the gym Levi ran straight over to Eli, Kai, and the rest of the boys that had gathered to join them as they played some ball. The girls climbed into the stands. If there was anything wrong with Eli, it didn’t really show on the court. The girls watched them horse around for several minutes before the first bell rang to signal that they needed to get to homeroom. Everyone filed out of the gym and made their way to their lockers. Lily’s locker wasn’t far from Eli’s, so she took the opportunity to go over and tell him good morning.

“Hey.” Lily waved.

“Hey.” Eli waved back. “What’s up?” He closed his locker door.

“Nothing. Just checking in. You okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked in confusion.

“Your sister said you’ve been acting weird.” Lily shrugged.

“Harper has a wild imagination.” Eli shook his head with a laugh.

“So…nothing happened at the police station then?” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out, but there it was.

Eli tensed up. He tried not to let Lily see his apprehension. His dad had sat down with him the afternoon after he’d seen Ali lose it and scream at a teenager at the station. Toby had explained that what he’d seen wasn’t something he could talk about to his friends, but that if he needed to talk to someone that he would be more than willing to listen and so would his mother.

Toby had skated around Eli’s questions about who the boy was, explaining that legally he couldn’t talk about it. But he did tell him that he was going to see Lily and her mothers go through some trying times. That had unnerved Eli, because he was already watching Lily and her moms suffer. He’d asked his dad why such bad things happened to such good people and Toby hadn’t had a good answer for that, but he’d quickly added that the reason he was in law enforcement was to try and turn the tides for the good people in their society. That had struck a chord in Eli.

Eli’s silence worried Lily.

“Something did happen, didn’t it?” Lily sighed.

“No.” Eli shook his head. Nothing that was worth telling her about anyway. She already knew her moms were suffering. She didn’t need to know that Ali had completely lost it and screamed at that boy at the police station. “Cops just busted some criminals’ balls like they always do. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Pinky swear?” She held her pinky out.

Eli shook his head with a laugh.

“Lil, we haven’t pinky swore since we were like five.”

“Because it’s reserved only for the most serious of matters.” Lily tried to keep a straight face. “Now, come on.”

“Fine.” He chuckled. He locked his pinky in hers and they shook on it. He felt a little guilty that he wasn’t telling her the whole truth, but in the end he knew it wouldn’t change anything.

The warning bell rang, signaling that they only had three minutes to get to homeroom. They were getting ready to walk through the sea of students when a broad body pushed its way in between them and bumped Eli so hard that he fell against the lockers. When they turned to see who’d been so boorish they weren’t surprised to see Zane staring at them like they were the ones at fault.

“Hey, that was rude.” Lily called out after Zane.

“Excuse me?” Zane spun around. He looked like he was having a bad morning, but Lily didn’t care. She was sick of his shit.

“You heard me.” Lily snapped. “Apologize to him.”

There was a growing crowd watching the encounter really closely, including Harper and Fiona.

“Lily, forget it. It’s not a big deal.” Eli tried to pull her back. He didn’t like the look in Zane’s eyes. The older kid looked like he’d been drinking. He smelled like it, too.

“No. It _is_ a big deal.” Lily glared at Zane. “He’s a jerk.”

“Jesus, you are constantly on my case. The fuck did I ever do to you?” Zane rolled his eyes. “Maybe you ought to save some of that hate for your mom. She was the one who drove your sister off a cliff,” Zane muttered.

Lily felt the heavy emotional blow from the comment. She sucked in a surprised breath. Tears stung her eyes. Zane saw the tears and sneered at her.

Eli saw red. Before anyone could stop him, his fist was connecting with the older boy’s face. Zane retaliated by grabbing him and body slamming him against the lockers. Eli kneed him in the stomach and took another swing at his face. He got the upper hand. Students quickly gathered around the brawl. Fiona and Harper tried to push their way through the crowds.

“Eli!” Lily exclaimed. “Eli, stop!” She didn’t want him getting in trouble, no matter how much Zane deserved the beating.

Fiona was the first one to reach the boys. She tried to pull Eli off of Zane. Harper was right behind her, wrapping her arms around her brother and pulling him back.

“Stop it!” Harper hissed at him. “He’s a piece of shit, but he’s not worth it.” She struggled to hold him back, but his rage was no match for her logic. “Eli!”

He was completely lost in the moment. He shook the girls off of him and continued to wail on Zane.

“Break it up!” They heard an authoritative voice yell.

Kids started to disperse and scurry off, leaving room for an adult to get through the crowd and pry Eli off of Zane. Eli felt a pair of hands pulling him away from the older boy. When he looked up he saw Ali staring at him in surprise.

“Eli?” Her jaw dropped.

She was shocked to find out he was involved. The boy had never been in trouble a day in his life. Of course, when she saw who he was fighting she understood. She was certain that Zane had probably started it. The overprotective mother in her wanted to let Eli go and let him throw a few more punches, but the teacher in her got control of those thoughts. She glared at Zane. He had blood pouring out of his nose.

“Go to the nurse, Zane. I’ll talk to you there.” Ali ordered.

Ella Montgomery came pushing through the students, who were now trying to hustle to make it to their homeroom classrooms because the fight was over and there was nothing more to see. Aria’s mother still subbed from time to time. Ali quickly let her know what was going on and Ella escorted Zane away from the fight. Ali let Eli go and waited for the hallway to thin out.

She ordered Harper, Fiona, and Lily to get to class, a quiet rage in her voice. Harper and Fiona looked at one another with wide timid eyes and immediately obeyed her. Lily lingered. After a few minutes Ali faced the shaking boy.

“What were you thinking?” Ali asked.

“Mom, please don’t yell at him. He was just trying to defend me.” Lily begged, tears in her eyes.

“Lily, I’m not going to tell you again…go to class,” Ali said firmly.

“But…”

“He’s not in trouble,” Ali said, assuring her daughter. “Go to class. I’ll handle this.”

She watched Lily scurry away, grumbling and complaining the whole way. Ali pulled Eli into an empty teacher’s break room. Eli was still trembling, though Ali wasn’t sure if it was rage or nerves at this point. She waited for him to settle down before she started talking.

“Eli, what happened?” Ali asked.

Eli looked at her, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to tell her what Zane had said, because he didn’t want to hurt her the way Zane had hurt Lily. He had seen the look on Lily’s face when Zane blamed Emily for Grace’s death.

“Eli,” she repeated, “this isn’t like you. What happened?” she asked again, this time in a much calmer manner. When he didn’t respond she tried a different tactic. “Did he threaten you? Or Lily?” She tried not to let her anger consume her thinking about Zane hurting her child.

“No.” Eli sighed.

 _Well, that sucks._ She thought to herself. Because if that had been the case she could get the little shit expelled.

“He was just being a jerk.” Eli mumbled.

“Listen, I know kids can be cruel,” Ali said. “I used to be one of them…”

“Used to?” Eli lifted his brow, a slight smile forming on his face.

Hadn’t he just seen her threaten to choke out his dad’s boss like two days ago? Ali wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be insulted. The child was definitely his father’s son.

“Hey, watch it, young man.”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I know I shouldn’t have gone after him.”

 _I wouldn’t go that far._ Ali thought. She’d dreamed of punching Zane’s little face more than once.

“I didn’t mean to lose my temper,” he said, rubbing his sore knuckles. “I let him push my buttons. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

Ali mulled over his apology. Then she sighed.

“You can’t let someone like Zane Jacobs control your reactions like that. All it gets you and the people around you is hurt…do you understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Eli looked at the ground. He had the same sad puppy eyes as Toby. It made it very hard for Ali to scold him. It was also hard to scold him because of what Lily had said,

_“He was just trying to defend me.”_

How could she be mad at him for looking out for Lily? The room grew silent. Seconds went by and then the tardy bell rang. Eli glanced at the clock and frowned.

“I’m late for class,” he said.

“We’ll work it out.” Ali nodded.

Eli looked at a bruise forming on his knuckles. He pressed it and flinched.

“Do you need to go to the nurse?” Ali asked. She hadn’t really seen any visible injuries on him, most likely because he was winning the fight, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t injured.

“I’d better not.” Eli shook his head. “I’m still really mad at Zane and if you put me in the same room as him I’m afraid I’ll act like a dumbass again.”

“Watch the language, son.” Ali warned him. Eli swallowed a lump in his throat and then nodded. He flexed his sore fingers. Ali saw him cringe. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied. Silence filled the air. It was thick and tense. He glanced at the bruise on his knuckles again.

Ali felt like there was more bothering him than he was letting on.

“Eli, is there something else you want to talk about?” she asked.

He licked his lips nervously and then looked at Ali, thinking about a question that had been plaguing him for two days.

“That boy…at the police station…was the reason you were so mad at him because he was the one driving the car that hit your family?”

A light went off in Ali’s head. No wonder Eli was so off-balance. She’d forgotten how deep her friends’ kids felt about her family. She’d also forgotten that Eli had seen her flip out two days ago.

“You don’t need to worry about that,” she said softly, suddenly feeling guilty for her behavior that day. Of course that upset him.

Eli didn’t ask anything else, because he knew she wouldn’t answer him. They were getting ready to walk out of the room when the door popped open. Lily walked in with a very worried Spencer and Toby in tow.

“I told you to go to class.” Ali scowled at her child.

“I did. I just happened to find Aunt Spencer and Uncle Toby on the way,” she explained, a total lie because she’d actively sought them out. “I thought I’d save you the trouble of having to call them before they left.”

Ali looked at her skeptically, knowing she was fibbing. But she let it slide. She was in a generous mood thanks to her romp with Emily in her classroom earlier.

“What’s going on?” Spencer looked at Eli. Lily had been in such a rush to get them to come with her that she hadn’t stopped to tell them the full story.

“It’s handled. Don’t worry about it.” Ali assured her.

“Eli, you jumped another student?” Toby asked. “Why would you do something like that?”

“It wasn’t like that.” Lily defended him.

“Don’t be too hard on him. It’s not as bad as it sounds.” Ali glanced at Spencer and Toby. “I’ll fill you guys in after I check on the losing party. I’ve got to go make sure no major damage was done to him.”

“Fighting, Eli?” Spencer’s brow furrowed in anger. “You know better.”

“It was Zane Jacobs,” Eli replied.

“Oh, well…that’s…” Spencer shook her head, realizing that even though she hated the kid she couldn’t condone Eli fighting with him on school grounds, “…that doesn’t make it okay.”

Lily quickly stepped in to go to bat for him,

“But Zane said…”

“My mom is right.” Eli interrupted Lily. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

He shook his head at Lily and very briefly glanced at her mom. He was trying everything in his power to keep Ali from hearing what Zane had said, because Ali acted unbreakable, but Eli had seen firsthand how deeply she hurt two days ago. He watched as Ali walked out of the room to begrudgingly go check on the same boy that was spitting venom about her family. Spencer and Toby were glaring daggers at Eli, waiting on an explanation. He shrank down in submission.

“Did you not tell my mom what he did?” Lily asked.

Eli shook his head.

“I didn’t want to upset her,” he admitted quietly.

“What happened?” Toby asked, picking up on his son’s cues. He could see there was more at play than what was being said.

“Zane blamed my mom for the wreck and for killing Grace.” Lily blurted out.

There was a beat of silence and then Toby swore under his breath. Eli and Lily looked at one another and tried not to laugh. Judging by Toby’s reaction they weren’t going to be in trouble at all.

“That little prick.” Toby uttered. He looked at his son. “Did you go for the stomach and face like I taught you?”

“Toby!” Spencer frowned in disapproval.

“He shouldn’t be running his mouth like that.” Toby scowled. “I ought to have him hauled off to jail. Let him see what running his mouth gets him there.”

He was beyond pissed. Spencer was, too, but she knew that one of them had to be the balanced adult in the room, and by process of elimination she got that role. Toby had a hard time being an unbiased party when it came to Zane because he knew the boy was trouble, _and_ he was still pissed about Zane harassing his little girl…until she’d cold-cocked him to get him to back off. There was a small sense of pride Toby felt in knowing that both of his kids would stand up to bullies. And not only would they stand up to bullies, they’d punch them in the face.

Toby saw Spencer glaring at him and he realized he needed to chill. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger. He shot Spencer an apologetic look that clearly said, _“I’m sorry, I’ll be a grown up now.”_

“How bad was he hurt?” Toby asked.

“He had a bloody nose and he’ll probably have a black eye.”

“You didn’t break any of his bones, did you?” Toby questioned.

“No.”

“Too bad,” he muttered quietly, but not so quietly that the kids didn’t hear.

“So…I should have hit him harder?” Eli asked in confusion.

“No!” Spencer shook her head, trying to hold back a surprised laugh.

“Are you hurt?” Toby questioned.

“No.” He replied.

It was very hard for Toby to hold back the _“that’s my boy”_ he had on the tip of his tongue.

They heard footsteps approaching.

“Please don’t tell her.” Eli glanced at the noise. “What Zane said was really ugly and unnecessary. Can we just keep it between us?”

Spencer nodded and reached out and rubbed her son’s shoulder. Ali walked back into the room. She was in a huff. When she’d gotten to the nurse’s office she found Ella talking to the nurse, but Zane wasn’t anywhere in sight. Ella said that he asked to go to the bathroom before being treated. He’d taken off as soon as he was out of Ella’s sights. Neither Ella nor the nurse knew where he went.

Eli and Lily glanced at one another, knowing he’d probably bailed because he was drunk. Ali told Spencer and Toby that she’d be in touch with them, but that she didn’t think there would be any major disciplinary action. She told Lily one last time to go to class and told Eli to do the same. Then she rushed off to make sure her students weren’t drawing penises on the board or getting into mischief without her there to keep order. Eli and Lily walked out. As soon as they were gone Spencer smacked Toby on the shoulder.

“Great job, Mr. Mom. You just taught our son that violence _is_ the answer,” she scolded him.

“Sometimes it is. Some people just need a good swift kick in the nuts.”

“Charming. You should cross-stitch that on to a pillow.” Spencer smarted back.

“I can and I will.” Toby smiled a dopey smile.

“No, you can’t.” She snorted. “You don’t cross-stitch. You crochet.”

Toby chuckled.

“Look on the bright side,” he said. “Both Harper and Eli can take care of themselves if someone gives them shit.”

“Harper punching someone out was a given.” Their daughter was…spirited. She nearly gave the doctor a black eye when she was born. “But Eli?” She shook her head and sighed. Her son wasn’t the only one off track lately, “God, what is going on with the kids right now? Eli is getting into fights. Harper can’t concentrate in class. Lily is skipping school. Iris doesn’t want to get out of bed. Levi is smarting off to his teachers. And Fiona and Kai are just completely shut down.”

“They miss her, Spence. None of them know life without Grace. It’s hard for them.”

There was a beat and then Spencer sighed again. Toby wrapped his arms around her. They stayed in their embrace for several minutes, trying to get their bearings. Spencer buried her face into Toby’s chest and breathed in the scent of his aftershave. After a few minutes she looked up at him.

“Did you know Aria had a fling with some girl in college?”

Toby opened his mouth to ask “what?” but then he realized that in his experience it was better not to ask follow up questions when it came to the random shit his wife told him sometimes. So he just laughed and hugged her again. They heard footsteps behind them and when they looked back they saw Emily walking down the hall carrying some sporting equipment.

“Get a room,” Emily said with a laugh.

“Is Ali’s classroom available?” Spencer retorted.

“Touche. Carry on then.” Emily rounded the corner, laughing to herself.

She loved to see her friends smile. It put her in a good mood. Fortunately, that mood lasted the rest of the day. No one mentioned Eli’s fight with Zane to Emily. Her first day back was filled with kids who were happy to see her, coworkers waving and talking to her about how glad they were to have her back, and the routine she knew she needed to get some normalcy back in her life. She felt like an actual person again.

It was only after school was over when she went by Ali’s class that she realized she’d missed something crazy. She’d overheard bits and pieces about a scuffle that morning, but never heard the names. She was surprised to find out it was Eli and Zane. Seeing Spencer and Toby still hanging around that morning suddenly made sense to her. At first, Emily thought that Zane had instigated it. She was shocked to find out that Eli had thrown the first punch.

“None of the kids heard what it was that Zane said that started it except for Lily and Eli and neither one of them are talking,” Ali explained.

Emily wasn’t overly surprised by Eli’s actions. With everything he was holding inside she knew it was only a matter of time before he snapped. She just never dreamed it would manifest in him like this. Emily pursed her lips in thought. She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she knew what Zane had said to rile Eli up. Spencer and Toby’s kid was usually passive unless someone hurt his friends. If Lily had been there, too, Emily got the feeling that Zane had lashed out at her and that had been the thing that triggered Eli. It had to be something about Grace’s death. That alone made her furious. She silently thought to herself she hoped that Eli had gotten in several good licks.

“Ella said she’s pretty sure she smelled alcohol on him,” Ali said. “Which explains why he took off.”

“How is Eli holding up?” Emily asked.

“He’s pretty riled up.” She pinched her brow in thought, her tone softening considerably, “I’m a little concerned it’s more than just him being pissed at Zane.” She cringed. “How much did he see at the station?”

“Enough to rile him up,” Emily answered with a sigh.

She hated whoever was behind this. Whoever was pulling the strings was starting to negatively affect her friends and their children. It wasn’t enough that Ali was suffering, nor that Spencer and Toby were legally being pulled into this. It was hurting the kids. That was worse than anything anyone could do to her.

Ali looked at her watch and sighed.

“I’ve got to run. I’ve got a faculty meeting with the English Department.” She kissed Emily. “I’ll see you at home?”

“Yeah.” Emily tried to pull herself out of her mind. “Yeah. I’ll see you there.”

A nagging feeling was plaguing Emily as she walked out of the classroom. There had been moments in her life she’d felt a strange heaviness hanging over her head right before bad things happened. Before her dad died she’d felt anxious for no reason. The night before Ali had fallen and broken her wrist before the girls’ seventh birthday she’d had nightmares that Ali was hurt and she couldn’t get to her. A day before Toby had nearly been shot in the line of duty she’d gotten an overwhelming feeling to hug him out of nowhere.

She had that nagging feeling the rest of the afternoon, and it wasn’t until she was pulling into her driveway and got a call from Toby that she started to get a sense of what was going wrong. He was calm, but she could hear an edge in his voice.

“Hey Em, have you seen Eli?” he asked. “He was supposed to meet up with Kai and Levi at the Fitz’s, but Ezra said he never showed. I tried calling him, but he’s not answering his phone.”

Emily’s stomach dropped. Her intuition was going crazy. Something about Ali noting that Eli seemed upset about the kid at the station set off alarm bells in her head. She knew what she would do if she’d heard that Grace’s killer was walking around free. And Eli was unstable right now.

“Is he with you, Ali, and Lily?” Toby asked.

“No, the girls went to the mall after school.” Emily bit her lip, hoping her feeling was wrong.

“He probably just went to The Y to blow off some steam. I know I’m being paranoid. There was just something about him today…”

“Toby, how much does he know about the kid the cops have in custody?” Emily interrupted him.

There was a pause in the line as Toby considered Emily’s question.

“I haven’t told him any details. Why? What are you thinking?” Toby asked.

“I’m thinking he’s _your_ kid and he probably knows more than he’s letting on. And he’s pissed and he misses Grace. And he’s also _Spencer’s_ kid and we both know how she gets when she’s upset…”

Another pause.

“Shit.” Toby realized she was right. “Shit, I’m on the other side of town at a training seminar. And I don’t want to send a cruiser on the off-chance that it’s nothing.”

“I know where the boy lives.” Emily admitted.

“What? How?”

“Saw it on a file before it was properly redacted.” The truth was she’d seen it on a stolen file that Maurice had gotten from the station.

“Em, I hate to ask you to…”

“I’m already on my way.” Emily turned the car around.

“If he’s there he is so grounded.” Toby grumbled. “Crap. I’ve gotta run. Call me when you know something.”

“Will do.”

She hung up the phone and cut through the streets, hoping that she would reach Eli before he did something incredibly stupid or dangerous. She kept glancing at the clock, wondering how close Eli was to his destination. If he’d taken the bus he might already be in danger. If he’d walked she might still be able to reach him. She was so scatterbrained that she didn’t even think to call Maurice and ask if someone was watching the boy’s house. All she could think about was getting to her friend’s son before he got in over his head.

Emily was just minutes away from the kid’s house at the same moment that Eli had stopped his bike at the end of the driveway. He’d circled the block a few times while building up the guts to go to the door. He saw motion behind the front curtains. The boy had seen someone coming up the street. He was expecting it to be Emily. He was clutching a hidden weapon, checking it for placement and how quickly he could get it from its hiding place into Emily’s heart.

But it wasn’t Emily that came walking up his driveway. It was a kid about his age. He thought he’d seen him somewhere before, but he couldn’t place from where. He didn’t go to school in the district, so he didn’t recognize most of the kids his own age. The only kids he knew were the ones who came to him to buy a dimebag or two. The ankle bracelet he was wearing didn’t slow his business down one bit. One of his regulars, Zane Jacobs, had just left with some all natural pain relief in the form of his finest chiba. Zane had muttered about how some nutcase went off on him at school, none the wiser that said “nutcase” was almost at his front door. As Eli drifted closer to the house the boy realized where he’d seen him.

The police station. He was a cop’s kid. That did not bode well. If it got back to his boss that a cop’s kid was lurking around asking questions it would fall back on him. He reached for the knife. Eli paused at the steps, asking himself what he was doing and why he was here. Then he thought about the conversation he’d had with his dad a few days ago.

 _“Why do such bad things happen to such good people?”_ he’d asked.

_“I wish I had an answer, son. All we can do is keep moving forward. I know it’s hard. But all we can do is try. We all have to do our part. You know, the reason I became a cop is so I could try to make sure there is more good than there is bad in our town.”_

That’s why he was here. He wanted answers. He thought getting answers might help Lily and her moms. He thought to himself that maybe he could help in this situation like his dad helped their town. But the answers he was looking for were not behind the door in front of him. The only thing waiting for him was a jumpy kid with a sharpened knife. The only thing waiting for him was danger.


	19. Hidden Dangers

The kid with the knife watched Eli’s movements through the peephole. His hand was curled around the handle of the weapon. His other hand was on the doorknob, waiting for Eli to knock or ring the bell. Both of the boy’s hands were shaking. He’d gotten his hands dirty before. He’d hurt people. But he’d never killed anyone. And killing a kid his age wasn’t exactly part of the plan, especially not a cop’s kid. But he had to improvise.

The boy’s adrenaline was pumping. Part of him was invigorated by the idea of doing this. The other part of him was terrified. He peered through the peephole again, taking note of the fact that he’d have to get rid of Eli’s bike once it was done. Of course, he’d have help. Del Toro’s guys specialized in clean ups. Plus, he’d helped in a few clean ups. He was starting to get the hang of it, not that it was something he was going to get used to doing. Because once he did what the Pit Vipers wanted they would let him go.

Eli paused at the front door and looked at his surroundings. The nearby houses were quiet, which was strange considering that school was out. He would have expected to see at least a few kids outside playing or adults gardening. Then again, it was a really upscale neighborhood, even more upscale than his place. More than likely everyone had gathered at a clubhouse or some other fancy hangout.

“Just give me a reason, kid,” the boy whispered quietly, clutching the knife.

Eli raised his hand to the bell, his finger extended. He was getting ready to press the buzzer when he heard a slamming noise behind him.

“Eli!” A voice called out to him. He froze in place, because he recognized the voice instantly.

He turned around and saw Emily standing at the edge of the driveway. Her car was across the street. Eli dropped his hands to his side. His face felt hot. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be there.

Though Emily had known this was where he was heading, she was still a little surprised to actually see him here. Of all the kids that could have gone rogue, she never dreamed it would be Spencer’s easy-going first-born. She had expected it to be Hanna’s impulsive daughter. Iris had a track record of going in full-force just like her mother. And if not Iris, her second guess would have been Harper or Levi. Because Harper had Spencer’s ambition and drive and Toby’s sense of justice. And Levi didn’t hold anything back. He was the protective sort like Caleb and the “dive in without a plan” person like Hanna.

She could see that her presence startled Eli. She quickly made her way up the driveway. He turned away from the door – away from the danger, and walked towards Emily. His shoulders were slumped. His eyes were on the ground. He dragged his feet. They met at the edge of the porch.

The boy watched their interaction from inside the house curiously, slowly putting the weapon down. He certainly couldn’t kill the kid _and_ Emily. He wasn’t that experienced. Maybe he’d get lucky and Emily would shoo the cop’s kid away and then he could just concentrate on Emily.

“How…how did you know I was here?” Eli blurted out nervously.

“Because you’re a smart kid. And I know you saw me and Ali at the station that morning. I know you saw _him_.” She nodded her head towards the house.

“Is it true?” Eli asked, pretty uncertain he was going to get an answer. He couldn’t get a straight answer about it from anyone. “Is he the one who killed Grace?”

“That’s for the court to determine,” Emily said.

“You sound like my mom and dad.” He rolled his eyes.

Emily frowned. God, all the kids were so snarky lately.

“How did you even find out his name and address?” Emily asked.

Eli looked at the ground and refused to answer, quietly pleading the fifth.

“Elias Jensen Cavanaugh,” Emily said sternly.

He felt his muscles stiffen up hearing his full name, especially from Emily. He’d never been in real trouble with Lily’s parents before. And now he’d managed to piss them both off in one day.

“I may have peeked at his file at the station,” he muttered.

She wanted to scold him, but she was impressed that he’d had the sense to do that. He really was his parents’ son.

“You can’t be doing this kind of thing.” Emily frowned in disapproval. “Do you know how much trouble you could get in for this? It has to stop.” She refused to let him go down the same path she was on. “Fighting with Zane. Coming after this kid. It’s only going to bring you trouble. And you know that.”

“I was just…I…I wasn’t going to do anything to him. I…” He stuttered and then sighed, “…if he did it I just wanted to know why. I just…I wanted to see why he left you. I wanted to know why he didn’t help you.” His face was red in anger, but his eyes were filling with tears.

Emily wanted to know that herself, but she knew the kid inside didn’t have those answers. He was just another pawn in some psycho’s game. Eli glanced back towards the house, unaware that their every move was being watched. Then he huffed out in frustration.

“It’s just not fair. I hate that there are people like this guy out there. He shouldn’t be out here. He should be in a cell for what he did to you and Grace.”

Definitely raised by Spencer and Toby Cavanaugh. That sense of justice. That willingness to do whatever it took to do the right thing by his loved ones.

“It’s not your job to be judge, jury, and executioner,” Emily said. “It’s your job to go out and have fun with your friends.” She wanted him to be a kid for as long as he possibly could. She’d seen his childhood and Lily’s childhood and all of the other kids’ childhoods slip away after the wreck, and it was something that haunted her. Because she knew how it felt to have that rug ripped out from underneath you when you were so young. “Play video games. School Kai and Levi in basketball. Pester your little sister and her friends. Go to football games and the movies and school dances. You and all of your friends deserve that life.”

“Grace was my friend, too,” he mumbled. “She doesn’t get to do any of that because of him.”

That was hard for Emily to argue with. Because she felt the same way, though Grace had lived a lifetime in her short time on Earth. She had never held back. She had _really_ loved to live. It was eerie in a way, like her soul knew she wouldn’t be around as long as everyone else. And she was fearless because of it.

Eli’s eyes slowly drifted off of the ground and met Emily’s. There was a deep heavy sadness in his baby blues. It struck Emily particularly hard. She’d seen the same look in Lily’s eyes. They were holding so much inside. They were both struggling so hard against the current.

All of the other kids had been working through Grace’s death. Harper got it out on the soccer field and by talking to her brother and her parents and a counselor that Spencer was making her see.

Unsurprisingly, Aria’s kids leaned on one another. Fiona watched Kai to make sure he wasn’t suppressing his emotions because he had a habit of doing that and it always manifested itself in days of heavy depression. If she thought he was slipping, she was always there to keep him from falling. And Kai was the only person who could bring his sister out of her panic attacks when she had them. When she felt one coming on, she always asked her mom and dad to get her brother.

Iris got her frustrations out by mouthing off to her parents and she dealt with her grief by trying to keep herself busy. Levi did the same. They were both impulsive and wore their hearts on their sleeves. It made the Rivers household a little tense, because the kids were constantly bickering. But they also relied on one another when it got to be too much for them. There were nights when Levi could hear Iris crying and he would go in to check on her and hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be okay. And there were nights that Iris did the same for him. Levi had become overly protective of all of the girls. It was pure luck that he hadn’t heard what Zane had said to Lily, because if he had the beating Zane had gotten would have been a lot worse.

As far as Eli went, he was very quiet about his feelings. Toby and Spencer had told Emily and Ali that they were concerned about how Eli was really doing. Spencer was making him go to the same counselor as Harper, but the counselor said he was always very stoic. Eli had taken it upon himself to take care of Harper and Lily, so he hadn’t been tending to his own needs. And it was finally unraveling him. He’d finally hit his breaking point.

“None of this is fair,” he sighed, a tear threatening to spill over his lower lid.

All Emily saw when she looked at Eli was the same baby who looked up at her and cooed the first time she held him. Even when he was an infant he’d been an observer. His eyes had been so sweet and soft. He saw the world through a lens that could only be experienced by someone who understood the complexities of life. He was very much an old soul.

She instinctively pulled him in for a hug. Normally he just did an awkward “teenager” hug when someone hugged him, usually standing somewhat motionless until it was over. But this time he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. After a few seconds they both pulled away. He wiped his face.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so whiny. That was kind of a chick flick moment.” He shuffled his feet against the ground with a quiet laugh.

“You’re entitled to feel your feelings,” she replied. “Just maybe not so violently.” She motioned towards his knuckles. Judging by the bruises that had formed he had knocked the daylights out of Zane.

“Even if they deserve it?” He looked at the house behind him again. His manner was a little bit lighter now. He wasn’t as angry.

“And who decides who deserves what?” Emily asked, glancing at the house. “Listen, we don’t know anything about that boy in there.” Of course, that was a lie, because she had a file on the kid. But she wasn’t saying it for her benefit. She knew Eli needed to hear it. “We don’t know what he did or didn’t do. And I get why you’re upset.” Ali had been upset for the very same reason. Everyone wanted justice for Grace. “But there is a reason we have a justice system in place.”

_I sound like the most hypocritical hypocrite who ever hypocrisized._ She berated herself in thought. In this case it was very much a “do as I say, not as I do” situation.

“I know it’s tempting to go off and play vigilante, especially when you feel like the bad guys are winning and you want to tip the scale in the favor of the good guys.” That was the story of her life in high school, and now, too. “But sometimes innocent people get hurt that way…”

_Why couldn’t I be giving myself this speech two months ago?_ She cursed herself silently. Things would have been so different if she had just chosen to do _one_ thing differently. Then she remembered where she was mentally two months ago and she remembered exactly how she would have reacted if the reasonable part of her brain had tried to rationalize with her. _Right. I’m an idiot who probably wouldn’t have listened to myself anyway. God, me, I’m so exhausting._

“It’s easy for people to get caught in the crossfire.” Emily sighed. She did not want Eli or any of the kids wrapped up in the world she was currently in. “And that’s the last thing I want to see happen to you.”

She’d watched him grow up with her daughters. She loved all of her friends’ kids like they were her own. There is nothing she wouldn’t do to protect them.

“Things aren’t always what they seem to be. There are times when we don’t know the whole story,” Emily explained. “It happens all the time. You know, once upon a time your dad was accused of something he didn’t do. Back in high school there were these rumors that he’d killed Alison. But as you can see, she’s alive and as sassy as ever today.”

Eli finally cracked a smile.

“I know all this already. Mona was messing with you all. Then she changed her ways and saved everyone multiple times with her heroics.”

“Who told you that?” Emily snorted. It almost sounded like Mona had been feeding him superhero stories with her as the protagonist.

“Heard it from Kai. His Uncle Mike told him all kinds of stories a few months ago when he came to visit.”

Of course he did. Mike was so madly in love with Mona that there was no version of their lives in which Mona wouldn’t be painted in a beautiful light. Because Mike saw the best in her. He always would. It was actually quite similar to how Emily had always seen the best version of Alison, even when she was at her worst. Love didn’t mean being completely blind. Love meant accepting people despite their faults and loving their best qualities.

“I mean, I know a lot of what comes from his uncle is skewed in Mona’s favor, but considering my mom and dad are fine and Harper and I exist, it can’t all be made up,” Eli added.

“Right.” Emily laughed. “Everything did work out for everyone.” She nodded. “But what you don’t know is how hard it was on your dad to have people constantly second-guessing who he truly was. Everyone was so quick to believe something from preconceived notions and word of mouth that he had a rough time. Everyone thought he was guilty. At first, I was the only one who knew he didn’t do it. Even when the rest of the town was ready to throw him to the wolves, I always knew in my heart that your dad wasn’t guilty.”

“He was lucky to have you.” Eli looked at the house again, the boy inside still watching their interaction, picking up bits and pieces of their conversation through the door. “I wish I had as much faith in people as you seem to.”

“It’s not about having faith in people. It’s about understanding that everyone in life walks different paths. Just because someone’s path is different than yours doesn’t mean it’s wrong,” Emily elaborated. “You’re a good kid, Eli. Ali and I both appreciate you looking out for Lily. We know how much you care about us. You don’t have to put yourself in the line of fire for our family for us to know that. So lay off the left hooks and law-breaking, okay?”

Eli nodded.

“Okay.”

“Go home,” Emily said, glancing back at his bike.

Eli walked over to his bike, picking it up off of the ground. He swung his leg over the top and got balanced.

“Hey, call your dad when you get home.” Emily called out before he could ride off. “He’s worried about you.”

“He’s pissed, isn’t he?” Eli asked with a frown.

“Your dad is an understanding guy.” And one of her best friends. “Talk to him. He’ll listen.” If anyone could relate to Eli’s internal rage and quest for answers it was Toby. “I mean…he’ll still ground you, but he’ll listen.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna be on lockdown for a while. It was nice knowing you. Tell Lily I’ll see her in about a month. Maybe six weeks depending on how much I freaked him out.” Eli smiled.

“I’ll try to appeal to the court for you. See if I can talk him down from giving you hard time. Maybe I can finagle your sentence down to community service.”

“I appreciate that.” Eli laughed.

He put his feet against the pedals and started riding away from what could have been a disastrous situation. Emily watched him ride off and breathed a sigh of relief. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and texted Toby, letting him know that Eli was safe and that he was going to call him soon. She got a response almost immediately,

_“Thanks, Em. I owe you one.”_

He’d clearly been watching the phone with a worried dad face.

_“You don’t owe me anything, Toby. We’re family. Don’t be too hard on him, okay?”_

_“Yes, sister-wife. Whatever you say.”_

She laughed and then put her phone up and went to fish her keys out of her pocket. She had only taken one step when she heard a noise behind her.

“Wait,” a voice said.

She turned around and saw the kid she’d seen at the police station standing in the open doorway of his house. He’d seen the entire encounter between her and Eli and now he was conflicted. The boy stared at her, torn. He knew what he was supposed to do, but he also knew what it meant if he followed through. He glanced over at the knife next to the door, within reach. It had been given to him specifically for this task. They wanted her blood on it. Benito Del Toro always got what he wanted.

The boy quickly looked at the hidden video camera that had been set up over by the TV. It was nestled away in all the electronics hidden to the naked eye. That was another stipulation. He had to get all this on tape, so it could be enjoyed by the sociopath who wanted to see her dying. They’d been having trouble following through on the task because Emily was always on the defensive. They knew she would let her guard down around the kid.

All the boy needed was to get her close enough…and out of sight of the neighbors. He just wanted to get it over with. If she was out of the picture he could just go back to his life before Benito. His debt to the Pit Vipers would be repaid and he could go back to his happy little rich life. Emily was still looking at him, but she’d yet to speak. The boy shuffled his feet nervously.

“You’re her mom…right?” he asked. “The girl who died?”

_The girl who died._ It made Emily flinch. It sounded so callous and cold. Like something out of a movie that couldn’t even begin to emulate real life.

“This conversation can’t happen.” Emily knew when she was playing with fire. And this was dangerously close to the flame. If anyone got wind of the fact that she was talking to the boy accused of killing her child it would only end badly. “Just go back inside.” She played with her car keys.

“Don’t go,” he blurted out nervously. “I just…” His eyes darted around the neighborhood and then his gaze landed back on Emily. “I…I want to talk. Please?”

There was a desperation in his voice that Emily couldn’t ignore. He sounded weak and broken and afraid. She couldn’t ignore a kid in need, no matter who he was. Her compassion was eventually going to be her downfall, and she knew it. She sighed.

“Okay. I’m listening.” Emily nodded.

“Not…not out here.” He made an unconscious move towards the weapon, waiting for her to move closer.

Emily mumbled in frustration and made a few strides towards the front porch. She paused at the steps, her instincts warning her to proceed with caution. Maurice was going to kill her for this. Right now they were just supposed to be watching him. After Maurice got his hands on the boy’s file they had learned he wasn’t quite as innocent as Emily thought he was. He clearly hadn’t been the driver of the car that hit her and Grace, but he had some shady dealings. She took heed as she walked towards the door.

The boy moved a little to the side, as if he was parting from the door to let her in. He reached back out of view and gripped the handle of the knife, slipping the blade into his back pocket and then moved his hands to his side so she wouldn’t view him as a threat when she walked in. He moved backwards a few steps and seconds later she walked through the door.

He glanced at the open door and then at the woman whose patience was wearing very thin. Emily was staring at him, waiting on answers he was never going to give her. He suddenly felt his mouth dry up from his nerves.

“Can you shut the door?” He tried to keep his voice from cracking. “I’ve got some nosy ass neighbors and this is none of their business.”

_“No witnesses,”_ he’d been told on the phone.

Emily looked at him in irritation, but humored him, reaching back and softly closing the door, never taking her eyes off of him. If it was one thing she’d learned from being attacked so much in her life it was to never turn her back on anyone she didn’t fully trust. She could see a wild look of madness in the kid’s eyes. She wasn’t an idiot. She didn’t know what was going on in his head, but she knew he was scared. And scared people were unpredictable. The air was thick with a tense unease. The boy started to take a step towards her, but Emily held up her hand and shook her head.

“This is close enough.” She warned.

“I’m not gonna bite or nothin’.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. He just needed to get a little bit closer…

“I know,” Emily said evenly, watching him like a hawk. “But it’s a pretty big risk…me being here…” She wasn’t willing to take any chances.

“What? Are you afraid my neighbors might talk? Who cares? What would a lesbian want with a teenage boy? Everyone knows you and that other teacher are _happily_ married.” He sneered.

Emily gritted her teeth. Yes, they were happily married, but lately it hadn’t been without its complications. Her lies were starting to strain their marriage, and Emily just wanted to put an end to their troubles, once and for all. She knew that once this was over she could start to piece her life with her family back together. That’s what kept her going. Her wife and her daughter. Because otherwise she would have gift-wrapped herself for the people trying to kill her.

“Why am I here?” Emily frowned.

“You tell me.” The boy shrugged, shuffling forward a few inches.

Emily didn’t miss his movements. She didn’t say anything, but she glared at him in disapproval.

“Well, it certainly isn’t to be sassed by you.” She dealt with that enough at school, and lately with Lily at home. “You said you wanted to talk. So talk. You’ve got three minutes.” She glanced at her watch.

“Seriously? You’re gonna time me?” He laughed as he slowly reached back like he was casually scratching an itch on his back. His hand found the handle of the knife. “You got that much of a hard-on for keeping times there, Coach?”

“Fine. Have it your way.” Emily reached for the doorknob. She was done with his bullshit.

“Wait, I’m sorry. That was stupid.” He called for her attention. He felt the knife burning a hole in his pocket. His heart was slamming in his chest. He was a step away from striking distance. And she would never suspect it, which is why the task had been handed to him. “And insensitive considering you just went back to school.”

“You know an awful lot about me,” Emily said suspiciously.

“You were all over the news after the wreck.” His upper lip twitched.

Emily knew he was lying by the look on his face. More than likely whoever he was in cahoots with had a similar file on her to the one Maurice had on him. The hitman was watching her just like Maurice and his crew were watching the kid. They had learned that the anonymous tip that had been called in was bogus. After some digging, Bobby and Manny had been able to find out that the boy had disguised his voice and called in the tip himself. It had all been planned. He had implicated himself for some reason.

“Everyone knows who you are,” he continued.

“Uh huh.” Emily said, unimpressed.

“You don’t believe me?” He inched forward a bit more.

“I highly doubt my work schedule has been plastered in between the morning weather and traffic report.”

“I might not go to Rosewood High. But I have friends there. People talk.” He shrugged, pushing another inch towards her.

_He’s smarter than he looks._ She was impressed. That was quick thinking on his feet.

She saw his eyes flicker towards something. She didn’t see the hidden camera strategically placed by order of the person who put out the hit to record her demise. A strange feeling washed over her, an unnerving feeling creeping up her spine. She tried to shake it off.

“Is that so?” Emily asked coolly, trying to maintain her calm façade.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I know all kinds of things.”

The tips of his fingers were sweating. A thin layer of perspiration was building above his upper lip, and his forehead was glossy with the same substance.

“Like what?” Emily asked.

“What do you want to know?”

Emily pulled her inner lip into her mouth in thought and rolled her tongue over the back of her bottom teeth.

“How much are you getting paid for this?” she asked point blank.

“What?” The question threw him off balance.

“Whoever it is that talked you in to this. What is he paying you?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He scoffed.

“I know you weren’t driving the car that night. I don’t know how you got wrapped up in this, but I know you’re in over your head.”

“Do you remember what happened?” he asked.

“No,” Emily answered after a quiet beat. “But I know you had nothing to do with it. I know it’s merely a coincidence that you worked for the man whom the car was stolen from. I know those keys didn’t end up in your hands at a party like you claimed. And I know you had nothing to do with what happened to my daughter. What I want to know is why you’re doing this. Why you’re _letting_ someone do this. It comes down to money or extortion. So, which is it? I know there is someone else involved. Why not just tell the truth?”

“I’m sixteen.” He shrugged. “I don’t have anything on my record.” Despite his illegal pharmaceutical business, he’d never been in trouble with the law before. It’s why he’d been roped into taking the fall for killing Grace. “I’ll be tried as a juvenile and will be out with good behavior in no time. I’ll probably have to do some nature work camp or some shit like that. Won’t be a biggie. May even give me some street cred with the ladies. Chicks dig bad boys.” He grinned and then furrowed his brow and added. “Well, not that you would know.”

Emily refrained from calling him a sanctimonious shithead like she wanted to and instead took the high road.

“Why jeopardize your entire future over this?”

“Who says I am?” he asked.

“I know you weren’t just picked at random.” That had been her initial thought, that the Pit Vipers had just selected a good stooge to take the fall. But over the past few days and the little she had learned about the boy she was starting to see that they had meticulously planned this out. Talking to him only verified her suspicions. He had more of a choice in the matter than she’d first thought. “I know you’re hiding something and I’m pretty sure you’re cutting some kind of a deal.”

She recognized the signs. She was doing the exact same thing. People who had deep dark secrets were often able to pick up on when others had deep dark secrets of their own. As someone who had spent her high school years being forced to make impossible choices, she could see the conflict in someone’s eyes when they were dealing with a similar situation.

“I know what you’re going through,” Emily said.

Because she was going through it, too. Her actions had led her into something that she couldn’t get out of now. Her grief had wrapped her in a cocoon of pain that had blurred her vision and left her sleepwalking through life, leaving her to make some of the most idiotic choices she’d ever made. Choices that she couldn’t take back. Choices that were going to come with consequences.

“I understand what you’re dealing with,” she added.

Surprised by her intuition and compassion, the boy suddenly loosened his grip on the knife. All at once, the exhilaration of the potential kill was gone and it had been replaced by a numbing fear he’d been burying. It was him or Emily. And he didn’t want to die.

“Then you know why I’m copping to it.” He looked away.

The atmosphere in the air completely changed as the gravity of the situation came to light for the kid. Emily could see him struggling.

“It’s not too late to turn this around. All you have to do is tell me who is doing this. I can put an end to this,” she said.

The boy peered at the camera trained on them. Fortunately, it wasn’t a live feed. He could delete this footage.

“I can’t. They’ll kill me.” He bit down on his bottom lip.

“Who? The Pit Vipers?”

The kid flinched and then completely froze. He looked around nervously, like someone was going to lunge out of the shadows and slice his throat open from ear to ear. He felt cornered. His instinct was to grab the hidden knife and plunge it into Emily’s body. So that’s what he did. He moved quickly with perfect accuracy, slipping the blade out in one swift motion and driving it into her stomach. It was fast, but not at all painless.

Emily’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open in a shocked gasp. She glanced down in surprise and saw the entire blade buried up to the hilt disappearing into her stomach. Before she could react he yanked the knife out, the motion causing blood to splatter all along the door and the walls. An involuntary yelp came out as she huffed in pain. She put a shaky hand over the gushing wound and looked at the boy before falling back against the door.

She reached back to try and keep her balance, leaving a bloody handprint against the finished white wood. She opened her mouth to say something, but then felt the knife backed by the weight of the boy plunging into her chest. She cried out in surprise. He jerked upwards, the knife ripping into her. Blood started oozing out of her mouth. Then everything slowed down. Life was in slow motion.

Seconds later she was against the ground, the boy standing over her and staring at her as she struggled for her last breaths. He’d done it. He’d actually nut up and done it. Del Toro had been right. She hadn’t been able to resist reaching out to a kid in need. The Pit Vipers would be very pleased. And he was free. All he had to do was wait for her to drown in her own blood. It was poetic, in a way. The cop’s kid leading her out here, completely oblivious. She was going to die trying to do what she’d done the night of the wreck: trying to save a child.

She kept trying to talk, her mouth moving silently, no words coming out. Part of him was curious about what she’d say if she could speak. He wondered if she was thinking about her family. They would never see her again. Because she was just going to disappear. Because that’s what the Pit Vipers did. They made people disappear. Emily gasped for a breath. Suddenly, he realized what he’d done and the shock wasn’t enough to shelter him from his guilt.

“I’m sorry. He...he made me,” he stuttered. “I had to.”

To his surprise, Emily nodded like she understood what he was saying, like she was trying to comfort him. She was dying and she was comforting him.

“Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He was going to watch her die. He had killed her.

He leaned down and held her bloody hand. Her breathing was ragged and labored. Her eyes were glassy and wide, but she didn’t look scared. She looked resigned to her fate. Her body jerked several times before finally becoming motionless against the ground.

As Emily was closing her eyes, the boy blinked and everything changed. He saw Emily still standing in front of him, waiting on him to answer her question. There was no blood. There was no body. He hadn’t moved. The knife was still in his pocket. The delusional fantasy his mind had put up to deal with his fear was gone. He’d imagined it. But it felt more real to him than his actual reality, and it shook him up. All he could do was stand there and shiver. Emily could see how terrified he was.

“Who is doing this?” Emily asked.

“I’m not supposed to tell.” He suddenly sounded like a five-year-old.

“Look, whatever kind of trouble you’re in, if you keep going the way you’re going it’s only going to get worse. I know what it’s like to be caught up in something way bigger than you. You need to learn to walk away before it’s too late.”

He wanted to tell her to follow her own advice, but he couldn’t. Because he was fucked. So fucked. His phone rang and they both jumped. The kid glanced at the shelf next to the door where his phone was buzzing against the wood. He looked at the caller ID and then picked it up.

“Hey, mom.” His voice was shaking. “Yeah,” he said. There was a pause. “Uh huh.” Another pause. “Okay. Love you, too.” He hung up and looked at Emily. “She’ll be home in a few minutes. You can’t be here when she gets here. We’ll have to talk about this later.”

“Just give me a name. That’s all you need to do. I’ll handle the rest,” Emily pushed.

“It’s complicated. There’s more to it than just a name,” he said, glancing at the door, suddenly eager for her to leave. “Before I tell you anything I need to make sure I’m not gonna take the heat for this. I need…I need some time to think on it.” Because they would come after him for this. And he didn’t want to die.

“Okay.” Emily reached for the doorknob. “Just promise me that you’ll think about what I said about turning this around.”

“Sure.” He nodded and then peered at her. “Hey, did you mean all that crap you said to that kid out there? About everyone having their own paths and shit?”

“I did,” she replied.

“How do you know it’s not too late for me?” He questioned curiously.

“Because you didn’t kill me with the knife you’re hiding.”

He’d thought about it, but he hadn’t followed through.

“You…” He jerked in surprise, “…you knew?”

She nodded. She’d known the instant she’d seen him in the doorway. She’d seen it in his eyes. She’d hoped that he wouldn’t act out of fear, but she had been prepared to take him down if he did.

“If you knew, why would you risk coming in here?” he questioned.

“Because I’m a teacher,” Emily said simply. “And a mom.” She’d seen a kid in trouble and she’d done what came natural. “And I know you’re not a killer, Ryan.”

She’d seen his name on the file Maurice stole, too. She also knew that he’d been mixed up in the crime world since he was ten. He’d never been caught, thanks to his very persuasive and rich father.

“It’s not too late for you to do the right thing. All you have to do is tell the truth,” she said.

“You know, you could just beat it out of me,” he said with a laugh. That’s what the Pit Vipers would do.

“That’s not how I do things.” Though the thought had crossed her mind. That was how it generally worked with Maurice. “When I leave I want you to put your weapon away and really think about this. I know you don’t want this following you around for the rest of your life.”

Ryan nodded to acknowledge that he heard her.

“I’ll be in touch,” he said. “Just give me a day to figure out how to do this without getting caught.”

“Whatever you need.”

She opened the door and said goodbye, hoping that maybe she’d been able to reach him. If she could establish a rapport with him then maybe she could get the information she needed from him. Or maybe he’d go to the cops himself and spill everything.

If he went to the cops that could get tricky because depending on what Ryan knew and depending on what he told the cops, if the police went digging and found out that the Pit Vipers were after her they’d uncover everything she’d been up to. She’d be implicated in the crimes she’d committed and she would be putting Maurice and his guys in the hot seat, too.

Emily walked down the driveway, her hands shaking from adrenaline. She had bet on the boy not attacking her, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t thought about the other possibility. She climbed into her car and turned the ignition on. She laid her forehead against the steering wheel and heaved out a deep breath. She didn’t realize how much she was sweating until she pulled back. She rolled down the windows to feel less confined. She closed her eyes and ran her fingers down the front of her face as the cool air from the vents blasted her.

“Fuuuck me,” she mumbled.

“Name a time and place,” a voice said through her window.

“Ah!” She jumped in surprise and threw a punch on instinct, her fist making contact with the side of the intruder’s jaw.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. _Again_?” Frank stumbled back, still somehow managing to stay balanced.

Emily didn’t recognize him at first, but then she blinked and realized who it was…and what he was doing. He was dressed in preppy clothing and holding one end of a leash. She looked down and saw a small furry ankle-biter dog staring up at them. The dog had on a pink collar studded with diamonds with a matching coat that had the word “Princess” in bright shiny letters bedazzled across the back. Emily looked up at Frank again.

“What the hell? What are you doing?” Emily frowned in confusion.

“Blending in. What does it look like?” He rubbed a fresh cut on his lip. “Though you throwing a punch at a suburban dad walking his tiny dog just kind of ruined that image.”

He scooped the dog up with one hand and grabbed the back door handle with the other. He climbed in the back seat, putting the dog in his lap.

“Drive.”

“Why? Where’s your car?” Emily glanced in the rearview mirror.

“Not idiotically parked in front of the house of a kid who is working with the people who are trying to kill you.” Frank smarted back. “I parked it about a mile back. Less conspicuous. And my ass is not walking this little fucker back, because it’ll take me two damn hours with her stopping to observe every blade of grass that exists.”

“Whose dog is that?” Emily asked curiously, putting the car in drive.

“Mind your own business.” His phone bleated and he pulled it out of his pocket and answered. “Yeah. Yeah, she’s fine. Came out swinging. Punched me again.” There was a pause. “No, I didn’t antagonize her.” Another moment of awkward silence, except for Emily’s quiet snotty laugh, because Frank totally deserved it. “Dunno yet.” He glanced at Emily. “Sure.” He leaned forward, handing the phone to Emily. “Maurice wants to talk to you.”

Emily reached back, taking the phone,

“He totally deserved the beating. He started it,” she said flatly without even saying hello.

“Don’t doubt that.” Maurice sounded irritated. “Don’t care what you do to Frank’s face. What I want to hear is an explanation for why you went to Ryan Thompson’s house when you know the Vipers have him in their back pocket.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. I had to stop my friend’s kid from confronting him,” Emily replied.

“And how does your friend’s kid know about the boy?”

“He saw what happened at the police station when my wife lost her shit.”

“I hope you set your buddy’s kid straight, because that boy is bad news.”

“Not entirely.” Emily turned the wheel, circling back to start looking for Frank’s car. “I don’t think he’s willingly doing anything. I talked to him. He had a chance to attack me. He didn’t.”

“They got fuckin’ kids trying to kill you now?” Maurice snapped angrily.

“I think they thought maybe it would catch me off-guard. Why would I suspect a kid I think is innocent? It was a trap.”

“And you walked into it. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I knew what I was doing. I had my eye on him,” she assured him.

“Fine. Fair enough. But if you ever use yourself as bait again I’ll kill you myself.” He threatened.

Emily rolled her eyes. Why did everyone in her life threaten to kill her if she got herself killed? He would get along swimmingly with Alison.

“Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of me coming to you for help in the first place?” Emily asked.

“Don’t sass me. I’m not in the mood.” Maurice sniped.

“I think we can turn him,” Emily said. “We just need to give him a day or two to get his shit together.”

“And then what?” Maurice asked.

“And then hopefully we’ll get the story behind all this and we can put an end to it.”

“Take a left here.” Frank leaned through the center console and started directing Emily.

“I’ve got to go. My GPS is annoying me and I’m going to fight it. Might throw it out the window,” Emily said.

“Don’t let any cops see you. Littering is punishable by fines up to a grand. Not to mention, there’s enough trash on the highway as it is. Don’t need to add that pile of garbage to it,” Maurice replied.

“I can hear you.” Frank grabbed the phone from Emily. “We’re at my stop.” Frank motioned for Emily to pull over.

“Thank God. You’re starting to stink up my car.” Emily gave him a hard time.

“How mad would you be if I whacked her?” Frank asked into the receiver of his phone. Maurice answered and Frank nodded. “I see. Well, then I won’t be doing that. I like my testicles attached to my body.” He hung up and reached for the door handle.

“Put some ice on your face.” Emily suggested. “Won’t help with your ugly mug, but it’ll help with the swelling.”

The dog whined in his arms.

“It’s okay, Mrs. Puff-Puff. I’ll protect you from the mean old woman.” Frank cooed at the tiny dog.

“Oh my God, Frank, is that _your_ dog?” Emily nearly doubled over in laughter.

“Well, I wasn’t going to leave her at home. My brother usually takes care of her when I’m at work, but he’s out of town.” He stepped out of the car. “Come on, you little shit. You are going potty before we get into the car. I will not have you pee on the finished upholstery again.”

Emily howled out a laugh as she pictured Frank sitting in his car with his dog, baby-talking her and sharing his lunch with her. He glanced back at her.

“The hell are you laughing at?” Frank asked.

“I just never would have pegged you for the kind of guy who would have a Barbie doll pocket puppy with a bad hairdo as a companion.”

“You take that back.” He tried to cover the dog’s ears. “She’s sensitive about her fur. Why do you think she wears a coat?”

Emily couldn’t answer because she was laughing too hard.

“Don’t you ever insult my princess again.” Frank warned.

“I’ll get you my not-so-pretty, and your little dog, too.” Emily joked.

Frank muttered a few obscenities under his breath and then slammed the car door, really selling how pissed he was. She’d offended his puppy and that irritated him more than being punched ever could. Emily watched them interact for a few seconds. Frank said something to the dog and then put her down to go to the bathroom. Emily drove off, ready to get home and take care of her own mutt.

Jett was waiting for her at the door. When he tried to greet her his e-collar rammed into her legs. He had gotten a little better with it when he was navigating the house, but he still used it as a weapon against her and Ali. He was gentler with Lily, which Emily was thankful for. She grabbed the edge of the e-collar and guided him backwards a few feet. She’d become an expert in handling him with the giant satellite dish on his head. She grabbed his leash and took him out for a quick walk. When she was out she saw Frank walking Mrs. Puff-Puff, doing his job of “blending in” while watching her back. The dog pranced as she walked.

Emily snickered under her breath. She could feel Frank glaring at her when she turned to walk back into her house. Jett bumped into her with his e-collar and she grumbled out a loud “ow”. She heard Frank laugh. It was very much a “that’s what you get for making fun of my dog” laugh. She could still hear him chuckling when she was closing the door.

She took Jett’s leash off and he shook his head to straighten his collar, sending the e-collar flopping around uncontrollably. The edge of it hit a basket, sending it toppling to the ground. The contents spilled all over the floor. Jett sat down and stared at the mess, as if to say, _“this isn’t going to clean itself up.”_

“You’re lucky I love you.” Emily scowled at him playfully.

She leaned down to pick up the items that had scattered. She picked up various little knick-knacks, some loose change, a couple of half empty pill bottles, a phone charger, a few pens, and a deck of cards. Then she saw it. A _Rosewood Sharks_ swim cap. Grace’s name was written on it. She reached out and gently took it in her hand. She ran her fingers over the soft rubbery material.

“Oh, Grace,” she said with a sigh. The girl had been notorious for leaving her stuff everywhere.

Emily propped herself up against the couch and leaned her head back, feeling a wave of grief rolling through her veins. Little mementos of her daughter always left her with mixed emotions. She was grateful to have them, but it hurt so much when she found one unexpectedly.

She stared at the swim cap through blurry eyes. Grace had once wanted a swim cap so badly that she put underwear on her head to convince her mothers to get her one. Emily could remember that day so vividly. The four-year-old wild child had been running around in her bathing suit most of the day, mostly because Emily was tired of fighting with her to keep her clothes on and the only thing she never seemed to try and strip out of was her bathing suit. That day, Grace had dug up a pair of superhero underwear from somewhere and had pulled them on top of her head. She’d come running into the living room babbling excitedly about how she was just like her mom.

_“Do I look like you, Mama?”_ Grace had asked, running up to Emily with her arms outstretched. _“Am I a mermaid, too?”_

_“Grace, where did you get those Batman underwear?”_ Emily couldn’t remember buying them, and she didn’t recognize them.

Grace had just shrugged innocently with a devious little smile on her face. Knowing Grace, she’d probably pantsed some poor kid in her day care and stolen his underpants.

The front door had opened and Lily ran in, her little sandals lighting up as her feet hit the ground. Ali stepped in behind her and shut the door.

_“Mommy!”_ Grace ran up to Ali, hugging her leg. She’d looked up at her and giggled.

_“The child has Batman underwear on her head.”_ Ali had laughed. _“Why does she have Batman underwear on her head?”_

_“I think the bigger question is why we DON’T have Batman underwear on our head. She’s clearly a fashionista.”_ Emily had walked over to kiss Ali hello.

_“You are ridiculous.”_ Ali had smiled when their lips separated.

_“You’re the one who married me.”_ Emily had shrugged.

_“Mama, I went to the dentist, and guess what?”_ Lily had tugged on Emily’s shirt in excitement. _“Guess what?”_

_“What?”_ Emily had asked, reaching down to pick Lily up.

_“I don’t have any cavities!”_ She’d pushed her palms against Emily’s face. She was grinning from ear to ear.

_“Really?”_ Emily had exclaimed with a smile. _“That’s great, sweetheart!”_

_“That’s nothing. I’m gonna be just like you, mommy,”_ Grace had started tugging on Emily’s shirt to get her attention. Ali reached down to pick her up and stood up, bringing her eye level with her sister. Grace had turned and hugged Ali’s neck and smiled at her. _“Would you be proud of me if I was a swim star like mommy?”_

_“So proud.”_ Ali had kissed her nose, which made Grace giggle.

_“I already have the swimsuit. I just need the hat.”_ Grace had pointed to the underwear on her head. _“Please, mommy? Can I get one? Please?”_ she’d pushed her bottom lip out in a pout.

_“We’ll see.”_

Seconds later, both girls were ready to get down and they’d run off, completely distracted by something else. Ali leaned into Emily and grabbed her arm as she’d watched the girls run around the corner.

_“We’re going to have to buy her a swim cap. We can’t let her show up at the pool with underpants on her head,”_ Ali had laughed.

_“I say we let her. She runs around naked half the time. We should let her wear underwear whenever we can get her to wear underwear.”_ Emily had shrugged indifferently. _“Plus, we’ll have some great photos to show at her wedding one day.”_

They had taken those photos that day, but they’d never gotten to use them to embarrass their child.

When Emily snapped back to reality, her face was wet with tears. Several droplets had landed on the swim cap in her hand. She brought the swim cap up to her face and pushed it up against her nose, using the backs of her fingers to wipe the moisture from her face.

She was never going to get to see Grace walk down the aisle. She was never going to see Grace do a lot of things. Driving. Prom. Graduation. College. Career. Love. Marriage. Kids. Grace didn’t get to experience any of it. She thought about what Eli had said about how Grace didn’t get to live her life the way the rest of the kids did. It hadn’t really registered at the time, because she hadn’t allowed it to. She had been more focused on getting Eli to safety. But his words had clawed their way into her brain now.

“I’m sorry, Gracie,” she whispered under her breath. “You deserved better. I’m so sorry I couldn’t give you the life you deserved.”

She felt something thump her leg and when she looked down she saw Jett’s paw resting against her thigh. He’d plopped down on his belly and was staring at her in concern. He was holding his head up so his e-collar didn’t hit her.

“Good boy, Jett,” Emily sniffled. “You’re a good dog.” When he wasn’t being a complete nutcase, anyway.

She wiped her face. She was getting ready to get to her feet when she heard a noise at the front door. There was a rustling sound and then the door opened and Jason walked in carrying several gift bags. Jett stood up to go and greet him.

“Anyone home?” He shuffled to the side and shut the door. “I come bearing gifts from my travels. I meant to bring them by earlier, but…”

He turned around and saw Emily leaning up against the side of the couch. His expression went from relaxed to concerned.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Emily cleared her throat. “I just…stirred up some dust cleaning up a few things.” She rubbed her eyes.

Jason looked from the swim cap in Emily’s hand to the red rims around her wet eyes.

“You know, I grew up with a family of liars.” He sat the gift bags down on the table next to the couch. “I know when someone is spouting bullshit my way.” He sat down next to her. “It’s okay to miss her, Em. We all do. I’ve certainly had my fair share of crying jags.”

Emily glanced at him, but didn’t say anything. It was silent for a few seconds.

“So, where’s my sister?” He looked around the living room.

Emily looked at the clock.

“Knowing Ali, giving the department head hell in her faculty meeting,” she said. “She’ll be home in a little bit.”

“And my darling niece?”

“She’s out with friends.”

“So it’s just you and me?” Jason asked.

“And the dog.” Emily motioned to Jett, who was distracted by the gifts that Jason had brought. He used the cone to knock one of the bags over. “Jett…” Emily scolded him.

“That one is actually for him.” Jason laughed.

They watched as he moved the bag around the floor until a bone rolled out. His tail started banging up against the legs of the table. It took him several seconds to figure out how to pick up the bone with the e-collar being an annoying obstacle in his way. But he finally managed to bend the collar until he was able to get his treat. He held his head up high and strutted out of the room, thoroughly proud of himself.

“I think I’ll be happier than he is when that stupid thing comes off his head.” Emily admitted.

“How was it that you said he hurt himself again?” Jason asked.

Emily tried not to flinch. She was starting to think that every time she told a lie she was pissing the universe off and that putting the negative energy out there was doing nothing more than sealing a horrible fate for her or her loved ones. Jason took note of the pause.

“Cut himself on glass,” Emily replied, her gaze fixed forward.

“Right,” he said, though he sounded skeptical. “And you hurt yourself helping him?”

She was surprised he knew about her injuries.

“Ali told you?” Emily turned to face him.

“Besides you, I’m the only person she completely trusts.” He shrugged. “I mean, I’m sure she talks to the girls to an extent. But you and I both know she’s fiercely protective when it comes to you and Lily. She’s very careful about what she says and to who. And I know there are some things she doesn’t talk to your friends about. There are some things that only a big brother can understand, especially in our family.”

“You’re a good brother, Jason.” Emily smiled weakly.

“I wasn’t always,” he said. He came by it honestly. “There were times when even _I_ hated me.” He admitted. “Ali and I were terrible to each other. But that’s only because when you’re angry and lost…you treat the people you love and trust the most the worst, because you know that no matter what you say and do to them they will still love you. They will still be there for you when the chips are down. I learned about that in AA. And through that I was able to see why my sister and I acted the way we did.” He paused and then looked at Emily. “When I looked back I was able to see she did the same thing to you. She lashed out at you in high school because she was scared and confused, but she always knew on some level, probably subconsciously at that time, just how much you loved her…and how much she loved you. She knew that no matter what, you would still be there for her if she needed you. And to this day, you have been.” He frowned and his face tightened.

“Is that not a good thing?” Emily furrowed her brow in confusion.

“Of course it is. She’s lucky to have someone like you who loves her the way you do.”

“But?” She knew there was a ‘but’.

“Em, you’ve been taking care of Alison since you two were fifteen years old. And I get it. It’s in your nature. But you were always so busy tending to her that somewhere along the line you forgot about taking care of yourself. And I know that can be a slippery slope.”

“If that’s what you’re worried about, don’t.” Emily shrugged. “I bounce back.”

“You don’t bounce.” Jason laughed a hard laugh. “You spring up full force and slam into life face first without a helmet. And one of these days, if you’re not careful, you’re going to get hurt. Take it from a guy who has done some bouncing of his own.”

Emily wasn’t sure how to tell him that she wasn’t slipping. Because she’d already hit rock bottom. There was nowhere left for her to fall. But she didn’t have to say anything for him to know where her mind was at. He’d been through it.

“Look, I get what you’re going through,” he said. “I understand the thoughts and the emotions and the idea that no one could possibly understand what you’re feeling. Because unless someone actually experiences the same thing in the same way, how can you even begin to talk about what is going through your head? I know everyone copes differently. Everyone finds their outlet…or their poison. I imagine the pain that you feel isn’t something that’s going to heal. Ever. And I know what that kind of pain can do to a person.”

Emily felt her throat tightening, but she was able to starve off her tears.

“I just want to be sure that however you’re blowing off steam, you’re not losing sight of yourself. In all my years battling with my substance abuse problems my biggest hurdle was always myself. Or rather, my constant racing thoughts. They were enough to do me in. All I wanted was something to shut them up, something to numb the pain. I had to learn the hard way that it didn’t matter what I tried to bury myself in, because my problems and my pain were going to follow me anywhere I went. So for my own peace of mind I want to hear it from you that no matter what it is that you’re dealing with, that you will find a way to be okay, for your family’s sake.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Jason.” She put her palm on his arm. “I’ve got this.”

It was genuine. It was sincere. But there was something in her tone that still worried him.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive.” She nodded.

He pinched his eyebrows and mashed his lips together in thought. After a second his face softened.

“I don’t need to tell you that Ali is worried. But I do need to tell you _why_ she’s worried,” he said.

“Ali and I have talked about this…”

“Humor me.” Jason interrupted her. “Maybe you’ll get a different take from my perspective.” He shrugged. “In my sister’s life everyone she ever trusted turned on her, even me and my parents. I have watched her get hurt in more ways than I care to imagine. After everything she went through, I can count the number of people on one hand I’ve seen her let in. There are only two people she cared enough about to not only give a second chance to, but fully trust them with her heart again.” He paused and peered at her. “You and me. We are all she has, Emily. I mean, not _all_ she has, but there are very few people who matter to her the way you and I do.”

“I know that,” Emily replied softly.

“In everything she’s gone through I have never seen her more wrecked than when she thought you were going to die. Not even Grace’s death.” He admitted. “She’s terrified of losing you. She always has been, because you’ve always been her safe place. You’ve been that steady love in her life since you were kids. And I don’t think she’d be able to live without that love.”

That felt like a shot directly to her heart. Not because it was a possibility, but because she couldn’t stand the thought of causing her family any more pain.

“I will never stop loving her,” Emily said, almost defensively.

“Oh, I know that. I’m not saying that. I’m implying just the opposite. You love her so much that you would do anything for her. Including keeping her in the dark for her protection. Because that’s what you’ve always done.”

“What exactly are you getting at, Jason?” she asked. She tried to stay calm, but her heart was pounding in her chest.

“I’m just saying that I know you’re dealing with a hell of a lot more than you're letting on. And I know how easily things can take a turn when your finger is on that self-destruct button. I’ve seen one too many friends get hurt that way.”

Emily waited to see if he had anything more to add, and when he didn’t accuse her of being caught up in an underground crime world she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Just tell me you’re being careful and you’re not shooting up or snorting shit or getting drunk and passing out in alleys or something.” Jason frowned.

Everyone around her was assuming the worst. Drugs. Self harm. Depression. Suicide. Fortunately, she hadn’t run for the bottle or decided to jump off of a bridge. Instead, she’d buried her grief by fixating on something she could control. The problem was, sometimes obsessions could become just as dangerous. An obsession was an addiction in its own right. Only Mona had been able to call her out on that. She’d hit the nail on the head, and it was _before_ Emily had gotten wrapped up in the underground. Mona was the only one who knew that her obsession with finding Grace’s killer could take control of her life if she wasn’t careful. And she’d been right. Because Mona was always right.

“You don’t have to worry about me drinking or doing drugs.” Emily assured him. “I would never do that to Ali and Lily…” She trailed off when she realized she was being insensitive. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“No, it’s fine,” Jason said. “It’s true. When you’re an addict your loved ones suffer just as much as you do. It’s hard for everyone involved. I watched my dad go through it. He was such an asshole when he was drunk. I always promised myself I wouldn’t be like that, but then I fell into a hole that I couldn’t get out of. My mom had a problem with her wine. Ali had issues, too, in her own right, lying being her addiction. I know Ali and I both worried about passing on our problems down to our children.” He glanced away, staring off into the distance, though not looking so much at the room they were in as he was looking into a window into his past. “I remember when Ali told me she was pregnant. I remember thinking I just hoped that nothing from our fucked up family screwed the baby up. Then I found out the truth, and I…I just thanked God that the girls had your genes. What happened to you two was fucked up in the worst way,” he said, gritting his teeth.

Jason was the only person aside from the girls and their partners who knew the truth behind Ali’s pregnancy. To everyone else, it was a choice the two of them made for Ali to carry Emily’s children. It was a lie that was easy enough to live, because it was easier to believe than the truth. No one except for their closest friends and family could understand how a deranged psychopath could steal Emily’s eggs from a donation bank and impregnate Ali when she was drugged up in a mental institution. It’s not exactly a story they wanted broadcast to the world.

Ali had decided early on that she didn’t want to keep the truth from Jason, and Emily supported her. Jason’s reaction had been extreme. He’d snapped once he found out that Alex had planned it and Mary had helped her carry the plan out by assisting in both Emily’s procedure _and_ Ali’s procedure in the mental institution. They’d had to stop him from infiltrating the prison Alex and Mary had been extradited to, because he was set on murdering the two women who had hurt his sister and her girl.

The one good thing that had come from that day was that in stopping Jason from going ape-shit on Alex and Mary, Spencer had gotten Alex to reveal who the twins father was. When Alex had let it slip that Wren Kingston had been the sperm donor before his death Spencer thought that she was screwing with her. But Alex told her that she just wanted Ali and Emily to know, because she’d grown up not knowing who her parents were and it had been hell on her.

She’d told Spencer that she didn’t want any other children to ever feel the way she felt. Even after Alex had found out that she and Spencer were born to a mentally disturbed woman in Radley it still wasn’t enough for her. She was convinced that’s why she was so screwed up.

_“I’m locked up, ain’t I? Fucked in the head,”_ she’d said simply. _“You was just lucky you got a mom and dad who loved you.”_

Those early days when Emily and Ali were still grappling with what had been done to them were rough. They had really struggled to come to terms with the fact that Alex, Wren, and Mary had essentially raped them. But they leaned on each other and made it through it.

“As much as I loved my nieces when they were born there are still days I want to rip Alex’s and Mary’s throats out for what they did to you two. They violated you both and even worse, they brought innocent children into the mix. It’s disgusting and deplorable and it’s just…God, they should be in a place worse than prison. They should be in hell.”

Now there was an idea. Alex and Mary in a hell that looked like a department store, but had all of their worst nightmares. They would be all sweaty because of a busted AC, being forced to walk down a never ending escalator made of legos barefoot while speakers blared the Barney song on repeat.

Jason took a breath to calm himself down. Emily couldn’t help but smile at his big brother act.

“All that being said, I’m glad you and Ali decided to keep the babies. Because those little girls are the best thing that could have ever happened to this family. And clearly, with your genes that was always going to be the case. I knew that they were going to have more love from you and Ali than they would know what to do with. You guys took one of the worst situations in your lives and you came out the other side of it stronger. And if I know you two, that’s what you’re going to do here.”

“It wasn’t just our love that made our girls who they were. Growing up, all we heard from them was ‘When is Uncle Jason coming to visit?’ ‘Where is Uncle Jason?’ ‘Can we call Uncle Jason’?” Emily laughed.

“That’s only because I bring them presents.” Jason chuckled.

“Everyone around us, including you, had a hand in Lily’s and Grace’s lives.”

“Well, they certainly made a difference in mine.” He reached into his pocket and pulled something out.

At first it looked like a silver half-dollar, but then Emily saw the inscription, _‘To Thine Own Self Be True’_. Around the coin, three words were on three opposite ends of a triangle. _“Unity. Service. Recovery.”_

“Ten years.” He rolled the chip around in his fingers. “I got it yesterday,” he said as he slowly looked up at Emily. “I have you to thank for this.”

“What did I do?” Emily asked, baffled.

“You remember ten years ago when I fell off the wagon? Showed up for the girls’ ballet recital totally smashed?”

“Vaguely,” Emily said.

“When I came staggering up the driveway and you saw me you caught me before I got into the house and made a fool of myself. I was awful to you. I acted like a complete jerk. You could have just thrown me out on my ass. But you shoved me in your car and then called Ali and told her that you weren’t feeling well and you were going to run by the doctor. Then you made me sober up and took me to a meeting. And afterwards you said something to me that I’ll never forget. You remember what it was?”

“‘If you ever show up drunk on our porch again the hangover is going to be the least of your concerns’?” Emily guessed.

“Before that.” Jason nodded with a laugh.

“I told you that I knew that the Jason that showed up drunk wasn’t you. And that you needed to get your act together, because you had a family who loved you.”

He nodded and held his index finger up to acknowledge that she was right.

“I never had that. Outside of Ali, I never had a family,” Jason said. “My dad wasn’t _really_ my dad, and I think on some level he knew that. It’s why he was always such a jackass to me. And my mom hated me. I know she thinks I was a mistake. She saw me as an imperfect blip on her otherwise perfect radar of a life. So when you said that to me, I really heard it. You missed your daughters’ ballet recital to take care of my mistake. You made sure that Ali and the girls didn’t see me at my worst. You, Ali, and the girls gave me something I never had before. A reason to stay sober. So I want you to hear me when I say this.” He put his chip back in his pocket. “When you and Ali got married you didn’t just marry her. You’re not just her wife. You’re my sister. You’re my family, Emily. And we take care of our own. So I’m here, okay? Whatever you need. I just want you to know that.”

“Thank you, Jason.”

She didn’t have to ask him if he would take care of Ali if something happened to her. Because she knew he would. Because that’s what he did. Jason was right. Their friends loved Alison, but she and Jason were basically the only two people in the world who _understood_ Alison.

Jason opened his mouth to say something, but they were interrupted when Jett came barreling in the room with a squeaky toy. He’d clearly stored his bone somewhere for the future and now he was ready to play. He was slipping around on the ground so fast that he tripped over his own feet and went tumbling forward into the wall. The e-collar took the brunt of the impact, making a loud clacking noise as it struck the wall. Jett stood motionless for a second while he tried to comprehend what had just happened.

Emily and Jason looked at one another and burst into laughter. And for a brief moment, everything weighing Emily down fell away. For a brief moment she was just having a laugh with her brother. She had learned to appreciate these little moments, because she knew all it would take was one misstep and she’d never get these moments again. So she soaked in the laughter for a bit, blissfully unaware that Frank wasn’t the only one outside playing dress up to blend in. A jogger padded past her house, a seemingly normal exercise enthusiast. But underneath his clothing there hid swirls of tattoos. He was biding his time. The kid had fucked up by letting her go. That wouldn’t happen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll give you a moment to get over your heart attack for the bait and switch at Ryan’s house. Heh. We good? Now, for anyone who might be a teensy bit confused about the timeline with Alex/Mary, just thought I’d clarify before questions arise. Remember that little note in the very first chapter about how I mentioned that the Alex reveal happened before Ali had the girls? This would be why. Because her brother was always going to know the truth of the matter about the pregnancy. Also, remember that Mary is solely a crazy nurse in this story and is not Jessica’s twin.


	20. Broken

When Ali got home she heard noises coming from her kitchen. She put her things down and walked towards the clamors and clatters, thinking it was Emily preparing dinner. But when she walked in she saw the lower half of a large body sticking out from underneath her sink. Ali knew instantly that the legs didn’t belong to her wife. Jett was lying on the floor, curious about what was happening in the depths of the cabinets. The person’s boots were scuffing the linoleum.

“Um, hello?” she asked in irritation. She had half a mind to jam her heel into the interloper’s shin.

The person wriggled out from underneath the sink. Seconds later her brother was staring up at her with a smile on his face.

“Hey,” Jason said.

“Oh, hey,” she replied. She hadn’t expected her brother to be playing handyman. “What are you doing?”

“Fixing your garbage disposal.” He grabbed the edge of the counter and pulled himself up. He glanced into the sink drain. “It’s been broken for months.” He reached in, his hand disappearing into the pipe.

“You don’t have to do that.” She walked over a few paces and opened a cabinet.

“I feel guilty.” He admitted. He moved his hand around and let out a primitive manly grunt as he tugged on something.

“Why?” Ali scrunched her face in confusion and grabbed a glass from the cabinet.

“Because…” He kept pulling. “I’m the one who broke it.”

“Shocking.” Ali made a face, filling her glass up with water. “Let me know when you’re done. I’ll call a _real_ repairman.”

“I could deal without the attitude.” He quipped back. “You’re making this a hostile work environment and I just won’t have that. Don’t make me take you to HR.”

“You don’t work for me,” Ali said, uncaring. She took a sip of her water. She watched him struggle with the sink. It was starting to make her nervous, because she was concerned that the idiot was going to hurt himself. “Seriously, Jason, it’s not that big of a deal. Just forget it. We’ll call someone who won’t mangle his fingers to fix it, or at least someone I’ll care less about if he loses body appendages.”

“That won’t be necessary.” He yanked again and then pulled his hand out of the pipe. “Got it.”

He looked at the object he’d pulled out of the garbage disposal. He reached over the sink and flipped the switch and a loud clattering noise filled the kitchen. He pumped his fist into the air in celebration. He turned the disposal off and then looked at the object he’d pulled out. It was a tiny vintage spoon and it was bent all out of proportion.

“I accidentally dropped it in there with a bunch of eggshells when Grace and I were making deviled eggs for the church bake sale a few months ago. Couldn’t get it out then, so I just left it.” He rolled the spoon around with his fingers.

“Of course you did…”

Ali walked over to him and took it from him. She gently bent it until the handle was straight again. It was a little battered, but still in good shape.

“Emily got these for the girls when they were born.” She flipped the spoon around. “It was a family tradition she wanted to keep up for her dad. When Wayne was born his mother got him one. And when Emily was born he got one for her.” She smiled softly. “I bet she’ll be happy to see this.” She looked around for her wife. “Where is she?”

“She went for a jog,” he said.

“Alone?” Ali asked.

“Doesn’t she normally go alone?” He turned the water on and started rinsing his hands.

“She usually takes Jett.”

“He can’t even walk with that lamp shade on his head. I’m thinking running would be a disaster,” he said. He paused and then laughed. “A hilarious disaster, but a disaster nonetheless.”

“Yeah, that’s a good point. He’d probably take out a few mailboxes.”

“Scare the shit out of some squirrels.” Jason chuckled.

“How long ago did she leave?” Ali glanced at the clock on the stove.

“You just missed her.” Jason turned the water off and grabbed a towel to dry his hands.

“Did you talk to her?”

“Of course I talked to her. What, do you think I just walked in, saw her, and walked away?”

“There’s no need for the attitude, Jason.” Ali snorted in irritation.

“I learned it from you, little sis.” He smiled, no hint of animosity in his tone.

Ali rolled her eyes with a smile. She had no retort.

“I think she needed to clear her head.” He paused, his voice softening. “I kind of caught her in the middle of an emotional moment.”

“What happened?” Ali questioned in concern.

“It looked like she found one of Grace’s swim caps.” He grimaced. “She seemed pretty upset, but she didn’t make a big deal out of it. She gave me some crap about allergies.”

Ali grumbled in irritation. It bothered her so much that Emily wouldn’t just be forthcoming about her feelings. It bothered her even more that she couldn’t take Emily’s pain away like Emily tried to do for her. Emily had always been better at being the nurturer. She was a solid force Ali could always count on. Ali did her best to reciprocate, but Emily was a lot harder to crack.

Sure, Ali could help her forget about it for a few fleeting moments when they kissed or had sex. But she could feel Emily’s tension bubbling below the surface when she was quiet. She could see a whole world of pain behind Emily’s eyes. And Ali’s love could only do so much. All it could do was put a bandaid on a bullet wound. It covered the wound, but the injury was still there, causing mayhem.

“She’s acting weird, right?” Ali asked, facing her brother. “It’s not just me?”

“She’s definitely off.” He nodded, pausing to think about their conversation. “But Ali, that doesn’t mean anything. You lost your daughter. Things are going to be weird for a while. She’s still trying to process everything.”

“Jason, I know Emily. I _know_ her,” Ali said adamantly. “And I know she can be impulsive when she’s in pain. And I know in my gut that something is wrong. She’s up to something.” She bit her lip. “Did she slip up at all? Did she drop any hints? I mean, if it’s drugs or something we can get her to a meeting…”

“Ali, slow down.” Jason held up his hands. “She doesn’t have a history with substances. She doesn’t have any track marks. Her eyes are clear as day.” In fact, because of the tears he’d seen in her eyes, they’d looked like pools of coffee swirls surrounded by a soft creamer. “She’s alert. She’s coherent. She’s everything an addict _isn’t_.”

“What about alcohol?” Ali asked.

“Takes an alcoholic to know one.” Jason shook his head. “And I’m your guy there.” He pat his pocket where his ten-year sobriety chip was safely stored. “Well, ten-year-ago me, anyway.”

“I still can’t believe you didn’t invite us to celebrate your sobriety with you.” Ali scolded him. “Dumbass.”

“I didn’t want to make a big thing of it. Our family was always all about that stupid showy crap when we were younger. That’s not who I want to be.” He brushed it off. “Besides, you guys have had a lot going on. You’ve had your hands full.”

“No shit,” Ali uttered.

“Well, at the very least you don’t have to worry about her getting her rocks off by poisoning herself,” he replied. “She doesn’t come home smelling like a bar or covered in vomit, so whatever she’s doing it’s not smack, crack, or Jack Daniels.”

“Is it bad that I would prefer that over the unknown?” Ali looked away, ashamed.

“I think you just want to know what’s wrong so you can make it better.” Jason didn’t judge her. “You just want to be able to take care of her. You want her to _let_ you take care of her. But she’s not that person, Alison. She’s never been that person. You knew who she was when you married her.”

“I know. I just…I have no idea what’s happening to her,” she said quietly. She worried at her bottom lip. “God, why is this so hard?”

“Because it’s something you can’t control. It’s something you can’t fix. And that’s hard for you,” he answered.

Because it was a rarity in life that Alison DiLaurentis wasn’t in control…that she didn’t get what she wanted.

“It’s not like it’s a broken appliance or a car that needs a tune up. This is my family. It’s my marriage.” Ali’s voice quivered. “She’s my wife, and she’s Lily’s mom. And she’s hurting and I think she’s in trouble. It’s so hard to watch her go through this.” Her eyes watered. “I’m not the only one who is worried. I’ve talked to Hanna, Aria, and Spencer. They’re concerned, too. Spencer even told me she was afraid Emily might do something drastic, like jump off of a bridge or something.”

“Ali, she would never do that to you guys.” He pulled her in for a hug. He could see how upset his sister was. He pulled back and sighed. “She’s still in therapy, right?”

“Yeah.”

As far as Ali knew, she was. She didn’t know that Emily had missed her last two individual sessions. Emily hadn’t done it on purpose, but she certainly wasn’t losing sleep over her missed sessions. She was talking to Maurice and all of the people who had taken her under their wing, so she wasn’t _entirely_ missing therapy. She kept meaning to call Ruby to reschedule.

“And she comes home every night,” he added. “ _Safe_.”

“She’s far from safe.” Ali argued. “You should see the cuts and bruises she comes home with. It’s like she’s _letting_ someone pummel the shit out of her.”

“Maybe she really did get hurt at the gym. She has a membership there.” Jason shrugged.

“Yeah, and I have a membership to Macy’s, but that doesn’t mean I’m there all the time.” She paused and thought about something. “In fact, I haven’t been in years.” She didn’t have to make trips to stores for clothes anymore, because Hanna got all the hottest stuff for all of the girls. Ali made a mental note to cancel that card. “Besides, even if she is telling the truth, that still doesn’t explain those cuts she came home with. They were really deep, Jason. She says they were from the glass, but I swear they looked like stab wounds. I’m afraid she’s caught up in something stupid like hardcore street fighting.”

“What…like the thunderdome or something?” He scrunched his face in confusion.

“You are such a boy.” She rolled her eyes. “I talked to Aria. She has a friend who used to be involved in some underground fight club kind of thing…”

“Holden,” Jason said. He’d met Holden a few times. He liked the guy. He’d always been a great friend to Aria, and Jason appreciated that because he cared for Aria.

“Right.” Ali nodded. “She’s going to talk to him, because he has friends who do this intense sparring stuff.”

“If that’s what she’s up to that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.” Jason pointed out.

“Not until she gets her stupid ass seriously hurt, no.” Ali agreed. “But she’s coming home with injuries I don’t like. And they’re way more involved than what you’d see in these matches.” She reached down into the cone and pet Jett’s head. “I wish you could talk, buddy. You could tell me all of her secrets.”

“So, what would your dog be doing in this underground fight club?” Jason asked curiously.

Ali shrugged, almost helplessly.

“Maybe she pissed the wrong person off and they came after her when she was out with him and that’s how they both really got hurt.”

“Why wouldn’t she tell you if she was attacked?” he asked.

“Because she’s Emily.” She sounded exasperated.

He couldn’t argue.

“I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers,” she grumbled in frustration, tears burning her eyes.

Jason’s face softened.

“Al, I know this is hard…”

“I just don’t like not knowing what’s going on with her.” Ali huffed out a sigh.

“With you being this concerned I’m surprised you haven’t tailed her.”

“I’ve followed her a few times.” Ali admitted.

He’d been joking, but he wasn’t the least bit surprised. Ali had spent years sleuthing in the shadows watching people.

“And?”

“She went jogging. She went to the gym.” Ali sounded slightly disappointed, because her spying hadn’t gotten her any answers.

Fortunately, Emily was smart enough to use the side doors to exit the gym when she was meeting up with someone from Maurice’s crew.

“I’m thinking about asking Caleb to hack her phone,” she said. “Maybe put a tracker on her car.”

“Jesus, Ali. I get that you’re worried, but that’s like some next level shit.”

“Jason, you don’t know the half of what we’ve gone through…”

“I know enough.” He interrupted her. “Look, what’s happening now has nothing to do with what happened to you two in high school. I know you went through hell back then, and I understand why you’re being so jumpy about all this. And you’re right to be taking precautions. But what you two are going through doesn’t have any quick fixes. Getting answers isn’t going to solve everything, because it’s not a problem that has a solution. It’s life. It’s pain. You can’t just solve pain. All you can do is wait for time to do its thing. You can’t just force it along. When someone can’t be reached, when they don’t _want_ to be reached, there’s nothing you can do to pull them out of it. Not until they are ready to face it. You can try pushing Emily all you want, but you have to be careful, because if you push too hard you’re just going to end up pushing her away.”

Ali knew he was right, but she still felt the need to argue.

“I have given her more than enough space.” Ali frowned. If anything, it was too much space. “And I think that has been a mistake. I think I’ve overlooked something. Because something is different. _She_ is different. I’m afraid that I overestimated her strength.”

“She’s the strongest person I know.” He tried to make her feel better.

“Exactly. And that’s what scares me. Because it’s always the strongest people who fall the hardest. Because no one ever thinks that the people who are the strongest could possibly need help. Emily has always been so stubborn about asking for help. She could be slipping away and she would still refuse to reach out to anyone. She’s always been someone who could ride out a hurricane on top of the surf, but these past few months I’ve seen something change. Now she’s barely able to tread water. She’s here, but she’s not _present_.”

“I get that, and you have every right to be worried,” he said. “But there’s something to be said for the fact that she saw Grace die. You both lost her, but she actually had her in her arms. I’m not trying to trivialize your pain here, but Emily actually _felt_ the life slip out of her.” Though Emily hadn’t told him that. He just knew. He could see it in her eyes. He saw Ali cringe and fight back tears and he sighed and softened his tone. “It’s something that you can’t get away from. Believe me, I know. I had a friend OD and I showed up too late. I tried to save him, but…” He shook his head. “That shit changes you, Alison. It fucks with your head in ways you couldn’t even imagine. And the fact that it was your _daughter_ …yeah, she’s fucked up. She’s going to _be_ fucked up. You’re both on the same journey, but you’re on very different roads. It’s going to take some time to get back to what you once were.”

Ali was beginning to doubt that they’d ever become what they once were, and that hurt to think about.

“That’s what everyone keeps saying.” She groaned. “But how long do I let this go on? She is so fractured…and she won’t let me help her.”

“You _are_ helping her. You’re there for her. You do everything you’re supposed to do, everything you _can_ do in this situation.”

“It’s not enough,” Ali’s voice broke. “I feel like I’m failing her, Jason.”

“You’re not. Hell, you said she’s told you herself that you’re not.”

“You and I both know she’ll tell me anything I want to hear. It’s so goddamn frustrating. _She_ is so goddamn frustrating. I cry, she’s there. She comforts me. She makes sure I’m not alone.” Her voice came out hoarse as she tried to fight her emotions. But she wasn’t crying for herself. She was crying because she hated seeing Emily hurting and being unable to do anything about it. “When she cries she pulls away. She shuts down. And she usually has some kind of panic attack without me around to help her.”

“Not everyone wants their loved ones to be there in their weakest moments.” Jason tried to make her feel better. “Some people need privacy.” He knew from experience, because he was that private person.

“I know that.” Her tone came out more venomous than she was intending. Her brother didn’t even flinch. He was used to it. She sighed before continuing. “But it’s like the more time that passes the worse it gets. It’s getting really out of hand. Last night she worked herself up so much during a nightmare that she actually stopped breathing. She hyperventilated so badly that she literally couldn’t catch her breath. It’s like she was drowning.” She swallowed, thinking about how realistic Emily’s dreams must be for her to actually lose her breath in such a violent manner. “She was being strangled by her own dream and I couldn’t do a damn thing to help. Her lips were blue. I thought I was going to have to call 911.”

“Jesus.” Jason made a face. He was no stranger to nightmares either, but he’d never experienced anything like that. “They’re that bad?”

“There are nights when she screams for Grace and I have to cover her mouth until she wakes up so it doesn’t scare Lily. It’s awful.”

She closed her eyes for a brief moment, feeling the warm sensation of her tears in her eyelashes. She took a breath and tried to calm herself down. It was so hard for her to see Emily suffering. It was even worse that when Emily woke up she immediately started apologizing for putting Ali through it. Then she would berate herself for upsetting her family. Emily would get mad at herself for something that was completely out of her control. The girl woke up thinking about everyone but herself. It was infuriating to Ali.

“Will the doctors not give her anything to help?” Jason asked.

“Nothing works. Nothing touches it.” Ali shook her head. “I’m just at a loss. Because you’re right. This isn’t something I can fix. I can’t help her. It would be different if this was something that had a physical embodiment, like booze. But how do you help someone when most of what is haunting them is in their head? She’s her own worst enemy.”

“Aren’t we all?” Jason pointed out.

“Don’t give me that philosophical bullshit. I’m venting here. You’re just supposed to nod and agree with me.”

“Right.” He nodded seriously. “Sorry.” He huffed out a quiet laugh and threw the towel he was holding over his shoulder. “Women, eh?” He held his hands up and shrugged like he was a bartender talking to a sad drunk, trying to bring a smile to his solemn sister’s face.

Ali cut her eyes at him, but she had a hint of a smile on her lips. Her meathead brother always knew what to say to take her mind off of things.

“It’s a rough situation, kid.” He saw her glare at him for calling her ‘kid’. He knew she hated it. “No one signs up for their lives to be like this. You know, you’re cruising along one moment with this vision of how you want things to be, but you can’t plan for the inevitable. Because shit does happen. You can try to plan all you want, but life doesn’t follow a rule book. It just happens.”

“I know. It’s just hard to be so helpless. It is so hard to be in the middle of it. I mean, I’m _right here_. I want to help. I ask her to talk to me, and she says she’s fine. But I know she’s not. She knows she’s not. It’s infuriating. I am so pissed at her, but I know yelling at her is pointless. She beats herself up enough, figuratively _and_ literally. But I still just…I want to grab her and shake her and scream at her and tell her to let me in.”

“Now I’m starting to think that the injuries she has are coming from you.” Jason tried to keep the mood light.

“You’re not funny.” Ali scowled at him. Every time her brother teased her she always felt like reverting to her toddler self, stomping her feet and crying _‘I’m being serious!’_

“What? Am I wrong? You did stab me with a letter opener…”

“I was three!” Ali exclaimed defensively. “And you ripped the head off of my Barbie. I was mad. I wanted justice for her.”

“You didn’t have to lose your _head_ over it,” he said with a perfectly straight face. He paused and then added with a slight smirk, “Guess I got in over my _head_.”

“Stop.” Ali shook her head, fighting back a smile. “Just stop.”

But he was determined to get her to laugh.

“I should have known better. You never were very level- _head_ ed.”

“You’re an idiot,” she said with a laugh.

“Hey now, is that any way to thank your thoughtful brother who brought you gifts and fixed your garbage disposal?” Jason asked.

“You broke it. Why would I thank you?”

“You’re welcome,” he said sarcastically.

“Tell me, Mr. Fix-it, you think you can fix my wife?”

“Emily is the only one who can fix Emily,” he replied.

“I was afraid you’d say that.” She frowned and looked at the floor.

“She’ll get there.” He’d never quite met anyone as determined as his sister-in-law. Jason put his arm around Ali’s shoulder and pulled her close. “Hang in there.” He rubbed his palm against her shoulder. Ali nodded. “Why don’t you go relax for a little bit? I’ll clean up my mess and then order us all something for dinner.”

“Jason, you don’t have to…”

“I know. But I want to.” He didn’t even let her finish. “So just shut up and let me do something nice for you.”

Ali didn’t argue. She went upstairs to change out of her school clothes. Clothes that still smelled like Emily from their encounter in her classroom. Ali hated that their happiness was always so short-lived. It’s like they were cursed, and with every minute of happiness they had they were doomed to have double as much misery. The hardest part was falling so hard from that glimmer of hope they spent building up together. The hardest part was having a taste of normalcy in their lives only for them to both remember…their lives weren’t normal.

She peeled off her blouse and peered out the window, wondering what was going through her wife’s mind, wondering if Emily had the same thoughts about their lives as she did. She walked over to their bed and sat down on Emily’s side. She glanced at Emily’s pillow which had a warped stain from all of her nights of sweating out her bad dreams. She ran her fingers across the pillow and sighed and shook her head.

“How are we supposed to get through this?” she sighed to herself.

 _Would_ they get through it? She was beginning to have her doubts. They had faced so much in their lives, but this was testing their resolve in a way it had never been tested before. It begged the question: were they ever going to be okay again?

It was a thought that Emily was mirroring at that exact same moment as she jogged down the road. She’d circled her block three times now. She was trying to clear her head. She was frustrated, because it had been over two months since the accident and the strangest things still set her off. After she’d found Grace’s swim cap she’d been catapulted back into a state of anxiety and pain. It was a reminder of everything they’d had and everything they’d lost…and everything they stood to lose if she didn’t fix things.

The day at school had proven to be a good distraction, especially her morning with Ali. Having her fingers and mouth on her wife’s skin always took both of them outside of themselves for a little while. The sex had been just what they needed, especially after the rough night she’d had. Her nightmares were returning with vigor. Her daughter’s dying pleas were drowning her in sorrow when she slept.

She was doing her best to integrate herself back into society, but sometimes she got smacked in the face with emotions she wasn’t expecting. It’s like she was living in two worlds, neither of which felt real, and she couldn’t get her bearings in either one. She knew Ali could sense her unease. She hated making Ali’s life more stressful. She felt like she was a strain on her family.

Her feet hit the ground hard as she tried to run away from her emotions. She could hear her heavy breaths over the sound of her music. She passed by several people, all of them oblivious to the world she was trying to survive in, because they all had their own lives.

The only person who registered on her radar was Zane. He’d sped past her on his skateboard twice, going in the opposite direction. He barely even acknowledged her. He kept his eyes low and his head angled down, but she saw the cuts and bruises on his face. She was surprised by the damage Eli had done. She couldn’t have known that not all of it was compliments of Eli’s angry fists.

After Zane rode by her the second time he skated up his driveway and then flipped his board out from under his feet. He shoved the board under his armpit and walked towards the house. He pulled his phone out and started tapping on the screen, another child lost in technology.

Emily rounded the corner. She didn’t recognize the jogger on the opposite side of the street on her fourth round of the block. The runner didn’t really look in her direction, but even if she’d caught a glimpse of the person there is no way she would have known who it was. So much had changed since they were in high school. The years and father time had not been as kind to the loiterer in the shadows as they had been to Emily and Ali.

The jogger kept going, because it was broad daylight and there were too many potential witnesses. The person masquerading as a suburbanite rounded a corner and disappeared into an alley where a motorcycle had been stashed.

Like Emily, her stalker was too invested now to back off. There was too much at stake. The wreck had been an accidental catalyst in bringing their worlds back together. If Emily had just let it go, none of this would be happening. But she hadn’t changed a bit since she was a teenager. She was still as stubborn and determined and irritating. She was still unwilling to let go of control. Emily forever fought for justice.

A pair of thick calloused hands reached for the bike’s handles. The now leathery skin, worn by time and damage done over the years by rough work was covered in dried bloody abrasions. Seconds later, a phone jingled and one of those hands reached for a hidden burner phone. After reading the message, the biker decided that Emily would have to wait. There was a more pressing matter to attend to.

So Emily got to finish her run in peace. She slowed to a trot, sweat dripping from her brow. She stopped for a minute and put her hands against her knees. Her muscles were burning, more-so than normal. She took several deep breaths and watched as droplets of her sweat rolled off of her face and on to the pavement, leaving dark misshapen circles against it. She pulled one hand up and pushed her palm against the gash on her side. It was throbbing and she knew she was going to be feeling it later. Her left ankle was aching. Though the injury had healed, sometimes it flared up. She picked her foot up and rotated it to try and loosen the muscles around her ankle. She’d reached her limit for the day and she knew it.

As she was starting her cool down routine she noticed an intense pair of eyes peering at her. Bobby was dressed as a water meter reader. He had traded off with Frank at some point. Emily couldn’t help but smile to herself thinking about big bad Frank sitting at home feeding his diva dog caviar while sipping bubble tea.

Bobby walked towards her, a handheld meter measure in his hand. He walked by her without looking at her and uttered,

“Meet me at the park, 15 minutes.” Then he kept walking, on to pretend to read the next water meter.

Emily’s cool down took her to the park. Somehow, Bobby had managed to change _and_ get there first. Then again, he did have a car. He was sitting on a bench in a semi-shaded area that overlooked the park. He had a bottle of water on one side of him and a book on the other. He was talking on the phone. Emily sat on the opposite side of the bench. She turned her music down. She reached up to pull her earbuds out.

“Leave them in,” Bobby said without looking at her. “We’re not talking to each other. I’m on the phone. You’re taking a break from your run. We don’t know each other. Cross your feet if you can hear what I’m saying.”

Emily leaned back and slipped one ankle over the other. She put her elbows up against the back of the bench.

“Am I allowed to talk?” she asked with a hint of sarcasm.

“I probably couldn’t shut you up if I tried.” He kept his voice low. She could barely hear what he was saying. “Got to do this quick. It’s not wise to be out in the open chatting like this. But we work with what we got. We’ve got some news on the kid.”

“That was fast.” Emily pulled her phone out and pretended like she was composing a message.

From the corner of her eye she saw Bobby nod in approval, a silent _‘good idea, sweetheart_. _’_ His unwavering expressions were why he cleaned the other guys up when they played Texas Hold’em.

“Daddy is a lawyer. Pretty high in the ranks. And Mommy was an adviser to the state Senator of New York for ten years before they moved here. They came out here when he was around five. Claimed they were looking for better private schools for him and his older brother. He doesn’t have anything on his record, but his brother has been in some trouble with the law. Records are sealed at this point, but Maurice seems to think the move here had less to do with schools and more to do with a fresh start – away from something that happened in New York. We’re looking into crimes that occurred. If the older brother got in trouble here, it’s likely it started in New York. And if it was bad enough, and the little brother knew about it…”

“His parents would have had him stay mum about it. And if our friends in the underground know about this it’s what they could be holding over his head.” Emily quickly put it together, her eyes still glued to her phone.

“Bingo.” Bobby replied. “We’re looking into crimes that happened around the time they left. We’ve narrowed it down and are cross-referencing some things. We’ll keep you posted.” He stood up and turned away from her, his phone still glued to his ear. He grabbed the book on the bench. “In the meantime, lay low. If this kid is scared enough you might not walk away from him in tact next time.”

“So in other words ‘stop being an idiot’?” she guessed.

“Maurice’s words. Not mine,” Bobby replied. “But yeah. Play it smart. Don’t let anyone see your cards. Keep your hand close to your chest.” He turned around, pretending to take in the scenery around them.

“You’ve been looking at my chest?” Emily asked jokingly.

That finally broke him. She saw a tiny laugh escape his tight lips.

“I’m not Frank.” He rolled his eyes. He started to walk away.

“Don’t forget your water.” She glanced at the bottle at the edge of the bench.

“Not for me. You need to drink. You haven’t had a lick of water since you started your run.” He pointed out.

Emily blinked in surprise. He was right. She’d forgotten her water at home. She’d been so preoccupied with thoughts about her daughter and the shit she was going through that she’d completely forgotten to hydrate. No wonder her muscles were so sore.

He gave her a very subtle nod and then started to walk off, his phone still up against his ear. Emily waited a few minutes, her nose buried in her phone as she pretended to shuffle through her music to find that “perfect” jogging song. She reached for the bottle of water. She popped the top and drank large gulps, not realizing just how thirsty she’d been. Her body sucked the water up like a sponge. After she finished the water she played around on her phone for a few more minutes and then she got up and walked away.

She found Ali in the living room when she got home. She was sitting on the couch grading papers. Emily pulled her earbuds out of her ears and waved. Ali stared at Emily a little longer than normal, taking in her appearance. She was dripping with sweat and her cheeks were bright red. She was still trying to catch her breath. She certainly looked like she’d been jogging. She looked like she’d just run a marathon.

“Hey, how was your run?” Ali asked.

“Pretty good.” Emily nodded. “How was your afternoon? The meeting go okay?”

“I hate the politics involved in school sometimes.” Ali scowled. “If I wanted to deal with idiots in power I would have gotten a degree in government and joined congress.” She mulled something over. “Though _Madam President_ does have a nice ring to it.”

“I believe you’d have to fight Spencer for that title.” Emily smiled.

“Yikes, and she’s a hair puller, too.” Ali shook her head. She chuckled. “I’ll stick to grading papers.” She glanced down and grimaced. “Ugh, crap, this one is really good.”

“I’m confused. I know I’ve been out of school for a bit, but I thought intelligent students were a _good_ thing.”

“They are.” Ali pushed her pen against the paper. “It’s just that after all these years, I still can’t stand writing the letter _A_.” Her nose scrunched up.

“How does one spell your name without it? And how will you sign your name for your fans when you become a famous playwright?” Emily smiled.

“Oh, honey, if that ever happens we are all changing our identities so crazy stalkers can’t find us.” Ali gave her a sly wink and then she laughed. She glanced back at her papers. “So, what have you been up to?”

“Mostly just burning calories.” Emily sat down next to her, heaving out an exhausted sigh.

“It’s hot out. You haven’t been out too long have you?” Ali asked, looking up at her.

“Maybe an hour.” Emily glanced at her watch.

“You look flushed.”

“That’s what exercise does to you.” She shrugged.

“Why don’t you go cool off before dinner?” Ali pushed some of Emily’s sweat-soaked hair out of her face.

“Is that your subtle way of telling me to stop sweating all over our sofa and go scrub my stink off?” Emily smiled.

“Oh, please.” Ali snorted. “When am I ever subtle about anything? Besides, I like the way you smell.”

“Then your sinuses must be clogged up, because I smell like a jockstrap.” Emily laughed. She twisted her back and stretched to try to work the discomfort out of her side.

“Is your side bugging you?” Ali noticed her grimacing.

“It itches more than anything.” Emily gently brushed her fingers over the fabric covering her healing cut. “Sweat’s not helping it.” She scratched at it.

“Hey, stop poking at it.” Ali frowned. She swatted Emily’s hand away and Emily laughed in surprise.

“Okay, are you my wife or my mother?” Emily teased her.

“It won’t heal if you keep picking at it.”

“I’m not picking at it…” Emily moved her fingers to scratch it again.

“Stop that. Do I need to force you to wear an e-collar like the dog?” Ali threatened.

Emily laughed.

“I’m going to go shower.”

“Dinner is in about half an hour. Jason ordered _Maggiano’s._ He left a few minutes ago to go get it. Lily was just getting home when he was leaving and she decided to go with him.”

“It’s good for her to spend time with him.” Emily smiled. “Your brother is a stand up guy.”

“Yeah. As opposed to the fall down drunk he used to be.”

“You’re terrible.” Emily laughed softly.

“I know.” She leaned in to kiss Emily.

“I’m all sweaty.” Emily warned.

“Maybe I like you all sweaty.” Ali didn’t seem to mind.

She softly brushed her lips against Emily’s. She could taste the salty moisture on her lips. Emily pulled back with a smile.

“I’ve distracted you from enough school work today.”

“You’re a good distraction.” Ali rubbed her palm against Emily’s stiff bicep. She could feel her tension. Emily permanently carried around tension these days. Ali squeezed her arm gently and then let go. “Go on. Go relax.”

Emily left Ali to finish her school work and she went to clean up. It used to be that exercise invigorated her, but now it was just a distraction to clear her head. She felt drained and sluggish now that the endorphins from her run had worn off. She stepped into the shower, her body and mind both burning. Her skin felt like it was boiling. She’d definitely overworked herself. She settled on a lukewarm setting to cool down.

She sighed as the water coated her hair and body. She wasn’t sure what part of her day she should process first. School had felt so normal, so right. If only her life could be that simple again. She hated that her drama was bleeding into her friends’ lives. She got sick to her stomach thinking about what could have happened to Eli if she hadn’t showed up. Ryan had been afraid and armed. And Eli wouldn’t have been expecting an attack. He could have been killed.

“Jesus,” she uttered to herself, thinking about the “what-ifs”.

She’d had way too many close calls when she was his age. She didn’t want the cycle repeating again. And if that wasn’t enough, she had to worry about Ryan now, too. She didn’t like the wild panicked look she saw in his eyes, and now that she knew that there was more to the story she was even more concerned about what might become of him or what he might do to protect himself.

It made her sad to think about all the kids she knew and how warped their lives were. She thought about how screwed up the world was. She hated that kids didn’t get to live in a normal society anymore. When she was in high school, she and her friends had been the outliers who didn’t get to experience a typical childhood. But now tragedies and pain were the norm for all kids.

She thought about Grace and how her death had really shaken the entire community. The child had touched a lot of lives in such a short amount of time. She had more love in her life than either Ali or Emily knew. There was no doubt in Emily’s mind that had Grace been given the chance she could have done great things.

Emily cleared her throat, trying to push away the lump that was slowly creeping up her esophagus. Her daughter’s absence had left a huge hole in the world. Death killed more than the person it took. It was a slow poison burning in everyone left behind. And Emily could feel it running thick through her veins.

She blinked, uncertain if the water streaming down her cheeks were tears or if it was from the cascade of liquid flowing from the shower. She let a pool of water form in her hands and then she splashed her face, trying to snap herself out of it. She was already anticipating the anxiety. She could already tell it was going to be a bumpy night.

Fortunately, dinner with her family shelved her emotions for a while. Jason entertained them with stories about his most recent travels in Honduras. He loved to travel, because it kept him busy. He was fortunate that he got to do it for both business and pleasure. Ali and Emily had traveled a little bit after the girls were born, but being tied down to two adorable, yet cranky rugrats did not always make for the best family vacations.

Jason had watched the girls for a weekend once when they were two so Ali and Emily could go to the Poconos. He had made the mistake of falling asleep and when he woke up they had drawn all over his face with sharpies. They’d also both been covered in melted chocolate and peanut butter from a stash of candy they had eaten and they’d left dirty little handprints all over everything.

At first he’d about pulled his hair out, but when Lily and Grace giggled all of his frustration faded away and he’d found the humor in it. Ali had teased him when they got home, telling him that his gray hairs were showing and joking about billing him for the damage done to the house. They had all come a long way since then.

“What was your favorite part of the trip?” Lily asked, enamored in the mental pictures he was painting of Honduras.

“Oh, the National Parks by far. I’ll take you one day, kid. You’ll love it.” He knew how much Lily appreciated nature. “We’ll hike and snorkel and zipline.”

“Like mom would ever let me zipline.” Lily glanced at Ali with a laugh. “She made me wear a helmet when I went into a bouncy house when I was five.”

Grace had suggested jousting inside the bouncy house with the helmets on, and it had not ended well. They had busted something and it had started deflating. A bunch of kids cried.

“Hey, I’m not all boring. I know how to have fun, too.” Ali faked being offended.

“Sure, mom.” Lily rolled her eyes. Emily had to laugh. She looked exactly like Ali when she was giving sass.

“We can leave her here.” Jason poked Lily. “We can leave them both here and go have fun without them.” He suggested.

“Stop corrupting my child.” Ali glared at him.

“We could all use a little fun, don’t you think?” He asked. “I could take this thrill-seeker here…” He poked Lily again, “and you two could have your own little getaway. My offer still stands if you want to go to Paris.” Jason grabbed a slice of pizza. “All expenses paid. You just need to let me know when you want to go.”

Paris had been a dream destination of theirs since high school. On their tenth anniversary Jason had offered them an all-expenses paid trip to France for two weeks. They just had to pick a time to go. They had talked about going this summer, but things fell apart after the wreck.

“You really do give great gifts, Jason.” Emily dipped some garlic bread in marinara sauce.

“Don’t feed his ego. His head barely fits on his body as it is.” Ali grinned at her brother.

They all laughed.

“So, Lily-Pad, what do you say? What do you want for your birthday?” Jason took a chomp out of his pizza.

Emily and Ali both froze and looked at one another. Lily stopped mid-chew. There was a look on her face that said it all,

_“My sister back.”_

But instead, all she did was shrug and mutter,

“Nothing.”

The mood in the air suddenly shifted. Lily crossed and uncrossed her legs. Jason looked at Ali and Emily in confusion. Ali shook her head and mouthed, _“I’ll explain later.”_

Emily hated seeing the joy sucked out of Lily’s face like that. It was like her entire world had imploded in a matter of seconds. She knew how she felt. Because it happened to Emily every time she started to climb up the hill of her own despair only to be knocked back down by falling pieces of debris. Sometimes it was a large boulder that brought on a crushing weight and other times it was thousands of tiny sharp little pebbles striking her over and over again, sending very small, but very pointed and painful ripples through her.

Emily had a hard time not reaching out to pull Lily into her embrace. Seeing her kid in pain was a million times worse than her own. She wished she had a magic wand to wave over Lily to make her turmoil disappear. She glanced at Ali, who was clearly having the same thought.

Lily didn’t eat much after the mention of her birthday. She pushed her food around her plate for a little while and then looked up at her moms.

“Can I stay the night with Fiona?” Lily asked.

“It’s a school night, Lil.” Ali frowned.

“I know, but we have a History project we really need to finish working on.” She lied.

The truth was that they’d already finished the project. Lily just needed a break from her house. There were too many reminders of Grace. Not to mention she knew her mothers were both struggling. She’d heard Ali crying in the shower last night and Emily had had one of her bad nightmares overnight as well. She pretended not to know about Ali’s crying jags and Emily’s nightmares, because she didn’t want them to feel worse than they already did.

Lily didn’t blame them. She had her own set of nightmares to contend with. Some nights she would wake up shaking and crying. Most of the time, one of her mothers was with her when she opened her eyes, but there were a few nights she wept quietly without waking them. Those nights she would always reach for Grace’s pocketknife she’d stashed underneath her pillow. They all had their weak moments.

“Please?” Lily blurted out.

Emily and Ali glanced at one another, both sensing that this was about more than just the project. She clearly needed a break.

“We’ll need to check with Aria and Ezra.” Emily looked at Ali.

“They already said it was okay. They told me to check with you,” Lily replied.

There was a pause and Ali and Emily both looked at one another again. Ali nodded.

“I’ll text Aria and then drive you over after dinner,” Emily said.

“Cool. I’m going to go grab some of my things.” Lily didn’t ask to be excused. She bolted from the table.

“Well, that took a turn.” Jason’s face was scrunched in confusion. “What just happened?”

“She’s having a rough time coming to terms with the idea of having a birthday without Grace.” Emily put her fork down, her gaze following the trail her daughter had taken away from the table. “She doesn’t want to celebrate this year.”

“Oh.” Jason nodded in understanding. “Poor kid.”

They finished up dinner and then Emily texted Aria to let her know she’d be bringing Lily by. Jason and Ali cleaned up while Emily drove Lily to the Fitz house. Lily was quiet on the way. Emily wanted to talk to her, but she didn’t really know the right thing to say. _“Sorry mommy’s night terrors are driving you out of the house”_ just made her feel like shit.

Lily saw her glancing at her and she gave her a lukewarm smile. She was relieved that her mothers had okayed the last minute plans. That afternoon she had confessed to Fiona that she just needed a night away from being in the same house where her sister used to sleep.

Iris and Harper had been trying on clothes in a fitting room and Fiona had noticed that Lily was so lost in thought that she was blinking back tears. What Zane had said to her had really gotten to her. It wasn’t enough that she had to live in a world of constant reminders of Grace, but the fact that he’d really dug the knife in and blamed her mom for Grace’s death really upset her, especially given that her mother blamed herself for what happened to Grace. Lily hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Zane’s words all day. Fiona had gently rubbed her shoulder and it had brought Lily back into reality.

 _“Hey, you want to talk about it?”_ Fiona had asked.

 _“I miss my sister,”_ was all Lily could say.

Fiona had hugged her and brushed away the one tear that had spilled over her lower lid. Fiona more than understood her pain. Fiona understood what it was like to be a part of someone her entire life…to share the same womb, the same experiences, the same thoughts, the same brain chemistry. She knew Lily hadn’t just lost her sister. She’d lost a part of herself. Because their identities were wrapped up together. That’s just the way it worked with twins, because they basically spent nine months in the womb together refusing to stay on their side of the placenta or kicking one another or eating all of mom’s good nutrients. There was a bond that couldn’t be broken.

_“I just keep waiting to feel normal again, but the truth is I don’t know what normal is anymore.”_

She was usually really composed around her friends. She usually only felt completely comfortable talking to Eli and Fiona. Eli always seemed to know when to talk and when to listen. And Fiona understood Lily on a level that the other girls didn’t because Fiona had the same connection with Kai that Lily had had with Grace.

 _“Well, I’ve got some awesome news for you.”_ Fiona had smiled. _“No one is completely normal in our deranged society. Insanity is the new sanity. So we’re the normal ones. It’s the people who are sane that are the weirdos.”_

 _“I’d honestly just settle for one quiet boring night.”_ Lily had sighed.

_“Why don’t you come stay at my place? My parents are as maudlin mundane as you can get. My dad turns into an old fogey reading the newspaper after dinner and mom cuddles next to him and tells him the answers to the crossword puzzle even though he doesn’t really want her help. And she pokes at him and he leers at her over his glasses. It’s actually kind of cute. They’re such toddlers sometimes. And of course you know my brother is the typical red-blooded American teen being sucked mindlessly dry by his video games. You want typical and boring? I can definitely get you typical and boring.”_

_“You think they’d be cool with me staying on a school night?”_

_“They love you, Lil. They’d probably trade you and Kai in a heartbeat.”_

_“I’ll check with my moms.”_

_“Just tell them it’s for school.”_ Fiona had suggested.

 _“Nothing is more normal than school.”_ Lily had nodded in agreement.

_“Yeah. But don’t forget, normal is boring.”_

It was at that point that Harper and Iris had come out of the dressing room. Harper had a hideous outfit on that Iris had insisted she try on. It was baggy, three different shades of green, and came with a dull furry split pea soup colored hat. She had a grumpy frown on her face. The other girls were laughing.

 _“I rest my case.”_ Fiona had pointed to their friends.

 _“I look like someone ran over Kermit the Frog.”_ Harper had scowled at Iris. _“Why did you make me do this?”_

 _“We have to know what the competition is doing so my mom can have a leg up on them. And you’re the only one little enough to fit in this size.”_ Iris pulled her phone out to take photos.

_“Iris, take a look at this crap. Your mother HAS no competition here.”_

_“Shh. Mannequins don’t talk.”_ Iris had shushed her.

_“Shush me again. I dare you. I’ll shove this furry boiled looking cabbage hat on my head so far up your ass you’ll choke on it.”_

Fiona had chuckled and Lily had offered them a faint smile. She rubbed her eyes to clear any remaining tears. Iris and Harper didn’t miss her swollen eyes and her rosy cheeks.

 _“Everything okay?”_ Harper had asked warily.

Lily had nodded, but neither girl bought it.

 _“Is this about what that asshole said this morning?”_ Iris had scowled, blood rushing to her face. Rage filled her eyes. _“I will kill Zane Jacobs.”_

 _“Can I help?”_ Harper had quickly jumped on the bandwagon.

Lily had talked them down from forming a posse to go and string up Zane by his toes. She knew that Eli had done enough damage for all of them. Still, she was touched that her friends would go to such great lengths for her.

She thought about how lucky she was to have her friends as she stared out the window of the car and watched the scenery fly by. The world looked so different to her without her sister in it. There was a dull edge around everything she saw. The colors were a little less bright. But at least she had her friends. And her mothers.

“Mom?” Lily asked, still staring out the window.

“Yeah?”

“Are you and mom okay?” She pried her gaze away from the window and turned to face Emily.

The question nearly took Emily’s breath away. It was so innocent, but so loaded with emotion at the same time. She knew that part of the reason it hit so hard was because she didn’t have a definite answer. There were moments when they seemed to be okay – moments when they held one another and connected through their eyes, their movements, their touch. But there were also moments that Ali looked at her like she didn’t even know who she was, and it was warranted, because Emily didn’t really know who she was anymore.

There were moments when there was a struggle to find the right words to say to one another, especially on Emily’s part. Because often what she was thinking she wanted to say and what she said were two completely different things. It’s like her brain wouldn’t let her be true to herself, like she was trapped inside of her mind.

Ruby had told her that the death of a child often caused a strange imbalance in marriage while each partner tried to find their footing. She said that highs and lows were normal, but that sometimes the strain from the emotional turmoil could cause an underlying friction that, if left unaddressed, could lead to a blaze that could destroy everything. Emily knew she was adding to that tension by chasing madmen in the shadows. She knew she was being unfair to Ali, but she was trying like hell to fix it.

She looked at her daughter, somehow finding the right words to soothe her anxiety.

“Your mother and I love one another very much, Lily. And no matter what happens in our lives, we always get through it.” She took one hand off of the steering wheel and reached over to tuck some of Lily’s hair behind her ear. “Don’t you worry about us. We’re okay.” She assured her daughter…and herself.

Lily nodded. She’d perked up a little by the time they got to Aria’s place. Still, the short conversation had left Emily feeling empty and cold. She watched Lily bound up the stairs and meet up with Aria on the porch. Lily said something to her and then went inside with a smile on her face. Emily slowly followed.

“Thanks for letting her stay.” Emily smiled at her friend.

“Any time. You know she’s always welcome here.” Aria smiled back. “That way you and Ali don’t have to worry about locked doors.” She teased.

When Emily didn’t laugh like she was expecting Aria looked closer at her friend. She could see that there was something bothering her. Emily didn’t have her normal spirit. There was a beat of silence while she let Emily process whatever was going on in her head.

“What’s up?” Aria asked.

“You know this is about more than the History project, right?” Emily asked, sitting down on Aria’s porch swing.

Aria sat down next to her.

“Yeah. I assumed as much. Fiona doesn’t usually pull her ‘daddy’s little girl’ act on Ezra unless she really needs something. She bypassed me and went straight to him and gave him the puppy dog act,” Aria said. “Though for the record, we’re both totally fine having Lily over. But I knew something was up, because ironically, despite who her parents are, my kid is a shit liar. I pretended to buy the History project thing, but I heard her and Lily talking in the pool house so I know there’s more to it.” She saw Emily’s face tighten and she rubbed Emily’s arm. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know.” Emily sighed. “Ali and I try, you know…we do our best to give her a normal life. We really do. But we’ve… _I_ have made some mistakes.” She’d been parenting with Ali for so long that her go-to response when she was talking about their children was usually an automatic ‘we’, but Ali wasn’t the one screaming in her sleep. Ali wasn’t the one who couldn’t keep her shit together. Ali wasn’t the one who was in over her head or the one who had a hit out on her. “I have totally fucked up my kid.”

“First of all, no, you haven’t. Lily is going to be just fine. And second of all…none of us truly knows what we’re doing.” She shrugged. “As parents, it’s part of our job description to screw up our kids in some way. It’s a rite of passage. I mean, Fiona about cracked her head open on the coffee table when she was three when I was supposed to be watching her. And Ezra lost Kai in a department store for almost an hour when the kids were four. Turns out he’d slipped under a clothes rack and fell asleep there. There are no perfect parents. Our job is to just make sure they don’t…” Aria suddenly stopped herself, because the rest of that sentence, _‘get themselves killed’_ would have gutted Emily and she knew it, “…turn into terrible human beings.” She quickly tried to save face.

Emily glanced at her out of the corner of her eye, knowing exactly where Aria had originally been going with her statement. She sighed.

“God, Aria, how did things get like this? A few months ago we were talking about summer plans and trying to decide on which camps to send the kids to. We had everything. We were so happy…”

“You’ll be happy again. I know it doesn’t feel like it. But you all are going to get there. We’re going to help you get there. It’s just going to be a long haul. You know, baby steps. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

Emily looked at Aria, nodding silently, though part of her wanted to scream. Because that’s what everyone kept saying.

_“It’s a long journey.”_

_“It’s going to take time.”_

_“You’ve got a long road ahead of you.”_

It was all the same bullshit. But just because everyone was saying it didn’t make it true. They may have seen an end in sight, but she sure as hell didn’t. And they may have been ready with their metaphorical running shoes, but she was tired. She was burnt out. When it came to physically running, she could do it all day. But the emotional exercise had taken its toll. And she was on the verge of completely collapsing.

She smiled weakly at her friend. She truly did appreciate everyone trying to help her. And she heard what they were saying. She knew where they were coming from. Because they were dealing with their grief, too. And everyone dealt with their emotions differently. But it wasn’t just her pain and grief that she was trying to deal with. Her mind had a vast array of complex things she couldn’t get a handle on. It was like a circuit board constantly firing neurons that never shut off. If only Aria and the girls knew about the speedbumps in this trip everyone kept talking about.

“Thanks again, Aria.” Emily stood up. “I’ve gotta run.” She glanced at her watch. “I don’t have my phone with me and if I’m not back soon Ali is going to start worrying. She’ll tear into my ass if I make her worry.”

“Oh, please.” Aria scoffed, standing next to her. “She is so soft when it comes to you. All you’ve got to do is look at her with your adoring puppy eyes and she’ll melt into a pile on the floor. We should all be so lucky to have that power.”

“Yeah, well, that power doesn’t always work. Sometimes when she’s really pissed at me she takes away my bedroom privileges.”

“That’s what classrooms are for.” Aria smirked.

“And apparently sorority mixers and college dorms, too.” Emily cracked a smile.

“Spencer still wants the girl’s name. She assures me she’s not going to do anything.”

They both knew Spencer better than that.

“Did you tell her who it was?” Emily asked.

“Hell, no.” Aria laughed. “To be honest, I don’t even remember most of it. All I remember is being so hungry that I licked a painting of a living scenery fruit bowl and then stroked a flag hanging up on the wall for like twenty minutes because it was soft.”

“When we were on the phone you kept telling me you were going to punch a lamp that was looking at you funny.”

“The lamp probably started it.”

They both laughed. Aria relaxed seeing some of Emily’s tension disappear. For a split second, Aria made her forget about the dark hole she was trying to climb out of. And she would keep climbing, because she refused to let life bury her alive. As long as she was breathing, she was fighting.

Unfortunately, her dreams were a different story. Because in real life she could cope. She could distract herself. She could run. She could control her actions and reactions. But her nightmares were beyond her control. So that night when she was trapped underneath the icy water struggling to breathe while simultaneously watching her child slipping away she couldn’t fight. She couldn’t escape, though she knew on some level it wasn’t real.

 _“It’s a dream.”_ She mentally told herself.

But it felt so real, down to the aches and pains in her body. The water felt like razor-sharp crystals pressing up against her skin. She could feel it in her bones, her organs, and her soul. Emily pushed herself to wake up, but her body refused to cooperate. She was paralyzed, stuck inside the swirl of the images flooding her mind.

She could feel her chest clenching. And she could feel that it wasn’t moving. She felt herself sinking. And part of her just wanted to swim down. It would be easier to let go. But instead, she tightened her jaw. The muscles in her mouth twitched and then her jaw clicked and she bit down, an unconscious involuntary reflex. She heard a whooshing sound in her ears and then the sound of her teeth chattering. Her eyes popped open and she gulped in a deep breath. She could taste blood in her mouth from where she’d bitten her inner cheek in her sleep.

She laid there staring at the ceiling for what felt like a lifetime. She could feel her body trembling and shaking the bed. She could hear Ali quietly snoring. She looked over at her. Her perfect blonde looked so peaceful when she was asleep.

Emily drew in a breath and sighed. She knew it was going to be a long night. She didn’t feel like putting Ali through it. Emily had already kept her up two nights in a row. She sat up and looked over at her sleeping wife. Ali had really been exhausting herself at school. Working had been the new normal for her. It tired her out. It was good for her. She was starting to have more peaceful nights, at least during the evenings that Emily didn’t wake her with her night terrors.

Emily leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on Ali’s forehead. She watched her lips twitch. Ali knew when she was near, even when she was asleep. Emily slipped out of bed, deciding she wasn’t going to keep her up for a third night. She could handle the couch for one night. Ali would be pissed when she woke up and realized Emily didn’t wake her. But at least she’d be well-rested. She whispered a quiet “I love you” to her girl and then went to set up a bed in the living room for the night.

She made herself some hot chamomile tea, but her hands were shaking so much that she could barely hold on to the mug. She was cold and she couldn’t seem to warm up. She opened the closet to grab an extra blanket. When she pulled it down she knocked over a box with bits of wrapping paper stuck to it. It landed on its side and something slid out from in between the flaps.

She bent down to pick it up, her fingers running over the woven cloth cover. When she turned it over she saw a picture of her bright and happy family staring back at her. The scrapbook had her mom’s touch. Her handiwork was unmistakable. She’d clearly helped the girls put it together. It was still tied on the side and it didn’t look like it had been opened.

Emily ran her fingers over the cover and tears sprang to her eyes. How had they gone from such a happy family to what they were now? The wreck had destroyed them. It had destroyed them all.

She walked over to the couch with the blanket and the scrapbook and slowly sat down. She stared at the picture of her wife and children. Just by looking at it she could tell that Grace had picked out the photo. It had her flair. She remembered that day at the beach. Grace had scared the shit out of Ali by going way past the designated swimming area. It was only when Emily reminded her that she’d been swimming since she could walk that Ali had stopped yelling profanities at her to get her to come back.

Lily hadn’t helped matters when she asked what the likelihood of a shark attack was. She’d smiled as Emily glared at her. Screwing with Ali was a lot of fun for the girls. They both knew how to push their mothers’ buttons. Emily had quickly retorted that if Grace ran into any sharks she’d probably train them to do her bidding.

 _“Nah, they’d get sick of her and throw her back to shore and tell us she’s our problem,”_ Lily had laid back against her beach towel.

Minutes later, Grace had plowed back on to shore and dumped sea water on to her unsuspecting sister. Lily had screeched and shot up, kicking sand everywhere. Grace had doubled over in laughter and all Lily could do was growl and utter,

 _“I see the sharks got tired of you already.”_ She’d glared and then wiped a clump of sand out of her hair. _“You’re a terrible sister.”_

Emily sighed and gently put the scrapbook next to her. Her child had lived by the water and died by the water. Emily swallowed hard. She was back to feeling cold and numb again. She shuddered involuntarily.

She heard something shuffling behind her. At first she thought it was Jett, but then she remembered that with the e-collar he didn’t go anywhere quietly anymore. She glanced over and saw Ali coming down the stairs.

“Hey, you okay?” Ali yawned, walking into the dimly lit room. “I woke up and you weren’t there. What’s up?” She hadn’t noticed the scrapbook yet.

“I just…I got a little restless. Couldn’t sleep.” Emily glanced up at her, her eyes still filled with tears.

“Babe, you’re covered in sweat,” Ali called her out. “You had a nightmare, didn’t you?”

“Not a bad one.” Emily didn’t lie. “Nothing like last night. I just felt antsy, so I thought I’d walk around a bit.”

“Looks like you were planning on less walking and more sleeping on the couch.” Ali frowned, looking at the blanket and pillow Emily had pulled out.

“I was thinking about putting on one of those stupid judge shows you like so much. Those always put me to sleep.” Emily smiled weakly at her.

“Cute.” Ali rolled her eyes, sinking down on to the couch next to her. She looked at Emily and sighed. “You’re insanely frustrating, you know.”

“I know.” Emily reached over to touch Ali’s hand.

Ali jumped in alarm, because her hands felt like blocks of ice.

“Jesus, Em, your hands are freezing.” Ali frowned.

It was concerning to Ali that Emily was sweating, but her skin was cold. Emily was unnerved by it, too. Despite the night sweats, Emily did actually feel like she was freezing. It was an internal chill she couldn’t shake, a cold numbness she couldn’t get away from. Ali took Emily’s hands in hers and rubbed her palms and fingers against Emily’s, trying to warm Emily’s hands up for her. It was a rare occasion that she was cold. Ali didn’t like it. Once she’d gotten a little bit of blood flow circulating Emily pulled one of Ali’s hands up to her lips and gently kissed her knuckles.

“Thank you.” Emily’s lips brushed Ali’s hand.

“You’re not getting sick, are you?” Ali asked, her forehead crinkling in concern.

Emily shook her head.

“Just residual from the dream, I think,” she said. “I was stuck in the water.” She saw Ali flinch at the mention of it and Emily curled her fingers around Ali’s hand. “Guess my body thought it was real.” _Again._

She felt her voice clogging up at the mention of her nightmare. She peered at the photo on the cover of the scrapbook on her other side. Ali glanced over curiously to see what she was looking at. Her face softened. She reached for it and picked it up.

“It was in the closet,” Emily said.

“I found it when you were in the hospital.” She pulled the scrapbook between them. “The night you almost died from the infection.” Her eyes were fixed on the book.

“I didn’t look at it.” Emily drew in a congested breath through her nose, her sinuses pissed at her for crying. “I couldn’t.”

“I couldn’t either.” Ali pushed closer to her body. Her arms were cold, too. She saw goosebumps on her skin. Jesus, how realistic had that dream really been? “Not without you.” She looked up at Emily. “Do you want to look at it?”

Emily stared at the cover. She shook her head.

“It doesn’t feel right to look at it without Lily. I know she and Grace must have worked really hard on it.”

“Yeah.” Ali nodded in agreement. She reached out and put the scrapbook on the coffee table.

When she pulled back and looked at Emily she noticed a really peculiar expression on her face. Emily looked like she was miles away.

Emily had a million thoughts running through her mind. Her heart was racing in her chest. She thought about how helpless Ali felt. She thought about the pain she’d seen on Lily’s face tonight. She thought about how close Eli had come to very real danger. She thought about how some psycho was using a kid, a fucking _kid_ to try and kill her. Everything she touched in life was turning to shit. She didn’t want it to continue to carry over into her loved ones’ lives. It had to stop. But how? How could she continue to live the way she was living?

“Em, what is it?” Ali gently touched her arm to try to draw her out of her trance.

Emily blinked, like she was suddenly blinking back into existence and then she slowly turned to face Ali.

“Ali, I don’t want to be what breaks us.” Emily’s voice shuddered. She finally looked up. Her eyes were glistening with tears.

“Why would you think that?” Ali reached out to touch her face, a reflex as natural as breathing to her.

“Because it’s true. I know I haven’t been the best at being here…at…at letting you in. I don’t…” She had so much she wanted to say to Ali. She looked into Ali’s eyes and she could see how much her wife loved her. And it hurt Emily to know how much she’d put her through…how much she was going to put her through if she couldn’t figure things out. “I don’t know how I can…there’s just so much I…” _So much I fucked up._ She tightened her jaw and looked at Ali. “There’s something wrong with me, Alison. And I’m trying…I’m trying to figure it out before I drag you and Lily down with me. Because I don’t want to screw up your lives anymore. I can’t be the reason our family is broken.” She tipped her chin up and glanced at the ceiling, trying to keep her tears from falling. “None of this is fair. I want to make things right and I just…I keep hurting you. I’m the problem, and I know it. You deserve so much better. I’m so sorry.”

Ali’s heart felt frozen in her chest. Because she knew Emily believed the words she was saying. She knew Emily’s heart was damaged and she felt like she was holding it in the palm of her hand, and the last thing she wanted to do was cause it to fall apart. She had never seen Emily look so vulnerable. She had never seen her with such a haunted look on her face. It’s like the gates of hell had collapsed and every grain of torture from within the reigns of fire were swirling around inside of her. She was fighting in her own personal hell, and Jason was right…she had no idea how to help her. She couldn’t take her pain away. She couldn’t fix her. And it was crushing.

“Emily, look at me.” Ali pushed her palm against Emily’s face, forcing her to turn and face her. “There is nothing wrong with you, honey.” She leaned up to kiss her forehead, fighting her own tears. “You are _not_ a screw up. You are the best person I know and the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I know you’re dealing with something you can’t get away from. And whatever it is…it’s hurting you. I see it.” She gently laid her free hand against Emily’s injured side while dropping the palm of her other hand to the side of Emily’s neck. She peered into Emily’s eyes. “Baby, please tell me what’s going on with you.” Her voice was shaking.

There was a beat and then Emily choked out a sigh.

“I don’t know. I really don’t.” She lowered her head and closed her eyes. Because it was more than she could put into words. It was more than what she’d done the past two months. It was who she’d become. Not to mention, telling Ali would put her in danger. Not only could she not do that to Ali. She couldn’t do that to Lily. She couldn’t put them in a position where Lily could lose both of her mothers. “Ali, I don’t…I don’t know who I am anymore…or what’s going to happen to me.” She admitted. “The only thing I know for sure is that I love you.” That love is all she could see in the darkness, and if she lost that she would lose everything that was keeping her tethered to her sanity. “That love is the only thing I’m sure of. And I need you…I need you to know that I…” _I never meant for it to come to this. I never wanted to hurt you like this._ _I never wanted you to suffer because of me._ She wanted to tell her everything. “I just…I’m sorry.”

Emily was so close to letting it all out. Ali could see it. But every time she got close Ali could see a panicked expression in her eyes. There was still a wall there, a disconnect. There was something that Emily was fighting against so hard that it was wearing her down. And Ali knew what it was. Emily was fighting against herself, and as stubborn as she was…the outcome was not going to be good. She was eventually going to come crashing down. She was going to hit that brick wall, and it might just kill her.

“I…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She huffed out several uneven breaths. “It’s like…I feel like I’m stuck in that night on a loop and it’s just swallowing me whole. I…I see her all the time. I see her little face…” Her voice was trembling. “I see…I think about it…” Her quest for vengeance only helped so much. She couldn’t get away from her feelings. She felt a flash of heat wash over her and suddenly, the room felt like it was closing in on her. Her vision started to blur. “I can’t…I don’t…” Her hands started vibrating and she started to feel lightheaded.

Ali could see her starting to panic. Emily started taking heaving breaths, her chest moving rapidly as she fought to stay calm. Ali put her palms against Emily’s face.

“Hey, you’re okay. I’m here. I’m here for you, Em.” Ali gently stroked her face. “I am always here for you. Just take deep breaths. Breathe with me.” She moved one of her hands and gently took Emily’s hand. She had to push Emily’s fingers away from the center of her palm where her fingernails were digging into her skin. Then she took Emily’s palm and put it against her chest and let Emily feel her taking slow deep breaths. “Just look at me and breathe with me.”

Emily nodded silently and tried to follow Ali’s instructions. After a few minutes her vision started to return to normal. Her breathing slowed down. She closed her eyes and started taking forceful breaths through her nose. She felt Ali’s forehead against hers. She could smell her wife’s body wash and her shampoo.

“Just keep taking deep breaths. I’m still here.” Ali assured her. “You’re okay.”

Emily reached up with her other hand and put it on top of Ali’s palm on her face, holding her hand in place. Once she got her breathing under control she opened her eyes and found Ali’s eyes locked on hers. Her heart was still hammering in her chest. Emily swallowed hard and then sighed.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“Don’t apologize.” Ali frowned. Her tone was a little more abrupt and curt than she meant for it to be. She just hated it when Emily felt guilty for something completely out of her control. Ali pulled back. “You can’t help it.” She brushed some of Emily’s hair out of her face. “It’s just like when I can’t stop crying. It’s just part of this. It’s going to get better.” It had to get better. “But until then, promise me that you won’t keep trying to handle this alone. This is why it’s important to me that you wake me up when you have a nightmare. Because I know it’s going to turn into this. And I do not want you suffering alone.”

Emily nodded. She leaned in and their foreheads met again. Ali pushed her chin forward and pressed a calming kiss against Emily’s lips. Emily’s hands slipped up Ali’s sides.

“I don’t deserve you.” She glanced away sadly.

“Deserving or not, you’ve got me,” Ali replied.

They curled up on the couch, Ali doing her best to warm up the internal chill Emily couldn’t shake. They were both exhausted, yet they still fought sleep, each for different reasons. Ali didn’t want to fall asleep before Emily in case she needed her and Emily was just too anxious to settle down. It turned into a game of which one of them was the most stubborn.

In the end, it was Ali who fell asleep first, her head nuzzled against Emily’s shoulder. She had tried so hard to outlast Emily, but Emily had a way of making her feel calm no matter what was going on in the world. She couldn’t help but feel safe in her wife’s arms, because Emily had always protected her. Even when Emily was completely crumbling it was _still_ in her nature to hold Ali like she could keep everything bad in the world from getting to her.

As Emily watched her sleeping wife she was reminded of how high the stakes were in this dangerous game she was playing. She knew that the closer they got to discovering the truth the worse it was going to get for her. She just had to hope that luck would be on her side. She had to believe that she would get to go to Paris with Alison and that she would get to see Lily flourish and grow. She had to hope that when this was over she would be mending her family…not leaving them to pick up the pieces of a shattered existence.

As if she could sense Emily’s mixed emotions flooding through her, Ali subconsciously wrapped her arms tighter around Emily and snuggled up closer to her. She mumbled something in her sleep. Emily pulled Ali close and kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, Alison,” she whispered. “No matter how this ends, know that I love you.”


	21. Calling the Shots

Emily woke up three times in the middle of the night. The first two times she shot out of a deep sleep shaking so much that she woke Ali up. Ali was curled up against Emily’s body, sandwiched in between the back of the couch and Emily’s side. Her cheek was resting on Emily’s chest so she could feel the rise and fall of each of her breaths. The first time Emily woke up Ali felt Emily’s body jerk as she inhaled a sharp breath.

“Hey, you awake?” Ali lifted her head to look at her.

Emily blinked sleepily and then closed her eyes again.

The second time, Ali felt Emily jerk and kick her legs. Ali started to sit up and was getting ready to open her mouth and ask if she was okay, but when she looked at her, Emily was slowly closing her eyes again.

“Just rest, Em,” Ali said softly, rolling her fingertips against Emily’s arm. “You need to rest, sweetie.”

Emily’s mouth moved like she wanted to say something, but then she turned her head and grimaced. The events of the day had exhausted her brain. Even though she was restless, she fell back asleep very quickly. She wasn’t coherent. The brief time she was awake it was like a fugue dream state. So she didn’t hear Ali’s soft loving words. She didn’t feel Ali’s fingers delicately brushing her cheeks to try and lull her back to sleep. She didn’t feel it when Ali got off of the couch and left to go get a washcloth. Ali came back with a bowl of warm water mixed with lavender oil. She put the bowl down and then put the washcloth in the bowl.

Ali sat down on the edge of the couch next to Emily. She could see the subtle motion of Emily’s head moving from side to side. It was so slight that she almost missed it. She felt Emily’s fingers twitching against her thigh and she looked down and saw Emily’s hands lightly tremoring.

“Don’t,” Emily muttered.

Ali looked back at her face expecting her to be awake, but Emily was just talking in her sleep.

“Please…” Emily cried under her breath.

“Shh.” Ali tried to settle her.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as the nights Emily couldn’t breathe or the nights that she cried out for Grace. But it was still worrisome. She took a moment to appreciate the fact that Lily had wanted to stay at the Fitz’s house. She didn’t need to see her mother like this.

Ali traced her thumbs across Emily’s cheeks, wiping away the sweat coating her face. Emily’s skin was cool and clammy. Her nervous system was working on overdrive. Ali put her palm against the side of Emily’s neck, pushing her thumb against her pulse point. She grimaced when she felt how fast it was going. Her heart was slamming against her ribcage, even when she was resting.

She wasn’t sure what had triggered Emily’s anxiety and caused her to go into a full blown panic, but her emotional outburst had really tired her wife out. It was hard on both of them, but Ali had gotten used to Emily’s panic attacks. She knew that her bouts of PTSD came in waves. Sometimes it was mild, something easily controlled, like the shakes…something she could be talked down from. Other times, like tonight, there were full explosions of violent emotional outbursts that took her breath away and left her nearly catatonic. Those were the times that Ali couldn’t reach her. And it frustrated her to no end.

It was hard to watch Emily suffer through it, but Ali knew there was nothing she could do. It was up to Emily. All Ali could do was let her ride it out. She just had to make sure that she was in the driver’s seat so Emily wouldn’t steer herself over a cliff, which Ali feared Emily was dangerously close to doing.

Ali didn’t mind being there for her, despite Emily’s reservations about dragging her into it. She wasn’t going to leave Emily to deal with it alone. She didn’t care if she had to stay up with her all night. There had been nights that Emily had done the same for her. There had been nights that Emily held her for hours while she sobbed uncontrollably. There had been nights that Ali, too, had felt that internal chill that only came with loss. And Emily was always there to embrace her and warm her up.

They had vowed to love one another and take care of one another, for better or worse. And Emily had been there for her in the times even before they were married. She had been looking out for Ali since they were kids. Emily had always come through for her. It wasn’t difficult for Ali to reciprocate that.

She felt Emily’s fingers twitching against her skin again. She reached down and took Emily’s hand in hers. It still felt cold to Ali. She pressed her thumb in the center of Emily’s palm and slowly started drawing circles into her skin. It was a trick Emily had actually discovered that reduced stress in the girls when they were fussy as babies. Lily was usually the one they had the most trouble with, but Emily had come up with all kinds of tricks to calm her down. Her gentle nature had always been nothing short of amazing. Ali had really come to appreciate it.

Emily unconsciously twisted her hand and curled her fingers around Ali’s hand. Her hands had stopped shaking, but she was still flinching uncomfortably. Ali reached up to touch Emily’s cheek with her free hand. Despite the rest of Emily’s body still being low in temperature, her face was hot. Ali slipped her hand out of Emily’s grasp and reached for the washcloth. She picked it up and wrung it out.

She leaned over Emily and dabbed some of the perspiration away with the cloth and then she wiped her face clean, hoping that the soft fabric and the fresh water would soothe her. She rolled the washcloth up and laid it across Emily’s forehead. Emily grunted in her sleep. She clenched her jaw. Ali could see her eyes darting around underneath her closed eyelids. Ali sighed. Even in her dreams, Emily was fighting herself.

“Oh, sweetheart,” She caressed her face. She saw Emily immediately relax underneath her touch. “Just let it out.” She quietly begged. “Stop fighting and just let go.” If Emily didn’t face her feelings it was going to continue to tear her apart. Sooner or later she was going to crash. “Please. For your sake…”

“Alison?” Emily uttered, her eyes still closed.

She wasn’t awake, but Ali responded anyway.

“Right here, Em.” She leaned in close to her face.

“I’ll fix it.” She sighed. She started to say something else, but instead her lips parted and she pushed out a soft breath, her lips in a grimace.

Ali wasn’t sure what to do, so she just moved forward and kissed her cheek. Then she gently pecked her lips. It seemed to help. Emily’s facial muscles relaxed. Her head tilted slightly sideways against her pillow and then she was quiet. Ali ran her fingers through Emily’s hair. It was damp, partly from sweat and partly from the wet cloth on her head.

“This won’t last forever, honey.” Ali promised.

Ali rubbed Emily’s arm with her palm and traced her jaw line with the fingers from her other hand. She reached over and grabbed the bottle of the lavender oil she’d mixed into the water in the bowl. She dabbed a little on to her finger and then rubbed it on Emily’s earlobes.

She turned around to put the lavender oil back down, her eye catching Emily’s phone on the table. She glanced at Emily to make sure her eyes were still closed. Then she quietly grabbed Emily’s phone, hoping that maybe there would be answers to what Emily was going through in it. She’d peeked at her phone before, but never found anything interesting.

Her snooping session didn’t prove to be informative at all. She scrolled through her conversations with their friends, knowing she wasn’t going to find anything because if Emily had talked to them the girls would have told her. She had a couple of texts from her mom, which always made Ali smile. Because Pam always overused emojis and she rarely used them correctly.

Her texts were all completely normal, even the robo-texts that companies sent for things like reminders and sales. There were a few messages from the phone company about their data usage and overages and all the other crap phone companies sold. She read a message about how many days they had left on their data usage. Ali didn’t know she was looking at an encrypted message that had been forwarded from a burner phone.

She scrolled through her calls list and didn’t see any unknown numbers. Emily had always been smart about deleting unknown numbers. The one time she’d called the bar from her phone she’d made sure to delete it from her history.

Ali went through her pictures. She found pictures of Pam’s garden, candids of Lily and Grace, and photos of the two of them that Ali insisted on taking. There were some of Jett, some of nature, some of sunsets, and some pictures of cook books that Emily used when she went grocery shopping. There was absolutely nothing that was telling.

She felt Emily shift and when she looked down she saw her rolling her head to the side and taking a breath through her nose. Her nose was stopped up, so she had a hard time getting the air. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. The washcloth had slipped off of her face. Ali put Emily’s phone down and reached for the washcloth, re-wetting it and then re-applying it to her forehead.

She sat with Emily for nearly an hour before she started to feel sluggish herself. She managed to worm her way back in between Emily and the couch and laid down next to her. She slid one arm underneath Emily and draped the other over her stomach. Her fingers ran parallel to the trim of Emily’s shorts. She curved them up and her fingertips hit the angry red cut on Emily’s side.

She cringed and glanced at Emily, afraid she’d accidentally wake her. But Emily didn’t budge. Ali breathed a sigh of relief. She curiously lifted Emily’s shirt up to get a better look at it. The skin around the injury was starting to turn pink. It would heal faster if Emily would ease up on her physical activity. But the important thing was that it was healing. Ali looked at the marks covering Emily’s stomach, the two new wounds adding to the abdominal scarring on her otherwise smooth skin. She traced the line of the scab.

“God, sweetie, what are you doing?” And why wouldn’t she let her help?

She laid her head against Emily’s collar bone. She kissed a portion of Emily’s exposed skin at the bottom of her shirt collar. She sighed and closed her eyes. Minutes later she was asleep.

The third time Emily woke up she didn’t jolt Ali awake. Her eyes popped open and she laid completely still for a few seconds before she realized where she was. Her body was aching. Her emotional pain had turned into physical pain. But she felt calm. She could feel Ali’s body heat against her chest and abdomen.

Ali’s fingers twitched against her bare arm. Emily curled her arm around Ali’s upper back and snaked her fingers through the locks of her soft blonde hair. She could still feel the scar on her skull from when she’d been struck in the head and left for dead when she was fifteen. She felt Ali squirm the slightest bit in her unconsciousness.

Ali hated her scars. Not just hated. _Despised._ But Emily had always told her that it was the imperfections in life that had brought them together. Scars and all. But scars couldn’t form until the healing started. And lately it felt like the healing in their lives had completely stalled out. Emily traced her fingers along the scar again and sighed. Ali had been through so much. More than enough for a lifetime.

Her eyes started to burn, so she took a slow calming breath. She thought she detected a hint of lavender in the air. When she looked over she saw a bowl with a washcloth in it. She wasn’t sure what Ali had done while she was sleeping, but it had worked.

She looked back at Ali and pressed her lips against her head. Her wife put up with so much, especially given it hadn’t always been in her nature to take on the comfort role.

Ali had changed in such tremendous ways over the years. She’d always had a quiet kindness buried beneath her sharp tongue. Emily had seen it from the beginning, but it had taken Ali years to soften her edges…to retract her claws and become tame enough to get close to.

She hated being vulnerable, but she’d always showed her vulnerabilities to Emily. She’d always been different with Emily. Because she loved her. And that love did things to her. It changed her. It was almost overwhelming, because Emily knew Ali had loved her enough to let her in. Then when the girls were born, they had pushed Ali’s love to new heights. Ali loved their little girls more than life itself.

Emily blinked, her eyelids feeling heavy. The sensation of Ali’s arms around her felt right in every way. She yawned and glanced at the scrapbook on the coffee table. Her eyes locked on their beach family photo. They deserved to be that happy again. Lily deserved to smile and stick her toes in the sand. Ali deserved to flaunt her favorite designer swimsuit and enjoy her mimosa while taking in an awe-inspiring oceanic view.

All Emily could think about was the first time they had taken the girls to the beach. Grace had been ill with an ear infection and she’d cried the entire time she was in the car. Lily had been fussy because her sister was fussy. But by the time they got there both girls had settled. Grace had conked out, so Emily had opted to carry her. Ali had carried Lily part of the way, but by the time they got near the water Lily was squirming to get down.

The first time Lily’s bare feet touched sand she had marveled at it. She had started huffing at first like she might start crying, but then she wiggled her toes and the sensation distracted her from crying. It had taken her a minute to get her bearings, because she wasn’t used to the texture. She’d stumbled a little bit and kicked sand everywhere, but then a seashell had caught her eye and she leaned down to poke it. She’d then looked up at Ali and grinned. Ali had smiled back at her and reached for her hand and Lily had eagerly taken it and started tugging on it so they could go look at another seashell two feet away.

Everyone they passed cooed at the girls. One annoyingly loud overbearing woman had even stopped and asked in excitement,

_“Aw, twins, huh?”_

_“Nah, we liked the first one so much we had her cloned.”_ Ali had smarted back.

It was her go-to response after she got tired of people asking if Lily and Grace were twins, which was about four months after they’d been born. Ali was not a patient woman when it came to people she didn’t know. Teaching had helped quell _some_ of her attitude, but she still had some bite lurking beneath the surface. She was not as snappy around her friends and family, but she still lashed out at people she didn’t know from time to time.

After Ali smarted off to her, the other woman had looked incredibly insulted. She’d huffed and walked away while Ali had laughed and watched her. Before Emily could reprimand her for being rude to strangers, Lily had grabbed Ali’s hand and started pulling her towards a really big piece of driftwood she wanted to see.

Emily watched them walk the beach in front of her hand in hand and smiled. Grace had wiggled in her arms and when Emily peered down at her she saw Grace staring at the water in wonderment. She’d laid her cheek against Emily’s shoulder and cooed. Grace had stayed perfectly content in Emily’s arms while Ali and Lily had explored the beach for hours. It was a memory they’d never forget. Her family deserved to know that happiness again.

“I’m going to make things right, Ali,” she said quietly. “I’ll figure it out. I promise. I’ll fix it. I’ll fix this for you and Lily…for us.”

But she was running out of time to do so. Things would be coming to a head soon.

Ali moved unconsciously, gripping Emily a little tighter. She nuzzled her cheek against Emily’s shoulder. Emily kissed the top of her head again, letting her lips linger as she took in Alison’s aroma. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

After Emily fell asleep they both slept soundly. It wasn’t until the trilling of a phone cut through the air early the next morning that they both sprang to life again. Emily growled under her breath and grabbed her phone.

“Ugh, why did we both choose a career that wakes us up at the ass crack of dawn?” Ali sat up and rubbed her eyes.

She grumbled under her breath about how much she hated responsibility and how hard it was to be an adult and how she thought time was a stupid construct made up by people who had nothing better to do with their lives. Emily listened to her rant for a few minutes, letting her get it out. She knew Ali hadn’t slept well, because of her. And Ali was always cranky when she didn’t get enough sleep. She was mid-rant when she realized that Emily was still quiet. She glanced down and saw Emily smiling up at her. Ali pinched her forehead and her brows narrowed in confusion.

“What?” Ali questioned with a shy smile. Was it something she said? Something she did?

“After all these years, you’re still so beautiful in the morning.” Emily propped herself up against the armrest and reached up and used her thumb to trace the outline of Ali’s jaw.

“Yeah, right.” Ali scoffed. “I think you might need glasses, Em. Do you not see the bags…the _luggage_ under my eyes? I can practically feel them stretching my face. I’m sure I look like a hound dog.”

“Ali, stop.” Emily rolled her eyes with a soft laugh. “You’re perfect.”

She was more than perfect. The woman had stayed up with her most of the night just to soothe her after a bad day. She had gone above and beyond for her. Emily put her palm against the side of Ali’s neck and curled her fingers, her thumb gently brushing Ali’s ear. She leaned up and kissed her. Ali melted into the kiss. She always became putty in Emily’s hands when their lips melded together. After a few seconds Ali pulled back with a smile.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” she said, all of her frustration melting away.

Emily glanced at the bowl sitting on the table.

“Lavender, huh?” Emily asked.

“It always worked wonders with the girls.” Ali nodded. “All of your tricks did.”

Emily smiled weakly at her, clearly tired, but clearly trying to make an effort to start their morning in a more positive way than their night had ended. Her skin was no longer clammy, but it had a dull color to it that usually came with not being well-rested. Her eyes were bloodshot from stress, or from tossing and turning, or from both. But the look on her face was serene…much more relaxed than last night. Still, there was something strange buried underneath Emily’s expression.

“You doing okay?” Ali asked.

“I’m still a little foggy,” Emily admitted. “But I’m okay.” She assured her. “I hate that I kept you up again.”

“I would stay up for the rest of my life for you. You know that.”

“Yeah,” Emily said with a quiet laugh. “I know.” She rubbed some sleep from the corner of her right eye. “How bad was it?”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle.” Ali yawned. “It was mostly just tremors. No yelling. No thrashing. You just needed a little reassurance. You settled after I brought out the lavender.” And kissed her and told her everything was going to be okay.

“Guess it could have been worse.” Emily tried to smile, but it came out more as a grimace. Her cheeks were red, flushed with embarrassment.

“Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Ali said, rubbing her face.

“I’m just glad Lily wasn’t here to see it happen.”

“Even if she was, she knows you can’t control it.”

None of them could control their emotions. Feelings had a mind of their own. And heightened feelings of grief were a monster to try and deal with. They all processed differently, and they respected that they processed differently. But the problem with Emily was that she wasn’t processing. Ali could tell she was just stagnant. The dam she’d put up was still there. And it left her to fester, inviting all kinds of problems to stew. Everything was incubating inside of her. It was a breeding ground for a break down. Ali knew that dam was close to bursting. And she didn’t want Emily drowning when it did.

Emily swallowed hard and then nodded. Her gaze drifted down. Ali pushed Emily’s chin up, forcing their eyes to meet.

“Admitting you’re hurting doesn’t make you weak.” Ali’s fingers grazed Emily’s hand. “It makes you human.”

Emily had been the very person who had taught Ali that, and she knew that her wife needed the reminder.

“When did you become the wise one in this relationship?” Emily asked with a soft laugh.

Since she’d been left with no other choice but to re-evaluate how she viewed life. Because Emily was falling apart and she couldn’t let her. She needed her, so in order to get her wife back she knew she had to step up.

“Are you saying there was a time I _wasn’t_ the smart one?” Ali gave her a hard time.

“No, dear. Of course not.” Emily’s lips curled into a smirk.

It was a smile that Ali was relieved to see. It meant Emily was still in there, buried beneath all of her pain and grief and turmoil, her wife was still there. As if Emily could sense what Ali was thinking, she reached out and took Ali’s hand.

“Thank you.” Emily sat up, rotating her shoulder, which had been in a twisted position for hours while she held Alison overnight. “For last night. For not letting me push you away and ride it out solo. I know I don’t always say it, but…it means a lot that you’re here. I couldn’t do this without you.”

“You’d do the same for me,” Ali said. In fact, she had. Numerous times. More times than Ali could count. Emily had been there for her every step of the way. “It’s what we do, baby.”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I was feeling. I wasn’t trying to lie about it or hide it. I don’t want to shut you out. You know I don’t. It’s just…when I woke up and saw you…I dunno…” Emily sighed.

“You didn’t want me to suffer unnecessarily.” Ali finished her thought for her.

Emily nodded again.

“I know it’s hard for you to ask for help…” Ali stated.

“No. That’s not it.” Emily interrupted her. Not entirely, at least. “What’s hard for me is making my problems your problems. It’s not that I don’t want to let you help. It’s just that I know you’re dealing with your own grief, too. And the last thing I want is for you to take on my pain.”

“Emily, I told you from the very beginning, we’re going to get through this _together_. And I meant that,” she said. “But we can’t do that if you’re not honest with me.”

“I’m doing the best I can,” Emily said.

“I hope for your sake that’s true,” Ali replied, placing a chaste kiss on her temple.

Emily’s alarm went off again and Ali reached down in a huff and pressed the snooze button.

“We heard you, you stupid piece of shit.”

“Don’t you yell at my phone.” Emily scolded her. “What did it ever do to you?”

For starters, it had been useless in giving her any information or insight into what Emily was hiding.

“It’s bossy.” Ali shrugged.

“So are you.” Emily teased.

“I have to be bossy, because you are ridiculously stubborn.” Ali nudged her with her shoulder.

“It’s a good thing we love each other then, huh?” Emily smiled. She ran her fingers through Ali’s hair and Ali couldn’t help but smile back. They’d been together over half of their lives and Emily still had such a hold over her. “Why don’t you get ready for school? I’ll make us some breakfast.”

“It better be something good for you to make up for calling me bossy.” Ali stood up.

“French toast?” Emily suggested.

“I _guess_ I can forgive you for French toast.”

“What if I sweeten the deal with bacon?”

“Sold.” She reached out to grab the things she’d gotten last night to calm Emily down, but Emily reached out and stopped her.

“I’ll clean up.” She stood up next to Ali. “It’s the least I can do.”

Before Ali could argue, Emily was already cleaning things up. She heard Ali sigh before walking up the stairs. Emily quickly cleaned up the living room and then took Jett out to go to the bathroom. Then she came back in and started breakfast. By the time she heard the shower turn on she was mixing the eggs and milk into a bowl. She was reaching for the spices when she heard her phone chirp.

She wiped her hands off and grabbed it to look at the screen. It was an alert for her to check her burner phone. She actually had two messages. One had come through about an hour before they woke up. She listened to the sound of the running water upstairs. She knew that Ali liked to take long showers in the mornings. She had at least ten minutes. So she slipped outside and went into the garage.

She opened the safe and pulled the burner phone out of the hidden pocket of one of her holsters. She almost dropped the phone when she read the first message:

_“Don’t know what you said to him, but the kid reached out to us. Long story.”_

Emily was perplexed at first. How did Ryan even know about them? After she gave it a few seconds of thought she realized that he’d probably learned about Maurice through the Pit Vipers.

Emily looked at the second text.

_“We need to talk. Call ASAP.”_

Emily glanced towards her house. She didn’t see any movement anywhere that would indicate Ali was out of the shower yet. She quickly called the bar from the burner phone. Maurice picked up on the first ring.

“About damn time.” Maurice’s scruffy voice boomed through the phone.

“Hello to you, too,” Emily replied sarcastically, “Not a morning person, Maurice?”

“Please.” He snorted. “I haven’t slept since like 1978. I’m a pro at this. You sound like shit though. Rough night?”

“They’re all rough.” She frowned. The filter in her brain had totally abandoned her.

“Well that’s vaguely morose,” he replied in concern.

“Sorry.” Emily rubbed her eyes with her fingertips. “Didn’t sleep well. Nightmares.”

“I hear ya,” he said. “I still get flashbacks to my time overseas. It can get intense. But it does get better.”

“That’s what I’m told.” Emily shrugged. There were moments that she believed it was getting better. And there were moments when she felt like she was going crazy and just wanted everything to stop. “So, what’s up with the kid?”

“Couple hours ago he contacted us. Said he wanted to tell us everything.”

Emily squeezed the phone so hard in her hand she thought she might break it. This was what they had been waiting for – what they needed.

“He asked us if we could offer protection against retaliation if he decided to talk. I told him I needed to know more before I could say for sure. I was trying to smoke him out a bit, squeeze what I could out of him while I had him on the phone. It worked. He started babbling like a toddler hyped up on sugar. He told me that if it came out that he was a rat his whole family would pay the price.”

“The Pit Vipers would kill his entire family?” Emily chewed on her lip nervously. She didn’t like to think about them coming after Ali and Lily.

“Not kill.” Maurice corrected her. “Destroy their lives. They aren’t exactly innocent. Remember what Bobby said about something happening in New York that brought them here? Well, the kid spilled the beans about it. When he was four and his brother was eight his brother killed someone. And not just _someone_. A kid. A two-year-old.”

Emily shuddered. A baby. An innocent baby.

“Ryan and his brother were out screwing around and they found a gun in some shrubs. The two-year-old was riding his big wheel a couple of yards away while his mom was running inside to get some snacks. The older brother didn’t think the gun was real, so he aimed it at the kid as a prank. After he pulled the trigger the little boy never stood a chance. Ryan saw the whole thing happen.”

“Holy hell.” Emily huffed out in surprise.

“They took the gun and ran home. They didn’t tell their parents at first, but when Ryan started wetting the bed they knew something was up, so they convinced Ryan to tell them everything. There was some discussion about the fact that the older brother had been in trouble with the law before. Nothing major. Just minor shit. It was stuff his daddy was able to sweep under the rug. But it scared everyone enough away from telling the truth. Turns out that mommy and daddy covered for the brother. Disposed of the gun. Had him and Ryan lie to the cops about their whereabouts. They even hired a chapter from a local gang to keep an ear out for anyone who might have seen them that day with the intentions of making sure those witnesses never talked. That’s how he got mixed up with the Vipers. He’s been stuck with them since he was four. Even after they moved, their secret followed them. Local Vipers here have had them on their radar for years.”

“No wonder he’s scared shitless. If this comes out, he’ll lose his whole family.” Emily blinked in shock. “So, what are we going to do?”

“I told him we could work something out.”

“Can you?” Emily asked skeptically.

“That doesn’t matter.” He dodged the question. “What matters is that he’s the key to this. If we can turn him, now is our window.”

Emily closed her eyes and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Could she really let this kid become a pawn in her battle? She hated herself for considering it. And she downright loathed herself for the choice she made next.

“How do we get him to help us?” she asked.

“Well, he admitted that the Vipers wanted him to kill you.” His voice grumbled and he was clearly saying _‘you could have died you fucking moron’_ in his underlying tone. “He confirmed the order was put out by Del Toro. Ryan said that Del Toro is covering for the person who killed your daughter, which narrows down the other driver to someone in his crew. Or Del Toro himself.”

“Does Ryan know who it is?” Emily asked hopefully. Maybe there was a way to keep the boy out of it and just go after the guilty parties involved.

“No. The Vipers are smarter than that. They wouldn’t tell a jumpy little spitfuck like that kid that kind of information. He’s just a gopher. He’s never even met Del Toro or anyone of importance. He just does what he’s told when he’s told. Probably been doing dirty jobs for them for years.”

“So what changed his mind?” Emily asked.

“You, apparently.” Maurice replied. “I don’t know what kind of pull you have over people, but you should patent that shit and sell it. Because I’ve never met anyone as idiotically influential as you.”

“Are you trying to tell me you love me? Aw, I’m flattered, Maurice, but you know I’m married.”

“Can it.” Maurice warned. She could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Moronic pain in my ass,” he muttered.

“You know I love our banter, but if I’m not back inside my house making breakfast in the next five minutes my wife is going to come out here and blow this whole thing wide open.” Emily tried to get him back on track.

“Long story short, Ryan said that you caused quite a stir when you started poking around asking questions about the wreck. Del Toro took it personal, hence the hit. When he realized that you had us watching your back it got a lot more complicated for the Vipers. Del Toro thought he had you in the park, but then your dog went all Cujo on him.”

“So this Del Toro asshole was the person who stabbed my dog?” She growled angrily.

“Stabbed you, too.” Maurice pointed out, a little worried that she’d forgotten her own self-worth.

“ _Tried_ to stab me.” Emily corrected him.

“The knife made contact. You were fuckin’ stabbed.” He argued. “Anyway, when Del Toro realized he’d lost his chance he knew he had to take on a different strategy. That’s where Ryan came in. He was supposed to lure you in.” He sounded annoyed. “And you walked right into it…”

“Can we skip the part where you call me a dumbass for the fiftieth time? I’m running against the clock here.”

“As much as I’d like to call you a dumbass, your actions gave me an idea,” he said. “You clearly aren’t going to stop putting yourself in the line of fire. And the Vipers know this. So all we’ve gotta do is set them up. Put you in a position to lure them in.”

“Wait.” Emily snorted out a laugh. “You actually _want_ me to use myself as bait now?”

“In a controlled setting. You and the kid. The boy still has orders to take you out. All we’ve got to do is make sure they have eyes on you going towards Ryan’s place. We’ll be there, too. No way in hell you’re walking into this alone. We wait, give it a little bit of time, and then the kid makes a call and says it’s done and he needs a clean up. Because Del Toro ordered the hit, he’ll show. He’ll want to see you with his own eyes. And when he shows, we’ve got the fucker.”

Emily was quiet as she took in the plan. The only problem she had with the idea was putting the boy in a position where he could get hurt or killed. Because if Del Toro’s guys sensed that _anything_ was amiss, the boy would become expendable. It would become a warzone. She ground her teeth together and weighed all of the options.

“Okay,” Emily said. “Okay, but before I agree to this, I need you to promise me something.”

“Name it.”

“If things go south, I don’t want Ryan there. Promise me you’ll get him out safely.”

There was a pause on the line, and Emily knew she’d caught him off-guard with the request. After a few seconds he cleared his throat.

“There are no guarantees…”

“Maurice,” she said stiffly. “All of this started because my daughter died. What I went through…” What she was _still_ going through, “…no parent should have to live this hell.” She thought about hearing Ryan tell his mother on the phone that he loved her. “I don’t want his mom and dad to experience the loss of a child. I don’t want his life to be cut short. His life doesn’t matter _any_ more than mine does. Got it? He’s not just a pawn to us. He’s a human. He’s a _kid_. He has a future. He has a family.”

“They’re complicit in covering the murder of a child. They’re not completely innocent, you know.”

“Neither am I,” Emily said without missing a beat. “None of us are.”

“Emily, you came to me for help with this job.”

“I know. And you have not let me down once. I am asking this as your friend, not your employee. Maurice, I want your word…if it comes down to me or him, you pick him.”

“And what about _you_? _Your_ family? Your wife? Your daughter? Your mom?”

“Just take care of him. I’ll take care of me.” She’d survived this long. She didn’t expect that to change any time soon.

“Yeah, because you’re so good at self-care.” Maurice sniped.

“I’m not going to have the death of another child on my conscience,” Emily said.

“And I won’t have your death on mine.” Maurice argued.

“I knew the risks going into this.”

“But you didn’t comprehend them at the time. I know that, because everyone who comes to me starts out with the same train of thought. It doesn’t kick in until you’re staring down the barrel of a gun with a madman pulling the trigger.”

“I’m not afraid of this psycho.”

Emily was starting to realize that she was more a danger to herself than anyone else could ever prove to be to her. The way she kept leaping into danger without so much as a second thought couldn’t be normal.

“Which is exactly why you can’t ask me to make this kind of choice,” Maurice said.

“It’s not a binding contract. I don’t actually expect anything to go wrong.” Though she probably should, given her past luck. She couldn’t have known that things were already spiraling. She couldn’t have known that the boy wasn’t going to be of any help to them. “I haven’t lost my mind.” Not completely. Not yet. “I just need to know that your first priority isn’t the job for once.”

“It’s never been about the jobs,” he replied. “Only reason I’ve been in business for so long is because I know what matters.”

“And that’s how I know you’ll come through for me.”

He grumbled something she couldn’t understand, which made him sound like a cranky old man. But then he relented, telling her that he wouldn’t let the kid get hurt. That’s all Emily needed to hear. It was really for her own peace of mind. They made a plan to get together to go over all the details and then Emily told him she had to run. She knew Ali would be getting out of the shower at any minute.

“We’ll get something into motion soon. But in the meantime, don’t do anything stupid,” Maurice said.

“You’re the boss.”

Seconds later, the conversation was over and she was slipping the cell phone back into the gun safe. The battery was running low. She quietly reminded herself to charge the phone the next time she got a chance. She started to shut the safe, but stopped her motions when her gaze fell upon the guns at her disposal. Weapons that had once belonged to her father. She wished he was alive today to tell her what to do, to tell her that everything was going to be okay. Instead, all she had was his memory and powerful tools of destruction.

Her dad’s favorite gun…the one she used all the time at the shooting range and her favorite to carry…glistened in the corner of her eye. She stared at the gun for a longer period of time than reasonably normal. She reached out and ran her fingers across the cool metal. How could something so small be so dangerous? And at what point had things come to this?

An eerie feeling was crawling up her spine. Her thoughts were running rampant. After a few seconds she snapped herself out of it. She closed the safe and then went back into the house to the life she was trying so hard to salvage.

She made her wife breakfast. She smiled and held her hand. She cleaned herself up and went to school. She went through the motions of talking to staff and interacting with students. She listened while they eagerly talked about the important things in their lives. She went about her day, trying not to think about the darkness looming over her.

She tried not to think about the fact that there was a whole world out there that no one knew about. While she was taking roll for her homeroom class, a sinister plan was taking place. When she was in the middle of a lecture, her fate was being changed by the same boy she was trying to keep out of danger. By the time the morning was over, everything she’d talked to Maurice about was being thrown out the window. And they had no idea. Things rarely went the way they needed them to. And by the next morning, none of it would matter. Because tomorrow morning another tragedy was going to befall Rosewood’s community.

Emily was exhausted by the time lunch rolled around. She was a shell of herself because of the night she’d had. She zoned out when talking to her coworkers and barely even registered when she passed Lily in the hall.

Lily was too lost in thought to really notice her mother either. She was walking with Levi and Iris to the basketball courts. They had fifteen minutes left for lunch and they felt like killing time. Levi suggested shooting hoops, and though the girls weren’t really in the mood to play basketball they knew he wanted to play and they didn’t mind watching hot sweaty boys run around for a little bit.

Levi went to join a game as soon as they got there. Iris and Lily sat down in the bleachers. They were looking forward to shutting their brains off for a few minutes. School was hard on the mind sometimes. Life was hard on the mind. What they found on the court was not relaxation, but trouble. It started out innocent enough. They watched the boys toss the ball around. They watched as Levi wormed his way around the bigger boys. What he lacked in height he made up for in speed. The rest of the boys had trouble keeping up with him.

“Wow, he’s really been working on his game, huh?” Lily was impressed.

“Eli has been coaching him.” Iris grumbled, frowning at Levi. She noticed Lily looking at her out of the corner of her eyes, judging her lack of support. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. My annoying little brother is clearly the next Kobe or Shaq or whatever.”

“You sound so enthused.” Lily teased her.

“I’d be more supportive if he wasn’t already good at _everything_ he did. It’s like…suck at something for once, you know? He’s making me look bad.”

“You’re good at a lot of things.” Lily tried to make her feel better.

“You’re only saying that because you’re my friend.” Iris scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“No, I mean it.” Lily assured her.

Iris looked at her skeptically.

“Name _one_ thing I’m better at than him.”

“You really think he could have roped Harper into dressing like _The Green Goblin’s_ illegitimate child? Your powers of persuasion are something to marvel at,” Lily said. “Not to mention you totally kicked his ass in robotics class last month.”

“My dad helped me.” Iris grinned in pride.

Caleb had been forced to make a choice between helping Iris or Levi in programming a robot to navigate through a maze. Levi, the over-confident idiot that he was told his dad to help his sister because he was certain he had a one-up on her. Iris had ended up winning the whole competition. She’d made sure to stick her tongue out at Levi when she got the trophy. He’d turned his robot against her and made it chase her around the stage. She’d then turned her robot against his and they’d gotten into a robot war. Both robots had been destroyed.

They watched the game for a few more minutes. Iris reached into her purse and pulled out a nail file. She started grinding away at her nails. She glanced at Lily in curiosity.

“So, what’s up with you and Eli?” She asked nonchalantly.

“What?” Lily faced her in confusion.

“Come on, Lil. I’m not blind. You’ve been leaning on him an awful lot these days.”

“We’re not…” Lily stuttered, “…he’s…he just understands me. That’s all.”

“And the rest of us don’t?” Iris gave her a hard time. She saw Lily’s cheeks redden and she sighed and softened her tone. “I’m not judging or whatever. He’s cute. I mean, not my type of dude. But he’s not bad.” She shrugged. “Besides, he clearly cares about you. He jumped Zane for harassing you.”

“He would have done that for any of us.” Lily argued.

“Oh my God, stop being so stubborn and just admit it. You are so hot for Harper’s big brother.” Iris cackled. “You know he likes you, too, right? Only an idiot wouldn’t be able to see that.”

“Stop.” Lily frowned with an eye roll. “He’s just…Eli. He’s the same kid who ran around in his dad’s cowboy boots with nothing but a diaper and a hat on when he was two.”

“Mmhmm, okay.” Iris didn’t sound like she believed her.

Lily shoved her and they both started laughing. After a few seconds the laughter died down and they went back to watching the game. But while Iris was watching the sweat-glistened boys, something else had caught Lily’s eye. She spotted a familiar bracelet on the wrist of a platinum blonde with designer clothes and a holier-than-thou expression on her face. The girl was having some kind of talk with her equally as entitled boyfriend.

Lily stared at the jewelry for a few minutes, making sure that her eyes weren’t deceiving her. The blonde threw her head back and laughed at something the boy said, wrapping her arms around him. Lily caught the unmistakable charm on the bracelet. It was something she’d given to Grace when Grace had made the swim team. Two identical fish that would look like the Astrological Pisces sign to anyone else, but to Lily and Grace it had signified their status as sisters…as twins. It was a unique cut that Emily and Ali had helped her pick out.

The bracelet, which had been in a shrine to Grace, belonged to Lily’s sister. Lily leaped to her feet, a startled Iris standing next to her and following her, unsure of what had caused her unease but ready to back her up. It didn’t matter what had upset her friend. She was standing with her.

“Hey!” Lily called out behind the oblivious girl. “That’s not yours.” She confronted the girl, reaching for the bracelet.

The girl took a step back and snatched it away.

“Excuse you, personal space much?” She snapped.

“That was my sister’s. You stole it.” Lily snarled.

“No, she didn’t.” The boy standing next to her argued. “I gave it to her for our anniversary.”

“Then _you_ stole it.” Lily whipped her head up to look at him, rage in her eyes.

“I did not,” he said defiantly.

“You did, too. I never forget an accessory. That belonged to Grace DiLaurentis-Fields.” Iris argued. She recognized the bracelet now.

Levi saw the confrontation unfolding. He strayed away from the game. He was next to Lily and Iris in seconds.

“Is everything okay?” He walked up next to his sister.

“This little five-finger discount hooker stole Grace’s commemorative swim team bracelet from her shrine.” Iris growled.

Levi’s head snapped angrily towards the indifferent couple.

“Give it back.” Levi snarled.

“Or what?” The boy snorted, not at all intimidated by the younger boy.

A look of rage flashed across the youngest Rivers’ face. Levi backed the bully into the bleachers, his hands by his sides. He was so mad that he was shaking.

“Or else the next free throw I throw is going to be at your face.” Levi shoved his arm against the boy’s throat.

The older kid started to fight back, but Levi held him in place. The little boy was surprisingly strong. People often underestimated his strength. Basketball wasn’t the only skill Levi had picked up from Eli. He knew how to throw a punch, too. He held his temper, waiting for the older kid to make a move.

“Get your little ankle biter off of my boyfriend.” The girl snapped. She faced Iris with venom in her eyes. “I mean it, call your stupid little brother off.”

“First of all, he’s smarter than you are. He’s probably going to graduate long before you do. You’ll still be finger-painting and he’ll be out in the world curing cancer. Second, you don’t want to deal with me. I’m worse than he is. I’m bigger, angrier, and I have claws.” Iris threatened. “Now give the fucking bracelet back.”

There was a silent tension between the group. The boys had stopped playing basketball because they saw the scuffle. At first, no one did anything. They’d played enough with Levi to know that he was an untapped powder keg and all it would take was one spark to ignite him. And no one wanted to cross him.

It was Sam Struass who finally intervened. Holden’s boy was well-loved by everyone. He was a mellow kid, and handsome, too. He looked a lot like his dad. Dark wavy hair, olive colored eyes, and large full lips that were always in a comforting smile. He was a little bit taller than his dad had been at his age and he was stockier, too. Lily understood why Grace had had a thing for him. Sam stepped up behind Levi, because he knew that the confrontation was seconds away from escalating.

“Hey, Christian, why don’t you just give the bracelet back?” Sam stood next to Levi. “No harm, no foul. Right, Levi?”

Levi had a look on his face that was less than enthusiastic. Iris and Lily didn’t say one word to discourage Levi from hitting Christian.

“Come on, guys. We’re all friends here,” Sam said. “Let’s just shake hands and call it a draw.”

Levi and Christian sized one another up. Lily and Iris waited, uncertain of which way the wind was going to blow. Because Levi was unpredictable. After a few seconds Christian huffed and grumbled.

“Fine. You can have the stupid bracelet.” He glanced at his girlfriend.

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Sam asked in a very diplomatic tone, no doubt something he’d picked up from his dad. “We need a center for our next game.” He nudged Levi’s shoulder. “You in?”

Levi looked between the court and the thieving couple. He backed away from the boy and nodded, still too pissed to speak. He could work it out on the court. Lily reached her arm out to the girl, motioning for her to give her Grace’s bracelet. There was a pause, but then the girl muttered and rolled her eyes as she unclasped the bracelet.

“Whatever,” she said with a grumble. “It’s not like she’s using it anymore.” She dropped the bracelet into Lily’s open palm.

Lily felt a flash of heat rush to her cheeks. Without warning she reached out and threw her palm across the side of the blonde’s face, striking her loud enough that half of the players on the court turned to face them. The girl’s face was starting to turn a cherry color in the shape of a hand. She had a small crescent shaped indentation from one of Lily’s fingernails underneath her left eye. She brought her palm up to her face and cried out like she’d been shot. The girl and her boyfriend quickly retreated with their tails between their legs.

Everyone glanced at Lily, but no one said anything as she ran her fingers over her sister’s bracelet. Levi put his hand on Lily’s arm and Iris cupped her shoulder. She looked at her friends and smiled sadly. She pocketed the bracelet and then said something about getting to class. She shuffled off, needing a few minutes to be by herself.

After several minutes had passed and Lily didn’t return, Levi turned to his sister.

“Iris…” He begged. He didn’t want Lily to be alone.

“I know. I’m on it.”

Iris went looking for Lily and found her near the drama classroom on a bench close to Grace’s head shot. Iris sat down next to her without saying a word. She stayed with her until the bell rang.

The rest of the day went by without incident. It was only when the slapped girl’s mother bullied her thieving daughter into telling her how she got the cut on her face that Lily landed in hot water. Once the girl’s mother found out that Lily was responsible for marring her daughter’s perfect face she made a huge deal out of it. The girl’s mother was just as much a piece of work as her daughter. She made sure the principal knew about her displeasure.

Emily had already left to run an errand for her mom, so Ali was the one left in the principal’s office glaring at her daughter as the “busted up” victim cried and pleaded her case. When the Principal or Ali addressed Lily she just shrugged and refused to talk. Ali wanted to grab her and yell, _“Stop being like your mother!”_ but she refrained.

In the end, both girls were let off with a warning, something neither of their mothers were okay with because each of them blamed the other’s child, which was normally the way it worked with parents. But in this case, Ali was right and she knew she was right, because Lily wasn’t a violent child. Still, she couldn’t believe her daughter...her normally obedient and relaxed child, was being reprimanded for hitting another student. It wasn’t enough that Eli had pummeled Zane Jacobs just a mere twenty-four hours ago? Now Lily was turning into some _Mortal Kombat_ character.

Lily knew she’d screwed up, but she didn’t care. Her mothers were dealing with her sister’s death in their own ways. Why shouldn’t she get to feel her feelings, too?

The second they left the principal’s office Lily bolted. Ali’s jaw dropped in surprise when she turned her back for a few seconds to talk to the principal and then turned back to find Lily gone.

“I’m going to kill her.” Ali grumbled, pacing through the halls.

But Lily was already outside, oblivious to her mom’s anger. She saw Eli, Sam, and Kai playing with a hacky-sack while they waited on the car pick-up line to move. Kai and Sam were waiting on Holden to pick them up so they could go hang out at Sam’s house and Eli was just killing time before he went home. His dad had gone easy on him for his stunt yesterday, but had still grounded him for three days.

“Hey, Lily.” All three guys waved when they saw her coming.

“Eli, did you ride your bike today?” Lily asked, not even bothering to wave back.

“Yeah, it’s right over there.” His forehead furrowed in both confusion and concern.

“Can I borrow it?”

“Yeah. Why? What’s…”

Before Eli could finish, Lily was jogging over to the bike rack. She spun each dial on the bike lock until it popped open. She’d known the combination since they were seven. She hopped on and sped off.

“What was that all about?” Kai asked.

“Probably has something to do with her roughing up Hayley Atkins earlier. Hayley stole Grace’s bracelet and they got into it,” Sam explained. “Lily smacked the hell out of her.”

“What?” Eli frowned.

“It’s fine. It got resolved. She’s probably just going to burn off her anger.” Sam shrugged. “Looks like my dad will be giving you a ride home.”

Eli hated the idea of Lily out there emotional and alone, but he also knew that when she didn’t want to talk she wouldn’t. She’d talk when she was ready.

Ali knew the same thing that Eli knew: she wasn’t going to talk until she wanted to talk. Lily was very much like Emily in that respect. That didn’t stop Ali from calling her several times. Lily didn’t answer the first four calls, but she finally got annoyed enough hearing the phone that she picked up the fifth call long enough to tell her mom she was okay.

“I’m _fine_ , mom.” Lily answered, skipping right past the hello.

“Lilian Piper DiLaurentis-Fields, you get your ass back here right now.” Ali growled into the phone.

“Why? So you can yell at me?”

“I’m not going to yell at you!” She raised her voice.

There was a pause on the line and then Lily said,

“You were saying?”

“Lily…”

“Look, I just wanted to get some exercise in and clear my mind before I get grounded for life, so I’m riding Eli’s bike home. You can yell at me there.”

Then she hung up. Ali let out a frustrated yell. Lily was right. She was yelling.

“You obstinate stubborn little shit.” Ali didn’t care she was in a school hallway. She didn’t care who might hear her. “Just wait until your mother finds out about this…”

She gathered her things in a huff and then jumped in her car to meet her defiant mouthy little child at home. She tried Emily before she got in the car. Emily texted back that she was talking to her mom, but would call her back shortly. By the time Emily called her, Ali was almost home. And she was stewing in her rage. She didn’t even say hello when she turned the Bluetooth on.

“I’m about to lose my mind.” Ali grumbled.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked.

“Your child is misbehaving,” Ali said flatly. “She got into an altercation with another student.”

“Oh, shit,” Emily said in surprise. “An altercation like ‘words were had’ or an altercation like ‘she pummeled the hell out of another student’?”

“Somewhere in between.” Ali pulled up at a stop sign. “She took off after school.”

“Well she couldn’t have gone far.” Emily tried to calm Ali down, though she was internally panicking, because all she could think about was some angry gang member taking their rage out on her innocent daughter.

“She took Eli’s bike. She _says_ she’s going home…” Ali ranted.

Emily paused and then frowned in confusion.

“Oh. So then what’s the problem? That’s where we’re going to confine her when we punish her.”

“She totally disrespected me.” Ali grumbled and then rolled her eyes. “God, she just _had_ to be dramatic.”

“Ali, sweetie, she’s _your_ daughter.”

“You’re not helping, Emily.” Ali huffed. She saw Lily on Eli’s bike, and to Lily’s credit she _was_ actually heading to the house like she said she was. She turned a corner. “Oh! Found her!”

“Where are you?” Emily asked.

“About a block away from the house.”

“Me, too. Just left mom’s. I’ll meet you there.”

Lily got home just sixty seconds before Ali did. She was storming in the front door with Ali right on her tail. She had angry tears in her eyes. She was so sick of holding everything in. She was sick of people making insensitive statements and just doing dumb things in general. She turned towards the stairs when she heard a slamming noise behind her.

“Lily!” Ali grabbed her arm. Lily snatched it away. They both glared at one another, neither one of them blinking. “You can’t just run off like that.”

“Why not? Like mother, like daughter.” Lily shrugged. “Or does what you did in high school not count?”

She regretted it the second it came out of her mouth. She knew it was too far.

“Hey!” Ali snarled sharply. “You will not disrespect me!” She held off the _you little shit_ she had on the tip of her tongue. She had to be the adult here. “You may not want to talk to the principal, but dammit, you are going to talk to me. Why did you hit her?”

“I didn’t like her face. It bothered me.”

“Lily, this isn’t like you.” Ali frowned.

“How would you know?” Lily grumbled.

“That’s it. Go to your room.”

“You’re punishing an introvert with time alone. Genius.” Lily smarted off one last time before climbing up the stairs and glaring at her mom over the banister. She saw Emily coming through the front door.

“Keep talking like that and I’ll force you to go out into the sunshine and play where all the neighbors can see you!” Ali threatened.

Emily shut the door, a puzzled look on her face.

“What the hell was that about?” Emily asked.

“She decided for no uncertain reason that I am going to be her punching bag because she didn’t draw enough blood from Hayley Atkins.”

“That’s who she got into it with?”

“Yeah.” Ali nodded. “The little snot probably deserved it, but it shouldn’t have happened. And Lily won’t tell me why she did it.”

“So, basically, the same as Eli yesterday?”

Emily automatically knew what it had been about, just like she knew why Eli had gone after Zane. The girl had said something about Grace to set Lily off. It didn’t make it right. But it explained a lot.

“She’s acting out.” Ali sighed.

“Of course she’s acting out.” Emily wasn’t the least bit surprised. “She lost her sister.”

Lily hadn’t been the same since her sister died. Grace had taken a piece of all of them when she left.

“Well, _you_ need to do something with her. I’m likely to throw a lamp at her head.” Ali was steaming mad. “God. She’s out of control. What are we going to do?”

“Ali, if you think _this_ is out of control the next couple of years are going to be really hard on you.”

“She can’t be doing this. She’s only fifteen!” Almost. Not there yet, but almost.

“When you were her age you faked your death and ran away, and when I was her age I was committing felonies and kissing _anything_ that moved. Let’s keep things in perspective here.” Emily pointed out.

“That’s a fair point.” Ali couldn’t argue.

“I’ll talk to her.”

“She won’t listen.”

“Maybe not,” Emily replied. “But she _will_ hear me.”

There was a beat of silence and Ali looked at her wife curiously.

“ _Anything_ that moved?” Ali eyed her.

“I’m going to talk to our daughter now…”

“Good. Make sure to frown at her a lot for me.” Ali stormed off into the kitchen.

Emily stood in the living room for a few seconds, trying not to think about the irony that her entire family was full of drama queens. Then she walked up the stairs. To her surprise, Lily’s door was wide open. Grace probably would have slammed it shut. In fact, she’d nearly busted a door once by throwing a teenage tantrum.

Lily was splayed out on the bed in a dramatic fashion. All that was missing was angsty music. Jett was up on the bed with her, e-collar and all. Lily looked up and saw Emily in the doorway.

“Go away.” Lily grumbled.

“I know you’re mad, but we need to talk.” Emily walked in and sat down on the bed next to her. Lily scooted up against the headboard and stared at her. “You don’t have to tell me what happened. We all have our bad days. I know this is hard on you. But you will _not_ disrespect your mother.” She uttered harshly. “We’re not going to tolerate that. I mean it, Lily.”

A sudden wave of guilt flooded the little girl.

“I’m sorry, mom.” She glanced at the floor.

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to your mother.” Emily replied.

“I’m just frustrated.”

“I know you are, baby.” Emily was beyond frustrated herself. She couldn’t imagine having to deal with teenage hormones on top of dealing with grief. She reached out and ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair. “But you can’t hit people and take your frustrations out like you did today. You know better. We raised you better. If you’re upset or you’re angry come to us. And if you can’t come to us, then talk to your friends. Work on your art. Be the person I _know_ you are.” She rubbed Lily’s cheek. Lily blinked, a weak smile crossing her face. “Don’t get lost in yourself, Lil.”

Emily knew how dangerous that was. She didn’t want her daughter dealing with the things she was dealing with.

“I’ll do better,” Lily said quietly.

“That’s all we ask.” Emily pulled her in for a hug. Lily didn’t fight it. After a few moments of silence Emily kissed Lily’s head. “You’re grounded for a week.”

“ _A week_?” She made it sound like an eternity. “But Eli only got grounded for three days and he beat the shi…uh…” She caught herself before the curse slipped out, “…crap out of Zane.”

Lily had just made the assumption that Eli’s punishment was for fighting at school. She had no clue he’d gone over to Ryan’s house with the intention of confronting him.

“Eli didn’t act like a little asshole to his dad.”

“Wow, mom. Tell me how you really feel.” Lily cracked a smile.

“Just do me a favor and be nice to your mother. She worries about you, you know.”

“I know.” Lily nodded. “She’s _so_ dramatic.”

“Where do you think you get it from?” Emily nudged her with a laugh. She glanced up. “Don’t tell her I said that.”

“I should go talk to her. Grovel at her feet. Beg for mercy.” Lily sat up against the edge of the bed.

Jett hopped off of the bed and shook his head, his collar rattling against the cone on his head.

“Just approach her slowly. And no sudden movements.” Emily nudged the back of her head playfully.

Lily looked at Emily like she was ridiculous and then started walking out of the room, dragging her feet. Emily watched her go. Jett trailed along behind her. As soon as Lily was out of sight Emily huffed out a sigh and lowered her head, rubbing her temples. Lily deserved so much better than the current state of her life. She was a kid. She wasn’t supposed to be dealing with this much pain and turmoil.

Lily sighed when she rounded the corner out of sight of her mom. She knew something was wrong with Emily, but she couldn’t quite place it. She pulled Grace’s bracelet out of her pocket and stared at it, silently wishing that her sister could be there to tell her what to do. Then she went to grovel for her mom’s forgiveness, which Ali was happy to bestow upon her daughter.

While Ali and Lily were discussing their emotions, a problem was brewing in the underground world that neither one of them knew about. While Lily and Ali were talking, Emily got a message to check her burner phone. Knowing that both her wife and her daughter were otherwise occupied, she grabbed Jett’s leash with the pretense that she was taking him for a walk and then snuck out to the garage. The phone’s battery was almost dead. Fortunately, the pertinent information from Maurice was flashing across the screen, despite the low battery.

_“Big problem,”_ The message said. _“The kid is running.”_

_“How? What about the ankle bracelet?”_

If there was one thing that Emily had been sure about, it was the fact that Ryan wasn’t going anywhere because he was being monitored. Turns out she had been wrong. She was confused. Ryan had seemed pretty willing to help them. She couldn’t imagine what had happened between then and now. Had he changed his mind? Was he sticking with the Vipers? Or had he run because he was scared? Or was there something else at play she didn’t know about?

_“Probably paid someone to hack into it. No idea where he might be. Not sure where he stands A.T.M.”_ She had to pause and try to decipher what the abbreviation meant. After a few seconds, she got it. _A_ t. _T_ he. _M_ oment. _“Cops are looking, too, but BOLO.”_

She heard a noise outside that sounded like a car pulling up the driveway. She fumbled with the phone, nearly dropping it on the ground. She put it back up and then locked the safe. She grabbed Jett’s leash and slipped out the opposite side of the garage with the dog.

She waited a minute and then walked around the side of the garage. She saw Toby talking to someone in his cruiser. Lorenzo was in the passenger’s seat. It dawned on her that they knew about Ryan since Maurice said the cops were looking for him.

She walked a few paces, her eyes on Jett and then she casually looked up and waved to Toby. He saw her and waved back. He finished the conversation and then climbed out of the car. Jett saw him approaching and his tail started hitting Emily’s leg. He tugged on the leash. Even though Toby didn’t have his buddies Remy and Rutger with him, Jett was still happy to see their human counterpart. Toby reached down around the cone and scratched his head.

“Hey, buddy.” He smiled. He glanced at Emily. “Hey, Em.”

“Hey, you must be here to get Eli’s bike. I would have brought it to you, you know.” Emily played dumb. She knew Toby didn’t know about the bike. She knew why he was really here.

“Eli’s bike?” Toby asked in confusion.

“Lily borrowed it to ride home from school.”

“Oh, that explains why Spencer said Holden dropped him off. I can grab it while I’m here,” he said with a shrug. “But that’s not why I came by.”

“Is everything okay?” Emily continued feigning innocence.

Toby glanced at the cruiser. Lorenzo was inside typing something on their computer system. Toby nodded for her to walk with him. They walked towards the house and when they got close to the front steps Toby quietly asked,

“Did anything happen when you went to get Eli yesterday?”

“What would have happened?” Emily frowned.

“So you didn’t see anything out of the ordinary?”

“No.” She lied. “Why?”

Toby was about to open his mouth to respond when the front door opened. Lily had seen the patrol car and she’d had the same thought about the bike that Emily had used as an excuse.

“I’m sorry I took Eli’s bike.” She walked out, blurting out her apology, because she knew she had a lot to atone for today. “He said it was okay. But I didn’t think about getting it back to him. I can go get it. It’s around the side of the house.”

“Lily, it’s fine.” Toby chuckled. “I’ll grab it before I leave.”

They both walked up the stairs. The three of them walked into the warzone of the DiLaurentis-Fields house. The major tension had passed. Whatever animosity that had been festering between her wife and daughter had seemingly ceased. Lily walked into the kitchen and announced that Toby was there.

“Hey.” Ali wiped her hands on a dish towel.

Ali was a little startled to see Toby in uniform. She couldn’t help but flash back to seeing him in his uniform standing in her living room the night of the wreck. She swallowed nervously, quickly looking from Lily and then to Emily, mentally telling herself that her family was safe. Her family was right in front of her.

“Lily, can I borrow your moms for a few minutes?” Toby asked.

“You can _keep_ them as long as you promise to remember to feed and water them,” Lily said with a smile.

“Go do your homework.” Emily rolled her eyes.

Lily did what she was told. The three adults listened as she bounded up the stairs, the kitchen silent as they waited for proof that she’d gone to her room. They heard rustling sounds and then something that sounded like Lily plopping down on her bed. Toby motioned for Ali and Emily to follow him towards the back door. They quietly walked outside and shut the door. Toby didn’t want Lily to overhear anything.

“What’s up?” Ali asked.

“I’ve got some bad news about the other driver,” Toby said. “He’s missing.”

“What do you mean he’s missing?” Ali glared at him.

“One of the patrolmen got a little suspicious that he hadn’t seen any activity in the house this morning. When he went to check he didn’t find any trace of the kid anywhere, but they found his ankle bracelet shoved in his closet buried beneath a mound of clothes.

“How the hell did this happen?” Ali hissed. “I thought he was being watched.”

“There was a lapse between the time that his parents left for work early this morning and when the patrol unit got there,” Toby explained.

“Great, Rosewood’s _finest_ is at it again.” Ali snapped with venom.

“Ali.” Emily reprimanded her.

“Right.” She frowned, rubbing her right eyebrow. “Sorry, Toby. You know I don’t think you’re incompetent. Just your idiot coworkers.”

“Thanks?” Toby said, his tone uncertain. “I think…”

“How could he have slipped his ankle bracelet?” Emily questioned.

“We’re working on trying to find that out. Our best guess is he somehow cloned the radio frequency of the monitor. That way when he took it off he could mimic the signal the station sees with a fake signal.”

“Do you have any idea where he is?” Emily asked.

“We’re working with his family. His parents and his brother have been cooperating so far.” Toby replied. Of course they were. They stood to lose everything if they acted suspicious. “We’re also releasing his photo to the local news affiliates and we’re going to have them run a broadcast. But at this point we’re not sure what’s going to smoke him out. Wherever he is, he’s deep underground.”

“So? Don’t you have CI’s you can talk to?” Ali asked.

Emily had to bite her tongue. They had a criminal informant standing right in front of them. If the cops started talking to anyone who had seen her working with Maurice her cover would be blown.

“We’re working on it. I assure you. We’re talking to everyone we can think of. But in the meantime we want you guys to be aware of your surroundings. We don’t think he’s a threat, but we’d prefer to err on the side of caution. If you see _anything_ out of the ordinary, call 911. We can set up patrols to come by as often as you’d like.”

That could put a damper on Emily’s secret life. She frowned. God, she had a _secret_ life. She really wasn’t the same person she used to be.

“What do you think, Em?” Ali faced her.

“I think…” _I think no matter what I say here I’m fucked._ If she told them to set up patrols she’d make it harder for Maurice’s crew to watch her back. But if she told them not to set up patrols she’d look incredibly suspicious to Ali and Toby. “…I think it’s a good thing we grounded Lily so we can keep an eye on her while all this goes down.”

“Shit. What are we going to tell Lily?” Ali questioned, like a lightbulb had gone off in her head. “I don’t want all this to freak her out. She’s fragile enough right now.”

_Yeah, fragile like a bomb._ Emily thought to herself.

“She’s going to find out from the news if you don’t talk to her.” Toby glanced at his watch. “Tell you what, why don’t you talk to Lily and then talk it over as a family and let me know what you decide.”

Ali and Emily looked at one another and nodded.

“I’m going to grab Eli’s bike for Toby and then I’ll meet you inside,” Emily said, looking at Ali.

Ali went inside the house and Toby followed Emily. When they got around the corner Toby glanced at her, keeping his voice quiet,

“I’m assuming Alison doesn’t know you went to the kid’s house yesterday to keep my son from doing something stupid?”

“If Ali knew his address the boy would be in the hospital, not missing.”

“You might not want to joke about that.” He warned her. “The kid _is_ missing…”

“The kid is _running_.” She corrected him.

“Spencer told me you aren’t sure he did it. Are you telling me you’ve changed your mind?” Toby looked at her incredulously.

“Spencer needs to get her facts straight. She should know better than to give a second-hand account.” Emily laughed. “What I told her is that I don’t know _what_ I think. I told her I want him to have a fair shake, because I know what it feels like to be thrown to the wolves. We’ve all been blamed for things we didn’t do.”

“Running looks pretty guilty.” Toby pointed out.

“You did the same thing once and you weren’t guilty.”

Toby didn’t have a response. After a few seconds a quiet smile crossed his face.

“After all these years you still want to see the best in people,” he said.

“Because I know what it’s like when people see the worst in you.”

“Yeah, right. Who could possibly see something bad in you?” Toby smiled.

_Myself._ She bit her tongue and just shrugged.

“How is it that you’re not jaded like the rest of us?” Toby asked curiously. He was surprised by her optimism, especially given everything she’d gone through.

“I’m plenty jaded, Toby,” she admitted. “You just can’t see my callouses.” Her scars were mostly internal.

He frowned in concern.

“Cavanaugh, we’ve got a 10-46.” Lorenzo’s voice came through his radio.

Toby reached out and grabbed Eli’s bike by the frame and called back to Lorenzo,

“10-4, just finishing up with an 11-26 here.”

“11-26?” Emily asked.

Toby looked at her with a crooked smile.

“Abandoned bicycle.”

They both laughed. Emily said goodbye to Toby and then went inside. They called Lily into the kitchen and explained the situation. She didn’t seem surprised. They didn’t know she was already suspicious they were keeping things from her. When they asked her what her opinion was on having patrol cruisers keeping an eye on them she said she didn’t care since she’d be stuck in her room anyway.

After some deliberation, Ali and Emily decided that it couldn’t hurt for the police to do random sweeps just in case the kid showed up. Emily was fine with that. She was just glad there wasn’t going to be someone sitting out in their driveway watching their every move. At least, not anyone she _didn’t_ know. Ali talked about possibly having a car for a couple hours overnight just to deter anyone who might show up. Her reasoning was that if the boy came by and saw the car he’d bolt. Emily was fine with that, too. Anything to lessen Ali’s nerves.

Ali’s worry lessened significantly when they got a call from Toby an hour before they went to bed. He told them that there had been activity on the kid’s bank account at an ATM in Philly. Ali breathed a sigh of relief, thanked Toby, and then hung up the phone and told Emily.

“The cops think he’s heading north to the border,” Ali said. “I can’t believe he has a bank account at his age.” She paused, then added, “I can’t believe his parents didn’t think to _freeze_ his bank account.”

“Maybe they’re in on it.” Emily yawned. They’d been in on the murder cover-up for the brother. She leaned over to kiss Ali goodnight. They were both exhausted.

“Hell of a day.” Ali sighed.

“At least we get a fresh start tomorrow.” Emily smiled.

What they didn’t know was that tomorrow was going to be worse.

They slept soundly that night, for once. Emily woke up an hour before her alarm was supposed to go off, but it wasn’t from a nightmare. She’d been planning on going to school early to catch up on a bunch of stuff she’d missed while she was out. She quietly climbed out of bed and got dressed. She sat down against the edge of the bed to put her shoes on. Then she leaned over and gently shook Ali awake.

“Ali, babe?” she whispered.

“Hmm?” Ali opened her eyes, still half asleep. “What’s up? You have a bad dream?”

“No. I’m going to head in to work early. I’ve got a lot I need to catch up on.”

Ali looked at the clock and groaned.

“Emily, it’s 5:30.” She shoved her face into her pillow.

Emily smiled. Ali was so cute when she was tantruming while drowsy. She was like a drunk kitten.

“I’m not waking you up to make you go with me.” She laughed as she ran her fingers through Ali’s hair. “You just tend to freak out when you wake up and I’m gone. You _told_ me to wake you up. Remember?”

“You shouldn’t have listened to me.” She muttered. “Past me is an idiot.”

“I love you.” Emily pecked her lips lightly.

“Love you, too.” Ali blinked with a dreamy smile.

Emily knew she’d go right back to sleep. She stopped at Lily’s door and peered at her. Jett was on the floor at the foot of her bed, snoring. Lily was sound asleep on her side. Sometimes Emily could still see traces of her chubby baby cheeks when she slept. She smiled at her daughter and then left to go to school.

The cruiser that had been outside had left about ten minutes after Emily woke up. She’d heard the car pull out of the driveway. She looked around at her surroundings, knowing that one of Maurice’s men was keeping an eye on her. She drove to school, feeling a little more upbeat than she had yesterday. She was ready for a new day. She even told herself it was going to be a good day, just to put the positivity out there.

She carried her stuff inside, walking down the halls to her office. The school was so weird when it was dark and quiet. A lot of people didn’t like it. She found it peaceful.

When she reached her office door she fumbled around with her keys. She didn’t for one second think that what was behind the door was going to change everything. She couldn’t have known that she wasn’t alone.

She pushed the door open. She heard a creaking noise and when she turned the light on she saw him. Ryan, gun in hand.

She dropped her stuff in surprise. Her eyes darted towards the gun. But there was nothing she could do. The time for talking was over. She wanted to call out for help, but she couldn’t. There was a split second where Emily realized she’d been wrong about him. She hadn’t been able to reach him. And she’d done the very thing she’d been training herself not to do: she was blindsided.

For some reason she had a flashback to finding the scrapbook with her family on the cover. Her smiling happy family. It was the last thought she had before everything went black.


	22. Foul Play

Ali got the call 45 minutes later. She was in the middle of finishing her morning coffee. Lily was upstairs brushing her teeth. They had no clue anything was amiss. Ali jumped when she heard her phone ring. Her blood ran cold when she saw who was calling.

_Rosewood PD._

Why the hell was Rosewood PD calling her this early in the morning? She stared at the phone for a few seconds, afraid to answer it. At first she thought that maybe they had caught the boy and they were calling her to tell her. Then she started to worry that maybe the boy _was_ a danger and he was still out there, and _oh God_ , Emily wasn’t home. Emily was by herself at school. What if something had happened? What if…

“Mom?” Lily walked into the kitchen. “Are you just going to let that ring? It’s really loud.” She complained.

Ali shook herself out of her daze and grabbed the phone and answered seconds before it went to voicemail.

“Hello?”

“Am I speaking with Mrs. DiLaurentis-Fields?” An unfamiliar voice on the other end asked.

Ali felt every bone in her body tense up. Her pulse was pounding so hard she could hear it in her ears. Something was wrong. She tried not to scream. Lily was grabbing some juice out of the fridge a few feet away from her. Ali had to play it cool for her daughter’s sake.

“Ye – yeah. This is Alison DiLaurentis-Fields.” She held so much pride in her name. She could remember the first time she’d signed her name after she’d gotten married. It was like a dream come true for her. All the little notebooks where she’d practiced scribbling _DiLaurentis-Fields_ had become a reality for her. “Who – who is this?” She could have smacked herself for sounding so upset. _Stop stuttering or you’re going to scare the shit out of Lily_. She cleared her throat. “Who am I speaking with?” She forced her voice to come out stronger than she felt on the inside.

“This is Officer Bartlett with the Rosewood Police Department. There’s been a…” He trailed off and there was a weird static on the line as he tried to choose his words carefully, “…a development with your case. It’s imperative that you come to the station as soon as you possibly can.”

“Okay.” Ali looked at Lily. All she wanted to do was scream at the man on the other line, _“Why? What’s wrong? Is something wrong? Is my wife okay? What’s going on?”_ She felt the phone shaking and it took her a minute to realize the reason it was trembling against her ear was because her hands were quivering. “Can you tell me what this is about?” She felt her voice crack at the end of her sentence.

“No, ma’am. We’ll need to discuss everything here.”

“Okay,” she said again, this time having to fight harder not to scream into his ear, _“Just fucking tell me!”_ She glanced at her watch. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

She cut the line before she completely lost her shit. Her face was rigid and hard. She took a moment to plaster a fake smile on her face before she looked at Lily.

“What was that about?” Lily drank her juice.

“I’ve got to run an errand,” Ali said as casually as someone would speak when ordering food. “I need you to grab your things. I’m going to drop you off at your Grandma’s.”

Ali knew Pam would be up. She was an early riser. Ali also knew Pam wouldn’t have any problem taking Lily to school, not realizing that the school was the last place Lily needed to be. It was the last place either of them needed to be.

Lily didn’t like being rushed, but she’d landed in enough hot water yesterday. She didn’t need to add to her punishment. So she did what she was told. Ali quickly tried to call Emily. The call went to voicemail. Ali felt a hard knot forming in her stomach. She stepped outside and called Pam to let her know what was going on. She gave her a quick rundown.

“I’m freaking out right now, Pam.” Ali’s voice quivered as she quietly huffed into the receiver.

“Take a deep breath, Alison.” Pam tried to calm her down. “I’m sure everything is fine, dear.” She reassured her. “A development can be a number of different things.”

Pam had seen police call people in for numerous reasons when she’d worked at the station. She knew that it wasn’t necessarily something bad. Or at least, that’s what she was hoping. Because Alison was panicking, and panicking wasn’t going to help matters.

“You’re right,” Ali said out loud, trying to convince herself of Pam’s words. “I know you are. I just…I…I keep thinking about the night of the wreck.” Her throat felt frozen, nothing coming in and nothing going out. It’s like her air supply had been cut off. She huffed. “S-she didn’t answer that night either. Oh, God, what if something _did_ happen to her?”

“You can’t go down that road, honey.” Pam felt helpless, because she wasn’t there in person to comfort her. And she remembered the night of the wreck and how it felt. She had been just as much a mess as Alison. “You will drive yourself crazy with the ‘what-ifs’. The only thing you can do is wait until you talk to the police. I’m sure if something was wrong Toby would have called you.”

Unless Toby was occupied at the scene of a crime, which he was. The thought quickly crossed Ali’s mind. She pushed it away. Pam was right. She couldn’t speculate. It would only make things worse. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She heard the front door open and Lily popped her head out looking for her.

“Mom? I’m ready.”

“Be right there, sweetie.” Ali managed to suppress the swirling chaos going on inside her mind.

“Alison, you make sure you calm down before you get in that driver’s seat,” Pam said. “If you’re not okay to drive, don’t. I’ll come to you.”

“No, I’m okay.” Ali took a breath. She’d held it together through worse. Sometimes when she was driving to and from the hospital when Emily was there she had been so out of it that she didn’t even remember the drive. It’s like she’d blinked and gotten from Point A to Point B. It was a little terrifying. “I’ll be fine. I just needed to hear your voice.”

“Well, you know I’m available to talk any time, day or night.”

“I’m glad you’re my mother-in-law.” Ali smiled.

She’d really lucked out in that department. Aria’s mother-in-law was a high-end piece of trash. Spencer’s mother-in-law was dead. And Hanna’s mother-in-law was all the way across the country, which actually wasn’t a bad thing when it came to in-laws, though Caleb’s mom wasn’t too bad, other than the ‘abandoning her kid’ when he was little stuff.

“I’ve told you we can drop the ‘in-law’ part, sweetheart. As far as I’m concerned, you’re my daughter, too.”

Ali felt better after talking to Pam. Emily’s mother had the same calming aura as Emily, which is what she needed at the moment. Ali got to Pam’s house without any incidents. Pam was standing on the porch, looking for them. She’d been pacing and waiting for them to arrive safely. When Ali pulled into the driveway she walked out to the car. Ali turned to Lily.

“Be good for your grandmother. Don’t give her any of that smartass attitude you’ve been throwing at me and your mom lately.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Lily nodded. She reached for the door, but Ali called for her attention again.

“Hey, Lil?”

“Yeah?” Lily turned around to face Ali.

“I love you.”

“Love you, too, mom.” She grabbed her things and opened her door.

Ali rolled down her window just as Lily was telling her grandmother ‘hello’.

“Hey, Grandma.” Lily waved enthusiastically.

“Hey, Lily-loo, you had breakfast yet?” Pam asked.

Lily’s eyes lit up in delight. Her grandmother always had food for her, and she was such a good cook.

“Just some juice and a cereal bar,” Lily replied.

“I’ve got fresh scrambled eggs and sausage and pancakes if you’re still hungry.” She’d been in the middle of cooking breakfast when Ali called.

Lily didn’t even say goodbye to her mother. She raced towards the house. Pam chuckled.

“You spoil her.” Ali laughed.

“That’s what grandparents are supposed to do.” Pam shrugged, leaning down through the window’s opening. She pulled her hand up, revealing that she was holding a small bag in it. “There’s enough for both you and Emily.”

Ali took the bag and peered inside. She’d packed them a to-go bag. Ali smiled and then put it in the passenger’s seat.

“Thank you, Pam,” she said.

“Everything is going to be fine.” Pam delicately touched Ali’s cheek with her palm.

God, her touch was identical to Emily’s. It immediately calmed Ali. Ali nodded.

“I know. I was overreacting,” Ali said. “If this is about the case I bet they called Emily in, too. She’s probably there waiting for me.” _I’m not in denial._ Ali told herself in thought. _I believe she’s fine. She’s fine. I believe it. It’s true. Pam made us breakfast and we’re going to eat it together. I’m being neurotic. If Emily was here she would tell me to stop being neurotic._

“Call me if you need anything.” Pam smiled.

Her smile reminded her of Emily, too. Emily’s smile was a mixture of her mother and father. It had the timidity of Pam’s nature, but the soothing gentleness of Wayne’s personality. Emily had her mother’s driving force, but her dad’s easy-going personality. Sometimes, Ali grieved the fact that she’d not gotten to know Wayne better. Because he’d raised an incredible kid. Him and Pam both. And their blood ran through Lily. Ali knew that no matter what happened, Lily was going to end up okay. Because she’d gotten her best traits from Pam and Wayne – from Emily.

Ali thanked Pam and then quickly rushed to the police station to figure out what was going on. When she got to the front desk she was met by an overworked desk clerk who told her to have a seat. Ali watched as the woman juggled like twelve different phone calls and responded in quick hushed tones. Ali couldn’t hear what she was saying, but she thought she could make out the words ‘gun’ and ‘body’. It made her all that much more nervous that Emily wasn’t anywhere in sight. She tried Emily’s phone, but she got her voicemail again.

Ali wrung her fingers together nervously and stood up. She started pacing and looking around the station for Toby, but she didn’t see him anywhere.

At that very moment, Toby was sitting in his patrol car trying to get control of his own nerves. His hands were trembling against the steering wheel. It still hadn’t fully sunk in. When he and Lorenzo had gotten the call they’d both assumed it was going to be the typical teenage mischief call. It wasn’t until he’d been walking down the hall to Emily’s office that he realized it was something more. Both of them had been able to smell the blood as they approached.

Toby had leaped in front of his partner, his heart pounding. He’d abandoned all of his training. All he could think about was getting to Emily’s office. He’d heard Lorenzo shouting at him to slow down, but he didn’t listen.

He’d burst into the blood-soaked office, his gun drawn. He’d quickly lowered his weapon when he saw it. It hit him all at once. It was overwhelming.

 _“Oh, God, please no…”_ He’d checked for a pulse, realizing how cold the body was.

Lividity was already setting in. He’d bent over, huffing out a heavy breath. He felt like he was going to vomit. Everyone handled death differently. Some people shut down. Other people had a visceral reaction. Toby felt his throat clogging up and he’d raced towards the office door to find somewhere to throw up…anywhere but the crime scene.

He’d stumbled past Lorenzo on his way. Lorenzo saw his partner grab a trashcan outside the door and hurl his guts out. Lorenzo had glanced into the room and suddenly understood Toby’s reaction.

 _“Holy shit.”_ Lorenzo had lowered his weapon and put the back of his hand over his mouth. He’d taken a moment to take in the scene. Then he’d turned to Toby and quietly muttered, _“I’ll call it in.”_

Toby had nodded, his head still in the garbage bin. Fortunately, he’d been able to hold it together after his puke-fest. He’d worked with Lorenzo to gather evidence, despite his personal involvement in the situation.

Now, Toby sat in his cruiser, alone, a strange state of shock encompassing him. Lorenzo had already driven back to the station with a rookie who was too shaken up to drive. Toby watched as the coroner closed the back of his van. He felt a gag coming on. He still had the stench of blood and death in his nose. It was a smell that he had adjusted to, but had _never_ become accustomed to. Especially this close to home. He’d stayed at the scene until they’d come to remove the body. Then he had to go. He couldn’t handle seeing that.

He glanced at the school in his rearview mirror and then looked at the evidence bags that had been neatly packaged and given to him to take to the station. He was still trying to get over the scene that had been waiting for them when they'd arrived. He’d never seen so much blood. And in a school, nonetheless. His _childrens’_ school.

School wouldn’t be in session today. Parents had already received calls, texts, emails, and all other kinds of alerts letting them know that classes were canceled. Ali hadn’t gotten her text because she had been too preoccupied to look at her phone. Emily’s phone bleated inside her office, but it went unanswered.

While Toby was driving to the station, Ali was pacing the waiting room nervously. She just wanted to talk to someone, _anyone_ , who could calm her nerves. There was so much happening. The station was buzzing with activity. She looked around, hoping to find Toby. Instead, her eyes landed on Lorenzo walking down the hall. He’d just hung up his phone. She walked over to him.

“Lorenzo, what’s going on?” Ali asked, her hands trembling.

“Ali, oh, good, I’ve been looking for you. I need you to come with me.” Lorenzo waved. His face looked tight, grave.

They started walking through the chaos. Ali got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She looked around the station. Suddenly, all of the activity was freaking her out. All the calming techniques in the world couldn’t relax her.

“Where’s Toby?” Ali frowned, stopping in her tracks.

“He’s coming. He’ll be here any minute.” Lorenzo tried to get her moving again, but she kept her feet firmly planted against the ground.

“Where is Emily? Is she here?” Ali asked.

Instead of answering her plea, he pulled her into an open office. Another cop followed them.

“You got this, Calderon?” he asked.

Lorenzo nodded, waving him off. The other cop walked off, leaving the two of them to talk.

“Lorenzo, tell me what the hell is happening.” Ali started to raise her voice.

“Ali, I need you to confirm what time Emily left your house this morning,” Lorenzo said.

“Why? Did something happen?” Ali questioned. “Is – is she okay?”

“Just tell me what time she left.” He pushed.

“Uh…” Ali thought back, nervously running her fingers through her hair. Her heart was racing. It was the night of the wreck all over again. Her stomach felt tight. She had the same nagging feeling in her brain. “Around 5:30. She said she wanted to get an early start, so she went to the school to get some paperwork in before classes started.”

“Are you sure about that?” Lorenzo jotted something down on a notepad.

He was treating her like some kind of hostile witness and not answering her questions about what was going on or if Emily was okay and it was pissing her off.

“Yes!” She exclaimed angrily. “Now tell me what the fuck is going on!”

Before Lorenzo could say anything, another cop walked by on his phone. He was chattering about a crime scene.

“…used a silencer. No way the boy got that shot off without one. It’s just lucky no kids were there.”

“Oh my God.” Ali suddenly felt nauseated. Her throat felt like it was closing up, which just triggered her gag reflex. Her eyes started to water. She felt around behind her for something to grab on to. Her fingers found the edge of a chair.

“Ali?” Lorenzo reached out to keep her from falling.

“Oh, God, this isn’t happening.” She choked out. “Not again…no, this…where…” She looked at him helplessly. “Where is my wife? What happened to Emily?”

“Alison, relax. You need to…”

“No!” She cut him off angrily. She shoved him backwards so forcefully that he hit the wall. “No!” She yelped again, this time less angry and more terrified.

She felt confined. She needed to get out. She ran past the doorway. She nearly collided with another uniformed officer when she crossed the threshold. A pair of thick warm hands engulfed her arms.

“Let go of me!” She screamed at the officer, not realizing who was holding her. “I said get your fucking hands off of me!” She blinked and then quickly recognized the face in front of her. “Toby?”

“Ali, calm down,” Toby said.

“No one will tell me what’s going on!” She cried, her eyes flooded with tears.

He glanced back at Lorenzo.

“You didn’t tell her?”

Hearing Toby address Lorenzo and not her dug the knife further into her chest. More people were talking _over_ her instead of talking _to_ her. It didn’t bode well.

“Chief wanted me to confirm the time Emily left this morning. That’s as far as we got before she started flipping out,” Lorenzo said.

Ali whipped around to face Lorenzo angrily, though she couldn’t really say that she was angry at him. Just at the situation.

“Because you’re going to tell me my wife is…”

“Fine.” Toby interrupted her. “Alison, Emily is fine.” He glared at Lorenzo. He resisted the urge to pop Lorenzo on the back of the head. Lorenzo knew what Ali and Emily had been through. He had to know Ali was a split second away from a total meltdown. “Why the fuck didn’t you open with that?”

“I was just following protocol.” Lorenzo threw his hands up in a manner that clearly said ‘I can’t win, no matter what I do’. “We had to confirm the time Emily left her house to confirm her story to make sure her statement was accurate. We had to match the time to see if there was on overlap with the estimated time of…”

“Oh, whatever. We both know Emily wouldn’t hurt a fly. The woman goes out of her way to get baby animals safely across the road and talks to butterflies and tells them how pretty they are.” Toby rolled his eyes.

“I’m not saying _Emily_ would…” Lorenzo glanced at Ali. “Emily wasn’t the one the Chief was concerned about. After that outburst a few days ago…”

“That’s ridiculous.” Toby snorted.

“ _You_ want to tell him that? Be my guest. I’m just saying, don’t get mad at me. I’m just the messenger,” Lorenzo said.

Ali blinked, watching them go back and forth for a few seconds. Then the words “Emily is fine” sank in. The fright left her body. She felt a wave of relief.

“So, Emily’s okay?” Ali asked, needing to hear it again, needing the confirmation.

“Yes.” Toby nodded, reassuring her. “She’s okay, Ali.”

“But…if she’s okay, then where is she?”

“She had to be looked at by a medic because she fainted at the scene,” Toby explained.

“The scene of what?” Ali frowned in confusion.

“Just come with me. I’ll explain everything.” Toby grabbed a small laptop and waved for her to follow him.

Ali didn’t like being in the dark, but at the very least she trusted Toby more than she trusted anyone else in the station, so she quickly followed his lead. Two minutes later he was opening up the door to an interview room. Ali saw a familiar tall brunette standing in the room, facing away from the door.

“Emily,” she said under her breath.

Emily heard her voice and spun around. Before she’d turned all the way around Ali was in her arms, wrapping her own arms around her wife. Ali felt a tear of relief slip down her cheek. She held Emily tight. They were both shaking, but for very different reasons.

“Oh my God, I thought…”

“I know.” Emily interrupted her, pulling back and gently brushing her fingers through Ali’s hair. “I know. But it’s…I’m okay. I’m okay, Alison.”

It wasn’t entirely the truth. She was still shaken up by what had happened. She was still sick to her stomach. It was one thing that she was haunted by her daughter’s face from the night of the wreck. But it was another thing entirely that she’d walked in on such a violent gruesome scene in her office this morning. But right now that didn’t matter to her as much as her wife’s fear. She could see the panic written all over Ali’s face.

“What about you? Are you alright?” Emily rubbed Ali’s cheek with her thumb.

Emily could see how jittery Ali was, and she hated it. She hadn’t had a chance to call her. Her phone was still at the crime scene, and she was still in shock.

Ali nodded and pulled Emily in for another hug, taking the time to appreciate that she got to feel her, hold her, and smell her. Emily was okay. Ali had to tell herself more than once. She could feel her. Emily was right in front of her. Emily ran her palm against the back of Ali’s head, pulling her closer. She felt Ali exhale a hot shaky breath against her collar bone.

Toby shut the door and looked at the girls.

“Toby, what’s going on?” Ali faced him.

“The kid made a taped confession,” Toby said. But his tone was still uneven.

“That’s great!” Ali exclaimed. She noticed that neither Toby nor Emily seemed happy. She looked between them, confused. “What? What is it?” What was she missing?

“It’s great and it’s _not_ great,” he said, putting the laptop down. He opened the screen.

“I don’t understand.” Ali frowned in confusion.

“After he made the confession he killed himself.” Toby glanced at Emily, a look of sympathy on his face. He wasn’t the only one who had seen the dead body, who had smelled the blood, who had slipped in gray brain matter in a high school office. He wasn’t the only one who had seen the cold dead eyes of a child covered in his own blood.

Ali’s eyes widened. Her jaw dropped. She immediately looked at Emily. Now that Ali’s nerves had worn off she was becoming more aware of her surroundings, and Emily didn’t look right. Ali took note of her appearance and she suddenly realized that Emily’s complexion was a ghostly shade of white.

“Em?” She squeezed Emily’s arm.

“I found him…in my office this morning.” Emily was trembling underneath Ali’s touch.

Oh, God. Poor Emily. She was already suffering so much. She was already blaming herself for one death that wasn’t her fault. Now she had to deal with this, too? Ali gently stroked Emily’s arm to try and soothe her.

“What?” Ali uttered in surprise. “But…how?”

“I…I don’t…” Emily shrugged. “I just…found him. It was…I don’t know.” She stuttered. She reached up and unconsciously rubbed a lump on the back of her head. She swallowed hard, trying like hell to erase the scene from her memory. “There was…just so much blood.” The crimson stains painting her office had been everywhere. “And the smell…” She shook her head and scrunched her nose up. “I passed out.”

She’d passed out just like she’d passed out the night of the wreck. She’d been next to a dead child, helpless _again_. Her brain had failed her yet again. Of course, this time the kid in front of her had been beyond help. He’d been dead for hours.

“A janitor heard her scream. When he got there he found her barely conscious,” Toby said. “He called 911.”

He felt his stomach lurch, because the scent of the scene was still fresh in his nostrils. There was only so much the police academy could prepare people for. The excretions that bodies exhumed post-mortem wasn’t something that anyone could really be prepared for. Sometimes seasoned veterans _still_ had issues.

“We’re not ruling out the possibility of foul play, but it looks most likely to be suicide. There were no signs of a struggle. No ligature marks anywhere on his body. No defensive wounds. And he had gunpowder residue on his hand and clothing. We’ve got his confession and a handwritten note, albeit, it’s a little messy because he was high. We’ll have to wait for the toxicology reports to confirm what was in his system, but he probably took a cocktail to dull the edge before pulling the trigger.”

“I don’t understand. You all said he wasn’t in town, that he was going towards Canada.” Ali frowned at Toby.

“He talked about that in the video, too. Said something about giving his possessions away. He probably gave the card and his PIN to someone. The footage of the ATM where the money was withdrawn in Philly ended up being inconclusive. It could have been anyone.”

 _Anyone, hell._ Emily thought to herself. _It was the fucking Vipers. They did this._

But she couldn’t say anything to Toby because he had no clue what was _really_ going on in their town. No one did. No one except for her. And if she said anything, the Pit Vipers would do to Ali and Lily what they’d done to Ryan. Only they’d probably make her watch them do it. It was someone who clearly liked to see her suffer. Or maybe whoever it was was getting pissed that the hit couldn’t be carried out properly so they were taking it out on other people in her life.

“Of course, we’re also looking at the possibility that he was going to run and he gave the card to one of his friends to throw us off. It could have been stolen, too. Nothing has been completely ruled out in that respect, but that’s all kind of a moot point now. We have no idea what he was thinking. He was running and afraid and his guilt was eating away at him.”

Emily flinched. The boy had nothing to feel guilty about, at least not when it came to her family. If he had a guilty conscience, it was from what had happened in New York. And even then, it wasn’t his fault. He’d been a baby at the time. And no matter what he lied about back then, he hadn’t deserved to die like that. No one did. The poor kid had become a victim of their screwed up society.

“What the hell is happening in this town?” Ali asked, exasperated.

“I don’t know,” Emily said with a sigh.

“I was going to go over some of the evidence from the crime scene with you, but…Emily, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s nothing like what…nothing…nothing like what you saw there. It’s just stuff to do with the case for the wreck.”

“I’ll be okay.” Emily nodded.

Toby pulled up a picture on the laptop. It was an image of an evidence bag. Inside the bag there was a single sheet of paper. It had dark splotches on it and Ali gagged when she realized it was blood. And she cringed when she realized that Emily had seen millions of droplets just like it scattered around her office. They glanced at the note. It said _“I can’t live with the guilt anymore. I’m sorry.”_

“We think he’s referring to the car wreck,” Toby said.

But Emily knew better. She was so pissed. Because that boy didn’t kill himself and she knew it.

 _“I need to make sure I’m not gonna take the heat for this,”_ Ryan had said to her at his house.

But he had. He’d paid the price. As sneaky as Benito Del Toro was, he would have easily been able to stage this. He probably found out that the boy was ratting him out, and the second Ryan tried to run he’d snatched him and told him this was his only way out where his family didn’t get hurt. If they drugged him he might have succumbed to his demons a lot easier.

Those. Fucking. Bastards.

Did they think _that_ was going to scare her? It didn’t scare her. It just fueled her rage. She was so lost in stewing in her own thoughts that she didn’t realize that Toby had clicked on another file on the computer. It was a video. She heard Ryan’s voice.

“So, this is it. I, Ryan not-Reynolds, who would have a much better life if I was Ryan Reynolds, because he’s great and my life is a fucking mess…Me, being of _not_ -sound mind or body…” He snorted out a dark drunken laugh, “…do solemnly swear to finish this once and for all.” He swayed in Emily’s office chair.

Both Toby and Ali quickly glanced at Emily, having the same thought, wondering if this was too much for her. Emily didn’t say a word. She kept her eyes on the screen. Ryan slurred a little bit of his speech, but they made out the words _“it was raining”_ and _“it was so loud”_. Then he blabbered on about knowing better and then he went on a tangent about how stupid modern society had gotten. Toby started to skip through it.

“It goes on for a while,” he said. He stopped when he got to a portion of the video that had been marked. “This bit is what flagged our attention.” He hit play.

“Things went south.” Ryan’s head lolled around his shoulders as he fought his high. “I shouldn’t have run. I shouldn’t have lied. But I was scared. But I’m done running. I’m done being scared.” He peered directly into the camera. “You hear me?”

Something strange flashed across his face. Emily didn’t miss it. Someone had to be in the room with him. Was it Del Toro? She glanced at Toby to see if he caught the hesitation. He was too busy focusing on the video to think about what was going on behind the scenes.

Ryan sighed and then furrowed his brow as he looked into the camera lens,

“They seemed like a nice family. I never meant to hurt them. I just wanted to tell them I’m sorry for…for everything. For what happened to their kid. It wasn’t on purpose. It was just an accident. But ‘fuck it’ right? Like, who cares about what I think?” He rolled his eyes, though it looked like more of a reaction to the drugs in his system than irritation.

It was a sad statement to hear because Emily knew he believed what he was saying. It was hard for Emily to watch, because she knew his guilt was real. She’d felt it every day since losing Grace. It ate away at her. And she knew he was talking about what happened to the toddler in New York. The running, the lying, the cover-up. He felt guilt, but not for what happened to Grace. He felt guilty for the other kid he’d watched die. It was a horrible thing for anyone, much less a child, to have to carry.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter. This is my only way out…the only way to stop the constant noise. Whatever. I don’t really give a shit…” Toby stopped the video.

“God, did he kill himself on film?” Ali cringed.

“No. He stopped the camera before that. It’s really the only reason we have to look at anything other than a suicide. But with the evidence we already have on him, plus this video and his note…I’m confident that the hit and run won’t go to trial. At least you guys will be spared that.”

“So, you’re saying it’s over?” Ali had a startled look on her face. It was a day she wasn’t certain would ever come.

Emily looked equally as shocked, but for a different reason. She knew it was far from over. Her face was frozen, a quiet anger boiling to the surface.

“You’re saying he’s the one who killed our daughter,” Emily said, nearly biting through her tongue, because even though Ryan didn’t do it, he would be blamed for it.

“…and almost killed you.” Ali frowned in a huff. Emily kept forgetting that part, and for some reason that worried Ali. Was it because Emily was forgetting the worth of her life? Was it because she didn’t care?

“I can’t _legally_ say yes, but…” Toby nodded.

Ali felt a strange wave of relief. She felt horrible that the boy had killed himself, but she also felt a sense of liberation. She had always known that getting justice for her daughter wasn’t going to bring her back. But that hadn’t stopped her from wanting answers. Now that the boy had confessed, she felt like a chapter had been closed. She knew a part of her would always feel empty, but at the very least Grace’s memory was vindicated.

Emily, on the other hand, felt like her brain was going to explode. She didn’t know how to react. Yesterday she had been talking to Maurice about protecting the kid. The last thing she wanted was for him to get hurt. Now, another set of parents was going to have to live through what she and Ali were living through.

She sincerely thought the kid had a shot at shedding his old skin and becoming something better. She had seen hope in his eyes when she talked to him and told him he had a choice. It’s like he’d never been given that choice before. Then it had been ripped away from him. He obviously still felt guilty about the little boy in New York. And the Vipers knew that, so they’d teased him, poked him, and goaded him about it until he’d snapped. The kid may have had the gun in his hand, but he didn’t kill himself. He’d been forced to do it. The Vipers had pulled the trigger.

“Ali, I have a couple of questions for you,” Toby said. “I hate to even have to ask, but it’s protocol.”

“They think _I_ killed him?” Ali snorted. She knew what the cops thought. She hadn’t missed what Lorenzo and Toby were saying during their argument about her outburst or about how important it was to know the time Emily left that morning.

“We know you didn’t. We just have to have your statement about your whereabouts on record. Emily said the two of you were at home all night last night.”

“You had a fucking police cruiser on us most of the night, Toby. Your boss knows this. He’s just being an asshole because I made a scene here the other day.”

“Please don’t make another one.” Emily rolled her eyes.

“I’ll just put down ‘yes’.” Toby nodded. “And you didn’t see or have any kind of contact with this boy?” Toby tapped his finger against Ryan’s picture.

Emily was sure Ali was going to have an angry retort like _“I would have had you not kept me from wringing his little neck a few days ago”_. She only acted out because she was tired and she was scared and she was still processing that this had happened. To help calm her, Emily gently put her palm against Ali’s forearm. It was very much a touch that said _“just take a deep breath”_. And that’s what Ali did. And it surprisingly worked. Ali simply just said,

“No.”

“Okay. And you said that Emily left at 5:30 this morning, so we’ve got that on record already.” He jotted something down. “Em, since you were already questioned you guys are set to go.” He had a timid smile on his face. “It’s over, guys. Case is going to be closed very soon. I’ve just got to run back to the school for a couple more things and then…”

 _School_ suddenly registered in Ali’s mind.

“Oh, my God. Lily.” Ali practically jumped up from the chair she was sitting in.

“What about her?” Emily quickly pushed herself to her feet next to her in alarm.

“Your mom is taking her to school this morning. I have to call her…”

“Blockades are already up,” Toby said. “No one will be getting in.”

But Ali was already dialing Pam’s number. Pam picked up on the first ring.

“Hey, we were just getting ready to head out, but I heard something on the news about Rosewood High being closed today?” Pam kept her voice quiet. Now _she_ was starting to worry, because she knew Emily had gone there this morning. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s not Emily. She’s okay…” She glanced at her wife, flinching when she realized that Emily still looked pale and nauseated, and _Jesus_ , what had her poor wife seen this morning? “I’m with her and Toby at the station. They…they’re going to be closing the case of the wreck. They have enough evidence to say the boy they arrested did it.”

“That’s great.” Pam smiled. “But I’m confused. What does that have to do with the school closing?”

“It’s…complicated. It’s kind of a long story.” She glanced at Toby to see how much she could share.

“His parents are being notified right now,” Toby said.

Emily suddenly felt sick to her stomach thinking about Ryan’s parents being told that their son was dead. She’d seen their dead son. It was horrible for her, but it was going to be devastating for his parents. She cleared her throat and then said that she needed some water and then ducked out of the room to find a water fountain.

Toby told Ali that the news about Ryan would be public knowledge in about half an hour and said that she could tell Pam what was going on as long as Pam would keep it quiet until the official news broke. Ali nodded.

“Is Lily around?” Ali asked Pam.

“No. She’s finishing up some homework in the kitchen. Hanna and Caleb are going to bring their Tasmanian devils over for some breakfast because they were taking them to school when they got the alert. They were only a couple of blocks away. I told them I wouldn’t mind playing den mother for the day since Ashley isn’t in town. I don’t mind being a substitute grandmother. And before you say anything, I know Lily is supposed to be grounded. She told me…”

That softened Ali up. Her sweet honest little girl. Maybe a week was too long of a punishment for her. She was such a sucker for her baby girl.

“…but Caleb and Hanna were in kind of a lurch. Neither of them could miss work today. And they didn’t want to leave the kids home alone all day.”

“No, certainly not. The last time they did that Levi went after Iris with a blow torch and she smacked him so hard with a toilet brush that he needed two stitches in his head.”

“Great, what chaos have I invited into my house?” Pam muttered.

“Believe me, it’s better than the chaos going on at school right now.” Ali sighed. She leaned against the interview table and then nervously tapped her foot against the floor.

“It sounds like it’s really bad.” Pam swallowed. “But Emily is okay?”

Physically, she seemed fine. Emotionally, Ali was afraid this would set her back quite a bit.

“Yeah, she’s okay. It didn’t have anything to do with her. She just happened to be there…to find…” Ali wasn’t really sure how to word it. “There was…a body in her office.”

She heard Pam suck in a surprised breath on the other end of the phone.

“Oh my word. What happened?”

“It was the kid they arrested for running Emily off the road the night of the wreck. He killed himself.” Ali explained.

“And Emily found him?” Pam heard the words, but they weren’t sinking in. “How was he…how did he…”

“He shot himself early this morning sometime. The cops think he used a silencer, so no one heard anything.”

There was a long period of shocked silence. It was one of those moments of eerie silence that always made it seem like the call had been dropped. Pam licked her lips and sighed. She knew what this was going to do to her daughter.

“How is she?” Pam asked.

“I’m not sure. You never can tell with her. I think she might still be in shock. But she seems okay. A little out of it, but I mean…I would be, too.”

“She’s going to take this really hard, Alison.” Pam grimaced.

“I know.” Ali felt a lump forming in her throat.

She was frustrated, because she was just starting to make some headway with Emily. She was just starting to get her wife to let her walls down, to let her in. But every corner they turned seemed to have a detour or a roadblock, something that threw them for a loop. It’s like there was some unseen force working against them. Like _A_ was back in the picture or something. It was very irritating.

“I won’t let her keep me out. I am going to be there for her every step of the way,” Ali assured Pam.

“I know you will, dear.”

Ali smiled. Pam had made leaps and bounds from the person she’d once been. Of course, they all had. But sometimes Ali forgot that Pam had been willing to shun her daughter because of who she loved when Emily was in high school. Now the woman would do anything for Emily. Pam Fields loved her daughter more than anything. She’d cheered the hardest at their wedding. She loved her granddaughters. She was just full of love.

While Ali was finishing up her conversation with Pam, Emily was down the hall trying to get her nerves under control. She still felt sick to her stomach, but there was nothing left for her to throw up. She’d puked her guts out at the school. Toby made her feel slightly better when he told her he’d hurled, too.

Emily passed the Rosewood High janitor in the hallway of the police station, looking every bit as aimless and as lost as Emily felt. The poor little old man was shaking. He hadn’t stopped quivering since he found the scene of the crime. He’d been a staple at the school since Emily was a student there, but she’d overheard him telling Lorenzo at the scene several times that this was it, that he was done. He was ready to retire and move out of state…possibly even out of the country.

She waved to him and he politely waved back and kept shuffling down the hallway, seeking solace that she knew he would never be able to find. Because things like what they saw didn’t just disappear from their thoughts. It wasn’t something a human brain could find a logical answer for.

She finally found a water jug. She filled up one of the paper cups provided and sat down on a bench next to the jug. Her hands were shaking so much that water was splashing out of the cup. She closed her eyes, trying to take in a deep breath to calm herself down, but the instant her world was shrouded in darkness she saw Ryan’s face, or what was left of it.

There had been blood everywhere. It had painted the walls like a spinning wheel of art. It was all over the boy and a lot of it had congealed into a dark thick pile on the floor next to her desk. The gun had still been in his hand. His body had frozen in such a rigid position that his fingers looked like claws around the weapon.

She didn’t remember screaming. She just remembered looking at his face, seeing his skull, and then feeling her body moving without her permission. She remembered her vision tunneling and she remembered hearing a crack and feeling a painful sensation against the back of her head.

She wasn’t really sure how long she’d been unconscious, but it couldn’t have been long. She could hear movement from down the hallway and seconds later she heard a familiar voice.

 _“Holy fucking shit. Dios mío.”_ Carlo had stumbled back a few feet when he got there. He’d heard her scream and had come running. He’d glanced down at Emily and saw a small pool of blood around her head from where she’d smacked her head on the doorknob on the way down. _“Hey, are you okay?”_

She had only responded with a moan at first.

 _“Hey…hey, come on, Wake up!”_ It took all of his willpower not to grab her and shake her. But even with gloves on, he didn’t want to risk leaving any trace of himself there. _“Open your fucking eyes. Don’t go into any lights, you hear me?”_

 _“Uhnnn…”_ Emily had groaned, moving her head.

_“That’s it. Come on. You’re not dyin’ on my watch. Maurice would fuckin flay me.”_

_“Carlo…what….what’s…”_ She’d opened her eyes. It took a minute for her vision to adjust. She’d looked at Ryan’s body again.

_“Don’t scream again. In fact, don’t move. You hit your head pretty damn hard. Just stay awake until the janitor gets here. I saw him across the courtyard. No way he missed you screaming like that…”_

They’d heard shuffling coming down the hallway with the unmistakable echoing noise of keys smacking against jeans. The janitor was definitely on his way.

 _“I need to call my wife. I need to…someone needs to make sure she…she needs to know I…she’ll…she’ll be worried…and she can’t come here and see this…no one should have to see…”_ Emily felt her eyelids getting heavy.

She’d muttered something Carlo couldn’t understand and then started to close her eyes.

 _“Nope. Eyes open, mamí.”_ Carlo had lightly smacked her cheek with his gloved hand. _“No concussions allowed.”_ He’d peered out the door, knowing he needed to bolt before the janitor rounded the corner and found him there. _“He’s almost here.”_

 _“You need to be gone when he gets here.”_ Emily had muttered.

 _“Yeah, no woman ever wants to be seen with me.”_ Carlo had scoffed.

 _“Go.”_ She hadn’t been in the mood for banter. Her head felt like a giant balloon and the air pressure was incredibly painful.

Carlo had quickly slipped away and found a place to hide so he could wait to make sure Emily was going to be okay. He knew that once 911 was called it would only be a matter of time before the place was swarming with the law. He’d watched the janitor pause when he got to the doorway and then turn his head away in disgust. The man cleaned up messes for a living, but he’d never seen a mess like this. The janitor had leaned down next to Emily.

 _“Coach DiLaurentis-Fields?”_ he’d asked. He saw the blood near her head and panicked. _“Oh, God, were you shot, too? I’m calling 911._ ” He’d grabbed his cell phone. _“Are you okay? Can you hear me?”_

 _“I…I’m…”_ Emily had squirmed and tried and sit up, but the instant she did she felt a wave of nausea. _“I think I’m going to puke.”_

She’d stumbled to her feet and then wobbled a few feet towards the closest bathroom and had fallen face first into the first open stall, hurling her guts out, hugging the bowl and trying not to let the bleach-smelling water make her nausea worse. She’d spent several minutes trying to get the smell of blood out of her nose. She’d wobbled over to the sink, still woozy from what she’d seen. She’d turned the water on and gripped the edges of the porcelain for support. Once she got her balance she’d slowly pulled her hands away and pushed them under the running water. She’d looked down and saw blood on her elbow, but she wasn’t sure if it was hers or the boy’s. She started breathing heavily and scrubbed her hands harder.

 _“You okay in there?”_ The janitor had opened the door slightly, but not all the way.

She’d closed her eyes and tried to breathe.

Seconds later, she heard the same phrase, but in a more familiar voice.

“Hey, you okay in there?” Ali traced the outline of Emily’s temple with her fingers.

Ali was sitting beside Emily on the bench at the police station. Emily hadn’t heard or seen her coming. She’d been in a world all to herself. She hadn’t even felt the bench move when Ali sat down.

“You look kind of peaked. Are you okay?” Ali asked again.

“A kid blew his brains out in my office this morning, Ali.” Emily’s jaw tensed up. “No. I’m not okay.” She sighed and then rubbed her forehead with her shaky fingers. She glanced at Ali apologetically, realizing how harsh she sounded. “I’m sorry. That was…I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just…”

“It’s fine.” Ali rubbed her arm. “God knows you’ve been on the receiving end of many of my bad days. You’re talking to the woman who threw a screwdriver at you when we were putting together the girls’ room when I was eight months pregnant.” She blushed in embarrassment. She’d had the worst mood swings when she was pregnant. “God, I could have put your eye out.”

“I ducked.” Emily smiled. “I always ducked.”

“The fact that you even knew you needed to duck…ugh, I was just the _worst_.” Ali shook her head.

“You were carrying our children. Honey, you could have thrown flaming axes at my head and I wouldn’t have flinched a bit.”

“You were nuts for staying with me.” Ali smiled, looking at Emily out of the corner of her eyes.

“And you’re nuts for staying with me,” Emily replied simply.

“Yeah.” Ali laughed gently. “Probably.”

Ali’s phone buzzed from inside her pocket. She pulled it out and saw that it was a text from Pam. Emily saw her mom’s name and glanced at Ali.

“How worried is she?” Emily asked.

“No more worried than I am.” Ali sighed.

“Don’t.” Emily shook her head. She glanced at the wall in front of them, keeping a stoic expression on her face. “This is not going to break me, Ali.”

“It sure as hell would break me.” Ali didn’t believe her.

“It’s a lot to take in.” Emily didn’t sugarcoat it. “But we’ve gotten through worse.” She took Ali’s hand gently in hers and squeezed it.

There was a moment of silence between them and then Ali sighed again.

“Let’s go home.” Ali squeezed Emily’s hand back.

“I can’t. Not yet. They have to debrief me. I’ve got to talk to one of their counselors or something.”

“We have Ruby for that.” Ali frowned.

Emily tried not to look guilty. She’d missed her last two sessions. She had another one coming up, but couldn’t remember when it was. It was in her phone calendar, which was in her office somewhere.

“It’s standard procedure. They have to do it for legality reasons,” Emily explained.

“Oh. Okay. Well, your mom made us some breakfast. It’s out in the car. I can grab it and we can eat while we wait if you’re up for it…”

Emily gagged at the thought of food.

“Definitely not. It’s a sweet thought, but I’m not hungry.”

“Then I’ll just hang out with you until you’re done.” Ali shrugged.

“I don’t know how long it’s going to take. I don’t even know if the person who is supposed to interview me is even here yet. And when they do come to get me you will just be sitting in the waiting room the whole time. There’s no reason for you to sit here and wait on me. I’ll be okay,” she said. “Do me a favor, check in on my mom. She’s probably going to need some company to keep her mind occupied.”

“She’s got plenty to keep her busy. She’s got Lily and Levi and Iris to content to.”

“Oh, God, that’s all the more reason you should go check on her. She’s going to need a hand there.” Emily laughed. “Plus, she’s going to need reassurance that I’m okay. She acts tough and mighty, but she’s got a really soft underbelly hidden beneath that smokescreen.”

“So that’s where you get it from.” Ali teased her.

“Please just make sure she’s okay for me?” Emily asked. “I’ll call you as soon as things are winding down.”

Ali played with Emily’s fingers for a few seconds. For some reason, lately, being able to touch Emily and feel her meant so much to Ali. She appreciated her existence. She wanted to breathe in every moment she had with her. It was a sentiment that Emily echoed when it came to Ali.

“You know Lily told your mom that she was grounded when she found out that Iris and Levi were coming over?” Ali smiled.

Emily could see exactly what Ali was thinking.

“We are not reducing her punishment,” Emily said with a roll of her eyes. “God, you are so soft with her. She’s got you wrapped around her little finger, Ali.”

“She gets it from her mother.” Ali shrugged.

“You are such a sucker.” Emily shook her head.

It’s why the disciplinarian role had always fallen to Emily, because Ali looked into their daughters’ big innocent eyes and would immediately cave, because she’d always caved with Emily. And they had Emily’s eyes. They could have gotten away with murder if it was up to Ali.

“I love my girls.” Ali didn’t deny it.

They spent a few more minutes teasing one another and then Emily persuaded Ali, like she always did…she almost had a hypnotic hold over her wife, to go and check on the rest of their family. And Ali couldn’t deny Emily that request. She knew that Toby would keep an eye on Emily.

When Ali pulled up to Pam’s house she saw Lily on the porch smiling and talking to her friends. Lily held her hands out like she had something in her fists, but then opened her palms to reveal that there was nothing there. It was like watching a magic trick from afar. Levi’s mouth dropped open, though Ali could tell he was faking surprise to humor her. Iris nodded in approval, also to humor her. Ali laughed softly to herself. Hanna’s kids were spirited, but at the very least they were supportive. All of their friends’ kids were. They were the best of their parents. They really were. Ali couldn’t ask for a better support system for Lily.

She knew that the support system she and Emily had was just as strong. That’s how she knew that Toby would look after Emily when she wasn’t at the station with her. And he did. He stuck by her side when Emily talked to the internal specialist about what she’d seen at the school. He’d stayed with her when she met with the county mental health specialist. He made sure she was okay and he refused to leave her side until he was forcibly removed, which he was when she had to talk to the department’s therapist.

He lost track of her for a little while, but then heard from one of his coworkers that she was getting ready to leave. He knew she wasn’t going anywhere. Emily only realized she wasn’t going anywhere when she got halfway out the building and it dawned on her that not only were her belongings, including her keys, on the floor of her office at school, but she hadn’t driven to the station. The car was still at school. She was just going on auto-pilot.

“Em, hold up.” Toby jogged up behind her. “What, are you gonna walk home?” When she turned around she saw that he had her purse in his hands. “Had one of the guys get your things for you.”

He handed Emily her purse, phone inside and all. Like Ali, he’d taken the liberty to snoop through it and found nothing. If only he had still had it thirty minutes later…

“Thanks.” Emily replied.

“Car is here, too,” he said. “Though I’m not so sure you need to be driving right now. You still look a little pale.”

“I’m still trying to process.” Emily admitted.

Was one dead kid, her _own_ dead child not enough for these bastards? They had to throw a kid she hardly knew into the mix, too?

“You want me to take you home?” Toby asked.

Emily shook her head. Home was the last place she needed to be. The monsters that had turned Ryan against himself were still out there and she didn’t want to waste any more time waiting for them to strike again. Because next time, it could be her daughter, her wife. Next time could be what broke her completely.

“You sure? You did have a head injury…”

“The EMTs cleared me. You were there. They said it was just a bump.” Emily shrugged. “Football players have played with worse.”

“Yeah, but football players end up knocking their brains so hard they forget first grade math,” Toby replied.

“Who needs to know grade school math anyway?” Emily said weakly. “We all have calculators at our fingertips now anyway.”

“Still…” Toby frowned in uncertainty. He knew what seeing a crime scene like that did to someone’s psyche. She’d been cleared by the EMTs and the department, but she had not been cleared with him yet. “Have you had anything to eat?”

“Everything I have ever eaten is currently sitting in a toilet bowl at the school.” She shook her head.

“Come on. At least eat a bagel. Might settle your stomach. Calm your nerves.”

“Might just make me puke again.” Emily frowned.

“We have toilet bowls for you to hug here, too.” Toby shrugged.

They walked to the break room, which was surprisingly empty considering there was food there. That was a surefire way to know that the station was _really_ busy. Food, and no one was around? It was like the apocalypse. Toby poured a small amount of orange juice into a paper cup and then put a bagel into a toaster. When it popped out warm and brown he put it on a paper plate and pointed to a table where they could sit down.

“What about you? You’re not going to eat anything?” Emily asked as she sat down. “I shlep down here and let you go all Jewish Mother on me, but I don’t get bupkes with you?”

“Mother hen all you want. I ate some toast and peanut butter crackers while you were talking to the shrink.” He sat across from her and slid the bagel and orange juice over to her.

Emily stared at it for a minute. She picked the bagel up. Then she glanced up at him. He looked tired, but compared to her he was the vision of perfect health.

“Will I ever stop seeing his face?” she asked quietly.

“It fades eventually,” Toby said, swallowing a knot in his throat. “You’ll think about it a lot for a while. Sometimes you might have dreams about it.”

Great, more nightmares. More for Ali to have to contend with.

“But eventually, your brain builds its way back to normal and life goes on,” Toby said.

“How do you deal with this on a daily basis?” Emily looked at him with sympathy. He had such a hard job. “It’s exhausting.”

“We all have our ways of dealing. It’s hard sometimes,” he said. “Some days are harder than others.” Today had definitely ranked up there as one of the most challenging days in his career, but nothing would ever make him feel quite as devastated as coming upon the scene of Emily’s car wreck and hearing about Grace and not knowing if his best friend was going to survive. “Today is just one of those days. They’re not all like that. You know, sometimes I get to put bad guys away or help someone with a flat tire or talk to kids at schools about what I do or assist an elderly person across the street.” He smiled. “Other days…” His smile slowly faded, “…other days I just have to remind myself why I took the job…the people I swore to help. And I have to hope that at the end of the day, I made a difference.”

“You do,” Emily said, taking a bite of the bagel.

“Still, it does feel like you just _lose_ some days.”

She could see him trailing off in thought. That’s how a lot of people reacted to death, especially when someone took their own life. There were all those “what-ifs” that plagued the people who knew them. ‘Were there signs that were missed?’ ‘Was there something more that could have been done?’ ‘Could it have been stopped?’ ‘Why didn’t anyone see it coming?’

Emily knew Toby was involved in the case with the boy, so it had hit him harder than he cared to admit. It’s not like he _could_ admit it, much less to Emily, seeing as before Ryan’s death the kid had been implicated in killing Grace.

“I don’t think there’s anything you could have done for that kid, Toby.” Emily reached across the table and rubbed his hand, bringing him back into reality.

“I know. It just didn’t seem like the typical suicide. It bugs me. There was just something weird about the whole thing,” he said.

 _Like it was staged?_ Emily thought to herself.

“Like it came out of nowhere. Watching his confession, I know you saw it, too.” He glanced at her. “Am I wrong?”

She knew exactly what he was referring to.

“Saw what?” She played dumb.

“That hesitation…” He got eerily quiet and Emily felt herself tense up. He frowned, “No one else at the station seems to think anything about it…” He paused again and then shook his head. “I’m just being paranoid. Those days of the _A_ mess still screw with my head sometimes. It’s almost impossible to look at any situation and think it’s anything other than what it truly is. I’m hearing hoof beats and thinking zebras instead of horses.”

_No, my friend. It’s zebras this time. Actually, it’s murderous Vipers riding on zebras..._

He had been so close. He’d almost said it. _Foul Play._ And that scared Emily, because she didn’t want the Pit Vipers coming after him or Spencer or their kids.

“I just wish someone would have known…been able to tell what he was up to.” He rolled his tongue around in his mouth. “I know you already answered a bunch of questions, but off the record…you didn’t have any contact with him when you went to get Eli, did you?”

“No.” It was alarming how quickly and easily the lie rolled off of her tongue.

“And Eli didn’t confront him?”

“No.”

“Such a waste.” Toby sighed. “I know he was guilty of a lot, but…”

“He was still a kid.” Emily nodded. “And a lost kid at that. Could have been any one of us at his age.”

Toby nodded in agreement. They talked for a little while as Emily polished off her bagel and orange juice. After she’d finished she glanced at her watch.

“Have I waited the allotted amount of time after eating before getting behind the wheel of a car?” She teased.

“I dunno.” Toby raised his index finger with his brows creased and a slight smirk on his face. “Can you follow my finger and recite the alphabet backwards for me? Give me a sign that you’re ready to drive.”

“I’ve got a sign for you.” Emily held up a fist with her right hand with the back of her hand facing him and her left hand flipped so that the front of her curled fingers and thumb was in his line of sight. She started cranking her left hand in slow vertical circles like she was reeling in a fishing line while simultaneously raising the middle finger of her right hand until she was flipping him off.

“That’s the most popular sign on the road these days. You pass,” he said with a laugh.

They both stood up and Toby walked her out.

“Thanks,” she said.

“Hey, I needed it just as much as you did.” Toby admitted. “Maybe even more.”

She gave him a wave as she got into the car. Her head was pounding, despite the medication the EMTs had given her for pain after they’d checked her out at the school. Fortunately, the cut on the back of her head didn’t require stitches. The only reason it bled so much was because head injuries were always bloody messes. They always looked worse than they were. She rubbed the lump that had formed and then cringed and called herself an idiot for pushing on it. She was like that child who pressed on a bruise to see if it hurt, knowing damn well it did.

She pulled out of the police station parking lot, her mind a whirlpool of activity. She was going to spend the rest of her day at her mother’s with Ali and Lily, but she knew she had a pit stop she had to make first. She knew she needed to touch base with Maurice, so she took a quick drive out to his place. Fortunately, it was cloudy out so she didn’t have to contend with the sun hurting her eyes, which had been overly sensitive since she hit her head.

She did have to admit she felt a little bit better after she got that bagel and the orange juice in her system. She’d have to thank Toby the next time she saw him. She should have known he was right. He knew how to handle seeing things like the scene she’d seen in her office, and he knew how to guide someone in how to take care of themselves after something like that.

She heard her phone bleat at her from inside her purse, but didn’t reach for it because she was driving. She was halfway to Maurice’s pub when the drizzling started. She’d driven in the rain plenty of times since that night. But she was still so amped up from the crime scene that she felt her nerves starting to take over. She turned the radio on to try and distract herself…to give herself something else to think about. She saw her shaky hands starting to relax against the wheel, but she still felt tense and hot. Her limbs were starting to feel heavy. She turned the air conditioner up to full blast and took several deep breaths as the rain started coming down heavier.

She concentrated on the road in front of her, flinching every time the windshield wipers crossed her field of vision. Her heart felt weird and heavy in her chest, but she knew it was just her anxiety. Or at least, she thought it was just her anxiety.

She was less than half a mile from the bar when a familiar song came through the speakers of her car. Her entire body froze. It was the song Grace had been singing along to seconds before the other car hit them. A painful jolt shot through her chest. A wiper blade crossed her field of vision and she was suddenly hearing and seeing the night of the wreck again. The flashes were coupled with what she’d seen in her office this morning.

Her vision started to blur. She felt a sharp shooting pain in her chest. Her body felt like it was being crushed. She could hear the car crunching and Grace’s frantic pleas. Beads of sweat bristled against her forehead and seconds later her entire face was drenched. She lost sight of the road and the car swerved off to the side on to the soft shoulder. She almost went into the grass and down a hill, but she had retained her automatic reactions, and her foot hit the brakes and the car came to a complete stop. She put the car in park and reached for her purse, digging around until she found her phone. She turned the screen towards her and saw a message flashing across her screen. Her face blanched. Her chest pain worsened. The message was from a private unknown number.

_“This isn’t high school. Cross me and people will die. Unless you want everyone you love to end up like the snitch, I suggest you play this my way. You started this. I’m finishing it. All I want is you. Give yourself up and your family will stay safe. But keep playing me and the halls of Rosewood High will get a lot bloodier.”_

Emily flinched and dropped her phone back into her purse. She pushed back against the seat as she tried to catch her breath, her hands shaking up next to her face. Seconds later she felt a whoosh of air as her car door swung open. She looked over and saw a familiar face.

Frank.

Just her luck.

“Call…call Donnie.” She was certain she was having a heart attack.

“Oh, shit.” Frank’s eyes widened. “Donnie!”

“Not _call_ for him. _Actually_ call him, you idiot.” Emily huffed between ragged breaths.

“I am, smartass.” Frank motioned towards his car where a passenger was emerging. “We switched off with Carlo about an hour ago.”

Donnie was moving Frank out of the way to look at Emily seconds later. He felt her pulse and then started asking her questions, worried she might pass out before he could get the answers. Emily stayed conscious the whole time, but everything that was happening felt like it was happening in a different reality, like a dream state. It was only fifteen minutes later when she was sitting in the back of Maurice’s bar with no recollection of how she ended up there that she snapped out of it.

“She gonna be okay, doc?” Maurice questioned.

“Wasn’t a heart attack,” Donnie said. “Just one hell of a panic attack.”

“I’ve never had one that bad before.” Emily furrowed her brows.

They both glanced at her, relieved to hear her voice. Emily rolled her shoulders. She felt normal again. Arms, legs, chest. Everything felt normal. The human body was an odd thing sometimes.

“You’re pushing yourself too hard.” Maurice frowned.

He sounded like Ali.

“If I stop pushing I’ll wind up dead.” Emily motioned to her purse.

It dawned on her that someone had thought to bring her purse. Probably Donnie. Frank had the thought process of a drunk squirrel. She reached inside her purse and grabbed her phone. She pulled up the message and handed the phone to Maurice. His eyes were a mixture of shock and rage.

“Jesus.” He glanced at Emily in surprise. “First the dead kid this morning and now this? No wonder you lost your shit.”

“It wasn’t…it wasn’t that.” Emily admitted. “I mean, it was part of it. But I was already anxious before I saw it.”

“Flash to the wreck?” He asked.

He recognized the look in her eyes. He had the same look on his face when he went on a bad trip in his mind of his war days. Emily nodded.

“Manny,” he said, motioning for the youngster to come over to where they were sitting. Manny did as he was told and Maurice handed him the phone, pointing to the message. “See if you can get anything from that.”

Manny nodded and walked off.

“He won’t be able to trace it,” Emily said.

“Maybe we’ll get lucky.”

“When have we ever gotten lucky?” Emily scoffed.

“Well,” he said, running his hand across the top of his closely buzzed hair, “we’re gonna have to reevaluate some things. The plan has gone to shit.” He rubbed his left eyebrow.

“Not necessarily…”

Emily thought about something. Whoever this was wanted her. Del Toro could have called the hit off after the boy was killed and the wreck was pinned on him. But she’d pissed this person off enough to want her dead. It couldn’t just be because she wanted to out him for the wreck. It was like this person was obsessed with getting Emily, like she was a prized possession. Like he had to have her, mount her head on his wall or something.

“Stick me out there, just like we were going to do before Ryan was killed. Give them the opportunity to come after me,” Emily suggested.

“Have you lost your mind? The whole point of that plan was to keep it in a _controlled_ environment.”

“Maurice, Del Toro isn’t going to stop. He’s just going to keep coming after people in my life. He killed a sixteen-year-old boy in cold blood. One of _his_ people. He will cross _any_ line, and I am not going to let him cross it again. If it’s me that he wants then let’s give it to him.”

“He will _kill_ you.” Maurice argued angrily.

“He’s already killing me. Every strip of humanity I had left after my daughter died is slowly being peeled away by this person.” Tears of rage burned her eyes “I can’t live my life. Not like this. As long as I know this psycho is out there it’s a constant reminder that my family is not safe. Not with me.” And her family was supposed to be safe with her. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Lily and Ali needed to be safe with her. Grace should have been safe with her. “I’m dead no matter what I do. At least this way, with you guys, I have a chance of getting out of it alive.”

They argued for a good long twenty minutes, neither one of them budging from their stance.

“You guys can’t stay with me forever. What, are you gonna be rollin’ up through my retirement home and taking out every shuffleboard-playing assassin and going on high speed wheel-chair chases with denture-wearing gang members?” Emily asked. “Something’s got to give, Maurice. We know what Del Toro wants. We can lure him in with me. This plan can still work.”

“It’s suicide, going in blind. We’ll find another way,” Maurice said.

“There is no other way! Every time we get something…the wire in the bear, the shred of clothes from the dog attack, even witnesses willing to _talk_ …it all leads nowhere. I’m tired of waiting for him to come to me. If we don’t take this to him, this is never going to end.”

“Okay, _Kamikaze._ ” He sneered. “So what do you suggest we do then?” Emily could tell he was losing his patience.

“I don’t know. But no one else is going to die for me.” She had no idea at the time that statement would be haunting her very soon. “What happened to that boy…” She shook her head. “That kid would still be alive if it wasn’t for me…”

“Stop with the self-sacrificial bullshit. It’s really fucking annoying. That kid was dead the second he fell into the Vipers’ hands. And you will be, too if you don’t listen to me.”

“I want my life back.” Emily buried her face in her hands. “I want my family back.”

“You won’t get that if you throw yourself into the lion’s den.” Maurice sighed. The girl in front of him really did remind him of his little girl, so it was hard to be mad at her for idiotically playing the martyr. He sighed. “Look, we’re not going to do anything _today_. The boys and I will work on something. _You_ need to go home and calm down.”

“You and I both know that this is the only way. You know how this is going to turn out. Just let me do it,” she said.

She could tell by the expression on his face that she was right. But instead of acknowledging it, he glared at her.

“Go home, Fields,” he said coldly.

“You know I’m right…” That’s why he was so pissed. They really had run out of options.

“Go home!” He raised his voice, this time the only thing she heard in his tone was concern.

She could tell by the look in his eyes that she was definitely right. There was no other way. But Maurice was determined to find a way out of it. And Emily was tired… _so tired_ …from her day. So they wordlessly parted ways, both of them at their wit’s end. Maurice told Frank to drive Emily home and then stormed to his office. He paced the floor in irritation and then kicked over a garbage can. He sat down at his desk, putting his elbows against the wood. He leaned forward, resting his head against the heel of his palms for a few seconds. Then he calmly reached into the desk and pulled a small black book out of the drawer. He picked up the phone and dialed a number he swore he’d never call again. Seconds later he heard a familiar voice on the other end of the line,

“Hello?” She said.

“Miss. Vanderwaal, it’s been a long time.”

“I’m sorry. Who did you say was calling?” Mona chirped on the other end of the line.

“I ain’t got time for your bullshit. You know who this is,” he said. “I need your help, Mona.”

“ _The_ _Great Marco_ needs something from _moi_?” She teased in a delightful tone.

“Yeah.” He ground his teeth together. He’d promised Emily he would leave Mona out of it. But they were out of options. “Emily is in trouble.”

All at once Mona’s tone changed,

“What?” she stuttered.

“If I don’t figure something out, _soon_ , she’s going to die. So I need your help,” he repeated.

Their days were numbered. _Emily’s_ days were numbered. Del Toro had turned up the heat, and Maurice knew it was only a matter of time before things blew up and left a shattered world in its wake. He’d been in the business long enough to know when a hit couldn’t be stopped. And Emily was way past the expiration date. That boy had been their last hope. Without him, they were screwed. It was only a matter of time before someone got to Emily.


	23. Over the Edge

Frank wasn’t his normally brash self in the car, and Emily knew it was because he knew how bad things were. He knew she was probably going to die. They all did. It certainly didn’t stop them from trying to play _Secret Service_ with her, though. She just had to hope that she didn’t end up like Lincoln or Kennedy. Emily tapped her fingers against the edge of her phone, staring at the message from her would-be assassin.

_“All I want is you. Give yourself up.”_

The words were strangely chilling to her. The whole message bothered her, but _“All I want is you”_ unnerved her. She couldn’t help but wonder if there was a deeper meaning to everything that was happening. The cops would be closing the case of the wreck in a matter of days. Whoever this was _knew_ that. He had set it up. Why wouldn’t this person just let her go? Why was this psycho so desperate to have her? Had she really pissed him off _that_ much? Was it a matter of pride? Of him looking weak in front of his people if he didn’t follow through on the hit? Was it a game of control? A game of ownership? An ego thing?

She continued to stare at the message, trying to make sense of it, trying to figure out if there was some kind of encrypted message buried in the words. She just needed an idea of who this person was. A key. A clue. Anything that could point to his identity. Just as she’d suspected, Manny hadn’t been able to get a hit on the unknown number. He had uploaded the message and its data to his computer and was going to work on it some more.

She glanced out the window and sighed. The rain had let up. There was a slight misting here and there, but the heavier stuff was behind them, slowly creeping along their tail.

“For the record, he knows you’re right,” Frank said, slowing the car down to take a left hand turn. Emily looked over at him. “It’s why he’s so pissed.”

“I know.”

“Personally, I think it’s a ridiculous idea to go belly up for the creep doing this shit to you. You’re reckless as hell for even considering it, and…”

“Thanks, I’ll log that away in my flower-print diary.” Emily rolled her eyes. “Look, I don’t need another wannabe dad in my life telling me what an idiot I am. I know fully well how dangerous it is.”

But what else was she supposed to do? Risk Ali’s and Lily’s lives? No matter what she did, it was going to end badly. If someone was going to get hurt, it deserved to be her. Her loved ones were innocent.

“You didn’t let me finish.” Frank muttered, irritated that she’d interrupted him.

“Now you know how all the ladies in your life feel.” Emily gave him a sarcastic smile.

He huffed out a laugh. He hadn’t been expecting so much lip from her, especially given all the shit she’d just been through. He didn’t realize that she _needed_ the normalcy.

“Damn, that was quick.” He nodded in approval. She opened her mouth, ready with another zinger, but he stole the punchline. “Let me guess, _that’s what she said_?”

“Nothing gets by you. Except personal hygiene.”

“You really missed your calling in stand-up comedy,” he said dryly.

“Nah, I don’t do nearly enough blow.” Emily smirked.

Frank laughed again.

“Got to hand it to you, you’re really on your game today.” He was impressed. “Also, I like the fact that you are assuming I’ve got ladies in my life.”

“I’ve always assumed you had a flock of ladies. I just always assumed they were of the plastic blow up variety.”

“Normally I’d be giving you shit right back,” he said, his smile fading. “But uh, I’d say the day beat you up enough already.”

“I’m used to it.” Emily shrugged.

“Jeeze, you’re so dark.” Frank frowned. “No wonder you’re ready to go nuclear.”

“Go big or go home,” Emily said with a sigh.

“Maybe you’ll get lucky and get to do both.”

“Since when are you someone who cares?” Emily snorted. “Aren’t you still mad at me for mocking your little ankle biter?”

“Hey, you leave Mrs. Puff-Puff out of this.” His face tightened in a serious manner.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t keep a straight face when she heard the name again.

“Or what? You’ll shoot me?” Emily glanced at his gun. “Wait a few days and I’m sure someone else will do that for you.”

“You have lost your mind.” He shook his head.

“Clearly.” Emily nodded.

“This plan of yours…”

“Maurice has already yelled at me enough about it. It’s not going to change the way I feel.”

“Christ, lemme finish, sweetheart.” He saw her eyes darken and her jaw clench. She _really_ hated that term of endearment, especially coming from him. It was fun to pester her with it. “If you’d let me get a word in edgewise about it I’d tell you that, yeah, it’s idiotic, but just because I think you’re a nutcase for wanting to do it doesn’t mean I don’t think it couldn’t work. It’s risky, and yeah, you’ll _probably_ get yourself shot, maybe even killed. But just because it’s crazy doesn’t mean I don’t think you couldn’t pull it off. And you already know we’ve got your back and Maurice would do pretty much anything to keep you alive. If everything went down right, we might be able to get you out still breathing.”

She could hear Maurice in her head yelling at him,

_“Don’t encourage her, you moron!”_

“But you know that’s a big _might_ ,” Frank said. “So why risk it? I mean, you may be cool with running into a D-Day Normandy situation, but how do you think your family is going to feel?”

“The same way they’ll feel if I get killed in front of them. I won’t subject them to that. I know what it feels like to watch the light go out in the eyes of someone you love more than anything.” Her throat felt itchy, like she might cry. But she suppressed it. “I don’t want them to get hurt. And I know my wife.” She laughed softly. “She’d go into this full force if I told her. She’s hell in heels when it comes to protecting her family.”

“Sounds familiar.” Frank teased. “What would she think about your dumb idea?”

“Oh, she’d react with violence. A lot of violence. She’d probably kill me before Del Toro had the chance to. Then she would scream at me for being dead and bring me back to life so she could keep yelling at me. Then there would be torture and murder. _Lots_ of murder. We’re talking deaths of anyone who ever even _looked_ at me funny, and probably like…their families and their tax accountants and their gerbils and lizards or whatever other pets they have. She doesn’t stand for people hurting her loved ones.”

“Jesus, she sounds terrifying.” Frank snorted. He thought about something. “The sex must be mindblowing, eh?”

“Do you _want_ me to punch you in the face again?” Emily glared at him.

“Ohhh, is that foreplay?”

“Fuck off, Frank.” Emily rolled her eyes with a laugh.

“Ah, I’m just screwing with you. Sounds like you’ve got a hell of a family. I get why you’re trying to protect them. I still think you’re an idiot, but I get it.”

“Every other option ends up with them on this guy’s radar. As it is, there’s already a huge risk of them getting hurt if they’re with me when he decides to take me out. The only way to keep them out of danger is to control when and where that danger happens – to make sure they are nowhere _near_ that danger. Going in to this on his terms is the _only_ way my family stays safe,” Emily sighed. “My wife could handle it. It’s not that I doubt that. I don’t doubt that at all. But…she’s been through a lot.”

Ali had been through so much turmoil. For years she’d been hunted and beaten and tortured. Her mother died. Her father abandoned her. She lost her livelihood, her dignity, her hope. She had been stripped down to the bare essential of her very soul and was left screaming for help when no one could hear her. No one except for Emily. And Emily didn’t want Ali to ever feel that lost and out of control again.

“She was in this dark place for so long,” Emily said. “She told me once that she deserved to be unhappy. She said she didn’t deserve to know what the sunshine felt like when she brought on so many storms.”

Alison had told Emily that in her darker times she’d felt like she was lost in the middle of the ocean, just floating towards her death in the dead of the night, feeling nothing. But then through a break in the water she’d seen a light. She’d seen Emily’s face. And that’s when she knew everything was going to be okay. Because her Emily, her mermaid, would save her from herself. And Emily did exactly that.

“It took a lot for us to get to a point in our lives where we were both comfortable enough to feel happiness, and _not_ feel guilt for being happy. When we became a family she had everything she ever wanted. It’s a dream she didn’t think she’d ever see. Our girls, me, my mom, her brother – our _family_ …it was life-changing for her. She never had that normalcy when she was a kid.”

None of the DiLaurentis kids had happiness when they were children. They didn’t have loving family dinners or joy-filled family holidays. They’d had money, but they didn’t have happiness. They’d spent time together. But they only spent time together because they were obligated to. They’d all had it pretty rough, despite outward appearances of the picture perfect family. Ken had downright smacked Jason around when he was angry or drunk. Charlotte had been ostracized and sent away and ended up going insane. And Alison had constantly been torn down by her mother, leaving her fractured and angry and trying to fill the void in all the wrong ways. Love was not the way of their family. It was only when Alison fell in love with Emily that she knew she was even capable of it, that she knew that she could be _better_ than her parents.

“When she finally let that happiness in, I saw her open up and bloom like this beautiful lotus. And seeing that, I knew… _I knew_ that the happiness and the joy she felt had to be protected. She wanted that happiness, she _deserved_ it. And I wanted to give it to her. I wanted her to have the stupid romantic movie nights and walks in the park. I wanted us to become the adults we used to make fun of, ridiculous suburban soccer moms and all. I wanted her to feel that joy forever. That pure love and happiness is her world. And that woman is _my_ world. I would do anything for her. And if it means I have to put myself at risk to keep her out of this darkness, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Pulling her back into this world…it’s not fair to her. It’s not fair to our daughter. I can’t let _my_ mistakes become their misery. I won’t let that happen. My family deserves better than that. If I do this, and I make it…we can go back. We can have our lives back. She can keep her happiness, and this shit…this shit that I’m doing, it won’t touch her. It won’t darken her world.”

Emily knew there was a possibility that Ali and Lily could make it out of this unscathed. If she could survive this situation then that would be a pain she could spare them from.

“And if you don’t make it?” Frank asked.

“Then I won’t die in vain. I’ll die knowing that my wife and my little girl are safe. Because sure as hell, if I’m not getting out of this alive, neither is this psycho. I will scorch the world before I let him walk away from this alive. I will _not_ let him hurt my family.”

That was what frightened her most about the whole ordeal. She was doing all of this to _protect_ her family, but if something happened to her it would hurt them. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place with nothing to guide her but hope. She was going in blind without so much as a seeing eye dog, unless she counted Jett. And that big dopey thing would probably _guide_ her right off of a cliff while chasing a squirrel.

“Well, hopefully Maurice will come through and none of this will even matter.”

“I hope you’re right,” Emily said.

Frank slowed down once they got closer to town. They’d been taking back roads that were rarely traveled so they wouldn’t risk being seen together in the car. He crossed a bridge and then pulled off to the side of the road at an old closed down rest stop. He looked around. There were no cars around.

“Here good?” He asked.

Emily glanced out the window. In the side view mirror she could see the reflection of the bridge they’d just crossed. She nodded.

“You sure you’ll be able to make it back on your own without having one of your…those…panic thingies?” He questioned.

“It’s only five miles. I’m good. I’m going to walk around for a few minutes to make sure my head is clear before I go anywhere.”

“Well, Donnie and I are around.” He motioned his thumb behind them, where Donnie had parked about half a mile back. Emily didn’t see their car, but she knew it was there.

Frank pulled the keys out of the ignition and tossed them to Emily and they both climbed out of the car. He waved and then walked off to meet up with Donnie. Emily put the keys in her pocket and walked over to the edge of the bridge. She watched the roaring water below.

The current on the surface was rough, but it was the undertow beneath the rapids that was the real danger. Quiet. Unexpected. Deadly. Because while it was the rapids that pulled you in, it was what was beneath the surface that pulled you under and killed you. It was the dangers you couldn’t see that were the most deadly.

Emily stared at the water, thinking about Ryan. Whether he pulled the trigger or there was someone else who goaded him into it, he’d decided to end his life. How did someone get so lost? What did it take for a person to look death in the eye and be like, “you know what, screw it, I’ll just do your job for you”? At what point could someone willingly be ready to take that plunge?

It scared her to wonder. Because she knew the answer.

As she watched the swirling undercurrent she found herself realizing how easy it would be to just let the water swallow her whole, how easy it would be to just let go. Life was such an intricate and complex piece of work. Getting overwhelmed was easy. She could relate to what Ryan was feeling...that it was easier to just give up instead of fight. There were times in her life she had been on this very bridge, her brain needling her to jump. There were times she had been as lost as Ryan. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time though. In fact, right now she was staring death in the face and she didn’t want to go gently into that good night. No. She wanted to shoot death in the face and then stomp on his skull with a golf cleat.

Emily sighed, toying with her phone in her hand. She scrolled through her messages, smiling at some of the quips and barbs she shared with her friends and family. She chuckled at one she got a few days ago from Lily.

_“Mom is making me go with her and Aunt Hanna and Iris to get makeovers at the mall. Send help. I fear for my life.”_

Lily had always been a sarcastic little thing, but she’d really grown into it lately. As a child, she didn’t have the “terrible twos” phase, because she was saving it for the “terrible teens” phase. The kid was too smart for her own good and she knew it.

Emily looked through a few more of her messages. She had one from Spencer checking in on her because Toby had clued her in about Ryan. Toby had told Spencer everything since she was already involved in the case. He’d even told her about how he had basically stuck to Emily like glue at the station to take care of her.

_“Toby told me what happened. He also says you called him a Jewish Mother.”_ There was a laughing emoji with tears of joy flowing out of its little eyes. _“This is why we are friends. Seriously though, Em, call me if you need to talk. Love you.”_

Emily smiled weakly and took a moment to respond,

_“The Jewish Mother did a good job. He’s a real mensch. You’ve got yourself a keeper. I’m okay, Spence. But thanks for checking in.”_

She ran through a few more of her messages. She really had been crappy at returning messages lately. She had an unread message from her mother last night that was just a bunch of random emojis. Pam still hadn’t quite figured out how and when to use emojis. It looked to Emily like she was trying to tell a story about going to a bar and salsa dancing, but Emily knew that wasn’t the case. She’d probably just overdone it on wine at home and then ate spicy popovers or chips and salsa.

There was a message from Hanna from early this morning proclaiming that Pam was a lifesaver and that she wanted to buy her a crate of wine and needed to know Pam’s favorite brand.

_“And I’ll pay for any damages my little terrors cause,”_ was how she’d ended the message.

Emily texted Hanna back with a screenshot of her mom’s favorite alcohol brand and told her not to worry, because her mother had home-owner’s insurance.

She had a message from Aria telling her she needed an unbiased opinion on a book cover she was designing for a novel she was co-authoring with Ezra.

_“Yours is the only eye I trust. Hanna thinks finger-painting is art. Spencer just tells me what she thinks I want to hear. And Ali is more interested in the actual manuscript than the cover. Please? I need your help! Save me from myself.”_

_“Lily actually might be more your speed for that. But I’ll be glad to throw in my two cents. And then we can both let Lily tell us we’re wrong,”_ she replied.

Emily kept scrolling up and down, re-reading old messages and new ones. Her eyes landed on a message from Ali from the day of their anniversary. She’d lost a lot of her messages, and her old phone was still at the bottom of the river somewhere, but a couple of her text threads had been stored remotely in the cloud. She was glad she hadn’t lost this one.

She remembered getting the message just as she was getting Grace to swim practice that day. It had made her smile then. And it still made her smile now.

_“Thank you for my beautiful family. Thank you for loving me. At the risk of sounding like a complete sap, I love you, Emily. Happy Anniversary.”_

She stared at the message and thought about how happy they’d been. Love had given them all so much in their lives. And while that love was still there, it had been molded into something different. Their love still shaped them, pulled them in, held them together. But sometimes it cut like a knife...it pained them, because they both remembered the way it had been before Grace died. They were trying so hard to get back to that place, though they knew that it wouldn’t ever be the same. But the love would always be there. Their souls were intertwined and that made them truly part of one another. They had promised ‘for better or for worse’ and losing a child was beyond ‘for worse’. Emily sighed. If only Ali knew how much ‘for worse’ they were in right now…

“I have been so unfair to you, baby,” Emily said under her breath, staring at Ali’s message.

She sighed and rubbed the right side of her face with her right hand. Ali didn’t deserve to be mixed up in her mess. It wasn’t fair that either one of them had lost their daughter. Nothing about their situation was fair.

“Two beautiful girls and a loving wife. And I just fucked that right up,” she uttered. “I am such an idiot.”

She knew that whatever happened, their lives would be permanently destroyed. But all she could do was take what she was given. She had to appreciate what they had while they had it.

She closed out of Ali’s message and scrolled up to the text from the unknown number. She muttered out a dark laugh. She felt like she was back in high school again. But this time the stakes were so much higher. This wasn’t something she could worm her way out of. She stared at the words,

_“Give yourself up and your family will stay safe.”_

Her finger hovered over the keypad. She knew what she had to do. She hesitated for a second and then started typing a reply. She stared at the message for a minute before she mustered up the courage to hit ‘send’.

_“My family stays out of it. If you want me, fine. But I need more time with them. Just give me two weeks.”_ Just let her make it through her daughter’s birthday in peace. _“Then we can end this.”_

Hopefully _she_ would be the one ending him. Hopefully Maurice still had an Ace up his sleeve. She couldn’t believe it had come to this, that she was negotiating with her hitman. She stared at the sent message, uncertain as to whether or not it would even go through. She assumed it would. She waited a few minutes and then deleted the thread. At the very least she could try to control _something_ about the situation.

Not only did her message go through, but the burner phone with the scrambled number buzzed from a mere 2,000 feet away, where Emily’s stalker was watching from a hill shrouded with shrubbery. He had been fantasizing about how easy it would be to end this right now. She was up against the bridge railing and it would be so easy to push her over the edge. She was a hell of a swimmer, but she couldn’t survive the fall and the rapids. No way. He could even make it look like a suicide. He knew he couldn’t goad her into killing herself like the kid. But he could take her out and then draw up a fake suicide note.

It would be poetic, her dying in a river like her daughter. The wreck still irked him. It had been an accident. A true accident. He’d had no idea she’d been the one behind the wheel until they saw it on the news the next day. It had stirred something inside of him, an old game he’d used to play. He hadn’t even thought about her or anyone else from Ali’s clique in years. Because when high school ended they had gone in different directions.

He’d inherited control of his dad’s side business. No one he went to high school with knew what his family _really_ did to get paid. No one ever suspected the nice church-going All-American family. It was the perfect cover to run whatever illegal or illegitimate games they wanted. And they were good at them. Del Toro had an empire up and running six months after he graduated high school.

It was great when the money started pouring in, but what he liked the most was the control that came with it. So he forgot all about high school, at least until all that _A_ shit had come back into the picture when the girls were in their early twenties.

He’d gotten his hands dirty when Mona was torturing the girls in high school. There were a whole mess of people involved in Mona’s game. He never worked with her directly. He just did what he was told by her worker bees. The same was true when Charlotte took over. He did some dirty jobs here and there. Mostly he just did what he was told by Charlotte’s right hand minions. It had been fun while it lasted, but he eventually got bored with it.

By the third time around, by the time the game came back around years later, he was running the town. So it was easy for him to get in on the action. The funny thing was, he didn’t seek anyone out to ask to be a part of it.

It was Mary that had found _him_ and asked _him_ for help, and he couldn’t turn her down. He’d had a lot of fun playing Alex’s game with her. He’d been more involved in her schemes than he ever had been with Mona or Charlotte. He even got to kick back with some old friends. But when that ended he just went back to his business. Being the King of an Empire meant that he was never wanting for work.

Now here he was, almost fifteen years later and he was still king.

After the wreck he realized that he had an opportunity in his hands. He wasn’t sure how Alison would react, because she was very much a wild card. But he knew Emily well enough to know that she wouldn’t trust the cops to do their job and that she wouldn’t be able to leave well enough alone. He knew she would be hurting, angry. Vulnerable. She was ripe to be plucked. It had started simply because he had a duty to protect the idiot who’d been behind the wheel of the stolen Bronco. But it had turned into much more. It wasn’t about that anymore. He’d always planned for Ryan to take the fall. No more cops. No more questions. All he had to do was keep the moron responsible quiet.

But he couldn’t just stop the plan now. Because Emily was the one person who knew it was all a façade. She was the one person who could destroy him, bring him down. And he wasn’t going to let her do that. Times had changed. They weren’t in high school anymore. He got to call the shots now. As long as Emily knew the truth, she was a threat to him. He couldn’t let her live, which was a shame because she really was a sight to behold.

He watched as Emily looked down at the raging river. The water levels were overflowing because they’d had a record amount of rain this year, and it was getting ready to rain again. She glanced back. He didn’t move. He knew she couldn’t see him. She never saw him when he was around. He took a moment to appreciate how pretty she still was. She hadn’t changed since they were teenagers. It pissed him off a little. No one like her should exist.

She turned back towards the river. She even leaned forward. She was making it way too simple for him. It would be so easy to shove her over the edge. Even Maurice’s boys wouldn’t be swift enough to get to her in time. He knew that Maurice DeLancey had his goons playing the role of her personal bodyguards. He’d been watching them for a while, too. They were starting to grate his nerves. He really needed to do something about them.

He’d gone into Maurice’s pub several times, undetected. Just a regular consumer taking whatever happened to be on tap that night. He was good at blending in, at being just another face in the crowd, at being unforgettable. It helped that no one knew who he was or what he looked like. That’s one thing he’d decided when he went into the business: being invisible was key. There was a certain rush he got in knowing that people didn’t know the man behind the mystery. Half the people he went to school with would never recognize him now. In fact, most of them thought he was dead. His old self was actually as good as dead. His scars and tattoos were one thing, but he’d also changed physically quite a bit. He’d really bulked up. He’d changed his hair color. He was sporting a beard that would make Chuck Norris jealous. He was covered in tattoos and scars from his days of playing dirty. The newest scar was still healing...that stupid fucking dog of Emily’s.

So many of the people he went to high school with had burned out and turned into such losers. But not him. He had it all. The city was his. The state was his. And the only reason people lived there was because he was okay with them living there. He had the power to blow them off the map if he wanted.

He had gotten so wrapped up in his thoughts that he realized he hadn’t checked the message that had been sent to him. He pulled the small burner phone out of his back pocket and was somewhat surprised to see a response to his message to Emily. What cahones she had, telling _him_ what to do.

She wanted more time with her family. He grinned, a sadistic expression in his eyes.

_How quaint_.

He liked seeing her beg. He liked seeing her bend to his will. She wasn’t anyone special. She was just another peon. It gave him pleasure to know that he had all the power.

He saw her pull her phone out of her pocket. In the distance he could hear a faint ring. He peered through his binoculars. Emily stared at the screen and an expression crossed her face that could only be the look of a wife whose partner was on the other end of the line.

From what he could tell between their interactions, Ali was the worrying type. When Emily didn’t stay in touch Ali got a little snippy. And she had a right to be. Emily was reckless and she was annoying as hell when she was being evasive and aloof.

He’d really only known Ali before her disappearance. She was the type to hang all over any boy she deemed hot and popular. She wouldn’t dare date below her social status. And for some reason she didn’t like him, which was fine because he thought she was a bitch.

He’d hung out with her at parties a couple of times. The little slut had always been into his friends. He’d heard that she’d supposedly turned over a new leaf when she returned, something he had a hard time buying, because people like Alison DiLaurentis never changed. She was a manipulative bitch. But when she returned to Rosewood he’d been too involved in other things to care. He got to play with Charlotte’s team once in a while, but he didn’t interact with Ali or the girls at school. He kept a low profile, just keeping a watch over her from afar. He’d watched Emily and Ali play a game of back and forth. It was pathetic. They were both flighty and selfish and manipulative and they deserved each other. But they didn’t deserve true love and happiness.

It pissed him off when he saw them together at Alison’s house the night before Charlotte blew up the Cavanaugh house. It was just a coincidence that he was based there while the rest of Charlotte’s goons were spread out watching the other girls while Charlotte finalized her plan. He’d seen a hell of a show at the DiLaurentis house that night. A show that made him want to climb through Ali’s window and put explosives in _her_ house and blow them both up, because they both looked so fucking _happy_ and _in love_ and it wasn’t right. But as angry as he’d been at their happiness, he’d also kind of enjoyed what he saw. Hormones were a fucked up thing sometimes.

He snapped back to reality when he heard Emily answer her phone. He could hear her saying something, but couldn’t make out the words. He was shitty at reading lips. He put the binoculars down and then slipped the burner phone back into his pocket. He took a swig from his flask, staring at the old faded metal. He’d had it since high school. He let the alcohol warm him up as he thought it over. He decided to give Emily her precious two weeks. What difference would it make? He’d waited this long.

So instead of bull-rushing her and sending her careening over the bridge to her death he turned back and grabbed the hiking equipment he’d stashed down the trail. He’d really only brought it in case he ran into someone out on the trails so he could look every bit the part of a hiker out for a stroll. But he had a lot of excess energy now. He had Emily Fields in the palm of his hand. It gave him a nice buzz. The thrill, the excitement. He could hike the entire state of Pennsylvania and still have energy to burn. Maybe he’d even rub one out knowing that in fourteen days he’d have her in his power. He could do something he’d been wanting to do since high school. He could make her disappear forever. And the best part about it was, he would be hurting Ali, Hanna, Spencer, and Aria, too. He would kill five birds with one stone.

_Two weeks._ He thought. He jogged off and left Emily to her phone call.

Ali had barely gotten out a hello before she started ranting.

“You want to tell me where you’ve been?” Ali questioned accusingly.

“I…”

But Ali didn’t even let her reply before she went off on a tirade.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Ali snapped.

“What?” Emily’s heart fluttered wildly in her chest. “What are you…”

“You’ve been skipping therapy, Emily!” Ali yelled, and though she was being yelled at, Emily breathed a sigh of relief. “I got a call from Ruby’s office. They were concerned that you missed your appointment today. At first I thought that you were just stuck at the police department. But before I could even start to explain that to the secretary she mentioned you’ve missed your last two appointments. Then when I called Toby he said that you left the station almost two hours ago. You said you’d call me!” She slowed down long enough to take a breath and she could hear the roaring sounds of the rushing water below the bridge echoing on the line. “Where are you?”

She wasn’t worried. She was pissed, which was basically her being anxious and angry at the same time.

“Ali, calm down. I…”

“You lied to me _again._ Why?” She snapped again.

“I…” Emily tried again, only to be interrupted again.

“You keep taking off like this, and I just don’t get it. I mean, I get the instinct to run. Believe me I do. I practically invented that move. But I haven’t been that person in a really long time. I stayed because _you_ convinced me to. So I don’t understand why _you_ won’t stay for me.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m still right here. I’ve _been_ here since I moved back from California.”

Emily _had_ stayed for her. She had left her life across the country to move back and be with her, not that she’d had much of a life there. But the last thing she’d wanted to do was come back to Rosewood. But she did. For Ali.

“You know what I mean, Emily.” Ali sighed. “You slammed the door in your mind shut the second Grace died. And you’ve been running ever since. And after this morning…after that Ryan boy…” Ali trailed off, “I saw you on that bench, Em. You were in a completely different world. You weren’t just in shock. You were _gone_. I don’t know what’s going on in your mind, but I’m tired of being on the outside looking in. You might not want my help, but you’re going to get it.”

There was a pause on the line. Emily waited for her to go on another tirade, because she knew that when Ali was on a roll there was no stopping her.

“Emily?” Ali asked, her voice almost a growl, still clearly irritated. “Did you hang up on me? I swear to God…”

“I’m still here,” Emily replied. “Are you done ranting?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” She huffed. “I might want to yell at you some more.” She paused and thought it over. “No, I’m done.”

“Okay.” Emily nodded. “Good. Listen, I’m sorry for not calling you. After I left the station I had to pull over because of a panic attack. The song that was on the radio the night Grace died came on. And with that…and the rain, it just hit me really hard. My head was kind of fuzzy and I thought I was having a heart attack. But by the time I pulled over I realized what it was. I had to get some air and walk it off.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone, this time leaving Emily to wonder if Ali had hung up on _her_ in frustration. Then she heard Ali sigh.

“Oh my God, I’m such an asshole.” Ali grumbled. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I just did.”

“I meant before when I was ranting.” Now she was mad at Emily for letting her be mad at her. Classic Alison DiLaurentis. It made Emily smile. In a world of uncertainty, she was never uncertain about her girl.

“You have every right to be upset with me.” Emily didn’t trivialize Ali’s emotions. “I _should_ have called. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” She hadn’t been thinking clearly since the night of the wreck.

“Where are you?” Ali asked.

“The closed down rest stop about two miles from the old hiking trail by Little River.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Please don’t try to drive right now.”

“I’ll be here,” Emily assured her.

After they hung up Emily stared at the river again. She watched the water flowing, the current taking everything in its wake with it. Clumps of debris, leaves and sticks flowed along the river above the water while the hidden wildlife stayed beneath the surface.

It was amazing how much life was sustained by water. It was essential. Without it, life would cease to exist. But too much of it was equally as dangerous. Water had the power to kill just by giving too much or too little.

She was so busy watching the river that she barely noticed the rain was starting up again. It wasn’t heavy. Just a few drops here and there. She could see the vibrations it created against the few motionless spots of water in the river below. It started as a small circle, but fanned out, multiplying into dozens of little circles just like it that continued to grow in size. The droplets created a new current within the one that already existed, making the rushing water even more unpredictable. Sometimes the littlest things made the biggest impacts.

“Emily?” She heard Alison’s voice.

For the second time that day Alison had crept up beside her without Emily realizing it. She’d been a sleuth when they were teenagers, but she was a damn ninja when Emily wasn’t paying attention. Or Emily really was just _that_ out of it.

“Hey,” was all Emily could think to say.

Alison had her arms wrapped around the top portion of her body, hugging herself. Her eyes were half-way closed and blinking rapidly to fight each raindrop that trickled down her exposed skin. She looked like a pissed off cat who didn’t belong out in the rain. There were dark streaks in her golden waves of hair from where the rain had touched it. She was wearing a shirt that was way too casual for the cooler temperatures the rain was bringing.

Without so much as a second thought, Emily took off her sweater and wrapped it around Alison’s bare shoulders. Alison instinctively accepted Emily’s act of kindness, curling up in the sweater. She looked into Emily’s soft chocolate eyes. Surprisingly, for being completely vocal earlier, all Alison could utter back was an echoing,

“Hey.” She put one of her hands against the bridge railing. She looked over the edge. It was a long way down. There was a pause and then, “What are you doing out here?”

“You wanted me to wait,” Emily said.

“I didn’t mean you had to stand out here in the rain.” Alison scoffed. “Aren’t you freezing?”

“It’s not like it’s a downpour. I run in this kind of stuff all the time.”

“You’re just _running,_ period, lately,” Alison grumbled.

Emily couldn’t deny the accusation, because Alison was right. Instead she slowly looked over at her. Their eyes met.

“Not from you, Ali. Never from you.”

Then she glanced at the rushing water again. She closed her eyes, trying like hell not to think about that night. About the wreck. The river. It wasn’t the same river, but it was still hard not to think about it. She opened her eyes and saw Alison’s hand next to hers. Their fingers brushed up against each other. Alison swallowed a hard knot in her throat.

“Em…we can’t keep doing this,” Alison said.

“I know,” Emily said, her eyes still fixed on the river.

“We have to figure out a way to go on.” Alison glanced down at the waves crashing beneath them.

Their lives – their _family_ had been at a standstill since that night. They’d done their best to take strides forward since the wreck, but both of them knew that they had a long way to go. Both of them knew that despite them moving forward on the outside, there was a dam holding the inner floodwaters in place that needed to be broken down.

“I know.” Emily repeated, still unable to look at Alison, because she knew that she was the one holding them back.

“Why did you stop going to therapy?” Alison asked.

“It wasn’t intentional,” Emily replied, glancing at her.

“It never is with you,” Alison uttered under her breath. She looked at Emily and frowned. “Sorry, that was judgmental.”

“No.” Emily shook her head. “You’re right.” She looked down. She thought about everything she was putting Alison through. “I have been so unfair to you, Alison.” She found the courage to look up again and make eye contact with her wife. She felt a light splash of rain hit the eyelashes on her left eye. “You have taken on so much. You had to step up to keep us together. The burden that you’ve had to carry with me these past few months…I know how hard it’s been for you. You had to go from a “we” to someone on her own who had to fill every role imaginable just to keep our family intact… _alone_. I shouldn’t have let it come to that. I shouldn’t have put my burden on you.”

Alison blinked in surprise. It hurt her to know that Emily couldn’t see her own strength anymore. She peered into Emily’s eyes, taking in her appearance. The water droplets from the rain were starting to moisten the hair around her face. She looked so worn down.

“You didn’t _let_ anything happen.” Alison disagreed. “You’re not a burden. You will _never_ be a burden,” she said firmly. “We lost our daughter. You almost died. I knew you were going to need time. I knew a lot was going to fall on me. I could have just as easily said ‘fuck it’, but I didn’t…because we’re a family. And I knew that if the roles were reversed you would never let me go through my pain alone. I only did what I knew _you_ would do if you were in my shoes. You were always there for me. Our whole lives you have been the kind of person who would take on the entire world’s suffering just to keep me from feeling even an ounce of pain. You have _always_ put me first, Emily. I know that. I’m not blind to that. I knew you were going to try to hide your pain from me, because that’s who you are. So I knew that I was going to have to work to keep us both afloat. But sweetheart, what you don’t realize is…you’ve done that for us for almost twenty years. You’ve done that since we were kids. I can handle taking the reins at this point. I’ve got this.”

Alison laid her hand on top of Emily’s on the bridge railing. Emily took in a shuddering breath. The words meant more to Emily than Alison would ever know, especially given Emily’s current situation. It opened the floodgates of her emotions, mixed strongly with both love and guilt. Love for the woman in front of her. Guilt for everything that woman didn’t know. Rage and sadness. Rage because someone wanted to destroy their lives. Sadness because she knew the odds. Determination and fear. Determination to fix everything she’d shattered. Fear of failure, fear of the future, or potential lack thereof.

Emily couldn’t speak at first. She fought back a frustrated cry. Alison didn’t miss it. It wasn’t very loud, but she heard it and _felt_ it so deeply that it shook her soul. Emily gripped Alison’s fingers tightly for a second and then flipped her hand over and slid her palm up Alison’s arm, her fingernails occasionally getting snagged in the sweater around her arms. She touched Alison’s face gently with her fingertips, looking into her glassy sapphire eyes. She could see small mists of the rain gathering on Alison’s cheeks. It made her glisten.

And for a moment all Emily could do was revel in how lucky she was to have her. Alison was more than just her wife, more than the mother of her children. She was more than just a school teacher. She was more than just a woman in a small town. She was Emily’s reason for living. There was nothing either one of them wouldn’t do for the other.

“You are the strongest woman I know,” Emily said, “and you are more to me than you could ever possibly know.” She pushed a loose strand of wet hair away from Alison’s face. “I love you more than anything.” Her voice was shaky. “You know that, right?”

Alison didn’t miss the strange undertone in Emily’s voice. It’s something she’d never heard before. She looked into Emily’s eyes and saw something there, a flicker that had a dark ominous appearance. It rattled her a little.

“Emily,” Alison said, reaching her palm up to cup Emily’s damp cheek. “What’s really going on here?” She looked at her through a furrowed brow of concern. “What is happening to you?”

Emily almost broke, _almost_ told her everything. But then she thought about that chilling message. This wasn’t high school. This was a killer. She thought about the danger she’d be putting her family in if she breathed one word of what was going on. She thought about how Alison’s fight was over. She didn’t want to bring her into a war that had nothing to do with her.

“It’s okay, Em.” Her thumb brushed away a raindrop, or perhaps a teardrop, it was hard to tell. “It’s okay to let it out, baby.”

“I’m tired, Ali,” Emily said, closing her eyes. “I’m just so damn tired.” She turned away and looked out over the river again. She rubbed her hands against the railing nervously. She had so much pent up emotion and she didn’t know how to control it anymore. “And I’m a little lost.”

“Honey, you’re so deep in the woods that not even the largest search party in the world could find you. I can’t…I can’t bring you out of it. Believe me, I would if I could. But it’s all on you.” She moved Emily’s cheek slightly so they were facing again. “All I can do is be here for you, and I hope...I hope that’s enough.”

“It’s enough.” Emily nodded with a quiet whisper, blinking away a tear. It fell with a raindrop, nearly invisible because of the rain. “You’ll always be enough.” She trailed her fingers along Alison’s wet jaw line. A droplet of rain dripped along her index finger. “Just…bear with me for a little bit longer.”

_Two weeks._

She could still fix this. She could still put the broken pieces back together. All she had to do was survive.

“I’ll never give up on you,” Alison reached up and put her free hand over Emily’s hand on her face. She leaned into Emily’s palm, unable to resist her touch. “But you have to meet me halfway here. You have to open the door for me a little.”

“I know,” Emily’s voice was so soft it was almost drowned out by the sounds of the rushing water below them.

Neither one of them spoke again for a good two minutes. They just stayed there, holding the other, connected in a way in which they didn’t need words to communicate.

“God, how did we get here?” Alison sighed, the hand over Emily’s slipping down until she was gently gripping her wrist.

“I don’t know.” Emily bit firmly.

_Me. It’s my fault. That stupid wreck. That stupid fucking wreck. My stupid fucking relentless anger._

Alison could see what she was thinking. She could see the blame, the guilt. Emily wasn’t talking to her, but she could see what was running through her mind as clear as day. She knew Emily was blaming herself, because Emily always blamed herself.

“Don’t.” Alison shook her head.

Alison ran her palm down until it landed on the side of Emily’s neck and she pushed her forehead against Emily’s. They both let out a dejected sigh. They moved closer, an instinct to feel one another. Their damp skin stuck together. Their lips met in a soft tender kiss, an action that always tended to just happen with them in times of need. There was no aggression, no fight for dominance. It wasn’t about lust. It was purely an act of two people who loved one another and needed each other.

As their mouths moved together the world dropped away. They were weightless, they were just there, in that moment. Everything felt heightened. They could hear the sounds of the roaring river crashing against the rocks and swaying against the shore. They could taste the fresh rainwater on each other’s lips, the clear unadulterated taste of nature’s power. They could smell the surrounding trees, the wet bark, the soil, the leaves. They could feel the gentle mist from the river below and the rain rolling down their bodies.

Alison pushed forward and slid one of her hands to the small of Emily’s back. Emily mirrored her movements, pulling her closer, wanting to feel Alison’s body heat against hers. Emily dropped her other hand to Alison’s right side, slipping her fingers underneath her shirt, warm flesh touching warm flesh. Alison slid her fingers against Emily’s jaw as Emily moved her hand away from Alison’s back and brought it up to the nape of her neck, holding her in place as their lips moved in sync. After a few minutes, both of them had to pull back to get some air. Emily kept her palm against the side of Alison’s neck as Alison’s fingers continued to caress Emily’s jaw. Their eyes met, a heated gaze with passion and affection. Neither one of them said anything for a few seconds. They were too lost in one another to realize that the rain was picking up.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” Alison said, catching her breath. She truly did feel bad for being angry at Emily, especially considering the morning she’d had.

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” Emily’s nose brushed against Alison’s as she placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

She pulled away, letting her lips linger, ghosting over Alison’s, while simultaneously spreading her fingers out against Alison’s side, a motion that sent tingles up Alison’s spine. She stared at Alison, her eyes burning into her soul. She was fighting hard to forget about everything else swirling around in her head. Alison was the only thing that could keep her grounded. Alison saw the struggle going on behind her gaze. She knew Emily just needed her to be there, so that’s what she did. She held her, and she let Emily hold her. Emily huffed out a strange breath.

“You are the most important thing in the world to me, Alison. You and Lily. There is _nothing_ I wouldn’t do for you.”

Alison looked at her inquisitively, a mixture of intrigue and concern, because Emily’s words and tone were still very troubling. She could still sense there was something beneath the surface.

“Emily…” Before she could finish her thought, a loud thunderous noise crashed through the air.

Acting on instinct and adrenaline, Emily grabbed Alison and pulled her close, twirling her and twisting them so that her body was curled around Alison’s. She leaned over her protectively. Alison could feel Emily’s heart pounding wildly through her damp clothing. Alison glanced up at her in surprise.

“It was just thunder, babe,” Ali whispered, reaching up to push Emily’s hair that had gone astray back behind her ears. After a few seconds, Ali realized what had happened. Her eyes widened in horror when it hit her. “Oh, shit. Oh shit, Em.” She put her hand against Emily’s ashen rain-streaked face. “Oh, God. You…you’re…” She felt her own heart pumping hard against her chest. “Hey, you’re okay. I know it…” The fear in Emily’s eyes was overwhelming. “It…it was raining that night. The wreck. Did you just…” Her fingers grazed Emily’s temple, “…did you have another flash to the wreck?”

“Y-yeah.” Emily lied. She stood them back up when she realized there was no imminent danger, their bodies still pressed firmly together. She ran her fingers through her hair and then looked around. There were no snipers on a grassy knoll. There was no gun aimed at them. At least not at the moment. “I think I’m still a little messed up from the panic earlier.” At least that part was true.

“Come on, let’s get out of here before the storm hits.” Ali pulled Emily to walk with her towards her car. She saw Emily glance at her car. “Don’t worry about it. Ezra is going to come get it. He and Aria are both off today. They’re going to bring Fiona and Kai to let them get in some driving practice.”

“It’s a good thing I’ve got insurance on it.” Emily managed a smile.

Ali laughed. They drove home, a strange but comfortable silence between them. Ali knew the noise in Emily’s head was driving her crazy. What she didn’t know was that the reason wasn’t solely because Emily was being haunted by her past. It was because the past was clashing with the future. It was all of the pain of her past twisting into the uncertainty of her future. It was the reality of losing Grace meshed with the possibility of something happening to Ali and Lily if she screwed up. It was strangling her. All she wanted to do was get away from it all.

When they got home they both went to change out of their damp clothes. Emily had only gotten as far as one shoe before she stopped abruptly. Alison had just pulled off the sweater Emily had given her. She turned around and she saw Emily sitting against the edge of the bed staring at her feet, one shoe on and one shoe off. The shoe that she still had on had a dark stain against the very edge of the sole that tracked up the side from where she’d slipped backwards in her office that morning. Alison followed Emily’s sight and realized what her eyes were fixed on.

“Is that…”

“It’s his blood.” Emily nodded, interrupting her.

An innocent boy’s blood. Emily couldn’t help but take it personal. Grace had been innocent, too. Neither one of them deserved to die. The whole situation was just so fucked up beyond belief. Alison saw a flash of emotion cross Emily’s face. She expected pain and distress, but Emily seemed almost…angry.

Seconds later, Alison’s suspicions were confirmed when Emily slipped the shoe off and hurled it across the room in frustration. It ricocheted off of the wall and landed next to their dresser. Emily shoved her face into her palms and uttered out a strangled yell.

“Damn it!” She growled. “We were so close,” she mumbled.

She felt the bed move next to her where Alison had sunk down beside her. Emily moved one of her hands to reach for Alison’s, because she felt out of control and she needed something to center her…to remind her of who she was. Alison curled her fingers into Emily’s, lacing them together. She reached out with her other hand and touched Emily’s thigh. Her pants were still wet from the rain. She didn’t know how Emily wasn’t freezing now that they were in the air conditioning in damp clothing. Alison felt like she was in an icy lake.

“Em, just because we didn’t get to see him brought to justice for what he did that night doesn’t mean we didn’t get justice for Grace.”

It took Emily a minute to realize what Alison was talking about. When she’d said _‘we were so close’_ she’d been ranting out loud, meaning that Ryan had almost gotten them to the nightmare of a psycho who was after her. But Alison had assumed she meant Emily was talking about seeing Ryan punished to the full extent of the law for what had happened to their daughter.

Alison had been so pissed at Ryan that day at the police station. She had been ready to unleash holy hell on him, but as she had been sitting in that same police station this morning, her worst fears plaguing her, she had re-evaluated what was important in her life. It was Emily and Lily, and that was it.

Ali had spent so much of her time being angry at the person who had run Emily off the road that she’d let it consume her life. Not in the way it had consumed Emily’s life. It had been more of a slow burning anger running through her veins. And it wasn’t until she completely blew her top and threatened a sixteen-year-old boy in the middle of a police station that she realized what it was doing to her. It was controlling her life. If Emily hadn’t been there that day she wasn’t sure what she would have done.

The old Alison never felt remorse or guilt. But the Alison that Emily loved, the woman Alison had wanted to become for her knew better. She had often heard that phrase about how holding on to anger and resentment was like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. But she hadn’t really understood it until recently. Even being an English Major and a teacher…the words hadn’t meant to her then what they meant to her now. Especially now that the boy was dead. She knew Emily felt it, too. She just felt it in a different way.

“The prison in that boy’s mind was far worse than anything our justice system could have thrown at him,” Alison squeezed Emily’s hand.

The words hit Emily hard, because Emily was currently trapped in her own mind, and Alison’s words were true. The prison of the mind was the _worst_ prison to be in. It was terrible, but she had no one to blame but herself. Emily looked up at Alison, a woman who had once had no patience for anything. And yet here she sat, the most patient person in the world when it came to her. Alison’s capacity for love and growth never ceased to amaze Emily. She was beautiful, inside and out. Emily wanted to give her everything she ever wanted, because Alison deserved the world. She reached up with her free hand and her fingertips traced Alison’s cheeks. Her touch was so delicate that it felt like silk ghosting over Alison’s skin.

They leaned in at the same time, but it was Emily who took control of the kiss. She moved forward, twisting her body over Alison’s and slowly pushing her back towards the mattress. Alison moved her hand from where it sat against Emily’s thigh, slowly moving it over the top of her leg until her fingers landed on her inner thigh, just inches from her center. She could tell that Emily wasn’t wearing any underwear. Alison groaned against Emily’s mouth, her tongue swirling against Emily’s. Alison wanted to touch her, to _feel_ her so bad. Her hand went higher. Emily’s pants were hot and damp and Alison couldn’t tell if it was from the rain or if it was from Emily.

Alison felt a bolt of electricity shoot through her own core at the thought of getting their wet clothes off and just ravishing Emily’s moist sexy body. She felt one of Emily’s hands slide underneath her blouse and the other sliding lower. Emily’s touch felt divine and she loved knowing that Emily knew all of her sweet spots, that she knew exactly how to make her quiver and shudder and scream, and…oh, god, what was she doing?

Emily had seen the body of a child this morning. Less than an hour ago Alison had seen the normally composed brunette go into a panic over a thunder clap. And Alison’s emotions were just as screwy. She’d been terrified when she thought Emily was killed. She’d been a complete wreck all day. And she’d been angry, _so_ angry when she found out that Emily wasn’t going to therapy anymore, that Emily was _lying_ to her.

She felt Emily cup her breast and she moaned, biting Emily’s lip. They started to move further up on the bed and Alison had to suppress her stupid fucking libido, because this wasn’t right. This wasn’t who they were, who they needed to be. They both wanted this, but they wanted it for the wrong reasons.

“Em,” Alison said, forcefully having to pry her lips away from Emily’s, making Emily whine from the loss of contact, “Emily, you need to stop and breathe.” Her fingers grazed Emily’s cheek. Jesus, her skin was so soft.

“I can breathe just fine.” Emily blew out a heated breath against Alison’s face.

Alison shuddered. She smelled _so_ good.

“We can’t…” Alison shook her head, hating her brain for overriding her heart.

“What?” Emily asked, a dejected look on her face.

It killed Alison to tell her no. Emily looked like a sad abandoned puppy, her hair tangled from the rain, her eyes big and sad. And suddenly Alison realized that Emily thought Alison was stopping because she didn’t want her, like she wasn’t desirable.

“Honey, I want you.” She pulled the hand from in between Emily’s thighs away and put her palm on Emily’s face and clutched her cheeks while she kissed her. She pulled back. “I always want you. But after everything you went through today…you haven’t processed. I know you haven’t. And you can’t just bury it with sex.” She stroked Emily’s face.

Emily didn’t say anything. Neither one of them moved. Alison held her ground.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re okay,” Alison said.

If Emily could do that, do that and truly _mean_ it, Alison would rip her clothes off and dive right back in to it without so much as a second thought.

Just as Alison suspected, Emily couldn’t say those words. Emily closed her eyes and dipped her head forward, pushing it against Alison’s forehead, not arguing with her in the least. She knew Alison was right. She pulled her hands out from underneath Alison’s clothing, her warm palms landing on either side of Alison’s neck. She kissed her, this time less forcefully, her lips barely touching Alison’s. She pecked Alison’s nose, then her forehead.

“Thank you,” Emily said, kissing the side of Alison’s jaw and then pulling back to look at her.

“For what?” Alison asked, a pure look of confusion on her face. It was a look that Emily truly treasured. Because after over thirteen years of marriage, Alison _still_ didn’t know how much she affected her wife, how much she meant to her. It was yet another reason Emily loved her so much. Alison pretended to know everything, but the truth is when it came to love, sometimes she was totally oblivious.

“For loving me,” Emily said. “For reminding me of how lucky I am.” She rolled off of Alison and pushed herself up against the headboard.

Alison automatically followed her motions, sitting up next to her. She trailed her fingers down Emily’s arm until her palm was against the back of Emily’s hand. She curled her fingers and laced their hands together.

“Sometimes I just get so lost in the pain that I can’t see anything else.” Emily admitted.

“I know.” Alison nodded in agreement. “Me, too.”

Emily rubbed her arm to comfort her. Alison could see the tears in her eyes, which made automatic tears spring to her eyes, too. Jason was right. They were in this together to an extent, but there was something more in Emily’s mind. There were things that Emily had seen that Alison couldn’t even begin to comprehend. There were things that Emily knew that she would never forget. Their pain was the same, but what they’d experienced was different.

“I never realized anything could hurt like this,” Emily said quietly. “Sometimes I don’t stop to think about how fragile life really is…about how much I take for granted,” She paused, peering down in thought. “You know, after my dad died there was this shattering realization that I always _knew_ , but never really fully appreciated…that even the most impervious people are not invincible. And when the girls were born there was this sense of understanding I took away from my parents, that the shoe was on the other foot, that I had to be the impervious person to give our daughters the same safety net that my parents were for me.”

She thought about how precious her time with her parents was, and how she hadn’t realized it at the time. She thought about how she took the little things her dad did for her for granted, always just assuming he’d be there. To wake up one day and have him _not_ there had changed something in her. But she’d been able to go on. Somehow. Because of her family. Because that’s how life worked.

“My parents loved me and protected me. And that was always enough.” Emily’s face tightened in thought. Her mom and dad had made it look so easy. “And I am constantly asking myself why couldn’t I do the same thing.” Her throat bobbed with emotion and Alison immediately tightened her grip on Emily’s hand. “Why was it Grace? Why was it _our_ baby?” She took a breath and centered herself. “And then this morning when I…” She paused. She had to shake the visual out of her head, because it was too much, “…when I walked into that office and I saw that poor kid I just felt like it was Grace all over again. Another child, someone _else’s_ child.”

Alison was stunned that Emily was talking to her. She listened to her wife very carefully. She wasn’t sure what to say. She was afraid if she said the wrong thing then Emily would clam up and stop talking again. So she just listened.

“It’s like…death follows me everywhere I go.” Emily grimaced. “It takes so much. It takes people who deserve to be here. There’s no rhyme or reason. It touches everyone, everyone around me. Everyone just keeps dying.” She sighed and looked down. Alison hated the loss of eye contact, but after a few seconds Emily looked at her again. Her brunette looked so confused and hurt. “And I’m still alive.” She sighed again. “But I just don’t understand _why_ I’m still alive.”

Alison knew exactly what to say to that.

“Because you’re meant to be here, Emily,” Alison put her free hand on top of their intertwined fingers. She couldn’t help herself as she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Emily’s. The kiss was short and sweet. It was an action to tell Emily she deserved to be alive. “There is a reason you’re here.”

She moved her hand away from their locked hands and put her palm on Emily’s cheek, holding her gaze, letting her know she was there, letting her know that she would always be there. Emily swallowed her emotions and sighed. She squeezed Alison’s hand.

“I’m beginning to see that.” Emily nodded with a weak smile. She was looking at that very reason. Her wife. Her family. “Sometimes I just lose sight and need the reminder.” She lifted their locked hands and kissed Alison’s knuckles. She could see goosebumps on Alison’s skin. “You should get out of those wet clothes and take a shower to warm up, baby. I know you’re freezing.”

“Yeah, well, it’s my own damn fault for not letting you warm me up.” Alison rolled her eyes.

Emily laughed softly. It was hard for Alison to pry herself away from Emily, but she pushed herself off of the bed.

“I’m going to take Jett out before the storms start to get really bad.” Emily stood up on the other side of the bed.

While Ali took her shower Emily made them some hot tea and then took Jett out. She was on her way back in when her phone went off. She pulled it out and glanced at the screen. It was another text from the unknown number.

_“Two weeks. Make the most of it. You’ll be surprised how fast it goes.”_

Emily nodded slowly, not really having much of a reaction at all. She wasn’t sure how much faith she could put in a maniac who wanted to kill her, but something about the message seemed genuine. For some reason, she actually believed this person would back off for two weeks. She held her finger down on the message and deleted it. She put her phone in her pocket and glanced around, fighting the urge to flip the bird just in case Del Toro or his minions were watching. Instead, she decided to go in and spend time with her wife. That’s what mattered right now. Her family.

When Pam brought Lily home later they invited her to stay for dinner. They sat around the dinner table and Emily watched them smiling and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. She really did have a beautiful family. How many times had she missed this? How many times had she been so wrapped up in her own plight that she forgot to stop and look at everything she _did_ have?

As Emily was lying in bed that night, all she could think about was the time she’d let pass her by when she should have been living her life with her family. All she could think about were all the moments she’d lost by being so blind to what was right in front of her…what was important. She pushed closer to Alison’s body, her front connecting with Alison’s back. She tightened her hold on Alison’s abdomen and kissed the side of her neck. She saw goosebumps rise on her skin and Alison let out a satisfied sigh.

“Ali, I want to take you to Paris,” Emily said, running her hand along Alison’s abdomen while kissing the underside of her ear.

Ali turned over to face her, their lips inches from touching.

“You are taking me.” She had a confused look on her face. “We’ve been talking about going this summer.” She traced the side of Emily’s jaw.

“I’m not talking about months from now. I’m talking _now_. I’m talking days. This weekend. Jason’s got the vouchers. We can go whenever we want.”

“What?” Alison asked in surprise. Was she dreaming or was Emily actually talking about picking up and traveling across the world at zero moment’s notice?

“Obviously not for the full two weeks…” As it was, Maurice was probably going to flip his shit about her leaving the country. Not to mention that pesky little hit on her. She was fairly certain that Del Toro meant it when he said he’d give her the two weeks. She didn’t _think_ he would follow them, but he probably would send a damn nuke after her if she missed their stupid deadline. Even if she ran away to Paris she was sure he’d hunt her down, so a short vacation would have to suffice, “…just for a couple of days to get away for a while. We can still go there this summer, too.”

“What about Lily?”

Emily had thought about that, too. No way she was leaving her daughter behind in this cursed town with a crazy hitman on the loose. They’d be reducing her punishment after all.

“I want her to come, too. With the two furlough days next week she won’t miss any school. She would absolutely love _The Louvre_. And my mom would love to go. She could spend some quality grandma time with Lily. And Jason should join us, too, if he’s up for it.”

“Em…where is this coming from?” Alison propped herself up on her elbow. “What’s the rush?”

“A teenager who had barely even started to live died today. We’re not guaranteed tomorrows. All we can do is appreciate what we have while we have it. Tonight I had dinner with my family. I got to _appreciate_ dinner with the people I love the most in this world. And I want more of that. I’m done waiting to catch up on life. I’m tired of planning things. I want my time to matter. I want our memories to be _now_. We can make all the plans in the world, but it doesn’t mean anything if we don’t get to live them.” And she wanted to live them, she wanted to live them with Alison. Alison deserved happiness. She deserved beautiful moments. She deserved Paris. She rubbed Alison’s arm. “So, what do you say?”

Alison was completely speechless. She wanted more than anything to say yes, but she was surprised that Emily was springing this on her out of nowhere. It was just so sudden. But then she started to think about it. She started to think about everything the two of them had gone through. She thought about how much pain they’d had to waver, and the darkness they were still trying to claw their way out of. She knew that Paris wouldn’t solve everything. She knew that they still had a lot to work through. But maybe a trip was just what they needed to get back to their roots. Emily was right. They deserved a little happiness.

“Okay.” Alison nodded with a smile. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

“Yeah?”

Alison nodded again, a look of joy and elation on her face. It was a look that Emily could feel radiating through her soul. Alison reached for Emily’s face and leaned forward to capture her lips. Emily could feel Alison’s excitement buzzing through her. Alison smiled against her mouth and Emily couldn’t help but smile back. Seeing Alison happy is what she lived for. And she wanted more of it. Because it was moments like these that mattered the most. It was moments like these that she knew Alison would look back on with a fond heart and know that even through all the pain in their lives, there were memories of love. It was moments like these that would create memories that could carry their love through an entire lifetime.


	24. Off the Beaten Track

The next morning they talked to Pam, Jason, and Lily about the impromptu trip to France. Lily absolutely lit up at the idea, which pleased her mothers. Seeing her smile made everything bad in the world fade away for a little while. She immediately started googling things to do in Paris. She was already mentally taking a tour of _The Louvre_. Pam was on board, too, citing she needed a little excitement in her life.

“And of course, you’ll need a built in babysitter while you two frolic in the city of love.” Pam looked at Ali and Emily through a lifted suggestive brow.

“Mom, that’s not why we’re inviting you.” Emily laughed, though to an extent it was true.

“Hey, I’m not complaining.” Pam threw her hands up with a laugh. “It’s Paris! I’ll take it. _And_ time with my grandbaby? Bonus!”

Jason was excited they were finally taking him up on his offer, but he had to be in Brazil for a conference and couldn’t go with them.

An odd sense of calmness overcame Emily the next several days. A strange acceptance of fate. It’s like a filter had gone up in her brain and cut off all reality. A numbness took over, her mental pain receptacles completely blocked. Sometimes when things got bad enough in life, there was a disconnect that happened in the body in which the brain built a barrier to keep the pain out. It was the mind’s way of protecting the human spirit.

She knew she was on a time crunch, but she didn’t want to face it. She didn’t want to think about it. Because she knew what she was facing, but her mind was made up about what had to happen when she came face to face with the person who was threatening her. She was convinced giving herself up was the only way, though Maurice kept assuring her that he would figure it out. To her surprise, he didn’t freak out about her going to France.

She’d gone to visit him at the bar after she’d worked out at the gym. He told her he agreed that whoever was sending the messages would probably not go as far as following her across the world. In fact, he encouraged her to spend time with her family. He knew she needed it. He also needed her out of the loop while he worked with Mona, which Emily did not know about, to find a solution that did not result in Emily getting herself killed. Emily was shocked by his reaction.

“You’re seriously not going to yell at me and call me an idiot like you normally do?” Emily lifted a single one of her eyebrows, sensing something was amiss.

“Doesn’t do any good. You’re like a damn cat. You just do whatever you want.” He shrugged, rubbing a rag against the bar to clean it.

“Let’s hope I have some of my nine lives left.” She smiled weakly.

“Just don’t go do something stupid and fall off the Eiffel Tower and get yourself killed. I’d be really pissed if we did all this to keep you alive and then you tripped and fell to your death while overlooking Paris.” Maurice tossed the rag over his shoulder.

“Why do I have a feeling you’re Emily-proofing Paris and putting up giant mattresses at the bottom of every steep drop and at the bottom of every hill?”

“Your dumb ass would find a way to hurt yourself on the springs.” Maurice gave her a hard time. “Short of bubble-wrapping you and the entire country of France, there’s not much I can do. You’re gonna do you.”

“You’re really not worried?” Emily asked curiously.

She felt like Maurice was up to something. Little did she know that he’d brought Mona in on the case. She was researching everything they had. And she was on the trail of something interesting about the wire they’d found in the teddy bear.

“I’m always worried. But I don’t think the Vipers are dumb enough to take this into international territories.”

“So I just need to worry about French gangs then?” Emily asked.

“All you gotta do is tell ‘em you’re German and they’ll run the other way.” Maurice smirked. He slid a bottle of beer down to the end of the bar to a waiting customer.

“Don’t make fun of the culture that gave us wine, croissants, and the Eiffel Tower.” Emily scolded him.

“You’re right. It’s not cool. Especially since they can’t defend themselves.”

“Spoken like a true army man.” She teased.

“He’s just mad that he doesn’t look good in a beret.” Gina walked over to them and grabbed two glasses and filled them up with what was on tap.

“You guys are busy tonight.” Emily noticed.

“Contrary to popular belief, some of our money _is_ made the legal way.” Gina replied with a smile.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to it.” Emily stood up. “I’ll figure something out about the burner phone. I’ll sneak it into my luggage or something.”

“Don’t bother taking it.” Maurice shrugged.

Emily looked at him in surprise.

“Why? You firing me?”

“Don’t be stupid.” He rolled his eyes. “You should take whatever time you can to get away from this. If I need to contact you, I have my ways. Otherwise, I’ll handle things here.”

“Okay, what are you up to, Maurice?”

“I’ve been asking him the same thing for thirty years.” Gina laughed. She faced him. “Now, come on, get a move on. Your son has another Capitalist venture he wants us to sign off on.”

“Oh, he’s only _my_ son when he needs money.” Maurice snorted. “Bobby, you’re in charge.” He waved Bobby over to the bar. He looked at Emily. “Hey, enjoy France, sweetheart. But be careful, alright?”

They said their goodbyes and then Emily headed out. Instead of panicking about what the Vipers had planned for her Emily decided to focus on what was in front of her – what was important. Her family. Her wife. Her child.

As the weekend drew near she had a very weird serenity about her, and Ali wasn’t sure how to react. Emily was conversational, loving, attentive, and to Ali’s surprise…slept soundly.

Ryan’s death had the opposite effect on her that Grace’s death had. It worried Ali, because in her experience with Emily, it was always when Emily was silent and still that she was the most unstable. It was when Emily was silent that Ali knew she needed her the most. It was what she couldn’t see on in the inside that worried her. But if Emily was in distress, Ali couldn’t tell. Emily even started seeing Ruby again, though she still held back quite a bit. She went to a session the day before their trip. Ruby knew something was off about her, but she couldn’t tell what. She was a little concerned about it, especially considering Emily had been through yet another trauma. She made a note to see if Emily’s strange quirks were still apparent in her next session, not realizing just how explosive that next session was going to be.

The girls saw a change in Emily, too. Hanna straight up asked her if she was on drugs. Emily just laughed and told her no. She told her that what had happened to Ryan was a reminder that life was short and that she wanted to live it in the best way possible. Hanna had shrugged and bought it, but Spencer still had her suspicions that Emily was lying to cover her true feelings. Aria wasn’t sure what to think. All she could think about was the conversation she’d had with Emily on her porch. Emily had seemed so shaken up that night. It unnerved Aria.

But while everyone around Emily was unnerved, she was strangely calm. She was focused on planning the trip. She wanted to make it as memorable as possible for her family. She owed them all so much.

Toby and Eli were going to keep an eye on their house while they were gone. They came over the night before they were going to leave just to go over a few things. Eli was going to be taking care of Jett. Toby knew that Eli knew what he was doing with the dog. He just used it as an excuse to check in on Emily. Not only had Spencer shared her concerns with Toby, but the haunted expression he’d seen on Emily’s face at the station still bothered him. He’d seen that kid, too, and it was shocking to him. He couldn’t imagine how Emily must have felt. They watched as the kids walked into the kitchen, Jett trailing along behind them curiously.

“Where’s Ali?” Toby was surprised she wasn’t stuck to Emily like glue considering Emily had taken off from the police station and disappeared the day Ryan was killed.

“Picking up a few things for the trip.”

“Not clothing, obviously, considering you two will probably never even leave the hotel.” Toby nudged her with a teasing smile.

“Gee, am I that transparent?” Emily asked sarcastically.

“Come on, no one actually goes to Paris _just_ to see the city.” Toby laughed. “When Spencer and I went to Bora Bora I didn’t plan a damn thing, because I knew we would never even look outside at the ocean _once_.” He smiled. “We didn’t.”

“The difference is my mind isn’t set like yours. You’re a dude. I’m a lady.” Emily joked.

“You are no such thing.” Toby argued with a chuckle.

“We really do appreciate you checking in on things while we’re gone,” Emily said.

“It’s all a ruse to use your house for a giant house party,” Toby replied, running his fingers across a piece of finished wood. “You’ve got insurance, right?”

“Sure, yeah.” Emily shrugged with a laugh. “We doubled up on it the second we found out we were having twins. Then we added an extra policy solely for the destructo-dog.”

“Try having two dogs. Spencer liked to kill me when I brought home Remy without consulting her. Now she loves the dog more than she loves me.”

“So, was it her idea to come over here and check up on me or yours?” Emily asked.

Toby did not do a good job at hiding his intentions. He looked very much like a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Both of us, really,” he said. “We’re just worried about you. How are you holding up?”

“I’d be a very rich woman if someone gave me a dollar every time they asked me that,” Emily replied.

“I’ll give you five right now if you answer it honestly.”

“Let’s split the difference and you give me three for telling you what I’ve been telling everyone who has been asking me, which _is_ the truth, by the way.”

“Are you seriously haggling for your sanity right now?” Toby laughed.

“Yes. Does that answer your question sufficiently?”

They bantered for a few more minutes, waiting on Lily and Eli to finish up in the kitchen, where the kids were doing some bantering of their own.

“His food is right here.” Lily opened the cabinet and showed Eli a container of dog food. “I like to give him a couple of treats after I walk him.” She pointed to the dog biscuits.

“You do realize I’ve taken care of him before, right?” Eli chuckled. “I took care of him, Remy, _and_ Rutger for a whole week last summer. And if I can handle all three of them, I can certainly handle Jett alone for a few days.”

“That was pre-conehead. He’s a weapon of mass destruction now.” Lily laughed. “That reminds me.” She walked over to the counter and picked up a couple of prescription bottles. “His antibiotics and pain meds. He’s easy. All you have to do is toss the meds into his food bowl with his food. He’ll eat anything. I usually only give him his antibiotics. He doesn’t seem to need the pain meds anymore, unless you just want to drug him because he’s annoying you or something.”

“Hmm, would they work on Harper?” Eli glanced at the pill bottles.

“Good luck getting her to take them.” Lily shook her head.

“I’ll sneak them into peanut butter.”

“Suit yourself. When she bites off your fingers don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Lily shrugged.

They both chuckled.

“So, Paris, huh?” He asked.

“I know. I still can’t believe it.” Lily flittered in excitement. Her eyes lit up.

Eli liked seeing her happy. It made him happy. He hadn’t seen her smile so much since Grace had died.

“Bring me back some authentic Dijon mustard and some fancy cheeses.” He smiled back.

“You’re such a dork.” She shoved him with a laugh.

“You’re the one who has the periodic table memorized by atomic number and _I’m_ the dork?”

“Dork and nerd are two very different qualifying identifiers. You have to be intelligent to be a nerd.”

“Ouch, Lil.” But he knew she was just teasing him. He reached down and scratched Jett’s head underneath the cone. “So, is there anything else I need to know about the beast?”

“Nah. You got this.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence.” He leaned down to Jett’s level. “We’re gonna have a lot of fun here, aren’t we, Jett? Who needs stinky old France?” He scratched Jett’s chin.

Jett let out a satisfied groan and Eli laughed. Lily smiled. Eli really was a good guy. She was glad to have him in her life. When he stood back up she smiled at him. Her soft brown eyes met his met his icy blue ones.

“Hey, um, I never thanked you for defending me when Zane snapped at me at school.” She rubbed her fingers together nervously.

“It’s what we do.” Eli played it off modestly.

“Yeah. But you always go above and beyond. You’ve always been…you’re just…you’re always there for me.”

“I always will be.” Eli assured her. “Any time, day or night.” He reached out and put his hand on top of hers, tapping it gently. “Just maybe not during the NFL draft picks. I _might_ send you to voicemail then.”

They both laughed.

“Seriously, though. I mean it. Any time,” he said.

“Thanks. I appreciate you,” she said.

“I appreciate you, too,” he replied with his signature smile.

Lily liked his smile.

“Eli!” Toby called from the living room.

“I gotta go.” Eli motioned towards the door. “Have an éclair in France for me.”

“You got it.” She nodded, waving to him. “Take care of my dog for me.”

“You got it.”

Emily and Eli crossed paths at the kitchen door. Emily moved aside to let him through. He waved to her and then walked over to where his dad was waiting for him. Emily walked into the kitchen and glanced at her daughter.

“Have you finished packing yet?” Emily asked.

“Mom, I was finished packing like two hours after you told me we were going.”

Emily laughed. Lily grabbed a granola bar and a package of fruit snacks from a drawer.

“Is that your dinner?” Emily frowned at her.

“Yeah.”

“Uh uh. No daughter of mine is going to live off of processed food.” Emily shook her head. She paused, realizing she sounded exactly like her mother. “Go wash up. I’ll make you something with actual nutritional value.”

Lily shrugged and tossed the snacks down and then trailed out of the room, a little pep in her step. Emily couldn’t help but smile. She loved seeing her little girl so happy. She took a moment to soak in her daughter’s joy. She knew the importance of not taking something as trivial as her child’s smile for granted. She wished she could freeze that moment of Lily’s happiness in time.

Fortunately, she wouldn’t have needed a freezer to keep the happy grin on Lily’s face. She wore it all night and was still sporting it the next day when they were finishing up packing the car. Jett watched them, lying against the floor and pouting because he knew they were leaving and he didn’t get to go. Lily stopped long enough to tell him to be good for Eli and that she promised to bring him home a treat, which got a tail wag out of him. Then she walked out the door in excitement. She was ready to jump in the car and go. Ali ran into the kitchen for some last minute snacks. No way she was paying the gouged prices of Airport food.

“Do we have everything?” Ali asked, glancing at a checklist that Emily had made. She ran through it. “Oh, passports. I sat them down when I was grabbing the information for the hotel reservation.”

“I’ll grab them.” Emily turned towards the stairs and started jogging up them two at a time.

Ali watched her. For some reason it stirred a memory in her mind from when the girls were toddlers playing on the playground at the park. Ali had been pushing Lily on a swing, listening to the glorious sounds of her giggles and her constant demands to go higher.

_“Higher, mama!”_

Ali had pushed her a little higher and then looked over and saw Emily trailing after Grace, who was always all over the place at the park. Her little attention span was as spastic as an untrained Golden Retriever puppy. She would go from the swings to the tunnels to the little bouncing horses to the merry-go-round to the slides. Emily was constantly running after her. Ali had smiled as she’d watched Emily chase Grace up the stairs to the slide, Grace turning around occasionally to make sure mommy was still following her, reaching her hand out in excitement and exclaiming,

_“Come on! Slide! Slide, mommy!”_

Emily had always been such a good sport about it. When they had gotten to the top of the slide Emily had picked Grace up and sat down with her in her lap and they had come barreling down the slide together. When they’d reached the bottom the air had been filled with Grace’s laughter, which was a magical sound that they never knew they would miss so much.

_“Again, mommy! Again!”_ Grace had crawled down off of the slide and started tugging on her pants.

And Emily had followed her right back up, no questions asked.

As Ali reminisced about the good days they’d had she started to realize that despite the fact that their hearts hurt, perhaps it was possible to make new memories with that kind of joy. All three of them were ecstatic about the trip. They were happier than they’d been in a long time. So perhaps it _was_ possible to be that happy again.

She heard an impatient honk from the car just as Emily was getting to the bottom of the stairs with their passports. It was very much a “hurry up, we’re going to be late and miss our flight and then I’ll never get to see the Eiffel Tower” honk.

“I think she loves France more than she loves us.” Emily joked.

“That’s my girl.” Ali grinned.

They walked out, locking up behind them, unaware of the person watching them from a few houses down. His eyes had been fixed on the activity at their house all morning. He’d been sitting on his stoop pretending to be on his phone. Occasionally he got up to shoot some hoops. But for the most part Zane had been watching them and scowling in their direction. Lily had hauled off and slapped a kid a few days ago and now she was going on the vacation of a lifetime. He couldn’t even walk through the school halls or his house without getting laid into for something or another. He’d gotten kicked off the basketball team for _much_ less than hitting someone. He got in trouble for just breathing these days. He knew it was warranted, but still, it annoyed the piss out of him.

He watched them drive off. He stared at their empty house for a while, a heated feeling of growing disdain for that family in his mind. Then he grabbed his skateboard and started walking down his driveway, tapping away on his phone. He finished up on his phone and then shoved it in his pocket and threw his board on the ground and started skating towards the house. He stopped at the mailbox. Jett barked from inside. That stupid dog hated him. Zane looked around, and after a few seconds he decided to go on his way. He could still hear Jett barking as he rounded the corner, following the same roads that Emily was taking to pick up her mother before they went to the airport.

After they stopped at Pam’s house to get her they drove to the airport. Emily dropped Ali, Pam, and Lily off at the entrance and told them she was going to park the car and then meet them at the check-in counter. She quickly found a spot in the parking deck and then grabbed her purse and hopped out of the car. She was already mentally in Paris, so she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching at first. After she locked the car she felt a presence behind her. She saw a reflection of movement in the side view mirror and her heart leaped into her chest. She wasn’t in Paris yet. She was a fool for letting her guard down. She instinctively turned around, ready for a fight, ready for an assassin to come at her. She slung her belongings down and took a protective stance.

“Whoa, easy. Down girl.” She saw a familiar smiling face looking back at her. “Is that any way to treat an old friend?”

“Mona?” Emily blinked in surprise.

“In the flesh.” Mona nodded, pulling her designer sunglasses off of her face.

Emily wanted to ask her why she was wearing sunglasses in a dimly lit parking garage, but she was still trying to catch her breath.

“What are you doing here?” Emily finally calmed down enough to talk again.

Mona did not miss her apprehension. And she understood why Emily was so jumpy. She hadn’t meant to sneak up on her.

“Mike and I just got back from our trip to Belize. It’s absolutely beautiful this time of year.” She was grinning from ear to ear.

Emily couldn’t help but feel happy for her. Mona had worked hard to overcome the obstacles in her life and now she had found her bliss. It was well-deserved. Emily spotted something else that screamed “bliss”. Mona was wearing what looked to be an engagement ring on her left ring finger. Mona saw her staring. Emily’s face twisted into a huge smile.

“Oh my God, did Mike…”

“A week ago.” Mona nodded. “He went all out. Candlelit dinner. Fireworks. The whole shebang. He even sweetened the deal with candy from our first date.” Her eyes were sparkling in delight.

They’d only been back together for a few months, but they had such a long history together that Emily wasn’t surprised that Mike had popped the question.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us!”

“He wanted to talk to his parents and Aria in person about it,” Mona said. “I’m a little afraid Aria is going to blow her top. You know how overprotective she can be when it comes to her little brother.”

“All of that is in the past. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled for you.” Emily smiled.

“Well, do me a favor and don’t say anything to anyone. I haven’t even told Hanna yet. I love the girl dearly, but she can’t keep a secret. I didn’t want her to spill the beans to Aria before Mike had a chance to talk to her.”

“I won’t say anything to anyone.” Emily promised. “I won’t even be in town anyway.”

Mona didn’t seem surprised. There was something hidden behind her expression that Emily caught. It almost looked like she was concerned. But why would she be concerned? Emily brushed it off.

“Ali and I are taking Lily and my mom on a vacation.” Emily explained.

“Le gasp.” She overindulged in her French like she always did, which made Emily laugh. “A trip to Sweet Par-ee without moi? I must say, I’m tres insulted.”

“How did you know…” Emily stopped mid-sentence and realized how stupid her question was. “Right, of course, you’re _still_ Mona.”

“Guilty.” Mona shrugged with a smile. “Also…” She pointed down to the things Emily had dropped. Her plane voucher was sticking out of her purse.

Emily leaned down and picked it up. Mona had a strange look on her face when Emily stood up and faced her again.

“I’m glad you’re finally taking a break,” Mona said, her words having a hidden meaning that Emily picked up on.

Something wasn’t right with this scenario. There was no way it was just a coincidence that Mona was in the very same airport parking garage at the very same time she was. But she still couldn’t figure out exactly what Mona was up to. And she didn’t really have the time. She had a plane to catch.

“You absolutely _have_ to check out _Seb’on_. It’s a hidden gem. The food is just délicieux.” She brought her fingers to her mouth and made a motion to kiss them and then threw them up in the air in a dramatic fashion.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Emily nodded, glancing at her watch. “It was good to see you, Mona. Congrats on the engagement. We’ll have to throw a party for you after everyone knows.”

Mona wasn’t sure what to say to that. She didn’t see the girls very often and wasn’t always sure where she stood when it came to their friendship. They weren’t exactly close. So the fact that Emily cared enough to even mention a party for her was overwhelming, especially considering she knew what Emily was currently going through. Suddenly, she didn’t feel right going behind Emily’s back. She hated that she felt guilt these days. Life was much easier when she didn’t care.

“I’ve got to run. Don’t wanna miss my flight. Ali would kill me.” Emily laughed. She waved and started to walk off.

“Emily, wait.” Mona sighed. So much for keeping her completely in the dark. “I know everything,” she said abruptly, stopping Emily in her tracks. “Maurice called me.”

That’s why Maurice had been acting so weird, and why Mona was looking at her like she was a lost puppy.

“Oh, I am so going to kill him.” She had made him promise he would keep Mona out of it. Emily knew what it did to Mona when she was drawn to these situations.

“Actually, the way he tells it, you’re trying to get _yourself_ killed.” She glared at Emily. “You said you’d call me if you got in over your head.”

“We’ve got it under control.” Emily squeezed the fingers of her left hand into her palm, an anxious trait she was still working on getting under control.

“You have a hit out on you, hon. _And_ you’re talking about walking directly into the line of fire.” Mona rolled her eyes. “If that’s your idea of ‘under control’ then you’re more delusional than I _ever_ was.”

“Mona, I don’t want you involved…”

“Too late.” Mona argued. “The wheels are already spinning.”

“Of course they are,” Emily muttered to herself. _Note to self: Maurice doesn’t get a souvenir. He gets a tongue lashing._

“How are you?” Mona questioned, reaching out to touch her arm, a genuine expression of concern on her face.

“Other than the constant looming threat of death I’m great.” Emily whipped out a sarcastic smile.

Mona was not amused.

“No, seriously.” Mona frowned. “Emily…this isn’t something that should be toyed with. I warned you that it could consume you.”

“It hasn’t. It just…” She shook her head and sighed, “…spun out.”

“You are _clearly_ past spinning. You’re in orbit somewhere. I wish you would have reached out to me.”

How could she? She couldn’t even talk to her _wife_ about it. How was she supposed to talk to anyone else? Then again, Mona understood the innate desires that Emily had after the wreck better than anyone. Mona understood how easily a broken heart and a broken mind could turn into a broken life. She understood how quickly things could take a deadly turn, how life could just turn on a dime.

Mona could see Emily getting lost in thought and she quickly reassured her.

“Hey, we’re going to figure something out,” Mona promised. “You just enjoy your trip. And when you get back, everything is going to be just fine. I’m on it.”

“Just be careful, okay?” Emily asked. “Whoever this is is always a step ahead. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Oh, please, Em. I’m an old pro at this.” Mona brushed it off. “Have a fabuleux vacay. Au Revoir.”

And with that, Mona flipped her wrist and waved to Emily. She had somewhere to be. She hadn’t just shown up at the airport for dramatic effect. She had a flight to catch herself. She had been telling the truth to Emily to an extent. Mike _had_ proposed and they had come in to town so Mike could see his family and give them the good news, but Mona had a pit stop to make first. So while Emily, Ali, Lily, and Pam were France bound, Mona was on a short flight to visit an old foe.

It wasn’t until she was sitting down and staring into her eyes through the thick glass separating them that Mona remembered how much hatred she had for the woman. They both picked up the communication phone at the same time.

“Hello, Mary,” Mona said.

“Mona.” Mary didn’t seem surprised at all to see her. “Back to try and make me your plaything again?”

“I’m bored of you,” Mona said with a shrug. “I’m here on official business.”

“Oh, but I do so miss our tea-time chats. Let’s catch up first.” Mary toyed with her. “How is that darling boyfriend of yours? What was his name again? Mike?”

Mona’s face twisted into a heated ball of rage. She was glad she’d taken her engagement ring off before coming in so she hadn’t given Mary any more ammo to work with.

“You leave him out of this. I swear to God if you do _anything_ to him…”

“Easy, darling. I was just making conversation. Isn’t that why you’re here?”

“You know why I’m here, Mary.” Mona glared at her, watching her closely, looking for any indication of her guilt. She was convinced the woman had something to do with what was happening to Emily. “Does Alex know you’ve gone rogue?”

“Who says I have?”

“Don’t bullshit me.” Mona sneered. “Emily Fields.” Still watching, still waiting for a reaction. “Who did you hire?”

“What are you talking about?” And she seemed genuinely confused, but Mona knew she was dealing with a psychopath, and psychopaths were good at playing innocent.

“The wreck was one thing, but the wire in the teddy bear? Come on, what’s happening to her has _your_ fingerprints all over it.”

“I’m sorry to burst your little detective bubble, but,” she raised her hands, one with the phone still in it, “I’ve been in here for almost fifteen years.”

“Not your actual fingerprints.” Mona rolled her eyes. “But you know something. That wire was bought at the same old out of date electronics store you used fifteen years ago. Same brand. Same M.O. You’re trying to tell me that’s a coincidence? You really think I don’t recognize a pattern when I see one? You and Alex have played this game before, and you _lost_. I know how much that burns. So, what happened? Did you two hear about the wreck and then decide she was easy pickings or something?”

“Mona, dear, I have absolutely no clue what you’re referring to. I don’t even talk to Alex anymore. All I know is that she’s more or less a goody-two-shoes these days. That, or she’s spending her time in solitary confinement. Kind of hard to get into trouble when you spend all day locked away in the state’s personal dollhouse. We are watched every second of every day.” She frowned. “But you know all about that, don’t you? You liked the _Mary and Alex_ show back in France.” She scoffed. “You know you belong in here with us.”

“My word against yours.” Mona smirked. “And who would believe two hardened criminals?”

“Just because the cops don’t know what you did to us in Paris doesn’t mean you’re not one of us. You need to take a good long look in the mirror, honey, because _I’m_ not the only one who ever tortured those girls. So if someone is messing with them why don’t you check _your_ old roster?”

Mona’s face went rigid again.

Mary could see that she was getting to her and she snickered.

“Who knows? Maybe you’ve gone mental again.” Mary continued taunting her, knowing that was a soft spot for her. “I mean, you _do_ have an affinity for treating people like playthings. You made _us_ have actual tea parties.” She rolled her eyes.

“I was perfectly sane when I did that. You _deserved_ it. You fucked with my friends, I fucked with you.” Mona kept her composure.

“Oh, _are_ they your friends? Tell me, how often do you all get together…or even talk for that matter? From what I remember you didn’t even tell them about our little visit to Paris until _after_ it was all said and done.”

There had been a time when that would have bothered Mona, but she and the girls had gotten past that. She had abused them in high school and they had used her later on. They had all come to terms with their past. They had reached an unspoken understanding. Though they weren’t typical friends, after everything they’d gone through together they were family. They were an absolute mess of a screwed up family, but no one could pull them apart. And _no one_ fucked with Mona’s family.

“It’s not going to work, Mary. Stop with the games. We’ve both outgrown them, don’t you think?”

“I haven’t had pieces on the board since I was hauled into this hellhole. So whatever it is you think you know, I assure you, you’re on the wrong track.”

Mona sized her up. It irritated her that she couldn’t tell if Mary was lying or not. She clenched her jaw.

“I swear to God if I find out you had a hand in this…if you hurt her, I will do _much_ worse to you than the dollhouse this time, behind bars or not. If you _are_ behind this or you know who is, you better rein in your dogs or I’ll put every last one of them down, do you understand me?” Mona hissed angrily.

Mary nodded, considering her words. Her face was still completely unreadable.

“Look, I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help. But I’ve been in the dark for years. I have no idea what’s going on with your friends, and I really don’t care. That’s all in my past.” She glanced at the oblivious guard who was playing on her phone. The guard looked up at the clock and then looked at Mary. “My time is up. I hope you figure things out, dear. I really do.”

Mona watched as the guard walked over to her. Mary started to stand up, but paused, turning around to look at Mona again.

“You know, I miss those tea parties sometimes.” Mary smiled. “At least when _you_ kept us prisoner we had clean toilets.”

Seconds later, the two had parted ways. Mona sat there for a minute, trying to figure out her next step. She was a planner, and she didn’t like not having a plan. She replayed their conversation in her head. Something about the way Mary said to check her old roster irked her. Someone did seem to have a very personal stake in this. A vendetta. Perhaps there was someone from their old high school days who could be involved.

She kept track of most everyone. Many of the people who had been involved had moved far away from Rosewood or died. But Mona knew from personal experience that not everyone who appeared to be dead was truly dead. And perhaps there was someone she was overlooking. She racked her brain as she walked out of the visitation room. She was well on her way back to Rosewood when Mary requested to make a call to the very city Mona was traveling back to. She knew that at least while she was behind bars, Mona couldn’t monitor her phone calls. And the guards thought she was calling someone in her family, which was technically true.

When he picked up her call, she didn’t even bother with a hello.

“Mona Vanderwaal just paid me a visit asking all kinds of questions about some kind of war going on against Emily Fields. You want to tell me what the hell is going on there? What are you doing?” She hissed.

He could have easily hung up on her, but he owed her more than that. So he told her everything. The wreck. Emily’s search for the other driver. How she was wrapped up in the underground, and how easily she could expose his business, and their family. It wasn’t a game. It was about his livelihood, his survival, the survival of his empire. He knew Mary, of all people, would understand that. After all, she was part of that empire.

Mary did not approve of his plan, especially now that Mona was meddling in the middle of it. He wasn’t surprised that Mona had somehow gotten roped into it. He suspected Maurice and his stupid little merry band of do-gooders had contacted her. He was kicking himself for not doing something about their involvement. He’d underestimated them. Now he had to rework a bunch of things. It didn’t faze him, but it did encourage him to speed things along. He’d promised Emily two weeks. But if Mona was getting close it might end up being significantly less time. Mary asked him to reconsider, but he’d already made up his mind.

While he plotted and schemed Emily’s demise, the DiLaurentis-Fields family was sitting on a plane getting ready to land in Paris. Ali and Emily looked at the row ahead of them where Lily had basically pressed her entire face up against the window to look at the city below. She marveled at it. Ali glanced out the window and Emily watched her with a smile on her face. She had wanted Ali to have the window seat, because she wanted her to have the view of the city as they were coming in. Ali looked back at her, her eyes dancing in delight. She reached for Emily’s hand.

“This was such a wonderful idea, Em.” She squeezed her hand in excitement.

It’s exactly the kind of reaction Emily had wanted to see from her. It’s exactly the kind of happiness she wanted coursing through Ali’s veins. She couldn’t wait to spend the next few days with her family, leaving all the drama behind, even if only for a little bit. She knew it was going to be a trip to remember the minute they stepped off of the plane. The air around them felt light and beautiful.

They picked up their luggage and then went to get their rental car. As Emily drove the streets she listened to Lily chattering with Pam in the back seat while Ali watched the sights of the city from beside her. After they got checked in at their hotel they went out to explore the city. Their first day was filled with sight-seeing, just walking around and taking everything in. They walked the Pont de la Concorde bridge, stopping to look out at the Seine River. They spent the whole day together enjoying each other’s company in the city and then had a very nice dinner at the very restaurant that Mona had suggested to Emily. They all loved the food.

That night Ali and Emily sat on their hotel balcony sipping wine and enjoying the view of the Eiffel Tower in the distance. They talked for hours, connecting on a level that they hadn’t connected on in months. After a while, Ali sighed and looked out at the view again.

“Grace would have loved this,” she said.

“We would have been chasing her all the way to the top of that tower.” Emily agreed with a laugh.

“To our wild child.” Ali raised her glass in a toast.

“To Grace.” Emily lifted her glass and tapped it against Ali’s.

They both took a sip and then Ali glanced down in thought. Emily put her hand on top of Ali’s and leaned over to place a gentle peck on her lips. She pulled Ali’s chair closer to hers and Ali laid her head against her shoulder as she stared out into the distance.

The next day they visited Luxembourg Gardens, which was a treat for their eyes. There were so many different colors and varieties of flowers blooming that it looked like they were walking through a mosaic stained-glass painting with deep vast colors popping out from every direction. Ali and Emily trailed behind Lily and Pam as Pam talked to Lily about all the flowers. Lily looked at her grandmother with such affection that it really warmed Emily’s heart. Pam was such a special person to all of them. She really was the heart and soul of their family. Without her, their family wouldn’t exist.

Next they took in _The Louvre_ , which rendered Lily absolutely speechless. She looked like a kid discovering something really cool for the first time. Emily marveled at her daughter’s smile. There was something magical about seeing the world through the eyes of a child. It’s like every day was a new adventure.

When they stopped by a nearby gift shop Lily was like a kid in a candy store. She took her time picking out things for her friends. She found a really cute fashionable shirt that had a display of Paris’s hottest tourist spots for Iris. Levi was easy. She just found some sweet French treats for him. She also got him a pack of playing cards with images of the city on them. She got a pocket mirror with a picture of the city for Fiona. She found a small pillow that had French phrases on them for Kai. She knew he’d use it to kick back and play his video games.

She found a water bottle that had “I love Paris” on it for Harper. She knew she could use it on the soccer field. She also got all the girls matching tote bags. Eli was the hardest to buy for. She wasn’t sure what to get him, despite the fact that he told her to bring him back cheese and mustard. She found a small magnet that had breads and cheeses on it and it made her laugh, so she grabbed that, but it wasn’t enough. So she kept looking. Finally, she found a beret for him that she really liked. She thought it would look cute on him. After she was done shopping she ran up to her mothers and grandmother.

“I can’t wait to give everyone their gifts.” She smiled in excitement.

It was only after they left the store that Ali realized something.

“She didn’t buy a thing for herself.” Ali pointed out.

“That’s our girl.” Emily smiled.

Lily hadn’t been thinking about herself at all. It warmed her mothers’ hearts to know that their daughter had such good friends. And all she wanted to do was make them happy. Despite the attitude she’d been giving them lately, she was a good kid. So when she found an event she wanted to go to that night, Emily couldn’t say no.

“Oh my God, they’re having a fireworks show a few miles from the hotel. Can we go? Please?” Lily showed her mom a brochure she’d been looking through.

Ali automatically looked at Emily. Loud noises were still sometimes a trigger for her. To her surprise, Emily didn’t seem concerned about it. She smiled at her daughter.

“Sure, Lil, whatever you want.” Emily nodded.

Lily ran over to tell Pam the exciting news.

“Em, are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Ali asked quietly.

Emily nodded. It was always the unexpected noises that got her riled up. Going into it, she knew it was going to be loud and explosive. And she was fine with that. She couldn’t let what was going on in Rosewood touch her here. This trip was all about her family and what they wanted.

They went out to find a good spot to see the show. They found a place with perfectly manicured grass and they spread out the blankets they’d brought to sit on. When the show started Ali leaned in to Emily, resting her head on her shoulder. She gripped Emily’s hand, holding it with a tight conviction to remind her that she was okay. She watched closely for any signs of stress, but Emily didn’t seem bothered at all by the shrill loud noises. In fact, she barely even registered the fireworks. She was too busy watching Lily and Pam “ooh-ing” and “ahh-ing”.

Ali looked up at the fireworks display. Sparks of brilliant color filled the sky, painting the evening darkness in a canvas of bright twinkling lights and images blooming like flowers in bursts of light. Trickles of color soared into the sky, exploding into magnificent works of art, reflecting upon the eyes of those watching them. Ali looked over and saw the colors in the evening sky flashing across Emily’s face, fluttering against her eyes. Emily turned to face her and they leaned in for a kiss.

Their lips melded together. Emily reached up and her palm landed softly against the side of Ali’s face. Everything was going perfectly. But then there was a loud pop near them that sounded like a gun going off in the cover of the fireworks. Emily felt something hit her abdomen and she froze. Ali felt Emily’s body jerk and she immediately pulled away to check on her.

She saw Emily looking in the direction from where the noise had come from. She turned around and saw that it was just the couple sitting next to them opening a bottle of champagne. They apologized for hitting Emily with the cork and then offered to share. Emily and Ali accepted. After the show was over they stayed, laying out and looking at the stars. Lily even fell asleep underneath the night sky.

The next morning they took a boat tour along the Seine River, seeing a good portion of the city from the comfort of a relaxing ride along the calm waters. After the tour they went to The Marais shopping district and then went to check out some of the old architecture in the neighborhood. After they were finished there they headed towards their next destination.

Emily knew that Pam wanted to see Notre-Dame, so she worked that into their visit. The cathedral and its architectural designs took Pam’s breath away. She got as excited about it as Lily had gotten about seeing _The Mona Lisa_. Seeing the joy on her mother’s face made Emily smile. The time was passing by all too quickly for her. She wanted it to be like this forever. She wanted her family to be happy forever.

The last stop on their tour was the most important to Emily and Alison. They’d been waiting their whole trip to see the Eiffel Tower. And it did not disappoint. The monument was a sight to behold up close. It was beautiful, breathtaking, and commanding. It was everything that Emily saw in Alison that she loved. They explored the tower, venturing to the top. Alison and Emily stopped to look at the view while Pam and Lily wandered around looking at all angles of the city. Alison peered out at the setting sun. It was the perfect way to end the day. She felt Emily slip her arms around her midsection and clasp her hands together above her skirt, holding Alison in her grasp.

“I was saving the best for last,” Emily pulled Alison close to her body.

“This view is just…” Alison was awestruck as she peered out over the beautiful city. “I don’t even have the words.”

“We don’t need words,” Emily kissed her temple.

Watching the sunset on top of the Eiffel Tower with Emily had always been a dream of Alison’s. She glanced back at her wife. Just like in her dream, the breeze was in Emily’s hair. Her dress, which Alison had picked out for her, fluttered in the wind. Emily leaned forward, her arms wrapped tight around Alison’s front. Alison pushed against her and their cheeks brushed together. Emily pressed an innocent kiss on her cheek. Alison turned towards her to capture her lips.

They watched the sunset and then had dinner as a family in a restaurant in the tower overlooking the city. After they finished eating, Emily and Alison took Pam and Lily back to the hotel and then went to explore the nightlife of the city. They wanted their last night to end with a bang. They walked the streets hand in hand for hours. They weren’t even bothered when the weather took a turn and it started drizzling on them.

They ended their evening near the front of the Eiffel Tower, the lights of the structure still shining bright in the rainy weather. They had stopped behind a railing overlooking a small stream of water flowing gently in the wind. Both of them put their hands against the railing. Emily reached over and put her hand on top of Alison’s, neither of them saying a word as they just took in the experience. Alison turned towards Emily, subconsciously moving closer to her. Emily saw the motion and turned to face her.

“Emily, this whole trip has meant so much to me.” Her eyes were shining bright in the darkness because of the light above them. Emily could see little flecks of gold in the deep blue pools. “I know things haven’t been easy lately. With everything we’ve gone through…I know…I know that we haven’t exactly found our footing yet, but we’re going to get there. I know we will. Because I know _you_.” She gripped Emily’s hand. “You’re not just my wife. You’ve been my best friend my whole life. I am going to love you no matter what life throws at us. I love you when you’re shoving your cold feet up against me in bed. I love you when you walk around the house singing annoying songs at the top of your lungs. I love you even when you’re driving me crazy. I love you in your underwear making us pancakes and I love you randomly springing trips to Paris on me. I will love you, regardless of where we are or what we’re going through. These past three days just reminded me that while it’s nice to share beautiful moments with you, I don’t care where we are…as long as we’re together.”

She reached up to touch Emily’s face, which was drenched from the rain. Emily reached up and did the same, cupping Alison’s face in her palms. They leaned forward and their lips met.

The kiss in the rain was everything it wasn’t in Rosewood. It was heated, passionate. Controlled. Emily pushed forward, wrapping an arm around Alison’s back to pull her closer. Alison arched her back into Emily and fell back slightly, Emily dipping her down as she moved with her, into the kiss. Alison pushed one of her hands against Emily’s chest and threw her other hand behind Emily’s neck to hold her in place. And for a few minutes, they were the only two people in the city.

When they finally broke apart they were both smiling at one another. They walked back to the car holding hands, not saying anything, just letting their emotions do the talking. The rain started coming down harder as they drove back to the hotel. Normally, that was something that made Emily anxious. But she was holding Alison’s hand in hers on the drive and that kept her calm.

The only parking spot they could find was a half a mile away from the hotel. Emily pulled into the spot and glanced out the windshield at the pouring rain.

“I don’t think it’s going to let up any time soon.” Emily leaned forward and looked out the front window. Even in the cover of the parking spot in the alley the car was still getting hammered with rain.

Alison unbuckled her seat belt and leaned forward to look up at the sky through the windshield. She glanced over at Emily. The cover of a streetlight was shining on her. Alison could still see some raindrops rolling down her skin, mostly from where the rain had wet her hair. She looked beautiful in the glow of the light. Alison felt a hot tension between her legs and got the sudden desire to grab Emily and kiss her again. She watched Emily watching the rain and her desire deepened. She wanted to do more than just kiss her. She wanted her. _All_ of her.

“I know what we can do to pass the time.” Alison reached over the console, laying her hand against Emily’s thigh, moving it inward.

Alison gave her a seductive look as she pushed her fingers up underneath the hem of Emily’s dress, which she’d wanted her to wear for this very reason. Before Emily could respond, Alison’s fingers were rubbing up against her over her underwear. Alison smirked when she felt how hot Emily was, even beneath her wet panties. She was completely soaked, definitely from more than the rain. Emily was always so ready for her and that turned her on in every way possible. Emily took a heavy breath, closing her eyes at the sensation. She didn’t have the words, nor the thought process to say anything back. Alison’s fingers felt so good.

After a second Emily unbuckled her seat belt and leaned over the console to kiss Alison. Her palms found Alison’s damp cheeks. Alison’s face felt like home to Emily. Alison dipped her tongue into Emily’s mouth, exploring every crevice as she slowly moved her fingers back and forth underneath her dress, Emily involuntarily and instinctively moving with her. Alison felt Emily’s breath coming out in unsteady exhalations into her mouth and she savored the taste. Alison pushed her body forward, trying to get closer to Emily, annoyed at the small space restricting their movements.

Alison pushed forward until she was climbing over the console, her lips never disconnecting from Emily’s. She put her free hand on Emily’s cheek and crawled over on top of her, curling her legs against the seat, her knees on either side of Emily’s thighs. She pulled her fingers out from between Emily’s legs and her hand frantically searched for the lever to push the seat back some so her ass wouldn’t be right up against the steering column. She found it and moved them back and then rubbed herself against Emily, their wet clothes clinging together.

Emily ran her palms along the hem of Alison’s skirt and slowly pushed it up, her fingers grazing Alison’s skin along the way. Alison could feel herself dripping, her core throbbing. Seconds later Emily’s hands moved inward and she discovered Alison didn’t have on any panties. She pulled away from the kiss and looked at her in surprise. Alison had a smirk on her face as she pushed down and rubbed up against Emily’s bare thigh. She locked her fingers behind Emily’s neck and ground down against her. Emily groaned at the sensation.

Emily reached between their bodies and ran two fingers through Alison’s hot dripping folds. Alison pushed forward, placing a hard kiss on Emily’s lips. She moved her hips back and forth, trying to create the friction that she needed. Emily pulled her hand back slightly, grinning against her lips when Alison whimpered against her mouth.

“Emily DiLaurentis-Fields, you fucking tease.” Alison bit down on her lip.

Emily laughed against Alison’s mouth.

“I learned it from you,” she mumbled against Alison’s lips.

Emily slipped her fingers back in between her moist thighs, slowly moving them back and forth, building Alison up. Every so often she’d flick her fingertip against Alison’s clit and teasingly press a finger at her entrance.

After the third time she did it, Alison couldn’t take it anymore. She pulled back and pushed forward until she was fully seated on Emily’s fingers. Her mouth fell open in a perfect “O” shape as Emily moved with her. Emily started moving her pelvis into Alison’s and Alison reached between them and pushed her hand underneath Emily’s dress. She pushed the thin material of her underwear aside and her fingers rolled circles against Emily’s center as she set a rhythm for the both of them. Alison slowly pulled herself up and then slid back down, pushing against Emily firmly, her motions hitting Emily hard between her legs, sending sparks of pleasure through both of them. Both of their mouths fell open in pleasure.

They moved together, the motion of the car rocking beneath them adding a captivating intensity to their passion. Emily pushed Alison’s hair aside and attached her lips to the side of her neck. Alison turned her head to grant her easier access. She faced the window, which was completely fogged over because of their damp body heat. Emily’s mouth against her neck almost sent her body into a frenzy. Her silky smooth lips felt like magic to Alison.

Emily slowly kissed her way down Alison’s neck, her free hand undoing the top few buttons of Alison’s blouse. She kissed the exposed portion of her breasts as she reached back and flipped the clasp of her bra free. It slid down her shoulders and Emily pressed her lips against her hardened nipple. She flicked her tongue against it and Alison shuddered, tangling her fingers in Emily’s hair. Emily took the tight bud in her mouth and sucked on it. Alison had the sudden desire to do the same to Emily. She looked down, irritated that she couldn’t get past Emily’s dress to touch more of her body.

_Should have gone with a skirt and blouse._ Alison kicked herself in thought.

“Em, I need more,” Alison huffed against her cheek. “I need to feel you. I need…” She threw her head back, feeling her peak getting ready to hit her, _hard._ “I need to feel you on me…I need your body against mine.” She needed to feel her, every inch of her.

“I’m all yours tonight, sweetheart.” Emily breathed out a heated breath against her neck and peppered it with kisses as she twisted her fingers and hit her mark inside of Alison.

Alison’s body tensed as her orgasm hit her, rocking her to her core. Emily watched her fall apart, their faces just centimeters apart. Alison’s jaw dropped and her eyes rolled back into her head.

“Emily.” She moaned. “Oh, Em…”

Alison was shuddering so hard that she swore she could feel the car shaking with them. She felt Emily’s mouth against hers and after a few seconds she was able to move her mouth again. She returned Emily’s kiss, prodding her tongue in between Emily’s plump lips. Emily tickled something inside of her and Alison felt her body vibrating so hard that it started to overwhelm her. She ripped her lips away from Emily’s and buried her face in Emily’s neck as she rode out her climax. Her walls twitched against Emily’s fingers. Once the pulsing stopped she pulled back to look at her wife again. Emily smiled at her and brushed some hair away from her face.

“You are so gorgeous, Alison.” She would never get over the sight of Alison unraveling underneath her touch. She kissed her again.

“Mmm, let’s go back to our room,” Alison whispered, tugging on Emily’s bottom lip, her fingers still tickling Emily between her legs.

Suddenly, the rain didn’t seem to matter anymore. Alison sloppily buttoned her blouse and they jumped out of the car, one desire in mind. Emily ran around the side of the car and grabbed Alison’s hand and pulled her towards the road that led back to their hotel…to their room.

They made their way back to the hotel, giggling like school girls along the way. Every now and then Emily would pull Alison under an awning and kiss her while the rain hammered against the ground around them. No one paid any attention to them. They were just two lovers in the city of love.

They barely made it back to the room. Emily stopped at the door while fumbling with the key. She pressed Alison’s back against the door, one hand against her jaw as she pushed her body against Alison’s and the other hand trying to get the lock open. The door swung open when she did finally manage to slide the key in and they tumbled into the room, Emily kicking the door shut behind them. She tossed the key on the floor and spun Alison around, picking her up as Alison threw her legs around Emily’s waist. Emily pushed Alison’s back up against the door, her hands clutching the backs of Alison’s thighs. She could feel Alison’s heat against her pelvis.

One of Alison’s hands was tangled in Emily’s wet hair and the other was pressed firmly against the nape of her neck, pulling her closer as their tongues and lips fought for dominance. The feel of Emily’s silky wet dress against her naked center was driving Alison wild, but she wanted to be touching Emily when she let go this time. She moaned into Emily’s mouth and then broke the kiss long enough mutter out,

“Em, bed.” _Now_. She thought to herself, meaning to say it out loud, but she was so caught up in Emily’s motions that she was lost in her own head.

“Mmm, mmhmm,” was all Emily could muster in response.

Alison slid her legs down, her feet hitting the floor. She kicked her shoes off. Emily did the same as they kept their lips and bodies connected and moved towards the bed. Alison felt Emily’s fingers gliding against her sides, moving down towards her hips. There was something different about Emily’s touch.

Emily took her time with her, her hands caressing Alison’s body over her wet clothing, her fingers catching on the edges here and there. She slowly pulled Alison’s skirt down, her fingers taking in the feel of her soft thighs. She pushed her up against the edge of the bed and slipped her fingers up her side, tugging on her shirt. Alison reached for the zipper on Emily’s dress.

Once Alison’s blouse was off and her breasts sprang free Emily dipped down and placed a kiss between them. Alison threw her head back and sighed, her hand still working the zipper on the back of Emily’s dress. The dress slipped off of her shoulders and Alison kissed her bare shoulder and then worked her way up her neck as she pulled the dress down. She popped the clasp on Emily’s bra and it fell to the ground at their feet.

Alison rubbed the palm of one hand against Emily’s left breast and reached down with her other hand and hooked a finger against her underwear and tugged on them. The fabric stuck to her skin on the way down, still drenched from the rain…and their encounter in the car. Emily squirmed to help her get them off.

Once there was nothing left between them, Emily pushed her body against Alison’s and when their pelvises connected they both huffed out a gasp at the sensation. Emily gently laid her down on the bed, crawling on top of her, nuzzling her neck, kissing her tenderly against the side of her jaw, working her way up to her mouth. Alison’s eager lips found hers. She grasped at Emily’s hips to bring her down on top of her.

The second she felt Emily against her again she started bucking against her, more than ready for her. But Emily’s hands remained above her waistline, above where Alison really wanted her. Emily wanted to feel every inch of her wife, to relish in the time she had with her. Alison didn’t make the wait easy. She wrapped her legs around Emily’s thighs, crossing her ankles tight and holding Emily’s core against hers, their hot centers brushing together as they moved, creating a fiery friction between them. Alison reached down and grabbed the tender flesh of Emily’s upper thighs and dug her fingers into her skin, trying to pull her closer.

Emily traced her fingers against Alison’s cheeks as their mouths and tongues rolled together, their lips a perfect fit. Alison could barely stand the tension she felt building up. She had to touch Emily. She moved a hand from Emily’s thigh and slipped it between their bodies and grazed her folds, feeling her arousal. Emily threw her head back and took a breath, trying to savor the moment, trying to memorize Alison’s touch.

It was hard for Emily not to come undone, but she wasn’t ready yet. Emily pulled Alison’s forearm up, twisting their arms until she had Alison’s hand in hers against the mattress beside their bodies, their hands up near their faces.

“Slow down, honey,” Emily puffed against her skin, pushing herself up, their damp skin making a quiet tearing sound as it pulled apart.

Before Alison could voice her complaints about Emily pulling away she felt Emily’s lips graze her right breast, landing on her nipple. Emily teased the tender bud with her teeth and Alison whimpered as a bolt of pleasure racked her body. Alison arched her back, pushing her chest further against Emily’s mouth, shuddering out quiet whimpers as Emily sucked and nipped at her breast. Emily continued to explore her body with her mouth, kissing every inch of her exposed skin, pressing gently and leaving behind an imprint of ecstasy along the way.

Alison felt a strange difference in Emily’s love-making. Her touch was both tender and frantic, a mixture of desire, appreciation, and need. It was an electric sensation that was radiating out of Emily’s hands and on to Alison’s body. Alison felt like Emily was holding her like she was afraid to let go, like she may never get to experience an opportunity like this again. It was both intoxicating and overwhelming. Alison fell under the spell of her touch.

Emily’s fingers caressed Alison’s skin softly as she took in the feel of her body. Her hands glided over Alison’s pelvis, her lips following. She spread her fingers across the thin bony area where Alison’s hips met her pelvic bone on either side and kissed the top of one thigh, then the other. Then she dipped down between Alison’s open legs and pushed her lips against Alison’s throbbing heat. She tasted like the rain smelled, a gentle pure taste. She felt Alison’s body jolt at the sensation and she pushed herself back up over her and put her lips against Alison’s again.

“My turn,” Alison whispered.

Alison wrapped her legs around the backs of Emily’s legs again and rocked into her. She flipped them over, pushing Emily’s hands down beside her face against the pillow, holding her wrists with a tight, but gentle pressure. She moved her pelvis up and down against Emily’s core, the wetness between their legs growing at a rapid pace.

Emily closed her eyes and sighed, concentrating. She wanted to hold out. She wanted this to last forever. Alison leaned down and kissed the side of her jaw, her tongue grazing the soft sensitive skin below her ear. She licked a hot trail from Emily’s ear down to her collar bone and then sat up on top of her, pulling one of Emily’s hands towards her chest. Emily palmed her breast as Alison took her turn manipulating her hands across Emily’s body.

Alison ran her palms along Emily’s curved hips, up her side and then her hands landed against Emily’s bosom. She massaged both soft mounds and then ran her fingers across Emily’s nipples, stopping to tweak them just enough to make Emily moan. Alison watched as Emily’s eyes clapped shut and she took in a gasp of air to try and contain her screams. Alison took a moment to appreciate the look on her face and then leaned forward and pushed her lips against Emily’s, her tongue prodding Emily’s mouth as she continued to thrust against her.

Emily knew she wasn’t going to last much longer, so she wrapped an arm around Alison’s back and rolled them over, flipping their positions yet again. Unable to handle the anticipation anymore, Alison reached between their bodies and started stroking Emily between her legs, hitting the tightly wound bundle of nerves at Emily’s core with conviction. Emily sucked in a breath of air and whimpered out a satisfied cry.

_Not yet._ Emily told herself.

Emily snaked her hand down and found Alison’s entrance beyond ready for her. She easily slipped two fingers inside of her and Alison froze for a moment as she took in the sensation of Emily pumping in and out of her. But then she started stroking Emily again, her fingers moving more precise than ever. She pushed two fingers into Emily and watched as the brunette’s eyes fluttered shut.

Their sweat-soaked bodies slid together as they both worked to try and build a momentum that was certain to take them to a height they’d never been to before. Alison had been with Emily for over fifteen years and she’d never experienced anything like this. There was something so different about tonight. She looked up at Emily, who had beads of sweat on her forehead and cheeks from the building heat within. She had a determined look of concentration on her face. Alison’s breath was quick and ragged and she was almost there. But she wanted to wait on Emily. Emily slowly trailed her fingers along the inside of Alison’s inner walls and kissed her.

“You first, baby,” Emily pulled her face back and then pressed a kiss against the side of her jaw as she drove back into Alison, her fingers hitting Alison’s sweet spot.

Alison felt a blissful shiver roll down her spine. Emily sat up to push more weight against their joined centers, her fingers still working Alison feverishly. It was killing Emily to hold out. She felt like she was going to explode. But she needed to see Alison’s face as her pleasure hit her. Alison could feel it building.

“Together,” Alison managed to huff out, squeezing Emily’s arm as her body tensed. “I want to feel you with me,” she said through broken breaths as she continued her ministrations, her fingers working hard to get Emily to her peak. “I _need_ to feel you.” She could feel Emily’s body tightening. She could feel Emily’s walls closing around her fingers. She could feel how close she was. “Please. Come with me, Em.” She curled her fingers and pressed her thumb against Emily’s clit, holding pressure there and rolling the tip of her thumb against it gently.

She saw Emily’s lips part and slowly start to fall open in ecstasy, but Emily’s movements against Alison’s center stayed steady. Her fingers worked flawlessly. In and out. In and out. Like a beating heart. Like a pulse between the two of them. They were both determined, both spellbound by the other. Alison’s other hand ran up over Emily’s abdomen, her fingers delicately bumping against her scars and then trailing up her breast. She slid her hand up against Emily’s neck, her fingers wrapping around the side of her neck. She felt Emily start to tremor.

“Emily, let go,” Alison whispered as she curled her fingers inside of her wife again. “I’ve got you. Just let go, sweetie.”

Even if Emily had wanted to wait, she couldn’t have. She felt Alison’s walls clenching her fingers as she pushed their pelvises together. Alison used the motion to dig her fingers deeper into Emily, hitting something inside of her that made her see stars. It was brighter than anything she’d ever seen. It was brighter than all of the fireworks in all of France.

“Alison,” Emily shuddered.

Emily’s orgasm hit her so hard that she fell forward with a cry, catching herself with her free hand, her fingers twisting into the sheets. She draped her body over Alison’s and swirled her fingers in her wife, sending Alison over the edge with her. Alison gasped and pushed her palm against Emily’s face, staring into her eyes as she let Emily’s fingers take command of her body. They held their gaze as the full force of their love-making finally hit them, their peaks at their highest points. Both of them were at the mercy of the other.

For a few seconds the only sound in the room was their grunts and moans of pleasure and the slick sounds of their wet fingers moving in and out and wet skin slapping against wet skin. Then Emily cried out loudly, shouting Alison’s name. She didn’t care if everyone in Europe heard her. Alison responded with a muffled “I love you” between her cries. Alison pushed herself up to taste Emily’s lips and then pulled back to look at her.

They locked eyes as their bodies reacted to the other, both of them seizing and contracting, unwinding at the same time. Alison watched Emily’s eyes flutter and her mouth drop open and Emily couldn’t take her sights off of Alison as she bit her lower lip and then arched her back. A warm liquid flowed between them as they both let go, their bodies trembling together. It was like a release of everything they’d been holding inside for the past three months. They clutched one another, fingers grasping skin tightly as they fell into ecstasy.

Alison dug her fingernails into Emily’s shoulder and raked them across her back, leaving a thin trail of scratches along her skin, then her hand fell down against her pillow as she felt her body entering a state of bliss that left her nearly motionless. She felt Emily slip her fingers in between hers and push her hand further against the pillow, both of them squeezing tight. When she looked up she saw Emily’s face just centimeters from hers, peering into her eyes. They moved together in perfect unison. They were a perfect match. A perfect fit.

Alison’s back softly fell back against the bed. Emily leaned forward as Alison moved, her body molding into Alison’s. Emily moaned and pressed her lips against the thin skin above Alison’s collar bone and buried her face into Alison’s neck, her forehead pushing up against Alison’s shoulder. She was intoxicated by her scent. The smell of her body mixed with the rain and the sweat and her perfume was something Emily never wanted to forget.

“Em…” she heard Alison whisper through her gasps.

Alison didn’t have to say anything else for Emily to know she wanted to taste her lips, to see her, to see into her soul. Seconds later their lips crashed together as their trembling bodies fell back into a state of relaxation. Emily pulled her face back to look at Alison. Alison’s jaw went slack. Her brain felt like jello. She could feel Emily slowly moving inside of her, drawing out her pleasure. Alison did the same for her. She felt closer to her wife than she’d ever felt before. She closed her eyes and then slowly opened them back up, her eyes immediately finding Emily’s. Neither one of them spoke. They kept their eyes locked for several minutes as they both came floating back down to reality, their hearts pounding in unison, their panting breaths echoing off of the walls.

They both slowed their motions at the same time, neither one of them wanting to stop, both of them wanting the other to revel in their pleasure. They both kept their fingers in place, feeling the sensation of the other’s body holding them there, needing them there. Needing each other. It was only when Alison’s wrist started burning that she very gingerly pulled out, watching Emily’s face as she did. Emily was so sensitive to her touch that when she felt her move she almost came unraveled again.

Emily waited for a moment, savoring how good Alison felt around her fingers. Then she slowly traced the inside of her walls as she pulled her fingers out. With their hands no longer between them, their centers connected and they both shuddered as they slid together. They were slick with sweat and heaving out heavy breaths, their bodies pressed firmly together as they slowly came down from their high.

Emily pushed her forehead firmly against Alison’s, breathing hard. Alison pulled Emily down by the back of her neck, pushing her lips tenderly against Emily’s, her breath harsh but sweet against Emily’s face. She could feel Emily’s chest pulsing against hers as she tried to get her breathing under control. It slowed down after a few minutes.

Emily pulled back, smiling down at her. The blonde was practically glowing in the soft light. She was Emily’s light in the darkness. Always. Alison had always told Emily that she was the sunshine that kept the storms and the darkness at bay for her. But for Emily, Alison was the sun when it was hidden in the pitch black evening sky, a phenomenon that was always there even when it was invisible to the human eye. Something she knew she’d wake to see every morning, something never to be taken for granted. God, she didn’t want to lose Alison. She didn’t want Alison to lose _her_.

“I love you so much, Alison,” Emily’s breath came out broken and uneven, partly from her exhaustion and partly because of her budding emotions.

Alison could still feel Emily’s body shaking. In the dim light of the room she thought she saw a tear in the corner of Emily’s eye and she cocked her head in confusion, wondering if her eyes were playing tricks on her. She started to say something, but Emily closed her eyes and drew in a breath and opened them back up and the small reflection Alison thought she’d seen was gone.

“I love you, too, Emily.” She pulled her hand out from underneath’s Emily’s hand and brushed Emily’s hot sweaty cheek with her fingers, resting her palm against the side of Emily’s face.

Emily closed her eyes again to keep her emotions in check. She could feel Alison’s eyes on her, patiently waiting, a burning ember in the darkness, a warm embrace ready to hold her when she pulled herself out of her mind. When she opened her eyes back up she saw Alison’s kind soft face, a kindness reserved for Emily and Emily only, a softness that only Emily knew this intimately.

Emily lightly pressed her lips against Alison’s and then slid over, rolling to the side next to her. Alison turned and pushed her body against Emily’s, resting her cheek against the front of Emily’s shoulder. One hand was nestled between where her body joined Emily’s and the other fell lazily against Emily’s stomach. Emily wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer and then put her other hand on top of Alison’s. Their fingers danced around one another atop their hot sticky skin. The heat from their bodies was sweltering, driving up the temperature of the room. They held each other, looking out at the Parisian skyline.

Alison pulled the covers up around them, the soft duvet brushing against their bodies like a gentle breeze. Emily started to doze off. Once she was out, Alison pulled herself up beside her and watched her sleep. She hadn’t seen her sleep so peacefully in months. She seemed so serene. She saw Emily’s nose twitch and her lips moving. Alison couldn’t help herself as she lightly traced her index finger from Emily’s temple down behind her ear, tucking her hair away from her face. She leaned over and placed a kiss against Emily’s forehead, her lips like a light feather against Emily’s skin.

She sat up on the edge of the bed, wanting to see the glimmering lights of the Eiffel Tower dancing in the distance. She slipped her robe on and walked over to the balcony. She stared at the Eiffel Tower. They were here. They were really here. This trip had been everything she could have ever dreamed of and more.

Emily stirred behind her, opening her eyes. She saw Alison’s captivating figure illuminated by the lights outside. She pulled her robe on, tying it in place, and shuffled up behind her.

“It’s so beautiful,” Alison marveled at it. The statue reminded her of simpler times, of times before all their heartache. When they were kids in love.

“Not as beautiful as you.” Emily pushed her front against Alison’s back, wrapping her arms around her and kissing the side of her jaw.

Emily pulled one of her hands free and then took her place standing beside Alison, her other arm still wrapped around her waist, her palm against Alison’s side.

“Promise me it will be this magical when we come back this summer.” Alison turned towards her.

Emily flinched, but didn’t let Alison see the sudden intrusive thoughts she had bubbling in her head about what was going to happen when they got home. She wasn’t ready to let those thoughts back in her life yet. Tonight, they had Paris, and that’s what she needed to focus on. No matter what happened, they had tonight. They had this trip, their love.

“Anything for you, my love,” Emily said, moving her arm away from Alison’s back. She reached out and took both of Alison’s hands in hers.

Alison twisted their hands until their palms were flat against each other and their fingers were laced together.

“Thank you for this.” Alison pushed her hands against Emily’s and leaned in to kiss her, their bodies flush, the Eiffel Tower twinkling behind them.

“Thank you for loving me.”

“Always.”

Their trip had been unforgettable, and Emily was glad. She wanted Alison to experience it all. She deserved it. She deserved this and so much more. And she wanted Alison to relish in it, because tomorrow they were going back to Rosewood. Tomorrow, they were going back to reality. And as much as Emily could hope for a good outcome, she had to be prepared for anything.

Things in Rosewood were changing, and not for the better. Once Del Toro and his followers found out that Mona was involved they knew it was only going to be a matter of time before she foiled their plans and came in guns ablazing to hunt him down. He knew he couldn’t let it get to that point. So unfortunately for Emily, the clock was spinning out of control.

Usually, he was a man of his word. He had meant it when he told Emily he’d give her time to be with her family. But life was a fickle bitch sometimes. He had no choice but to move the timeline up. And his first step was to make sure that Emily didn’t have anyone left in her corner who could protect her anymore. Because while Emily had always been great at protecting the people in her life, she was very short-sighted when it came to herself. He needed her alone. Vulnerable. He’d caught her unaware before. He knew he could do it again.

Once she got back from Paris, all bets were off.


	25. Reality Check

The moment they got off of the plane Emily felt that sense of dread returning. Paris had been the perfect escape, in every sense of the word. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. She didn’t have to think about real life. She didn’t have to face the possibility of losing her life, of losing her family. But when she got back to town reality smacked her in the face. And it left a mark on her soul.

Emily felt queasy as they walked through the airport. Suddenly, reality was all too real. The world around her seemed way too bright and way too loud. Every noise was amplified. Every movement looked like a threat. Ali noticed her tension as they were walking out to the parking lot. Emily saw Ali peering at her inquisitively. Emily rolled her shoulder and tried to play it off as a stiff neck.

“You think jet lag is covered under our medical plan?” Emily asked.

“I’ll give you a massage when we get home, babe,” Ali replied quietly, thinking of much more than a massage.

She was still riding high on Paris. Emily had been so beautiful and sensual when she made love to her. It had left Ali’s heart so full. Emily had handled her with such a delicate touch that it reminded Ali why she’d fallen for her in the first place. Because she cared. She was so good at loving people. And the love they had for one another surpassed everything. It was greater than Antony and Cleopatra. Greater than Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. Greater than Pip and Estelle.

“Grandma, I’m coming with you to your house.” Lily didn’t miss her mothers’ closeness. She turned her lip up, every bit a surly teenager at that moment. “My moms are being gooey and gross.”

“It’s called romance, sweetie.” Pam teased her, looking at Emily and Ali with a smile.

“But they’re embarrassing me in public.” Lily’s face was flushed. It was so cute how flustered she was. Ali and Emily couldn’t resist embellishing their hand-holding and public displays of affection.

“We’re just making up for all the times you and Grace stripped out of your clothes and ran around licking people like you were little hippies when you were toddlers.” Ali teased her.

Lily’s eyes got huge.

“Oh my God, did we really do that?” Her face reddened immensely.

“We have it on camera somewhere.” Emily nodded with a laugh.

“Oh, crap. You’re going to show it at my wedding, aren’t you?”

They had a quiet laugh at Lily’s expense. Lily couldn’t help but turn her grimace into a smile. As much as seeing her moms being all lovey-dovey made her roll her eyes, she was happy to see that they were getting along. She knew they’d been navigating some rough waters lately. She pretended not to know about their problems, but she knew all about how much they were struggling. And for once, they were smiling. They were happy.

Lily was skeptical about happiness these days, because in her family it never seemed to last for long. She never could tell one day to the next whether or not it was going to be good day or a bad day. But thanks to her mothers, she had just experienced a trip that most kids only dreamed about. So she stopped walking and took her hand off of her rolling suitcase and wrapped her arms around Emily to hug her. Emily glanced at her in surprise. Lily pulled back and smiled at her.

“What was that for?” Emily felt her tension melting away because of her daughter’s love.

Lily pulled back and then hugged Ali.

“Thank you for taking me to France.” Because of them she had memories that would last her a lifetime.

“You are so welcome, sweetie.” Ali ran her palm against the back of Lily’s head, brushing her fingers through her hair.

Ali looked over at Emily, her eyes full of love. Her expression practically screamed, _“Look what we did. Look at this sweet little girl.”_

“You know you still have to ride out the rest of your punishment.” Emily smiled at her daughter.

“Worth a shot.” Lily shrugged, pulling away from Ali. “I’ve only got two days left.” She reached for her bag.

“Starting tomorrow, I hope?” Pam asked, reaching out to touch the back of Lily’s head. “I did promise this little world traveler we could dish about our favorite Parisian activities at her favorite restaurant tonight.”

“She’s all yours.” Emily nodded with a smile. She loved that Pam and Lily wanted to spend time together. She’d never say no to that.

“Thanks, mom.” Lily paced ahead, walking towards the car.

“Did she just…” Ali’s jaw dropped.

“Yep. She totally played you.” Emily laughed.

“She gave me the sweet sappy eyes and everything. Did you teach her that?” Ali asked with a chuckle, playfully popping Emily lightly on the shoulder.

“It’s the secret weapon of the Fields women. We’ve used those puppy dog eyes for generations.” Pam winked, following Lily.

“You’re telling me,” Ali muttered under her breath, looking at her smiling wife.

They started loading their luggage into the car. Emily was putting the last suitcase in the trunk when a loud crack filled the air. It sounded like a car backfiring. Fortunately, Ali had her back turned when the noise rang out, so she didn’t see Emily nearly jump out of her skin and clutch the edge of the trunk so hard that her knuckles turned white.

The car responsible chugged by them a few seconds later. Emily saw Ali turning around and she quickly tried to put on a happy face. She turned her head, obstructing part of her face as she reached up to close the trunk. She swallowed hard. Was this what her life was going to be like for the next week? Or would he kill her before then?

She took a breath and told herself to get it together. She scurried into the driver’s seat of the car before Ali could see anything was wrong. By the time Ali climbed next to her, Emily had calmed down, though her heart was still pounding in her chest. But not because she was afraid for herself. She was afraid for her family. She was afraid they might become collateral damage.

They drove to Pam’s house and dropped Pam and Lily off. Then they went home. Jett nearly bowled them over when they walked through the door. He jumped up in excitement, all four paws coming off of the ground. How a giant dog could defy gravity was beyond them. But he did. He ran around in circles in excitement and then weaved all around them as they tried to haul their luggage in. Fortunately, the e-collar had come off. Toby had taken him to their vet to get his stitches out that morning.

“Hey, buddy.” Emily laughed.

“We missed you, you big dork.” Ali dropped down and used both of her hands to scratch behind his ears.

He placed a sloppy kiss on her face, dragging his tongue over her lips and across her cheek and right eye.

“He’s been practicing his French kissing.” Ali’s nose scrunched up as she wiped the slobber from her face.

“ _Ooh la la_.” Emily lifted her brows. “Who’s better at it? Him or me?”

“I think I’m going to need more data before I can make that determination.” Ali stood up and faced Emily.

She hooked two fingers from each hand into Emily’s belt loops and pulled her closer. She pressed her upper body against Emily’s and leaned forward until their faces were just inches apart. Emily could practically taste her lip gloss.

“Be a good test subject.” Alison breathed a hot gust of air into Emily’s open mouth and touched her cheek with her fingers.

“The things I do in the name of science.” Emily rolled her eyes with a laugh, her grinning lips coming into contact with Alison’s.

The kiss started off slow and sensual, but then Alison became more aggressive. She parted Emily’s lips with her tongue and teasingly pressed it into Emily’s mouth before quickly retracting it. Emily pushed her palm against the side of Alison’s neck and then slipped her tongue around Alison’s.

“You taste like dog slobber.” Emily teased her.

“Shut up, Emily.” She wanted less talking, more kissing.

Their lips connected with a hard shove and their tongues slid around in each other’s mouths, tasting one another’s desire. When they pulled back for air Emily grinned at her.

“So?” Emily rubbed Alison’s cheek lovingly.

“Mmm, inconclusive.” Alison smiled, her lips ghosting over Emily’s. “Needs more research.”

“I love it when you talk all scientific to me,” Emily said with a laugh.

Alison didn’t say anything back. She just peered into Emily’s eyes. There was so much happening behind her eyes. Alison could constantly see her thinking. Even in Paris, there had been something...a strange spark, a hidden secret beneath the depths. She’d been so tightly wound. Alison knew Emily was holding something inside. She’d even felt it when they were in the throes of their passion last night. It had taken quite a bit for her to get Emily to let down her walls when they were making love. She’d had to work to get Emily to let her in. It was almost as if Emily was afraid she’d crumble if she let anyone see inside of her mind and soul. And though Alison felt the relief Emily had when she finally let go and released everything she’d been bottling up, she knew it was only temporary.

There was a strong force at work within Emily, and Alison knew she had to keep working to help her overcome it. To get her wife back. They were on the right track, but they weren’t there yet. But when they shared moments like this it’s like they were right back at the start of their marriage, when they had the whole world ahead of them. When they connected on this level everything felt like it was going to be okay again. Alison placed a quick and innocent kiss on Emily’s lips and then took a step back.

“We should unpack.”

Emily kissed her forehead and nodded,

“Yeah.”

They took their things up to their room, neither one of them actually in the mindset to unpack, that kiss still lingering on both of their lips. Emily opened her suitcase and pulled out a few things. When she stood up next to the dresser she felt Alison walking up behind her.

“Hey, how’s your neck?” She slipped her hand up Emily’s back, sending a wave of pleasure through Emily’s body. “Are you still sore from the flight?”

“It passed.” Emily shrugged, turning around to face her.

“Good.” Alison smiled, backing away.

Emily looked at her in confusion before she realized where Alison was going. Alison put her arms out and fell back on to the bed, bouncing on the mattress. She let out a happy sigh.

“Ravish me, darling.”

Emily couldn’t help but laugh. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to deny her. Not with the clock of her life ticking.

“As you wish, my dear.” Emily crawled on top of her, her arms on either side of her as she dipped down to push her lips against Alison’s. Alison put her hands against Emily’s hips and they pressed their bodies together. The next several minutes there was a flash of lips, tongues, and hands exploring bodies. They were both getting to the point of removing articles of clothing when Emily’s phone rang. Emily pulled her lips away from Alison’s pulse point and Alison growled under her breath.

“You better let it go to voicemail.” Alison warned gruffly, running her fingers away from the nape of Emily’s neck. She twirled her fingers into her hair, tugging on it. She pushed against the back of Emily’s head until Emily’s mouth was against her skin again.

Emily had every intention of letting the phone keep ringing, but then she saw something flash across the screen that made her heart leap into her chest. It was a text from Aria and all it said was _“9-1-1.”_

Emily pushed herself up and reached for the phone, much to Alison’s chagrin.

“Emily, what the hell?” She grumbled, thinking to herself that maybe what they’d had in Paris was a one-off.

“Hey, what’s up?” Emily answered.

“Em, thank God.” Aria breathed heavily into the receiver. “Thank you for picking up. I know you just got back from your trip and I’m so sorry to bother you, but Ezra is on the road in New York. He’s two hours away. And my parents are out at the cabin, Spencer is at work, and Hanna isn’t picking up…and I’m freaking out…”

“Aria, slow down.” Emily sat up. “What’s wrong?”

Ali’s anger and sexual frustration quickly turned to concern. She could see the fear in Emily’s eyes. She could hear the worry in her voice. She put her palm against Emily’s arm and looked at her with her brow furrowed in alarm.

“It’s Mike and Mona.” Aria sounded like she was near tears.

For a split second Emily thought that maybe Mona was right and that Aria was losing her mind over the engagement. But Emily knew better. She knew Aria better than that. Something was _really_ wrong. She felt a pit of despair bubbling in her stomach.

“The brakes went out in their car,” Aria confirmed Emily’s suspicions.

“What?” Emily asked in surprise.

Before Emily had a chance to get a word in edgewise or ask if they were okay, Aria started rambling nervously again.

“I don’t know all the details. I just got off the phone with the hospital.” She finally broke down and started weeping. “Emily, Fiona and Kai were with them.”

“Oh my God, Aria, are they okay?” Emily’s heart was slamming against her ribcage.

_Not this. Not again. Not those babies. Not Aria’s family._

So many emotions flooded her mind. The night of the wreck came crashing back into her life. It stirred the dormant part of her she’d encased in a dark shrouded part of her mind. It opened Pandora’s Box.

All at once, Ali saw Emily being flung back into the night they lost Grace. She had no idea what was happening with Aria, but she could see Emily’s emotions written all over her face. A wave of panic surged over Emily, but she tried to keep it together. She felt Ali squeezing her forearm.

“I don’t know.” Aria sobbed. “I don’t know anything…and I know this is probably a horrible thing to ask you, because I know it’s going to open up old wounds, but…I need you. Please. I’m so scared. Can you…can you meet me there?”

“Of course. That’s not even a question you have to ask. Where are you right now?” Emily asked.

“At home. I’m getting ready to leave.”

“No. Don’t you dare drive right now.” Emily knew the dangers of driving while emotional. She’d been guilty of it herself. “We’re coming to get you.”

“Okay,” Aria said meekly.

“Hey, we love you,” Emily said, trying to comfort her. “It’s going to be okay.”

Emily’s entire body was shaking by the time she hung up the phone. She leaped off of the bed, nearly tripping over Ali’s suitcase.

“What’s going on?” Ali stood up, her heart hammering in her chest.

“Fiona and Kai are at the hospital with Mike and Mona. They were in a wreck. We’ve got to go.”

Ali’s jaw dropped, her eyes widening. At first she didn’t know what to say. She froze. Because now she was back in the nightmare of the night they’d lost their daughter, too. She squeaked out a whimper. Ali barely had time to process before Emily leaped into action. Emily was being driven purely by her instincts. Ali stood stunned for a few seconds, but then it hit her that she hadn’t just lost Grace that night. She’d almost lost Emily, too. And right now she was in danger of losing her in the darkness again, and that’s the last thing she wanted to happen. Ali quickly went after her.

By the time they got out to the car Emily was shaking uncontrollably. She went to unlock the door and dropped the keys.

“Damn it.” She hissed, leaning down to pick them up, tears in her eyes.

When she picked the keys up Ali saw her trembling hands. Emily was barely able to keep her grip on them. All Emily could think about was how this had to trace back to the Vipers, how this asshole of a hitman must have figured out Mona was on her side. She’d known this would happen. She’d warned Mona. She’d begged her not to get involved. And now, she and Aria’s family were paying the price.

Emily felt her face flush in anger, in grief, in several other emotions she couldn’t peg because her mind was racing. All she could think about was how none of this would be happening if it wasn’t for her. A single thought kept repeating in her head, beating her brain like a hammer would a nail,

_My fault. This is my fault. If anything happens to Aria’s family…_

She felt Ali’s hands gently cupping hers, trying to settle her down. Emily looked at her. Ali’s big blue eyes were filled with worry and frustration, but also with compassion and patience. Ali gently pried the keys out of her hands.

“Practice what you preach.” Ali was able to pull her out of her thoughts. “You don’t need to be behind the wheel of a car right now. I’ll drive.”

Emily nodded in agreement. She couldn’t speak. In her mind she was back on the ground, bleeding and helpless as she watched Grace die. Ali could see the night of the wreck flashing across her eyes. She could see Emily spiraling. She could see the loss of their daughter written all over Emily’s face. And she could see the pain radiating off of her like a spark bolting directly off of the surface of the sun. Ali clutched the keys in one hand and pushed the palm of her other hand against Emily’s cheek, worried she was going to push herself into a panic.

“Just take a breath, Em.”

As soon as she said it, Emily realized she’d been holding her breath and she exhaled sharply. She felt Ali’s hand against her face and some of her tension dissipated.

“Ali, if anything happens to them…” She nearly blurted out how she and Lily could be next, how this was a psychopath’s handwork, that it wasn’t a coincidence. It couldn’t be. She almost told her everything.

“It won’t.” Ali interrupted her. “This is not Grace. That’s not going to happen again. It’s not. Okay? Fiona and Kai are going to be fine. Mike and Mona, too.”

Emily took another deep breath and swallowed her emotions. She closed her eyes and tried to push the heartache away. Watching her struggle brought tears to Ali’s eyes. And it made her angry. Because she couldn’t fix it. All she could do was let Emily ride it out. But it was hard for her to stand by and be unable to do anything about Emily’s suffering.

It was gut-wrenching for Ali to see her backsliding. Just yesterday they’d sidelined their pain long enough to give both of them an experience in Paris neither one of them would forget. Emily had let her in, and for just the briefest of moments they’d had what they’d had before Grace died. They’d connected on _all_ levels. And Ali didn’t want to lose that. She wanted to build on that. She wanted Emily to continue to deconstruct the barrier between them. She wanted to be able to see into that beautiful soul of hers again. Because she’d seen it in France, and she realized just how badly she’d missed it.

Emily could feel Ali’s love radiating through her body. Her touch was pulsing with so much affection that it just made Emily’s heartache worse. Because Ali deserved better than the strain she’d put on their marriage. She deserved better than the pain they’d had in their lives. She deserved happiness. Emily pushed her thoughts down deeper than she thought possible. Then she opened her eyes. Ali was still standing in front of her, waiting for her to come back from it. Emily blinked, and Ali rubbed her cheek.

“You good?” Ali asked.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded, her voice shaking. “Yeah. Come on.” She pulled herself together, walking around to the passenger’s side. “We need to go get Aria.”

Because despite the agony they were in right now, Aria was in absolute hell. There was nothing worse than sitting in limbo, not knowing which way the wind was going to blow.

Emily opened the door, watching as Ali did the same on the other side. Emily was terrified that the car was going to blow up when they got in it. But nothing happened. She clenched her jaw when Ali started the car.

 _Welcome home._ Emily thought bitterly to herself.

Ali quickly drove to Aria’s house, ignoring most of the traffic laws. Aria was a complete wreck by the time they got there. Emily had made the right call telling her not to drive. She’d collapsed on the porch stairs, sobbing. Emily barely waited for Ali to get the car in park before she threw her door open and ran over to her. She fell to her knees and embraced Aria, tears stinging her eyes. Aria’s pain was unbearable. Aria clutched her tight.

“Oh God, Em…they’re my babies. What if…”

“Hey, come on, they’re okay. I know they’re okay.” Emily stroked the back of her head. _Those kids better be okay or I swear to God…_

She was ready to go nuclear on the Pit Vipers. She was sick of the kids being the ones caught in the middle. She couldn’t fathom losing any of them.

Ali was next to them seconds later, rubbing Aria’s back, her eyes watery because she remembered how it felt. She remembered the shock, the pain, the fear. She remembered the world feeling meaningless and all reason for existing being null and void. She remembered feeling cold, unable to move, her brain frozen in a state of paralysis that no mother ever wanted to experience.

She felt a sense of that numbness standing in front of Aria’s house. A wave of memories flooded over her. She thought about watching Lily, Grace, Kai, and Fiona toddling around in Aria’s backyard, chasing each other and playing tag. She thought about the four of them as babies, crawling around Aria’s living room like a little herd of sheep, bouncing on their hands and knees and following one another. She thought about them sitting in a circle and babbling at one another in some ancient toddler language that their parents didn’t understand.

She thought about Kai sharing his toy car with Lily and Fiona sharing her Barbie with Grace. Grace had taken the car from Lily and then run the Barbie over with it. All four of them had howled in laughter. She thought about Kai encouraging Lily when the girls were learning how to ride their bikes without training wheels. Grace had been ready to go and got mad when Ali held her back, but Lily had been more apprehensive. She’d needed the confidence boost.

She thought about the time Kai and Grace had made mud pies. Literal mud pies. And they had tracked mud all over the Fitz house. She thought about them playing in the pool in the summer. Grace and Fiona liked to race. Grace always won, but Ali had always suspected Fiona was better than she was letting on and that she was letting Grace take the lead. She thought about their disastrous fourth grade science experiment where they’d mixed the wrong chemicals and covered the DiLaurentis-Fields kitchen in foam. She thought about how all four of them had slid around in the mess and laughed their asses off.

Aria wasn’t the only one panicking. Ali and Emily were doing their best to hold it together. They helped Aria up and got her into the back of the car, Emily climbing in next to her. She held the smaller girl, clutching her body tight against hers as Aria cried. Halfway to the hospital, Aria settled a little bit and was able to breathe normally again.

“I can’t believe this.” She sniffed. “This is so surreal.” She paused and then swallowed a lump in her throat. There was a funny look on her face, like she’d smelled something sour. “I’ve always hated that word. I feel like it’s overused.” She blathered nervously. “But there’s no other word for it. There’s just not.” She wiped her face. “Mike just wanted to take them out to lunch to celebrate his engagement to Mona…”

“Mike and Mona are engaged?” Ali asked. She glanced in the rearview mirror at the two of them.

It took a minute for Emily to register that this was supposed to be news to the both of them.

 _Act surprised, dipshit._ Emily had to remind herself to pretend to not know about the engagement.

“Oh, um, wow, when did this happen?” Emily’s nerves were so shot that it came out less than convincing.

 _Great job, idiot. Nailed it._ She berated herself in thought.

Fortunately, Ali and Aria were so jittery that neither one of them noticed.

“They told us a few nights ago. Mike proposed about a week and a half ago. He was going to ask Kai to be a groomsman and Fiona to be a bridesmaid. That’s what the lunch was about. They had it all planned out. Mike said they were even thinking about adoption down the line, because they love Fiona and Kai so much.”

“Awesome. Actual living breathing dolls for Mona to play with again,” Ali muttered.

“Ali,” Emily said sharply.

Ali was the only one of the girls who still didn’t entirely trust Mona. It was hard for her to get past all the threats Mona had sent them in high school. The girl had basically run her out of town. Ali knew she’d changed, and she respected that, but she still had a bit of animosity towards her and she wasn’t always great at hiding it.

Mona didn’t particularly like Ali either, not after all the vile things Ali had said and done to her in high school. But the two were civil to one another. They had an understanding, very much like two territorial cats who yowled at one another, hissing, but never attacking, just letting the other know ‘hey, you annoy me.’

“Sorry.” Ali shook her head. “That was…” She ran her palms across the steering wheel. “I’m just…” She had to stop herself from saying _“terrified”_ so she didn’t make Aria’s nerves worse. “Sorry,” she said again, her tone a bit more sheepish.

She felt bad for the snide comment. She wasn’t sure where the aggression had come from. But Emily knew why she was lashing out. Because she was scared for Aria’s family and she was sad about Grace. When she was afraid and upset her tongue became very sharp. Emily reached forward and rubbed her palm against Ali’s shoulder, a simple action to let her know she understood, and that Ali wasn’t alone in her pain.

When they got to the hospital Aria ran up to the reception area in a panic. She spouted out her family’s name and the receptionist searched through her records. Before she could give Aria an answer they heard someone calling out to them.

“Mom!” A shaky voice cried from behind them.

Aria spun around. Fiona was coming down a hallway. A nurse was pushing her in a wheelchair. She threw her feet out in front of the wheelchair and then jumped to her feet. She ran into her mother’s open arms. Aria didn’t want to squeeze her too hard in case she was sore.

Aria, Ali, and Emily breathed a collective sigh of relief seeing her awake and alert. Ali and Emily quietly reached for one another’s hands, an instinct that was as natural as breathing to them. It was a silent show of support. It wasn’t anything either one of them thought about. It just happened.

“Oh, sweetheart, are you okay?” Aria ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair.

“I am. They just made me ride in the wheelchair because it’s hospital policy. But I’m okay.” She nodded.

She was incredibly composed for a kid who had just been in a wreck, but Aria wasn’t surprised. Her kids were strong.

“Your brother? And your Uncle Mike? Mona?” Aria asked, barely able to speak.

“Kai has a little bit of a bruise from the seat belt, but he’s okay. I actually have a bruise from the seat belt, too.” She rubbed her clavicle. “Uncle Mike has a broken arm and a bump on the head. Kai is with him. And Mona, I-I’m not sure. They took her down to do a…” She glanced at the nurse walking up behind her. The woman had a perturbed look on her face because her patient had disobeyed doctor’s orders.

“A CT,” the nurse answered Fiona’s silent question.

“Yeah. They wanted to look at her head to make sure she’s okay, because she was knocked out by the airbag. But she was awake when they were taking her. I think she’s okay,” Fiona added.

Another collective sigh of relief. Emily felt Ali squeezing her hand and she put her other hand on top of their joined fingers and pulled her close. Emily knew this had to be especially hard on Ali, because Ali was the one who was on the other end of this a few months ago. Being back here couldn’t be easy for her, not after all the horrid things that had happened while Emily was fighting to survive.

Emily had nightmares in the hospital, but Ali had _lived_ the nightmare in the hospital. Fortunately, she’d had plenty of their loved ones to lean on. They were lucky to have such a caring family. At least Ali hadn’t been alone through it all.

“Kai and Uncle Mike are upstairs,” Fiona said. “They should be done with Uncle Mike’s cast by now. You want me to take you to them?”

“Lead the way.” Aria nodded.

“Hop back in the passenger’s seat, little lady.” The nurse gestured to the wheelchair.

Fiona mumbled in frustration, but did as she was told. They went up the elevator and down a long hallway until they reached a semi-private curtained room. The nurse parked the wheelchair. Fiona stood up. They all walked around the curtain.

Kai was sitting in a chair next to a bed. Mike was sitting in the bed. A doctor was looking at the plaster cast on his arm. Mike had a small cut on his head that had been cleaned and taped shut with butterfly bandages. Ali cringed, swallowing hard, because after her wreck Emily had an identical injury in the same place. She saw a flash of Emily in her hospital bed and she flinched. Emily didn’t miss it. She knew exactly what was on Ali’s mind. And like Ali had done for her earlier, she reached out to comfort her. She ran her palm over Ali’s arm and then wrapped her arm around her waist and pulled her close, letting her know that it was okay, letting her know that she was there.

“Mom.” Kai leaped out of the chair and quickly found her open arms waiting for him.

Mike looked up at her, an expression of guilt on his face.

“Aria, I’m so sorry.” Mike frowned. “I don’t know what happened. We were on our way to the restaurant and it just…it happened so fast.”

Emily felt her stomach twisting into knots. That’s the way it always was. You never expected for something like this to come out of the blue and smack you in the face. You never expected tragedy to strike. You never expected it would be you, your family. But it happened. It happened all the time. Every day.

“It’s okay, Mike. I’m just glad you’re all okay.” Aria had both her kids in her arms now, and she wasn’t showing any signs of letting them go any time soon. She glanced at the cast on his arm. “How bad does it hurt?”

“It’s alright. They gave me some of the good stuff. I’m doped as hell right now.” He gave her a drunken thumbs up.

The doctor chuckled.

“Six weeks in this and you’ll be as good as new.” The doctor ran his fingers over the cast. He tossed something into a garbage bin. “I’ll get your discharge paperwork and then we can get you on your way.” He walked away.

“I wanted to call you, but they insisted on doing their jobs,” Mike said. “You’d think they consider what they do life or death or something.” He puffed out sarcastically. “Hey, Em.” He waved. “Hey, Ali. Thanks for coming.”

“You’re family.” Emily shrugged. She smiled at him, “Hey, congratulations on your engagement.”

“You’d think I could find a better way to announce it other than something this extreme,” Mike said sheepishly. “How was Paris?”

“A dream come true,” Ali answered, unable to hide the huge smile on her face. Suddenly, her mind was back in the hotel room with Emily, touching her, feeling her. Just being with her.

“Sorry you had to come home to this.” Mike frowned.

Emily almost said she was sorry he’d ended up as collateral damage in a battle _she_ was fighting, but instead she just shrugged and replied,

“Rosewood, huh?”

“You’re telling me.” Mike huffed.

“Hey, Uncle Mike, can I sign your cast?” Fiona asked.

“I would be honored to carry your autograph around with me for the next six weeks, Fi.” Mike pushed up against the edge of the bed, his eyes searching for a pen. He saw a permanent marker in a cup next to the computer and reached for it.

He let Fiona sign and then she handed the marker to Kai. He got a devilish glint in his eyes. It was the same look Grace would get before she was about to do something she knew was wrong, but didn’t care. Kai was halfway done with his “signature” when Aria realized what he was drawing. Mike saw it, too, and he snickered.

“Boy, I would knock you upside your head if you hadn’t already done that once today.” Aria threatened.

“What? It’s a dog bone.” Kai played innocent. “Cuz Uncle Mike is my dawg.”

“Yeah, right.” Aria rolled her eyes. It was _some_ kind of bone. She laughed. She was glad to see that her childrens’ sense of humor was still intact. “Mike, you have to wear that for six weeks.” Aria frowned at him. “Are you seriously gonna walk around with a penis drawn on your arm for the next six weeks?”

There was a beat of silence and then Mike looked down at his nephew.

“Draw me some boobs, too, kid.”

Emily and Ali snorted out a laugh and Aria glanced over at them, her glare clearly saying “you’re not helping.”

“Now, boys,” Aria said in a mocking tone, sounding exactly like her mother. “You know I’m all for artistic vision and self-expression, but don’t you think this is a little juvenile?”

“Nah. He can draw whatever he wants.” Mike laughed. “My main man here is gonna be my best man after the way he handled himself today.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Kai shrugged, cringing when he felt a crick in his neck.

His discomfort enraged Emily. The kids were innocent. They didn’t deserve this.

“Are you kidding, dude?” Mike asked. “You got your sister out and flagged down the cops when they got there.” He looked at Aria. “You should have seen him in action, Aria. Kid’s gonna be an EMT or a Firefighter one day. He even asked to ride in the ambulance with Mona so she wouldn’t be alone.” He glanced at the clock. “They should be done with her CT by now.”

“Someone should check on her,” Aria said.

“I’ll see if I can find anything out. I was going to try Hanna again anyway.” Emily quickly volunteered. She needed to see Mona and she needed to see her alone. “Mona would want her best friend here.”

“Her Maid of Honor, you mean.” Mike corrected her. “She hasn’t officially asked her yet, but we all know it’s coming.”

“Without a doubt.” Emily chuckled. “I’ll be back, babe.” She pecked Ali on the cheek. “Stay with Aria. I think she’s still a little shaken up,” she said quietly against her ear.

Ali agreed. She wasn’t going anywhere. Aria had been there for them when they needed her the most. Not only had she been a rock when Ali needed it. She’d somehow known exactly what Ali needed to hear after the loss of her child. Ali would never forget the conversation they’d had at Emily’s bedside in which Aria reminded her that she still had an unforgettable life with her family and that she, Spencer, and Hanna would be there every step of the way when Ali felt like faltering. She moved over beside Aria.

Emily walked out of the curtained area and down the hallway. She called Hanna while she was on her way to the information desk. It rang several times and then went to voicemail. Emily tried again. She was going to keep blowing her phone up until Hanna answered. Fortunately, she answered the second time Emily called. She sounded flustered, which meant she was probably dealing with a high-maintenance customer, or her kids. It really was a crapshoot to guess. But before Hanna could berate her, Emily quickly launched into an explanation. Hanna didn’t ask any questions. Instead she said,

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

After waiting what seemed like forever at the information desk, she got the information she needed on Mona. She found where Mona was resting. They had just gotten her back into bed after finishing up her CT scan. Since there was no door Emily gently rapped against the wall. She peeked around the curtain.

“Hope you’re decent, Mona, because I’m coming in.” Emily glanced at her.

Mona didn’t seem at all surprised to see her. In fact, she’d been expecting it. They were the only two people who knew the crash was not an accident. Mona had been making a lot of progress while Emily was in Paris. Being back in Rosewood was the perfect opportunity to snoop and find out what everyone from high school was up to. She’d made a list and was going through it, trying to eliminate people as suspects. She’d given the same list to Maurice. They were narrowing it down very quickly. She knew they had to be close given the fact that someone had gone to great lengths to try and kill her today.

“Ah, my very own personal French Bulldog. Bonjour.” Mona grinned weakly at her.

Emily could tell she was in some pain. It made her angry. Because the person after her was taking their aggression out on the people she cared about. Mona had a bluish-red welt on her head, presumably from where she’d been knocked out in the wreck. Otherwise, she looked flawless. Mona had really developed a great sense of style over the years. Not just anyone could look like a model when they were laid up in a hospital bed.

“How was Paris?” Mona sat up, her face contorting in discomfort.

“Good. _Seb’on_ was as great as you said it would be.” Emily walked up beside her. “How are you feeling?”

“Headache and a sprained shoulder.” Mona winced. “I’ve had worse.”

Much worse. The months she’d spent locked up as Charlotte’s prisoner had left her with injuries far beyond any physical ailments she’d ever suffered.

“Hanna is on her way,” Emily said.

Mona smiled when she heard that.

“How is Aria holding up?” Mona asked.

How far they had come since high school. Mona truly cared about them.

“Shaken, but she’s okay. Ali is with her, the kids, and Mike.”

“I can’t believe I let something like this happen.” Mona sighed. “I know better…”

“You know, you and I…we’ve got to stop blaming ourselves and start blaming the asshole responsible,” Emily said.

“We’re getting close,” Mona assured her.

“I kind of figured.” Emily nodded, glancing at the hospital room.

“I’m assuming Ali still doesn’t know a thing.” Mona looked at Emily like a mother would look at her child, scolding her.

“This person threatened my family.” Emily shook her head. “He or she…or whoever they are…they threatened my wife and my daughter. Look at the lengths they’re going to to cover their ass.” Emily motioned towards the injury on Mona’s head. “This is _not_ a life I’m going to pull my family in to.”

Instead of lecturing her, Mona simply nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, before today, I didn’t get it. I couldn’t possibly understand why you’d keep it from her.” Mona glanced down. “But now…with Mike and those kids being put in danger…actually being with them in that car, not knowing if they were going to be okay…” She chewed on her bottom lip. “It was one thing when I thought I was just going to have to watch my own back. I never dreamed this would put them in danger. If something would have happened to Mike or Fiona or Kai, I don’t know what I would have done. I haven’t…I haven’t been that scared since the dollhouse.”

Emily sighed. She knew how she felt.

“It can be scary. Caring is scary. Loving someone is hard.” Emily smiled softly. “You give them a piece of yourself that you know you’re never going to get back. And you know that you’ll only ever be whole when they’re in your life. And if something happens and you’re faced with the possibility of a life without them you know you’re never going to be whole again. And you just have to hope that the love they gave you in return is enough to keep what’s left of you together.”

“It’s exhausting.” Mona shook her head. She peered at Emily curiously. “How have you managed to do it all your life?”

“I got it from my dad,” she said. “No matter what happened to him in life he always found a way to move forward. He told me once that the most selfless thing someone can give is their love.”

“Or a good chic silk chiffon.” Mona joked. When she went to laugh, she cringed, feeling a twinge of pain in her shoulder. Emily frowned at her in concern. Mona didn’t miss the expression on her face. “Don’t worry, hon. I’ll be out of here and back on the hunt in no time.”

“About that…” Emily had thought about it. It was a no-brainer to have Mona back off before she was killed trying to protect her.

Emily wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly what this act of aggression was. This was Del Toro trying to alienate her from the people who could help her, and she knew how far he’d go. He would take Mona out. So if it came down to keeping Mona safe by keeping her out of it or letting her risk getting killed _again_ , Emily knew which way to go. She’d made this mistake with Ryan. She wouldn’t make it again.

“Don’t look at me like I’m a helpless kitten.” Mona scowled. “This is just a setback. Once I get a clean bill of health we can double down. We’ve almost got the son of a bitch. Maurice and I have been working through a list of everyone who was ever involved in the _A_ game. We’re double checking everyone’s status, seeing what everyone is up to. I even paid our old friend Mary a visit.”

Emily suddenly tensed up. To think that the woman who had tortured them alongside Alex Drake could be involved sent shivers down her spine, because unlike Mona and Charlotte, Alex and Mary actually wanted to kill them.

“I can’t figure out the connection, but I know she has to be involved somehow. She’s the only one who knows I’m even looking into it. I’ve been very careful about putting my business out there.” Mona absentmindedly rubbed her head, then she remembered that she had a bruise and flinched. “She’s talking to someone. She has to be. She swears she’s not involved, but I think she might know who is. So I’ve been cross-referencing everyone who worked with her. Jenna, Noel and his brothers, Sydney, Wren, Cyrus, that little shit Connor that used to be friends with Mike, and a bunch of other randos Alex and Mary pulled in from Charlotte’s and even my game, some even _I_ didn’t even know about. Half of them are dead.” Allegedly. She knew ‘death’ was relative in Rosewood. “Wren. Noel. Hell, even Sydney. She died in a fire years ago. And Jenna is out. With three rugrats and a full time life-coaching job at Rosewood she doesn’t even have time to take a shit, much less plan a hit. I ran into her the other day and she didn’t even stop long enough to hurl a proper insult at me. Then again, she was hustling to get into church before Minister Ackard’s sermon.”

“I’m surprised she’s even allowed in the church. Don’t the gargoyles usually keep creatures like her out?” Emily asked.

Mona snorted out a laugh.

“She may be a demon seed, but I know she’s not involved. Mary is protecting whoever it is. She has to be. There are very few people she’d do that for. I just have to find the connection. I put feelers out there to see if she has family or friends. I haven’t gotten anything solid yet, but Maurice has his ways. Plus, I’m thinking about paying her another visit. I have my ways of making her talk.”

“No. If she’s feeding someone information you can’t keep digging. She’ll bury you,” Emily said in alarm.

“So then I’ll come back from the dead.” Mona brushed off her concern. “I’m good at that.”

“You’ve done more than enough. If you bow out now she’ll leave you alone…”

“Me? Give in to a terrorist? Never.” Mona scoffed.

“I’m serious, Mona. I don’t want you to get killed. It’s not your fight. If Maurice has the list let us take it from here. Please. Go back to your life. To Mike. And appreciate that you have it. Treasure it.”

“You expect me to sit back and watch you get yourself killed?” Mona argued.

“I expect you to start putting your family first.”

“I’m trying to do that.” Mona glared at her. “You realize I consider _you_ part of that family, right?”

“I do.” Emily nodded. “And I’m more than flattered. I am. But I can’t let you die for me. You almost did once.” More than once, actually. Back in high school she’d gone to great lengths to make up for her deviant ways, and it had nearly gotten her killed several times. “That’s not going to happen again.”

“You’re really playing with fire here.”

“I know that.” Emily replied, her body rigid. “And that’s exactly why you need to quit while you’re ahead. A sixteen year old boy is dead because I convinced him to turn on a gang. You, Mike, Fiona, and Kai could have died today. Hell, my _dog_ even took a knife in the chest for me. This person doesn’t want you…or Mike or anyone else. They only want me. So, please, Mona, _please_ just let Maurice handle it from here. I know you trust him to do this. Otherwise you wouldn’t have sent me to him.”

“It’s not him I’m worried about. It’s whoever is doing this. I don’t want you to die either, Emily.”

“I’ve survived worse,” Emily replied. “Besides, we’ve got a bunch to go on now, thanks to you. You’ve blazed the trail. We’ll follow it. I know we’ll figure it out.”

“And if you don’t?”

“Come on. _You_ got us answers. When have you ever been wrong?”

“That’s true.” Mona nodded, having no argument to bite back with. “Tell you what. You tell old Marco Polo and see what he says. He’s the one who called me into this in the first place. If you can get him behind your plan to get me to back off, I will.”

“I’ll get in touch with him tonight.” Emily agreed.

She knew Maurice would agree with her, especially given they had a list of suspects that was getting shorter by the minute. Besides, once he heard that Mona and three other people had almost been killed he would have to see her side, especially considering two of those people were kids.

“Just…be careful.” Mona sighed.

“I will,” Emily replied. She glanced at the clock. “I’m going to go let the others know you’re okay. Hanna should be here any minute.”

“Thanks. Give Mike a kiss for me.” She teased.

“I don’t think that would go over well for any of us.” Emily chuckled. She started walking towards the hallway.

“Hey, Emily?” Mona called out to her. “I’m going to ask Hanna to be my Maid of Honor,” she said. “But I’m also going to ask you to be in my wedding, too. Now you can’t go off and get yourself killed. Because if you do that it will ruin my big day. And I just won’t have that.”

“Deal.” Emily laughed softly.

Emily walked out into the hallway, texting Hanna to let her know where Mona was. Then she put her phone in her pocket and started walking across the hospital to where everyone else was waiting for Mike to be discharged.

She stopped at an open area that had a meditation garden. She walked outside for a few minutes, trying to take in the fresh air. The hospital smell was starting to get to her. She sat down on a bench overlooking a plot of daisies next to a small pond with a waterfall. She watched the fish for a few minutes, trying to settle down, trying not to think about what could have happened to Aria’s kids today. She stared at the garden, her mind in a weird trance.

When she snapped out of her daze she realized she’d been zoned out for way too long. She looked at her watch and realized she needed to get back, so she walked back inside. She could still feel a tight tension in her stomach, but she pushed through it. She passed an open waiting area where there were a few chairs filled with some guys watching rugby and then turned a corner, nearly bumping into a mother walking with her two young daughters.

The kids looked like they were around three and four. One little girl was several paces ahead of her mom, tugging on her hand to go faster and the other was right beside her, clutching her other hand.

The little girl in front stopped and looked up at Emily. She had an innocent smile on her face. She giggled. The little girl next to the mother put her thumb in her mouth and shied away, pushing into her mom’s body. They reminded Emily of Lily and Grace.

“I’m so sorry,” the woman said.

“Oh, it’s fine,” Emily replied.

“I told you to slow down, Stella. We were clearly going too fast.” The mother had a tone in her voice that told Emily she was trying to make this into a lesson for her little girls. “Girls, what do we say when we accidentally bump into someone?”

The little girl in the front twirled around on her feet, a total ham about the entire ordeal. She giggled, looked back at her mom, faced Emily and then her mouth dropped open and she said,

“Dammit.”

“Stella!” She exclaimed sternly. The mother looked at Emily with a sheepish expression, her face red in embarrassment. “Sorry. Clearly mommy needs to curb her road rage.” She laughed nervously.

It reminded her so much of something Ali would do. In fact, it was exactly something Ali _had_ done. Grace had walked around shouting _“jackass!”_ for nearly two weeks after one of Ali’s road rage incidents.

“I totally get it.” Emily didn’t mind. “My girls were worse than parrots when they were their age.”

The mother apologized again and then they went their separate ways. Emily thought back to when Grace and Lily had been that small. She cherished those memories. For a few seconds her mind wandered to a moment in time before their family was fractured. When everything was normal. For a second, she forgot about her reality. But then the overwhelming scent of the cleanliness and the sterility of the hospital brought her back into the real world.

And then it hit her. It hit her hard. They were back in the hospital, the very same hospital where her daughter’s body had been laid out in the morgue. A child’s life cut too short, something that should never happen. Kai and Fiona had almost been killed because of her today. Mona and Mike had almost been killed because Mona was trying to protect her. There was a killer after her and she might die. She had invited this danger into their lives.

Her body suddenly felt overheated. The noise inside her head was deafeningly loud. It was like a giant jackhammer pounding her brain. Her instinct was to slap her hands over her ears to try and drown it out, but she knew that it was an internal cry that wasn’t going to disappear simply because she wanted it to. She felt herself starting to fall apart. The hallway suddenly felt like a tunnel that was closing in on her. She thought she was going to pass out.

She put her hand against the wall for support, her eyes darting around for somewhere to go. She didn’t want anyone to see her at her weakest. Vulnerabilities only brought on the chance for her to be sucker-punched. Being weak only brought trouble in her life. She looked around for an escape, seeing a private waiting area to her right. She bowled through the door and the lights flickered on automatically. Someone saw her from down the hall and followed her, walking towards the empty room.

Emily found a corner in the room that was away from the door in dim light and she sat down in a chair near the corner and buried her face into her hands and started breathing heavily. She felt something wet coating her palms and she realized she was crying. Her mind didn’t register her surroundings at all. She didn’t hear the TV above her. She didn’t see the picture on the screen. She didn’t even hear the door open. She didn’t hear the footsteps, but she looked up and saw the shadow.

“Emily?” It was Hanna. She rounded the corner and found her. “Hey. Are you okay?”

Emily wanted to scream in frustration, because she was far from okay. And every time someone asked her if she was okay it just made her feel worse. She couldn’t get away from the pain when people kept reminding her that she had a reason to be upset.

“No.” Emily shook her head, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “No, I’m not okay.”

There was a pause and then Hanna nodded in realization.

“And I made it worse by asking.” Hanna sat down beside her, as if she’d read her mind. “Sorry. I know better. After my miscarriage it got to a point where I wanted to strangle my mom and Caleb for constantly asking me if I was alright. They were just trying to be helpful and be there for me, but it just dug the knife in deeper. I couldn’t go five minutes without one of them checking in on me. And it was just a reminder that I lost the baby. I couldn’t breathe.”

In fact, Emily was the only person who understood what Hanna had _truly_ needed. Time. Space. Reflection. Silence. Someone to treat her normal, so she could get on with her life. Someone who let her grieve inside, but kept her mind on reality on the outside.

It was a tricky balance, and not an easy role to play. But Emily had more than filled that slot. She’d showed up with food and wine and Hanna’s favorite movies and they’d spent all day in their pajamas laughing together. And when Hanna had one of her quieter introspective moments, Emily just let her be. She let her feel it and move on.

“But you helped me breathe again.” Hanna continued. “By not asking me to be okay you let me be okay. You let me be broken when I needed to be broken, when broken was normal for me. And you didn’t ask permission to help me piece myself back together. You were just there to let me know that you would be whatever I needed you to be. So I’m just going to sit here in silence and let you tell me what you need, whether it’s for me to leave you the hell alone or bring you a shot of tequila and some tacos while we sit here and watch…” She frowned at the TV up on the wall, “…golf? Who the hell watches the golf channel? Psychopaths, that’s who.” She shook her head.

That made Emily laugh, because it was a very Hanna Marin-Rivers thing to say. And she topped it when she added with a scoff,

“Okay, I love you, Em, but this is not going to cut it. How do you change the channel on this thing? We are not watching stuffy elite old grandpas tiptoe around in loud atrocious pimp-wear. I would rather listen to “It’s a Small World” on repeat for the rest of my life than watch the grass grow on some hoity toity country club lawn.” She frowned. “If I wanted to see a man-child trying to whack a ball into a hole with a tiny fucked up baton and then throw a tantrum when he doesn’t get it I’d take Levi to play putt-putt.”

“So much for silence.” Emily peered at her with a wavering smile and a quiet tone, a hint of a sarcastic attitude shining through.

“She speaks.” Hanna teased.

“You’re really bad at ‘the quiet game’, Hanna.”

“Hey, if you want me to leave you’re going to have to kick me out,” Hanna retorted. “Remove me by force.”

Emily looked at her with a soft smile and then shook her head with a quiet laugh. Hanna smiled back. It wasn’t her normal cheeky smirk. It was a caring soft expression, one that clearly said “I love you. I’m here”. She wordlessly reached out and put her hand on top of Emily’s. They sat there in silence for several minutes. Hanna was just waiting on Emily’s cues to see what she wanted her to do. Emily just needed someone to sit with her, someone who understood her the way her best friend understood her. So that’s what they did. They sat. They waited. Hanna didn’t crowd her. She didn’t push her to say or do anything. She just stayed with her.

It was Emily who broke the silence first. It was only when she remembered the reason she’d called Hanna that she realized why Hanna had come in the first place.

“I take it you haven’t seen Mona yet.” Emily’s tone was less shaky than it had been when Hanna walked in.

She saw Hanna cringe at the thought of Mona being hurt. They had spent way too much of their time in hospitals. The blonde fashion mogul knew how drab it could be to be laid up in a hospital bed. She’d spent weeks on an uncomfortable cot in the hospital after she’d been hit by a car…by none other than Mona. But that was a long time ago. And Mona was a different person back then.

“I did, actually,” Hanna said. “She told me to check on you.” She shrugged. “She knows how hard being here is for you and Ali, especially given the circumstances.”

Yeah, but that wasn’t all Mona was worried about. Emily looked at Hanna, forcing a smile on to her face.

“Come on.” She stood up. “We should go.”

“Whatever you want to do.” Hanna didn’t argue. If Emily was ready to go back, then she wasn’t going to stop her. “Anything to get me away from Not-so-Happy-Gilmore up there.” She pointed to the TV.

Emily laughed again. Leave it to Hanna to make her laugh when she most needed it. They walked out of the room. It was quiet for a second. Emily faced Hanna.

“Thanks, Han,” she said.

“Any time.”

“Why don’t you go back and hang with Mona? I’ll go check in with Ali. She doesn’t like it when I disappear on her,” Emily said.

“That’s ironic.” Hanna chuckled. “Considering her Houdini act in high school.”

The big difference in that was that if Emily upped and disappeared she’d _actually_ be dead. No more second chances. No more coming back to life. If she slipped up…if she messed things up, she would ruin so many lives. Her family was already wrecked. They couldn’t take another hit.

They parted ways and Hanna headed back to Mona’s room. She walked past the very same open waiting area that Emily had walked by earlier. The chairs were still filled with several guys watching rugby. She didn’t notice the guy who had his back to her. He was wearing a navy blue sweatshirt, jeans, and a baseball cap. It was shit for a disguise, but it did the trick. He kept his head down, waiting for her to pass.

He’d almost had Emily alone. He’d seen her going off on her own, having one of her anxiety attacks. He knew she’d be vulnerable. But then Hanna had come out of nowhere. He’d had to duck behind a vending machine at the last minute. Because if Hanna saw him, it would all be over. Of course, he could have killed her, too. He didn’t really like Hanna. She’d been such a snob in high school. So had Mona. They were both pathetic and tried too hard. In fact, Mona had been so self-obsessed that she didn’t even realize what he’d been doing when she was _A_.

Hanna was even worse. Every time he’d hung out with her she’d always made every little thing about her. She was narcissistic and bitchy. And she was a horny little slut, too. But as much as he didn’t like her, two bodies was a lot more work than one. So he retreated.

He hadn’t exactly planned for things to work out quite like this. He hadn’t exactly timed the wreck right. He’d planned on blowing the brakes in the car knowing it would serve as a warning to Emily that the closer she got to his identity, the more people he would hurt and kill. He didn’t really care if Mona survived. He knew that the point would get across to Emily. And it seemingly had. She’d been more shaken up than ever when he saw her walking down the hall earlier.

What he hadn’t planned on was Aria’s kids and Mike being with Mona. Even his twisted genius mind couldn’t have planned that surprise. He hadn’t meant to pull the kids into it, especially not Aria’s kids. Out of all of the girls in Ali’s clique, Aria had always been the nicest. He had a soft spot for her. She’d always been nice to everyone, even after she got back from living in Iceland. She hadn’t come back pretentious or spoiled like most girls would have. She’d always seemed pretty cool.

Out of all six girls, Aria was the only one who wasn’t a possessive little shit about her friends. She’d always kind of done her own thing, which usually included banging the English teacher at school, but he couldn’t say anything about that because he had a thing for older women. He’d always liked them because they put out easier. Then again, he didn’t discriminate. He liked all kinds of women. Booty was booty.

But he hadn’t meant to drag Aria’s family into Emily’s mess. He liked her. He even liked her kids. They seemed thoughtful and well-rounded. He thought Ezra was a douche and Mike was an asshole, but he didn’t have anything against Aria’s twins and he hated that they’d been involved. He was ruthless. He wasn’t completely heartless. After all, he’d given Emily more time with her family so she could fiddle around in Paris. He had given her time to put a call into her lawyer about making amendments to her will and time for her to contact her insurance company to make sure her life insurance paperwork was all in order. He’d given her time to take care of her family. He had even planned to let her celebrate her daughter’s birthday before he took her out. But then that idiot Marco had gotten Mona involved. And now, plans had changed.

He didn’t care how much Mary scolded him for being reckless. She certainly didn’t have any worthwhile ideas on how to silence Emily, and they _had_ to shut her up. Permanently. Because he knew her. He’d studied her. And he knew that even if she said she was done she wouldn’t be able to let it go.

Mary had suggested kidnapping her and brainwashing her to the brink of insanity where she couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what wasn’t. Typical Mary. Luckily, he didn’t have to take orders from her anymore. He didn’t even have to listen to her talk if he didn’t want to. Her input meant nothing. The only thing – the only _person_ of mutual interest to them meant nothing to him with her behind bars. He knew she wouldn’t rat him out. She couldn’t, not without implicating the very person she was trying to protect. So she could nag all she wanted. He didn’t care.

This plan was his masterpiece, his baby. And it may not have been unfolding exactly as he thought it would, but it was going to work either way. Now that Emily had gotten his message he knew that it was only a matter of time before she would go running straight for Maurice’s help. And he had plans that would not only take care of her, but would take care of the thorn in his side that was Marco and his boys. He’d scared Emily away from Mona. He could do much worse when it came to the rest of her new friends.

He slunk out of the hospital and into the parking garage across the street. He lit a cigarette and puffed on it for a few minutes. He was kicking his motorcycle into gear just as Emily was getting back to Ali and Aria to find out if Mike had been discharged yet. He hadn’t, and he was raising hell because he wanted to see his fiancée. Across the hospital, Mona was complaining to Hanna about the very same thing. By the time they were both released several hours later, Aria had calmed down significantly, because Ezra was there.

Hanna knew that Ali and Emily were exhausted from their trip so she told them to go ahead and take off. She was going to make sure Mike and Mona got back to Ella and Byron’s house safe and sound.

Emily was so mentally exhausted that she psychically ached. On the ride home all she could think about was what this person was going to do next. She knew she needed to figure out a way to get out to the bar to touch base with Maurice, but she wasn’t sure how she could sneak off without Ali getting suspicious. She also worried about leaving Ali and Lily alone. What if leaving them by themselves put them in danger? What if Del Toro knew what she was doing? Her head was pounding in thought.

“You’re awfully quiet over there.” Ali reached over, searching for her hand without taking her eyes off the road. Her fingers skimmed the top of Emily’s wrist and Emily took Ali’s hand in hers. “What’s on your mind?”

Emily blinked and then rubbed her forehead with her other hand. She sighed.

“Uh, a lot,” she said, her gaze glazed over as she peered out the window.

“Well, that’s not vague at all,” Ali replied sarcastically.

Her quick wit made Emily laugh. And it also made her feel incredibly guilty. Because Ali put up with a hell of a lot from her. And Emily felt like all she ever did was lie to her. Keeping everything from Ali had been so hard. She felt like the two lives she was living were constantly at odds, and it was ripping her apart from the inside. She felt like she was being torn to shreds. Her guilt was like an infestation of termites eating away at her heart. It wasn’t right. Keeping this from Ali was bound to destroy them. She faced her, swallowing hard,

“Ali, I…”

Then suddenly in her mind she saw all the threats. She saw Aria…broken and sobbing. She saw Fiona’s fear. She saw Kai flinching in discomfort. She saw Mike’s broken arm. She saw Mona’s bruised forehead. She saw everything that could happen to Ali and more, and she froze. Her body tensed. Her hand tightened around Ali’s.

“I forgot to thank you,” Emily licked her lips. They felt so dry. “For talking me down earlier in the driveway. You were right.”

“Aren’t I usually?” Ali smiled, glancing at her. She squeezed Emily’s hand. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better.” Another fucking lie. She felt like punching herself. “And you?” Emily asked.

“It was hard at first…being back there like that.” Ali admitted. “But then I remembered something.”

“What?”

“You’re still here.” Ali looked at her again. “Everything we went through, and we still have each other.”

Outwardly, Emily smiled at her and gently squeezed Ali’s hand back. But inside she felt like she was dying. Because Ali loved her so much, _really_ loved her. And if something happened and she didn’t survive it would leave Ali feeling empty, heartbroken, and alone, all things she’d felt after her high school girlfriend Maya died. She knew what it was like to lose someone you were in love with. But what she and Ali had was light-years beyond what she’d had with Maya. The pain would be much worse than anything she’d ever experienced. They had a life together. A family. How could she have ever thought that Ali would be okay without her? It was only in facing death that she realized how wrong she’d been about everything.

They stopped to pick up Lily. She was much less bouncy than when they’d dropped her off. The jet lag had set in. Her fully belly from dinner added to her weariness. And on top of all that, she’d found out about Fiona and Kai from Iris, who had been with Hanna when Hanna got the call from Emily. And even though Fiona and Kai were okay, it brought back emotional memories from the night Grace died for Lily. So their daughter was not in a chatty mood. When they got home she went straight to her room.

“Think she’s okay?” Ali asked, softly closing their front door.

“I think she’s _our_ child and her mood swings are just beginning.”

“God, you’re right.” Ali cringed.

“Aren’t I usually?” Emily quipped back, shadowing her words from the car.

Ali’s eyes narrowed. She smiled and looked at her with an expression that said, _“ha, ha, very funny”_. They walked upstairs to finish unpacking from their trip. Emily kept looking at her watch.

“You know, Em,” Ali didn’t miss her constantly checking the time, “you don’t have to keep sneaking around. I know what you’re doing.”

Emily’s heart skipped a beat. She put her deodorant on top of her dresser and turned around to face Ali.

“You’ve looked at your watch over a dozen times,” she said in a nonchalant manner. “If you’re hungry, just say so. We can break for dinner.”

Emily breathed a sigh of relief. Ali walked over and put a necklace in her jewelry box on top of the dresser.

“I was thinking we could order a pizza.” Ali suggested.

Emily’s brain was screaming at her not to let Ali order food from anywhere, because for all she knew the Pit Vipers worked _everywhere_ , including the local pizza joint. And they’d probably poison the food. Or give the delivery boy the pizza order _and_ an order to shoot Emily as soon as she opened the door.

“Oh, get some with pineapple.” A voice from behind them startled them both.

They turned around and saw Lily in the hallway in front of their door.

“Ugh, pineapple on a pizza? I will disown you for that.” Ali threatened.

“There’s nothing wrong with a little Hawaiian flair on a pizza. You just have to have a refined palate to appreciate it.” Lily smarted back.

“Haven’t you already eaten?” Emily couldn’t stop herself from laughing at Lily’s snark.

“If I’m going to be cooped up for the next two days I might as well have pizza. It’s even better reheated.” Lily shrugged, then walked off.

“She may have gotten the attitude from me, but she most _definitely_ got that horrible taste in food from you.” Ali shook her head.

“I can still hear you, you know!” Lily called out from down the hallway.

Ali and Emily looked at one another and laughed.

“She’s gone full on teenager on us.” Ali whispered with a laugh. “I’m scared.”

“Yeah, next thing you know she’ll be dyeing her hair with purple streaks and telling us we just don’t understand.” Emily smiled.

“I will kill Hanna if she helps her do that.” Ali frowned, knowing Auntie Hanna would be the first one Lily would go to if she wanted to do something that outrageous.

She grabbed her cell phone and walked off to order a pizza. She didn’t even have to ask what Emily wanted, because they’d been together so long she just knew. After she ordered the food she went to take a shower. Emily waited until she heard the water turn on and then she grabbed Jett’s leash and scurried outside. It was the perfect opportunity to text Maurice to see where they were at in the hunt for Del Toro. She let Jett go to the bathroom and then she slipped into the garage and opened the gun safe. She turned the burner phone on and then quickly texted Maurice.

_“Mona is out of the game. King of Douchebaggastan tried to kill her today. I won’t risk her life for mine. Call her off.”_

_“Hello to you, too. Welcome back to the states.”_ She could hear the sarcasm oozing in his tone.

A few seconds passed and then he added,

_“I’ll talk to Mona. No reason to keep putting her at risk. We have the names. We can take it from here.”_

Exactly what Emily needed to hear.

_“Looking into this Mary character. Seems shady as hell. Also following up on a possible lead from the scrap of clothing Donnie pulled from your mutt’s teeth.”_

_“Mona gave me the names of some of the people you’re looking into. Send me a complete list.”_ Emily typed back.

_“There’s about five pages here. She had a whole damn army, ranging from complete strangers she blackmailed to her most trusted advisors. She’s also listed pretty much everyone who ever associated with the other three of your old tormentors. Can you swing by tomorrow so we can take a more detailed look at it?”_

_“I’ll figure something out.”_

_“I’m putting someone on you for the night. Just in case. Things have gotten a little intense while you’ve been gone. Better safe than sorry.”_

_“Understood.”_

Emily felt a little better after she talked to him. She put the phone up and glanced down at her dog, who was just a big happy oblivious dope. He was lying on his side, stretched out and pawing at a reflection of light on the floor. He growled playfully at the interloper. When Emily took a step towards him her shadow caused the reflection to move and he sat up and smooshed his nose against the floor trying to chase it before it got away.

“Ah, it eludes you once again.” Emily teased him.

She kind of felt like that chasing after the “ghost of torturers” past. Going after some Godfather of crime was her random shiny spot on the floor. She was essentially a clueless dog chasing a fractal of light. It was frustrating, but all hope was not lost. As long as she was still breathing she was fighting.

All they needed was one little break, one little thing to show them the way. They didn’t know how close they were to getting that lead. Because Del Toro was not working alone. The blood of his blood had made one too many mistakes in the past. And it was very close to catching up to Del Toro. But the King of the Pit Vipers would not go down without a fight either. Once Maurice honed in on the lead, all hell was going to break lose. The Vipers were going to strike when Emily least expected it. And the fallout was going to be cataclysmic, because these snakes weren’t just dangerous. They were deadly.


	26. Collision Course

The cries awoke Ali around two in the morning. She automatically reached for Emily, but as soon as she turned to face her she realized the whimpers weren’t coming from her. Emily had been so exhausted by their trip and the visit to the hospital that she was still out cold. Ali slipped out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping brunette. She followed the cries down the hall.

The noises got increasingly louder as she reached Grace’s room. She paused at the door. Memories always flooded her senses when she walked by. Her heart still ached every time she saw her daughter’s empty room.

She looked inside. They still hadn’t changed anything. Neither one of them were ready to go through Grace’s things, nor did they want to. She saw Jett’s body against the floor over by the closet. For a split second she thought that Jett was the one who’d woken her up with all the noise. But then her eyes adjusted to the darkness and through the glow of the moonlight from the window she saw a shadow sitting just inside Grace’s closet.

She heard the unmistakable cries of her daughter and she quickly rushed to her side. She squirmed over next to Jett, who had pushed himself up against Lily, somehow managing to get his head up against her stomach and into her lap even though she was up against the wall curled in a ball with her knees up to her chest. Ali crawled next to her and pulled Lily into her embrace. Lily didn’t say anything. She just wrapped her arms around her mom and sobbed. Ali ran her fingers through Lily’s hair and rubbed her back.

“It’s okay,” she said soothingly.

Ali could feel Lily trembling. Feeling her child’s aching soul made Ali’s heart hurt. What had happened to Aria’s family had hit them all in a soft spot. She listened to Lily’s quiet cries, holding in her own tears. They’d had plenty of nights like this when Emily was in the hospital.

Those first few nights after the wreck had been rough. There had been nights when Ali had to be strong for Lily, but there had also been nights when she couldn’t hold it together and Lily saw her fall apart. And all Lily could do was hug her and cry with her.

Ali felt Lily stir in her arms. Lily pulled back to wipe the tears from her face. In the glowing moonlight she could see her mother’s eyes looking back at her. She sniffled.

“I had a nightmare about Grace.” Lily admitted. “She was stuck in the car with mom.”

She hadn’t had a nightmare as bad as the one she’d had tonight since the night Eli, Kai, and Levi had found her screaming bloody murder in the middle of a night terror at the Fitz house.

Ali was surprised to hear Lily talk about the wreck in such detail. They hadn’t told her any specific information about the crash. She didn’t know that they’d been trapped in the car.

Lily pushed forward into her mother’s embrace again and started bawling.

“I’m here, Lily. It’s okay.” Ali assured her. She waited a few seconds, gently stroking the back of her head and then she kissed the top of her head softly. Her hair was soft and smooth, just like Emily’s. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lily shook her head, keeping it buried in her mother’s shirt. All she wanted to do was cry and let it out. The only reason she had slipped into Grace’s closet to cry was because she didn’t want her moms to find her and see her so upset. She didn’t want Ali and Emily to hurt because of her, a trait she’d inherited from Emily. But right now, Lily didn’t care about trying to be strong. She was shaken from the bad dream she’d had and she missed her sister. And though she’d talked to Fiona and Kai before she went to bed to make sure they were okay, she was still upset about the wreck.

“Fiona and Kai could have died today. They could have died just like Grace.” Lily sobbed through her tears.

“But they didn’t,” Ali said quietly, trying to keep Lily calm.

Lily didn’t respond. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to tell her mom that her nightmare ended with Grace _and_ Emily dying. She didn’t want to tell her that she dreamed that Grace died in the car and that Emily died on the shore from her injuries. She didn’t want to tell her that in her nightmare they’d both died scared and alone.

Ali held Lily until she calmed down. She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt Lily starting to relax. Ali closed her eyes, a tear slipping from her left eye. She took a moment to be thankful that for once, Emily was sleeping soundly.

She couldn’t have known that Emily was having a bad dream of her own. She couldn’t have known that her wife was tossing and turning in their bed at that very moment. But it wasn’t the wreck she was dreaming about, nor was it the impending danger in her life. It was her guilt. It was the time of a memory passed. It was a broken promise.

Emily knew she was dreaming. She knew it wasn’t real, because her subconscious knew the memory was just that...a distant dream of the past.

In the dream she was lying in bed with Ali, who was sound asleep with her arms wrapped around Emily, her cheek resting between Emily’s breasts. Emily could feel the soft pattern of Ali’s breathing against her thin T-shirt. She hadn’t been able to fall asleep, so she just stayed up and watched Ali.

She heard a shuffling noise outside their cracked bedroom door and she immediately went into defense mode, tightening her grip around her wife. She relaxed when she heard someone call out to them.

 _“Mommies?”_ It was Lily.

Ali woke up the moment she heard her daughter’s voice. She blinked sleepily as the door slowly crept open to reveal their two four year olds standing in the hallway. Lily and Grace walked into the room. Lily had her blanket nuzzled up against her face, her thumb in her mouth. Grace was squeezing her favorite stuffed puppy.

 _“What’s wrong, girls?”_ Emily asked.

 _“Lily had a bad dream.”_ Grace shoved her sister forward.

Lily ripped her thumb out of her mouth and vehemently disagreed.

 _“Nuh uh!”_ Lily argued, rubbing her eyes sleepily. _“Grace woke me up.”_

 _“Tattle-tale.”_ Grace scowled.

Ali and Emily sat up against the headboard. Ali pat the bed.

_“Come here.”_

Lily and Grace glanced at one another, but Grace walked forward alone. She looked at the ground sheepishly. It was hard for her to admit her fears. She didn’t like being afraid.

 _“I’m scared. Can I sleep with you tonight?”_ Grace crawled up on their bed and settled in between them.

 _“Of course, sweetheart.”_ Ali nodded. _“Lily, you too, baby. Come on.”_

 _“No. I wanna go back to bed.”_ Lily shook her head and walked over to Ali’s side of the bed. _“Mommy, will you tuck me back in?”_ She put her small hands against Ali’s arm and looked at her with her sweet little eyes.

 _“Of course.”_ Ali pulled the covers back.

Before her feet had even touched the ground Lily had wrapped her tiny fingers around her hand. They walked towards the door.

 _“Can I have another bedtime story?”_ Lily asked in excitement. She loved it when her moms read to her.

 _“It’s late, Lil.”_ Ali yawned.

 _“Please?”_ She begged as they walked out of the room.

 _“Okay, but just one.”_ Ali gave in. She couldn’t say no to her little girls. Ever. And they knew it.

Emily laughed at how soft she’d become with their children. She was a fireball in every other aspect in life, but when it came to their babies, she was completely wrapped around their fingers.

Grace snuggled up next to Emily.

 _“You want to go listen to another bedtime story, too?”_ Emily asked.

Grace just shook her head with her lips pushed out in a pout. She seemed so whiny and upset. She definitely wasn’t herself. Emily furrowed her brow in concern. It wasn’t like Grace to cry over nothing. She was not that child that cried wolf. It worried Emily. She put her palm against Grace’s forehead to make sure she didn’t have a fever. Grace grumbled and pushed her hand away from her head in a cranky manner.

_“What’s the matter, Gracie?”_

Grace just wrapped her little arms around Emily’s neck and pushed up against her, crawling into her lap. Her knees dug into Emily’s stomach, but Emily barely noticed because her daughter was shaking in her arms. Emily rubbed large circles against her back to try and settle her down.

_“Hey, whatever it is, you’re okay. Mommy’s got you.”_

Grace nodded. She felt safe in Emily’s arms. Her moms always protected her. She laid her head against Emily’s shoulder and stayed quiet for several minutes. Emily didn’t like it. When Grace was quiet, there was something seriously wrong.

 _“Mommy?”_ Grace finally broke the silence, pulling her head up so she could look at Emily. _“Are dreams real life?”_

 _“Only if they’re good.”_ Emily kissed her forehead.

_“What if they’re not good?”_

_“Bad dreams can’t hurt you, honey.”_

Grace grunted like she was dissatisfied with the answer. Rarely was her sleep pattern disrupted. She could sleep through anything, but her nightmare had really unnerved her. It had felt very real to her and it scared her.

 _“But they’re so scary.”_ Grace whimpered.

 _“Well you know what’s scarier?”_ Emily asked with a sweet smile.

_“What?”_

_“Your mommies if anyone tries to hurt our babies.”_ She nuzzled her nose against Grace’s cheek and snorted against her skin like a pig, which always made Grace smile.

Grace giggled.

 _“You’re silly, mommy.”_ She rubbed her face against the side of Emily’s neck and laughed. _“I love you.”_

_“I love you, too, booger bear.”_

_“You’ll never let anything bad happen to me, right?”_

_“Of course not.”_ Emily hugged her. _“You want to tell me what the dream was about, baby?”_ She pulled back and ran her fingers across Grace’s cheeks.

Grace cuddled her stuffed puppy tightly.

_“I dreamed that I got lost away from you and mommy and Lily. And it was dark and I couldn’t find you and I got scared. I don’t like being scared.”_

_“Oh, honey.”_ Emily sighed. _“Your mommy and I will always find you, okay, Gracie? If you’re ever lost, we’ll find you. You just wait for us.”_

_“You promise?”_

_“I promise.”_ Emily kissed her head.

Grace pushed up against Emily again, wrapping her arms around Emily’s neck. She buried her face against Emily’s shoulder.

_“I’ll wait for you, mommy.”_

_“That’s my girl.”_ She rubbed her back.

She slid down with Grace still in her arms, gently stroking her back until she felt Grace relax against her. Grace moved her head just enough for Emily to see that her eyes were closed. Her little lips were parted and they moved ever so slightly as she breathed in and out. She looked like such an angel when she slept. It was the _only_ time in life when she looked innocent.

Emily shifted to try and get a better look at her face and Grace whined and gripped Emily’s shirt like she was afraid to let her go. She rubbed her cheek against her mom’s chest and sighed.

 _“I’m still right here, Gracie,”_ she whispered.

Grace relaxed against her, knowing even in her dream state that she was safe with her mom.

Emily stayed awake to make sure Grace didn’t have any more nightmares. After a while she realized that Ali wasn’t going to be coming back to bed. She knew her other daughter well enough to know that she’d convinced Ali to stay in bed with her.

Emily yawned and started drifting off. She closed her eyes, but when she opened them back up she wasn’t in the bedroom anymore. She was somewhere dark and cold. She felt fingernails digging into her arm and when she looked over she saw Grace as she’d last seen her in the car.

 _“You promised,”_ Grace cried. _“I waited for you, mom. You promised,”_ she said again.

Suddenly, Grace was sinking into dark murky water. Emily reached for her, but she couldn’t find her. Panic seized her.

_“Grace! Gracie, hold on…”_

But then she was under the murky water too and she couldn’t breathe. She tried to kick her feet to get herself to the surface, but she couldn’t feel anything below her waist. Her chest felt tight. Her body felt numb.

 _I need to wake up._ Her eyes slammed shut. She was shrouded in darkness. _Wake up, Emily._ She told herself. _WAKE…_

Her eyes popped open and she was back in her room. Back in reality. She was drenched in sweat. She looked over to check on Ali, but found she wasn’t next to her. She took a deep breath and slapped her forearm against her forehead.

“Damn it.” She curled her fingers into a fist and hit her forehead a little harder, swearing under her breath again. Her body shook as she sobbed. “It was my job. It was my goddamn job…”

That dream had only reminded her of the broken promise she’d left Grace with on her deathbed. She hadn’t been able to save her. Her child’s life had slipped through her fingers. She didn’t know how to get past that loss. She was so tired of fighting her feelings.

Coming back from Paris and back into the nightmare of that car wreck had been a staggering drop back into the real world. They hadn’t even been back in town for an hour before everything went to hell. She just wanted a win. _One_ win. She didn’t care if it was big or small. She wanted to feel like she wasn’t doomed. She wanted to feel like she had a chance.

She kicked the covers off of her and sat up against the edge of the bed. She pushed her elbows up against her knees and buried her face in her palms, taking several deep breaths to slow her racing heart. She stood up, her body physically aching from her stress.

She walked out of the room and down the hallway. She saw Lily’s door cracked open. When she looked inside she saw Ali in Lily’s bed. Lily was curled against her. Just like old times, when Lily got drowsy from her emotional breakdown, she’d asked Ali to stay with her until she fell asleep. And Ali had fallen asleep right next to her. They were so pure. So innocent. Emily loved them so much.

She heard a noise downstairs and she jumped. Then she was annoyed at herself for being so jittery. She knew it was just Jett hopping down off of the couch. She’d heard him “kerplunk” in their living room hundreds of times. He wasn’t exactly light on his feet. She went downstairs to check on him. She found him staring out a window. His hackles were raised and he was growling at something.

Emily’s heart started working overtime again as she ducked behind the couch. She quietly called for him to get away from the window, afraid that a bullet was getting ready to shatter the glass. She made a move towards him, staying behind the furniture as best as she could.

“Jett.” She hissed. “Get over here.” She reached over and stretched her arm out to try and grab his collar.

When he turned to face her a light came on out on the porch. Emily peered up at the window in confusion. What kind of psychopathic stalker hitman used a light to illuminate himself before the kill? Someone stepped into view, but it wasn’t a hitman. Whether or not it was a psychopath or a stalker was debatable. But either way, she wasn’t worried. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized it was just Maurice. He was standing there waving at her to come outside, like it was the most normal thing in the world to be outside her house at 3 AM.

She moved towards the front door, but Jett blocked her path. He looked towards the window and then back at Emily with an expression that said “there’s someone out there!” She leaned down and scratched his head.

“It’s okay, big guy,” she said. “He’s a friend.” Kind of. Mostly. Maybe more like an overprotective crotchety uncle.

Once she assured Jett that she wasn’t in any danger she walked out on to the front porch. She looked around, though she didn’t think any wandering eyes were following her around at this hour in the morning, at least none of her neighbors. Unlike her crazy ass, they were all asleep.

They went around to the side of the house where they weren’t in view of any of the windows and then Emily led him to the garage.

“Didn’t mean to freak you out,” he said, rubbing his head. “But I needed to get your attention somehow. It’s not like I could just ring the bell.”

“How long have you been out here?” Emily rubbed her eyes, still trying to shake off her dream.

“Long enough to know that I prefer the city to the suburbs. You got some weird shit going down in this neighborhood. I think you’ve got someone running a frat house on the next street over. I saw a drunk teenager driving a golf cart in his underwear shouting something about a Pokemon.” He frowned. “What the fuck is a Pokemon? And a few doors down you’ve got some woman who sits on her front porch in a rocking chair and talks to cats.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Suburbanites.”

Emily laughed, but it wasn’t filled with her typical gusto. Maurice took note of her appearance. She looked rough.

“You doing okay? You don’t look so hot.”

Why would she look anything other than burned out? Jet lag, a hitman after her, and a mentally taxing day in the hospital. She was lucky she hadn’t had a major panic attack, or a heart attack.

“Did you come all the way out here just to tell me I look like shit?” Emily gave him a hard time.

“Sheesh, you’re touchy. I’d think your heart would be filled with more love after getting back from the city of love.”

“That love lasted all of five minutes. As soon as I got that call about Mona and my friend’s family nearly being killed it pretty much squashed all my happiness.”

“How is our friend Ms. Waveland?” Maurice asked.

“Soon to be Mrs. Waveland.” Emily couldn’t help but smile.

“So the boy popped the question.” Maurice chuckled.

“Popped more than that. His arm for one,” Emily said. “I’m just glad none of them were killed. It could have been so much worse.”

“It was a scare tactic,” Maurice explained.

“Yeah, well, it worked,” Emily huffed.

The only thing worse than her life being in danger was her friends and family being in danger. If she was in danger she could fight, run, or do whatever she needed to in order to stay alive. But when her loved ones were in danger all she could do was worry, which she was doing at that very moment. Because it was unusual for Maurice to be doing legwork.

“So, what’s with the house call, Boss-man?” she asked.

“Well, I wasn’t originally planning on it. I’m covering tonight. I was just going to stay parked out of view in my car. Because, come on, a guy like me looking like I do in _this_ neighborhood? My ass would get shot real quick.”

“You almost did before I saw that it was you. If I had my gun…”

“ _If_?” He sounded disappointed in her. “You don’t carry your gat on you at all times?”

“Not when I’m in the house.” Emily shook her head. “My wife and I don’t want our daughter near guns.”

“Yeah, I can understand that. Gina and I had the same talk when our kids were rugrats.”

“Wow. You’re not going to yell at me?” Emily faked a shocked gasp.

“Nah, I didn’t come to yell. I came to talk.”

“At three in the morning? Something must be really wrong. _And_ you came personally. That’s sure to spell doom. Go ahead. Lay it on me.”

“You are just a bright ray of sunshine, aren’t ya?” He sighed, his expression tightening in concern. “You gotta stop carrying those demons. They’ll eat you alive.”

“Yeah.” Emily didn’t argue. “So, not that I’m not glad it’s you, but where’s the rest of your crew?”

“Donnie’s MIA. I know he had a busy schedule at the office today. Usually that means he got held up in surgery. Frank and Carlo are on a run for me. Bobby and Gina are running the bar. And Manny…” His lips curled up into a smile, “…well, that little genius bastard is working on a plan to get the name of your tormentor.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Emily felt her heart speed up. _Don’t dangle hope in front of me if it’s not real. Please…_

“That piece of bloody fabric your dog ripped off of the knife-wielding maniac? DNA is in a police database. Just got the call from Manny fifteen minutes ago. Now all we gotta do is get the file from the station.”

Emily stared at him for a minute. Had she heard him right? Were they actually getting somewhere with this search? Was it possible they had been given the advantage in this war?

“What?” Emily mumbled in shock.

Maurice just nodded, his smile never faltering.

“Are you…are you serious?” Emily stuttered.

“We got him, Fields,” Maurice said. “The files are encrypted, so Manny couldn’t get the name or access anything remotely. It’s sealed in the records room. He’s got to get the actual file. But once we do, and we _will_ , it’s game over.”

“Jesus Christ, Maurice.” She felt tears of joy stinging her eyes. Out of pure instinct she reached out and smacked his shoulder. “Why didn’t you lead with that?”

“A simple ‘thank you’ would suffice.” Maurice rubbed his shoulder.

Emily leaned back against a shelf, her fingers gripping it firmly to help her support her weight. She felt like she was dreaming. Wait a second… _was_ she dreaming? She reached up and pinched the back of her hand. It stung. She flinched.

“What are you doing?” Maurice frowned.

“My dreams are stranger than fiction. I was just checking,” Emily said with a shrug. “Speaking of…” She glanced back towards her house, “…I should get back and check on my family before they wake from their dreams.” Or their nightmares, which was more likely. Ali usually only invaded Lily’s personal space when their daughter had a bad dream.

Maurice didn’t miss the pensive look on her face. He clapped his hand on her shoulder and looked at her in a fatherly way.

“The nightmare is almost over,” he assured her.

But was it? Emily hadn’t stopped to think about what would happen after they caught this guy. They would be vindicating Grace and saving Emily’s life. But what did that mean? Where did they go from there? Where did her family go from there? How did she begin to move forward? The time she’d spent with Maurice chasing bad guys in the dark had given her a project. Something to focus on other than the night of the wreck. The death threats and the adrenaline she got from chasing Grace’s killer was the only thing standing between her and the wall blocking her emotions. What would happen to her when that wall collapsed and there was nothing left to distract her from the pain?

She knew that this was a good thing, but she still felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to catch this creep. She wanted to put all of this behind her. But then what? She didn’t want to die, but she wasn’t sure _how_ to live.

Her mind was firing on all cylinders as they walked out of the garage. They were rounding a corner and Maurice was getting ready to head back to his car when he spotted something amiss. The red dot was tiny, but unmistakable. They didn’t hear the bullet being fired because of the silencer. But there was a crack next to them and bark from the tree they were walking by splintered out and went flying out in all directions. Emily’s brain slowed down. She felt like she’d just gone from a dream to a nightmare.

“Down.” Maurice grabbed her and threw her forward so hard that she toppled over and caught the edge of the porch on her way down. She hit the ground roughly, her knuckles popping her in the face. She felt her tooth cut into her lip and tasted the blood seconds later.

It only took an additional two seconds for her to realize what was happening. And all she could think about was her family. She scrambled on to her hands and knees and started to move out of the cover of the tree and the side of the house. Maurice grabbed her.

“No. Stay down.”

“Fuck that. My wife and daughter could be in danger.” She fought against him. “Let me go.” She struggled. She felt like a caged wild animal. “Maurice, let me go…”

He hauled her back down to the ground.

“Hey, calm down. They’re okay. No way anyone could get to them. Your dog would have gone ape-shit if someone was in the house.”

“The gun has a silencer on it.” Emily argued, still struggling against him. She needed to get to Ali and Lily.

“And it’s aimed at us.” He reminded her. “Besides, the trajectory of that bullet is from somewhere high and at least a half a block away. Someone is aiming from a perch somewhere further down the road where they can see _us_ , not inside the house.”

“I don’t care.” Emily’s eyes were starting to burn, but she wasn’t sure if it was from the debris from the tree bark or if she was losing control of her emotions. “I have to get to them. I have to…”

“Emily, settle down.” Maurice ordered. “He is baiting you. He _wants_ you to come out in plain view right now. Don’t let this be what kills you. Not when we’re so close.”

Emily knew he was right, but that didn’t shut her instincts up. There may have been a gun battle brewing in the streets of her home town, but there was a bigger battle going on inside of her. Her heart and her brain were at odds. But she knew she needed to listen to him. She needed to trust him. He’d kept her alive this long. So she gave in.

When Maurice felt her stop struggling he released his hold on her. He pulled his gun out of its holster and glanced around the side of the house.

“What do we do?” Emily looked at him, barely able to make out his figure in the cover of the darkness.

“We’re going to wait a few minutes. And then I’m going to draw his fire. He sees me making a move towards him he’ll focus on me.”

“You could get killed.” Emily argued.

“Not a day goes by that I’m not in danger. It’s what I _do_.” He shrugged. “Wherever the shooter is, he doesn’t have a great visual. He missed us the first time. That tells me either he’s too far away to get an accurate shot or he’s not as good with a gun as he wants people to think. If I can pinpoint where it’s coming from we don’t have to wait on that file for answers.”

“At least let me get back to the garage so I can get a weapon and back you up.” Emily glanced towards the garage.

“I _am_ the back-up,” Maurice replied. “You’re the target. I’m not letting you walk right into his hands. Stay. Put.” He ordered. “I mean it.” He growled.

“Okay.” Emily huffed out nervously.

Neither one of them spoke for several minutes. Maurice listened closely to see if he could hear anything out of the ordinary. All they could hear was the wind blowing.

“I’ll be back,” Maurice said. “Stay low and stay hidden.”

He slipped out into the dark night, moving in a quick and stealth manner. He used the cover of anything he could find in his path. Emily stood frozen by the side of the house, feeling helpless. It was a feeling that she dreaded. She didn’t like not having something to do, a role to play. It was _her_ life after all. She didn’t like not having any control in it.

Suddenly, she felt very dizzy. She leaned up against the side of the house. Her head was spinning. She slid down until she was sitting on the ground, her breaths coming out shaky and harsh. She could feel her entire body shuddering. Her heart was pumping hard in her chest. Adrenaline was coursing through her veins, but instead of giving her strength it was draining her. Her body had been through too much. She didn’t have much fight left in her.

She lost track of time. Had it been two minutes? An hour? How long had Maurice been gone? Was he okay? Was he coming back? Was Del Toro on his way to kill her right now?

She tightened her hands into fists and tried to stop them from shaking. Then she heard a familiar voice in the darkness.

“Emily, you okay?”

Maurice had come back. He wasn’t dead. She lifted her head and pushed herself to her feet, her knees feeling weak and barely able to support her.

“What happened?” Emily asked as he rounded the corner and walked towards her.

“Found where he was hiding,” he said. “There’s a vacant house up the road that’s being reconstructed. He’d packed it in before I got there, but the dust was unsettled and there were footprints and prints from a block he was probably using to steady the gun.”

Emily knew exactly what house he was talking about. Their neighbors up the road had moved out several weeks ago after their house had been flooded by a burst pipe. They’d had to pack up and go stay in a hotel while the house was being repaired.

“I swept the area. Found some footprints taking off away from here.”

“A killer on the loose with a thirst for my blood. Must be a Tuesday in Rosewood.” Emily quipped sarcastically.

“He probably gave up for the night,” Maurice said.

 _For the night._ It was so fucked up that Emily knew he’d be coming back at her again. Just not tonight.

“So much for two weeks,” Emily muttered. “The sooner we get that file the better.”

“No kidding,” Maurice agreed. “He must know we’re getting close.”

“God, this is such a fucking mess.” Emily sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

Maurice could see that she was still shaking.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere tonight. I’ve got your back.” He assured her. “We’re going to have answers, _soon_. But for tonight, just lock all your doors and windows. And don’t come outside for anything.”

“And tomorrow?” Or technically, today, as it was already morning. “I’m supposed to go back to school tomorrow.”

“Normally, I don’t like it when you work, because we can’t be as close as we’d like. But in this instance, I think you’re going to be safe at school…as long as you’re around students and your coworkers. Whoever this is doesn’t want witnesses. There is way too much risk in attacking you at school. So you should go. Just make sure to stay with people there at all times.”

“The buddy system.” Emily nodded.

She’d once been a substitute teacher for a kindergarten class for an entire week and she’d ingrained the buddy system into their heads from day one: always stay with your buddy outside the classroom.

It wasn’t a bad system. Everyone could use a good buddy. She had hers in Maurice. Del Toro had his own version of it. It wasn’t someone he’d chosen, but someone he was stuck with nonetheless. And as Emily’s buddy worked on calming her down, Del Toro’s did the opposite. He knew it had to be bad when he saw the call coming through. The words he heard on the other end of the line made his blood boil.

“I fucked up.”

“What do you mean? What the fuck did you do?” Came his angered response.

“I followed Marco like you told me to. He kept his distance for a while, but then he went up to her house. I just watched at first, just like you asked. But then I thought that maybe I could get to her, so I set up the gun you gave me and waited. She was out in the open. I thought I could take her out, but then things went south.”

Del Toro listened to what had happened. From what he heard it sounded like the moron had almost been caught, _again_. This was exactly why he didn’t want amateurs doing his work. Give someone a little power and suddenly they thought they were Tony fucking Soprano. He felt like flying into a rage. Emily Fields was _his_. He’d made that explicitly clear to all of his men. She was his to kill. He wanted to watch the life drain from her eyes.

“You went against my orders,” He snarled angrily. He tried not to lose his temper. Anyone else would have been dead for not listening to him, but he had a history with the idiot. He had to remember that loyalty counted for a lot. “Listen, we have a plan and you could have royally fucked that plan up. Stay the course. I swear if you deviate again you’ll pay. Bigtime.”

He went on a tirade that would have frightened any normal person. But it didn’t faze the shooter at all. He had gotten away and that’s all that mattered. Emily was still alive, but only for the moment. He’d shaken her up and he liked that. It felt oddly satisfying to know he had that kind of power.

Emily still hadn’t cooled down. She was actively shaking when she went back into her house. The thought of one of those bullets hitting her was bad enough. But the thought of a bullet meant for her striking Lily or Ali scared the hell out of her. She quickly paced up the stairs, breathing a sigh of relief when she found Ali and Lily in Lily’s bed just as she’d left them. Jett was sitting at the foot of the bed like a good guard dog. He looked up at her.

“Good boy, Jett,” she whispered.

She left him at his post for a few minutes while she checked the windows and doors like Maurice had suggested. She quietly looked around the house making sure everything seemed to be in order. Then she went back to check on Ali and Lily again. Jett hadn’t moved. Emily tiptoed into the room. She glanced at the blinds over Lily’s window and was relieved to see they were blocking the view into the room.

She glanced back at her girls. She thought about climbing in the bed with them, but she didn’t want to wake them. So instead she sat on the floor against the edge of the bed. She made sure the door was in full view. If someone tried to hurt either one of them she would rip them to pieces before they even got one foot inside the room. Jett curled up next to her and put his head in her lap. He would help her rip the bad guys up. Emily stayed vigilant guarding them, keeping a watchful eye on them for nearly two hours before she finally drifted off to sleep.

Ali was the first one up the next morning. Lily had flipped over and was facing away from her. Ali heard soft breathing coming from the floor. She looked down expecting to see Jett, but instead she saw Jett _and_ Emily. Jett was laid out beside her. Emily had her cheek against his neck. At some point during the night she’d decided to use him as a pillow, and he’d let her.

“Em,” Ali whispered.

Emily stirred and her eyes opened. She sat up and put a hand on the back of her neck, rubbing to ease the tension of the night.

“Why are you on the floor, babe?” Ali questioned.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” Emily turned to face her.

She saw Ali’s face tense in alarm and for a second Emily wasn’t sure why she looked so startled. But then she realized that Ali was looking at her lip. It was sore and she could feel that it was swollen. Before Ali could say anything Emily quickly defused the situation.

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” In retrospect it could have been much worse. She could have a bullet in her head instead. “I misjudged the door frame in the dark last night.”

Ali started to respond, but Lily squirmed beside her and mumbled in her sleep. Emily glanced at their daughter and then put her index finger up to her lips, forgetting about the cut...and then suddenly remembering when she touched her finger to it. She stood up and motioned for Ali to follow her out of the room so they didn’t wake Lily. They had barely gotten out into the hallway before Ali started firing questions at her.

“What _actually_ happened?” Ali crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared at Emily.

She knew she was being lied to, and she didn’t understand why.

“I told you.” Emily held her gaze. She knew if she blinked or looked away Ali would never buy her story. “I should have turned on a light…”

“We have lived in this house for how many years now? And you’ve never once not been able to gauge the distance anywhere in _any_ room, lights or no lights.”

She had night vision that would put a cat to shame. She really hadn’t thought her lie through.

“I was half asleep and wasn’t paying attention.” Emily replied calmly, trying not to incite Ali’s suspicion. She didn’t want this escalating.

To her surprise, Ali didn’t get angry. She was frustrated, but she wasn’t angry. She seemed more despondent than she did pissed.

“Em, I don’t understand why you won’t just tell me the truth.” Ali dropped her arms next to her side.

 _Because if I do then some asshole will kill you and Lily._ Emily thought to herself.

“I am.” Emily shrugged. “Why does everything always have to have some hidden story behind it?”

“You tell me,” Ali bit back. She sighed. “We haven’t even been home for one day and you are already starting to freak out again. I know the wreck and the hospital brought up some things for you. It did for me, too. But you’re acting like a hopped up junkie going through withdrawals.” Ali kept her gaze fixed on Emily’s. “I mean, is it about going back to school? Are you not ready? If you need a few more days…”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it? Because something has you freaked.” Ali’s sight slowly drifted towards the cut on her lip and she loosened her stance. She couldn’t stand seeing Emily hurt. “Look, if you had another nightmare why didn’t you just…”

“Just what?” Emily interrupted her. “Pull you away from our daughter…who clearly needed you more than I did?” Emily motioned to Lily’s bedroom. “Lily needed you. I dealt.”

She took the nightmare accusation and ran with it, because it was technically true. She hadn’t gotten the fat lip that way, but she’d definitely been out of it after the dream. And if she really wanted to stretch it, she got the busted lip from a _living_ nightmare trying to avoid that bullet.

“And we all know how well you _deal_ these days,” Ali snapped.

“You can’t keep running yourself ragged taking care of the both of us. You’re going to burn yourself out. Ali, you have to think about yourself, too.”

“I’m not _me_ without the two of you. You are my family. Taking care of you and Lily is my job,” Ali said.

Hearing that triggered something inside of Emily.

 _“It was my job. It was my goddamn job.”_ Emily flinched remembering how she’d failed at her job to take care of Grace.

Ali didn’t miss her pain. She reached out to comfort her. The sudden motion startled Emily. She flashed back to a few hours ago, the crack of the bullet hitting the tree echoing in her head. Her body jerked and she pushed Ali’s hand away.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re fucking not! Why is it so hard for you to admit you need help?” Ali grunted in frustration.

“Because…” Emily tried not to raise her voice. Her tone came out fractured, “Because I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you!” She threw her hands up in aggravation. That’s all she’d been trying to do since Grace died. She wasn’t supposed to need help. She wasn’t supposed to be weak and afraid and _shattered_. She was supposed to be the strong one. “I can’t keep pulling you down with me.” Emily shook her head. “I know you want to be there for me, but this…it’s…” It was so infuriating. She wanted nothing more than to open up to her, but she couldn’t. “You just have to trust me when I tell you there’s nothing you can do.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not going to let you do it alone? You’re not going to shut me out again. It took me _months_ to get you to talk to me. I’m not about to go backwards.”

Emily grunted out in exasperation. They kept having the same fight over and over. It was the same old argument with different words. She couldn’t make Ali understand because she couldn’t tell her everything. It was taxing.

“Maybe…maybe I _need_ to go at this alone.”

“No.” Ali frowned. “I’m not going to let that happen. You keep falling deeper…”

Their voices carried as they bickered back and forth. Lily could hear them arguing. She rolled over and sighed. They hadn’t even been home a full twenty-four hours and they were already snapping at each other again. She put her pillow over her head. She missed Paris.

She felt Jett hop on the bed with her and she pulled the pillow off of her face, trying to fight back tears. It was hard for her to bounce from one extreme to the next. She’d already decided that she was going to stay with her grandmother tonight. The house felt too intense for her to be in.

She’d been fine until she heard about the wreck that had hurt her friends. It had totally set her off last night. She felt embarrassed. She was almost fifteen and she still needed her mommy to keep her nightmares at bay. And hearing her moms fighting was just the topping on the shit cake that was her life.

“I knew the happiness was too good to be true.” Lily mumbled, hugging Jett.

She felt like getting up and slamming the door to drown out the noise. But instead she just laid there petting her dog. She reached into her pillowcase and pulled out Grace’s pocketknife. She ran her fingers across the embroidered ‘G’ on it.

She knew if Grace were here she would find a way to break up her parents’ fight. Grace had always had a knack for shifting the tone in their lives. Then she realized that if Grace was still alive her moms wouldn’t be fighting in the first place. She could still hear them down the hall going back and forth with one another. She closed her eyes to keep the tears in, because it was easier than crying.

She heard Ali raise her voice. Both of her mothers were also near tears, but for very different reasons. Ali was at the end of her rope. She didn’t know what else to do to help her wife. And Emily’s emotions were still all over the place. Having a potshot taken at her last night had not helped. She did her best to deescalate the situation.

“Ali, I don’t want to fight with you.” Emily sighed, reaching for her hand. She ran her thumb over Ali’s knuckles. It was a motion that always worked when it came to calming her down.

“I don’t want to fight with you either.” Ali admitted, her tone still rigid, but she was calmer. “But as long as you are stuck in this…whatever it is, I’m going to keep holding on, because even though you can’t see it I know you need help. And every time we make some kind of headway it always falls apart. It’s like you take one step forward and then two steps back. And I’m not going to let you lose yourself. Not again.” She slowly reached up and her palm grazed Emily’s cheek. She traced her thumb over the cut on her lip. “I’m only pushing because I care, Em. I’m worried about you.” She sighed. “Honey, I meant what I said in Paris. I am in this. No matter what this is, I’m with you.”

That was the problem. This wasn’t something Ali needed to be involved in. Emily realized she needed to take control of the narrative before it spun out. So she gave Ali what she wanted, or at least a piece of what she wanted. She knew Ali wanted her to talk to her, so she did her best to open up.

“I know. I know you are. You have proved that time and time again.” She pulled Ali’s hand away from her face and took her other hand. “Ali, I’m going through something here. It’s hard for me to keep my head above water. And yeah, I struggle sometimes. But I see a light at the end of the tunnel.” She squeezed Ali’s hands. “Sweetheart, _you_ are that light. You and Lily. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but everything I’m going through…everything _we’re_ going through has an end. But I am going to stumble.” It was human nature. “We’re going to hit these roadblocks from time to time. And I’m going to hurt and _get_ hurt. But you can’t freak out every time I bite my lip or have a bad dream. That’s not good for you. The best thing you can do for me is take care of yourself.”

“And what about you?” Ali snapped back defensively. “You’re _clearly_ not taking care of yourself.”

“I’m trying…”

“You’re always _trying_.” Ali pulled her hands away from Emily’s. “It’s not enough anymore. Either you let me in or…” She stopped talking, completely fed up with being in the dark.

Or else what? She wasn’t going to threaten her anymore. She’d found that begging didn’t work. Ultimatums didn’t work. Nothing worked. They were crumbling and there was nothing Ali could do. She had to let Emily hit rock bottom. It pained her. And she hated it. But she couldn’t stop it.

“Ali…” Emily said timidly, afraid of what would come out of Ali’s mouth next.

“Emily, I know you,” Ali said, her voice shaking. “This isn’t you. There is something really wrong here. I’m not an idiot. I know that Paris was just a distraction from the real issue. And I wish…” She sighed, looking away, “…I wish our lives could be like they were when we were in France.” She clenched her jaw and looked at the ceiling to try and keep her tears from falling. “But you have to face reality. You have to deal with whatever you’ve got festering inside. Because I can’t watch you live like this. It’s too much. And it’s starting to take a toll on us.”

Emily’s stomach was churning. The last thing she wanted was for Ali cry because of her. She reached out to touch her face to comfort her, but Ali turned away. Emily sighed and cursed herself in thought for stressing her family out. At this rate, the Pit Vipers didn’t need to kill her, because not even death was worse than watching her wife struggle because of her.

“I’m going to get ready for school.” Ali looked at Emily, feeling a pang in her chest for her.

“Ali, did you mean what you said in Paris? That we could get back to what we had? That…that you believed in me?”

Ali had meant it. She meant it more than Emily could have ever known. She had never loved anyone as much as she loved her family. And there had never been one instance in which she didn’t see Emily in the most beautiful light in the world.

“Of course.” Ali was surprised she even needed to ask.

“I want that, too. More than anything.” She wanted it so bad she physically ached.

Ali nodded. She knew that. But she also knew that they would never get there unless Emily faced her demons.

“I know.” Ali sighed. “But I can’t break through the fortress you’ve put up in your mind.” She reached up and brushed her fingers against the side of Emily’s jaw, pushing a strand of hair out of her face. “I can claw until my fingers are bleeding, but unless you take down the wall there is always going to be a barricade in our way.”

She pulled away and walked down the hallway towards their bedroom. Emily groaned, leaning against the wall.

“We should have just taken our chances and stayed in Paris,” she muttered. She closed her eyes and sighed, throwing her head back against the wall, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. “Please let today be the end of this.”

She hoped that Manny had gotten whatever he needed to get from the police station to get the answers they needed.

Not knowing what else to do, she went into the kitchen to make her family breakfast. It was very much a Pam Fields thing to do: bake and cook things to get rid of nerves.

Breakfast was tense, awkward, and quiet. Ali and Emily didn’t speak much and Lily stayed completely silent. She pushed her eggs around her plate, staring at the food intently. She put her fork down and looked up at her parents.

“Can I stay the night with grandma tonight?” she asked.

Ali and Emily glanced at one another. Their daughter had clearly overheard them arguing. Guilt flooded them. Neither one of them knew what to say. Lily took their silence as a ‘no’ and so she kept pushing.

“Please?” Her voice cracked. “It’s just…I can’t be in this house right now. All I can think about is the wreck.” She saw Emily tense up. She knew it was all her mother ever thought about, too. “After what happened with Fiona and Kai all I could think about was Grace. And her empty room…”

“Lil, it’s okay.” Emily stopped her. “I’ll talk to your grandmother. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” She glanced at Ali, hoping she hadn’t overstepped.

“We understand, sweetie.” Ali nodded in agreement.

Sometimes it was hard for them to be in the same house their daughter would never see again. But there were way too many memories for them to sell it. Emily and Ali had fallen in love here. Their children had said their first words in the kitchen. They had taken their first steps in the living room. Their babies had grown up here. They had built their lives here. And there were far more many good memories than there were bad ones.

Grace was gone. But her spirit wasn’t. It was in the daisies she’d planted with her sister and her grandmother outside. It was in the messy scrawl from where she’d drawn on the living room wall when she was a toddler. It was in the bathroom with the toilet that _still_ didn’t flush right after she’d dropped one of Ali’s good silk scarves down the drain and watched the water swallow it up while giggling and waving bye-bye.

It was in a scorch mark in the hallway from where she’d tried to launch a homemade rocket through the window. It was in the banister they’d had to glue back together after she and Lily went sledding down the stairs. It was in the wobbly chair in the kitchen from when she’d busted one of the legs after she used it to build a barricade after watching _Les Mis_.

It was in a scuff on the living room floor from where she’d used a nail file to try and escape from a potato sack that Lily had tricked her in to after Grace had spoiled her favorite TV show for her. It was in the hole in the wall in her room from where she’d thrown something at her sister’s head when they were squabbling last year. It was in the stain on the kitchen ceiling from when she had decided to make smoothies for all of her friends and didn’t put the top on the blender. It was in the crack in the bathroom tile where she’d dropped a flashlight against it after trying to scare Levi playing the “Bloody Mary” game. She’d ended up scaring herself.

It was all those little memories that kept Grace alive. Her personality was all over the place. She’d certainly made their house her home.

They quietly finished their breakfast and then got ready to leave. While Ali and Lily gathered their things Emily checked to make sure there weren’t any boogeymen lying in wait for her anywhere. She went as far as starting the car while waiting on her family. She knew what Del Toro was capable of. For all she knew he had put a bomb in the car. She breathed a sigh of relief when it started without a problem.

“God, get a grip,” she mumbled to herself.

She put her forehead against the steering wheel and took a deep breath. All she had to do was survive until they got that file. She pulled back, knowing that her family was going to be coming out the front door at any second.

When they did, she put on a fake smile. But that didn’t make the ride to school any less uncomfortable. They all went their separate ways when they got there. But Emily stayed close to both of them throughout the day. She kept her eyes open for anything out of the ordinary. She found herself constantly walking by Ali’s classroom to make sure she was okay and checking in on Lily just as much.

She was so wound up that the day went by in a flash. After the final bell rang she went to her office. She paused at the door. She’d been avoiding her office all day. And now that she was standing in the doorway she stopped to consider the last time she’d walked into the room. Whoever had cleaned it had done a really good job, but in her mind she could still see what she’d seen that day. She pushed herself to get past it. She settled in to work on some paperwork, trying to distract her mind.

She heard a shuffling noise outside her door and she reached into her desk searching for something she could use as a weapon. But then Ali walked into view. She felt her body relax.

“Hey.” Emily discreetly pulled her hand out of her desk drawer.

“Hey, got a minute?” Ali asked.

“Yeah. Of course. What’s up?”

Ali walked into the room. She looked around, trying not to picture what Emily must have seen last week. Ali couldn’t get the image out of her mind, and she hadn’t even seen the body. She walked over to Emily’s desk and sat back against it. She put her hand on top of Emily’s.

“Did you do okay today?” Ali questioned.

With it being Emily’s first day back since she’d walked into her bloody office Ali was worried about how it was affecting her psychologically.

“I kept myself busy.” Emily nodded. Busy protecting her and Lily. She didn’t even remember anything she’d taught her kids today. She’d been on autopilot. For all she knew she’d just stood there saying random words that made absolutely no sense.

“Good.” Ali smiled weakly.

Seeing Emily in the light of day really accentuated how tired and run down she was. There were dark circles under her eyes and she was very twitchy. Emily could see her staring. Emily nervously ran her fingers through her hair, but didn’t say anything. Ali cleared her throat.

“Your mom is going to pick up Lily after her Art Club at four.” Ali absentmindedly ran her fingers across Emily’s desk, wondering if it had been covered in blood before the crime scene was cleaned up.

“Yeah. She texted me.”

It was the only text Emily had gotten all day and she’d nearly jumped out of her skin when she’d felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, because she thought it might have been an alert to check her burner phone. But she hadn’t heard from Maurice all day. She was starting to get worried that they’d run into another dead end.

“I also wanted to remind you that I’ve got meetings with parents until six and then I’m hosting the department’s student poetry open mic tonight. Then Jason is going to pick me up for that charity mixer for our non-profit, so I’m going to be late tonight,” Ali said.

“Okay,” Emily replied.

Ali would be safe around their colleagues and even safer with her brother and a bunch of do-gooders. Actually, it probably wasn’t a bad idea for Ali and Lily to be as far away from her as possible right now.

“You’re welcome to come, too,” Ali said.

“You know I always feel out of place at those things,” Emily shook her head with a smile. “There are always so many utensils. I never know which fork to use.” She laughed softly.

A glimmer of a smile appeared on Ali’s face. She couldn’t resist Emily when she was being cute. She’d never been able to hide her love away when Emily smiled at her.

“I’ve got to run. I’ve got after-school duty.” Ali glanced at her watch. She started to push herself up off of the desk.

“Ali, about this morning…” Emily reached out and gently grasped her arm.

“Don’t.” Ali sighed as she faced her. “I can’t listen to any more apologies.”

For one thing, Emily couldn’t help the way she felt. She couldn’t change what was happening to her subconscious. And for another thing, ‘sorry’ didn’t fix their problems. Ali reached out and traced her thumb over Emily’s lip. It was less swollen than it had been this morning. Emily had iced it.

“You are who you are, Em. I knew who you were when I married you. And that doesn’t change just because I want it to.”

_Oh, honey, this has nothing to do with me not wanting to talk to you. I wish you knew that…_

It crushed Emily to see the look on Ali’s face. She wished she could explain. She wished Ali knew how much she loved her, that she was doing all of this to keep her and Lily safe.

“Things are going to get better.” Emily promised. “Soon. I just have to get over this hump.”

Ali didn’t reply. Instead she just nodded. She leaned over and placed a kiss on Emily’s lips. Emily flinched when she felt the pressure on her cut, but kissed her back.

“I’ll see you later.” Ali stood up and walked out of the room.

Emily felt like slamming her head against the desk until she was unconscious. But with her luck someone from Del Toro’s gang would find a way to get to her, revive her, and then kill her slowly and painfully.

She pulled out her phone to see if she’d gotten any alerts to check her burner phone, but there was still nothing. She stayed at school until five. She was going to stay longer, but she started to feel claustrophobic and she needed to get out. When she got home the first thing she did was go straight to her gun safe. Usually, she wasn’t one to break the rules about bringing weapons into the house, but since she was alone and vulnerable she grabbed her gun. She grabbed the burner phone, too. She texted Maurice.

_“Anything?”_

A few minutes later she got a reply.

_“Working on it.”_

She disappeared into the house, trying to stay out of areas where she could be picked off. The evening went by agonizingly slow. She paced the house. Her entire body felt sluggish. She was so tired, but she knew she couldn’t afford to let her guard down. She kept glancing at the clock, feeling irritated that time seemed to be at a standstill. Every time she looked at the time she was reminded that her time was limited.

Around ten she heard a car door slam and she jumped at the noise. Seconds later she heard someone moving out on the front porch. She heard Jason and Ali. She quickly hid the gun and the burner phone.

The front door swung open and Emily saw Jason walking in with Ali slung over his shoulder. Emily felt her heart leap into her throat, afraid something had happened to her. But then she heard Ali snort and laugh.

“Giddy’up.” She smacked his thigh.

“Is she…”

“Totally smashed.” Jason nodded. “Someone still thinks she can hold her liquor like she’s a party girl on spring break.”

Jett walked over to them and sniffed at Ali’s legs. Jason walked over to the couch and put Ali down.

“At least I didn’t flash anyone for beads.” Ali muttered drunkenly. She glanced at Emily and then smirked. “At least not yet. Hey, Em…” She slurred her speech. “What’ll you give me if I flash you from _below_ the belt?” She lifted her brows and gave Emily a seductive look while reaching for the hem of her dress.

“Jesus, Ali, at least wait until I’m gone.” Jason frowned.

“Pff, you’re no fun.” Ali rolled her eyes. “You used to be so much more fun. I miss drunk Jason.”

“She didn’t mean that.” Emily quickly intervened.

“I know.” Jason nodded. “I know you two are going through some stuff.” He sighed. He glanced at his little sister and then at Emily. “Need me to help you get her to bed?”

“No,” Ali’s arm flopped around as she tried to point at Jason. “ _You_ stay out of our room. That’s the sacred ground where Emily and I play sexy cops and robbers.” She looked at Emily with a giant smirk on her face. “I’ve been _bad_ , Officer.”

“Oh. My. God.” Jason frowned. “I could have gone my whole life without knowing that.”

“I’ve got her.” Emily assured him. “You might want to get out of here before she starts stripping.”

Jason didn’t have to be asked twice. He knew he was leaving Ali in good hands. Ali tried to get to her feet, but faltered. Emily was by her side helping her stand moments later. She pulled one of Ali’s arms up over her shoulders to help her support her weight. She slipped her arm around the small of Ali’s back and they started walking towards the stairs. Ali looked at Emily as she dragged her feet.

“You’re sexy.” Ali smiled, running her finger down Emily’s cheek and across her lips.

Ali tried to turn towards her, but she stumbled. Her legs started to give out. Emily grabbed her before she hit the ground and picked her up. She slipped one of her arms underneath Ali’s knees and used the other to support her top half. Ali pushed against her chest, her head resting on Emily’s shoulder.

“And strong.” Ali mumbled as Emily carried her up the stairs. She looked around and her eyes got huge. “Whoa, our house is so big.”

She started to close her eyes. She was very close to completely passing out. But when she felt Emily lay her down on the bed and start to pull her boots off she woke back up. She sat up and grabbed Emily, pulling her towards her. Emily toppled on top of her. Ali placed a sloppy kiss on her lips. The sudden pressure stung the cut on Emily’s lip. She could taste the alcohol on her breath. Ali had always been such a handsy drunk. Emily remembered her getting tipsy at an art gallery once and feeling up a statue in the exhibit because she thought it was Emily.

“Mmm, you taste so good.” Ali’s hands started to explore Emily’s body.

Emily pulled away and cupped Ali’s face in her hands. Ali grunted out a childish whine.

“Baby, you’re drunk.” Emily stroked her cheek.

“So?” Ali huffed. “I _want_ you to take advantage of me.” She tried to push forward, but Emily stopped her.

“Not like this.” Emily refused.

She knew the reason Ali had gotten so wasted was because she was in pain. Because of her.

Ali fell back on to the bed and heaved out a heavy sigh. She muttered out something unintelligible and whimpered and whined for a few minutes. She closed her eyes and exhaled a deep breath.

“Why don’t you love me anymore, Em?” She sounded like she was about to cry.

Emily crawled next to her and pulled her up towards the head of the bed, letting Ali’s cheek rest against her chest.

“Sweetheart, I have never loved anything in my life more than you.” Emily ran her fingertips against Ali’s jaw.

But Ali was already drifting back to sleep. Emily sat with her, holding her, watching her sleep. After nearly an hour of silence, Emily heard her phone chirping faintly from downstairs. She carefully moved Ali down against the bed and pulled the covers over her. Then she went to check her phone. It was the alert from Maurice she’d been waiting for. She went to grab the burner phone and her gun from her hiding spot. She checked the message.

_“We need to meet. Midnight good?”_

Emily looked at the clock. It was 11:15.

_“I’ll be there.”_

She quickly changed into some more comfortable clothing and checked on Ali. Jett was on the bed with her. She probably hadn’t even felt him hop up there with her. As drunk as she was, Emily knew she would sleep through the night. She was dead to the world. As much as Emily hated to see Ali burying her emotions in booze, it had worked out in both of their favors tonight. She leaned over Ali and pressed a delicate kiss against her forehead.

“I love you, Ali,” she said quietly. “I love you more than you know.”

Ali’s lips twitched. She’d heard her. Even in her drunken subconscious she’d heard her. Emily glanced at their dog.

“You guard her with your life.”

Of course, she didn’t have to tell Jett that. He’d been stabbed protecting her and he hadn’t faltered in the attack at all.

Leaving Ali alone was nerve-wracking. But she knew it wasn’t Ali that Del Toro was after. She climbed into the car, trying not to think about the fact that less than 24 hours ago someone had been using her for target practice.

She squeezed the steering wheel and took a breath before starting the car. The only thing that calmed her nerves was knowing that someone from her crew was watching her back. She checked her gun to make sure it was fully loaded. Then she double checked her extra ammo.

She turned the engine over and put the car in drive, a heightened sense of calmness overcoming her. The streets were vacant. The night was quiet. There was a weird tension in the air, a feeling she couldn’t shake. She thought it was her nerves. She thought she’d calm down by the time she got to Maurice’s place, but she was more agitated than ever as she walked towards the pub. She had her hand on her pistol.

She stopped when she got to the entrance. Something didn’t feel right. She paused at the door. A needling sensation was nagging at her brain. Then she realized what was happening. She was panicking. She thought about the last time she’d been caught unaware walking through a closed door. Ryan’s dead body flashed through her mind. Her hand tightened on the handle.

 _Not now._ She begged herself. She couldn’t afford to panic right now.

She pulled her hand off the door and put her back against the side of the building as she tried to catch her breath. She kept her free hand on her gun. She tried to regain her focus. But even when she did, something still felt off. She cracked the door just the slightest bit. She couldn’t see much of anything in the dimly lit room. She listened for a few seconds, but didn’t hear anything.

She walked around the side of the building to get to the back entrance. She paused at the door and listened, but the door was too thick to hear anything. She punched in the code and pulled her gun out. She cracked the door just enough to see inside. She sucked in a quiet gasp when she saw inside. Bobby was lying face down in a pool of his own blood.

“Fuck.” Emily huffed.

Her adrenaline went into overdrive. She opened the door a little wider, gun pointed out in front of her as she went over to check on him. When she walked in she could smell the heavy stench of gunpowder and the coppery scent of blood. When she got over to Bobby she checked his pulse, but didn’t feel anything. All she heard in her head was a string of the same word over and over.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh, fuck._

When she rolled him over she saw that his throat had been slit. She heard a groan from somewhere and she put her back against the wall and then scooted towards the corner. A stack of boxes was in her line of sight. Several of them had been obliterated by bullets.

She dipped down below a shelf and used the boxes for cover. She kneeled against the ground and looked for movement. She felt something up against her foot and when she looked down she saw a hand covered in blood. She put two fingers against the thick wrist. There was no pulse. She looked around the boxes and saw Carlo splayed out on his side. He had several gunshot wounds in his chest and abdomen. His eyes were glassed over.

_No, no, no. This isn’t happening. I’m having a nightmare. A fucking Tarantino film nightmare._

Beyond Carlo’s body she saw a large puddle of blood leading to a trail of thinner blood streaked across the ground where someone had crawled away. Someone was still alive.

_How the hell did this happen?_

She moved towards the doors that led towards the bar. As much as she wanted to turn tail and run, her instincts were to stay and fight. They had risked everything for her. She couldn’t just leave, especially not if someone was still alive. She followed the blood trail, which got thinner and then eventually turned into droplets.

She moved slowly and quietly. When she reached the door leading into the bar she crouched down. Her heart was beating so fast that she could hear her pulse pounding in her ears. The weight of every breath she took shook her body. She felt a bead of sweat roll over her right temple.

She leaned down to look through the crack below the door to see if she could see any motion or hear anything. She looked for moving shadows and listened for shoes moving against the ground. After three solid minutes of nothing she moved to the side of the door and reached for the door knob.

She stayed low and stayed behind the wall as she pushed the door open. She clenched her jaw and then found the courage to look around the door frame. The bar was a complete ghost town. She took a few steps forward. She slipped in something, but caught herself against the bar before she fell to the floor. When she looked down she saw a pool of fresh blood.

She was leaning down to try and see where it was leading when a loud blast shattered the silence. Debris went flying everywhere. She saw a flash of blinding light and then felt herself being lifted off of the ground and thrown several feet through the air. Her sternum caught the edge of a table and it knocked the wind out of her. She rolled over the table and into the booth. She wheezed as she drew in a heavy breath. She heard a whirring sound in her ears. She knew she had to move. She tried to get to her feet, but she could barely stand.

She looked around and saw that the bar was wrecked. There were flames licking at the walls and ash in the air. Smoke was rapidly filling the building. She couldn’t see anything. She went to point her gun, only to realize that she’d lost it in the blast.

She took an uneasy step towards the front door. She had to get out. But just as she was within reach of her escape she felt something ram into her body. She went toppling to the ground just as another explosion rocked the building. Someone grabbed her and rolled with her behind a table that had been knocked on its side.

“Not that way.” A familiar voice said.

She never thought she’d be so happy to hear the asshole’s voice.

“Frank!” Her vision cleared just enough for her to see him. She blinked rapidly and then she saw all the blood. He was covered. His face. His hands. His clothes. “Oh, shit. Are you okay?”

“Fuck no.” He tried to sit up, but he couldn’t support his neck and he fell back on to the floor.

“Hey, don’t move.” Emily tried to find a wound.

“Don’t bother. I’m cooked.” He shoved her hands away.

Emily knew how serious it was when he didn’t quip about the fact that she was touching his body.

“What the hell happened?” Emily asked.

“Don’t know. Fuckers jumped me when I was bringing in a case of whiskey. They got Carlo, too.”

“And Bobby.”

“Oh, goddamn it.” Frank growled. His gruff angry voice turned into a cough. Blood oozed from his mouth.

“Where is everyone else?” Emily asked.

“Don’t know. Manny was supposed to be back from his run to the station hours ago, but when I called Maurice to find out what was up he never picked up. Haven’t seen Gina or Donnie either.” He coughed and blood splattered all over Emily’s shirt.

A loud crack echoed throughout the building. A large piece of burning wood crashed to the floor beside them.

“We’ve got to get out of here.” Emily coughed, her throat burning from the smoke inhalation. She felt her ribs pounding in pain.

“I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Can’t feel my legs no more.”

“Then I’ll help you, you idiot.” Emily argued.

“Nah. I’ll just slow you down. You have to move fast. He’ll be coming for you. And he won’t be alone. You can’t take ‘em all by yourself. Not without home field advantage. You take the fight to him when he’s least expecting it and that’s how you win.”

And how the fuck was she supposed to do that? She didn’t even know who he was. Another large piece of debris crashed to the floor right behind them.

“Get moving. Not through the front or back. They’ll be waiting for you there. Take the crawl space underneath the bar to the back alley. No one knows about that but us.” He could see the conflict in her eyes. She didn’t want to leave him. “Hey, I gave my life to this bar. Was basically born here. It’s only fitting that it’s where I die. You live by the sword, you die by the sword. Now go. Before it’s too late.”

Emily didn’t know what else to do, so she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He laughed, his teeth covered in blood.

“We’ve come a hell of a long way from punching to say ‘hello’.”

“This doesn’t mean we’re friends.” Emily smiled sadly.

“Course not.” He quipped back.

He coughed again and Emily felt his hand tighten around hers. She knew he had to be in a tremendous amount of pain.

“Hey, I bet I can get you to say it,” he said.

“Try me.”

“How ‘bout a quick tug on the ole clam hammer?” He grinned suggestively.

Once a dick, always a dick. Even on his deathbed he was vile and disgusting. Emily had to laugh, because he was right. She was going to say it.

“God, you’re an asshole, Frank.” Emily fought back tears.

“Told ya so.” Frank coughed. He groaned. He wasn’t going to last much longer. “Hey, take care of yourself, sweetheart.”

A chunk of fractured cement collapsed on to the ground at their feet and Emily scrambled back. The dust in the air blinded her momentarily. She heard shuffling near the front door.

“Go!” She heard Frank shout.

Emily crawled through the flames to the hidden exit. She had to dig through some debris to get the door open, but once she did she dropped several feet to the crawlspace below. She crawled through the dark, feeling around for the wall. She used it as a guide to get her to the door. When she finally found it she shoved it open and spilled out on to the alley behind the bar.

She pushed herself to her feet and started sprinting. She had gotten about a hundred yards away when a deafening blast filled the air. She glanced back and saw flames shooting out in all directions. As she watched the one safe place she had come to know go up in smoke she felt something inside of her break.

She had to push herself to keep going. She knew she had to avoid the main streets. The Vipers would be waiting on her. She had made it half a block before her adrenaline started to wear off.

_This isn’t real. This can’t be real._

Though the pain in her ribs told a very different story. Pain wasn’t this real in dreams. At least, not physical pain. Emily wrapped her arm around her front. No doubt she was going to be bruised to hell in the morning. She stopped moving long enough to realize that she couldn’t catch her breath. Her lungs felt like they were filled with smoke. Her vision was blurry from her tears.

She fell back against a wall, her legs barely supporting her. She felt her feet sliding forward and she slipped down against the wall, still clutching her ribcage. She groaned, questioning whether or not she could keep going.

 _Get up. You can’t stay here._ She told herself. _He’ll find you. He’ll kill you. Then they died for nothing._

She got to her feet and managed to put one foot in front of the other until she reached the edge of the alley. She looked out into the open, not liking the idea of being exposed. She had to find a way to circle back around and get back to where she’d parked her car. Fortunately, it wasn’t right outside the bar, so when the cops and fire department came she could get to it and get back home without being spotted.

She took a side street that dead ended into a steep wooded ravine. She knew the trail out here fairly well and knew she could navigate it even in the dark, but she wasn’t wild about the idea of running around in the woods at night. She’d done enough of that idiotic stuff when she was a teenager. But before she could think up another idea she heard something in the distance. It sounded like someone was closing in on her. She didn’t even think twice about it as she took off into the woods to find a place to hide. She ran through the trees, her chest tight, her lungs working overtime.

She slipped and lost her footing, but managed to catch herself on a tree branch. She felt the jerking motion radiate from her shoulder down to her ribs. The pain was enough to slow her down. Her vision was still fuzzy and spotted from the explosion. She kept seeing bright flashes in her eyes.

She staggered down a hill, barely registering where she was. She didn’t realize she was at the riverbank until she heard the rushing water. She kept moving. She knew she had to keep going forward.

She found a small wooden bridge that led across the raging waters. She felt the bridge creaking beneath her feet as she weaved unevenly across it. A wave of dizziness surged over her and she reached out to try and keep her balance. She heard something crack and when she looked down she realized that the wooden railing was rotten. It gave way and she felt herself free-falling. The air around her felt like a gust of heavy wind pushing her towards some cruel ironic fate.

Instead of panic, all that ran through her mind was a sarcastic,

_Well this is just fucking great._

She fell the fifteen feet into the freezing water below. It stabbed at her body like a million tiny knives. She felt it strike her especially hard in the chest, knocking the wind out of her for the second time in one night. She flipped over on to her back, thankful she hadn’t hit any of the rocks.

She felt the current swiftly taking her downstream, and she didn’t have the strength to fight it. She felt like all of her body heat had been sucked out of her veins. The icy numbness set in quickly. The water stung her skin and bit at her insides. Her heart felt like it was freezing in her chest. She started to feel sluggish. She lost feeling in her hands and legs. She was paralyzed by the chill.

She managed to straighten her body and get her toes pointed downriver. She couldn’t do much else. Her brain felt like a jumbled mess. All she could think about was kissing Ali before she left.

_“I love you more than you know.”_

At least her last words had been a declaration of love. Would Alison remember them?

The world around her started fading to black and she found herself giving in to the darkness. She closed her eyes, just wanting the burning pain of the frostbite to stop. As she drifted out of consciousness the only thing she found comfort in was that it hadn’t been Del Toro.

 _At least HE didn’t take me out._ At least she hadn’t given him that satisfaction.

Her body was numb, but she felt herself roll against a slippery rock and it spun her around. She tried to hold the air she had in her lungs to keep her afloat, but it started to feel like a rubber band that was being stretched too far. And when it snapped she felt a shockingly stabbing pain explode in her chest. She saw sparks of light underneath her closed eyelids and suddenly, she couldn’t hear anything around her anymore.

Was she underwater? Was she drowning? She begged her arms and legs to work, but her limbs were useless to her. She felt suspended in animation. Everything was dark and quiet. But then she heard something that jolted her brain into working again.

 _“You promised.”_ She heard Grace’s voice.

It was her dream. This was just a vicious nightmare. It had to be.

_“You promised you’d find me, mommy.”_

Her baby needed her. Her baby was scared.

_“I’m coming, Gracie.”_

But instead of getting closer to her daughter she felt a strange pull keeping her away from her.

 _“Mom.”_ Grace’s voice started to fade.

_“I’m here, Grace. I’m here for you.”_

Where was she? Was she dying?

_“Mom, please don’t die.”_

She’d drifted below the surface of the river and was being pulled down by the undertow. But before it could drag her any deeper she felt something moving her. Something that was not the water. A large burly arm wrapped around her stomach and pulled her to the surface.

Emily instinctively sucked in a breath of air when she felt herself above the water again. She was still only semi-conscious as the dark figure hooked a pair of large arms underneath her arms and started dragging her to shore.


	27. On the Run

**A/N:** _Warning, this chapter hurts like a motherfucker._

* * *

She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move her arms and legs. She felt like someone was sitting on top of her. She opened her eyes and saw a figure coming towards her, a gleaming sliver of something catching the light from the moon. A knife.

She struggled to move, to break free of whatever was holding her down. Had they drugged her?

Of course they had. The venom was the only thing that could keep her from fighting back.

“Please don’t do this.” Her voice was hoarse. “I have a family. Please…”

The person, the _monster,_ in front of her dropped down to his knees. He lowered himself over her and leaned forward until his arm was against her throat, cutting off her airway. He raised the knife up to her cheek and pressed the blade against her skin, dragging it down and slicing into her skin leaving behind a red oozing gash in its wake. It was like a burning papercut being doused in alcohol.

 _Of course._ The one part of her body she _could_ feel was where he chose to cut her. He followed the same motions on her other cheek. He pulled his arm away from her throat and laid the blade against her neck, pressing just hard enough to draw blood. He was playing with her, toying with her like a cat before the kill. He wanted to bat her around for a bit and give his little mouse an inkling of hope, make her think that maybe he would retract his claws and let her get away.

She felt a tight pressure on her stomach and she realized his knee was digging into her gut. She struggled to breathe.

“What the hell did I ever do to you?” She spit angrily, tears in her eyes.

The cloaked figure stood up. He put one foot on either side of Emily’s hips and then held the knife out to the side, letting the handle slip through his fingers. The tip of the knife fell into the soft ground next to Emily’s head, landing upright in the soil, the blade resting against the side of her neck. A few inches to the left and it would have severed her carotid artery. He stared down at her as he slowly reached behind his head to pull down the mask over his face.

She didn’t see him reaching for his hidden gun. She was too focused on seeing his face. He stopped just short of revealing himself and then put his finger against the trigger. She heard the shot ring out and felt a popping sensation in her stomach. It burned. He moved the gun over her chest and then pulled the trigger again. Everything from the night suddenly flashed through her mind, replaying like a bad memory. Time felt like it was completely nonexistent. Her life came at her in flashes, the bright explosions like bombs exploding in her face.

Then everything went black. All she could see was darkness. For several minutes she didn’t feel anything. Then her senses returned to her and she couldn’t feel anything except pain. Her body ached. Her muscles were burning, but not the kind of burning that came from a good high like exercise. It was a bone-chilling rigidity that happened only when you were so cold that it actually felt like your skin was on fire.

She felt the internal chill scorching her from the inside out. Her clothes were so heavy that she felt like she had a weighted blanket on top of her crushing her body, holding her down. She groaned.

_“Mom, get up.”_

Emily’s fingers twitched, her instincts trying to respond to her child’s voice. She was trying to reach out, trying to save her.

_“Grace…”_

_“Get up. You have to get up.”_

The voice sounded distorted. It wasn’t her daughter’s voice anymore, but she recognized it.

“Get the fuck up. Come on.” The voice growled.

Emily sucked in a gust of air, gasping and wheezing. The frigid temperature of the air burned as it filled her lungs. She opened her eyes, her unconsciousness fading and the real world coming back to her. She felt drunk, sluggish. She was freezing. Her body trembled against the ground.

“Fields, I swear to God…”

“Maurice,” she muttered.

When her eyes adjusted she saw him leaning over her. The only light they had was the moon breaking through the trees.

“Hey.” His voice sounded different, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. “About damn time.” He pulled away and leaned back against the base of a large tree.

Emily realized she couldn’t hear the rushing river anymore. The only sound she could hear was her teeth chattering. She sat up.

“You’re alive.” She tried to move next to him, but her legs felt like useless weights.

“Yeah, not for lack of trying on the Vipers’ part.”

“I got…I got your message.” Emily shivered. “About meeting up. W-what happened?”

“Wasn’t me. They got the drop on us. Got the phone to lure you out. One of my regular drunks was apparently a fucking rat. One of the delivery guys, too.” He laughed darkly. “They infiltrated us like a goddamn termite infestation. Should have seen it coming…” He grumbled. “Fucking snakes in the grass. They’re everywhere. Only reason I got out is because Bobby took the brunt of the attack. He didn’t make it.”

“I know.” Emily pushed herself up on her hands and moved over until she was leaning against the tree trunk, too. “What do we do now? I mean, w-we should probably get out of these wet clothes, right?”

“That your subtle way of coming on to me? What would your wife think?” Maurice gave her a hard time. He flinched. Emily saw something strange in the reflection of his eyes. “You gotta keep moving, kid. He knows you’re alive. He _wants_ you alive.”

“He tried to blow me up.”

“Nah, the plan was to catch you off-guard…”

Well they sure as hell had succeeded in that. She had been ignorant to think that Maurice and his gang were completely untouchable.

“They were going to get you out before they finished the clean-up job,” Maurice explained. “They have orders to bring you to him. Whatever this asshole wants to see happen to you, he wants to see with his own eyes. We really shook him going after that file.”

“Did Manny…”

Maurice shook his head.

“The kid never got the name, but he got the case number for the file. 1021240. You get that file and you get your answers.” He shifted his weight. Emily thought he was trying to stand up. Instead he just reached for something in his back pocket. “I wish I could see the look on his face when he realizes you’re gonna win.” He sighed. “Wish I could have taken you further. But at least I got you this far.”

Emily faced him, her thoughts murky. Her brain felt like slop. Her stomach was killing her and she wasn’t sure if it was from being tossed around like a ragdoll or if it was her emotions eating away at her.

“What do you mean? You’re not coming?” Emily blinked in shock.

Subconsciously, she knew what Maurice was trying to tell her. But it still felt like a knife to the gut when she heard it.

“Can’t.” He moved his arm. In the glimmer of the night sky she could see something dark and sticky covering his shirt. “This is my stop, sweetheart.”

“Oh my God. Maurice…” Her voice trembled.

“Hey, don’t turn into a pussy on me. I always liked that you didn’t seem to give a fuck.”

“But I do,” she said weakly. She gave many fucks.

“I know.” He pat her arm.

“There has to be something we can do.” Emily’s shaky hands reached for Maurice’s bloody shirt.

“The bullets are laced with their venom. Even if I wasn’t already bleeding internally their poison would kill me. Can’t reverse it.”

“But…Donnie. He can…”

“Donnie’s dead.” Maurice pushed his head against the tree and heaved out a sigh. Donnie had been the first one they’d taken out, because he was their doctor. Take out the doctor and the injured didn’t stand a chance. “They’re all dead. Manny.” They’d gotten to him before he had a chance to call Maurice and give him more information on the file. “Bobby.” Bobby had distracted them long enough for Maurice to get away. “Gina.” He’d tried to get her out alive, but she’d seen the barrel of the gun aimed at them and she took the bullet to save his life. She knew that Maurice was the only one who could make sure Emily got out of tonight alive. “God damn that stupid stubborn woman…” He uttered out a sad laugh.

“Maurice, I’m so sorry.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you apologize way too much?”

Emily couldn’t help but laugh, because that’s all she heard from her wife. Hanna called her on it a lot, too.

“What am I going to do without you around to call me on my shit?” Emily asked, trying to get a laugh out of him. She succeeded.

“Guess you’re just going to have to actually deal with your shit.”

“There…there has to be something. Come on. You can’t just give up. There are too many people who count on you. What about all the people you help? What about your little Underground Railroad I pretend not to know about? And the doc in the box Donnie was running out of his veterinary office? What about all the people who really _need_ you?”

“We’re not the only ones,” Maurice said. “We got people all over the place. Trust me, the ‘give me your poor and huddled masses’ will be alright. We’ve got people who really need it covered. There are crews like ours everywhere.”

“But they’re not you.”

“Yeah, thank God for small favors. Like the world could handle more than one of me?”

She wanted to scream, to yell, to tell him that he couldn’t die. But she knew the reality of the situation. Maurice clicked his tongue and grunted. He rolled the item in his hand over and opened it and Emily realized it was a wallet. He fumbled as he looked around for something. Emily could tell he was losing feeling in his fingers.

He pulled something out and grabbed Emily’s hand. He pushed a key into her palm. It was coated in something wet. At first Emily thought it was water from the river, but in the pale moonlight she saw the dark crimson stains on it. It was covered in blood.

“P.O. Box at the post office on _Third_. There are papers…deeds my kids are going to need. I need you to make sure they get them. Everything is pretty straightforward. My daughter will know what to do with them. Gina and I have had the talk with her hundreds of times. She and my boy always knew this was a risk. All of our families did. We’re all set up for these losses.” He put something else in her hand. It was a damp sheet of paper. “I had Manny jot down the case number before all this went down.”

“Maurice…please.” She wanted to beg him to fight, to live.

“You gotta get out of here.” He cut her off. He could see her shivering. She wasn’t going to last much longer if she stayed out in the elements in her wet clothes.

“No.” Emily refused.

She’d left Frank because she didn’t have a choice. She had a choice with Maurice.

“Don’t fucking disobey me on my deathbed.” He scowled at her.

“I’m not going to let you die alone.” She took his hand.

“We all die alone, kid,” he said with a sigh. “That’s what makes living so important.”

The air was quiet for a few minutes and then Emily exhaled a shaky breath, her body still shuddering from the cold.

“He’s going to kill me,” she said quietly.

“Nah. You’ll figure it out. You’re a tough kid.”

“But I’m not.”

She was broken and vulnerable in so many ways. She was strong in all the wrong ways. Her strength was her greatest weakness. It had essentially destroyed her. Because she’d been too stubborn to be weak and vulnerable. She was collapsing on the inside.

She had always believed they would figure this out and then life would go back to normal. She had never expected it to end in bloodshed, especially theirs. She saw now that she had been a fool to think that it would end any other way.

“I…I never meant for this to happen. I only came to you because I…”

Why _had_ she done this? Her reasoning was becoming foggy even to her. She’d initially only sought out his help because she was at a dead end, and she wanted retribution for her daughter’s death. When she lost Grace she’d lost control of everything in her life. And she’d frantically been trying to regain it ever since. She’d needed to feel like she wasn’t powerless. She’d known she couldn’t change the fact that Grace was gone. But she could control what she did with her grief. She’d wanted to channel it into something constructive. She’d wanted to get justice for her baby.

“…I just wanted answers.”

But she’d taken it too far. She had done what Mona had warned her not to do. She’d become lost in the pain. And she’d put a target on her back in the process.

“Bullshit.” He laughed. His laugh turned into a groan. “You came to me for the same reason everyone else comes to me. You were angry. And lost. And you needed help.” He paused. He glanced at her. “You still blame yourself, don’t you?” When Emily didn’t answer he sighed. “You couldn’t save her. That pain is never going to go away. You can spend the rest of your life trying to make up for it, but it will never be enough. Because it doesn’t change the fact that she’s gone. But you can’t let it define you. You have to let her life up until her death be what defines you.”

It was hard to hear. Because she wasn’t ready to hear it. She didn’t _want_ to hear it. Because knowing she was going to be carrying around the loss of her daughter for the rest of her life was not something she was prepared for. In fact, it was something she’d been pushing away and burying in this fight she was in.

“You have to take control of that pain before it destroys you.” Maurice moved, trying to get comfortable against the tree trunk. “Because it will. Take it from someone who spent a majority of his life really fucking pissed off at the world. Did a hell of a lot of bad before I got here. My guys and I…we did some really dirty shit back in the day before we found solid footing. I did a lot of things I regret.” He admitted. “Helping you wasn’t one of them.”

“Are you telling me this because you don’t think I’m going to make it out of this alive?”

“No. I’m telling you this because when you do walk away from this you’re going to need to figure out a way to move on, to move forward. To _live_. You have to live for the people who don’t get to. You have to live, because your daughter _can’t_. There is a reason you’ve survived for this long.”

“Yeah, because of you.” Emily cried.

“I’m clearly not the poster child for how to survive.” He motioned to his mortal wounds. “Take it from me, Emily, if there is an opportunity for you to walk away from this, do it. If not for you, then for your family. You see where this life leads. Don’t waste what you’ve got.”

Emily felt something warm against her cheeks and she realized there were hot tears spilling down her face.

“Why did you do all of this for me?” Emily lifted her hand and wiped away her tears. “You don’t even know me.”

“Our lives are more connected than you’ve ever known.” He dug around in his wallet again.

A few small squares of paper fell out on to his lap. Emily saw a glossy photo of a smiling girl in her twenties. Probably his daughter. There was another photo, more dated and a bit less glossy, of a younger Maurice with Gina and two kids. His family.

The third was one she recognized. It was worn and faded, but she knew it instantly. He handed it to her and she stared at it in shock. She hadn’t seen it in years. It was a picture her father had carried with him when he went overseas. It was a picture of her with her parents. She couldn’t have been older than four. They were sitting on a picnic blanket. Pam was leaning against Wayne’s shoulder chuckling at the sight of her husband and daughter who were cuddled closely. Emily was sitting on her dad’s lap. His nose was against her cheek. He’d been blowing out a loud snort to make her laugh and it had worked. The picture had been taken just as she’d erupted into laughter. They were all so happy.

“Where did you get this?” The thin material trembled in her hands. She couldn’t feel her fingers, but she had a death grip on the photo.

“Your dad and I met overseas once,” he said. “It was twenty-two years ago. My squad and I were ambushed. Lost a lot of our team. There were only a few of us left. Your dad’s squad came as back up and we ended up pinned down together for hours. We were surrounded. Couldn’t do much except for wait. I mentioned my kids and he told me he had a daughter. A lot of what we talked about is still fuzzy, but he loved you.” He heard Emily cry out quietly. “I remember because we talked for hours about our little girls. He showed me that picture. I remember promising your dad in that dirt-trap that if anything happened to him that I would look out for his family. He promised me the same. Then we were hit with heavy gunfire and I took a slug in the chest. Thought I was dead. But your dad…he got me out somehow. Got me to medical. He saved my life. Got me home to my little girl and my baby boy. But when I came to, the only thing I could remember about the guy who saved me was his daughter’s name.” He reached up and turned the photo over in Emily’s hand.

Emily had to squint to read the writing in the dark.

_Emily, 4._

“Small fucking world. You walked into my bar that night wearing your dad’s jacket and it triggered something in my mind. It’s like I looked at you and realized exactly who you were,” he said. “Dug the photo out and did some research and I realized it was you.” His brow creased in thought. “You have his eyes. I looked into that man’s eyes when I thought I was going to die. That’s something you don’t forget.” He coughed, specks of blood spattering out of his mouth. He was now faced with that death he thought was going to take him all those years ago. “The only reason I was around to help you is because your dad helped me all those years ago. Figured I owed it to him.”

Emily’s head fell back against the tree. She clutched the picture in her hands as she sobbed. Knowing that her dad was the reason she was still breathing was overwhelming. She felt Maurice’s bloody palm against her arm.

“It’s gonna be okay, Emily,” he said. “Your dad was one tough son of a bitch. And you’re your father’s daughter.” His palm slipped away from her arm and he took an agonal breath.

Emily pulled her legs up, feeling her bones and muscles ache as she did. She leaned against the tree and moved so that she was on her knees next to Maurice. She took his hand in hers and he looked over at her.

“Thank you,” she said, the tears stinging her eyes because of the bitter cold she felt on her face. “For everything. You saved my life, Maurice.”

More than once. And in more ways than one. He’d pulled her out. He’d pulled her out of the river just like she’d pulled Grace out. He’d fought for her to live just like she’d fought for Grace to live.

“Get out of here, Fields.”

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do, DeLancey.” She laughed through her tears.

He managed to huff out a laugh. She sat with him for several minutes, each passing second her temperature dropping lower. But she wasn’t going to leave him. His eyes started to droop and he started wheezing for breath.

“Tell my dad and my little girl I love them.”

“They…know.” He pushed out a breath and his chest quit moving.

After a few seconds his body slumped down.

“Maurice?” She glanced over at him.

She reached up and put her fingertips against his neck, feeling for a pulse. Her fingers were numb so she couldn’t feel anything. But she knew he was gone.

She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, but she held it in. She knew she couldn’t give away her position. She managed to pull herself to her feet. She looked around to try and get her bearings. After a few seconds she realized where she was. Maurice had almost gotten her to the edge of the woods. Her car was just down the road.

She took in a breath of air, the sharpness of it stinging her lungs. She glanced down at Maurice, not wanting to leave him. But if she didn’t then everything he did would be for nothing.

 _“No one else is going to die for me,”_ she’d told him.

But they had. They all had. She couldn’t let their sacrifice be in vain. And she couldn’t stand the thought of Ali and Lily being left with her mess. So she willed her body to move. She took one step, then another. Her feet felt like bricks. She stumbled several times and fell twice, but she managed to make it out of the woods.

When she made it back to her car the thought crossed her mind that Del Toro might be waiting to pop out of the back seat and slit her throat, or blow her up. But she was too cold to care. If she didn’t get her body warmed up soon she was going to die anyway.

She pulled her keys out of her pocket, amazed that they were still even there after everything she’d been through. She couldn’t feel her fingers so she could barely grip the keychain. She had to use the actual key instead of the wireless entry because the remote’s battery was fried from the water.

It took her four times of jutting the key forward before she finally got it jammed into the lock. When she heard the button click she pulled at the handle, yanking the door open. She fell into the driver’s seat. At first she couldn’t move. She wasn’t shivering anymore, because her body was slowly trying to shut down. She felt sluggish and lethargic. She’d stayed out in the cold too long.

But then she thought about Alison. And Lily. And her mom. Her friends. Everyone she had that was counting on her. And she lifted the key up and shakily inserted it into the ignition. When she got the car on she turned the heater on full blast. The time popped up. It was 1:02. How was it possible that she’d been blown up and nearly drowned all in the span of one hour?

The clock slowly ticked forward. It was 1:06. Then 1:11. By 1:24 she had gotten feeling back in her hands and feet. She turned around and grabbed a coat from the back seat and wrapped it around her shoulders. She knew she needed to get somewhere fast and get warmed up. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to go home, because that would put Ali in danger. The only other place she could get into was the high school.

She put the car in drive and slowly pulled out on to the road. Her vision still wasn’t entirely focused, so she went slow. She felt like she was driving through quicksand. By some miracle, she made it to the school in one piece. Her temperature had come up some, but she was still shaking.

She slipped into the back entrance of the gym. She stopped by her office and grabbed her gym bag. She dug out a bottle of anti-inflammatories and took several. Then she grabbed the bag and made her way to the showers. She was exhausted and cold and just felt like curling up and going to sleep on the bench, but she forced herself not to give up.

She kicked her shoes off and then reached down to peel her socks off. She sat back up and lifted her shirt, groaning as she felt the pull in her ribs. She glanced down at the dark crimson and purple splotches lining her ribcage. She pulled her shirt over her head and unhooked her bra. She tossed them down. They made a loud slapping sound when they hit the floor. She pulled her pants and underwear off and tossed them in the pile of her wet clothes. She looked herself over for more injuries, surprised that she wasn’t more banged up.

When she finally stepped into the stream of the hot shower she jumped when the water made contact with her skin. The hot water stung her. She felt her legs seize up and she leaned back against the tile and slid down to the shower floor. She brought her knees up to her chest and let the steamy water pound against her body. She reached up to adjust the nozzles.

She had to play with the temperature of the water until she found a setting that didn’t hurt. Then she gradually turned the heat up. And slowly, but surely she felt herself starting to ache less. When she regained full function of her limbs she stood up. She let the stream of water roll over her back and then slowly turned around. She flinched when the water beat against her chest.

After she was substantially warmer she dried off and then changed into her spare uniform in her gym bag. She cleaned up after herself and then disappeared into her office. She saw the burner phone flashing from the floor where she’d tossed the things she’d brought in from the car. Her lips twitched. She looked around the room, but didn’t see anything strange. She slowly walked over to the phone, as if it were a bomb and it was about to explode. She picked it up and read the message.

 _“It’s just you and me now.”_ The message taunted.

She screamed in frustration and threw the phone across the room with such force that when it hit the wall it shattered. She fell to the floor and started sobbing. But she realized that they weren’t tears of sorrow. They were tears of anger and frustration.

“What are you waiting for?” She mumbled under her breath. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?” She yelled and then screamed against her palms.

Why was he torturing her? Why was he trying to break her? Why couldn’t he just kill her and get it over with? What was his endgame? She huffed out a frustrated growl.

“God, keep it together, Emily.” She told herself, gripping a fistful of her wet hair. “Keep it together. Keep it together.” She repeated it quietly, like a mantra. “Don’t do this now. You can’t fall apart. Not now.”

She talked herself down from her rage. She grabbed her things and stood up. She glanced at the clock. 3 AM. Twenty four hours ago Maurice had been standing outside her house grinning at her. And now he was gone. They were all gone. She stared at the key he’d given her, then at the photo of her parents. Then she read the numbers of the case file over and over until she had them memorized. She put everything in her desk and locked it.

She debated on what to do next. She knew she needed to go for the file, but she knew she couldn’t go after it right now. Because that’s exactly what the bastard wanted her to do. If she wanted to stop walking right into his hands she had to start becoming unpredictable. So she decided to throw him a curveball and do the one thing he wouldn’t expect her to do: she went home. She went back to her wife.

It was hard as hell to walk into her house knowing she was going to have to pretend everything was normal when it wasn’t, but she’d had years of practice doing it as a teenager, so she channeled her poker face from when she was a kid and she quietly tiptoed up to her bedroom. She found Ali sleeping soundly. Jett was lying at the foot of the bed right where Emily had left him. Emily went around the house checking for anything that was amiss. She checked all the windows and doors and they were all still secure. Then she went back into their room. She stayed by Ali’s side until sunrise.

Fifteen minutes before their alarm was set to go off Emily grabbed several things she knew Ali would need when she woke up. When the alarm blared, Ali threw her phone across the room and growled. She rolled over to see Emily putting a cup down on her nightstand.

“Morning, babe.” Emily kissed her forehead.

“Ugh, natural light.” Ali frowned at the sunlight peeking through the curtains. “Get it off of me.”

“How is the hangover treating you?” Emily asked, feeling quite the hangover of her own.

“My brain may feel 21, but my liver feels 86.” Ali rubbed her face. “God, how bad was I?”

“You tried to seduce me.” Emily smiled.

Despite the fact that they were married and had sex all the time, that made Ali blush. Emily laughed. Her ribs ached, but she hid it.

“Coffee.” Emily pointed to a freshly brewed cup of coffee. “Ibuprofen.” She pointed to a bottle of anti-inflammatories. “Potassium.” Emily pointed towards a banana. “And I’m making scrambled eggs if you’re not too nauseated. You need protein.”

Ali smiled sweetly at her and for a brief second Emily felt all of her pain melting away. For a moment they were just Alison and Emily. They were just two women who loved one another more than anything. Emily instinctively reached out to brush Alison’s cheek with her fingers and Alison sighed softly. Emily’s touch was like a cure-all for all of their problems.

“Mmm, what did I do to deserve you?” She leaned up and kissed Emily. She pulled back, her nose crinkled. “Sorry. I probably have horrible morning breath.”

“It’s okay.” Emily would take all she could get of her wife right now.

“You look tired.” Alison touched her face. “Did I succeed in trying to seduce you?” She lifted her brows mischievously.

“You did not. And you were pissed about it.”

“Of course I was. Have you _seen_ you?” She sat up, pushing another kiss against Emily’s lips, slowly this time. “You’re beautiful.”

“Oh, I get it. You’re still drunk.”

Ali rolled her eyes and playfully slapped her shoulder. Emily silently thought about how lucky she was that Ali hadn’t hit her in the ribs.

“Get dressed.” Emily stood up. “I’m going to get started on breakfast.”

She walked out of the room. She pulled two anti-inflammatories out of her pocket and popped them in her mouth. Then she went to the kitchen to start breakfast.

Ali walked in as Emily was finishing up. She sat down at the table with her coffee in her hand and stared at a pile of mail from the past two days they had yet to sort through.

“I hope I didn’t keep you up with my snoring.” Ali started flipping through envelopes.

She always snored when she went to bed drunk.

“Uh, no.” Emily was so glad her back was to Ali, because her face would have given her away.

Her brain felt like an overheated circuit board. A few hours ago she was holding a dying man’s hand, a man who had only been alive because of her father, and now she was cooking breakfast for her wife like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Hey, I know Lily doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday, but I was thinking maybe we could have a low-key dinner for her or something this weekend. Nothing too fancy. Just your mom and Jason.” Ali started opening the mail. She needed to do something to get her mind off of how bright and loud the world seemed with a hangover. “I already checked with them and they’re both free.”

“Um, yeah, I mean we can check the temperature on that. See how Lily reacts if we mention it.” Emily turned the stove off and grabbed some plates from the cabinet. “Don’t expect a warm reception to the idea though. She’s been running pretty unpredictable these days.” She fixed Ali a plate and walked towards the table.

Ali was staring at a piece of mail she’d opened. She had a look of confusion on her face.

“Ali?” Emily tried to get her attention, setting the plate down in front of her. “What’s wrong?”

“This is from the estate.” Ali glanced up at her. “You amended your will?”

“Oh, that…” Emily felt her heart speed up in her chest. She was kicking herself for not following up on that. She’d done it right before they went to France. “That’s just…it was a few loose ends that I missed when we originally drew them up.”

Emily reached for the document, but Ali jerked the paper out of her reach.

“And why would you need to tie up loose ends?” Ali demanded, her tone tense and stressed.

“I…” Normally she’d have a lie prepared. Normally she was more on her game. But normally she’d had more sleep and less death in her day. “Look, after everything that happened…the wreck, I just…I realized there were some things that I…” Her brain was fried. She had no idea what to say, “I just want you and Lily to be taken care of if something happens to me.”

“Why? What would happen to you? What are you doing that’s so dangerous?” Ali questioned incredulously.

“It’s just…it’s precautionary.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Emily! I’m sick of it. Since when did we start keeping secrets from one another?”

“It’s not a secret.” Emily tried to stay calm. She didn’t have it in her to fight with Ali right now.

“You changed a _legal_ document without telling me!” Ali raised her voice. “What are you, suicidal now? Am I going to get a suicide note from you in the mail this time next week?” She slammed the paper down hard against the table, nearly knocking the plate with her breakfast to the floor.

“I’m not going to kill myself.” Emily rolled her eyes. Del Toro would do that for her.

“Well then what is it? We’re supposed to be married, but I feel like I’m the only one in this. I mean, what the hell have we been doing these past three months? What the hell was Paris?”

Ali’s cheeks were bright red, her face tight and rigid. She looked like she was about to blow her top. Having a hangover on top of her anxiety spelled disaster. Because Ali lashed out when she was scared. And she was terrified of the unknown. She was afraid for her wife. And normally Emily knew how to handle it. Normally Emily knew how to talk her down. But the only thing running through her mind was all the death and destruction she’d left in her wake lately.

“I’m not doing this with you this morning.” Emily shook her head. “I’m not in the mood.” Emily huffed and started to walk by the table out of the kitchen.

Ali jumped to her feet, her adrenaline pumping.

“Hey, no. Not this time. You’re not going to run away from this. You need to cut the bullshit and tell me what’s going on with you.” Ali angrily and desperately grabbed Emily’s arm, pulling her back towards the kitchen table.

The movement was so harsh that it pulled Emily’s shoulder forward, jostling her injured ribs. Emily jerked her arm away and pulled back so forcefully that she fell back against the table and then slipped into the chair before landing on her ass on the floor. Her vision exploded into bright lights and for a split second she was back in the bar being blasted up against the booth. Everything about last night flashed through her mind. So much blood. So much death.

The entire incident happened so fast that Ali thought she’d pulled Emily too roughly and had caused her to hit the edge of the table and topple over. She saw the look on Emily’s face and she recognized the fear in her eyes. Ali could tell the fall had jarred a painful memory for Emily. Not knowing about the fire-fight at the bar, Ali immediately thought she was flashing back to the wreck. Her eyes widened.

“Oh, shit. Em, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Ali’s remorse shot through her chest. She’d hurt her wife. “Let…let me help you.” She reached down to her.

“Just…don’t touch me.” Emily shoved her hands away, afraid she’d discover her injured ribs. She stood up. Her hands were shaking. She’d lost all control of her emotions. “It’s too much, Ali. It’s too fucking much.”

She stormed out of the kitchen. She felt like she was going to break down and cry again.

“Wait, Emily, hold on…” Ali scrambled after her.

“Back off, Alison.” Emily warned. She felt like she was going to explode and she didn’t want Ali anywhere near her when she did. “I just…” She couldn’t hear herself think. “I need to get some air.”

She hastily grabbed her keys and rushed out the door, leaving Ali standing stunned in their living room. Emily peeled out of the driveway and sped out of the neighborhood. She was so worked up that she didn’t see the teenager with his earbuds in cruising on his skateboard completely disregarding the rules of the road. He rounded a corner and started skating across the road without looking, coming directly into the path of Emily’s car.

She saw him and slammed on the brakes. She swerved to avoid him. He did the same. He hit the edge of the sidewalk and flew into a mound of soft grass. He quickly leaped to his feet and glanced at Emily. It was Zane. Emily wanted to yell at him to wear a fucking helmet. But instead, she turned down the opposite street and pulled off to the side of the road to catch her breath. She’d nearly hit the damn kid.

“I can’t do this,” she said quietly to herself. “I can’t fall apart right now. I don’t want to feel this way. I can’t. Focus, Emily.” She told herself. “Focus.”

She was so close to imploding. She couldn’t live like this anymore. She had to do something. She took several slow breaths and once she’d settled down she had an idea come to her mind.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed the police precinct. She tried to clear her mind. When a receptionist named Jo answered and asked how she could assist her Emily put on her best authoritative voice and tried to pull from every police show she’d ever seen.

“Hey, Jo. This is Detective Smith. I’m with County. We picked up a suspect for a drunk and disorderly and we’re letting ‘em cool off in the drunk tank. Looking through the database we found a print match and saw that the perp has a record with you. Case number…” She paused for dramatic effect to make it seem like she was looking through paperwork, “1021240.”

“Sorry, Detective, I wish I could help you. But we can’t divulge that information without the proper forms…”

“I hear you,” Emily said. “I do. But I got my Lieutenant breathing down my neck and a full case load on me right now. I’m swamped. You know how it is. No such thing as a 9 to 5 with us.”

“Tell me about it.” Jo laughed.

Emily was encouraged. She was establishing a rapport.

“Normally I wouldn’t ask, but this particular drunk has several aliases and we need to nail down the right one. I don’t need the whole file. I don’t even need the records. All I need is a confirmed name and date of birth. It would just make things go a lot smoother,” Emily said, holding her breath, hoping.

There was a pause on the line and then a sigh.

“What did you say the case number was again?”

Emily smiled and repeated the numbers.

“Okay, we don’t have that one in our electronic database. I’m going to have to go through the records room and pull it from there. It may take a little bit of time, but let me see what I can do.”

Jo took down her information and told her she would shoot her a text when she had answers. As soon as Emily hung up she breathed a sigh of relief. She’d managed to take a step in the right direction. Maurice would have been proud. Or pissed. It was always hard to tell which way he was going to go.

She drove by the school and grabbed the things she’d left in her office and then she called her boss to let him know she needed the day off. He knew everything she’d been through, so he was very understanding. Emily was appreciative. She set off on a mission. Hers weren’t the only loose ends she needed to tie up. She owed it to Maurice and everyone else who had stood by her side to make sure their final wishes were fulfilled.

She texted Ali so she wouldn’t worry, though she knew it was fruitless to tell her not to worry, because that’s all she did these days.

_“I’m okay. Taking today off. Can’t handle school right now.”_

She got a reply seconds later.

_“Em, please come home.”_

_“I always will, Ali. I just need some time to think.”_

_“I’m sorry I hurt you.”_

Shit, was that what Ali thought? Emily hadn’t even considered that. She’d just felt the walls closing in on her at home and she had to get out. She hadn’t meant for Ali to blame herself.

 _“You didn’t. I’m fine. You didn’t do anything wrong. This isn’t your fault.”_ It was hers. _“This is about me. I just can’t be around anyone right now.”_

She didn’t trust herself. She knew she was unpredictable. She knew she was dangerous. And she was all over the place mentally and emotionally. She couldn’t get the dead bodies out of her head. It got worse when she turned on the radio and heard something on the news about a fire at a bar that the cops thought to be insurance fraud. There was nothing about her dead friends. Of course the bodies weren’t found. Making people disappear is what the Pit Vipers did.

She kept herself busy all day, though it did nothing to take her mind off of the losses she’d suffered because she was diving headfirst into the grief by telling the people who had been left behind.

She visited Donnie’s technician Michael at the veterinary office. When Michael saw her coming he knew it was bad news. When Emily told him the news he seemed troubled but not surprised. He told her that when Donnie missed his shift the previous day he suspected something had gone wrong.

He told her he would take care of talking to Frank’s and Carlo’s family. He knew Frank’s brother from college and he’d met Carlo’s aunt a few times. He gave her Manny’s wife’s contact information and Bobby’s sister’s information.

She got ahold of Bobby’s sister first. She’d wanted to talk to her in person, but she lived in Oregon. Like her brother, she was very tight-lipped about the whole thing. But she did tell Emily she was proud of him for going out fighting and protecting his family.

She was barely able to stutter through the news when she met Manny’s wife. She was so young. He had been way too young and way too smart to be mixed up in such a dangerous world. Emily’s heart hurt for the young girl who now had to live the rest of her life without her partner. Was this a life she was going to put Ali through?

She went by the Post Office and got the paperwork that Maurice had told her about and then got in touch with his daughter. Like her dad, she was all business, though Emily could hear some cracks in her tone that let Emily know she was close to crying. Emily felt for her. She remembered the shock she’d felt when she lost her dad. And Maurice’s daughter had lost both of her parents in one fell swoop. But the young girl stayed strong. She said she’d handle taking care of telling her brother and told Emily the address the papers needed to be sent to.

By the time Emily finished up she wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She had to slow down and actually deal with her feelings. And she hated it. She drove, not really thinking about the destination.

She ended up at school. The kids were gone for the day and only a few teachers were still lingering around. Emily managed to dodge them all. She ducked into the pool area. The lights were out, but she could still see everything with perfect clarity because of the skylight above the pool.

She sat down by a stack of exercise mats next to the edge of the pool. She kicked her shoes off and dipped her feet into the water. She knew it would be quiet, because students weren’t allowed in during non-practice hours and none of the teachers ever came in. But she’d forgotten how quiet it was without the stands filled with cheering parents and shouts of encouragement from the team.

She looked out at the calm water, a stark contrast to the river she’d narrowly escaped from. She peered over the edge, looking at her reflection. She barely recognized the woman staring back at her. Her gaze followed the reflection of the sunlight and snapshots of the things surrounding the pool wavering just slightly in the motion of the water as it gently slapped the sides of the pool.

Grace had loved this place. Emily thought about the last time she’d been here with her.

 _“Five more minutes, mom? Please?”_ She’d begged.

Those five minutes had been the difference between life and death for her daughter. The hardest part about the loss was knowing that if she’d just done one thing differently that day, Grace would still be alive. She sat there drowning in her thoughts for close to an hour.

She heard the sound of a door opening and she craned her neck around quickly to see who it was. She relaxed when she saw Alison walking towards her. She sat down next to her wife. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“So, you’re skipping therapy again?” Alison asked, her tone curious, but not accusatory.

Emily hadn’t even thought about her session with Ruby today. The last thing she wanted to do right now was talk about her feelings. Then again, she’d probably be safe from hitmen in the therapist’s office.

“My appointment isn’t until five.” Emily replied. She glanced at Alison. “How did you know I was here?”

“You’re always by the water when you need to think.” Alison stared out over the pool, a sad look in her eyes. She looked at Emily and sighed. “Emily, I wasn’t trying to hurt you this morning. It was an accident.”

It wasn’t Alison’s fault at all. If she hadn’t over-corrected because of her sore ribs it never would have happened.

“I know.” Emily put her hand on top of Alison’s. “I already told you, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It’s just…I don’t know who you are anymore.” Alison’s voice wavered. “And I don’t know who _I_ am without you. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to understand and to give you time. But every second that goes by I feel like I lose a little more of you.” Her tone softened and she fought back a quiet cry. “And it’s like there’s nothing left of you. It’s like you’re gone. And it’s scaring me.” She admitted. “You’re scaring me, Em.”

“Oh, honey. Come here.” Emily wrapped her arm around Alison’s shoulders and pulled her into her embrace.

Alison’s cheek fell softly against her shoulder. She squeezed Emily’s hand. Emily closed her eyes to starve off her tears. The last thing she wanted to do was scare her.

“What are we going to do?” Alison asked tearfully.

“What we’ve been doing.” Emily laid her face against Alison’s head, feeling her soft hair against her cheek.

“But it’s not working.”

It felt like a blow to Emily’s heart to hear it. She had fucked everything up. She had fucked _them_ up. And for what? Justice? Vengeance? The need to have the control back in her life? To avoid her pain? Why? Why had she done this? She didn’t even know anymore.

“We’re going to get through this.” Emily assured her.

“Are we?”

Suddenly, Emily heard Ali’s words from last night screaming in her head.

 _“Why don’t you love me anymore, Em?_ ”

“Nothing can change the love I have for you, Alison. Do you hear me?” She turned to face her and moved her hand up underneath Alison’s chin, forcing Alison’s watery blue eyes to meet hers. “ _Nothing_.”

Alison nodded, moving her face closer to Emily’s. Her gaze was hypnotizing. Alison always got so lost in Emily’s beautiful brown eyes. Alison moved forward, brushing her lips over Emily’s. Emily closed her eyes and reached up to grasp her neck. She felt Alison’s fingertips against her cheek. Then she felt Alison’s other hand sliding up along her hip.

Emily was hesitant at first. She knew she needed to stop her, but she couldn’t. Her adrenaline was riding high. She had so much energy that she thought she might burst. She wanted to be with Alison while she could.

Emily softly pushed forward until Alison was lying against the mat. Emily’s chest and sides burned in pain, but she ignored it. The pleasure was more intense. Emily ran her fingers up the side of Alison’s leg and underneath her skirt. She slid her fingers over the front of Alison’s underwear and Alison unconsciously bucked against her. Alison’s brain shut off. Her body took over. She slid one hand up underneath the back of Emily’s shirt and the other dipped in between her legs. She rubbed Emily through her pants. Emily moaned softly into her mouth, but reached down to stop her motions. She pulled her lips away from Alison’s and exhaled a heavy breath.

“Just you, baby.” Emily pried Alison’s fingers away as she gently moved towards Alison’s core.

Alison’s eyes fluttered closed and she let out a satisfied sigh as she moved against Emily’s hand.

“I want to touch you. Please.” Alison begged, her lips smacking against Emily’s.

It was torture for her to not be able to feel her. But Emily held her wrist down next to her head and buried her face in the crook of Alison’s neck, planting kisses along her tender skin.

Emily’s scent was overwhelming. Her aroma mixed with the bleach and chlorine smell in the air was driving Alison completely wild. It reminded her of when they were in high school together. Alison couldn’t help herself. She pushed forward, rolling them over. Emily’s back slapped against the mat and she huffed into Alison’s mouth, trying not to cry when she felt Alison’s weight on top of her bruised ribs. She bit Alison’s lip by accident, but Alison thought it was on purpose. Her hand slid up Emily’s side. She felt her jump and hiss uncomfortably and when she looked at Emily’s face she saw the pain registering.

Alison looked at her in confusion. Before Emily’s could stop her, she lifted her shirt to find her injured ribs. Alison sucked in a surprised gasp and immediately sat up.

“Jesus, Emily…” Her jaw tightened as she ran her fingers over the bruises. Her ribs hurt just _looking_ at it. The bruises were huge and purple and angry looking. Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, my God. This isn’t from where you fell on the table is it?” Ali was horrified at the thought that she’d hurt Emily that badly.

“What? Oh, Ali. No.” She breathed out quickly. She put her palm against Ali’s face. “No, it’s not from this morning. I told you, you didn’t hurt me.”

“This looks serious. What happened?”

“It’s nothing.” Emily pulled her shirt down. “I needed to fight through some of my emotions, so I went to the gym today.”

Ali knew Emily was lying again and that made her irrationally angry.

“Bullshit.” Ali scowled. “First the bruise on your neck, then the gashes on your stomach, then the fat lip, and now this?” She ran her fingers through her hair nervously. “Christ, Em, did you go off and join a street gang or something?” She rolled off of her and sat up.

Emily froze, partly because she didn’t want to give away that Ali was right on the money and partly because she didn’t have her street smart friends around anymore.

“I mean, you’re running around doing God knows what, coming home looking like you just stepped out of a _Rocky Balboa_ movie. The injuries, the will, the secrets…” She looked at her accusingly. “I haven’t seen you this worked up since we were dealing with _A_ …” Ali stopped when a thought occurred to her. Her eyes softened. “Emily, is someone doing this to you?”

Emily opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t even think. It’s like the verbal part of her brain had shut down.

“Talk to me.”

“I…” Emily tipped her head back, eyes towards the ceiling. She growled in frustration. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. You can tell me anything. You know that.” Ali put her palm against Emily’s cheek. “If someone is hurting you tell me who it is.” Because she was going to fucking murder them for putting their hands on Emily.

“Just leave it alone, Alison.” Emily warned.

“So, there _is_ something that you’re keeping from me.”

“No, I just…” Emily struggled to find a lie to spin.

She couldn’t think straight. The thoughts in her head were so loud. She wanted to curl up into a ball and slam her hands over her ears and scream. Instead she just stuttered incoherently.

“Just give me a name.” Ali begged.

“I don’t have one…” At least not an actual name.

“Fine. I’ll figure it out on my own.”

“No.” Emily’s eyes widened. If Ali started looking into this, Del Toro would come after her, too. “Ali, you can’t.”

“Something is happening to you!” Ali exclaimed. Her tone was a mixture of anger and concern.

“Yeah, and _I’m_ responsible for it.” She snapped. Everything that happened to her fell back on her. “You want a name? It’s me.”

That confused Ali.

“So you’re doing this to yourself?” Ali questioned.

Emily leaned forward, burying her face in her hands. She grunted in irritation.

“No. Not exactly.” She mashed her lips together in a tight grimace. “It’s complicated. It’s just…easier to do something physical and take on _that_ pain than it is to deal with…” She stopped short, unable to finish. Unable to say it.

“To deal with what?” Ali asked. She waited on an answer. When she didn’t get one, she filled in the blanks for Emily. “Grace’s death?” She saw Emily’s gaze snap towards her, her eyes filled with grief. “What you saw that night?”

Ali had no idea what Emily had witnessed the last three months. She’d seen it all. But despite everything she’d been through nothing had been as traumatic for her as Grace’s untimely death.

“You’re letting the shit get beat out of you rather than coming to terms with it?”

“I _have_ come to terms with it.” Emily bit back angrily as she rose to her feet.

“No, you haven’t,” Ali stood up next to her. “I know how hard this is for you. It’s hard for me, too. But at least I’m _doing_ something about it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Emily questioned defensively.

“You’re just holding everything inside…”

“I’m sick of having this argument…”

“No! I’m not going to keep ignoring this. I’m so fucking done with that. I see it eating away at you every day. You’re pushing your pain away. You’re not dealing. You’re not letting anyone in. You’re not doing anything! And it’s affecting our daughter.”

Emily huffed out a surprised whimper. She felt like she’d just been sucker-punched. Her children had always been a soft spot for her, but now that Grace was gone that spot was more than just soft. It was complete jelly. It felt like a low blow.

“What does Lily have to do with this?” Emily fought back her tears.

“What _doesn’t_ she have to do with this? We are losing her. Every day. She sees you, Emily. If you can’t deal with your shit then how are we supposed to expect her to deal with hers?”

“Lily is a smart kid…”

“ _Exactly_.” Ali interrupted her. “She’s beyond smart. She sees the things we do. She picks up on things. And right now she is watching our every move. She sees our cues. Her feelings emulate ours. You think I _like_ going to therapy? I do it for her. Because I know she’s dealing with things she can’t even possibly begin to understand, because I don’t even understand them myself. We are supposed to be the adults here. And I feel like we’re failing her. She is slipping away. And I refuse to lose her, too. You told me in the hospital that Lily comes first, and she always will. We have to put her first.”

That made Emily feel like shit, and it also made her livid.

“I have _always_ put her first.” Emily argued. “You have no idea what I would do for her. Or for you.”

“I would if you would just talk to me!”

“I can’t. I have therapy.” Emily grabbed her things. “Remember? _You_ wanted me to go. And I’m going.” She reminded her. “I’m ‘coming to terms’ with everything.”

Ali was surprised by Emily’s hostility. She wasn’t surprised, however, when Emily ran off rather than talk to her. She knew she probably wasn’t going to talk to Ruby, either. Not unless she was pushed. She didn’t want to force her, but at the same time she didn’t want her to keep coming home beat to shit either.

Ali still didn’t know the physical cause of Emily’s injuries. But she knew the emotional cause. So she made a choice. It was a choice that she knew was going to hurt them both, but if she didn’t do something drastic she was going to lose her wife. She went to get something from her classroom and then grabbed her things and went after Emily.

As Ali was preparing to take one last stab at trying to reach her wife, Emily was sitting across from Ruby stiffly, not saying much of anything. Ruby had noticed her worn appearance the second she’d walked in. She’d started with small talk by asking Emily how Paris was. Emily talked a little bit about their trip, but she seemed cool and distant, like she was shutting down.

“Emily, don’t you think you’d fare better if you talked about what’s really on your mind?” Ruby asked.

“I don’t know what’s on my mind,” she said with a shrug. _That’s your job, apparently._

“Try taking a few deep breaths.”

 _Gee, thanks. I’m cured now._ She thought bitterly to herself. Why did everyone think that breathing could magically cure everything that was wrong? Ruby watched her carefully. Because that’s what therapists did. They waited and watched and wanted their patients to cry and sob and sling snot and then suddenly feel better that the emotion was out.

After another five minutes went by and Emily still didn’t say anything Ruby put her notepad down.

“Would you be interested in medication?” Ruby asked.

“What?” Emily was caught off-guard by the question. She thought therapy was to keep people _off_ of medication.

“Clearly you’re struggling here. And you might not be able to ask for help, but it’s my job to know when you need it. And I think you could benefit from…”

There was a ruckus outside the door. The door swung open and they heard Ruby’s receptionist call out,

“You can’t go in there. It’s a closed session!”

“This will only take a few minutes.” Ali walked in, brushing off the receptionist.

“Ali, what the hell are you doing?” Emily asked.

“Ma’am, you can’t…”

“It’s fine, Jacinda.” Ruby waved off the receptionist.

She was interested to see where this was going. She’d been talking to Ali about Emily’s prognosis at home and Ali had shared that she was worried Emily was on a self-destructive path. And after sitting with Emily today, Ruby had seen exactly why Ali was worried.

Ali closed the door and walked over to Emily. Emily stood up so she’d feel less cornered.

“So much for doctor-patient confidentiality.” Emily frowned at Ruby.

“Stop it.” Ali snapped at Emily. “She doesn’t have anything to do with this. She didn’t tell me anything. She couldn’t even if she wanted to, because I know you’re not talking to her.”

“Ali, how I work through things isn’t…”

“That’s the problem, you’re _not_ working through things.” Ali interrupted her. “Because whatever you’re doing isn’t helping you. It’s hurting you.”

Ruby put her hand up and tried to interject.

“Alison, I’m not so sure this is the best way…”

“You can’t help her if you don’t know the whole truth.” Ali faced Ruby. “Did she tell you she keeps coming home beat to hell?”

“Is that true?” Ruby looked at Emily in concern, immediately worrying about self-harm.

“No!” Emily exclaimed defensively, a tell-tale sign that she was being less than honest. She quickly quieted her tone. “No. I already told her that it was from boxing.”

“What’s your sparring partner’s name?” Ali asked.

“It rotates depending on who’s there.” The lie rolled off of her tongue way too easily. When had she gotten this comfortable with outright lying to her wife? What had become of her? “We work each other’s blind spots. It’s standard sparring.” With explosions and near death experiences…

“ _This_ isn’t normal!” Ali lifted her shirt to expose the bruises from the blast.

Emily quickly swatted her hands away and pushed her shirt down.

“Did you have a medical professional look at those?” Ruby asked curiously.

“I didn’t need to,” Emily replied.

“She’s punishing herself for what happened to Grace.” Ali spouted out.

In a way, it was true, but Emily couldn’t see it – didn’t want to admit it.

“I’m not…”

But Ali pulled something out that stopped Emily in her tracks. She had several photos in her hands, all of Grace. She put them out on the table and spread them around. Emily slowly and wordlessly sank back down on to the couch, her eyes on the images of her daughter in front of her.

“What is this?” Emily looked from the photos to Ali and then back to the photos.

“You have to face it, Emily.” Ali sat down next to her.

Emily picked up a photo of Grace as a baby. She stared at it. Grace was pushing up off of her tummy on to her hands and knees. Emily was on the floor behind her, leaning over her and smiling at her while encouraging her. Emily felt a tear slip down her cheek.

“Whatever it is that you’re doing to get through Grace’s death…it’s destroying you.”

“Your wife is right. If you don’t talk about the trauma that you endured you could wind up going down a very dangerous path.”

Little did they know that she’d not only traveled that path, but she was stranded there now.

“I don’t want to do this.” Emily swallowed hard.

“I know.” Ali sighed.

Emily glanced at another picture on the table. It was a picture of Grace swimming a relay. She was above the water mid-stroke. Emily heard the loud crash of the car hitting the river. She closed her eyes to try and push it away.

“Emily, don’t do that.” Ali put her hand on Emily’s cheek and forced her to face her. “Don’t shut down. You have to talk to me.”

Emily shook her head, tears in her eyes.

“You may be stuck in that night in your head, but you are _here_ right now. So talk to me. What’s going on? What happened that night?” Ali asked.

“I…” She drifted off.

 _“Mom, I’m scared.”_ Emily heard Grace’s voice.

“She…she was in shock.”

“Do…do you think she knew what was happening?” Ali swallowed a knot in her throat.

_“We’re gonna die. Mom, we’re gonna die. I don’t want to…”_

“I-I don’t know.”

“Did she say anything to you?”

_“Mom…mommy.”_

“Please…Ali, I can’t.” She whimpered.

“Baby, you have to. For your sake, you have to.”

“No.” But it didn’t come out defiant. It came out much like a child pleading not to do something that scared her.

“Emily, we are not going anywhere until you talk to me.”

Emily looked at another picture. It was a picture of Grace hanging upside down by her knees on the playground that they’d taken last year. She’d been such a goof. Staring into her daughter’s eyes hurt. Because all she could think about was the last time she’d seen the light in them.

Emily’s eyes flickered and she saw the wreck flashing through her mind. She heard Grace. She felt her hand against her arm. She saw her dying in the seat next to her.

Emily’s breathing became uneven. Her pain was clawing at her, making her feel a bundle of emotions she didn’t know how to handle. Her face heated up in anger, because this wasn’t fair.

“Emily…” Ali pushed. She knew she had to push, because Emily wasn’t going to be able to break free otherwise.

“What do you want from me?” Emily yelped, tears burning her eyes.

“I want my wife back!” Ali cried.

Emily was lost. So lost that she thought she might never find her way back. And Ali knew it. Because she was lost, too.

The wreck kept playing in Emily’s mind. Over and over like a bad dream she couldn’t escape from. Emily dug her fingernails into her palm. A ball of pain burned her stomach. Something inside of her snapped.

“Fine,” Emily said gruffly. “You want to talk? Let’s talk.” She gritted her teeth, gnashing them together. “I watched the life drain from our daughter’s eyes.” Her eyes watered. Her cheeks felt hot. “I watched it happen and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it. She begged me for help and all I could do was sit there and watch it happen. And when I _was_ finally able to help, I failed her.”

Ali had tears in her eyes. She’d known all this, but somehow hearing Emily say it put more weight on it.

“You couldn’t have saved her. You know that,” Ali said.

“I got her heartbeat back, Alison.”

Ali’s breath stalled, her heart seized in her chest.

“What?” Her fingers tightened against the arm of the couch.

“When we were outside the car. I got her back. But then I lost her and when I tried again I collapsed. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. All I could do was stare at her. So yes, I watched her die… _twice_.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” Ali automatically reached for her hand.

Emily pulled her hand away. She had an expression on her face like she didn’t deserve Ali’s love.

“The same reason I never told you about her screams and cries. They are in my head every second of every day. I spend every waking second silently waiting for all of this to stop. I wanted to die. I wanted to die in her place. All I could think about when the paramedics got to us was how they could focus on _her_ if they weren’t working on me…”

“Ladies, perhaps we should take a breather…” Ruby tried to intervene.

“No.” Emily shook her head, clearing her throat. “No, I’m done with this.” She stood up.

“With…” Ali frowned in confusion.

“This.” She motioned around the room. “Therapy. It’s not helping.” In fact, it was just making things worse for her. “So I’m done.”

“No, you can’t quit. You need this. _We_ need this.” She stressed.

“Maybe you do. But I’m not wired like you.”

“If you stop working through this what kind of message is that sending Lily?”

“There _is_ no working through this!” Emily exclaimed. “Don’t you get that? Our daughter is dead!”

“I know that!” Ali shouted. “I fucking know that! I think about it every goddamn day. I think about it every time I see you, because I know yours was the last face she saw and I know what that did to you. We can help each other.”

“I can’t, Alison.” She bit her lip and shook her head. “Because I’m the reason she’s gone.”

Ali blinked in surprise. Emily’s words came out so certain, like she truly believed it, like there was no other truth. She’d just accepted it was her fault.

“Hey, you know that’s not true.” She reached for her, but Emily took a step back.

Emily looked at Ruby. Then she looked at Ali. Her blood was pumping through her veins so vigorously that she felt like she was burning up. The room felt like it was getting smaller. Ali saw it coming, but before she could tell her to take a breath Emily was bolting for the door.

She tore out of the building. She jogged past her car and kept running. That’s all she’d been doing lately. Running. Thoughts were stampeding through her head. The wind burned her face, but she kept pushing. She didn’t want to feel her pain. She needed to do something else. _Anything_ else. She couldn’t go to Maurice anymore. She couldn’t take her mind off of it. It was over. It was all over. Emily ran, her ribs pounding in pain, her head spinning. She kept running until she wound up at the gym. It was empty except for the weight room and the girl at the front desk. She turned the corner, searching for somewhere to go.

She had a lot of nervous energy she couldn’t shake. She needed to hit something. She found herself sad that Frank’s face wasn’t around for her to punch anymore. Instead, she decided to settle for the heavy bag. She didn’t have any elastic wrap or her boxing gloves, but that didn’t stop her. She went to town on the bag, feeling her breathing evening out as she puffed for air between her breaths. She danced around on her feet and wailed on the bag.

Ali found her twenty minutes later. She walked in and saw her beating the shit out of the bag.

“Doesn’t matter where you run. You know I’ll always find you. It’s what we do.” Ali walked towards her.

Emily didn’t even look at her. She couldn’t. How could she face her after she’d painted the picture of their child’s death and hung it right in the epicenter of Ali’s mind? Now Ali would never be able to escape the same demons Emily had been running from since that night. No, she couldn’t look Ali in the eyes after that. How could she have been so reckless with her thoughts? How could she hurt her wife like that?

“Wow, you’re pretty pissed, huh?” Ali took another step forward.

“Leave me alone.”

“You pretending that’s my face?”

“You know I would never hurt you.” Emily huffed out between her breaths.

“That wasn’t a solid ‘no’.”

“No.” Emily responded. “Now just go away.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” When she took another step forward she saw blood dripping down Emily’s hand. “Em, your knuckles are bleeding.”

But Emily didn’t care. She refused to stop her assault on the bag. She couldn’t. Because if she did her emotions were going to overwhelm her. She was afraid of the pain. She had fought so hard to keep the full brunt of it at bay.

“Emily…” Ali said softly.

Emily ignored her. She huffed harder. She hit harder.

“Em…” She cautiously moved closer. She felt like she was approaching a wild animal.

Emily threw a punch so hard she felt two of her knuckles pop underneath the blow. Blood was starting to coat the bag. She felt Ali right behind her, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t.

Ali couldn’t watch her punish herself any longer. When Emily drew back to take a breath, that’s when she struck. Emily went to move towards the bag again, but in a flash Ali was there, stopping her fists from making contact with it.

“Hey.” Ali grabbed her wrists. “What happened to Grace was not your fault. You know that, right?” She squeezed her wrists. “Tell me you know that.”

Emily pulled her hands free of Ali’s grip and backed away from her. She didn’t respond. But Ali didn’t move away. She wasn’t leaving Emily like this. Not anymore. Not after that therapy session. Emily had moved on from the wreck in a lot of ways, but there was one huge tether that kept her mind locked in on that night, a shackle that Emily had yet to escape from.

“Emily, please tell me you know that. Say it. I want to hear you say it.”

Emily had heard it many times, but she’d never said it out loud. She’d never believed it was true. Because it _was_ her fault. Everything was her fault. All of it.

“Go home, Alison.” Emily peered at the ground. She couldn’t look at her. She couldn’t let the pain in.

“I don’t blame you.” Ali caressed her cheek.

“You should.” Emily moved her hand up to push Ali away and pulled away from her touch.

“Stop it.” Ali hissed. “Just stop it. I know I wasn’t in the car that night. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through…”

“Well, you certainly keep trying to. All you do is try to get me to talk about it.” Emily snapped.

 _Fuck._ She thought to herself. She hadn’t meant to attack Ali. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her wife any further. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ She felt like screaming.

“That’s not fair.” Ali frowned.

“You cornered me at the therapy session!” Emily had tears in her eyes.

_Why, Ali? Why did you come? You wouldn’t be hurting if you hadn’t come. I wouldn’t have pushed my pain on you._

“Because I had to. I’m worried about us.”

“We’re fine.”

“Clearly we’re not.” Ali motioned to the distance between them.

“What do you want me to say?” She cried in exasperation. “I’m sorry. I’m broken. I’m broken, okay?” She clenched her jaw.

“If you’re going down in flames, then I’m going with you. We promised forever, Emily.”

“I promised Grace a lot of things.” She ran her fingers through her hair. It was damp with sweat. She closed her eyes and all she could see was Grace. She spun around and threw a punch into the heavy bag. “God, she didn’t deserve this!”

“Neither did you.” Ali replied. “Neither did I, or Lily…or _anyone_.” She carefully moved closer to Emily again. “But it happened, Emily. It happened to us. And it fucking sucks. It just does. It’s not fair. But she’s gone. Grace died. She died, and it was _not your fault_.” She reiterated. “It wasn’t. You have to accept that. You have to accept that there is nothing you could have done to change what happened.”

“I don’t.” Emily’s face was red and hot and angry. “I don’t, because…because I should have done something more. What kind of mother am I? I couldn’t be there for her when she needed me.” Emily growled angrily. “She shouldn’t have died. The EMTs should have let me die. They should have saved her. It should have been me.”

“Emily, _never_ say that again.” Ali snapped. “You have got to stop blaming yourself.”

“I was the one driving the car.”

“And another fucking asshole HIT you! There is _nothing_ you could have done differently.” She repeated.

She knew she needed to reach Emily. And she needed to reach her _now_ , because Emily was crashing, and she was coming down hard.

“I could have…” Emily uttered in frustration. “I could have left the school sooner…or later. I could…” Her voice got caught in her throat. “…I could have reacted quicker. Or gotten her out of the car faster…”

“Em, seriously. _Stop_.” Ali huffed in frustration. “I am trying so hard to be patient with you. I really am. I know you’re dealing with some heavy shit…”

 _God, if she only knew._ She would kill her.

“…but if you keep on going like this you are going to end up in the goddamn ground. And if that happens I will fucking kill you. Do you understand? You are worth more than this. Your _life_ is worth more than this.”

Her _life_. Why did she get to have one when everyone else kept dying? Emily felt a pang in her stomach. And suddenly, everything hit her all at once. Not just Grace. All her losses. Every single one of them that she’d buried inside. Maya. Her dad. Grace. Ryan. Maurice. Gina. Donnie. Frank. Carlo. Bobby. Manny.

And just like that, the floodgates opened. That pain she’d been fighting against for three months, the guilt, the anger, _all_ of it blew up inside of her. She felt like her heart had ruptured. Ali saw it. It was like watching Emily’s soul being crushed into nothingness.

Emily felt it taking over…the pain, that pain she’d wound into a tight little ball and stored deep inside, never planning to revisit it. It all hit her. It felt like she was being torn to shreds in the stratosphere, like every atom in her body was on fire. It was excruciating, and for a split second she wished she was dead so she didn’t have to feel it.

“Someone killed our daughter, Ali,” Emily cried. “Someone just hit us…left us for dead. I didn’t…I didn’t even get to hold her or tell her I loved her.”

“Sweetie…” Ali reached out to touch her face. Emily didn’t pull away this time.

“She was in my arms, Alison. I had her.” Her voice broke. “I could have gotten her back. If I had just been able to…”

“Em…” Ali tried to slow her down, tried to lessen the blow of the pain, tried to keep her grounded in reality.

“She needed me and I wasn’t there for her. I wasn’t…” Emily choked back a sob. “I should have done more. But I…” Her chest felt tight. Her eyes and nose were burning. She felt dizzy, “I failed her. I failed our daughter. I failed you and Lily and…she…she’s gone.”

“Hey, you did not fail Grace. You didn’t fail anyone.” Ali felt tears stinging her eyes.

“The last memory I have of our baby is her lying on the ground…helpless.” She sobbed, looking at Ali through deep pools of sorrow. “Why…why did this happen?” Her breaths came out shallow and pained. “She was scared, Ali. She was so scared. Oh, God.” Her walls were crumbling. She was suffocating. “I can’t breathe. It hurts so much. I feel…I feel like I’m being ripped apart.”

“I know, honey.”

“I can’t…there’s this crushing weight on my chest and I can’t breathe.” She whimpered and looked up, tears streaming down her face. “God, she’s dead and I…I just…I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t make it stop.” She moaned and rubbed her temples with her fingers. “I can’t get away from it, no matter what I do. I can’t…it’s…our daughter is gone. She’s dead. Oh, God…”

Her legs started to give out. She felt a wave of shock jolt her body. She knew Grace was gone. She’d known for months. But it was like she was finally letting it in. She literally couldn’t breathe. She leaned back against the heavy bag and slid to the floor. She brought her knees up to her chest and struggled to catch her breath. Ali was right in front of her moments later, her palms on Emily’s face. She could feel Emily’s entire body shaking. Tears trickled down Ali’s cheeks. Watching Emily fall apart killed her.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” Ali pulled Emily close to her body, holding her as she wept. “I’m so sorry you had to live through that nightmare…that you…that you’re still living through it.”

She knew how deeply Emily felt the loss. She’d heard her screams at night. She’d felt her trembling when she had flashbacks to the wreck. She’d watched her try to build up a callous, only to see it rupture and bleed into her soul.

Emily continued to struggle to catch her breath. At some point she just stopped trying to breathe. Her chest ceased its movements. Subconsciously, she didn’t feel like she deserved to breathe the same air that her daughter was no longer breathing. Ali could see Emily’s eyes dimming.

“Emily, sweetie, breathe.” She gently jostled her, hoping that would stimulate a good deep breath. When it didn’t Ali gripped her face tightly, forcing Emily to look at her. “Baby, you need to breathe or you’re going to pass out.”

Still nothing.

“Hey, look at me. You have to breathe, Em.”

A strangled cry erupted from Emily’s throat and it was so devastating that Ali found herself wishing she’d just let Emily pass out to spare them both the pain. Emily’s entire body shook.

“Ali…” Was all she was able to get out before her words became lost in her sobs.

She grabbed Ali’s shirt, knitting her fingers against the fabric, holding on to her tightly. The blood from Emily’s knuckles smeared across Ali’s shirt as she curled against her and wept, loud uninhibited throaty cries that echoed in the whole room. Her face fell against Ali’s chest.

“Ali…” She cried again.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay.” Ali pushed her chin against Emily’s head, several tears falling into Emily’s hair as she gently stroked the back of her head.

Ali had been waiting for her to crash. She knew it was going to hurt them both. She knew she was going to fall hard. Emily always did. The important thing for Ali was for her to be there for her when it happened. She didn’t want Emily going through this alone. And thanks to Ali’s persistence, she wasn’t.

Emily went from not being able to breathe to breathing so fast that she was hyperventilating. She wrapped her arms around Alison and buried her face into her body, both of them crying until they had nothing left. When Emily stopped shaking Ali looked down at her. Emily blinked and stared off into space blankly.

“Let’s go home,” Ali said quietly.

“We can’t.” Emily’s voice came out strained. “I don’t want Lily to see…”

“She’s with Fiona and Harper working on a school project at Spencer’s house.” Ali helped her to her feet. “Come on, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

Emily followed her wife’s motions. She felt drained, like the life had been sucked out of her. Her body felt like it was in shock. Her chest ached. Her stomach hurt. Her head was pounding.

She heard her phone go off from her pocket, but she didn’t bother to check it.

On the other end of that text message, a tired police secretary was getting ready to end the day. Jo had found the file Emily had called about. A uniformed officer walked by and saw it on her desk. It was Toby. He stopped.

“Jo, why do you have Zane Jacobs’ case file?” He asked.

“Got a call from County. They’ve got him in lock-up for a drunk and disorderly. Needed verification of his identification.”

That couldn’t be right. He’d just seen the kid an hour ago when he was dropping the kids off at the house.

“Who called for it?”

“Uh…Detective Smith.” She pointed to a sticky note. It had the name and a phone number he immediately recognized as Emily’s.

 _What the hell?_ He thought to himself.

“Oh, yeah, I know Smith.” He lied. “We go way back.” Not a lie. He reached for the file. “You know what? I’ll handle it. I’d like to catch up with her.”

And find out what the hell she was up to. He didn’t know that he was holding the answer Emily had been searching for in his hands. The key to everything lied with the boy who had been driving the Bronco the night Grace was killed. Zane Jacobs knew everything.

* * *

  **A/N:** _Yeah, I’m pissed at me for this one, too. I know I went Game of Thrones up in here and killed E’ryone. I know I sucker-punched you with Maurice knowing Wayne. I know you’re probably all ready to kill me for the Emison devastation this chapter. Hey, I warned you this shit was going to hit hard.  
_


	28. Damage Control

Emily didn’t say a word on the ride home. She just put her temple up against the window and stared at the road. She didn’t move. She barely even blinked. Her emotional pain had rendered her completely catatonic. All Emily could think about was what Maurice had said about having to live with her grief. She couldn’t imagine living with the way she felt for the rest of her life. His words about learning how to move forward struck a chord in her.

He’d told her that she had to take control of the pain before it destroyed her. But what was she supposed to do if it had _already_ destroyed her? Her heart was broken. Her soul was empty. Grief didn’t even begin to cover it. She was completely stripped of everything that made her Emily Fields. Her anguish was like the claws of a demon dragging her down into a deep abyss.

She watched as the car slowed down to a crawl as Alison pulled on to their street. The world around her seemed like it had lost its color and all of its meaning. Alison pulled the car into their driveway and shut the engine off. She looked over at Emily, who had still yet to move.

“Em, we’re home.” Alison gently put her hand against Emily’s arm. “Hey.” She tenderly rubbed her bicep.

Emily didn’t respond. Alison moved her palm up to her cheek.

“Emily?”

Still nothing. Alison sighed and climbed out of the car. She walked around to the passenger’s side door and pulled it open. Emily glanced up at her, but didn’t say anything. Alison reached into the car and unlatched Emily’s seat belt. She leaned down until her face was a few inches away from Emily’s. Emily turned her head slightly so they were facing. Alison could see the turmoil in her eyes. There was a darkness in them she’d never seen before.

Alison put her hand against Emily’s face again. Her skin was hot to the touch. She looked pale and she was glistening with sweat. It’s like she was sweating out a fever. Only this fever wasn’t something that was going to burn out with rest and hydration.

She tucked Emily’s loose hair behind her right ear, her fingers sweeping Emily’s cheek. Her face was red and worn from her crying. Alison could still see the stains on her cheeks from her tears. She rubbed her thumb underneath Emily’s right eye, dusting an eyelash away from her lower lid and then moved her palm back against her cheek. Emily leaned into her touch. She closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them back up, Alison was still with her, still waiting patiently.

Alison reached down to take Emily’s hand so she could encourage her to get out of the car, but stopped when she saw the blood on her knuckles. A few of the abrasions were still oozing. Alison delicately ran her fingers around the cuts.

“Come on, let’s get you inside and get you cleaned up.” Alison took her hand with one hand and touched her face with her other.

Emily nodded silently. She felt her body moving, though she didn’t remember actively thinking she wanted to move. She was content to just sit around and wait to die. It had to be better than the poison consuming her soul. She let Alison guide her inside. She did everything she was prompted to do. When Alison walked, she walked. When Alison stopped, she stopped.

Jett approached them timidly, sensing the tension in the air. He didn’t crowd them, but he stayed with them as they walked through the living room and up the stairs. He stopped at the top of the staircase and watched them walk down the hall. Alison led her into the bathroom. She lowered the toilet lid and gently pushed Emily down against it.

Alison reached into the shower and turned it on to let the water warm up. She grabbed a washcloth and held it out under the shower stream. She walked over to Emily. She delicately put one hand against Emily’s cheek and then softly rubbed her other cheek with the cloth. She wiped away her sweat and the remnants of her tears. Then she repeated the motion on her other cheek. Emily stared past her, barely registering the world around her.

Alison reached down and took Emily’s right hand in hers. She grimaced looking at the bruises forming on Emily’s knuckles. Her fingertips were covered in dried blood. Alison wiped down her nails, trying her best to get the blood out from all the tiny cracks and crevices. She did the same for her left hand. Then she put the washcloth down on the counter next to the sink. She reached in and checked the shower’s temperature.

She heard a sniffle and when she turned around to check on Emily she saw her lowering her head, a single teardrop rolling down her cheek. Alison kneeled in front of her, rubbing her thumb against her face to brush away her tear.

“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’re going to be okay.” Alison put her hand on the back of her head and pulled her face forward and kissed her forehead.

She reached down and pulled off Emily’s shoes and socks. She stood up and reached for Emily’s hand, prompting her to stand so she could help her get her pants off. Emily moved to stand. Alison bent down and rolled her pants down, having her step out of one leg at a time. Instead of wearing underwear underneath her gym clothing she was wearing her high cut exercise shorts. That’s all she’d had in her gym bag at the school this morning.

Alison stood back up and then carefully lifted Emily’s arms, watching her face as she did to make sure she wasn’t hurting her. Emily followed her motions and Alison pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her in her sports bra and shorts.

Alison traced her fingers down Emily’s side and ghosted her fingertips over the bruises covering her skin. Now that she could see them in the light she could see the outline of her ribs around all the busted capillary veins underneath her skin. The injuries looked so painful. She wasn’t entirely sure that her ribs weren’t broken. Then again, if they were broken Emily probably wouldn’t have been able to be as physical as she’d been today. Alison gently touched one of her bruises. Why would she do this to herself? _How_ could she do it to herself?

“How much pain are you in?” Alison asked, looking up at her. “And don’t lie to me.”

Emily didn’t answer. Her physical pain was nothing compared to her emotional pain. She just shrugged her shoulders and stared at the wall.

Alison walked to the counter and opened the medicine cabinet. There was a full bottle of pain medication Emily had been prescribed when she’d come home from the hospital that hadn’t been touched, because as Alison had been reminded today…Emily preferred the physical pain to take her mind off of her emotional pain. Alison popped the top and tipped the bottle until a pill fell into her hand. She went over to the sink and grabbed a cup sitting next to the faucet and filled it with water.

When she turned around she saw that Emily was sitting down again. She walked over to Emily, prepared for a fight, prepared for Emily to tell her she wasn’t going to take the medication. Instead, Emily just looked at her, a sad pitiful expression on her face.

“I’m not going to watch you suffer like you did in the hospital.” Alison lifted Emily’s hand and put the pill in her palm. She closed Emily’s fingers around it and pushed her hand up, keeping her fingers underneath Emily’s wrist so she didn’t drop it. She put the glass of water near her other hand and waited. “Take it.” She was prepared to shove it down her throat if she didn’t. “Stop punishing yourself.” Emily had to deal with the mental pain, but Alison wasn’t going to let her be in physical pain, not when she had a way to help with that.

Emily wanted to tell her it wasn’t about that. She wanted to tell her that the last thing she needed to do right now was dull her senses. Being doped up when someone was trying to kill her would be like walking right up to him and waving a white flag and then pulling the trigger for him. But she couldn’t speak, or didn’t want to. She wasn’t sure which. And she knew Alison was right. Her injuries were going to hurt like hell once the shock of everything wore off. So she uncurled her fingers and brought her hand up to her mouth. She reached out and absentmindedly took the glass from Alison and then popped the pill and swallowed it, chasing it with the cool water from the sink.

It took her a second to realize that she had barely had anything to drink all day. And she hadn’t eaten anything at all except a bite of eggs she’d sampled at breakfast to make sure they were done for Alison. She downed the entire glass of water. It soothed her throat. When she was done she lowered the glass and stared at it. She saw it starting to fog up from the steam filling the bathroom. Then she saw Alison’s hand come into her field of vision to take the cup. She didn’t react.

“You want some more water?” Alison asked.

Emily didn’t move. She didn’t even look up at her. Alison sighed. She’d expected Emily to shut down after her walls crumbled, but she hadn’t expected her to become a complete zombie. She had never seen her this distraught, not even after her first girlfriend Maya had been killed. Alison had seen her fall apart in Spencer’s arms that night. She’d felt her heart shattering from a distance, but she’d had to stay in the shadows.

She couldn’t be there for her then, but the important thing was that she could be there for her now. Emily had been her rock more than once. Alison remembered her own catatonia, first after her mother had been murdered and then after her sister Charlotte’s death. Emily had sat with her both times, holding her hand, comforting her. Emily was the only one who could reach her then, just like Alison knew she was the only one who could reach Emily now.

Alison leaned down and put her hands against Emily’s knees.

“Baby, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” She lifted one of her hands and put her palm against Emily’s cheek. “Em, I know it hurts.” She moved Emily’s face until their eyes met. “I know how you feel.” Alison cupped her cheek in her hand.

She’d felt the same way when the doctor had delivered the news about Grace. It was an insurmountable amount of pain. And Emily had been letting that pain build for three months. Feeling it with no filter after that long, nothing between her mind and the loss, had created a shockwave in her that had rendered her totally helpless and at the mercy of her emotions. Emily felt like every layer in her body was being peeled with a sharp blade and ripped off like a bandaid.

“You understand why I pushed you, right?” Alison asked, trying to pull her out of her spiral.

Emily glanced at her, but she didn’t respond. She just looked at her.

“You were pushing yourself so hard that you were slowly killing yourself. I just couldn’t watch you do that to yourself anymore.”

She’d seen Emily’s pain breaking through the cracks in her foundation today and she knew she was vulnerable, and she’d taken the opportunity to strike while she could. She’d known that there was no way Emily could look into their baby girl’s eyes and _not_ feel everything she’d been repressing. She knew her actions to get to Emily were drastic, but sitting back and doing nothing would have been more detrimental.

Emily’s gaze had drifted away again.

“Emily, please look at me. I didn’t…I-I didn’t mean to break you.”

_I was already broken._ Emily thought to herself.

Alison was the only reason she’d lasted as long as she did. She wanted to tell her that, but her words were frozen in her throat. The part of her brain in charge of her speech was completely dead to her.

“God, say something.” Alison begged. “Yell at me. Tell me to fuck off. Just talk to me!” She felt her eyes starting to water. “ _Please_ say something.” She couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “Tell me what I can do to fix this – how to help. Tell me what you need.”

Emily looked at Alison, still silent. She could feel Alison’s warm palm against her already overheated cheek. Yet despite the fact that she was hot on the outside, her insides felt like she was still trapped in a body of icy water. She shuddered. Her body trembled. She needed warmth. She needed to feel a connection to the world before she sank down under the waves completely. She needed Alison.

She leaned forward and captured Alison’s lips with her own and moved against her body as she stood up, moving Alison to stand with her. Alison automatically kissed back, her body relaxing, her lips melting into Emily’s. She pushed into the kiss, unable to resist her wife. Alison suddenly felt very hot. The bathroom was starting to fill up with steam and Emily’s body heat was sweltering. Alison felt Emily’s hands against her neck and she sighed against her lips.

The kiss was slow at first, but then Emily pushed harder. She commanded control of it. Her hands moved from Alison’s neck down the curves of her body until they landed at the trim of her skirt. Emily slipped her fingertips underneath her shirt and up against Alison’s sides, finding her skin slippery with sweat.

Emily grabbed Alison’s waist and pulled her close. Her tongue demanded access to Alison’s mouth, which was automatically granted. She moved them back until Alison was up against the wall. She pinned Alison’s wrists back and pushed her leg in between her thighs. Alison felt a spark of heat between her legs, but she knew they shouldn’t do this.

“Mmm…baby, no.” Alison stopped her, pulling her lips away. She shook her hands free. “Em, wait…wait.” She tried to slow her down. “Not now. Not like this.”

It was so hard to deny her, even harder when Emily’s thigh was up against her center grinding against her. Because despite knowing they shouldn’t, Alison’s body was betraying her mind. She involuntarily moved with Emily’s motions, knowing that Emily could feel her wetness through her underwear.

“Emily, w-we have to talk about this.” Alison begged, her knuckles gently stroking Emily’s cheeks, which were dripping with perspiration.

“I don’t want to talk.” Her voice startled Alison. They were the first words she’d said since they left the gym.

Emily was done talking. Her hands grasped at the back of Alison’s thighs up underneath her skirt, pulling her closer. She curled her fingers against the back of her thigh and hoisted it up against her hip, her hand hooking underneath Alison’s knee, holding her against her waist. Alison felt their pelvic regions connect and she groaned.

Emily pushed Alison’s hair aside and sucked against her neck as she rubbed against her. Alison got lost in her movements. Emily’s lips were hot and soft and she could feel the slick moist trails she was leaving behind as she nipped and licked her skin.

“Sweetie…” Alison put her hand against Emily’s stomach. She was panting. “You’re hurt…”

“I need you, Ali,” she said it with such a gentle begging tone that she sounded so small, so meek. “Please. I _need_ you.” She repeated again softly. She peered into Alison’s eyes, her big brown eyes desperate for her wife to give in. “I need _us_.”

She wanted to feel anything other than the agony she was in right now. She just wanted to be with Alison. The tether to her sanity had completely snapped and she needed Alison to find her way back. She couldn’t keep a grasp on the world around them without reaching out and grabbing on to her. It was something Alison couldn’t deny her. Emily was exposed, stripped bare in a way she hadn’t let Alison see in a long time. She was vulnerable. She needed her.

“You’ll always have me, honey.” Alison gave in and kissed her back. She curled her leg against Emily’s hip and let her take control again.

Despite the heated arguing they’d been doing lately, their embrace was filled with nothing but love and desire. Their physical encounters always were. It was their declaration of love. It’s how they spoke without speaking. It’s how they always reached each other, even when they were unreachable. It’s how they kept one another from disappearing into the darkness in their minds. It was a comfort to both of them, having a safe place in each other. And they had needed that comfort a lot lately.

Alison tugged at Emily’s sports bra, careful not to hit her bruises as she moved to pull it off over her head. Emily pushed Alison against the wall again, her hands sliding up Alison’s shirt, hastily pulling it off over her head. She unhooked her bra and had it off in one fluid motion.

Emily buried her face against the top of her breasts and pressed a hard kiss against her soft flesh. She could taste the salty sweat on Alison’s skin. She dragged her tongue across a thin layer of perspiration that had built up in between her naked bosom. She kissed the divot in between her breasts, feeling Alison’s heart fluttering against her lips. She worked her way back up to Alison’s lips as she pushed Alison’s skirt and panties down.

Alison reached in between their bodies and pushed her hand into Emily’s shorts, her fingers dipping down and sliding through her hot center. Emily bucked into her hand, her pelvis grinding against Alison’s fingers, but she reached down and pulled on her wrist to get Alison’s hand out from in between her thighs. She pulled her lips away from Alison’s, breathing hot against her cheek.

“You first,” she whispered huskily against her ear.

Emily grabbed the back of Alison’s other thigh and lifted her up, picking her up and forcing her hard against the wall. Alison instinctively wrapped her legs around Emily and grasped at the back of her neck, but her words contradicted her actions as she whined out a concerned cry.

“Em, your ribs…”

“I don’t care,” she said, ignoring the pain. The pain meds would help her with that later. “They look worse than they are.”

She could feel Alison throbbing against her bare stomach and she felt her own arousal pulse at the sensation. She reached up and pulled at the elastic band of her shorts and wriggled out of them. The garment fell against the floor and finally, their hot flesh was flush together.

Alison moaned and moved up and down against Emily. She grabbed the back of her neck firmly and pushed Emily’s face towards her chest. She threw her head back when she felt Emily’s lips against her nipple. She twisted her fingers in Emily’s hair and got so caught up in their passion that she didn’t even feel it when Emily moved them towards the shower a few steps away.

She heard a click and realized that Emily had opened the shower door. A heated gust of steam hit them. Emily twirled them around until they were underneath the spray of water. Emily’s body tensed from the dual sensations of Alison’s weight against her and the water beating against her bruised body. But she didn’t stop. She let the water fall over them, heating their warm sticky skin, gliding over them, baptizing them and washing away their trials and tribulations. Wet tangled hair fell into their faces as they moved their lips and bodies together.

Alison slid down until her core was right over Emily’s. Emily used one hand to hold Alison up and the other to massage her engorged center. The water and steam from the shower was hot. But Alison’s arousal was hotter. Emily slipped two fingers into her. Alison gasped and then moaned into Emily’s mouth. She pulled Emily’s lip in between hers and then started shifting down against Emily’s fingers, taking them in, savoring the feeling. She pulled her lips away from Emily’s and looked down between their bodies to see Emily’s fingers buried in between her legs, disappearing up to her battered knuckles.

Alison moved her hips and watched in awe as she slid up and down against Emily’s fingers, watching as they moved in and out in a perfect rhythm. Her pants and cries echoed off of the walls, the acoustics making them more apparent over the running water. She felt a hot ball of energy burning in her stomach. A tight pressure was building inside of her, stretching and spreading throughout every cell in her body. She could feel herself uncoiling, an elasticity in her body being pulled to its limits on the edge of snapping at any moment.

She looked up to see Emily watching her and smiling at her because of how beautiful she was in the midst of her passion. Alison pushed a hard kiss against Emily’s mouth, biting her lip as she felt her climax approaching.

Alison’s legs stiffened around Emily’s hips. She arched her back, pushing her chest against Emily’s chest, sending a pang of pain through Emily’s body. Her muscles started burning. She almost lost her balance, but she managed to keep her feet on the ground. She accidentally pushed Alison roughly against the wall. The back of Alison’s head hit the tile and she huffed out a surprised cry.

“Sorry,” Emily murmured against her mouth, immediately pulling her face back to check on her. “You okay?”

Surprisingly, the sensation of the pain mixed with the heightened pleasure growing between her legs made the sex _more_ enjoyable. Alison grabbed the back of Emily’s head roughly and yanked on her hair as she moved down against Emily’s fingers, fully seating herself on them, her thighs slapping against Emily’s body.

“Don’t stop.”

Alison was so close. She tightened her legs around Emily, pushing her fingers to go deeper as she tried to gather enough pressure to help her reach her release. Her back slid up and down against the slick tile wall as their movements increased in speed and momentum. Alison rocked against Emily’s thrusts, squeezing her legs around Emily’s waist to pull her in deeper.

She followed Emily’s motions as the brunette set a slower pace of pumping in and out, grazing her inner walls, knowing Alison was close. Alison watched her work. Their eyes met and through their gaze Alison could see that Emily was everything she hadn’t been lately. She was focused. Present. In the moment. Open. Exposed.

Alison felt Emily’s fingers curl at the same moment her thumb circled the throbbing sensitive bundle of flesh between her legs and she cried out. When she hit her peak she felt her entire body giving out. She lowered her head against Emily’s shoulder and bit down gently, Emily’s hair flowing against her face like a gentle breeze in the wind. She craned her head back against the wall again, her body writhing, her eyes slamming shut.

She could feel the water hitting her chest like warm fingers touching every cell in her body. She was so glad Emily was holding her up, because otherwise she would have fallen to the floor. She would have turned into jelly and been sucked down the drain with the water.

Emily’s legs and back were burning from holding Alison up. The cuts on her knuckles were being pulled taut. Her ribs were screaming at her. But feeling Alison’s body shuddering against hers made all of it worth it.

Alison opened her eyes and tipped her head forward to meet Emily’s forehead as her hips jerked uncontrollably against Emily. Her walls pulsed around Emily’s fingers. Her body seized. Her lips parted and her mouth fell open. She grunted out a quiet whimper and then she slowed her motions down. She panted against Emily’s face. Emily saw her eyes darken, her pupils blown and full. Alison’s body quivered and she huffed out a shaky exhalation. Emily felt a hot wet substance that wasn’t from the shower dripping down her palm and over her wrist. It trickled down Emily’s arm and Alison’s thighs.

Alison stared at her for a few seconds as she rode it out. It astonished her that after being together for so long Emily could still touch her like this. Not just sexually. But in every way. Her mermaid was inside of her in every way. Alison grasped at the sides of Emily’s neck, her forehead still planted firmly against Emily’s. Water was streaming down both of their cheeks. A thin trail of water trickled down Emily’s lips, full and swollen from their encounter. Alison pushed a firm kiss against them, feeling Emily’s mouth move in sync with hers. Alison pulled back, breathing heavily.

She stopped moving and closed her eyes, just feeling Emily’s body against hers, feeling the fullness of Emily’s fingers inside of her, her insides still twitching. Her chest heaved as she tried to get her breathing under control. She opened her eyes and planted a slow sensual kiss on Emily’s lips, her fingers trailing all along Emily’s cheeks and into her wet hair.

They pulled their lips away at the same time to get some air, but they remained connected. Emily’s eyes burned through hers, dark and wide with desire. Emily kept her eyes locked on Alison’s as she pulled her fingers out, feeling her tremor against her as she did. Alison’s legs loosened and she slid down until her feet were against the shower floor, splashing water against the tile.

They were both heaving for breath. For a few minutes they held one another, hands cupping faces, lips occasionally brushing against each other. Neither one of them said anything. They just got lost in familiar touches, in the curves of one another, in the motions of one another, in the _essence_ of one another.

Alison’s hands slowly moved down Emily’s hips to her thighs and then her fingers crept in between Emily’s legs. She felt Emily stiffen at her touch. She glanced at her and saw a look of reservation on her face. But it wasn’t a look that told her to stop. It was a look that told her that Emily thought she wasn’t worthy. Emily blinked back tears. She had so much she wanted to say to her wife. She had so much to make up to her. But she didn’t know where to begin.

“I’m sorry,” Emily whispered. Alison could barely hear her over the running water. “I put you through hell, Ali. And I’m sorry. I should have done so much differently. I should have told you everything I was going through, that…that I was hurting. I should have let you in. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. You didn’t deserve that. I was just…” She shook her head, trying not to let her tears fall, “…I was a fucking idiot.”

“But you’re _my_ fucking idiot.” Alison kissed her forehead. Emily looked down, but Alison pushed her chin back up. “Hey, no matter what we go through I will always love you.” She buried her lips against Emily’s bare shoulder and kissed it, her wet hair gently slapping against Emily’s skin. “No more apologies, baby. I will be here for you the whole way.” Another kiss, this one further down against her clavicle. “I’ll be here when you find your way out of this. I’m going to help you. You told me that was enough.” She pressed her lips against Emily’s collar bone and kissed her there. She looked up at Emily. “Am I still enough?”

Emily nodded.

“Good.” Alison pressed a soft kiss against Emily’s lips. She gripped her cheeks with her hands, watching as the water cascaded down their joined bodies. Emily looked every bit like the beautiful mermaid Alison had always seen her as in her dreams. “I want you to listen to me when I say this, Emily.” Her eyes locked on Emily’s. “You’re not broken. There is _nothing_ wrong with you.” She kissed her again. “You don’t deserve pain.” Another kiss. “You don’t deserve to hurt.” Another lull in her words as she ghosted her lips over Emily’s. “You deserve to be here. You deserve to be alive. You deserve love.” Alison caressed her hip with one hand and brushed her cheek with her other. “You deserve to feel good things.” She pushed Emily back against the shower wall and used her thigh to push Emily’s knees apart. “And if you _ever_ say you wish you were dead again I will bury you myself.” Her lips crashed against Emily’s at the same moment she sank two fingers into her dripping wet heat.

Emily’s back slid up against the wall and she immediately bucked against her wife’s hand, her cries getting lost in Alison’s mouth. She started moving with her, not realizing just how much she truly _had_ needed her, to feel her, to let her in. Alison felt Emily’s hands against her ass, pulling her closer. She pulled her lips away from Emily’s and kissed her way down her neck. She nipped on her left breast as she moved in and out of her, her fingers dragging across her clit as she did. She felt Emily’s thighs twitching.

Alison pressed a kiss in between Emily’s breasts. She was very conscious of Emily’s bruises and was careful not to get too rough with her. She gently took Emily’s nipple in her mouth and rolled her tongue over it, watching as Emily’s muscles tightened in pleasure. She dipped down to kiss her belly button at the same moment Emily’s back arched and Alison’s nose roughly hit a bruise on Emily’s rib. She felt her tense up and hiss under her breath.

Alison looked up at her and opened her mouth to ask her if she was okay, but Emily interrupted her, a look of pure ecstasy on her face.

“Keep going.” Emily nodded out through her heavy breaths. “I’m good. I want…I-I need…oh…” Her mouth parted and she had to stop to catch her breath. “More.” Emily threw her head back against the tile.

Alison thrusted roughly, adding a third finger and pushing her palm against her tightly wound bundle of nerves. Alison was surprised at how quickly Emily tightened around her fingers. She attached her mouth to Emily’s breast, kissing and sucking as Emily’s chest heaved up and down. She felt Emily’s hand raking through her hair, her fingers twisting into her long blonde locks pushing her mouth further against her breast.

Alison slowed her momentum down, each movement of her fingers driving into her wife with a dedicated purpose. She felt Emily quivering. She pulled back and stopped pumping and slowly pushed forward and up at an angle, slightly twitching her fingers inside of her. It sent Emily over the edge. Emily’s palm landed against the shower door, her hand dragging across the fog in the glass leaving behind a trail of her handprint in the foggy condensation as she tried to keep her balance. She grabbed the railing on the door.

Alison heard Emily suck in a gasp and cry out. Alison pulled her lips away from Emily’s chest and stood up to meet Emily’s gaze. Through Emily’s hooded lids she could see her eyes rolling backwards. Her eyelids fluttered closed, but Alison moved her free hand to the side of her neck.

“Hey, eyes on mine, baby.” Alison wrapped her fingers against the back of Emily’s neck and pushed her forehead against Emily’s. “Let me see you.” She wanted to see her when she came. She wanted Emily to see _her_. She needed Emily to let her in. “Look at me, Emily.”

Emily’s fingers brushed against Alison’s cheek and she pushed her hand against her face as she concentrated on Alison’s face, looking into her eyes as she felt her body burning in the most sensational way. Her limbs felt like they were on fire. She felt warm, and for the first time in a long time, she felt safe. Looking into Alison’s eyes was the _only_ thing in the world that gave her comfort. She stared into her wife’s soul and Alison looked right back at her, her gaze dripping with affection.

Alison could see everything in Emily’s eyes when she let her walls down. Not just the pleasure, but the pain she’d been holding inside. She could see her guilt over Grace’s death. Her internalized rage that she’d been working so hard to contain. Her grief. Her frustration with herself. Her nerves and anxiety. And fear. She saw a lot of fear. Something had her terrified. Alison saw her drowning.

_Oh, sweetie…_ Alison thought to herself.

Alison saw so much pain. Emily had been destroying herself for what had happened to their daughter. How she’d been able to survive the amount of anguish Alison saw in her soul was a miracle. Alison’s hand slipped out from the back of her neck down to the nape of her neck. She rubbed Emily’s neck, her fingertips touching Emily’s cheek. Alison’s touch was like a warm summer day, a phenomenon as familiar as the sun. Emily could feel her all over her body, inside and out.

Emily’s jaw went slack as her orgasm rolled over her in waves. Her entire body tensed. She huffed out a heavy breath against Alison’s face and pushed her forehead further against Alison’s, her eyes trained on Alison’s as her body stiffened and then twitched with ripples of pleasure. For just a few seconds the rest of the world didn’t exist. All she could see was Alison.

She kept her eyes fixed on Alison’s as she felt herself letting go, body and soul. Alison’s eyes were everything her touch was. Warm. Encouraging. Demanding. Emily felt a hot rush of bliss wash over her, a euphoric explosion of ecstasy filling her senses. She could see colors dancing in the water around them, a trail of beautiful hues painting them and their surroundings, leaving behind dozens of glimmering rainbows in their wake. This was what life should be. The pleasure overriding the pain.

Her pelvis jerked and she felt a warm flow of liquid dripping out of her and into Alison’s palm, coating her hand. She pushed her lips against Alison’s and their mouths and tongues danced together as Emily came down from her high. She pulled back, dizziness surging over her. She pushed her forehead against Alison’s again, finding her comforting gaze.

They were both hot panting messes when it was over, their bodies leaning in trying to find support in one another, their foreheads meeting and their noses brushing as they smiled and pecked at each other’s lips. They held one another as they quietly let their emotions wash over them.

Alison saw Emily opening and closing her fists in the water, trying to loosen the tension in her knuckles. Alison reached down and took both of Emily’s hands in hers. She gingerly kissed her injured knuckles and then held them in the edge of the misty water, helping her work the pain out of each of her fingers. And just like that, the sexual touches turned into a nurturing loving attention.

Alison washed Emily’s hair, her fingers deeply massaging her scalp because she knew that Emily was _really_ feeling her injuries after their intense passionate encounter. Emily lathered up Alison’s back, kissing her shoulder innocently as she ran her fingers up and down, gently circling her skin to loosen her tense back muscles. Alison glanced at her over her shoulder and smiled sweetly at her.

It wasn’t very often that the two of them got to enjoy a long hot shower together, so they stayed in the shower until the water turned tepid.

Alison stepped out first, grabbing a couple of towels from the shelves. Emily turned the water off. She turned around and moved towards the door, but another surge of dizziness came over her. She put her hand against the door and waited for a moment and then stepped out. Alison had her towel wrapped around herself.

“Drunk me would be very happy right now.” Alison handed Emily a towel and then leaned in to kiss her temple. Sober her was ecstatic.

When Emily reached for the towel Alison saw that one of the abrasions on her knuckles was still oozing. Emily wrapped the towel around her body, feeling an odd weighted sensation irritating her ribs when she did. It didn’t hurt. It just annoyed her. Her skin felt sensitive.

Alison reached down and grabbed Emily’s hands to look at the scabs forming on Emily’s knuckles. She motioned for Emily to sit down and then she went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed the first aid kit.

“Ali, you don’t have to…”

“Try and stop me.” Alison opened the kit and pulled out an antiseptic gel and a package of roll gauze.

Emily sat down. Alison gently dried her knuckles and then rubbed the antiseptic on them. Then she started wrapping them in the gauze. As Alison tended to her hands Emily watched her, amazed by the love they had for one another. After everything, the love they had was still solid.

Emily’s grief was still at the forefront of her mind, but it wasn’t smothering her anymore. It wasn’t drowning her and ripping her apart at the moment. Being with Alison had helped. It had lessened her pain. It had reminded her that she had something to live for.

But then she remembered that the danger wasn’t over yet. She remembered someone still wanted her dead. Her vision started tunneling and she felt like she was swimming underwater. Her thoughts started swirling around.

When Alison finished doctoring her knuckles she glanced at Emily’s face and saw the weird look in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Emily didn’t respond at first and Alison thought she was going mute on her again.

“Hey. No, no, Em, don’t disappear on me again.” She reached up and put her palm on her face.

“No, it’s not that.” Emily blinked slowly. “I f-feel dizzy.” She lowered her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She could hear a pulsing noise in her head.

“Is it your ribs? Does your chest hurt?” Alison asked, her face tight with concern. “Can you breathe okay?” She dropped her palm down to the side of her neck.

“No,” Emily said, but before Alison could panic she quickly added, “because you take my breath away.”

“Cute.” Alison rolled her eyes. Normally she’d kiss her for being dorky, but she was too worried. Emily looked flushed and she could feel her pulse beating erratically against her hand.

“I don’t feel bad. Just lightheaded. I think it’s the pain meds kicking in.”

“Crap.” Alison’s eyes widened in realization. “Yeah. Probably. I completely forgot that you’re not supposed to take them on an empty stomach. Have you eaten anything today?”

_Just asphalt and dirt._ She thought to herself. Emily shook her head, the motion making her dizziness worse.

“Come on.” Alison helped her up.

She helped her into the bedroom and then ran off to the kitchen to get her something to eat. Alison tried to get her to eat, but Emily refused. She felt like if she tried to eat something she’d throw up. Ali made her drink a sports drink because she knew it had electrolytes in it. Then she made her lie down. Alison crawled into bed next to her. Emily automatically curled against her body. She laid her head against Alison’s collar bone and draped her arm around her waist.

“How are you feeling?” Alison kissed the top of her head.

“Tired.” Emily felt drained in every way. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.

“Then go to sleep. Get some rest.” Alison played with her hair. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Emily felt an irrational fear that if she went to sleep her life would be over, because she would be vulnerable and easy to attack, especially on pain medications. Not to mention, all she could think about were the nightmares she’d had in the hospital when she was on pain meds.

“No.” She looked up at her. “Alison, please don’t let me go to sleep.” _He’ll kill me. He’ll slip in, kill you, and then make me look at your body before he kills me._

Alison saw that palpable fear in her eyes again. What was she so afraid of? Herself? Her nightmares?

“You have to rest, honey. Your body needs it.”

“But I…”

Did she tell her? Did she put her in danger? She didn’t even begin to know how to tell her what she’d been doing. All of a sudden all she could picture was what had happened to Maurice happening to Alison. And it made her feel physically sick. She thought about something happening to Alison because of her and she choked back a cry, her body jumping at the stifled movement.

“Hey, I’m right here.” Alison wrapped her arms tightly around her.

Emily felt her eyes getting heavy. She fought it. She fought it with everything she had. But eventually she felt herself fading. When Alison felt Emily relax against her chest she breathed a sigh of relief. She wrapped her arms around her, silent tears falling down her cheeks.

Emily’s pain and guilt had been unbearable to feel. It was worse than her own, because she couldn’t take it away. She’d only been able to grant her the reprieve that they’d both sorely needed in the form of love and affection. She knew Emily was a long way from being okay, but the fact that she’d let it out was a step in the right direction.

She laid with Emily for nearly an hour before she realized she was supposed to be picking Lily up soon. She slipped out of the bed and stepped out into the hallway, never taking her eyes off of Emily, wanting to be there if she needed her.

She called Pam to tell her what was going on. She was initially just going to ask her to pick Lily up so she didn’t have to leave Emily, but Pam went above and beyond and suggested that Lily stay with her again for the night.

“Pam, are you sure?” Ali asked.

“Whatever she needs, Alison.” Pam didn’t hesitate. “Whatever _you_ need.” She added empathetically. “And Lily will be okay with it. Believe me, we’ve had several conversations these past few weeks.”

“How is she? Really?”

Ali knew that Lily was a lot like Emily when it came to her emotions. Lily had closed herself off the same way Emily had, but to a lesser extent. At the very least she clung to Pam and talked to some of her friends. And mouthed off to get her frustrations out.

“She misses her.” Pam sighed. “It’s really hard for her. But she’s holding it together better than most adults I know. She’s an incredible kid, Ali. You and Emily have done really well with her.”

Ali felt misty-eyed hearing that. It was bittersweet. It made her think a lot about Grace. It made her realize just how wonderful being a parent truly was, and how much she missed having Grace around to mother.

She missed picking up her dirty dishes from all over the house. She missed bitching to Emily about the fact that Grace was being a little shit and mouthing off to her. She missed telling Grace to watch her mouth when she heard her cussing. She missed snapping at her for coming home past curfew and telling her not to clip her toenails on the kitchen table and yelling at her for leaving her shoes out where people could trip on them. She missed Grace getting into mischief and making messes and breaking things. She missed all the little annoyances she’d really taken for granted.

Ali glanced at Emily and saw that she was grimacing in her sleep. She walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. She put her hand on Emily’s cheek. Emily’s frown faded and a look of peace washed over her face.

“I’ll take care of your little girl,” Pam said, her voice riddled with emotion. “You just take care of mine.”

“Always.” Ali replied quietly, delicately brushing some of Emily’s hair out of her face.

Emily reached out in her sleep and wrapped her fingers around Ali’s hand. Ali said her goodbyes to Pam and then crawled back into bed with Emily.

Pam got ready to go pick up her granddaughter. She called her to let her know they were going to get to have another fun-filled night of sitting in their PJs and watching movies. Lily was very stoic about it. She carried herself really well around her friends.

After Lily hung up she went back to working on her science project with Harper and Fiona. They were creating DNA modules. Harper was going on and on about boring facts while Lily and Fiona looked at one another and laughed at her perfectionism.

“Did you know that our bodies can reverse some damages done to DNA over time, but the damages that can’t be fixed turn into mutations?” Harper highlighted something in her book and then went back to crafting their module.

“Are you calling us mutants?” Fiona asked with a laugh. “That’s so cool. I want to be Storm from X-men.”

“You’d be better off as Wolverine with his super-fast healing abilities.” Harper shrugged, glancing at Fiona. “How are you feeling by the way? Are you taking care of your bruises from the seat belt burn?”

“Stop mothering me. I’m older than you.” Fiona glared.

“Yeah, but I’m smarter.” Harper whipped back.

Lily worked quietly on cutting out a piece of cardboard for the base of the module. As she pieced it together she started thinking about a time she’d done a project with Grace about them being twins. Of course, she had ended up with all of the work. Grace had always been so lazy about school work, even when they were in elementary school.

She stopped working. She felt her eyes burning and she suddenly felt like she needed to get away. Fiona noticed her discomfort.

“Hey, you okay?” Fiona asked.

Harper looked up from what she was doing and saw Lily squirming uncomfortably.

“I think I’m gonna step outside for some air. You guys keep working. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She hastily walked out of the room.

“Do we follow her or leave her alone?” Harper looked to Fiona for guidance.

Fiona thought it over. She thought about what her mom and dad would do. Aria and Ezra had taught her and Kai the art of when to lend a helping hand and when to let someone be by themselves.

“Let her breathe for a minute. Then we’ll check on her.”

“I’m worried.” Harper frowned.

“I know.” Fiona sighed. “Me, too.”

They quietly went back to working on their project, both of them glancing at the clock. After a few minutes they heard rustling and thought Lily was on her way back in, but it was just Eli coming through the back door. He saw Harper and Fiona staring at him.

Harper had a smarmy look on her face.

“You look like a complete nerd in that beret.” She shook her head.

He didn’t miss the X-ACTO knife in his sister’s hand.

“They let _you_ be in charge of the sharp objects?” Eli frowned, making a face at his little sister. “That’s sure to end well,” he said sarcastically.

“Do you really want to give me crap right now?” Harper held the blade up.

“You don’t scare me, squirt.” He opened the fridge and reached in to grab a drink.

“I should. I could kick your ass with one hand tied behind my back.”

“Whatever.” He took his time deciding on what he wanted to drink. “Where’s Lily?”

“Front porch,” Fiona answered.

He turned around and read the looks on their faces.

“Is she okay?”

“No.” Harper put the X-ACTO knife down and looked at him. “So you’re up, _Romeo_.”

“Excuse me?” Eli asked.

“Look, for some stupid reason Lily only lets _you_ in. So go talk to her. Make sure she’s okay.”

“God, you’re a bossy little thing.” Eli rolled his eyes. He looked at Fiona. “I hope she’s nicer to you girls.”

“We have to feed her animal crackers as a snackrifice to appease her,” Fiona answered.

“Fi!” Harper whined. “You’re supposed to be on _my_ side.”

“Uh oh. You’ve angered her.” Eli snorted. “Time to burn a cookie to satisfy her Dark Underlord.” He grabbed two sodas from the fridge.

He glanced in the living room, trying to catch a glimpse of Lily out the front window.

“ _But soft! What light through yonder window breaks…_ ” Harper batted her eyes at him teasingly as she quoted Shakespeare at him.

Fiona giggled. Eli glared at the girls. He did not appreciate being teased.

“You know Romeo and Juliet both died in the end, right? That’s a terrible romance.”

“Just go before I make you _le_ mincemeat.” Harper held up the X-ACTO knife.

Eli shrugged and started to walk towards the living room.

“Hey, let us know if she needs anything.” Fiona called out after him.

“Will do.” He walked out.

When he opened the front door he found Lily sitting on the steps. He didn’t say anything as he walked up behind her. He leaned against the railing and handed her the soft drink he’d grabbed for her and then popped the top on his drink and took a sip.

“You can send me away if you want,” he said, not wanting to crowd her.

“You’d just sit in the house and fret the whole time.” She kept her gaze fixed on the setting sun.

“I happen to be very good at fretting.” Eli laughed. “I find it to be one of my best qualities.”

“They sent you out here to check on me, didn’t they?”

“Nah. I saw that Harper had a knife and decided to get out while I still could.” He sat down beside her. “Seriously bad idea giving her a weapon, Lil.”

She laughed and looked over at him.

“You’re wearing the beret.” Lily couldn’t help but smile.

“My mom made me. Something about showing I’m thankful for my gifts…”

“You liar. You like it.” Lily smirked.

“Yeah, yeah.” He shrugged with a smile on his face.

There was a beat and then Lily smiled.

“Looks good on you,” she said.

“Thanks.” He leaned back. “But I’m insanely jealous of the girls getting tote bags. Where’s my matching purse? What am I supposed to keep my fancy cheeses and wines in?”

“Borrow Harper’s.”

“Did you miss that whole conversation where I mentioned she has a weapon?”

“Is the mighty Eli Cavanaugh afraid of the tiny ninety pound snark-filled twig?”

“When the ninety pound twig has a sharp object and a history of throwing shit at my head, yes. She almost split my head open with a soccer cleat once.”

Lily laughed, a memory flashing through her mind.

“Grace threw a fork at my head once.”

“I remember that. You guys were trying to make a cake for Iris’s birthday. You whacked her with a spoon for licking the frosting.” He chuckled.

“And she got all sassy and flung the fork and told me to ‘go fork myself’.” Lily laughed. Her smile soon faded when she realized she wasn’t ever going to be making memories like that with her sister again. “I miss her so much,” she said quietly.

Eli wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. The air was quiet for several minutes. Lily sighed and lowered her head. After a few seconds she lifted her chin and looked at Eli. Her big brown eyes were watering. Looking into them, Eli could see her vulnerabilities. She wasn’t masking her pain.

“Do you think there is something wrong with me?” Lily asked, looking down again.

“What?” He was thrown by her question. “No. Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know.” Her brow creased in thought. “I just feel like there is something wrong with me. Ever since Grace died I haven’t felt like myself. I’m just kind of…floating. And I’m sad. And angry. I’m _so_ angry.” Her voice dropped an octave as she growled out. She wasn’t a violent child, but she had a lot of pent up frustration and she didn’t know how to handle it. If the boy who had been responsible for killing her sister was still alive she didn’t know what she’d do to him. She was _that_ mad. “And I just feel like a mess, like an artist just threw a bunch of random color splats on a canvas and mashed them all together to make one big blob.” That’s what she felt like. A big blob of nothingness.

“Look, you lost your sister. Your _twin_ sister. It’s okay not to feel normal. It’s fine to feel messed up. It’s okay to feel lost and confused and angry. As long as you don’t let it become who you _are_.”

“And who am I?” Lily faced him.

“You’re Lily DiLaurentis-Fields,” he said in a matter-of-fact manner. “You gave Harper your favorite doll when she fell and skinned her knee on the playground when she was three. You helped Kai work on his confidence when he had a crush on Scarlett in second grade. You stopped Iris and Fiona from getting into trouble for accidentally setting that desk on fire in fourth grade. You brought Levi soup that you made with your grandma when he got so sick with the flu that he ended up in the hospital. You spend every day making me feel better about life in general. Your moms love you. And you were the best sister in the world to Grace. There’s nothing wrong with you, Lil.”

Lily didn’t know what to say at first. He was so sweet. She peered into his kind eyes. When she looked into his eyes she saw something she’d never seen before today. He didn’t just care about her. He really loved her. Looking at him today, she didn’t see the two-year-old who used to put underpants on his head and run around the house singing the Batman theme song. She saw a young man she really admired. She spontaneously leaned forward and planted a kiss on his cheek. He smiled and blushed.

“And I buy really good gifts.” She added, fixing the beret on his head.

“The best.” He nodded, a bashful look on his face.

“Thanks for not judging me.” Lily sighed, glancing at the sunset.

“Of course. I’m always here for you.” Eli put his hand on top of hers.

She laid her cheek against his shoulder. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the view. They heard footsteps approaching. Eli saw him coming before Lily did. He tensed up and curled his fingers into a fist, ready to protect her when Zane came into view.

“Keep walking, Jacobs.” Eli warned.

Zane ignored Eli.

“I need to talk to you.” He addressed Lily and then glared at Eli. “ _Alone._ ”

“Over my dead body.” Eli stood up.

It pissed Zane off. Because the kid was being such a territorial little asshole. He knew all about Eli’s dad doing the same in high school. He’d heard the stories of Toby Cavanaugh being an overbearing control freak with anger issues. It was no wonder Toby had ended up a cop. He liked the control.

“That could be arranged,” Zane muttered to himself.

Zane stared at Eli, still irate about their altercation at school. Eli hadn’t even gotten suspended. If their roles had been reversed Zane knew he’d be sitting in jail right now. He’d like to see how well Eli could handle himself with a bullet in his chest. Zane’s fingers drifted to his waistband where he had a concealed weapon. But he knew better than to pull it out. He’d made that mistake with Lily’s mom, and he’d damn nearly gotten caught by Marco. He needed to be patient. He didn’t need to piss the boss off again.

_“Stick to the plan,”_ he’d been told.

He was so fucking sick of the plan. He was so sick of being told what to do. He wanted to just end it, but he couldn’t afford to fuck up again. The teddy bear had been the first strike. The potshot he’d taken at Emily was his second. If he messed up again he’d be in deep shit. He wasn’t stupid. He knew the only reason he was still alive was because of his lineage. But just because the Pit Vipers couldn’t kill him doesn’t mean they couldn’t make him suffer.

He glowered at Eli and then looked at Lily again,

“It’ll take like two minutes,” Zane said, trying to ignore his desire to shoot Eli in the crotch.

Lily looked at Eli and then at Zane.

“Anything you want to say to me you can say in front of him.” Lily shrugged.

“Don’t be like that.” Zane rolled his eyes.

He was starting to see that everything he’d been told about the DiLaurentis-Fields family wasn’t just an exaggeration of typical high school drama. According to Del Toro, Emily had been just as much of a pain in the ass in high school as Lily was being right now. And apparently Alison had been a sniveling judgmental little snot.

“Like what?” Lily gave him a stony gaze.

“A total bitch.”

“Hey, man, back off.” Eli growled.

His hands curled into shaking fists. He took a step down off of the porch, but Lily reached out and gently grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Eli…” She shook her head at him. She didn’t need him getting in trouble for her again.

“Why are you always coming at me, Cavanaugh?” Zane frowned.

“What can I say? You just have a punchable face.”

“Lily, seriously, would you ditch this clown so I can talk to you?”

“Get the hell off of my property,” Eli snapped.

“You just gonna let him keep being your mouthpiece, huh?” Zane looked at Lily.

Lily shrugged.

“Fine. Whatever.” Zane huffed. “Suit yourself.”

He’d figure out a way to get to her later, without her guard dog around. Del Toro had a plan, but Zane had one of his own. But he needed to get Lily alone first.

He stormed off and made his way back to a car around the corner. He peeled out of the block cursing under his breath. He reached in his pants and pulled out a flask and took a swig. He nearly sideswiped Pam’s car as he rounded a corner too fast. He was really making it a habit of wrecking the DiLaurentis-Fields family with automobiles. But he was getting better at his grand theft auto game. He’d come a long way since he’d stolen the Bronco. It was supposed to be a routine boost, but then the crash happened and it had gotten complicated, especially after they found out who had been in the other car.

He’d felt guilty at first. He drank. A lot. And alcohol made him mouthy as hell. Still, he’d tried to make up for it in little ways. He’d sent an apology note to Emily with the wired teddy bear. He’d gone to Grace’s funeral. He’d even tried to be nice to Lily. But everyone shafted his kindness and it made him realize what assholes they all were.

Del Toro had been right all along. He drove out to meet him like they planned. The abandoned lot was empty except for the hooded figure dressed in all black. Zane pulled the car up next to him and got out.

“You’re late.” An angry voice boomed over the top of the car.

“Traffic.” Zane shrugged indifferently.

They stared at one another for a few seconds. Zane saw the little vein in his forehead throbbing in anger. Del Toro had been pretty unbearable to deal with since Emily had made it away from the trap they’d set for her at the bar. And he was pissed because there was one body unaccounted for and he didn’t like loose ends.

“Well?” The man questioned.

“They got home a couple hours ago,” Zane said.

“And?”

“And nothing. They went inside. I don’t have X-Ray vision.” Zane stumbled around the front of the car.

“Have you been drinking?”

“No.” Zane snorted.

“ _Never_ drink on the job. Makes you sloppy. And you’re already sloppy enough.”

“I got the car here, didn’t I?” Zane asked.

“Watch your tone you little shit.” Anyone else would have been dead for the kind of insubordination the boy was showing, but Mary would send the dogs after him if he let anything happen to the kid.

Zane saw the murderous look in his eyes and he clammed up. He wasn’t in the mood for another beating.

“Sorry.”

“Yeah, you oughta be.” He walked around to the driver’s side and grabbed the door handle. “It’s on for Saturday.”

“But Saturday is Lily’s birthday.”

“The fuck do you care?” Angry eyes met Zane’s and it made him cower.

“I don’t.” Zane tried to play it cool. “I just…” He frowned. “…isn’t it a little messed up to do this on her kid’s birthday?”

A dark laughed filled the air. The irony was lost on the young punk that he was responsible for killing that girl’s sister on their parents’ anniversary.

“What the hell do you think this is, Zane? Some pussy-ass children’s show where we all end up around a bonfire sharing hot cocoa and s’mores? If she finds out you were driving the car that night you’ll go to jail. You’re not a kid anymore. _And_ you’ve got a record.” The fucking idiot never did know how to stay under the radar. “No more juvie bullshit slap on the wrist shit for you. I’m talking _actual_ prison with big angry sexually frustrated dudes just itching to get their hands on your fresh pretty face…and other parts of you. You _want_ to end up shacking up with some dude named Bubba? Be his little bitch?”

“No. But I thought the whole point of forcing Ryan to confess was to close that case.”

He’d felt a little guilty about what had happened to Ryan, but he also knew that Ryan and his brother had killed a baby back in New York, so it wasn’t something that bugged him too much. Mostly he just missed his weed hook-up.

“Just because a case is closed doesn’t mean they can’t re-open it if new evidence comes to light.”

He had no idea how close Emily was to blowing that case wide open thanks to Zane’s records. He didn’t know she was sniffing around the police department. He didn’t know that Zane’s records were going to bite them both in the ass.

“There is too much connecting us to the crash. And I’m not fucking going down for _your_ stupid mistake. So nut up and get your head in the game.” He pulled the door open. Zane knew better than to say anything else, so he just nodded. “And I know you took my goddamn flask,” he paused before climbing into the car. “I want it back.”

They climbed in the stolen vehicle and drove off to finish up some loose ends from the firefight at Maurice’s bar.

Emily was dreaming about that very spot. It was like a war zone in her mind. She saw the familiar faces of the dead. She smelled the burning flesh. It was so much worse in her nightmares. She’d been right about the pain medications making everything feel more realistic, though a part of that was because the meds lowered her inhibitions and her true feelings were seeping out.

She whimpered and then jerked in her sleep and startled Ali awake. Ali saw tears leaking past Emily’s closed eyelids and she softly whispered to her to try and bring her out of it.

_“Em…”_

Emily heard Ali’s voice in the smoke-infused room. The scene had erupted into complete chaos. She couldn’t keep her memories straight. Her mind was so mixed up that she was not only seeing Maurice’s gang. She was also seeing her dad and Grace. Her dad was decked out in his combat gear disappearing through the smoke and flames, rushing towards something Emily couldn’t see. A flash filled up the room. She blinked and then saw that Maurice was covered in blood.

“Get out of here, Fields!” He yelled.

Another flash. Another explosion. Then she heard a scream and Ryan’s voice,

“Help me! They’ll kill me.”

The bar was being engulfed in flames. She heard a gunshot and then the unmistakable sounds of metal crunching and glass breaking.

“Mom! Mommy!” She could hear Grace shouting for help, but she didn’t see her anywhere.

She looked around in a panic. She lurched forward, but was stopped when a hand shot out of the darkness. She felt an arm wrapping around her throat. A gruff palm slammed over her mouth, muffling any cries for help she might try to get out.

In the bed, she squirmed around against Ali. She gurgled out a cry. Ali held her head tightly against her body, one hand cupping her cheek and the other stroking the back of her head.

_“I’m here, baby. Wake up.”_ Emily heard Ali’s voice again.

The arm around her neck moved away from her trachea and reached back into the darkness, into a void she couldn’t see. Then it suddenly reappeared above her head. Her eyes flickered towards the motion. She saw a twisted piece of metal from the car being grasped tightly as it swiftly moved down in an arc towards her exposed abdomen. The sharp jagged weapon disappeared into her belly and a sharp pain filled her body.

She looked down and saw that she wasn’t in the bar anymore. She was in the car. It was filling up with something wet, but it wasn’t water. She was drowning in blood. Her blood. Her stomach ached. She hadn’t felt it in the car. But she felt it in the dream.

_“Emily, you’re okay. It’s a nightmare, sweetie. It’s just a nightmare.”_

Emily followed the sounds of Ali’s voice. Her heavy sleep-filled eyes opened up. She stared at the wall in their bedroom. It took her a minute to realize her cheek was resting against the warm flesh of Ali’s chest, a thin layer of sweat dripping off of her face and onto Ali’s body.

Emily felt light-headed and distant, like she wasn’t really awake. Her body felt like it was floating. It was the medication. She’d never been able to tolerate pain meds well.

The part of her brain in charge of vocabulary was a complete blur, so instead of talking she shakily searched for Ali’s hand. Ali saw her movement and knew exactly what she was looking for. She put her hand over Emily’s and Emily flipped her palm up so that her fingers were laced with Ali’s. She squeezed hard and breathed out a heavy sigh. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks. Ali reached down with her other hand and brushed some of her sorrow away.

Emily nuzzled against Ali as she cried herself back to sleep. She woke up a few times, her consciousness waning. The only thing that kept her sane was feeling Alison’s body against hers. She was usually the one who held Ali in her embrace, but it felt good to have the roles reversed.

After a while she fell into a deep peaceful slumber in Ali’s arms. Her body and mind had finally hit its breaking point and she crashed, _hard_. Her mind was a blank.

Ali dozed off for a little while, but was always able to pull herself back into consciousness so she didn’t fall too deep. She woke up around two to find that Emily had shifted down against the bed, the covers wrapped around her waist. Her cheek was turned facing Ali, but her back was flat against the bed, her arm draped over her stomach. In the soft light flooding the room from the lamp next to their bed she could see Emily’s bruised ribs, the marks flowering out about above her arm. Whatever Emily had done to get away from her emotional pain had really done a number on her.

Emily shifted and Ali held her breath, hoping she wouldn’t wake up in tears again. She didn’t. She rolled her shoulder and moved her arm, turning her upper body just slightly towards Ali, like she was drawn to her, like she knew Ali was looking at her.

Ali sighed, looking at her injuries. The healing gashes. The fresh bruises. She had some of the answers, but not all of them. She still felt like she was missing a huge piece of the puzzle. She traced her index finger along the scar on Emily’s belly. The raised pinkish white blemish stood out against her dark complexion.

She looked at the star-shaped divot in her stomach where the shrapnel had gone into her body. She cringed. The way Ali felt when she thought she was going to lose Emily rattled her brain. She touched Emily’s cheek. She couldn’t imagine life without her. She knew she needed to do something, so she stayed awake half the night thinking, plotting.

Emily woke up around six. Her body was aching, but she didn’t feel anywhere near as bad as she thought she would. She looked over at Ali, who had finally gotten to sleep about half an hour before Emily had woken up. Emily moved up against the headboard, draping her hand over her ribs. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock.

She carefully slipped out of bed to go to the bathroom, stopping to grab her robe on the way. God help her if she was killed naked while sitting on the toilet. She could hear her mother’s voice in her head,

_“Always wear clean underwear so when you die people won’t judge you for having dirty underwear.”_

After she was finished she stood over the sink, washing her hands. She let the water pool in her palms and splashed her face. She stared at her reflection, taking in her broken appearance. She pushed the robe aside to peer at her battered body. She ran her fingers over the bruises, flinching as she did.

But despite how beat up she was, she knew it could be worse. If Maurice hadn’t pulled her out of the river she would have ended up dead. She sighed. As much as she wanted to wallow, she knew she was still on a time crunch. She knew she still had a mystery to solve.

She glanced down at her pants which had been thrown to the floor when Ali was cleaning her up yesterday. She picked them up and dug her phone out of the side pocket. She had a text from Hanna, two missed calls from Toby, a text from Spencer checking in on her, and a text from the police secretary Jo telling her to give her a call.

Her heart started beating faster in her chest. She wanted to call, but she knew that no one would be at the desk this early. She walked back over to the sink and put her phone down. She opened the medicine cabinet and stared at the medications. She stared at the bottle of her pain meds for the longest time, but decided on an extra-strength anti-inflammatory coupled with an over-the-counter pain medication that would not make her drowsy. She downed the pills.

“Em?” She heard Ali shuffling into the bathroom, “what are you doing up?”

Emily closed the medicine cabinet and turned around.

“You in pain?” Ali yawned, walking over to her.

“Just a little.” Emily smiled weakly. “I figured I would take something before school.”

Despite how shitty she felt she had been planning on going back in today. She knew she’d be safer there. And more importantly, Ali would be safer there.

Ali looked at her in disbelief. After yesterday she was already talking about going back to school?

“This is what substitutes are for.” Ali disagreed.

“We can’t afford to keep skipping out on work,” Emily said softly, not wanting to argue. “We have bills, sweetie.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Besides, Lily is presenting with her group today and I want to see how she does.”

“Her group is Harper and Fiona, so she’ll do fine.” Ali put her arm on Emily’s shoulder. “I’m more concerned about you. We’re not hurting financially, Em. You know we have our stocks and the non-profit. We’ll be okay for a little while. You need to think about you for once.”

“I know. I get it. Yesterday was rough.” Emily rubbed Ali’s arm soothingly. It had been hard on both of them. “And I know I’ve got a lot of shit to sort through. I’m not denying that. I acknowledge it. But we can’t keep hitting the pause button every time I have a setback. Like you said, we’ve got Lily to think about. And you’re right. I need to start facing this. She needs to know that her mothers are facing life.”

“When I said that what I meant was that she knows you’re suffering. She can feel your pain. And I knew that unless you faced it, it was going to destroy you and take us with you…because we love you.”

“I know.” Emily nodded. “But this isn’t something that we’re going to be able to fix overnight. It’s something that we’re going to have to work on for the rest of our lives.” Because loss and grief never went away. Pain lessened over time. People just learned how to deal with it and tolerate it in small doses. “But I promise you I am going to work on it, Ali. I promise. You and Lily are my life.” She put her palm against Ali’s cheek.

Ali nodded. For some reason, she believed her. She knew she was probably a sucker for believing her, but she did anyway. Still, she wasn’t done with her quest for answers. She put her hand against Emily’s side, making sure her fingers were low enough where they weren’t touching her bruises.

“Who hurt you?” Ali asked. “Who were you fighting with? Was it just…did you just let them?”

“It doesn’t matter now. It’s over.” Or it would be soon. “Listen, from now on I’m not going to hide from this…from…from myself.” She knew she was her own worst enemy. “But what I feel cuts really deep and if I’m going to get through it I’m going to need you.”

“Like I told you yesterday, I’m with you.” She nodded, her fingers sweeping her cheek. “You have me.”

“I know. I heard you, Alison.” Though they hadn’t spoken much yesterday. They hadn’t needed to. Actions oftentimes spoke louder than words, especially with them. “I heard everything you were saying.” She’d heard every look, every touch, every thought, every concern.

“Good.” Ali replied. “No more lies.” She tried to say it with a straight face, because she wasn’t going to be giving up on digging up Emily’s secrets that easily.

“No more lies.” Emily agreed. Except for the little minor omission of Del Toro.

As scared as she was for herself, she was even more terrified of something happening to Ali. If he found out, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her. And she wouldn’t survive without Ali. She was already hanging on by a thread as it was.

Ali nodded in approval and pecked Emily’s lips. Emily smiled at her and Ali couldn’t help but smile back.

“I’ll make us some breakfast,” Emily said, moving towards the door.

“Uh, no you won’t.” Ali grabbed her wrist. “You’ll get your ass back in bed and rest until we leave. I’ll bring you something to eat.”

Emily didn’t argue. She grabbed her phone and did as she was told. Ali disappeared into the kitchen, her eyes on the clock. She had an idea of where to start in uncovering whatever hidden truth Emily was keeping from her. But she couldn’t do it this early. And she couldn’t do it with Emily around. She was just going to have to wait and slip out of school without Emily knowing. She made Emily toast and eggs and a fruit parfait and took it to her on a tray. They had a quiet breakfast in bed and then they got ready for school and rode in together.

Ali stayed by Emily’s side up until the first bell signaled the start of classes. She made sure she was okay before she got up to leave.

“Hey, promise me you’ll take it easy.” Ali squeezed her hand.

“It’s a paperwork kind of day today.” Emily agreed.

She’d already talked to the assistant coach about covering all her classes so she didn’t have to do anything physical. Ali walked out. Emily shuffled through some paperwork for a few minutes, but she was too distracted to focus. She unlocked her drawer and pulled out the photo Maurice had given her. The corners were frayed and cracked and there was a smudge of blood on the edge of it. She teared up thinking about Maurice.

She stared at her happy family, wishing more than anything that her dad was here to tell her what to do. She turned it over and looked at his handwriting. It was faded, but there. It made her feel like she had a piece of him with her. She looked at the photo again. Her eyes drifted to the dark stain left by Maurice’s blood.

“Damn it, Maurice,” she muttered under her breath.

He really had risked everything for her. He’d kept his promise to her dad, who in a way, had sent him to her. Without Maurice and his crew she would have been dead already. But he’d died for her. He’d died so she could live.

She heard footsteps approaching and then a knock against the door frame. She looked up and saw Toby. She slipped the picture in her desk and stood up to greet him.

“Hey, dropping the kids off?” Emily asked.

“Yeah.” Toby nodded. “You got a minute?”

“Sure.”

He walked in, closing the door behind him. Emily didn’t like the motion. It made her feel trapped. He took a step, but then he saw the look on her face and his eyes darted back towards the door. He realized that just last week this office had been a crime scene and that it was possible she wasn’t entirely comfortable being enclosed in the small space without an exit.

“Oh, shit,” he said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about asking if you were okay with the door being closed.”

“No, it’s fine.” Emily shook it off. “Sometimes I just still see it like it was when I…I found him.”

“I can’t believe they didn’t offer you another space.”

“They’re working on it. They’re probably going to move me and convert this to a storage space,” she said.

“Good,” he said. She didn’t need the reminder. She had enough on her plate. He glanced down and saw her injured hands. “What happened there?” he motioned to her knuckles.

She’d taken the bandages off this morning. All the oozing had stopped. They just looked purple and pissed now.

“Oh,” she said, lifting her hands up and observing the bruises. She wanted to say something about fucking Ali so hard that it left marks on the both of them, but she held her tongue. “Got a little carried away boxing yesterday.” She ran her finger over an abrasion. She glanced back up at him. “I saw you called. Sorry I haven’t had a chance to call you back. I was…” Catatonic? Indisposed? Screwing her wife? “…it was just a full day. So, what’s up?”

He pursed his lips in thought, trying to figure out how to broach the subject. He’d talked to Spencer to find out if she knew anything about what Emily was doing. After all, they’d been quite the little snoops in high school together. Spencer didn’t know anything about it, and now she was worried because she didn’t know what Emily was up to.

“You want to tell me why you’re trying to gain access to Zane Jacobs’ records?” Toby asked.

“Huh?” Emily blinked in surprise.

“I recognized your number, _Detective Smith_. Here’s a tip: maybe next time don’t use your personal phone number.”

_Shit. Amateur move, Emily._

She felt a tightening sensation in the pit of her stomach. But then something registered. Zane? Had he said Zane?

“Look, normally I’d be all over your ass for this, but the kid has quite a record. Underage alcohol possession. Vandalism. Disorderly conduct. He’s got an assault and a B&E, too. Got caught sneaking into a fast food joint when he was 12. He was high and hungry and stupid. He’s gotten away with most of his shit because his mommy and daddy bought him out of trouble, but if he’s still hassling Lily I can…”

“No, that’s not it…” Emily interrupted him.

Zane Jacobs? That didn’t make any sense. She’d seen the kid skating around the day after she’d been attacked at the park by the knife-wielding maniac. And he didn’t have an angry looking dog bite on his arm. Not to mention there was no way that kid could best her. The person who had attacked her was two hundred pounds, easy. So how did a blood match come up connecting him to the torn piece of fabric recovered from the attack?

“Then why did you ask for his records?” Toby questioned.

“It was a mistake.” Emily blurted out.

How the fuck was she supposed to explain this? Her eyes darted to the paperwork on her desk.

“It’s for one of my kids. I must have mixed up the numbers.” She walked over to her desk and pretended to fumble through records. “One of my girls on the team came to me in confidence and asked me for help.” She hated herself for lying to him. Lying to him was like scowling at a puppy. It just made her feel like crap. “She’s got some troubles in her home life and the file was supposed to be for someone in her family. I just wanted to see what she was up against.”

Toby’s face tightened as he considered her excuse. He didn’t say anything for several seconds. But then he sighed.

“What’s the kid’s name? I’ll look into it for you.”

“No, you’ve got more important things to do. I’ll handle it. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I don’t know why I thought I needed that file in the first place.” She dropped a pile of paperwork on her desk.

Toby chewed on his inner lip. He saw the nervousness in her stance.

“Come on, Em. Level with me. What’s really going on? You’re not yourself. Straight up, you are freaking everyone out. My wife is making herself a basket-case worrying about you. And after she found out about you looking for Zane’s records…”

“Spencer knows about this?” Well, shit. She was a meddler. She would dig. Emily’s time crunch kept getting thinner and thinner.

“We’re married with two kids. I haven’t been able to lie to her since the Bieber-bob was the hottest fashion.” Toby laughed. He’d had a Bieber haircut in high school and he’d looked like a complete dork. His laugh softened. “We’re just concerned that whatever it is that you’re doing to deal with your shit is going to get you hurt. I see it. Spence sees it. And you have to remember that Spencer has been dealing with anxiety and depression for years. She sees things a little more clearly than the rest of us. We’re afraid you’re headed for a crash.”

“Been there, done that.” Emily leaned against her desk and sighed. She watched his brows lift in curiosity. “It’s okay. Ali was with me when it happened. I finally just hit the brick wall. But I’m okay. I’m…dealing. I know I’ve been kind of a mess lately. And I didn’t mean to make you guys worry. Ali and I are talking about it. I’m working on my problems. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

Toby was quiet as he tried to decide whether or not he believed her. She certainly seemed sincere. She’d even looked him in the eyes. He relaxed his stance.

“We’ll always worry. That’s what family does,” he replied.

The tardy bell rang and Toby glanced at the clock.

“I have to get to work,” he said. “Let me know how the girls’ presentation goes.”

“You bet.”

They said their goodbyes and Toby walked out. He pulled his phone out of his pocket after he’d gotten down the hallway.

“Did you buy that?” He’d had Spencer on the line the whole time.

“I’m still trying to decide,” she replied. “It’s really hard to tell with her these days.”

“It’s always been hard to tell with her.”

“Yeah.” Spencer replied with a sigh. “Hey, keep me posted.”

“All you do is nag me, woman.” He teased.

“Oh, shut up, Bieber-bob. Go protect our town from the Zanes in the world.”

Toby hadn’t seen Zane anywhere on campus or in the halls. He was glad, too. As a cop his job was to be objective, but when it came to that kid he really wanted nothing more than to go uber-cop on him and rough him up a bit. He hated the little delinquent.

Emily went on a search for that little delinquent herself. She searched the premises everywhere for him, though she wasn’t sure what she was going to do when she found him. Tie him up and shine a light in his face and force him to talk?

Her brain stayed on overdrive all morning. She just couldn’t figure out what the connection was. It wasn’t until she peeked in on Lily, Fiona, and Harper’s science presentation that it finally clicked in her brain. Emily thought about DNA as the girls talked and she realized that Maurice had never mentioned what _percentage_ of a match the DNA was.

The match that they found in the system could have been a partial match. Though to her knowledge he didn’t have any siblings. Not to mention she’d met his parents. Zane’s mom was a prestigious designer who spent most of her time traveling around the world with her staff so she didn’t have to lift a finger on her perfectly manicured hands. And his father was an investment banker who worked the stock market. He was a skinny little rail with a big brain and even bigger oversized glasses.

Emily started to think about that. Zane didn’t really have attributes of either one of his parents. In fact, he towered over his dad. And his mom was a very small woman. Their hair color wasn’t the same. Neither were their eye color or facial features. Things started connecting in her brain and she realized that perhaps Zane Jacobs was not a Jacobs after-all.

If he had some kind of connection to someone in the Pit Vipers that would leave room for him to help whoever was torturing her. She knew she needed to get the list of suspects from Mona, but she didn’t know how to do so without endangering her again. But unbeknownst to her, it wasn’t Del Toro she needed to worry about popping up in Mona’s life. Someone else was lurking outside the Montgomery house where Mike and Mona were staying with his parents.

A knock at the door interrupted Mona from eating a bite of her lunch. She was the only one there, as Mike’s parents had taken him shopping for a tux. She stood up, careful to mind the sling on her arm as she walked to the door. She peered through the peephole and was stunned to see who was standing there. She opened the door slowly.

“Alison DiLaurentis…” she said.

“DiLaurentis- _Fields_.” The feisty blonde corrected her.

“What are you doing here?” Mona asked, her tone calm and even.

“I think something is happening to my wife.” Ali stared at her, unwavering. “And I think you know what it is.”

She was determined to get answers. Whether or not Mona would give them to her was the question. But the problem was, it didn’t matter what Ali discovered. Because by the time everything came out it was going to be too late.


	29. Old Habits Die Hard

“I think something is happening to my wife. And I think you know what it is.”

“Hello to you, too.” Mona pushed her lips out into a sarcastic smirk.

Ali waited for Mona to respond to her inquiry. She got increasingly annoyed with each passing second. She felt like Mona was playing a game with her, and she was through with being just another piece on the board.

Mona stared at Ali, holding her gaze, both girls standing in rigid domineering positions, neither wanting to show the least bit of weakness around each other. They were like two tigers in the wild circling one another, growls rumbling, neither willing to blink and show submission. It was Ali who finally broke the silent tension between them with a slight peace offering.

“How’s the shoulder?” Ali glanced at the sling on her arm.

“Fine.” Mona didn’t bat an eye, her face a perfect mask of stoicism. She’d be damned if she was going to look fragile in front of Alison DiLaurentis.

There was another long painful silence, another quiet battle for control. Two she-wolves ready to protect their vulnerable spots. Ali’s eyes narrowed. She tried not to think about how Mona had killed a girl thinking it was her. Mona had wanted to murder her and that’s not something Ali wanted to forget. Nor did she forget that Mona was the very reason she’d spent a hellish several months behind bars for a murder that had never happened. And to top everything off, Mona had killed her sister.

As twisted as Charlotte was, Ali couldn’t let go of the five years she’d spent with her while Charlotte was in Welby. She didn’t want to love her, but she did. Ali tried to shake off the past. It was, after all, the past. She cleared her throat and glanced over Mona’s shoulder.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Ali questioned.

“Said the vampire to the unsuspecting townsperson.” Mona kept her uninjured arm against the door frame, blocking her from entering. It’s not that she was afraid of Ali. It’s just that after all the years that had gone by she still didn’t trust her.

“Oh, please,” Ali said, rolling her eyes. “I was just being polite. I’ve had a standing invite to this place since I was like twelve. I got my first period at a slumber party here.”

“Delightful story.” Mona turned her nose up, whipping out her trademark snark. “But sorry.” She shrugged, feigning like she cared with a cheeky smile. “I don’t know who’s on the list at _Chateau de le Montgomery_. The owners have stepped out. And it’s not my house.”

“You look pretty cozy to me.” Ali shrugged indifferently, her tone carrying multiple meanings.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Mona didn’t miss the inflection in her voice.

“It means that it can’t be a coincidence that you’re back in town.” Ali reached out and rubbed her fingers against the finished door frame.

“My fiancé’s family _lives_ here.” Mona looked at her like she was crazy. “What exactly is it that you think I’m guilty of?”

“Like I said, something is happening to Emily.”

“And I’m at the top of your list because?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question?” Ali scoffed.

“God, it doesn’t matter what I do – how much I try to make up for it. I will _always_ be the bad guy, won’t I?” Mona grumbled. She was so sick of everyone always assuming the worst of her, especially given all she’d done to rectify her behavior. “Something is going down, so Mona must be the mastermind, right? I’m just automatically a suspect?”

“Everyone is.” Ali replied coolly.

“And yet you’re standing in front of me.”

“I just want to know who hurt her.” So she could murder them horribly.

“I wasn’t aware she was hurt.” A soft expression washed across Mona’s face. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” Ali’s fingers tightened against the door frame, her anger over Emily’s injuries consuming her. “But something tells me _you_ do. And I intend to find out what you know.” She paused, pressing her lips together in thought. “Is it you?”

“Oh my God, do you _really_ think I would hurt her?” She had been busting her ass trying to protect her. “You are so way off-base.” She looked genuinely hurt by Ali’s accusation.

“There were only four people in her life she was every truly afraid of.” And Ali had felt the full extent of Emily’s fear last night. Something had her running scared. Something or _someone_. “Charlotte is dead and Alex and Mary are locked up.”

“So the angry mob comes my way. How very objective of you.” Mona scoffed.

“If the Scarlett Letter fits…” Ali flicked some dust off of her fingers.

“What makes you think I know anything?” Mona questioned.

“I know what you’re capable of. You never do anything without an ulterior motive. You’re quite the Machiavellian…”

“Mmm, takes one to know one, hon.”

Ali’s face flushed in anger, because Mona was right. They had both spent their high school years being conniving and manipulative. Ali tried to remember that they were a long way from high school. She tried to curb her anger. She tapped her foot impatiently. She had about ten minutes before she had to get back to school. She’d left at the start of her lunch break and had arranged it so that one of her coworkers would cover her first class if she got back late. She had a small window of opportunity and she needed to seize it.

“Look, I didn’t come here to fight with you.” Ali moved forward, trying to get through the door. “Can we cut the crap? I’m on my lunch break here.”

Mona dropped her arm and rolled her eyes, letting out a dramatic sigh. She knew she should have just stayed out of this. Rosewood was always pulling her back in with its drama. Why did she have to give a shit about these people? She looked around, trying to see if there were any prying eyes. Had Ali been followed? Could she be in danger? Mona wasn’t fond of her, but she didn’t want someone to overhear their conversation and then come after Ali.

“ _Entrer_.” She motioned for Ali to come inside. “There’s biscotti and tea in the kitchen.”

She moved aside and Ali walked in. Mona shut the door behind her. As Ali walked into the foyer memories of her childhood came flooding back to her. Sitting on the couch during movie night, giggling, painting Aria’s fingernails, playing tricks on her little brother. She’d even made out with Emily in the spare bedroom once after she’d come out of hiding.

She saw Mona staring at her, watching her like a hawk. Ali saw her tense stance and couldn’t help but scoff at the theatrics. They walked towards the kitchen. Mona walked over to the oven and picked up a tea kettle.

“Have a seat.” Mona motioned towards the table.

“I can do that so you don’t have to fumble around with the sling.” Ali offered.

“And let you near the piping hot water?” Mona poured the tea into a cup with very little effort. It was a control thing. She didn’t want Ali to have more control than she did. “I’m not an amateur.” She walked over and put the cup on the table in front of Ali.

“Come on. You can’t seriously be afraid of me.” Ali put her palms around the warm glass. “I’m not the one who has two homicides under her belt.” And several more _attempted_ homicides.

That flustered Mona. It was a low blow. She’d been out of her mind both times. It wasn’t something she could control. She thought Ali, of all people, who had spent five years with her ill sister, understood that.

“That was…” Mona’s jaw twitched, then tightened. She was stunned, but she tried not to let Ali see how much it had thrown her. “I wasn’t…” She was a different person then. “I wasn’t well. You know that.”

“That doesn’t mean I forgive you for killing my sister,” Ali said, her face set and rigid. “I understand, but I don’t forgive you.” She’d done some terrible things to Mona, but she’d never tried to kill her, or _anyone_ for that matter. “I don’t blame you for being angry at her. After what she did to you girls…”

“You have no idea what it was like, Alison,” Mona said, interrupting her.

It made Ali flinch, because Mona was right. What the girls had gone through in the dollhouse had changed them, haunted them. Over the years she’d tried to get Emily to talk about it, but the brunette never would. She always shut down when it was brought up, but Ali knew she still had nightmares and flashbacks to her time in captivity. All the girls did.

“Being ripped from the only life I knew, having my identity stripped away. I became the thing I hated the most.” Mona glared at Ali, memories of being locked away and forced to play the role of Alison DiLaurentis lest she be punished plaguing her. “I became _you_. I was _forced_ to be you.”

Ali looked at the steam rising from her teacup. She could see a watery reflection of herself staring back at her and it reminded her of the girl she’d once been. Before Emily had touched her heart. She had been an awful person. She very slowly lifted the cup, blowing on the hot liquid before taking a sip. She glanced at Mona.

“Not so fun being Alison DiLaurentis, is it?” Ali asked, a sad undertone in her voice. She had so much shit in her past, so much baggage. She wouldn’t wish it upon even her worst enemy.

“No.” Mona glanced off to the side, her eyes large and sad. For a brief moment her mind was back in the dollhouse. She sat down across from Ali. “It wasn’t.” She faced Ali again. “But the worst part about it isn’t that I hated it because I hated you…”

“Gee, thanks.” Ali muttered sarcastically, though deep down she knew that hate was warranted. They had both done horrible things to each other.

“It was because you and I are a lot more alike than we are unalike.” Mona admitted. Everything that she saw in Ali that she hated was an aspect of herself she hated. She’d been looking into a mirror of hatred for most of her life and it was only in looking at the reflection of herself that she realized the root of that hatred. It took her a long time to learn how to truly love herself. “It’s why we’ve always clashed.”

“No, we clashed because I was a bitch and you were a psycho,” Ali said bluntly.

“Tactful.” Mona pursed her lips together and sneered at Ali sarcastically. “I bet your sensitivity suits you well with your students.”

“I do what I have to do.” Ali played it off.

“Mmm.” Mona nodded, sipping her own tea. “You always have, haven’t you?” The subtle inflection in her tone was almost accusatory.

“Look, we both played each other for fools when we were younger. Can we please just put that on the backburner for now? I’ve got more pressing matters to attend to.” Her wife’s sanity for one.

“And what do you want me to do about your problems? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says I provide free counseling sessions?”

“Knock off the attitude, Mona. I know we don’t have the best relationship. But this isn’t about me. This is about Emily.”

Mona sighed. She put her teacup down.

“Fine. Vanderwaal Psychology is now in session.” She waved for Ali to go ahead.

“Huh, you’re not going to go with Mona Montgomery Psychology?” Ali questioned.

“Maybe I’ll hyphenate it.” She quipped back. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on or not?”

“Emily is hiding something from me.” Ali watched Mona’s face carefully to see if there was even the slightest bit of a tell. She remained perfectly still. “I’ve always been able to tell when something is bothering her.” She licked her lips nervously. “At first, I thought it was just her struggling with what happened to Grace.” She saw Mona cringe at the mention of her daughter’s death. “But I finally got her to let down her walls.” She’d first seen a glimpse of it when they were making love in Paris. Then she’d felt it when Emily let everything out at the gym. But the icing on the cake had been when Emily let her guard down in the shower yesterday. It was hard for them to not bare their souls to one another in intimate moments like that, and Emily had looked right at her and let her in. Emily’s eyes had always told Ali the full story of what was going on in her mind. So when she’d looked at Ali and let her in during her most vulnerable moments, Ali had seen it all. “And there’s something more.”

“If she’s hiding it from you, what makes you think she’d come to me? We barely talk. And as you so aptly pointed out, I don’t even live here.”

“But you still know _everything_ that goes on. You’re still Mona. And I need to know what is happening in this town.”

“You know as well as I do that getting involved in the underground world in Rosewood is a bad idea. If you want my advice, stay above ground. It could be dangerous if you started digging.”

“For who?” Ali pushed.

“Take your pick. Your family. Emily. _You_.”

“Like you care about me?” Ali’s eyes narrowed. “You were going to bash my brains in and leave me in a hole to die.”

“Because you made my life a living hell.” Mona snapped back, her eyes laced with anger. “You berated me, belittled me. Made me feel like an insignificant nothing.” She tried not to let Ali see how much it still shook her to her core. “You were cruel and mean and you destroyed my self-worth.” She glared angrily. Ali let her rant. “You were a terrible person, Alison.” Mona paused, lifting her chin in thought. “But…”

The shift in her tone intrigued Ali.

“But?” Ali waited for her to continue.

“But I know you’re not that person anymore,” Mona said. “Just like I’m not the same person I was back then. We’re not in high school anymore. I’m not the same Mona that you knew. I’m trying to build a life…a future.” And that future did not include getting killed before she could walk down the aisle with Mike. That wreck had been a wake-up call. “I can’t get mixed up in whatever this…” she waved her hands, flicking her wrist towards Ali. “…is. The last thing I need in my life right now is complications. I’m out of the game. Truly.” She held Ali’s gaze. “You know what it does to me. You’ve _seen_ what it does to me.”

“I’m not asking you to do anything other than tell me why my wife came home all black and blue and beat to hell. Her ribs and stomach look like someone used her as a punching bag.”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Mona said. She really didn’t. She had no clue what Emily and Maurice were up to. “I’m not exactly in street-fighting shape right now.” She motioned to the sling on her arm. “Plus, I don’t associate with the plebeian barbarians who participate in that prehistoric ritual. If you think she’s in a fight club I’d say that’s more Holden Strauss’s area.”

“Aria has already talked to Holden. He doesn’t know anyone who knows Emily from that scene.” She sighed. “Mona, _someone_ hurt her.” Regardless of the fact that Emily said she was responsible for it, someone had done something to her to hurt her. “And I want to know who.”

 _You and me both._ Mona thought to herself.

“Look, Emily is a big girl. She can take care of herself.” It actually pained Mona to say it, because she knew the reality of what was going on. She didn’t like staying out of it any more than Ali did, but she wasn’t willing to risk Mike’s life again. “If you want my advice, leave it alone. No good can come of you diving into whatever she is wrapped up in. She will figure it out. She always does. But if you start prying in the underbelly of the beast you will get devoured.” Because what chance did Ali have against this psychopath when he was getting the best of both her and Emily?

Her reaction alone told Ali that Mona knew something.

“I’m not leaving here until you tell me what’s going on,” Ali said stubbornly.

“Then you can set up camp in the living room, because I don’t have anything to tell you.”

“Mona, please don’t play with me here.” She dropped her bitchy act. She would beg and grovel if that’s what it took. She had a really bad feeling about the way Emily had been acting. She needed answers. “Please.” She begged. “She’s my wife.” The love of her life. “If you know something…” She felt tears burning her eyes, “…just…please. What would you do if Mike was in danger?”

The problem was that Mike _was_ in danger, or rather…she’d put him in danger when she got involved. The last thing she wanted to do was to make it worse. Mona thought about it, and then she thought about the sling on her arm. She thought about how Aria’s kids had almost been killed because of her involvement. And she thought about what would happen if she told Ali. Was she really willing to risk something happening to someone else on her watch? Could she live with herself if she pulled Ali into something that could get her killed?

Mona knew how dangerous it was. But she had no idea how deadly it had become. She didn’t know about the bloodbath at Maurice’s bar. She didn’t know Emily was on her own. The last she’d heard about it was Maurice telling her they had it handled and that she needed to back off before she was killed. She’d been preoccupied with the wreck and the wedding plans since then.

Mona weighed her options. Not only would telling Ali put Emily’s entire family at risk, but Emily would kill her for spilling the beans. Besides, she didn’t have anything solid to give her. If she sent Ali in the wrong direction it would most certainly end in disaster. Not to mention what it would do to her if she kept stepping back into this world. She knew her limits. She had to walk away.

“I’m sorry. I can’t help you.” Mona shook her head. “Every time I stick my nose in other people’s business someone ends up hurt.” Or even worse, dead.

“She’s _already_ hurt!” Ali argued.

“So talk to her. Keep talking to her,” Mona said. _Keep pushing because that’s only way you’ll reach her stubborn ass._

Ali buried her face into her hands and growled in frustration. She was so pissed that everyone kept treating her like some helpless little liability. She was ready to knock some skulls together. She just didn’t know whose skulls to do so with. If she didn’t find out soon she was just going to lose it on some random parking attendant or something.

“I liked you better when you were a psycho. At least back then you were helpful.” Ali glared at her.

“Believe it or not, I _am_ trying to help you here.” Help her stay alive. Not just for her, but for Emily. The girl couldn’t take another hit. It would destroy her.

“Whatever.” Ali rolled her eyes. She pushed her teacup towards the center of the table and stood up. “I’ve got to get back to school. If you come to your senses you know where to find me.” She always had. The woman was a professional stalker. She turned on her heels and started walking out. When she got to the doorway she turned back around and faced Mona. “If something happens to her I’m holding you personally responsible.”

Mona laughed darkly. She’d called it months ago. She’d told Emily that Ali would blame her.

“When don’t you?” Mona bit back. “You know, for all your talk about letting go of the past you sure seem to hold on to it for dear life.”

“You’re marrying my best friend’s brother. We have to get along,” Ali said. “We don’t have to be friends.”

“But wouldn’t it be nice if we could be?” Mona asked. There was no underlying tone. There was no ulterior motive. She really meant it. She was tired of fighting. Hating someone was a lot of work. They were the only two girls who had yet to find some common ground. “Aren’t you tired of this back and forth? Haven’t we grown up enough to be adults about this?”

“You get me a name and then we’ll talk,” Ali replied. She glanced at the ring on Mona’s finger. Mike had really splurged on it. “Congrats on the engagement, by the way.”

“Thanks.” She watched Ali start to walk out again. She sighed and then called out after her. “Alison.” Ali turned around hopefully. “Don’t give up on her.” She knew that no matter what Emily was going through, she needed Ali.

“She’s the only thing in my life I have never given up on.” No matter what happened, no matter what Ali was facing, no matter what she was going through…she always gravitated towards Emily. Her heart had always belonged to Emily. “I will bet on her every time. I would never quit on her.”

They got angry at one another. They fought. But they always found their way back to each other. Relationships weren’t always easy. Love was a huge factor, but relationships also required hard work. Love didn’t just mean enjoying the good times. It meant wading through the bad times and not letting those trying times take them down.

She would fight against the current as long as there was a chance for her and Emily to make it through. It was getting harder and harder. Ali had lost Emily, her heaven, to some form of hell and she was determined to get her back, even if she had to walk through flames and drag her out herself.

“Good.” Mona nodded.

Ali walked out. Mona sauntered after her. She watched her climb into her car and then pull out of the driveway. She waited a good solid ten minutes before she left her post at the front window. She wanted to make sure Ali was really gone _and_ that no one had followed her – that no one was watching.

When she was certain that it was safe she went digging through her things. She’d kept her small bag of tricks close to her at all times. She’d even had Kai grab it from the rental car as she was being loaded into the ambulance. She had been woozy and disoriented from the loss of consciousness, but she’d had enough presence of mind to ask Aria’s son to grab her bag.

She pulled out a hidden burner phone. She stared at it. Part of her was telling her to smash it, to walk away like she needed to do. She knew she needed to quit before she got consumed in it. But then again, the way Ali had described Emily’s injuries _and_ the fact that Ali was trying to get involved now...she couldn’t _not_ follow up. She dialed Maurice’s number. It went straight to voicemail.

“Hey, we’ve got a problem. I hope you’re close. Emily’s wife is sniffing around. Last thing we need is another body thrown into the mix.” She had no idea the dramatic irony of those words, nor that she was talking to a dead man whose phone was actually melted into a pile of scrap in what was left of the bar. “I know you told me you had it under control, but I just wanted to give you a heads up. You know how to get in touch if you need anything.”

She hung up and then pulled a ledger out of her bag. She flipped through it until she got to a list of suspects she’d composed. Ali wasn’t the only one who wanted a name. Mona wanted to figure out who was behind all of this, too. Maybe then they could all move on. She scanned the names and the notes she’d scribbled next to them. Those who were dead were crossed out. Some of them she knew from high school. Some she knew from the life she’d lived as _A_. There were people she knew personally, people she’d known were involved, people she didn’t know had been involved until later, and people she had always suspected were involved but never interacted with. She ran through the list, mentally playing a game of six degrees of separation as she read her notes.

 _ Mary Davis _ _\- Orange is the New Bitch. Probably involved. Won’t talk._

 _ Alex Drake _ _\- In Shawshank where she belongs. No activity on her records. Keeps to self. Could be lying low to throw suspicion off of herself?_

 _ Charlotte DiLaurentis _ _\- Deceased. Bell tower._

 _ Jenna Marshall _ _\- Married, three kids. Still a bitch, but not a killer._

 _ Noel Kahn _ _\- Deceased. Decapitation._

 _ Eric Kahn _ _\- Divorced. Two kids. Lives in NYC. Drinks a lot. Possible revenge MO because of Noel’s death? Knew Charlotte. Could have been involved with her from the beginning._

 _ Jared Kahn _ _\- Deceased. Suicide._

 _ Preston Kahn _ _\- Corporate CEO in Long Beach. Engaged to longtime boyfriend. Doesn’t keep in contact with Eric._

 _ Chris Kahn _ _\- Deceased. DUI._

 _ Michael Russo _ _\- Pro ball player in Ohio. No connection to anyone from Rosewood High anymore._

 _ Lucas Gottesman _ _\- Primary shareholder in self-made tech company. Travels too much to be involved. Could pay for dirty work?_

 _ Scott Carnes _ _\- Military. Stationed overseas, but is MIA, presumed deceased._

 _ Garrett Reynolds _ _\- Deceased. GSW to head._

 _ Darren Wilden _ _\- Deceased. GSW to chest._

 _ Jason DiLaurentis _ _\- Was in NAT club, but other being associated with NAT never had any dealings with ANY A-related things. Wouldn’t hurt his own family._

 _ Connor Mueller _ _\- Junkie in Jersey. Couldn’t track down. Probably deceased._

 _ Sean Ackard _ _\- Married, two kids. Clergy member by day, but has been known to frequent strip joints at night. Ladies say he is very handsy._

 _ Ben Coogan _ _\- Deceased. Electrocution on job site._

 _ Wren Kingston _ _\- Deceased. Allegedly. No body. No grave. Alex Drake’s collateral damage. Was Grace/Lily’s bio-father. Has estranged brother who could be involved?_

 _ Jeff Christian _ _\- Deceased. Heart attack._

 _ James Travil _ _\- Used car dealer in Scranton. Happily married._

 _ Nick Baker _ _\- Trauma nurse at Rosewood General. No family. Has a cat. Works too much to be involved._

 _ Toby Cavanaugh _ _\- No way in hell. Only played the game to try and take A down._

 _ Melissa Hastings _ _\- Political Aide in DC. Married. Wouldn’t hurt Spencer’s best friends._

 _ Sara Harvey _ _\- Deceased. Lived by shower. Died by shower._

 _ Ian Thomas _ _\- Deceased. Suicide._

 _ Shana Fring _ _\- Deceased. Tiny warrior woman went Million Dollar Baby on her._

 _ Andrew Campbell _ _\- Unaccounted for. No social media. Off the grid. No digital footprint. Could have grudge against girls?_

 _ Sydney Driscoll _ _\- Deceased. Fire._

 _ Addison Derringer _ _\- Turns tricks for tips in the city. No means or funds to be involved._

 _ Cyrus Petrillo _ _\- Lives in halfway house. Brain damage from previous injury._

 _ Lyndon James _ _\- Deceased. Killed by Emily in self-defense. Possible family looking for revenge?_

Mona frowned. She’d never realized how many angry vengeful people lived in Rosewood. And it was filled with more death than a cheap dramatic medical show.

“Jesus, this town is like one huge curse,” she muttered.

She looked over the names again, trying to see what she was missing. _Who_ was she missing? And why Emily? Why was she being targeted? There was no one Mona could think of that had singled Emily out during the game back in high school. She’d had a few people giving her suggestions and floating ideas around about how to mess with the girls when she was _A_ , but no one showed a particular interest in Emily, at least no one in her inner circle. Was Emily being singled out just because she had pushed to find out the truth about the wreck? She tapped her pen against the paper and stared at the names intently, hoping something would jump out at her.

One person she _didn’t_ have on the list was Zane Jacobs. He was the only person of interest that Emily had. Emily knew the boy wasn’t the mastermind, but he certainly had answers.

Emily was furiously searching the school grounds for any sign of him. She’d swept the campus several times. She had the urge to just show up at his house, but she knew she couldn’t just bail on school. She wasn’t a teenager anymore. Being an adult with responsibilities sucked sometimes.

All the running around she’d been doing had agitated her ribs, so she went back to her office and dug some anti-inflammatories and over-the-counter pain meds out of her things and downed several pills. She was getting ready to go back out in the hall for the next class change when Ali walked in.

“Hey, babe. Where have you been?” Emily asked. She hadn’t missed Ali’s absence when she was out looking for Zane.

 _“No more lies.”_ Ali had said to Emily just this morning.

“I stepped off campus for my lunch break.” Ali replied. She held a brown bag out to Emily. “Grabbed you your favorite.”

“That was sweet.” Emily smiled. “Set it on my desk.”

“You’re not hungry?” Ali questioned curiously.

“I’ll eat later.”

“Em, you barely ate any of your breakfast.” Ali frowned.

“Because my stomach was still doing flips from the pain meds.”

“Because you took them on an empty stomach.” Ali nagged. She saw the bottle of anti-inflammatories sitting on the desk. “How bad is it?”

“Uh, not too bad.” Emily mindlessly rubbed her eyebrow. “I’m just a little stiff. Thought I’d nip it in the bud before it gets any worse.”

She pulled her shirt up to see how the bruises looked. She wasn’t sure why she was looking. It’s not like they were going to look any different than they had this morning.

“How are you?” Ali put the food down and walked over to Emily.

“Like I said, I could be worse. I know it looks bad, but…”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.” Ali put her palm against Emily’s face. Emily glanced up at her. “How _are_ you?” Her eyes softened, her brows raised ever-so-slightly.

“Oh.” Emily realized what she was getting at. “I’ve been okay for the most part. I’m just kind of mentally exhausted. It hurts a little.” She had a sad expression on her face. “I forgot how bad letting it in hurts. But it’s not like it was yesterday. It’s not…” She felt a knot in her throat. “It’s not swallowing me anymore. I’m letting myself feel it. I’m going to be okay.” She moved her hand up to Ali’s face and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“You let me know if it gets to be too much. If you need _anything_ …”

“I know.” Emily smiled weakly. “I will.” She kissed Ali’s forehead. “You know I’m here for you too, right?”

Ali knew. She’d always known. But it was the fact that Emily felt compelled to tell her she was there for her that made her love the woman so much. And it was that love that made her so irate about Emily being hurt. Ali didn’t know how to rationalize, so her go-to response to someone she loved being hurt was to get angry at whatever hurt them. Ali slowly lifted Emily’s shirt and sighed as she lightly traced her fingertips across the base of her bruise.

“Why won’t you tell me who did this to you?” Ali asked. Or rather who she’d let do it to her.

Emily gently moved Ali’s hand and pulled her shirt down.

“I don’t know his name.” It wasn’t a lie. She really didn’t know the bastard’s real name. “Besides, I already told you – it’s over.” Or it would be soon. She put her palm against Ali’s arm and smiled at her. Her hand felt hot against Ali’s skin. Her touch was always so comforting. “I’m going to be fine, Alison.”

She had to be. She hadn’t survived everything just to die now. The bell signaling the end of the period rang and Emily glanced towards the door. She wanted to see if Zane would be in the sea of students somewhere.

“I’ve got hallway duty. Got to make sure the kids don’t screw around and that they get to class on time.” Emily moved towards the door.

They heard doors opening and the sounds of students starting to hustle out of their classes and into the hallway. Emily started to walk out the door, but stopped when she remembered something.

“Hey, I’m going to need you to take me to Ruby’s office after school so I can pick up the rental. Then one of us can come back and get Lily after she’s finished with her volunteer shift in the library and the other can go pick up the gift certificate for the spa for her birthday. And I was thinking we can get a new case for her phone. The kiosk is in the boutique right next to the spa. We’ve got to pick up her charm for her bracelet there anyway.”

“I just hope she doesn’t burn her gifts in a form of protest of not wanting to have a birthday.” Ali half joked, half frowned.

“I think it’ll be a little hard for her to burn the tablet my mom got her loaded with books. If anything, it’ll give her a means to escape reality. That’s what she really wants.”

That’s what they all wanted. Another nice little Parisian escape of leaving the real world way behind. A walk in a life that wasn’t their own.

“What fifteen-year-old prefers books over a flashy party with all of her friends?” Ali chuckled.

“She gets her love of reading from you.” Emily smiled.

Ali had always had a love of books. It took her to a world outside of her own when her life was too hard or her thoughts got too loud. It centered her in a way.

“I’m just glad she didn’t get my attitude.” Ali nodded. “Or at least not all of it.”

Emily laughed and walked out into the hallway to keep an eye out for the juvenile delinquent who held the answers to her questions. But he was still nowhere to be found.

By the end of the school day she was ready to become a one-woman bounty hunter. She kept an eye on every street corner, every person, and every slight movement out of the passenger’s side window of Ali’s car.

“Why don’t you go back for Lily?” Ali suggested, pulling into the parking lot of the therapist’s office, trying hard not to think about the exhausting day they’d had there yesterday. She pulled up next to Emily’s rental car. “That way you can go home and rest. I’ll grab the stuff for her birthday.”

“Yeah.” Emily nodded. “Sounds good.”

“You sure you’re good?”

“Yeah.” Emily leaned over and kissed her. “Call me when you are on your way home and I’ll start dinner.”

“That kind of defeats the purpose of you taking it easy.” Ali frowned.

“I can reheat a casserole, Ali. I’m injured. I’m not dying.” She rolled her eyes.

“Fine, but if I get home and find you’ve cooked a Christmas goose or something _your_ goose is cooked.”

“Oh my God, who says that? You sound like my grandmother.” Emily huffed in laughter.

Ali’s heart melted a little at seeing Emily smile, because she knew the heightened level of her pain, emotional and physical. She waited until Emily got in her car and drove off before she pulled out of the parking lot. She felt like tailing her, but she knew Emily’s first priority was always going to be their daughter, and she wouldn’t leave her stranded at school.

Ali glanced in her rearview mirror at Emily’s disappearing vehicle. She thought about her visit to Mona. She had been unable to crack her and that really irked her. Had she really been out of the game for _that_ long? She’d lost her touch. She hoped Mona would come to her senses and tell her what the hell she was hiding, but on the off-chance that didn’t happen she knew she needed to go to plan B.

Ali grabbed her phone, trying to think of who she could call that would be the most useful. Her finger hovered over Spencer’s picture on speed dial. She hit her picture and the bluetooth connected. To her surprise, Spencer picked up on the second ring.

“Hey, Ali. I was just getting ready to call you.”

“Oh, good. So I’m not interrupting an important murder case or anything?”

“No, you are.” Spencer didn’t sound that concerned about it. “But I’m on my lunch break, so screw it.”

“Spoken like a true lawyer.” Ali huffed sarcastically. “Listen, I need some help. Emily has been up to something weird and I need to figure out what before it gets worse.” And it could get worse. Much worse.

“That’s what I was going to call you about,” Spencer said, surprising Ali. “Hold on. This is important. I’m putting you on speaker. Toby is here with me.”

“Pass the eggrolls, babe,” Toby said in the background.

“Well, I’m so glad you updated me to that breaking news alert. For God’s sake make sure he gets his sweet and sour sauce, too. We wouldn’t want a world war to break out over the lack of dipping sauce,” Ali said dryly.

“Oh, hey. Sorry. She caught me off-guard.” It sounded like Toby’s mouth was full. There was a pause and then he continued, his voice no longer sounding muffled, “What’s up?”

“She says Emily has been up to something.” Spencer sounded like she was prompting him, and she was. She nudged him, urging him to talk about Emily’s odd behavior when Toby had come by the school.

“Yeah, Spence and I think that, too. If this is about the file she tried to access at the station I already asked her about it.”

“What file?” Ali questioned in confusion.

“Zane Jacobs’ records,” Toby replied.

“What?”

“Oh, I thought that’s what this was about. She said that she was calling to get records for a student who came to her for help,” he said.

“Yeah, but do we believe her?” Spencer questioned.

“Hell no.” Ali was the first one to pipe in. “I don’t get it. Why would she be interested in Zane?”

“I have no idea. And when I mentioned his name she dropped it. She didn’t ask to see the file. She didn’t ask me for any information. She just brick-walled me.”

“Yeah, she’s good at that.” Ali muttered. “But this isn’t about a police record.” Though it obviously tied in somehow. “She came home two nights ago covered in bruises. Her chest and stomach look like a stained glass window. She’s _really_ hurt, you guys.”

“What happened?” Spencer asked anxiously.

“I don’t know. She says she was fighting…or _sparring_ with someone, but I don’t buy it. Aria talked to Holden and he says none of his MMA buddies know Emily, and they are all usually in a pretty tight circle.”

“How bad are the bruises?” Toby asked.

“It looks like someone took a mallet to her chest. I thought some of her ribs might be broken, but she’s been too physical for that to be the case.”

“Where is she now?” Spencer asked.

“I begrudgingly sent her to pick up Lily from school and told her to go home to get some rest. I’m on my way to the spa to pick up a gift certificate for Lily,” Ali turned a corner. “I went to see Mona to see what she knows…”

“You think she’s back to her old tricks?” Toby asked.

“No.” Spencer was quick to answer. “Mona may have done some messed up things to us, but she turned a corner. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt us now, not after all the strides she took to get to where she is today. She has something real with Mike and she won’t screw that up. Aria already told her if she hurt her little brother she would come after her with a blowtorch and a shovel. Besides, she wouldn’t lay a finger on Emily.”

Ali was quiet. She wished she’d had Spencer at the Montgomery house earlier to talk some sense into her. Maybe she wouldn’t have been such a bitch to Mona. Maybe they would have even gotten information out of her.

“Ali…” Spencer’s tone wavered in uncertainty. “Oh, no. Tell me you didn’t accuse her.”

“Not outright,” Ali said softly.

“Ali!” Spencer scolded her.

“I was scared and pissed, okay? She knows I didn’t mean it. We even had tea.”

“You… _what_?” Spencer couldn’t help but huff out a laugh.

“Shut up.” Ali rolled her eyes.

Spencer just kept laughing.

“Okay, _Alice in Wonderland_ , did you and the Mad Hatter eat scones, too?” She snorted.

“Biscotti.” Ali grumbled. “And I didn’t have any.”

“Okay, okay.” Spencer tried to quell her laughing. “Sorry. We got off-track. What did Mona say?”

“Not a whole hell of a lot, unfortunately,” Ali said. “I think she wanted to talk to me, but couldn’t.” She paused and nervously licked her lips. “I don’t think the wreck she, Mike, and the kids were in was an accident.”

“You think someone is trying to keep her quiet?” Toby’s curiosity was piqued.

“Probably the same someone Emily won’t name for the same reason,” Ali said.

“Or maybe she doesn’t have the name. Could explain why she’s trying to play undercover cop.” Toby pointed out.

“This isn’t good.” Spencer bit her lip. “If someone has Mona _and_ Emily on the ropes…”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions.” Toby intervened. “That’s what always screwed us up in the past. Let’s take this a step at a time. First let me take another look at Zane’s records. See if anything jumps out at me as to why she’d be interested in him in the first place. Spencer, talk to Hanna about having another conversation with Mona. If she’s going to crack, it’s going to be to Hanna. And we should probably talk to Aria, too. Maybe if she can talk to Mike, Mike can reach Mona. We really need to find out what she knows. Ali, talk to Emily again…”

“Now you sound like Mona.” Ali grumbled. That’s all everyone told her to do. _Talk_. She was sick of talk. She wanted action. She was tired of being stuck in a constant state of anxiety. She was sick of waiting, of being passive. She was itching to get her fingers on whoever was behind whatever elaborate plan was brewing in Rosewood.

“Well that was uncalled for. I’m offended.” Toby cracked back. “She’s right though. Just keep pushing Em.”

“I pushed her into a catatonic state yesterday,” Ali admitted.

“And she’s grateful to you.” Toby replied. “I heard a difference in her voice when I talked to her today. She told me about her breakdown. And she also said you were there with her, _for_ her. I think you’re really making headway with her. Don’t stop.”

“I’m afraid if I keep pushing I’ll push her right into a straitjacket.” Ali admitted.

“At this point she’d be safer in a sanitarium.” Toby replied.

“I wasn’t,” Ali said.

The phone line was silent, dead air. Toby wanted to smack himself. It had completely slipped his mind that Ali had been tortured at the hands of her ex-husband Elliott Rollins in Welby.

“Sorry.” Toby bit his lip and grimaced.

“Look, we all know when Emily falls she crashes like a meteor to the Earth, but as long as you’re there to pull her out of it she will be okay.” Spencer replied. “Trust me, I’m speaking from experience.”

She glanced at Toby, who once upon a time had done that very thing to Spencer, in a totally different respect. The difference was that Toby wasn’t around to pull Spencer out of it and she’d ended up in a mental institution. It had been _years_ , but he’d regretted it every day since it happened.

Ali muttered in agreement. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like poking Emily’s fresh wounds and making them open up and bleed. But if she didn’t keep at it that emotional infection that had been brewing would start attacking Emily’s mind and body in ways that Ali couldn’t heal.

As Alison contemplated the fragility of her wife’s mind and what her next move should be Emily was arriving back at Rosewood High.

Emily wasted no time in getting back into the building and finding her daughter. She knew that the school librarian was keeping a dutiful watch over her. Teachers and Rosewood High staff all loved Lily. There was an unspoken familial bond that came with teachers watching out for each others’ children.

Lily liked to volunteer in the library after school a few times a week. She was usually in charge of putting materials that had been checked back in back in their proper area according to the call numbers on the books. Emily checked in on her. She was taking her sweet time. She just wanted to make sure she did it right. Emily smiled and told her not to rush. She decided to watch a bit of the team’s swim practice while she was waiting on Lily to finish her book stacking.

She glanced at her watch. She had about ten minutes to kill before the practice got started. She decided to be productive with her time and use it wisely. She knew she couldn’t get into the records room without getting questioned, but she had another idea. She slipped into the office and sorted through a few things until she found Zane’s locker and combination. Then she walked through the mostly empty halls to find it.

To her disappointment she didn’t find much of anything in it. His school books were messily thrown in next to his unfolded gym clothes. There were pictures of names of bands that Emily had never heard of, a guitar magnet, a pair of sneakers tied together hanging on the hook at the top, and a picture of him with his mom and dad at the beach. He was probably around six months old. Underneath the guitar magnet holding the photo up there was a scrap of paper that had a name and a phone number. Emily quickly snapped a picture of it and then closed the locker.

She glanced at her phone, too focused on the image to notice that there was a pair of leering eyes watching her from the floor above. Zane stared down the hallway. He hadn’t felt like coming to school, so he’d skipped to play video games and go to the gun range. The only reason he’d come by was because he’d left his phone in his locker.

When he saw Emily at his locker he felt a surge of panic course through him. Did he have anything in there that could connect him to the Vipers? If he screwed up again he was fucked. He had to see what Emily had snapped a shot of. He quickly ran out to his car to grab a few things and then disappeared into the locker room.

Emily went to the pool and sat down in the stands. As the girls warmed up with their stretches she was deep into her phone googling the name and number from Zane’s locker. It was a man who worked at a gun range down on Fifth Street. The number belonged to the range. She held off on calling. She didn’t want to tip anyone off that she had the information. She would have to stake it out in person.

The sound of a whistle and then the sound of several girls jumping in the water jolted her back in to reality. She jumped inadvertently. Hearing the sounds of the girls splashing against the water was a lot more nerve-wracking than she thought it would be. She’d sat in on a few practices and had gotten better about her triggers. But given that she’d basically almost drowned again two nights ago it hit her harder than she was prepared for.

She felt her hands shaking. She put her phone in her pocket and tried to focus on the practice, but her mind kept jumping back to the dark bloody water in her nightmare. She discreetly slipped out and disappeared into the locker room. She walked over to a sink and turned the cold water on. She let her palms fill up with water and then splashed her face to cool herself down. She turned the water off and hung her head over the sink, gripping the edge of the porcelain as she took several deep breaths. It was almost over. She kept telling herself it was almost over.

She heard something and her eyes snapped up towards the mirror. She saw the movement of his reflection behind her, but it was too late. It was just like a scene out of her high school days when a masked freak in a hoodie attacked her. The assailant was wearing a dark colored sweatshirt and a ski mask.

His arm grasped her in a chokehold, cutting off her air supply. She threw her elbow back at the same moment she lifted her foot and slammed the heel of her foot down on the attacker’s toes. She heard him grunt out a pained breath and she repeated the motion. He grabbed a thick chunk of her hair, shoving her face forward, nearly smashing her cheek against the mirror.

Emily had had enough. She felt a rush of adrenaline. She spun them around and slammed his head against the wall, hoping the motion would knock him out. The attacker yelled out in surprise. He threw his arm out, striking her in the ribs. She pulled in a shocked breath and jerked back, her grip on him loosening. He saw her doubled over and took the opportunity to bolt for the door. She grabbed the ski mask as he rounded the corner, her fingers digging into the fabric and pulling it off. But he’d already fled the scene.

“Son of a bitch.” Emily growled, chasing after him. He scampered around the lockers and raced towards the back of the gym. He fled out the back door. Just as Emily heard the back door slam shut she heard a familiar voice calling out to her from the front of the locker room.

“Mom?” Lily’s voice echoed. Emily stopped to catch her breath. She leaned down and put her hands against her knees and then stood back up. “You in here?”

Emily was torn between going after the attacker and answering her kid. But of course she was going to choose her kid.

“Right over here, Lil.”

She shoved the ski mask into her pocket and walked towards the sound of her voice, anxious to get her out of danger, though she was certain the person who had come after her this time wasn’t Del Toro. It was someone inexperienced and dumb. It had to be Zane. And he hadn’t had a weapon that she could see. He hadn’t been intending to kill her. Maybe he was just supposed to capture her or something. But that didn’t make sense either, because it wasn’t smart to attack her at school. That didn’t seem like a very calculated plan. It was sloppy. Almost frantic, like it had happened last minute. It’s not something Del Toro would come up with.

“I’m ready to go.” Lily walked around the corner to meet her mom. She glanced at Emily, who was trying to act like everything was perfectly normal. Lily noticed immediately that something was off. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Everything is fine.” Emily smiled. She kept the back door in her peripheral vision as she walked over to meet Lily.

Lily stared at her, her eyes narrowing in thought. She could tell that her mom was up to something. She held Emily’s gaze.

“I know what this is about.” Lily frowned. Emily tensed up. There was a beat of silence and Lily sighed. “You and mom are up to something for my birthday.”

Emily relaxed her stance. Well, the kid was on her game. They _were_ up to something.

“We heard you when you said you didn’t want to celebrate, sweetie.” Emily rubbed her arm comfortingly, her hand still shaking because of her adrenaline. She somehow managed to keep her breathing steady. “We’re not going to make it a big deal. I promise. Your grandmother and uncle want to have dinner as a family. That’s all.”

“But the _whole_ family won’t be there.” The most important person to her wouldn’t be there.

“Just because she’s not here doesn’t mean she’s not with you. Your sister is always with you, Lily. I know how cliché that sounds and I know you’re probably sick of hearing it.” It was right up there with _‘Everything happens for a reason’_ and _‘God has a plan’_. Those had been the things Emily hated hearing the most after Grace died. “But she lives on through us.” She could hear Maurice telling her that she owed it to Grace to live.

Emily expected Lily to scoff and give her a little kickback, but she got lost in thought for a few seconds and then she nodded.

“That’s what Eli says.”

“Well you should listen to him. He’s a smart kid.” When he wasn’t off trying to be a little justice seeker like his dad and throwing punches at Zane, who admittedly deserved it. She saw Lily smile and then blush and she realized something. “Lily, do you like him?”

“No.” Her face reddened. “Maybe…” She skipped a beat. “Don’t tell mom. I don’t want her chasing him away while reciting things about the changing pubescent human body.”

Grace had said the exact same thing about Sam Strauss. Emily couldn’t help but laugh. The girls had been different in a lot of ways. But they were identical in more than just their genetic make-up. Leave it to her little girl to take her mind off of the fact that she’d just been in a fight. Or maybe she had been scrapping so much lately that fighting felt normal for her. That was a horrifying thought. Because if she’d been throwing punches for so long that something like being attacked was _normal_ for her then how far down the rabbit hole had she truly fallen?

“It would probably mortify him if she tried to have the sex talk with him.” Lily bit her lip.

“Is that a conversation we need to be having?” Emily asked curiously.

“Hey, I’m not the one who can’t keep my hands to myself and needs a neon sign to hang over her bedroom door so her daughter knows when it’s safe to enter.”

“You are too much.” Emily chuckled.

Lily smiled softly. It was something Emily sorely needed to see. Her sweet child. Lily rubbed her arms nervously.

“Can we have the dinner tonight?” she asked. “I don’t really want to do anything tomorrow. I was thinking I’d just stay in and read. It’s what I really want to do.”

“Sure.” She wouldn’t have to reheat that casserole for dinner after all. “Whatever you want.”

“Can we do take-out and eat at home?”

“Sure. I’ll just need to check with your Grandma and Uncle Jason.”

“Okay.” Lily nodded. “Thanks.” She looked at Emily with a sheepish expression on her face. “Sorry I’ve been such a pain lately.”

“I’d be worried if you didn’t rebel a little.”

“Does that mean I can dye my hair and pierce my nose?”

“You hate needles.” Emily laughed.

“Okay, just the hair then.”

“Do you _want_ your mother to have a heart attack?”

“Maybe a hidden tattoo?” Lily teased.

Emily tried not to laugh, because she had a tattoo her mother _still_ didn’t know about.

 _God, don’t let her follow in my footsteps._ Emily thought to herself.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” _Before someone pops through that back door and shoots me in front of you or something._

They walked out to the parking lot and hopped in the car. Emily kept an eye out for her new suspect as she drove home, but didn’t see any sign of him. The Pit Vipers had certainly taught him how to disappear when he needed to. When they got home Lily quickly shuffled into the house.

Emily texted Ali to let her know that Lily wanted her birthday dinner tonight and then texted Jason and her mom to make sure they were available on short notice. Then she put her phone up and went to get the mail. A few houses down she saw a car pull into Zane’s driveway. She recognized it as Mr. Jacob’s. She looked up and down the street and then carefully made her way over to the house. She caught him just as he was walking up the porch steps.

“Mr. Jacobs?” Emily asked.

He turned around, key in hand. His face dropped when he saw her. He shook his head and an exasperated sigh came out of his mouth.

“What did he do now?”

“Nothing,” Emily said, her lie burning a hole through her pocket in the form of a ski mask. “I was just looking for him to follow up on something that was found that belongs to him.”

“His phone again?” Mr. Jacobs asked. “He is always losing that thing. I told him if he misplaced it again he’s on his own. I’m not springing for a new one. Of course that doesn’t mean my wife won’t.” He frowned. “His mother spoils him.”

“No, it’s just some old clothes.” She didn’t go into detail. She wasn’t sure what Zane’s father knew, if he knew anything. “Probably from his basketball days.”

“Something else he screwed up,” he muttered. He glanced at Emily apologetically. “I’m sorry. I do love the boy. It’s just that he’s been nothing but trouble since he was born.”

“Difficult birth?” What she really wanted to do was ask if Zane was adopted. But she didn’t want to show her hand.

“Difficult eighteen years,” he replied. “Being a parent is…” He searched for the right word. “No one tells you how hard it’s going to be.”

Emily bit her lip. She’d give her life for another eighteen years with Grace.

“You think you’re done when they’re grown, but that’s not true. You’re a parent until the day you die,” he said.

“And after.” Emily added. “You just have to hope your kids carry what they learned from you with them.”

“I don’t know how many of my lessons stuck with him,” he admitted, though his lessons had mostly been that business was more important than family and that money could fix anything. “He drinks, smokes, gets into fights. Disappears for days at a time sometimes. If he wasn’t in school today he’s probably gone on another bender.”

“And you have no idea where he might be?”

“I lost track of him when he was a kid. I don’t even try to keep track anymore.”

Emily wanted to snap at him and tell him that maybe if he did then perhaps his kid wouldn’t be so out of control. But she knew yelling wasn’t going to do any good.

“He used to hang out at the arcade, but he traded that in for the bar on Main Street Avenue and the gun range across the street near Fifth Street _,_ ” his dad answered.

 _Fan-fucking-tastic._ She thought bitterly. A drunk angry teenager aiming a gun. That was sure to end well.

“But these days, who knows?” he shrugged. “I wouldn’t worry too much about his basketball gear. He didn’t care enough to stay on the team. I doubt he cares enough to want his things back.” He glanced at his watch. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a business meeting to get ready for.”

They said their goodbyes and then Emily walked back to her house. In a way she felt sorry for Zane. His parents clearly cared more about their jobs and their money than they cared about him. He’d been acting out since he was little to get their attention. She thought about the beach picture in his locker and found herself wondering if that was the only happy memento he had from his childhood.

Then she berated herself for feeling sympathy for someone who was clearly working with the person trying to kill her. Less than an hour ago that teenager she felt bad for had tried to choke her in the locker room. And he was probably going to help kill her. She was essentially feeling sympathy for a rabid dog who’d had a hard life, but was trying to bite her. She knew she had to stop thinking with her heart. It was going to get her killed.

She walked into her house, locking the door behind her. She went to check on Lily. She peered in her room and saw her sitting on her bed with her headphones on listening to music and flipping through a magazine.

Emily tried to keep herself busy, but she was anxious until Ali got home. She all but ran into the living room when she heard her come into the house.

“Hey.” Ali waved. She had a small bag in one hand and a larger bag in her other. “Where’s Lily?” She glanced around the living room.

“Up in her room. I just checked on her. She was doodling in her sketchbook.”

“I got everything but the charm. It won’t be ready until tomorrow.” Ali explained, walking towards the kitchen. “Did you hear back from Jason and your mom?”

“Yeah. They’ll both be here at seven. Lily wants _Maggiano’s_.” Emily followed Ali into the kitchen.

“Surprise, surprise.” Ali laughed, putting both bags down on the counter. She pulled a pink box out of the larger bag. Emily saw that it was from a local bakery.

“I don’t think she wants a cake, sweetie.” Emily walked over next to Ali.

“That’s why I didn’t get her one.” Ali opened the box. There were five cupcakes with buttercream frosting. Three had sprinkles and two were plain. “If she doesn’t want hers there’s more for us.” Ali smiled.

“This is one of those things where you sneakily purchase something _you_ want in hopes that the person you bought it for doesn’t want it so you can have it, isn’t it?” Emily teasingly poked Ali’s arm.

“Come on, does that sound like something I’d do?” Ali pressed her lips together, smirking.

“You bought me a dress that was _your_ size for my birthday last year.” Emily pointed out.

“And you got to take it off of me. Happy birthday to you.” Ali lifted her brows mischievously and put her hand against Emily’s waist, instinctively letting her fingers trail up her side, squeezing seductively, trying to tickle her. For a fraction of a second she’d forgotten about Emily’s injuries. She saw her tense up underneath her touch and immediately pulled back. “Sorry. I completely spaced.” Ali frowned. “Did you take something for it this afternoon?”

“Not yet. Not since lunch,” Emily said. She’d meant to take another dose of anti-inflammatories after school, but then that scuffle had happened in the locker room and she forgot.

“Did you at least rest and ice your bruises?” She saw Emily look at the ground. Ali grumbled under her breath. “You are the _worst_ goddamn patient.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. She walked over to the freezer and pulled it open. She reached in and grabbed a large ice pack and handed it to Emily. “Go take something and lie down for a while.”

Emily didn’t argue with her. Truth be told she was exhausted. And now that Ali was home she felt a little better. She felt like maybe she could relax. She passed by Lily’s room on her way down the hall, making sure the ice pack was out of sight just in case she ran into her daughter. She didn’t need to give anyone else a reason to worry. She glanced in and saw Lily still completely enamored in her art. Jett was on her bed, snoring loudly. Emily watched her for a few seconds and then left her alone to her artwork.

She took Ali’s advice and took an anti-inflammatory and laid down. It had been a rough couple of days and she hadn’t really slowed down long enough to actually feel her injuries. She’d been too busy dealing with her emotional pain. But now that she was slowly getting that under control, the blows her body had experienced were starting to catch up to her. Icing her ribs hurt at first, but then the cool compress started to work. She closed her eyes and relaxed against her bed. She drifted off to sleep.

It was two hours later that she awoke to a startling bang downstairs. She leaped to her feet just as a crash clamored from the kitchen. She raced towards the kitchen, fearing the worst. She flew down the stairs, tripping and nearly tumbling down the last three steps. She caught herself on the banister and landed on the floor on her feet with a hard thud. She sprinted towards the kitchen.

“Ali?” She called out, her heart racing.

She turned the corner and saw Ali down on her knees, scooping up a shattered dish. Ali looked up at her and saw the wide-eyed terror in her eyes.

“What happened?” Emily asked, out of breath. “Are you okay?”

“Emily, calm down.” Ali blinked in surprise, standing up to meet her. “I just dropped a plate.”

Emily breathed a sigh of relief. Ali saw her physically relax as she exhaled a trembling breath.

“What did you think had happened?” Ali asked curiously, putting her hand on Emily’s arm. She could feel her shaking.

“I don’t know,” Emily said. “I just kind of acted on instinct I guess.”

“Since when is your instinct to come barreling into a room like you’re expecting a fight?” Ali tried to keep her eyes from glancing down at her ribs, but failed. It’s like they were back in high school again and there was danger around every corner. Only this time Ali didn’t know what that danger was.

“I’m sorry. I just woke up and I…I don’t know what came over me.”

“No, don’t apologize.” Ali shook her head. “Answer the question.” She watched Emily carefully, waiting for a response. When Emily didn’t reply Ali frowned. “I talked to Toby and Spencer today. And Aria and Hanna. We all know about you digging through police files.” She felt Emily stiffen underneath her touch. “What’s going on?”

“I already told Toby it was just a mix up.” Emily replied, trying to keep her cool.

“Zane Jacobs? That can’t be a coincidence. What are you hiding from us?” Ali asked. She saw Emily bite the inside of her lip. She looked away from Ali, but Ali put her hand on Emily’s cheek and forced Emily to look at her. “Em, I see it in your eyes.” She ran her fingers across her cheek, gently brushing her thumb against the healing cut on her lip. “I don’t know what happened, but something has you so scared that you can’t even talk to _me_ about it.”

She saw a look of reservation on Emily’s face. She was so close to opening up. Ali could see the dam breaking.

 _Come on, baby._ Ali begged in thought. _Let me in._

Emily looked at her in silence for a few seconds. They heard the front door open and then Jason called out to them.

“Emily…” Ali tried to keep her focused.

“Not tonight, Alison,” Emily said quietly, shaking her head. “Let’s just get through Lily’s birthday.”

Ali clenched her jaw and glanced at the ground in defeat. She’d almost gotten her to talk. She could feel it.

They broke away from each other and turned towards the kitchen doorway just as Jason was coming through. He had the food. Emily immediately went over to help him as Ali finished cleaning up the broken glass on the floor.

Pam walked in minutes later. They set the table up for dinner and then called Lily out of her hidey-hole. Everyone had a good time at dinner, including Ali and Emily. Seeing Lily light up around her family made them feel good.

They gave Lily her gifts. As much as she didn’t want to celebrate without Grace, she wasn’t going to turn down her family’s generosity, especially when that generosity came in the form of books, a spa trip, and the smartwatch Jason had bought her. After dinner was over they hung out and talked for a while and then Lily politely asked to be excused, leaving the adults to their conversation.

It was almost 11:30 by the time Jason and Pam had left. Both Ali and Emily were exhausted. Ali could see Emily fading. She made her take a dose of pain meds and went to get another ice pack out of the freezer. When she got back into the living room she found Emily conked out on the couch. She didn’t want to wake her, so she grabbed a blanket from the closet and covered her up.

Ali poured herself a glass of wine, the fourth of the night, and settled in on the loveseat next to her, because she was not going to leave her alone. She reached over the edge of the sofa and brushed her fingers through Emily’s hair, watching her sleep as she sipped her wine. Emily sighed and tilted her head up and towards Ali, unconsciously yearning for her touch in her sleep.

For once, her face was soft and relaxed. Ali couldn’t take her eyes off of her. She was just as beautiful as the day they’d met. She was so soft. So sweet. And while the years had made her rough around the edges, at her core she’d always remained so caring. Ali glanced at the cut on her lip. It broke her heart to see Emily so beaten up.

She just couldn’t figure out who would hurt Emily. She knew there was a very slim possibility that Emily was telling the truth and that it was just some random stranger she was happy to let kick and punch her to forget about her emotional pain. But she knew in her heart that the reality was that Emily had gotten caught up in something that she was afraid to tell her about. It could be so many different things. Drug deals. Bounty hunting. Weapons trade. Gangs. The black market. Ali had seen it all during her time on the run. She knew how dark the world was. Her mind was firing rapid ideas at her and it always ended in the worst case scenario.

She polished off her wine and fell asleep shortly afterwards, her hand still draped over the arm of the sofa and the loveseat, her fingertips against Emily’s head. As everyone in the house slept soundly, a shadow was slinking around outside. He’d seen Pam and Jason leave from a distance. He’d actually come to the neighborhood looking for Zane. The kid had gone MIA on him. While he was waiting for Zane to come out of whatever drug or alcohol infused trip he was on he’d seen the activity at the DiLaurentis-Fields house. He’d watched from the shadows.

He’d been inside the house a handful of times back before Ali disappeared in high school. Ali’s older brother Jason threw some epic parties, and all interested people could come as long as they brought booze or blow. Ali had hated their childlike antics. And she’d especially seemed to dislike him. She would hit on his friends, but looked at him like he was dogshit on the bottom of a shoe. She had epic resting bitch face. He’d avoided her and she didn’t go out of her way to socialize with him.

He peered inside the house. The curtains were mostly closed, but through a small opening he could make out a figure laid out on the couch. He knew it was Emily.

He could end it right now if he wanted to. A single shot through the window. But he didn’t want her to be asleep. He wanted her to be awake and facing him, looking into his eyes as he took her life. The night at the bar hadn’t ended up the way he’d hoped, but at the very least he knew she was dying inside.

He had really enjoyed making her suffer. Nothing he could put her through physically, not even death, could compare to what he was doing to her emotionally. He took pride in the fact that he’d really fucked her up in the head. But he knew the game had to end before he was exposed.

He pulled a cigarette and a lighter out of his rolled up sleeve and started walking away. He glanced at his watch and then looked back at the house. Before tomorrow was over, he would have blood on his hands once again.

He slid the cigarette in between his lips and cupped the air around the end of it with one hand and rolled his thumb over the lighter and lit it with the other. He walked off. He had a drunk teenager to find. Emily got to live one more night.

The air in the DiLaurentis-Fields house was peaceful all night long. No one woke up in a cold sweat. No one had bad dreams. No one was in pain.

Emily woke up the next morning with a slight headache, no doubt a withdrawal from the pain medications she’d taken…or the fact that she’d slept on the couch at an odd angle. She heard soft snoring beside her and when she sat up she saw Ali sleeping in the loveseat. There was a bottle of wine and an empty wine glass on the end table at her feet.

Emily heard a rustling noise in the kitchen and she snapped to attention. She quietly climbed off of the couch and tiptoed across the living room. She saw Lily rummaging through the breadbox.

“Hey, happy birthday,” Emily said quietly as she walked up behind her. “What are you looking for?”

“I thought we had bagels. I was going to make a bacon and egg sandwich.” Lily rubbed her sleepy eyes.

“I think we’re out of all of the above. Give me a few minutes to get dressed and I’ll run to the store and then whip it up for you.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just have cereal or something. You don’t have to do that.” Lily shook her head.

“Well too bad, because I’m going to.” She ran her fingers through Lily’s hair.

Before Lily could voice her disagreement Emily was halfway out of the kitchen and up the stairs. She quickly changed and grabbed her things. She walked by Lily’s room on her way out and saw her sitting on her bed and reading something on her new tablet.

“I’ll be back in a few.” Emily stopped in her doorway. “Try not to wake your mom.” Emily knew Ali had probably stayed up late watching over her last night.

“Okay.”

“You need anything else while I’m out?” Emily asked.

“I’ve kind of wanted some caramel and toffee ice cream since last night. The cupcake was good, but it just didn’t hit the spot.”

“Anything you want.” Emily nodded with a laugh.

She blamed Lily’s sweet tooth on Ali, because Ali had cravings for something sweet almost every night in the third trimester. She could down an entire tub of chunky monkey in one sitting and when she finished she would look at Emily, worried that she’d judge her. Before Emily could ever say anything Ali would just frown and say, _“Don’t you say a word. I’m eating for three.”_

That seemed like such a lifetime ago. Sometimes Emily yearned to go back in time to that moment in their lives. She wished she’d known then just how precious every second was.

When Emily walked through the living room she found that Ali had turned over in the loveseat. She was facing the back. The faded sunrise from behind the curtains left a glow on her exposed skin that made her look radiant.

Emily took a moment to appreciate how lucky she was to have someone who loved her enough to stay with her even though she was a complete mental case. She leaned down, moving some of her blonde locks behind her ear. She placed a gentle kiss on her temple. She saw the edge of Ali’s lips curl into a smile, an unconscious “I love you” in her motions.

When she got outside she stopped to look at the sunrise. The sun was just coming over the horizon, peeking out from behind the clouds, the sky painted in splashes of color. The pastel blues and purples contrasted the bright vivid orange and pink streaks above the clouds, painting the sky in an array of light.

It was a new day, and it was a day that was going to change everything. And it was already starting, unbeknownst to Emily. Some things were just meant to happen. Some things couldn’t be changed. From the moment Emily stepped out of the house that morning, fate was in motion. It was the little things that happened on her daughter’s birthday that were going to lead to the inevitable careening in on her that night.

It started when she couldn’t find the ice cream Lily wanted at the first store she went to, so she drove a little further out of the way to find it. She found exactly what she was looking for at the second store, and more.

She loaded the groceries into the back and then hopped in the driver’s seat of the car. She had just pulled out of the parking lot and was driving by a side street when she saw him. Zane, in all of his drunken glory was stumbling out of an alley. He put his hand up against his forehead and squinted into the sunlight like it was offending him.

He saw the approaching car and then he saw her behind the wheel. His eyes widened. Before he could get away from her she pulled the car right in front of him, blocking his exit. She leaped out of the car. He turned and ran down the alley, Emily right behind him. Her heart was pumping hard in her chest as she stayed on his heels. She didn’t even think about the possibility of him having a weapon. Fortunately for her, he didn’t.

When he reached the end of the alley he was blocked in by a brick wall. He was trapped between the concrete and the dumpster. He knew he was boned. He had found out yesterday that Emily could easily best him in a fight. So when she came barreling towards him he threw his hands up and shrieked.

“Wait!” He put his hands up in submission. “Wait, I’ll talk.”

And that was the second thing that happened that would alter the course of destiny for the DiLaurentis-Fields family. The events that followed were set in stone because of the way things unfolded from that very moment. Because fate was inevitable.


	30. On the Warpath

**A/N:** _I more than appreciate the patience. I know that the pace of the story is atypical. There were many doubts I had about publishing this story, and the deep-rooted philosophical journey was one of them. I always knew that this story wasn’t just going to be about the mystery or thriller aspect, but about the emotional journey the DiLaurentis-Fields family is taking._

_Psychology is an extremely tricky subject to cover. It doesn’t follow a typical set of ideals closely. In this particular fic I have been working towards the characters coming full circle in this turbulent world I’ve created and showcasing why they act the way they do. But getting to the bottom of the emotions of everyone while they are dealing with the shit they are dealing with is a lot to balance. And I know I’ve probably fallen short in many respects. And I apologize for that. But I love you all for sticking with me, even when it’s tiresome. What can I say? I’m a scenic route kind of writer. Because often the scenic route is the most direct route to the soul._

* * *

 

Emily stood in front of Zane, ready to tackle him if he tried to run. She stared at the fresh gash on his head, no doubt a product of their fight yesterday.

“So that _was_ you in the locker room.” She frowned at him.

“It’s not what you think.” He didn’t try to deny it.

“I think you’re caught up in something you thought you could handle. I think you got cocky and thought you could take me, but you got more than you bargained for.”

Zane’s forehead crinkled in thought.

“Okay, it is what you think. But I wasn’t going to kill you or nothing. I was just going to take you some place until I could figure out what to do.”

“So just aggravated assault and kidnapping then? How thoughtful of you.” She glared at him. “Who _are_ you Zane?”

She wanted to ask him how his DNA had ended up on the shredded piece of fabric Donnie found, but she didn’t want to reveal how much she knew. She was playing her hand close to her chest.

She looked for a dog bite on his arm, but didn’t see one. Her gaze fell back on his eyes. She’d never stopped to actually look the boy in his eyes. She saw a hint of familiarity in them. But she couldn’t place from where.

“Who is he to you?” she asked.

Zane took a beat before he answered. He considered his response. After thinking about it he came to a staggering realization.

“No one.”

“Then give him up. What’s his name? His _real_ name?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where can I find him?”

“You don’t find him.” Zane rubbed a bruise on his arm. Something told Emily it was not from their fight yesterday. “He finds you.”

“What kind of cryptic bullshit is that?” Emily grit her teeth together. She was so sick of the runaround. She was ready for answers. _Real_ answers. “What is his game?”

“I don’t know.” But he did know. He was torn between two worlds and he didn’t know what to do. “Can we not do this here?” He looked around nervously, like someone might be watching him.

“We can do this here or we can do this at the police station.” Emily threatened.

“You’re bluffing.” His face blanched.

“Try me.” Emily puffed her chest out in anger. “I have been pushed to my limits. I don’t care what I have to do to protect my family. I don’t care if I incriminate myself. I’d be willing to bet that they’d go easy on me. You though? You’re 18 now. And you have a hell of a record.”

“You can’t bring the cops into this.” He looked terrified. “He has someone on the force in his pocket. He’s got this whole fucking town in his pocket. You have no idea. I talk and we’re _both_ dead. And I don’t want you to die.” He’d had a change of heart after he’d nearly shot her the other night. Pulling the trigger had felt good at first, but then the warmth of his alcohol had started to wear off and he realized the ramifications of his actions. He remembered how badly he’d felt after Grace died. “Lily already lost her sister because of me.” He sucked in a breath. He hadn’t meant to let that part slip.

Emily’s blood ran cold. She felt a tight pressure in her chest, like her heart was getting ready to rupture.

“What do you mean _because_ of you?” Though she knew the answer. She could see it in his eyes. Her pulse was racing. Her thoughts were swirling in her head. She felt dizzy.

“I…” Zane licked his lips nervously. They were dry from all the booze he’d been drinking. “I never meant to…it…it was an accident.”

Emily tried not to sway on her feet. She could barely breathe. She could barely think. She was standing face to face with her daughter’s killer.

“It was _you_?” She felt a seething anger, a hatred that was bubbling inside of the pit of her stomach. “ _You_ were driving that night?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” Zane swallowed hard. “It was my first boost. And when it went wrong I panicked. We stopped long enough to get the debris out of the road and then we booked it.”

Emily found herself back in the car, back in the river, pulling Grace out. She saw blood on her hands. Her stomach started aching.

“You just left us there.” Emily growled through her teeth.

“We thought for sure no one survived the crash.”

“You didn’t even check!”

“I was scared!” He yelped.

“So was she!” Emily grabbed Zane by his shirt collar. She clenched her hand into a tightly wound fist and pulled it back, raising it above his head.

“Please don’t.” Zane flinched, his hands automatically going to cover his face.

Emily looked at him. In that moment she saw him for what he truly was: a scared screwed up kid. Her fist flew forward, but instead of making contact with his face she slammed it into the dumpster next to his head, groaning in both discomfort and frustration. A loud clang echoed in the alley. Zane jumped. Emily felt the shock of the hit shoot up her arm, but she didn’t care. Her anger was overriding her pain. She took a moment to compose herself.

What had she been reduced to? Hitting a kid? Even a little shit like Zane…he was still a kid. Who would she be if she started assaulting teenagers? Certainly no better than everyone who had tortured her when she was in high school. Besides, he wasn’t the only one in the car that night. He’d said _we_. If he was telling the truth then she could get to Del Toro through him.

“You and I are taking a ride to the police station,” she said calmly.

He wasn’t going to get away with what he’d done. And the cops would make him talk.

“Were you not listening? He has an _in_ there. He has eyes _everywhere_.”

“I don’t care. I’m done with this. I’m done.”

Let the bastard come after her. She was ready. It had to be better than the constant fear she felt. It had to be better than jumping every time she heard a noise. It had to be better than Ali looking at her like she was going to break every day. It had to be better than the anticipation, the waiting.

It had to be better than the emotions she’d been fighting since it happened. It had to be better than spending day after day doing the same thing like a sad monotonous routine. That’s what her family’s life had become. The tragedy of Grace’s death was defining them because she couldn’t get her shit together. It had to stop. She was stressing everyone out. She already knew she was a fuck up. She couldn’t go back and change what happened. She couldn’t change her mistakes. All she could do was move forward.

“I talk and they’ll bust a cap in my ass.” Zane shook his head. “Listen, my family is fucked up. Like seriously so.”

“Clearly you mean something to them since they went this far to cover up what really happened the night of the wreck.” She felt her anger boiling inside of her. Her daughter, her little girl, she was gone because of this boy. “But I don’t care about your fucked up family…”

Zane stared at her. He wasn’t a Viper. He never would be, much to Del Toro’s disappointment. It might be in his blood, but he sucked at it. He meant ‘family’ as in his biological father. His father who hated and resented that he existed. He meant his biological mother, whom he’d never even met. He knew who she was. He knew what she’d done. And he knew he’d come from some seriously fucked up bloodlines. He meant his parents…his _real_ parents, though not biological, who had raised him, but whom he’d never really felt connected to. He loved them, sure. But he didn’t feel like he would ever be a part of them.

“…because you _killed_ my child.”

That comment got to Zane. He still felt guilty about what had happened to Grace. He’d liked her, though she had disliked him. But he liked that she wasn’t afraid to step up and protect her sister. He liked the tight familial bond the DiLaurentis-Fields sisters had. He liked that she had a fire in her. And he saw what her death did to everyone around her. He’d basically destroyed an entire community.

He heard a loud revving noise in the distance and his eyes widened. A motorcycle was a few miles out.

“You have to go.” He felt a rising panic in his chest.

“Not a chance in hell.” Emily stood her ground.

“No, you don’t understand. He’s going to kill you…”

“What else is new?” Emily was unwavering.

“Meet me at the taco stand down the street from the gun range tonight at ten and we’ll figure this out,” he said. “But you have to let me go right now.”

“Not gonna happen.”

Zane’s eyes darted towards where he was trapped and the exit down the alley. He glanced at the cut on Emily’s lip. He knew from their altercation where her weak spots were. He looked at her apologetically.

“I’m sorry.” He swallowed hard. And he really was. He knew what he was about to do was going to cause her pain. He lunged forward, striking fast, like a snake. He jabbed the heels of his hands against Emily’s bruised ribs. She doubled over to try and catch her breath. “Don’t follow me.” He warned as he ran past her.

He made it to the end of the alley, sliding over the hood of her car to get out of where she’d boxed him in. He took off running down the street as Emily gripped her injured ribs. A burning pain radiated into her stomach. By the time it passed he was gone.

Zane was running towards the revving motorcycle engine. He figured the more distance he could put between himself and Emily the better. As his shoes padded heavily against the pavement, Emily was climbing back into her car. Zane was hoping she would heed his warning. He was hoping she wasn’t as impulsive and stupid as Del Toro assumed she was.

Emily did consider chasing him. She considered finding him and running the little shit down with her car. But instead she sat in the driver’s seat trying to come up with a rational plan. She was tired of the chase. She was tired of _being_ chased.

She reached for her phone to call the police station, but then she thought about what Zane said about the cops being in Del Toro’s back pocket. It made sense. Their case would have stalled out without Toby. So she called the only cop she trusted. When Toby didn’t pick up she hung up.

She sat in the idling car for a few seconds and contemplated what had just transpired. Despite Zane not outing anyone or giving her direct information, he _had_ answered some of her questions. The tides were turning in her favor, or so she thought. She felt like she had a little bit of power back.

But the reality was that she had none of the power. She never had. It was Zane who held all of the real power. He was the one who held Emily’s fate in his hands. He rounded a corner just as Del Toro rolled through a stop sign. The man looked over and did a U-Turn to ride over to where the boy was standing. He put his feet against the ground, balancing the bike between his legs. He pulled his helmet off and glared at Zane.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Sleeping one off.” Zane tried not to look nervous. “Partied a little too hard with some ladies last night.” He held the older man’s gaze, hoping he wasn’t going to call him out for lying.

After a few seconds a smile crept across Del Toro’s face. He slapped Zane hard on the back.

“That’a boy. Keep at it and maybe next time you won’t have to pay hookers to satisfy you.” He pat the seat of the bike. “Hop on. We’ve got some fun shit in store today, boy.”

Zane climbed on the back of the bike. Del Toro gave him his helmet and Zane slipped it on over his head. He glanced back in the direction of where he’d left Emily.

The game of control had started years ago. Zane’s background was a complicated one. He’d had a connection to Emily long before his family settled in Rosewood. He actually existed _because_ of Emily. It was the way things had unfolded at Rosewood High one fateful afternoon that put Emily and Zane on the path to being linked forever. It was that day that set his parents on a course to meet years before Zane was even a thought in the universe.

It was Emily’s sophomore year. She had still been struggling to figure out who she was, to come to terms with herself and her identity. The only solace she’d been able to find during that time in her life had been her competitive swimming. She loved the water. It was the only time she felt free. It gave her time to think. So naturally she spent more time in the pool than her teammates.

That Friday afternoon was no different. She had finished up late and then slipped into the locker room. She didn’t know she was being watched, though she’d sensed that something was off. But by the time she realized it, he’d already pounced.

Her boyfriend Ben was someone who didn’t really know when enough was enough. He didn’t hear what people were saying. Rather, he heard what he wanted to hear. So when he’d surprised her in the locker room and started pushing her into something she wasn’t ready for he didn’t listen when she told him no. Instead, he took it as a challenge. He thought she was playing a game with him and he didn’t appreciate it.

He’d started trying to take her pants and bathing suit off, despite her protests. She’d tried to push him away, but he was too strong. In that moment she didn’t recognize him. He was a stranger to her. She’d seen a look of genuine madness in his eyes. He was addicted to the power. And she was frozen, helpless. Because she _knew_ him and she couldn’t believe that he would hurt her. She thought for sure he was going to get what he wanted, and he would have had it not been for Toby.

Toby had been Emily’s knight in shining armor that day. He’d overheard the struggle and had come to her defense. He threw punches left and right while Emily scrambled to get her emotions in check.

When Toby had Ben against the ropes he’d stopped hitting him and looked to Emily for direction. They didn’t know each other very well at that time, but there was an unspoken connection of understanding between the two of them. They’d grown up as neighbors, but had both belonged to different cliques. Emily saw a different side of him that day.

Ben had seen the connection they had and had immediately flown into a jealous rage, assuming that the reason Emily was being so cold to him was because she was seeing Toby behind his back. When he called her out on it, Emily told him he was crazy. She reamed him out for trying to assault her and then she broke up with him.

He was livid when Emily kicked him to the curb. He was pissed that she had let some juvenile delinquent come between them. He’d sneered at Emily before leaving the locker room and told her if he’d known she had a type he would have started popping off and setting fires, too. It had been a jab at Toby for setting fire to his garage and injuring his stepsister Jenna, ironically, something that Toby wasn’t truly responsible for.

He’d stormed to the boy’s locker room where he’d stared at himself in the mirror, his face littered with purple and red splotches, his nose puffy and swollen. He wiped the blood off of his lips. He was infuriated. Something inside of him started clawing its way to the surface. That day, Ben Coogan let his anger consume him. It was a hatred that would one day transform him into a monster. But the road that he’d taken to get there was a long one.

Ben had been cleaning himself up when the guys on the lacrosse team had come in from their practice. He knew they were going to be all over him about what happened. It was Noel Kahn who led the charge.

 _“Damn, Coogan, was someone a little rough with you in the sack?”_ Noel socked him in the stomach as he walked by him and tossed his gear down. _“Is Fields that much of a freak in the sheets?”_

 _“It’s always the quiet ones who are wild in bed,”_ A tall brawny guy named Jeff Christian lifted his brows and grinned.

 _“If she’s anything like Hanna it’s all she ever thinks about,”_ Sean Ackard rolled his eyes.

It annoyed Ben that Sean had everything he wanted in Hanna. He wanted a girl to be all over him like Sean’s slut of a girlfriend. But Sean was a pussy about sex thanks to his clergyman father. He’d convinced Sean he’d go to hell or some shit if he ever took his wang out of his pants. How Sean was able to touch it to take a piss was a mystery to Ben.

 _“Hey, if you don’t want to let Marin have her way with you, can I have her?”_ Jeff asked. _“If she wants to hump you I figure she’ll bone anything that moves.”_

 _“In your dreams, Christian.”_ Sean snapped back. He’d started walking towards the showers.

 _“Every night.”_ Jeff bit his tongue and grabbed his crotch with his hands and thrust his hips forward in a lewd gesture.

 _“Your right hand must get tired.”_ Noel teased Jeff.

_“I’m a leftie.”_

_“You guys are idiots.”_ Ben muttered.

 _“Is that so, Rambo?”_ Noel joked. _“What’s your safe word, Benny-boy?”_ He wrapped his arm around Ben’s neck and put him in a chokehold.

 _“Fuck off, Kahn.”_ Ben reached up and punched Noel in the side.

 _“Keep talking like that and I’ll ban your ass from the bash tonight.”_ Noel released Ben with a laugh.

_“Whatever. Maybe I don’t want to go.”_

_“Oh, is that code? You meeting up with your little dominatrix later?”_ Noel laughed. He smacked Ben’s cheek playfully. _“So, what happened? Did she turn into a vixen on you? Accidentally get her wet after midnight and she turn into a gremlin?”_

 _“Nah, he got his ass beat,”_ Jeff said.

 _“Shut the fuck up, Christian.”_ Ben growled.

 _“I know a suckerpunch when I see one. And you, my friend, are one big sucker.”_ Jeff shrugged. _“I saw Cavanaugh leaving with bruised bloody knuckles. What did you do to piss that dude off?”_

 _“It was nothing.”_ Ben was fuming. _“He just misinterpreted something when he walked in on me and Emily in the girl’s locker room. Freak probably stakes it out and looks at girls while they’re changing and shit.”_

 _“You were doing it in the girl’s locker room?”_ Jeff snorted. _“Kinky.”_

 _“Bet you didn’t even last 30 seconds you pussy.”_ Noel snickered.

 _“It doesn’t even matter. We broke up. I got what I wanted from her. Gonna miss that tight ass though. She was a good lay.”_ He lied. He’d barely even gotten to second base with the prude. She didn’t even like to let him touch her tits over her clothing.

 _“She looks it.”_ Jeff nodded. _“Shit, I’ll take your sloppy seconds.”_ He shrugged, walking out of the changing area and towards the showers.

For some reason that pissed Ben off. Even though Emily had cut ties with him he still felt like he had some claim over her. He’d picked up a shoe and hurled it at Jeff as he left. It hit the edge of the lockers and then flopped on to the ground.

 _“Yeah, you definitely didn’t get into her pants. Otherwise you wouldn’t have so much testosterone bottled up.”_ Noel looked at his buddy skeptically. _“What really happened?”_

_“Like I said, it doesn’t matter. I’m done with that girl’s drama. She’s a total tease. She fucking lost her shit just when we were getting into our groove. She flaunts herself and acts like she wants me. She got me all riled up and then just when we were getting somewhere she flipped out. Then that Toby douche came out of nowhere and blindsided me. And she fucking let him. I think she’s been hooking up with him behind my back.”_

_“That’s rough, dude.”_

_“Whatever. There are plenty of chicks here that I could snatch up if I wanted to.”_ Ben played it off, though his pride was bruised. It was more than bruised. It was broken.

 _“I think Mona Vanderwaal is single.”_ Noel shrugged.

 _“Loser Mona?”_ Ben laughed out loud.

_“No, man, you haven’t seen her since summer ended. She’s like a totally new person. Ditched her dorky glasses. Changed her hair. Grew into her tits and everything.”_

_“No shit?”_

_“Yeah. She’s kind of a cunt now though. But hey, hot is hot, right?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“Maybe you’ll meet someone at the party tonight.”_ Noel glanced at his phone and saw the time. _“Shit, I’m going to have to skip the showers. I got a thing with my cousin.”_ He didn’t look too enthused. _“Technically, second cousin. I think. I don’t really know how she’s related to us. All I know is that I can’t stand her. She’s such a pretentious showboat.”_

_“So…she’s a Kahn.”_

_“Fuck you, Coogan.”_

They both laughed. Ben opened his mouth to respond, but they heard the door creep open and a soft voice called out,

_“Mike? You in here?”_

A few seconds later a short dark-haired girl peered around the corner. It was Aria Montgomery. Ben knew her brother Mike from playing basketball and lacrosse with him. He didn’t really like Mike because he was a loose cannon. But Aria had always been nice to everyone. And Noel thought she was cool, so Ben liked her by proxy.

 _“Oh, um…I’m sorry.”_ Aria looked at the boys, her eyes fixed on Noel. _“I didn’t realize anyone was in here. I was looking for my brother. I’m supposed to give him a ride home from practice.”_

 _“Haven’t seen him.”_ Noel ran a towel over his sweaty hair.

Aria’s eyes looked like they might pop out of her head. It was clear she had the hots for Noel. Her eyes were so focused on him that she barely even registered Ben standing there. But when she snapped out of it she immediately acknowledged Ben. She saw the cuts and bruises on his face.

 _“Ouch. That looks like it hurts.”_ She looked at him in sympathy, not realizing that the reason he had the bruises was because he’d gotten rough with her friend. _“I have some Ibuprofen in my locker if you need something for the pain.”_

 _“Nah, it’s fine.”_ Ben shook his head.

 _“Well, if you change your mind let me know. And if you see my brother tell him I’m looking for him.”_ She glanced at Noel. _“You played really well this afternoon, Noel.”_

 _“Thanks, Montgomery.”_ Noel smiled.

She waved and then walked out of the locker room. Ben nudged Noel.

_“Dude, she’s so into you.”_

_“Maybe.”_ Noel replied in a nonchalant manner. Sometimes his apathy pissed Ben off, but he also admired it. Noel could have any girl he wanted, and he certainly took advantage of that.

 _“Come on. Don’t tell me you don’t wanna hit that?”_ Ben threw a light punch into Noel’s gut.

 _“Isn’t it thinking like that that got you all torn up in the first place?”_ Noel asked.

_“I’m being real. Aria is a good catch. You should go for it.”_

_“If I didn’t know any better I’d say that YOU had the hots for her.”_ Noel looked at him inquisitively.

_“Well, I am single.”_

_“You got over Emily really fast.”_

_“Like I said, I’m done with that bitch.”_

But he was just beginning with her. She was like a poison creeping in his veins. He’d spent the rest of the day fuming. And the more he thought about it the more pissed he got. By the time he got to Noel’s party he was more than wound up. Sean was already there with the ever-apathetic Hanna Marin.

She looked like she was afraid she was going to contract a disease by being in the game room with all the beer and nachos. Hanna had glared at him when he’d walked in. He wasn’t sure what Emily had told her about what had happened in the locker room, or if they had talked at all. They hadn’t really been close over the summer. Alison’s clique had drifted apart after she was gone. That’s how he’d gotten his shot at Emily. She had been alone and vulnerable. Just like he liked them. But the girls were starting to come back together. And who knows what Hanna knew?

Ben wasn’t afraid of the fake blonde bimbo. He’d locked eyes with her from across the room to try and assert his dominance. He’d strutted over to where Sean and a few other guys were playing foosball and joined them, feeling Hanna’s eyes burning a hole through the back of his head as he played. The other guys drifted away and Sean and Ben played for a little bit. After a while, the predictable whining started.

 _“Seaaaan,”_ Hanna complained. _“I’m bored. Let’s go do something else.”_

 _“Hanna, I spent all day with you,”_ he said, walking away from the game to calm his tantruming girlfriend. _“I just want to chill with my guys for a bit.”_

 _“That’s all you ever want to do these days. I think it’s killing some of your brain cells. Seriously. You need new friends.”_ She lowered her voice, but Ben still heard her. _“Noel is a tool and Ben is a jerk.”_

Ben shot her an angry glare. He’d never even done anything to her.

 _What a fucking bitch._ Ben thought to himself.

He’d expected Sean to come to his defense, but instead Sean just sighed and promised his Hanna-Banana that they would have their downtime later. He’d kissed her and then stared at her like a browbeaten puppy. Ben rolled his eyes. Sean was so whipped. When Sean got back to the table Ben spun the foosball handles around aggressively and knocked the ball into the goal.

 _“I’m gonna go check out the rest of the party.”_ He glanced at Sean and then looked over at Hanna, making a huge show out of storming away.

Just as he was getting ready to leave he’d heard Hanna shout,

_“Hey, Em!”_

He’d whipped around and saw Emily strutting in like she had something to prove. She looked right past him. Her indifference to him soured his mood even further.

He’d tried to make small talk with her, but she’d shunned him. She’d blown him off and publicly embarrassed him and then wandered off with the new girl from school she’d been hanging around so much lately.

That ball of rage he had bubbling inside started to expand. He’d walked around seething for nearly an hour. The party going on around him felt irrelevant. He considered bailing.

On his way out he heard giggling from inside the photobooth. It sounded like two girls. Probably drunk and hooking up. The idea of it excited him. He tried to peer around the curtain, but the gap was too small to see through.

 _“You’re crazy beautiful…”_ Someone said.

 _“Uh, which button is it again?”_ He heard the reply, a voice so familiar to him that he’d recognize it anywhere.

Suddenly, his excitement over two random girls hooking up turned into frustration and disbelief. Not her. Anyone but her. When the photos came out it confirmed it was Emily and that girl Maya that she’d come with. He’d stomped away, nearly bumping into Mona as he rounded a corner. He barely looked at her, but he saw enough to know that Noel was right. She looked like an entirely different girl.

After drowning his anger in booze he’d gathered up the courage to confront his lying whore of an ex-girlfriend. He found her hanging out on a sofa in a quieter room with Maya. They were making doe-eyes at one another, hands touching as they talked. Maya seemed more confident than Emily, which wasn’t a surprise to Ben. Emily had always been reserved. He almost wanted to tell Maya good luck, but that Emily probably wouldn’t put out for her either.

Emily and Maya looked up to find him lurking in the door of the room. Emily immediately put distance between herself and Maya and pushed herself to her feet.

 _“Well, this explains why you wouldn’t let me feel you up.”_ He sneered. _“How long has this been going on?”_

 _“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_ Emily played innocent.

It made him want to punch her. How long had she been lying to him? She’d just been leading him on. She’d been all over this Maya chick since she’d moved to town and now he knew why.

 _“We were kind of in the middle of a conversation…”_ Maya stood next to Emily.

Ben glared at her. Really? Who the fuck did this girl think she was?

 _“Oh, you were in the middle of something alright.”_ Ben snapped. He turned his attention back to Emily. _“Seriously, Em? Just this afternoon you wouldn’t even let me kiss you and now you’re fingerbanging the new chick? What the fuck is wrong with you?”_

 _“There is nothing wrong with me.”_ Emily looked hurt.

He saw he’d hit a nerve and he kept digging the knife in, twisting to try and make it hurt worse.

 _“I should have known you were a dyke. Is that why you really joined the swim team? Because you like to watch the other girls in the locker room?”_ He spit hatefully.

 _“Stop it.”_ Emily growled, tears in her eyes.

 _“Why? Does the truth hurt?”_ He grabbed her wrist.

She jerked her hand away from his grasp and he stumbled on his feet. A flask fell out of his pocket. He reached over and grabbed it, taking a second to stare at his embroidered initials before shoving it in his pocket again. He took a wobbly step towards Emily.

 _“Ben, you’re drunk.”_ Emily warned.

 _“No shit, Sherlock. Excellent deduction skills.”_ He rolled his eyes. _“Fucking lesbian bitches...”_

 _“I think you should go.”_ Maya took a calm, yet defensive stance beside Emily.

 _“Good luck.”_ Ben snorted, glancing at Maya. _“She’s a real piece of work.”_

He overheard them whispering as he left.

_“I should go after him…make sure he doesn’t do something crazy. I should just explain…”_

_“You don’t owe him anything, Emily,”_ Maya said.

_“What if he tells someone?”_

Of course that was her concern. Not that she’d essentially been using him as her beard. Not that she’d used him while she was secretly looking at girls. Not that she had left him with blue balls so many times when she knew that she was never going to be in to him. It was all about her. She was only worried about _herself_. Her own reputation. It was all about Emily fucking Fields.

He’d walked outside and found a dark secluded spot away from the house. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. He didn’t smoke very often, because he was afraid it would mess with his swim times. But when he drank he enjoyed the buzz of a nicotine high. He lit up a cigarette and paced around the backyard, ranting under his breath.

And that’s when their paths crossed. That’s when fate put her in Ben Coogan’s life. Their meeting would eventually become entwined with the future events that would wreck Emily and Alison’s lives forever.

 _“Whoever she is, she’s not worth it.”_ A voice came from the shadows.

His head snapped towards the voice. He saw the outline of a woman moving closer to him, her back illuminated by the lights from the house, but her front still shaded in the evening darkness. He heard a click and a soft light flooded the backyard. When the light filled the area he saw her fingers against a small lantern on a table.

 _“My uncle uses these to keep bugs away.”_ She closed the gap between them. She glanced at the cigarette in his mouth. _“Mind if I bum one?”_

Ben pulled out a cigarette for her and she took it without hesitation and put it in between her lips. He lit it. The flame of the lighter drew the features out in her face. She smiled at him, a seductive look on her face. It only took him a few seconds to see the Kahn familial traits, though faded and different, they were there. Noel’s cousin. Or second cousin.

He didn’t know much about Noel’s family. No one really kept up with the Kahns, because there were so damn many of them and Noel’s dad’s side was just littered with siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles and step-siblings and probably inbred men named Cletus. The Kahns would pretty much stick their dicks in everything and it produced a lot of people in the world. But this girl was different. She was unique.

He hadn’t heard Noel talk about her much, because she was quite a bit older so Noel didn’t really have anything in common with her. Ben hadn’t expected her to look so youthful and hot, though he knew she was at least ten years his senior.

 _“So, what’s troubling you, handsome?”_ She puffed on the slender cigarette, her lips rounding out into a perfect circle.

 _Handsome._ She’d called him handsome. She was definitely flirting.

 _“Well, uh…”_ He glanced at her, realizing he’d never cared enough to ask Noel his cousin’s name.

 _“Marilyn.”_ She introduced herself.

_“Like Monroe?”_

_“Sure, the sex appeal of Ms. Norma Jeane…but the wild side of Manson.”_

He felt himself getting hard just thinking about it.

_“Well, Marilyn, I was just coming to the realization that everything about high school is pointless. Especially the girls. I prefer someone a bit more…distinguished.”_

_“Good for you.”_ She ran her fingertips along his arm, sending tingles up his spine…and elsewhere. _“A strapping young man such as yourself deserves a real woman. Not your typical high school bullshit.”_ She glanced at his face. _“Which I’m assuming is the reason for that.”_ She motioned towards the bruises.

 _“You should see the other guy.”_ Ben puffed his chest out, faking a boastful grin.

 _“Oh, tough guy.”_ She laughed. But she wasn’t mocking him. She sounded impressed. _“Those look painful.”_ She brushed her fingers over his bruises.

Her touch sent a wave of stiff desire shooting up between his legs. She didn’t miss the bulge in his pants. She grinned at him, her bright red lipstick just inches from his ear.

 _“You want to know a secret?”_ she said, her voice dropping so low that he could barely hear it over the pulse of the music inside, which matched the rhythm of his heart pumping the blood in his veins and the throbbing in his pants. _“High school is only the beginning. The real fun is what you can do when you get out into the real world.”_

 _“And what is it that you do, Marilyn?”_ He matched her boldness by putting his hand on her hip. She didn’t pull away.

_“I’m an RN by trade.”_

He found the words “by trade” very interesting.

_“And what do you do not by trade?”_

She smirked, but didn’t respond. She pulled her cigarette out of her mouth. He could see the ring around the filter where her lipstick had been. She dropped the butt on the ground and smashed her high-top heel against it to crush out the flickering flame. Something about her seemed so dangerous.

 _“Next time you’re in New York come visit me and I’ll show you.”_ She glanced at her diamond-studded watch. _“I’ve got to run.”_

_“It was cool talking to you, Marilyn.”_

_“Call me Mary.”_ She smiled. _“Mary Davis.”_

 _“Ben.”_ He gave her his name.

 _“Ben.”_ She nodded. _“Can I give you a little piece of advice, Ben?”_

_“By all means.”_

_“Getting angry does nothing. Getting even is better. Channel your anger into something…”_ She ran her finger over Ben’s lips, _“…constructive. I know you’ve got it in you.”_ She stared at him for a few seconds and then smiled at him. _“Thanks for the cigarette, handsome.”_

She skulked away into the darkness, Ben watching her ass as she went. After she left he had to sit down until his boner went away. God forbid he go back into that party with a hard-on. He was lucky he hadn’t jizzed in his pants.

He considered her words. And over the next several weeks he thought about what _he_ wanted out of life. What she’d said to him really struck a chord. He had so much more potential than what he was living up to.

He _did_ have it in him. Running shit was in his blood. His dad was a businessman by day, but beneath the corporate façade there was a dark world of corruption. After he took a long hard look at himself, Ben decided what he wanted.

He wanted it all. So he’d gone to his dad about the family business. The _real_ family business. Not the front that they put on. He’d learned all about the illegal weapons trade. He was just like his dad. A revered church-going member of the community by day, but a kingpin at night.

He did more than just dip his toes into the underground. He fell in headfirst, and slowly the power started to consume him. He thought about Mary a lot. After all, she was the one who had motivated him to stop moping and start making things happen. She was the reason he was able to nut up. He was curious about what she did in New York, so he’d asked Noel for her contact information, saying that he was interested in going into the medical field and he knew that Mary was a nurse.

He soon found out that she was much more than that. She was a businesswoman with dealings in almost every illegal franchise that existed. Her biggest trade was drugs, as she had easy access to them. But she also showed Ben the ropes in grand theft auto, counterfeit rings, the gambling market, and illegal sex-for-profit organizations.

She was intelligent as hell with a cold blooded nature that he worshiped. She taught him control. Power. And the sweet art of corruption. It was an awakening for him. He was a quick study.

There was nothing that went on in his city without him knowing about it. He even found out about Mona’s little _A_ game. He was happy that Emily was part of the torture sessions. He never went to Mona directly, but he fed her minions ideas on how to make the girls suffer. It had been his idea to leave Emily locked up in the barn with the carbon monoxide. Pushing her to the brink of death excited him.

While Mona was running her game, Ben had his own little stint on the side. He’d watched the girls suffer from afar. He’d watched their friends and family. He’d even brought a guy named Lyndon James in to keep an eye on Maya after she’d been sent away to some conversion camp.

Lyndon, or Nate, as Emily knew him, had ruined the plan by falling in love with Maya. He’d become obsessed. And as much as Ben wanted to be pissed at him for going off-script, he knew what it was like to want someone so much you would do anything to have them. So he let it go. It ended up working out anyway after Nate killed Maya in a jealous fit when she went back to Emily.

But then Nate started hanging around with Emily, which pissed Ben off. Because Emily didn’t belong to him. Emily was _his_ territory. When Nate tried to kill her it enraged him. Because if anyone was going to kill Emily, it was going to be him. He’d earned that much. If Emily hadn’t killed Nate in self-defense, Ben would have ripped his fingernails and toenails off and made him sit in agony for days before finally killing him. It was a mercy that he’d died by Emily’s hands.

He’d laid low during his remaining time at high school. He’d done everything a good dutiful son should do. He focused on his academics. He went to church with his family. He bided his time.

He’d watched. He’d waited. He’d discreetly played the game with Mona and then with Charlotte. Mona never knew of his involvement. Charlotte didn’t either. He’d slithered around in the darkness reaping the benefits of the game. He’d enjoyed it while it lasted, but then Charlotte got caught.

Once graduation rolled around he thought about where he was going to go from high school. Emily slowly became a distant memory. Nothing at Rosewood High mattered anymore. Mary’s words rang true. High school was only the beginning. It was all so trivial to him. His empire was the forefront of his focus. He built it up to incredible heights.

It even got back around to Mary. When she heard the story of his success she came to see what he’d created. He could tell she was impressed…that she was turned on by what he’d built. He could tell that she wanted him. So naturally he pretended like she was just another associate. He led her on, played with her. It was a business arrangement and that was all.

Mary found it incredibly hot. She’d barely been able to contain herself. She’d been the one to jump him. He’d pinned her against his desk and they had gone at it. It had been the first of many times that they’d hooked up. He’d known from the get-go that the woman was batshit crazy, but he didn’t care. It was a turn-on for him. And it made their physical interactions wild.

One day he’d been on a job site for a building he was scouting for a location for one of his fronts, and she’d surprised him and they’d gotten so caught up in their passion that they’d basically christened every room in the warehouse. By the time the contractor arrived he was floating on cloud nine. But things took a turn when he lost his focus while checking some of the wiring. He hadn’t seen the active fuse box. The electrocution had stopped his heart.

Everyone thought he was dead. Word quickly spread about the accident. But there was one major thing that had been left out. Mary had gotten his heart restarted. She took him back to her place and cared for him for several days while he recuperated. And by the time he was up and running again, the whole town believed he was dead.

Death suited him. He liked being invisible and starting anew. It gave him more power to do as he pleased. Ben Coogan was officially dead. And Benito Del Toro was on the rise.

It was shortly after his new reign started that he learned Mary was expecting his child. That’s when they started fighting. The growing fetus inside of Mary drove a wedge between the two of them. They banged, but they weren’t really intimate. They both wanted different things. He didn’t want the child. She had wanted to keep the baby, but then she realized what a damper it would put on her life. Still, she couldn’t find it in her to terminate the pregnancy.

By the time she had the baby they didn’t know what to do. But as fate would have it, there was a woman who came into the very same hospital hours after Mary had given birth. The woman had complications and she’d been rushed into surgery. Her child had been stillborn. Her husband was devastated. He wasn’t sure how he was going to tell her when she came out of the anesthesia.

Ben got wind of it and he sought the man out to set up an arrangement: give his baby a life and keep his wife’s sanity intact. The man, a businessman himself, saw promise in the arrangement. Ben talked Mary into it. She agreed, because she knew the baby would have a better life with a regular couple. But she had one stipulation: she needed to be able to know how their son was doing. Ben promised Mary he’d watch out for him.

And so Zane Jacobs was born. The little boy seemed happy and healthy. The Jacobs were loaded with cash, so the boy would never want for anything. But that didn’t stop Ben from throwing a cash windfall at them. He made a financial arrangement with Zane’s adoptive father by investing in some bonds and hiring him as his consultant. He had a professional relationship with the man, so he got to be around the boy from time to time without raising too many questions.

Zane had been a typical toddler. He liked trains and toy trucks. He had a little toy basketball set-up that Ben bought him for his second birthday and he loved it. Ben was surprised just how much of himself he saw in the kid. He was in and out of the Jacobs’ lives during Zane’s childhood, though he distanced himself for a while when Mary came to him with a proposition to reboot Charlotte’s game with a woman named Alex Drake at the helm.

Alex and Charlotte had been roommates when they were both confined to a mental institution. Mary had met them both while she was working there. Alex and Charlotte were close, so when Charlotte died Alex came out of the woodwork…angry and seeking revenge. Alex went to Mary for help. Naturally, Mary turned to Ben.

He worked with Mary and Alex, as well as Noel, who had really stepped up his role in the game. Jenna was also involved, but to a lesser extent. Ben soon found out that Alex was a lot more aggressive about her game. It was so much more intense. He loved it.

He thought they were finally going to get a chance to get their revenge on the girls after they captured them in an old closed down school for the blind. Noel and Jenna went on the offensive, but it had gone wrong. After an altercation with Hanna and Emily, Noel had ended up dead.

Ben got so pissed that he abandoned their entire plan. Emily had been responsible for the death of one of his closest friends. It was her punch that had sent him to his demise. Ben was gunning for her life. In the midst of the chaos he had pulled out his gun. He’d been aiming for Emily, but they’d all scattered so quickly that the bullet hit Spencer instead. He was miffed he’d hit the wrong brunette, but he didn’t have a chance to lament over it.

Once shit hit the fan Ben went back for Mary. He’d gotten her out and then they’d nabbed Jenna, who had no idea that Ben was even there with them. Their plan to have Jenna take the fall for it fell into place because she was the one the girls saw holding the gun. No one believed her sob story that Noel was blackmailing her.

He’d pulled out of the game at that point. Spencer’s gunshot wound would bring on too many questions. He knew how to elude those questions. By fading back into the shadows.

Shortly after that altercation Mary and Alex had been imprisoned by Mona and then consequently arrested, leaving him to go back to the empire he’d built…because of Mary, in honor of her. He didn’t love her, but he owed her a debt of gratitude. She was the mother of his son.

For the next several years he stayed the course. He kept an eye on Zane. As the kid got older, Ben became more interested in him. The boy was a lot like him. They were pretty good buddies, and they became inseparable after Zane found out the truth about him when he got mad at his parents and ran away from home to be with his ‘Uncle Nito’ when he was eleven. He was a rebellious little shit. That’s around the time he started getting into real trouble. He wanted to impress Benito Del Toro. He wanted to impress his _dad_.

The Vipers embraced him with open arms. Ben threatened penalty of death otherwise. They showed him the ropes and before he knew it Zane was caught up in a world bigger than he could have ever imagined, bigger than he was prepared for.

And now, seven years later, he was caught up in his parents’ old vendetta. He wasn’t ignorant. He knew that this had never been about covering his ass after the wreck. It was about an old grudge that Del Toro had against Emily Fields.

Once upon a time he’d been a toddler shooting hoops with a plush basketball toy. Now he was shooting lead. And the very man who had given him that basketball set-up, a man he’d once considered to be his fun Uncle Nito, was giving him a gun.

Zane looked at the gun in his hand. He swallowed hard. This had spiraled so fast. It was one thing that he’d accidentally committed vehicular manslaughter. It was another thing entirely that he was helping with a premeditated murder. He’d been drunk when he shot at Emily and Marco. But he was stone cold sober now.

The weapon felt incredibly heavy, as did his conscience. His emotions were all screwed up. He wasn’t sure how much of his hatred was real and how much of it was an illusion created by the narrative Benito Del Toro had fabricated. It really made him consider how much genetics played a role in how someone turned out. Was he destined to be like dear old dad? Or could he forge his own path?

As Del Toro was gathering his minions and plotting Emily’s demise, Emily was facing an existential crisis of her own.

She was standing in her kitchen washing the fresh blood off of her hands. She was still trying to process the fact that Zane had confessed to being at fault for the wreck. All she wanted to do was go to the police, but since she wasn’t sure how many dirty cops were involved she thought it would be best to wait on Toby. Not to mention, Zane was the only proof she had that he was driving that night. It was her word against his. She had to get his confession on tape. She was so busy plotting that she didn’t hear Ali calling her name.

“Emily?” Ali was practically right behind her and touching her shoulder before Emily realized she was even in the room.

“Hey. Morning.”

Emily turned the water off and dried her hands. It had been stupid of her to punch the dumpster. The good thing about the fact that she’d scuffed her knuckles is that they were already injured, so Ali couldn’t tell the bruises were fresh.

“I asked if you wanted coffee?” Ali walked over to the coffee-maker.

“Always.”

Ali saw the groceries on the counter.

“Did you go out?”

“I’m making Lily a birthday breakfast.”

“Mmhmm.” Ali dug through the bags. “And would that breakfast consist of ice cream?”

“That’s the main course.” Emily faced Ali. “It’s her birthday.” She shrugged.

Emily smiled at her. She didn’t want to let on how wrong her morning had gone. She knew she owed it to her to tell her about Zane, but she didn’t know how to tell her that without telling her everything else.

Ali put the coffee on and then went to go change. And to make a phone call. She went into her bathroom with her phone and turned the water on and dialed Hanna’s number.

“Hey.” Hanna had been expecting her call. She could hear the sounds of the water running. “Why does it sound like you’re taking a leak?”

“I’m hiding out in the bathroom. I didn’t want Emily to overhear this.”

“Okay, this isn’t DEFCON 5.” Hanna sounded agitated. She was not a morning person.

“Did you talk to Spencer?” Ali asked.

“She filled me and Aria in. Aria is supposed to talk to Mike tonight after their family celebration dinner. I left a message for Mona,” Hanna said. “So what is it that we think Em’s up to?”

“I don’t know. Toby is looking into Zane’s home life to see if there is something that’s not in his records that could explain why Emily wanted his file. She insisted that it was a mix up. I don’t buy it,” Ali replied. “Did you talk to Caleb about looking into her phone records?”

“He’s going to see what he can do.” There was a quiet pop on the line. Hanna had sucked her lip in between her teeth. “How is she?”

“She’s acting weird.” Ali kept her voice down. “She’s in the kitchen making breakfast.”

“She’s being a good wife? My God, I’ll alert the media,” Hanna said sarcastically.

“Don’t be a wise-ass.” Ali smarted back.

“Aw, you think I’m wise?”

“I am in no mood. I got like two hours of sleep last night.” Ali snapped.

“She still having nightmares?” Hanna asked softly, her tone shifting from playful to concerned.

“Not last night.” Ali’s brow furrowed in thought.

“Maybe opening up is helping her?” Hanna guessed.

“Yeah, well, she’s not opening up enough.”

“All of this is so complicated.” Hanna groaned. “I feel like I’m back in high school. Can’t we just tie her up and force her to talk?”

“We are not torturing my wife.” Ali replied dryly. Emily tortured herself enough.

“I’m not talking about waterboarding her or anything like that.” Hanna scoffed. “Maybe just like…tickle her until she tells us what’s up.”

“I do have that feather boa…” Ali’s mind wandered off in thought. She knew all of Emily’s ticklish areas, too.

“What?”

“Never mind.” Ali shook her head. “Just call me later.”

“I’ll let you know when I hear from Mona.”

“Thanks,” Ali said. She turned the faucet off, realizing she was being a bit over the top. “I’ll just be glad when this is all over.”

“Hang in there. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.” They always did. “She’s going to be fine.”

Less than twenty-four hours later Hanna was going to be eating those words. They wanted answers, but the answer key they were seeking was only going to come out after their hand was forced. And it was a losing hand.

Emily felt strange all day. It was more than just being on edge. It was as if the universe was screaming at her. There were many times throughout the day that she started to tell Ali what was going on. But something always stopped her. Lily walking by. The dog slinging a toy around the room. A phone going off. It never came to fruition. Not until that night.

After dinner, Ali slipped out to take a quick trip to the corner store. She’d snuck out before Emily had noticed she was even gone. Emily tried not to go into a panic, reminding herself that she was the target and not Ali. But the threat of the danger was enough to scare her, so she made the conscious decision to tell Ali about Zane when she got home. She went outside with Jett and was getting ready to try and find her when she saw her rounding a corner and walking up their street. She breathed a sigh of relief.

But her reprieve was short-lived. In the distance she heard tires screeching. She dropped Jett’s leash without hesitation and raced towards Ali. She got to her just as the out of control driver rounded the corner, running a stop sign. Emily grabbed Ali’s arm and wrapped her arm around her waist, yanking her towards her body. She stumbled back and they fell against the curb, landing in the grass. The car sped by them, fishtailing and bobbing out of its lane.

Emily pulled herself off of Ali. She looked down and saw something red seeping out from in between their bodies. When she sat up she saw a large red stain on Ali’s shirt. She was shivering. Emily panicked. Had a shot gone off? Was the car just the distraction to cover up what the Pit Vipers were really doing?

“Oh, shit. Ali…”

Ali pushed herself up, running her fingers over the sticky substance.

“That smoothie cost seven bucks.” Ali grumbled. “Fucking distracted drivers.”

Emily breathed a sigh of relief. Now that the panic was subsiding she could smell the fruity flavor of the drink. It was a strawberry blend. Lily’s favorite.

“Are you okay?” Emily asked.

“No.” Ali muttered, wiping at her shirt angrily. “I just bought this top.”

Emily helped her to her feet. She looked at the stain on Ali’s shirt. It wasn’t blood. But it could have been. That car could have taken them both out. The only reason they were probably still alive was because Del Toro was playing with her. He was trying to draw her ire. And it was working.

Her heart rate sky-rocketed. Her blood pressure went through the roof. And she was suddenly unable to keep her balance. The ground felt like it was spinning like an out-of-control merry-go-round. She felt Ali’s hands on her arms, steadying her.

After a few seconds the lightheadedness subsided. Emily ran her fingers through her hair and puffed out an angered breath. How dare he come after her wife? How dare he? He wanted a fight? She’d give him a fucking fight.

She glanced at Ali, who had a look of confusion on her face. Emily knew she certainly couldn’t go up against Del Toro in some big bloody battle without telling Ali the truth about what had happened to their daughter. She felt a tightness in her body. Her muscles were stiff. Her heart was still beating uncontrollably. Once she put it out there she couldn’t take it back. She exhaled sharply and looked into Ali’s eyes.

“It was Zane,” Emily said quietly.

“Huh?” Ali questioned. Did she mean Zane had been the one driving the car that had almost hit them? Did Emily know something about him that she didn’t?

“Come on. Let me explain.” Emily motioned for Ali to follow her back to the house. She wasn’t too keen on leaving Lily alone right now.

Ali quickly followed her. She wasn’t going to question Emily if she wanted to talk. Jett was at the door staring at Emily in confusion. Emily was just thankful he hadn’t run off. She reached down and grabbed his leash and then sat down in a chair next to the door. Ali sat beside her. Emily lowered her head and chewed on the inside of her lower lip.

“Ryan…that boy that killed himself…” Emily flinched when she thought of the last time she’d seen him. “He wasn’t the one who hit us that night. It was Zane.”

“Oh my God, do you remember?” Ali reached up, moving her index and middle finger over the top of Emily’s ear to move her hair out of her face. Was this what she’d been hiding – why she’d been looking for Zane’s records?

“No. I just…” She fiddled with Jett’s leash. “When the cops brought Ryan in I knew he wasn’t the other driver.”

“Emily, he confessed _on tape_.”

“He never said _what_ he was sorry for.” Emily sighed. “I did some digging. It turns out that he was a witness to an accidental murder when he lived in New York. His brother accidentally shot a kid. _That’s_ what he was talking about.”

Ali opened up her mouth to say something, but she looked perplexed. It was almost as if her brain was a circuit board and the words didn’t compute. She closed her mouth and furrowed her brow.

“But…how…” She grimaced. “He…he had the keys to the stolen car.”

“He was set up. Someone coerced him into it. Someone who knew the truth about his past.”

“That’s…” Ali stopped herself from saying ‘that’s insane’ because she realized how close to the realm of possibility it was to the truth. They’d lived through similar situations several times before.

“Someone went to a bunch of trouble to protect Zane.” Emily added.

“What makes you so sure it was him?”

“He confessed.”

“What?” Ali’s eyes widened. “When?”

“This morning.” She rubbed her forehead. “Look, I have been doing some stuff under the radar, looking for answers about that night.” She clenched her jaw in thought. “I…I thought if I could figure it out it might…it might hurt a little less. Just to know that I got justice for her.” Her voice dropped to a near whisper. Her sad tone tugged at Alison’s heartstrings. “So I buried myself in finding out the truth…” She glanced at Ali, a pained look on her face, “…no matter what the cost. But someone has been protecting him this entire time. And I’ve asked way too many questions.” She tried to skirt past all the really dangerous stuff. She left out the death and destruction. She wasn’t sure how much Ali could handle at once.

“Is this how you keep getting hurt?” Ali ran her finger over the cut on Emily’s lip.

“It’s complicated.”

“Well, whatever _complication_ you’re dealing with right now, it stops,” Ali said, resting her hand against Emily’s side, an unconscious reminder that she was hurt, _badly_. “We’re going to the police.”

Emily didn’t answer right away. She wasn’t sure how to tell her that she didn’t trust the law enforcement in this town anymore.

“I already put a call in to Toby,” Emily said.

“He’s not the only cop in this town.”

“He’s the only one I trust.” Emily replied quickly. “Look, Ali, this can’t wait. I have to find Zane. He is the _only_ proof I’ve got that he was driving that night.” Her voice cracked. “He left us in that river to die. He killed our daughter. I’m not going to let him get away with that. I have to prove that he did it. He gave me the slip once. But I am _not_ going to let him get away again.” She was going to that taco stand. She had to find out what else Zane knew.

Ali was quiet as she let her emotions roll over her.

“You’re sure he did it?” Her response was calm, controlled.

“Positive. I saw it in his eyes.”

“Then let’s find him.” Ali’s cheeks flushed in anger. “I have a few choice words for the little shit.” She was ready to kill him.

“No, this is dangerous. You have to let me handle it.”

“Get the fuck off of me with that bullshit.” She snapped. “You’re one to talk about danger. You’ve been playing Russian roulette for God knows how long.” She had no idea how close she was to the truth with that statement. “Emily, whatever you got into…you felt so afraid that you amended your will. If you think that I’m going to let you take this on alone after that you are out of your mind.”

“Alison, I’m serious. You have no idea how deep this runs. You have to trust me…”

“I don’t.” Ali interrupted her, seeing the startled shock on Emily’s face at her admission. “Because you get tunnel vision.” When Emily was wrapped up in something she almost had a manic desire to get to the end regardless of the consequences. “You can’t see what I see. You can’t see how _destroyed_ you are, Emily.”

“I don’t have to see it. I _feel_ it.”

Her comment cut Ali down to her soul. Emily had always been someone who loved with all of her heart. The downside to that was how deeply she felt. She didn’t just feel love with great intensity. She also felt pain. Ali knew her statement was excruciatingly true. She couldn’t help herself from grabbing Emily’s hand and squeezing it to comfort her. Emily’s lips twitched into a brief appreciative smile.

“Let’s just take a minute to think this over. Let’s go inside and get changed and talk about this.” Ali tried to be rational, though inside she was ready to explode. She was ready to knock Emily upside the head for being so stupid and then go after Zane with a rocket-launcher.

“Okay,” Emily said with a nod. Though Ali should have known Emily was already scheming and plotting.

They went to their bathroom to clean up. Emily didn’t have nearly as much smoothie on her as Ali did. It was all over Ali’s clothes and in her hair. Emily just had one perfectly blossomed circle of a stain on her shirt to the right of her bellybutton.

“How long have you been running around behind my back like this?” Ali asked, her tone soft and non-accusatory. She was surprisingly calm.

“I didn’t really start digging until about a month after the wreck.”

“Oh, good. You waited until you were healed from your last brush with death before you decided to put yourself in death’s clutches again,” Ali said sarcastically as she pulled her shirt off over her head. “Did you decide that one hospital stay wasn’t enough?”

“It wasn’t like that.” Emily glanced at her in the mirror, her eyes locking with Ali’s in their reflections.

“Why didn’t you come to me? Or the girls?” Ali wiggled out of her pants.

“Because I wasn’t sure what I was doing.” Emily pulled her shirt off and grabbed a washcloth to wipe away a few remnants of the drink off of her skin. “And I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“So you just offered yourself up to get hurt instead.” Ali replied angrily.

“No. I didn’t _offer_ anything. I just…got in over my head.” Like she always did. Like she was now.

“Well we can’t just sit on this.” Ali turned the shower on and pulled her undergarments off. “If what you’re telling me is true then this is above our heads. We need help.”

 _I had help_. Emily thought to herself. She saw Maurice’s face in her head and sighed.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded, just to appease Ali. “I know.”

She watched Ali’s reflection in the mirror as her wife climbed into the shower. She glanced over her shoulder as Ali shut the shower door.

“I can’t believe you kept this from me.” Ali grumbled as she squeezed a large amount of body wash into her hands.

“I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Emily turned around.

She watched as the condensation steamed up the glass and listened as Ali ranted at her. Emily muttered monosyllabic responses and grabbed a shirt from the hamper and pulled it on over her head. She watched Ali’s movements through the fogged up glass. She knew she had a small window of opportunity to give Ali the slip. As soon as she stopped talking Ali would know something was up. So she waited until she knew that Ali was almost done and then she slipped out of the bathroom undetected. She knew Ali was going to be livid.

She quickly and quietly rushed out of the house and into her car, a woman on a mission. She’d considered running into the garage to get one of her guns, but she didn’t have enough time. She had no room for error. She sped off. She had gotten halfway down the block before Ali shut the water off.

“Hey, can you hand me a towel?” Ali questioned.

There was no response.

“Em?” She glanced around the edge of the shower. She wrung the water out of her hair and opened the door.

It took her all of two seconds to realize that Emily had bailed. She wanted to kick herself for not sensing it coming. She should have handcuffed Emily to the pipes and made her wait until she was finished cleaning up.

“Alison, you idiot,” she muttered, wrapping the towel around her body.

She quickly got changed and then grabbed her phone to call Emily.

Ali’s name popped up on Emily’s caller ID just as Emily was pulling into the parking lot across from the gun range. She wasn’t stupid enough to go out in the open, but she was keeping an eye out for Zane. Her phone kept ringing. She sighed, but let it go to voicemail.

Alison hung up. She aggressively threw her phone on to their unmade bed. She ran her fingers through her tangled wet hair.

“Fuck.” Ali growled. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK!”

“Mom?” She heard Lily from behind her. “Is everything okay?”

Ali spun around.

“Everything is fine.” Ali pushed herself to fake it for her daughter. “I just forgot to tell your mom something important before she left to run an errand.” She paused. “Did you happen to see her leave?”

“I didn’t even know she was gone.” Lily shrugged, putting on her headphones and walking away.

Ali’s phone bleated at her from under the covers where it had skidded. She pulled it out, hoping to see Emily’s name on the caller ID. It was a number she didn’t recognize. Maybe Emily was calling her from someone else’s phone.

“Emily?” She answered hopefully.

“No.” An anxious voice replied on the other end. “Is she missing?”

“Mona?” Ali was surprised to hear her voice.

There was a heavy sigh, a hesitation before Mona decided to lay everything out there.

“Before I get started you might want to make sure you’re sitting down.”

“Why? What’s going on?” Ali swallowed a lump in her throat.

There was another pause on the line. Another hesitation.

“The wreck you were in wasn’t an accident, was it?” Ali asked as she sank down on to her bed.

“I can’t prove anything. But I don’t think so.”

“And what does my wife have to do with it?” Ali asked, expecting Mona to jump into an explanation. When she didn’t, Ali lost her temper. “Mona, you know something. Just tell me. You wouldn’t have called me just to jerk me around. Not if you know what’s good for you…”

“You’re right.” Mona interrupted her. “I’m just trying to figure out where to start.” She was standing at the ruins that had once been Maurice’s spot. She’d found out through the underground what had happened, but she’d needed to see it for herself. “Emily got caught up in something after Grace died.”

“I know. She told me.”

“Did she tell you about what happened to Maurice and Gina and their guys?”

“Who?” Ali asked in confusion.

There was static on the line. Mona sighed.

“Oh, Alison…” Mona uttered sympathetically. “Start from the beginning. What did Emily tell you?”

Alison explained about the out of control driver and Emily’s run in with Zane. She told her about Zane’s confession and about how Emily wanted to find him and bring him to justice. She told Mona that Emily had been searching for answers, and that’s when Mona jumped in to explain about Marco’s pub.

She told Ali that Emily had confided in her months ago and that she was looking for someone who could point her in the right direction. She explained that Emily had been working for them in exchange for answers and that they had been looking for a very dangerous person. Ali was fuming. She was going to strangle Emily when she got her hands on her.

Then Mona said something that made Ali’s heart catch in her chest.

“They were killed,” she said. “All of them. I don’t know the details, but I’m willing to bet it wasn’t a coincidence.”

Ali felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. Emily was in very real danger. And she knew it. No wonder she was jumping at every little noise she heard. No wonder she’d been a complete mess. No wonder her nightmares were so bad. No wonder she kept disappearing into herself. Ali whimpered under her breath. Mona picked up on it.

“Ali, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it had gotten this bad. She was supposed to tell me if she needed help. I thought they had it under control.”

Ali lowered her head and pressed her knuckles against the bridge of her nose. She was torn between ripping Emily a new one and finding her and never letting her go. She realized Mona hadn’t said anything else. Ali cleared her throat.

“What made you change your mind?” Ali asked curiously.

Mona took a moment to think about it before she answered.

“I could have lost Mike in that car wreck.” Mona clicked her tongue in thought. “I don’t like to advertise my weaknesses, but I’d say it’s clear to anyone who knows me that Mike is my heart. He’s my weak spot. But I don’t mind it. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. Because I love him. And I know that Emily is that for you.” She thought about her conversation with Emily about how scary it was to love someone. “I don’t want you to lose your other half.” She’d almost said ‘better half’ but was able to stop and filter herself. “I don’t want you to ever feel that amount of pain. Your family…your daughter…she’s already been through enough. _You_ have been through enough. Whatever we’ve been through in the past…it’s not as important as what’s going on right now. I’m not your enemy, Alison,” she said. “We both want the same thing.”

“Thank you, Mona,” Ali said, barely able to find her voice to talk. She was still reeling from finding all of this out. And she was beyond concerned about Emily. “I have to go. I need to find her.”

“Call me if you need anything. I’ll let you know if I find anything else out.”

Ali thanked her again and then they hung up. She dialed Emily’s number again. She had a million things she wanted to say to her. She was angry and terrified and overwhelmed. She was ready to scream at her, but when the call went to voicemail all she could do was sigh.

“Emily, come home. _Now_ ,” Ali said in a steady tone. “I talked to Mona. I know everything.” She paused. “Seriously, don’t do this. You’re going to get yourself killed. I can’t…” She grumbled in frustration. “I won’t watch you die.” Ali bit her lip. “Em, I don’t know how to live without you.” She felt her voice trembling as she continued, “Please, baby…” She begged, a stifled cry escaping her lips. “I need you. Please come home.”

In the dark alley where Emily had pulled the car in she heard her phone alert her to a voicemail. She was too preoccupied with staking out the area to check it. But despite the fact that she was ignoring the calls and texts, Ali didn’t stop trying. She called her every ten minutes for nearly an hour. Even putting the phone on silent didn’t stop the screen from lighting up and flashing in the dark car. Finally, Emily gave in.

She picked up her phone, expecting to have an ungodly amount of messages. But there was just the one. She listened to it, her stomach clenching when she heard that Ali had gotten the details from Mona. But that wasn’t the worst part of the message. The worst part was listening to her normally strong wife break down near the end of her plea.

 _“Please, baby…”_ Emily could hear a quiet sob. It made her insides feel like they were all twisted up. _“I need you.”_

Emily lowered her head against the steering wheel and let out a heavy sigh. She glanced at the gun range in the distance. There had been no activity near the food truck where Zane had said he’d be. For all she knew it was a setup for something else. She played Ali’s message again. Her anguish was palpable. Emily couldn’t stand the thought of Ali needing her and her not being there. So she decided to pack it in. She’d face whatever heat was waiting for her at home, and then she could start fresh again in the morning.

She didn’t know she wouldn’t get that opportunity. If she had only waited five more minutes things would have ended so differently. But she missed her chance to meet with Zane. She chose her heart over her gut. The wheels of destiny continued rolling towards disaster.

She drove home to face the music. Unsurprisingly, Ali was on her feet racing towards the front door when she heard Emily’s car door shut. She met Emily in the living room. Her cheeks were bright red, her nostrils flared. Her eyes were heated pools of fury.

They were both so focused on one another that neither one of them saw their daughter lingering in the hallway upstairs, watching the whole confrontation unfold. Emily closed the distance between them. Ali stared at her.

“Ali, I…”

Before Emily could finish, Ali’s open palm was making contact with her cheek, sending Emily’s neck whipping to the side and leaving a hot stinging sensation in its wake. Emily had been expecting it. She didn’t even flinch.

“You’ve been lying to me.” Ali growled angrily.

Emily nodded, looking away, unable to hold her gaze.

“Where the hell have you been?” Ali asked curtly.

“The gun range on Fifth.” Emily saw Ali raise her hand again, but she grabbed it before her palm could make contact with her face again. “I thought he might be there.”

“Are you insane? We have a fifteen year old daughter!” She hissed, yanking her hand away from Emily’s grasp.

Ali stopped when she realized that she’d used the singular form. It sent a pang of pain through her chest. It used to be daughter _s_. It was a strange proverbial slip that she hated herself for. Because even though Grace was gone, she would _always_ be her mother.

“I told you it was complicated…”

“What you’ve been doing is stupid and suicidal.” Tears of frustration pooled in the blonde’s eyes. She grabbed Emily’s cheeks. She was so fucking mad at her, but she was so relieved she was okay. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Whoever this is is only after _me_. I’m not going to let you get dragged into this, too. I won’t. Because if something happens to me…”

“Stop talking about something happening to you!” Ali dropped her hands, leaving Emily’s face feeling empty without her touch. “You _chose_ this! You can _choose_ to stop at any time.”

“I can’t,” Emily said, way too calm for Ali’s liking. Where was her fire? Where was her passion? “I want to. Believe me. But I can’t. I’m in it too deep. But I’ll be damned if I let you and Lily become collateral damage. I can’t be responsible for that. Not again.”

“Getting yourself killed is _not_ going to bring her back.” Ali snapped.

“That’s not what this is…”

“Bullshit.” Ali laughed darkly. “It all comes back to that night. It all falls back on the fact that you are _still_ trying to make up for not being able to save her. You got so lost in that that you completely lost sight of the fact that you still have me and Lily.”

“Alison, you and Lily are the only thing that kept me going.” Emily argued, tears glistening in her eyes. There were so many times she wanted to give up. There were so many times that she was content to die, because she knew that’s where she was headed anyway. She knew her time was almost up. The only thing that stopped her from walking directly into a hail of gunfire was seeing their faces. “I’m just trying to keep you safe!”

“And I’m trying to keep you alive.” Ali snarled. “If what Mona suspects about Mary being involved is true you could die. What you’re doing is dangerous!”

“I’m aware.” She was more aware than Ali would ever realize. She had seen more days of battle than she’d cared to see.

“No you aren’t.” Ali argued. “People are _dead_. The injuries you’ve been coming home with aren’t something to toy around with. You were fucking stabbed!”

Yeah and she’d been shot at, blown up, and nearly drowned, too. She wisely kept her mouth shut. Ali was already livid. She didn’t need to set off her nuclear setting.

“Do you realize what it would have done to me if you…” She grimaced and bit her lip. She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. She couldn’t believe she _needed_ to have this conversation. “You have a family. We love you and we need you. You can’t afford to be reckless.”

“I can’t afford not to be when it comes to your safety.”

“God damn it, Emily. You aren’t listening to me!” Ali balled her hands up into tightly wound fists.

“Hey.” Emily grabbed Ali’s wrists. “I hear every word, okay?” She tilted her head down, meeting Ali’s gaze. “I do. I swear. You have every right to be pissed. But I can’t just wave a magic wand and make this okay. I have been working on this for months. And I _finally_ see an end in sight. You have to let me…”

“No!” Ali yelled, startling Emily. “I’m not interested in becoming a widow, Emily!” Ali ripped her hands away from Emily’s. Emily blinked in surprise. “You have lost your fucking mind.”

Emily still didn’t react. She had been stunned into submission. She was seeing everything Ali had been bottling up rupturing out of her like a volcanic explosion.

“At what point are you going to realize what you’re doing to us? What is it going to take, huh? At what point is it going to be the eye-opener you need? Me standing over your grave? Lily crying into my arms every night about how much she misses her mom? Your mom, empty and brokenhearted because the only person that ever truly mattered to her is gone?” Ali hissed. “No.” She shook her head. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“ _This_.” She lifted Emily’s shirt to point out all of her injuries. “I won’t help you kill yourself. If you want to run off and play vigilante soldier you’re going to have to do it without me. I’m not going to stay and watch it happen.” She lowered Emily’s shirt. She looked up, a pained expression on her face. “You have a choice to make. Me and Lily or your stupid vengeance quest. You need to sort your priorities out. If you’re not going to let me help you, then I’m not going to be around to offer that help.”

“Ali…” Emily felt a wave of panic in her chest. Her stomach clenched and she felt like she might throw up.

The look on Ali’s face was the most solemn look she’d ever seen. She was beyond furious. She was defeated.

“I think I should take Lily and stay at your mother’s for the night.” Ali sighed.

“Because she’s no more safe with me than Grace was, right?” Emily asked.

That nearly knocked the wind out of Ali, because she could hear the pain in Emily’s voice. She could tell Emily actually believed her own statement.

“Christ, Em.” She took her hand. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

Is that what she really thought? God, she was so much further gone than Ali realized. Emily looked away and gently pulled away from Ali’s embrace. Her head was pulsing in pain from the stress. She rubbed her temples.

“It’s late. You shouldn’t have to haul Lily over to my mom’s.” Emily frowned. “I’ll just…I’ll go. I’ll find somewhere else to stay tonight.”

“Baby, that came out wrong. I didn’t…”

“You’re right, Ali.” Emily interrupted her. “You and Lily aren’t safe with me. Not right now.”

Maybe not ever again. She’d royally fucked everything up.

“Emily, I never meant that you were a danger to her.”

“But I am.” Emily sighed. She sat down on the couch. “Ever since Grace died I have done nothing but make stupid choice after stupid choice.” She buried her face into her hands and ran her fingers through her hair. Hearing Ali talking about leaving had cracked open a realization in Emily’s mind. “At first I was telling myself that I was doing it for Grace. That I was getting justice for her. But really, I did it for myself. I’m fucking selfish. I did it because I didn’t know how to deal. Because I am just so screwed up.” She moved her jaw from side to side, grinding her teeth. “It’s like I lost my ability to let love in. I closed everything off. I didn’t think I deserved it. Even with you being here with me every step of the way I just felt…unbalanced.” She admitted. “I was walking forward, but I wasn’t _going_ anywhere. And now I’m just _stuck_. But I didn’t just break myself.” She looked up at Ali. “I broke us. We’re broken, Alison. We’re broken and it’s my fault.”

Ali wanted to argue with her, but she had no idea what to say anymore. Her silence spoke volumes.

“It’s okay to think it,” Emily said quietly. “Because it’s true. And I can own it. And I’m going to fix it. It may…it may take some time. But I’ll fix it.” She rubbed a tense spot above her right eyebrow.

“I’m sure you will.” Ali brushed her thumb underneath Emily’s left eye, catching a tear she was trying to hold in. “But what’s it going to do to you in the process?” Emily looked at Ali, putting her hand softly against Ali’s wrist. “You’re not you anymore, Em. And I’ve done everything I can possibly think of to keep you anchored. I know you need me. I’m not blind to that. And I will be here for you. I promised you I would. But you have to _want_ me to be here. And right now, I’m not so sure you do.”

Ali pulled away, and it killed Emily to lose her touch.

“I’m not trying to push you away.”

“I know. But that doesn’t mean you haven’t.” Ali shrugged. “We need some time… _I_ need some time. To figure this out.”

Emily couldn’t argue. She knew Ali was right. She watched as Ali sauntered towards the stairs.

“Alison…” Emily called out to her. Ali turned around. “Honey, it will always be you and Lily. No question. Never doubt that.”

“Saying it is not enough.” Ali sighed. “I wholeheartedly believe you will come through, sweetie. I do. You have to. Lily needs us. _Both_ of us. She lost her sister. I won’t let her lose a mother, too. So you’re done. I mean it. We’re putting this in the authorities’ hands.”

Emily nodded. She stayed seated on the couch trying to process what had just happened. She stayed there, staring at the pictures on the walls, pictures of her family. Pictures of happier memories.

It was only when Ali came back downstairs fifteen minutes later with a frantic panic in her eyes that Emily snapped out of it. Ali stopped when she reached the bottom of the stairs. Emily stood up. She could see that something was wrong. All the color had drained from Ali’s cheeks.

“She’s gone.” Ali stuttered out. “Lily is gone. I’ve looked everywhere and she’s not here.”

Emily’s heart started thrumming against her ribcage. Del Toro was still out there. He and Zane had already taken one of her daughters away from her. She couldn’t let it happen again. She grabbed her cell phone and dialed Lily’s number. They heard it ringing from upstairs. She’d left it at home.

“Ali, we have to find her.” Emily’s eyes widened in fear.

“Come on. She couldn’t have gotten far.” Ali raced over to grab her purse, quickly fishing her keys out.

And suddenly, they were on the same page again. They always were when it came to their child. They ran out to Ali’s car. Emily was so distraught that she made a consequential error in judgment that was going to bite her in the ass in less than an hour. For the second time that night she left the house without a way to protect herself.

Ali pulled out of the driveway and sped down the street. Neither of them paid any attention to the car parked in the driveway across the street four doors down. Inside the dark vehicle occluded by several trees, Ben Coogan was sitting in the driver’s seat. He watched Ali’s car disappear with Ali and Emily in it. His plans were changing, but if he’d learned anything over the years it was how to change and evolve with them. He started the car and pulled out on to the street and he followed them.

* * *

 

 **A/N:** _In true PLL fashion, surprise bitches. A lot to unpack here. We’ve got our bad guy (kudos to those who guessed Ben). We’ve got Zane’s history. Ali finally knows Emily’s dirty little secrets. And Lily has pulled a straight up “Alison DiLaurentis” disappearance (and come to think of it, Emily pulled one of those Houdini acts, too. Like mothers, like daughter). We’ve all watched enough PLL to know...this won’t end well. The scenic route is going to get bumpy as shit next chapter._


	31. A Shot in the Dark

Lily hadn’t been able to stand her mothers sniping at one another. So when they’d been in the midst of their argument she’d gone back to her room and flopped down on her bed and screamed into her pillow. Seconds later she felt a cold wet nose up against her arm. She looked over and saw Jett looking at her, perplexed. He looked like a worried grandpa when he gave her the puppy dog eyes.

She sighed and assured him she was fine and then sat up and looked around her room. The walls were filled with mementos of her sister. Photographs, smudges from their fights, memories of decorating things together. It was in looking at her memories that she realized there was something she needed to do.

She grabbed her bookbag and dumped its contents on to her bed. She grabbed a change of clothes, a bottle of water, and Grace’s pocketknife and shoved it all into the bag. She walked over to the closet and pulled out a box, flipping the top open to reveal the scrapbook she’d made with Grace for their mothers’ anniversary. She’d come across it in the living room two days ago and had snagged it. She stared at the image of her family on the cover, carefully picking the handmade book up. She put it in her bag and then zipped it up.

She opened her window and pulled the screen out. She shimmied down the drainpipe until she got to an overgrown tree branch and then climbed the rest of the way to the ground. It was an exit Grace had used many times before, which is why Ali and Emily had put Lily in that room. Because they knew Lily was less likely to use it.

But Lily didn’t care about breaking rules tonight. Her moms were fighting. On her birthday. On _Grace’s_ birthday. It was too much. She’d been lost in her emotions, much like Emily. She’d seen her mom struggle since the wreck. She knew everything that Emily was trying to hide. She could sense that her mom had watched her sister die. She knew that it had unraveled her and twisted her into an entirely new person.

Once she was out of the house she’d gone around back and disappeared to a trail in the woods, fortunately out of the prying eyes of Benito Del Toro. He had bigger fish to fry than the kid, so he hadn’t been watching her window.

Lily didn’t feel like being out in the open under the moon and streetlamps. That was a surefire way to get caught being out past curfew. She stuck to the woods and the trails until she got closer to her destination. She stopped at the entrance, thinking about the last time she’d been here.

It had felt like a nightmare watching the casket being lowered into the ground. She had seen so many movies where grieving families threw themselves on the casket as it was disappearing forever. But she hadn’t felt the urge to do anything but run away. A part of her heart was now underneath the soil. She stopped at the headstone, running her fingers over the granite. She stared at the engraving.

_Grace Estella DiLaurentis-Fields._

When Lily was so lost that she couldn’t find herself, Grace was the only person who could help her. That hadn’t changed just because she was gone. She would always gravitate towards her twin, in life and in death.

She felt weird being out at her sister’s final resting place. Typically she tried to avoid the cemetery altogether, because it was too sad. And too morbid. But she needed her sister. Not just in the spiritual sense. She needed to be close to her body.

She stared at the grave in silence. What did people say when they visited their dead loved ones? _‘I’m sorry you’re dead’?_ _‘Are you comfy in that overpriced sarcophagus’? ‘How does the dirt taste’?_

She ran her fingers over the fresh flowers in the vase next to her grave. They were from her grandmother’s yard. Pam came out to the cemetery twice a week and visited Grace, her Grandpa Wayne, and her Grandma Jessica’s graves and brought them flowers.

Lily looked around their family plot. Everyone in her family seemed to meet some horrible grim early fate. She hadn’t been alive when either one of her grandparents had died, but she felt the loss all the same. Looking at pictures of Alison’s mother and Emily’s father made her feel like she knew them. But it was a different kind of grief with Grace. With Grace there was an emptiness, a part of her that would never be whole again. And it hurt. It ached. She felt _so_ much. Anger. Fear. Guilt. Confusion. Sadness. Numbness. Lost. Everything all wrapped up into one tight little emotional package.

Anger over the fact that she was gone, taken from this world. Fear over how she was going to live the rest of her life without her sister by her side. Guilt over the fact that she was still alive to appreciate life when Grace wasn’t. Confusion as to why this had happened. Why was she destined for this? Why was _Grace_ destined for this? Sadness over the loss. Numbness that it was real. She didn’t want to accept that it was real. And lost. Lost because she knew she would be wandering in an aimless desolate place in her head for the rest of her life.

Lily looked at her sister’s name again. And suddenly she could feel her presence…could hear Grace telling her not to be such a baby.

_“Don’t be such a downer.”_

Lily closed her eyes, hoping to hear her sister’s voice inside her mind again. When she didn’t, she opened her eyes and sighed.

“They’re fighting again.” She pulled her backpack off. “They’ve been fighting since you died.” She furrowed her brow. “How is it that you cause more problems dead than you did alive?” She laughed sadly. “It’s a talent, sister.” She lowered herself to her knees. “I don’t know what to do about it anymore, Grace. You were the one who always…” She felt a burning sensation in her nose as tears filled her eyes. “You kept this family from falling apart. I never saw it then, but I do now. You always knew what to do. For being so dumb you really were kind of smart.” She looked up. “You’re probably laughing at me right now. Imagine _me_ coming to _you_ for help.” The roles had often been reversed when they were little. “You left some really big shoes to fill and I feel like I’m never going to fit in them. So what do I do?” She looked at the sky. “Tell me what to do.”

She sat in silence, waiting for some grand sign like people always saw in the movies. An alignment of stars. A shooting meteorite. A light in the distance. _Anything_. But the night was dark and the air was quiet. Lily put the bookbag down and pulled the scrapbook out. She started to flip through it. She could remember every detail from when each picture was taken.

She could see Grace’s irritation in the picture of Alison holding on to the back of Grace’s bike the day they took the training wheels off of it. Grace was glaring at her mom, her feet firmly on the pedals like she was ready to ride to a BMX tournament the moment Ali let her go.

She flipped the page and looked at the snapshot of her and Grace in their living room when they were three and Alison had insisted on dressing them alike for a family picture they could use for a holiday card. They were smiling in the picture, but moments before the camera went off they had been squabbling and there had been an altercation with a doll. Emily had scolded Grace,

_“Grace, don’t hit your sister in the head with that doll!”_

Grace had gone into a tantrum and had thrown the doll at Emily. Emily and Alison refused to feed her bad behavior and so she’d eventually calmed down and posed for the picture. Lily could see a little red mark on her left temple where Grace had hit her.

On the adjoining page there was a photo that Pam had taken of all four of them at a giant water fountain. They were five at the time. Lily remembered being in awe of the dancing water. She also remembered Grace trying to dive into the pool at the bottom. She was sitting on the edge of the cement barrier, leaning forward. Emily had a hold of her little suspenders, which was the only thing keeping her from belly flopping into the fountain. Her little blue sunhat was falling off of her head. Lily was pointing and smiling. Ali was mid-laugh.

Then there was the one on the cover. Lily would never forget that day. Not twenty minutes before the picture was taken Lily had been walking along the shore looking for seashells. She’d been lost in thought, in her own little world. She’d stopped to watch the ocean crashing against the sand, the water rolling up to her shins.

The tide was rolling in. She marveled at the wall of waves. It was so fascinating to her that those huge walls of water started as tiny ripples in the current. And it just kept building. She liked to watch it from afar. Unlike her sister who would have been out in a hurricane trying to hang ten on a surfboard, Lily respected the water.

 _“I’d offer you a penny for your thoughts, but your mind isn’t worth that much.”_ She felt something stick her in her side. When she looked over she saw Grace poking her. When Lily didn’t die in hysterics at her joke Grace added, _“See, it’s funny because a penny is the least amount of money in existence. It’s less than a dime…and a nickel.”_

 _“I’m surprised you can count that high.”_ Lily teased. _“Besides, like you have a penny to your name? You always come to ‘The Bank of Lily’ when you need something.”_

 _“And I sucker the bank teller every time.”_ Grace shoved Lily playfully. _“So, what’s up, sister? You’re in one of those weird quiet moods.”_

_“I’m always weird and quiet.”_

_“Key qualities of a psychopath.”_ Grace teased. Lily scowled at her. _“Hey, I’m not judging. If you want to pull some Thelma and Louise type shit I’ll be right there in the front seat with you. Just give a girl some warning before you decide to go over that cliff.”_

 _“Come on, be_ _real.”_ Lily laughed. _“You’d be the one steering us towards disaster and you know it.”_

 _“And you’d be screaming at me like a nagging GPS the whole way. ‘In 400 feet make a U-turn away from certain death’.”_ Grace chuckled. She paused, her playful manner fading, giving way to her very seldom seen serious side. _“So, what’s bugging you?”_

_“It’s nothing.”_

_“Lily…come on. Don’t be such a martyr.”_ Grace rolled her eyes. _“God, you can be such a baby sometimes. Are you going to make me sit on you and rub your face into the sand to make you tell me?”_

Lily laughed again, but then her gaze drifted out to the swelling seawater. The truth was she’d been unsettled because she’d had an insanely realistic dream the night before and she couldn’t shake it.

_“I had this dream last night. It was dark and I was stuck in this room all alone. And it was filling up with water and I was running out of air. And all I wanted was our moms and you. It’s like I couldn’t even feel you guys existed anymore. It was just…unnerving, you know?”_

_“Yeah, I’ve had dreams like that.”_ Grace nodded in understanding. She’d actually had those kinds of dreams since she was little. Some of her most vivid nightmares were of her trapped and separated from her family.

 _“It just made me realize that I don’t really know who I am without you guys.”_ Lily admitted. She looked at her mothers in the distance. Emily was whispering something to Alison that was making her grin from ear to ear. They were so happy. _“You ever think about what would happen if something ever happened to them?”_

_“Wow, morbid much?”_

_“I’m serious. Don’t you ever think about the future? We’re going to be 15 soon.”_

_“So?”_

_“So…things are changing. We’re getting older. We’re going to have to make our own way. And I don’t have a clue how to do that.”_ Her identity had been wrapped up in her family for as long as she could remember. She was Emily and Alison’s daughter and Grace’s twin sister. But she had no idea who Lily DiLaurentis _was_.

 _“You are way too young to be having a mid-life crisis.”_ Grace scoffed. _“You need to learn to shut your brain off before it overheats. You’re becoming all jaded. You think too much.”_

_“You don’t think enough.”_

_“But I do think, Lil. You and I are cut from the same cloth. LITERALLY. Well, same fertilized egg, whatever…”_ She digressed. _“The point is that I think a lot about the same things you think about. I just don’t let it overwhelm me. Yeah, we’re growing up. So what? That’s something that everyone in the world does. We all do it differently. We’re all in that same boat going up the same river. And no one really has a clue how to steer the damn thing. We’re all just guessing. That’s the fun of life.”_

_“How do you do that?”_

_“Do what?”_

_“Keep going despite knowing everything is going to change?”_

_“Change is good for us. Keeps us on our toes.”_ Grace replied. She glanced at the ocean, a very Grace-like idea springing to mind to get her sister out of her funk. _“You’ve got to get out of your head once in a while. Be more in the moment.”_

She watched the approaching wave. Lily got wind of what she was going to do seconds before it happened.

_“Grace, don’t you dare! I JUST got dry…”_

But it was too late. Grace grabbed her, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist. She leaped backwards into the rolling current, pulling them both into the giant splash the water made as it came to shore. Grace let go of Lily and then backpedaled while snickering loudly. Lily wiped her eyes and ran her hand through her messy tangled hair. She stared at her sister and then started laughing darkly.

 _“I’m going to kill you.”_ She said it so serenely that it only could have been taken as a statement and not an idle threat. She lunged forward.

 _“Ah, son of a…”_ Grace quickly ducked under the water and started swimming away from her.

_“Get back here you little shit!”_

By the time she caught up to her they were laughing. Lily threw her arms forward and sent a large splash of water into Grace’s face. Grace retaliated by throwing seaweed at her. It smacked her in the face.

 _“You are a miserable sister.”_ Lily spit chunks of ocean water and debris out of her mouth. But she was smiling.

_“But you love me anyway.”_

_“I’m obligated to.”_

Grace chuckled.

 _“Listen, real talk, I’ll always be there for you,”_ Grace said.

 _“Not if I kill you first.”_ Lily paddled forward.

 _“Wait, truce! Truce!”_ Grace threw her hands up.

 _“Okay…”_ Lily swam up beside her.

 _“You’re a good sister.”_ Grace breathed a sigh of relief.

 _“Not that good.”_ Lily grinned, grabbing Grace’s shoulders and dunking her under the water.

She’d come up and spit a mouthful of saltwater into Lily’s face. They horsed around for a few minutes, their family on the shore in the distance. They’d come out of the water laughing, joining their mothers, who had watched the whole thing unfold. Moments later Pam had suggested an impromptu picture.

That photo was now a treasured memory for Lily and her family. She ran her fingers over it. She closed the scrapbook and looked at Grace’s grave.

“You were right that day,” Lily said. “I get too in my head about shit.” She paused and her brow crinkled. “Is it sacrilegious to say ‘shit’ in a cemetery?” She thought about it and then shrugged. “Whatever. You’d probably laugh and then try to one up me by saying ‘fuck’. I miss you doing that kind of stuff to me.”

She leaned the scrapbook against Grace’s headstone, her eyes fixed on the photo on the front. Grace had picked the picture out. She’d said it showcased their family dynamic perfectly. And it really did. Grace was being the ham that she was and Lily and their moms were eating it up.

“There’s so much I want to talk to you about.” Lily glanced up at the sky again, not sure what she believed, but hoping that Grace could hear her. “I’ve got a lot going on and I’m just…” She searched for the right word, “…lost. It’s like I’m in this car that’s going uphill, but there’s no momentum pushing it forward. The car is struggling and there’s this gravitational pull that makes me feel weightless and helpless…and it’s not going anywhere. Life is just a lot harder without you.”

Her face tightened as she tried to fight back her bubbling feelings. Like her mother, she had been holding the heavy stuff inside. And though she hadn’t seen Emily completely fall apart, she felt it.

“There’s something going on with mom. She’s acting like a complete spaz. It’s freaking me out. I think it’s freaking mom out, too. I’ve never seen her this…unhinged. But I know it’s just her weird way of coping. But it’s kind of scary. I’ve never seen them fight so much. They think I don’t know. Or they try to hide it from me. Maybe a little of both. But they are both falling apart. I try to look at it the way you would. Nothing is forever, right?”

Except death. But even then, a part of the soul lived on in the people who loved those who had died. It wasn’t easy carrying on without them though. It made Lily angry. It made her so mad she couldn’t see straight sometimes. And the rage came in unexpected bursts. She felt a hot pit of anger in her stomach, slowly creeping into her veins.

“It shouldn’t be like this. You should be here. I was supposed to be asking you advice about Eli right now.” She sighed. “I have this…thing for him, I think. Don’t you judge me.” She warned, like her sister was going to jump out from behind a tree and point and laugh at her. “He’s really been there for me, not just since you’ve been gone. I’m starting to realize he’s always been there. He just understands me. But am I supposed to go for it? You were supposed to talk me through this. And I was supposed to tease you until you asked Sam out. And then you were supposed to date him and we were supposed to finish high school and then go to college together. And then you were supposed to rebel and drop out and act like a hippie hobo and sleep on my dorm room floor for a semester until you got your shit together and re-enrolled before our moms found out. We were supposed to marry the loves of our lives, raise our kids like we were raised. We were supposed to get old and gray and cause shenanigans in our retirement home together.”

But life had other plans. It always did. She watched her future with her sister circling down the drain and it sparked the flame that ignited the powder keg in her soul.

“But you ruined all that. You _ruined_ it. God, why’d you have to go and die?” Lily growled under her breath. Was she really blaming her dead sister for her problems? What kind of sister was she? Tears filled her eyes. “You ruined everything, Grace.” Her jaw trembled. “You were supposed to be here. But now our moms are fighting and nothing feels right about our family and none of my life makes sense anymore. You were supposed to be here for me. You told me you’d always be here. I needed you. I still need you…”

Angry tears rolled down her cheeks. She’d exhausted the pain side of her grief. Now she was just irrationally angry.

“I really fucking miss you.” Lily ground her teeth together. “God, I miss you, Grace.” She wiped her face. “And I’m pissed at you for leaving me…for dying.” She twirled Grace’s pocketknife around in her fingers. “But as mad as I am, I wouldn’t spend our birthday with anyone else.”

She flipped the blade out and stared at it. She’d had it on her or close to her every day since Grace died. She remembered the day her mom had given them their pocketknives. They’d just turned eleven. Four years ago seemed like an eternity to Lily.

She sat next to her sister for a little while. The graveyard was so quiet. She crawled to her feet, trying to figure out what to do next. She didn’t want to go home. So she started walking. She didn’t have a destination in mind. She was just letting her subconscious lead the way. She was unaware of just how much danger her family was in. She was unaware that she was going to lead disaster directly to them.

That disaster, aptly nicknamed by himself after his favorite action star, was keeping a bird’s-eye view on the DiLaurentis-Fields wives as they drove through the streets of their town looking for their daughter.

Emily had gotten ahold of Aria and had explained that Lily was missing.

“Can you check with Fiona and Kai to see if she’s called them?”

“Fiona is at a sleepover at Holden’s with Scarlett and a few other kids from school. And Kai is with Ezra out at the cabin. Toby and Caleb went with Eli and Levi, too. They’re taking the boys camping.”

Which explained why Toby hadn’t returned Emily’s call from earlier. Emily wanted to bash her head against the dashboard. She couldn’t catch a fucking break. As if she could sense Emily’s tension over the phone, Aria tried to comfort her.

“I’m sure she’s fine, Em. Kids run off sometimes. It’s what they do. Hell, Kai ran away when he was five over some horrible parental injustice. Took a box of cereal, a pillow, and toilet paper and went out to the shed in the backyard. I wanted to drag his ass back inside, but Ezra told me to let him carry out his tantrum. He was back home in a few hours. Lily will come home,” she assured her.

The only difference was that Kai didn’t have a ruthless murderer after his mother when he’d decided to run away.

“Yeah.” Emily muttered. “We’re just worried.”

She didn’t go into the details of _why_ she was worried, something that Ali immediately called attention to after Emily finished the call.

“You didn’t tell her the _whole_ truth.”

“Ali, I don’t have it in me right now.” Emily shook her head with a sigh. She rubbed her temples.

“What did she say?”

“She’s going to text Fiona, but she’s at a sleepover. And the boys are all camping out, which pretty much negates my idea that she went to Spencer’s to see Eli.”

“Why Eli?”

“Because she likes him.”

“She likes all of her friends…” It took a moment for Emily’s words to register with her. She glanced at her. “Wait, she likes him? Like _likes_ him likes him?”

“I don’t know. I thought I did, but now I’m just…” She shook her head. “I’ve been wrong about so much lately.” She put her hands on her knees and leaned forward, fighting back a wave of nervous nausea.

Ali saw the motion. In the overhead light from a passing streetlight she saw Emily’s face.

“You look kind of green.” Ali pointed out.

“Our daughter is missing and there’s a psychopath after me. Just give me a minute.” She pulled in a deep breath to fight off her internal panic. If Del Toro hurt Lily Emily was going to go nuclear.

Ali didn’t say anything, but she reached over and rubbed Emily’s back to try and help. Emily sat back up and then looked at her phone again.

“Try Hanna and Spencer.” Ali suggested. “Maybe she’s tried to get in touch with Harper or Iris.”

“Hanna already texted me back. She says Iris hasn’t talked to her. And I haven’t heard back from Spencer yet. Aria is going to try and get in touch with her.”

“Where would she go?”

“I don’t know. But if anything happens to her I’ll never forgive myself.” Emily rubbed the right side of her face.

“Don’t go there, Em. I’m not about to go on that guilt train with you again. Since Grace died you have done _nothing_ but blame yourself. And look where that got you.”

Emily felt a wave of shame.

“You’re doing it again.” Ali could tell by her silence.

“I’m not.” Emily replied. “I…I was just thinking…if she…”

“No.” Ali interrupted her angrily. “No more _ifs_. A piece of metal broke off _inside_ of your stomach. It ripped you open.” She yanked Emily’s shirt up, exposing her scar. “You were bleeding out. You were hurt, too. You were _dying_. Lily and I almost lost you, too. How is it that you don’t get that?” At what point had Emily stopped caring about her own life?

“I _do_ get it.” Emily replied softly.

She could feel Ali’s hand shaking against her shirt. She put her palm over Ali’s fingers. Her touch was hot against Ali’s skin. For a second, Ali just appreciated her warmness.

“And I know that I was lucky I didn’t die.” Though she hadn’t felt so lucky at the time. “I need you to know that I don’t…” She sighed, “…I don’t take you and Lily for granted. What I said back at home about you two keeping me going…I meant it. I know I’ve had a real shitty way of showing it since Grace died.” She flinched. Saying it still hurt. “But I love you two more than anything in the world. I never meant to hurt you.”

She’d been too blinded to see beyond her grief, but she’d seen the utter terror on Ali’s face at the house when she’d gotten home earlier.

“It’s just that I can’t stop asking myself why it was her and not me. I would have given anything to trade places with her. And I know that’s not what you want to hear. But when I saw…” She closed her eyes and took a breath, “…when I saw the look on her face…” Tears burned her throat. “She knew she was dying.”

Ali pulled her hand away from Emily’s to get a better grip on the steering wheel. She tightened her grip around the leather.

“I wanted to take that away from her. I wanted to…” She drifted off and sighed and she continued what she was going to tell Ali before Ali had lost her temper, “ _If_ she was trapped in the car and I couldn’t get her out…I was going to stay and die with her.”

Ali couldn’t stop the dejected noise that came out of her mouth. She had suspected it, but she’d never heard Emily admit it.

“When I thought we weren’t going to get out I wasn’t going to leave her. I was going to stay with her even if it killed me, too. It wasn’t even a question.”

Ali felt her right hand tighten so much around the steering wheel that it started to cramp up. She gently pulled it back and flexed her knuckles and then laid her forearm against the center console of the car, absentmindedly curling her fingers around the edge.

“I know that.” Ali sighed. “I know that because I’ve watched you nearly kill yourself every day since then.” She kept her eyes fixed on the road. “But like I said earlier, I can’t do it anymore.”

They had been trying to fight through this for months. Something had to change. The definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. And that’s exactly what they were doing. She knew she had to take care of herself. For her daughter’s sake. She thought back to what Emily had told her in the hospital,

_“You can’t take care of her if you’re trying to take care of me. You have to take care of yourselves.”_

She had been on to something that day. Ali cleared her throat.

“Em, it’s too hard to fight against you. I can’t keep wondering and worrying about something that I can’t change. It has to come from you.”

“I’m trying.”

“I know you are,” Ali said sadly. “You know, Ruby said that it’s not uncommon for problems in marriages to arise after the death of a child.”

“I know.” Emily sighed. “I never thought it would happen to us though. I wish I could do things over. I wish I could spare you the pain…”

“No. Don’t blame yourself. I’m just as much to blame for this. There are a lot of things I should have done differently, too.” Ali’s forehead crinkled in thought. “Em, what you said…back at the house. You didn’t break anything. You’ve just been in so much pain…” She’d never seen her in this amount of pain before. She was still shaken by the depths of Emily’s emotions she’d felt when they were together in the shower. “You’re hurt and you’re grieving.”

“But?” Emily knew she wasn’t finished.

“You’re right,” Ali said. “It’s not a good idea for us to be around each other right now. We need some space. To deal.”

Emily nodded in agreement.

“It’s for the best.” Emily hesitantly reached out to touch Alison’s hand. Her fingers brushed Ali’s knuckles. Ali flipped her hand over and they laced their fingers together. “But just until we figure out who is behind this. I want us to be okay.”

“Let’s just focus on getting Lily home safe first.” Ali avoided the statement.

It hit Emily hard to hear it. Not just because Lily was out there and in danger. But that Ali didn’t address them being okay.

“Yeah.” Emily stuttered out.

She started to pull her hand away from Ali’s, but despite her words…Ali couldn’t let her go. In fact, she tightened her grip. It was scary for her to think of who she was without Emily. So Emily held her hand in silence as she tried to wrap her head around everything that was happening. She tried to think straight. She tried to focus on her daughter. Where did Lily go when she was lost?

And suddenly, like an electric bolt shooting through her brain, it hit her.

To Grace.

“Turn left up here.” Emily glanced at Ali.

Ali didn’t ask any questions. She followed Emily’s directions. After a few more turns Ali knew exactly where they were going.

Neither of them saw the car tailing them. Del Toro had done this many times. He knew exactly how to stay under the radar. He kept the headlights off and stayed far enough back that he was virtually invisible. He wasn’t worried about losing them because he’d put trackers on both of their cars.

He could feel the loaded gun in his waistband burning a hole through his pants. This was the opportunity he’d been waiting for all day. He couldn’t have planned this even if he wanted to. This was the _perfect_ situation. The further they got away from the city the less likely there would be witnesses, or anyone around to help.

He watched as the car turned a corner out of sight. He pulled into a hidden drive that was normally reserved for emergency vehicles. He put the car in park and let it idle. He grabbed the tracker and kept his eye on the GPS. He watched as the little blinking dot on the device pulled off into a parking lot, and he realized it was the cemetery.

When the dot stopped moving he climbed out of the car. He left the engine idling and locked the car with a second set of keys he had. And he used the cover of the trees to trek to the back side of the cemetery.

He was nearing the last row of graves just as Ali and Emily were coming upon Grace’s headstone. He ducked behind a mausoleum and grabbed his gun. A graveyard wouldn’t be such a bad place for her to die. He was being thoughtful in the fact that he was saving her family from having to have her body hauled out to the cemetery. He was cutting out the middleman.

He looked around for a way to get closer, but there wasn’t a good hidden path. They were too exposed. They would see him coming, and Emily was already on high alert. He lined up his sight. He could always take the shot from a distance, but he wanted her to see him before she died. He wanted to look into her eyes.

Emily kneeled down in front of the grave, the reflection of something small in the moonlight catching her eye. She saw Grace’s pocketknife sticking out of the soil, the bottom edge of the handle stuck into the ground, the rest of it leaning against the headstone. The weight of it was holding a small square piece of paper against the headstone.

Emily slid the flimsy material out from underneath the weight of the pocketknife. It was a folded up photo of Lily and Grace from their fifth birthday party. They were both grinning from ear to ear. Grace was missing her two front teeth. Lily was missing three. The tooth fairy had been busy that month.

Near the base of the grave there was a small freshly etched engraving barely visible above the dirt. It was a heart with an infinity symbol in it with Grace’s initials in one end and Lily’s in the other. It was so subtle that Emily had almost missed it.

“She was here.” Emily stood up and looked around the cemetery. Her eyes fell back on her daughter’s headstone and she froze.

Ali suddenly realized that this was the first time Emily had been to Grace’s burial site. She’d been in the hospital when Grace was laid to rest and had avoided the cemetery when she got out. Emily was an expert at avoiding things, but she couldn’t avoid the death of her child when it was staring at her from her grave. Seeing Grace’s name on the tombstone stirred something inside of her. Ali could see the pain etched on her face in the moonlight. As angry as she was she knew how overwhelming it was.

Ali put her palm against Emily’s arm. Emily blinked, tears close to spilling out over her lids. She couldn’t fall apart. Not now. Not here.

“You okay?” Ali asked.

“Yeah, it’s just…the first time, it’s…” _Emotional. Overwhelming. Real._

“I know.”

“I never asked…” Emily ran her fingers against the cool granite. “How the service was.”

“I…” Ali’s brow tensed in thought. “I don’t remember it. I think…I think it was nice. But all I remember is wanting you there with me.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through it alone.”

“I wasn’t alone.” Ali glanced at Grace’s headstone. “I had Lily. And the girls. I had our family. _You_ were the one alone, Em. You’ve been going at this alone since she died. That’s what the problem is. You won’t let anyone help you.”

“I didn’t know how.” Emily admitted. “I’ve been an only child my whole life, Ali. Everything I went through when I was younger I had to learn to deal with by myself. Even when I have support, at the end of the day I know that I have to process things alone. And after my dad died I just…I kind of retreated into myself. It changed me. I thought I could handle anything, because I thought the worst thing that had ever happened was over. But then…with Grace…” Her fingers curled up against the headstone. “I don’t have to tell you how much it hurt. You know.” She took her hand off of the granite. “But I didn’t…I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” Emily felt a lump in her throat. She was shaking. “I woke up and she was just…gone. I woke up in a world without our baby girl. And I feel like I’ve been living a nightmare ever since.”

Ali felt tears biting at her eyes. She didn’t know what to say to comfort her, because she knew the realistic nightmare well. She stood beside her wordlessly, looking at their daughter’s final resting place. She reached out and took Emily’s hand, their fingers weaving together naturally.

Emily absentmindedly rubbed her thumb over the photo in her other hand. She reached up and wiped her face with the back of her hand holding the picture. She cleared her throat and looked at Ali.

“We have to go.” Emily sniffled. “Lily is still out there. We have to find her.”

“Where do you think she went?”

Emily’s gaze fell back on the photo. Lily and Grace looked so much like her that she felt like she was looking into a mirror of her own childhood. She stared at Lily’s face. She thought about all of the places she went when she was Lily’s age when she was feeling broken and lost. She thought about the place she went after the dollhouse, when she was feeling alone and vulnerable. Charlotte had taken something away from them there. Something she had never gotten back.

Ever since then she’d fallen heavily into her anger to bury her feelings. Hanna had called her on it a few weeks ago. She buried herself in everything other than what she was really feeling. She looked for an outlet. And the first place she went every time she was feeling powerless and out of control was a place where she could feel strong and in control.

The gun range.

At her core, Lily was Emily’s daughter. Soft and sensitive, but also wildly emotional. She let everything inside build to a breaking point. If there was somewhere she’d go, the gun range would be it.

“I might have an idea. Come on.” Emily turned around and pulled Ali’s hand to prompt her to follow her.

They started walking towards the car. Emily paused and looked back at Grace’s grave. She didn’t see the shadow in the distance using the cover of the trees to slither back into the darkness and dart back to his car. When he got back to his car he glanced at the tracker. He saw the direction their car was heading and put in a call to one of his guys. He had an idea that would stall them long enough for him to take his shot.

Ten minutes later, Ali and Emily came upon a roadblock. Ali put her foot on the brake and uttered an obscenity under her breath. They looked at the “road closed” barrier.

“The range is just up the block.” Emily glanced down the street, glancing at her watch. It closed in five minutes. “If she’s there they’ll be kicking her out any minute. Why don’t you circle the block? That way we’ve got both directions covered.” Emily reached for the door.

Ali reached out and grabbed her arm. They were fighting. She was angry. But she still loved her wife. And she knew how much danger she was in.

“Be careful.”

“You too.” Emily nodded.

Emily climbed out of the car and ran around the barrier. She sprinted down the street. Ali waited until she rounded the corner and then backed the car up to take the long way around. As her headlights disappeared, a shadowy figure came walking out of the darkness, following Emily.

She reached the gun range just as it was getting ready to close. The over-tired manager pointed to the clock and mentioned it as she walked in.

“I’m not here to shoot,” Emily said. “I’m just looking for my daughter.”

“You don’t look old enough to have a daughter.” He looked at her in confusion.

“Unless she used a fake ID. Or don’t you check them anymore?” Emily asked. Of course he didn’t. This place wasn’t exactly on the up and up.

“There are two people finishing up on the range. Be my guest.” He waved her back.

Emily grabbed a pair of ear muffs and opened the door to the shooting range just as a short stocky guy wearing a baseball cap was coming through the door. The first thing that came through the door was a worn down army boot with a small hole in the side. She glanced up and he acknowledged her and kept walking. She had no idea he was the one who had set up the blockade that had separated her from her wife. He grabbed his phone and texted Del Toro.

_“Got eyes on her. But we got a snag. The kid is with her. We still a go?”_

Seconds later he got a response,

_“It’ll serve as a good distraction. Take the kid. She’ll be so busy trying to save her she’ll never see me coming. I’ll take care of her.”_

_“10-4.”_

They were in business.

Just as Emily had suspected, Lily had come to the gun range to work out some of her feelings. But what Emily hadn’t realized when she was Lily’s age, and what Lily didn’t realize, was that you were _never_ supposed to bring anger to a gun range. Emily’s mother had told her that. She saw her in the third to last row, aiming and firing at a target.

Emily’s heart dropped into her stomach. She instantly knew what her mom felt like all those years ago when she’d cornered Emily at the gun range taking her anger out with a weapon after she’d been held captive in the dollhouse.

Lily saw her approaching, but didn’t take her eyes off of the target. She blasted off a round, the kickback jerking her arm. She had never handled a gun before, but she’d looked through an instruction manual on how to do it. She’d fired off a couple of clips before Emily got there. She’d just put the last clip in. She took her finger off the trigger and glanced at Emily when she heard her name being called. She saw her mom mouth the words _“put the gun down.”_

But Lily didn’t react. Instead she turned her head and fired off another round. She had a little more control over the kickback. Emily didn’t stop moving until she was right next to Lily. Through the protective ear gear Lily could hear Emily talking loudly to her.

“Lily, you can’t be here. It’s dangerous.”

“It’s not too dangerous for you.” Lily smarted back. She held Emily’s gaze. “I heard you and mom fighting. I know you’re doing something out here.”

Ali had been right. Lily was way too smart for Emily to fool. She knew. She’d known what Emily was up to all along. And she’d been modeling her behavior after her. And it had to stop. It would never end. Not until Emily could show her what letting go looked like.

“I was wrong. Sometimes adults are idiots,” Emily said. “I know I lost sight of what was important. I know things have been hard since Grace died…”

Lily cut her off by firing off two more rounds. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to think about it.

“Lily…”

“No!” Lily growled as she pulled the trigger again. “Leave me alone!”

“That’s not going to happen.” Emily shook her head.

She saw Lily’s nostrils flare. Her eyes were glassy with tears. She aimed the gun again and fired off several more rounds. She fired until the clip was empty, but she didn’t stop squeezing the trigger when she heard the click of the empty gun. She kept pushing the trigger, as if bullets were going to magically reappear in the chamber.

She squeezed desperately, her emotions trapped without anywhere to go without the blast of the gun providing release anymore. Emily reached out, gently putting her hand on top of the gun, lowering it. Lily didn’t fight her. She moved with her mother’s motions until the gun was flat against the table.

She turned a cold shoulder to Emily, not wanting to face her, or her emotions. Emily pulled her protective ear gear off and then reached out and took the ear muffs off of Lily’s ears.

“Lily, look at me.” When she didn’t turn around Emily walked over in front of her. “Sweetheart, I’m here for you. Your mother and I are both here for you. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”

Lily’s stance softened. Her shoulders relaxed. Emily could see the emotions washing across her face.

“I shouldn’t have come here.” Her voice was full of remorse. “But I…” She bit her lip. She didn’t want to cry.

“You visited your sister,” Emily said softly.

Lily nodded.

“I did, too.” Emily added, nearly a whisper. Lily just stared at her, like she was afraid to let her emotions come to the surface, like it would break her mother if she did. Emily sensed what she was doing. She put her palm against Lily’s cheek. “It’s okay to miss her, Lil. It’s okay to be upset.”

That was all it took. Lily wrapped her arms around Emily and started crying.

“I miss her.”

Emily squeezed her back, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.

“I know, baby. Me, too.”

“It hurts so much. Mom, it hurts.” She buried her face into Emily’s shoulder. Emily clutched her daughter tight. “It’s never going to stop hurting, is it?”

“It will. In time.” She was impressed with how confident her voice came out considering she was trembling on the inside. “Your grandmother once told me that it may seem like when you’re grieving you’re going to carry that grief around with you forever, but with time eventually it will stop hurting so much.”

She was trying to live by that philosophy. Somehow, knowing that Lily needed her evened out her emotions and blocked out some of her own pain. She held her, stroking her back and telling her it was going to be okay. Emily did for Lily what Ali had done for her. She had been able to do for Lily what Ali had done for her _because_ of Ali.

Lily finally settled. She pulled away from her mom and wiped her face. She started to say something, but the owner of the gun range came in to hurry them out because it was past closing and he wanted to go home.

“Come on. Let’s go call your mother. She’s probably worried sick.” Emily guided Lily towards the door.

Lily followed her. They walked out, Emily expecting to find Ali’s car, but the street was deserted. It wasn’t odd for this block at this time of night, but it was still a little unnerving. Emily grabbed her phone to call Ali. Her phone buzzed when she swiped the screen. Emily glanced at it, realizing her battery was running out. All the calls Ali had made earlier had drained the life out of it. She quickly called her wife. Ali picked up almost instantly.

“Hey. Did you find her?” Ali asked.

“She’s okay,” Emily replied. “She’s safe. She’s with me.”

“Thank God.” Ali huffed. There was a pause and then a grumble, “I am going to beat her ass.”

“My phone is about dead.” Emily looked around. “Where are you?”

“I’m just around the block. I ran into another road closure. But I’m almost there. I’ll bring the car around.”

“See you in a minute.” Emily hung up.

“How mad is she?” Lily looked at her mother apprehensively.

“I’ve done way worse.” Emily assured her. “You’ll be fine.”

“You’ll protect me from her, right?”

“Oh, no.” Emily laughed. “You’re on your own there, kid.”

Lily stuck her tongue out at Emily and they both laughed.

It felt good to laugh, but their laughter was cut short. It happened in an instant. An arm reached out from behind a set of stairs, grabbing Lily around her neck and yanking her back.

“Mom!” Lily exclaimed.

“Don’t move.” A deep gravelly voice warned. He had something pressed up against Lily’s back, a weapon of some kind.

“Hey, whatever it is you want, she’s not a part of it.” Emily sputtered out before she was even thinking. “Just let her go and I’ll give you whatever you want.”

Her eyes scanned the attacker, looking for any points of weakness. Her gaze fell upon the boot with the hole in it. The guy from the gun range. He probably had a gun to Lily’s back. Emily felt like she was going to throw up.

“Phone, wallet, and wedding ring.” The attacker demanded, trying to hold her attention. His boss was right around the corner, getting ready to strike.

“I don’t have my wallet on me.” Emily held her hands up where the man could see them. “I’m going to put my phone on the ground and kick it over to you, okay?”

“You try to pull anything…”

“I won’t.” Though every bone in her body was begging her to leap on top of him and rip his head off for threatening her kid.

She quickly kicked her phone over to him.

“Now the ring!” He yelled, making a dramatic show of it.

“Hey, easy,” Emily said calmly, one hand raised in submission, the other protectively reaching for her daughter. She started to slide the ring off of her finger.

Lily locked eyes with her mom. She could almost _hear_ Emily talking her through how to defend herself in her mind. She held her mom’s gaze, her eyes asking whether or not she should go for it. Emily very subtly nodded her head. The man’s attention was fixed on Emily. If Lily had a chance to get away, now was the time.

Lily took a deep breath and then threw her elbow into the meat of his stomach and then picked up her foot and slammed her heel against the soft spot on his shoe. The man loosened his grip and Lily quickly sprang forward. As soon as Lily was free of his grasp Emily lunged for him. They stumbled around on the pavement and he slipped off of the curb. He lost his footing and went down against the asphalt head first. Emily fell with him, her weight on top of his. The blow knocked him out. A knife skidded out of his hand and across the road.

“Are you okay?” Lily grabbed her arm to try and help her to her feet.

She was. But something about the attack had felt off to Emily. As she was getting her footing she heard a strange warning in her head,

_“There’s always one more gat pointed at you than you think.”_

By the time she realized it was a set-up, it was too late. She spun around and the gun was pointed at her and Lily. She recognized it immediately. It was the gun she’d lost in the explosion. It was _her_ gun. The person wielding it was wearing a mask that was covering most of his face, but she could see the whites of his eyes. Something about them was hauntingly familiar. Her eyes scanned the gunman.

The gun toggled between Lily and Emily as he tried to decide who he was going to kill first. He couldn’t leave any witnesses. The gun stopped on Lily. Emily’s eyes widened.

“Mom!” Lily cried out.

And suddenly, Emily was back in the car. Back with Grace. The twisted metal, the shattered glass, the water pouring in. She saw the flash of the muzzle. There was a crack in the air and Emily knew this time it wasn’t just a car backfiring or distant thunder. She knew it wasn’t just a champagne bottle cork or her mind playing tricks on her.

All she could picture was Grace’s last breath. All she could picture was losing another daughter. She pushed Lily back with her arm, and took a step to the side to make sure she was fully in front of her.

She felt the bullet strike her, ripping in to her. It was hot, like molten lava. She felt like screaming, but nothing came out. Her adrenaline was taking over. She wasn’t going to stop until Lily was safe.

She dropped her ring. It clinked when it hit the cement. She quickly spun around and wrapped her arms around Lily, pulling her down the sidewalk away from the danger. She could feel the warmth of the blood drenching her shirt. She glanced down just long enough to see the tiny red stain blossoming into a crimson rose on her clothing.

Another shot rang out. A bullet whizzed by them. She could smell the gun powder in the air. She could feel her blood rushing away from her extremities. She pushed forward, sending them toppling into an alley, pushing Lily until she was tucked behind a dumpster.

Lily slid to the ground, trembling, not realizing her mother had been hit. Her face was white in shock. Seconds later, Emily dropped to the ground next to her. Lily’s eyes widened when she saw the blood.

She opened her mouth to ask her if she was okay, but Emily gently put her hand against Lily’s mouth to try and keep her quiet. She pushed her other hand up against the hole the bullet had left in her stomach. She didn’t feel blood on the back of her shirt, so she knew there wasn’t an exit wound. The bullet was lodged somewhere inside of her.

Del Toro started to chase after her, but stopped when he saw headlights rounding the corner. He looked at his guy against the ground slowly coming out of his unconsciousness. He glanced at the gun and uttered out a string of profanities and then decided he needed to call it. He had to get his man out before they got caught.

He’d shot her. She’d looked right into his eyes and he’d shot her. He’d hit her abdomen. He’d seen the look of pain on her face. She was as good as dead. So instead of going for the head shot like he really wanted, he grabbed the things Emily had dropped to keep as a souvenir and then hauled his downed warrior to his feet and they took off in the opposite direction.

Emily heard their footsteps fading. She looked over at Lily and slowly pulled her hand away from her mouth.

“Are you hurt?” Emily asked.

Lily didn’t answer. Her eyes were fixed on the blood seeping through Emily’s fingers.

“Lily, are you hurt?” Emily pushed her palm against Lily’s neck with her free hand, forcing her to look into her eyes.

Lily shook her head, tears in her eyes.

“Mom…” Lily squeaked, her eyes drifting down towards the blood.

Emily was doing her best to try to hide her pain from her daughter, but she couldn’t hide the sweat that was building up all over her body. She couldn’t hide the growing red stain on her shirt. She wanted to lift her shirt and look at the wound, but she didn’t want to scare her daughter any more than she already was.

“I’m fine, Lil. It’s okay.” But her hands were shaking and the color was already starting to drain from her cheeks.

“You…you’re bleeding.” Lily blinked in surprise. Emily could tell she was going in to shock.

“I’m okay, baby. Just stay calm.” She rubbed her daughter’s cheek.

“No.” Lily shook her head in tears. “No, you’re not okay. You…you need a doctor.” Lily grabbed her arm, the motion sending a surprising amount of pain through Emily’s body. Lily stopped moving her when she saw the pain on Emily’s face. “We have to get you to a doctor. You…you have to get up. Mom, you have to…” She put her hand against Emily’s arm. “I don’t want you to die.”

“I’m not going to die.”

Lily whimpered when she saw that the blood stain was growing.

“I’m scared.” Lily’s voice was quiet and shaky. She grabbed Emily’s hand and squeezed it, smearing blood on the both of their palms. “Mom, you need help.”

“We’ll be fine, honey. Your mom is on her way. She’ll be here any minute.” Emily tried to calm her down. “We’ll be…” Suddenly a searing pain tore through her body. She bit down on her tongue to keep from screaming. She could taste the blood where her teeth had ripped into her tongue. She felt a gentle pressure against the wound and then heard a frustrated grumble.

“I can’t…I can’t stop the bleeding.” Lily stuttered. “It won’t stop. Tell me how to stop it. I want…I want to help. Please.” She frantically bunched Emily’s shirt up and pressed her hand against Emily’s injury.

Emily closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath and Lily almost had a full blown panic attack.

“Mom!” she cried. “Mom, don’t die. Please don’t die.”

“I’m right here, Lil.” Emily opened her eyes. “I just needed to catch my breath. I’m right here,” she assured her.

In the distance they heard a familiar voice.

“Emily? Lily?”

“I…I’ll get mom.” Lily shot up from where she was sitting.

Emily grunted. She tried to get to her feet, but faltered. She nodded to let Lily know to go ahead.

“Be careful…”

Lily didn’t let her finish. She was already tearing out of the alley and running towards Ali’s voice. All she knew was that her mother needed help and she needed to find her mom, because her mom would know what to do.

Ali was crossing the street a few doors down from where the alley was. She’d parked the car because she hadn’t seen Emily and Lily anywhere and she wanted to look for them. She heard fast footfalls approaching and when she turned around she saw Lily running towards her.

Ali saw the panicked look on her daughter’s face and ran to meet her. She saw the blood on Lily’s shirt and on her hands. There was even a small smudge of red on her cheek. She felt her heart pounding. She grabbed Lily’s face with her palms and looked her over for injuries. She brushed her thumbs under Lily’s eyes to wipe away her tears.

“What happened? Are you hurt?”

Lily couldn’t speak. All she could do was shake her head.

“Where is your mother?” Ali’s heart was on overdrive.

Lily opened her mouth to tell her, but no words came out. Ali could see her trembling.

“Honey, what happened?”

“There were these two men. One of them had a gun. He…he…tried to shoot me a-and…mom, she…I…” The shock had finally set in. She was screaming at herself in her head _‘Help mom! Please help her!’_ But her mouth wouldn’t form the words.

“Lily, where is your mom?” Ali asked again, this time with a weaker tone, afraid of the answer.

She saw movement from behind Lily. Emily had managed to pull herself off of the ground and was stumbling out of the alley, her palm against the brick wall near the dumpster. She was drenched in blood. She took a shaky step forward.

“Oh my God,” Ali gasped, rushing forward. “Emily.”

Emily tried to walk towards Ali, her hand pressed firmly against the wound in her stomach. She staggered over her feet. Ali closed the distance between them just in time to catch Emily in her arms as she fell. They slid to the ground, Emily’s weight pulling Ali forward while she collapsed against the ground on her back. Ali caught Emily’s head before it hit the pavement.

A wave of severe pain rolled over Emily’s body. She arched her back, but when she did it made her feel worse. She felt disoriented. For a brief moment, her vision went black. She heard Ali saying her name. Her voice was like a song being sung in the distance, a sweet melody to Emily’s ears. But then it faded. She blinked and stared into the open void in front of her.

Her gaze was fixed on the night sky. It really was a beautiful night. She could see all the stars. It’s like they were hovering right over her face. For a few split seconds she felt alone in the universe, unable to register Ali’s presence.

Then the pain returned. It was so intense she felt like she might throw up. She wanted to cry, but she didn’t have the energy. Her vision blurred and she muttered something under her breath that Ali couldn’t hear. She was drifting in and out.

God, what had become of her? How had she let it come to this? She glanced down and saw the blood seeping through her hand. Here she was again, bloodied on the ground and dying. It took a second for her to register that someone was with her.

When she blinked she realized that Ali was staring down at her, tears in her eyes. Emily swallowed, her brain firing neurons that she could barely comprehend. And as wonderful as the memories past were with her family, she couldn’t help but grieve for the tomorrows she would never get with them.

“Emily…” Ali felt around frantically for her cell phone, her brain too jumbled to comprehend that it was in the car.

“I’m sorry.” Emily choked out a sob. She’d put Ali and Lily in danger. Her daughter had almost been shot tonight because she had put her grief before theirs. “Please…” Emily muttered. _Please forgive me._ Her face scrunched in confusion. “Ali?”

“I’m here, baby.” Ali took her free hand.

“I’m sorry,” Emily repeated. “I was just trying…I was trying to protect you, and I…”

Ali heard Lily whimper from behind them. Emily heard it, too, and that was enough to jolt her mind back to life. Her child was afraid. Her child needed her. Emily squeezed Ali’s hand.

“Ali, you have to get her out of here.” Emily uttered. “It’s not…she’s not safe here.” Her eyelids fluttered closed.

“Emily, no, don’t you dare. Don’t fall asleep, do you understand me?” Ali pushed her hands against Emily’s cheeks. Even though she was sweating, her face was cold to the touch. She didn’t look good. Her skin was pale. “You stay awake, you hear me?”

Emily responded to her voice, pushing her eyes open and looking into Ali’s eyes. She nodded to let Ali know she heard her.

Ali swallowed a cry, because she looked rough, like she was getting ready to die right in front of her. She froze. Emily didn’t. She reached up with her free hand, pulling Ali’s face closer to hers until her lips were just centimeters from Ali’s ear.

“Lily needs…” She swallowed a knot in her throat. “…she can’t see this h-happen. She can’t…” She huffed out a grunt. “She’s already been through too much.”

A sharp pain reverberated against her stomach where the bullet was lodged. The pain was spreading throughout her body. She clenched her jaw and tried to contain her screams. Ali could see the agony in her eyes.

“Oh, Em…oh, God. What can I do?”

“Ali, please.” Emily begged. “She’s terrified.” Emily knew what it was like to watch the life drain from a loved one’s eyes. It was something she’d never forget. As it was, Lily had already had a gun pointed in her face tonight. The last thing she needed was to see her mother suffering. “Watching me die is only going to make it worse.”

“Hey, no, you’re not going to die,” Ali’s voice came out as a soft whimper. “You’ve made it through worse. You’re not going to die, Emily. You’re going to be fine.”

“Alison,” Emily huffed, still focused on their daughter. “I have to know she’s safe. I have to…” She clamped her jaw shut and her entire body tensed up. Ali saw her back arching off of the ground in pain. She held in a scream, turning her face away so Lily couldn’t see her agony.

Ali heard Lily squeak out a cry from next to them and that snapped her out of her shock. She glanced at Lily.

“Lily…”

Lily didn’t respond. She was frozen in fear, a distressed look on her face.

“Lily, hey, look at me.” Her voice was shaking, but calm, gaining Lily’s attention. _Good girl_. She thought to herself. “You see our car across the street?” She nodded her head towards where she’d parked in the adjacent parking lot. “My phone is in the front seat. Lock yourself in and call 911.” Ali’s hands were hovering above the spot where Emily’s hands were pressed against her bloody shirt. “Tell them we need an ambulance, okay? Your mom needs help. We have to get her help. Can you do that for me?”

She nodded, tears falling down her cheeks.

“Once you get inside lie down in the back. Stay below the windows. I don’t want anyone seeing you there.” And she didn’t want Lily seeing what Emily was going through. “Stay hidden and keep your eyes closed. And stay on the phone with the 911 operator.”

“She’s going to be okay, right?”

“Baby, I know you’re scared. But I need you to do what I say.”

“Mom…” Lily’s voice was shuddering.

“ _Now_ , Lily,” Ali said firmly.

She watched as Lily jogged across the street to the car and climbed in the back. She reached over to grab Ali’s phone and then did exactly as she was told. Ali turned back to face Emily. Emily tried to push herself up to make sure that Lily had gotten to safety, but Ali stopped her.

“Hey, whoa…easy, Em. Easy. Stay still.”

She looked down and saw that Emily’s shaky hand was still pressed against the growing blood stain on her shirt. Emily’s breaths were unsteady and uneven. Ali gently tried to nudge her hand away, but Emily was holding it firmly against her stomach, blood trickling through her fingers.

“Honey, you need to move your hand,” Ali said. “You’ve got to let me see,” she gently put her hand on top of Emily’s hand and pulled it away from her shirt.

Emily’s palm was soaked in blood. Ali couldn’t see the damage through the bloody shirt, so she carefully lifted it. A hole was gushing blood from her abdomen. The area around the wound was already swelling and bruising. Ali could see that Emily’s stomach was rigid. She couldn’t tell how much blood was coming out versus how much was building up inside, but she could see that her abdomen was distended. Ali’s eyes widened in fear.

“How bad…” Emily grunted, her forehead and cheeks drenched in sweat. Her bloody hands were up in the air above her chest, violently shaking. “How bad is it?”

“It’s uh…”

_Bad. Really fucking bad. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. She's losing blood and she’s bleeding internally. What the hell am I supposed to do? She’s going to die. She’s dying. Oh, God. She can’t die._

“That bad, huh?” Emily interrupted her train of thought.

“No, it’s just…no.” Ali wasn’t sure what to say.

“Ali, we’ve been together for fifteen years. We’ve been married for thirteen. You can’t lie to me worth shit anymore.” Emily huffed out a pained laugh.

“We just need to get you to the hospital and they can patch you up.” _God, this can’t be happening. Not again._

Emily squeezed her eyes shut and opened her mouth in a pained grimace, drawing Ali’s attention away from Emily’s injury. She dropped Emily’s shirt and put her hands on Emily’s cheeks. Emily closed her jaw and started taking short quick inspirations through her teeth. It felt like something inside was shifting and ripping her apart. She held back a scream. She could feel sweat dripping down her body, but she felt cold. Her lips were turning white. A cry got caught in her throat.

“Hey, you’re okay. You’re going to be okay. The ambulance is on its way.” Ali choked out. She saw Emily’s consciousness waning. She was bleeding too much. Ali knew she had to do something. “Babe, this is going to hurt.” She reached down, grabbing Emily’s knees. She pulled them up.

Emily cried out. She felt a tight painful tension in her stomach when Ali moved her, but she knew what she was doing. She was trying to slow the shock, to keep the blood pumping to her heart by elevating her legs as best she could. Emily groaned and Ali ran her hand over her sweaty forehead.

“How are you doing?” Ali tried to keep her focused.

“Fucking fantastic.” Emily groaned again and then forced a weak smile on her face. “We should probably just stop celebrating milestones in this family, huh?” Anniversaries, birthdays. They all seemed to end in bloodshed.

“Let’s skip my birthday next month. I don’t mind pretending it doesn’t exist,” Ali sniffled with a weak smile.

It made Emily laugh unexpectedly, sending a ripple of pain through her body. Ali saw her tense up.

“Hey, you’ve got this, Em. You’re the toughest person I know.”

“No,” Emily said quietly. “I’m just good at faking it.” In reality she was terrified. Of herself. Of who she’d become. Of what she was capable of. “The only reason I made it this long is because of you. You are the strongest woman I know, Alison.”

“The only reason I was able to be strong was because of you.” Ali admitted. “ _You_ kept me going, Emily. It was all you. I got my strength from you.”

The fact of the matter was that neither one of them was nearly as strong without the other. Their strength lied in their bond. Emily understood that now. They were stronger together. She reached out, her arm almost too weak to support, but she lifted it until her fingers were on Ali’s cheek, leaving a thin trail of blood on her skin.

“Emily.” Ali couldn’t help but cry. Her touch was glorious and painful at the same time. “You’ve always been the better part of me. You loved me even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“You made me _want_ to love you.” Emily lowered her hand, unable to hold it up any longer.

“No. No, don’t give up.” Ali reached out and grasped her fingers.

“I’m losing too much blood, baby. I can f-feel it.” Her nose crinkled and her forehead tensed. “Listen, Ali, the guy…the guy who shot me…” She grimaced. “Calls himself Del Toro. It’s the guy w-who has been after me. It was him. It had to be. He was wearing a mask and gloves, but I s-saw…he was about two hundred pounds and h-had brown eyes. And he…” She took a pained breath.

“We can sort all this out with the police later.” She was worried Emily was overexerting herself.

“No,” Emily said firmly. “Lily isn’t going to r-remember anything but the gun. And I don’t want the police pressuring her to try and remember.” She took a shallow breath. “I’m circling the drain here, babe. The cops are going to need something to go on. We can’t…we can’t let what happened with the wreck happen here, okay? I saw…I saw it this time. I remember.”

Ali nodded wordlessly. It couldn’t hurt to keep Emily talking.

“He…he was about my height. Maybe a couple of inches taller.” She squinted, thinking hard about the split second she’d taken stock of everything about the attacker with the gun before he fired. “I saw a s-scar on his left wrist and I think…I think he may have had a face tattoo underneath the mask. And his eyes…Ali, his eyes, they looked…they looked familiar.” Those eyes had haunted her since high school. She knew the maliciousness in them, but she couldn’t think straight. She couldn’t remember when she’d last seen them. “I knew him. I-I think…” But it couldn’t have been him. Her first year of college before she’d dropped out she’d heard that he’d been killed. An accident on a job site. She thought really hard about where she’d seen those eyes before. And she realized that there was a certain teenager in their lives that had the same steely gaze, “…Zane.”

“What?” Ali jerked in surprise. “He’s the one who shot you?”

“No.” Emily shook her head. “But he…he knows…” She exhaled a shaky breath and started muttering. “He knows everything. He’ll know who did this. He has the same eyes. The…the man who shot me…they have the same eyes. I can’t…I…I knew him.”

“Who was it, baby? How did you know him?” Because she was going to find him and break every bone in his body before killing him.

“I…I knew him.” Emily repeated in a daze. “I don’t…”

Something inside of her shifted again and she felt like she was being torn apart. This time she couldn’t contain her scream of agony. A loud cry pierced the air.

“Easy. Just hang on.”

Emily nodded weakly and huffed out a harsh breath.

“God, I would have to go and get myself shot after all of this…after everything we’ve gone through to get here.” She swallowed a cry. “Fuck, this hurts.” Emily yelped again, craning her neck back until her head bumped Ali’s chest. “I should have listened to you. You were…you…” Emily was trying to get out the words _“you were right”_ but she couldn’t seem to move her mouth anymore. “Ali, I…I…”

“Shh, just focus on your breathing.” Ali’s voice cracked. “Don’t move. Don’t talk. Just breathe.”

Emily’s head started to feel heavy. Her eyes flickered closed. Her face was devoid of all of its color. Her legs slid down against the pavement, her muscles too weak to support holding them up anymore. Her lips trembled. She looked into Ali’s eyes for comfort.

“Hey, you’re good. You’re good, Em. You’re okay.”

Emily reached up and put her hand on Ali’s arm, smearing blood on her forearm. Emily’s mouth opened like she wanted to say something, but then she closed it again. Her teeth were chattering.

“A-Ali, I…I’m cold.” Emily shuddered.

Ali very carefully slipped her arms underneath Emily’s shoulders and pulled her into her lap until her head was resting against her ribs. She snaked her arm across the back of her shoulders. She wrapped her arms around Emily’s front and put her hands over the wound in her abdomen while simultaneously trying to keep her warm with her own body heat. Emily huffed out a pained groan when she felt Ali pushing her hands against the wound.

“I’m sorry.” Ali pressed down. “I know it hurts, but we have to slow the bleeding.”

She could feel Emily’s stomach clenching underneath her touch every time she took a breath. Emily’s entire body felt cold. The blood on her clothes felt like ice water against her skin, but the wound felt hot. The pain she felt in her abdomen was a blinding hot stabbing sensation not unlike the one she’d experienced after she’d been impaled in the wreck. And it was in the same place, too.

“It’s in the same spot,” she whispered.

“What?” Ali asked in confusion, her stomach curling up in knots, because she was afraid Emily was becoming delusional.

“The bullet. It’s…” She took a quick breath, “…it’s where the shrapnel was that night.”

Maybe fate was catching up to her. Emily squirmed in discomfort, but when she moved she felt like something in her stomach was exploding. Her eyes filled with pained tears.

“Ali…” She sucked in a gasp. “…it h-hurts.” Her body started shaking. “I feel like…I feel like I’m dying. I am, aren’t I?”

“You better fucking not.”

“It…it’s getting worse.”

“I know. Just…” She saw Emily’s eyes widen as she sucked in a gasp. Her eyelids fluttered shut again. “Emily, don’t. Don’t fall asleep, baby. Hey, focus. Stay with me.”

She moved one hand away from Emily’s blood drenched shirt, wiping the blood off on her own shirt, and then she pressed her palm against Emily’s cheek, trying to keep Emily focused on her. Emily felt Ali’s warm palm against her skin and she forced herself to open her eyes, to concentrate on her wife, on her family. Suddenly, all she could think about was her daughter.

“Lily…” Her eyes darted around, looking for her.

“She’s safe. You saved her, Em.”

Emily nodded weakly. She hadn’t been able to save Grace. But at least she’d been able to save Lily. She glanced towards the car.

“Hey, eyes on mine, baby. Just stay here with me.” Ali pulled her cheek back to face her. “She’s okay. Lily is okay.” She reassured her.

“Are…are you?” Emily choked out. “Are _we_?”

“What?” Ali blinked in surprise, a stray tear running down her cheek.

“I…I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry. I’m s-sorry. For every – for everything. Don’t…d-don’t leave me. I don’t…I don’t want you to leave me.”

“Never. I promise. We’re going to get through this. We’re going to get through this together.”

“I’m not…I’m not feeling too w-well.” She shuddered. “I don’t think I c-can…”

“Just hang on for a few more minutes.” She brushed her fingers through Emily’s hair, “After all this, you owe me that much.”

“Yeah.” Emily laughed, a strained grimace appearing on her face. Ali had put up with so much of her bullshit. “Sorry I’ve be-been such a pain in the ass.”

“You’re _my_ pain in the ass, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything.”

Emily’s eyes flickered closed again.

“Emily, come on.” Ali gently jostled her. _Where the fuck is the goddamn ambulance? Why the fuck aren’t there people helping? Where the hell is everyone?_ “You have to stay awake.”

Ali’s words registered in a part of Emily’s brain that she couldn’t get out of.

_“You have to stay awake.”_

That’s what she’d said to Grace the night of the wreck. Emily shivered, but she couldn’t tell if it was because she’d had a flash to the wreck or if it had to do with the gunshot wound.

She screwed her eyes shut and then opened them back up. She stared at the sky. How had she gotten here? Why hadn’t she listened to her friends and family? She looked at Ali, an apologetic look on her face.

“I got lost, Ali. I got – I got so lost. I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have…” Her eyelids fluttered shut, but she forced herself to pry them back open. “I got lost,” she said again.

“Hey, it’s okay. We bring each other back. It’s what we do, right?” Ali asked. She thought she saw Emily nod, but it was so subtle she couldn’t tell. “You never once gave up on me. How could you possibly think I’d ever give up on you?”

“I don’t…I don’t want this to be the last time I see you.” Emily choked out. “I’m scared.”

Was this what Grace felt like?

“Don’t be. I’m right here. You’re looking right at me…” She saw Emily’s eyes closing again, “Emily…Em, keep looking at me…”

Emily didn’t respond at first. Ali saw Emily fading and she panicked, though her voice came out strong and steady.

“Baby, don’t do this.” She raked her fingers through Emily’s hair. “Just keep fighting. You’re going to make it. You’ve got one more life left in you. I know it.”

Emily pried her eyes open and looked up at her.

“There’s my girl,” Ali said tearfully.

The air was thick with a quiet tension for a few seconds. It was Emily’s voice that cut through the silence.

“I didn’t know it w-was going to…I n-never wanted it to…to end like this. I never wanted…I didn’t want to die like this, to put you through this…”

“It’s not over.” In the distance, Ali could hear a siren. _God, hurry up!_

Emily nodded weakly, a lump climbing up her throat. She opened her mouth to talk again, but all that came out was a squeak. Ali huffed out a quiet sob, because she knew Emily wasn’t going to last much longer. Emily knew it, too. Emily’s eyes darted to Ali’s car.

“Don’t…don’t let her blame h-herself, Alison.” Emily said, her voice coming out in strained hiccups. “B-because she got that from me. And she will…she’ll…she…”

“Emily…” Ali interrupted her, trying not to panic.

Emily lifted her arm, her hand searching for Ali’s. Ali took it. Emily weakly closed her fingers around Ali’s palm.

“I c-can’t – I can’t f-feel…m-my legs,” she half whispered, half cried through her broken breaths.

“Help is coming.” She could see Emily slipping away. She could actually feel the warmth draining from her body. She’d lost Grace. She couldn’t lose Emily, too. She wouldn’t survive it. Lily wouldn’t survive it. “Just hold on. We need you. Lily and I need you.”

“I – I’m the one who ne-needed you. No – no matter where I went, I always…I…” She closed her eyes and grunted in pain. “You…you gave me a life, Alison. A family.” She grinned through her agony. “My girls.” She tried to reach up, but she was too weak. “My…b-beautiful girls…” Her eyelids fluttered. “I…” Her voice was trembling as she took in quaking breaths, her voice hitching as she spoke. “I love you and Lily s-so much. M-make sure…make sure she knows that.”

“Hey, you’re going to be fine. The ambulance is almost here.” She could hear the shrill sound of the siren getting closer.

“You…you keep fighting, Ali. You have to keep it together. Keep it together for our little girl. She needs her mom.”

“She needs us both.”

“In a perfect world.” Emily huffed with a pained smile. She could see the tears in Ali’s eyes and her initial response was to comfort her. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. You still have Lily. And as long as…as long as you’ve got her you’ve got me. She’s…Lily is the only thing that matters. You…and Lily. You’re the only thing that’s ever mattered. I wish…I wish I had seen that before. I wish I…” Emily heaved out a breath. “You take care of our girl, okay? You take care of Lily. And I’ll…I’ll take care of Gracie.”

A bolt of pain shot through Ali’s heart. She’d barely survived a world without Grace. How was she supposed to survive a world with Emily?

“I love you…” More than Ali would ever know. “Alison, I love you so much.”

It was Alison’s love that had kept her going on the days she felt like giving up. It was her wife’s dedication that had kept her alive this long.

“Emily, stop it. You-you’re going to be okay…”

“I need…I need to hear you s-say it back to me.”

“You know I do.” Ali squeezed her hand. “Of course I do.”

“I need…I need to hear the-the words. I h-have to know that I didn’t f-fuck _everything_ up. I have to…of all the things I messed up, I have to know that…that I didn’t fuck _us_ up. Please, Ali…”

Ali looked up, the cold air and her tears burning her nose as she fought back the urge to scream. She looked back down at Emily.

“You didn’t fuck anything up, baby. I promise you you didn’t. You and I…we’re going to be okay.”

“Stop running in circles. S-stop being so stubborn and just tell me you l-love me.” She squeezed Ali’s hand as a wave of pain ripped through her body.

“I do. I love you, Emily.” She squeezed Emily’s hand back. “I have _always_ loved you. From the moment I met you I knew I loved you. I know it took me some time to come around to it then, but I always loved you. You are the _only_ person I have ever loved.” She was the only person she would _ever_ love. “You’ve always been my soulmate.” She swallowed a knot in her throat. “I love you…I love you so much. Emily Fields, you are my one and only. I love you.”

“We’ll always have Paris.” Emily had a faint smile on her face. “I…I’ll always love you, Alison.” _Please hear me when I say that._

Emily’s body shuddered, her hand shaking roughly against Ali’s. After a few seconds, the shaking slowed down and then stopped when Emily faded out of consciousness. As Emily slipped away she felt the same sensation she’d felt the night of the wreck. Ali grasped at the sides of her neck.

“Emily. Hey, no, don’t you dare…”

Emily heard Ali talking to her, and suddenly, she was hearing everything she’d said to Grace that night. Emily could hear Alison’s fading voice. Everything about the night of the wreck was coming back to her. But it didn’t hurt anymore.

“Em, listen to me. You have to wake up.” Ali begged.

_“Grace, Gracie…listen to me. You have to stay awake.”_

“Hey. Come on. Sweetie, come on.”

_“Come on, sweetie.”_

“Don’t…

_“Don’t do this to me. Don’t you give up here.”_

“Wake up.” Ali shook her.

_“Wake up, Grace.”_

“Emily, _wake up_!”

Emily’s hand went limp, sliding away from Ali’s. Ali saw her chest go slack. She felt for her pulse and found it very weak. She’d already stopped breathing.

“Oh no you don’t. You don’t get them both.” Ali growled at the sky. “You already took my daughter. You do _not_ get her, too.” She gently laid Emily down.

She tilted Emily’s head back and blew air into her lungs, watching Emily’s chest rise and fall with her breaths.

“Em, breathe baby.”

_“Grace, breathe baby.”_

“Don’t you fucking dare…” Ali huffed.

_“Don’t you dare do this, Grace.”_

“…I came back for you. All those years ago, I came back for you. You are the reason I am still here today. You are the reason we’re a family. So don’t you fucking leave me now, Emily. Not after all of this. Not after everything. Come on. You were supposed to be the _one_ person in my life who stayed. I invested _everything_ in you. I bet on you…on _us_. We have gone through too much. This is _not_ over. Not like this.”

They had been through hell and back and Ali wasn’t ready to let Emily disintegrate in the flames. She had watched Emily slowly slip away from her in more ways than one, and it killed her. Emily was the one dying, but Alison felt like she’d lost her entire life. She’d always believed that they would make it because she knew that Emily was too stubborn to give up. She thought back to their conversation about whether or not they were going to make it through the rough waters.

 _“We’re going to come out the other side of this.”_ Emily had assured her.

_“Promise?”_

_“I will always fight for us. As long as I’m alive I will always fight for us. I promise.”_

“You promised me, Emily. You fucking promised. Come on, we are not done yet. I have decades of yelling at you left in me. We have years of fighting left. Come _on_ , for fuck’s sake.” Ali grabbed her cheeks frantically. She groaned out angrily. “God damn it, Emily, I swear to God if you leave me all alone with our heartbroken daughter…” Ali huffed. “I can’t do this without you. I _won’t_.” She pushed another breath into her. “Breathe, damn you.”

But Emily couldn’t hear her anymore. What she heard instead was a soothing familiar voice talking in a low whisper, slowly gaining volume. It was a voice that immediately warmed her up.

When she opened her eyes she was standing in a backyard where she’d spent years playing as a child. The sun was shining, beating down on her skin like the touch of warm comforting hands rolling over her skin. She didn’t know it, but Alison’s hands were still on her face as she fought to keep Emily alive until the paramedics got to them.

Emily felt a gentle breeze in the distance and then she heard the voice again. She felt a great sense of comfort as she followed the voice. When she walked out into the open air she saw a tall dark-headed figure dancing around with a baby in his arms. When he turned around Emily smiled.

“Dad,” she said under her breath.

For a split second she thought it was a dream, or a memory. But then she realized that the child in his arms was not her. It was Grace. Her baby girl…giggling, her chubby cheeks pink, her eyes vibrant and happy. She looked directly at Emily and smiled.

* * *

 

 **A/N:** _The bestie very very calmly told me she was going to steal all of my shoes and replace my floors with legos. Ouch. Not sure which hurt worse to edit. Lily visiting Grace, Emison pain, or Emily getting shot. You’re welcome to sound off in the comments about what a terrible person I am for doing this to you AGAIN. And yes, I realize the parallels this has to my other story (yet another reason I was hesitant to share this one). But to be fair Emily is THAT bitch that would literally die for her loved ones._


	32. Life or Death

Emily stood motionless in the middle of her yard. She just wanted to bask in the glow of her father doting on her daughter. She felt the wind blowing in her hair, a quiet whisper that almost sounded like her name. She glanced back, thinking that she heard someone calling out to her. She almost walked towards the noise, but stopped at the last second. She felt caught between something, conflicted.

She turned back around towards her dad and Grace. She took a step towards them, wanting to get closer to them. She wanted to hug her father. She wanted to hold her baby again. Each step she took was increasingly harder than the last, like something was holding her back. She looked back, and suddenly where she’d been standing seemed so far away. When she looked forward once again she saw her dad and Grace fading.

“No.” She uttered.

Before she could lunge forward and start running towards them she felt something brush up against her fingers. The touch stopped her in her tracks. She’d felt those little hands on hers many times when they were crossing the street or on days she just felt like holding mommy’s hand. She looked over and saw Grace standing by her side. She looked every bit as wily and spirited as the day she died.

“Mom?” She seemed confused, but happy to see her.

“Oh, Grace.” Emily grabbed her and pulled her in for a hug, putting her hand against the back of her head and holding her close. She could smell a mixture of chlorine and the berry blend of her favorite shampoo. She felt Grace’s arms around her, squeezing her. “I’m so sorry,” she breathed quietly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Grace pulled back. She looked startled to hear that her mom thought that.

“But…”

“No. There’s nothing to be said, because it wasn’t your fault.”

Emily couldn’t help but laugh.

“My God, you really are your mother’s child.”

Ali refused to let her blame herself, despite the guilt Emily had felt since it happened.

“I bet she’s _super_ pissed right now.” Grace made a face.

“Hey, language…”

“She’s said worse.” A familiar voice said. Emily looked up and saw her father standing in front of her. “Hey, baby girl.”

“Dad.” She hugged him with tears in her eyes.

“Didn’t think I’d see you again for a long time, kiddo.” He took both of her hands in his. He looked happy to see her, but there was an undertone of sadness in his expression.

“Yeah. What happened?” Grace questioned.

“I…” Emily was ready to tell them the full story, but as soon as she opened her mouth to talk she realized she didn’t know. Everything was a fog, “…I’m not sure.” Her face scrunched in thought. “I don’t remember. But I think…” She heard a whisper in the wind, “I think your mother and your sister were there.”

“Jeeze, our family plans the worst bonding activities. Most families just play board games or go out for pizza. Do we have to go to the extreme with _everything_?” Grace asked in a fake dramatic fashion. She saw Emily chuckle and she laughed. “I’ve missed you, mom.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” Emily pulled her in for another hug. God, how she’d missed her.

“Okay, once was enough.” Grace pulled back. “You’re smothering me.”

“Get used to it.” Emily nudged her playfully.

She expected Grace to sass back at her and laugh, but she had a serene expression on her face. The wind started to pick up. Emily looked around and saw leaves swirling around in the sky. She could see the moon painting a quiet luminosity across the sky. When had the sun started to set? She felt as if the Earth was moving underneath her feet. And she felt unsteady. Unbalanced.

Her brain felt muddled. Suddenly, she understood the pull that was keeping her grounded. She heard the echoing noise of a gunshot. She struggled to remember.

_I got lost. I got so lost…_

She saw a fleeting image of Alison’s face. For a second, she could actually feel her touch. The warmth of her soft silky lips against hers. The determination of her fingers pressed hard against her face. Emily’s brow crinkled in thought. She’d been lost for so long. How could she possibly find her way back? She was so exhausted. But she’d vowed to be there. She’d vowed not to give up.

_I will always fight for us._

She’d promised Ali. And more importantly, she owed it to herself and to _everyone_ who had been there for her. She hadn’t put blood, sweat, and tears into this for it to end up like this. Her family hadn’t stuck by her only to watch it end like this. Maurice hadn’t died for this. If she gave up now then everything they’d been working towards would be in vain. Something her ruffian friend had told her on his deathbed resonated with her.

_“We all die alone. That’s what makes living so important.”_

Had she really lived the way she was supposed to? Had she grasped that importance? Had she done everything she was meant to do? Her stomach started to hurt. It was so severe she almost doubled over in pain. But after a second it faded. She blinked, feeling groggy. She felt conflicted in every way. She felt Grace take her hand.

“It’s okay, mom.”

Emily looked over at her daughter and she saw the somber expression on her face. And all at once, Emily knew exactly what was happening.

“No. No, I can’t leave you.” Emily shook her head. Not again. She couldn’t say goodbye to her daughter again.

“I’m okay.” Grace squeezed her hand. “But Mom and Lily aren’t. They need you way more than I do. I’ve got good old Gramps here. I’m keeping him in line.”

“It’s true.” Wayne smiled.

“I had an amazing life because of you, Mom, and Lily,” Grace said.

When her hand tightened around Emily’s Emily saw a flash before her eyes…memories of her family during better times.

Alison walking around the living room singing to Grace one night when she was sick with an ear infection while Emily bounced Lily up and down to try and calm her, because when Grace cried Lily usually cried, too.

Grace and Lily standing up in their cribs, grasping the bars, babbling and giggling at one another while Emily and Alison watched from the doorway in a loving embrace.

Grace tugging her by the hand towards the swimming pool in excitement exclaiming she was going to be a mermaid like mommy.

Alison tucking the girls in the night before Christmas when they were all aglow with an eager energy after their holiday bedtime story.

Grace hugging Lily after Lily fell down and skinned her knee. Of course, Grace had been the one who pushed her down in the first place. But she kissed the boo-boo to make it better.

Grace grabbing Emily’s face one night after a bedtime story and very enthusiastically exclaiming “I love you, mommy!”

Having a family picnic and then lying out on a blanket at the park and watching the clouds.

Going to the beach and dipping their feet into the ocean.

Playing football as a family. Lily and Ali had both been dainty about it, which was hilarious considering Ali’s history in Field Hockey. But Grace and Emily had gotten so into it. Grace had been covered in mud by the end. Because diving in is what she did.

Emily remembered all the smiles, all the laughs, all the good times. She remembered the good. _Only_ the good. She wanted more. And she felt guilty for wanting more, because how could it be that she hadn’t cherished those times enough?

“I _just_ got you back.” Emily reached up and pushed some of Grace’s hair behind her ear.

“You never lost me.” Grace shook her head. “You, Mom, and Lily, and all of my friends keep me alive.” She smiled. “You guys are exhausting by the way. You talk waaaay more to me now that I’m dead than you ever did when I was alive.”

Emily laughed.

“Let me guess, you _still_ won’t listen to me?”

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” Grace teased. Her joking smile turned into a soft loving expression.

Emily looked into Grace’s eyes and all she could see was the day she was born. Her perfect firstborn little angel. Holding her newborn daughter in the hospital had been the most incredible experience of her life. And she’d carry it with her forever. She pulled Grace in for a hug. Grace didn’t pull away this time.

Emily looked at her dad, tears in her eyes. She was still holding Grace tightly, afraid to let go, afraid she’d never feel her again.

“You and Mom taught me what it meant to be a good parent. You set the bar so high I never thought I’d be able to reach it.” Emily cried.

“Not only did you reach it, kid. You cleared it with room to spare. You far exceeded all of our expectations.” He leaned over his daughter and granddaughter’s embrace and gently kissed Emily’s head. “You and Alison both.”

“Take care of her.” Emily looked at her dad with a teary-eyed expression.

“Emmy, I always have.” He put one hand on Emily’s back and the other on Grace’s.

Something in the air shifted. Emily felt like she was falling through a vacuous place in time and space. She held on to her daughter and her dad as day rapidly turned into night.

The starry sky was overshadowed by clouds and the memories Emily had of that night came rushing back. She closed her eyes, trying not to let her memories back in. She just wanted a few more minutes with Grace and Wayne. She just wanted a few more minutes of peace.

When she opened her eyes she was standing by a riverbank. Across the rushing water she saw two figures on the ground, one frantically moving, the other completely still. She started to turn away, but then she saw someone else appear. He stayed with them as that moment played out. And minutes later, the two figures on the ground faded and the person standing over them looked towards Emily and Grace.

It was her dad.

“He was there that night.” Grace explained. “I saw him. I saw him and I wasn’t scared.”

Emily blinked and the figure across the river was gone. She looked over and saw her dad, still standing with her, his hands still on his daughter and granddaughter.

She suddenly felt weak, the warmth around her fading. Everything around her started disappearing. She felt numb, but at the same time she felt protected…loved.

“Emily…” Her dad’s voice became distorted.

He flickered, like a mirage. He put his palm on her cheek and kissed her forehead. She pulled back to look at him. She felt something tickling her fingers and when she looked down she saw Grace holding her hand.

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Gracie. I’ll see you again, okay?” She lifted Grace’s fingers up to her lips and kissed her knuckles.

“Hopefully not too soon,” Grace said. “Tell Mom and Lily I love them. And tell Lily to stop stressing out. Tell her she’ll be fine.”

“I am so proud of you, Grace.” She smiled through her tears.

“Take care of them. Take care of _you_.”

The surrounding area started fading and Emily knew what was coming.

“Bye, baby girl,” she whispered.

“Bye, Mom.”

“Emily.”

She looked up at her father again, but he was disappearing. His voice was changing, but it was still familiar. She closed her eyes and fell. She was apprehensive as she careened through the darkness. What if seeing her daughter and her dad was just the last of the oxygen in her brain trying to make her feel at peace before she died? What if her body was just making it up because her mind knew she couldn’t face the overwhelming devastation of the truth that she was dying?

“Don’t be scared, Emmy.” She heard her dad.

So she let go.

She felt a whoosh of air and then an agonizing pain. Everything hurt. She felt like she was being crushed by the weight of the pain. Then she heard the voice again, and for a brief second it took away her anguish.

“Emily!”

It was Alison. She was still giving her mouth-to-mouth.

Ali pulled back and checked her pulse and found her heart still weakly beating. She knew as long as her heart was beating she had a chance. She clamped Emily’s nose closed and blew another breath into her mouth before pulling her lips away again.

“You are not fucking dying, Emily. I don’t give a shit if I have to force you to breathe for the rest of my life. You are _not_ leaving us. You get away from that bright light and you get your ass back here.” She leaned over her and blew another breath into her lungs. “Open your god damn eyes.”

Nothing happened, so she pushed another breath into her, desperately trying to get her back.

“Come on,” Ali uttered under her breath, repeating it like a mantra. “Come on. Come on. Come _on._ ”

She blew another breath into her. Emily coughed, puffing air back into Ali’s mouth. Emily sucked in a wheezing breath, her head arching back, her eyes still closed. Her head dropped and she took a breath on her own.

Ali breathed a sigh of relief and put her palm against Emily’s cheek, pushing her forehead against Emily’s and closing her eyes. She exhaled sharply, her emotions trickling out. Emily took another breath.

“That’s it, Em. That’s it.” _Thank God._ She thought to herself. “You stay with me. Just keep holding on. You’ve got this.”

She moved down to try to control the bleeding. She pressed down on the wound to slow the blood loss. She glanced up at Emily’s face and then at her chest to make sure she was still breathing.

Emily felt Ali’s warm hands against her cool flesh. When Ali pressed against the bullet wound a sharp shooting pain coursed throughout Emily’s body, but she couldn’t move, couldn’t scream. She was paralyzed in her own mind.

She heard the loud crack of the bullet piercing the air again, the noise of the gun echoing. But she didn’t see the gun. All she saw was the eyes of the man who had pulled the trigger.

There was a flash, but it wasn’t from the muzzle. The gun faded, but the eyes remained locked on hers. But they weren’t in the street anymore. They were back in high school. She felt rough hands against her body despite her protests. She saw a gaze she didn’t recognize, but the eyes of someone she knew very well. She saw into the soul of a monster.

Her body jerked against the ground, a reaction to the jolting memory.

“Hey, you’re okay.” Ali assured her. “I’m here.” She moved one hand away from Emily’s injury and gripped Emily’s fingers, still pressing firmly against the gunshot wound with her other hand. “I know it hurts, but if you lose anymore blood…”

She saw the ambulance peel around the corner, lights flashing, sirens blaring. She breathed a sigh of relief.

“The hard part is over, baby. Help is here. You’re going to be okay.”

She saw the paramedics rushing over to them.

_About fucking time._

Though it had only been a few minutes since Emily was shot, it felt like _hours_. She had to fight the urge to angrily ask the EMTs what had taken them so damn long. Then she remembered the road closures. The first paramedic mentioned it right off the bat.

“We got here as fast as we could. Some idiot punks decided to block the streets. Probably drunk teenagers.” The paramedic rushed to Ali’s side hauling his equipment. “We’ll call it into the department of transportation so something like this doesn’t happen again.”

It had been a set up. Someone had set this whole thing up. That made Ali’s blood boil. They’d probably used Lily to push Emily’s buttons. Who _was_ this asshole?

“What happened? Are you injured?” He asked her.

A second paramedic, a woman who looked to be in her late forties ran up next to the first one.

“No. It’s…it’s all her blood. P-please.” Ali realized she was shaking. “Help her. She was shot.”

“We’re going to do everything we can.” The first paramedic assured her.

Ali kept her hand around Emily’s as they assessed her. Her skin was freezing. Her fingers were pale and white. Her body was limp and cool to the touch.

She glanced at the paramedics. There was something familiar about the guy. He furrowed his brows and realized he recognized her, too.

“Travis?” Ali asked in surprise.

They hadn’t seen each other since high school, and even then they only very briefly knew one other. Travis had dated Hanna for a short period of time.

“Alison, right?” he asked.

Ali nodded. He looked down at Emily and his past collided with his future. He suddenly realized exactly who he was working on. And he didn’t know her just from high school. He’d been one of the first responders the night of the crash. He’d worked on Emily’s daughter while his partner worked on Emily. He had worked on the kid even though they knew they weren’t getting her back. He’d done CPR at the scene and during the entire ambulance ride to the hospital. He’d never lost a kid before. It had stuck with him.

He’d gone to the funeral, but had made himself scarce. He knew what it was like to be surrounded by a bunch of people you didn’t know saying goodbye to a loved one. He did remember that Emily was still in the hospital when Ali was burying their little girl. She’d had major internal injuries. He remembered thinking she wasn’t going to make it when they were on the scene. He’d seen the blood she’d lost.

Now, here they were again. This was more than just déjà vu. It was a giant rerun on the replay button of life. The injury in her abdomen was eerily in the exact same spot as her injuries the night of the crash.

Travis immediately went to work on Emily. When he lifted her shirt he saw all of her other healing injuries and grimaced.

“Holy hell.” He muttered, running his gloved fingers over the bruises and cuts.

“It’s a long story.” Ali stuttered out nervously. She looked at the gunshot wound. “You can help her right? Please help her.”

“That’s why we’re here.” The female replied.

Travis turned his attention to Emily’s gunshot wound. He started to pack it to try and minimize the blood loss. Emily grunted in her unconsciousness when he pushed against the bullet wound. She sucked in a pained gasp.

“We’ve got pain response.” The woman pointed out.

“Emily, can you hear us?” Travis questioned.

Emily squeezed Ali’s hand gently and Ali almost burst into tears. Her hand loosened around Ali’s, but Ali kept a firm grip on it.

“I’m still right here, Em,” she assured her.

“Can you open your eyes for us, Emily?” Travis questioned, still working on her injuries.

Emily didn’t respond to his request, but she jerked lightly and cried under her breath when he pushed against her belly to make sure the wound was packed tightly.

“I’ll grab the stretcher.” The woman jumped to her feet.

Ali could hear more sirens in the distance. The police were on their way.

“How long ago did this happen?” Travis asked. He reached up to check her pulse. It was barely there. The fact that her heart was still pumping despite the blood loss was astonishing.

“Maybe…maybe five, ten minutes?” How long had it been? Every minute had felt like an eternity. “She…she um…she stopped breathing right before you got here, but I gave her mouth-to-mouth.”

“Good. That’s good.” Travis nodded as he stabilized her neck to get her moved.

“Ali!” A voice exclaimed from several yards away.

She looked over and saw Lorenzo getting out of his patrol car. Usually he was with Toby, but with Toby being off he had a different partner. It was the same cop that had questioned Emily at the hospital.

“Lorenzo!” She called out. “Would you please check on Lily? She’s in my car.”

Lorenzo jogged over to Ali’s car to do as she asked. The other cop glanced at Lorenzo and then at Ali, like he was unsure if he was supposed to follow Lorenzo or walk over to the EMTs and Ali. After a few seconds he followed Lorenzo, probably to make sure someone had his back.

Within minutes the paramedics were getting Emily moved to the stretcher. Ali held her hand and talked to her the entire time, hoping the sound of her voice would soothe some of her pain…and keep her from dying.

“Would you like to ride with us?” The female paramedic asked.

Ali’s head felt like it was spinning. She almost took a running leap into the back of the ambulance and screamed out, “let’s go!” but then she remembered Lily. She remembered Emily’s plea to her to take care of their daughter. She had begged Ali to keep her safe.

“I have to…I have…my daughter…” Ali glanced back towards the parking lot across the street.

“You should both probably be treated for shock…”

“No.” Ali cut Travis off. “Just take care of my wife. We’re okay.” They’d unfortunately become pros at learning how to handle these situations.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay to drive?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Ali nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just…” She looked at her wife. She’d never looked so vulnerable in her entire life, not even in the hospital bed after the wreck. She’d lost so much blood that she looked like she was already dead. It was only a matter of time until her heart stopped pumping, “…please take care of her.”

Ali walked along with the paramedics as they wheeled Emily towards the ambulance. The EMTs stopped the gurney when they reached the vehicle.

“Is she allergic to anything?” the female questioned, glancing at a form on a clipboard.

“No.” Ali shook her head.

“Any other medical conditions we need to tell the docs about?”

“No.” Ali said, but then she quickly changed her mind. Something was bothering her. “Wait. She’s been kind of feverish and hasn’t been eating much the past few days. I don’t…I don’t know that it’s anything, but she just hasn’t been herself.”

Of course, she hadn’t been herself since the wreck.

“I’ll make a note of it,” the woman responded.

“We’ll take it from here, Alison.” Travis assured her.

Ali nodded, her hand still firmly gripping Emily’s. It was so hard to let her go.

“Emily, you listen to me.” Ali squeezed her fingers. “We are not done. Thirteen years ago in our vows you promised me a lifetime. And that lifetime has barely even started. You and I are going to grow old and gray together. You asked me not to leave you. I’m _telling_ you the same thing. Don’t leave me.” She didn’t care how she got her back. She just wanted her back. “Our lifetime is not over. Do you understand me?”

She thought she saw Emily’s eyes twitch and her lips move. She knew she was probably grasping at straws, but she took it as a sign. She leaned over and kissed her. Her fingers loosened around Emily’s. She looked down at her hand, noticing that something was off about it. Something was different. Her fingers were bare. Her wedding band was missing. She felt a flash of rage.

_That motherfucker. That motherfucking fuck. I am going to kill him._

“Ali?” She heard someone approaching behind her.

She turned around and saw Lorenzo walking up to her. When she didn’t see her daughter with him she panicked.

“Where is she? Where is Lily?” Ali looked past him.

“She’s with Roman. She’s okay.” He looked at the blood coating Ali’s clothes and body and then at Emily. “Jesus, what the hell happened?”

“She was shot.” Ali reached out and touched Emily’s leg as they started to load the stretcher into the ambulance.

“What were you guys even doing out on this side of town at this time of night?”

“Lily ran off. We were looking for her. Emily found her. I was on my way to pick them up when they were jumped.”

“Did she say anything about the attacker?”

“ _Attackers_.” Ali corrected him. “Plural. There were two of them. Emily said the guy with the gun was about two hundred pounds. He was a few inches taller than her with brown eyes, but he was wearing a mask.”

“She was sure it was a guy?”

“Yeah.”

“Anything else? Any identifying marks?”

“A scar on his left wrist and a possible face tattoo.”

Lorenzo nodded. He grabbed his walkie and spoke into it,

“Roman, how is the kid?”

“Still a little shocky, but okay.”

“We need to set up a perimeter. I’m going to call in an APB for the perp. Two hundred pound male with brown eyes. Possible scar on his left wrist and possible ink on his face. Let’s get moving. Anyone within a two mile radius is a suspect. _No one_ gets by without being questioned.”

“I’ll let the rookies that just pulled up know.” Roman responded.

“There’s no one around.” Ali felt a rage inside. “No one came to help. There’s no one here.” Or no one cared.

“Good, less foot traffic. More chance of getting our guy,” Lorenzo said. “We’re going to need to question you and Lily both…”

“I have to go to the hospital…”

“I know. I just wanted to ask if you wanted us to take Lily so you can ride with Emily.”

“No. Lily needs me right now.”

She turned back to Emily, who had been loaded into the ambulance. The female leaned up front to the driver and said they were ready to head out.

“Take care of her, Travis.” Ali pleaded. “Please don’t let her die.”

“It’s what we do.” He assured her.

They shut the doors and the ambulance started to drive away. For a few fleeting seconds Ali thought she’d made the wrong call…that she should have ridden with her. She felt like chasing the ambulance and banging on the doors until they let her in. But then she remembered her daughter.

“Can you think of anyone who would want to hurt her?” Lorenzo asked.

Ali started to tell Lorenzo everything about Del Toro, but she stopped when she thought about something Emily had said about the cops earlier,

_“He’s the only one I trust.”_

She’d made it a point to not tell the wrong people. She’d wanted to talk to Toby first for a reason. And Ali had heard her. As much as Ali wanted to tell the police, things had changed. She completely understood how things had gotten so out of hand so fast for Emily.

She knew Lorenzo and she trusted him, but right now Toby was the only police officer she wanted to talk to. Telling the police department about Del Toro or Zane would open up a huge can of worms. For one thing, how did you casually tell the cops that they’d royally screwed up a case? A case that was already closed? They didn’t take too kindly to being proven wrong. And if what they were doing got back to Del Toro he might come back and finish the job, and he’d make sure she and Lily were next. She had to protect her family. She had to do this right, but right now she couldn’t even hear herself think.

“Can I please do this later?” Ali glanced at the notepad in his hand.

“Yeah. We’ll catch up with you at the hospital.” Lorenzo nodded. “Go be with your family. I’ll radio one of the units to escort you so you can get there faster.”

“Thanks.”

Ali quickly scurried to her car, where the other cop was standing guard in front of Lily. When Lily saw her coming she broke away from her bodyguard and ran into Ali’s arms. Ali ran her hand over the back of Lily’s head and gave an appreciative nod to the cop. He nodded back.

“Honey, get in the car.”

Lily didn’t argue. Ali climbed into the driver’s seat of the vehicle.

“She…she’s dead, isn’t she?” Lily sniffled, her gaze fixed straight ahead.

“No, sweetie.” Ali shook her head. _Not yet._

Though she was pretty close to it. Even though she’d gotten Emily back she knew how serious the injury she had was. Emily had looked gray when they were loading her into the ambulance. She’d lost so much blood. And God knows what kind of internal damage she had from the bullet being lodged inside of her. Ali wasn’t completely ignorant to the fact that Emily could still very likely die. But she hadn’t given up hope just yet.

A cruiser pulled in front of her, blue lights flashing in the darkness. Ali turned the engine over and put the car in drive. She mindlessly reached over for her phone to call her family for support and then she remembered that Lily had it.

“Lily, I need my phone.” She reached back with an open palm. She felt Lily gently place her phone in her hand.

“Um, someone called when I was on the phone with 911. I didn’t answer. The dispatcher kept telling me to stay on the line.”

Ali glanced at the screen and saw a missed call from Spencer. She quickly scrolled past it and called Pam. Emily’s mom needed to be there. Not only for Emily and Lily, but Ali needed her. Pam was their rock. Ali had been able to keep her wits about her as she told Pam about the shooting. The only thing that kept her from completely falling apart was the fact that Lily was in the car with her.

Pam told her she’d meet her at the hospital, then told her to get off the phone and pay attention to the road. Ali shakily hung up and then put the phone down. She hated always being the bearer of bad news.

Ali drove in silence for several minutes, her bloody hands clutching the wheel, her body trembling in shock. She got lost in thought and drove on autopilot for the longest time. But then a soft voice cut through the air and brought her crashing back down to reality.

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“She saved my life,” Lily said quietly. “He was aiming the gun at me. And she pushed me away.” Her voice dropped again and she whispered _“she saved my life”_ again.

 _“Don’t let her blame herself,”_ she heard Emily begging.

“There is nothing your mom wouldn’t do for the people she loves. Those men were going to kill you both. She did exactly what I would have done…what _anyone_ would have done to get you both to safety.”

“What if she doesn’t make it?”

“She will. Your mother is resilient, Lily. She’s going to come through this.” Ali was saying it just as much for her benefit as she was for her daughter’s. She glanced out the front windshield and up towards the sky, _Don’t prove me to be a liar to my child. Don’t take her away from us._

“I’m not ready for her to die.” Lily looked down at the floorboard.

Ali didn’t have the words to respond to that, because no one was ever prepared for a loss that huge. She knew from experience. Because her mother had been taken from her suddenly, too. No one was ever prepared for the loss of a parent. And she sure as hell wasn’t prepared for the loss of a spouse. Ali reached back in search of Lily’s hand. Seconds later she felt her daughter’s hot sweaty palm against hers, squeezing her fingers. Both of their hands were covered in Emily’s dried blood. Lily stared at the stains on their hands.

“I love you, mom,” Lily said, almost a whisper.

“I love you, too, honey.”

At the very least, they had each other. Emily was right about that. They had each other.

When they got to the hospital Pam was already there. She met them in the waiting room. Lily saw her and ran directly into her open arms, needing to feel her warm comforting embrace. Pam’s face stiffened in alarm when she saw Ali covered in blood. She tried not to look too scared so she wouldn’t freak her granddaughter out.

“They’re working on her now,” Pam said, her eyes scanning the stains covering Ali. “They are going to take her into surgery as soon as they stabilize her.”

Ali breathed a sigh of relief when she heard Emily had made it to the hospital.

“Is there a doctor or nurse or someone I can talk to?” Ali asked. “I need to talk to them. I…I need to…she…I…”

“Alison, take a breath.” Pam reached out and put her palm on Ali’s arm. “Why don’t you get cleaned up?”

Ali looked down and realized for the first time that she was covered in her wife’s blood. She hadn’t even stopped to think about it. She looked down and saw red stains caked into her cuticles. She had it on her hands, her shirt, her arms. Everywhere. Lily had some on her clothes and hands as well. Ali gently persuaded Lily to come to the bathroom with her.

She helped Lily get cleaned up first and then told her to go wait with her grandmother. The second the door closed she lowered her head and gripped the edge of the sink with her fingers, her knuckles bulging. The crimson stains on her hands stood out against her pale milky skin like the petals of a rose against a newly paved sidewalk.

She glanced up and stared at her reflection in the mirror, fighting an internal rage to punch it and pretend that it was this _Del Toro’s_ face. Because how dare he hurt her wife, her _family_? And if it all connected back to the wreck the way Emily said it did then he had been involved in the cover-up of Grace’s death. All she had to do was find Zane and they could get the bastard. She thought of all the torturous things she could do to the assholes responsible for this. Soon it would be their blood covering her hands.

She stared at her reflection and scrubbed her hands until they were raw. And even after she got the blood out, she still felt like she was drenched in Emily’s blood. She could still see it in her mind. She found herself wondering if this was what Emily saw every time she washed her hands, blood draining down the sink, their daughter’s blood. An icy coldness crept up her veins until she felt like she might choke on it.

The reality of the situation smacked her in the face. _This_ was what Emily had been dealing with? _This_ was what she was feeling?

“Jesus.” Ali shook her head. “God, Em,” she muttered to herself. She ran her hands over her face. “You idiotic protective moron. You should have told me.” She glanced at her reflection again, and suddenly her anger was directed at herself. “I should have _known._ ” She should have seen it. “You fucking idiot, Alison.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “It was staring at you in the face the entire time.”

But she hadn’t wanted to see the outside forces at play. Was she a fool to think that the days of _A_ and the _A_ -like behavior was so far in their past that it couldn’t touch them? Was she a fool to think they could actually be happy again? How blind did someone have to be to not see what Emily was dealing with?

Her wife had been screaming for help. She had been drowning, and now…

“She could die,” she said, her voice a whisper. “Oh, fuck.” She leaned down until her elbows were against the sink. She buried her face into her damp hands. She could feel her fingers shaking as she rocked back and forth. “Fuck.” She groaned out a pained cry.

She took several deep breaths to keep from passing out as she sobbed. Her body was trembling. She tried to think of things to center herself, but the one thing that always centered her was lying in a hospital bed with a bullet in her gut fighting to stay alive, fighting for every breath she took.

“She stopped breathing. She actually stopped breathing.” She moaned. “I can’t do this alone,” she cried through her tears. “I can’t lose her.”

She didn’t know how to live without her. She didn’t remember life without Emily. They had been together for more than half their lives. They weren’t supposed to be at this crossroads in their lives, _again_.

Her breathing was getting more and more erratic. She felt like she might pass out. She had to stop herself from going into a panic. Emily had made it to the hospital alive. She was still alive. She still had a chance. A slim chance was still a chance.

She splashed some water on her face and then stood upright. She dried her face and her hands off and then reached for her phone. The phone shook in her hands as she hit the last number that had dialed her phone.

Spencer picked up after two rings.

“Ali, hey. I tried to call Emily, but she didn’t answer. I heard that Lily was missing and I…”

“She’s okay. We found her.” Ali interrupted her. She took a shaky breath. “But…Emily’s not.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Spence, I need you…” She cried, “…you and the girls. Please.” She choked out. “Emily…she…someone shot her. And she’s not doing well.” She wept softly. “God, I can’t believe this is happening again…”

“Oh my God.” It took a moment for it to sink in that Emily was hurt again, that she was dying again.

“We’re at the emergency room, but they haven’t told us anything yet. I…I keep having these flashbacks to the night of the wreck.” Her throat felt dry and tight. “Spencer, she’s probably going to die,” she thought about how bad off Emily had been, and for the first time she was honest with herself about the outcome, “and I don’t know what to do. I don’t…” She huffed out a string of sobs. “I can’t do this again. I don’t…I can’t…”

“Alison, we’ll be there. Give me twenty minutes to round up Aria and Hanna and we’ll be there.”

It was _less_ than twenty minutes before they were rushing up to Ali in the waiting room. Lily stayed seated with Pam, but Ali stood up and walked over to greet them near the doors.

“My God, Ali.” Hanna stared at the blood on her shirt. She pulled her in for a hug. “What the hell happened?”

“Lily says two men jumped them. Tried to make it look like a mugging…”

“ _Look like_ a mugging?” Aria’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Why would someone…”

“Because Emily has been running around dodging bullets for months now. She’s been searching for answers about the night Grace died. And when she started digging someone came after her for asking questions. They’ve been going back and forth since then.”

“Are you kidding me?” Spencer snapped. “Someone has been trying to hurt her and she’s been going at it _alone_?” She wanted to ask what the hell she was thinking, but she was too shell-shocked.

“Someone has been trying to _kill_ her.” Ali corrected her. “And for a while she wasn’t alone. She had this…gang, I guess for lack of a better word, looking out for her. But these people weren’t typical gangbangers. They actually used their pull to do _good_ things. Good _illegal_ things, but still good things. And Emily went to them for help and worked with them in exchange for that help. But a few days ago they were all killed and Emily has been on her own since then.”

“No wonder the girl has nightmares every night.” Hanna rubbed her forehead in shock. She mentally kicked herself for not seeing it. She’d seen Emily disappearing. She’d been worried she wouldn’t come back from it. And now here they were.

“Emily was doing all of this right under our noses?” Aria blinked in surprised. Suddenly, all she could think about was the faraway look Emily had on her face the night they’d sat out on Aria’s porch talking about how to move forward in life.

“Jesus Christ.” Spencer puffed out a surprised breath and ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m so stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I _knew_ she was up to something. I knew something was wrong. She all but told me something was wrong. She kept pushing for me to believe her about that kid the police arrested. When I talked to her at the police station there was something in her eyes. She _wanted_ to tell me. Why didn’t she?”

“She was trying to protect us. The person who came after her probably threatened us.” She glanced at Aria. “I think whoever it is sabotaged Mike’s rental car.”

That pissed Aria off. Her face turned a shade of red none of the girls had ever seen before.

“This person _hurt_ my family… _my kids_?”

“Mona says she can’t prove it, but she’s fairly certain, yeah.”

“Wait, back up. Mona knows about this?” Hanna questioned in confusion.

“She’s the one who put Emily in contact with the gang.” Ali nodded. “She’s the one who told me what Emily has been up to…who she’s been up against. Whoever it is got wind of it and tried to take Mona out, and your kids and Mike got caught in the middle.”

“Oh, I am going to set this person on fire and watch him burn.” Aria’s eyes darkened.

“Get in line.” Ali replied. Somehow, this felt right. In a weird messed up way, going after the threat was the exact distraction she needed. “I don’t have much to go on, but what I do know I haven’t told the cops yet. Before Emily was attacked she mentioned something about not trusting the police.” She looked at Spencer. “Except for Toby.”

“The guys don’t have reception up there, but I put a call into a friend who owns a nearby cabin to ask him if he wouldn’t mind trying to get in touch with Toby. As soon as he calls I’ll tell him to come home.”

“Why wouldn’t she trust the police?” Hanna asked.

“Why _would_ she trust them?” Ali asked. “I mean, look at their track record. Half of them are dirty. Every time we’ve trusted someone in uniform in the past it’s come back to bite us in the ass. Plus, I spent a lot of time at that station after Grace died. Half of them aren’t fit to handle their own dicks.”

“Fair enough.” Spencer nodded.

“So, what do we know about the person who did this?” Aria asked. She looked ready to explode. Her kids had been caught in this person’s crossfire and she wanted him dead.

Ali looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to them. There wasn’t anyone around, but Ali motioned for them to follow her to a more secluded area, a private waiting spot, probably where people came to do their crying.

“According to Emily his name is Del Toro, or his street name or whatever.”

“What the hell kind of name is that? Is this guy some kind of penis-envy demented fanboy of action movies?” Hanna scoffed.

“That’s as far as Emily got with the name. But she said she recognized his eyes, that she knew him. She implied that Zane Jacobs might be related to whoever it is. If we find him we can probably force him to talk.”

“That’s why she was after his file?” Spencer asked.

“I’m not sure.” Ali took a breath to center herself, because she was still so pissed off at the kid that she was ready to kill him, too. “Zane was the person driving the Bronco that night, not Ryan. Emily was crystal clear about that. She found out this morning.”

“What?” All three girls gasped in surprise.

Ali continued her explanation, getting the girls up to speed as best she could. She told them everything Mona had explained to her, including Mary’s possible involvement, and she told them what she’d learned from Emily.

“Okay, well, first things first, I’m calling Mona.” Hanna pulled her phone out of her bag. “We need that list of suspects she told you about. We can work through it together faster.”

Before anyone could object or tell Hanna what to do…like she’d listen anyway…she had dialed her friend’s number. Mona had just finished her evening beautifying routine. She’d been trying to detoxify her skin and let her natural beauty shine to prepare for the wedding. She saw Hanna’s number and was quick to pick up. After all, her best friend _was_ her Maid of Honor.

“Hanna, you must have read my mind. I was going to call you tomorrow to see if you wanted to help me sort through venues. There are so many to choose from…”

“It’s not about the wedding.” Hanna’s fear was making her come off as curt. She bit her lip because she realized how bitchy she sounded. “Sorry, I’m freaked. Something happened and we need your help.”

Mona heaved out an annoyed breath. She clenched her jaw and rolled her eyes. Did _anyone_ in her life care about her when they didn’t _need_ something? She’d expected better from Hanna.

“Han, whatever it is I’m going to bow out. I _just_ finished detoxing and this stress is killing my vibe. I can’t be the person everyone in this damn town flocks to. Yes, I may be a genius, but people can’t just come to me and expect me to solve their whiny suburban problems…”

“Mona, Emily is in the hospital.” Hanna spit out nervously.

Suddenly, Mona’s attitude changed. No wonder Hanna sounded so out of it. That was certainly a valid reason to ask her for help.

“What? What happened?”

“Someone shot her...”

Mona felt a chill shoot through her body.

“…in front of her daughter.”

“Are you serious?” Mona gulped. The poor kid.

“Yes. So whatever you know, you need to spill it. _Now_.”

“I already told Ali everything.” Mona rushed towards her belongings, reaching in to grab her ledger. She skimmed through the pages. “I don’t have anything new to add.”

“Emily gave a description of the guy.” Hanna quickly rattled off what Ali had told her. “We want to go through the list of suspects again. See if anything stands out.”

“Tell her about Zane,” Spencer said.

“Oh, there’s this kid that goes to our kids’ school named Zane Jacobs. He confessed to being the driver of the car that hit Emily and Grace. Emily seems to think that whoever this Del Toro guy is…he’s related to Zane, and he’s protecting him.”

“Oh, wow.” Mona marveled at the new information.

That changed things quite a bit. That changed the way she was investigating things. The wheels in her brain started spinning. She was suddenly looking at everything through new eyes. This new variable could be just what they needed to solve it. Emily had given her the final piece of the puzzle. Now she just had to put it together.

After a full thirty seconds of silence where Mona was in thought, Hanna quickly reminded her that she was still on the phone.

“You care to share with the rest of the class?” Hanna asked.

“I’m thinking.”

“Your brain downloads faster than that.” Hanna frowned. “Besides, _thinking_ usually means you’re scheming. So what are you scheming?”

“I don’t know yet.” Mona bit down on the tip of her pen as she scanned the names in her ledger.

“Hanna.” Aria whispered. She motioned to two uniformed officers heading their way. “Wrap it up.”

“Look, Mona, whatever you come up with, _don’t_ do it alone. You see how well that worked out for Emily. We’re not going to lose you, too.”

“You haven’t lost her yet, Hanna.” Mona reminded her.

“Just be careful.”

They said goodbye just as Lorenzo and the other officer that had been first to arrive on the scene closed the distance between them.

“Tell me you caught him.” Ali clenched her fists. “Tell me he’s not going to get away with this.”

“We’re still looking.” Lorenzo assured her. “We talked to a few people who live in the area. Two females and one male. The male didn’t match the description and he has an alibi. All of them said they heard gunshots, but because of the proximity of the gun range they didn’t suspect anything out of the ordinary. We also checked to see if there are any security cams in the area and there is one at an antiques shop a few doors down from where the shooting happened. We’ve contacted the owner of the shop and are waiting for a call back. The only other people out were young teens at the arcade two miles away. It was so loud in there that no one heard anything.”

 _This is not happening._ Ali thought to herself. It was the night of the wreck all over again. Lorenzo saw the dazed look on her face.

“Hey, we’re going to get him. We still have officers out there looking for a person of interest. We’ve talked to everyone we can tonight.”

“Almost everyone.” The other cop, Roman, glanced across the waiting room where Lily was leaning her head up against Pam’s shoulder.

Lorenzo saw a flash of anger on Ali’s face and he tried to defuse her before she exploded. He understood Ali’s protective nature when it came to her daughter, especially given she’d lost Grace so recently.

“Ali, she’s a witness.” Lorenzo reminded her. “She might have seen something that can help us.”

Or she would become the next target of this Del Toro asshole.

“She _just_ watched her mother get shot.” Ali snarled. “Give her a fucking minute to breathe.”

All she could think about was Emily telling her that she didn’t want the police putting pressure on Lily when she was in a delicate state.

“We know this is hard…”

“Roman.” Lorenzo put his hand up and shook his head. Alison DiLaurentis had made up her mind, and they weren’t going to get her to change it without a bloody fight, and as wound up as she was she _would_ draw blood. He glanced at Roman with a look on his face that clearly said, _“don’t push this woman.”_

“Right.” Roman nodded in agreement, though he looked annoyed. “I’ll go check in with the guys on scene. See if there’s any change. Let me know when we’re done letting civilians tell us what to do.” He walked off in an irritated huff.

“Tell your giant gorilla friend and the rest of the incompetent apes who should have been weeded out by evolution by now that I will personally rip off their hairy manly nipples if they come near my daughter right now.” Ali’s nostrils flared as she watched the over-confident cop walk away.

“She will, too.” Hanna stood beside her, staring at Lorenzo with a solid expression on her face. “She’ll twist a titty hard.”

The air was quiet for a few seconds, but then Lorenzo burst out into laughter and shook his head. The girls followed suit. It was a much needed break in the tense evening. Once the mood calmed down, Lorenzo sighed.

“We won’t pressure her. But Ali, we _are_ going to have to talk to her eventually.”

“I know that.” She huffed. “But how about we wait until my wife isn’t fighting for her life?”

“I think we can work with that.” Lorenzo nodded. “Keep me posted on how she’s doing.” He glanced at Spencer. “Toby know yet?”

“Still trying to get in touch with him.” Spencer shook her head.

“One of our retired buddies works as a ranger up that way. I’ll give him a call.”

“If he happens to get in touch with him ask him not to say anything in front of the kids.”

Though they’d probably figure something was up, especially Eli. He’d gotten his dad’s keen detection skills. The kid was pretty impossible to lie to.

“Sure. No problem.” He nodded. He looked at Ali again. “I’ll let you know if we get something solid.”

He waved to the girls and then turned around. Ali breathed a sigh of relief as he walked away. She wasn’t sure she had done the right thing. She didn’t know what Emily would have done.

“Ali, you’re shaking.” Aria put her palm on Ali’s arm. “You should probably sit down before you pass out.”

“I’m okay.”

“Alison.” Spencer said, her tone dripping with concern.

Ali nodded and backed into the chair behind her. Spencer went to get her some hot tea. Toby called her when she was paying for the drinks. She found a single room bathroom and told him everything. He told her he was on his way. Spencer ran back to tell the girls, stopping only to grab two clean shirts at the 24-hour convenience store around the corner from the coffee shop.

Ali was a little less shaky when Spencer got back, but she was standing up and pacing the waiting room. Aria was following her, talking to her calmly.

“Anything?” Spencer asked, walking up beside Hanna.

Hanna shook her head and rubbed her fingers over her face into her hair. Spencer could tell she’d been crying and wiping away the tears.

“How long has she been like this?” Spencer questioned, watching Ali carefully, afraid that a breakdown was imminent.

“Just a few minutes. She said she felt antsy,” Hanna answered.

“How are you holding up?” Spencer questioned.

Hanna shrugged. She felt a tear trickling over her eyelid and she caught it with her finger, wiping it away.

“She’s my best friend, Spence. She has been there for me through everything. She got me through my miscarriage.”

“I know.” Spencer’s voice was shaky. “I’m freaked, too.” The thought of losing someone she considered her sister shook her to the bone. “But we’re going to figure it out.” She handed Hanna a cup of coffee from the tray she was carrying. “Toby is on his way.”

“Thanks. At least one of us still has our wits.”

“Oh, I lost it on the way to get the drinks.” Spencer admitted. “We’re in it together.” She pat Hanna’s shoulder.

Hanna nodded. She held up her phone.

“Mona sent the names. I’ve been going through them.”

“And?”

“I never realized just how many people hated us when we were in high school.” Hanna glanced at the phone. “She says to focus on people who match the description Emily gave to Ali. Mona is going to look into Zane’s history. She said there isn’t anything in his school records, but she’s going to sneak into his house and…”

“Ahh, uh…lawyer. I don’t need to hear this part.” Spencer talked loudly to drown Hanna out while putting her fingers in her ears.

“Like every single one of us wouldn’t do the exact same thing for Em?” They certainly had in the past. “We’d all kill for each other and you know it.”

Spencer smiled crookedly and gave her a look that told Hanna she’d be leading the charge. She walked over to Ali.

“Ali? I got you and Lily a change of clothes.”

Ali stared at the clean shirts in Spencer’s hands and had the oddest thought about how even if she changed she wouldn’t be clean. She didn’t think she’d ever feel clean again. She looked over at her daughter across the room, who was still leaning against Pam. Pam’s mouth was moving and she was stroking Lily’s arm in a soothing manner.

Ali saw Pam’s gaze drift over towards something. Her posture stiffened and her eyes widened. Ali followed her gaze and saw a doctor in a scrub cap walking towards them. Ali dashed across the waiting room to meet him. The girls followed.

“You’re the wife, I presume?” he asked when Ali darted into his path.

“I am. How is she? Is she going to be okay?”

“I’m not going to sugar-coat it. She’s in critical condition.” That meant she was alive. _Keep fighting, Emily_. “She lost _a lot_ of blood. We’ve given her a transfusion to try and stabilize her and we’re taking her into surgery now. She’s still very unstable from the blood loss, but we’ve gotten to a point where if we don’t operate we’re going to lose her. We may even regardless.”

“What a bedside manner you have.” Spencer muttered under her breath.

“We don’t like to give false hope, and with the severity of the situation I think you should prepare yourselves…”

Ali felt a chill roll over her body.

“No. I don’t accept that. This woman has been through hell and back. She has survived more than anyone I know. She has fought her way back from everything.” Hot angry tears burned her eyes. “This is a hospital. You _save_ people. So you go in there and you do your job and you save her. And don’t come out until I have my wife back.”

“We’re going to do everything we can.” The doctor assured her.

He walked off, leaving a hopeless feeling in his wake. Ali stared blankly at the hallway for a few seconds before she snapped out of it. She needed to keep moving, to feel busy. If she sat down or sat still she was going to fall apart.

“Lil, let’s get you out of that shirt.” She turned around and faced her daughter, her eyes on the stains on Lily’s shirt. “Spencer got us some clean clothes.”

She hauled Lily back to the bathroom and they got changed. Lily sat down on a small chair that was in the single bathroom and stared at her bloody shirt.

“The doctor said she was going to die,” Lily said in a dull tone.

“No.” Ali quickly intervened. “No, that’s not what he said. Doctors have to err on the side of caution when they talk to families, because like he said they don’t like to give an outcome when they’re unsure.” She cupped Lily’s face. “That doesn’t mean she’s going to die. That just means she’s really hurt. But she’s strong. She’s pulled through before. I know she will again. We’re going to get through this together, Lily.”

No matter what happened, they had each other.

“I’m sorry I ran off tonight. If I had just stayed home none of this would be happening.”

The child was Emily’s baby through and through. Of course she’d put the blame on herself.

“What happened tonight had nothing to do with you running away.” Ali assured her. “Sometimes bad things just happen. There’s no rhyme or reason. They just happen. And it sucks, and it hurts, but it’s part of life.”

“It happened really fast.” Lily admitted.

Ali thought she was going to continue talking, but instead she just sighed.

“You don’t have to talk if you’re not ready, but do you want to tell me what happened?” Ali gently prompted her.

There was a quiet pause, but then Lily looked at her.

“I didn’t see the first guy because he grabbed me from behind. He was going to hurt me if she didn’t give him her stuff. So she did. But I got away. I kicked him and got away. And right after mom knocked him out the other man showed up.”

Ali got a sense of satisfaction out of knowing that not only had Lily fought back, but that Emily had gone after the man who had threatened their child, and she’d come out on top of that fight. She probably would have personally hauled the man into the police station and told the cops to arrest him if someone else hadn’t fought dirty.

“It’s like he came out of nowhere. We turned around and he was just _there_.” Lily’s hands were shaking. “Like he’d _planned_ it.” She choked out, her voice cracking.

“Take your time, sweetie. It’s okay. Just tell me what you remember. Did you see him?”

“He had on a mask.” She shook her head. “And I…I didn’t really see him. Just the gun. He had it pointed at me.”

Emily had been right. The first place Lily’s mind went to was the gun.

“He didn’t say anything. He just stared at us and then pulled the trigger.” She bit back a cry. “Mom took that bullet for me.” She blinked and tears fell down her cheeks. Ali wiped them away and then pulled her in for a hug.

She wanted to hurt the person responsible. And not just hurt. _Torture_. She wanted him to suffer. Hurting her wife was one thing, but this Del Toro guy was responsible for what had happened to Grace _and_ he’d traumatized Lily.

Ali had to take a breath to center herself. She couldn’t go down the same path as Emily. She would be of no use to Lily if she got herself hurt, too. She knew she had to play it smart. Emily had gotten them this far. She’d done all the heavy lifting. She and the girls had to carry it the rest of the way.

They went back out to the waiting room. Lily padded over to her grandmother, who had gotten her some crackers and some ice water. Ali walked into the small private area where the girls were going through the list of names Mona sent. They were eliminating people who were definitely out, like the women and anyone who didn’t have brown eyes. It narrowed the list down quite a bit.

Mona came by after the doctors were about an hour into surgery with Emily. Zane’s parents hadn’t been home, and neither had he. In fact, Mona suspected he’d packed up a bag and left, because his room was tossed.

She’d gone through some of their files, but didn’t find anything linking Zane to anyone else. The Jacobs kept a very tidy house, and a very tidy history. On paper, Zane’s mom and dad were exactly who they said they were.

But Mona knew Emily had to be on to something with Zane. If he was the one driving the Bronco, what would possess Del Toro to protect him? Obligation? Family history? A debt? If the kid was a Pit Viper he was a shitty one. Because Vipers were smooth, calculating. Zane couldn’t even keep his attitude in check to stay on the basketball team or stay out of trouble at school. Definitely not Pit Viper material. But they _were_ covering up his misdeeds, so perhaps he had someone high in the pecking order who _had_ to look out for him, because blood was thicker than water.

Zane apparently hadn’t given Del Toro away to Emily when he confessed about the wreck, which meant he felt like he owed him some kind of debt of gratitude. It would make him unreliable when it came time to question him.

Their only other option was to bypass the boy entirely. She knew there was someone else who could tell them exactly who Zane Jacobs was.

“Mary?” Hanna questioned in disbelief.

“When I went to visit her it was initially to find out who was behind the hit on Emily,” Mona said. “The only reason there would even _be_ a hit on her is because she was getting too close to the truth. It rattled her when I brought up Rosewood. She tried to hide it, but I could see it. And if Mary knows who is responsible for protecting Zane that means that she knows _who_ Zane is. And if she knows who Zane is, she knows exactly who Del Toro is.”

“Yeah, but you said she wouldn’t talk.” Ali pointed out.

“Mary isn’t the only person who tortured us,” Spencer said exactly what Mona was thinking. “If she won’t talk then we’ll just have to go through someone else who had inside knowledge.”

Aria got wind of what she was saying.

“You mean…”

“Yeah. It’s time for me to check in with my other half.” Spencer nodded.

Alex wouldn’t have talked to Mona, but she _would_ talk to Spencer. Spencer grit her teeth, hard. She didn’t like to think about Alex, much less did she want to talk to her. The girl hadn’t only tortured them. She had basically raped Toby while pretending to be Spencer.

“Spencer, are you sure?” Aria asked. “You and Alex aren’t exactly sisterly.”

“This is Em’s life we’re talking about. If she survives this…”

“ _When_.” Ali swiftly corrected her. “ _When_ she survives this.”

“When she survives…” Spencer nodded, not really a fan of hope, but needing it anyway, “…we have to know who did it. Otherwise they’ll come after her again.”

“I looked through the list and the only people who Emily knew well enough to recognize with the description she gave were Wren, Ben, Lyndon, and Noel and they’re all dead.”

“Lucas was on the list, too…” Aria delicately pointed out.

“No. Lucas wouldn’t do this. Besides, I keep up with him. He’s been in Prague the past month,” Hanna said.

“It checks out.” Mona nodded, backing Hanna up.

“What about Andrew? He really had it out for us after high school.” Aria bit her lip.

“Emily said the shooter had brown eyes.” Ali reminded her. “How sure are we everyone marked as dead on the list is really dead?” She faced Mona. “You and I certainly both look great for two dead girls.”

“Well, Alex confessed to killing Wren and I highly doubt she would have given that up just for the hell of it. Why confess to a murder you didn’t commit? As for Ben, I verified his death certificate. Lyndon died in that lighthouse, no doubt. And you all saw Noel’s head rolling down a stairwell, so I’m pretty certain about that one, too.” Mona answered. “That doesn’t rule out the families though. Wren’s was the first one I looked into.” _Naturally_ , because he was the twins’ biological father. “He has a brother in a mental institution in Leeds. Both of his parents are dead. I checked into Noel’s family next. Preston left Rosewood and never looked back. Eric is in New York, but he drinks so much he can barely stand. No way he has the brain cells to pull something this big off without getting caught. Lyndon’s family is across the country and none of them blame Emily for defending herself when he attacked her in that lighthouse. That just leaves Ben’s family, who, oddly enough, I couldn’t find much on.”

“He didn’t have any brothers or sisters,” Hanna said.

“I can look into his dad again. He’s retired and lives in Florida now with his wife and all the other snowbirds, but maybe I missed something.”

“Doubtful.” Hanna scoffed.

If they believed in anything, it was Mona’s abilities to stalk people properly.

“Great, so right now our only leads are a delinquent runaway killer and a complete sociopath behind bars.” Ali grunted in irritation. She glanced at Spencer. “Sorry, no offense, Spence.”

“Trust me, you described her in much kinder words than how I think of her.” Spencer waved it off. “I’ll call the prison tomorrow and see if she’ll grace me with her phone presence. And Toby is looking for Zane. He knows some of the kid’s haunts. Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll lead us right to the culprit. He may be running, but we’ll find him.”

At that very moment Zane _was_ running, but he was going in the _opposite_ direction of his biological father. After Emily hadn’t showed up at the taco stand, so he’d been a little late… _big deal_ , he’d made a decision. He didn’t want this life. If Del Toro figured out he’d squealed to Emily about the night of the wreck he’d be in for it. It wouldn’t just be a little slap on the wrist. He might _actually_ kill him, blood relation or not.

And he was right to be running, because Del Toro was already on the war path. After he heard a call come through on the police scanner about a gunshot victim and heard his description being broadcast he realized that Emily was alive. How had he botched this so badly? Where had he gone wrong?

He’d let it get too personal. That’s what had happened.

She should have been dead. There was no way in hell she should have survived. That shot would have killed _any_ normal person. But not Emily fucking Fields. The bionic fucking lesbian.

He kicked a pile of boxes across the room in a rage. Everything was fucked now. The cops would be all over her, watching her every move to see if the person who shot her would slip up. Not even his contacts in the police department could help with this. There was no way he would be able to get to her. _And_ she’d seen his guy at the shooting range. The guy had a hat on and he’d worn a mask when he went after her and Lily, but there’s no way that Emily hadn’t made that connection. Not to mention she’d looked into his eyes when he pulled the trigger. It would only be a matter of time before Emily realized it was him. Unless he got lucky and she lost her memory.

He heard shuffling behind him and he spun around and pulled his weapon out, only to realize that several of his guys had been loading and unloading supplies and they were staring at him in confusion.

“Everything okay?” One of them asked.

“Find the boy,” he growled angrily. “We can’t afford to have his dumb ass out there making mistakes right now. We’ve got to lie low for a bit.”

He pulled Emily’s wedding ring out of his pocket and rolled it around in his fingers. It was the perfect reminder that he’d taken everything away from Emily and now she was stripped naked and bare and vulnerable, and it was oh-so-tempting to try to get to her and finish the job, but he knew the odds would be impossible. By this time, all of her friends knew, including Toby. There would be an officer on her at _every_ second if she survived. And hell, maybe she _wouldn’t_ survive and he’d get to claim it a victory after all. But he couldn’t take any chances right now.

He couldn’t do anything until he knew if she was going to live or die. Emily’s friends and foes alike all had one thing in common: they had to wait.

Hours passed. Ali tried to get Lily to go home with Pam, but she refused. She laid against Pam’s shoulder and they talked about some of their favorite times with Emily. Ali and the rest of the girls were busy formulating a plan to catch the bastard who shot her. It was slowly coming together. It wasn’t pristine and clear yet, but it would be soon. Because there is nothing they couldn’t get through together. Ali couldn’t imagine going through it without her friends by her side.

She looked across the room at her daughter. Lily looked exhausted, and aged beyond her years. She had always been mature for her age, but with everything that had happened the past few months she had been forced to grow up way too fast. Ali saw her peering across the waiting room, her eyes seeking her out. She didn’t have to say anything for Ali to know she needed her at that moment.

Ali quietly stood up and walked away from her friends while they were mid-conversation. The girls didn’t say a word. They just watched her take a seat next to her daughter. Lily leaned against her and put her cheek on Ali’s shoulder. The teen reached out and took her mom’s hand. Ali wrapped her arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.

They stayed like that until Lily fell asleep, Ali mindlessly stroking her arm. She stopped at one point and grazed her fingers. She had Emily’s hands. Both the girls did. They were hands that would always offer help. They were hands that were soft, warm, and kind. All of her girls spoke with their hands.

Ali didn’t realize she was crying until the first teardrop fell against her knuckle. It trickled down through her fingers and on to Lily’s hand. Lily curled her fingers and gripped Ali’s hand and nuzzled against her in her sleep. The girls watched them with a heavy sadness.

“You guys, we have to figure this out,” Aria said quietly. “They have been through enough. They won’t survive another hit.”

“They might not even survive _this_.” Spencer pointed out.

“If she dies I swear to God I’m going to kill someone.” Hanna grumbled. She thought about it. “Even if she lives I might kill someone.”

“I’ll help you get rid of the body.” Aria piped in.

“You amateurs are _definitely_ going to need my help.” Mona added.

“And a good defense.” Spencer stated. She glanced at Hanna and Aria, then Mona. “We’re in this together.”

“I’m at your service. Whatever you need.” Mona nodded.

“I was including _you_ in that.” Spencer clarified.

Mona smiled at Spencer. Hanna reached out and took Mona’s hand and squeezed it in appreciation. Aria leaned against Spencer. They were all exhausted, but none of them could sleep in the uncomfortable hospital chairs, not that they would have been able to sleep anyway.

Pam got up after about an hour to stretch her legs and get Ali a refill of hot tea. When she got back Ali took the cup from her and thanked her. Her hands were shaking so much that she almost spilled the hot liquid all over her. She put the cup down to let it cool off.

Pam sat down next to her sleeping granddaughter. She ran her fingers through Lily’s hair. The little girl reminded her _exactly_ of her little girl. Ali saw her staring at Lily in thought.

“Pam, I never even asked how you’re holding up.” Ali looked at her, a shameful expression on her face. It wasn’t just Ali’s wife on that operating table. It was Pam’s daughter. Her baby girl.

“You know, all those years I spent worrying when Wayne was in the military I never once thought I’d be in this position with Emily, let alone _twice_.” She sighed, her eyes wet with tears. “But I know her. She’s strong. She’ll pull through.” She was saying it just as much for her benefit as she was saying it for Ali, but a part of her believed it. She had to believe it, because she couldn’t fathom the other alternative. She’d already lost a grandchild. She couldn’t lose her daughter, too.

Ali glanced at her friends, who were still sitting across the waiting room, discussing what their next move should be. There wasn’t much they could do until morning. The cops were already scouring the scene of the crime. Toby was out looking for Zane. He was having to work very hard to fight his urge not to kill him when he found him. As soon as he’d heard that Zane was the one who had left Grace and Emily to die he’d flown into a testosterone-filled rage complete with every swear word in the book and the threat of death.

The girls kept a very close watch on Ali to make sure she didn’t completely crumble. Oddly enough, she was much calmer than the night Grace had died. Mostly because she had that fiery internal rage going ready to scorch Del Toro.

There was a serene sense of calmness that was surrounding them, because they knew that as long as the doctors weren’t there in the waiting room…they were with Emily, which meant she was still alive. It wasn’t until they saw the doctor coming through the double doors that led to the operating room that they felt their panic returning.

Ali glanced at Pam, terrified, then she looked down at her sleeping daughter. Her eyes darted from Lily to the doctor. She could see that he wanted to talk to her.

“I’ve got her,” Pam said quietly, reaching for her granddaughter.

They quickly and carefully shifted Lily over to Pam’s waiting arms. Lily rubbed her cheek against her grandmother’s shoulder and then wrapped her arms around her, her eyes still closed. The kid was exhausted.

Ali walked over to the doctor. The girls quickly scurried after her. They reached him at the same time. Ali reached out to her friends on both sides, grabbing Aria’s arm on her left and Spencer’s arm on her right. She felt Hanna’s hand on her shoulder. Mona watched from across the room, not wanting to crowd them.

“I’m sorry…” The doctor started.

Ali squeezed her friends’ arms so hard her nails dug into their skin. Her hearing blanked. She watched the doctor’s mouth move, her pulse pounding so loud in her head that she couldn’t hear a thing.

She made out the word “complication”. He kept talking and Ali’s grip on her friends got tighter. Her stomach dropped. She felt queasy.

She saw him mouth the word “died” and her vision started to fade.

The waiting room looked like it was closing in on her. Before she passed out she heard someone say her name. It sounded like Aria.

She was only out for about sixty seconds. Her friends and the doctor had caught her and lowered her to the ground. The doctor had called for a gurney, but she opened her eyes almost immediately after they’d laid her down.

“What happened?” She blinked in confusion.

“You fainted.” Hanna explained.

“I’m sorry.” She looked at the doctor in confusion. “Did you say she’s going to be okay?”

The doctor’s brow furrowed in confusion. The girls all stared at one another blankly. Ali sat up. It took her brain a minute to catch up with what the doctor had said before she’d passed out. She’d heard the words, but she’d been so stressed from the evening that they hadn’t fully registered yet.

 _“I’m sorry it’s taken us this long to give you an update,”_ he’d said. _“There was a complication from her previous surgery that made everything much trickier. The scar tissue from her injuries from the crash was beginning to strangle a small portion of her intestines. The paramedics said you mentioned that she’d been feverish and lethargic. That’s why. The area was starting to abscess. The bullet was lodged in that scar tissue. Had it continued with its trajectory it would have killed her. It’s a very bizarre case. If it hadn’t been for the bullet we never would have known the infection was there. We resected the damaged tissue, removed the bullet, and started her on antibiotics. Despite the gunshot wound, she’s very lucky she was brought in tonight. If we hadn’t caught it and it continued it could have caused encephalitis or a deadly infection in her bloodstream. Left untreated she would have gotten septic and she very likely would have died before we found the source.”_

Only in Emily Fields’ life was getting shot a good thing. Only in her life had being shot saved her. The only reason she had survived the gunshot was because of her internal injuries from the wreck, and the only reason they knew about the complications from her internal injuries was because of the gunshot.

“She’s okay?” Ali repeated.

“I don’t know about ‘okay’. She’s still in serious condition.” The doctor still had his game face on.

 _Serious_. She’d been _critical_ when she came in. Ali would take it. It was an upgrade.

“She’s still sedated, but she’s in recovery.”

“I want to see her.” Ali pushed herself to her feet. She was still shaky. Her friends grabbed her to help her support herself.

“First I think you should be examined. From what I hear you’ve been through a tremendous amount of shock tonight.”

“I’m fine.” Ali shook her friends away.

“Let the damn doctors do their jobs, Alison.” Spencer snapped.

Spencer’s tone was so sharp and rigid that Ali didn’t argue. The doctor waved a nurse over and they took her back to make sure she was okay. After everything checked out they led her down a long hallway that felt like it would never end. She passed by multiple rooms with large plexiglass windows, some with curtains halfway drawn and lights out, others wide open for anyone to see in. All the rooms had various beeping machines being monitored by someone in scrubs.

She had flashes to the night of the wreck. She remembered the rooms being filled with different people. She saw a few familiar faces from the nursing staff. She’d spent as much time with the medical staff as she had with Emily. They all nodded at her with somber faces. They hated seeing her back here for this reason.

She walked into Emily’s room, overwhelmed with emotions. Memories of being in the hospital months ago came rushing back to her when she saw Emily in her hospital bed. Her mind flashed back to the night of the wreck. She blinked and saw a glimpse of the butterfly bandage that had been on her forehead, her busted lip, her facial bruises.

But now, she looked quiet. Not entirely peaceful, but quiet. She had a nasal cannula delivering fresh oxygen to her and several IV bags, one with blood giving her a transfusion hanging up next to her bed. Her color was much better than it had been when she’d last seen her. Ali reached out to gently stroke her fingertips against Emily’s face. Her body temperature was better, too. She put her other hand on top of Emily’s and curled her fingers into Emily’s palm.

The doctor and nurse exchanged a look and then quietly walked out to give Ali a few minutes alone with her. Of course, _alone_ to them basically meant drawing a curtain around the open door where Ali knew they could still hear everything she said. She knew this because she heard the doctor and the nurse talking about another patient in hushed tones in the hallway.

She stared at her wife, lost in thought. Her mind was swimming in a heavy fog. She could hear Emily in her mind, begging her not to leave her.

Looking back over the past several hours Ali couldn’t even fathom how she could have considered leaving her girl. She’d certainly been pissed, but she regretted ever even considering they split up. It took almost losing Emily again for Ali to realize she didn’t want to spend a second without her.

Ali huffed out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in.

“This is getting really old, Emily,” she said, her thoughts becoming words before she realized she was vocalizing them. “I’m tired of this place.”

Not just the hospital, but the bad mental headspace they’d been in lately.

“I’m tired of seeing you hurt. I’m just…” She shook her head. “…I’m tired.” She peered around the hospital room and then let out a heavy sigh. “I thought we were done with this shit. This better be the last time we are _ever_ here. I hate it here.” She muttered, but then looked at her with a soft expression. “But since you’re here, this is where I’m staying.”

She squeezed Emily’s hand, hoping for a reaction, hoping for one of those magical moments where in a television show the person would wake up at that very moment and declare their love. When Emily didn’t open her eyes, Ali stroked her knuckles.

“We’re here, Em. We’re all here. The girls. Lily. Your mom. And me.” She leaned over her, her hair sweeping against Emily’s cheek. She gently kissed her forehead. “I just want you to know that. I’m here.” Ali brushed her hair with her fingers. “And I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

She sat with Emily, just like she’d sat with her the night of the wreck. But her nerves were settled. She felt whole with Emily again. She sat against the edge of her bed, holding her hand, patiently waiting to see her eyes again…those beautiful doe-eyes she’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

She felt herself waning, the night catching up with her. She ended up falling asleep. She was halfway on the bed, her head resting close to Emily’s chest. And when Emily did finally open her eyes the first thing she saw was Alison’s fair hair. The first thing she felt was Alison’s breath against her arm.

Emily lifted her arm, which felt like it weighed a ton, and ran her fingers over Alison’s cheek. Alison automatically moved closer to her and opened her eyes drowsily, for a minute forgetting where they were. She saw Emily looking down at her and she sat up quickly.

“Hey,” Emily said quietly.

There was a delay in Ali’s reaction. It’s almost like she thought she was dreaming. But then she felt Emily’s hand squeeze hers and she knew she was awake. Her eyes welled up with tears. She wiped her face with her fingers and smiled.

“I am so fucking pissed off at you.” Ali laughed through her tears. She was still pissed off, but she was relieved. She had her wife back.

“I know. If you want to slap me again I won’t hold it against you.”

Ali laughed again and then leaned over to kiss her, a tear slipping down her cheek and falling against Emily’s lips.

“You tried to die on me.” Ali rubbed her cheek.

“I knew you wouldn’t let me.”

“Damn straight.”

They shared a quiet moment, just basking in the fact that it wasn’t over…that they still had each other.

“You’re here.” Emily smiled timidly.

“I’m here.” Ali nodded, smiling back. “And I’m not leaving any time soon. You try to send me home and I swear I’ll…”

Before Ali could finish her threat, Emily quickly interrupted her.

“No, I don’t want you to go anywhere.” Emily squeezed her hand. “Stay.” She reached up to touch her cheek with her other hand. “Please.”

Emily thought she’d never get to see her again. She wanted to appreciate every moment she had with her. Ali reached up, putting her hand on top of Emily’s. Her touch felt like a gift she was lucky to receive. Something not to take for granted. Something that could easily be taken away at any moment. Something she needed to savor and cherish.

“There is nothing in this world that could keep me away from you,” Ali said softly. She paused and then added, “But if you don’t take me back to Paris after all of this is over I _will_ divorce you.” She teased.

Emily laughed. She felt a pinch in her stomach and she lowered her arm. The drugs kept her from feeling the full force of her injuries, but she was still uncomfortable. Ali saw the discomfort on her face. She caressed her face to try and distract her from the pain.

“Hey, we’re going to get the bastard who has been doing this to you.” Ali promised. “Toby is looking for Zane, and Spencer is going to try and shake Alex down to get information.”

Emily’s eyes narrowed, her face scrunching up in thought. Ali saw something flash in her eyes, but she wasn’t sure what it was.

“You don’t have to do that,” Emily said.

“Emily, I swear to God don’t tell me you’re going to try and go back to doing what you were doing. You almost fucking died trying to handle this by yourself…”

“No.” Emily weakly shook her head. “You don’t have to go to into research mode.” She clarified. She shifted, her face flinching in discomfort. “Because I know who shot me. I know who Del Toro is.”

She was fuzzy about everything else. She didn’t remember that it was her gun. She didn’t remember getting shot. She didn’t remember the pain of the bullet striking her, or the agony that followed. But she remembered those eyes. Her subconscious had held on to that one detail. And that one detail was the most important one.

“Ali, it’s Ben.”


	33. The Final Blow

It was his eyes that had given him away. Emily didn’t care that he had a death certificate. She didn’t care that no one had seen him in years or that he had an obituary that stated his family had a private ceremony celebrating his life by spreading his ashes in his favorite places. She didn’t care that the whole town thought he was dead. She knew he was alive. She _felt_ him.

Ever since her first run in with him outside Maurice’s bar she’d known, somewhere deep inside there was a deeper reason behind why Del Toro was doing what he was doing. She’d felt that familiar intimacy. When she’d been stabbed she’d realized it was about more than just keeping her quiet. There had always been a familiar personal connection between them.

And now she knew why.

When that gun had been pulled on her she’d looked right at him. She’d looked into those eyes and she was taken right back to the afternoon in the locker room when he’d tried to force himself on her. She’d never forget the madness behind that gaze, like he could just take whatever he wanted. Like she was less than human, just a possession for him to have.

He’d been obsessed with control then. She could only imagine the high he got from having the run of the city. Besides, only Ben would have come up with a stupid ass nickname like Benito Del Toro. She felt like an idiot for not piecing it together sooner.

She was afraid Ali wouldn’t believe her, but not only did Ali believe her…she led the charge in trying to find him. She didn’t care how crazy the truth sounded. She knew her wife…and she saw the look in Emily’s eyes when Emily said his name.

The flash that Ali had seen in Emily’s eyes was the terrifying truth. It rattled Emily too much for it to be a mistake. The revelation had shaken Emily so much that her blood pressure and heart rate had nearly sky-rocketed. The thought that Ben Coogan was after her family horrified her.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Ali grabbed her hand. “He can’t hurt us anymore. I won’t let him.”

Ali had to talk her down from her anxiety attack. Once Emily’s stats had stabilized Ali very calmly rubbed her cheek and spoke softly, her tone both even and menacing.

“When I get my hands on him he’s a dead man.” Not just on paper. When she saw him his death certificate would be authentic. “I will kill him for this, Emily,” she uttered, her free hand hovering just over where the bullet had gone into Emily’s stomach. “I swear to God he will never hurt our family again.”

Emily squeezed Ali’s hand, a pained grimace on her face. She was starting to feel the discomfort of her injuries.

“The cops are never going to believe me.” Emily sighed.

“Fuck the cops. We have Toby and the girls,” Ali replied.

Emily was surprised to hear Ali dismiss the law enforcement so quickly given she’d been begging Emily to let them handle it.

“I thought you _wanted_ them to handle it.” Emily frowned in confusion.

Her brain was jumbled, but she certainly remembered Ali giving her hell for not telling the police what was happening. Ali had threatened to leave her over it, which is why it stuck out in Emily’s mind like a sore thumb.

Ali shook her head.

“I was wrong. Em, I understand now. I _saw_ what you’re dealing with.” Ali caressed her arm. She’d seen it firsthand. Emily had all but died in her arms because of how close she was to exposing him. “What he did to you…and to Lily, to _us_?” Her face reddened in fury. “If we tell the police without evidence to back it up they won’t take it seriously. They’ll sit on it. And that will give him more time to come back at us. We need solid proof.”

They knew that they couldn’t tell the cops the truth. They’d think that Emily had cracked up. So Alison and Emily talked about it. Though, Emily did most of the talking. Alison just flew into a rage and threatened to kill Ben every three seconds. Emily had to talk her down from her anger.

Once they were both calm and collected they agreed on waiting to tell the cops until they had more information. They talked to Toby about everything. He didn’t question or doubt Emily at all. He’d seen enough to know that dead people were never really dead in Rosewood.

He used an age-progression program at the station to try and piece together what Ben would look like, though they all knew he’d drastically changed his appearance. He couldn’t account for the face tattoos or scars, except for the one on his wrist and the dog bite on his arm.

Toby came up with a rough composite and shared it with several media outlets. The entire police force was on the look-out for the guy.

Toby convinced his Chief that Emily and her family would need protection in case the “mugger” sought retaliation, because Emily was the only one who could identify him. The Chief agreed and a unit was assigned to the DiLaurentis-Fields family at all times.

On the side, Toby kept looking for Zane, who had all but vanished. They still weren’t entirely sure how he fit into the picture, but Emily had no doubt that the boy was related to Ben. The coldness of his gaze was unmistakable. Not to mention, he was too well-connected not to be a relative.

Emily’s investigative ways took on an entirely different approach. She knew she wasn’t completely alone in it anymore. She was nervous that she’d brought everyone she loved into it, but at the same time she was relieved that she didn’t have to bear the burden of the secret anymore.

She knew her friends would do anything for her, which is why she’d initially kept what she was doing to herself. She knew how far they would go for her. And she didn’t want them to end up with lead in their bodies like she had. She made it a point to tell them to stay under the radar.

They, of course, didn’t listen. Mona went into full research mode, with Hanna by her side to make sure she didn’t have a downward spiral. Spencer and Aria worked the Alex and Mary angle. Alex claimed not to know anything. Mary refused to talk. She wouldn’t even come to the phone. She was in no way going to implicate Ben or her son.

Much like what had happened with the wreck, it all fell back on Emily’s recollection of what had happened. The first few days she was in and out of consciousness because of the medications she was getting.

She was a little more aware and alert when she was discharged. They’d spent that first night out of the hospital at the Cavanaugh house while Caleb and Ezra set up some security equipment at the DiLaurentis-Fields house.

All of the kids had come over to the Cavanaugh’s place with their moms. The kids didn’t know the extent of what was happening, but they knew that Lily and her mothers were in danger and that was enough for them to worry. And their parents knew that even if they tried to keep them from Lily the kids would sneak out and defy them anyway. They were their parents’ children after all.

The kids all had their own way of trying to take Lily’s mind off of what she’d gone through the night her mother was shot.

Iris and Harper had pooled their allowances and had bought Lily a bunch of new art supplies and a gift card for her to buy a bunch of books. They figured Lily probably wasn’t sleeping much and they wanted her to use arts and crafts as an outlet.

Levi brought a bunch of board games to play with everyone. He was always a riot to play with, because he was so good at every game he played. He was a little ham that ate it up. Lily liked playing with him because he was so enthusiastic.

Fiona and Kai had baked Lily’s favorite cookies. Technically, Fiona had baked them while her brother had gotten distracted by his phone and had nearly set the kitchen on fire, after which she had banned him to batter duty. She’d made him stir the ingredients, because a spoon was the only utensil she trusted him with. But they’d made them together nonetheless.

Eli just let Lily tell him what she needed. He kept the other kids from being too overbearing. If he saw she needed a break he’d suggest they thin out for a while. If he saw that she needed reassurance he was there for her.

The kids stuck by Lily’s side while their mothers and Toby worked on nailing down Ben and Zane. At first Emily had been anxious about everyone gathering in one place. She was afraid that the Pit Vipers would use it as an opportunity to kill them in one fell swoop, but she knew it was just as dangerous if they were apart. They knew the truth and that made them all targets. In the past, they had always been stronger together.

It had been a full house with six adults, seven kids, three dogs and the police unit outside. Yet despite feeling like sardines all packed into a can they enjoyed being around each other. It was almost like a retreat. A retreat with police work and healing injuries, but then again they were used to that kind of thing.

The girls went out to Spencer’s barn while Toby stayed inside with the kids. The cops patrolled in their car and on foot, making everyone feel a little more at ease.

Spencer pulled out the notes everyone had gathered. There were some pieces still missing, so Emily tried to go back over the past several months. She told Spencer, Hanna, and Aria the whole story, sparing no detail on the off-chance that something might give them a clue as to where they should look for Del Toro and his gang.

Emily went through every shred of evidence she had. She tried to recall every memory of all the encounters she’d had with the Pit Vipers, but her mind was muddled from being shot.

“So, you said the thing with the paralytic happened the night of the school play?” Spencer questioned.

“Wish I would have had something to paralyze my senses that night.” Hanna uttered under her breath.

“An entire flask of vodka wasn’t enough?” Aria asked.

“Can we please focus here?” Spencer chastised them.

“Sorry.” They both replied at the same time.

“I was following him after he attacked the bar.” Emily explained, some of the details murky. She saw Ali staring at her, clearly thinking that she was an overzealous and overconfident idiot for taking him on that night. “He blindsided me. I didn’t see anything distinctive about him then.”

“And what about the attack in the park? That happened afterwards right?”

“Um…” Emily squirmed, having trouble keeping the timeline in order. It seemed like every day since the wreck was all one big blur. “Yeah. Yeah, I think that was around the time the whole thing with Ryan was going down.”

“So he was still after you even though the heat was off of his gang for the wreck. Was the park attack before or after he threatened you with a text?” Spencer jotted a few things down.

Emily thought about it. She couldn’t remember.

“I don’t…” She worked her brain hard trying to recall important details, but she fell short on several things. “I’m not sure.” She grumbled in frustration and rubbed her face in exhaustion. “Damn it,” she uttered. “I don’t remember when he sent the first text.”

“What about the last one? You said something about him taunting you after he killed your friends,” Spencer said, her tone soft and sympathetic.

“That night is a blur, too. I just remember Maurice pulling me out of the water.” She grumbled. “This is so fucking frustrating.” She slammed her palm down against the armrest of the couch.

Jett nudged his nose against her leg in concern. He’d basically attached himself to his family. When he wasn’t by Emily’s side he was with Lily. She reached down and scratched his head.

“Em, it’s okay.” Aria was the first to pipe in to try to keep her from being so hard on herself. “You just had a bullet removed from your gut. You’re allowed to be a little scattered.”

“That’s the thing, though. It was my stomach. Not my head. I should be able to remember this. All this started weeks before I was shot.”

“You do realize that you stopped breathing, too, right?” Spencer lifted her right eyebrow slightly. “Oxygen deprivation can cause memory issues.”

“Yeah, you’ve been through _a lot_ ,” Hanna said. “It’s a miracle you’re not a drooling vegetable.”

“Hanna!” Spencer and Aria exclaimed at the same time, letting the blonde know that her penchant for tact was lacking.

“I just wish I remembered something that could help.” Emily rubbed her eyebrow.

“You remembered the important thing.” Ali reminded her. “We have what we need to go on.” She looked down at the artist’s rendering of Ben. The words “WANTED: EXTREMELY DANGEROUS” were scribbled on the bottom. Her nostrils flared angrily.

“We’ll get him, Ali.” Hanna put her hand against Ali’s arm.

“I get the first punch.” She stated, her tone laced with venom.

“Um, hello, he _shot_ me. I think it’s only fair that _I_ throw the first punch.” Emily disagreed.

“Hey, hey. No one is punching anyone.” Hanna tried to mediate. They all looked at her in shock and confusion. That was _very_ un-Hanna-like. “We hold him down and kick him in the crotch first. He wants to fight dirty, so can we.”

The room filled with soft laughter. Ali shot Hanna an appreciative smile for lightening the mood. Then she glanced over at Emily, who looked tired. She looked at the girls and subtly motioned towards Emily. They got the picture.

“I think we’ve been at this long enough tonight,” Ali reached out and took Emily’s hand. “You need to rest.”

Emily didn’t argue. She hadn’t fought Ali or the girls on anything since she’d woken up in the hospital. She knew how serious the situation was. And more importantly, she could _feel_ that her body needed to rest. She’d taken to listening to her inner voice again. Her inner voice sounded a lot like Ali mothering her, but she didn’t mind. She nodded in agreement.

She knew they were closing in on him. She knew they had him running scared, but she also knew that would make him more dangerous. Because she’d pissed him off. And she knew what he was like when he was angry. He was unpredictable. Feral. She didn’t know _what_ he was planning, but she knew he was planning something.

And he was. He had someone watching them. He knew their every move. He just had to wait for the perfect opportunity to slip in undetected.

Despite his mug being broadcast to the entire northeast, things were starting to come back together for him. He’d just made a ton of green on a drug haul, the cops hadn’t even come close to finding his new base, and his guys had found his son.

He’d been worried about Zane becoming a loose cannon and ruining everything. Fortunately, the kid had just been laying low. He’d been holed up at a crack den in the next town over. No one knew him. No one would remember seeing him. He’d dodged Del Toro’s guys for a few days, but they’d found him when they’d been on a drug run.

Zane had underestimated them. He’d assumed that they wouldn’t be out in full force, because Daddy Dearest had been forced to go into hiding after his face was plastered all over the place.

Surprisingly, there was nothing in the news about Zane’s involvement in the wreck that had killed Grace, so he managed to escape Del Toro’s wrath about that. He had no idea why Emily hadn’t ratted him out yet, but he was nervous about the fact that the cops weren’t looking for him. What if Emily was looking? She was much more dangerous than the police, even with a healing gunshot wound. He’d seen the rage in her eyes when he’d told her the truth about the wreck. She had come very close to hitting him. And he wouldn’t have blamed her. What he’d done was unforgivable.

He’d had a lot of time to think while he’d been on the run. He thought about the lives he’d ruined. He thought about the pain he’d inflicted. He thought about how different his life might have been had he not found out the truth about his heritage, or if he’d had parents that actually paid attention to him.

He knew he’d done terrible things. He knew he’d behaved like an idiot. But it was only in seeing what his father had become that he realized he did not want to go down the same path.

But he was stuck, because despite the DiLaurentis-Fields family being guarded like the Royal Family, the leader of the most ruthless gang in Pennsylvania had a plan. So all Zane could do was wait.

So that’s what he did. For twenty-four hours he sat around like the big useless lump that he was, until the next night Del Toro came to him with a sadistic grin on his face.

“Tonight is the night we finish it, kid.”

He hadn’t gone into detail. He’d just corralled Zane into a car and they’d starting driving until they got to Zane’s neighborhood. Despite the police cruiser parked out front of the DiLaurentis-Fields house, Del Toro was not intimidated. He’d spent his entire adult life in the shadows. Tonight would be no different.

The security system was going to be trickiest part. From what he remembered about Caleb Rivers in high school he was some kind of boy genius. He couldn’t rely on basic hacking. Instead, he was going to play with a new toy he’d acquired on the black market.

The small localized EMP device worked a lot like a television remote. Aim and shoot, and it would cause a small surge of power. It would give him a window to get up to the main breaker and hook up a back-up drive that just had a loop of footage of the surrounding area, so everything would appear normal.

It worked like a charm.

“Holy shit,” Zane uttered. “It actually works? I thought that kind of stuff only existed in bad movies and cheesy TV shows.”

“Stick with me and you’ll get to play with all the cool new toys.”

Zane flinched. The _last_ thing he wanted was to make this kind of thing a regular occurrence.

“Watch my back.” The man glanced at Zane, his gaze turning menacing. “ _Don’t_ fuck this up.”

He didn’t have to add the “or I will beat the hell out of you” at the end because Zane knew that much.

Zane watched him slink out of the car and dip into the shadows. He sat there for a few minutes, debating on what to do. No matter how far he ran Del Toro would always find him. Del Toro _always_ got what he wanted.

So what were his other options? He couldn’t go back home. He kicked the dashboard and muttered about how his options in life were always a choice between shitty and shittier. He leaned back in his seat. He knew he couldn’t run from him. He certainly couldn’t kill him. He mindlessly rubbed the knee of his jeans, trying to put his dumbass mind to work. After a few seconds he knew what he had to do.

Inside the house, everyone was sleeping soundly for once. Emily had pain killers on board so she was out. Ali had had a glass of wine to settle her nerves and so she was relaxed, too. Lily had fallen asleep in her room with her headphones on. Jett was curled up next to her, his big blocky head resting on her calf.

Outside the house Del Toro had easily slipped by the police and was looking for points of entry to the house. The DiLaurentis-Fields house was quiet. It was dark inside, but he knew the girls were in there, as was a large hundred pound animal with very sharp teeth.

The first thing he had to do when he got inside was neutralize the dog. He knew he’d have to be quiet, so instead of putting a bullet in the dog’s skull like he really wanted to he planned to slip the mutt a bunch of tranquilizers in some meat.

He’d cased the house many times before. He’d even snuck in a time or two in high school. He knew all the weakest areas. His best bet was to go in through the basement. There was a crawlspace he could get to through an old cellar door. They’d locked it, but he easily jimmied the lock.

Once he was inside he crept up the basement stairs and found the crack underneath the door. He pushed the drugged meat into the house and then sat down on the stairs.

The dog took the bait five minutes later. Del Toro waited a good twenty minutes and then went to work to pry the locked door open. He worked swiftly and quietly. Once he got the door ajar he peered inside the house. As expected, he heard a low growl from the corner.

He saw a flash of fur in the shadows. In the pale light in the room he could see Jett staggering towards him. The dog’s eyes were droopy and he could barely stand. When he lunged for him Del Toro stepped aside and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. He shoved him towards the basement and then closed the door. He heard the exhausted dog plop down the stairs and then collapse at the bottom of the staircase.

 _Man always conquers beast._ He thought to himself in a cocky manner. He made a mental note to go finish him off once he’d taken care of Emily. He liked the idea of getting the dog stuffed and mounted on his wall.

He reached down to a thick belt that was tied around his thigh. He had his favorite knife sheathed in its case. He pulled the knife free, holding the handle tight as he slunk through the kitchen. He stopped when he got to the living room. He heard soft breathing.

He took a moment to let his eyes adjust. There were two figures in the dark. Through the glowing light coming from the electronics he could see the outline of their faces. Alison was curled up on the loveseat, sound asleep and hugging a pillow. He saw slight movement and leaned back behind the door frame. He watched as she rolled over until her back was to him.

Emily was on the adjoining couch. Her head was slightly propped up against the arm of the couch. She was on her back, her cheek pressed against the side of the pillow.

He quietly approached her. He saw her medications on the coffee table and smirked. They really had made this too easy for him. He didn’t think they’d be so lax their first night back in their home. But perhaps they felt safe there. It was an advantage for him. But he was disappointed there wasn’t more of a challenge.

He towered over the sleeping girl beneath him. He took a moment to appreciate her beauty. Despite everything he’d done to hurt her, she was still the picture perfect girl. An unobtainable dream he’d never have. He ran his fingertips gently through her hair, stopping when he reached the edge of her long locks.

He curled the knife around the bottom edge of her hair and then sliced through it like butter. He smelled the locket of hair and then grinned. After he washed her blood off of his hands tonight he would always have a piece of her.

He leaned against the couch and pressed his knee close to her body, straddling her, keeping his weight right above her in case he had to body slam her. He ran the cool blade of the knife against her cheek. He leaned forward until his lips were against her ear.

“Surprise, bitch.”

Emily’s eyes shot open and she saw him hovering over her. He slapped his palm over her mouth. They glanced at Ali at the same time. She laid motionless on the loveseat.

“You wake her up and I’ll kill her, too,” he hissed into her ear, pressing the tip of the knife against the bony middle of her throat. “And I’ll make you watch her die first.”

Emily didn’t move, didn’t blink. Was this really happening? After all of the precautions they’d taken? After everything she had been through to survive? She bit her tongue and slammed her eyes shut, hoping that it was just a nightmare. Her disillusion amused Ben.

After she realized she wasn’t going to wake up next to her wife she opened her eyes again. They stared at one another in silence for a few seconds. He saw the look of panic in her eyes, the thoughts running through her head.

_How did he get in? Where are Toby and Lorenzo? Why didn’t the dog bark? What about the security system?_

All things he’d thought about. All things he’d _planned_ for.

“You didn’t think it was over, did you?” He kept his voice quiet. “Oh, Emily.” He shook his head, “tsk, tsk.”

He clicked his tongue, his hot sweaty breath hitting her ear. He smelled like tobacco and motor oil. She flinched and looked over at Ali.

“Don’t look at her while I’m talking to you.” He whispered angrily. “You were always _mine._ I told you. It’s just you and me. It’s _always_ been you and me.”

He twirled the knife, creating an uncomfortable friction against the delicate skin on her neck.

“You _or_ me.”

He stopped moving the knife. He pulled back and looked at her with a malicious gaze and uttered harshly,

“Your time is up, Fields. You’re not getting out of this one. It’s over.”

God, he was going to enjoy this. He knew she couldn’t fight back, at least not with her full strength. He dug his knee against the healing injury on her stomach. She fought back a cry. He could feel her groaning against his palm. He liked the feel of her moaning against his hand. So he did it again. Her body tensed below his and she hissed in pain again.

He had complete control and it was invigorating. She shook her head with tears in her eyes, trying her best not to wake her sleeping wife so she wouldn’t meet the same fate. But when he shifted and put his full weight on top of her she couldn’t contain her cries. She involuntarily screamed.

The cries immediately roused Ali. Her eyes popped open and she snapped to attention. She sat up and spun around just in time to see Ben putting the knife against her wife’s throat.

“Emily!” She shrieked.

Startled, Ben whipped his head back to look at her.

“Get the fuck away from her!” She leaped off of the loveseat and lunged towards him.

Her foot got caught on the edge of a blanket and she stumbled towards them before losing her balance. She fell forward, her temple crashing against the coffee table. Ben laughed. The _great_ Alison DiLaurentis incapacitated by an overpriced piece of furniture.

“Ali!” Emily’s cry of concern was muffled by his rough palm.

“What did I say?” He shoved her face roughly. “I told you to be quiet.” Ben kneed her hard in the abdomen.

Emily yelped in surprise at the force of the blow. Hearing Emily cry out gave Ali’s internal drive to protect her a boost. She pushed herself up on to her hands and knees. She tried to get to her feet, but the throbbing pain in her skull was worsening by the second.

She felt a weird uneasiness when she looked up. Her vision was starting to fade. She heard a gurgled cry from Emily above her.

“Get…get away…from her.” Ali muttered. She swayed and then fell back against the ground with a moan.

She couldn’t let this happen. She’d promised Emily she wouldn’t let him hurt her. Her wife hadn’t survived everything just to go out like this.

She reached up, feeling around the coffee table for something to hit Ben with. Her hands closed around something solid and cool. The wine bottle. She managed to get a good grip on it and crawl to her knees. She smashed it against the side of his head. He fell forward on top of Emily, the full weight of his body crashing against her. Emily cried loudly.

Ben whipped around, the entire right side of his face dripping with blood. There were glass shards all over the place. He threw a blow at Ali so powerful that it knocked her back into the coffee table. Then he turned back to Emily and raised the knife above her.

“Emily…” Ali didn’t even recognize her own voice.

Her head felt like it was swollen. She heard a blow being landed and a ripping sound followed by a loud gasp and a thud.

Ali felt a warm sticky substance dripping on to her face. Whether it was her blood, Ben’s blood, or Emily’s blood, she wasn’t sure. As she was losing consciousness she could hear Ben’s sadistic laughter.

Her vision started to twist and warp into a smudged blur. As she blacked out she heard a loud buzzing noise in her ears. The buzzing swiftly increased in frequency and pitch until her eardrums started to hurt. She fought the darkness. She knew she had to save Emily. So she pushed herself as hard as she could.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d blacked out for, but she felt herself shoot up, panting and covered in sweat. The room was dark and she couldn’t hear Emily anymore. The silence was deafening. She wailed out a frustrated groan. And then she heard it,

“Ali, babe, what is it?” A soft voice echoed off of the walls.

_Emily._

Ali sucked in a heavy breath. It was just a nightmare. Emily was okay.

There was a click and then a soft light flooded the room. Emily was sitting up in their bed, her hand pressed against her healing wound. The sharp movement of her waking up so suddenly had sent a dull pain into her stomach.

It had only been nine days since she’d been shot, so she was still healing. They had given her a clean bill of health. Unlike with her previous surgery, she hadn’t had any complications. She hadn’t refused the pain meds either. Because she’d been hurting like hell.

Fortunately, she didn’t recall most of the trauma of being shot. And though she’d had a few nightmares, she’d done okay with Alison by her side. But tonight it wasn’t Emily’s dreams that had them both awake. It was Ali’s nightmare.

“Did you have the dream again?” Emily stroked her face.

Ever since Emily had been shot Ali had been obsessing about Ben coming back to finish the job. He’d come so close outside the gun range. She was terrified he’d get to her before the police caught him. Emily had her own concerns, but didn’t tell Ali she was afraid, because she knew that would make Ali’s nerves worse.

“He came in through the crawlspace under the basement.” She looked around the room, like she expected him to jump out of the shadows and shoot Emily again. “Did we lock the cellar door? We should check it just in case.” She started to climb out of the bed.

“Hey, calm down.” Emily reached out and gently grabbed her arm. “Everything is locked. We doubled checked, remember?” She rubbed Ali’s arm and took her hand to try and calm her down. “The cops are right outside.” She motioned to the window. “The dog is guarding us like crazy.” Jett had been overly-sensitive the past two days since Emily had been released from the hospital. He’d even been snapping at some of the officers. “Caleb’s security system is active. And my gun is right here.”

Ali had actually been okay with Emily bringing a firearm into the house, because she understood the danger of the situation. They needed a way to defend themselves _just in case._ They knew Lily wouldn’t go anywhere near it after what she’d witnessed the night Emily was shot.

Alison sank back into the mattress and then looked over at her wife.

“How have you dealt with this all this time?” Alison ran her fingers through her hair.

“I had you to keep me focused.” Emily shrugged. And she’d also completely lost her mind, but that was neither here nor there.

For a brief second she let the wall guarding her emotions down and Alison saw the grief and the fear swimming around in her eyes. Emily looked away to try and keep Alison from seeing it, but it was too late.

“Don’t hide from me, Em.” Alison moved her hand to Emily’s cheek and pushed her to face her.

Emily had been through so much trauma. All Alison wanted to do was take her pain away.

“I know. I’m sorry. Old habits…” Emily smiled weakly.

Alison hated that she hadn’t been able to help her through her pain sooner.

“I wish I had known.” Alison delicately placed her hand on top of Emily’s, pushing herself closer to her. She needed to feel her warmth, to remind her that Emily was okay…that _they_ were okay. “You should have told me.”

“There’s a lot I should have done differently.” Emily nodded with a grimace.

Though she didn’t regret meeting Maurice, Gina, and the guys. In the short period of time she’d known them she’d learned so much from them. They had changed her life. But the fact that she’d brought this hell into her family’s lives was unsettling. The fact that people were dead because of her hung over her like a dark cloud hovering in the sky. The fact that her family and friends were at risk because someone was after _her_ bothered her more than she could put into words.

“I hate that I got us into this.” Emily sighed. “I hate that he’s doing this to us.”

She shuddered thinking about how close she’d come to losing Lily because of Ben. And he was still out there, watching, waiting.

She knew it was only a matter of time. She had no idea that that time was an hourglass full of rapidly falling sand quickly approaching the end of its cycle.

She had no idea that he was right outside waiting for his moment. He’d already managed to sneak past the cops, just like in Alison’s dream. They had no idea the security system was deactivated. They had no idea that Alison’s nightmare was very close to becoming a reality.

“You think about it, too, don’t you?” Alison asked softly. “About him coming back to kill you?”

Emily bit the inside of her lip and sighed.

“Every day since he first attacked me.” She admitted. “But I don’t worry about that as much as I worry about him doing something to hurt you and Lily.” Her biggest fear throughout the whole process had been something happening to her family.

Alison wasn’t surprised to hear it. In fact, she’d _dreamed_ it. Ben had threatened Alison in her nightmare and that’s the only reason Emily wouldn’t cry out for help. Emily would always put the safety and well-being of her family first. It’s just who she was.

“Something _already_ hurt us.” Alison turned over to her side, leaning closer to her wife. “He almost took you away from us.” She caressed her cheek again. “I won’t live through that again.”

When Emily looked at Alison she could see the fear of losing her written all over her face. She could see her own struggles running through her wife’s mind. She reached up to touch her hand.

“Hey, we’ve made it this far,” she said, lovingly stroking her arm. “And we have help. We’ll make it through this.”

Alison stifled a hard laugh.

“You’ve said that before.”

“And here we are.” Emily smiled.

“Yeah, here we are,” she uttered caustically, glancing down. “You have another hole in your stomach.”

Emily didn’t take her attitude personally. Alison had been worked up since she’d been shot, and rightfully so. There was a psycho after them that had tried to kill her and Lily. Not to mention she was still coming down from her nightmare.

After a few seconds Alison sighed. Her tone softened. Her hand drifted away from Emily’s hand and trailed against her wife’s side until her fingers landed gently on top of her healing gunshot wound. She watched Emily’s face for signs of discomfort.

“How does it feel? Does it hurt?” She looked at Emily with a timid expression.

“It’s not too bad.” Emily shook her head, her warm hand landing on top of Alison’s. She reached up with her other hand and rubbed the blonde’s cheek. “You’re all the pain relief I need.”

Alison snorted.

“That’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said.” She rolled her eyes, but she still had a quiet smile on her face. “But I love you anyway.”

“I love you more.” Emily leaned forward and pressed her lips against Alison’s.

Alison’s lips moved with hers as she kissed her back. She pulled back to look into Emily’s eyes and then leaned forward again with a smile, the encounter going from docile to passionate. Their hands started roaming as their bodies moved together.

They didn’t mean for it to become heated, but it had been weeks for both of them, so their bodies were sensitive to the other’s touch. Emily rolled forward, keeping their lips connected. She felt Alison’s tongue against her bottom lip, begging for a taste. Emily parted her lips and their tongues clashed.

Alison felt Emily’s thigh brush up between her legs and she shuddered. She instinctively rocked against her motions, opening her legs to grant her easier access. She felt Emily’s long soft fingers drifting up underneath her shirt working their way up her chest.

Then she remembered something. They weren’t alone in the house, and in fact they had more than just Lily to think about. Harper, Eli, and Levi were all spending the night.

Levi’s sister and parents were all sick with some kind of stomach bug and Hanna knew that if he stayed home he’d end up with it, so she’d shipped him off to the Cavanaugh house. He was going to stay the night there, but Toby had gotten a lead in New York, where the whole thing with Ryan had started.

If they could link Ryan and his brother to the unsolved death of the child his brother had accidentally shot it would be enough to get the Chief to reopen the case of the hit and run and they could nail Zane. And if they could get to Zane, they could get to Ben.

Spencer didn’t want him going alone, so they’d talked to Ali and Emily about letting the kids stay with them. Toby felt confident that Lorenzo and the other assigned officer would keep them safe. He didn’t care how good Ben was. He knew the scumbag couldn’t sneak past two armed police officers, an overprotective dog, and a security system.

What they didn’t know was that Ben wasn’t going to be doing any sneaking around. He didn’t have to, because he had an easy way in. Ali’s nightmare was about to become a reality, because not _all_ of her nightmare had been a figment of her imagination. They _were_ being watched. The security system _had_ been tampered with. And though Ben hadn’t slipped into their house through the basement, he _had_ been outside formulating a plan to get in.

He was hatching a plot that would end it once and for all. Their worlds were about to come crashing to a head. And this time someone would be leaving in a body bag.

But as Alison and Emily moved their bodies together they weren’t thinking about the clear and present danger. They weren’t thinking about anything other than their shared touch. Their love was the only thing that made any sense to them. It was the only thing that kept them anchored to their sanity.

“Em,” Alison said breathlessly, pulling her lips away to get some air. She glanced at their bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. “The kids.”

“All the times you’ve given me crap about not worrying about kids being around when we have sex and _you’re_ pulling that card now?” Emily’s fingers splayed out across Alison’s chest as Emily’s thigh rubbed her center.

Alison couldn’t contain her shudder and the moan that escaped her mouth. She took a breath.

“Because we’re only allowed to scar _our_ child, not our friends’ kids.” Alison kissed her jaw and then pecked her lips.

“I don’t see you stopping.” Emily massaged her mouth against Alison’s as their legs twisted together underneath the sheets, their hot and sweaty bodies moving against each other.

Alison smiled against Emily’s lips and gently bit down on her bottom lip and tugged on it before releasing it.

“I hate you sometimes.” She puckered her lips and pressed hard against Emily’s mouth.

“No you don’t.” Emily smiled cheekily.

Emily leaned over and placed a trail of kisses from her collar bone to the base of her chin. She nuzzled into Alison’s shoulder and pecked it delicately.

“No.” Alison shook her head with a sigh. “I don’t.”

She kissed Emily’s temple. Emily slowly lifted her head and their lips found each another again. Alison pushed forward to try and gain more control. Her hand traveled up Emily’s side and started moving in between their bodies. She stopped abruptly when she felt something warm and wet against Emily’s shirt. She knew instantly what it was. Her hands had been covered in it nine days ago. She felt a chill shoot through her body.

“Em, you’re bleeding.” Alison pulled her hand away to reveal a small red splotch on her shirt.

“Shit.” Emily grumbled.

She sat up and pulled her shirt up. It wasn’t a lot of blood. There was just a small spot leaking near the top of her scab.

“Stitches look fine.” Emily rolled to the side. She reached into her nightstand where she had extra gauze and antibacterial scrub. “I probably just irritated it when I woke up.”

“Or, you know…when you were dry humping me.” Ali gave her a hard time.

“There was nothing dry about it.” Emily lifted her brows mischievously.

“Stop that.” Ali frowned.

“What?”

“Making me want you.” Ali chuckled. She reached for the scrub and the clean bandages. “Give me those.”

“You’re so bossy in bed.” Emily gave her a half smile.

Ali rolled her eyes and took the medical supplies from her. Emily didn’t try and stop her. The touches were no longer sexual, but Alison _was_ touching her, and it made her feel safe…and at home.

After Ali finished patching her up they both settled back in the bed, facing each other. They scooted closer.

“You know I only bitch at you because I care, right?” Ali asked.

“I know.” Emily nodded with a smile.

She leaned forward to kiss her, but instead of pecking her lips she placed a delicate kiss against her forehead and then pulled away to smile at her. Ali smiled back. They laced their fingers together and brought their hands up between them and then started to make a game out of who was more stubborn, and who could stay awake the longest.

They had just started to relax when a creaking noise in the hallway made both of their hearts jump in their chests. They sat up in bed, fearing the worst. The sound got closer. Ali grabbed Emily’s arm and started to say something, but Emily put her finger against her lips. She made a shushing motion and made a move towards her weapon.

The door slowly crept open and a shadow was cast across the room. It moved forward, getting smaller in the dim light of the room.

Ali and Emily both breathed a sigh of relief when Jett moseyed into the room. He looked up at them, a dumb innocent expression on his face.

“Jesus, Jett, I almost turned you into a throw rug.” Emily breathed heavily.

“You’re supposed to be keeping things that go bump in the night away from us, not _being_ the thing that goes bump in the night.” Ali added as the dog sauntered over to them.

He stopped at the end of the bed, first putting his head down against it and groaning. Then he slowly put his front paws up against the mattress.

“I think he needs to go out,” Ali said.

“I’ve got it.” Emily sat up against the edge of the bed.

“Are you out of your mind? _You’re_ the one this psycho is after.” Ali grabbed her arm.

“Alison, it’s two in the morning. There are two armed police officers right outside our door. I have my gun. I can take the dog out over by the side of the house.” It was out of view of the rest of the neighborhood.

“Let the cops do it.” Ali suggested.

“The only cop Jett likes is Toby. And unless he can video chat from the tri-state area and magically grab Jett’s leash through the phone I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Emily reached for the walkie-talkie by their bed. She turned it on and held the side button down. “Lorenzo?”

“Uh, no. This is Roman. Everything okay?” It was the other cop’s voice. He’d been tag-teaming with Lorenzo and Toby and a few other officers.

“Yeah, I just have a dog that’s dancing around about to burst. He needs to go out.” She stood up, keeping her free hand against her stomach. Despite the fact that she was healing, sometimes she still felt like her insides were going to spill out. She knew it was a phantom feeling from the healing injuries, but she felt like her organs were looser or something.

“Give me five minutes to do a sweep and make sure everything looks good. Then I’ll meet you at the side door.” Roman replied.

“10-4.” Emily replied. She put the radio down.

She looked over at Ali, whose look of concern had turned into an amused smile.

“What?” Emily asked, her eyes tight in confusion.

“I’m picturing you as a trucker. All rugged and in your flannel and glistening with sweat in the front cab of a big-rig.” She bit her lip. “You’d be a really hot trucker, Em.”

“Jesus Christ, Alison.” Emily rolled her eyes with a laugh. “You want sex? You don’t want sex? Make up your mind.”

“Oh, I always want it.” Ali smiled, climbing out of bed to follow her. “It’s just a matter of _when_.”

Emily chuckled and grabbed Jett’s leash. They quietly walked by Lily’s room. Levi and Eli were in sleeping bags on the floor. Harper was in Lily’s bed and Lily was in the pullout trundle underneath her bed. She had her headphones on. Her back was to them, her eyes wide open. She’d been lying there awake for a while, but didn’t want to move and disturb her friends.

Ali and Emily met Roman at the side door. Jett wasn’t his normally bouncy self. He stared at the stranger, unmoving.

“You both coming out?” Roman asked.

“We’ve both been out for a long time. Even got married and everything.” Emily quipped sarcastically.

“Emily.” Ali glared at her, clearly unhappy that she wasn’t taking the situation serious enough.

“Give me a break. It’s 2 AM. I’m tired. If it weren’t for caffeine and dark humor I would have lost it by now.” Emily glanced over at her.

“Let’s make it quick.” Roman suggested. “Lorenzo is on a coffee run, so it’s just me right now.”

“She’s going to stay and keep an eye on the kids.” Emily glanced at Ali.

“Like hell I am.” Ali bit back. She walked out the door and up two of the side porch stairs where she had a view of the yard, but she was still secluded by the side of the house.

Roman escorted Emily over to the hidden section of the house where they usually walked the dog. Emily kept her eye on the cop. Despite their presence, which was supposed to ease her mind, she was still on high alert. Roman didn’t seem to mind the scrutiny. She saw something familiar about him, but she couldn’t place from where.

“I know you, don’t I?” Emily asked.

“I got your statement at the hospital.” He nodded. “The first time. After…” He drifted off, his face looking uncomfortable as he brought up the wreck.

“Right,” Emily said. “My wife tried to bite your head off.”

“Yeah, she wasn’t my biggest fan that day.” Or the day he wanted to question Lily after Emily had been shot. “But I completely understand. What you two went through with your daughter…” He stopped himself again before he put his foot in his mouth.

“You have kids?” Emily asked.

“No,” he said. “Haven’t found the right woman yet.”

Emily glanced back at Ali, who was standing at the side of the porch watching them protectively. She’d known Ali was it for her the day she met her. They hadn’t ended up in their relationship conventionally, but every minute they spent together solidified the love they had for each other.

“It happens when you least expect it,” Emily said with a soft smile. That woman was her everything.

Ali scanned the yard for potential threats. Her stance was rigid and protective.

“She’s kind of intense.” Roman seemed intimidated.

“Well, having a wife who was shot and still has the potential to be killed kind of has her on edge.”

“And rightfully so.” He nodded. “But that’s what we’re here for. Until this psychopath is caught the entire force has got your back.”

Emily wanted to tell him that didn’t amount to much considering who they were dealing with, but instead she just smiled politely and nodded.

“It’s been a hell of a year for you.” Roman shook his head. “I can’t even imagine.”

“Yeah.” Emily looked at Roman and then glanced at her dog.

Jett seemed distracted. He was more interested in sniffing around the yard than he was going to the bathroom. Mostly because he sensed something amiss in the air. But so many people had trounced through his yard lately that he wasn’t sure what scent he was trying to pick up on.

They walked around for a little bit, unaware that while they were preoccupied a shadow was moving in the darkness over by the other side of the house.

“Come on, buddy. Hurry up.” Emily rubbed her arms. The chilly air was starting to give her goosebumps.

But the chill she felt shooting up her spine _wasn’t_ from the cold air. The universe was trying to warn her of what was to come.

Inside the house, Lily had the same twisted feeling. She couldn’t shake her nerves. She quietly pulled her headphones off and rolled over, looking at her sleeping friends. Harper had her back to Lily, softly breathing. Levi was on the opposite side of the bed on the floor. Lily could see a glimpse of him between the bottom of the bed and the trundle. He was sprawled out, taking up a bunch of floor space, barely in the sleeping bag. He had several pillows, one of which was mostly underneath his head full of messy hair. And despite the fact that he was curled at an odd angle he was out cold, snoring quietly. He was like a damn cat. He could sleep in any position.

Eli was near the door. He was always near the closest possible entry when he was with his friends. It was something he’d learned from his dad. He felt like he was the first line of defense if an attacker came in.

Lily quietly tiptoed through the room and over towards the little reading nook by her window. She’d been instructed to stay away from windows and open areas, but her blinds were closed and the nook was in the corner just out of view of the outdoors.

The way the room was designed made it so that if she was sitting in a particular area, no one could see in, but she could see out. It was her own little personal looking glass. Growing up, she’d spent hours staring out at the stars thinking about the universe and all of its wonders. She’d asked silent questions and tried to make sense of the world and why things happened. But tonight there was none of that. She was just peering through the blinds at the stars.

She heard someone approaching, but she was familiar enough with his gait that she wasn’t scared.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said quietly as she turned to face him.

“I was already awake. Levi snores like a damn chainsaw.” He looked at the snoring child just as a loud heavy snort ripped from his lips. “A _rusty_ chainsaw.” He glanced at the open area beside her. “Can I?” He motioned to ask if he could sit down.

Lily thought it was cute that despite the fact that he’d sat next to her in that very spot millions of times he still asked for permission every time. She nodded and he sat down next to her.

“You okay?” Eli kept his voice quiet, not wanting to wake his sister and Levi.

“Yeah. I just couldn’t sleep.” She glanced out at the night sky again.

“Understandable.” Eli nodded. “Anything I can do to help?”

Lily turned to face him. His soft cerulean eyes sparkled in the moonlight. She still hadn’t figured out whether or not she should tell him how she felt. After everything had happened with her mom her life had been kind of a whirlwind. She hadn’t had time to think about simple things like what to eat for breakfast or what outfits to wear, much less about her budding romantic feelings.

But her mind was calmer now. She felt safe with him there. She stared at him in silence for a few seconds and started to open her mouth to answer him, but they were interrupted by Harper whimpering softly in her sleep. She squirmed in the bed.

“Is she okay?” Lily frowned in concern.

“She’ll settle.” He sighed. “Sometimes she tosses and turns.”

“Since when?” She looked at Eli for an answer, but then she felt like an idiot, because she knew the answer. She nodded in certainty. “Since the mugging.” She bit her lip. “How has her anxiety been?”

She knew Spencer’s youngest was an over-thinker, just like her mom. She was a sensitive kid when it came to her emotions and she took things hard. She’d just gotten her nerves and feelings about Grace under control and now she had to contend with the fact that her best friend’s mother had been shot and her best friend had nearly been killed.

“It comes in waves. She’s been anxious since we found out. She’s worried about you.”

“Yeah, her and everyone else in my life.” Lily sighed softly. “How are you?”

“Me?” He seemed surprised by the question. “I’m okay, I guess.” He averted her gaze and peered out at the moon and the stars.

“No, seriously Eli…” She put her hand on top of his. He couldn’t ignore her when she was touching him. He couldn’t avoid his feelings when she was forcing him to look at her. “How are you?”

She knew how exhausting being the rock of the family was. She knew how much it took out of a person to constantly put everyone else’s feelings before their own. She knew how deeply Eli felt, but how hard he worked to keep those feelings buried. She knew this, because she did the exact same thing.

He stared at her hand on top of his for a few seconds. Then he sighed, dropping his façade. He was just as worked up as his sister. He just hadn’t allowed himself to feel it.

“I’m dealing.” He chewed on the inside of his lip. “Everything that’s happened these past few months is just so messed up.” He lifted his hand away from hers and ran his fingers through his light chestnut colored hair. “Your mom, your sister. That kid that killed himself. And now this?” He glanced at her. “I’ve heard my mom and dad talking. I know they’re not just going to a work gala for my mom tonight. Something big is going down. And I know it’s got to do with whoever shot your mom. And they’re looking for Zane, too, because he’s apparently gone missing or something.” The adults hadn’t told the kids the truth about the wreck, yet. They didn’t want that knowledge to be a danger to them, and they didn’t want them seeking Zane out for their own form of justice. “There’s just a lot going on, you know?”

“Yeah.” Lily sighed. She knew exactly what he meant.

“Losing Grace was hard enough.” He flinched when he said her name.

He often wondered if it would ever _not_ hurt when they talked about her. And he felt terrible talking about her to Lily, like he was poking a festering wound. But when he looked at her, Lily didn’t seem upset. She seemed intrigued.

“I don’t know what I would have done if you had been shot. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you.” When he blinked she saw a mixture of emotions in his eyes. He cleared his throat, seemingly embarrassed by his outpouring of emotions. “I’ll just be glad when it’s all over and things can go back to normal.”

“I don’t know if I know what normal is anymore.” Lily sighed.

“Yeah.” Eli laughed cynically. “I hear that.”

Lily tried to think back to happier times. Back before their lives became twisted into messes that they didn’t recognize. She thought back to their simple childhood. Going to each other’s extra-curricular events. Harper’s soccer games. Levi’s science fairs. Iris’s design festivals. Kai’s little league games. Fiona’s dance recitals. Grace’s swim meets and plays. Lily’s art fairs. Eli’s basketball games. But their favorite, _all time_ favorite thing to do was just hang out and be kids. They loved the park.

Some of Lily’s favorite conversations with Eli had been on the swings at the park. When it was a slow day and the other kids were off doing things like watching Levi climb to the highest point in the playset and hang upside down until his cheeks were fiery red or when everyone had run off with the dogs to watch them play in the dog park and it was just Lily and Eli she always felt at peace.

“Do you remember our ‘swinging secrets’?” Lily asked.

“How could I forget?” Eli chuckled. It was a game they’d made up that none of the other kids knew about where the two of them could tell each other anything and everything without judgment. “What happens in the swings stays in the swings.” He said with a goofy look on his face. He was trying to maintain a serious “newscaster” face, but it wasn’t working. “It’s where you first told me you felt different because you have two moms.”

“Yeah, Christian Walker made fun of me.” The same sleaze who had stolen Grace’s bracelet from her shrine. “Said Grace and I were freaks.” She looked down at the floor. She’d faced her fair share of scrutiny for being raised by two moms, though she had a very strong support system in her family. “You wanted to go shove his face in the dirt.”

“I was more dignified than that.”

“You literally said you were going to sit on his head until he ate so much dirt that he was shitting compost.”

“But I didn’t.” Eli reminded her.

“No.” Lily laughed. “You didn’t.”

“Instead I went into his gym locker and replaced his deodorant and lip balm with glue. Taught him to keep his hands to himself and keep his mouth shut.” Eli grinned smugly.

“You did that?”

“No one is allowed to mess with you. _No one_.”

Lily had never known that part of the story. There was a lot she was finding she didn’t know about Eli. He never did things for the recognition. He did things because he cared.

“That seems like so long ago,” Lily said. “Like a different lifetime. I kind of miss our swingset chats.”

“Yeah.” Eli nodded in agreement. “We’ve had some pretty epic times.”

Lily glanced over at him. As always, he had a soft expression on his face. A sweet smile, patient eyes.

“Eli?” Lily’s gaze fell upon his eyes, “Do you like me?”

“Yeah, of course.” Eli nodded, without really _hearing_ the question. “You’re my best friend, Lily.”

“No, I mean…” She reached out, taking his hand again, this time it was less innocent. It held more meaning. She wasn’t sure about the timing, but if there was one thing she’d learned from nearly being shot and seeing her mom almost die was that time was short. “Do you _like_ me?”

Eli didn’t miss the change in her tone. All that he could manage to stutter out was a string of surprised “ums” and “uhs”. The room was suddenly strangely quiet.

“Because I like you.” Lily added before Eli had enough time to reply. “And I probably should have said something way sooner, but I didn’t know how and I’m really bad at taking risks. Not that you’re a risk.” She stuttered nervously. “I mean you’re _Eli_. You’re my best friend. But I was afraid that I’d screw it up or that you’d think I’m a nerd or that I’d freak you out. And I’m just _super_ bad at this kind of thing. And I know the timing is insane and that I sound like a complete _girl_ right now, but I just had to say something because so much has happened and with me almost dying and everything I just didn’t want something to happen and you not know how I feel. And I totally get it if you’re not into me or whatever, but…”

Eli leaned forward, realizing he wasn’t going to get a word in edgewise until he calmed her down. So to shut her up he pressed an innocent kiss on her lips. When he pulled away Lily was quiet.

“Sorry.” He laughed nervously. “I didn’t know how else to get you to stop talking.”

Lily smiled bashfully.

“Yes, Lily. I like you,” he replied simply.

Lily wanted to kick herself. That was so easy. Boys were so simple. Why couldn’t she have just been that simple about it?

“I’ve liked you ever since your first grade class came to welcome my kindergarten class and you brought me my favorite snacks and books.”

“Well why didn’t you ever say anything?” Lily nudged him teasingly.

“Why didn’t _you_?” He teased back.

Lily shrugged.

“This isn’t some near-death after adrenaline rush thing is it?” Eli questioned.

“No.” Lily smiled and took his hand. “I _really_ like you, Elias Jensen Cavanaugh.” She squeezed his fingers, partly out of nerves, but also because she wanted him to really hear her when she said it. “And I think I’d like it if we could maybe go out sometime.”

“I don’t have a car, so you’ll have to ride on my bike’s handlebars.” Eli grinned stupidly.

“You are _such_ a dork.” Lily rolled her eyes with a laugh.

“Hey, Lil…wanna go out with a dork?” he asked.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Lily dipped her head jokingly like she was a queen getting attention from her royal subject.

“About time.” They heard a voice.

They looked over and saw Levi smirking. His eyes were still closed.

“You little shit. Have you been faking this whole time?” Eli glanced at him.

“Just since _‘Because I like you’._ ” He said in a fake romantic tone. “Smooch smooch.” He grinned.

“I’m surprised you didn’t suspect it when he stopped snoring.” Harper rolled over to face them.

“Oh, God, you too?” Eli groaned.

“We had a pool going.” Harper shrugged.

“Yeah, who won?” Levi questioned.

“Iris.”

That earned a grumble from the kid.

“Of course.” He rolled his eyes. “She’s going to gloat.” Levi pouted.

“I hate you both.” Eli laughed and rubbed his face anxiously.

“I’m so telling mom and dad about this.” Harper teased.

“Lily and Eli sitting in a tree…” Levi jumped in enthusiastically.

“Well, I’m going to go and see if my moms have come back in with my dog yet.” Lily climbed to her feet and pat her thighs with a nervous laugh.

“And I’m going to go…” Eli looked around the room, “…be anywhere else right now.”

“Bet they’re going to go make out.” Levi snickered.

“Okay, _children_ , that’s enough from the peanut gallery.” Lily shook her head with a shy laugh.

“Oh, we’re just getting started.” Harper smirked.

Lily and Eli walked out of her room. Lily waited until they were out of earshot of Harper and Levi and then she whispered,

“We’re not going to make out, are we?”

“No.” Eli laughed. “What sort of girl do you take me for?” He batted his eyelashes like he was a preppy high school child. “I am a _lady_. I must be courted first.”

Lily had to bite her tongue to stifle her laugh. He really was a dork.

“Look, I’ll never do anything you’re not comfortable with,” he said, this time in his normal tone. “ _You’re_ the one at the helm here. We can go about this however you want. If it means just hanging out and watching movies and stuff together I’m game.”

“Thanks.” Lily smiled. It was all new for her. Of course, it was new for him, too. “You know as soon as our parents find out they’re going to sit us down and talk to us about sex.”

“They’re _our_ parents.” Eli reminded her. “I’m sure they _already_ know…” He grimaced. “And they probably have a presentation with a whole powerpoint planned.”

Lily frowned, but laughed. Eli stopped when he got to the hallway bathroom. A curious pair of eyes watched the two of them from around a corner. He could hear them talking in hushed whispers. He hadn’t expected them to be awake. It kind of screwed with his plan. He waited until Eli walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

He watched Lily eagerly, hoping she would come his way. She did. He leaned back into Grace’s room and waited. When he saw her shadow approaching he got ready. As the young girl walked by her sister’s old room he reached out, one hand slapping over her mouth so she couldn’t scream and the other grabbing her arm to yank her into the room. He spun them around and shut the door.

“Don’t scream.” A low husky voice warned.

Lily nodded, her adrenaline pumping through her veins. She felt the hand slip away from her face and she spun around, gasping for air.

“Zane?” She wobbled back several steps.

“Don’t freak, okay?” He reached over and turned on a lamp.

“How did you get in my house?”

She felt a rising panic in her chest. If it was this easy for Zane to give the cops outside the slip, what about the person who had shot her mother? She looked around frantically. They were alone. The cops were outside with her parents.

“The basement, but I…”

“What the hell are you doing here?” She growled.

“What I should have done in the first place.” He reached into his pocket for something.

Lily’s eyes darted around the room looking for something to protect herself with, but he grabbed her before she could go anywhere. When she spun around she thought she was going to find a gun in her face, but instead he was holding a small piece of fabric. Lily looked closer and she realized it wasn’t fabric, but a silicone cap. She reached out to take it from him. He let it go the second she had her hands on it.

“This is my sister’s swim cap.” Lily felt tears stinging her eyes. “Why do you have this?”

“It was in the wreckage.”

“The… _wreckage_?” The words sank in slowly. “ _You_?”

“I thought your moms would have told you.”

“Told me _what_? That you killed Grace? That you almost killed my mom?” She asked furiously.

“I know.” He threw his hands up in submission. “I know what you’re thinking. But it’s not like that. I never meant for any of this to happen. Shit just got out of control so fast.” He sighed. “Listen, my family is fucked up. All kinds of fucked up. My dad…” It felt weird saying it, “…my _biological_ dad…he’s the one who shot your mom. He’s been after her ever since your mom uncovered the truth about what happened the night of the wreck.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It was just supposed to be a routine boost. It was my first GTA. He went with me to make sure I did it right. But I screwed everything up.” Like he always did. “And he fucking lost it. He was yelling at me and threatening to throw a punch.” Which he had a habit of doing when he was angry. “I got pissed. Neither one of us was paying attention to the road. All I could think about was making him feel the way I felt, so when I looked up and saw your mom’s car I hit the accelerator and kept the wheel straight. I just wanted to scare him. I didn’t know the wheel was going to lock. It was an accident. I swear. But then your mom started sniffing around and it set my dad off. He knew she was closing in on us, so he started on this stupid fucking warpath with her. I was supposed to keep an eye on you. And when I didn’t he’d beat the shit out of me. I know I should have said something sooner. I didn’t know he would go this far. What happened to you and your mom outside that gun range…that was fucked up. I’m sorry. I…I didn’t ever want to hurt you.”

He saw Lily trembling in anger.

“You killed my sister! This whole time it was _you_. And you BLAMED my mom.” She hadn’t forgotten about his low blow at school.

“I know.” Zane nodded. “And I’m going to turn myself in. But before I did, I wanted you to know the truth. I wanted to make things right.”

“You can’t bring my sister back from the dead.” She hissed.

“No, but I can make sure that the person…the _people_ responsible for her death face the consequences of their actions.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ziplock baggie. Inside of it there was a burner phone, Emily’s cell phone, her wedding ring, and a strip of paper with an address to where Ben’s hideout was written on it. “It’s the proof the cops will need to go after my dad.”

“You’d really turn on your family to give my family justice?” Lily asked skeptically. It felt like a trap.

“I don’t have a family.” Zane shrugged. “I never had what you and Grace had.” He furrowed his brows. “My parents are nice enough, I guess. But I never really felt the love I know your family has. I don’t really belong anywhere, you know? It used to piss me off. Because you were all so happy. I always thought that if maybe I had parents that loved me or a brother or sister that I could have grown up with like you did with Grace that maybe…I could have been happy, too. It eats at me knowing I took that happiness away from your family. I think about what I took away from you every day. I do. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t bring her back. But I thought you ought to know that.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why now?”

“Because your family is out of time. He’s _here_. He wants to finish the job. You have to warn your moms before it’s too late.” Zane explained.

Lily’s eyes widened in fear. She lunged forward, ready to fight Zane if he tried to stop her, but he moved out of the way to let her sling the door open. She took a step out and almost ran smack dab into Eli. They both went tumbling to the ground. Eli didn’t see the third person at first. He was more concerned about Lily being hurt.

“Lily, are you…” Eli’s eyes fell upon Zane. “What the hell…”

Before he could say anything else, Lily grabbed his arm and yanked him to his feet and started dragging him down the hallway. Zane lingered, unsure of where he should go or what he should do.

“What’s going on?” Eli asked.

“We have to get to my moms.”

Outside, Emily felt a prickling sensation in her spine. She gripped Jett’s leash tighter. She could feel her healing wound throbbing. It was from more than just fooling around with Alison. She felt like her body was reacting to something more. She shivered. Roman saw her shuddering.

“I think you’ve been out here long enough,” he said. “You should probably go back inside. You’ve still got that hole in your gut. Those bastards take a long time to heal. I caught a slug once, too. I know all about it.”

Hearing him talk about his own experience of being shot triggered the echo of a gunshot in her mind. She flinched, then froze.

Ali walked over to join them. She saw that Emily had a strange look on her face, like she was in a stasis of twilight.

Emily felt like she was back outside the gun range right before she was shot. Her hands tensed up, but she felt a soft warm touch against her fingers. When she looked down she saw Ali’s hands on top of hers.

“Everything okay?” Ali asked, slipping Jett’s leash out of Emily’s hand so the leather wouldn’t be cutting her circulation off.

“Yeah, let’s just…” She glanced towards the side door, “…we should check on the kids.”

Roman escorted them back to the door.

“Would you feel better if I did a quick sweep of the house first?” Roman saw that Emily was nervous.

“Didn’t you check it a few hours ago with Lorenzo?” Ali asked.

“Yeah, and everything was clear. But the point of the checks is to continuously monitor and secure the area.”

Emily had edged forward into the living room, looking for anything that might be amiss. She had her hand on her hip where her gun was.

“Mom!” Lily cried from the top of the stairs, a mixture of emotions in her tone.

She looked up and saw Eli and Lily bounding down the stairs. They looked pale and afraid. Emily’s first instinct was to rush to her child. She had only gotten up three steps when a commanding voice bellowed from the dark nook underneath the staircase.

“Not another step.”

Emily’s heart froze in her chest. That voice. She _knew_ that voice. It wasn’t just the man who had shot her. It was the boy in high school who had assaulted her. Her breathing became shaky, but she reached for her weapon anyway. Ben stepped into view, his weapon already aimed at her. Emily was quick with her draw and had her gun pointed at him seconds later. He didn’t look the least bit intimidated.

Lily and Eli stopped in their tracks. A squeak escaped Lily’s shocked lips. Eli pushed Lily behind his body. Ali and Roman spun around towards the commotion.

“Shit.” Roman uttered.

In one fluid motion he grabbed Jett’s collar before he could lunge towards the confrontation. He whipped the dog around and slung him out the open door and then slammed it shut. When Ali looked over she saw Roman drawing his weapon. They could hear Jett barking angrily and lunging at the door, his claws scratching at it.

“Drop the weapon.” Roman ordered, grabbing Ali and wrapping his arm around her neck.

It took Ali a second to process what was going on. Emily thought Roman was talking to Ben, but when she glanced at Roman she saw that he had his gun aimed at her.

That’s when it all started to come together. Zane had warned her that Ben had corrupt cops working for him. Roman had been involved since the beginning. He’d questioned her about the wreck, probably to see if he could dig out any pertinent information about whether or not she’d seen Ben and Zane behind the wheel of the Bronco. And he’d been working on the sly ever since.

He’d laid low at the station gathering information that was being passed around and he’d been watching Emily right under their noses. He’d pushed to question Lily the night of the shooting to see what she knew. The “sweep” he’d done of the house earlier was nothing more than an opportunity for him cut the security system and to grant Ben a way to get in when they were all distracted. They had been so busy watching the shadows that they had missed what was right in front of them.

“You son of a bitch.” Ali growled.

“Emily, drop it.” Roman warned again, his gun aimed at Ali’s head.

Lily wanted to cry out, but she’d learned from experience that sudden noises and movements were a danger in these kinds of situations. Instead, she grabbed Eli’s hand and squeezed it tightly.

“Okay,” Emily said calmly. “Let’s just take it easy here.”

Emily moved slowly, setting the weapon against the edge of the staircase. She held her hands up submissively. Ben snatched the gun through the railing. Their eyes met briefly. He didn’t look anything like he had in high school. He’d beefed up, gotten covered in tattoos, grown a ton of facial hair and had dyed his hair a brownish red color. He looked like a strung out biker going through a midlife crisis.

“It’s me that you want, right? Just let her go,” Emily said, glancing back at Roman.

Roman looked at Ben. They shared an unspoken exchange. Roman forced Ali to move forward and then shoved her roughly on to the couch.

“Don’t move.” He ordered. “You better hurry up,” Roman looked at Ben. “The drugs are going to wear off soon. And you need to be done before Lorenzo comes to.”

He’d drugged his partner. That was a new low.

They heard more scurrying, the sounds of little feet padding against the carpeting upstairs. Harper and Levi stumbled towards the banister and saw what was going on. They looked over on the opposite side of the hallway and saw Zane. Their faces flashed in confusion.

Their appearance caused a distraction, a window of opportunity. Emily saw Ben’s head snap towards them and she took the three steps in a bounding leap to try and tackle him to the ground. They twirled around for a few seconds as Emily clawed at his hand to try and get the gun away from him. He jammed his hand against her bullet wound. Emily yelped in surprise.

“Don’t you fucking hurt her!” Ali cried, leaping to her feet.

Roman shoved her back against the couch. He ripped a cord out of the wall and grabbed her hands roughly and tied it around her wrists tightly, eliciting a cry of pain from her. He did the same with her feet, then he pointed his weapon at her again.

“Wait your turn, sweetheart.”

“You goddamn traitor.” She hissed.

Ali watched Emily and Ben struggle as she squirmed against her restraints. Emily was latched on to Ben’s back, trying to get him to drop the weapon. He rammed her against a bookcase, sending items from the shelves toppling all over the floor. Then he spun around and slammed her up against the wall and she huffed out a grunt and then slid to the floor. Ben drew back to kick her, but she was able to curl up to protect her stomach from the brunt of it.

“Aunt Emily!” Levi exclaimed. He raced towards the scuffle, not really caring about the gravity of the situation.

“Levi, wait!” Harper reached out to try and stop him, but she was too late.

Fortunately for Levi, Zane blocked his path.

“What are you doing here?” Harper caught up to the boys.

“Long story. But I’m here to help.”

Harper scoffed. Levi rolled his eyes.

“Go.” Zane shoved them. “Lock yourselves in somewhere and call for help.” Zane guided the younger boy away from the stairs, putting a phone in his hands.

“Screw you.” Levi growled angrily. He tried to get around him, but Zane blocked him.

“I’m serious, kid.” He tried to steer the youngsters away from the altercation. “He will _kill_ you.”

Harper read the expression on his face. She knew he was telling the truth.

“Levi…” Harper grabbed his arm. “Come on.”

“Don’t call 911. He has people there. Call your dad. He’ll know who to trust.” Zane glanced at Harper.

“If something happens to Lily or my brother I swear to God I will end you.” Harper threatened.

“Story of my life.” Zane uttered under his breath.

Ben saw Harper and Levi scampering off.

“Roman, deal with that.” Ben ordered. He had his gun aimed at Emily, who was glaring at him angrily from the floor.

“Don’t you touch a single hair on their heads or I swear to God…” Emily snapped.

“Shut the fuck up, Fields.” Ben waved the gun in her face.

Zane saw Roman rushing towards the stairs. He saw Eli and Lily caught between a rock and a hard place, so he ran up behind them and pushed them forward.

“I’ve got these two.” Zane shoved them down towards the living room.

Eli whipped around and glared at him. He was ready to throw a punch, but Zane subtly shook his head to try and let him know it was a ploy. Fortunately, Eli got the message. He and Lily wisely kept their mouths shut.

“What the hell happened?” Ben snarled at Zane. “You were supposed to lock them in their room. Now we have witnesses that we have to take care of.”

“I’m warning you, if you hurt those kids…”

Ben drew back and backhanded Emily with the pistol.

“What the fuck did I say?” He yelled. “ _Shut. Up!_ ”

Ali managed to wriggle out of the wire on her ankles and she stood up and made a beeline for Ben while his back was turned to her, but he heard her coming. He side-stepped her attack and grabbed her hair, yanking on it roughly, twisting her neck at an awkward angle. She couldn’t fight back because her hands were still bound.

“Stop it!” Emily growled, moving forward, her palm pressed against her throbbing side. The bastard had probably ripped some of her stitches.

Ben threw Ali down next to Emily and then glanced at Zane.

“Bring those little shits over here, too. Might as well make this a family affair.”

“You…you said you weren’t going to hurt them.” Zane seemed confused. “You said you would leave them alone.”

“Yeah, well, that was before you screwed up, _again_ , and let them loose. Now _bring them here_!”

“I’m sorry.” Zane whispered as he pushed them forward.

Ben looked at Eli first. The boy was the perfect blend of Spencer and Toby. He could see Toby’s defiant nature teeming in his eyes. The kid looked like he was ready to take a swing at him. And he was.

“Sit down.” He shoved Eli towards Emily and Ali.

Eli looked between the two older women. Ali’s hands were still bound and Emily had a cut on her cheek from where Ben had hit her. Eli made a strategic choice to take his place next to Ali. He knew something that no one else in the room knew. He’d seen something slide across the floor and underneath a crack in the floorboard. He pushed back against the hole in the base of the ground and casually plucked the item out.

Lily was pushed over towards Ben next. He took his time looking at the young girl. She was a spitting image of Emily. It made him both like her and hate her.

“You look just like your mother.” Ben smiled sadistically.

He reached up with his burly knuckles and swiped her cheek. Lily flinched and pulled away with a quiet cry.

“Don’t you touch my daughter you fucking psychopath.” Ali spit angrily at him.

“You know your mom and I dated in high school.” Ben ignored Ali. He tried to touch her face again. It was uncanny how much she looked like Emily. “But she thought she was too good for me.”

“Get away from her!” Emily snarled. She started to push herself to her feet, but Ben put the gun up against Lily’s ribs.

Lily whimpered and Emily immediately backed down.

“Uh uh. Temper, temper, Emily.” He watched Emily to make sure she sat back down.

“If you hurt her…”

“ _Hurt_ her?” He interrupted Emily. “Why on earth would I hurt her? Because she’s seen my face? No. That’s not a good enough reason. How about the fact that she treated my _son_ the same way _you_ treated me? How cruelly ironic would it be if I just…took her for my boy? She could be one of us.” He played with Lily’s hair.

“I would _never_.” Lily hissed, slapping his hand away from her.

“Oh, she’s got your bite, Alison.” Ben was amused, grabbing her hands and laughing. “It’s cute that you think you have a choice, little girl. It’s either that or meet the same fate as your mommies.”

Ali was getting ready to leap up and attack him again, but she felt Eli’s fingers nudge her. She looked over at him and he glanced down at an item in his hands. It was just as shiny as the day Emily had given it to Lily on her eleventh birthday.

Her pocketknife. It had fallen to the floor with all of the books from the bookshelf.

Ali nodded and the two of them covertly went to work trying to free her hands. Emily looked over and caught wind of what they were doing. She tried to position herself in front of them so they could cut Ali free.

“Why, Ben?” Emily asked. “Why did you do all of this?” She tried to keep his focus on her.

“Because you ruined my life, Emily.” He snarled.

“ _I_ ruined _your_ life?” Emily spit back at him angrily. “You are the reason my daughter is dead! You left us to die.”

“I thought you were already dead.” He shrugged, like it was no skin off of his back. “Look, my kid fucked up. I was trying to protect him.”

“Bullshit.” Emily argued. “You’ve only ever cared about one person in your life, Ben. _You_.”

“Self-preservation.” He didn’t disagree. “I thought we were free and clear until _you_ started digging. You should have let the stupid teddy bear thing go, but after that slip up with the ‘I’m sorry’ note…” He glared at Zane and then looked back at Emily, “I knew you’d just dig your heels in harder. I didn’t plan on _any_ of this. I only sent that wire because I needed to know what you knew. _You_ threw the first punch by coming at _me_.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Emily asked. “God, you haven’t changed since high school.”

“Like you were any better? You were such a cheating lying _whore_. You tried to humiliate me…”

“You tried to _rape_ me!” Emily argued back.

“Oh, please, you were all over me back then. You wanted it.” He scoffed.

“I told you _no_ and you didn’t listen. You’re _sick_.” Emily growled.

“Always twisting the narrative.” Ben shook his head, like he couldn’t believe a word she was saying. “That’s what you do. That’s why you and your little friends were dubbed the _Pretty Little Liars_. You deserved _everything_ you got and more! In fact, I think Mona went too easy on you.”

“You were in on that psychotic torture plot, weren’t you?” She tried to keep him talking, because as long as he was sparring with her he was leaving her daughter alone.

“Like one person could pull that off alone? There were _tons_ of us. After you screwed me over and I found out what Mona was doing I wanted in, so I weaseled my way in with one of her lower-level minions so I could fly under the radar. I got to throw out ideas here and there, screw with your head a little bit. I was the one who came up with the idea of locking you in that barn with the car. From what I heard she was afraid you’d actually die.” He scoffed. “She was such a pussy. Never really wanted to kill you girls. She just wanted to play with you. But me? I was in it for more than that.” He rubbed his gun, like it was some kind of symbol for his phallus.

“You are going to rot in jail.” Emily threatened.

“No. I don’t think so.” He smirked. “See, after I take care of you three…” He glanced at Eli, who quickly shielded the knife so Ben couldn’t see it. “Sorry, kid, I got no use for a teacup pig, though I suppose your pig of a father will be out for vengeance, but whatever.” He shrugged and then looked back at Ali and Emily. “I’m going to take your little mini-me here and my son is going to get the happily ever after that _you_ stole from us.”

“No.” The voice who spoke out against it startled them all.

They all turned towards Zane.

“What the hell do you mean _no_?” Ben growled.

“I don’t want that.” Zane frowned, furrowing his brow. “I’m…I’m not like you. I don’t want to do this. Dad, don’t do this.”

Ben stopped in his tracks when he heard Zane call him ‘dad’. He’d _never_ called him dad, despite their lineage. Zane walked over next to him, shooting an apologetic look at Lily. Then he looked at Ben, who was enraged.

The room was frozen in silence for several seconds, but then Ben’s fist flew towards Zane and he backhanded him so hard it sent him careening over the sofa and into the coffee table. He smacked his head.

“Should have had your ass yanked out of your mother with a rusty coat hanger while you were still cooking.” He turned to face Lily, the gun still up against her body. She was oddly calm. She wasn’t sure if it was the adrenaline or if she’d just completely shut down inside. “Don’t worry, darling, he’ll come around.” He gripped Lily tightly. “He’s his daddy’s boy, after all.” He smiled. “You two will make a lovely couple.”

“You’re completely demented.” Emily snapped.

“Get off of me.” Lily tried to pull away from him. She felt him push the gun further into her body and she immediately stopped moving.

“You’re going to fight me just like your mother, aren’t you?” Ben curled his lip up in a snarl.

Looking at Lily all he saw was Emily humiliating him back in high school. All he saw was the girl he hated. A girl he loved to hate. His gaze was fixed on her for just enough time for Ali to snap free of her restraints.

It was Eli’s instincts that kicked in first. He leaped to his feet and ran towards the two of them. By the time Ben had swiveled around and aimed the gun at him Eli had successfully pushed in between them, grabbing Lily from his grasp. His momentum kept them moving until they were over by where Zane had fallen. They stumbled to the floor.

“You okay?” Eli asked breathlessly. He could feel her heart pounding against his chest.

“Yeah.” Lily nodded, her voice coming out fast and shaky. “Holy shit, Eli, that was…”

 _Dumb. Brave. Dangerous._ So many things.

Zane groaned and sat up. He had a gash on the side of his head. Despite everything the boy had put them through, they immediately went to help him.

Ben’s attention was torn between the kids and the adults. He didn’t like not having them all together like a bunch of chickens for the slaughter. He spun around just long enough for Ali and Emily to get to their feet. When Ben faced them again he realized what was happening.

They rushed towards him and he aimed the gun, his finger on the trigger, but they hit him hard and fast. He whipped the pistol towards Ali just as Emily got a grasp around his blocky body.

The gun went off right by Ali’s face. The kickback forced his knuckles into her nose and mouth. She stumbled back, tasting blood in her mouth from where she’d accidentally bitten her lip. Her nose was stinging. He rammed his shoulder into Ali, knocking her away from the scuffle.

Emily and Ben were once again going head to head. Ali looked around, suddenly remembering that Ben didn’t have the only weapon in the house. Where had it gone when Emily had tackled Ben? Her eyes darted around the messy living room.

Ben elbowed Emily in her side and she huffed out a groan, but didn’t release her hold on him. She pushed back until his head struck the edge of the stairwell. She kept one hand firmly on the arm that held the gun and used her other to press up against his trachea. He spit at her and then kneed her thigh roughly.

“I forgot how rough you like it.” He grinned, reaching out and grabbing the back of her head, yanking her hair back and pushing up against her until he’d spun them around.

“What’s your endgame here, Ben?” Emily dug her nails deeply into the skin of his arm, still refusing to let go. “You’re not going to walk away from this.”

“You’re wrong.”

Emily pulled her leg up fast and hard and struck him in the groin with her knee. He groaned out a yell and grabbed her by the throat and shoved her against the stairwell in retaliation. He cocked the gun, his finger on the trigger.

A loud blast echoed in the room, garnering the attention of everyone in it. Ben and Emily looked towards where the sound had come from. Ali was aiming Emily’s gun at Ben. The bullet she’d fired had veered to the left.

Ben spun around, bringing Emily in front of him to use as a human shield. He wrapped one arm around Emily’s throat, constricting her airway and then aimed his gun at Lily.

“Move and they both die.” Ben threatened.

“Don’t you fucking point that thing at my daughter.” Ali glowered down the sight of the pistol at him.

She had almost no experience with guns, but what she knew she’d learned from Emily. Emily had made her learn how to handle and shoot a gun years ago. She had taught her how to take a breath and focus in on a target.

“How good of a shot are you, DiLaurentis?” He goaded her.

“Ali, take the shot!” Emily fought back against Ben.

“Go ahead. Pull the trigger. Best case, you hit me and I hit your daughter. Worst case, you hit your wife, I hit your daughter, and it’s all over.”

Ali’s gaze drifted between the children and her wife and Ben. She felt her heart thrumming in her chest. She could hear the sounds of her own breaths like waves crashing in her ears. The room around her was silent. Everything slowed down. She thought of Emily teaching her how to aim and shoot.

 _“Take a breath.”_ Emily would always say.

She looked at Emily, who was nodding slowly, mentally telling her to just breathe. So Ali took a deep breath, her finger tight against the trigger. She set her sights on Ben. Ben saw her finger moving and he peered down his own barrel at Lily, daring her to test him.

Seconds later a single shot went off. The blast cracked loudly as it echoed off of the walls. The bullet made a popping sound as it blasted through skin and bone, sending blood spraying everywhere. There was a loud cry, an audible gasp, a thud, and then the house was silent.

* * *

 

 **A/N:** _Last cliffhanger ever. Well, not ever. But definitely for this story. Hey, it wasn’t all turmoil. We got a little bit of core-5 being ride or die homies, some sweet Emison fluff, Eli and Lily (as Levi says “about time!” Like mother, like son), and some bad-ass action before it all went to shit._

 


	34. Riding the Tides

There was a buzzing sound in Ali’s ears, the sound of the gun being fired having blasted loudly and echoing off of the walls. Her arms were still burning from the reverberation energy of having pulled the trigger. The vibration had hurt her hands. She stared at the gun for what felt like an eternity, but only a few seconds had passed.

Her head snapped up and she gazed across the room. She couldn’t see Ben behind Emily, but she saw fresh blood trickling down Emily’s face where the bullet had struck. There was a shocked expression frozen in her eyes. Ali heard a loud cry. It took her a minute to figure out that it had come from her mouth. One of the kids gasped. It sounded like Eli.

Both Emily’s and Ben’s bodies fell against the floor, blood splattered all over them. There was a groan and then blood started seeping on to the floor.

 _Oh, God._ Ali thought. She’d missed. _Emily…_

Neither one of them moved. Ali’s heart leaped into her throat, an agonized cry building up within. She felt her knees go weak and she almost collapsed on to the floor. She thought she was going to pass out. But then she saw movement. Emily rolled over and crawled off of Ben, breathing fast and hard.

She reached down to feel for a pulse, but didn’t feel anything. She grabbed his gun and pushed herself to her feet, her adrenaline pumping. She had a fresh trail of blood trickling down from a gash right below her left temple. She scuttled away from Ben, moving to the kids first.

“Lily, Eli, are you two okay?” Emily rubbed her head where the bullet had grazed her, blood coating her fingers. A centimeter to the right and she’d be lying on the floor with Ben. But at least it would have been over.

“Yeah.” They nodded, both of them on either side of Zane, who was still dazed from hitting his head.

Emily looked over at the shocked teenager.

“Zane? Are you alright?”

“He…” He blinked in surprise. “He’s dead.”

His gaze was fixed on Ben, sprawled out on the floor. His face was cracked and misshapen from where the bullet had hit him below his right eye. The bloody skin on his cheekbone had flowered out in layers, his facial bones shattered and sticking out.

“Hey, don’t look.” Emily tried to block their view. She grabbed a blanket off of the couch and covered the body and moved them away from Ben.

She glanced at Ali, who was equally as stunned. Ali was still staring forward in shock. She was lost in a trance, the gun still raised…like nothing had happened yet, like she hadn’t just killed someone.

“Alison?” Emily said softly, trying to get her attention.

When Ali didn’t respond, Emily closed the distance between them. She put her hand against Ali’s arm, lowering the gun, but Ali still didn’t react. Her breathing was quick and shaky. Her entire body was trembling. Emily gently put Ben’s gun down on the end table. She tried to take her gun out of Ali’s hand, but Ali had a death grip on it. Emily reached up and cupped Alison’s cheek with her right hand.

“Alison, hey, look at me.”

Emily remembered what it had felt like to take someone’s life. It had been self-defense for her, too. But that still didn’t make the rush of emotions she went through any easier. Ben had more than deserved it, but killing someone, whether they deserved it or not, changed something inside of a person. Emily stroked her cheek.

“It’s okay.”

Ali finally reacted, looking at Emily. She saw the gash on the side of her temple, the track where the bullet had scraped her.

“I…I shot you.” Ali blinked in surprise. “Oh, God. I shot you, Em. I – I could have killed you.”

“But you didn’t. It’s just a graze.” Emily gripped the gun, trying to get Ali to let go. “Baby, let go of the gun.”

Ali loosened her grip and Emily took the gun from her.

“I shot you.” She repeated in shock. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“Hey, he was a moving target. I knew there was a risk, but I knew you could do it. You did your best. And you got him, Ali. You got him. Just take a breath, honey.”

Ali nodded and sucked in a breath of air. Emily just stood with her, gently running her palm over her cheek. Ali took several more calming breaths, letting Emily’s touch center her. Emily traced her finger over the bloody bulge on Ali’s busted lip.

“Are you okay?” Emily questioned.

“Yeah.” But she was shaking from her adrenaline. “Yeah, I think so.” She looked at the blood on Emily’s shirt. “Are you?”

“Yeah.” Though her head and her stomach were pounding.

There was a loud thunk upstairs, followed by a bunch of rumbling. Ali and Emily both gasped.

“Harper and Levi.” Emily’s eyes widened.

She tore towards the stairs, her movements pulling against the discomfort in her stomach. If anything happened to Hanna’s son and Spencer’s daughter she would never forgive herself.

“Em, slow down…” Ali chased after her. “Roman is armed.”

Which is exactly why Emily _wouldn’t_ slow down. By the time she was halfway to the staircase Levi and Harper appeared at the top of the steps, both unharmed. The two youngsters bounded down the stairs, running towards the adults. Levi reached Emily first and he ran into her open arms for a hug. Emily’s stomach jerked when she felt his arms tighten around her injury, but she only pulled him in closer. Harper quickly embraced Ali in a hug.

“Are you okay?” Levi looked up at Emily with his big brown eyes in concern. He looked just like Caleb when he was worried. His eyes were fixed on the blood on her face.

“I’m fine.” Emily nodded, running her hand over the back of his head. “We’re all fine.”

“We heard the gunshots and we thought…” Harper bit her lip.

“Everything is okay, Harper.” Ali assured her. “Are you two alright?”

They both nodded.

“Where is Officer Roman?” Ali had to stop herself from calling him ‘Officer Fuckwad’ in front of the kids. She glanced up the stairs, afraid that he was going to round the corner and fire at them.

“We _Home Alone_ -d his ass.” Levi cussed unapologetically. “We tricked him into following us into Lily’s bathroom and when he came after us he slipped in some lotion and shampoo we’d doused the floor with. He fell into the tub and ripped the shower curtain and when he got tangled in it we ripped it down and tied him up with a jump rope. When he tried to come after us again he slipped and fell into the tub and hit his head. He was knocked out so we grabbed his handcuffs and slapped them on him and took his gun away. It’s in the toilet.” Levi grinned, very proud of himself.

“Oh, thank God you got your father’s smarts.” Emily pulled him in for another hug, not caring that it stung to have his little body pressed against her injury.

“One of Rosewood’s finest outsmarted by two twelve-year-olds?” Ali asked. “Sounds about right.”

“It was Harper’s idea.” He admitted.

“Yeah, but without Levi I never would have been able to pull it off.” Harper gave credit where credit was due. “He’s the one who told me we had to pull it together after I couldn’t get in touch with my dad,” she explained. “Zane told us that some of the police are bad, so I tried to call him.”

The girls glanced over at Zane, who was on his feet in front of Eli and Lily. The older kids were still staring at where Ben’s body had fallen. Harper and Levi hadn’t seen it yet, and they weren’t going to if Emily had anything to say about it.

“Levi, why don’t you take Harper into the kitchen and try and call her dad again?” Emily steered Levi over around the table, trying to keep him from looking over to where she’d covered Ben. Ali did the same with Harper.

The older kids got wind of what Ali and Emily were doing and they strategically moved so they’d block Ben. Eli even volunteered to go with them, hurrying them along. He wanted to protect his little sister and Levi from what he’d just witnessed. Ali and Emily were impressed, but not surprised by his maturity. Once the younger kids were in the kitchen Ali walked back into the living room, Emily trailing behind her slowly. Her injuries were starting to hurt.

“We should make sure Roman is still tied up upstairs.” Ali walked towards the stairs. “The last thing we need is an escaped rogue cop.”

“We need to get the kids out of here first.” Emily stopped by the couch, reaching her arm out and placing her hand against the armrest, keeping her other hand against her stomach.

“Mom?” Lily noticed her pained expression.

Ali turned to face her and saw Emily’s face. She’d finally hit her limit. She was supposed to be taking it easy, not getting in knock-down-drag-out bar brawls.

“Em, are you sure you’re okay?” Ali grabbed her arm to steady her.

Emily grunted and sank down on to the couch and doubled over, pressing her hand against her bloody shirt.

“Yeah. But I’m hurting pretty bad here. I think I need to go to the hospital to make sure no major damage was done.” Her adrenaline had worn off.

“We should buy stock in that damn place.” Ali kneeled in front of Emily, pushing her hand against her bloody cheek, moving Emily’s face up so she could look into her eyes.

Emily saw the concern on her face.

“I’m okay, Alison.” She assured her. “It just hurts.” She moved her hand away from her stomach and shifted on the couch. “Let’s get the kids somewhere safe and then we can both go get looked at.” She ran her fingers over the cuts the cord had left on Ali’s wrists. She gently ghosted her thumb across Ali’s busted lip. There was some dried blood near her nose from where Ben’s knuckles had popped her.

“I’m not worried about me. I’m not the one who had major surgery nine days ago.” Ali stood up and looked over at Lily and Zane. “Why don’t you go wait in the kitchen with the others?”

“I’m not leaving mom.” Lily walked over to where Emily was sitting on the couch.

“Lily, do what your mother says.” Emily frowned at her.

“No.” She sat down next to her and took her hand.

She was a stubborn little shit.

They heard a rustling noise out on the porch. Emily sat up, alert. Ali’s head snapped towards the noise.

“Lily, go, _now_.” Emily pushed herself to her feet, the dull pain at bay for the moment.

Just as Lily was getting to her feet they heard a familiar bark.

“Jett.” Lily glanced at her moms.

Emily and Ali looked at one another, but before either of them could make a move towards the door they heard a voice calling out to them.

“Ali? Emily? Are you okay in there?”

They recognized his voice immediately.

“Lorenzo!” Ali rushed towards the door to let him in.

“Your dog is freaking out and I don’t know where Roman is, and I…”

Ali opened the door and saw that he was leaning against the handrail, like the world around him was spinning. He had his other hand up against his face, rubbing it like he had a wicked headache.

“What the hell is going on?” Lorenzo stood up, though he was wobbly on his feet. He saw Ali’s bloody lip and nose and had to do a double-take. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I am, but I don’t know about you.” Ali reached out to help him steady his balance. “Take it slow. The drugs in your system are probably still screwing with you.”

“The… _what_?” Lorenzo stepped into the house.

Jett raced directly over to Lily, who fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around him. Zane took a few paces back, because he knew the dog hated him. But Jett was too preoccupied with his person to care about Zane.

Lorenzo stopped when he saw the house in disarray. He noticed blood splotches, but hadn’t seen the body yet. He looked over and saw the blood on Emily’s face and shirt.

“Someone want to tell me what happened here?” Lorenzo asked.

“You were drugged.” Ali explained.

She was having a hard time getting Lorenzo over to the couch, so Emily walked over to help. Ali glared at her when she put an arm around him. The last thing Emily needed to do right now was haul a bunch of dead weight around. Lorenzo plopped down on the sofa and leaned forward, gripping his head in his hands.

“I don’t…I don’t get it. The last thing I remember is Roman bringing us some coffee that he said _you_ made for us.” He glanced up at Ali. “The next thing I know, your dog is circling the cruiser barking like a nutball and almost breaking the damn window like Cujo trying to get into the car and Roman is gone…”

“Yeah, he’s the one who drugged you.” Emily sat down next to him, exhaling heavily to push through her discomfort. “He was helping Ben Coogan try to kill me.”

“Ben…Ben…” The name rang a fairly slight bell in his mind. “That kid that harassed you in high school? He did this to you?”

He didn’t remember much about the girls in high school, because he was older than they were, but he had dated Ali briefly and he remembered some of her talk about the kids she went to school with. She’d once mentioned Emily’s ex-boyfriend Ben Coogan. He remembered how much Ali despised him.

“Yeah.” Emily reached up to touch the cut on her cheek from where he’d pistol-whipped her. She could feel a lump under her skin, a forming bruise.

“I’ll put out an APB…”

“No need.” Ali glanced back at the body.

She suddenly felt cold. She’d actually killed him. She’d ripped the life from his body. She’d never killed anyone before. She’d only come close once with Ian Thomas when he was trying to kill Spencer years ago.

Lorenzo glanced back and saw Ben’s boots sticking out from underneath the bloody blanket. His eyes nearly popped out of his head.

“Holy shit.” He sat up, his back straight, his heart pounding.

“He’s the one who shot me outside the gun range.” Emily explained. “He came here tonight to kill me. It’s a long story. And we can go over it all, but I’d rather not do it while I’m actively bleeding and you’re coming down off of a drug high.”

“This is beyond messed up.” Lorenzo rubbed his hand over his buzzcut. “How did this happen?”

“It’s complicated. He…”

“I shot him.” Ali said, interrupting Emily, her voice robotic and monotonous. “It was me. I did it. He was threatening to kill Emily and Lily, pointing a gun at them, so I shot him.”

She looked down, like she still couldn’t quite believe it was real. Emily saw Ali staring and she pushed herself up off of the couch to be by her side.

“You had no choice, Alison,” Emily said softly, trying to reassure her. “I would have done the same thing.”

“You wouldn’t have missed.” Alison gently touched the gash on her temple, her guilt eating away at her.

“You didn’t miss. We’re all alive. We’re safe. Because of you.”

But Alison was too busy blaming herself for hurting her wife to hear Emily’s words. And Emily knew it.

“Hey, you did what you had to do. I’m okay.” Emily picked up her arm and took Alison’s hand, pulling it away from the gash on her head. “It looks worse than it is. Head wounds always do.”

She moved to turn Alison away from Ben’s body so she wouldn’t stare at it and overthink things. Her head was throbbing and her stomach felt sore from all of the fighting. A dull pain jolted her abdomen. She started to sway on her feet. Ali grabbed her arm firmly.

“‘ _Okay_ ’ my ass. We need to get you to the hospital.” She guided Emily back over to the couch.

“She’s right,” Lorenzo said. “Healing gunshot wounds aren’t something to play around with.”

She lifted her shirt to check on the injury. The gauze that Ali had taped down earlier was gone, probably having slipped off during the scuffle. The area around the scar tissue was red and irritated. A few stitches were missing, but since the wound was almost healed it was still mostly closed. Only a little bit of blood was oozing out through the top of where the doctors had opened her to remove the bullet. The pain she felt was more the deep pain from all the heavy motion she’d done. She also had a bruise on her ribs from where Ben had kicked her.

“I can’t believe it was Coogan all this time.” Lorenzo stood up. He was starting to get his balance back. He looked over at the body.

They heard someone walking into the room and their heads all snapped towards the noise. Lily clutched Jett tightly. Zane glanced towards the door. Lorenzo had his hand on his weapon, but he relaxed when he saw Eli appear. He had a phone in his hand.

“Um…” Eli glanced at the adults. He tried not to look over at the bloody blanket on the floor. “I got in touch with my dad. They had bad reception, but I told them what was going on. He’s on his way back to Rosewood with my mom.”

“I can’t wait on Toby.” Lorenzo sighed. “I’ve got to call this in and cordon this off as soon as possible.”

“Is there anyone at the department you fully trust?” Zane said, half clearing his throat and half under his breath.

They glanced towards the teen.

“What does he have to do with this?” Lorenzo looked at Ali and Emily.

“I’ll explain everything at the station. I want to turn myself in.” He rubbed his bruised head. “I was the driver the night the Grace was killed. I stole the car. I hit their family. Ryan was innocent.”

Lorenzo looked at everyone in shock.

“Jesus Christ, I hate this town,” he muttered. “What else don’t I know about?”

“Your traitorous partner is upstairs handcuffed and wrapped up in a shower curtain that’s been tied up with a jump rope,” Ali said, her face unwavering, but her pride for the kids clearly sparkling in her eyes.

“I’m not even going to ask.” Lorenzo sighed. He looked around the living room. “I’ll take care of Roman.” He glanced at Ben’s body. They could see the wheels spinning in his head. “They are going to want to question you as soon as possible. But I’ll tell them that you both needed medical treatment and the questioning will be done after you’re done at the hospital.” He glanced at the shaken blonde. “Ali, you _should_ be okay here. You’ll have to go through processing and everything, but this is a pretty clear case of breaking and entering. You have every right to defend your home and family by any means necessary. I’m assuming Roman cut the security cameras, but with the signs of struggle here and all of you as witnesses I doubt it’ll even go to court.”

Zane took a step forward.

“I can attest to Benito Del Toro’s plans. And I’m willing to talk and turn in everyone I know he associated with. I’ve got evidence and…”

“Wait for a lawyer, Jacobs.” Lorenzo shook his head and held up his hand. “I haven’t even read you your rights yet, so just shut it for a minute, okay?” He grabbed his radio. “They won’t trust my judgment since I’m impaired. And that could come back to bite us in the ass, so I’ve got to call in someone else to handle this.” He glanced at Ali and Emily. “You two need to get to the ER.”

“What about the kids?” Emily lifted her head to face him.

“I’ll call Aria to come get them.” Ali suggested.

“They’re out of town, remember? Mona and Mike, too. They are doing that family bonding trip thing Aria was bitching about the other day.” Emily reminded her.

“Then we’ll call your mom.”

“She’s on the church retreat with Ashley and Ted.” Emily pushed her hand against her stomach again to try and dull the ache she felt deep inside her muscles.

“I want to go with you.” Lily interjected. Her mothers both faced her and she quieted her voice, “I just…I want to stay with you.” Her face softened, her eyes wide and begging. She was amazingly good at the puppy dog face.

“Of course, sweetheart.” Ali immediately gave in to her wishes. The kid had always known how to play Alison like a fiddle.

“I can hang out with Harper and Levi.” Eli suggested.

“That’s sweet, but after everything you kids have been through tonight we’d feel better if you were with someone.” Emily smiled through her discomfort. “How are Harper and Levi holding up?”

“I gave them some ice cream and then put some pizza rolls in the microwave and told them to keep an eye on them. I thought it would keep them occupied. I figured they probably aren’t going to sleep tonight anyway, soo…” He drifted off. “I hope that’s okay…”

Both women laughed. The kids had outsmarted a corrupt police officer. They could have anything they wanted as far as Emily and Ali were concerned.

“Tell them to go nuts.” Emily nodded.

“I could watch them for a few.” Lorenzo suggested. “Harper and Eli know my office better than I do at this point.”

Probably even more-so considering Eli had snooped around to get Ryan’s information weeks ago.

“No, the station probably isn’t the best place for them to be right now. Don’t forget that one of your own is tied up in our bathroom right now.” Ali motioned towards the stairs.

Not to mention, letting Levi Rivers run around in a police station was bound to end in a disaster.

“What about Uncle Jason?” Lily suggested. “He’s at his condo, right? It’s right by the hospital.”

“Good idea.” Emily nodded.

“I’ll call him. See if he can meet us at the hospital to pick them up.” Ali nodded. “Lily, Eli, take Zane into the kitchen and get an icepack for his face.”

A sentence she never thought she’d say. She never thought the boy would ever be in her house, much less that she would give a shit about him. But he did seem to regret his part in her daughter’s death and everything that followed. She was still pissed as hell at him, but there was no denying that he wanted to make up for his actions.

“And keep Harper and Levi in there.” Ali added.

Lily and Eli walked out of the room with Zane trailing behind them. Ali quickly called Jason and gave him a rundown of what had happened. She didn’t even have to ask before he said, “Tell me what you need.”

Ali told him that they were going to go to the hospital and that they needed someone to pick up Eli, Levi, and Harper and watch them. He was already out the door before they’d even hung up.

“I’ll take care of Officer Shitbag upstairs.” Lorenzo walked towards the staircase.

“He’s unarmed, just so you know.” Ali followed him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Lorenzo stopped her.

“To get Emily’s pain meds.” She motioned to Emily sitting on the couch. She couldn’t stand to see her hurting.

“Ali, wait for him to clear the floor first.” Emily stood up.

“You sit your ass back down right now, Emily DiLaurentis-Fields,” Ali said sharply.

“I’m going into the kitchen with the kids.” Emily reached her arm out towards Ali. “And you’re coming with me.” She curled her fingers and waved for her to follow.

She knew the thoughts going through Ali’s mind right now were intense and overwhelming. She just wanted to get her to sit down and breathe for a minute.

“Let Lorenzo do his job. Let’s wait until Roman is cuffed in the back of the cruiser. Right now we should make sure the kids are alright.” Emily moved closer to her. “Come on.”

Ali glanced towards the staircase and then back at Emily. She looked at Lorenzo.

“You got this?” she asked.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take pictures of the bastard in all of his humiliating glory.” Lorenzo promised. “I’m gonna post them all over the precinct _and_ make sure flyers are posted in whatever correctional institute he ends up in. Teach that asshole to drug _me_.” He muttered.

He slowly crept up the stairs, his hand on the weapon on his hip. He reached for his radio as he reached the top of the staircase, calling into the station as he disappeared down the hallway. Ali turned and took Emily’s hand and they walked towards the kitchen. Ali glanced back and swallowed hard, her eyes burning a hole through the lump underneath the blanket.

“Don’t.” Emily discouraged her. They needed to be done with looking back. It was time for them to move forward.

Ali moved closer to Emily and leaned into her body, momentarily forgetting about her injury as she pressed her side close to Emily’s. She felt Emily muscles tense up. Ali put a little distance between them and snaked her hand down Emily’s arm.

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?” Ali asked.

“Three for my head. About an eight for my stomach.” She mumbled out a pained breath. “He suckerpunched me pretty good. It burns more than anything. It’s just my muscles. They’re still healing.”

“You are an idiot for going all _Fight Club_ on him with a hole in your gut.” Ali shook her head.

“I know. But it’s what I do.” Emily shrugged with a soft chuckle.

When they got into the kitchen they overheard Harper and Levi talking about their encounter with Roman. Zane was sitting across the table holding an icepack against his head. The others were huddled around Harper staring at something. Harper looked up at Emily and Ali. The other kids stepped back. Harper had a sheepish look on her face, like she’d been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. Levi looked as cool as a cucumber. Harper took one look at Ali’s suspicious ‘mom’ face and she quickly blurted out,

“It was Levi’s idea.”

Levi’s head snapped towards her. He had a frown on his face.

“ _Really_?” He snorted. “So much for Team Riv-anaugh.”

“What did you do?” Emily shuffled over to them.

Harper held out her phone to the adults. On the screen there was a photo of the big burly police officer who had blindsided Ali and Emily earlier. He was wrapped in a flowery shower curtain, clearly out cold. They’d put a girly filter on the photo that had added a frilly pink shower cap on his head and a lipstick kiss on his forehead with pink and purple swirls as the border.

“We were just fooling around with it. We snapped a picture of him after he hit his head.” Of course they had. “…for proof…that he attacked us…” Harper added, her tone almost unsure, like she knew the adults wouldn’t buy it.

 _Bullshit_. Emily thought to herself.

But Ali and Emily didn’t care. In fact, they were proud of Levi and Harper for thinking on their feet. They had gotten the best attributes of their parents. Of course the child of a police officer and a lawyer would be quick thinking enough to come up with a pragmatic solution to the problem. And of course the child of an impulsive go-getter and a government level hacker would have the reckless abandon to help the idea come to fruition.

“Play with the picture all you want, but don’t show it to anyone outside of this room okay?” Emily walked over to the freezer.

Levi bit his lip.

“I kinda already sent it to Iris.” It was a wonder that their phones weren’t ringing off the hook yet. Hanna was sure to freak out.

“Your mother is never going to let you stay with us again.” Ali huffed, walking towards the sink to grab a cloth. She wet it down with warm water.

Emily walked up behind her with a soft ice pack. She gently touched Ali’s arm.

“You need to ice this before it swells.” She traced her finger across the bruise on Ali’s nose from where Ben had hit her.

“In a minute. Sit down.” Ali motioned to a chair behind her.

Emily sank down into the chair and Ali kneeled in front of her. She pushed Emily’s hair aside and ran the warm wet cloth over the side of her face to wipe away some of the dried blood that had accumulated there. She delicately ran the cloth all around where the bullet had grazed her, careful not to pull too rough against the cut. Once she got most of the blood off she realized that Emily was right. It looked worse than it was. The gash wasn’t too deep. The top of her cheekbone was bruised, but otherwise it would heal up fine. But it still scared Ali to think about what could have happened.

Emily could see Ali’s hands shaking. She was thinking about more than just their injuries. She was thinking about how close she’d come to losing her entire family. She was thinking about the dead body in the next room. Her mind was aflutter with all of the worst-case scenarios that could have played out. Emily reached up and moved Ali’s hands down, peering into her eyes.

“Hey, just take a breath,” she said quietly, hoping the kids wouldn’t overhear.

Ali nodded, lowering her trembling hands. Emily had her sit down with her and handed her the icepack, which Ali placed against her nose and mouth. While they were waiting on Lorenzo to lug the half-conscious Roman out to the cruiser Emily called Hanna to tell her what was happening.

Hanna had rolled out of bed, sans pajamas and was heading for the door before Caleb caught her in her fever of delusion. He calmed Hanna down and got her back to bed, reminding her that they couldn’t go anywhere because they were fighting a stomach bug from hell.

They talked to Levi to make sure he was okay, and when they heard him enthusiastically paint himself as a hero against the big bad evil policeman they knew he was fine.

Before they hung up, Hanna played mother to one other person than her son.

“How are you and Ali?” Hanna asked Emily.

Emily looked at Ali, who was pitifully leaning against the table with the icepack against her face.

“We’re okay.” Emily replied.

“Liar. I can hear it in your voice.”

“I’ll call you from the hospital, Han.”

“I get it. Too many little ears around.”

“Exactly.”

“You’re sure Jason is okay taking the kids for the night? Does he know what he’s in for with Levi and Harper?”

“Considering the last time they hung out with him at the penthouse they ran a con convincing the other tenants they were elevator bellhops I’d say he has a pretty good idea.” Emily replied, glancing at the kids across the kitchen. They were off in their own little world, munching on pizza rolls and talking about the evening’s events.

“They did make three hundred bucks,” Hanna said. “Rich people will believe anything.”

Emily laughed, feeling a pain in her abdomen when she did.

“We’re going to be heading out soon,” Emily said.

“Take care of yourself, Em. And Ali, too.”

“I always do,” she said thoughtfully.

They hung up. Seconds later they heard Lorenzo shuffling through the living room.

“You have the right to remain a dumbass. Anything you say can and will get you a fist in your balls. You have the right to an attorney, but I’m gonna make sure you get the most fresh-faced fresh-outta law school fetus that doesn’t know his dick from the law…” His voice faded as he dragged Roman outside.

He went through the real Miranda Rights as he was throwing him in the car. A few minutes later he came in to tell them that he had Roman secure. He asked if they wanted him to radio for an ambulance, but Ali said she was fine to drive. Ali made Emily take a pain pill and then they packed the kids up and headed for the emergency room.

By the time they got there Emily was woozy from the pain meds. The doctor treated Ali’s cuts and bruises while they took Emily down to radiology to make sure everything looked okay internally.

Ali was waiting on her the second they brought her back up. Lily was a few feet away texting her friends, who were all still very awake despite the late hour.

“Hey, babe, how you doing?” Ali walked up next her.

“They gave me another pain killer and a muscle relaxer, so I’m high as hell right now.” Her eyes were droopy and she had a dopey smile on her face. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, you know. I think I’m more messed up mentally than I am physically, so nothing new there.” Ali put her hand on Emily’s arm.

“I still love you. You’re beautiful inside and out.”

“How high _are_ you?” Ali couldn’t help but laugh.

“I dunno. Am I the only one who sees that dancing unicorn in the tutu over in the corner?” She gave Ali a half-smile to let her know she was joking. Mostly. Her vision was bursting with weird colors because of the meds.

“Shut up.” Ali rolled her eyes with a smile.

Leave it to her drugged up wife to make her feel better about the fact that mere hours ago she’d killed Ben Coogan in their living room. His body was probably being photographed by the crime scene unit at that very moment.

The cops were probably chomping at the bit to talk to her. The only reason they hadn’t sent a unit to the hospital is because they were going to go straight to the station after they were discharged from the hospital. Toby and Spencer were going to meet them there.

Ali kept running the edge of her tongue over the cut on her lip, trying not to nervously bite down. Emily could see the thoughts running rampant through her mind.

“Hey, you have nothing to worry about.” Emily reached up and touched her hand, gripping her fingers. “It’s over.”

Ali gave her a tentative smile, feeling a little better about whatever the future held for them now. Because Emily was right. The danger was over. They still had Lily. They still had each other. She sat down against the edge of the bed, moving up towards Emily.

“It just doesn’t feel real.” Ali admitted, clutching her hand. “I still feel like he’s going to pop around the corner and take you away from me.”

Emily put her free hand on top of their joined hands.

“I’m not going anywhere, Alison.” She moved so they were closer together.

Alison closed the distance between them and their lips naturally found each other. Alison’s lips felt amazing, so Emily held the kiss for longer than most people deemed publicly acceptable. Alison felt a slight sting where the cut was, but she was too lost in the taste of Emily to care. Emily’s hand slipped over the sheets and against Alison’s thigh, slowly moving up towards where her legs met. Alison pulled back.

“Em, we’re in the middle of the hospital.” Her cheeks were pink and flushed. “Our daughter is ten feet away from us. You’re jacked up on pain killers and _just_ survived another murder attempt. And the woman in the next bed is staring.” Ali reminded her.

“Right.” Emily leaned back against the top portion of the bed, laughing.

“Don’t stop on my account.” The woman a few feet over piped in. She had the same drunken grin on her face as Emily.

Ali and Emily both blushed. Something about dangerous moments and escaping death brought out both of their wild sides.

“Sorry, I just…I got carried away.” Emily pat Ali’s hand gently.

“God, they really do have you drugged up, don’t they?” Ali brushed some of Emily’s hair off of her neck with a laugh.

Emily hadn’t been this frisky in a public place since they’d both had one too many drinks on a wine tasting excursion and ended up having sex in the back of a full trolley on their way to another vineyard.

They’d both been revved up that day because Ali was drunk and Emily had been hang-gliding, and with Ali always being touchy-feely when she was sloshed and Emily high from her adrenaline rush it was inevitable that they’d ended up with Alison halfway on Emily’s lap in her skirt riding Emily’s fingers while trying to stay quiet so the other passengers wouldn’t hear. As if the wet spot on the thigh of Emily’s jeans when they'd gotten off at their stop didn’t give them away.

Alison was lost in thought thinking about that day and Emily saw her smiling.

“What’s on your mind?” Emily questioned.

“You.” _Always you. Constantly you._

Over fifteen years together and Emily was always the first thought on her mind when she woke up and the last thought she had before she went to sleep at night. Her wife was her world. After everything they’d been through together they were still standing. They had stood tall in the midst of a hurricane and had risen above the high tides.

Ali smiled at Emily, trying to process everything. It was weird the things that went through someone’s mind after a near death experience, after killing someone, and after surviving as much as the DiLaurentis-Fields family had survived.

By the time they had the results of Emily’s examination the meds had worn off enough to where she wasn’t completely stoned. Despite the physical altercation she’d had with Ben, everything looked okay. Ali was the first one to audibly breathe a sigh of relief and utter out, “Thank God.”

It was about damn time they caught a break.

“I’ll get you a new prescription for pain relief and a muscle relaxer. I advise that you take it easy. No more heavy physical activity until you’re healed,” The doctor said. “I’ll get your discharge paperwork and then you can be on your way.”

He hurried on to his next patient, leaving a very relieved Ali, Emily, and Lily in his wake.

“So you’re going to be okay?” Lily asked.

“I’ll be running marathons in no time.” Emily nodded.

“Okay, let’s not get too cocky.” Ali interjected.

“I’m fine, Lily.” Emily smiled. “How are you holding up?”

“Um,” she said, her nose scrunched up, “…it was weird seeing him get shot like that, but it wasn’t as bad as the night at the gun range,” Lily flinched, thinking of her mother sprawled out on the ground and bleeding to death. “Is it weird that I feel used to this sort of thing?”

Ali and Emily both sighed. They had wished for nothing but a normal childhood for their girls. They hadn’t wanted them to grow up jaded and hurt like they had, but sometimes that’s just the way the world worked. They knew she would be okay, because like them, she was strong.

“Everyone reacts to this kind of thing in their own way. There is no wrong way to feel.” Emily ran her hand over the back of Lily’s head, threading her fingers through her long hair.

“I’m glad you’re my moms.” Lily glanced between them.

“You make it easy. You’re a good daughter,” Ali replied.

“Except when I’m being a little wise-ass.”

“We love you even then.” Emily assured her.

Ali pulled her in for a hug. Lily fell into her embrace and hugged her back.

“Come on. We’re getting out of here.” Ali pulled back. She glanced at Emily. “We’ll get the car and meet you up front.”

Emily nodded. She watched Ali and Lily walk around a curtain and then walk out towards the waiting room. A few minutes later the doctor came back with her prescriptions and told her that her discharge paperwork would be at the reception area for her.

Emily grabbed her things and started to head out. On her way down the hallway she saw a team of doctors and nurses coming her way with a patient and she moved aside for them to get by, backing into an open room.

She watched as they went by, quietly thinking to herself that had once been her. She hoped she’d never experience it again.

She heard a machine beeping behind her and she suddenly remembered she was in someone’s room. She turned around to apologize, but saw that the person in the bed wasn’t conscious. Something about her seemed familiar. She glanced at a whiteboard, a patient board that had personal information. She felt like she was invading her privacy, but she wasn’t really learning anything.

_JANE DOE. AGE: LATE 50s. GSW._

Emily looked at the admittance date and her breath caught in her throat. She walked over to the woman’s bedside.

“Holy shit.” Emily’s eyes widened.

The woman’s face was partially covered with gauze that was wrapped around her head. Her cheeks were puffy, but her bones were distinctively defined. She looked thinner than she’d last seen her, but there was no mistaking who it was.

“Gina?” Emily put her hand on Gina’s. She looked at the machines around her. “Gina, can you hear me?”

She heard a noise behind her.

“Who the hell are you?” She heard a gruff voice. It sounded familiar in a way.

When Emily spun around she saw the ghost of someone looking back at her.

“Frank?”

Emily did a double-take. She blinked slowly. Frank was staring back at her holding two cups of coffee. Was she still stoned?

“Sorry, you got the wrong brother, sweetheart.” He shrugged.

 _Sweetheart_. So it was genetic.

“ _Brother_?” Emily gasped. “Bastard never told me he was a twin.” _My God, there’s another Frank out there._

“Look, whatever he did to piss you off I’m afraid you’re out of luck,” he said, walking around her to the other side of Gina’s bed. “Frank got his dumb ass killed.”

“Yeah…I know.” Emily still couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

Maybe she was dead. Maybe that gunshot back at the house had hit her and she was dead and seeing some twisted reality where she could live happily ever after with her family.

“I uh…I knew your brother.” Emily continued.

“I’m sorry.” He quipped.

Emily couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, he was…well, Frank.” She shrugged. “But he grew on you.”

“That he did.”

“I was with him when…” She bit the side of her tongue remembering her last moments with the bastard. “He saved my life. I’m Emily.”

“Ah, you’re the one who was always giving him shit.” The Frank look-a-like grinned. “I like you.” He held his hand out. “Cal.”

She shook his hand. It was hard and covered in callouses. She stared at him. It was eerie how identical they were. She was staring at Frank. She shook her head and looked at Gina again. Her eyes were open. She was staring at Cal and Emily, but she didn’t say anything.

“Gina.” Emily smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey there, sleepy head. Found one of your stray dogs coming to beg at your bedside.” Cal grinned, putting the coffee down next to her.

Gina squinted, like she was trying to get a better look at Emily.

“Takes her a minute to focus sometimes. With the pain meds and the head injury she’s in and out. But she’s getting better every day.” Cal explained. “Isn’t that right, doll?”

She looked over at him and glared. He laughed.

“She hates it when I call her that.” He grinned smugly.

“Your brother did that shit to me all the time.” Emily admitted.

“It’s how we show love.”

“Yeah? Well, I showed my love by punching.”

“That’s what I was told.” He chuckled and looked at the woman in the bed again. “Hey, I brought you your favorite for when you’re not tripping balls on those pain killers. I figured you’d want a hot cup-o-Joe to jump-start those brainwaves for you.”

“The…” Gina’s mouth moved slowly as she spoke, like her tongue was dry and she was trying to re-wet her mouth. Emily knew that pain medication side effect all too well. “The s-shit…you buy tastes like dirt.”

“She speaks.” Cal teased her. “Don’t be rude. Say hello to our visitor.”

“Emily.” She turned to face her. Her mouth was still moving slowly. Her words came out a little slurred. “You’re okay?”

“Thanks to Maurice.” Emily nodded. “He saved my life that night.”

“That was my Maurice.” She smiled. She swallowed hard and then took a breath before continuing. “Frank got me out. He went back to try and find the others, but he didn’t…”

“He found me instead.” Emily filled in the blanks. “He bought time for me to get away. The whole crew did good, Gina.” She rubbed her hand. “You should be very proud of them.”

“I am.” She blinked slowly. “I’m glad…” Her eyes started to droop, “…you’re safe.” She started to say something else, but a tired sigh came out instead. She quietly slipped back out of consciousness.

“That’s the most I’ve heard her talk since I found her here.” Cal sipped his coffee.

“How long have you known?”

“After Michael told me about my brother I went looking for evidence of all of their deaths. Found out that all bodies but one were accounted for. So I came looking. Found Gina here about two days after the explosion at the bar.”

“She’s been here the whole time?” Emily gawked.

“Yep.”

“Why is she still listed as a Jane Doe?”

“She’s better off as a Jane Doe,” Cal explained. “After her body turned up missing it got the Vipers all in an uproar. They find her weak and vulnerable and they’ll finish the job. Plus I hear chatter that Del Toro is dead, so that’s bound to add fuel to the fire.”

Jesus, the news in the underground traveled fast.

“Yeah, my wife and I kind of had something to do with that.” Emily admitted.

“YOU knocked him off?”

“My wife did.”

“Congratu-fucking-lations.” Cal reached out. “I wanna shake your hand. Been after the fucker since he took my brother out. Your wife has got some big ole balls.”

“She doesn’t actually. That’s what I like about her. Ball free.” Emily grinned. “She’s _all_ woman.”

Bantering with him felt right. She felt like he was part of the extended family she’d made in Maurice’s crew. It was nice to have a little of that camaraderie back. And Cal fell right into the routine.

“You know what I meant.” Cal rolled his eyes. “That bastard needed to go, so kudos to your wife. I hope you give her the best sex of her life.”

“Yep, you’re definitely Frank’s brother.” Emily snorted.

“It’s the wit and charm and devastatingly good looks, right?” He lifted his brow.

“Yeah, sure, let’s go with that.” Emily sarcastically appeased him. She glanced at the clock. “I should get going, actually. My wife is waiting for me.” Emily looked at a sleeping Gina. “I hate leaving her…”

“I’m with her most of the time. Making sure no one can come at her while she’s in this state. Doctors are optimistic she’ll be getting out after a few more weeks. A little more therapy and she’ll be as good as new.”

“Is there anyone else that might possibly…”

Cal cut her off with a shake of his head.

“They’re gone. All of ‘em. But their legacy survived. We’re working on rebuilding. Won’t be the same, but we know it’s what the big man in charge would want. Michael is still working the doc-in-a-box with a newbie veterinarian from Buffalo. Says he likes the guy. I look out for Gina, but as soon as she’s out she’ll be running things like a rockstar. But other than Michael, me, and Gina’s kids no one knows the truth about her being alive and we need to keep it that way.”

“Totally understand.” Emily nodded. “I won’t say a word. Just promise me you’ll take good care of her.”

“Oh, honey, _I’m_ the one babysitting _this_ fool.” Gina uttered under her breath, mumbling with her eyes half-closed.

“Get some rest, _Jane_. I’ll be back to visit soon, okay?”

Gina nodded, and then she was drifting off to sleep again.

“I guess I’ll see you around, sweetheart.” Cal sat down next to Gina’s bed.

“You better be taking excellent care of Mrs. Puff-Puff.”

He laughed boisterously.

“My brother loved the miserable fucking little cunt.” He rolled his eyes. “Bitch hates me. Is always biting my fingers.” Cal laughed. “I think he left that damn dog to me in his will just to fuck with me from beyond.” He grunted out an annoyed sound, but then a laugh. “She’s alright, though. Funny little runt. She was chasing a tennis ball the other day and dive-bombed into the open air vent and got herself stuck like Winnie the freaking Pooh. It was priceless.”

“You got her out though, right?”

“Took pictures first.” He gloated.

“Well, whatever happens don’t let anything happen to that crotchety old thing. Frank would haunt us otherwise.”

“The asshole haunts me anyway.” Cal shrugged.

For a fleeting moment Emily saw his walls crumble. She recognized the poignant look in his eyes. She’d seen the same look on Lily’s face hundreds of times. It was the face of a sibling, a _twin_ , thinking about their other half.

“Never really was much for this life.” Cal admitted. “But I owe it to the bastard to see this thing through on his behalf. So I’ll be around.”

Emily nodded.

“It was nice to meet you, Cal.”

“You too, Emily.”

She left Cal and Gina and started walking towards the reception area to get her paperwork. She felt a bit of the crushing weight she’d been carrying around since her friends’ deaths being lifted off of her shoulders. Something Cal had said struck a chord with her.

_Their legacy survived._

She met Ali and Lily at the car after she got her discharge instructions.

“Hey, what took you so long?” Ali questioned. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. It’s fine.” Emily nodded. And for once in her life, it was the truth.

She was quiet on the drive to the police station. Ali chalked it up to the medications wearing off. She only asked her once more if she was okay and when Emily said she was she backed off.

The station was buzzing with activity. Zane was already there. He had waived his right to a lawyer because he didn’t need anyone trying to coach or confuse him. Toby suggested that Spencer sit in and advise him. He agreed. But nothing she said was going to change his confession. He’d had made up his mind. He was ready to take responsibility for his actions. The only request he had was that when he went to jail that he would be protected from any potential vengeful Vipers that would be out for his blood.

Toby was questioning him, because he refused to talk to anyone else since he didn’t know who to trust. The last thing he wanted was to rat the Pit Vipers out to someone who had been working for Ben. He wouldn’t make it out of the police station alive.

Lorenzo had had his blood drawn and sent off for a tox screen to see what drugs were in his system and to prove that he _had_ been drugged. Roman, knowing that he was pretty much screwed with all the evidence stacked against him opted to talk about his role and the corruption in the department in lieu of a lighter sentence.

He was all about self-preservation, so he made a deal. His only stipulation was that he got to request which officer he spoke to. He picked a 20 year veteran of the force, their receptionist’s Jo’s husband, someone he _knew_ was on the straight and narrow.

Lorenzo watched from the two-way glass. He wasn’t surprised that Roman spilled his guts. The man was a coward. He’d had his ass handed to him by two twelve-year-olds. Lorenzo couldn’t help but giggle about the state in which he’d found Roman. Hands cuffed behind his back, a pink and purple shower curtain wrapped around his entire body, leaving only his head exposed. The topping on the cake was the fluorescent pink jump rope the kids had used to secure the shower curtain. He’d stopped to take a picture before hauling him to his feet.

Once Roman and Zane had started spilling everything they knew everything came out. Ali and Emily sat down in the lobby, waiting until someone was available to take their statements. Emily’s pain medications had worn off, so her head was pounding and her body ached. Yet despite the discomfort, she was almost immune to the pain. Because it was over. It was finally over.

Zane’s father was at the station. His wife was flying in from out of town. They were mortified to learn about their son’s involvement. And even more surprised to learn who Benito Del Toro really was and what he did for a living.

Mr. Jacobs approached Ali and Emily while they were waiting to give their statements. He looked disheveled and unkempt, almost ghoulish, the complete opposite of what Emily had seen the other day when she talked to him.

His son had been in trouble before, but never on this level. Despite the fact that Zane had technically been seventeen when the wreck happened he knew the boy was probably going to prison for this. He was eighteen now and with the previous strikes on his record and the severity of the crime they would probably try him as an adult. He faced the mothers of the girl his son had been responsible for killing.

“I…uh…I don’t know what to say,” he scratched his eyebrow, jostling his glasses. “They advised me not to speak to you, but I couldn’t just…” He shuffled nervously. “I am so sorry.”

“He’s trying to do the right thing now, so that counts for something.” Emily tried to make him feel better. “And he certainly didn’t get that from Ben.”

“Still, my wife and I are partially responsible,” he admitted. “I know we weren’t around. We weren’t there for him like we should have been.” He got lost in thought. “For me, I think part of it stemmed from knowing he’s not truly ours.” He looked pained. Ali and Emily knew exactly what was on his mind, but they let him tell it. “He’s adopted. Not officially. It’s kind of a long story.” A ‘bought a baby on the black market’ kind of long story. “My wife and I were expecting a baby eighteen years ago. But she went into distress and they had to take her into surgery. Our son was stillborn.”

His face contorted in pain, that day still very relevant in his mind.

“I knew it would destroy my wife. That’s where Nito…or Ben…whoever he is…he came into the picture. He said that his girlfriend had just had a baby, but they were unable to care for the child. He gave me an opportunity. I…uh…I made a mistake letting that man stay in Zane’s life. But I couldn’t tell him ‘no’. He gave me my son.” He sighed. “I do love him. I do. But there is a sense of loss you never get over when you lose a child.” He suddenly realized who he was talking to and started stammering and stuttering. “And it’s not the same and I’m not making excuses, but I want you to understand that Zane’s problems aren’t all on him.”

“We know,” Ali said.

She understood better than anyone what a screwed up lineage could do to a kid. And though she may never get over her anger at Zane, she couldn’t ignore the fact that all it took for someone to end up in Zane’s shoes was the wrong influences and surroundings.

“I can’t imagine what you have been through. The loss of a child, it’s…” he trailed off, losing his train of thought. “You should know that it never goes away.” He took a thoughtful pause. “But you learn to live with it.”

He glanced at Lily sitting across the room talking to Jo, who had brought her some water.

“I’m so sorry,” he said again. “About your daughter.” His gaze lingered on Emily. “And about what you both went through. I’m just terribly sorry. I know Zane is, too. At the very least you still have your other daughter.”

“You still have your son, too,” Emily replied.

He nodded.

“You’re a parent until the day you die,” he remembered what Emily had told him. “And after, too.”

“Mr. Jacobs?” An officer opened a door that led back to the interrogation room. “We’re ready for you.”

He apologized again and then scurried off.

“I’m very proud of you.” Emily reached for Ali’s hand.

“Why? Because I didn’t rip him a new asshole?”

Emily chuckled.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded. “I could tell you were stewing. I know you wanted to punch him in the head.”

They sat down, waiting to be called back. The longer they waited the more anxious Ali got. The killing was justified, but she’d still shot a man. The thought of something going wrong and her getting penalized for it was rushing through her head.

Emily rubbed calming circles over the back of Ali’s hand with her thumb and assured her everything would be okay. If anything, Emily would be the one in trouble for her underground dealings.

Fortunately for the both of them, they were questioned and released. With the overwhelming evidence in their favor there wasn’t much need to question them other than it was procedure. Spencer and Toby walked them out to the lobby when they were done. Lily went over to sit down in a chair. She was tired.

“The investigators want us to talk to Eli, Levi, and Harper, too.” Toby yawned. “But I told them not tonight.” He glanced at his watch. It was almost 4 AM. “Think we should go get them?”

“Jason said they crashed about an hour after they got to his penthouse.” Ali replied. She looked over at her daughter and then back at Emily. “We can’t go home tonight.”

“You’re staying with us.” Spencer immediately piped in. It was not a suggestion. It was a statement.

“Yes, Ma’am Commandant Spencer, ma’am,” Emily said with a weak smile.

“It’ll be more secure and there will be less media buzz there.” Toby added.

They’d clearly already made up their minds about it.

“We’ll need to go get Jett.” Emily glanced at Lily. “I don’t think she’ll be able to sleep without him.”

“If she can sleep at all.” Ali muttered.

“He’s already at our place with Remy and Rutger. We made a stop to get him before coming to the station,” Toby said. “He was apparently pacing around the house whining a bunch and looking for you all.”

“Thank you guys,” Ali said. “For everything.”

“We’re family.” Spencer shrugged.

Toby’s phone pinged and he picked it up, expecting it to be about work. He saw a message from Lorenzo and opened it. He was not prepared for what was in the message. He huffed out an unexpected laugh.

“Check out what our daughter did.” Toby held the phone up for Spencer to see.

They’d heard about what Harper and Levi did to Roman, but seeing it was even better. Lorenzo had sent him the photo he’d taken of Roman in all of his shower curtain glory with the caption, _“Bitch-ass punk got outsmarted by the cast of Rugrats.”_

Toby was proud of Harper for picking up on his police skills and keeping a cool head in a heated situation. He was even more proud of Hanna’s kid for keeping _his_ kid cool and helping her follow through on their plan. The two of them could rule the world together one day. Or destroy it. It really could go either way.

“You know, most people would be much more freaked out by stuff like this.” Ali cocked her head to look at the picture.

The fact that they were able to muster up any humor whatsoever after what they’d been through was a testament to just how much shit they had been through in their lives. Warped was just normal for them.

“We’re not most people,” Toby said, putting his phone away.

“Thank God for that.” Emily laughed harshly.

Normal people wouldn’t have the wherewithal to cope with the extreme curveballs life had thrown at them. It was because of their screwed up childhoods that they knew how to deal with the crazy things in life.

“You girls head to the house. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to do. I want to make sure _everything_ is documented right. We don’t need anything slipping through the cracks.”

“Agreed.” They all replied at the exact same time.

Spencer drove them back to her place. Jett was sitting at the Cavanaugh’s door waiting on them. The second they walked in he trotted over to them. Remy and Rutger sniffed around behind him. Lily scratched his head and he wagged his tail while looking up at Emily and Ali.

“The guest room is all yours. There are some spare pajamas in the dresser up there.” Spencer walked over to her dogs. They circled around her, excited to see her. “Lily, do you want to stay in Harper’s room since it’s right next to the guest bedroom?” Next to her mothers. She knew that despite Lily being a teenager, she would need her moms tonight.

Lily nodded, completely exhausted. She started up the stairs without another word. Jett followed her.

“Thanks again, Spence.” Emily leaned in for a hug.

Spencer embraced her as hard as she possibly could without physically hurting her, resting her chin against Emily’s shoulder as her arms curled up against her back.

“Promise me you’ll never go off and join a gang war and almost get yourself killed again,” Spencer said.

“I promise.” Emily chuckled softly.

“I’m going to make her sign a legal document that says that,” Ali said.

“I’ll notarize.” Spencer pulled back from their hug.

“I hate you two.” Emily rolled her eyes.

“Come on, La Femme Nikita.” Ali grabbed her hand and headed towards the stairs.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Spencer said. “I’m going to see if Lily needs help finding anything.” Though she knew the kid had stayed over enough that she knew Harper’s room as well as her own.

They thanked her again and then walked up the steps towards the guest bedroom. They quietly got changed. Emily slipped into the bed first. The mattress felt like heaven compared to the stiff hospital chairs and beds. The comforter was a big fluffy downy quilt and the sheets were soft and cool. Spencer only shopped for the best, even for her guests.

Alison stopped at the mirror and glanced at her face, running her finger down the bruise that had formed on her nose. She licked the cut on her lip.

“How are you feeling?” Emily questioned.

Alison turned around and walked over next to the bed, sliding in next to her wife.

“I always teased other people about nose jobs in high school. Didn’t expect I’d ever get one, especially not like this.” Alison smiled weakly.

“I didn’t just mean physically.” Emily clarified. “I know what it feels like…” She trailed off, “…taking a life.”

Alison pursed her lips in thought. She had a million thoughts going through her mind, but guilt for killing a man who was trying to hurt her family was not one of them.

“I don’t regret it,” Alison said. “I know I probably should, but…”

“No. You shouldn’t.” Emily rubbed her arm, immediately curbing any doubt in her mind. “He would have killed us. You did the right thing.”

“I feel worse about hurting you.” Alison reached up and traced her fingers over the gash on the side of Emily’s head from the track of the bullet. It had been closed with butterfly bandages.

She swallowed hard, thinking about how close she’d come to killing her, too. The slightest motion from either of them could have been the end of Emily.

“I’m fine.” Emily assured her, gently stroking Alison’s cheek.

“Are you?”

“Mostly. The pain meds wore off, but the muscle relaxer is still working.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Just you.” Emily reached out and wrapped her arm around Alison’s body and pulled her towards her as they both laid back against the bed.

Emily stayed on her back, something the doctor had advised her to do while she was healing. Alison buried her cheek against the hot flesh of Emily’s neck. Despite everything they had gone through with Ben, her anxiety faded when she was in Emily’s arms. She felt safe with her.

They laid together, just holding each other.

“Em?” Alison whispered quietly.

“Hmm?” Emily glanced down at her.

“Where do we go from here?”

Emily took a thoughtful pause and sighed quietly. She reached down and wrapped her arm over Alison’s and took her hand.

“I don’t know,” Emily replied. “But we’ll figure it out together.” She leaned down and rolled her cheek just enough so she could meet Alison’s lips.

“Love you,” Alison said.

Emily could see and _feel_ Alison’s smile lighting up the dim room.

“Love you, too.” Emily smiled back.

Alison snuggled up against her body, wrapping her arm carefully around her, letting it curl up against her chest, making sure not to put any pressure against any of her injuries. She kissed Emily’s bare shoulder. They laid there in each other’s arms in a twilight state for a little while. They were just starting to drift off to sleep when they heard a light knock against the open door.

“Moms?” They heard a whisper. “You awake?”

“Yeah, sweetie.” Ali replied sleepily. “What’s wrong?”

She felt stupid asking the question. Because Lily had been through hell the past few months.

“Nothing.” She quietly padded into the room. They heard Jett right behind her. “I just realized I forgot to tell you that I love you.”

Ali and Emily glanced at one another, both their hearts swelling with affection.

“We love you, too, Lil.” Emily replied.

Lily stood awkwardly between the bed and the door, dancing around whether or not she wanted to go back to Harper’s room or stay with her mothers. Before she had a chance to make her choice Emily sat up.

“Get over here, kid.” Emily waved for her to join them on the bed.

She didn’t hesitate as she crawled in between them. Normally, she would have felt stupid for cuddling in bed with her moms. She hadn’t done it since she and Grace were little kids. But she felt the urge to be with them. They were all getting situated when they felt a heavy plop on the end of the bed. Jett circled once and then curled up at their feet.

For the first time in a long time, all three of them slept uninterrupted. No disruptions. No bad dreams. They just slept.

The next several days were a whirlwind of investigations, media circuits, and non-stop questions by the press. Thanks to Zane’s intel the police found the Pit Vipers’ hide out and busted several of them. They knew who they were looking for in regards to the others, so they knew it was only a matter of time before they got them all off of the streets.

Because of Roman’s plea bargain, they found proof of four other corrupt officers. Three of them turned themselves in. The fourth had to be apprehended and detained.

Once the cops started roping in the crime ring and once the house had been cleared of evidence and cleaned the girls went back home. They thought it would be weird, but the house almost felt different, welcoming. It was _their_ place.

Things were finally starting to settle down in the DiLaurentis-Fields’ family’s lives. Things were still far from normal, but they were gaining control of their lives back. They welcomed the relief, no one more-so than Emily. She had been living on the edge for so long that she’d forgotten what it was like to relax. She had a finer appreciation for the things she’d once taken for granted.

Simply sitting out on her porch felt like a privilege she’d never get to experience again, so she took the opportunity to bask in it. She closed her eyes, breathing in the crisp evening air. She felt the cool breeze on her face. She heard the wind rustling the leaves in the trees.

“Em?” She heard the front door open and then softly close. Ali walked out. “What are you doing?”

“Just taking everything in. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do this.” Emily looked beyond their porch and glanced up at the stars. The sky had often held a certain sense of serenity in her life. Day or night. Both the sun and the moon gave her energy. And the clouds and the stars provided more sense of wonder than she could get anywhere else. “I never thought I’d get to experience this again.”

“What? Life?” Ali walked towards the bench where Emily was seated.

“Peace.”

Ali looked out at the sky and then back at Emily. She could use a good dose of peace.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Like you even have to ask?” Emily looked at her with a smile.

Ali sat down in the empty space beside her. She nuzzled up to her and took her hand. She felt so warm. Ali loved it.

“The view is beautiful, isn’t it?” Emily craned her neck up.

“It really is.” But Alison wasn’t looking at the stars.

Emily found peace in the sky. But Alison found peace in Emily. And now that she was finally finding her center again Alison knew without a doubt that they were going to be okay. She laid her head against Emily’s shoulder and Emily leaned over and rested her cheek on the top of Alison’s head.

“It makes me think of Grace,” Emily said.

Her tone wasn’t pained. In fact, there was a warmness in it as she reminisced about their daughter. She’d always heard there would come a day when it wouldn’t hurt so much to talk about her…that the good times that they’d shared would overshadow the pain of loss. That pain would always be there. But so would the love. She never thought she’d make it out the other side of her grief. It had taken her nearly being killed for her to get there. The important thing was that she had gotten there. With her family’s help.

“You remember when the girls were little and we took them up to the overlook to watch the sunset? We went out to the canyon and it felt like our own little slice of the world.” Emily smiled.

“Yeah, that was a beautiful sunset. I remember it. It looked like rolling waves of fire being swallowed by an ocean of clouds, like water that had been set on fire.”

“You can tell you’re an English teacher.” Emily smiled, squeezing Alison’s hand.

“I laid it on a little too thick, huh?” Alison chuckled.

“I like it when you lay it on thick.” Emily replied seductively.

They both laughed, but then they settled back into a comfortable silence. Emily couldn’t take her eyes off of the sky. The swirls of stars in the sky looked like they had been meticulously dotted into the atmosphere. The limitless galaxies were like an abstract work of art.

“You know what I remember the most about that night at the overlook?” Emily questioned.

“The fun we had when we got home and got the girls to bed?” Alison guessed.

“That part is a given.” Emily laughed and looked over at her. “No, I remember watching how the girls reacted. To see the look of awe in their eyes is the reason I love being a mother. They were so enthralled. Watching that sunset was the experience of a lifetime for them, because they’d never seen anything like it. Even though they were little they knew how to appreciate it. I remember they didn’t want to leave. So we stayed out for a while. They just kept watching the sky, waiting to see what it would do next. Lily fell asleep. But Grace…she was fascinated by the stars. And she didn’t just look _at_ them. She looked _beyond_ them. It’s almost like she knew there was something more out there.”

“Maybe there is.” Alison shrugged.

“We were lucky as hell to have that little girl.” Emily faced Alison. “To have _both_ our little girls.”

“They’re lucky you’re their mother.”

“That _we’re_ their mothers.” Emily corrected her. And they always would be, in life and death.

“I hit the jackpot falling in love with you.” Alison looked into Emily’s soft brown eyes, which were twinkling in the moonlight. She squeezed her hand.

“You’re the most unconventional unbelievable blessing I’ve ever been given in my life.”

Alison felt her cheeks redden.

“Now who’s laying it on thick?” Alison nudged her playfully.

Emily smirked and leaned over for a kiss. She reached up to brush Alison’s cheek and Alison grabbed the side of her neck and pulled her closer. When they came up for air Alison pushed her forehead against Emily’s and smiled.

“So,” Alison said, trying to catch her breath. “When are we going back to Paris? I can’t wait to have another night like our last night there.”

“Who says we have to wait?” Emily lifted her brows mischievously. “With Lily staying the night with Iris, Fiona, and Harper we’ve got the house to ourselves.”

That jump-started Alison’s heart…and her libido. She practically leaped up, grasping at Emily’s hand.

“What are we waiting for?”

Emily followed her, grabbing her waist and tickling her as they made a beeline for the front door. They stumbled towards the house, their hands still intertwined as they stopped every so often to peck each other’s lips. As soon as they got inside and shut the door Emily spun them around until Alison’s back was against the door. She pressed her body against Alison’s. Alison felt Emily’s abdominal muscles tense up just the slightest bit. She was still healing, though she was doing so much better.

“Easy, babe.” Alison whispered against her ear, her hot tongue trailing the outer rim of it. She placed a soft kiss against the healing cut below Emily’s temple. “I know you’re still sore.”

“Not _that_ sore.” Emily replied huskily, lowering her face to nibble on Alison’s neck. It was one of Alison’s weaknesses and Emily knew it.

Alison felt her knees nearly buckling underneath her. Emily always knew exactly how to touch her, but tonight she was going to make sure that _she_ kept Emily in control. She knew she needed to rein her.

“You will be by the time I’m done with you.” Alison teased. “You’re _mine_ tonight, Emily.” She pushed back, her mouth crashing hard against Emily’s. She pushed her tongue in between Emily’s parted lips and then pulled back, running her fingers through Emily’s hair just rough enough to get her attention. “Got it?”

Of course, it was all a ploy. Her goal was to do most of the work so Emily didn’t push herself too hard, like she often did. She saw Emily pull back and look at her with a sultry seductive expression. Alison’s eyes nearly bore through Emily’s as she slid her hand down inside the back of Emily’s pajama bottoms and grabbed her ass. She pulled her closer, knowing the friction would cause Emily to go wild. It did. She shuddered and moaned in pleasure and Alison took the opportunity to shift her fingers between her thighs.

Emily exhaled a shaky breath. She was basically putty in her wife’s hands.

Alison smirked. The control was all hers.

* * *

 

 **A/N:** _One chapter to go. The fake out “Ali shot Emily” thing made me feel so evil. But I feel like I made up for it with the Riv-anaugh team up of the kids being deviant and basically Wile E. Coyote-ing Roman and with Lorenzo’s version of the Miranda Rights. And bonus:_ _The image of Hanna stark-ass naked with a fever running to her child’s side while an equally as doped up Caleb stumbles after her to stop her from going out on to the street_. _And who says I don’t put a little light in the darkness? What with Frank 2.0 (aka Cal) and the Gina reveal and all the little Emison family moments? I mean, I’m sure it doesn’t make up for the turmoil I put you through, but hey…I try. Did anyone have a favorite moment in this chapter in particular? My best friend’s was the idea of Emison trolley sex. She told me she wants to see it or she’ll disown me. ROFL._


	35. Surviving the Storm

**A/N:** _The inner critic, as always when I'm wrapping a story up, went wild with this one. It took so much longer because I become a neurotic beast who hates my writing and everything about it when I am trying to make sure everything ties up okay while simultaneously trying not to think of everything I could have done wrong or should have done differently._

_I appreciate each and every reader I have. This story (dark as it is) and your participation in it gave me something to focus on during the hellacious weeks I spent in the hospital with my parents and the subsequent and unexpected death of my mother. You all provided a safe place. More than you know. Because it was in knowing I had this story that kept the darkest part of my mind from winning out._

_I hope my life's distractions this year have not had me falling down on my job as entertainer/writer/emotional-torture-person. There were many times I wasn't sure my writing was up to par. I hope this ending is everything you all wanted and more. I'll save the rest of the rambling for the ending author's note._

*******

Emily squirmed around in the bed, panting uncontrollably. She couldn't see anything, but she could feel her body dripping with sweat. She clenched her fists until her fingernails were digging into her palm. Her stomach tensed. She felt Alison's soft hand against her cheek.

"You okay, Em?"

"Yeah," she replied hastily through broken breaths.

"What do you need?"

Emily moved her wrists around, which were bound by soft tight restraints. She had always had trouble letting Alison take complete control. The two of them often fought for dominance. They were fairly equally matched, but sometimes Alison did things to her that rendered her completely powerless. To keep her still, Alison had bound her hands to the bedpost. She had no intention of letting Emily do any of the heavy lifting, not while she was still on the mend.

"Take these things off of me so I can touch you." The blindfold was bad enough, but not being able to reciprocate Alison's touch was killing her.

She heard Alison laugh. A sensual lilting laugh that only made Emily long for her more. She was still coming down from her high. She could still feel Alison's fingers inside of her helping her ride it out. She felt another spasm rock her body.

"Oh, God." She moaned, clamping down on her wife's fingers again.

Emily's body started vibrating again. Her jaw went slack and she cried in pleasure. Alison watched the pleasure unfold on her face with a satisfied smile. Emily started panting. The fists she'd made with her hands in the restraints suddenly loosened, her fingers splaying out wide as her entire body tightened and then let go like a powerful force flowing out of a pressure release valve. But just as she was at her height she felt Alison slow down, stilling her fingers and moving herself, her wetness, against Emily's thigh.

"Tell me what you need, Emily." Alison repeated, leaning forward, her breath tickling Emily's ear as she subtly twitched her fingers inside of her.

It nearly drove Emily wild.

"Y-you." She huffed, moving her head around to try and shake the blindfold off so she could at least _see_ her wife. "Alison, I'm serious. _Please_." She craned her neck back as her pleasure overtook her. She felt an urge to touch her wife that she couldn't fight, but she couldn't fulfill that desire because she was fucking tied down. She panted and then groaned in frustration. "I can't believe I agreed to this." She tugged against the restraints. "Let me go so I can touch you." She was practically begging.

"Not quite yet, honey," Alison said, placing a kiss on the scar on her abdomen where she'd been shot. She saw Emily's muscles twitch underneath her lips. "Do you trust me?"

"Always." Emily nodded.

"Good." She pulled her fingers out of her wife and moved her slick center against Emily's thigh, which was still tender from her orgasm. "Because I'm not done with you yet." She rubbed against her again, leaving a trail of hot moisture against Emily's skin, making them both shudder.

Alison moved down and placed a kiss close to where Emily's legs met. Then she drifted lower. Emily threw her head back and bit back a moan. Who _was_ this woman? Give her a little control and she was suddenly a damn dominatrix.

She felt Alison's mouth moving against her core and her hands tightened into fists again. She wanted more than anything to glide her fingers through Alison's hair and push her mouth further against her. Alison teased, pulling back to kiss her thigh. Then she moved her tongue fully over her center again, licking in long flat strides. She could feel Emily's entrance pulsing with desire.

Emily huffed out a moan, her breath becoming shaky. When Emily felt Alison's hot tongue roughly playing with her overly-stimulated clit her body started to shake again. She felt Alison's hands against her inner thighs as her tongue worked in between her swollen lips. Her hips rose off of the bed, but she felt Alison move one of her hands away from her thighs and place her delicate palm against her pelvis, pushing it back down against the mattress. Her fingernails trailed along the delicate skin of Emily's pelvic bone until her fingers were slipping to the inside of her thigh. Her thumb landed on Emily's clit. She started massaging it in a circular motion as her tongue teased her entrance.

"Jesus." Emily groaned. "Fuck. You're going to kill me, Ali."

"You always survive." Alison pulled back, placing a kiss against her center, blowing her hot breath against it, making Emily shudder. "All the times you've nearly died…you can survive _this_." She kissed her thigh.

She moved back in between her legs and without warning slipped her tongue inside of the trembling brunette. A loud moan escaped Emily's lips. Her hips started bucking against Alison's face. She felt Alison's nose brushing her clit. Then she felt the tip of a warm finger rolling circles against the aroused bundle of flesh. She called out Alison's name, which made the blonde grin.

Alison pulled her tongue out and then laid it flat against her, moving it up and down sensually against the edges of her entrance as Emily pulled hard against her restraints, shaking the bed.

Alison moved over to kiss Emily's thigh and then started ascending up her body, leaving a trail of kisses with her hot wet lips. She moved up over Emily's body, snaking her fingers down in between her thighs, running them teasingly over her entrance. She laid against Emily's hot flesh, their chests flush. Emily could feel a silky fabric rubbing against her erect nipples and she was about to start bitching about how Alison still had on too many clothes, but Alison touched a spot with her fingertips that made her cry out again. They moved together, beads of sweat coating both of their bodies.

Alison leaned up, taking a moment to appreciate Emily's full lips and her rosy cheeks glistening with sweat. She pushed her lips hard against Emily's, Emily eagerly kissing back. She pulled against the restraints again. She felt Alison smile against her mouth and then pull up and away from the kiss. She shifted her weight off of Emily's body and slowly pulled her fingers back.

"Ali, what the hell?" Emily complained.

Alison knew she wouldn't be complaining much longer. She placed her knees on either side of Emily's body, scooting forward. She ran her palms up against Emily's sides and up to her neck.

"God, I love you." Alison sighed with a smile on her face.

"Then you better not leave me hanging."

"I won't." She promised. "I have something for you."

She reached up, moving her fingers against Emily's blindfold. She slowly removed the cloth from Emily's eyes.

When Emily's eyes adjusted to the light she saw her drop-dead gorgeous wife in her jungle red lacy bra and matching crotchless panties. Emily's breath caught in her throat. She almost came again.

"Okay, get these fucking things off of me, _now_." Emily moved hard against the restraints.

"Funny," Alison reached forward, her chest hovering in front of Emily's face. "I was going to say the same thing to you."

She loosened Emily's restraints, _finally_. The instant she freed Emily, the brunette sat up to get a better look at the woman in front of her. Ali was on her knees straddling Emily with a seductive smirk on her face. Emily wrapped her hands around Alison's lower back, pulling her body closer to hers, feeling Alison's dripping center against her stomach. She could feel how swollen and ready Alison was for her. She grabbed Alison's face and pulled her towards her, lying back down and pulling Alison down on top of her.

She wasted no time in popping the clasp on Alison's bra, pulling it out from in between them as their mouths crashed together. They both moaned when their breasts met. Alison bit down on Emily's lip and then tenderly sucked it.

Emily held their embrace for a few seconds and then flipped them over so she was hovering over her wife. She ground her core hard against Alison and Alison moaned loudly, seeing stars burst in her line of eyesight.

Emily gently took both of Alison's wrists and pushed them up so they were against the pillows. She held them there as she delicately kissed her jaw, slowly moving down her neck and collar bone until her lips landed against one of Alison's hardened nipples.

Alison arched her back, her breathing steadily increasing as Emily sucked and nipped her skin. She glanced down just as Emily moved to her other breast, watching as her mouth moved sensually against her.

Emily released Alison's wrists and slid one palm down against her thigh and the other against her left breast, tweaking the hardened bud on it as she sucked against the right one. The fingers of her other hand stroked her in between her legs and the dual sensations sent Alison's body into overdrive.

"Holy shit." Alison squeaked out. All that came out after that was a jumbled mess of "yeses" that turned into pants and moans.

Emily moved her hand away from Alison's core and gripped the edge of the crotchless panties. She curled her fingers inside the thin string-like material on her hip. She loved seeing them on her, but she didn't want _anything_ in between them right now. She tugged against them roughly, nearly ripping them in half to get them off.

She heard Alison muffle out something between an impressed huff and a giggle. Emily continued her assault on Alison's chest, circling her tongue around her nipple while massaging the soft flesh of the other breast with her palm.

Emily moved further down, stopping to kiss Alison's bellybutton. Alison smiled at the motion. Her smile quickly turned into an expression of pleasure when Emily moved in between her legs. Emily had been waiting for this since the second Alison had bound her hands.

The instant Alison felt Emily's mouth move against her she groaned loudly, her entire bottom half lifting off of the bed against Emily's face. Emily grabbed her thighs, holding her in place as she worked her into a frenzy with her tongue.

Emily could hear Alison's breathing becoming erratic. She felt Alison's hands against her head, her fingers tangling in her hair, moving her, pushing her further in between her legs. Her thighs squeezed Emily's cheeks as her tongue darted in and out while she worked Alison's clit with her thumb. Emily felt her tightening, so she pushed two fingers into her. She moved up to kiss Alison's breasts as she thrust into her.

"Emily…" Alison whimpered beneath her, one trembling hand reaching for her face while the other wiggled between their hot writhing bodies down to Emily's core.

Emily knew Alison wanted her, wanted to taste her. So she moved up to meet her lips with her own. She felt Alison's fingers slip into her just as their mouths met, eliciting a simultaneous moan from the both of them.

"I love you," Emily whispered against her lips as she curled her fingers inside of her.

"I love you, too, baby." Alison huffed against Emily's mouth as she let go, her body shuddering in pleasure.

She felt a hot ball of energy burst into a crashing wave of pleasure. Her body arched stiffly into Emily's, her legs coming off of the bed and wrapping around Emily's calves tightly, her toes curling as she gasped for breath. She hadn't forgotten her wife though. She diligently plunged her own fingers into Emily's hot depth, curling them just enough to send Emily over the edge with her. Emily pressed her shuddering body into Alison's as she peaked, loudly. Her entire body was vibrating as she struggled to hold herself up on one elbow.

Both of their motions slowed down and their bodies started to relax against each other, Alison sinking into the mattress, Emily following her. She kept herself propped up as she looked down into Alison's dark lust-filled eyes. Alison smiled up at her. Emily kissed her and then tilted her forehead to meet Alison's, both of them panting against one another.

"That was…" Emily didn't even have the words. It was some of the most incredible sex they'd ever had. Her body was _still_ tingling.

"I know. I told you," Alison said, still trying to catch her breath.

"Sorry about the underwear. I'll buy you a new set."

Alison had loved watching her rip her undergarments off.

"Mmm, that was really hot." Alison caressed her face, pushing her lips against Emily's. "Watching you go all carnal like that."

Emily rolled to the side, their bodies still touching. She ran her fingers through her messy hair and then looked at Alison with a smile. They were both gleaming with sweat. They laid in their embrace for a few minutes. Alison played with Emily's fingers while Emily nuzzled her nose against Alison's temple, leaving soft lingering kisses there.

They were interrupted by the loud blaring of Alison's phone on the nightstand. Alison glanced over. She saw the time and the alert flashing on screen. She sat up, slowly pulling away from Emily to reach for the device.

"Shit, we're going to be late." Alison rolled out of the bed.

Emily frowned, scowling at the loss of her body heat, at the loss of contact. This was her least favorite part of cuddling: when it ended…

Alison took a few strides across the room over to their dresser. Emily crawled across the bed and stood up, walking up behind her. Alison could see her reflection behind her in the mirror above the dresser. She smiled at her without turning around, her eyes meeting the reflection of Emily's eyes. She saw the look in Emily's eyes. How was she ready to go _again_ already?

"Em, we have therapy…"

They'd been going to therapy with Ruby again. Twice a week for the past three months. It had helped their entire family a great deal. Once Emily finally opened up about everything things had started changing for the better.

"This is the best form of therapy I can think of." Emily stood behind her, tracing her index finger across Alison's neck and down along her back while kissing her shoulder.

"Stop it." Alison huffed, feeling herself ready for round two.

She turned around to face Emily, which was a mistake. Emily lifted her brows mischievously.

"Make me." Emily moved forward, backing Alison up against the dresser.

Alison couldn't resist Emily's heated flesh against hers. She felt herself shudder, a response as natural in the world to her. She leaned forward, capturing Emily's lips. Emily grinned at her. Her wife was putty in her hands.

"You are relentless." Alison laughed. She had created a monster. A sexual deviant monster.

"You married me." Emily kissed her softly.

"We'll have to be quick."

Emily wasted no time. She grabbed Alison's upper thighs, lifting her against the dresser. She pushed her naked body in between Alison's knees, the blonde's legs automatically falling open for her. Alison cupped Emily's cheeks in her palms as their lips danced and their tongues swirled together. Emily pulled away and started suckling against her neck.

"Don't you dare…"

But the brunette had already sunk her teeth into the soft muscly flesh, leaving a mark. She quickly went to work licking and soothing the area with her mouth. As Emily's lips and tongue moved against her neck Alison felt herself melting into her touch. She grasped at the back of Emily's neck and pulled her closer, running her fingers through Emily's hair.

Emily continued to place a trail of kisses along her neck until Alison was panting against the top of her head. Her right hand moved down between Alison's legs. She pulled back to look at her, her other arm snaking around the small of Alison's back. She plunged three fingers into her as she leaned forward to capture Alison's cries of pleasure with her mouth.

Alison was already sensitive, so it didn't take her long to get completely worked up again. And Emily knew all of the right spots. Alison wrapped her legs around Emily and moved against her fingers roughly. Emily met her thrusts with a heavy turbulence of her own. She glanced over Alison's shoulder and watched their reflections in the mirror, Alison's bare ass sliding hard against the slippery finished wood.

The mirror was slowly fogging up in the haze of their body heat. Alison reached down with one hand, her fingers grasping at the side of the dresser. Her other hand was slowly moving back against the wood as their thrusts became more and more heated, their motions knocking a few pieces of jewelry, some spare change, a decorative candle, and a framed photo of the two of them to the floor.

Emily found her mark inside of Alison and Alison gripped the side of the dresser tightly with one hand and threw her other hand back to steady herself, leaving a slippery handprint in the glass. She clenched around Emily's fingers and leaned forward against her shoulder, biting down hard enough to make Emily jerk in surprise. She groaned against Emily's hot sweaty skin, burying her face in Emily's soft raven hair as her body thrashed and rocked against the dresser.

"Em, baby," was all she could whisper as she came, her legs still wrapped around Emily's body, holding her in place.

Emily kissed her as she slowed her movements and let her ride it out. Alison hummed happily against her mouth and then pulled back. Emily took the opportunity to move down against her chest again, kissing her collar bone, then the top of her right breast.

Alison's body felt like mush, warm and gooey and so blissful. Her legs slipped down Emily's sides, her ankles curling around her calves. She could still feel Emily's fingers slowly moving in and out of her, tracing her still pulsing inner walls.

"Oh my God." Alison's head fell back, her hair flowing behind her like it was caught in a breeze, slipping against the sweat on her back.

Emily nipped and licked at the sensitive flesh on her breasts, sending several more waves of pleasure through Alison. They were like little aftershocks. She felt her body twitching, her breasts pushing up against Emily's mouth. Her breathing finally steadied.

"We are _definitely_ going to be late." Alison reached up and ran her sweaty hand through her tangled damp hair.

"Worth it." Emily smiled, pressing a kiss against her left breast.

Emily stood up in front of her, her body still between Alison's shaky wet legs. She leaned over and placed a soft kiss against Alison's forehead. Alison curled her legs around Emily's waist again, pulling her closer and kissing her lips.

Alison's alarm alert went off again. Emily knew she'd stalled long enough. She wrapped her arms around Alison and pulled her forward until her feet were against the floor. For a few split seconds Alison couldn't even feel the floor. She felt numb and weightless.

"We should get ready." Emily kissed her forehead again before pulling away.

Alison palmed her cheek, wiping away some of the sweat on her face. The lust and the passion in her eyes turned into care and concern.

"Take something just in case. It got a little rough at the end." Alison motioned towards the bottle of pain medication sitting next to their bed. "You're going to be feeling it later." She carefully ran her thumb over the scars on Emily's stomach.

Emily's injuries had healed, but she still had deep pain sensations sometimes when she got too physical. All the trauma her body had been through had left her with some long-term issues. The doctors did scans periodically to make sure everything was still okay, and so far everything looked good. But they told her that her pain might not ever completely go away and that she would very likely have flare ups.

They explained it in terms of having a broken bone that heals. It was going to take a long time for it to dissipate. Much like broken bones, though they were healed after a certain time, there would still be flare ups of occasional pain. Just like she still had weird tweaks in her ankle from where it was broken in the wreck, she had muscle spasms and deep aches in her stomach from the gunshot sometimes.

Her pain levels weren't too bad, but she did start to hurt if she overused her muscles or overworked herself. It was slowly starting to get better, thanks in large part to Alison's nagging. Her wife always seemed to know when she overexerted herself. It's like she had some freaky sixth sense.

"You just like me on pain killers because you know they lower my sexual inhibitions." Emily teased.

"Sweetie, we don't need any help in that department." Alison winked, pulling some clothes out of the dresser. Her eyes were fixed on the smudge her hand had left on the mirror. She smiled in satisfaction at it.

Her focus changed to Emily's reflection walking across the room in the background. She took a pain killer and walked towards the closet. They didn't have time to shower, so they did their best to freshen up so they didn't look like they'd just stepped out of a Kama Sutra marathon.

They quickly threw on some clothes and drove to Ruby's office. Alison glanced at her watch. They were only seven minutes late. Not too bad. They had been fortunate enough to hit all green lights on their way. They stood in the elevator, holding hands like two teenagers in high school. Alison looked over at Emily, who had a smile on her face. She was moving her free hand to Alison's hip.

"Don't even think about it." Alison could see the devious glint in her eyes.

"Just a quickie? We _already_ smell like sex," Emily said with a laugh, her fingers drifting dangerously close to uncharted territory.

The doors opened. Emily yanked her hand back and they both laughed as they walked into the waiting area. The receptionist Jacinda smiled and greeted them and then led them to Ruby's office.

The first thing they did was apologize for being late. Ruby brushed it off, because she saw the afterglow of happiness radiating off of them. She didn't miss the fresh red circular bruise standing out against Alison's milky colored neck. She knew exactly why they'd been late, but she didn't say a word. She wasn't about to bring them down.

They jumped into the session. They talked to her about how everything was progressing while Ruby listened, occasionally jotting down notes. She glanced at Emily.

"Have you been working on letting go of control like we talked about?" Ruby asked.

Emily shot a quick smile at Alison, the question meaning something entirely different to them than it did to Ruby. Ruby had been working with Emily on letting go of the things in life she couldn't control, as it was her need to be in charge of everything after Grace's death that had led to her ultimate emotional and nearly physical destruction.

"I've let go of a lot." Emily nodded, her brow crinkling in thought. "I know I can't change what happened. It's not easy to comprehend that though. Sometimes I still feel completely out of control and it scares me, because the last time I didn't have control I lost our child. I still…" She paused, " _we_ still struggle sometimes." She choked up. She looked at Alison. "A part of me died with her that night."

"I know," Alison's eyes were filled with tears. She rubbed Emily's arm. "Me too." She took a shaky breath.

"We have lost a lot." She looked at Ruby and then glanced back at Alison. "But I never want to lose sight of what I have ever again." She grabbed Alison's hand, squeezing it gently. "We miss her. Every day. It never goes away. But it's getting easier to manage the pain." She felt Alison squeeze back. She looked at Ruby again. "Sometimes I have this dream where she's with my dad. They're at my old house and he's dancing around the yard with her in his arms like he used to do with me when I was little."

"And how have you been sleeping?" Ruby asked.

She slept great the nights she'd had Alison writhing underneath her calling out her name. They were often so elated and exhausted after sex that they both slept soundly. But there were some nights that she still woke up in a cold sweat. Nothing like she'd experienced after the wreck though.

In fact, the specifics of what had happened to Grace during the wreck were lost somewhere in the depths of her mind. She didn't remember it as in vivid detail since she'd been shot. She'd suffered with other lapses of memory, but that was by far the only beneficial one. She still remembered some of the wreck. She remembered the feelings, but not the imagery. But occasionally, it did seep into her subconscious when she was dreaming. But Alison was always there to pull her out of it.

"I have good nights and bad nights." Emily admitted. "I don't dream about the wreck much anymore." Her dreams about the wreck had become almost non-existent since the night she'd been shot. "But it's still this weird part of me that's always there. Sometimes I feel it like a weight pulling me down. But it's getting easier to lift it."

"Ali?" Ruby glanced over at her. "How have you been holding up throughout this?"

"Sometimes I have flashes to the night Emily was shot." She looked at Emily. "I thought for sure I was going to lose you."

She knew that Emily had almost died the night of the wreck. But she hadn't been there. She had only been able to _imagine_ Emily's life slipping away after the wreck. But when she'd been shot Alison had actually experienced it. She _felt_ the life draining from her. It had been the most terrifying experience of her life, which was saying a lot considering the shit she'd been through.

She remembered the way Emily's body had sunk down in her arms. She remembered how cold her skin had felt. She knew exactly how Emily must have felt holding Grace's limp body, because she'd felt the same way when Emily had slipped away in her arms.

Emily took her hand. Alison instinctively moved closer to her on the couch. Ruby hadn't missed their growing affection with each other. She had been noticing in the last few sessions that they had been reconnecting. It was a good sign, especially after things had been so rocky after the wreck.

"There was this split second I saw…something…" Alison wasn't sure how to describe it, "…in your eyes. Right after you collapsed you were just staring straight up at the sky. I was right in front of you, but you couldn't see me. You kept looking around like you were alone." She would never forget the look on her face. It was like she was already gone. "You were in and out and you were losing so much blood. I thought I was going to watch you die, and that I was going to have to climb into the car and tell our daughter her mother was gone. I was terrified. But I knew I needed to hold it together for you. Because that's what you taught me. You've done that for me our whole lives. I knew you were scared, and I knew I needed to keep you going. Because without you, _I_ couldn't keep going."

Emily clasped her other hand over their joined hands, sandwiching Alison's hand in between hers. They had discussed this before, but it still hit Emily pretty hard to hear it.

"You know I would do anything to change it so you didn't have to live with it."

"I'm okay." Alison smiled weakly. "I don't think about it as much as I used to. The important thing is that you survived. I have you."

"You straight up cussed me back into existence." Emily smiled, bringing their hands up to her lips. She placed an innocent kiss on Alison's knuckles.

"You really don't remember being shot?" Alison questioned curiously.

"I don't remember him shooting me. But I remember _him_." She remembered how cold she felt when she looked into his eyes, and how petrified she was that she was going to lose Lily. "And I remember lying on the ground and bleeding." And being cold, and Alison trying to warm her up. "And…you. I remember you keeping me focused, keeping me alive. And you telling me that I better not 'fucking' die." She couldn't help but chuckle, because that was her woman. "And I knew I couldn't ignore that."

"On the topic of remembering your attacker, how has the PTSD from everything else been? The violence that you saw on the street? The deaths of Ryan and your friends?"

Emily flinched. The truth about what had happened to Ryan and what had happened to Marco's Pub and everyone who worked there had been exposed and the Pit Vipers were going down for that as well. There was a certain sense of justice that Emily felt, but she still grieved for Ryan's parents. And she missed her friends. They were annoying and they'd sometimes acted like assholes, but they had embraced her as family.

"Sometimes I see their faces. And on occasion, though it's getting much less frequent, a loud noise will make me jumpy. There are bits and pieces that come back to me when something triggers me. I'll hear construction noises and relive the night of the explosion. One morning I heard a car backfiring and had flashes to gunfire and I fell out of the bed and ended up having an anxiety attack."

Alison hadn't been in the bedroom with her, but she'd heard the car backfiring and the loud thud against the floor and she'd dropped her coffee and raced up the stairs, knowing exactly what had happened. By the time she'd reached Emily's side, Emily had become pale because she couldn't breathe. Alison had talked her out of it and reminded her that she was safe.

"Alison reminds me about the meditation techniques you gave me when I get that way. And they're helping. Plus, it helps having someone who went through it to talk to." She looked at Alison, a look of guilt washing across her face. "Not that I mind talking to you about it…"

"No, I get it." Alison interrupted her. "She went through it, too."

After everything settled down Emily introduced Alison to Gina. The first thing Gina had done was shifted in her hospital bed so she could take Alison's hand and tell her how amazing her wife was. Emily had also introduced her to Cal and to Donnie's assistant Michael. She told Alison the truth about what had happened to Jett and how Michael had helped Donnie save him. Alison thanked him profusely, because she loved that big dumb stupid dog.

"I have lunch with Gina, Cal, and Michael once a week." Emily looked at Ruby.

Just yesterday she'd reminisced about the time she'd first walked into Marco's pub, and Cal laughed his ass off when he heard the story of how Emily had bested his brother _and_ pulled a gun on him.

 _"For some reason he left that part out,"_ Cal had snorted. _"Probably thought I'd revoke his man card for getting his ass handed to him by a chick."_

_"Call me a chick again and I'll show you exactly how my first meeting with your brother went."_

_"It was pretty glorious."_ Gina had laughed.

 _"The way Donnie told it, he had a hard time not laughing."_ Michael had sniggered.

Being around them made Emily feel like she still had a piece of her old gang. And it worked the same way with them. Gina had known all along who Emily was, and she knew why Maurice was so hell-bent on keeping her safe. And she was behind him the whole way.

"And Ali, you're still coping okay?" Ruby questioned.

"I have all I need." Alison nodded, reaching out to touch Emily's arm. "I had some residual nerves after I shot Ben. Not because I felt guilty about shooting him. I don't. Not one bit. Because I did what I had to do to protect my family."

Emily squeezed her hand. She looked at her softly, appreciatively.

"I was more concerned about the ramifications it had on Eli and Lily. I hate that they were there…that they saw it and that they went through all that trauma."

The adults had been watching the kids very closely. Lily came to counseling with Ruby twice a week. Once with her mothers and once by herself. Harper and Eli had been in counseling since Grace's death, so they were both talking to someone about it, too. And Levi talked all the time to his mom and dad, though he was more of a mama's boy. Iris leaned on her daddy. And the Fitz family went to group counseling.

All of the kids had been scarred in some way by the war with Ben. They'd all lost Grace. Fiona and Kai had nearly been killed in the wreck targeting Mona. Iris had flare ups of depression that Hanna and Caleb had to keep a close eye on. Harper and Levi had gotten over being chased by Roman, but still thought about the sounds of the gunshots from that night. Their parents could see it on their faces when they drifted off in thought.

And Eli and Lily had been held at gunpoint and had witnessed someone die violently, though they seemed to be doing okay. Their parents had seen them leaning on each other a lot, which didn't surprise them. They'd been hanging out with increasing frequency lately.

Everyone knew they liked each other, like it could have ever been kept a secret with Levi's big mouth. Alison and Emily knew that Eli was good for Lily, and vice versa. Spencer and Toby adored Lily. They'd had a sit down with them about rules and so far they'd followed them.

Alison and Emily spent their last few minutes of the session talking about the kids. When their time was up Emily lingered in Ruby's office while Alison ran to the restroom. She was thinking about her daughter. She faced Ruby.

"I know you can't tell me anything specific, but…how is Lily doing?" Emily asked.

Ruby pushed her lips out in thought, trying to figure out how to answer her question without actually talking about her individual sessions with Lily.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. She's very resilient. Not unlike her mothers." She chose her words carefully. "I know you and Alison are concerned about her, but she has a quiet strength. She's a very profound child. I've never quite met anyone like her." She smiled. "Your daughter is remarkable, Emily."

That put Emily's mind at ease. Throughout this entire ordeal her biggest concern had been her wife and her daughter. All she wanted was for them to be okay. And at the very least they were on the road to recovery.

Lily had taken huge strides since she'd started going to her regular counseling sessions. Not only was she becoming more sociable in school, she was taking the initiative and the time to understand someone who had become lost in the system.

Zane.

She didn't forgive Zane. She never would. But she understood how he had ended up mixed up in the wrong world. And she admired the fact that he'd come clean. The guy had put his entire life at risk and jeopardized his future in order to try and help her family. And while one act of kindness didn't make up for the years of horrible things he'd said and done, it was a start in a promising rehabilitation for him.

Because of Zane hundreds of dangerous criminals were off the street. Because of Zane four corrupt cops had been exposed. Because of Zane the only person who had been killed during the confrontation between Emily and Ben had been Benito Del Toro himself.

At the juvenile penitentiary where they had him awaiting trial he had a thin protection unit. He wasn't a high risk inmate. He'd lucked out and ended up in juvie. He had gotten off pretty easy, in large part thanks to Lily begging her moms not to let him go to some huge federal prison where he would get shived the first day there. Alison had talked to Spencer and she and Toby had pulled some strings to get him tried as a juvenile.

One fortunate thing about the juvenile correctional institute was that their visitation rules were pretty laid-back. An armed guard had to be present. For this visit it would be Toby. And the kids couldn't talk to each other without a thick glass wall between them.

Lily and Eli were on their way for a visit, Spencer supervising while Toby did his over-protective 'dad' bit. Toby went to go get Zane while the kids waited.

"Thank you for setting this up." Lily looked up at Spencer.

She'd been thinking about the impending prom and she was a little sad knowing that Zane would never get to experience it.

"Of course. Just be careful. Just because they're behind bars doesn't mean they're not still dangerous." Spencer reminded her, her mind drifting to her doppelganger sitting in maximum security prison. Some people were and always would be a danger to society.

"I think Zane's really working hard to change, Mom." Eli piped in.

While it had been Lily's idea to visit, it had been Eli's idea that they bring him books and comic books that he might like so it would make prison suck a little less for him.

"I certainly hope so," Spencer said quietly.

She wasn't sure where her son had gotten his optimism from, because it certainly wasn't from her. Some of it was probably from Toby, but she had a feeling a lot of it had come from him growing up around Emily and Aria. Those two were forever looking at the bright side of life.

"What comics did you end up getting?" Eli asked Lily. "He's a dude, so he's probably going to be into things like _X-Men_ and _The Avengers_."

"He's getting _The Adventures of the Power Puff Girls_ and _Phoebe and her Unicorn_." Lily replied.

"You are a cruel cruel girl." Eli shook his head with a laugh. "That's worse than prison."

"I'm just playing." Lily smiled. She held up the comics for Eli to see. There were several superhero comics she knew that Zane would probably like.

They heard a door open and when they looked up Zane was walking into the visitation area. Toby was right behind him. He stood by the door while Zane walked over to the window. He looked surprised to see Lily and Eli. They walked over. Eli pulled the chair out for Lily. There was only one place to sit per area, so he just stood off to the side.

"Hey." Zane looked at them in uncertainty. His voice sounded strange coming through the little vent in the window. "What's this about?"

Lily put the reading materials in an open slot near the bottom of the glass and slid them forward into a boxed-in area underneath the window. She closed the small door and that automatically opened the door on Zane's side. He reached in and pulled the books out.

"We brought you some comic books. And a couple of real ones, too," Lily explained. "Thought maybe you could use something to kill time."

"Uh…thanks?" He was still confused.

"The new _X-Men_ is pretty good," Eli said. "Might want to start with that one."

"Sure."

"How are you doing?" Lily questioned.

Zane relaxed in his seat a bit as he moved the books around absentmindedly.

"I'm okay. There are some real jackasses in here," Zane said. "I'm one of 'em." He added with a shrug. "But so far no one is really messing with me. Lights out is way too early for my taste, but whatever. Food sucks, but at least we're not starving. How are things on the outside? Has the world changed a bunch since I've been in here? We have flying cars? Monkeys running things?"

"Well, yeah, we've always had monkeys running things," Lily said.

"Nah, I think monkeys would do a better job." Eli piped in.

All three of them laughed. It was a stiff weird group laugh, but it was a start.

"So, when is your sentencing trial?" Lily questioned.

"I got a few more months of waiting, but my lawyer says your parents are trying to get them to take it easy on me."

"Yeah." Lily nodded.

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…why are you doing this?" Zane asked. "I killed your sister. So why do you care what happens to me? Why are you bringing me books and shit?"

Eli knew the answer. Because she was Lily. It's who she was. But he didn't say a word. He just let Lily do her thing.

"Because my moms taught me that no one is ever so far gone that they can't be reached." Emily in particular had taught her girls from an early age that everyone could use a little saving sometimes. "And my sister was never one to dwell on someone's mistakes. She'd get pissed at them, punch them, and then move on."

"Sooo…you need to punch me and then we'll be good?" Zane's brow furrowed in confusion. He looked at Eli. "Well, hell Cavanaugh, I guess that means we're best buddies considering how familiar your fists are with my face." He laughed darkly.

Eli couldn't help but roll his eyes with a laugh.

"It's not that simple." Lily shook her head. "This…" She pointed to the books on the other side of the glass, "…doesn't mean we're friends. It just means I understand you. And I want to help you. Because I think you got some really shitty breaks in life. And I get that." She understood how life could turn on a dime, how precious it was. "And you saved my moms by showing up at my house that night. So I know you're not _all_ bad."

"Thanks, I think." He glanced at the books and then back at Lily. "Well, we've got at least ten years to life to figure out whatever this is."

"Lily, Eli, time is up." Spencer walked up behind them. "Lily, we've got to meet your grandmother in twenty minutes."

"Thanks for the books." Zane shifted them around. He saw one that caught his eye. " _Frankenstein_ , huh?"

"Sometimes monsters are created by the circumstances in their lives." Lily shrugged, standing up.

"Little on the nose, don't you think?" Zane questioned, climbing to his feet.

"One of humanity's greatest flaws is not seeing the things that makes a monster before it's a monster," Lily replied. "We'll be back with some more books next week."

They said their goodbyes and then Spencer took the kids out to a shopping center where Pam was waiting for them. They had an afternoon of shopping planned. Months ago it would have seemed like torture to Lily, but she had a reason to shop and she was excited.

She'd asked her grandma to take her because her moms were embarrassing when she tried on clothes. Ali had been insulted at first. After all, fashion was her forte. But then Emily whispered that meant they'd have a little alone time while Lily was out of the house and Ali quickly shut up.

Lily was jazzed when she got home. She barely even uttered a hello to her mothers before she ran up the stairs carrying the bag with her new outfit. She'd loved it in the store. Now she wanted to try it on at home and look at herself in the mirror so she could love it at home.

"Hey, we're leaving in about half an hour, okay?" Ali called out after Lily.

"Okay!" Lily flittered around the corner.

"How'd it go, Mom?" Emily asked when Pam walked in.

"That girl is pickier than you _ever_ were. All I had to do with you was take you to a sporting good's store and you were good to go." Pam replied with a laugh. "Also, since when did my non-conformist hates-shopping granddaughter suddenly turn into _Buffy the Cardigan Slayer_?"

"Mom, we've talked about this. Don't try to reference pop culture. It's just…embarrassing for all involved." Emily gave her a hard time.

"Actually, that one works." Ali pointed out. "Buffy was big into fashion."

" _You_ watched _Buffy_?" Emily snorted out a laugh. She couldn't imagine prissy Alison DiLaurentis watching a show about demons and vampires.

"Jason liked to fawn over the hot chicks in it. I didn't mind watching with him. I liked the redheaded friend. Sweet. Soft. Kinda had a dark side." Ali was clearly describing Emily, minus the red hair.

"Yeah, and a very _gay_ side." Emily added with a smile.

"So, maybe I didn't know _then_ why I liked her. But it makes sense to me now." She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Emily's lips.

"You two are ridiculous." Pam laughed. "So, what's up with Lily? I asked her what spawned the shopping trip and she just got all giggly and disappeared into the dressing room."

"Eli asked her to prom last week," Ali explained.

"Really?" Pam's face lit up. "Awww…" She looked up the stairs.

"Yep, our little cynic is growing up." Emily smiled.

"And how is your little cynic faring when it comes to our little family gathering for her sister today?" Pam bit her lip in concern.

Lily seemed to be doing so well. She didn't want her to have a setback.

"Going out to visit Grace was Lily's idea. She tries to get out there at least twice a week." Ali replied.

She'd started going more often after she started therapy and after her Uncle Jason constructed a small plastic casing on the headstone where Lily and her moms could put a picture up where it could be protected from the elements.

Lily usually picked the coolest photos that showcased some of Grace's best moments in life. The picture on display at the moment was of Grace at the top of a rope climbing net shaped like a pyramid. She was hanging upside down by her knees with a huge grin plastered on her face. Lily was off to the side of the picture a little bit lower pointing and laughing at her, unaware that she was in the photo, too.

"She's really made some huge strides these past few months," Emily said.

Pam reached out and touched her daughter's face without hesitation, a warm motherly smile on her face.

"You all have, dear."

"Thanks for being our rock." Emily smiled. "We couldn't have done it without you."

"It's what mothers do." Pam shrugged.

They sat around reminiscing about Grace for a little while as they waited on Lily to come join them. Lily took her time picking out a new photo. She finally found one that was perfect.

They rode out to the cemetery. They visited Jessica and Wayne first, stopping to put flowers on their graves. Ali dusted away a few leaves that had gathered on her mother's tombstone.

"She always hated messy things." She swept some dirt aside. Her hand stopped on her mother's name. "I wish you could have seen me and Emily fall in love and meet your granddaughters," she said quietly. Emily leaned down next to her, putting her hand on Ali's shoulder. Ali faced her. "She never knew that I loved you…that…that you loved me."

"She knew, Alison." Emily assured her.

Emily had once had a conversation with Jessica about just how much she loved her daughter. Ali reached up and touched her palm to Emily's hand on her shoulder. They stood up.

"What was she like?" Lily asked.

"She was…" Ali tried to find an uncomplicated way to describe her mother, "…a very independent minded woman. Stubborn. Very outspoken." And she left it at that.

They had been very careful about what they told the girls about Jessica when they were growing up. She'd had a lot of demons in her closet, but they didn't want to taint her memory so they told the girls only the good about her.

When they finished visiting Jessica they stopped by Wayne's grave next. Pam sighed heavily. She still teared up when she looked at Wayne's name on the headstone. Emily put an arm around her mother and pulled her in for a hug, knowing it was her turn to be the rock for her mother. Pam reached up and rubbed her palm against Emily's arm.

"You need a few minutes?" Emily asked.

"I'm okay. I just miss him is all." She wiped away the tears that were pooling in her eyes.

Lily stepped up beside her and took her hand.

"I wish I could have met him. I know he was awesome." She'd heard all the great stories about her Grandpa Wayne from her Grandma Pam over the years. She felt like she knew him.

"You're sweet, baby." Pam squeezed her hand. She felt Alison's hand on her shoulder. "He would have loved you and Grace so much."

"I bet he doesn't love her as much now that he's stuck with her all the time." Lily smirked. Her sister could be a handful.

Her mothers and grandma chuckled. They finished their visit with Wayne and then went to see Grace. Ali felt Emily's hand tighten around hers. Sometimes visiting their daughter's grave caused flashes to the night she'd been shot, because that whole evening had been a blur. Ali gently squeezed back, a reassuring, _"I'm here."_

Lily was the first one to approach the grave. She pulled the new picture out and opened the small clear square casing her uncle had made. He was making one for Wayne as well, and he was going to make one for Jessica, but Ali reminded him that their mother would not approve of showcasing photos of her over her corpse.

 _"It's tacky and morbid."_ She would have said. _"And I don't trust that you would use photos that show me in my best light."_

They'd had a good laugh about that. Their mother was a flawed individual, but she'd given them life, and in her own way she'd loved them. They knew that if she had been around when the girls were born she would have fallen in love with her granddaughters, unlike their deadbeat father who was alive and living his life off God knows where.

He'd essentially disowned Ali after the whole debacle with Charlotte. He'd thought the child was an abomination just because she identified as a girl. It was his hate that had driven Charlotte into a psychotic state in the first place. Ali didn't want that hate in her life when she was getting to know her sister. And she sure as hell didn't want that hate in her family's life.

Lily glanced at the photo she'd brought. It wasn't just of Grace. It had their entire group of friends dressed up in formal-wear for a middle school dance. With prom right around the corner it just felt appropriate. Lily and her friends wanted Grace to be a part of that night. They wanted her to know that they were thinking of her and would do a corny outrageous dance in her honor.

Lily looked at the picture. Grace was in the center. Lily was to her left. Fiona was on Grace's right. Iris was on Lily's other side giving the camera a very posh look, like some kind of fashion model. She looked like a little mini-Hanna with her hair done just like Hanna had done hers in high school. The boys rounded off the corners, with Kai standing next to his sister and Eli standing next to Iris.

Harper and Levi were standing in front of them since they were significantly shorter. Levi was grinning. Harper had a 'my mom is making me smile in this picture' half-smile on her face. Grace was giving Levi bunny ears, and he was none-the-wiser.

Lily shook her head and laughed. Grace had always had to be the life of the party. She thrived on being the center of attention. It had traced back to their childhood. Any time Lily was getting more attention from her moms she would always butt in and do something ridiculous or insane to get their mothers' attention.

"God, Grace, you were such a brat." She laughed.

"She certainly knew how to command attention of a room," Pam said with a smile.

"Wonder where she got that from," Ali said sarcastically. "At least her tantrums weren't nearly as explosive as mine."

"Didn't she threaten to set her clothes on fire as a form of protest because you wouldn't let her go to a music festival dressed like a two dollar hooker?" Lily asked.

"We wouldn't let her near a lighter so she cut them up instead. She wore sweats and exercise gear for two weeks after that, because there was no way we were going to reward her tantrum with a shopping trip for new clothes." Ali remembered, leaning over her grave with a laugh.

"You guys know she just got extra outfits from Iris, right?"

"Shh, your mommies want to claim ignorance is bliss on this one." Ali smiled. "Just let us have this win."

She looked at Emily, who was still staring at the headstone. Ali could tell she was trying not to think too hard. The memory of that night was dancing around in her mind. Ali stood up and took Emily's hand. She could feel the tension in her body. Her arms and shoulders were stiff.

Emily remembered the way she'd felt when she'd visited Grace's final resting place the first time. That part of the night was as clear as day in her memories. Emily felt her throat tighten as she took a quiet trembling breath. Ali silently stood with her as she breathed through it. After a second the feeling passed.

"You okay?" Ali mouthed.

Emily nodded and then mouthed back, "You?"

Ali nodded. They watched as Pam leaned over next to Lily. The vase for the flowers was right next to the picture casing. Pam replaced the older wilting flowers with the new ones.

"I like those colors." Lily looked up at Pam. "They were Grace's favorites."

"I know." Pam smiled back. "I'm just glad she got over her phase where her favorite color was clear. Finding clear flowers would have been tricky."

"She _loved_ to think outside the box." Lily laughed. "That, or just make things difficult because she liked seeing the havoc she wreaked."

"I'm pretty sure that started in the womb." Emily spoke for the first time, her voice soft and a little strained.

"God, that's the truth. She was a little pain in the _neck_ ," Ali accentuated the word 'neck' letting her family know that she was thinking the word 'ass', but didn't say it out of respect for the sacred ground they were standing on, "during birth."

"Yeah, Lily, you were actually in position to come out first, but things shifted when your mom was in labor. Grace pretty much shoved you out of the way."

"Typical." Lily muttered with a smile. It didn't surprise her that her sister's competitiveness had started before they were even born.

"Her birth was pretty difficult because she came out feet first." Emily continued.

"So she was a drama queen even in-utero."

"Oh, very much so. Not only did she make the labor last longer. She wasn't breathing when she first came out," Emily said.

"Which your mother here failed to mention." Ali motioned to Emily, still irritated at her after all these years for not letting on about Grace not being able to breathe on her own at first.

"I knew you'd panic." Emily shrugged.

And she would have, too. Her blood pressure would have sky-rocketed and she probably would have passed out from the stress and exhaustion, which would have put Lily at risk.

"I don't know how you stayed so calm," Ali said.

"Oh, I was terrified. But I knew we still had another little girl to think about," Emily leaned over and rubbed Lily's shoulder. "My focus was on helping getting you out and keeping your mom calm while letting the doctors work on your sister."

"I never knew that," Lily said.

"The doctors got Grace going after about a minute. And three minutes later, you came along." Emily smiled.

"You were easy compared to your sister." Ali laughed. "She left me wide open so you slid right out."

"Ugh, mom, I didn't need the visual."

The adults laughed.

"Hey, at least she was considerate enough to leave out the part where Grace was nice enough to go out butt first so you didn't have to go through her poop." Emily continued to tease Lily.

"Okay, gross." Lily frowned. "There is something wrong with our mothers, Grace." She faced the headstone. For the longest time she'd felt weird talking to it, but she'd grown accustomed to it. It made her feel closer to her sister. "We are standing in a cemetery talking about afterbirth and baby crap. We are not a normal family."

"Were you ever under the impression that we were?" Ali quipped back. She looked at Emily. "We've failed as mothers. Our daughter thought we were normal."

Emily's lips curled up into a smile and Ali laughed softly.

"Ignore your mothers, Lily." Pam smiled. "They're being utterly ridiculous today."

"They always are." Lily shrugged.

They spent some time reminiscing by Grace's headstone. Then Pam, Emily, and Ali wandered over to a bench nearby so Lily could have a few minutes alone with her sister.

"I'm doing the best I can keeping them in line, sis. But they're a full time job, you know?" She clucked her tongue in thought. "Our friends are, too. Fiona had to drag Levi away from Christian Walker in drama rehearsal the other day. Apparently Christian made some off-handed comment about Iris and that set Levi off."

Some things never changed. Christian had always been a jerk. If Grace were alive she probably would have encouraged Levi to fight him. Hell, she would have jumped in and fought by his side.

"Fiona didn't know about the comment. The second she found out she not only let Levi go, she untied one of the sandbags in the set department and it knocked Christian over. Then Levi blasted him with that fake snow in a can stuff. It was pretty funny to watch. But they both got in trouble. Luckily, their parents didn't ban them from the prom."

She felt her body jazz in excitement. Normally kids their age didn't go to prom. It was usually for the juniors and seniors, but their school was pretty small and very inclusive. Most of the sophomores and freshmen weren't really interested in going, but Lily and her friends certainly were.

"It's this weekend. We're all going together." Her face got heated and red. "Eli asked me last week. He had one of his friends return a bunch of books to the library one afternoon when I was volunteering and they were all from the same section. And when I went to go put them up he was there waiting dressed as a giant bookmark that said _'Are you BOOKED for Prom yet?'_ It was so stupid, but it was so _him_." She grinned. "And Kai finally gathered up the balls to ask Scarlett Strauss. And Fiona is going with Sam, because Scarlett mentioned she had been planning on going stag with her brother. So Kai basically blurted out that Fiona didn't have a date, and…so, yeah, that happened. But at least you don't have to worry about some horny cheerleader ho grinding up on him. I know Fiona doesn't like Sam like that."

And even if she did, she would probably never do anything about it because Fiona wouldn't want to sully Grace's memory. She was very considerate and diplomatic. She'd always been the most mature person in their group. Except when it came to assholes harassing her friends. Then that temper came out. Just like her mom. Aria was not someone to be messed with when it came to her friends. Fiona was the same way.

"Iris is going with one of Sam's friends from the basketball team, Chris Maple. He seems nice. Levi likes him, and you _know_ how he is about his sister." He'd gotten that protective streak from Caleb. "So he's been brother-approved."

She scratched at a piece dirt that was caked against the edge of the casing that held the photo.

"Levi and Harper are coming, but they don't have dates so they're going together. Though they have made it _very_ clear they aren't going _together_ together."

She stood up and put her hands against the top of the headstone.

"We're all going to wear little shark pins that Fiona made in honor of you and everyone's parents okayed us getting temporary henna tattoos of the letter 'G' on our wrists. And we're going to come out to see you before the dance, have our own little hype party with you, and have a little toast. Kai suggested sparkling cider," she lowered her voice, "but Iris scored actual wine. You know her grandmother is quite the connoisseur." Her face lit up. "Oh, and that reminds me. You'll never guess what I found out about Grandma and her friends. Aunt Hanna spilled the beans about something that happened in our basement when our moms were in high school. Apparently Grandma ended up nearly naked in an air duct." She giggled. "What can I say? Our family…" Her laughter slowly ceased and she sighed. "I wish you were here to laugh with us." Another sigh. "Things were rough for a while. Sometimes they still are. But…I'm taking care of them."

She glanced back at her mothers, who were talking to her grandmother.

 _"And yourself?"_ She could hear Grace chastising her in her head.

Lily had always been rather shoddy at self-care. She was so busy trying to make sure that everyone else was okay that she often forgot about herself. Grace had been the person who took care of her.

"And myself, too," Lily said aloud. "Don't worry about us, Grace. I think we're going to be okay." She ran her fingers over the granite. "Miss you, sister." She kissed the tips of her fingers and then touched them to the stone. "I'll see you on Saturday, okay?"

She stood up and walked over to her family. Everyone started to head towards the car, but Emily lingered. She stared at the graveyard.

She felt a pull sometimes, like she was caught between two worlds. She felt like she had one foot in a different dimension. Sometimes if she stood completely still she swore she could _feel_ Grace. She heard the wind in the trees, like a quiet whisper. She saw a flash of something that she knew couldn't possibly be real, but she held on to it anyway.

Grace was standing next to her, her father with both of them. She could feel Grace's fingers against her palm.

_"I love you, mom."_

"I love you, too, Gracie," Emily replied quietly, feeling a sense of déjà vu. "I'll see you again, okay?"

"Em?" She heard Ali call out for her.

The feeling of uneasiness dissipated and her pain melted away when she heard her wife's voice. She turned around and smiled at her. She walked over to her and took her hand without saying a word.

Lily talked to them about the prom on the way home. She was babbling like a toddler would babble about sidewalk chalk and bubbles. Her mothers hadn't seen her come this alive since before Grace had died.

The prom planning kept them busy until the big night finally arrived on Saturday. Everyone was gathering at the DiLaurentis-Fields house. The Strauss kids and Iris's date were coming with a Limo at 8:00, so all the kids were trying to get there early.

Harper and Eli were already there. Harper was in Lily's room. The girls were helping each other get ready. Eli looked very dapper and grown up in his tux. His hair had been combed over and slicked back. He was wearing his dad's cufflinks and was holding a flowery wrist corsage in his lap.

He was waiting in the living room with Emily and Ali, because Lily had kicked her moms out of her room after Ali tried to take over her make-over. Eli nervously scratched Jett's head, the dog leaning against his suit and getting fur all over it. Eli didn't care. With two dogs of his own he was used to wearing dog hair. Besides, the dog was providing a distraction from Emily and Ali.

Normally, Eli wouldn't have a problem sitting with Ali and Emily, but they weren't just "Aunt Ali" and "Aunt Emily" anymore. They were his girlfriend's moms and this was their first big outing together and he felt like every move he made was being judged. His suspicions were confirmed when Ali cleared her throat and looked over at him in a very authoritative manner. Ali scared him worse than both of his parents combined.

"Eli, you know we love you," Ali said. "But if you hurt our baby girl I will string you up by your toes and beat you."

"Ali, give the boy a break." Emily laughed. They'd known him since birth. He was a good kid, and they knew it.

"No, it's okay. Mom and dad gave me the same speech." Eli smiled bashfully. "Dad threatened to ground me for life if I was anything other than a perfect gentleman. They clearly love her more than me."

"You left out the best part," Lily said from the top of the stairs.

He looked up and saw her and his jaw fell open for a few seconds before he was able to compose himself. She was wearing a simple blue ball gown that really popped. Her hair was done up in a braid on a bun on the top of her head, compliments of Harper.

"Harper threatened to castrate him if he ever made me cry." Lily grinned, walking down the stairs.

 _"You break her heart and I'll break your balls,"_ Harper had warned.

"Wow." Eli smiled, walking over to meet her, his best friend Jett trailing behind him, clearly jealous that the attention was on someone other than him. "Lily, you look awesome." There was a spark in his big blue eyes. After a second he seemed to remember the corsage in his hand. "Oh, um, I got this for you…"

"Don't move. Just stay right there." Ali held her finger up.

The kids froze. She scurried across the room where she'd put the camera down. She wanted to document everything. When Eli got the okay from Ali he pulled the corsage out of the plastic container it was in and slid it over her wrist, faltering only for a second when his fingertips brushed over the temporary ink of the letter "G" on her hand. When the corsage was on they heard Ali squeal under her breath in glee.

"Let's get a few of you two over here." Ali waved them down to the side of the stairs.

She made them stand in front of the staircase and she took several photos of them. Lily glared at her, annoyed at her acting like a stage mom. The sullen teen glanced over at Emily with an expression that begged, _help me!_ But Emily was too busy laughing at the situation to say anything.

What finally distracted Ali from taking pictures was the front door opening up.

"Okay, so I found the shoes Harper kept whining about." Spencer walked in. She looked up and saw Lily and Eli standing next to each other all dressed up. "You two look great." She smiled. She glanced at Eli. "Remember what we talked about."

"See?" Eli faced Ali and Emily. "She's clearly the favorite." He nudged Lily playfully.

"Where is your sister?" Spencer looked around.

"The ball-buster will be down in a minute. She was having a fight with her hair and losing." Lily answered with a laugh.

Spencer nodded and then looked at her watch.

"Toby should be here any minute. He just got off work."

"Knock, knock!" They heard an excited voice at the front door.

"It's open, Han!" Emily called out to her best friend.

Hanna and Caleb walked in. Levi bounded up next to them. He was in a tuxedo that was just a little too big for him, but it suited him. He looked like a little child star going to a movie premiere. Iris was right behind them in a red dress with black trim. Caleb didn't look too happy about how much skin it was showing. But then again, showing a little bit of her ankles was too much skin for his baby girl.

"I brought wine." Hanna held out a bottle of chardonnay.

"So did Iris," Levi muttered under his breath.

Iris smacked him. Fortunately, the adults had missed his slip up.

"Like mother, like daughter." Levi whispered teasingly.

Iris smacked him again.

"You kids look great." Emily smiled at Levi and Iris.

"Don't forget to tell everyone they're original designs by Marin-Rivers."

"Using our children for profit. Nice." Caleb smirked sarcastically.

"Hey, I carried them both around _inside_ of me for nine months. The least they can do is pay a little back-rent for all that loving nurturing crap I gave them."

"You nurtured us?" Iris snickered. "When?"

"You watch your mouth, Iris Rivers."

Before Iris could open up her mouth and snark something angsty and teenager-y back at her parents the front door opened and Toby walked in, still in his uniform.

"Hey, am I too late for the party? I had to stop and get the camera." He shut the door behind him.

"Hey, dad." Eli waved.

Toby saw him standing next to Lily and his memories of taking Emily to their high school Homecoming dance came flooding back to him. The kids were like a snapshot of what they'd looked like back then. Toby raised the camera and snapped a photo of the two of them. He walked over to them and smoothed over a wrinkle he saw in his jacket and straightened the little shark pin he had on his lapel. He stepped back and took another picture.

"Don't they look _so_ cute?" Spencer gushed jokingly.

"Mom, stop." Eli rolled his eyes.

Toby chuckled.

"Where's the other one?" He looked around for his daughter.

As if on cue, Harper appeared at the top of the stairs. She looked exasperated.

"Mom, can you _please_ do something with this boring pile of fur on my head?" She leaned over the bars. She saw her friends and then completely disregarded her mother. "Oh, hey guys."

"I can help you with your hair." Iris was already making a beeline for the stairs before anyone else could move.

The girls giggled and then ran off.

"And I'll just…stand here like a wallflower and do nothing." Spencer nodded.

"At least you didn't actively get kicked out of helping. We were banned from even being on the same floor when this little princess was getting ready." Emily wrapped her arms around Lily and pulled her back into a hug, wrinkling her dress a little bit. She leaned over her shoulder and kissed Lily's cheek.

"And it was comments like that that got you banned." Lily begrudgingly let the hug happen.

"And we weren't just banned from her room. We were threatened under penalty of angry teen mood swings if we volunteered to chaperone." Ali added with a chuckle, playfully pinching Lily's cheek.

"And you wonder why I'm embarrassed by you two." She shook her head.

Emily pulled back with a laugh. Levi walked over to where Eli and Lily were standing.

"Levi, my man, looking good." Eli slapped him a low five.

"You know she's _way_ too pretty for you, bro." Levi looked at Lily and laughed.

"Whatever." Eli reached out, messing with his hair.

"Hey, no, not the hair!" Levi exclaimed defensively. "Aw, duuuude. Party foul."

Unlike Harper, Levi got over his messed up hair almost immediately. Iris quickly averted Harper's hair crisis and they were downstairs with their friends and the adults soon after.

Not long after that, the Fitz family showed up. Fiona had gone with a simple chic black dress. Kai had on a standard tux, fitted with a burgundy overcoat and a black undershirt and matching pants. The entire ensemble was completely topped off with a red tie. He'd coordinated his colors with Scarlett so they could dress alike.

"Everyone looks great." Aria clasped her hands together like a proud mother. She had a camera strap around her neck and she was holding her camera in her hands. She snapped a few candid shots.

"Fi, you look really pretty." Levi smiled.

"Thanks little Muhammad Ah-Levi." She shot him a smile.

They'd really bonded over giving Christian Walker hell in drama. Aria's kids were great mediators, but they absolutely knew how to kick a little ass here and there.

"What, no love for me?" Kai gave Levi a hard time.

"You look really pretty, too." Levi teased him, batting his eyes. "Who did your make-up?"

"He's going to get his smart-ass killed before the night is over." Caleb muttered.

"Where do you think he got it?" Hanna glanced at him. She leaned forward and kissed Caleb softly on the lips.

"Ugh, what have I said about public displays of affection?" Iris frowned.

"Hey, at least your parents lock their door." Lily chimed in.

Ali's and Emily's faces both flushed.

"I like your dress, Fiona." Ali smiled through her teeth, trying to change the subject.

"My dad helped me pick it out." Fiona glanced at Ezra.

"Seven hours and nine stores." Ezra sounded exhausted, even though the dress had been bought days ago.

"Thank God she didn't get your fashion sense." Hanna nudged Aria.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Aria chuckled.

"I mean, between your fork-earrings and your weird layered leopard print skirt complete with black tights, I often feared you were color blind…or just blind in general."

"You're so tactful." Aria rolled her eyes. "I'll show you blind." She raised her camera and took a photo up close of Hanna's face, the flash going off right in her eyes.

"Hey, you better delete that." Hanna scowled at her.

Aria grinned and snapped another photo.

"Children, don't make me separate you." Spencer frowned.

Everyone in the room laughed.

"Dad, can you help me straighten my tie?" Kai asked.

"You bet." Ezra started fiddling with the tie.

It took him a minute to get it put together. He paused to look at his teenage son. Holy crap. He had a teenage boy. And he was going to prom. Life went by crazy fast.

"You and Fiona are going to set a good example out there for everyone, right?" Ezra asked. "You two have a responsibility…"

"We know." Fiona interrupted her dad.

"Should we go over the rules again?" Caleb asked.

"No drinking, no sex, no drugs and rock and roll. Basically no fun at all." Iris rolled her eyes.

"Hey, be nice or your mother and I might show up to chaperone after all." Caleb threatened.

"Daaaad." Iris whined. " _Please_ don't. God, don't embarrass me like that."

They heard a car pulling up outside.

"Oh, the Limo is here!" Levi rushed towards the door. "I'm going to see if they have a disco ball and surround sound."

Kai wasn't far behind him. He wanted to help Scarlett out of the car so they could get their photos and then be on their way.

"And I'll make sure he doesn't turn the Limo into a raging kegger." Kai followed him.

"Hey, photos in five." Aria called out after him.

"Yes, ma'am."

Fiona and Harper followed. Iris started after them, but Hanna grabbed her.

"Hey, keep an eye on your little brother." Hanna pulled Iris in for a hug. She kissed the top of her head.

The last time Levi had been at a dance he'd started a food fight with Grace.

"I'll keep him away from the buffet." Iris nodded.

She followed her friends outside. Everyone slowly started walking out. The last people to remain in the house were Lily and her moms. Lily looked at her parents, knowing they were incredibly close to crying in joy.

"Our baby is all grown up." Ali embraced her in a hug and kissed the top of her head.

"Mom." Lily rolled her eyes and pulled back. "You don't have to get all sentimental. It's not like I don't still have three years of high school left. Are you going to be like this with _every_ dance from now on?"

"And every date and school activity and party you ever go to from here on out." Emily nodded. "Welcome to every day of the rest of your life." She smiled. "Come on." She started walking towards the door.

"Just a sec." Lily reached into a hidden side pocket in her dress and pulled her phone out. "I'm going to be that stereotypical teen for a second." She smiled. "Selfie time."

Her mothers leaned in close on either side of her, their cheeks pressing against hers. Lily angled the camera so she could get a photo of Grace on the mantel in the background and then she took the picture.

They went outside with everyone else. Of course the photo-session lasted longer than they anticipated. There were so many different cameras and so many different angles they wanted to get. When they finally finished, the kids started piling in the Limo.

"Have fun!" Aria exclaimed. "But make good choices."

They waved as the Limo pulled away. Hanna glanced at her watch.

"Alright, let's get a move on. Mona's gonna be here for her bachelorette party in half an hour," she ushered the girls towards the house. "I'll get the party supplies and the rest of the wine out of the car."

"Make good choices." Toby smirked at the girls, mocking Aria's happy-go-lucky advice to the kids.

Aria all but stuck her tongue out at him in response. She looked at him through a raised brow.

"Uh oh, I know that look." Ezra laughed nervously. "That's our cue to get out of here before she explodes."

The guys were all off to a sports bar. And they'd probably lurk near the high school to check in on the kids every so often. And of course, while the men and kids were away, the women would play.

Ali and Emily had offered to host a small bachelorette party for Mona before her big day. They'd chosen the night of the prom because all of the kids were going to be gone and they knew they were all going to be together anyway.

It had actually been Ali's suggestion that they do the get together for Mona. Despite their differences, she knew that Mona had done everything she could to help Emily. And that meant more to Ali than anything bad Mona had done in the past. She had seen her child working to forgive the kid who killed her sister. There was no reason that Ali couldn't do the same with Mona.

So she and her friends spent the night surrounded by little penis shaped balloons, wore silly matching accessories, played ridiculous games, and drank themselves silly. Ali and Emily looked at each other at least a dozen times in the midst of the party when the girls would giggle about something dick related. They'd just stare at one another with a silent _"straight women, am-I-right?"_ kind of smile.

It got really loud with laughter when Mona started opening her gifts. Of course there were the gag gifts. Lipstick in the shape of a wang, a bright pink martini glass with a silly straw, sleep masks with funny raunchy sayings on them.

But then they'd handed over their real gifts. Spencer had gotten her a gift card for a spa. Aria got her the makings for a scrapbook they could help her put together of memories from the wedding. Ali and Emily had gone with the classic 'his' and 'hers' matching robes. Hanna went for risqué, giving her some sexy lingerie. It earned her a glare from Aria, because the last thing Aria wanted to do was picture her baby brother undressing Mona Vanderwaal and doing _things_ with her.

Emily watched her friends go back and forth. She didn't say much. She just let everyone enjoy the moment. She looked over at Mona near the end of the evening. Mona motioned towards the kitchen, discreetly nodding her head to try and get Emily to follow her.

"I'm going to top off my wine." Mona stood up.

"Bring the bottle." Hanna nodded.

"I'll show you where the extra glasses are." Emily followed Mona.

They got into the kitchen and then heard Hanna roar in laughter at some raunchy card she'd plucked out of a game they were playing.

"So." Mona grabbed the new bottle of wine and popped the cork. "How are you? No bullshit."

Emily appreciated Mona checking in. Mona had been down the same road. She'd also gotten so lost in herself that she'd let her obsessions become who she was. She knew what it did to someone. She knew that even after things started to get better sometimes the past still haunted you.

"I'm okay," Emily said with a weak smile, for the first time in a very long time actually meaning the words.

Mona took a minute to read her face before she could decide if she was telling the truth. After a few seconds she nodded. She poured some wine in her glass.

"Well, I know what it's like to feel like the ground is still shaking after a major tremor. Sometimes the aftershocks can be just as detrimental as the earthquake itself. So if you ever need anyone to talk to…anyone who _gets_ it, you can call me, hon." She refilled Emily's glass.

"I appreciate it." Emily nodded. "I really do. You really came through for us, Mona."

"You solved this one all by your lonesome, Em." Mona took a sip of her drink.

"You would have figured it out if I hadn't. You were hot on the trail."

"That's true." Mona took the compliment easily. There was a beat of silence. "So, how's Gina?"

Emily stared at her.

"How did you…"

"Please, you think I don't still have my finger on the pulse in this town?" Mona lifted her brow with a smirk. "You know I know everything."

"She's doing well. She's working with some trusted associates to try and get Maurice's game up and running again."

"Good." Mona nodded. "I may not have always seen eye to eye with him, mostly because we never _actually_ saw each other eye to eye." She thought about it. "But he ran a really good game. He was a good guy, wasn't he?"

"A pain in the ass, but yeah." Emily smiled.

There was another beat of silence. Then Mona raised her glass.

"To Marco and his merry band."

" _Salute_ ," Emily said with an Italian inflection.

Emily touched her glass to Mona's and they both took a sip. After their quiet moment in memory of their friends they glanced towards the living room.

"Guess we should get back in there. Your wife will probably come sniffing around here if we're in here for too much longer. And I've got one more gift from Hanna that's shaped suspiciously phallus-like. It's probably a _toy_ of some kind." She rolled her eyes with a laugh.

"Knowing Hanna it's probably been bedazzled." Emily snickered.

They laughed and then walked back into the living room to rejoin the party.

By the time the guys got back, the girls were completely trashed. Toby, Ezra, Caleb, and Mike all came to get their respective women. They ended up cleaning up so Ali and Emily wouldn't have to.

After the girls left, or rather, after the guys threw their drunk asses over their shoulders and carried them out the door, Alison and Emily changed into their pajamas and curled up on the couch.

Emily was leaning back between the armrest and the back of the couch, her arm around her wife. Alison was snuggled up close to her, her feet curled up on the couch, her head resting against Emily's shoulder. Her hands were in Emily's lap, playing with her fingers. They were watching home movies of the girls of a pool trip from when they were around ten.

 _"Mom! Mom, look!"_ Grace yelled at the camera. She was getting ready to dive into the pool.

She hadn't started swimming competitively yet, but she was practicing all the time. She even had her swim cap on. She made a "serious" dive face and then gracefully leaped off of the diving board. Her body arched into a curve. Her form was perfect. She hit the water and disappeared beneath the surface, shooting through the pool like a bullet.

 _"How was that? Was that good?"_ Grace immediately came up for air.

 _"You're gonna be a star, kid."_ Emily replied from the side of the pool.

 _"I'm ready for my close up."_ She hammed it up for the camera.

She swam to the side where Lily was dipping her feet into the pool. She had on a pair of shorts and a tank top.

 _"Hey, Lil, can you help me out here?"_ Grace grasped the edge of the pool.

 _"Yeah, sure."_ Lily leaned down and offered Grace a hand.

Grace took it, clasping down hard. Lily realized what she was up to, but it was too late. Her arm was already braced against Grace's arm. Grace was squeezing tightly with a devilish glint in her eyes.

_"Grace, no…"_

But Grace yanked hard and Lily went sailing into the pool, clothes and all. Ali laughed from behind the camera. Chaos erupted after Lily came back up from under the water.

 _"Every time."_ Lily growled. She fell for it every time.

Emily and Ali laughed as they watched the events unfold on screen.

"Look at our little dorks." Emily smiled.

The clip ended and then cut to the girls with their friends at the skating rink.

They'd been sitting on the couch together watching the composition for almost an hour. Caleb had composed video clips from various phones and cameras for them all in one place after Grace's death. Hanna had held on to it for a little while, not sure if Alison and Emily were ready to see and hear Grace so soon after she'd died. She'd finally given it to them a few weeks ago. They watched it until they reached the end of the DVD.

"That little ham was something else." Emily sighed, reaching for the remote, flipping the input of the TV over to a music station.

"Yeah." Alison reached over across Emily to grab her wine glass. It was mostly empty. "Do you ever think about what she would have gone on and done?" She asked, skimming her finger over the glass.

"All the time." Emily nodded.

"I like to imagine she would have made a huge impact on the world."

"She did." The child had made more of an impact than she would ever know. "She never wasted a second of her life. She was all in. All the time."

"She definitely got that from you." Alison rubbed Emily's arm. "That fearlessness. That zest for life. It's one of the things I love most about you. And I love that our daughters got the best of you."

"They got the best of you, too." Emily smiled at Alison.

Alison smiled back at Emily. She put her glass up to her lips and then tipped it forward, finishing up the rest of the wine. She reached forward, grabbing Emily's empty glass.

"I'm going to grab us some refills." Alison stood up. "Need anything?"

Emily shook her head. She watched Alison walk out of the living room. She put her elbow up next to her head and leaned back against the couch. She closed her eyes and listened to the soft melody of the music playing. It felt like it was in her head, soothing her brain. She ran her palms up against the fabric of the couch. It felt soft underneath her touch.

She sighed. The wine had made her feel warm. She had a little bit of a buzz going, but the warmth that she felt wasn't just from the alcohol. She was lucky, _thankful_ even, to be alive.

When she opened her eyes and looked around her house she saw so many memories, so much love. She looked at the surrounding photographs of her family throughout the years. She heard Alison's feet shuffling against the kitchen floor and a few seconds later she appeared with their wine. She was balancing the stems of the glasses in between her middle and ring fingers on both hands, the base of the glasses resting against her palms. The wine swished around, leaving trails of the alcohol all around the glass.

"I figured we might as well just polish it off." She handed a glass to Emily, her fingertips brushing against Emily's.

"Are you trying to get me completely drunk?" Emily lifted an eyebrow seductively.

"Lily won't be home for hours." Alison ran her free hand up against Emily's thigh.

Alison leaned over her to put her glass down. She fumbled drunkenly, but Emily put her hands on Alison's hips to steady her balance. Alison looked down at Emily, and Emily noticed the hungry look in her eyes.

"Why, Mrs. DiLaurentis-Fields, are you trying to seduce me?" Emily took a sip of her wine and then put it down on the end table next to her.

"So what if I am?" Alison smirked.

Alison straddled her legs, hovering over her. She leaned down and pressed her lips against Emily's. Her hands were greedily grasping at Emily's neck. Her lips were sweet from the wine. Her tongue swept against Emily's lips, pushing forward. Emily parted her lips and pushed her head forward, gently nipping at Alison's lips.

Alison's knees sank down into the cushions on the couch beside Emily's hips as she lowered herself against Emily's body. Emily reached back and grabbed her ass to pull her closer. Alison grunted in surprise, her mouth vibrating against Emily's as she moaned into their kiss. Their hips rolled in sync, motions like waves gently sweeping the shore as they kept in time with the slow beat of the song that was quietly melodically echoing through the air. Alison arched her back into Emily's front, their chests brushing together.

Alison pulled away from the kiss to look into Emily's eyes lovingly. She felt warm against Emily's skin, even through their clothes. It wasn't just the alcohol. Her fingers curled against the back of her wife's neck and clasped together. She pushed her forehead against Emily's.

"How many glasses have you had?" Emily asked curiously.

"Just two…" That wasn't so bad, "…bottles."

Emily laughed softly, shaking her head. It was bound to be an interesting night seeing as how Alison was sloshed and she'd had a few glasses herself on top of a pain killer she'd taken after working out at the gym earlier.

Alison pushed forward in another needy embrace. Their mouths moved together, their lips dancing, their tongues rolling and twisting into curves that defied angles, yet somehow they fit together perfectly.

Alison's fingertips moved against the base of Emily's neck, sending shivers down her spine. The blonde's palms ran through Emily's hair and then moved to the side of her cheeks, then down against either side of her collar bone. Her fingers felt like they were everywhere. But there was something different about Alison's touch. It wasn't quick and frantic in a frenzy of what she _wanted._ It was controlled, slow. It was an inherent _need._

As much as Emily loved their spicy encounters, the soft sensual ones meant so much more to both of them. It's when they really slowed down and let the world fall away and they became more than who they were individually. Everything about them was stripped bare and they could simply feel one another. Inside and out.

They were a part of each other. They always would be.

Their motions were both calculated and spontaneous. They were both thinking _and_ completely at the mercy of their bodies. But it wasn't their lust that was driving them. It had taken a backseat to what their hearts wanted.

They were in tune to the soft soulful music flooding the room. The slow raspy emotional cover of _"Make You Feel My Love"_ resonated with them deeply. They moved with the music.

Emily lifted and curled her legs, moving sideways and pulling Alison closer as she turned their bodies so they were lying against the couch, Alison underneath her. She felt one of Alison's hands on the small of her back, creeping up her shirt, lightly dragging her fingernails against her skin. Her other hand was against Emily's face as their lips melded together.

Their bodies were flush, their legs tangled together. Emily's thigh pressed hard against Alison's center and Alison moaned and moved her pelvis against it. The friction sent chills through her body. The feeling was heightened by the amount of wine Alison had consumed. Though on any given day any time Emily touched her she felt like she was flying.

She was so focused on what was happening in between her legs that she barely even noticed when Emily pulled her lips away from hers and slowly started trailing kisses along her jaw. Alison felt Emily's hot breath against her ear and she moved her head to the side so Emily could go lower, which she did.

Emily held herself up with one hand while unbuttoning Alison's shirt with her other, her kisses continuing to drift further down. She paused when she got to the top of Alison's exposed breast, kissing the top. Her nose nuzzled against her skin. She kissed her way back up to Alison's neck and then pecked her lips. The melody of the music was starting to make her feel like she was encased in the sun's warmth. She listened to the quiet song, the lyrics rolling through her head like a movie marquee. It was slow and sad, yet beautiful and optimistic.

_"The storms are raging on the rolling sea, and on the highway of regret. The winds of change are blowing wild and free. You ain't seen nothing like me yet."_

The lyrics gave way to a beautiful instrumental solo. Emily could feel the music almost like it was inside of her. She pushed herself up on one arm. Alison frowned at the loss of contact. But all she had to do was look at Emily smiling down at her to make that frown disappear. Her hair was draped all around Alison's face like a curtain. Her skin was glowing in the soft lighting. Her cheeks were red and hot. Alison reached up, sweeping some hair out of Emily's face. Her cheeks felt like fire.

"You okay? You look flushed."

"Fifteen years together and you still don't get that _you_ make me blush?" Emily shook her head with a laugh.

"So, I make you _hot._ " Alison reached down between their bodies, her fingers lingering over the waistband of Emily's yoga pants.

"Mmm, always." Emily nodded, leaning down to push another kiss against Alison's lips just as the song picked up again.

_"I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. There's nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of this Earth for you. To make you feel my love."_

Emily pulled back to look at her again. She couldn't get enough of seeing her wife. She smiled down at her, staring.

"What?" Alison asked.

"I just love you so much." Emily traced her fingers across Alison's cheek. "You love me even though I'm this broken mess…"

"Em." Alison shook her head, interrupting her. "You're not broken. You never were." She caressed her cheek. "Besides, you loved me when I was at my absolute worst. I mean, if anyone is messed up it's me. All that baggage from my childhood…"

"Hey, I never saw you that way." Emily rubbed her jaw lovingly.

"And I never saw you the way you've seen yourself lately." Alison replied. "We always see the worst versions of ourselves. Because when we look at our reflections for too long we start to see all the imperfections. We can't see us the way other people do. You couldn't see me _seeing_ you. You got hurt. But you weren't broken. You were just healing."

She was _still_ healing. They both were. They probably always would be. Because the death of a child wasn't something that a heart could fully heal.

"But all the stupid shit I did…"

"It doesn't matter." Alison shook her head. "Because you came back from it. I knew you would. I just knew it was going to take time. But I never _once_ thought of you as anything other than the strong beautiful woman that you are." Her eyes were soft. She had a kind smile on her face.

Emily looked away with a bashful smile, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. The only sound in the room was the low soft beat of a new song starting. Another soft modern cover.

_"Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you…"_

"After fifteen years with you that's _still_ who I see. And I'll still see you like that fifteen years from now." She saw Emily's eyes watering, but they were tears of joy. "Because that's who you are, Emily. And if you think that I don't know you after everything we've been through together…"

"Thank you, Alison." Emily glanced back at her, interrupting her. "Thank you for never giving up on me, on _us_."

"Losing you was never an option." Alison pushed up just enough so she could press a kiss against Emily's lips. She leaned back against the couch. "Do you know what you mean to me?"

Emily answered her with a kiss. She walked the fingers of her free hand down the front of Alison's open shirt, drawing swirls and zigzags as she worked her way down to the hem of Alison's pajama bottoms. Emily slipped her hand underneath the thin material and found that she wasn't wearing any underwear. Alison pushed her fingers into Emily's yoga pants and found her skin bare as well. They both started stroking their fingers through each other's wetness. Their bodies reacted on instinct as their hips bucked into each other's touch.

Slowly, their movements became less controlled and more fluid. Their chests pushed heavily against each other as their breathing became more erratic, though their breathing was in sync, just as their motions were.

Emily pushed up just enough so that her face was hovering over Alison's, both of them panting. Alison cupped Emily's face with her palm. Their eyes met and they both pushed their fingers into one another at the same moment, their fervent gaze never straying from each other. Alison's breathing hitched as she let the warmth of her wife encompass her very soul. Emily felt a warm sensation flood her body as she let Alison's love complete her in a way that nothing else could.

The emotions they felt when they were connected were stronger than anything else they'd ever experienced in life. They stayed together for a moment, unmoving, just taking in the feel of each other. Then their lips came together in a soft passionate embrace, their hips rolling as their fingers moved, their moans getting lost in their heated kiss. They moved in complete sync, their fingers thrusting in and out like the gentle pulse of a heart.

Throughout it all, they kept a slow loving pace, neither of them in a hurry to hit their peak. They just wanted to stay in the moment, to be with each other. They held out as they held on to one another. Alison's fingers curled against the side of Emily's neck as Emily's body moved on top of her like a wave in the ocean.

It was Alison who felt herself going over the edge first. Emily felt her gasp against her lips and tighten around her fingers. The blonde's body stiffened. Her fingers twitched inside of Emily and seconds later she felt Emily quaking on top of her.

Alison moved her free hand up against Emily's jaw and grasped her wife's face. Emily huffed out a quiet cry and dug her fingers into the couch cushion next to Alison's head. She peered into Alison's eyes as they both climaxed together. Their muscles tensed, their bodies trembled.

They were frozen together, but the sweltering heat between them kept them warm. Alison had to work to not close her eyes and melt into the couch, just as Emily had to work to keep herself from collapsing on top of her wife. Both of them wanted to see the other when they let go. Emily kept her eyes open and fixed on Alison's eyes. She watched as her pupils dilated, her crystal colored irises deepening in color. Alison saw Emily's eyes darken as she hit the height of her pleasure. Their eyes stayed connected, speaking volumes. They were lost in their bliss, so the language processing part of their brains were completely fried. But their eyes said it all.

_I love you._

Alison arched her chin up so her mouth met Emily's. She pecked her plump lips and then pulled back so they could see one another again. They were motionless for a few minutes as they got lost in being inside of one another. Emily sank down on top of her and Alison wrapped her arm around her. They held one another for several minutes.

After the feeling returned to their limbs they shuffled around on the couch until they were sitting up again, Alison in Emily's arms, still breathing a bit fast. She laid her head against Emily's chest. Neither one of them said anything. They didn't have to. Their actions said more than their words ever could.

They stayed wrapped up together, listening to the soft tunes filling the room.

Alison was starting to feel her after-sex buzz, so she started fading. Emily didn't help by delicately brushing her fingers through her hair, relaxing her even further. Alison was asleep shortly after their cuddle session.

Emily pulled a blanket over them and then settled on the couch with her. She wasn't going to sleep until Lily was home safe and sound. She listened to the music for a little while, but then she started to feel drowsy, so she reached for the remote and flipped the TV input back over to the home movies of her kids. She started it over from the beginning.

Two minutes before Lily's curfew she heard shuffling on the front porch. She had the curtains open just enough that she could see Eli walking Lily to the door. They were holding hands. It was one of the most adorable things she'd ever seen, especially given she had _just_ finished watching a clip of the two of them in the home movies of them when they were toddlers at Christmas.

Alison had dressed the girls, who were four at the time, as matching elves. Grace, of course had gone rogue and pulled most of her clothes off and was running around in her underwear and an elf hat and matching socks. Lily had pulled her hat off, but was still mostly dressed. Eli, who had been a little over three at the time had waddled up to Lily in his reindeer onesie, complete with sagging antlers on the hood, and handed Lily her elf hat and told her to put it back on because he wanted to make sure Santa didn't get mad at her. And Lily had smiled at him and nodded in agreement. They'd shared an awkward little kid hug and then Lily had kissed the tip of Eli's nose.

Times had changed, but Eli and Lily had not.

Emily smiled as she watched the kids say goodnight to each other. They exchanged goodbyes and then there was an innocent peck on the lips. Lily lowered her head with a sheepish smile. Emily shook her head with a laugh. Good God, they had a teenager on their hands.

Lily opened the door quietly, assuming her mothers would be asleep. She saw Emily smiling at her from the couch and her face immediately reddened.

"Oh, God, you saw, didn't you?" Lily looked mortified.

"Just be glad _I'm_ the only one who did." She nodded her head towards a sleeping Alison.

"I'm surprised she didn't spring to life and rush to the window the second the Limo pulled up," Lily said quietly.

Truth be told, so was Emily. Alison was usually focused in like a laser when it came to their children. She was surprised Alison hadn't felt the vibrations of the Limousine a mile away. Though the wine had a lot to do with it.

"Did you have a good time?" Emily asked.

She saw a huge goofy smile form on Lily's face, her mind still spinning from the evening.

"The best." She nodded.

"Good."

Lily glanced at the TV screen and saw the home movies playing. It was a clip of their first day of school. Grace was talking to the camera all about her first day of kindergarten.

 _"Did you have a good first day?"_ Alison asked from behind the camera.

 _"I put blue in Lily's hair."_ She grinned.

The camera panned over to Lily in the seat next to her, streaks of blue finger-paint in her hair. She had the mother of all scowls on her face. Alison and Emily were snickering from behind the camera.

"I remember this." Lily walked towards the couch. She absentmindedly played with the shark pin on her dress that Fiona had made in memory of Grace for all of the kids.

 _"She started it."_ Little Lily frowned at the camera.

 _"Yoooou look like a smuuuurf!"_ Grace taunted in a sing-songy voice from next to her.

"I made fun of her ugly backpack. So she put a bunch of rocks in mine. I almost fell over when I put it on. So I pulled her pants down during story time. And that was her retaliation." Lily laughed. "I was more upset about her ruining my painting than I was the Marge Simpson hairdo." She paused and thought about something. "I bet our teacher hated us."

"She called you both _spirited_."

"That's teacher-talk for 'spawn of Satan'." Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Watch how you talk about your mother, _spawn of Satan_." Emily glanced at Ali.

"Why? Can she hear me?" Lily suddenly stiffened.

"Maybe." Emily shrugged. She _was_ still Alison DiLaurentis.

After a few seconds, Lily relaxed. She saw the wine glasses.

"She's not waking up anytime soon. Otherwise she would have sprayed me and Eli with the garden hose to separate us. So, how much did she have to drink?" Lily chuckled softly.

"Go to bed." Emily laughed.

Lily stood up.

"Love you, mom." She put her hand on top of Emily's and squeezed it.

"Love you, too, kid." Emily squeezed back.

Lily quietly climbed the stairs. Emily knew she could relax now that she was home safe. She turned to Alison. The woman really was out cold. She was snoring softly. Even in her drunken snoozing stupor she looked beautiful.

Emily watched her sleep for a few minutes. The blonde shuffled around, like she wasn't completely comfortable. Emily loved their couch, but it wasn't exactly the most comfortable piece of furniture for the two of them to share. Emily knew Alison would be more comfy in the bed. She didn't want to wake her, so she carefully lifted her off of the couch, pushing Alison's cheek against her shoulder and holding her as still as she could as she carried her upstairs.

The change in venue was certainly something her wife would be pissed about in the morning, because she was serious when it came to keeping Emily from overexerting herself, and she knew that Emily had worked out earlier in the day. Emily knew she would probably be a little stiff and sore, but it was nothing she couldn't handle.

Once she got Alison settled in bed, Emily crawled in next to her. She leaned over, placing a soft kiss against her forehead. Alison rolled to her side with a quiet sigh and her arms automatically wrapped around Emily. With her eyes still closed she cuddled up against her. It didn't matter where they were, they found one another, because they belonged with each other.

Emily wrapped her arm around Alison to pull her closer. Alison muttered something that sounded like "love you" under her breath. Emily whispered it back to her and then she closed her eyes. She listened to the sounds of Alison's soft snoring as she slowly started to drift off to sleep.

Her mind always seemed to be the most active when she was trying to relax. Her brain bothered her at the most inopportune times. But lately, instead of all the bad things plaguing her she found herself thinking about all the good things she had in life.

Working to piece their family back together had been incredibly difficult, and they still had a lot of work to do. But they were working in the right direction. They knew they would never be able to get back what they'd once had. With Grace gone, a piece of them would always be missing. Their family would always be a little incomplete. But they owed it to her to live the life that she couldn't. Because she had lived her short life to the absolute fullest. And she taught people that being alive wasn't the same thing as actually _living_.

So that's what they did. They lived. For her. They kept her alive in their hearts and in their memories. They thought of her every time they looked at Lily. They saw the influence she'd had on those closest to her. They saw the confidence she'd given Lily and their friends and the fearlessness she'd instilled in them. The impact she'd had on the world around her was nothing short of astounding.

They knew their grief would never go away. But they also knew their little girl would always be a part of them. They didn't want to patch the holes in their hearts. They didn't want to forget her. So day by day, moment by moment, the DiLaurentis-Fields family moved forward, together. But even in moving forward, they never let her go. Their little Grace Estella DiLaurentis-Fields had left imprints on their souls they would carry with them for the rest of their lives. And when the days were dark and long, they leaned on each other. Because they knew there was nothing they couldn't face as long as they had each other.

*******

**A/N:** _I just had to go out with a BANG (or two, or three). I know it's taken forever and a decade to get this final chapter out. There was so much that I wanted to balance and with a cast of characters as large as this one and with as many plots as I had to tie up I hope it wasn't too long-winded (I say as I stare at the 20k word count). Also, I always and forever doubt my abilities when it comes to writing the bedroom scenes, so that was a factor in why it took forever, too. But yeah, I knew I needed to wrap up in such a way that you knew where everyone was at (even Zane). The OG liars are always a blast to write, but I was super insecure about finalizing the kids' final scenes. I hope the flow was okay. Like I said, A LOT to balance._

_Epilogue and the Alternate Ending may or may not be coming. I tend to doubt myself (I'll pause here for the SHOCK you feel because of course THAT'S never come up before, *eye roll's at self*), so I'm iffy about posting. That being said, I don't expect this to be the end of my Emison run. I've got a potential AU fetus Emison fic in the works and a really dark short story (we're talking darker than this story). I hope to see you all again soon.  
_

_I sincerely thank everyone for the continuous support. You have no idea. I know this has been a hell of a journey and I don't think I can put into words what it means to me that you all took it with me. I love hearing your thoughts, so *cues up "One Last Time"*, if you want to pop in the reviews one last time and tell me what you loved (or hated), your favorite character, favorite scene, or anything you just wanna say in general (I'll even accept "I want to throw things at your head for making me feel all kinds of ways") I'd love to hear it. And if you're one of my shy people, *waves* I see you, too._


	36. Epilogue

Emily put her palm against her right side, her muscles throbbing underneath her ribs. She could still feel where she’d been hit by the bullet sometimes. She took in a deep breath and then hopped up the last few steps to catch up with her wife.

Alison saw the strange look on Emily’s face and then her eyes darted down to the hand on her side. Alison’s face tightened in concern. She reached out and softly put her hand on Emily’s other side.

“Did you take something before we got here?” Alison asked.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded. “It’s just…a lot more stairs than I remember.” She glanced down, averting Alison’s gaze. “And I pulled something yesterday during the gondola ride.” Her lips pinched together, more out of fear of her wife blowing her top than out of pain.

“Babe,” Alison put her other hand on Emily’s palm on her side. “We could have taken the lift. Why didn’t you say anything?”

Emily flipped her hand over to grasp Alison’s palm. She smiled softly at her.

“I knew you wanted to see the view.”

“Em, you’re more important.” Alison rolled her eyes. Leave it to her wife to completely disregard herself for her wife. “You are so bull-headed. Why do you always insist on doing things the difficult way?”

“Because…” Emily moved them closer to the edge of the viewing platform. She moved her head up, motioning with her chin for Alison to look out at the city of Paris.

Alison glanced to her side and looked at the looming sunset. The purple and pink hue of the clouds was reflecting off of the river below.

“God, it really is beautiful.” Alison smiled.

The look on Alison’s face was one of pure awe, like she was experiencing a once in a lifetime event. It was a look that Emily treasured seeing.

“That’s why.” Emily wrapped her arms around Alison’s waist, eliciting a giggle from the blonde.

A satisfied sigh slipped from the Alison’s lips. Her mouth formed a perfect “O”. She was like a child seeing something new and exciting for the first time. And Emily absolutely loved it.

“It’s even more breathtaking than I remember.” Alison smiled, slowly turning to face Emily, who was unsurprisingly watching her and not the view. “You’re missing a gorgeous view.”

“No.” Emily replied. “I’m not. I’m looking right at it.”

“You sap.” Alison smiled, leaning in for a kiss. She pulled back. “What do you remember about it?” Alison asked curiously. She wrapped her arm around Emily’s and linked their fingers together. “About our last trip out here?”

Emily’s memories of their last trip to Paris were hazy after the shooting. Her brain had been muddled and fuzzy about the months following the wreck, including their impromptu trip to France.

“Um…” She closed her eyes, something she’d taken to doing when she was trying to pull out specific memories.

Alison watched her.

“Fireworks.” She remembered the fireworks because they sounded like explosions. She remembered gearing herself up for them because she knew Lily wanted to see them. “I remember fireworks.”

“What else?” Alison slid her fingers up Emily’s arm, leaving goosebumps in her wake.

She moved in closer to Emily’s face and Emily smiled.

“Flowers. You looked beautiful wandering through the flowers at Luxembourg Gardens.” Emily opened her eyes to find Alison’s deep crystal colored irises just inches from hers.

“And?” Alison’s hand slipped against the side of Emily’s neck. Her other hand was against Emily’s hip.

“And this.” She moved Alison around to look at the view. “Holding you in this very spot.”

“Anything else?”

“Mmm, remind me.” Emily smirked. She knew damn well what Alison was trying to get her to remember.

Alison moved her hand against Emily’s inner thigh and Emily’s face flushed with passion. Alison could see it in her eyes, could tell she was thinking about it.

“Somewhere in this city there is a rental car with your bra still in it.” Emily grinned against her lips.

“Hmm, do you really think they clean the cars that little?”

“I bet they have a box of lost and found items at the dealership full of bras and underwear and a whole mess of other things.”

“Kinky.” Alison lifted her brows.

“I’ll show you kinky.” Emily grasped her hips and pressed her fingers into the thin skin near the bottom of her ribs and tickled her.

Alison squealed in surprise and then laughed.

“You are so going to pay for that.” Alison gripped her outer thigh and dug her nails into the side of her skirt.

“You’re going to have to catch me first.” Emily lifted her eyes mischievously. She dropped her hands to her side and took two steps back.

“What are you doing?” Alison laughed.

Emily didn’t say a word. She just slowly started backing away while Alison looked at her like she was crazy. She was like an animal that was getting ready to run from a predator in the wild.

“Emily DiLaurentis-Fields, you better not…”

But she was already around the corner and dashing away before Alison could stop her. The blonde immediately started chasing after her.

“Hey, foul on the play. You’re in the starting line-up with an injury!” Alison shouted out, then cocked her head in confusion about how she even knew sports terminology since she hadn’t played anything since high school. And she sure as hell never watched sports.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Emily teased, running backwards.

“Seriously, Em, stop before you hurt yourself.”

“God, you are such a _mom_.” Emily snorted.

“That must make you _daddy_ then.” Alison teased.

Emily almost tripped over her feet. Had she seriously just said that? Emily burst out in laughter.

“Shit, Ali…” Emily gawked through her laughter.

“Got your attention, didn’t it?” Alison caught up with her.

But despite the fact that she’d caught up to her, Emily didn’t stop moving. She had a destination she needed to get them to.

“What are you up to?” Alison finally wised up.

Emily just smiled and rounded another corner. Alison shook her head with a laugh and followed. She stopped when she got to a cordoned off area. Emily was on the other side of it grinning mischievously.

“I don’t think we’re allowed to go that way.” Alison pointed to the “closed” signage.

“Oh, come on.” Emily goaded her. “Since when have _you_ ever followed the rules?”

“Are you calling me a lawbreaker?” Alison lifted one of her brows with a smirk.

“I have a pair of handcuffs and a nightstick that says you are.” Emily gave her a sultry look.

“We are _far_ from Rosewood.” Alison walked around the cord. “What, did you pack up our entire nightstand and bring all the toys with you?”

“Getting it through security was fun.” Emily replied jokingly.

She disappeared around another corner and Alison continued to follow her. Because she would follow the woman anywhere.

When Alison rounded the corner she found that Emily had finally stopped walking. She was in front of a tiny little table with two chairs that looked like they were from the restaurant on the second level of the tower. On the table there was a bucket with a bottle of wine chilling in ice. There were two vases with roses and two plates with some kind of dessert.

“What…” Alison was surprised.

She hadn’t expected anything like this. She didn’t know it was even allowed. How much trouble had Emily gone to in order to make this happen?

“Okay, so maybe I had another motive to get you up here.” Emily took her hand and walked her over to the table.

Alison’s jaw dropped as she looked out over the table and saw the view of her favorite Parisian city, the twinkling lights fluttering in the beautiful sunset.

“Emily, what is this? How…” She stuttered.

“I have a confession to make.” Emily smiled. “I’m not just sore from the gondola ride. I… _may_ have come up here early this morning and talked to a bunch of people about setting this up.”

“How…how did you even…do they even allow this…is it like…” She glanced at Emily, her brows tightening. “Emily, who did you kill to make this happen?”

It was less of who she killed and more how her connections in the states hooked her up with the right people. She wanted tonight to be special. She wanted to make up for everything bad that had ever happened to them, everything she’d been the cause of. She owed Alison this and so much more.

“A magician never reveals her secrets.” Emily replied.

“No, but a mob wife better.” Alison looked at her with a jokingly stern brow. “Tell me this is on the up and up. Because the last thing we need right now is an angry French gang flying around that corner with sharpened baguettes and a bunch of angry men singing about a bloody revolution.”

Emily chuckled and Alison smiled. She couldn’t help it. When Emily smiled she just melted.

“There will be no re-enactments of _Les Mis_ tonight.” Emily promised. “ _Madame_.”

Emily put her hand out, palm up. Alison reached out and put her hand on top of Emily’s. Emily closed her hand around Alison’s and led her to the table.

“Em, this is too much.” Alison swallowed a knot of budding emotion in her throat.

That Emily still cared to put this much work into their love after all these years was overwhelming.

“This was long overdue.” Emily pulled Alison’s chair out for her. “You’re worth it, Ali. You’ve always been worth it.”

“I love this.” Alison reached out to take Emily’s hands as she took her seat across the tiny table. “But just so you know I would have loved _anything_ you wanted to do, even if it had been something simple that _didn’t_ require you to basically kill yourself to get it done.” She somehow complimented and scolded Emily at the same time, which is something she’d done for years.

Emily secretly loved it. But she’d never let on that she did, because she liked to keep Alison guessing. She reached out and grabbed the chilled bottle of champagne and popped the cork. She poured them each a glass.

“To surviving another year of marriage.” Emily raised her glass. “May we make it another fifteen years.”

They both took a sip. The wine was sweet and delicious and chilled to perfection. Emily had outdone herself.

Fifteen years. They’d been married for fifteen years. It had been two years since they’d lost Grace. It still felt like just yesterday, or at least the grief still felt like no time had passed all. That’s just the way grief worked. But they were still steadily moving forward. They were living with Grace in their hearts every day.

Despite everything, they’d made it fifteen years together. Fifteen years worth of fights, make-ups, children, loss, trauma, and most importantly, fifteen years of love. It had not been easy getting their footing after all of Emily’s secrets came out. Despite the fact that she had lied and endangered herself, her family stood by her. Alison kept her promise that they would get through it together.

When Emily was at her worst, when she didn’t believe she deserved help from her loved ones, they stood by her. Alison had kept her word about weathering their troubles as a family.

They’d been going to therapy for nearly a year and a half now. And it made all the difference.

Lily was thriving. She was top of her Junior class. She’d been going out with Eli for almost a year and a half. They’d started seeing each other around the time that Ben had tried to kill them. They’d gotten really close. Eli looked out for Lily and Lily made sure that Eli stayed out of trouble. And while they were good kids, they had the hormones of raging teenagers, so Alison and Emily had asked their friends to watch them closely while they were gone. Not to mention that Lily’s moms wanted her to call once a day to check in.

That call came in just as they were enjoying their dessert of Crème brûlée.

Emily grabbed her phone from her purse.

“You brought your phone on our romantic getaway?” Alison licked a bite of her dessert.

“Hey, would you rather Lily be running around freely with Eli and his new car?”

“It’s a pick-up truck.” Alison corrected her.

“Yeah, and do you remember how many times a pick-up truck was a total open bed for us to…”

“Okay, point taken. Answer the child.” Alison moved over to the other side of the table.

“Hey, Lily.” Emily hit the video chat screen.

To her surprise she saw Eli staring back at her. His hair was a little shaggy, but he was otherwise well groomed. It was trippy to see their children turning into teenagers. Eli had the smallest hint of a mustache and some chin hair. He’d grown several inches. All of the kids had really grown into their own in the past year and a half. They seemed to be past their awkward teenage phases and were becoming little adults.

“Hey, Lily is in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on her outfit for tonight.” They were going to a charity dance at school. “But I was ordered to call and tell you that she’s in good hands tonight.”

“That better be metaphorical, Eli.” Alison warned.

“Of course.” Eli laughed.

He moved the camera around the room, revealing that they weren’t alone. All of the kids were hanging out doing various things, playing games, chatting. They all acknowledged the camera, some of them smiling and waving while walking by and doing things, and others… _Levi_ …shouting “wuddup la France?”. He’d grown about a foot. It was insane how fast the kids were growing. Eli stopped the camera on the couch, where Caleb and Ezra were sitting. Caleb was typing something on his phone. Ezra was scanning a newspaper like an old man.

“Chaperone city. I promise.” Eli smiled.

“I don’t know. They look more invested in their stocks than their children...” Emily said jokingly.

Ezra and Caleb looked up, both giving the camera a smarmy look.

“Yes, well you see our stocks _make_ money, where-as our children _take_ it.” Caleb smarted back.

Alison and Emily laughed.

“Hey, how’s France?” Ezra waved.

“Magnifique.” Alison answered.

“The kids behaving?” Emily asked.

“We run a tight ship.” Caleb assured her. Then his attention was captured by something that was happening across the room. “Levi, get away from that!” He dashed off screen.

“Totally tight ship.” Ezra nodded, smiling, trying to pretend everything was normal, which Alison and Emily knew it never was with their kids.

There was a loud crash.

“Throw it outside!” Iris exclaimed somewhere in the distance.

“Would you just excuse me for one moment…” Ezra laughed nervously as he got off the couch. “Kai, just put the pan down and get the fire extinguisher!”

“We should have just ordered pizza.” They heard Harper say dryly off-screen.

“This is why I don’t let him in the kitchen at home.” Fiona replied. “Kai, stop, that’s going to make it worse!”

“Levi, don’t use that! That’s an accelerant!” Iris shouted.

“Our kids are going to blow up Rosewood,” Emily said in certainty.

“Well, at least we’re halfway across the country.” Alison glanced at the city of Paris.

The camera turned back around and Eli had been joined by Lily.

“Just as I promised. One safe and sound Lily.”

“Hi moms.” She waved, reaching out to take the camera from Eli.

“Sweetheart, you look beautiful.” Alison gushed.

Lily was wearing a teal top that Alison had helped her pick out. She had eye make-up on that accentuated her naturally beautiful brown eyes and long lashes.

“What did I tell you about gushing?” Lily warned.

“What are you going to do about it? We’re all the way across the sea.” Alison smirked.

“So, mom…” Lily glanced at Emily to address her. “How is _Operation Amour_ going?”

“In process.” Emily replied, trying not to reveal too much. “Ex-nay on the omance-ray alk-tay.”

Alison looked at Emily, wondering what she was up to and then she glanced at Lily.

“I speak pig latin, you know. You told our _daughter_ about this?” Alison looked at Emily in surprise.

“I helped.” Lily grinned. She seemed way too excited. “It’s been in the works for like _weeks_. I can’t wait for…”

“Lily, we’re still on dessert. Just chill out. Game face.” Emily interrupted her.

“You mean there’s _more_?” Alison’s jaw dropped.

What else could she possibly have planned? Other than sex, which she most certainly wouldn’t have told their daughter about.

There was a loud clanging noise on Lily’s end of the phone and Lily looked over her shoulder. She laughed.

“I gotta go. This place is a madhouse.” Lily turned and faced the camera again. “Love you. Have fun.” She grinned at Emily. They shared a secret little wink.

They said their goodbyes and then Emily put her phone up. Alison found herself basically shoveling the rest of her dessert in her mouth because she couldn’t wait to see what was next.

“Babe, it’s not a hotdog eating contest…”

“Done.” Alison smiled, putting her fork against her plate.

Emily laughed and sipped on her wine. Alison did the same. When they were finished Emily stood up and reached out to take Alison’s hand to lead her to their next adventure. They walked to the other side of the tower, where a small area that said “reserved” had a little carpeted walkway that led to a makeshift dance area where a string quartet was waiting. Alison stopped in her tracks and gasped.

“You set this up?” Alison gaped in surprise.

“Mmhmm.” Emily nodded.

They walked over to the little dance floor that was overlooking the other side of the city, the sunset still looming, the area below twinkling off of the river. Emily looked at the band and nodded and they started playing.

“Care to dance?” Emily smiled at her, holding her hand out.

“Do you even have to ask?” Alison laughed with tears in her eyes. She loved this woman more than she could say. She reached out, but then stopped and her face flashed in trepidation. “I don’t know if I remember this waltz though.”

“It’s okay. I’ll lead.”

Alison smiled and leaned into Emily.

“I’ll follow you anywhere.”

Alison curled her body against Emily’s and followed her motions through several songs. The feel of her arms around her was an even more fulfilling feeling than standing on top of the Eiffel tower and dancing with her. She didn’t care where they were as long as they had each other. The last slow song ended and Emily smiled and then nodded at the band and they walked off to give them some privacy.

“God, I can’t even imagine what you’re going to do to top this.” Alison hummed happily.

“Maybe top you.” Emily winked.

“Oh?” Alison bit her lip and smiled. “We’ll see about that...”

“The night is still young.” Emily grinned.

Emily led Alison over to the edge of the walkway overlooking Paris.

“You remember when we were kids in high school and you said you wanted to run away with me forever?” Emily questioned.

“ _How about forever_?” Alison nodded with a smile.

“Well, I think we’ve figured out that the ‘running away’ part is not for us.” Especially not since their family was grounded in Rosewood. _Especially_ not with Grace there. “But there is something else that I can give you.” Emily put her hands against the railing.

Alison thought she saw sweat building up on her palms. She put her hands on top of Emily’s and found that they were shaking.

“Em, are you okay?” Alison put her palm against her wrist in concern, squeezing it gently.

But Emily’s face showed no signs of distress. She looked happy, serene.

“The last time we were here you told me that even though things were rough that you knew we would come through. You said you didn’t just marry your wife, but your best friend. That you loved me no matter who I was and where we were.”

She remembered that. Though many of her memories were hazy she remembered every gesture and word of love. She’d held on to that, somehow. She turned, moving to face Alison. Her eyes were glistening with tears.

“Alison, you believed in us. You fought for us even when the chips were down. And after everything we’ve been through it just made me realize I am so happy that we have our forever. I am so happy to have my best friend with me for our forever.”

She leaned down, planting her knee against the ground, pulling something small and reflective out of her blouse pocket.

Alison’s eyes widened.

“I know we already have our forever, but I want to give you more than forever. Because not even forever is long enough for me.” Emily replied. “Would you do me the honor of making it forever _and_ an eternity? Will you remarry me?”

She held out a small thin engagement ring that matched her wedding band. Lily had helped her pick it out. Right off the bat Alison could see that there was an inscription. It took her a moment to realize that it was all of their initials. _A & E_, each side flanked by a heart. There was a _G_ by the heart on Alison’s side and an _L_ by the heart on Emily’s side.

Alison’s jaw dropped. She squeaked in surprise. She couldn’t say anything for a few seconds.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Alison blurted out.

Not a yes. Not a no. Just a typical Alison response.

“Um…not exactly helping my confidence here.” Emily laughed. “I mean, we’re _already_ married and your first reaction isn’t an immediate yes?”

“No, it’s just…” Alison shook her head with a laugh, tears threatening to spill over her eyelids. “I mean, yes, of course! Of course!” She said enthusiastically. “I just…this was not what I had in mind tonight.”

Alison had a plan of her own tonight. And this had really kind of thrown her idea out the window. She bit her lip nervously and reached into a small pocket on the side of her dress and moved down to Emily’s level and revealed a small box. She lifted the lid and exposed the ring inside.

“Oh, Alison…” It was beautiful.

“Uh,” Alison nervously wiped away a tear from underneath her right eye, “…since I didn’t get to do this right the first time.” She took Emily’s free hand in hers. “It was always my dream to propose to you in Paris, but it just never happened…with the girls and everything. And I wouldn’t trade that for the world. I wouldn’t trade our time with them or the look on your face that night when I asked you for anything.”

She was rambling, and Emily laughed tearfully at how nervous she still was after all their years of marriage.

“I wanted to do something special for you to show you how special you are to me. I thought that we could renew our vows.”

Something Emily had also clearly been thinking about. She looked around at the setup that Emily had put together and she felt small in comparison.

“I wasn’t planning anything _nearly_ as elaborate as this. I just planned to take you to the top of the tower and get down on one knee and propose to you as the sun was setting. I didn’t even think to do the romantic setup like you did. You always have to out-do me, don’t you?” Alison laughed with tears in her eyes.

So that’s why she’d been so bitchy about Emily going all out.

“Alison, it’s perfect.” Emily slipped the ring she’d gotten for her on Alison’s finger on top of her wedding ring. “ _You’re_ perfect.”

“I had…I had this whole speech planned, but now all I can think about is how much I love you and how much I was afraid I’d screw this up, and I…I…we…you _are_ my best friend, Emily. And I got so lucky to marry my best friend.” God, why was asking Emily to marry her a second time more nerve-wracking than the first? “I know after everything we went through…”

She forgot what she was going to say. She tried to remember what her speech had entailed, but all she could think about was the beautiful evening that Emily had given her.

“I love you, Em. You mean _so_ much to me and I…we…I want…will you…”

Just like she’d done the first time when she proposed she started tripping up over her words because she was getting too emotional.

“Ali…” Emily grabbed her cheeks, tears in her eyes. “Alison, yes. Of course. A million times yes.” She mirrored the exact same thing she’d said to her all those years ago after Alison had proposed to her the first time.

“I love you.” Alison laughed tearfully.

“I love you, too.” Emily pulled Alison’s face towards hers.

Their lips met in a hard embrace. Alison pulled back, her hands trembling as she put the additional ring on Emily’s finger over the top of her wedding band. They smiled at one another again and then they met in another crashing kiss, their hands gripping each other’s cheeks. Emily tilted her forehead down until it met Alison’s.

They stayed together, holding each other for several minutes. It was only when Alison could see a look of discomfort on Emily’s face that she stood up and forced her to her feet. She knew when Emily’s stomach was tense, and most of the time it was positional.

“Come on. Let’s go watch the sunset from the top deck.” Emily suggested.

They went up to the top viewing deck, still buzzing in euphoria from the dual proposals, the wine, the dance, and in Emily’s case…her pain meds. They walked by several other lovers watching as the sun disappeared behind the city, leaving various shades of orange and red hues gleaming over the tops of villas and buildings.

Emily wrapped her arm around the small of Alison’s back and Alison leaned against her, resting her head on Emily’s shoulder. She reached across their joined bodies and took Emily’s free hand, looping their bodies together in the front. All at once, Emily felt a warm surge come over her. She felt fuzzy-headed, but in a good way. Suddenly, the sunset seemed brighter. Alison’s touch seemed more exotic. She felt like the sunset, like Alison’s touch, was _in_ her.

“I probably should have taken it easy on the wine.” Emily mumbled with a smile on her face.

Alison turned to face her, finding her face flushed. She felt warm. Alison let go of her hand and reached up to stroke her cheek, which did _not_ help Emily’s libido.

“You feeling your pain meds, baby?”

“Mmmhmm.” Emily nodded.

Alison grinned, a seductive smirk on her face. Because she knew there was _no way_ they weren’t going to have mindblowing sex tonight.

“Good.”

They stayed in their embrace for a few seconds and then Alison moved to try and get one last view at the disappearing sun. She stood on the tips of her toes and leaned near the railing. Her firm round buttocks stuck out and Emily discreetly moved behind her and put her palm against it giving it a gentle squeeze. Alison glanced over her shoulder at her and smiled. She _loved_ handsy Emily.

Alison moved so that she was partially in front of Emily, the back of her thigh was touching the front of Emily’s. Emily moved her until she was fully in front of her and then wrapped her arms around her front to hold her in place. Alison put her hands on top of Emily’s.

“Mmm, this is nice.” Alison sighed, staring out at the view.

She felt one of Emily’s arms moving, her hand sliding down over her hip and against her thigh.

“Emily Catherine DiLaurentis-Fields,” Alison hissed, knowing exactly what she was doing. “There are other people up here.”

“No one is watching us.” Her hand slipped underneath the front of Alison’s dress.

Alison moaned quietly. They could be caught at any moment, but somehow that turned her on more. It was the trolley in wine valley all over again. It was like a chemical reaction with the two of them. They couldn’t stop themselves when all the different romantic factors, like the ones of tonight, had come into play.

Emily blew against the tip of her ear and then nipped at the sensitive skin as her fingers danced into dangerously sexual territory. Alison pushed her ass back against Emily’s front, eliciting a quiet moan from the brunette. She kissed the side of Alison’s neck and rubbed her fingers against the lacy fabric of Alison’s underwear.

Emily whispered quietly against her ear, kissing the top of her jaw, her tongue pressing against a soft spot Alison had. Alison shuddered. She felt Emily grin against her skin. She just had to hope they were being discreet.

Being discreet flew out the window when she felt Emily slip a finger into her. A quiet satisfied moan came out. She thought she saw a man’s head turn their way, so she stiffened up. When she looked over she saw that he was chatting with the girl he was with as they took in the view of Paris. Alison and Emily moved slightly to the right where they were partially obstructed by a beam. Alison bit down on her lip to keep from making more noise, but Emily didn’t make it easy. She _wanted_ to hear her.

“Feel good?” Emily pushed her hair aside and started pressing kisses along the back of her neck down to her exposed shoulder as she moved her finger in and out in a slow rhythmic pace.

“Uh huh,” was all Alison could utter in response.

She couldn’t believe Emily was doing this with people like ten feet away from them. Alison felt her hips moving in short small thrusts against Emily’s motions. She had to fight to control herself, which made it more erotic to her. She felt Emily push another finger in and press the knuckle of her third finger against her clit.

Alison cinched her eyes shut and concentrated on not shouting. She very carefully moved against Emily’s motions, rubbing into her touch, trying to push her swollen bundle of nerves into Emily’s knuckles.

“Still want me to stop?” Emily asked teasingly, massaging her neck with her lips.

“You better fucking not.” Alison huffed out through her breaths.

Emily reached up with her free hand, massaging her breast and Alison almost embarrassed herself with the sounds of the short loud breaths that slipped from her lips. She could feel herself getting closer to the edge. Emily curled her fingers and Alison moaned softly as her body stiffened, her motions becoming less controlled. Emily hit something inside of her and she saw stars.

“There,” Alison huffed out a shaky breath.

Emily drew back and repeated the same motion. She could feel Alison tightening. She was so busy working on her that she barely even noticed that Alison’s hands had drifted away from her arm and were moving backwards. Alison reached down, her fingers stroking Emily’s inner thigh, slowly moving up as she tried to control her own breathing. She slipped her fingers underneath Emily’s panties and could feel that Emily was as wet as she was.

Emily hit a spot inside of Alison that made her vision go white. She moved her fingers against Emily’s engorged slit.

“Again.” Alison whispered, so close to release.

Emily was having a hard time concentrating with Alison touching her and lazily slipping a finger in and out of her entrance. Alison added a second and then started playing around in her erogenous zones, her movements becoming more calculated. Alison curled her fingers in her wife and she felt a hot shaky breath against her shoulder.

“Ali…” Emily muttered with a quiet groan.

“Shh.” Alison warned her.

Emily nodded and then started moving in Alison again. She knew exactly where Alison needed her and she meticulously worked that area until Alison was shaking against her.

“W-wait,” Alison said quietly. “Wait, I want…” She breathed heavily, “I want to wait on…you.” Her body started to tense. And she knew she couldn’t hold out much longer. So she pushed into Emily and curled her fingers, vigorously drawing circles between her legs. Emily bit down on her lip.

Alison threw her head back against Emily’s shoulder as her walls tightened. She bit her tongue to keep from screaming. Emily bit down on Alison’s neck to contain her cries of pleasure and that sent an entirely new kind of pleasure coursing through Alison’s body.

As they both shuddered and then let go there was a certain euphoria that washed over them. The air felt so different, so thin. The twinkling lights of the city were like a rush of dancing fireflies leaving behind slow trails of stardust in their wake. It was a high neither of them had ever felt before.

When they were finished they both quietly slid their fingers out of one another and went back to their loving embrace, looking at the view, quietly panting and waiting for the feeling to return to their limbs.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Alison said breathlessly, turning to face Emily.

“Happy anniversary.” Emily smiled, kissing her. “We can cross that off our bucket list.”

“Screw crossing it off.” Alison shook her head, her face red and hot. “I wanna do it again.”

Alison pushed against her, ready for round two, her hand reaching for Emily’s ass.

“Should we take this back to our hotel room?” Emily suggested.

Alison answered with another feverish kiss. Emily pulled away.

“So, is that a yes…or…”

“Don’t fucking toy with me.” Alison growled with a hint of husk in her voice.

It turned Emily on in all kinds of ways. Alison grabbed her hand and led the way. Her body was aching with want. She yearned for Emily’s touch so much.

They had barely made it back into their room before Alison spun around and leaped up against Emily, wrapping her legs around her waist and throwing her arms around her neck. Emily nearly fell back against the wall, but managed to move them around so that Alison’s back was against the door. Emily had flashes to the last night they’d been in Paris together.

Alison didn’t have to tell her to go to the bed this time. Because Emily was already moving towards the mattress. She crawled on to the bed, Alison still attached to her body. Alison automatically let her legs go slack while keeping their upper bodies connected. She felt Emily’s fingers sliding against her back as she pulled the zipper down on her dress.

Alison worked open the buttons on the front of Emily’s blouse, her warm hands sliding against her toned skin. Emily pulled back to shake the blouse off and then went back to suckling Alison’s neck. She continued to work the dress off of Alison’s body until the garment hit the floor and their lacy bras met. Emily pulled away from Alison’s neck and kissed the top of her chest as she popped the clasp of her bra and pulled it off of her. She wasted no time diving in and kissing all along her chest while simultaneously pulling Alison’s panties off. Alison lifted her hips up to help her get the underwear off.

Emily continued working both of Alison’s breasts. Her mouth moved with the rise and fall of Alison’s quickened breathing. She heard Alison whimper out a cry when she took one of her erect nipples in her mouth. Alison’s back arched against Emily’s face and she momentarily stopped her movements in between Emily’s shoulder blades where she was trying to unhook Emily’s bra. She couldn’t help herself as she tangled her fingers into Emily’s hair and pushed her further against her bosom.

Alison moved her other hand against Emily’s side, her fingers tracing the pattern of one of her scars. She felt Emily tense at the touch, as she often did. The blemishes left by her brushes with death often made her feel exposed and insecure. Alison always tried to make her feel loved, whole.

She pushed up, meeting Emily’s lips and unhooked her bra, releasing Emily’s breasts from their containment. Her delicate fingers rolled over her nipples as she pushed her tongue through Emily’s lips, their mouths rolling together in both a strangely coordinated, yet still sloppy, motion.

Alison reached down between their bodies, sliding her hand up against Emily’s inner thigh. She felt Emily’s wetness before she even got to her panty line. She loved that she could still make her this aroused. She slipped her fingers underneath her underwear and Emily gasped against her mouth. Alison moved her fingers back and forth, a strong desire to just plunge right into her. But she wanted more first. She wanted all of her. She moved forward, pushing slightly to the side so Emily was forced to roll over. She never broke their kiss.

The blonde moved her fingers down, hooking her thumbs against Emily’s skirt and panties. Emily wiggled to help her get them off and then Alison moved back down and pressed a soft kiss to one of the most sensitive areas on Emily’s abdomen.

Alison took her turn exploring Emily’s body, kissing her breasts and then delicately sliding her lips along her scars. She saw Emily turn to look away, something she had done since the wreck. But Alison stopped her. She reached up with one hand and forced her cheek back towards her.

“Hey, you’re beautiful, Em,” she whispered, kissing her healed wounds. The woman was gorgeous inside and out. She moved up and pushed her lips against Emily’s. “Don’t ever turn away from me. Don’t hide. I want you to see the beauty that I see.”

Emily pushed her lips against Alison’s again and lovingly raked her fingers through her hair. Alison pulled back and peered into her eyes, watching her adoringly for a moment. Then she moved down again, her lips lingering, leaving imprints of her lasting warmth in their wake. And Emily did something she usually didn’t do…she watched as Alison’s fingers and lips rolled against her scars. It opened her eyes to something she’d never seen before. Alison didn’t care about her mistakes. She didn’t care about the past. All she cared about was _her_. Emily watched in wonderment as Alison loved her, _all_ of her. It didn’t matter what she’d done, who she’d become. Alison loved her.

Alison kissed lower, teasing her entrance with her tongue. She heard Emily groan and she moaned against her center, which added to Emily’s pleasure. She pressed her tongue against the tight aroused nerves near her entrance and then slipped a finger inside of her. Emily’s thighs tightened in response and she started to shake.

Alison slowly moved up against her body, moving back to Emily’s stomach, pressing hot kisses there before taking her right breast into her mouth and swirling her tongue along her nipple. She sat up and pushed another finger into her and moved her thigh against Emily’s pelvis as close as she could get to her center. Her fingers moved in and out, curling with each thrust. Emily lifted her hips to match Alison’s pace.

Emily’s orgasm hit her fast and hard, and because of the lingering effects of her pain medications she felt it in a deeper part of herself than normal. Everything slowed down. She could feel every molecule in her body trembling in delight. It was overwhelming to the point where she had to grasp the sheets in her fingers to make sure she wasn’t really floating away.

Even though she’d peaked, Alison didn’t stop. And Emily couldn’t find her words to tell her she needed to breathe before coming again. And she didn’t get the chance because Alison played her like a beautifully practiced instrument, her fingers hitting all the perfect notes. Alison liked watching the expressions on her face as she pleasured her. She rolled her thumb against her sensitive clit and Emily cried out.

Unable to take it anymore, Emily pushed herself up on her elbows and moved up to meet Alison’s lips. She pushed until she was sitting up. She grasped Alison’s thighs and pulled her into her lap, making Alison’s fingers move even harder inside of her. As her body curved against Alison’s she reached down and moved Alison’s legs, pulling against her knees until Alison got the hint and unbent her legs so she could curl them around Emily’s waist. She wrapped an arm around Emily and pulled her closer so that their breasts were touching. It was a tighter - more intimate position. With their pelvises firmly connected and Alison thrusting against her, the blonde was able to reach deeper inside of her wife.

Emily panted heavily against her face, her eyes locked on Alison’s. Their lips moved together softly, but assuredly. Emily moved one hand between their joined centers and pressed against Alison’s arousal. Alison groaned into her mouth. She felt Emily brush her fingers against her cheek just as the fingers of her other hand pushed into her slick center. Alison used the movements of their bodies to pull her closer as she dug her nails into Emily’s back.

Soon they found the perfect tempo. Just like their dance, Emily set the rhythm and Alison followed. She wrapped her legs tightly around Emily’s hips and bucked against her motions, because now Emily was hitting spots inside of her that were making her entire body shake. She was feeling things she’d never felt before. She kept her pace up inside of Emily, but she was already almost at her peak.

“Jesus.” Alison huffed, biting down on Emily’s lip. She felt her motions out of her control as her hips moved up against Emily to meet her fingers’ thrusts.

Seconds later she was done, her body completely at the mercy of her wife. She tightened around Emily’s fingers and threw her head back and as soon as Emily pressed her lips against her collar bone she cried out her name and a hot liquid spilled out between them. Emily wasn’t far behind as she helped Alison fall into the pleasure of her orgasm. She felt Alison’s fingers curl inside of her towards her stomach and she managed to slam her pelvis with the motion and it hit Emily in exactly the right spot. She felt Alison’s hand slip up to the back of her neck as she let go, more wetness pooling between them.

As their bodies writhed together their lips met in a soft embrace, their faces centimeters apart, their chests pressed together gently. Their eyes never strayed. Alison cupped Emily’s cheek with her free hand and Emily pushed forward to capture her lips. Alison pulled away, exhausted, still gasping for air. She pushed her forehead against Emily’s shoulder and pressed a kiss against her salty wet skin. She tightened her hold on Emily, their bodies quivering together, both of them barely containing the stamina to stay sitting up.

They pulled out at the same time and their centers naturally fell together, skin against skin. Emily wrapped her arm around the small of Alison’s back to pull her closer, both of them still trembling and breathing hard.

Alison stared at her with an exhausted smile. The brunette’s bronze skin was glowing with sweat in the aftermath. Her eyes were still dark with desire. Her cheeks were bright red. Her hair was slightly messy. And Alison loved it.

She felt Emily moving them and somehow she ended up with her back against the mattress. Emily pressed a kiss against her forehead and smiled at the dreamy blonde beneath her. The irises of her blue eyes were fully dilated with lust and passion. Her chest was still moving up and down erratically. Emily placed a trail of kisses down her body, stopping at her pelvis and looking up at her with a devious smirk. Alison’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Em, I can’t…not again.” She was still so sensitive.

“We’ll see about that.” Emily disappeared between her thighs.

One of the advantages of being married for so long was just how well they knew each others’ bodies and Emily knew _just_ how much her wife could withstand. And she intended on pushing her to that limit tonight.

Seconds later Alison felt Emily’s hot tongue delving in between her folds and she let out something between a cry and a moan.

“Em…” She could barely speak. “Emily…I…it’s…ohmy…fuuuck.”

Despite her protests she instinctively moved a hand down and placed it against the back of Emily’s head, curling her fingers in her hair and pushing her further against her center, her hips jerking uncontrollably again.

Her back nearly arched off of the bed completely when Emily slid two fingers in and pushed her thumb against her still sensitive clit. Her legs fell open wider for her wife and she moved her body in waves against the penetration. She felt Emily crawling on top of her, their bodies sliding together. Emily leaned down to kiss her, pushing her body flush against hers while still moving her fingers in her. She could feel Emily smirking against her lips. She was always so cocky when she was buzzed.

 _Two can play that game._ Alison thought to herself as she moved her fingers down to Emily’s core again.

Emily’s mouth fell open in a perfect “O” in surprise when Alison worked two fingers into her. She quickly added a third.

Neither of them lasted long. Their bodies shuddered. Alison grabbed the back of her neck and pulled Emily’s face down until their foreheads met as they hit their highs together.

The room was quiet except for the sound of their heavy breathing. It was Alison who spoke first.

“You’re amazing,” she said between pants as she stroked Emily’s cheek softly.

“I could say the same for you.” Emily smiled back at her, her breath still uneven.

“No. I mean it, Em.” Alison brushed her hair behind her ear. “You are my whole world. I love you. I love you so much.”

The words felt like a warm burst of air encompassing Emily’s entire body. She knew it. She’d always known it. But hearing Alison say it still made her feel like she was hearing it for the first time, _every_ time.

“I love you, too,” Emily said with tears in her eyes.

Alison saw the tears, but she knew they were from joy. Because she knew her wife better than anyone. She had always been able to see into her soul. Emily couldn’t hide anything she was feeling, because all Alison had to do was look into her eyes, and she _knew_.

After they came down from their euphoric bliss, Emily collapsed on top of her. Alison buried her chin into Emily’s shoulder and lightly kissed her slippery skin. Emily rolled over, Alison moving with her as she did. She wasn’t ready to let her go. She held her and Emily automatically wrapped her arm against Alison’s waist, their bodies still connected, their heat still radiating off of them. Alison reached down and put her hand on top of her wife’s. She curled her fingers into Emily’s, her thumb drawing mindless patterns along her skin. Emily watched her, a sweet droopy smile on her face. Emily looked down at their joined hands. She played with the rings on Alison’s ring finger.

“I’m so lucky I have you.” Emily looked back up at her, placing a soft kiss on her lips. She pulled back, fighting a yawn, barely able to fight the exhaustion any longer.

“You look tired, baby.” Alison ran her index finger along her jawline.

She’d definitely had a long day. She’d been all over France and up and down the Eiffel Tower numerous times, and now _this_. How she was still awake was beyond Alison. It’s like she was superhuman. Alison’s beautiful perfect superhuman.

“Why don’t you rest, sweetie? Just rest.” Alison smiled.

Emily didn’t say anything in response. She just smiled back and looked at her. She wanted to stay awake as long as she possibly could because she could never get enough of seeing her wife. Her body had other ideas though, and soon her eyes were drooping closed. Alison stayed up for a little bit longer, watching her face, making sure it didn’t show any signs of distress. Alison tried to make it a habit to make sure Emily fell asleep in her arms, hoping that it would keep her nightmares at bay.

She watched her dream, noticing the serene look on her face. Emily was dreaming about Grace, but not about the wreck. It was common. She dreamed that her daughter was safe and happy and loved. Alison watched her sleep, lightly threading her fingers through Emily’s hair and up against her cheek.

“I love you, Alison,” Emily muttered in her sleep.

Alison smiled, looking down over her. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

“I love you, too, Emily,” she whispered back. “Always.”

Emily smiled in her sleep and clutched her wife tighter. Alison was content to let her hold her for the rest of their lives. Not just for forever, or forever and a day. But forever and an eternity.

* * *

 

 **A/N:**  
_Me: *writes happiness*  
Also me: *side-eyes the hell out of that happiness, because I know me and I don’t trust me*_

_Seriously though, not counting the alternate ending (which is going to take a while to finalize and post) this is where we leave our beloved Emison. Happy. In Love. In Paris. Hope it lives up to every expectation and more (you have all more than earned it for sticking with me on this insane ride). I still fret over the love and the bedroom shenanigans. All I ask is that you’re nicer to me in the reviews than I am to myself when I’m editing._


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